Unit 2

Game
changers
At the end of this unit you will be able to:
 write an expository essay containing a series of
coherent and cohesive paragraphs;
 give a talk that is interesting as well as informative;
 use features of connected speech to enhance the
effectiveness of your speaking;
 understand and use words and phrases that are
commonly used in academic contexts.

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Unit Overview 52
Task Cycle 1: A 19th century game changer
Task – Part 1 Discuss a past game changer 55
Task – Part 2 Write a well-structured paragraph about this game changer 57
Academic What is academic writing? 58
Literacy Focus Writing an expository paragraph (1) – The topic sentence 60
Language Focus Academic writing – Nominalisation 64
Academic writing – Coherence and cohesion (1) 69
Follow-up Task Rewrite your paragraph 71

Task Cycle 2: Some modern game changers 73

Task - Part 1 Discuss a modern game changer 73
Task - Part 2 Analyse paragraphs about a game changer 75

Follow-up Task Write a paragraph about a game changer. 77

Academic Writing an expository paragraph (2) – Development 79
Literacy Focus
Language Focus Academic writing – Coherence and cohesion (2) 80

Task Cycle 3: Opening and closing an essay 84

Task Analyse introductory and concluding paragraphs
84
Academic Writing an introduction and a conclusion
86
Literacy Focus
Language Focus Academic writing – Using cautious language 88
Academic writing – Coherence and cohesion (3) 93

Task Cycle 4: People behind the game changers 96

Task – Parts 1 & 2 Find, integrate and paraphrase a citation 97
Academic Using sources in academic writing (Referencing/Citing) 97
Literacy Focus Paraphrasing (2) 99
Follow-up Task Check your paraphrasing 103

Task Cycle 5: Writing about game changers 105

Task Analyse an essay about an important past game changer 105
Language Focus Academic writing – Coherence and cohesion (4) 108

Task Cycle 6: Talking about game changers #1 111

Task Convert your essay into a talk 112
Academic Differences between spoken and written language 112
Literacy Focus

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Language Focus Using signposts in speaking 113

Follow-up Task Revise your talk 114

Task Cycle 7 Talking about game changers #2 115

Task Analyse an effective talk 115
Academic Choosing your content and structuring your talk for effect 117
Literacy Focus
Language Focus Stress and pausing (3) 119

Assessment Overview
The Assessed Writing Tasks

Look to the past and write about an idea or discovery in Science and Technology,
Business or Humanities and Social Science which has profoundly changed our
lives – not necessarily for the better.

You will be required to complete important steps in your Essay Writing Process.
Your instructor will tell you when different steps should be completed. If you have
not already, you should sign up for the library workshop now. You can do this
through the link on canvas.

Your Assessed Writing Task is a five-paragraph essay, which you will submit to
Turnitin by the end of Week 11.

You will find more information about these two assessed tasks on canvas.

The Second Assessed Speaking Task

Your Second Assessed Speaking Task is a 3½ – 4 minute talk, which you will give
to your classmates in Week 13.

You will find more information about this assessed task on canvas.

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Task Cycle 1

This task cycle will help you to write an expository

paragraph about a past game changer.

Pre-Task Activities

1. Petroleum (crude oil) is generally accepted as a past game

changer. But how much do you know about why oil was a game
changer?

Watch the following short video about oil’s many uses and
derivative products.

First, make a list of all the products or derivatives according to

the information presented in the video.

Then, with a small group, discuss the ways the discovery of oil
transformed the world.

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Then, in your group, ask yourselves whether it was simply the

discovery of oil that transformed the world or whether there were
other developments that enabled oil to be a transformative force.

Note: People in China were drilling shallow oil wells using bamboo poles in the
3rd Century AD. They burned the oil to speed the evaporation of sea water in
order to extract salt.

Based on the list of products your group made on the last page,
can you speculate how other developments made oil a game
changer?

2. Now in your group, try a brainstorm.

How many other game-changing ideas or discoveries can you list
in two minutes?

3. What do you know about the following ideas or discoveries?

Were they game-changing ones? Why / why not?

# The Haber-Bosch Process

# Penicillin
# Indoor Plumbing
# Fast food

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4. When you talk and write about game changers, you may find that these two words
are useful: ‘enable’, ‘ensure’. They are particularly useful in academic writing as
they enable writers to express complex ideas more concisely. Notice how they are
used:

to enable something to happen; to enable someone to do something

to ensure that something happens; to ensure that someone does something

Rephrase these sentences, using ‘enable’ or ‘ensure’:

(a) The Haber-Bosch process is an artificial nitrogen-fixing

process that gave farmers abundant supplies of fertilisers
that were limited by natural deposits leading to an
explosion in food crop yields.

The Haber-Bosch process…

(b) The discovery and use of penicillin greatly reduced the

number of deaths caused by infections and once-fatal
bacterial diseases (tuberculosis, meningitis) became
treatable.

The discovery of penicillin …

(c) The implementation and development of indoor plumbing

made life more convenient for people living in cities.

Indoor plumbing …

(d) The fast food industry’s rapid growth had a boost when
an abundant number of teenagers of the baby-boom era
began to enter the workforce and were willing to accept
low wages to earn some money.

The abundance of baby-boom teenagers …

When you rephrased the sentences using one of these verbs, you probably
created a number of noun phrases. Underline them. You will consider this process
of nominalisation in the Language Focus of this task cycle.

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The Task – Part 1

In this task you are going to talk about a past game changer.
There are videos on canvas about different aspects of the oil
industry. These should help you think about the game-
changing impacts of oil.

After watching the videos, you may be more aware of these

discoveries.

# Kerosene / gasoline distillation

# Production of synthetic polymers
# Engine-driven deep bedrock oil well drilling
# The petrol-based internal combustion engine

Your instructor will then ask you to sit in a group.

Step 1: Each group should read one of the passages below,

either A, B, C or D. Using some of the knowledge
you gained from watching the videos and what you
read, discuss the different aspects of the
developments associated with oil.

Step 2: Sit in a new group with students who discussed

different passages. Share your ideas. Discuss how
each factor had an impact. Try to convince your
groupmates which one had more impact.

Passage A
Oil was just another fuel resource. It was quite dirty when burnt. Why did it
become useful? Simply put, it was a few discoveries in refining processes which
changed crude oil into kerosene. Kerosene was used in the past as fuel for
lighting streets and for heating buildings, but production methods were not
efficient and were reliant on limited oil sources. People would collect oil which was
seeping out from cracks and fissures on rocky surfaces or from tar pits. The
process to refine kerosene was slow and time-consuming. In 1853, Ignacy
Łukasiewicz discovered an efficient and cost-effective way to produce kerosene
from crude oil. This led to a boom because public utilities began installing more
kerosene lights and heating systems in cities, and consumer demand rose
exponentially. The profits generated by these companies had a multiplier effect
with more utility companies spreading around the world.

Passage B
Oil was not an accessible resource and most supplies were limited prior to 1858.
55
Drilling through thick bedrock was almost impossible. Col. Drake, of Pennsylvania,
USA, pioneered the machinery and engineering techniques needed to drill through
hard bedrock into deep oil deposits. The cost of the process was relatively
inexpensive compared to the costs of oil. Without these economically efficient
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Passage C

Crude oil was abundant but it was still difficult to purify and refine. Large capacity
fractional distillation made it simpler to separate crude oil into usable components –
all in one process. This process made it faster and more cost-effective to break down
crude oil into its separate components in one cycle. Before this development, crude
oil was refined but in a complex and expensive process and in limited quantities.
There was residual waste material, a lot of smoke was produced and the odours were
harmful. Industrial distillation provided an efficient way to remove the impurities and
heavy pollutants from crude oil and to obtain all the useful components of oil. The
result of this process was that gasoline needed for automobiles was simpler to refine
and readily accessible. Also many other petroleum based by-products were now
available for different processes, such as bunker oil for electrical and nautical engines
and petrochemicals for synthetic rubbers and plastics.

Passage D

Petrochemicals
The (e.g., 2
Task – Part ethylene, propylene, benzene) are the by-products of crude oil
refineries. Chemists from DuPont Corporation used these by-products to invent
neoprene, the rubber-like, synthetic polymer that was used as an alternative to
natural rubber. The market for rubber products grew exponentially because, previous
to the invention in 1930, rubber material had been limited to sap harvested from
trees. The new rubber material could be synthesised quickly and easily shaped for
various industrial uses. In 1938, Du Pont invented nylon, which provided a durable
and pliable fabric which was an inexpensive alternative to silk, linen, cotton and other
natural fabrics. Again, there was an exponential growth in the market for the
alternative fabric. Many chemical companies began research and development into
various types of polymers. Eventually, more petrochemical polymers were invented
to create other synthetic polymers for use in many different ways, from hard plastics
to flexible rubber for medical uses.

After discussing the passages on the previous pages, would you be able to write an
answer to any of the following questions?

1. Why was oil a game changer? or What changed?

2. What were the conditions at the time that made it possible for oil to succeed?
3. Why has oil had a lasting impact (and not just a short-term impact)? or Why
did oil continue to have an impact?

You should now write one paragraph in which you give

an overview of one of the game-changing aspects of oil.

Can your paragraph provide an answer to one of the

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three key questions above?

Hint: Think about the most important change and ask – is

it related to Q.1, Q.2 or Q.3?

Share your paragraph with your group members. As you

read the other members’ paragraphs, ask whether or not the
reasons or the points in the paragraph make sense. How
could you comment on your groupmates’ paragraphs?

Academic Literacy Focus

How is academic writing different from other types of writing, or from

speaking? What are its features?
The writing used in the academic world is a special kind of writing. It has to be
learned – by observation, and then through practice.

The most basic features of academic writing in English are:

 It is linear. It starts at the beginning and proceeds logically to the end, with
every part contributing to the main line of argument. There are no digressions
or repetitions.

 Its purpose is to inform rather than to entertain.

 It uses the standard written form of the language.

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Academic writing is also, at least to some extent, complex, formal, objective,

precise, explicit, and cautious.

Read a brief explanation of these features here, and then, with a partner, do the two
exercises on the next page.

Some key features

of academic writing Explanation of these features
in English
Complexity Academic writing is more complex than spoken
language, in the way it uses both vocabulary and
grammar. This enables ideas to be expressed more
concisely than in spoken English. Academic writing
generally uses longer words, and more noun-based
phrases than verb-based phrases. The language is more
grammatically complex. It uses, for example, more
subordinate clauses and more passives.
Formality Academic writing is relatively formal. In general this
means that in an essay you should avoid colloquial
words and expressions, and use full forms instead of
contractions.
Objectivity Academic writing is objective rather than personal. It is
not about “me” and “you”; it is about the issue. It
therefore has fewer words that refer to the writer or the
reader; the main emphasis is on the information
presented and the arguments made. For that reason,
academic writing tends to use nouns (and adjectives),
rather than verbs (and adverbs).
Precision In academic writing, facts and figures are given
precisely. Vocabulary is used precisely, too. Most
academic subjects have words with narrow, specific
meanings, which are used in academic writing instead of
more general words. For example, ‘cash’, ‘currency’,
‘capital’ and ‘funds’ all refer to money, but in Economics
they are used according to their specific meaning.
Explicitness Academic writing is explicit about the relationships in the
text, and it is the responsibility of the writer to make it
clear to the reader how the various parts of the text are
related. These connections can be made explicit by the
use of different signalling words.
Cautiousness In any kind of academic writing you do, it is necessary to
make decisions about the strength of the claims you are
making. A technique common in certain kinds of
academic writing for indicating this is known by linguists
as ‘hedging’.

Exercises
1. In “Spoken and Written Language”, published in 1989, the
linguist M.A.K. Halliday took a sentence from a spoken text:
You can control the trains this way and if you do that you can be quite
sure that they'll be able to run more safely and more quickly than they
would otherwise, no matter how bad the weather gets.

and showed how it might be expressed in writing:

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The use of this method of control unquestionably leads to safer and

faster trains running in the most adverse weather conditions.

The main differences concern the grammar. Can you identify

and explain the differences?

2. After reading the explanations of the main features of

academic writing above, look at the samples of writing below.
Discuss them with a partner. Be a detective. Could these be
samples of academic writing, or not? Be ready to explain
why.

Could the Why / why not?

sample Consider: complexity,
Samples of writing be from formality, objectivity,
academic precision, explicitness,
writing? cautiousness

a. She claimed that her findings showed that stem cells

could be made quickly by dripping blood cells into acid.
The discovery blew everyone away, but problems with
her research emerged almost immediately. Something
seemed off with some of the images in the study.

b. The discovery resulted in the reassignment of the

director of the bioterror laboratory.

c. The second mistake happened just weeks

after dozens of scientists were potentially exposed to live
anthrax bacteria, an episode that required a huge
number of employees to get a vaccine or take antibiotics.

d. The question of what constitutes "language

proficiency" is at the core of many debates in the area of
second language pedagogy and testing. 

e. In my opinion, this is a very interesting study.

f. Though the earnings differential between college

and high school graduates varies over time, university
graduates, on average, earn more than secondary school
graduates (Day & Newburger, 2002). The sizeable
differences in lifetime earnings put the costs of university

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study in realistic perspective. 

Writing an expository paragraph (1) – The topic sentence

The kind of paragraphs we are interested in writing on this
course are expository paragraphs. This is writing which explains
(‘exposes’ or ‘sets out’) something. Expository paragraphs
should be well-organised and well-developed.

1. A paragraph in a piece of expository writing usually consists

of three parts. What are they?

1st part:
2nd part:
3rd part (optional):

2. Expository paragraphs must be focused.

 An expository paragraph begins with a topic

sentence, which states the focus of the paragraph. The
focus consists of the topic, and the controlling idea.

For example –

The discovery of crude oil in 1859 dramatically changed

the way we manufacture products, transport them, and
generate energy.

The topic = the discovery of oil

The controlling idea = change – three significant ones

The controlling idea tells us the aspect of the topic which the
paragraph will focus on. In this paragraph it will be ‘change’.
The controlling idea often also tells us how the paragraph will
be organised. Here, it indicates that the paragraph will
discuss three ways in which the topic changed the world.

(a) In the case of this topic sentence about oil, we also know
which of the three key questions the paragraph will
answer. Which is it?

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(b) There are many different aspects of a topic which could

be discussed. A paragraph which deals with a different
aspect of a topic requires a different controlling idea.

Write a topic sentence for a different paragraph about the

topic of oil. Choose one of these controlling ideas:
its environmental impact; its uses; its benefits; our reliance on it

3. Expository paragraphs should have a clear structure.

 There are five common ways of organising this kind of

paragraph, and the structure is set up in the topic
sentence:

 Explanation of significance, or of relationships

 Cause - Effect
 Problem - Solution
 General to Specific (or Specific to General)
 Comparison & Contrast
Read the two topic sentences here and complete the
information below each one.

China's new generation of millionaires has forced luxury

brands such as Gucci and Louis Vuitton to focus their
attention on Asian markets in order to profit from this
emerging market.

Topic:
Controlling idea:

Organisational pattern:

What do you expect to read in the rest of the paragraph?

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Hong Kong's economic growth can be attributed to a

combination of the way the British structured the civil
service and that the city was the only gateway to China
for many years.

Topic:
Controlling idea:

Organisational pattern:

What do you expect to read in the rest of the paragraph?

4. The expository paragraph on the next page presents a

twentieth century game changer: the Haber-Bosch
process. Read the paragraph and analyse it with a
partner.

 What is the focus of the paragraph: the topic and the

controlling idea?

 How is the paragraph organised? Provide an outline.

Topic:

Controlling idea:

Organisational pattern:

 How do the sentences fit the structure? (Add line

numbers to your outline.)

 How do the sentences develop the controlling idea? Do

they use details and/or definitions, and/or examples to

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develop it? Underline what you find and label them.

1 The Haber-Bosch process provided a solution to the problem of natural

limitations on crop production, and for this reason was one of the
transformative inventions of the twentieth century. Though nitrogen is abundant
as gas in the atmosphere, it had to be fixed into solid or liquid form in order to be
5 used for agricultural crop production. Before the discovery of the Haber-Bosch
process in the early 20th century, fixed nitrogen either came from mining Chile
saltpetre (NaNO3) or from harvesting guano. Both these methods required time and
energy and were limited by natural processes. To speed the production of fixed
nitrogen, Fritz Haber and Carl Bosch developed their process and the equipment
10 necessary to combine atmospheric hydrogen and nitrogen under high temperatures
and very high pressure to produce ammonia. The resulting ammonia was used to
produce fertiliser which could then be fed to plants in larger quantities and this
resulted in huge increases in agricultural yields. With increasing crop yields, more
parts of the world could be fed with agricultural products and countries could reduce
15 famine and starvation. The effects of this invention on crop production and
population growth have been dramatic.

 Which of the three key questions does this paragraph set

out to answer?

 Does it suggest answers for any of the other key

questions?

Language Focus

The language of academic writing – Nominalisation

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Which of the following two sentences expresses its point in a more academic style?
Can you explain why?

A. It is easy to become obese if you consume a lot of fast food.

B. Consumption of a large quantity of fast food can cause obesity.

The use of a large number of nouns and noun phrases instead of verbs is a
noticeable feature of all academic writing. This means that instead of writing:
The new equipment enables us to replicate the experiment.

We would write:
The new equipment enables the replication of the experiment.

As you now know, the key sentence in an expository paragraph is the topic
sentence. The more academic the style of writing is, the more likely it will be that the
topic and the controlling idea – and other parts of the paragraph – will be expressed
using noun phrases. Here is an example of a topic sentence:

Graduating from university has become a minimum requirement for many jobs.

There are five steps involved in writing a topic sentence like this:

1. Select a topic and a controlling idea.

2. Change the topic and the controlling idea to noun phrases.
The process of changing a verb or other word (e.g. an adjective) into a noun is called
nominalisation.
3. Choose a pattern of organisation for the paragraph.
4. Choose an appropriate verb or sentence pattern.
5. Choose the right tense/type of modality for the verb and make sure it agrees with
the subject.

Step 1: Select a topic and a controlling idea to form a pair

Topic Controlling Idea

1. Graduate from university
2. Germs can infect and cause disease
3. Some people smoke
4. Hong Kong residents who are not
ethnically Chinese + Filipinos who help with
housework
5. HKU and CUHK
A. Proper hygiene and habits help
B. Hong Kong students traditionally choose them
first
C. Various health-related problems
D. Many jobs require at least this
E. They have experienced prejudice for a long
period (but some more so than others)

For example: 1 – D
Now match the other topics to the controlling ideas.

1. Graduate from university – Many jobs require at least this___________________-___

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Step 2: Express the topic and the controlling idea as nouns or noun phrases –
nominalisation

A noun phrase is a group of words that functions like a noun. It can be a long string
of words where the whole unit (the phrase) behaves like a noun. A gerund is a
‘verbal noun’ created by adding ‘-ing’ to a verb.

 The textbook causes frustration. (A single noun)

 The instructor causes frustration. (A single noun)
 Learning causes frustration. (A gerund)
 Learning through memorisation causes frustration. (A noun phrase)

In theory, you could lengthen a noun phrase, and it would still function like a single
noun.

 Learning through mere memorisation without any interaction with any of

your classmates causes frustration.

To sum up:
Subject (a noun or gerund or noun phrase) Verb Object
The textbook
The instructor
Learning
causes frustration
Learning through memorisation
Learning through mere memorisation without any
interaction with any of your classmates
When the subject is not a single noun, you may have to change it through the
process called nominalisation.

Nominalisation can involve changing a verb to its noun form, or to its gerund form (by
adding ‘-ing’).

Verb Noun form, after nominalisation

graduate graduation/graduating
require requirement
smoke smoking
learn learning
participate participation/participating

Nominalisation can also involve changing an adjective to its noun form.

Adjective Noun form, after nominalisation

fatal fatality
hungry hunger
angry anger
true truth

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Therefore:
‘Graduate from university’  ‘Graduating from university’
‘Many jobs require at least this’  ‘a minimum requirement for many jobs’

Now change the topics and the controlling ideas which you matched in Step 1 to
noun phrases, where necessary:

1. Graduating from university – a minimum requirement for many jobs.

Step 3: Choose a pattern of organisation

As you know from the Academic Literacy Focus, there are five common ways of
organising an expository paragraph, and the structure is set up in the topic sentence.

 Explanation of significance, or of relationships

 Cause - Effect
 Problem - Solution
 General to Specific (or Specific to General)
 Comparison & Contrast

The pattern of organisation we have chosen for the example is significance:

‘Graduating from university’ – significance – ‘a minimum requirement for many jobs’
Now choose a pattern of organisation for each of the pairs which you matched in
Step 1.

1 – D  Significance

Note that what you have chosen in Step 3 will affect the language features you need
in Step 4.

Step 4: Choose an appropriate verb/sentence pattern

Pattern of Verb/sentence pattern

organisation
Significance become, contribute to, have an impact on

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Cause-Effect make, transform, drive, cause, result in

Problem-Solution resolve, reduce, increase, change, prevent

General-Specific …all…, but some/one/a few…

[bigger group], and this is especially true for [small
group]

Comparison & share, differ,

Contrast although…, …
[past], but [now]
…compared to…

Hence:

‘Graduating from university’ – ‘become’ – ‘a minimum requirement for many jobs’

Now choose an appropriate verb/sentence pattern for the rest of the phrases.

1. Graduating from university – become – a minimum requirement for many jobs.

Step 5: Choose the right tense/type of modality and make sure it agrees with the
subject

Graduating from university has become a minimum requirement for many jobs.

Now construct topic sentences out of the other four pairs of topics and controlling
ideas.

1. Graduating from university has become a minimum requirement for many jobs.

2.

3.

4.

5.

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Practice
Follow the 5 steps to write a topic sentence to begin the following paragraph. The
topic and a choice of controlling ideas have been given to you below.

Topic: European universities + the American system

Controlling idea 1 – not the same
OR
Controlling idea 2 – different course requirements

In European universities, students

are not required to attend classes. In fact, professors in Germany generally do not know
the names of the students enrolled in their courses. In the United States, however,
students are required to attend all classes and may be penalised if they do not.
Furthermore, in the European system, there is usually just one comprehensive
examination at the end of the students' entire four or five years of study. In the American
system, on the other hand, there are usually numerous quizzes, tests, and homework
assignments, and there is almost always a final examination in each course at the end
of the semester.

Features of academic writing – Coherence and cohesion (1)

A paragraph may be focused and have a clear organisational
pattern but still not be coherent. If the parts of the paragraph do
not fit together well, the paragraph’s overall message may not
be clear to the reader.

Coherent means ‘understandable; logically ordered’ and

cohesive means ‘holding / sticking together’. When writing is
coherent and cohesive, a reader can follow the ideas easily,
moving from sentence to sentence without becoming confused.
Here we will look at two ways of achieving coherence and
cohesion.

1. Logical order
In an expository paragraph, the topic sentence is developed with
sentences which support the controlling idea. The paragraph is
coherent if the ideas it presents are presented in the order which
best shows the relationships between them.

The following paragraph comes from a recommendation made

to HKUST about which official cars it should buy. The sentences

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are jumbled. Identify the topic sentence, which indicates the way
in which the paragraph will be structured, then arrange the
others in a logical order. Decide what kind of order this is.

1 Although the battery in an electric car is able to store enough electricity to equal the
. energy in a tank of liquid fuel, it is big, heavy, and prohibitively expensive.

For both of these reasons, it is clear that hybrid cars would be the better option for
2 HKUST.
.
Hybrid cars are a better choice than electric vehicles for HKUST for two main reasons:
their energy efficiency and their cost.
3
. Electric cars are not as energy efficient as they seem.

Electric cars are also not cost-efficient.

4
. The energy used to power an electric car is probably generated by burning coal, a non-
renewable energy source that increases carbon emissions into the atmosphere.
5
. Hybrid cars, however, actually reduce carbon emissions during idle or low output by
turning off the engine and using an electric motor.
6
. Hybrid cars reduce that cost by using the internal combustion engine.

7
.

8
.

2. Using nouns which refer back to, and sum up, previous
ideas
When we develop an idea we need to refer back to it in some
way. If it is a long and complex idea, it is difficult to do this, but
we can use a noun to summarise it and replace it. By showing
connections, nouns like these help the sentences in the
paragraph to flow. There are many nouns which can be used for
this purpose, and they are often paired with ‘this’ or ‘these’.

Some nouns which are often used in this way are:

advice, answer, argument, assertion, assumption, claim,
comment, conclusion, criticism, description, difficulty,
discussion, distinction, emphasis, estimate, example,
explanation, finding, idea, improvement, increase, observation,
proof, proposal, reference, report, rise, situation, suggestion,
view, warning.

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(a) In this statement below about two influential scientists, the

noun ‘this achievement’ refers to and sums up a previous
idea. Underline the idea which it refers to.

Francis Collins, a geneticist, and Craig Venter, a biologist and engineer,

jointly announced the mapping of the human genome in 2000. This
achievement opened the door to breakthroughs in medicine and
biotechnology. Their work has influenced our ability to identify, treat and
prevent disease.

(b) Three nouns are used in this way in the paragraph below
about the Haber-Bosch process. Underline the information
which each refers back to.

1 The Haber-Bosch process provided a solution to the problem of natural limitations on crop
production, and for this reason was one of the transformative inventions of the twentieth
century. Though nitrogen is abundant as gas in the atmosphere, it had to be fixed into
solid or liquid form in order to be used for agricultural crop production. Before the
5 discovery of the Haber-Bosch process in the early 20 th century, fixed nitrogen either came
from mining Chile saltpetre (NaNO3) or from harvesting guano. Both these methods
required time and energy and were limited by natural processes. To speed the production
of fixed nitrogen, Fritz Haber and Carl Bosch developed their process and the equipment
necessary to combine atmospheric hydrogen and nitrogen under high temperatures and
10 very high pressure to produce ammonia. The resulting ammonia was used to produce
fertiliser which could then be fed to plants in larger quantities and this resulted in huge
increases in agricultural yields. With increasing crop yields, more parts of the world could
be fed with agricultural products and countries could reduce famine and starvation. The
14 effects of this invention on crop production and population growth have been dramatic.

Follow-up Task

Apply what you have learned from the Academic Literacy Focus
and the Language Focus to improve your paragraph. Make it
easier to read and perhaps more academic in style.

Step 1: Individual writing

Rewrite the paragraph you wrote in the Task about
oil.
 Consider what you have learned from the
Academic Literacy Focus about topic sentences
and paragraph structure.

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 Consider what you have learned from the

Language Focus about nominalisation, and
coherence and cohesion.

Step 2: Pair reading

Find a partner. Read each other’s original and
revised paragraphs. Identify the improvements you
can see.

Your instructor might ask you to share your revised paragraph

with the class. You can discuss how successful yours and other
students’ paragraphs are in terms of:
 Setting out the focus of the paragraph;
 Indicating how the paragraph will be structured;
 Developing the controlling idea.

Your instructor might also ask you to upload your paragraph to a

discussion forum in the class canvas system.

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Out-of-Class Work

On canvas there are activities to support your learning and

development out of class. Your instructor might ask you to do
some or all of these activities.

1. Paragraphing
Being able to write an expository paragraph is essential to
successful writing at university, and in LANG 1002 and 1003.
We recommend you watch the videos on Writing Structured
Paragraphs. There are links to the videos on canvas, under
‘Out-of-Class Work’.

Take notes of the important points. Be ready to report in

class what you have learned from the videos.

2. Reading skills development

You can find other articles related to the themes covered in
this task cycle. You will also find questions to guide you
through the main ideas of an article and help you to identify
details.

3. Start thinking about a game changer which interests you,

and which you will write about in the essay you submit for
your Assessed Writing. A good place to begin is canvas,
under the Assessed Tasks. There you will find a list of
suggestions, called “Starting points for the Assessed
Writing”.

Do some preliminary research on a few topics, to help you to

make your final choice of idea / discovery.

You should submit your essay topic proposal soon after you
have attended the library workshop and by end of Week 8 at
latest.

Sign up for a library workshop.

You can do this through the link on canvas. This short workshop
will help you to find articles and media files which will be useful
for the writing task.

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 Task Cycle 2

This task cycle will help you to address three key

questions as you write about past game changers.

Pre-Task Activities

In 2007, at a conference for computer hardware and software developers, Steve

Jobs, CEO of Apple, introduced a product which represented a game-changing idea
– a new way of thinking about a common tool. Do you know what it was that he
introduced? Watch one of the first commercials made for it. Why was it a game
changer?

If you are interested in watching Steve Jobs’ 2007

presentation, we have put in the ‘Out-of-Class Work’ a
link to an upload on YouTube. It has captions.

The Task – Part 1

In this Task you are going to (A) discuss how to answer the three key questions in
the case of two game changers; and then (B) write a paragraph about a third game
changer, in which you answer one of those questions.

The three key questions are:

Why was it a game changer?

What were the conditions at the time that made it possible for it to succeed?
Why has it had a lasting impact (and not just a short-term impact)?

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The first game changer we will consider is penicillin.

Step 1: Pair discussion

With a partner, discuss the ways in which the
discovery of penicillin transformed the world.

Step 2: Pair matching

Read the points about penicillin in the table below.
With your partner, match each point to the key
question which it best addresses.

Step 3: Discuss your answers with the class.

The three Points

key
questions
(a) When pharmaceutical companies saw how
Why was it effective penicillin was, they began screening a
a game variety of other natural products for antibacterial
changer? activity. In this way it led to the development of a
range of new antibiotics, such as streptomycin,
aminoglycosides, and tetracycline.
What were (b) Its effectiveness was immediately observable, its
the
conditions at
use and application was simple, and production
the time that processes were improving with time. Despite
made it some resistance developed by certain species of
possible for it bacteria, penicillin has continued to be used and
to succeed? has remained effective.
(c) It greatly reduced the number of deaths from
infection. It was called a “miracle drug” because of
Why has it its ability to treat and cure people of many once-
had a lasting fatal bacterial infections (e.g. bacterial
impact? endocarditis, bacterial meningitis, pneumococcal
pneumonia, diphtheria, tuberculosis, gonorrhoea
and syphilis).
(d) World War ll (1939 – 1945) provided an urgent
need, and a horrific testing ground for a drug like
this. Scientists knew they were in a race against
death, because an infection was as likely to kill a
wounded soldier as a serious flesh injury.
(e) Medical treatments and prognosis changed
dramatically as a result.
(f) There was a need because many people were
dying of bacterial infections that were incurable.
Less than 100 years ago, society lacked many of
the medicines we now take for granted for treating
infections.

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The Task – Part 2

Step 1: Pair analysis

Read the following three paragraphs about the
iPhone. They are the body paragraphs from a five-
paragraph essay. The introduction and the
conclusion are missing.

With a partner, identify –

 The topic
 The controlling idea
 The organisational pattern of each paragraph.

Step 2: Pair diagramming

With your partner, identify the answers which the
paragraphs provide to the three key questions.
Use diagrams or notes below to show the main
points and how a paragraph develops them.

Step 3: Discuss your answers with the class.

Why was it a game changer?

What were the conditions at the time that made it possible

for it to succeed?

Why has it had a lasting impact (and not just a short-term

impact)?

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A 21st Century Game Changer

[Introduction…]

1 The iPhone revolutionised the smartphone because it integrated all

the functions of existing smartphones in an intuitive manner, making them
accessible to everyone. Although other smartphones on the market had the
same functions, they were complicated to use, and most ordinary people
5 found their fixed plastic keyboards and styluses and complex navigation
menus clumsy and difficult. With the iPhone, people could make calls easily
through contextual menus or by tapping through messages and emails with
one touch. Browsing the internet on the iPhone became an experience that
was similar to that of using a desktop computer. Reading breaking news on a
10 media website became a familiar and straightforward activity for anyone who
owned an iPhone, while taking photos and sharing them immediately through
instant messaging applications became commonplace. On top of all that, the
iPhone provided music, videos and games all in one beautiful device.

The iPhone succeeded largely due to the combination of the established

15 marketing and advertising reach of Apple and the accessibility of Apple Store
retail spaces where people could experiment before purchase. The iPhone
leveraged the strengths of both these factors to penetrate a smartphone
market that had been previously dominated by “business-like” smartphones.
The already successful market penetration of the iPod and the iTunes music
20 store gave the iPhone a ready-made customer base who were happy to use
a device that synchronised seamlessly with existing software and services. In
addition, the market power of Apple allowed it to negotiate favourable deals
with telecommunications operators to provide subsidised iPhones to
consumers. The other success factor was the existence of Apple Store retail
25 spaces where buyers could physically play and interact with the revolutionary
new smartphone interface. This hands-on experience boosted initial sales of
the iPhone since consumers did not need to guess what functions appealed
to them; they already had experience of the product.

The iPhone interface made a radical departure from existing products,

30 giving rise to the App Store and a new software market category that today
drives profits not only for Apple but for many talented programmers. Any
person who develops an app now has a ready-made marketplace backed by
the credibility of the payment system developed by the iTunes music store.
The user interface of the iPhone allows developers to create user-
35 customisable apps for many different types of functions since the iPhone has
a powerful CPU and enough memory to run sophisticated software.

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Productivity utilities as well as games and entertainment apps dominate the

app store market and generate considerable profits, estimated at US$458
million by December 2009. The consumer demographic purchasing apps
40 ranges from children to teenagers, young mothers to businessmen and even
the elderly, since each app can be customised to the needs of the user. It
seems, therefore, that the success of the iPhone and the app industry it has
spawned is ensured for years to come.

[Conclusion…]

Follow-up Task

Write a paragraph for another game-changing idea: fast food.

Step 1: Individual writing

Write one paragraph about fast food, which answers
one of the three key questions.

 Why was it a game changer?

 What were the conditions at the time that made it
possible for it to succeed?
 Why has it had a lasting impact (and not just a
short-term impact)?

Select some of the bullet points from the box on the

next page, but also use your own ideas to develop
your controlling idea.

Step 2: Pair reading

Find a partner. Read each other’s paragraph.
Discuss how well the paragraph has answered one
of the three questions.

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Topic: Fast food

Your paragraph should address one of these key questions:

1. Why was fast food a game changer?

2. What were the conditions at the time that made it possible for it to succeed?
3. Why has it had a lasting impact?

You can make use of some of these ideas to write your

paragraph, if you wish:

 inexpensive, standardised meals

 fast-paced living
 make food in many automated steps
 unhealthy eating habits + growth of obesity
 food making  an industrial process
 employ mainly low-skilled, low-salaried workers
 many baby-boom teenagers low salary
 many women join the work force
 use processed ingredients  nutrients damaged
 main food source of low-income groups
 many branch outlets
 buy from huge, international suppliers  local suppliers
suffer
 fast food marketing targets children
 9 out of 10 American children visit a McDonald’s
restaurant every month
 fast food =11% of calories in the US diet
 Western fast food  popular in Asian countries
 China’s fast food sector grew by 25% annually (2008-
2011)

Remember to use a more academic style of writing by using noun phrases where
you can, as in this example:

It is easy to become obese if you consume a lot of fast food.


Consumption of a large quantity of fast food can cause obesity.

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Academic Literacy Focus

Writing an expository paragraph (2) – Development

As you know, expository paragraphs should be well-organised
and well-developed.

 An expository paragraph begins with a topic sentence, which

states the focus of the paragraph. The focus consists of the
topic, and the controlling idea.

 There are five common ways of organising this kind of

paragraph, and the structure is set up in the topic sentence.

 The paragraph then develops the controlling idea with

details, definitions, examples, and so on.

 An expository paragraph should be unified. This means that

all sentences must support the controlling idea.

The best way to achieve paragraph unity is to plan your work

carefully.

Identify your topic and controlling idea; write a topic sentence.

Under your topic sentence jot down facts and ideas which you
think might support your controlling idea.

Before you continue, check that your controlling idea is both

reasonable and supportable. Is it true? Is it too broad or too
specific for development? If there is a problem, deal with it now.

Choose the items from your list which directly support the
controlling idea and write sentences for them. (Primary support)

Identify the items which will further develop this direct support
with additional information. They might provide details, or
explanations, or examples. In this way they indirectly support the
controlling idea. (Secondary support)

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If every sentence in your paragraph provides direct or indirect

support for the controlling idea expressed in the topic sentence,
your paragraph will be unified, and will communicate your main
idea clearly and effectively. Note that it is not enough for all
sentences to relate to the topic of the paragraph. They must
support the controlling idea.

1. In the three paragraphs about the iPhone:

 Underline the primary support.
 Draw a dotted line under the secondary support.
 Ask yourself if each sentence supports the controlling
idea.

2. Ask a partner to check whether your paragraph about fast

food is unified.

Language Focus

Features of academic writing – Coherence and cohesion (2)

When writing is coherent and cohesive, a reader can follow the
ideas easily, and the overall message is clear. We have already
learned about two ways of achieving coherence and cohesion:

1. Logical order
2. Using nouns which refer to, and sum up, previous ideas

Here we will look at two other ways:

3. Using tenses consistently

It is important to use tenses accurately so that the reader can
move from sentence to sentence without becoming confused.

Exercise
In the Task (Part 2) you identified the answers which the three
paragraphs about the iPhone provide to the three key questions.
Now analyse why the verbs in those answers were used in the
way they were.

 Go back to those three paragraphs and underline or highlight

all of the verbs.
 Put the verbs in the table on the next page, according to
what they refer to.
 By looking at the verbs in each column, can you deduce the
main tenses in each case?

What do the A single past A past event A distant past A past ability A current habit

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verbs event that has an event or general

refer to? effect now truth

The verbs


What are the

main tense(s)
used to do
this?

The answers
to which key
question(s)
would be
likely to
feature these
tenses?

 Can you also state which of the three key questions the
tenses could be used to answer? In other words, what
tense(s) can you use when answering each of the questions
for your Second Assessed Writing Task?

Question Tense(s)

Why was it a game

changer?

What were the

conditions at the time
that made it possible for
it to succeed?

Why has it had a lasting

impact?

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Now try to complete the answers to the three questions below

about the iPhone, using the verbs in parentheses in the
appropriate tense.

Can you now explain why a particular tense is used in each

case?

The iPhone: A 21st century game changer

1. Why was it a game changer?

The iPhone ____________ (integrate) the many functions of existing smartphones,

but also ____________ (make) them easier to use. This ____________ (mean)
that more people wanted them. Many tasks or activities that ____________ (do)
previously on desktop computers ____________ (can) now be done on a handheld
device, anywhere, anytime. On top of all that, it ____________ (be) beautiful.

2. What were the conditions at the time that made it possible

for it to succeed?

Apple ____________ (establish; already) a customer base with its iPod and the
iTunes music store. These customers ____________ (like) that the new device
____________ (synchronise) seamlessly with software and services they
____________ (use; already). For new customers, it ____________ (be) Apple’s
retail spaces that ____________ (be) the big attraction. Being able to experience
the product before buying it, many ____________ (be) persuaded to buy.

3. Why has it had a lasting impact?

The iPhone ____________ (be) not just game-changing in itself, but

____________ (drive; also) the development of the whole app industry. This
industry ____________ (attract) a huge number of consumers, as well as
programmers keen to achieve success as the latest, most creative developer of a
new game or utility.

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Out-of-Class Work

On canvas there are activities to support your learning and

development out of class. Your instructor might ask you to do
some or all of these activities.

1. You should be thinking about a game changer which interests

you, and which you will write about in the essay you submit
for your Assessed Writing. On canvas, under the Assessed
Tasks there is a list of suggestions, called “Starting points for
the Assessed Writing”.

Do some preliminary research on a few topics, to help you to

make your final choice of idea / discovery.

You should submit your essay topic proposal soon after you
have attended the library workshop and by end of Week 8 at
latest.

2. If you have not already taken the library workshop, you MUST
sign up now.

3. The HKUST Library has put together a guide and a quiz to

help you find sources of information, and cite them in your
essay. You will find links to these in the ‘Out-of-Class Work’.

 Read the Library Citation Guide. This will help you to

write a Bibliography for your essay, and to review in-text
citations.  The library has E-learning videos which will
also help you.
 After you have read the guide, take the Online Quiz to
see how well you understood what you read.

4. Reading skills development

You can find other articles related to the themes covered in
this task cycle. You will also find questions to guide you
through the main ideas of an article and help you to identify
details.

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Task Cycle 3

This task cycle will help you to write an

introduction and a conclusion for your essay.

Pre-Task Activities

1. Your instructor will show you a paragraph with a special

function. Read it and discuss with a partner whether it is an
introductory paragraph or a concluding paragraph, and how you
know.

The Task

In this task, you are going to analyse the introduction and the
conclusion from the essay on the iPhone as a 21 st century game
changer (page 76).

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Step 1: Pair discussion

The sentences of the introduction and the
conclusion from the iPhone essay have been
jumbled together in the box below. With a partner,
separate the sentences into the two paragraphs,
and put them in the correct order.

Step 2: Discuss your answers with the class. Be ready to

justify your division and your sequencing of the
sentences.

Introduction or
conclusion?
Which sentence
order?

A. At that time, Nokia was the mogul of the smartphone world and had a significant
proportion of the market, while Blackberry, Palm and Windows CE held the
remainder of the market share. In 2008 the iPhone still did not have much of a
presence, but by 2009 it had captured the largest portion of the mobile internet
browser market.

B. This essay will discuss the impact the iPhone has had in transforming the
smartphone, the market factors in place that made it a success, and the new
industry created by the iPhone.

C. The extraordinary impact of the iPhone can be attributed to a combination of

circumstances and factors that made it desired by both ordinary people and
businessmen.

D. Other smartphones became obsolete with the introduction of the beautiful

iPhone, and the combination of marketing clout with the attractiveness of
physical Apple retail stores put this irresistible product into the hands of buyers.

E. In 2007, Steve Jobs introduced to the world a smartphone that was quite
different from its competitors.

F. The future is undoubtedly positive for the iPhone and the markets it has created.

G. This growth shows that the iPhone was a tool people wanted to use. The current
wave of smartphones on the market all had their origins in the touchscreen
design and interface of the iPhone, and this is testament to its game-changing
nature.

H. After what seemed like a long wait, consumers had a revolutionary device that
made it easy to access communications functions alongside entertainment
functions.

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Academic Literacy Focus

Introductions and conclusions

It is worth taking a lot of care in constructing the introduction and
the conclusion of any piece of writing. Readers gain their first
impression of an essay from its introduction. They need to know
what your main point is, and the introduction should make this
clear. The conclusion leads readers out of the essay and leaves
them with a final impression. Both these parts of an essay, then,
are very important.

Exercise
The diagram on the next page shows the structure of an essay.
The box on the following page contains a list of the most
important elements of an introduction and a conclusion. Can you
identify the elements in the sample introduction and conclusion
about the iPhone? How about in the mystery paragraph you
looked at earlier?

Note:

1. The introduction of an essay moves from general information

to specific, while the conclusion works in reverse, from
specific to general.

2. The introduction should relate directly to the topic or the set

question. It should tell the reader exactly what the essay is
about, and how it is structured.

3. The conclusion should bring together all the strands of the

argument, refer back to the essay topic, and end on a well-
reasoned, logical note. The conclusion should not present
any new points.

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The Structure of an Essay

General

↓
The
Introduction

Specific

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Body paragraph 3

Specific

↓
The
Conclusion

General

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Elements of an introduction and a conclusion

INTRODUCTION:
A. Some brief background or contextual information that provides a focus for
your essay. This shows the reader how you understand the topic.

B. A clear statement of your controlling argument, point of view or main idea, in a

sentence that is called a thesis statement. The thesis statement must directly and
clearly respond to the set question or topic and can sometimes be indicated by
phrases such as: “This essay will argue that ...” or “This essay will advance the
idea that ...”.

C. An overview of how you will support your argument, with a clear preview of the
order in which you will proceed. This process can be indicated by such phrases as
“In order to explore these issues, this essay will first...” or “This will be followed
by ...” or “The essay will conclude with...”.

CONCLUSION:
A. A reference to the question and your thesis statement, perhaps saying what the
significance of your findings, or the implications of your conclusion, are.

B. What conclusion you have reached.

C. A summary of key points made in reaching your position (i.e. in reaching your
answer).

D. How your topic links to a wider context (the ‘bigger picture’) – i.e. a final
comment on the topic.

[Optional] A statement about whether there are other factors which need to be
looked at, but which were outside the scope of the essay.

Language Focus

The language of academic writing – Being cautious

As you learned earlier, the language of academic English is
different from the language we use in other writing. It is, at least
to some extent, complex, formal, objective, precise, explicit,
and cautious. It is cautious because academic writers tend to
avoid making claims they cannot support. They may wish to
reduce the strength of the claims they make, because stronger
statements would not be justified by the data or evidence
available. In this way, ‘hedges’ are also ways of being more

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precise in reporting results. Cautious language gives the

impression that the writer is being reasonable and accurate, and
so makes the argument more credible and persuasive. When
you write for academic purposes, be aware of how a reader will
evaluate the reasonableness and accuracy of your ideas.

How do writers ‘hedge’?

Consider the following five ways to achieve an appropriately
cautious style.

Note: ‘Phonebloks’ is an innovative smartphone that allows users to easily

change different parts (e.g. camera, speaker) for upgrade and
maintenance, which in turn helps reduce electronic waste. If you are
interested, you can check out its official website here:
https://phonebloks.com/

Let’s see how a writer might make a statement about Phonebloks

as a game changer more acceptable by using cautious language.

Original statement: Phonebloks will become a game changer because of its

unique design.

Indicate your degree of certainty

Show how certain you are about your statement (often with the use of modal verbs
like can, may, might, and expressions like generally, probably, seem to, be likely
to). This should make your statement sound less absolute, and more convincing.

Phonebloks may/might become a game changer because of its unique

design.

Exercise: How could you show your certainty about the following statements?

 The unemployment rate will go down in the next five years.

 The staff will be disappointed by the new manager.

 Singapore will overtake Hong Kong as the leading financial centre in

Asia.

Be precise (less general)

Avoid vague expressions (such as good, bad), narrow the scope of what you are
referring to (by using most, many, some) and give specific reasons. This should
help your statement sound less like a generalisation, and hence, more credible.

Phonebloks may/might become a game changer because it is easy to

upgrade.

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Exercise: How could you make the following statements more specific?

 McDonald’s spends lots of money on marketing.

 Large factories are good for production.

 Tutorial schools are necessary for HK students.

Acknowledge your source of information

Provide the source of your information, to increase credibility. This allows the
reader to see that the statement has been made by someone else – ideally an
authority on the subject – but not you. In academic writing, this should be done in
the form of a citation.

Hakkens (2010) has argued that Phonebloks may/might become a game

changer because it is easy to upgrade.

Exercise: How could you include the sources of information in the following
statements? (The sources are provided in parentheses.)

 Varieties of English like Indian English and Singaporean English are

increasingly recognised. (Yang, 2011)

 Driverless cars will reshape the world in ten ways. (Sparkes, 2014)

 There is strong support in the community for a reformation of the

existing healthcare system. (Food and Health Bureau, 2010)

Specify conditions

Adding a condition or circumstance (introduced by if, when, where, unless) might

make your statement more accurate.

Hakkens (2010) has argued that if people are committed to reducing

electronic waste, Phonebloks may/might become a game changer because
it is easy to upgrade.

Exercise: How could you add a condition or circumstance to these statements?

 The two e-core courses will help you improve your English.

 I will be able to finish the task.

 You will become successful in life.

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Indicate relativity

Expressing a relative comment, as opposed to an absolute comment, in your

statement will make it less of a sweeping generalisation; hence, more accurate.

Hakkens (2010) has argued that, if people are committed to reducing

electronic waste, Phonebloks may/might be more likely than other new
smartphones to become a game changer because it is easy to upgrade.

Exercise: How could you make these statements relative as opposed to

absolute?

 HKUST is a good university.

 I watch a lot of TV in my spare time.

 House prices are high.

This framework has been adapted, with kind permission of the author, from the work on ‘linguistic delicacy’ of Nigel Bruce of the
University of Hong Kong.

It is not necessary, or even desirable, to use all five techniques

at the same time, and not all of them may apply to the type of
claims and statements you are required to make in your essay.
If you can identify and understand them, however, you will be
able to make use of them when it is appropriate.

Exercise
In a seminar on the debate about whether the younger generation are ‘digital
natives’, this question was put to students:

To what extent is it possible to say that digital technologies have given rise to a new generation of
students who require new approaches to education?

One student expressed this point of view:

“ The Millennials are ‘digital natives’, who have high level technical skills. Universities must
change! They must adapt to the skills of this generation, and to the new ways that they learn.
”
Later, the student read the following comments in the British Journal of Educational
Technology, and became less confident about his opinion:

The picture beginning to emerge from research on young people’s relationships

with technology is much more complex than the ‘digital native’ characterisation
suggests. While technology is embedded in their lives, young people’s use and
skills are not uniform. There is no evidence of widespread and universal
disaffection, or of a distinctly different learning style the like of which has never
been seen before. Source: Bennett, S., Maton, K., & Kervin, L. (2008). The ‘digital natives’ debate: A
critical review of the evidence. British Journal of Educational Technology, 39(5), 775-786.

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Look at the examples below of the language writers use to express themselves
cautiously (‘hedge’). Then discuss ways in which the student might express his
opinion more cautiously.

They use… such as… like this…

Modal auxiliary verbs
Verbs which show doubt, or
which estimate. They do not
just describe something.
Probability adjectives
Nouns
Adverbs
Approximators of degree,
quantity, frequency and time
Introductory phrases
“If” clauses
Compound hedges. These
are hedges which use two,
three, or even four hedging
words together in one
phrase.
Note: To strengthen your
argument and increase clarity,
limit the number of qualifiers in
each sentence to only those
necessary for accuracy.
may, might, can, could, would, ‘Such a measure might be more
should sensitive to changes in health after
specialist treatment’.
It could be the case that
to seem, to appear, to ‘In spite of its limitations, the study
believe, to assume, to appears to have a number of
suggest, to estimate, to tend, important strengths.’
to think, to argue, to indicate,
to propose, to speculate
possible, probable, un/likely ‘It is likely to result in failure.’
assumption, claim, possibility, ‘One estimate is that one in five
estimate, suggestion marriages end in divorce.’
perhaps, possibly, probably, ‘There is, perhaps, a good reason
practically, likely, why she chose to write in the first
presumably, virtually, person.’
apparently
approximately, roughly, ‘Fever is present in about a third of
about, often, occasionally, cases.’
generally, usually, somewhat,
somehow, a lot of
believe, to our knowledge, it is ‘We believe that there is no simple
our view that, we feel that explanation.’
if true, if anything ‘If true, our study contradicts the
myth that men make better
managers than women.’
seems reasonable, looks It may suggest that;
probable It seems likely that;
It would indicate that;
This probably indicates;
It seems reasonable to assume that;
It would seem somewhat unlikely
that;
It may appear somewhat speculative
that

Here is how the student rephrased his opinion:

“ The Millennials have been called ‘digital natives’ because many of them have high level
technical skills. It is claimed that they have new skills and learn in different ways from past
”
generations. If this is true, universities may need to change.

What did the student do to express himself more cautiously? What is the effect?

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Unit
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Features of academic writing – Coherence and cohesion (3)

When writing is coherent and cohesive, a reader can follow the
ideas easily, and the overall message is clear. We have already
learned about a number of ways of achieving coherence and
cohesion. Today we will discuss a couple more. Many of these
ways also apply when using spoken English.

The paragraph below uses a range of strategies to achieve

coherence and cohesion. Some examples have been
highlighted in the table on the next page. Complete the last
column of the table, by indicating the work each strategy
does.

1 Children who are growing up in Japan now face an uncertain economic

2 future, and this is likely to have a significant effect on the characteristics of
3 this generation. As Japan's economy continues to struggle after the bursting
4 of the bubble economy in the early 90s, the young have been turning to a
5 myriad of subcultures as a means of expressing their alienation from
6 mainstream society. While young Japanese have always immersed
7 themselves in groups and trends, today that movement is driven by more
8 than fashion or contemporary rebellion. Young Japanese must have a difficult
9 time relating to the core values that defined postwar Japan, such as
10 corporate loyalty, self-sacrifice, marriage, and family because, unlike their
11 parents, they are growing up with little expectation of lifetime employment or
12 prosperity. Many aged between 15 and 25 are out of school and
13 unemployed, and their younger siblings will probably find it difficult to believe
14 that hard study and unquestioned loyalty will bring rewards.

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Task Cycle 3 2

Line Example Name of strategy How it helps achieve

# coherence and cohesion
Children who are Repetition of words This keeps the topic in focus.
growing up in Japan / or synonyms
this generation / the
young / young
Japanese / Young
Japanese /

2 this is likely Pronoun It refers to a whole statement

3 this generation
(demonstrative) in the earlier part of the
sentence (‘Children who are
growing up in Japan now face
an uncertain future’).
Pronoun
(demonstrative)
+ synonym

5 their alienation Pronoun (personal)

7 that movement Pronoun ‘that’ refers to a clause in an

(demonstrative) earlier part of the sentence
+ synonym (‘young Japanese have always
immersed themselves in
groups and trends’), but the
clause is not repeated. It is
replaced by ‘movement’.
10 unlike their parents, Contrast
+
Pronoun (personal)

12 Many aged between Ellipsis Words that were used earlier

15-25 (here = ‘young Japanese’) are
deliberately omitted when the
meaning is clear.
13 their younger siblings Pronoun (personal)

are growing up / is Tense agreement Tenses are used consistently.

likely to have / have Here, the present tense or a
been turning / must tense referring to the future
have / are growing predominate.
up / are / will
probably find / will
bring

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96
 Unit
Task Cycle 3 2

Inter-paragraph cohesion
When writing a sequence of paragraphs, it is important to link
one paragraph with another so that they fit together well. You
may:
 End a paragraph with a sentence that leads forward to the
next paragraph;
 Start the new paragraph in a way which links back to the
previous paragraph; or
 Repeat certain key words and phrases, or near equivalents
in closely related paragraphs.
 You can also use expressions which make reference to a
point already mentioned or indicate that you are about to
consider something new.

These signposts look backwards
( ) at a point already raised:
 This suggestion ...
 These ideas ...
 Despite this...
 This brief outline suggests ...
 Such proposals ...
 As we have seen, …
These signposts look forwards () towards
issues that are going to be raised:
 An equally significant aspect of …
 Another significant factor in …
 Before considering X, it is important to note Y
 Having considered X, it is also reasonable to
look at …
 There is also, however, a further point to be
considered.

Out-of-Class Work

On canvas there are activities to support your learning and development out of
class. Your instructor might ask you to do some or all of these activities.

1. The HKUST Library has put together a guide and a quiz to help you find sources
of information and cite them in your essay.

 Read the Library Citation Guide. This will help you to write a Bibliography for
your essay, and to review in-text citations.  The library has E-learning
videos which will also help you.

 After you have read the guide, take the Online Quiz to see how well you
understood what you read.

2. Reading skills development

You can find other articles related to the themes covered in this task cycle. You
will also find questions to guide you through the main ideas of an article and
help you to identify details.

97
Task Cycle 4

This task cycle will help you to understand how

you can use other people’s ideas to develop
and support your own point of view.

Pre-Task Activities

Behind every game-changing idea or discovery is a person, or a

number of people. Who are the people behind the most
important game-changing ideas or discoveries of the past
hundred years?

With a partner, agree upon a list of three such people (or groups
of people). Be ready to explain to the class in what way they
were (or have been) influential. You could explain their influence
briefly in the following way:

Craig Venter and Francis Collins

Francis Collins, a geneticist, and Craig Venter, a biologist and
engineer, jointly announced the mapping of the human genome
in 2000. This achievement opened the door to breakthroughs in
medicine and biotechnology. Their work has influenced our
ability to identify, treat and prevent disease.
 Unit
Task Cycle 4 2

The Task – Part 1

As we have discussed, Steve Jobs was the main driving force

behind the iPhone, a game-changing idea of the 21 st century.
Your instructor will ask you to sit in a group and distribute a
series of articles about the impact the iPhone has had in many
different ways. Read your article. Discuss it with members of
your group, to make sure you understand it.

Step 1: In your group, identify a section of your article which

supports a point made in one of the three body
paragraphs about the iPhone as a game changer
(page 82).

Step 2: Decide how you would integrate it into the

paragraph. Indicate with an asterisk (*) the place
where you would insert it into the paragraph. Be
ready to explain how you would integrate it.

Step 3: Move to a group in which everyone has read and

used a different article. Explain how the citations
you each chose provide support for an idea in one
of the paragraphs. Explain how you would integrate
your citation into the paragraph.

Academic Literacy Focus

Using sources in academic writing (Referencing/Citing)

In academic writing, your goal is to present your ideas in a way
that demonstrates your understanding of the topic and is
credible and convincing. To help you understand the subject
and develop your own point of view, of course, you need to
explore other people’s ideas and findings, through reading. Note
that the emphasis is on exploring other people’s ideas, not on
reproducing their words. An important skill to learn is how to
then present the ideas you have learned in your own voice.

You need to acknowledge the source of an idea unless it is

common knowledge in your subject area. Readers (or listeners)
will assume that the words or ideas in your written work (and in

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your spoken presentations) are your own, unless you make it

clear that they are not. If you have taken the words or ideas from
another person, you must make this explicit by using a system
of citation. Citation systems provide readers with the information
they need to find your sources. If you do not make this clear,
and instead use another person's words or ideas as if they were
your own, without providing details of the source, you are
committing plagiarism. This is considered to be an act of
stealing other people’s words and ideas i.e., intellectual theft.
Plagiarism is regarded as a very serious offence.

How do I use other people’s ideas in my writing?

We recommend using this three-step

Give your own idea method when you want to use a citation
or opinion to support your idea. The citation needs
 to be well-integrated into your writing.
Support it with a
citation Give your own idea or opinion first, then
 support it with the citation. You should
Explain / interpret then explain or interpret the citation.
the citation

The Task – Part 2

You now know how to integrate your citation into a paragraph.

First, however, you have to express it in your own words – to
paraphrase it.

Step 4: Return to your original group. Together, decide the

best way to paraphrase the citation you have
chosen. As you may remember from Unit 1, Task
Cycle 2, you need to restate the original in your
own words (in your own “voice”), by rewording and
rephrasing and restructuring it.

Step 5: Paraphrase the citation and write it below.

Step 6: Move back to a group in which everyone has read

and used a different article. Share your
paraphrase, integrated into the iPhone paragraph,
with them, and listen to their feedback.

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Task Cycle 4 2

Academic Literacy Focus

Paraphrasing (2)
Paraphrasing is a useful alternative to using direct quotations,
especially where the original idea is relevant to your needs, but
the words which express it are not remarkable in any way.

As you learned in Unit 1, Task Cycle 2, paraphrasing is like

summarising, in that you use information and ideas presented
by someone else, but express them in your own words.

Paraphrasing involves:
 Listening to/reading and understanding a passage
 Making sure that you really know its meaning
 Restating the original in your own words (in your own
“voice”), by rewording and rephrasing and restructuring it.

1. In what way is paraphrasing similar to, or different from,

summarising? To answer this, complete the comparisons
below:

 Summarising and paraphrasing are acceptable ways to borrow

from a source. They involve using information and ideas presented by someone
else but expressing them in other words.

 A summary is an overview of a long text, which it condenses to its most important

ideas. A paraphrase, , looks at a short section of
the original material, such as sentences or phrases or short paragraphs, and re-
expresses it in some detail.

 A summary is much shorter than the original material, a

paraphrase may result in a longer version of the original material.

 a paraphrase and a summary must acknowledge the source of

the information.

2. Let’s practise the steps involved in paraphrasing from a

source. Look at the first drafts of students’ paraphrasing
below. With a partner, identify the ones in which
paraphrasing is a problem.

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 Unit
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Original sources First draft of student writing

Students showed a lack of awareness 40% of students think that it is

about the concept of using someone  acceptable to use someone else’s
else’s ideas, with 40% not acknowledg- ideas without referencing.
ing that this was plagiarism (Dawson &
Overfield, 2006).
Chinese students are especially likely
A similar point could be made about
to experience difficulty with this
Chinese academic norms, which are
partly the result of a long tradition of  concept, because in the Confucian
system knowledge is seen as
reproducing Confucian teachings in civil
something which is shared by society
service examinations. The philosopher’s
words were known by and belonged to (Sowden, 2005).
everyone (Sowden, 2005).

We need to strike a balance between It may also be a challenge for teachers

being sensitive to students’ feelings,
understanding potential cultural
differences, and being clear and helpful
in the messages we give through our
feedback (Hyland, 2000).
when giving feedback, as they are
 often unaware of how to strike a
balance between being sensitive to
students’ feelings, understanding
potential cultural differences, and being
clear and helpful in the messages they
give.

To avoid plagiarism, you need to use your own words and acknowledge the
source
Look at the following example. APA citation style is used.

This extract is taken from a study A paraphrase might be:

about the marketing of textiles.

We have developed an analytical  A model which helps to analyse the

model to examine the effect of
marketing policies, and it has been
successfully applied to help
understand some peculiar results of
observations in the Pearl River Delta.
Source: Wong, Y. W., Tai, L. S., & Liu, C. X. (2005).
Marketing textiles: A case study. Marketing Today, 81,
217-222.
impact of marketing policies was
designed by Wong et al. (2005). They
have found that it is particularly useful
in understanding unusual results in the
areas around Hong Kong.

What exactly has changed? Note the changes here:

1.
2.
3.
What is the secret to the skill of paraphrasing?

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 Unit
Task Cycle 4 2

Paraphrasing involves both --

 Changing the words, and
 Changing the grammar.

In both cases, the idea should remain the same, but the specific detail should be
different. A good paraphrase will usually involve changes to both the words and the
grammar.

Look at this example and study the two strategies which follow:

Original text: Paraphrase:

Plagiarism is often used as a means of
“completing a task - moving on - submitting
work - getting through , rather than a
deliberate and planned act of deception
and poor behaviour" (Song-Turner, 2008).
 Students typically plagiarise in
order to cope with a demanding
workload. Most do not set out to
deliberately deceive (Song-Turner,
2008).

Strategy 1: Change the words

getting through  coping
planned  set out

However, remember that most synonyms have similar, not

identical meanings. You therefore need to be careful not to
misrepresent the original writer’s meaning.

Strategy 2: Change the grammar

The two examples here (below) demonstrate the two main ways
of changing the grammar:

a) changing the voice (active  passive or passive  active)

e.g. “Plagiarism is often used as a means of (coping)”  Students
typically plagiarise in order (to cope)…

b) changing the word class (i.e. the part of speech)

e.g. “a deliberate and planned act of deception”  set out to
deliberately deceive

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Practice
Now try paraphrasing these excerpts from an academic text:

1. “Misunderstandings about plagiarism can occur due to cultural and language issues.”

2. “In some cultures there is little need to acknowledge the source of information.”

3. “The differences in these practices lead to a mismatch of expectations between

students and staff.”

4. “In some cases, students see paraphrasing the source as a strange thing to do
when the source itself makes the point better than they can reword it.”

5. “In Western culture, the development and extension of knowledge is highly

valued and encouraged; while in Eastern culture, the respect for written
knowledge and authority is the norm, and critical analysis is not required or
encouraged.”

Original text quoted from Yang, M., & Lin, S. (2009, September). The perception of referencing and
plagiarism amongst students coming from Confucian heritage cultures. Paper presented at the 4th Asia
Pacific Conference on Educational Integrity. Retrieved from http://ro.uow.edu.au/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?
article=1011&context=apcei (slightly adapted).

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 Unit
Task Cycle 4 2

Follow-up Task

Apply what you have learned from the Academic Literacy Focus
to make the paragraph about the iPhone more credible, by
supporting a point with a well-paraphrased citation.

Step 1: Individual writing

Check the way you paraphrased the citation in the
Task. Consider what you have learned from the
Academic Literacy Focus about paraphrasing.

Step 2: Pair reading and feedback

Find a partner. Read each other’s revised work.
Identify the improvements you can now see.

105
Unit
2 Task Cycle 4

Out-of-Class Work

On canvas there are activities to support your learning and

development out of class. Your instructor might ask you to do
some or all of these activities.

Your essay
1. Check out this excellent writing resource for help with both
paragraphing and paraphrasing skills.
 Purdue University’s online writing lab (the OWL).

2. The HKUST Library has put together a guide and a quiz to

help you find sources of information and cite them in your
essay.

 Read the Library Citation Guide. This will help you to

write a Bibliography for your essay, and to review in-text
citations.  The library has E-learning videos which will
also help you.

 After you have read the guide, take the Online Quiz to

see how well you understood what you read.

The quiz will not be available after Week 11

3. You should submit your essay outline and one paragraph

for the body of your essay to your teacher by end of Week 9
at latest.

Reading skills development

You can find other articles related to the themes covered in
this task cycle. You will also find questions to guide you
through the main ideas of an article and help you to identify
details.

106
Task Cycle 5

This task cycle requires you to analyse an essay

about a past game-changing innovation.

Pre-Task Activities

Many experts in urban development and city planning agree that one past game-
changing innovation made city life possible.

Do you know what it was?

Think about your daily life in the city and try to guess what this innovation was.

If you are interested, you can watch a video from the History Channel about modern
inventions that changed society. The link is on canvas.

The Task

In this task you are going to analyse a student’s essay about

indoor plumbing and evaluate how well it answers the three
set questions. Your instructor will ask you to sit in a group
and read one of the body paragraphs of the essay.

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 Unit
2 Task Cycle 5

Step 1: In your group, identify the paragraph which you will

analyse as a group. Discuss anything that you do
not understand.

Step 2: Identify the main idea of the paragraph and the ways
this main point is developed. You may use the
graphic organiser on page 108 to help you describe
the development.

Step 3: Move to a group in which everyone has read and

analysed a different paragraph. Describe the
development of your paragraph for your group. Then
as a group, decide how well the whole essay holds
together and answers the three set questions. Be
ready to share your evaluation with the rest of the
class.

Indoor Plumbing – A revolution in health and sanitation

Many experts believe that the invention of indoor plumbing provided the foundations for the
development of urban societies as they exist today. Although the ancient Roman Empire had some form
of plumbing and sewage systems, they were limited in scope and the Romans lacked the materials to
produce quality systems. By the Middle Ages, most people spent a lot of time and energy bringing water
inside their homes. Transporting wastewater out of the home was also a chore, not to mention an
unpleasant and potentially toxic task. The invention of indoor plumbing changed all of this. The
implementation of more efficient water distribution systems and centralised sewage systems helped
promote the use of indoor plumbing, and as people became more aware of hygiene and disease control,
the growth of indoor plumbing continued. This essay will show that indoor plumbing greatly changed the
way people live by allowing them to live in cities.

Indoor plumbing made activities such as washing and waste disposal extremely convenient, and
made life generally easier and more pleasant. Previously, people had been required to fetch their own
water or move to places with a fresh water supply nearby, such as near rivers or lakes. Also, people had
to use outhouses or external areas for waste disposal. In cases where they used an indoor commode,
the waste collected from chamber pots had to be carried to cesspools or external waste collection areas
for disposal. On top of all this, the smell of sewage opening up into the street made life difficult for
residents living nearby (Ogle, 1996). Indoor plumbing eliminated the extra effort required and made city
life more agreeable. Residents could access water conveniently from a faucet inside their own home. In
addition, disposing of wastewater was simplified with the use of the plumbing systems and flush toilets.
Though these conveniences were at first limited to rich people, the increasing popularity of indoor
plumbing enabled it to be implemented in the homes of ordinary people with modest incomes.

The development of public water distribution systems and underground sewage systems in cities
allowed indoor plumbing to spread. For indoor plumbing to work, there needed to be a continuous

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 Unit
Task Cycle 5 2

supply of water flowing through the pipes. Without this supply of water, the indoor plumbing fixtures
within the house would not be effective. As with all water systems, what flows in must flow out.
Underground sewage systems connected to pipes became the disposal and collection points for
wastewater flowing out of residential buildings. Buildings simply needed to connect their outflow pipes to
the sewage collection points flowing underground. With the convenience of indoor plumbing, cities
began construction of taller and larger structures because there was a way to transport water in and out
of the buildings. In 1829, the Tremont Hotel in Boston, USA, was the first hotel to have indoor plumbing
and running water in each of its rooms (Ogle, 1996). This was a luxury at the time because only rich
families could afford to build homes with indoor plumbing. The earliest large-scale residential projects
using indoor plumbing were in New York City in the 1930s. These projects used public water works in
combination with water towers on top of buildings to provide all the bathrooms in the buildings with
sufficient water pressure (Ogle, 1996). All these developments combined to ensure the continuing use
and spread of indoor plumbing.

The lasting impact of indoor plumbing was the elimination of the open waste collection areas
mentioned above that were breeding grounds for bacteria and other disease-causing germs. Before
indoor plumbing, diseases spread quickly and were difficult to control within cities because of a lack of
appropriate ways to dispose of human waste. For example, in 1849, cholera spread throughout London
killing 14,137 residents because at that time there was no sewer system that isolated wastewater from
fresh water. Sewage contaminated the fresh water well at which people used a manual water pump to
draw drinking water for their homes (Snow, 1855). With indoor plumbing, these areas where drinking
water and wastewater mixed, resulting in fertile ground for the breeding of germs, were eliminated.
Water supply systems were separated from sewage systems removing the risk of contamination. More
and more people wanted to have enclosed plumbing systems to reduce the risk of disease and indoor
plumbing became part of normal government regulations for buildings. This happened because of its
ability to remove the cause of disease from areas where people were living.

Indoor plumbing enabled the development of cities. Taller structures could be built because there
was a method of transporting water into all the rooms of the building as well as a way to transport
wastewater away from the building. This coincided with the development of public water works and
sewage systems. In addition to the convenience of being able to transport water, pools of waste in
which diseases bred were eliminated. With diseases under control, people moved to cities, and cities
prospered and developed into the metropolises of today.

References:
Ogle, M. (1996). All the modern conveniences: American household plumbing, 1840-1890. Baltimore, MD: Johns
Hopkins University Press.
Snow, J. (1855). On the mode of communication of cholera. London: John Churchill. Retrieved June 22, 2017 from
http://www.ph.ucla.edu/epi/snow/snowbook.html

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 Unit
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What is the main idea? How is the idea developed in

MAIN IDEA
the paragraph?
………………………………………………………………
……………………………………….

………………………………………………………………

……………………………………….

………………………………………………………………
……………………………………….

………………………………………………………………
……………………………………….

………………………………………………………………
……………………………………….

………………………………………………………………
……………………………………….

………………………………………………………………
……………………………………….

Language Focus

Features of academic writing – Coherence and cohesion (4)

Another way to achieve coherence and cohesion can be to combine two or more
short, related, single-idea sentences in a longer one. This avoids the stopping-and-
starting that can break up continuous thought. A longer sentence can make clear
which idea is more important and which one is less so. This will help the reader to
see the relationship between the ideas.

Note that a long sentence is helpful only when its length and structure clarify the
relationships among the ideas it is connecting. Too many long sentences can be
just as difficult to read as too many short ones.

Example: The sentences on the following page are taken from a draft of the
student’s essay on indoor plumbing. With a partner, first analyse the relationships

110
 Unit
Task Cycle 5 2

between the ideas in each of the first three reconstructed sentences in the table.
Are the reconstructed sentences more effective? Why/ why not?

Next, identify the main clauses and dependent clauses of the remaining sentences
(10 – 15). Then write your own sentence for numbers 16-18.
Original sentences changed to… Possible reconstructed
sentence
1. Water had to be fetched from a  (dependent Because people needed to
natural water source and carried clause) fetch water from a natural
into the house. water source and carry this
2. This was not convenient.  (main into the house, transporting
clause) water into houses was not
convenient and quite time
3. This was time consuming.  (phrase) consuming.

4. Indoor plumbing needs a supply of  (dependent If there was no supply of

water. clause) water, the indoor plumbing
5. Indoor plumbing fixtures cannot  (main fixtures within the house
work alone. clause) would be ineffective.
6. Indoor plumbing is found inside the  (phrase)
house.
7. Some people used commodes.  (dependent Where people used a
clause) commode, the waste
8. Chamber pots had to be carried for  (main collected in chamber pots
disposal of waste. clause) had to be carried to
9. Cesspools or waste collection areas  (phrase) external waste collection
were outside homes. areas for disposal.

10. Public water works provided some Use was made of public
water. water works in combination
11. Water towers were on top of with the water towers on
buildings. top of buildings, so all the
12. Bathrooms need sufficient water bathrooms in the buildings
pressure to work. had sufficient water
13. Water pressure is needed to flush pressure to effectively flush
waste. waste.

14. Waste material remains in the Waste material that

vicinity of residents. remains in the vicinity of
15. Waste is a breeding ground for residents is a breeding
bacteria and other disease-causing ground for bacteria and
germs. other disease-causing
germs.
16. More people wanted indoor
plumbing.
17. Government regulations included
indoor plumbing.
18. Indoor plumbing reduced the risk of
disease.

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Unit
2 Task Cycle 5

Out-of-Class Work

On canvas there are activities to support your learning and

development out of class. Your instructor might ask you to do
some or all of these activities.

Reading skills development

You can find other articles related to the themes covered in this
task cycle. You will also find questions to guide you through the
main ideas of an article and help you to identify details.

112
 Task Cycle 6

This task cycle will help you to craft a talk about your
past game changer that will grab and hold your
audience’s attention.

Pre-Task Activities

Which one is spoken, and which one is written?

A. The iPhone revolutionised the smartphone. Almost no one could imagine anything
different from the old-style keyboard design and function. Apple did it. And Apple
succeeded, because it had a name -- a cool name -- and a huge customer base --
fanatical customers ready to accept any product it made.

B. The iPhone transformed the smartphone in terms of both design and function, and
its success was determined at least partly by market factors already in place.

And these? Can you identify which one is spoken and which one is written?
Oil was not an accessible resource and most supplies were limited prior to 1858. Drilling through thick bedrock
was almost impossible. Col. Drake, of Pennsylvania, USA, pioneered the machinery and engineering techniques
needed to drill through hard bedrock into deep oil deposits. The cost of the process was relatively inexpensive
compared to the costs of oil. Without these economically efficient processes, large deposits of oil were largely
inaccessible and businesses relied on inefficient methods to collect oil from shallow oil deposits. With Drake’s
techniques, extracting oil from deep underground deposits spread throughout North America, Eastern Europe,
and Asia. Crude oil had become accessible and relatively inexpensive to extract and distribute. The demand for
oil increased and it became a currency for international trade. One effect was that those who controlled the oil
deposits gained economic power and political clout.

When and how did oil become more available? Large underground oil deposits were not accessible before 1858.
There was not enough technology and machinery. Drilling holes through thick bedrock to reach deep oil
deposits was almost impossible. No one had done it successfully. Holes in the bedrock would collapse quickly.
Those collapses sealed the holes again keeping oil under the bedrock. This was a huge problem. One engineer,
Edwin Drake, was determined to solve this problem. First thing he needed was money for equipment and for
experimenting with different techniques. He convinced the Seneca Oil Company to give him funds and support.
But Drake had great difficulties getting the right drills, the right pipes and machinery. Many months passed and
nothing he tried was successful. He then tried something different. He used a drill pipe filled with sea water to
drill through the rock. The water gave support and volume to the pipe and kept it from collapsing. His investors
had given up and stopped giving funds. This could have stopped the whole process. But Drake had faith in his
work. He continued using his own money and in August of 1858, he hit the oil deposit and crude oil came
bubbling out of the pipe. All his hard work and sacrifice had finally paid off. With Drake’s technology, crude
oil became accessible and engineering companies in oil-rich places around the world began drilling and
extracting oil. Oil was on its way to becoming a powerful currency. Those with it became very rich.

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The Task

Form a group. It might be good to join with people who have

written about a similar game changer to you.

Step 1: Make sure you have a copy of your essay.

Step 2: What would your audience feel if you read your

essay to them as a talk? Try it. Ask them.

Now use the information to make an interesting

talk about one of the questions below. It should be
around 10 SHORT sentences long. Try to include
a story or an example.

 Why was it a game changer?

 What made it succeed?
 Why did it have a lasting impact?

Step 3. Now share your talk with your group. Those

listening should comment on:

 How clear the main point is

 What features make the talk interesting
 Whether it captures your interest and
imagination

Step 4. Share your impressions with your group members.

Academic Literacy Focus

Differences between spoken and written language

In what ways is spoken English different from written?

1.

2.

3.

In what ways is giving a talk different to writing an essay?

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1.

2.

3.

Language Focus

Using signposts in speaking

Transitional words and phrases add coherence to your talk by
linking one idea with the next and showing the relationship
between them. They can also act as reminders of what you have
already said, or indicate where you are going in your talk. They
should make a talk easier to follow.

(a) In your talk, you will want to explain why your game changer succeeded or had a
lasting impact. This means that you will want to use signposts indicating a cause-
effect relationship. Some of these signposts are: ‘for this reason’ / ‘that is why’ /
‘The reason that…’, ‘therefore’, ‘as a result’.

Exercise
In the London Olympics in 2012, Nathan Adrian’s 100-metre freestyle swim won him
a gold medal. A couple of New York Times writers wondered how he would do
against every medalist in this event who had ever swum it. They made a video-article
and called it “Racing Against History”. Watch it.

This table shows a few of the key medal-winning swims in the Men’s 100-metre
event. Can you suggest reasons for the dramatic improvements in swimming times
over time?

The Games & Year Gold medal swimmer Time

London, 2012 Nathan Adrian 0.47.52
Athens, 2004 Ian Thorpe 0.48.56
Munich, 1972 Mark Spitz 0.51.22
Amsterdam, 1928 Johnny Weissmuller 0.58.06
Athens, 1896 Alfred Hajos 1:22.20

(b) In your talk you will need to make it easy for your listeners to follow you. There
are also transition words and phrases which you can use to lead the audience

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through your talk. Your instructor will help you to make a list of these useful
signposts.

Follow-up Task

Revise your talk using the comments given by your group

members in the task. Make bullet-form notes.

VERY IMPORTANT
When you give a talk, you are communicating with people.
You do not want to sound like a robot reading/reciting a
passage. That means you should remember your main
points only. Below is a bullet point form of the talk about oil
drilling.

 Oil deposits below bedrock

 Very hard drilling through bedrock
 Edwin Drake – idea, needed money (tell story)
 August 1858 - breakthrough
 Highly profitable
 Many companies copied

Think also about how you will use signposts to show the
relationships between your ideas and help your listener follow
your talk.

Out-of-Class Work

On canvas there are activities to support your learning and

development out of class. Your instructor might ask you to do
some or all of these activities.

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This task cycle will help you to make your talk more
interesting by choosing the right content and
structuring it appropriately, and using your voice in a
more effective way.

Pre-Task Activities

“The Story of Bottled Water” is about how big business and soft
drink manufacturers changed the way people think about
drinking water and created a new industry – bottled water. It is
also about the problems that are a result of this change in
thinking.

In the Task, you are going to watch a video from “The Story of
Stuff” website, entitled “The Story of Bottled Water”. After your
instructor plays the first 30 seconds of the video, discuss the
following questions:

 What is the whole video going to be about?

 What information will we receive from the video?
 How is the information related to the title of the video,
“The Story of Bottled Water”?

The Task

In this task you will analyse and react to a talk. Write down the main issues and the
actions that Annie Leonard mentions to inform the audience how big industry
changed the way consumers think.

Notice how she uses language structures to capture your attention. What words
does she use? Listen to how she makes her points into stories. Check her use of her
voice, and in particular, stress and pausing.

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Note: Each group will need two laptops.

Step 1: All groups in the class watch together

This part of the video tells you about the habit of drinking
water in Cleveland, a city in the United States. As you watch,
think about the following questions:

 What did the tests show about Fiji water?

 What are the differences between Fiji brand water and
tap water in Cleveland?
 Why is there a demand for bottled water?
 How does a company create the demand?
 What is the purpose of including the case of water
usage in Cleveland in the video?

Step 2: (a) for half the group, (b) for half the group
In this part, you will learn more about how companies
manufacture demand. Your instructor will assign a part to you
to watch. You will share what you watch with your other group
members later. Take notes as you watch.

Step 3: All groups watch; then have a group discussion

Watch how the cycle ends. Focusing on bottled water, discuss
how you feel after learning how the system works. Discuss
how Annie Leonard made you feel this way.

 What points support her main idea?

 How does she present these points? (consider her
language and her use of voice)
 What conclusions have you reached? How can we give
a talk that interests or even makes people feel
something?

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Academic Literacy Focus

Choosing your content and structuring your talk for effect

Engaging your audience

When you are speaking to a group of people about something,
you want to make sure that they are involved or engaged.

1. One way of doing this is to ask them questions. If the

question is followed by a pause, it will encourage them to
think about an answer before they hear yours. Here are two
examples:

“Is it cleaner?”
 “Sometimes, sometimes not: in many ways, bottled water
is less regulated than tap.”
 “It isn’t always cleaner as sometimes bottled water is less
regulated than tap.”

“But guess where a third of all bottled water in the U.S.

actually comes from?”
 “The tap!”
 “A third of all bottled water in the U.S. actually comes
from the tap.”

2. What are other ways to target your audience in a talk? Look

back at Unit 1, Task Cycle 5 for some ideas. Storytelling and
giving a talk are similar in that speakers need to make
connections with their audience in order to get their point or
message across to them. Think, for example, about:

 Starting the talk with a ‘hook’; and

 Using your voice.

Presenting a convincing argument

In “The Story of Bottled Water”, the speaker explains how
companies manufacture demand. How can a speaker present
an argument?

1. Start with the main idea.

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 “Since people aren’t lining up to trade their hard-earned

money for your unnecessary product, you make them
feel scared and insecure if they don’t have it.”

 “Next, you hide the reality of your product behind images

of pure fantasy.”

2. Give relevant support, such as examples, and details.

 “And that’s exactly what the bottled water industry did.

One of their first marketing tactics was to scare people
about tap water, with ads like Fiji’s Cleveland campaign.”

 “Have you ever noticed how bottled water tries to seduce

us with pictures of mountains, streams and pristine
nature? But guess where a third of all bottled water in the
U.S. actually comes from? The tap! Pepsi’s Aquafina and
Coke’s Dasani are two of the many brands that are really
filtered tap water.”

What would be an appropriate way to structure the talk that you

will give in Week 13?

Here are some elements that you could include in that talk.
What would be a possible sequence for these elements?

Element / Step Sequence

Evaluate how the game changer had a long-term impact and
success.
Tell stories about how the game changer disrupted or created a
new way of thinking about/doing something.
Explain how the game changer changed the way things were
usually done.
Evaluate the conditions that made the game changer succeed.

Introduce the game changer.

Including a story
Read the extract below from Annie Leonard’s talk. Can you
identify where she uses a story to bring her point to life? Look
back at Unit 1 for more ideas on how to tell a good story and
how to integrate it into a talk or speech.

What happens to all these bottles when we’re done? Eighty percent
end up in landfills, where they will sit for thousands of years, or in
incinerators, where they are burned, releasing toxic pollution. The rest

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gets collected for recycling. I was curious about where the plastic
bottles that I put in recycling bins go. I found out that shiploads were
being sent to India. So, I went there. I’ll never forget riding over a hill
outside Madras where I came face to face with a mountain of plastic
bottles from California. Real recycling would turn these bottles back
into bottles. But that wasn’t what was happening here.

Using sources in academic speaking (Citing)

The work of other writers or speakers can provide you with
information, evidence, and ideas, but must be incorporated into
your own speaking carefully. As you know, when you refer to
another writer or speaker’s ideas, you can quote the person
directly, or you can summarise or paraphrase what the person
says, but you must always acknowledge the source of the ideas.

We do this rather differently in speaking and writing.

This might be how we acknowledge the sources of ideas in a
talk or an academic seminar:

“ Experts disagree on the years Generation Y were born. Jo Jackson, a

person who has written a lot about this generation, says in an article written ”
in 2010 that Gen Y were born between 1980 and 1995. On the other hand,
Australian social researcher Mark McCrindle states the years between 1982
and 2000.

We can express this more concisely in writing:

There is some disagreement about when Generation Y were born. According to

Jackson (2010), this generation was born between 1980 and 1995; yet McCrindle
(n.d.) gives the dates as 1982 to 2000.

Language Focus

Stress and Pausing (3)

Sit with a partner and assign yourself one of the two extracts on
the next page. Prepare to read your extract to your partner.
Decide where pauses and stresses should be placed. Put a
slash ( / ) where you will pause, underline the words which you
will stress, and double underline the words which you will stress
heavily.

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When you and your partner are ready, read your passages to
each other. After each reading, the listener should comment on
the effectiveness of the speaker’s rhythm.

Extract 1

Since people aren’t lining up to trade their hard-earned money

for your unnecessary product, you make them feel scared and
insecure if they don’t have it. And that’s exactly what the bottled
water industry did. One of their first marketing tactics was to
scare people about tap water, with ads like Fiji’s Cleveland
campaign.

Extract 2

Next, you hide the reality of your product behind images of pure
fantasy. Have you ever noticed how bottled water tries to
seduce us with pictures of mountains streams and pristine
nature? But guess where a third of all bottled water in the U.S.
actually comes from? The tap! Pepsi’s Aquafina and Coke’s
Dasani are two of the many brands that are really filtered tap
water.

Now listen to how Annie Leonard presents the two passages

and compare her version with yours.

Out-of-Class Work

Your Second Assessed Speaking Task

Prepare your 3½ – 4 minute talk, which you will present in class
in Week 13. Check canvas for details of this task.

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