(Anxiety)

It's not that I'm sad. It's just that I could never seem to hold it back. I can feel it coming, especially when I'm pressured. I
can feel it in my heart and in my mind.

I'm scared of everything. Did you hear me? I said I'm scared of everything. I'm nervous. I'm pressured. I'm frightened by
the thought of everything. Things come and go in my mind and I can't control it. Nothing can control it.

People asked me what was wrong with me. I said, "I don't know." That was the truth. I really do not know.

I'm too scared. I'm so worried. Nothing could replace the incremental feeling I have inside me. My heart beats swiftly, as
if it were unstoppable. And I have so many things stuck in my mind already!

I'm worried. I'm agitated. I feel awkward at times. I'm lost. I'm truly scared. And I'm stressed.

Sadly, I don't know how this happened. Was I born with this disease? IS this even a DISEASE? A sickness in the mind? A
mental hindrance to reality? What is it?

They call it, "Anxiety" but I don't believe in that word. I don't believe I have it.

Anxiety. Define it, would you? It says, "An uncontrollable mental feeling for someone who seems to suffer from tension,
uneaseness and worry."

Do I have that? Do I really have that? Tell me if I have it. I need to know. I have to know.

What is wrong with me?

Is anxiety a bad thing?

Is that why I always cry? Is that the reason why I always hesitate, why I always back out, why I choose not to open up,
why I hate my life? Is that the real reason behind it? Am I a coward for not being able to express my thoughts? Am I?

Anxiety, what did I do wrong? I want you to go away. Please, you're destroying my life. I don't want to feel this way
anymore. Please... please... please... help me...
 I am who I am
By Audrielyn E. Ulloa

They don't understand me but I am who I am. I'm a happy person with a happy life and living in a happy home. I'm also
beautiful, not through appearance but through what's in me. I live in a beautiful home with a beautiful family and a
beautiful community. I grew up in a neighborhood full of beautiful words and guidelines that are considered, well,
beautiful! And nobody can deny that I am who I am.

When I go to school, even though it's raining, even though our teacher yells at us, even though I rush into class late, I still
smile because I know that something good will turn out right.

People who don't know how to move on don't know how to let go. They don't know how to handle reality but I do. I do
because when I forgive - and listen carefully to what I'm about to say! When I forgive, I forget.

I guess being positive is how people see me. Maybe that's why I have lots of friends. Maybe that's why it's hard for
others to come up with sad things to say to me. Yes, I do cry. Yes, I have my doubts every now and then. And, yes, I get
mad but I can't seem to handle getting upset with someone for so long.

If my friend breaks a promise and apologizes, no matter what my friend did, I will always find the heart to forgive him...
or her.

I know others find it very hard to let go of the hatred they have in their hearts and minds and I have nothing against that.
In fact, I understand them. Still, I'm not judgmental so I easily forgive. That's how being amicable became part of how
people would define me.

I know someday I'll be hurt by someone. I'm actually prepared for that. Perhaps, one of my siblings or perhaps one of my
friends would betray me yet I am who I am and I know how to be resilient.

Having the courage to be able to remove the pain I have in my heart made it easier for me to live life the way I want it to
be. SO BE STRONG! You can hate all you want but be a man and mature. Be a woman and smile to your haters so they
will know that what they bashed unto you didn't bother you at all. In fact, it made you braver, stronger and smarter.

We can all let go. We can all forgive. Just think positive and learn to respect others the same way I did. And you know
what? I still am doing that because I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I decided to forgive someone but it's
already too late!

So take me as an example and please try to be considerate. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn to be a human. YOU have
the chance to make things right. If I can do it, then so can you. And if others question why you behave the way you are,
then tell them what I always tell others, "I am who I am."
 FAKE

I got this smile, I skip and I play like a kid.

I'm happy. People think i'm optimistic, talented and smart. I am religious. I have many friends.

Do I look like that? Do I? I hope you're convinced by this synthetic, this fake smile of mine. Most people envy how
perfect my life is. How I don't have problems and how I seemed to be fine with everything.

But am I?

I always smile and agree to everything request. To be fine with everything my so called friends wanted. Do they know
that all they're seeing is fake?

A mask of fake happiness and glee. That the only reason is, I cannot say no. have they thought of my feelings? are they
even my friends?

That every time I see them, I have this smile that no one ever dared to disbelieve.

This sense of optimism everyone envies? It's all superficial. In fact, all I think of is sadness, despair, hate, and often I just
can't go on anymore. Does anyone know that? Once I told my mom to cut the afternoon church club meetings, Guess
what she bladed?

No God will be disappointed to you, she said.

I wanted to reply "Well if you put it that way" or "Sure make me feel guilty. Do I have a choice?" but all I can do is agree
and pretend I didn't ask anything.

The Saddest part is with all the masks, my disguises, my covers. . .all the lies. . .Everyone seems to believe. No one knows
how gloom, how depressed. . .unhappy I am. No one, none of you people.

None of you dare to doubt

I don't know. . .I if I still know who I am beneath.

Is it even there? I don't know.