fishcaters

``Where the Bishop is, there let the multitude of believers be;
even as where Jesus is, there is the Catholic Church'' Ignatius of Antioch, 1st c. A.D

Holy Matrimony

First, what is the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony? What does this Sacrament do?

Marriage was instituted by God Himself in the Garden of Eden and restored to such -- raised to the
dignity of a Sacrament -- by Jesus Christ in the New Covenant. The Sacrament's external sign is the
freely entered into contract made between a validly baptized man and validly baptized woman who
intend to form a marriage and who have no impediments to marriage (or who have any required
dispensations if an impediment exists). Like Holy Orders, once the Sacrament is received, it cannot be
set aside; a valid sacramental marriage lasts until the death of one of the spouses. 1

The matter of the Sacrament is the mutual, freely-given consent of the man and woman before a priest
and two witnesses. The man and woman are the actual ministers of the Sacrament, and the fruits of the
Sacrament are the graces needed to raise a family and live up to the marital vows.

While the modern secular world sees marriage as the highest expression of romantic love, this must be
made clear: the primary purpose of marriage is not celebrating intense, loving feelings; it is primarily
about the procreation and education of children, most especially educating them to know, love, and
serve God. Its secondary purposes are unitive, "mutual society and help, and a lawful remedy for
concupiscence" (Catholic Encyclopedia). Feelings come and go, but marriage is until death. Couples
may sometimes have to separate to preserve health or life, such as in cases of abuse, but separation,
even civil divorce if necessary, doesn't mean a marriage has truly ended; a separated or civilly divorced
Catholic cannot remarry until his spouse has died.

Marriage grants to each partner the right to the spouse's body; the obligation this creates on the part of
each is called the "marital debt." I Corinthians 7:1-4:

Now concerning the things whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a
woman. But for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife: and let every woman
have her own husband. Let the husband render the debt to his wife: and the wife also in
like manner to the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body: but the husband.
And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body: but the wife.

Artificial birth control and contraception are strictly forbidden, though birth control through the use of
"Natural Family Planning" (often abbreviated as "NFP") or other similar methods that take advantage of
natural periods of sterility may be used for serious reason. For a fuller view of Christian marriage, see
Pope Pius XI's Casti Connubii and Pope Leo XIII's Arcanum. For more explicit teachings on NFP, see
Pope Pius XII's Address to Midwives, especially the sub-section "Birth Control." 2

Impediments to a Sacramental Marriage

Impediments to a sacramental marriage are of two types: diriment impediments, which render an
alleged marriage null and void or make a potential marriage impossible, and prohibitory impediments,
which don't affect validity but liceity (i.e., its strict accordance with Canon Law) and require a
dispensation first.

Diriment impediments include: the inability to freely consent; blood relationship to the fourth degree
collaterally, or in any degree in the direct line; relationship by adoption if the relationship is to the second
degree collaterally, or in any degree in the direct line; spiritual relationship, such as that between
godparents and godchildren; a solemn vow of chastity; impotence (not sterility) that is known and not
revealed; having been a party in a marriage contract that was not ended by death or found to be invalid
with a declaration of nullity (an "annulment") or dissolved by the Petrine or Pauline Privileges (see
below); having received Holy Orders; not having reached the age of 14 (women) or 16 (men); if either of
the couple is not baptized. If one of these impediments exist, a marriage can almost never take place
(only in very, very rare cases are dispensations given to a couple who have affinity in the first degree of
the direct line).

Prohibitory impediments include: betrothal to another (i.e., pledge of marriage to another); a simple vow
of chastity; if one party is baptized but belongs to a schismatic or heretical sect; lack of parental consent
in the case of minors. If one of these impediments exist, a marriage would still be valid, but a
dispensation -- a "radical sanation" -- must be gotten in order for the marriage to be licit.

If any of these impediments exist, the couple is bound to declare them.

Mixed Marriages
If a Catholic gets a dispensation to marry someone who is baptized but belongs to a schismatic or
heretical sect, they are said to enter into a "mixed marriage." Despite the fact that mixed marriages are
are inherently flawed, the Church sometimes does grant a dispensation to such a couple for

the same reason that a prudent mother would prefer to see a wayward daughter do a bad
thing than a worse thing. What parent would not prefer to see a child sick than dead?
There is some hope for the life of a man hanging over a precipice and clinging even to a
handful of grass, but there is no hope when his brains are dashed out on the rocks
beneath. When persons have fully made up their minds to enter mixed marriage, they are
so blinded by their passions and preferences that, if the Church should not tolerate their
step, many of them would marry out of the Church, and thus commit mortal sin, and in
most cases incur excommunication. The only difference, then, is this: There is at least a
possible hope of salvation when mixed marriages are tolerated by the Church; whereas, if
these persons should die in their rebellion against the Church, their damnation would be
certain. The Church, like a prudent mother, would prefer the less of these two evils.
("Vocations Explained: Matrimony, Virginity, The Religious State, and the Priesthood,"
Benziger Brothers, 1897).

Traditionally the Church requires three conditions for the issuing of a dispensation for a mixed
marriage:

that the Catholic party be allowed free exercise of religion;

that all the offspring are to be brought up Catholic; and
that the Catholic party promise to do all that is possible to convert the non-Catholic.

The 1983 Code of Canon Law, though, gives the three conditions as: the Catholic party is to declare that
he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith, and is to make a sincere promise to
do all in his or her power in order that all the children be baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;
the other party is to be informed in good time of these promises to be made by the Catholic party, so
that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and of the obligation of the Catholic party;
both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage, which are not
to be excluded by either contractant.

In any case, mixed marriages are frowned upon very harshly (or should be, anyway) and pose extreme
dangers to the peace and very purpose of family life. Catholics should "marry Catholic"! This cannot be
stressed enough! If a man and woman are not together on the very fundamentals of life -- the nature of
God and Church, the very purpose of life, the things they are duty-bound to teach their children -- they
will struggle and their children will suffer from that struggle and from the religious indifference which
would undoubtedly ensue. The family culture will be in shambles, and that which should be most deeply
shared won't be shared at all. Paragraphs 81-83 of Casti Connubii read:

81. This religious character of marriage, its sublime signification of grace and the union
between Christ and the Church, evidently requires that those about to marry should show
a holy reverence towards it, and zealously endeavor to make their marriage approach as
nearly as possible to the archetype of Christ and the Church.

82. They, therefore, who rashly and heedlessly contract mixed marriages, from which the
maternal love and providence of the Church dissuades her children for very sound
reasons, fail conspicuously in this respect, sometimes with danger to their eternal
salvation. This attitude of the Church to mixed marriages appears in many of her
documents, all of which are summed up in the Code of Canon Law: "Everywhere and with
the greatest strictness the Church forbids marriages between baptized persons, one of
whom is a Catholic and the other a member of a schismatical or heretical sect; and if there
is, add to this, the danger of the falling away of the Catholic party and the perversion of
the children, such a marriage is forbidden also by the divine law." If the Church
occasionally on account of circumstances does not refuse to grant a dispensation from
these strict laws (provided that the divine law remains intact and the dangers above
mentioned are provided against by suitable safeguards), it is unlikely that the Catholic
party will not suffer some detriment from such a marriage.

83. Whence it comes about not unfrequently, as experience shows, that deplorable
defections from religion occur among the offspring, or at least a headlong descent into that
religious indifference which is closely allied to impiety. There is this also to be considered
that in these mixed marriages it becomes much more difficult to imitate by a lively
conformity of spirit the mystery of which We have spoken, namely that close union
between Christ and His Church.

For another Encyclical that deals explicitly with mixed marriages, see Pope Gregory XVI's "Summo
Iugiter Studio," published in 1832. If you are a Catholic woman toying with the idea of marrying a non-
Catholic man, please read this extremely important article that shows the astonishing results of a study
to determine the influence of fathers on children's religiosity: The Truth About Men and Church.

Natural Marriages
Marriages that take place between two unbaptized people or between a baptized and an unbaptized
person are said to be non-sacramental "natural marriages" which do not bring forth sanctifying grace.
Once one is sacramentally married, it is for life, but merely natural marriages, which are in and of
themselves good, can sometimes be dissolved with what is known as the "Pauline Privilege" or the
"Petrine Privilege."

The Pauline Privilege

The Pauline Privilege is exercised when: both parties are unbaptized at the time of marriage, one of the
parties becomes baptized, and the unbaptized party leaves. This sort of case, which is handled by the
local Bishop, is outlined in I Corinthians 7:10-15:

But to them that are married [i.e., those who are sacramentally married], not I, but the
Lord, commandeth that the wife depart not from her husband. And if she depart, that she
remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his
wife.

For to the rest [i.e., those who are in merely natural marriages] I speak, not the Lord. If
any brother hath a wife that believeth not and she consent to dwell with him: let him not
put her away. And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not and he consent to
dwell with her: let her not put away her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified
by the believing wife: and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband.
Otherwise your children should be unclean: but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever
depart, let him depart. For a brother or sister is not under servitude in such cases. But
God hath called us in peace.

 
The Petrine Privilege

The Petrine Privilege is exercised when: one of the parties was unbaptized at the time of the marriage,
they separate without the baptized party being at fault (or plan to separate and the unbaptized party
refuses Baptism and will not live peaceably with the baptized party), and the baptized party now wants
to marry a Catholic (see I Esdras 10-14). Unlike the Pauline Privilege which is handled by the local
Bishop, this sort of case is sent to Rome to be adjudicated by the Pope himself.

Note that the exercise of the Petrine or Pauline Privileges is not a declaration of nullity (an "annulment").
A declaration of nullity is the finding that a marriage was merely putative and never existed at all; the
Petrine and Pauline Privileges dissolve non-sacramental natural marriages. Truly sacramental
marriages -- marriages joined together by God Himself -- that are ratified and consummated can be
dissolved by no one. Matthew 19:3-9:

And there came to him the Pharisees tempting him, saying: Is it lawful for a man to put
away his wife for every cause? Who answering, said to them: Have ye not read, that he
who made man from the beginning, made them male and female? And he said: For this
cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall
be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath
joined together, let no man put asunder. They say to him: Why then did Moses command
to give a bill of divorce, and to put away? He saith to them: Because Moses by reason of
the hardness of your heart permitted you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it
was not so. And I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for
fornication [Greek: porneia], and shall marry another, committeth adultery [Greek:
moicheia]: and he that shall marry her that is put away, committeth adultery [Greek:
moicheia]. 3

In any case, if you are entering the Church now and are already married, talk with your priest as to the
nature of your marriage. If both you and your spouse are baptized and have never been married before,
there should be no problem in having your marriage blessed. Refrain from the Sacraments until you are
sure about the status of your marriage.

Getting Married in the Church

If the couple are both baptized and in a state of grace (couples should make a general confession and
receive Communion as soon before marriage as possible), and none of the impediments listed above
exist (or a dispensation has been gotten), the first thing to do is to announce your betrothal to your
priest, who will then publish the "banns of marriage." The banns are a public announcement of the
upcoming marriage so that any impediments can be discovered. This "publication" is usually made on
three consecutive Holy Days (including Sundays), during the Mass itself (before or after the sermon)
and/or in the parish bulletin (for good reason, sometimes the banns may be dispensed with). Then you
will obey the civil laws of the State in which you live by getting the proper blood tests, licenses, etc. Note
that weddings shouldn't take place during Lent, given the penitential, somber nature of the season.

As far as wonderfully girly wedding plans go, I will note here that the bride's dress (and bridesmaids'
dresses) must conform to the same rules of modesty and decorum that apply any time a woman enters
a church, i.e., her head must be covered, the dress must cover the knees when standing or sitting, the
neckline should be modest, etc. No spaghetti strap, totally sleeveless, backless, side-split, mini-length,
plunging neckline, sassy little Vera Wang numbers allowed. Of all the days of her life, the last day a
woman should want to present herself to the world as sex object is her wedding day.

Music is handled differently at Catholic weddings, too. No "Sunrise, Sunset," no Celine Dion tunes --
quite possibly, not even Wagner's or Mendelssohn's Wedding Marches. Save "Unchained Melody" for
your first dance at the reception and "At Last" for the cake-cutting; music during the wedding itself must
be sacred.

As to the Rite of Marriage itself, it can be offered with or without a Mass and Nuptial Blessing
(traditionally, the Nuptial Mass and Blessing are only offered when the bride and groom are both
Catholic, not in the case of mixed marriages). If the couple wants a Mass and Nuptial Blessing, the form
of the Mass will depend on the day of the wedding. The default Mass offered is the Nuptial Mass (color
white) -- but this Mass may not be said on: Sundays; on Holy Days of Obligation; on Feasts of the 1st or
2nd Class; on Ash Wednesday; during Holy Week; on All Souls Day; on the Vigils of Christmas or
Epiphany or Pentecost; or within the within the octaves of the Epiphany, Easter, Pentecost, and Corpus
Christi. If a wedding takes place on any of the above days and a Mass is desired, that day's Mass is
said (and the color will be of the Mass of that day) instead of the Nuptial Mass, but the Collect, Secret,
and Postcommunion prayers from the Nuptial Mass are added to it along with a prayer for the couple
after the Pater Noster, and a blessing for the couple.

The Rite of Marriage

The bride and groom stand before the priest, just outside the sanctuary. The groom stands on the
Joseph/Epistle side of the church (the right from the point of view of the congregation), and the bride
stands on the Mary/Gospel side. The priest then asks the following question of the groom:

N., wilt thou take N., here present, for thy lawful wife, according to the rite of our holy Mother the
Church? .

R. I will

Then the priest asks the bride:

N., wilt thou take N., here present, for thy lawful husband, according to the rite of our holy Mother the
Church?

R. I will.

Having obtained their mutual consent, the priest asks the man and the woman join their right hands.
Then they pledge themselves each to the other as follows, repeating the words after the priest. The
man begins:

I, N. N., take thee, N. N., for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for
worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

The woman follows:

I, N. N., take thee, N. N., for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better,
for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

The priest then says:

I join you together in marriage, in the Name of the Ego conjugo vos in matrimonium, in nomine
Father, + and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Patris, + et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
Amen.

The priest sprinkles the couple with Holy Water.

Then he blesses the bride's ring, saying:

V. Our help is in the Name of the Lord. V. Adjutorium nostrum in nomine Domini.

R. Who made heaven and earth. R. Qui fecit caelum et terram.

V. O Lord, hear my prayer. V. Domine, exaudi orationem meam.

R. And let my cry come unto Thee. R. Et clamor meus ad te veniat.

V. The Lord be with you. V. Dominus vobiscum.

R. And with Thy spirit. R. Et cum spiritu tuo.

Let us pray. Bless, + O Lord, this ring, which we bless + in Thy name, that she who shall wear it,
keeping true faith unto her spouse, may abide in Thy peace and in obedience to Thy will, and ever
live in mutual love. Through Christ our Lord.

R. Amen.

Then the priest sprinkles the ring (which is considered a sacramental) with holy water in the form of a
cross; and the bridegroom, having received the ring from the hand of the priest, places it on the third
finger of the left hand of the bride, saying the following:

With this ring I thee wed and I plight unto thee my troth.

[Another form:

With this ring I thee wed; this gold and silver I thee give; with my body I thee worship;
and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.

Another method of placing the ring on the bride's finger is to slide it onto the thumb while saying "In
the Name of the Father," then onto the index finger while saying, "and of the Son," and onto the
middle finger while saying "and of the Holy Ghost," then finally onto the ring finger while saying
"Amen.]

Then the priest says:

In the name of the Father + and of the Son and of the In nomine Patris, + et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.
Holy Ghost. Amen. Amen.

This done, the priest says:

V. Confirm, O God, that which Thou hast wrought in V. Confirma hoc, Deus, qod operatus es in
us. nobis.

R. From Thy holy temple, which is in Jerusalem. R. A templo sancto tuo quod est in
Jerusalem.

V. Lord, have mercy. V. Kyrie eleison.

R. Christ, have mercy. R. Christe eleison.

V. Lord, have mercy. V. Kyrie eleison.

Our Father, etc. (inaudibly). Pater noster (secreto).

V. And lead us not into temptation. V. Et ne nos inducas in tentationem.

R. But deliver us from evil. R. Sed libera nos a malo.

V. Save Thy servants. V. Salvos fac servos tuos.

R. Who hope in Thee, O my God. R. Deus meus, sperantes in te.

V. Send them help, O Lord, from Thy holy place. V. Mitte eis, Domine, auxilium de sancto.

R. And defend them out of Sion. R. Et de Sion tuere eos.

V. Be unto them, Lord, a tower of strength. V. Esto eis, Domine, turris fortitudinis. R.: A
facie inimici.

R. From the face of the enemy. V. Domine exaudi orationem meam.

V. O Lord, hear my prayer. R. Et clamor meus ad te veniat.

R. And let my cry come unto Thee. R. Et clamor meus ad te veniat.

V. The Lord be with you. V. Dominus vobiscum.

R. And with Thy spirit. R. Et cum spiritu tuo.

Let us pray. Look down with favor, O Lod, we beseech Thee, upon these Thy servants, and
graciously protect this, Thine ordinance, whereby Thou hast provided for the propagation of mankind;
that they who are joined together by Thy authority may be preserved by Thy help; through Christ our
Lord. Amen.

Thus ends the Rite of Marriage. There should be no applause for the couple afterwards in the church;
save that for outside when they leave the church (i.e., at the typical "rice-throwing time" outdoors) and
at the couple's entrance at their reception.

Optional:
The Nuptial Mass
(Missa pro Sponso et Sponsa)
and Nuptial Blessing

The Nuptial Mass and Nuptial Blessing are optional for the couple. If they are desired, they will follow
the Marriage Rite above. The Nuptial Mass is like any other Mass except that the Gloria and Creed
are omitted, and the following Propers are said. The Nuptial Mass can't be offered on any of the
following days: Feasts of the first or second class; on Sundays or holydays of obligation; within the
octaves of the Epiphany, Easter, Pentecost, Corpus Christi; on Ash Wednesday; during Holy Week;
on the vigils of Christmas, Epiphany or Pentecost; All Soul's Day.

Introit: Tobias 7:15; 8:19

May the God of Israel join you together: and may He
be with you, who was merciful to two only children:
and now, O Lord, make them bless Thee more fully.
(Ps. 127. 1). Blessed are all they that fear the Lord,
that walk in His ways.
Deus Israel conjungat vos: et ipse sit
vobiscum, qui misertus est duobus unicis: et
nunc, Domine, fac eos plenius benedicere
te. (Ps. 127. 1) Beati omnes qui timent
Dominum: qui ambulant in viis ejus.

V. Glory to the Father . . . -- May the God . . . V. Gloria Patri . . . -- Deus Israel conjunga

Collect

Hear us, almighty and merciful God: that what is performed by our ministry may be abundantly
fulfilled with Thy blessing. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth with
Thee...

Epistle: Ephesians 5:22-33

Brethren: Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord; for the husband is the head of the
wife, as Christ is the head of the Church. He is the savior of His body. Therefore, as the Church is
subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things. Husbands, love your wives,
as Christ also loved the Church, and delivered Himself up for it: that He might sanctify it, cleansing it
by the laver of water in the word of life; that He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not
having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So also
ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself: for no man
ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it; as also Christ doth the Church: for we are
members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and
mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be two in one flesh. This is a great Sacrament, but
I speak in Christ and in the Church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular love his wife as
himself, and let the wife fear her husband.

Gradual: Psalm 127:3

Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine on the sides of thy Uxor tua sicut vitis abundans in lateribus
house. domus tuae.

V. Thy children as olive plants round about thy table. V. Filii tui sicut novellae olivarum in circuitu
Alleluia, alleluia. mensae tuae. Alleluia, alleluia.
 V. (Ps. 19. 3) May the Lord send you help from the V. Mittat vobis Dominus auxilium de sancto:
sanctuary, and defend you out of Sion. Alleluia. et de Sion tueatur vos. Alleluia.

After Septuagesima, the Alleluia and the Verse Mittat are omitted and the following is said:

Tract: Psalm 127:4-6

Behold thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Ecce sic benedicetur omnis homo, qui timet
Lord. Dominum.

V. May the Lord bless you out of Sion; and mayest V. Benedicat tibi Dominus ex Sion: et videas
thou see that good things of Jerusalem all the days of bona Jerusalem omnibus diebus vitae tuae.
thy life.

V. And mayest thou see thy children's children: peace V. Et videas filios filiorum tuorum: pax super
upon Israel. Israel.

During Eastertide, the Gradual is omitted and the following Alleluia is said:

Alleluia, alleluia. Alleluia, alleluia.

V. (Ps. 19. 3) May the Lord send you help from the V. Mittat vobis Dominus auxilium de sancto:
sanctuary, and defend you out of Sion. Alleluia. et de Sion tueatur vos. Alleluia.

V. (Ps. 133. 3). May the Lord out of Sion bless you: V. Benedicat vobis Dominus ex Sion: qui
who hath made heaven and earth. Alleluia. fecit coelum et terram. Alleluia.

Gospel: Matthew 19:3-6

At that time: The Pharisees came to Jesus, tempting Him and saying; It is lawful for a man to put
away his wife for every cause? Who answering said to them, Have ye not read, that He who made
man from the beginning, made them male and female? and He said, For this cause shall a man leave
his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore, now
they are not two but one flesh. What, therefore, God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.

Offertory: Psalm 30:15-16

In Thee, O Lord, have I hoped: I said, Thou art my In te speravi, Domine: dixi: Tu es Deus
God; my times are in Thy hands. meus: in manibus tuis tempora mea.

Secret

Accept, we beseech Thee, O Lord, the gifts offered for the sacred law of marriage: and do Thou
dispose according to Thy will, that which is instituted by Thy bounty. Through our Lord Jesus Christ,
Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity...

Preface

It it truly meet and just, right and for our salvation, that
we should at all times, and in all places, give thanks
unto Thee, O holy Lord, Father almighty, everlasting
God, through Christ our Lord. Through whom the
Angels praise Thy Majesty, the Dominations worship
it, the Powers stand in awe. The heavens and the
heavenly hosts together with the blessed Seraphim in
triumphant chorus unite to celebrate it. Together with
them, we entreat Thee, that Thou mayest bid our
voices also to be admitted, while we say in lowly
praise:
Vere dignum et justum est, aequum et
salutare, nos tibi semper, et ubique gratias
agere: Domine sancte, Pater omnipotens,
aeterne Deus: per Christum Dominum
nostrum. Per quem majestatem tuam
laudant Angeli, adorant Dominationes,
tremunt Potestates. Coeli, coelorumque
Virtutes, ac beata Seraphim socia
exsultatione concelebrant. Cum quibus et
nostras voces, ut admitti jubeas,
deprecamur, supplici confessione dicentes:

After the Pater Noster, the priest goes to the Epistle side of the Altar. The Bride and Groom kneel
before him. The priest folds his hands and, turning towards the bridegroom and bride, says over them
the following two prayers. After the prayers, he continues the Mass, and the Bride and Groom resume
their places. The couple receive Communion as usual, at the proper time.

Let us pray. Be gracious, O Lord, to our humble supplications: and graciously assist this Thine
institution, which Thou hast established for the increase of mankind: that what is joined together by
Thine authority, may be preserved by Thine aid. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth
and reigneth with Thee...

O God, who by Thine own mighty power, didst make all things out of nothing: who, having set in order
the beginnings of the world, didst appoint Woman to be an inseparable helpmeet to Man, made like
unto God, so that Thou didst give to woman's body its beginnings in man's flesh, thereby teaching
that what it pleased Thee to form from one substance, might never be lawfully separated: O God,
who, by so excellent a mystery hast consecrated the union of man and wife, as to foreshadow in this
nuptial bond the union of Christ with His Church: O God, by whom Woman is joined to Man, and the
partnership, ordained from the beginning, is endowed with such blessing that it alone was not
withdrawn either by the punishment of original sin, nor by the sentence of the flood: graciously look
upon this Thy handmaid, who, about to be joined in wedlock, seeks Thy defense and protection. May
it be to her a yoke of love and peace: faithful and chaste, may she be wedded in Christ, and let her
ever be the imitator of holy women: let her be dear to her husband, like Rachel: wise, like Rebecca:
long-lived and faithful like Sara. Let not the author of deceit work any of his evil deeds in her. May she
continue, clinging to the faith and to the commandments. Bound in one union, let her shun all
unlawful contact. Let her protect her weakness by the strength of discipline; let her be grave in
behavior, respected for modesty, well-instructed in heavenly doctrine. Let her be fruitful in offspring;
be approved and innocent; and come to the repose of the blessed and the kingdom of heaven. May
they both see their children's children to the third and fourth generation, and may they reach the old
age which they desire. Through the same Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth...

The priest continues the Mass as usual with the prayer Deliver us, we beseech Thee, O Lord.

Communion: Psalm 127:4, 6

Behold, thus shall every man be blessed that feareth Ecce sic benedicetur omnis homo, qui timet
the Lord; and mayest thou see thy children's children; Dominum: et videas filios filiorum tuorum:
peace upon Israel. pax super Israel.

Postcommunion

We beseech Thee, almighty God, to accompany with Thy gracious favor, the institution of Thy
Providence, and keep in lasting peace those whom Thou dost join in lawful union. Through our Lord
Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth...

The Bride and Groom go and kneel before the priest once more. The priest turns toward them, giving
the blessing below. Afterwards, he sprinkles them with Holy Water and they go back to their places:

May the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob be with you: and Himself fulfill His
blessing on you: that you may see your children's children even to the third and fourth generation:
and thereafter possess life everlasting, by the aid of our Lord...

Thus ends the Nuptial Mass

Information for non-Catholic Guests

If you are invited to attend a traditional Catholic wedding, prepare for a long ceremony if the wedding will
include a Mass (around 1 1/2 to 2 hours). Mass attire and etiquette are covered on this page, and the
Order of the Mass can be found here.

Gifts, of course, are usually given to the couple at the reception that follows the wedding. Such Catholic
items as Crucifixes, Holy Water fonts, etc. are always welcome, along with more secular household
items.

Wedding Customs
Folk tradition has it that the bride must wear "something old, something new, something borrowed, and
something blue" (my family has a little bluebird brooch, a symbol of happiness, that gets handed down
and around for brides wear under their dresses and which acts as the "something old," "something
borrowed" and "something blue" all at once).

It is a lovely custom for the bride to leave a bouquet in front of the statue of Mary in the church, praying
to Mary to help her in her duties as a wife and intercede in blessing her with children (Catholic brides
can have their florists make up little "Mary bouquets" for this purpose). This custom symbolizes the bride
offering her virginity, as indicated by the flowers, to Our Lady, in return for her prayers to make her
marriage fruitful. The groom might light a candle in front of the statue of St. Joseph and ask him to
intercede for him as a husband.

After the wedding, a reception follows. Customs at these receptions vary from ethnic group to ethnic
group.

Among Italians and Italian-Americans, the couple is toasted with "Cent'anni!" (A hundred years!) and
asked to kiss with cries of "Bacio!". The bride will give out white "confetti" -- Jordan almonds -- in odd
numbers (usually 7) to the wedding guests. They are sometimes pre-wrapped in tulle and symbolize
"the bitter and the sweet" of married life. The bride will carry a silk or satin bag (una borsa) into which
guests will put envelopes of money to help defray wedding and honeymoon costs. Sometimes male
wedding guests will pay for the privilege of dancing with the bride, and, of course, they kiss her for luck.
As to the dancing, the Tarantella is the standard "Italian wedding dance" (click tbelow hear the music for
the Neapolitan version of the Tarantella). Food and wine, of course, will play a huge role as in all big
Catholic (especially Italian Catholic) celebrations -- many courses worth! -- and "wanda" ("love-knot"
cookies sprinkled with sugar) are standard, along with wedding cake and coffee at the end of the meal.

-2:40

At some point during the reception, the groom will stomp on a glass that has been wrapped up in a white
linen towel, the broken glass symbolizing the irrevocability of marriage, and the number of shards left
behind representing the number of happy years they will have together. Gifts are not opened at the
reception in most Italian weddings.

At the end of the reception, the bride will toss her bouquet to the gathered single women, and the one
who catches it is said to be the next who'll marry.

As to the wedding night, it is an old custom for some couples to abstain from the marital act, dedicating
the first night of marriage to St. Joseph (making the night "St. Joseph's Night"), and performing some
devotion to the Saint. This is in keeping with the spirit of Tobias who, with his wife, Sara, spent the first
three days and nights or their marriage in prayer:

Tobias 8:4-5
Then Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her: Sara, arise, and let us pray to God today,
and tomorrow, and the next day: because for these three nights we are joined to God: and
when the third night is over, we will be in our own wedlock. For we are the children of
saints, and we must not be joined together like heathens that know not God.

One final note is that St. Dorothy (of Caesarea) is the Patroness of Brides; St. Louis IX is the Patron of
Grooms; St. Nicholas of Myra is the Patron of newlyweds (both bride and groom); St. Valentine is the
Patron of happy marriages, and St. Joseph is the Patron of family life. For those who desire to marry but
who've not met the right person, SS. Catherine of Alexandria, Agnes, Valentine, and Barbara intercede
for women, and SS.. Nicholas and Valentine intercede for men. St. Anthony of Padua is often invoked by
people of either sex trying to find a spouse -- and once you do find someone to marry, remember that St.
Agnes and St. Valentine are the Saints for engaged couples. St. Elizabeth of Hungary is the patroness
of widows and widowers.
 

See also St. John Chrysostom's Homily XX on Ephesians V.

Footnotes:
1 Divorce from a true spouse is impossible; once one is sacramentally married, one is sacramentally
married until the death of the spouse. However, a civil divorce may be obtained in cases requiring
separation for legal or physical protection. That is, as an example, a sacramentally married person may
civilly divorce an abusive spouse and become legally unmarried, but he is still sacramentally married in
the eyes of God and may not remarry until his spouse dies.

An annulment is not a divorice; it is the finding that a true marriage never happened in the first place.

2 If both spouses mutually agree to not exercise their marital rights, theirs is said to be a "Josephite
marriage" akin to the marriage of Mary and Joseph, but if the marital rights are exercised, the marital act
must be open to life.

3 Regarding the verse:

And I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication
[Greek: porneia], and shall marry another, committeth adultery [Greek: moicheia]: and he
that shall marry her that is put away, committeth adultery [Greek: moicheia].

"Porneia" here means unlawful sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons, i.e., "fornication"; it
does not refer to sex between a married person and someone who is not his or her spouse, which is
"adultery" -- "moicheia" in the Greek. "Porneia" and "moicheia" are two different words for two different
concepts. In referring to "porneia," Jesus is referring to those things that constitute impediments and
make a marriage unlawful, and to understand His meaning, you must know something about Jewish law.

During Jewish betrothal, a couple was considered legally bound and even taxed together (Luke 2:5),
i.e., a betrothal, or kuddushin, was "an actual but incomplete marriage" (Jewish Encyclopedia). After 12
months, the groom would take his bride home in a rite called "home-taking" (nisuin), after which their
fully married life began. A man, though, could leave his betrothed during the year of betrothal and before
their public marriage by getting a bill of divorcement (get) as long as the marriage wasn't consummated
-- the reason why, some believe that, per Jewish law, Our Lady was almost "put away" privately by St.
Joseph, a "just man" who was not "willing to expose her" (Matthew 1:18-19) when he didn't want her to
be shamed for being pregnant before their "home-taking."

In other contexts, "porneia" also refers to concubinage, which isn't a marriage at all (cf John 4:5-19), and
to the prohibition of marriage within certain degrees of kinship (which would make a marriage merely
putative), as it is used in Leviticus 18 and I Corinthians 5:1.

Bottom line, St. Matthew was writing to Jewish audience, who would have been aware of betrothal
issues. St. Mark wrote to Gentiles and puts the matter of divorce in a true sacramental marriage plainly
in Mark 10:11-12: "And he saith to them: Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another
committeth adultery against her. And if the wife shall put away her husband and be married to another,
she committeth adultery."

St. Paul reaffirms this in I Corinthians 7:10-11: "But to them that are married, not I, but the Lord,
commandeth that the wife depart not from her husband. And if she depart, that she remain unmarried or
be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife."

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