“What Makes Me, Me”

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God” – Psalms 139:14

Everyone posses different traits, we have our own uniqueness and our own nature. We are
all beautiful in our own ways. Me, I’m only this typical simple girl who really loves simple
things. Simple things really matters to me, those simple encouraging words, those cute animals I
saw everyday, those little flowers that blooms gorgeously, those beautiful sky, those millions of
stars twinkling at the night sky, every simple things that could enlighten my day, I all love it.
And I am really a bubbly person, but only for those people whom I’ve trust, or whom I’ve been
grown too comfortable. I talk so many things, what had happened in that day, or some funny
stuffs (because I really love funny stuffs). Sometimes I think that maybe they are getting
annoyed with me but I hope they’re not. I love to appreciate things, even a simple things that
caught my attention, like eyes, smile, hair, your achievements, or any alike.

I also love to motivate others, even me sometimes I need a little motivation too. I really
believe on a saying, ‘simple appreciation might change people’s perception of themselves.’
Sometimes, people don’t believe in their self, like the negative thoughts keep on pouring inside
our head which we are getting absorb by it and I think that is the reason why people don’t
believe on what they are capable of. Encouraging words, any simple motivation and
appreciations really changes a mood, we should do that often. I’m not too vocal on my emotions.
Even if I’m sad or a like, I just smile it out, if you ask me if I’m okay, I often say, I’m fine. I was
like smiling, laughing, but that’s not what I really feel inside. As long as I can take it, I will hide
it until those emotions will pass by. In our life, ups and downs are normal. We always encounter
that as we go on along with our own journey, some experience will give us some lesson, some
will give as some memories to be treasured. We cannot appreciate life if we don’t experience this
sadness and happiness. We can’t undo what has done, we can’t force the seasons to favored us
all the time, we can’t stop sadness from entering our body and soul, and we should at least learn
to live this life, because that was life is all about. I really don’t know or somehow I didn’t still
find my real purpose but I am hoping that one day, that’ll cross my path. I am a very
sentimental person, I really cared a lot from the people whom I’ve loved. I valued the things
even a very simple things that they’ve give me or said to me, like sending me some appreciation
message and I will read that ten times. I am a kindhearted person, especially for those people
who also showed kindness to me. Sometimes we should show kindness because we don’t know
what other people think, maybe they had this silent battles that they can’t talk about. I guess
everyone really has this silent battles and we need kindness in this cruel world. I’m a people
pleaser, and I am really working on it right now, this behavior is good, but if you please people
too much, in a sense that you forgot your self, it’s not okay anymore. Minimizing pleasing
people is also a self care, and for now, I am slowly building my self respect. Sometimes, you
can’t even say a simple no in some things that you don’t like because other people do like it. I
often say sorry for those things that is not actually my fault. I let other people cross my
boundaries knowing that in the end, I’m the one who still suffer. Maybe because I grow up with
not so having complete family, I came from a broken family, and I guess, the fear of being
leaved behind, the fear of being not to be loved back, the fear of ignoring, abandonment, it’s the
fear that I always feel if when I don’t do this or do that, maybe they will leave me behind, and its
kind of painful. This thoughts dives deeper in me, and it’s not a good thoughts actually. People
pleaser and kindness are very different thing. Doing kindness doesn’t hurt your soul, your mind,
instead it brings peace and fulfillment. People pleaser is not a bad thing either, but it is an
emotional abuse if you can’t control it, and that’s a bad thing on it. Learning to respect your self
is a stepping stone to be whole again. Show kindness but avoid getting use. I also have this weird
personality, I love weird stuffs, I always got lost in fantasies and daydreaming, maybe because
sometimes there are things that are beyond reachable, and there’s nothing you can do about that.
I guess fantasizing is somewhat an escape from this cruel reality, visualizing the things we ought
to have.

Human as we are, we grown with insecurities, but I always said to my self that there are
some people who will love you just the way you are. God created us differently, God created us
with love, so we should also learn to love our selves and somehow, be proud of it. I guess, what
makes me, me is my experiences, the sadness, the pain that made me strong and give me lessons,
those happy times, those emotions I’ve built, those what I see around, those people doing stuffs
every day, how people interact with me, how they treat me as me and the love that they give me,
and for the things that I do that makes me happy, that makes me, me. We should not let other
people stop us on what we would like to become. Day by day, we create ourselves, to make us a
better person, to be a better me.