Al-Wyneth S.

Sakal                                                                              12 – St. Anthony de Padua

Mental Health Awareness Speech Advocacy

“That’s the result of you surfing the internet all day” funny thing, right? They blame
everything on the phone. They think that everyone, especially teenagers who experience
this are just being too dramatic. They don’t see the cause. They don’t see the pain. They
don’t know the reason why we suffer mentally. They don’t know how we silently battle our
life just to be okay. Just to smile the pain away to not worry everyone around us. Everyone,
I am Al-Wyneth Sakal and this is my mental health story.

I am the second born of my three other siblings. Growing up, I never felt heard. No one ever
listens. I was never the favorite. But I continued my life no matter what. I strive to do my
best despite all the unending comparisons. Despite all the painful words and remarks
thrown against me. Because for me, the only way to survive this painful life is to endure it.
To have the lengthiest patience one could ever imagine. From the moment I wake up, all I
could hear is the constant reminder that I am worthless. That I carry the heaviest burden
that the family is experiencing. There is no single thing that I did right. All they can see are
the mistakes I made. Even the simplest, tiniest mistake will be constantly reminded to me
every single day. I never felt the love they have for me. They said there is. If there is really
something, I wish to feel even the tiniest part of it. Just to give me comfort. Just so I could
feel that there is really love they got for me.

One day, when I felt too occupied. When I felt crashing and breaking down, I decided to find
quietness. I need a break. I need peace of mind. Away from the screams and chaos. Away
from the noise of the toxic environment I’m in. Depression is killing me. Depression
wouldn’t let me enjoy things. As a result, I had insomnia. They get angry because I don’t
sleep early. If only I could. If I could only silence the voice that keeps on shouting in my
mind. I also wanted them to stop. I wanted to stop the screaming inside of me. I wanted to
stop the voice that shouts every night that caused me to act this way. I hate the feeling of it.
But what can I do? How can I survive this when no one else understands what I really feel?
How can I do it when every person surrounding me hates the way I act. Hated my existence.
I, myself once doubted my existence, my own worth and value. Why do they let me feel this
way? Why do they have to let me feel the pain like this? Is my life still worthy of living? All
these questions clouded the entirety of my mind. I literally felt like the worst person living
on earth at that moment.

But I never intended to run away, I just needed time to deal with my mental health
problem. I don’t have someone to talk to so I decided to go to a place where I can cry all the
shits I have. When I came back, I was shocked. Everyone in our community was alarmed.
Everybody was eager to find me. I never felt so important and loved. Maybe I did the right
thing. I just created the opportunity to have a conversation with my parents because I
never had the courage to do so. Now, the spikes in my heart are slowly withering. One by
one, they are falling. I decided on the things I left. I started doing what’s right.
For all the people who experience this with me, I can feel you. Someone is willing to lend
their ears to listen. Someone is ready to feel your pain. I am here. I am willing to listen.
Maybe I am not fully healed but I know, together, we could fight this. And tell everyone that
what we feel is normal. Mental Health is as important as any other health problems. Let’s
battle this fight together, we will win it. I am going to win this. We will win this!