5 Tricks to Amp Your
Listening Skills
You’ve spent weeks
working on project, only
to realize you completely
misunderstood the major
pieces. Or you’re surprised
to discover your coworker is
upset with you—seemingly
out of nowhere. Or you
spaced out during a
meeting only to get
side-eyes from everyone
in the room.
We don’t often think of
listening as a skill that we
can improve. But whether
you’re one-on-one with
your boss or out with
friends, listening skills
can—and will—prevent
misunderstandings, enhance
your relationships, even
make you a better manager.
Here are five steps to amp
your listening skills.
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Step One
PUT AWAY ANYTHING THAT
WILL PULL YOU AWAY FROM
CONVERSATION
This seems like a no-brainer, but in this
age of constant access to distraction,
we need to emphasize it. Any time
you’re face-to-face with a coworker
or friend, put away cellphones, laptops,
newspapers—really anything that isn’t
relevant to the conversation. They’ll
appreciate your presence much more if
you’re actually… present. All those texts
will still be there when the conversation
is over. Unless it’s a life-threatening
emergency, trust us: it can wait.
Step Two
SHOW EMPATHY
THROUGH ACTIVE LISTENING
The best way to demonstrate that
you care is through active listening.
Studies show that—combined with
empathy and an effort to step in
another person’s shoes—active
listening is the most effective form
of listening. Taking a personal interest
doesn’t always come naturally (like at
4:55pm when your manager’s rambling
about her kid’s soccer game), but you
can use these three parts of active
listening to fake it until you make it:
+ Recognize all verbal and nonverbal Step Four
cues. Pay attention to what the
speaker isn’t saying as much as
what they are. Do they seem tired?
Uncomfortable? Frustrated?
+ Make sure you get what they’re
saying. The best way to do this is
to use phrases like: “So what I think hand increases “mental lifting”—your
you’re saying is…” or “It sounds like
you want me to…” It’ll save you both
from having to send unnecessary
follow-ups later on.
+ Validate + relate. You don’t have
to agree with them, their thoughts,
or their ideas. But you need to
hear them. Do this through verbal KEEP YOUR BRAIN IN
acknowledgement (paraphrasing, TIME WITH YOUR MOUTH
thoughtful questions, empathetic
comments like “That must be so
frustrating” or “I know how that
feels.”) and nonverbal cues (nodding
your head, making eye contact, etc.).
Step Three
STAY PRESENT
Someone mentions a business trip next
month and suddenly your brain leaps to
plane tickets, getting to the airport, who
will watch the cat while you’re gone…
Or you stop listening because you start
formulating your own response—which
totally defeats the purpose of listening
at all.
Stop anticipating, and just focus on
following along. Not only will you listen
better, but you’ll probably feel less
stressed, too.
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JOT IT DOWN
No matter how finely tuned your
listening skills are, you and your memory
aren’t perfect. Take notes. And kick it
old school with a pen and paper, as
research shows that writing notes by
ability to summarize the bigger picture.
Because it’s slower than typing, it
forces the brain to spend more time
thinking about what every word means.
Step Five
Humans think faster than we talk, with
our mouths moving at only 125 words
a minute while neurons can go off about
200 times a second. So it’s normal
that your brain tends to speed up to
point F while you and your partner
are still talking about point A.
To resist mental avalanching, give your
brain other tasks to do. These could
include noting and organizing key
points, paying attention to nonverbal
body language, etc. Instead of moving
too far ahead, plunge deeper into
the present.
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