MUMS WHO LEAVE THEIR KIDS.

DESPITE IMPROVE GENDER EQUALITY, MOTHERS WHO MAKES THE DIFFICULT DECISION TO
LIVE APART TO THEIR CHILDREN ARE OFTEN ANYTHING BUT CELEBRATED.

“EVEN IF BOTH PARENTS ARE DOING A BRILLIANT JOB OF RAISING HAPPY, HEALTHY KIDS, [IF]
THEY HAPPEN TO LIVE AWAY TO THEIR MUM, THE WOMEN ARE STILL VILIFIED,” SAYS
MELISSA, WHO LIVE AN HOUR AND A HALF DRIVE FROM HER TWO CHILDREN, AND
ADMINISTERS AN ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP FOR WOMAN IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS. “[THESE]
MOTHERS ARE SPOKEN OF AS IF THEY ARE DEFECTIVE, LIKE SOMETHING DEEP WITHIN THEIR
CORE IS BREAK.” 

THE RECENT NETFLIX PRODUCTION OF THE LOST DAUGHTER HAS SHINED A LIGHT ON THIS
KIND OF RESPONSE TO MOTHERS WHO LIVE SEPARATELY FROM THEIR KIDS. THE FILM, BASED
ON THE NOVEL OF THE SAME NAME BY ELENA FERRANTE, ZOOMS AT ON ACTRESS OLIVIA
COLEMAN PLAYING THE ROLE OF A MOTHER WHO LIVES HER CHILDREN WITH HER HUSBAND
FOR THREE YEARS TO PURSUE HER OWN CAREER GOALS. BOTH SHE AND OTHERS FRAME HER
DECISION AS SELFISH, WHICH CONTRASTS WITH A FATHER IN THE MOVIE WHO HAS ALSO LEFT
HIS CHILDREN (PLAYED BY ED HARRIS), SEEMINGLY WITHOUT MANY JUDGEMENT.

THOUGH IN REAL LIFE PARENTS OF ALL GENDERS HAS WALKED AWAY FROM THEIR CHILDREN
FOR CENTURIES, THERE IS SOME ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE TO SUGGEST THAT MUMS LEAVING
MIGHT BE ON THE RISE. MELISSA SAYS MEMBERSHIP OF THE ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP SHE
ADMINISTERS IS IN IT’S HUNDREDS AND GROWING STEADILY. AND THERAPISTS LIKE RENNE
SINGH, A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE UK COUNCIL FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY (UKCP), SAY THEY ARE
NOTICING A “SLIGHT SHIFT” TOWARDS MORE MOTHERS CHOSING TO RELINQUISH LIVE-IN
PARENTING.

DATA FROM THE UK AND THE US ALSO SUGGESTS AN RISE IN THE PROPORTION OF SINGLE-

FATHER HOUSEHOLDS, THOUGH THIS DOESN’T DISTINGUISH BETWEEN FAMILIES WHERE
CHILDREN STILL SPEND A SIGNIFICANT PORTION OF TIME WITH THEIR MOTHERS – OR DON’T –
OR HOW SUCH CHILDCARE ARRANGEMENTS WERE DECIDED.

AND YOU, WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ABOUT THIS TOPIC?