As soon as Peter reached the hotel, he knew something was wrong. The hotel was empty!

There
were no guests, no staff…nobody. When Peter walked through the doors, he was shocked. It was his
birthday and his friends were supposed to be waiting for him, but instead, the hotel was
(eerily)empty. Peter got really upset because he was planning to celebrate his birthday with his
friends, but they weren’t there. “They have had probably forgotten,” he thought.

Peter started to wonder what to do because there was no receptionist to give him the key to his
room. He sat on at the sofa in the lobby and waited there for an hour, but after nobody came, he
decided to go for a walk. While he was walking aimlessly, Peter passed by a lovely bookstore and
decided to go inside. The newspaper seller noticed that Peter was sad and asked him what had
happened. He told him (with a sad voice) about the empty hotel and that his (ungrateful)friends had
forgotten his birthday. The newspaper seller felt (extremely) bad for Peter and decided to surprise
him, and gave him a book for free. Peter felt (extremely)grateful and couldn’t wait to start reading.
He thanked the (kind-hearted) seller, left the bookstore, and headed to the nearest café, where he
sat and read for an hour.

After that, he decided to go back to the hotel. When he walked through the doors, suddenly the
lights turned on and he saw all his friends. “SURPRISE!”-they yelled. Turns out they had planned the
whole surprise.

Peter was grateful that he had such for his amazing friends and celebrated the best birthday with
them.

+ you used some good paragraphing

+ good grammar 😊

+ you used some linking words (you could add some more here and there)

-you could focus more on the climactic moment (after all this is the most important moment in the
story)

- you could have used more adjectives and adverbs; I have made some suggestions. When you write
your stories look at the nouns you use and try to think of adjectives to put in front of them to make
them stand out more. Adverbs on the other hand can add more “flavor” to the actions you describe.

- you could add a sentence or two to the ending 😊