W OUNDED|

||HEARTS
BYTAKALANIM

EPI
SODE1

THULI
SILE

‘
Honoury
ourpar
ent
s,’
sot
heysay
.
Okay
,cor
rect
ion.
‘
Honoury ourmotherandf at
her
,’
sot hebibl
e
says.Ihav elear
ntthatcommandmentf r
om
churchwhenIwasj ustahappykidi nSunday
school butnow?I ti
sat ot
all
ydi
fferentst
ory.
HOW doIhonouraper sonwhent herei
s
nothingtohonour ?
Ijustgothere,andal
lmymotheri
sdoingisnag
formoneyt hatIdon’
thav
e.I
fIhadit
,thi
sisthe
l
astpl
aceIwoul
dhav
echosent
obeat
.
Wher eisDineowhenIneedher ?Atleastshe
usedt okeepmesanewhenev erIfindmy sel
f
here.Eventhoughshewouldpinchmymout h
fortal
kingbackatourmother,shekeptme
sanebutitwouldbeself
ishofmet odr agher
homef orme.Wear ebothtr
yingtosur vi
ve.
Iincr
easethevol
umeofmybl uetoot
hspeaker
andtrytoshovemybagsi nt
hecorneroft
he
room.Theroom issti
ll
howIlef
titwhenIl
ast
cameher esi
xmont hsago-onl
ybecauseI
alwayskeepitl
ocked.
Iam notunpackingthebags-justi
ncase
somethingcomesupandIneedt omov eout.
Thetutoringmoneywillhel
phereandtherebut
Iam onlygetti
ngiti
nsixweeks-thatiswhat
thecontractsai
d.Imightneedajobbefor
ethen.
Nomor
ewaitr
essing!Ichuckl
eatt
hethought
.
May
be,
justmaybe,Iam alit
tl
est
ubborntobe
wait
ingtablesandacti
nglikeIcar
eaboutthe
worl
dandt hepeopl
einit
.Iam notmadefor
that
.Ideser v
etobeclosedinanoffi
ce
somewher e,changi
ngtheworldwit
houtanyone
pester
ingme.
“Thuli
sil
e,Iknowyouareintheremygirl
,
”Mom
bangsont hedoor.Theburglardoori
smaking
noiseasshet ri
estoshakeitformetoopenthe
door.
“Lord,helpme, ”Imumbl etomy sel
fasIthrow
my selfonmysi nglebed.Di
neo’sbedisjust
acrossmi nel i
keithasalwaysbeensincewe
sharedt hi
sbackr oom toget
her.Mymot her
want edtoputpeopl ei
nforafewbucksbut
Dineof l
atl
yr ef
usedbecausesheknewi twould
bechaosar oundher e.Al
so,becauseIam not
yetsett ocompl etelymoveout.
“
Thul
isil
e,openup,
”shecr
iesout.“
Doy ouwant
t
heneighbourst
ohearmebegf oryou?
”
Tenminutesl
ater
,shei
sst
il
lst
andi
ngout
side
thedoor
.
Istaysi
lentasImakeal
it
tl
eprayerf
orherto
walkawayf r
om t
hedoor
.Butshedoesn’
t.I
knowsobecauseIcanseehershadowfrom
thewindow.
Youknowwhat
?
Ipauset
hemusicthenstor
mt ot
hedoorbut
pull
asmilebef
oreopeni
ngit.
“
Ma,
”Isay
.
“
Oh,
Thul
i
sil
e,
”shesay
swhi
l
est
ari
ngatme.
“
Yes,Ma,
”Imumbl e.Ial
way shavetobi
temy
t
onguefr
om snappingather.I
tisn’
twor
thit
.It
i
sn’
tagoodthi
ng-Di neotaughtmewell.
“Iprepar
edsupper.Woul dyouli
ketoj
oinme? ”
sheasks.Thisisthefir
stIhaveseenhersober
-probablybecausethereisn’
tanymoneytobuy
dri
nks.
“
Ial
readyat
e,”Ir
espond.
“Comehav esometeat
hen.Please.Whydon't
wesittoget
herl
ikeweusedto…pl ease,
”she
begs.
Li
keweusedt
oowhenIwasj
ustababy
.
“
Ma!
”
“
Thul
i
sil
e?”
“Ma, please.”Thelastt hi
ngIwanti stosetmy
footinherhouseev eragai n.Iwouldn’
tdareit
.
Thebackr oom isperfectl
yf i
nesinceithasbeen
myhav enf oryearswhenshenev ertookitupon
herselftopul lusoutoft hedarkhole.Ifi
t
wasn’ tforZuma’ ssister,whonoticedour
changedbehav i
our,
Di neoandIwoul dhav edi
ed
i
nt hathouse.
“
Okay
…canIhav
esomemoneyt
o…”
“Idon’
thavemoney .Iwouldn’
thav
ebeenher
eif
Idid.
”Itakeadeepestsigh-iti
ssohar
dnotto
snapather.“
Look,
I’
llj
oiny
ouinanhour
.Iam
sti
l
lfi
nishi
ngmyassignment.
”
ShewatchesasIcl
osethedoor
.Onl
ywhenI
hearherf
ootst
epsdoIbreat
he.
Ihaven’tf
orgi
venmymot herf
orbei ngnegl
i
gent
parent
.Ineverwil
lfor
giv
eher.Justlikeme,she
doesn’twantt
otouchont het
opic.Iam perf
ect
fi
newi tht
hatbuti
fonlyshecouldleaveme
al
one.
Myphonebuzzesbef
oreIcoul
dpl
aybackmy
l
atestpl
ayl
i
st.
Phut
i:Ar
eyougoi
ngt
ounbl
ockmycal
l
s?
Ir
oll
myey
es.
Phuti
:Cany oustopbeingchildi
shThul
isi
le?I
don'
twanty ouany more.Mariaaskedmet o
hel
py ou.Iam doingi
tf orher
.Notforyousince
youthinkyouhavegotev eryt
hingfi
gur
edout .I
am doingitformyfri
end’swife.
Ipressplayonmyphoneandputmyphoneon
si
lentsot hathisunendingt extmessagesdon' t
dist
urbme.Ibl ockedhisnumberbecauseI
don’twantt otalktohi
m.Ther eissomething
abouthimt hatmakesmeuncomf ort
able.I
don'tknow.Igett hi
swei r
df eeli
ngwhenIsee
hi
snamef l
ashonmyscr een.IfIwashav inga
crushonhi m,Iwoul df
eel forhim whatIfeelfor
MrNgweny a.Thisfeel
ingthatIhav eforPhuti
couldbeagutf eeli
ngtostayt hehellawayfrom
hi
m.Seet hesignsandst ayaway .
Phut
i:Idon'
tevenknowwhyIam wast
ingmy
ti
metryingtohel
psomeonewhodoesn’tneed
myhelp.Growupandunblockmyphonecalls.
Hedoesn’
tgi
veupeasi
l
y.Henev
erdoesandI
r
egr
etevergi
vi
nghi
m myphonenumbers.
Phut
i:Look,Igotyouanint
ervi
ewf
oran
i
nter
nship.I
tcouldbegoodmoney.Okay
,Ifeel
badforhowIt r
eatedyoubyshowi
ngupatyour
ol
djobs.Iwon’tdoitagai
n.Ipr
omi
setostay
thehel
lawayf
rom you.Theinter
viewison
Fri
dayatGNGheadof f
icesat12h30.Takeyour
CVwi t
hyouontheday.Youcant hankmelater
.
Youcant
hankmel
ater
,huh?
Iwanttoaskhi m whathewant sinretur
n.
Becausemennev erdot hingsforyouwi t
hout
wanti
ngy outopayback, dothey?That ’
show
mymot hergotusi napi toffir
e-becausewe
hadtopayf orhersins.Isendhi m atext
messaget el
li
nghimt oleav emeal onebef or
eI
repor
thimt othepolice.
Lucki
l
yhel
i
stens.

*
***
*

Ihaven’tsl
eptatal
lsi
nceImov edbackathome.
Iam alwaysonguard-li
steni
ngtoany
foot
stepsthatmightbecomingclosert
omy
door .Therewer en’tanybutIstil
lcoul
dn’tsl
eep.
Whenev erIjumpi ntothetaxitoschool,
Imake
suret osetanal armf orthi
rtyminutessoIcould
rest.Inaf ewmont hsti
me, Iwil
lbegraduati
ng
andmov i
ngawayf rom Gautengforgood.But
untilthen,I’
l
l bestrong.Ihavealwaysbeen
strong.
Myf ir
stclassisatt
enthirt
y,butIhaveagroup
totutorforanhourandahal f.I
tisagroupof
tenstudentswhoar en’
treadytopassthe
modul e.Halfoft
hem neverpayat t
enti
on-they
arealway sonthei
rphones.Sowel l,
Iam here
fortheotherhalf
.
ForadamnhourIr epeatmy sel
fahundredth
ti
met ryingtoputsenseonhowt hemacr o
economi cswor k.Everyt
imewhenIam done
withtheselessons, Iam f
oreverregr
etf
ulfor
taki
ngt hisoff
er.
MrNgwenyaissi
tt
ingi
nhi
soffi
cewhenIget
t
her
etopickupthenot
eshehassummari
sed
forme.Todayhei sweari
ngablackbutt
on
downshirtandgreyformalpant
s.Thumbsup
tohi
swi f
e-shecar ef
ull
ytakescar
eofhimfor
ustodrooloverhi
m.
“MissLer
obane,
”hesay
swhenIwal
kint
othe
off
ice.
“Thuli
,
”Imumbl
e.Idon’
tknowhowmanyt
imes
Ihavetol
dhi
mtostopcall
ingmewi
thbymy
surname.
“Whyarey
oualwaysreadytofi
ght,Miss
Ler
obane?
”heasks,caref
ull
ysett
inghispen
downandshi
ft
inghisreadi
ngglasses.“
Whyare
youal
wayssodefensi
ve?”
“
Iam not
.”
“
Youar
esoy
oungt
obedoi
ngt
hat
.Li
veal
i
ttl
e.”
“
Howwoul
dyouknowt
hatIdon'
thav
eal
i
fe?
”
“Youser
iousl
ydonotwantmet
oanswert
hat
,
beli
eveme,”hesay
s.
Wehav eathi
rtysecondsstar
ingcontestunt
ilI
l
oset hebattl
eanddr opmyey es.I
tfel
tli
kehe
wasst ari
ngdeepdownmysoul .Icl
earmy
thr
oatandsay ,“Si
r,i
sitpossi
bletogetan
advance?”
“
Pay
mentadv
ance?
”Her
aisesaney
ebr
ow.
“
Iwoul
dn’
tasky
oui
fIdi
dn’
tneedi
t.
”
“Whatcoul
dbesoi mport
antMissLerobane?
Youjustst
art
edaweekagoandbel ieveme,I
knowy ouwon’
tlast
.Youarenotcapableof…”
“Ineeditformyaccommodat ion.Iam tr
avell
i
ng
from Sowet oevery
day.Iwon’ tbeabletomake
l
at eni
ghttut or
ingcl
asses,”Isay .I
nallhonesty,
Ineedt osleepandIwoul dnotdar esleepwhi l
e
Iam backathomei nSowet o.Idon’tmindt he
travel
li
ng.Icanmakei twor k.Ijustneedsome
sleep.
“
Wel
l
…Icannotpr
omi
seanadv
anceMi
ss…”
“
Thul
i
sil
e,
”Iqui
ckl
ysayandhegi
vesmeasmi
l
e.
Abeauti
ful
andcharmi
ngsmi
l
e.It
hinkhe
shoul
dsmileof
ten.
“Icannotpromiseanadv ancebutIwi l
llodge
yourrequest,
”heresponds.Myphonev ibrates
from mybackpocket .Icouldwaitunti
lIwal k
outofthisoffi
cebutthet houghtofreading
someannoy i
ngmessagef r
om Phutiforcesme
topullmyphone.Iknowi ti
shim.Nobodyt ext
s
me.
Phut
i:Iam tol
dyoudidn’
tshowupatt
he
i
nter
viewlastweek.
Istar
eatmyphoneforali
tt
lewhi
le,t
ryi
ngto
fi
gurewhyhei
ssodeterminedt
ogetmet his
j
ob.WhenMrNgweny acl
earshi
st hr
oat,
Itur
n
mygazebackathi
m.
“I
stheresomet
hingIcandof
ory
ou,
Thul
i
?”he
asks.
“
Youf
inal
l
ygotitr
ight.
”Ismi l
e-f
orthefi
rst
t
imei
nsuchalongtime.“Icametocoll
ectt
he
not
es.
”
Hepul
l
sapackf
rom hi
sdr
awerandhandi
tto
me.
“
Yougotanot her100%onyourlat
esttest
,”Mr
Ngwenyasaysbef or
eIwalkoutofhisoff
ice.
Heshouldconsidermaki
ngthetestsali
tt
lebit
morechall
enging.
Myphonevibrat
esandbefor
eIevenreadt
he
t
extmessage,Idial
Phut
i’
snumbertogett
his
matt
ersst
raight
.
“
Final
l
y….
”Heanswer
sinaf
ir
str
ing.
“Whyareyousodetermi
netogetmethisj
ob?
Youdon'tknowme.Whatdoy ouwant
?Sex?”I
hi
ssasIwal kdownthecor
ri
dortowar
dsthe
l
ectur
eroom.
“Youwanttohav esexwithme?Ofcour seI
won’tsayno,
”her esponds.Ial
mostmi ssa
steptheminutehelaughsathisresponse.I
don'tf
indi
tfunnyatall.
“Oh,myGod, ”Isaybef
orehangi
ngup.Iam so
disappoi
ntedinhim.
Myphonebuzzandi ti
sanothermessagef rom
him.Thefir
stonewast el
li
ngmet ost opbeing
chil
dishandthesecondonesaid,“Iexhausted
allt
heenergyIhadinyou.Wheny ouar eready
total
k,youknowwher etofi
ndme. ”

*
***
*

Justt woday sl ateraft

erMrNgweny alodged
myr equestforanadv ance,anemai lf
rom
fi
nancecamet hroughwi t
hbadnews.
“Unf ort
unately ,t
heschool cannotprocessan
adv ancefory ou;youdonotqual if
y.You’l
l
receiveanemai ll
aterforanalter
nati
ve
arrangement .CallMrsShademani fyoudonot
receiveanot heremai lby03h30. ”
I
thi
thar
d.Ver
yhar
d.
Gracehasbeental
ki
ngtohersel
fforhalfan
hour.Mymindismil
esaways.Working
overt
imetofi
ndasolut
iont
omypr obl
em.
“Areyouevenli
steningtome? ”Gracecri
esout.
Shewast al
kingaboutboy sandmeni nthe
booksshereadsev erychanceshegets.Ihav
e
noideawhysheenj oy sr
eadingaboutthi
ngs
thatdon’
thappenisr eal
li
fe.
“WhatGrace?”Iaskwhi
lepl
aci
ngmycellphone
onthetabl
e.Wear eatt
hecaft
eri
a,wai
ti
ngf or
thenextl
ecture.
“CanIaskyousomet
hing?
”Sheasks,
sett
ing
herl
atestnov
elont
hetabl
e.“
Whydoy ouhate
peopl
e?”
“
Idon’
that
epeopl
e,
”Imumbl
e.
“
Youdo.
”
“St
optalki
ngaboutt
hingsy
oudon’
tknow
Grace.
”
“Youknowwhat ?”Sheget sonherfeetand
startspacki
ngherbel ongi
ngsintoherbag.“I
tri
edbeingy ourf
riendsincefor
everbutyou
treatmel i
keshit
.”
Isi
ghandst
areasshecr
ossesherhands.
“
YouknowwhyIchoset obey ourfr
iend?
I
nst
eadoffi
ndingacoolsquadt ohangaround
wi
thfort
hepastthr
eeyears?”
Ishr
ugather
.
“Becausey oulookedsol onel yandbr oken, I
couldn’tletyoubel i
ket hat.Mypar entstaught
mewel l
.Whenwef i
rstgother e,Isawy ouall
week, wal ki
ngaloneandl ookingl i
keyouwer e
l
ost.Youneededhel pthenandy oustil
lneed
helpnow.It r
ied,Thuli
sil
e, Itr
ied.Youknowwhy
Isti
llstuckar oundwithy ouev enwhenI
shouldn’thav e?WhenIknewt hatIannoyt he
helloutofy ou?BecauseIhadabr ot
herlikey ou.
Heki l
ledhi mselfandIdon’ twantany bodyel se
t
odowhathedi
d.”
“
Grace…”
“Iam notdone.Whycan’ tyouaccepthelp?
May bethiswillgi
vemecl osureonwhymy
brotherkil
l
edhi mself
.Henev erwanted
anybody ’
shelp,yetwewer ethere.Myparent
s
couldbuyhi m whateverheneededorpay
whoev ertohelphim buthenev eraccept
edany
help.Why ?”
“
Iam notgoi
ngt
oki
l
lmy
sel
f.
”
“Youaregoingthere,
”shesay
s.Ithi
tsme.“
Why
don'
tyoujustletpeopl
ehelpyouwhenyou
needhelp?
”
“
BecauseIdon’
ttr
ustnoone.Idon'
tev
ent
rust
myownmot her
.Itr
ustnoone.”
“
Youar
egoi
ngt
oneedt
otr
ustme.
”
“
Idon'
ttr
ustnoone.
”
“
Why
?”
“Becausepeopleusepeople.Youcanbe
offer
ingtohel
pmebecausey ouwant
somet hi
nginret
urn.That
’showf uckedupt
he
wor l
dis.
”
Shel
if
tsherschool
bagandpul
lsomepaper
s
fr
om i
t.
“Idon’
tknowhowt heygotmynumber.But
someonedroppedthis,
thi
smorning.
”She
dropsapamphletwithather
api
stnameonit.
“Youneedit
.”
“
Idon’
tneedi
t,
”Isay
.
“Ther
eyougoagai
n,”shesay
swi t
hgli
tter
ing
eyesandmar
chestowardsournextcl
ass.
Idon’
tcry.Inev
erdo,butr
ightnow?Mychesti
s
soti
ght.Ineedtobr
eathe.
I
.NEED.
TO.
BREATHE.
Graceisal
readyseat
edwhenIgettocl
ass.My
chestget
sev ent
ight
erwhenIf
indheri
nour
f
avour
it
espot
.
Rel
i
ef.
“Look…Iam sor
ry,
”Imumbl
ewhenIt
akeaseat
nexttoher
.
“
Forwhat
?”
“Ihav
en’tsl
eptawinkfort
woweeksandallI
am tr
yingtodori
ghtnowistoj
ustsur
viv
e.Ij
ust
needtosurvi
ve.
”
“
Whyhav
en’
tyousl
eptawi
nk?
”
“It
oldyouImov edbackhome.Ihavebad
memor i
est her
e.Ican’
tsl
eep.Theonl
yti
meI
gettosleepiswhenIam inataxi
.”
“Theguywhodr
oppedt
hissai
dyouwon’
ttake
hishel
p.”
“Iam notadamselindistr
essthatyoureadin
yourbooks,Gr
ace.Idon'tneedamant osave
me.Iknowwhoy ouaretalki
ngabout,he
admitstowanti
ngtosleepwi thme,shouldhe
hel
pme.Iam nott
hatki
ndofagi
rl
.”
“Iwon’ tevenof f
ermyhel pbecausey ouwi l
l
shutmeupl ikeyoualwaysdid,”shesay sast he
l
ect urerstrol
lsintotheroom.“Letmypar ents
help.Theyhav enothingtogainfrom youi fthey
do.Notev erybodyissettohurty ou.
”Shei s
ri
ght .Zuma’ sfamilyhasbeengr eathelpbut
theycoul donl yhelpthatmuchbackt hen.Iam
oldenought of i
ghtmybat t
lesnow.
“Okay
,I’
l
llety
ourparentshel
p…butonl
yift
hey
all
owmet opaythem backassoonasIcan.”
Sheturnstowar
dsmeandgi vemeahugwhi
ch
Idi
dn’tknowIneeded.“
Thankyou.
”
I
tfeltsosogood.Itf
eltsosogoodt obe
hugged.Gracetur
nstothefrontwhenthe
l
ecturerst
artsgi
vi
nglessons.
Ther estoft
heclass,
Itunedmy sel
fand
refr
eshedmyphoneacount l
esstime,wai
ti
ng
forthatemailf
rom MrsShademan.
Not
hing.Noemai
l
s.
GraceandIpar tway sj
ustaftert
hreewhenour
l
astclassended.Idon'thaveanothertut
or
meetingti
ltomorrowmor ning.Ij
umpi nt
oat axi
toBaraandpi ckaseatbythewi ndow.Iclut
ch
myphone, dreadi
ngt omaket hatphonecall
.All
Igeti
nmyl ifeisdisappoi
ntments.
If
inal
l
ymaket
hecal
l
.
“MrsShademanspeaki
ng,goodafter
noon,
”the
voi
ceattheendofthel
ineisfr
iendl
yand
bel
ongstoanoldwoman.
“
Uhm…MrsShademan,Iwasaskedt
ocal
lyoui
f
y
oudon’
treachmeby03h30,
”Isay.
“Whoam Ispeakingt
o?Oh, dear
,Ihadaloton
myplat
ethewhol eday.Thestar
tofthenew
semest
erisdri
vingmecr azy.
”
“MynameisThuli
sil
eLer
obane…Ihadasked
forapay
mentadvanceandanemailsay
sthere
coul
dbeanalt
ernati
vear
rangement
….”
“
Oh,
yes,
yesmyl
ovi
e,
”shesay
s.
Myl
ovi
e.
Isi
ghandwai
tforhert
orespond.
“Yourappl
i
cat
ionhadt
heRosebankaddr
ess
so…”
“
Imov
edt
oOr
landoEast
…fort
woweeksnow.
”
“MrNgweny adi dment ion.Af terconfirmi ngthat
OrlandoEasti s20ki lomet resawayf rom t he
college, wear egoingt oneedy outomov einto
theschool residencef orthedur ati
onofy ou
beingat utor.Threemeal sperdayar ei ncluded
andt heschool willcovert hecost s.Wi tht hose
benef it
si ncl
udingot herendl esseducat ional
benef it
s, wedonotpayourTut ors,howev er,
I
takei tyouar eanexcept i
onf orsomer eason, ”
shesay s.“So,whenar ey our eadyt omov et o
theSeni or ’
sresidency ?….Hel l
o…Myl ovie?Ar e
yout here? ”
“
Now.
”
Shechuckl
esandsay
s,“Notnowdear
.The
accommodati
onadmini
str
ator
sarecl
osed
now.”
“
Tomor
row.
”
“Tomorrowiti
s.Godownt oSenior’
sResidency
andcheckin.Isubmit
tedyourfor
mst his
aft
ernoonandallisi
norder.I
stheanythi
ngelse
Icanhelpyouwith?”
“No.Thanky
ou,”Ichokeout
.Idi
dn’
treal
i
seI
havebeencr
yingallt
hist
imewhenshewas
tal
ki
ngtome.
“
Alr
ightt
hen…hav
eawonder
ful
day
.”
Mytear
sdon'
tst
opf
all
i
ngev
enaf
tershehas
l
onghungup.
Thi
s!
Thi
s!
Thisisexact
lywhatIhav
ebeenl
ooki
ngf
or…f
or
years.
Achancefort
hesy
stem t
otakecareofme
whi
leIpl
anformyfut
uresur
viv
al.
Al
lIneededwasabr
eak.

*
***
***
***
***
***
*

PLEASESHARE

*
***
***
***
***
***
***

www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za

W OUNDED|
|HEARTS

EPI
SODE2
PHUTI

“Arey ouev ergoingtoputyourphonedown? ”

Carol asksf r
om thebed.Herper kybreastsare
stari
ngatmebutf orsomer eason,Iam notin
themood.I thasnothingtodowi thsomeone
else,Iam justexhausted.Themeet ingthattook
placet hewhol edayknockedmedownf or
somer eason.Somecl ient
sareawal konthe
park,ot her
sar enot.
Okay,
Isoundli
keIam maki
ngexcuseswhyI
don’
twanttogett
obedwithher.Okay
,Ihave
beenfeel
i
ngoutofpl
aceforsev
eralweeksnow.
Carolst
epsoutofbedandcrosst
heroom t
o
headstrai
ghtt
othebat
hroom.Whil
ewait
ingfor
her,Ipi
ckmyphoneandtryt
henumberagain.
Mxm!
Idon’twantt
ocall
heroranyt
hing;Iam j
ust
tr
y i
ngtoseeifi
twil
lgot
hrough.Iam st
il
l
blocked.
“Whydidyouevenbri
ngmeher eifyouare
goi
ngt obeonyourphonethewholenight
?Why
am Ihere?
”Car
oltakesmyattent
ionasshe
marchesbacki
ntotheroom.
“Eish,sor
ry,
Ihav
ebeendi str
act
edtoday,”Isay
,
placingmyphoneont hetabl
e.Ist
rai
ghtenup
andwal ktowheresheisstandi
ngfur
iously.
Nour
get
otouchher
.Not
hing.Na-
da.
“I
tisn’
tjusttoday.Evenlastweekend.Youar
e
gluedont hatphonelikeyourl
if
edependsonit,
”
shesaysandIonl ysi
gh.“Whoisit?Whoisshe?
Whoar ey ouchatti
ngt o?
”
“
Noone.
”
“Areyouseri
ousl
ymakingmeaf ool
?”She
crossesherar
msandst ar
esatmeasi fIam
crazy.Thi
siswhyIcanneverkeepupwi t
h
r
elat
ionshi
ps.Iam notonewi
thpol
i
tics.
“
Look.I
tisj
ustaf
ri
end.
”
“
Whoi
sshe?
”Sheasks.
“
Let
sdr
opi
t.
”
“
No, wear
enotdr oppi
ngit
.Youcanbecl ear
wit
hme.Howcanwepur suearel
ationshipi
f
youarest
il
lcal
li
ngpeoplewhodon’tevenwant
t
ot al
ktoyou?”
“Whoa!Ther
eisnorel
ati
onshi
pthatweare
pur
suingher
e.Youknowwhatthisar
rangement
i
s.”
“Idon’
tcare.Cany ougivemey ouratt
enti
on
whenIam her eforourarrangement?”She
mov esbackt osi
tont heedgeofthebed.“ At
l
east,justpret
endthatImat t
erunti
lIleav
e.
Don’tmakemef eell
ikeIam wasti
ngmyt i
me
beinghere.”
“
Youar
eri
ght
.”
“Ar
eyoufall
i
nginlove?”Sheaskswhi
l
eget
ti
ng
backi
ntotheduv
ets.“Whoisshe?”
“
Itol
dyoubef
oreCarol
.Sheisnoone.Justa
f
ri
endIwasaskedt
oassist
,that
’sal
l
.”
“Thesamef ri
endthatever
yoneasksy ouabout
?
oh,pl
ease…i fever
yonecanasky ouabout
someone…theny ouaredefi
nit
elyinl
ove.You
j
ustdon’tcomeacr ossasamanwhoi s
capabl
eoft hat.
”
“Iam not
,ofcour
se…henceIsai
dshei
snobody.
Iam j
usthelpi
ngherbecauseIf
eel
gui
lt
y…t
hats
j
ustit
.”
Caroldoesn’tsayanyt
hing.Iwalktothekit
chen
tograbmy sel
fadri
nk.Withmybeeri nhand
andhergl assofwineont heot
her,Ir
eturnback
tothebedr oom wher
eshei sstandi
nginfront
ofmycl oset.
“Whatt
hehell
areyoudoingi
nmystuf
f?”Iask.
Ihat
eitwhenpeopl
etouchmyst
uff
.
“
Wow,
”shesay
swhi
l
est
ari
ngapaper
.
“Whatthefuck,Carol?
”Iaskwhilegrabbi
ngmy
paysl
ipfrom herhand.Sheli
ft
sbot hherhands
tosurr
enderandst epsbacktothebed.“What
thehell
areyoudoi nginmycloset?Whatare
youdoingwithmypay sl
i
p?”
“Don’
tworr
y,Idon’
twanty
ourmoney ,Phut
i.
Youaresti
ngy.Al
lpedi
menarestingyanyway.
Therear
ejustsomethi
ngsIam curi
ousabout?
”
Sti
ngy?Iam not.Ij
ustdon’
tspend
unnecessar
il
y.
“Whatt
hings?”Idon’
thav
eti
met
oaddr
essher
ster
eot
ypearse.
“Howcomey ougetpaidal
lthatmoneyandst
il
l
l
ivel
iket
his?
”Shewav esherhandto
emphasi
zewhatshemeans.
“
Arey
ounotcr
ossi
ngt
heboundar
ies?
”Iask.
“
Youpar
tyal
mostev
eryweekendexceptj
ust
oneweekendf orsomereason…yety
oudri
ve
thatcrappycarandyoul
iveinadumpofatwo
bedroom apart
ment.
”
“
What
swr
ongwi
tht
hisapar
tment
?”
“
Ever
ythi
ngi
swr
ong,
”shesay
s.
“Idon’tunderstandhowwegott ot his
conv ersati
onbecausey ouwerejustaskingme
whoIwaschat ti
ngtobeforey
oust artedgoi
ng
throughmyst uff
?Howdi dwegett ohowwr ong
myapar tmentis?”Ishr
ug.Iam notonewho
entertainpoli
ti
cssoIpul l
myjeanf rom thef
loor
andputi tonwithashir
t.
“Whatar
eyoudoi
ng?Ar
eyounotcomi
ngt
o
bed?”
“It
hinky
ouarecr
ossi
ngsomeboundar
iesandI
needtotakey
ouhome.”
“
Oh…y
ounev
erwantt
oheart
het
rut
hdoy
ou?
”
“
Ijustdon’
tcar
emuchaboutpeopl
e’
sopi
nions
ar
e,aboutmyl
i
fe.
”
“Admitt
haty
ouar
eanal
cohol
i
candy
ouneed
help.
”
“Haveyoueverseenmedr unk?”Iaskandshe
star
esupatmeasIputonmysneaker s.“
Have
youeverseenmedr unk?Tell
mei fyouhave.
”
“Wel
l…nowt
haty
oument
ioni
t….
notr
eal
l
y…
but
…”
“Getdressed,Iam t
akingyouhome.You’l
lfi
nd
meatt heparking,
”Irespondwhi
lesnat
ching
mywal letandcarkeysfrom t
het
able.“
And
don’tsnooparoundmybedr oom.
”

*
***
*

Thi
sweekendisthe‘
noparty’
weekend.Pr
iort
o
i
tImakesuretosoberupthewhol
eweek
bef
oremakingthi
sdreadf
ul310km dr
ivet
o
Lebowakgomo.I tissi xt hi
rtyonaSat urday
whenIdr i
veintothey ard.Thankst oAndiccio24
fortheir24hour soper at
ion, Ihavetwopi zzasin
handandaf ullplasticbagf ullofgoodies.Iam
tol
dt hatLethabowakesupi nthemor ningsand
waitformet oar riv
esoIr esortedtoar r
iving
herejustanhouraf terhewakesup.Li keal l
weekendswhenIar rive, herunst owher et he
carisandj umpf ortheboxesofpi zzabef ore
givi
ngmeasi dehug.
“Whattimedoy ouwakeup? ”IaskasIfol
low
himtot hehouse.I
tisveryqui
etandjustalow
tel
evi
sionplayi
nginthelivi
ngroom.I
tistoo
soontoexpectanyonet obeawake.
“
Iwaswatchi
ngcar
toons…andIwaswai
ti
ngf
or
y
outoar
ri
v e.
”
“
Whatar
eyouwat
chi
ng?
”
“Spi
der-
Man.Wannaj
oinme?”hesay
sashe
setst
hepizzaont
hetabl
e.Hepi
ckstwo
saucersfrom thecupboardandhandsmeone.I
wouldn’tnormall
yeatatthishourofthedaybut
Itakeapi eceofpi
zzaandt heglassofjui
ce
offer
edt ome.Beingnicehasnev erki
ll
edaman.
“
Isitt
hesameSpi der
-Manwewat chedl
ast
t
ime?”Iask.Ihavel
ostcountonhowmanyof
t
hatfr
anchiseIhavewatched.Thereisf
orev
er
anewone.
“Anothercoolone,”heconf i
rms.Hel eadst he
wayt otheliv
ingroom andt akeshisf avourite
couch.Whi l
ehewat chest heTV, Igetami nute
toscrollt
hroughmyphone.Ihav edelet
ed
Thuli’
snumber .Deleti
ngi twasj ustawast eof
timebecauseIknowi tbyhear t.Idon’tknow
howmanyt imesIhav et extandcal l
edthatgi rl.
Itisguil
t,i
sn’
tit?Butf orthreeweeks, Ihav en’t
ambushedherwi thanyt extmessages.Igav e
herthespacet hatsheneedsandI ’l
lcontinuet o
doso.
“
Todaywehav
easoccermat
ch.Woul
dyoul
i
ke
togowi t
hme? ”Let
haboaskswithamout hf
ul
ofpi
zza.Iraisedaneyebrowathimt ofi
nish
chewingfir
st.Hedoesandt akesalongestsip
ofhi
sj ui
ce.“Todaywehav easoccermat ch.
Areyoujoini
ngme? ”
“Yeah,yeah,
sure,
”Ir
espond.I’
llbetherey
ell
i
ng
attheyoungcluel
essboyschasingaftert
he
ball
.Iti
sonceinawhilethatIgettodoso,I
don’tmind.
“Mai
sgoingtogetmenewsoccerboot
snex
t
mont
h,”hesays.“
Mysuper
manonesaresmall
now.
”
“I
’l
lgetyouapai
rbef
orethemat
ch,
”Ipr
omi
se
andreceiv
easmilef
rom hi
m.
Dammi
t!
Igetonmyf eetandwalkoutsi
de.Iam i
rritat
ed
atmy sel
fforalwaysthi
nki
ngaboutThul i
.Ev en
whenIhav econv i
ncedmyselfthatsheisnot
worthit,
Ialway sfi
ndmyselfwantingt
oj usttal
k
t
oher
.
Isn’
tt hatjustcrazy?Ihav et
hisfuckedup
feel
ingt hatIdon’tknowhowt ohandle.IknowI
want edt ofuckheroutofmysy stem oncebut
now, thatIhav en’tspokentoherforweeks,I
feelanur get ojusttal
kt oher
.Itisnottheass
thatIwant-Icangetanyatany time.Iti
s
somet hi
ngel sethatIcannotfathom.
“Phuti,
youareher
e,”Kamoaskswhi
le
fasteni
nghergown.“Whatt
imedidy
ouget
here?”
“
Anhourago,
”Ir
espond.
“
Shoul
dIf
ixy
oubr
eakf
ast
?”
“Let
haboalr
eadyservedme,
”Irespondwi
tha
smil
e.“Youarer
aisi
ngagentl
emanImustsay.”
“Helear
nsafewthi
ngsfrom you,
though,
”she
says,“
Comeinsi
de,
I’
llf
ixyouacupofcoffee.
That’
sonethi
ngheisnotall
owedtotouch.”
“Coff
eewilldo,
”Irespondwhilewalki
ngbackt
o
thekit
chen.Whil
eIt akethechai
r,Kamogoes
aroundthekit
chenpr epar
ingcupsforus.
“Ther
eyougo.
”Shepl acesacupofcoffee
befor
etaki
ngaseat.Inodatheral
readyaddi
ng
aspoonful
ofsugar
.
“
Let
habotoldmeaboutt
hesoccermat
ch;
I’
ll
go
t
othest
adium wi
thhi
m.”
“
Hehasbeensingi
ngaboutthi
smatchforthe
whol
eweek,
”sherespondsbef
orecr
ackingup.
“Whatsi
zedoeshewearnow?Iwannagethi
m
newsoccerboot
s,”Iask.
“
Oh,noPhuti
.Youdon’
thaveto.Youhav edone
moret
hanenoughforus.I
’
llgethim newboots
whenyoupaymenextweek,please.
”
“
Letme.Idon’
tmi
nd.
”
“
No,
Iinsi
st.
”
“
Youknowt
hatIam goi
ngt
omakehi
mfi
tal
l
t
heshoesinthest oreunti
lwegettheri
ghtsize,
r
ight
?Iam justaskingforthesi
zesothatIsave
t
imedoingthat.
”Mysmi l
eknocksallt
hewalls
i
nherheartandsheendsupt el
l
ingme.
“Thankyou,Phuti
.Youmakehi sfatherlookli
ke
apieceofshit
,”shewhispersbeforelooki
ng
overmyshouldertoconfir
mt hathersoni snot
standi
nginthehall
wayorsomet hing.
“I
fhedoesn’
ttakecareofhisson,thenhei
s,
”I
saywi
thachuckle.Mysmi l
ef adesawaywhenI
askt
henextquestion,
“Howi sshe?”
“Sheisgood,act
ual
l
y,”sher
esponds.“
Shei
s
doinggood.
”
“DoIneedtogetherany
thi
ng?Medi
cine?Any
suppl
ies?
”
“
No.Shest
il
lhasev
ery
thi
ngsheneeds.
”
“CanIseeher
?”Iaskbef
oret
aki
nganot
hersi
p
ofmycoffee.
Icheckuponmymot herev erydayofmyl i
fe
andi fIcould,
Iwoul ddriveher eev eryweekend.
Itwasonl ywhenKamoshushedmeawayt o
startli
vi
ngmyl i
fewhi l
eshel ooksaf t
erher .
Kamohasbeenagr eathelp.Wear ecousi ns
andshei saqual i
fiednursewhoagr eedt otake
careofmymot herf ul
l-
timesi nceherbr eakup
withLet habo’
sf ather.Ipayherdoubl eofwhat
shewoul dbemaki ngatanycl i
nic.Shemov ed
toourhomet ot akecar eofmymot her,
fullti
me,
andi fanythi
ng,Iam gr atefulforherhel p.
“I
’l
lprepareforhert
hedayandIwi
llset
breakfastoutsi
desothaty
oucancatchup,
”
sheresponds.
“
Thanky
ou.
”

*
***

Shei
sdoi
ngqui
tegood.It
reasur
ethese
momentf orever.Catchi
ngupwi t
htheo’l
ady
meansev er
y t
hing.Icandropanythi
ngforthi
s
moment .Aspai nfulasitisf
ormet owatchher
l
ikethis,Ienjoyi
ngcat chi
ngupwi t
hher.St
ari
ng
ather,Ialway sgetremindedthati
tismyfault
thatsheislikethis.
Kamopl
acesabowlofcer
ealont
hetabl
eand
wal
ksawaytogi
veusroom t
ocat
chup.
“Howhav ey oubeendoi ng?”Iask,knowi ngv er
y
wellthatIwon’ tgetar esponse.Herey es,they
alwaysgi vemeal ltheanswer s.Icareful
lyfeed
herat easpoonf ull
ofherbr eakfast.Ihavebeen
doingt hisforsolongt hatIdoitwithease-i t
willt
aket hewhol ehourbutwor t
hit.“Mywor k
i
sgoi ngonv erywell.DidItel
lyouthatChar les
i
sget ti
ngmar ri
ed.Your ememberhi m,don’t
you?Iusedt oplaywi t
hhi m whenwewer e
young.I tcameasashock, butheisindeed
getti
ngmar ri
edtoKar abo.”Ichuckleatthe
thoughofmychi ldhoodwi thCharles.Hewasa
goodfel
l
owandst il
lis.Wewentourseparat
e
wayatvarsi
tyandreconnect
edtwoy ear
sago.
“Iwi
l
lshowy outheweddingpict
ureswhenI
comebacknextmont h.”
Bythet imeIam donehel pi
ngherwi t
hthef ood,
Ihavet oldherallmydeal i
ngsforthepast
mont h.Ofcour se,It
ellherev ery
thingexcept
mypar tyhabitsandal lthoseunnecessar y
thi
ngsIdo-t heendlesspar t
yjusttobearound
people.Justtof eell
ikethewor l
disabet t
er
world.Ishouldbedonet ell
i
ngheraboutmy
workadv enturesbutIhav egotthisurgetot el
l
hersomet hi
ngelse.
Dammi
t!
Isi
ghandchuckl ebeforetel
li
ngher ,“
Imeta
gir
l.
”Idon’tevenbeli
evethewor dsmy sel
f.“
She
doesn’twantmeatal l
…soIdon’tev enknow
whyIam t el
li
ngyouabouther .
”Istareather
andIswearIseeherr ightl
iptwitchasifsheis
smili
ng.Theliptwi
tchessomemor eandIknow
shei
ssmi l
ingatme.Il
augh.“I
tisf
unny
ri
ght
…thatIwantagir
l,r
ight
?Iknow.”
“
Whatisfunny
?”Kamoaskswhenshewal kson
metel
li
ngmymot herabouthowstubbor
nThuli
i
s.Iam y
ettoanot
herpersonli
keher.
“
Iwasj
ustt
ell
i
ngherabout…someone,
”Isay
.
“Hmmmm…ar ewegoingt
omeetthat
someone?
”Kamoaskswhil
ecl
ear
ingupour
tabl
e.
“
Ofcour
senot
.”
“It
houghtso.Iam goi
ngtogiveheramassage.
YouandLethabocangot oyoursoccermat
ch,
wewillbedonewheny ouret
urn.
”
“Tell
theboytogetr eady
,”Isaywhil
epul l
i
ngmy
phonetotextthiscr
azypersonwhohas
ghostedme…butf orsomef uckedupreason,I
enjoyi
ngover-
floodi
ngherphonewi t
ht extsunt
il
sheunblocksandcal l
sme.
Isendt hef i
rsttext,“Guesswhat ?Mymot her
smi ledforthef i
rsttimeinli
kef orever(because
ofhercondi tion,thisisabigdeal bythewayso
youcant akeitasi fshewasl aughing).Iwas
tell
ingherev erythingyouhav eputmet hrough
sinceImety ou.Themor eItellherabouty ou
bigheadedness, themor eshelaughs( smi l
e).
So, thankyou.Ineededt oseehersmi l
e.”
I
njustami
nut
e,shecal
l
sme.Shehar
dlyt
ext
s
l
i
keIdo.
“Hel
lo,
”Iansweritataf
ir
str
ingbef
oreshe
changeshermind.
“
Youl i
keannoyi
ngme,don’
tyou?So,youhadt
o
t
ell
liesaboutmetogetasmil
efrom y
our
mother?”
“
Nol
i
est
old,
”Il
augh.
“Howisshethough?Yousaidsomethingabout
herhav
ingaconditi
on,what
’swrong?”Sheasks
soundi
ngli
keahumanbei ng.
Thi
sisaf
ir
st.
“
I’
ll
tel
lyoual
labouti
tov
ercof
fee,
”Isay
.
“
Nowy
ouar
epushi
ngi
t…”
“Befor
eyouhangup, becauseIknowy ouare
abouttohangup…Ineedsomeonet otalk
to…canItakey ououtf orcoffee,justonce?Itis
notadate.Li keItoldyou,Idon’tlikeyou
anymore…Ij ustneedt otal
k,”Isigh.Ididn’
t
meant osighandcomeof fasneedy ,butIdo
needtotalkt osomeone.I talway shitmehar d
whenIseemymot herli
kethis.I
tt akesmeback
toadarkpl ace.
“I
fImeetyouforcoff
ee,ar
ey ougoi
ngt ol
eav
e
mealone?Ihaven’
tgott
enawayt oblock
SMSs…soifImeetyouthisonce,wi
l
ly oul
etme
l
ivemyli
fe?”
“
Ipr
omi
se.
”
“
Swear
!”
WTF?Il
aughbef
orer
espondi
ng,
“Iswear
.”
“
Gocharmy ourmot
herwi
thmorel
ies…I
’l
lsee
y
ouonSundayandthenIcanl
i
veinpeace
t
her
eaf
ter.
”
Istar
eatthephonef
orali
ttl
ewhil
eaf
tershe
hangedup.Onl
ywhenLethabotel
l
smehei s
readytogodoIcomebacktoli
fe.
Okay
,It
akebackmypr
omi
seandmyswear
.

www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE3

THULI
SILE

“
Wast
hatsohar
d?”Gr
aceasksbef
orer
oll
i
ng
onmybedandf ocusont henewbooki nher
hand.Ifshespentmoret i
meonherschool than
shedoeshernov el
s,shewoul dgetstr
aightA’s.
May beIjustwon’
tunderstandwhatthef ussis
allabout
.Madeupst ori
esaboutf ant
asies?Not
formeatal l
.“Wasithar
d? ”
“
Ify
ouar
egoi
ngt
ofor
cemei
ntodoi
ngt
hese…”
“No…no…sist
ers,
”shesayswhilerol
l
ingbackon
herstomachsot hatshecoul
dseeme.“Noone
i
sf or
cingyou.I
tiscall
edadare.”
“Ir
egr
eteverpl
aying,
”Imumblewhil
esett
li
ng
onmydesksot hatIcancont
inuet
oprepar
efor
theMondaytut
ormeet i
ng.
“Li
ar!
”Shelaughs.“
Isawhowy ousmi l
edwhen
hesentyouthetextmessage.Inot
iced.
”
“
Ooh,soIam notallowedt osmil
eatsomet hi
ng
f
unny?”Ishrugwhil
epul l
i
ngmyt extbooksfrom
myshelf
.Idon’tr
eallyneedtoprepar
e.Ijust
wantt
oshi f
tmymi ndt osomethingf
rui
tfult
han
di
scussi
ngboy
sandpl
anni
ngont
henext
dr
inki
nggame.
OnlynowdoIunder st
andwhyt hesestudents
getthemar kstheyscor e.Theyspendt heir
weekendshav i
ngfunoncampus.Fort hepast
weekst hatIhavebeenher e,Fr
idaysarebusy.
Saturdaysareev enbusier.Ifi
tisn’
tcarsparked
outsi
de, wai
tingforladiestojumpi nt
ot hem
withsleepoverbags, itisapartyinone
resi
dence.Itssocr azy.
Iam onlyexperi
encingi
tnowwhenIam al r
eady
asenior,sosomethingsarealittl
eweirdforme
tocatchupon.Thi ngsl
ikejoi
ninganyclub,
i
ncludingthereadi
ngclubIsawatt hel
ibrary
theotherday.Insi
xmont hs,unlessIchooset o
domyHonour s,I
’l
lbeoutofher etoconti
nue
hustl
ing.
So,l
astni
ght,
Gracefor
cedmeint
oapartywit
h
herf
ri
ends.Asalway
s,wepl
ayedadri
nki
ng
game.Idon’
tknowhowmanyofthoseIhave
play
edwithDineo.WhenIpickedadar eover
thetr
uththatIcoul
dn’
tshar
e, Gracejumpedon
theopport
unit
yanddaredmet o‘St
ayposit
ive
forfi
vedays’
.
Justf
iveday
s!
“
Justf
iveday
sThul
i
,”shehadsai
d.
Itsoundedeasi erunt i
lshestart
edpoli
cingme
sot hatshecoul dkeept absonme.Iam not
allowedtosay‘ NO’ .Ofcourse,i
fIwanttoendi t
rightnow, Icoul
d.But ,Ichoosetoactli
kea
humanbei ngandpl ay
ingthesestupi
dgames
makesmel ooklikeone.Thenextt hi
ngI’l
lbe
j
oi ni
ngGr acefort eapartywithhergi
rl
yf r
iends.
Itr
ytomakeaf ewnotesofthenextchapt
erI
am tutor
ingwhil
eGraceplay
swi t
hherphone.I
am deepi nmystudyworkwhensheget son
herfeetandgrabsherbagfr
om thefloor
.
“MyDadinv
itedustosupper
,toni
ght,
”Gr
ace
say
swithagr i
n.Sheshr
ugshershoul
der
becausetherulestoherstupi
dgamedonot
all
owmet ocomeupwi thanexcuse.“
Hewi l
l
pickusupatsixo’clock.Hewill
dropusback
hereaft
erdinner.Wewon’ tt
akelong.Ial
ready
toldhi
m aboutourassignment.”
“
Grace…y
ouar
epushi
ngi
t,
”Isay
.
“No,Iam not.Look,I’
m goingtomyr oom toget
readyandI ’
l
lcomebackher eatfivethir
ty,
”she
sayswhilehangingherbagov erhershoul der.I
am defeated,soIjuststar
eblanklyather .
Inst
eadoft ell
i
ngmet hatsheisjoking,she
l
aughsatmeandt ell
smeshei senj oyi
ngt hi
s
game.Bef oreIcouldthrowapi l
l
owather ,she
dartsoutofmyr oom andshut ti
ngt hedoor
behindher.
Dinnerwit
htheLombar ds.Icandodinnerwit
h
Graceandherfamily
,butcof f
eedat
ewi thPhuti
i
smaki ngmef eel
nervous.Idon’
tknowwhy
but…Ifeelsomehow.
Ipi
ckmyphoneandt
ypehi
m anSMS.
‘
Phut
i,somethi
ngcameup.Canwepost
pone
t
hecoffeet
hingi
e?’
‘
Notachanceunlessyouarechangi
ngitt
o
l
unch.
’-Phut
irespondsi
njustasecond.
‘
Please.
’
‘
I
tisj
ustcof
fee,
Thul
i
sil
e.Justcof
fee.
’
Idon’
tknowwhymyhear tisfli
ppi
nglikethis.
WhyIfeelsonervouswhenev erIopenhist ext
messages.Tobehonest ,whenhesentt hef i
rst
messagethismorning,Iwasgladhedi d.He
hadbeenquietf
orsol ongthatIwasst art
ingt o
bel
iev
ethatsomet hi
ngwaswr ongwithhim.So
manytimes,Ist
oppedmy sel
ffrom di
ali
nghi s
number.
Thisf
eel
ingisnewt omeandIdon’tknowwhat
todowit
hit.Il
ikeMrNgweny abutnotenough
formetofeelanurgetocal
lhim.Okay,Iknow
why.Heismar r
iedandIwoul
dn’tdar
ecal lhi
m
i
fitnotduri
ngt
hewor
kinghour
s-f
orwor
k
purposes.
Idon’thavefeel
i
ngsforPhut
ibutIam f
reaki
ng
outforjustacoff
eedatewit
hhim.

*
***
*

JustasGr acepromised,shepickedmeupan
agoandwear enowatherbeaut if
ulhome.She
hasabeaut if
ulfamilyandeveryoneischat t
y
j
ustl i
keher.Thewhol etr
ipfrom school t
o
Pretori
aNor t
h,Graceandherf atherlaughed
aboutev er
ythi
ngliketheyarefri
ends.They
wentt oanextendoft al
kingaboutGr ace’
selder
brother’
sfi
ancéewhoi sdri
vi
nghi m crazy
beforethei
rweddi ngday.
Thi
sisnewt
ome.
Isatqui
etl
yatt
heback,
li
steni
ngt
othem
gossi
paboutthei
rfamilymember
s.Bytheti
me
wegottothei
rhome, Iwasal
lsmi
les.Thei
r
l
aughterwascont
agious.
Dinnerisser
vedi
nthedini
ngarea,
wit
hGr
ace’
s
parentsandtwoofhersi
bli
ngs.
“Whatar eyoudoi ngthisfest
iveseason? ”Mr
Lombar dasksaf tercutti
nghissteak.Istar
eat
hi
m, waitingforhimt oelaborat
ewhathe
means.Het hrowst hepieceofmeati ntohis
mout handwi pest hecornerofhismout hwitha
napkin.“Thisisyourlastsemesteriny our
degree,correct?
”
“
Yes,
Sir
.”
“Ar
eyoutaki
nganyhol
i
dayj
obsi
nDecember
?”
heasks.
“Iam aTutoratthecoll
egesoIbel
ieveIwil
lbe
busywiththestudentswhowill
berepeat
ing
theexamsi nJanuary
.Iam notcer
tai
nyet…”I
respond.
“
Arey
ouasbr
ightasGr
acesay
syouar
e?”
Iam abouttoprot
estwhenGr
acej
umpsin,
“Sheis.Andsheneedsasummerj
obtoo.
”
“
Whati
syourspeci
ali
ty?
”
“Ev
er y
thi
ng,
”Gracej
umpsin.“Shegetshundr
ed
percentonever
ysubj
ectatschool
.”
“I
sthatso?
”heasksbef
oret
aki
ngasi
pofhi
s
dri
nk.
“
Iam j
ustahar
dwor
ker
,”Imumbl
e.
“I
fsheistaki
ngthesummerjob,canIgo
camping?Youwon’tbeneedi
ngme, r
ight
?”
Graceyoungerbr
otherasksf
rom t
hecorner
.
“Non-negoti
able;summerj obf ortwoweeks
andy oucandoev er
ythi
ngel seafter
war ds,
”Mr
Lombar dresponds.“Thuli
y ouar ewelcomet o
j
ointhegang.May beyoucant eachtheseguys
athingortwo.Thepaywi l
l begoodbecauseI
haveaf eel
ingy ouaretheonl yonewhowi l
l
havethei
rheadint
hejob.Ev
ery
oneel
sei
s
exci
tedaboutcampi
ng.”
Everwonder edwhatishappeningt oyou?
Becauset hi
ngsarejustfal
li
ngi nt
oplace
withoutyoulif
ti
ngaf i
nger?Like,youtr
ied
everyt
hingyoucouldforsolongy ouendup
gi
v i
ngup…butsomehow, thi
ngsar eworki
ngout
?
ThatishowIf eelr
ightnow.
“
Thanky
ou,
Sir
,”t
hati
sal
lIcoul
drespond.
Bytheendofsupper,
GraceandIhelpMr s
Lombardwiththedi
shes.I
tfeel
sreal
ly
,real
ly
goodtofi
tinsomeplace.
“Areyouguy snotstayi
ngforhotchocolate?
”
Mr sLombardasks.Graceexplai
nsthatwehav e
togetbackt oschooltopr
epareforan
assignment.Iknowshewasdoi ngitformeso
thatIdon’
tfindanexcusenevertotagal ong
withheranywhereelse.
“
Iam comi
nghomei
ntwoweeksdur
ingt
he
l
ongweekend,
”Gr
aceannounceswhi
l
ewebot
h
pi
ckourbagsf
rom t
hecouch.
“Youweregr
eatt
onight.Thankyou,
”Gracesay
s
whenherfat
herr
eversesoutofschool
.“You
aregoi
ngtoenj
oytheSummerj ob.Ourfat
her
l
etsusdosomedopeact ivi
ti
es.
”
“Whydi
dn’ty
outel
lmeheownsTechServi
ces
Pty
?Doy ouhav
eanyi
deahowbigthatf
ir
mi s?
”
“Younev ergavemeachance.Andknowi ngy ou,
i
twoul dn’thavemov edy ouany way,”shesmi les.
Iwasbl ownawaywhenMrLombar dt el
l
sme
whathi scompanyi s.Imustcommandhi m and
hiswifeforrai
singthei rdaughterthewayt hey
do.Iwoul dn’
thavet hought .Sheliv
esherRes
daysliketherestofus.Shedoesn’ tev enhav ea
l
atestphonet oshowf orit.Whenwepar tway s,
Iam leftthi
nki
ngaboutPhut iandI’scoffee
meeting.IfIsurvi
vedt heLombar ds,Ican
surv
iveanhourwi t
hhi m.
*
***
*

Astri
ngofPhuti’
sSMSscomesi ntomyphone
asIstandinfr
ontofthemir
ror
,tr
yingt
ochoose
theperf
ectpai
rofjeanst
ogowi t
hmyf av
ouri
te
top.
‘
JustgottoPumul aniPlaza.CanIquickl
ygo
fr
eshenupbef or
epickingy ouupintwohours?
Pleasesendmey ourlocationsothatIcoul
d
pi
cky ouup.’
-Phuti’
sSMS.
‘
Okay
,maybey
oudon’twantmet
opi
cky
ouup.
Wher
ear
ewemeeting?’
‘
Thuli
,pleaset
ellmeyouhaven’tchangedyour
mind.Idrovei
nsanel
yfastsothatImakeitto
ourcoff
eedate.’
‘
Notdat
e,y
ouknowwhatImean.
’
If
inal
l
ygetachancet
otel
lhi
mthathecanpi
ck
meupatt heschool r
esidencyandt hatIhate
coffeesohecant hinkofsomet hingbetterthan
coffee.I
tdoesn’ttakehim aminut etotel
l me
thathewillexci
tedlytakemet othebestl unch
spotnotfarfrom myschool .
Exactl
yat15h40,Phuti
iswaiti
ngformeatt he
gate.Now,Iam par
tofthestats-stat
sofgirl
s
whoar epi
ckedupbymenout si
dethecoll
ege
gate.Get
ti
ngsettl
edinthefr
ontseat ,
Phut
i
start
sthecarandsli
deint
other oad.
“Idi
dn’tbel
iev
ey ouwhenyousaidyouwere
sort
ed.Iam happyy ouar
e,”Phut
isay
saft
er
exchanginggreet
ings.
“
Maybeyoucoul
dlearntol
i
sten,
”Imumbl
e.
“
Youcoul
dgofarinli
fe.
”
Hel
aughswhi
l
eshaki
nghi
shead.
I
tdoesn’
ttakeuslongtoreachtherestaur
ant
hewastal
kingabout.Iam gladIt
radedmy
bl
ackchucktai
lor
sforapai rofwedge-Itotal
l
y
fi
tin.Phut
ihasacasualbut
tondownwhit
e
shir
tandbrownslacks.Hel
ooksgoodandIam
gladImadelit
tl
eeffor
ts.
“Couldwegetacor nert
able,pl
ease,”Phutit
ell
s
thewaitresswhoshowsusabestt abl
ebyt he
corneroftherest
aurant
.Afteri
ntr
oducing
hersel
f,shetakesourdr
inksorderandbr i
ngsit
i
naspeedofl i
ght.
Iam i
mpr
essed.
“So…befor
ewegoanyf ar
…arether
eanyrul
es
youwanttosetbef
orewalki
ngoutonme?”He
asksaf
tertaki
ngalongsi
pfrom hi
sHei
neken.
“
Thi
sisnotadat
e.”
“
Agr
eed.
”
“
Aft
ert
his,
youcanl
eav
emeal
one,
”Isay
.
“
Event
houghIcanst
ickar
oundasaf
ri
end?
”
“
Def
ineaf
ri
end?
”
“
MeandNj
abul
o?YouandMar
ia?
”Heshr
ugs.
“Someonewhoi st
herefort
heother.Wecan
hangaroundtoget
her…andgot
opar ti
es
toget
her.Youcancountonmewhi l
eIcounton
you.”
“
Not
alki
ngaboutsex.
”
“UnlessItellyouhowmuchIwantt ofuckthe
waitressthatjustboughtusdri
nks,”hesays
andl i
ftsaf i
ngerbefor
eIcouldsayany t
hing,
“…fr
iendst alkaboutever
ythi
ng.YouandMar ia
probablytalkedaboutsex,di
dn’tyou?”
“
Notatal
l
,”Isay
.
“
Liar
.Youwoul
dn’
tbebl
ushi
ng.
”Hel
aughs.“
So,
t
ellme…whobr
okeyou?
”
“
Huh?
”
“Whomadey outhi
scol d?Iknowtherei
sa
sweetgi
rlsomewheredeepdown, ”Phuti
says
befor
ethewait
ressplacesourstart
ersonthe
tabl
e.
“
Lif
ehappened.
”
“
Iwoul
dli
ket
oknow.May
beIcant
akeaway
t
hepai
nfr
om you.
”
“Noyouwont,
”Iwhisperoutwhi
l
etaki
nga
spoonf
uloft
hesoupi nfr
ontofme.
“Hmmm…t hi
sissooonice.”
“
Right
?”Phut
ilaughs.
“Hmmmm…”Igr oanwhi
leget
ti
ngmor eoft
he
soup.“
Thi
sist
hebestIhaveeverhad.
”
“Youarechangingthetopi
c…aren’
tyou?”He
smi l
esatme.Iclearmythroatandrestmyback
ont hechai
randstareathi
m.Hi ssmiledoesn’
t
disappearashestaresatmelikeheisreadi
ng
me.
“
Iwoul
dli
ketochanget
het
opic,
”Iconf
essand
t
hencont
inuet
oemptymydish.
“I
’l
lremembertoalway
sbringyousome
soup…theyser
vethebest
,”hesays.
Whent hewaitressplacesourlunch,
shetakes
mythirdorderofthecr anber
ryandtoni
c.Only
whenshel eaveswithouttaki
ngPhuti’
sorderdo
Inoti
cethathehasal way sbeenonhisfi
rst
bott
le.
“
Anyreasonyouarenotdr
inki
ng?
”Iask.Hi
s
Hei
nekenisst
il
lhal
f-
way.
“
Idon’tdri
nkmuch,
”herespondswithastrai
ght
f
ace.Ilaughsohar
dthatIal
mostspill
mydr i
nk
f
rom mymout hbuthekeepsastr
aightface.
“Youarenotjoki
ng?”Ipi
ckanapkinf r
om t
he
tabl
eandcleanthecornerofmyl i
ps.Henods.
“Howcome?Youpar t
yev er
yweekend
Phuti
…andyouar eapartyfuckboytobeexact
.”
“Thereismor etomethanthat…don’
tyouthi
nk?
Justl i
kehowy ouputonthecoverofastr
ong
gir
l whendeepdowny ouknowy ouarethe
sweet estper
sontheworldhasever
offered…butwhoeverbrokeyoutookapartof
youaway ,
”herespondswi thoutasmil
e.Ishi
ft
becauseheisright.Theytookapartofmewi t
h
them andI’
ll
nev erhaveitback.
“
So,
whydoy
oupar
tyal
lthet
ime?
”Iask.
“Well
…t o…”Het akesadeepestsigh.“…well
to
notthi
nkt oomuch…t oshutal
lhorr
ibl
e
thoughtsIhave.WhenIsi tbymyselfItendto
overt
hinkanditisn’tagoodthi
ng…”
“
Whati
swr
ongwi
thy
ourmot
her
?”
“Well
…st
rokethatl
eftherparal
ysed,
”heleans
cl
oserandletoutabreak.“
Itwasmyf aul
tandI
cannotl
iv
ewi t
hmy sel
f.”
“
Howisast
rokey
ourf
aul
t?Youpr
omi
sedt
o
t
ell
me.”
“Iwouldhavedonesomet hing,”her
esponds.“I
f
Iwasn’tmadather.”Het akesadeepestsi gh.
“Anightbef
oreherstroke…Ihadaf i
ghtwit
hher .
Abig,dehumanisi
ngf i
ghtwi t
hherandI
regr
et…eventenyearslat
er .Ialwaysover
heard
herandmyf atherar guingaboutmypat ernity.
Fory earsIkepti ttomy sel fbutonedayIf ound
outthemanhadhi sf ami lywi t
hf ourki ds…soI
quest i
onedmymot heraboutmypat ernit
y.It
wasmyf i
rstev erar gumentwi t hmymot her.
ButbecauseIknewt hatthemanal way s
doubt edthatIwashi sson…Iusedt hatagai nst
mymot her.”Her est shisbackont hechai rand
sighsdeepl y.Iwai tpat i
ent lyforhi mt ocont inue.
“Thenextmor ni ng…i wokeupandl eftthehouse
andspentadaywi thmyf ri
endsatt hesoccer
fi
elds.And…whenIr eturnedi nt he
afternoon…thehousewast hewayIl eftitinthe
mor ning.I
twasunl i
kemymot her .Nomat ter
themood, shedi dev ery
thingf orme.Butonl y
thendi dIknowt hatsomet hingwaswr ong. ”I
takeadeepestbr eathbecauset hisi shar dto
l
istent oevenwhenIam j ustast rangert oher .
Hishandsst artsshaki ngwhenhecont inues.
“WhenIwal kedi nt oherr oom…Ial mostdi ed.
Shel ookedso…. ”Heshakeshi shead.
“She…wasinpain…pr
obabl
ythewhole
night…andthewhol
emorni
ng…l i
ke…i
cannot
tell
youhowmuchi tpai
nsmet oknowthatIdi
d
thattoher.
”
“
No…no…y
oudi
dn’
t,
”Isay
.
“
Howdoy
ouexpl
ainwhathappened?
”
“Well
…”Iam al
sospeechl
essasIst
arei
ntohi
s
eyesandseehispai
n.All
ofit
.
“So…ipart
yjusttoforgett
hatimagine.Iwasa
boybutIhaven’tfor
givenmy sel
f.WhenIam
withpeopl
e…i havesomethingtoshiftmymind
to.WhenIwor k…icanburymymi ndi
nmyt ask
andnotthinkalotaboutit
.”
Phew!
!!
!!
“I
twasn’
tyourf
aul
t,
”Isaywhi
l
ereachi
nghi
s
hand.
“It
ri
edtell
ingmysel
fthat
.Itdoesn’
twork.I
t
doesn’
ttakethei
magineofmewashi ngherand
changingherintonewunderwearsothatthe
neighbourcouldfoundherdecentwhenthey
promisedtorunt othecl
ini
ctogethelp.
”
“
Phut
i!
”
“Wherei
sthewai
ter
?Doy
ouwantt
otake
shot
s?”

——————————————-

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EPI
SODE4

PHUTI

“
Nowt
hatwear
efr
iends…wemustdot
his
often,
”IsayasIdr iveThulibackt othecollege.I
hadsuchagr eatt i
mewi t
hherandf orthefirst
ti
mei nforever,Ifeel ali
tt
lebur denshif
tedf rom
myshoul ders.Ittookev erythi
ngi nmet otalk
aboutallthi
spai nt hatIam har bori
ng.Theonl y
problem i
st hatitdoesn’tmat terhowmuch
peoplesay ,
Iwi ll
nev erforgivemy sel
fforwhatI
di
dt omymot her.Ididn’
tlieabouthersmi ling
whenIspokeaboutThul i
,shedi dandIwi shI
couldkeept ell
ingheraboutmyhar dheaded
fr
iend…newf r
iend.
“Whydoest hedayhavetoend?”sheasksfr
om
herseat.Sheisnowrel
axed.I
tcouldbethegin
andcranberryshehasbeendowningsi
ncethe
star
tofourdat e.
“I
tdoesn’thavetoi
fyoudon’
twantittoend.I
am taki
ngy ouhomesothatyouagreetohang
aroundwithmenexttime,
”Isay.I
fIcould,
I
wouldspendt hewhol
edaywithher.Iwoul
dn’t
needtotakeherhome.Shemakesmef eelat
ease.Shei sonegi r
lIdon’
tneedtopret
endt o.
Itcoul
dbet hatshedoesn’
thaveexpectat
ions.
Ifshedid,Iwoul dhaveknownall
thi
st i
mewhen
Iwastryingt ohelpher.
Shei
s….
her
.
Thewomanwhomi
ghtchangeev
ery
thi
ng.
“I
tdoesn’
thavet
oend.Doy
ouwantt
otag
al
ong?”Iask.
“
Youknowthi
smightbethef
ir
standl
astt
ime
wear
edoingt
his,
”Isay
.
“Inthatcase,Iam nottaki
ngy ouhomenow, ”I
respond,knowingv er
ywellthatthisisnotgoing
tobet hefi
rstandlastdayev enifItakeher
home.Shemustknowbynowt hatIwill
bother
herunt i
lwemeetagai n.
“
Wher
eto?
”Sheasks.
“
Carwash?Ionl
ydot
hoseonweekends,
”I
r
espond.
“
Canwegot oMaria’
s?MaybeI
’
llbel
uckyt
o
f
indhert
her
e,”shesays.
“Mostdefini
tel
y,”Isay
.Af
termaki
ngaU-tur
nI
requestThul
i t
opassmemyphonef rom t
he
glovecompar t
mentandtextNj
abul
o.
‘
Yoh,bru!Ineedafavour.Pl
easeaskMari
ato
comet othecarwash?Iam bringi
ngThul
i
.I’
l
l
expl
aineveryt
hingl
ater
.’
Inaminut
e,asIst
opatt
het
raf
fi
cli
ght
,hi
stex
t
comesin.
‘
Sheishere.Butyoust
il
lneedt
oexpl
ain
ever
ythi
ng.’
-Njabul
o.
WhenIst ealaglanceatThuli,
shehasherhead
rest
edont hewi ndow.Sheisn’
tsl
eepingbut
deepinthoughts.Itissoref
reshi
ngtowatch
herthi
svulnerable.Thi
s,human.
“
Remindmenottogetdeepwit
hyou,”Isay,
t
easi
ngherbutal
sofeel
i
ngbadthatIspentthe
whol
eaft
ernoont
ell
i
ngheraboutmyhor r
ibl
e
chi
ldhood.Shecri
ed.EventhoughIcoul
dn’
t
underst
andwhyaper sonwouldcryonmy
behalf
,itmovedme.Itshookme.Most l
ywhen
i
tcamef r
om someonewhoi sasstr
ongasher.
“Whywoul
dn’tyougetdeep?
”Sheaskswhi
l
e
si
tt
ingupst
raight
.
“
Becausey
ougetsad.
”
“
Iam f
ine.I
tjustgotmet
hinki
ng.
”
“
About
?”
“
Aboutl
i
fe.Ij
udgedy
ou.
”
“
Oh…thatyoudidandIkeptt
ell
i
ngy
out
hatIam
aver
ynicefr
iend.
”
“
Then,
whyar
en’
tyoui
nar
elat
ionshi
p?”
“Because…youdon’twanttobei
narel
ati
onship
withme.Buty ouknowwhatImean.
Well…expect
ationski
ndaturnmeof
f,
”Ishrugat
her.
“
Iknowwhaty
oumean,
”sher
esponds.
“
Youdo?Whatdoy
oumean?
”
“Imean,Idon’tseemysel
fcompr omi
singsome
thi
ngsforanotherhumanbeing.Soonceyou
getinarelat
ionshi
p,y
ouareexpectedtobend
yoursel
fforsomeonebecausetheyexpectyou
todoso.”
Thereissil
enceaswedr iv
et owar
dswhere
Njabulo’
sjoi
ntis.Ist
ealaglanceathert
ofi
nd
herstari
ngahead, pr
obabl
ymi l
esaway.
“Whathappenedtoyou?”Ifi
nal
l
yaskthe
quest
ionthatwasattheti
pofmytongue.She
i
sdiff
erent,
verydi
ff
erent.
“
Grace!
”
“
WhataboutGr
ace?
”
“Shedaredmet obeahumanbei ngforj
ustfi
ve
days.Iam ondaytwo,”shesay swi
thhereyes
onme.Damn, sheisbeaut i
ful
.Very,
very
beauti
ful
.Shesmilesaftert
ell
ingmehowher
fri
enddaredhertobenicejustforafewdays
bef
oresheget
sshi
tt
yagai
n.
“Tell
GraceIoweherfl
owers,
”Isaywhi
le
parki
ngthecarbehi
ndalongli
nethatl
eads
i
nside.
“
She’
l
lbegl
ad.Shel
i
kest
hose,
”sher
esponds.

*
***
*

I
fonl
yshecoul
dst
ayt
hisway
.
Iam seatedatt het abl
ewi thNjabuloandsome
ofourguy s;Thuliiscatchingupwi thMar iaand
oneofMar i
a’sfri
endsatt heendoft hetable.
From here,Icant ellt
hatshei sgetti
ngt i
psyby
ami nut
e.Wehav ebeensi tt
ingheref orhours-
thecarsarewashedbuti tisalwaysf unto
catchupwi thotherpeopl e.Thuli’
slaughteris
l
oudbutsweet ert hantheot herdaysIhav e
beenaroundher .
Whatbr
okeher
?
Icannotstopaski
ngmy self
.Whateveri
tis,
is
veryser
ious.I
fitwasn’
tthatourl
unchdatewas
heavyalr
eady,Iwouldhavepushedthetr
uthout
ofher.
“
Youarefucki
ngf al
l
inginl
ove,
”Nj
abul
opul
l
s
meoutofmyt houghts.
“
What
?”
“
Youar
efal
l
ingi
nlov
e,”hel
aughsev
enhar
der
.
I
nst
eadofdefendi
ngmysel
f,Il
aughbecausei
t
i
snothi
ngbutthet
rut
h.
“Oh,shit,
”Njabulomumbl esandhisface
changes.Bef oreIcoul dturnmyheadt owher e
heisfacing,Ifeel handsonmyshoul derand
thenaper kisdr oppedonmycheek.Car ol
smilesatmewhi lethrowinghersel
fonthe
benchnextt omi ne.Herfriendwavesatus
whil
el ookingaroundf orspace.Thefri
end
walksov ertowher ethegi r
lsar
eseated,pull
sa
chai
randst at
ionsi
tnextt
oCar ol
.Onl
ythen,
doesThulitur
nhergazetowardsme.She
star
esatmef oraspli
tsecondandther
eafter
mov eshergazebackatMaria.
Ohshi
t!I
ndeed!
“IknewI’l
lfi
ndy ouher
e.Howwasy ourtr
ip?
”
Carolasks,herhandsonmyt hi
gh.“
Yourphone
i
sof fandIpassedbyy ourapar
tment.
”
“Thetr
ipwasfi
ne.Thanks.
”Whilepi
cki
ngupmy
abandonedbot
tl
eofbeer,Thul
istar
esbackat
meagain.
Iknowwesai dwewillbef
ri
endsbutIknowt hi
s
i
swr ongforamanwhowant edherattenti
on.I
am backatbeinga‘
fuckboy’t
oher.Mar i
a’s
gazealsolandsonmeandIcanjusttellsheis
disappoi
ntedinme.
“Uhm…Carol,
Iwasinami ddl
eofsomething,
”I
say,
try
ingtoremoveherhand.Shet
il
tsher
headbefor
eturni
ngtoNjabul
owhoseey esare
ever
ywher
eelsethanonus.Theot
herguy
sar
e
toobusyt
onoti
ceanythi
ng.
“
Whatar
eyoui
nthemi
ddl
eof
?”
“Fuck,thi
sisawkward,”Nj
abuloswear
swhi
le
getti
ngonhi sfeet
.Helaughsatmeandsay
s,
“I
’m goingtocashup.”Witht
hatsai
d,he
disappearstotheback.
“Areyouonadate?”Carolasks,pr
obabl
y
picki
ngupThuli
’sgazefrom whereweare
seated.“
Isi
tthegi
rli
njeans?”
“
Youshoul
dn’
thav
ebeenher
e.”
“HowwasIgoi
ngt
oknowt
haty
ou…ofal
l
peopl
e…i
sonadat
e?”
“
Nowt
haty
ouknow?
”
“I
’l
lexcusemy sel
f,
”Car
olr
esponds.“
I’
ll
take
anothertabl
e.”
“
Thanky
ou.
”
“
Shei
snoty
ourt
ypet
hough,
”Car
olsay
sloudl
y
enoughf orThuli
toheari t
.Shether
eaf
ter
disappearsbeforeIcouldrepr
imandherand
foll
owingherisnotev enanoption.
Thedaycanof fici
all
yendnow.Ipi ckmybot t
le
ofHeinken,t
hirdfortheday,anddumpi tinmy
mouthbef or
ewal ki
ngtowher eThul i
is.Maria
shootsdaggersatmeandal l Icoulddoi sshrug.
Thiswasbey ondmycont rol
-unf ort
unately.
“
Doyouwantt
ocalli
taday
?”Iask,
justt
o
r
emedyt
hesit
uat
ion.
“Yes,
please,
”Thul
ismil
esatmewhileget
ti
ng
onherfeet.Shei
sti
psybutst
rongenoughto
poseasifnot.
“
Areyougoi
ngtocomeov
erf
orsuppernext
week?
”Mari
aasks.
“Oh…well
…”Thul
itri
est
owor koutanexcuse
butendedupagreei
ngtosupperatt
he
Buthel
ezi
s.Mari
ahugsThulibef
oreoff
eri
ngme
oneaswell.
“
Greett
hegi
rl
sforme.I
’
llt
alkt
oyousoon,
”I
mumble.

Thewholeri
detotheschooli
sdr eadf
ul.Thul
ii
s
backatbei
ngheroldcol
d,unfr
iendlyself
.
“
Weshoul
ddot
hisagai
n,
”If
inal
l
ysay
.
“
Yes,
please,
itwasf
un,
”shesay
s.
“
Comi
ngweekend?
”
“
Ihavetut
ori
ngclassesal
lweekend,
”she
r
espondsinaheartbeat
.
“
Theot
herweekend?
”
“
Thataswel
l
.”
“
Okay,theot
herone?
”Ishr
ug.Iknowthelast
weekendoft
hemonthisoutofthequest
ion.
“
Imv
isi
ti
ngmysi
ster
,”shesay
s.
“
Isee.
”
Shehasr
eboot
edt
obei
ngt
heThul
ithatweal
l
know.

*
***
*

“Youarefuckingi nlove,”Nj abulo’

swor dsr i
ng
i
nmyheadasIpr eparef ormymeet ing.Ithas
beentwoweekssi nceourl unchdat e.Ev en
whenshehasn’ tblockedmey et,sheisn’tas
openast hatday .Wechatbutnotasf unasI
wouldhav ewished.AndbecauseIdon’ twantt o
pushheraway ,Ipromi sedt ostickaroundasa
fri
end.ButhowdoIst ickar oundasaf r
iendi fI
am inlovewi t
hher ?Ithi nkaboutheral lthe
ti
me.Idream aboutheral lthetime.Iimagi ne
herwhenIj erkof f-nodi srespect-butshei sall
Ithi
nkabout .Ievencal ledCar ol t
hedayaf ter
thecarwasht ocal loffourar r
angement .Ihav e
neverdoneany thingliket hisbefore.Nev er.
“
TheCampSi
tePTY’
steam i
satt
her
ecept
ion.
Areyoureadyf
ort
hepitch?”Nj
abul
oasks.I
di
dn’
tevennoti
cehim walki
ngi
ntothe
boar
droom.
“
Sur
e!”
“
Youar
enot
.”
“
What
?”
“Si
ncewhendoy oudozeoffdur
ingt
heday?I
havebeenstandingheref
oralit
tl
ewhil
eand
youaren’
tyourself
.”
“
Howdi
dyouknowMar
iawast
heone?
”Iask.
“
Whoa!
!Ist
hisaboutagi
rl
?”
Agirl
.Hewantsmetoconfessmylovef
orThul
i
.
Foroversi
xmonthshehasbeent
ryingt
oget
metoconfess.
“
Yes,
itisaboutThul
i
,”Isay.Hewal
ksintot
he
r
oom,laughi
ngandclappinghi
shands.
“
Youhaven’
tevenhadt
hecookiey
et…ohhh
whatdi
dyoucall
it?At
oughcooki
e??”He
l
aughs.Ofcour
se,Icoul
dn’
tgett
otapThul
i’
s
then.Imadecl
aimsbutnowIam gl
adIdi
dn’t
.
Shemeanssomet hi
ngtome.
“
Thi
sisn’
tfunny
.”
“Tel
lyouwhat ?
”Njabul
osay s.“BagCampSi te
PTYandI ’
lli
nvi
teyoutodinnertonightbecause
apparent
ly,
wear ehost
ingher .
”
“
Done!
”Ir
espondashet
akeshi
sseat
.

Imightnotbegreatatotherthi
ngsbutIam
cer
tainthatIam gr
eatatmyj ob.Ial
waystune
i
ntothiszonewhereeverythi
ngelsedon’
t
mattertome.Iam goodatmyj obandIknowit.
Bythetimewewer edonepi t
chingCampSi te
PtyforPR, theywerealreadysigningour
unoffi
cialcontract
.Isoldthem dreams-
dreamst hatwillcometrue.Atthecor nerofthe
room,mybossMrRi spleasedwithme.
“Seey
ouatseven,
”Njabul
osayswhi
leshaki
ng
myhand.Heismyfri
endbutmybossaswell
andboy,
doesheplaybothrol
eswel
l
.
“
Thanks.Ihopesheshowsup,
”Isay
.
“
Shewil
l
.Mywi f
epromisedheryouwon’tbe
t
her
e…sofort
hatreason,
sheiscoming.
”
WTF?
?

*
***
*

Iam latef ordinner.Ihadanent ert

ainment
meet ingwi thacl i
ent-di ni
ngthem foragood
catch-up.Onot herday sIenjoyedthose.But
tonight,al
l Icouldwi shf orwasfortheguyto
tel
lmet hathehasdr unkmor ethanenough.I
onlyleftther estaurantat19h30andasIpar k
thecaratNj abulo’sdr i
veway,Ipraythat
Thulisil
eisi nsi
de.
Oh!
Iam wel
comedbyabur
stofsweetl
aught
er.
Sheisst
il
lher
e.
“Oh,babe…pl
easegetmet hatZoneInnfil
e
fr
om thebedr
oom?Phutiisheretopickitup,
”
Njabul
osayswhenheleadsmei nsidethe
house.Heshoul
dhavebeenanact ortoo.
“
HiPhut
i,
”Mar
iagr
eet
s.“
Youmi
sseddi
nner
.”
“
It
sal
ri
ght
.Iam her
etocol
l
ectt
he….
”
“ZoneInnfi
le,
”Nj abulojumpsi n.Thul
ii
ssi t
ti
ng
quiet
lyatt
hedini ngt abl
e.-herfri
endsitt
ing
nexttoher
.Mar ia, Idon’
tknowi fsheplanned
thi
swi t
hNjabulo, getsonherfeet,andleaves
theroom t
ocollectt hefil
e.
“Wouldy
oul
i
kesomet
hingt
odr
ink?
”Nj
abul
o
asks.
“
No!
”
“
Okay
…wewer
e-”
“
Thuli
,pleasecomewi
thme,
”Isay
.“CanIhav
e
aminute?”
“
No…Idon’
t…”
“Pleaset alktohim sothatwecanall
mov eon
withlife.Ifyoudon’twanttotal
ktohim,Iwil
l,
”
herf r
iendsay s.From t
hatIknowIam forev
era
topic.
Thuligetsonherfeetandfol
lowsmet ot
he
back.Sheclosesthesli
dingdoorbehi
ndher
andst andsbesi
deme.
“Howhaveyoubeen?
”Iask.IknowIcal
lher
ever
ysecondday.
“
Per
fect
.Justbusywi
thschool
wor
k.”
“
Cany
oupl
easet
alkt
ome?
”
“
Iam t
alki
ngt
oyou.
”
“
YouknowwhatImean.
”
“
Idon’
t,
”sher
esponds.
“
Thatgirl
atthecarwash…shei
snotany
body
i
mportantinmyli
fe.
”
“
Whi
chgi
rl
?”
“
ComeonThul
i
.Comeon.
”
“
What
?”Sheshr
ugs.
“
Youchangedf
rom t
hatmi
nut
e,”Ir
espond.
“Phuti
.Wespeakever
yday.I
fIwasangr
yatyou,
Iwasgoingtobl
ockyournumbers.Weare
fri
ends.
”
“Idon’
twanttobeyourfr
iend,
”Iconf
ess,
“I
don’twantt
obeyourfri
end.”
“Fi
ne!”Sheshr
ugsandturns,
readytol
eavebut
Ipull
herhandsothatshecouldtur
nbackto
faceme.
“St
opthisbul
l
shitThul
i.Youknowy ouwantme.
Iwantyou.
”Shestaresatme, speechless.“I
sawhowy oureact
edatt her
estaurantwhenwe
spokeaboutt
hatwaitr
ess.Isawy ourf ace
whenCarolwasal
loverme.Iknowi
tisanew
f
eeli
ngbut…tr
ustme.Iknowyouhav
ef eel
i
ngs
f
orme.”
Westandi
nsi
l
encef
orsol
ong,
star
ingateach
ot
her
.
“Admi
t!Youl
i
keme.Youf
eel
somet
hing.
Admit
.”
“
Idobut
…”
“
Butwhat
?”
“
Iam br
oken.
”
“Sowhat
?Iknowt
hat
.Ev
ery
bodyi
sbr
oken
somehow.”
Sheshakesherheadandst
aresatme.
“
Thul
i
,ev
eryper
soni
sbr
oken.
”
“Iagree,
”shepul
l
sherhand.“
Ever
ybodyi
s
broken…but…”
“
Butwhat
?”Iam st
andi
ngt
oocl
oset
oher
,
readyt
okissthefuckoutofher .Shedoesn'
t
haveaboyfr
iendthatIam contendingwit
h,
doesshe?Iam readytoownt hesejuicyl
i
ps.I
l
owermyl i
psandask, "
Butwhat ?"
“
ButIam br
okenbey
ondr
epai
r.
”
W OUNDED HEARTS

EPI
SODE5

THULI

“Noonei
sbeyondr
epai
r,Thul
i
,”Phut
isay
s,hi
s
eyesonme.
“Iam,”Iwhisperout.Heisnotev engi v
ingme
room tobreathe.Hesocl oseIcanf eelhi
s
breat
honmynose.Ihav en’tdonet hisinqui
tea
l
ongt i
me.Ihav en’tki
ssedaguyi nlikeforev
er
andthelastIdid,itwashor ri
ble.
“
Don’teversayt hataboutyour
sel
f,
”he
mumbles.Isn’tcutehowPhut i
thi
nkshecanfi
x
me?Ifinditveryv er
ycutebuthedoesn’
tknow
whatheisdeal i
ngwi th.
“
Whynot
?”
“Because…. y ouar enotbr okenbey ondr epair,
”
hewhi spersbef oredr oppinghi sl i
psonmi ne.I
won’tl i
eandsayIdi dn’tseei tcomi ng.If el
tan
urge…anur get oki sshim whenheaskedmet o
j
oinhi m her e.I tisast rangef eelingbutf orthe
fi
rsttimei nmyl ife,Il
etmy selfvulner able.I
don’tknowi fi tist herealisati
onofhowmuchI
havej udgedhi m?Ij ustgotconf usedwhent he
carwashgi rl showedupt hatotherday .Ihad
thesedamnconf usingf eeli
ngswhi chIdi dn’
t
knowhowt ohandl e.Gr aceisr i
ghtt osayImust
tal
kt oPhut i sot hatwecoul dall mov eon.I
confidedi nherev erydayandshei sonl yhuman
toli
stent ooneper sony elpingaboutaguy .So
unli
keme.Phut i
’
shandonmycheekbr ingsme
backtot hereali
tyofthekiss.Iclosemyeyesto
recei
vet histhi
ngthathei soff
eringme.So
smoot h.Solov i
ng.Ili
kehowhedoesi t
.His
otherhandgoest othesmal l
ofmybackand
pull
smecl osertowher eIfel
thisgrowi
ngpeni
s.
Heslightlygroansandr ui
nsthewhol eki
ssfor
me.
If
reeze!
If
reeze…because…al
lthosef
acesandal
lthose
gr
oans….Ifreeze!
“Hey…areyouokay ?”Phut iask.Icanhearhi m
from af
ar.Ver
yf ar.“Thuli
…Thul i?”Ihav en’
tbeen
hereinawhileand…Ihav en’tbeenint hisdark
forsolong….“Thuli?
”Thenextt hi
ngIf eelis
handsshakingme.Sor ough.Sov i
olently.
Voicesarehoveringar oundme.Somear elike
screams.Somear elikecries.
Isnapoutofmyt
hought
s.
“
Thul
i
…Thul
i
?”Mar
iai
sst
andi
ngi
nfr
ontofme,
Gracecr
yingnextt
oher.Phut
isti
l
lhashisone
handonmywai standhi
sfaceisblank.
Oh,
myGod.
“Ineedtogo,
”Imumblewhi
l
eshov
ingPhut
i’
s
handfrom mywai
st.
“Whatt
hehel
l j
usthappened?
”Graceasks,
her
eyesonPhut
i.“
Whatdidy oudot
oher?”
“
Idi
dn’
tdoany
thi
ng.
”
“Andt henwhyisshecr yi
ng?Whyi sshe
crying?”Graceasks.Am Icr
ying?Ididn’
tfeel
anyt earsonmycheeks.Theyar etheresoI
cleant hem wi
ththesleev
eofmyj ersey.
“Iwas…wewer e…”Phuti
tri
estoexpl
ainbutIam
alr
eadywalkingint
othehouse.Nj
abul
ohashi s
youngerdaughteri
nhisarms.
“Whatisgoi
ngon?”Heaskswhi lecar
essi
ngthe
babytogobacktosleep.Thereiscommotion
betweenGraceandPhutioutsi
de,whatf
or?I
don’
tknow.Idon’
thav
eanyener
gyt
oev
encal
l
offt
heconfusi
on.
“
Cany
ouandMar
iat
akeust
oRes?
”Iwhi
sper
.
“
Phut
ican…”
“
No!”Ical
lout.Nj
abul
odar
tshi
sheadt
owar
ds
wher
ePhutiis.
“
Whathappened?
”
“
Not
hing.Iam j
ustexhaust
ed.
”
Inami nute,
Phutiwal
ksi
ntot
hehouseand
standsnexttoNjabul
owi
thhi
shandsonhis
waist,
frustr
ated.
“Canyoupleasetel
lyourfr
iendst
hatnothi
ng
happened?Befor
etheyaccusemeofdoi ng
somethingyoudi
dn’twantmet odo?”Phuti
asks.GraceandMariaarestandi
ngbesi
dehim.
“
Guy
s,hedi
dn’
tdoany
thi
ng.
”
“
Thenwhywer eyoucryi
ng?Youwer
eroot
edon
y
ourfeet
,cr
ying,
”Gracesays.
“
Iknow.I
twasnothing,
”Ir
espond,notai
ming
myeyesatPhut
i.“
Pleasedr
iveushome,Maria.
”
“
I’
ll
takey
ouhome,
”Phut
iof
fer
s.
“
No!
”Isay
.
“
What
?Why
?It
hought
???
”Phut
iasks.
“
Theyaremyguests.Wewillt
akethem home,
”
Mar
iasays.“
Thankyouthough,Phut
i.
”
“
No…west
il
lneed…”
“
No,
Phut
ipl
ease.
”
“No…y ouneedt
oexpl
aint
omewhatt
hef
uck
happened,
”Phut
isay
s.
“Wil
lyouguyseverst
opswear
ing?
”Mar
iasay
s,
hereyesonherhusband.
“Butitwasn’
tme,”Njabul
oshr ugswhi
le
giggl
ingandthebabyisstar
tledbythelaugh.
“Sshhhh!Okay,I
’
llberi
ghtback.I’
ll
putherto
bedanddr i
vethem toRes.
”
“Wouldyouneedust
ohel
pwi t
hanyt
hing?”
GraceasksMari
asoonaf
terNj
abul
oleavesthe
room.
“No,thankyou.Iwi l
lcleanupwhenwear e
done,”Mariarespondswhi leput
ti
ngona
cardi
gan.Idon’twantt olookatPhutibuthis
sil
enceiscommandi ng.WhenIliftmyeyesto
him,Iinst
antl
yr egretbecausehelookssohur t
anditismyf ault.
“
Thul
i
!”Hesi
ghs.“
Canwet
alk?
”
“
No,
Phut
i,pl
ease,
”Ir
espond.
“Twomi nutesofyourtimeandIwi ll
beoutof
yourway ,
”heresponds.InodatGr aceand
Mar i
atoexcuseusf orami nut
e.Whent hey
disappear
,Phutigrabsachairnexttomineand
staresatme.“Pleasetell
mewhathappened?I
am concerned.
”
IDON’
TWANTTOTALKABOUTTHI
S.
Idon’
twantt
orel
i
vei
t.
Iam notr
eadyt
odoso.
“Iam maki
ngami
stake.Iam sor
ryIl
edy
ou
on.”
“
Iti
smor
ethant
hat
.”
“
Iti
snot
.”
“Don’
tyouwantt
ot al
ktoat
her
api
stl
i
keI
suggest
ed?”Heasks.
“
No.Idon’
tneedt
o.Iam f
ine.
”
“
Youar
eindeni
al.
”
“
Indenial
?”Ist
areathi
m.“Youdon’
tknowa
t
hingaboutme.Let’
skeepitt
hatway.
”
“ImeantwhatIsai
d,ear
li
er,
aboutus…andi
t
star
tswit
hmehel pi
ngyou.”
“Idon’
tneedhelpandIalsomeantwhatIsaid,
I
am brokenbey
ondr epai
r.So,Iam savi
ngy
ou
allt
heprobl
emsi nl
ifebyrefusi
ngthis.
”
“
Youdon’
tknowwhaty
ouar
esay
ing.
”
“Iknowv er
ywell whatIam sayi
ngandImeani t
.
Idon’twantarelati
onshipwit
hy oubecausei
t
won’tdoanygood.May beweshouldstayas
fri
ends.Icannotbemor ethanthatt
oy ou.
”
“Iam notgoodatt
hesemouseandcat
chase…so…wewi l
ldowhatev
erfuckyouwant,”
herespondswhil
egetti
ngonyourfeet
.“Thank
youandIwon’tbothery
ou.
”
Phutist
andswithhishandsonhi
swai
stfora
l
itt
lewhil
euntil
henodsatmeandwalks
towar
dst hedoor.
“MrsBut
hel
ezi
,haveawonder
ful
eveni
ng,
”Phut
i
say
s,att
empti
ngtobej
oll
y.
“Youar
eforget
ti
ngt heZoneInnfi
le,
”Mar
ia
sayswhi
lePhutiopensthedoor.
“Idi
dn’tcomeherefori
t,
”her
espondsbef
ore
shutt
ingthedoorbehi
ndhim.
*
***
*

Today ,wear ewr i

tingoursecondEconomi cs
testandIf eelsoner vousaboutit
.Iam not
nervousaboutt hepaper ,
Iam nervousabout
whatIam goi ngt odowi t
hmyl i
fethisweekend
withnot hingt okeepmyheadbusywi th.Ithas
beent hreeweekssi ncet hedi
nneratt he
Buthelezi’sandIhav edonemybesti nbur yi
ng
my sel
fint hewor kl oad.Ipushedmy selfand
myt utoringcl assf orthepasttwoweeks, and
nowt hatwear egoi ngt olayl
owf oranot her
weekorso, Ihav enot hingtokeepmy selfbusy
with.Gracei sl eavingf ortheweekendandI
haveal lthet i
met omy self
.Ti
meIdon’ tneed.
“Thepaperi stwohours.Goodl uckandt heti
me
startsnow,”MrNgweny asayswi thasli
cksmile.
Iti
sobv iousthathethinksthatthetesti
s
diff
icul
t.May beiti
s.Justnottome.Idon’ t
knowhowmymi ndwor ksbutitfasci
natesme.
Ist
udytopassti
mebutIam abl
etoabsor
b
anyt
hingsai
dtomeli
keasponge-onlywhenI
openmymi ndt
oathi
ng.
Anhourl
ater
,Iam doneandlooki
ngar
oundf
or
someonewhoisdonelikeme.
None!
MrNgweny astopsinf rontofmeandt i
lthi
s
headwhi l
ereadingme.Ishr ugathim.He
smil
esatmeandt akest hepaperf r
om myhand.
Hesignalsformet ol eavether oom si
nceIam
done.GraceshakesherheadasIwal kpasther
.
Shebetteracet hetest,wedi dn’tsl
eepforher
sakeforday s.
Walki
ngoutoftheclass,
Iam cl
uel
essabout
whattodo.I
tisal
readynoonandthelastcl
ass
oft
heday.
Phew!
!
Ipul
lmyphoneanddr
eadf
ull
ytextPhut
i.
‘
Hey
,any
thi
ngf
unhappeni
ngt
oni
ght
?’
‘
Sameoldchi
l
laswi
thf
ri
endsandcl
i
ent
s.’
-
Phut
i.
‘
CanIj
oin?
’
‘
Cany ouhandleyouralcohol?Planningt
ohop
andj umptwocl ubs.Wear eopeningaclient’
s
clubandat t
endingmycl ient’
sshowatanot her.
VIPexper i
encebuty oumi ghtbeattemptedto
drinkallt
hefreebooze.Ther eisalways
fountainsofbooze.’-Phuti.
‘
Iwantin.May beIneedtogetali
tt
ledrunkand
l
oosenup.I’
l
l comewi t
hmysi st
ersothatyou
don’
tbabysitme.’
‘
I
nthatcasey ouareinvi
ted.Dr
essupalit
tlebi
t,
t
her
ewi ll
bemedi a.ZoneInnat20h00.I
’
llsend
y
outicketsbefor
ethen.’
-Phuti
.
‘
Thanx.
’
Ipr
ayt
hatDi
neoi
supt
ohoppi
ngcl
ubst
oni
ght
.
Iam noti namoodbutIj ustwantt oseePhuti
forsomer eason.Si
ncet hatevening,
henever
i
gnor edmycal l
sbuttheywer eformalandifI
don’ttexthedoesn’t.Iexpecthimt ohave
mov edonwi thhisl
i
febutapar tofmemi ss
him.Al ot.
“Iam notgoodatt
hesemouseandcatchase,
sowewi lldowhat
everf
uckyouwant
,”Phuti
’
s
voiceechosinmyhead.
Reachingmybedr oom, It
hrowmy sel
finbed
andbegDi neotojoi
nmef oral
if
etime
experi
ence.Lucki
ly,shehadn’
tconfir
medher
planswithhergir
lf
ri
endsoshei sgamet ojoi
n
me.
“Pl
easebri
ngmesomet hi
ngnicetowear.Ther
e
wil
lbemedia,
”Isaybef
orehangingupand
get
tingupfr
om bed.
Ispendmyti
mecleani
ngmyroom unt
ilGr
ace
showsuptomyroom wit
hasmil
e.
“Tel
lmey ounai
ledi
t,
”Isaywhil
eshovi
ngmy
dir
tyl
aundryi
ntothebasket
.Ishoul
dmake
l
aundrysoon.
“
Idi
d.”
“
Good!Wearegoi
ngtonai
lAccount
ingandwe
wi
ll
bereadyf
orexams.
”
“Thanky ou.Youshouldhav
estayedatRes
sincefir
styear.Now…whenIam gett
ingusedt
o
i
t,wemustst artpr
epari
ngt
oleav
ecampust o
startournewl i
ves.
”
“
Right
?”
“
Arey
ouokay
?”sheasks.
“
Whywoul
dn’
tIbef
ine?
”
“
Iwasj
ustmaki
ngsur
e.”
“
Thanks.Ar
eyougoi
nghome?
”
“
Dadwi
llpi
ckmeupi ntheev
eni
ng.Whatar
e
y
oudoi
ngthisweekend?”
“
Iam spendi
ngi
twi
thmysi
ster
.”
“
WhydoIal
way
smi
ssher
?”
“I
’l
laskhertostayti
lMondaymorningandyou
canjoi
nusf orsupperonSunday.
”Wear e
al
lowedtobr i
ngvisi
tor
satourseniorr
esi
dence.
Onev i
si
toratatime.
“
I’
ll
li
ket
hat
.”
“Hav
eyouspokent
oPhuti
?Youneedtodoso,”
shesay
swhensheisatt
hedoor
,readyt
oleav
e.
“
Why
?”
“Youwerehappi
erwhenhewasinthepi
ctur
e.
Youwereevenhappieri
nti
meswhenyouused
toswearathi
m onthephone.
”
Gr
ace!
“
Iam seei
nghi
mt oni
ght
,”Ir
espond.Shesmiles
wi
thbothhert
humbsupbeforeshedisappears.
Imessedup,
didn’
tI?
*
***
**

Dineomadesur etochangemei ntoami niher.

Ifi
twasn’ tthatIwanttor edeem myname, I
wasgoi ngtodenyalltheout f
it
swet ri
edont he
whol enoon.Di neoyel
ledatmeaf ewt i
mes
beforeIagr eedtokeept heskinniestjeanson,
sti
lettosandabl ackseet hrought op.Beli
eve
me, thisisbett
erthant hereddressshewant ed
met ohav eon.Themake- upandt hehairare
perfect.
“
Iam notgoi
ngtoseducePhut
i,Iam goi
ngt
o
j
oinhi
mf or
….”
“Ofcour
se,
”Dineosmiles.“Youtol
dmet hat
alr
eadyandIam st
art
ingt obeli
eveyou.
”
TheUberstopsjustoutsi
deZoneInn.Wow.Iti
s
abeauti
fulcl
ub.Iwouldhavethoughti
tisa
fancyr
estaur
ant.Thereisaqueueoutsi
debut
Di
neoandIheadstr
aightt
otheentr
ancewher e
weshowthesecur
it
yguyourdigi
tali
nvi
tat
ions.
“Wow!Di dyousaywearegoingst
rai
ghtto
VIP?”Dineoasksaswecrossthef
loort
owher
e
thesecurit
yguydir
ect
edusto.
“
Yep!
”
Phutitur
nst owardsuswhenoneofhi sfr
iends
droppedhisj awstoourdirect
ion.Phut
i’
sface
l
ightsup,ifnotmi st
aken.Hedoesn’tmovehi s
eyesuntilDi
neoandIst opi nf
rontofhim.
“
Youmadei
t,
”hesay
s.
“Yes…”Ismil
e,awkwar
dly
,“Oh,
pleasemeetmy
sist
erDineo.
”
“
WemetatNjabul
o’sj
oint
,cor
rect
?”Phut
iasks
whi
l
eopeni
nghisarmstohugher.Idi
dn’
tget
t
hehug.
“Yes,
wedi
d,”Di
neorespondsi
nhi
sar
ms.“
Iti
s
nicet
omeetyouagai
n.”
“Guys,enjoyy ourselves.Grabsomechampagne.
I
fy ouwantsomet hingstrong,grabsome
whiskeyov erthere.Wear eorganisi
ngfoodand
i
t’l
lbeserv edbef ore…oh…i twi
llbeservednow,”
hesay sast hewai tersareplacingplat
tersof
foodont het able,“Well…Iam atworksoi fI
disappearandy ouneedme…j ustshout.”
“
Thanky
ou,
”Isay
.
Westareateachotherf
orali
tt
lewhi
lebef
ore
hesays,“
Youlooknicebyt
heway.”
“Thankyou…I
…”bef
oreIcoul
dfi
nish,
someone
call
shim.
“Work.I’
l
lseey ouguys.Thepart
ystar
tsinan
hour…andwear ejumpingtot
henextgigbef
ore
midnight
,”hesay sbeforeher
ushesoffto
wherehei sneeded.
“Let
shavesomechampagne,”Dineodances
whil
egrabbi
ngtwoflut
es.Shehandsmeone
anddownshersinonegotokickstar
tthe
mood.Idot hesamebef oredishingf oodf or
my self.Themusi cisplayi
ngni celyaspeopl e
arechi tchat tingov ermeals.Inaf ewhour s,
peopl ear est arti
ngt oabandont heirchairs.
Phuti i
sst andi ngwi thhisfri
endsasal way sbutI
al
mostv ommi tt
hreeglassesofChampagne
whenIseet hegi r
lwhohasherhandswr apped
aroundPhut i’
swai st-thegirlf
rom t hecarwash.
Therear en’tsexual oranythi
ng, butt hewayhe
i
scomf ortablewi thherhandst hereandt he
wayt heyar el aughingatadebat et ogetheris
maki ngmesi ck.
“Didt
heysaywecoulddr
inkanythi
ngwewant ?”
Dineoaskswhi
l
epicki
nganotherglassf
rom t
he
t
raywhichwaspassi
ngby .
“Yep,
”Irespond,
fai
li
ngt omov emyeyesaway
from Phut
i.Si
nceheleftus,hour
sago,he
hasn’tl
ookedatmydirecti
on.
“
Arey
oual
ri
ght
?”
“Yes,
yes,
”Irespond.“
I’
ll
hav
esomet
hingal
i
ttl
e
str
ongert
histime.”
“Shot
s?”Dineoasksandgetsonherf
eet
.The
VIPsecti
onhasabar,soDineoget
sonherfeet
togetussome.
“Ar
eyousti
llokay
?Food.Dri
nks.Ar
eyou
comfort
abl
e?”Phuti
asks,
soberandhandsome
ashell
.
“
Yes,
thanky
ou.
”
“
Don’
tdr
inktoomuch.Thebestv
ibei
swher
e
wear
egoingnext
,”hesay
s.
“
Ofcour
se,
”Ismi
l
e.“
Phut
i,canwet
alkaf
ter
t
his?
”
“
Therewon’
tberoom,
bel
iev
eme.Cannotl
eave
myfuckf
orachat.
”Hegi
vesmeaweaksmile.
“Ohhh…Thul
i
,remembermysong? ”Di
neowalks
backwhil
edancing.Phut
ilaughsatmysist
er’
s
att
emptstodance.
“
Youladieshavefun,
”Phutisaysanddancehi
s
waytotheothersi
deoft hecoucheswherehi
s
f
ri
endsar el
oudlydebat
ingonsomet hi
ng.
“
Ineedthi
s.”Igrabbot
hshotsf
rom Di
neoand
t
hrowthem int
omymout h.
“
Andt
hen,
wena?
”
“
I’
ll
getmor
e.”
Phutiwasri
ght.Therei
st oomuchalcoholt
o
knockahorsedown.Att hebarIaskforatr
ay
ofsixshot
sandt heygl
adl yof
ferme.It
akeone
moreshotbeforewalki
ngbackt omysister
.
“
Thankyouf
oraski
ngmet
ojoi
nyou.Iam
l
ovi
ngthi
spl
ace.
”
“
Ifyoul
ovet
hispl
ace,thenyouar
eevengoi
ng
t
olovet
henextcl
ub.”Phuti
’
swords,
notmine.
“
Oh,
yeah?Iam game,
”sher
esponds,
happi
l
y.
Aft
erfourshot
s,myheadisli
ghtandaweight
i
sli
ftedoffmyshoul
ders.I
fIhadguts,
thi
sis
thetimetodance.ButIdon’thav
egutsand
alcoholmakesmet hi
nksomuchatt imes.I
f
notthenhowIdoexpl ai
nwhymyheadi s
calcul
ati
nghowIwi l
lrel
ocatetoanewplace
aftermyexams?Ishouldbeget t
ingsl
oshed
andnotmaki ngfut
ureplans.
Thegi rl
,Caroli
shernamenowIremember,i
s
twerkingforPhuti
.Herhi
psareswayi
ngsi
de
way sandt hemorePhuti
landshi
shandonher
hips,Ifeelsi
ck.
“Iam notgoodatt
hesemouseandcatchase
sowewi lldowhat
everf
uckyouwant
,”Phuti
’
s
wordshauntsme.Hemeantthem.
“
Ifeel
sick,
”Isayt
oDi
neo.
“Ladiesroom,now,”Di
neotakesmyhandand
pull
smet othebat
hroom.Luckily,t
heclubis
sti
lldrysowehav eeasyaccesst othetoi
let
s.
Shepushesmet othesmallcubicleandtell
s
menott ot hr
owuponhercl othes.
“Notmyshoes, babygirl
…throwupinthetoil
et,
”
shesay sfrom behind.I
nsteadofbendingtothe
toi
let,
Iclosethet oil
etl
idandsitontopofthe
toi
letandst ar
tcrying.
“What ’
swr ong?”Di neoclosesthedoorand
standsinf r
ontofme.Icr ymyl ungsout.The
alcoholismaki ngitwor se.IwantPhutibutI
cannev erhav ehim.Notwi t
hmydemons.And
knowingt hathei sgoingt ofucksomeoneel se
makesi tev enwor se.Il
ikehim morethanMr
Ngweny adon’ tI?MrNgweny agoest
ohi swife
everydaybuti tdoesn’tbotherme.Idon’tli
ke
them thesame-nowIknow.
“Yourmotherrui
nedme,”Icr
yt oher
.Idon’
t
needtoexplai
ntoher
.“Sheruinedmylif
e.”
“IknowbutThuliy
ouneedtostopcryi
nganddo
somethi
ngaboutit.Youar
eonlyki
ll
i
ngy our
sel
f
andshedoesn’tevenknowhowdeepy our
woundsare.
”
“Howdoyoucal
lthem wounds?Woundsget
heal
ed.
”
“
That
’swhyyouneedtofulf
ily
ourther
apy
r
ecommendati
on.That
’stheonlyway.
”
“
Andr
eli
vei
t?”
“Yes,
ifi
tistheonlywayt oheal
,then,
yes…y
ou
havetorel
iv
eit,unfor
tunatel
y,
”shesays.
“
No,
Dineo.No.
”
“
Yes!Lookaty ou?
”Shestar
esatme.“
Youarea
mess.So,yes,wearegoi
ngtor
eli
vei
tbef
ore
youheal
.I’
l
l bewit
hyou.”
“
Pleasedon’
tlethi
mfuckher
,”Isob.
“
What
?”
“
Phutii
sgoi
ngtofuckthatgir
laft
erthecl
ub
l
ater
.Pl
easedon’
tlethi
mf uckher.
”
“
Howam Igoi
ngt
ost
opagr
ownass-
man
f
rom…”
“
Please…”
“What?”Shelaughssohar
d,sheforgotIam
cryi
nghere.Sheroll
soutt
oil
etpaperand
shovesiti
nmyhand, “
Howam Isupposedto
stophimfrom fucki
ngher
?Heisn’tevenyour
boyfr
iend.
”
“Iwanthimt obe.I’l
lseet hetherapi
st,
”Icl
ean
myf acewiththetissueandonl ynowdoesshe
stoplaughi
ng.“Ipushedhi m awayli
ke
everybodyelse…buthei sn’tt
hesame.Ev en
whenIt ryt
or unaway ,Ican’t.
”
“Ar
ey ougoi
ngt othetherapist?Andar ey
ou
goingtot
ellPhuti
everything?”Dineoasks,
shockedbecauseforsomanyy earsIhav
e
ref
usedbecausepeoplet endt ojudge.
“
Yes!
”Inod.
Shecr
ossesherarmsandsays,
“Okay
,fine.He
won’
tfuckanyonetoni
ght
.I’
l
lmakesure.”
www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za
admi
n@st
ori
esby
takal
ani
m.co.
za

PRE-
ORDERSPECI
ALSendsont
he17t
hJULY.

STORI
ESBYTakal
ani
M SHOP

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e-Or
derI
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W OUNDED HEARTS

EPI
SODE6

PHUTI
Carolisblessedwit
habodyf ordays.Al
ley
es
areonherasshet wer kswi
thoutanycar
einthe
world.Ifi
twasn’tf
orthenextgigwehaveto
j
umpt o,Iwouldbedraggi
nghertomy
apartmenttodealwithmyblueballs.
Iam f
ucki
ngthi
rst
yandt
oni
ghtIneedt
ofi
nda
waytoquenchi
t.
Alley
esar eonusassheshakesherboot ytoa
newhi phopsongt hatisbl
ast
ingonthe
speakers.All
ey esareonus,i
ncludi
ngthoseof
Thuliandhersister
,Dineo.
Shi
t!
Whydi dIagreetohav eThuli
here?Iknowwe
aredoneandal l
,butitisali
tt
leweir
dwhenshe
staresatmewi ththosejudgi
ngeyes-li
keIam
commi t
ti
ngasin.Iam notcommi t
ti
ngsin.Iam
l
ivingmyl i
fethefuckIwantto.Maybeshewas
ri
ght-asmuchasr elati
onshi
psarenotforher
,
rel
ationshi
psarenotf ormetoo.
Carol
?Sheisafr
iendwi
thbenefi
ts.Our
ar
rangementi
spurel
yspeci
al.
Wai
t!WasThul
icr
ying?
“
Heysweet
hear
t,I
’
llber
ightback,
”Isayt
oCar
ol.
“
Don’
ttaket
ool
ong.
”
“Ofcourse,
”Ir espondbackandcrosstowhere
ThuliandDineoar etaki
ngthei
rseats.I
tseems
l
iketheyarecomi ngfr
om t
heloo…butThuli
’s
faceisswollen.
“
Areyouladiesal
right
?”WasThul
icr
ying?
“
Thul
i
, ar
ey oualr
ight?
”
“Wearemorethanfine,”Di
neosay
sandwav
es
herhandbef
orelaughing.
“Whyisherfaceswoll
enandherey esred?”I
ask.Shel
ooksal i
tt
ledrunk-justalit
tl
e.Her
si
stermustkeepacloseey eonherort akeher
homebeforewegot othenextcl ub.Free
al
coholal
way stemptmanyt odrinkmor ethan
t
heycanhandl
e.
“
Oh,
all
ergy
.Itcoul
dpr
obabl
ybesomespi
cei
n
t
hef
oodsheat e.
”
“
All
ergy
?Whatar
eyoual
l
ergi
cto?
”
“Uh….sheisaller
gictoSage,
”Dineosaysand
shakesherhead, “Sage,
imagine.Somewhit
e
peoplespice.Don’tworr
y,IgaveherAl
ler
gex,
shewi l
lbefine.”
Whyi
sshenotanswer
ingf
orher
sel
f.
“Don’
tyouguy swantt ocalli
tanightbef
orewe
j
umpt othenextj oint
?Thingsaregoingt
obea
l
itt
lecr
azy,”Iask.Itisal
mostmi dni
ghtal
ready
andwear enotgoi ngtospendlessthantwo
hoursatGreg’sshow.
“Weareheretohav et
hefunli
key
oupr omi
sed,
”
Thul
ifi
nal
lysays.“Unl
essify
ouarechasi
ngus
away…forafuck.”
Oh,
arewedoi
ngt
hisi
nfr
ontofhersi
ster
?
“Iwouldn’
tchaseyouawayforafuck,Thul
i
.I
wouldinvi
teyoutowatchifyouwant,
”I
respondandsheturnsherheadaway.“Anyway
,
enjoy…”
“Hey,Phut
i,
”DineocallsoutwhenIam r
eadyto
walkaway,“Canwer i
dewithy
outotheclub?
Wewi ll
UberourselvestoThul
i’
sReswhenwe
aredoneforthenight.”
“Ofcour
se,”Imumbl e.Theyar
emyguest
s,so
Carolwi
llunder
stand.
Retur
ningtowher eCaroli
s,Ipi
ckabottleof
waterfrom t
heicebucketanddownhal fofit
.
Sheisnowseat ed,herl
egscrossedexposing
them perf
ectthi
ghs.
“Ar
ey oubabysit
ti
ngtoni
ght
?”Car
olaskswhen
Igetonaseatnexttoher
.Myhandlandsonher
thi
gh,li
kei
talwaysdoes.
“
Iam notbabysi
tt
ing.Iwasj
ustchecki
ngon
myguests.
”
“Yourguest
s,huh,
”sheasksf
lappi
ngher
eyel
ashesatme.
“
Myguest
s.”
“
Whydi
dyoui
nvi
temei
fshei
sher
e?”
“Who?”Iask,knowingv er
ywell whosheis
tal
ki
ngabout .Weoncehadachatabouther .A
chataboutmebr eakingourarrangementf
or
herbefor
eIknewshewasst i
ll
achi l
dwholikes
toplayhardtoget.Iam anadul t
,Iwon’
tmakea
chi
lddot hi
ngsshedoesn’ twantto.
“Her!
”Shemov esherey
est oThul
i
’sdi
rect
ion
andthist
imeIfoll
owsuit,
onlytof
indThul
i
star
ingri
ghtbackatus.
Dammi
t!Thosegl
ossyey
es!
“
Well
…”Iclearmythr
oat,
“Meandherar
e
f
ri
ends,
Itoldyout
hat.
”
“Iam notyourtoygi
rl
,Phut
i.I
fyouwantt
ogo
homewi thher…youbett
ernotpl
aywit
hmy
f
eel
i
ngs.I
tisei
therherorme.
”
“
Iti
syou.
”
“Okaythen….comehere,
”Car olsaysbefore
shovinghertongueinmymout hforafil
thykiss.
Ireceiv
eitverywell
,makingsurethatifThuliis
watching,shemustlear
nat hingortwof rom
biggirl
s.
Fuck!Ipul
loutoftheki
ssbecauset
hethought
ofThuliwat
chingdoesn’
tsi
twellwi
thme.
“Come,let
’sconti
nuethedance,
”Isaywhi
le
gett
ingonmyf eet.Danci
ngisbet
tert
han
makingout.

*
***
***

“Guy
s,afterGregper
forms,y
oucanr i
ngy our
Uber,
okay ?Iwil
lbegoneandIwouldn’tbe
comfort
ableleavi
ngyoutwoattheclub,”Isay
t
oDi
neoandThul
iwhenwegett
othenextcl
ub.
“
Alr
ight
,thankyouSi
r,
”Di
neor
espondswi
tha
wi
destsmile.
“Anddri
nkwaterbef
oreyoutouchanyalcohol
.
Don’ty
oudaregetdrunkbef
oretheUberride.
”
“Yes,Sir
,”Di
neocal
lsoutwhi
lepul
li
ngThuli
int
o
theclub.SheandThul
idon’
tlookanyt
hingl
i
ke
sist
ers.
Iheadst
rai
ghtt
odowhatIam her
efor
.Iputon
myPRcapandst ar
tdoi
ngmyjob.
“
Thankyouforhookingusupwi t
hthisgig
man,
”Gregsayshappilyafteraphotoshoot.He
i
sourl
atestmusici
ancl i
entinourcompany .
Nj
abul
oandMrRal waysshi f
ttheseportf
oli
os
t
omebecauseIdomor ethanexcell
enton
t
hem.
“
Iam j
ustdoi
ngmyj
obman.
”
“
Fourmedi
ahouses?Youout
didy
our
sel
ves.
Tel
lyourbosses,
Iam br
ingi
ngmor
ecl
i
ent
s.”
“Itol
dy ouwecanmaket hi
ngshappenfory ou
andy ourteam.Wewi lldot
hesamef oryour
othermusi ci
anfr
iends.Wel
l,pl
easedothel ast
i
nterviewwi t
hHypeMagazineandt her
eafter
takethestage.”
“Sure,checkyououtl
ater,
”Gr
egsaysbef
ore
walkingbacktothebannerwher
ethemediai
s
conductingthei
nter
views.
Thirt
yminut esl
ater,
whenIam 100%sur ethat
allmagazinestookenoughphot ogr aphsforthe
coversandt heyi
ntervi
ewedev eryonewhoi s
supposedt obeinter
viewed,Itakeof fmyPR
capandj ointhepart
y.From thebar ,Ipi
ckmy
fourt
hbot t
leofthenightandscant heroom for
Thuliandhersister
.Theyaremyguest sandI
shouldmakesur etheyarewel lcateredfor.
Ial
mostlaughoutloudwhenInoti
ceThuli
danci
ngatthedancefloor
.Shei
soff-
beatand
j
ustjumpingar
oundwithherhandsintheai
r.I
am notagooddancertoobutIdofarmuch
bett
er.Di
neobri
ngsthebestoutofher
.NowI
know.
Aft
erbei
ngsat
isf
iedt
hatThul
iandDi
neoar
e
havi
ngfun,
Igosi
twit
hmygang.
“Areyoudoneworking?Canwedi
sappear
alr
eady?”Car
olwhisperst
omyear.
“LetGregfi
nishhissetandwewil
lbeoutof
here,
”Irespond.Hehasaboutt
hreesongsand
wewi l
lbeoutofhere.
Thr
eesongsl
ater
,Thul
iwal
kst
owher
eIam
si
tt
ing.
“CanIuseyourphone?”Shecallsoutt
omy
coll
eaguewhoissit
tingnotfarfr
om me.The
noiseatt
heVIPBoot hisminimalsoshedi
dn’
t
evenneedtoshoutformet ohearher.
“
Whatdoyouneedthephonefor
?”Iask.Tr
ust
met
oannouncethatIam eav
esdr
opping.
Thulit
urnstomeandsays,
“Idon’
tknowwhere
Dineowent.Shei
snoti
nthebathr
oom andshe
hasmypur se.
”
“
May
beshewentoutf
orabr
eat
her
.”
“
Shebet
terbe,
”Thul
ishr
ugs.
“Her
e!”Ihandhermyphone.Shedi
alsont
he
phoneandpressitt
oherear.
“Sheisnotpi
ckingup,
”Thuli
says.Shekeeps
try
ingthephoneunti
lshehandsitbackt
ome.
BeforeIcoul
dputitaway,
itri
ngsandIanswer
i
t.
“
Hel
l
o,”Ical
lout
.
“Ther
eistoomuchnoise,
Icannotheary
ou,
”
Dineocal
l
soutfr
om theendoftheli
ne.
I
ssheseri
ous?Igetonmyfeetandmarcht o
t
herest
roomswherethenoi
seisali
tt
leless.
“
Hol
dt hef
uckon,
”Isayunt
ilIam i
nsi
dethe
r
est
rooms.“Wher
ethehel
lareyou?Gregj
ust
fi
nishedhi
ssetandy
ouandDi
neoneedt
ogo
home. ”
“Phut
i…i
am sosorr
y…mygi r
lf
riendcal led,
needi
ngmyhelpatherapart
ment .Ipanicwhen
shewascryi
ngsoIjumpedintot hemet ertaxi
assoonasshehangedup.ButIwi llberight
backinafewminut
esbeforey oul eave.Ijust
wanttomakesurethatev
erythingi sfi
ne.”
“
Haveyoulostyourmind?Howcany ouf
ucki
ng
j
ustdi
sappearwit
houtyoursi
ster
?”
“
Ithoughtyouguyswil
lbet
heref
oral
i
ttl
e
l
onger.Ij
ustneedafewminut
es.
”
“It
oldyouIam leav
ingi
mmediat
elyafterGr
eg’
s
set.Fi
ne.I
’
lldr
opThulit
oherr
esidence.”
“
Herpurseisi
nmyhandbagandherkey sare
i
nsi
de.I
’l
l ber
ightback,Phut
i.Youcanl
eaveher
t
her
e,I’
l
l comebackf orheri
nanhourorso.”
Hasshelosthermi
nd?Ihangupbefor
eshe
coul
devensayanymorestupi
dthi
ngs.WhenI
retur
ntowhereIl
eftThuli
andCar
ol,
Gregand
histeam ar
eal
sothere.
“Hey,
hey, t
hatwasadopesetmyguy,”Isayt
o
Greg,hi
dingmyangeratThul
i’
ssi
ster
.
“
Thankyou,man.Weareoutofher
e,”Gregsay
s
whi
legett
ingonhisf
eet
.Hether
eaft
erleadshi
s
t
eam outofthedoor
.
“Di
dyougether
?”Thul
iasks.“
Shehasmykey
s
andphone.
”
“Shesai
dshewil
lbehereinanhourorso.
Somethi
ngabouthergi
rl
fr
iend…”
“
Ohwell
…Iam readytogo.Shecanwai
twi
th
t
heguy
s,”Car
olsays.
I
tisaf
ter2am andshewantsmetoleav
eThul
i
her
e?Howdoest hi
sgenderthi
nk?
“
Let’
swai
tjustali
tt
lebi
tforher.YouknowI
woul
dwaitwithy
ouifyouwer einhershoes,
”I
r
espondt
ot hepi
ssedoffCarol.Iam wi
thher
,I
am sopi
ssed.
“Thanks.I
fIhadmykeysandphone,Iwould
havetakenanUberbackt
oRes,”Thuli
says.
“Doyouladieswantsomedr i
nks?
”Iam ashell
soannoyedbyDi neorightnow.Bothofthem
ref
use.Carolangri
lyburi
eshersel
fonsocial
mediaonherphonewhi l
eThulisi
tswit
hher
armscrossed.
Thi
sismyf
ucki
ngl
astt
imet
aggi
ngpeopl
e
al
ong.

*
***
**

“Shoutouttoev er
yonewhoi sst
il
li
nthehouse.
Thisisthelastsongbeforesheshutthedoor s
thi
smor ning,
”theDJy el
lsonthemicrophone.It
i
sal most4AM andDi neo’sphoneisoff.Carol
hasy el
l
edatmeahundr edtimesandThul ihas
sadlykeptherseatf ortwohour s.Attimesshe
l
ookedf i
ne.Att i
messhel ookedlikeshewas
milesaway .I
n5mi nutestheclubwi llbeclosed.
Ihavenowher etotakeThul isi
ncet heywon’ t
al
lowhert hroughthegat ewithoutidentif
y i
ng
hersel
fwithast udentcard.Thatmeans, there
i
sn’tawayDi neowentpastt hegat e.
“
Wher
edoesDi
neo’
sgi
rl
fr
iendst
ay?
”IaskThul
i
.
“
Ihav
enoi
dea,
”Sheshr
ug.
“
Whatki
ndofasi
steri
sDi
neo?
”Ispi
tout
.
“
Aper
fectone,
”shemumbl
es.
“
Whatdi
dyousay
?”
“Aperfectsi
ster,
”shesaysandrol
lsher
bloodshoteyes.Oh,shei
sbeingsarcast
ic.
“Takemetomyf l
at,
Ineedtosl
eep,
”Car
olsays,
angri
ly
.Ther
egoesmyshag.“Takemethefuck
home.Isawthi
scomi ng.
”
“
Comeon…”
“Okay,f
ine,
Iwon’ tgobutwhati syourpl
an,huh?
Theclubisclosing,whatisyourplan?
”Carol
asks.Themusi chasst oppedplayi
ngandsheis
yel
li
ng.Wehav ewai tedforThul
i f
ortwohours
andnowherphonei sof f
.
“
Youcandr
opmeatRes.I
’
llsl
eepatt
hegat
e.”
Li
kehel
lshewi
l
latt
heschool
gat
eat4AM.
“
Fine,
let
’sgo.I’
l
ltakeyouhomeCarol
.Asfor
y
ouThuli,wearecomingbackher
etowaitfor
y
ourspoil
tbratofasist
er.
”
CarolandIarepi
ssed,whil
eThulii
sapologet i
c.
Wehav enoanyotherchoicebuttodropCar ol
atherapart
ment.Icannotgett
otaket heboth
ofthem t
omyapar tment.Myapartmentisso
smallmypeniswon’tevengetstr
ongknowi ng
thatThul
ii
sintheotherroom.
Wearedr
ivi
ngi
nsil
encewhenCar olt
ell
sme
nott
obot
herherev
eragain.Shedoesn’
tmean
i
t.Webot
hneedeachother.
“Thesisterdi
dt hisintenti
onal
ly,
”Car olhisses
sothatThulidoesn’ thearuswi t
hmusi cplayi
ng
soft
ly.Checkingherf rom therear-
viewmi r
ror
,
sheseemst obemanymi lesaway.“Don’ tcal
l
meev eragainunt il
shei soutofthepi cture.
”
Sheget soutoft hecar .
Ther
egoesmyf
uck!
Minutespassanditi
salmost5AM andifIam
exhausted,
Thul
imustbetentimes.Iam used
tothi
s,andsheisnot.
“Thuli
,Iam t
akingyoutomyfl
atsot
hatwecan
sleep.Wewilldeal
withDi
neowhenshe
retur
ns.”
“
Iappr
eci
ate,
”sher
esponds.
Minuteslaterweareinmyapart
ment.Ishow
hertotheot herr
oom.Whensheasksformy
oldt-
shir
t,Igivei
ttoherandal
sogi
veheran
extr
ablanketbeforeheadi
ngtomybedroom.
Fuck!
Howf uckedupisthi
s?ThewomanIdr eam
aboutalmostever
ysecondnightisint
heot her
room,wearingnot
hingbutmyt-shir
tto
bed…andIcannothaveher.

*
***
**

Justl
ikeeveryotherni
ght,Thuli
isi
nmydr eams,
makingoutwi t
hme.I nmydr eamsIhav e
al
way shadthoseperkyboobsofher sinmy
hands.Ihavesuckedthem somanyt imesand
myf i
ngershavebeeni nsi
deherpussysomany
ti
mes.Somanyt i
mes.
Justl
i
keal
lotherni
ght
s.Herv
oicei
ssweett
o
myearswhenshecall
smyname.
“
Phut
i!
”
Whenshecal l
smyname,mypeni
salways
t
hrobs.Iam sousedt
oitnow,
shei
spartofmy
mor
ningshower
s.
“
Phut
i?”
Yes!
“
Phut
i?”
Whatt
hef
uck?
Isnapmyey esopenwhenIfeelhandsshaking
me.Myey esmeetThuli
’
sglossyeyesbefore
shewalksbacktothewall
andsitsonthefloor-
herlegscr
ossed.
Iqui
cklysi
tup!Iwast
hinki
ngordr
eami
ng
aboutherwhenshewasinmyroom?Whati
s
shedoingher
eanyway.
“Whatt i
mei sit
? ”IaskwhenIf inall
ynoti
cethe
sunpiercingthrowt hebli
nds.Ther oom is
warm, soIknowi tisaft
erten.Thuliisst
il
l
weari
ngmyt -shirtbutshealsohasmyboxer s
onandhermake- upisuntr
aceabl eonherface.
“
Iti
sel
event
hir
ty,
”sher
esponds.“
Ihel
ped
myselftoyourcoff
ee,”sheshowsoffacup
beforet
aki
ngasi p,“Oh,andIfoundasetof
boxersi
nthecleanpi l
eofclot
hesintheguest
bedroom.”
“
Thosearenotmine,”Irespondandshejumps,
r
eadyt ot
akethem off
.“Iam ki
dding,t
heyare
mine.Youdon’
thavetogetnakedf orme.”
Shest ar
esatmewi t
hast rai
ghtfaceandtakes
aseatbackont hefl
oor.Ipull
myt -shi
rtf
rom
thefloorwher
eIlef
titbeforebedandputi ton
sincesomeonehasnopr oblem i
nvadingmy
space.
“I
’l
lnev erpar
tyallni
ght,everagain,”shesays.I
t
couldbet hehangover.Ihardlygett hosebutI
knowhowshi tt
ythefeelingis.WhenIchoose
todrink,Idoitl
ikeafish.“Thanky ouf or
housingme.Il i
kehowcosyy ourapartmentis.
”
Il
i
kei
ttoo.
“
Byt
heway
,youneedt
otal
ktoy
oursi
ster
.
Whatshedidisuncall
edfor,
”Isay.Thuli
smi l
es.
“Ar
eyoulaughing?Thuli
,Iam deadseri
ous?
Nothi
ngi
sf unnyhere.Shecannotjustwalkout
onyouandexpect.….”
Wai
tami
nut
e!!
Wai
taf
reaki
ngmi
nut
e.
“
Iaskedt
hatwehav
eachataf
tert
hecl
ub.Can
wehavei
tnow?”
“
Wai
tami
nut
e….
.”

500SHARESunl
ockEPI
SODE7,
tomor
row@
20h00shar
p

www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za
admi
n@st
ori
esby
takal
ani
m.co.
za

PI
CKOFTHEDAY
Int
otheSun+TheRoyal
Mist
ress=R490i
ncl
couri
ert
odoor
/PAXI
_
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
__
W OUNDED HEARTS

EPI
SODE7

THULI
SILE

“Hereismyplan, ”Dineohadsai dwhenshe

agreedtohelpme.Shedi dn’
tevenhav etothi
nk
hardonit.I
tonlyt ookmypr omiseforherto
snapanideaoutofherhead.Wewer esti
ll
i
nsidethetoi
let.“Youar egoi ngtostopcryi
ng
now.Wear egoi ngtowal kbackt othecluband
havethefunlikeweagr eed.Wheni tisti
met o
bouncetothenextcl ub,wear egoi
ngwi thhim
andwewi llkeepacl oseey eont hem.They
don’tleaveoursi ghtbecauset hesehor nypart
y
animal scanf i
ndacor nerandf uck…sot hey
don’tleaveoursi ght,under st
ood? ”Inodded.
“Don’tmakei ttooobv i
ous, al
right?”Inodded.
“Attheendoft henight ,whent heyar eaboutto
l
eav ethecl ub, Iwil
ldisappearandy ouwi l
lask
Phutiforhel p.Ifheisasgent leasy ousaidhe
i
s,hewon’ tleav ebefor ey ouaresor ted.When
yougett ot heapar tment ,i
twil
l beupt oy ou
howy ouwi l
l stopthem f r
om shaggi ng…but
chancesar e…t heywon’ tgother etogether.
”
“
So,ifshedoesn’
tgowi
thhi
m…t
heni
twi
l
lbe
j
usthim andI
?”
“
Yes…butIwi
l
lbewat
chi
ngf
rom af
ar.
”
“
How?
”
“I
’
llcal
lMuof he.Shewil
ldoanythi
ngformesoI
wil
lbesitt
inginthecarwit
hher .I
fthi
ngsdon’
t
goaccordingtoplan,
youwill
findmeatt he
parkingbecauseIneedtotakey ourpurseand
yourphone.Youhav etobebyhi sside,al
wyas.I
don’twantthesement osnatchy ou.Ohand,we
areridi
ngtot henextcl
ubwithhim sothatI
knowhi scar.Wheny ouguysleavetheclub,we
wil
l t
aily
ou.”
“
Oh…myGod…t
hisi
sgoi
ngt
obe…sodr
amat
ic.
”
“Notatall
.DoasIt el
lyou.Hewon’tl
eaveyou
str
anded.Athisapartment,i
fyoudon’
tfeel
comf or
tabl
e,asktogetsomeai r
…wewillbe
parkedoutsi
de.”
“
Arey
ousur
e?”
“
Iwouldn’
tal
lowyoutobeindanger…soI
’
ll
makesure.I
fyouwantout
,justsayt
heword.
”
“
Okay
!”
“
I’
ll
bewat
chingever
ythi
ng.So,j
ustshouti
f
t
herei
saneedtodoso,”shehadsaid.
“
Okay
.”
“Youract
ingmustbeonpoi nt,
”shehadsai
d
andlaughed.“
Don’tgetcaughtorel
seheis
goingtoshagherbeforeyouhaveachatwit
h
him.”
Iwasn’
tgoingt
oal
lowthatt
ohappensoIwas
readyt
oplaymypart
.
Li
keDineosai
d,hergir
lfr
iendshowedupand
wewenttohercarformet oseewheretheyar
e
par
kedbefor
ethewhol eacti
ngstar
ted.
Dineo’spl anwor kedl i
keachar m.Ev er
ythingt o
theT.Phut ididn’tev enhesitatetowai twi t
hme
whenIpr etendedt hatmysi sterdisappear edon
me.Andl ikeshepr omised,DineoandMuof he
werepar kedout sidewhenweendedupher eat
Phuti’
sapar tment .Thet i
mePhut i l
eftt
her oom
togetmet het -
shirtandext rablanket ,
Ihadt o
checkf ort heircar-t heywer epar kedout si
de.
Likeagent lemant hatheis,hedi dn’tevenmi nd
mel ockingt hedoorsoIendedupdozi ngof fin
j
ustmi nut es.Nott hatIdidn’
tt r
usthi m …Ij ust
want
edt
ofeel
saf
e.
WhenIwokeup,itwasalreadyaft
er8.Phuti
wasst
il
lsl
eepi
ngwhenIhur r
iedtothepar
king
l
ottot
ell
mysisterthatIwasf i
neandtheycan
go.
“Youoweme, ”shesaid.Iowehermylif
e,Ido.
“Callmewheny ouarereadytogo.Don’
ttell
him aboutt
heoperati
on‘nofucki
ngCarol’or
elsehewill
nevertr
ustme. ”
WhenIretur
ntoPhuti
’sapar
tment,Icoul
dn’
t
fal
lasl
eepagai
n.Ist
ayedinbed,
though.Iwas
try
ingt
omakeoutwhatIwasgoi ngtosayto
him.
WheredoIev enbegin.Idon’tknowhowIam
goingtodothis.Whatifhedoesn’twantt opick
upwher eweleft?Okay,i
twasmyf aultsoI
wouldunderstandbut…Ipr aythatthereissti
ll
room forhi
mt ogivemeachance.Onel ast
chance.Iam r
eadyt omaket hiswork.Hei sthe
f
ir
stguytohavemepani
cthi
smuch,
sohe
mightbewor
thit
.
Now, at11h30,Iam si
ttingwit
hmycof feein
hand,readytot
acklethistaskIpromised
my sel
ftodo.Ihadtowakehi m upbecausehe
seemedl i
kehecouldsl eepthewholeafternoon.
Theremor eheslept
, t
hemor eIwasst art
ingto
panic.
“
Waitami nut
e….”Phutisay
swhenIr emindhi
m
t
hatIaskedforustohav eachat
.Icovermy
f
aceandlaughsohar d.Oh,myword,Idi
dn’t
meantodoso.
Dammi t,Icouldn’
tholdmylaughteranylonger
.
IpromisedDi neothatIwon’
ttel
lhim aboutour
planbutIcannothol dmylaught
er.
“
Phut
i,Iam sor
ry…”
“Whatareyousor
ryfor
?”Phutiasks,
heisn’
t
amused.HesoundspissedbutIcannotst
op
l
aughing.Heget
sfrom thebedandwalktothe
closetandpull
trackpantsandputthem on.
“Look…iam sorr
yt hatIam l
aughi
ng.
”
“Wasthi
sy ourplan?”heasks.Hest
aresatme
unt
ilIam donelaughing.
“Look…Iam justsor
ryt
hatyoucouldn’
tgetyour
fuckwheny oumostneededit,
”Ir
espond,my
eyesli
nger
ingont hefr
ontofhi
strackpants.
Hedropshiseyestohi
spant
sandsay
s,“
Oh,
I
j
ustneedtopee.”
“Iam sti
l
lsorr
y,”Icall
outashecl
osesthe
bathr
oom door.Mi nut
eslat
er,
hewalksback
andsitsonthebed.
“
Didy
oupl
ant
his?
”
“No.”Icl
osemyey esbecauseIam confl
ict
ed.I
don’twanttoadmitbutIal
sodon’twanttostar
t
offwithl
ies.“Okay
,yes,
butiti
sallmyfault
.I
beggedDi neotohelpmestopyoufrom
sleepi
ngwi thherl
astni
ght
.Itwouldhavebroke
me. ”
“
Why
?”
“
Why
,what
?”Thi
sisnoteasy
.
“Whydidn’
tyouwantmetosl
eepwi
thher
?We
arenot
hingbutf
ri
ends.
”
“
Iknow.
”
“
So,
whatgi
vesy
out
her
ight
?”
“
BecauseIwantachancewi
thy
ou.Iwantust
o
t
ryagai
n.”
“NoThul
i
,”hesaysandget
sonhi
sfeet
.“That
s
nothowthi
sworks.
”
“Ihadmyreasons,
”Ialsogetonmyfeet
,pick
mycoffeemugandf ol
lowhimt ot
hekit
chen.
Hegoesstrai
ghttothecupboar
dandpicksa
cleanmug.
“Whatcoul
dbethereasons?ComeonThul
i…I
beggedyoutogetst
rai
ghtwit
hme.Iwoul
dn’t
…”
“Pl
easetakeaseat,”Imumbl
e.Igr
abonechai
r
andgetonit.“
Please.”
Hesi
ghsdeepl
yandt
akest
heseat
.
Wher
edoIev
enbegi
n.
MaybeIcoul
dgi
vehi
m asummar
y!Thati
s
doabl
e.
“So…Iam al way sskept ical
ofr elati
onshi ps
because…oft hei nti
macypar tofi t
,”Isay ,
my
eyesonhim.Hecr osseshi sar msandst ares
backatme, “Ilikey ou…al ot…”Il etoutal ong
breat
h.“Ihav ebeenhav i
ngacr ushonsomeone
forsolongbutt hatisjustthat…. astupidcr ush
becauseIcar elessaboutwhatt heydoorhow
theyl
ivetheirli
fe.Butwheni tcomest oy ou…I
wanttotalktoy ouallthet i
me.Icar eabout
whatyout hi
nk.Iwantt oal way sbear oundy ou.
EventhattimewhenIusedt ohangupon
you…yourphonecal lswer especi al
andi tused
toscareme…becauset hefeelingwasnew. ”
“
But
?”
“
But
…Iwasscar
edbecausemypastcomes
wi
thpain.
”Isayandhel
i
ftsoneeyebrowatme.
“
Forthefi
rstt
imeIadmi
tt
edthatIhadfeel
i
ng
f
oryou…thatti
meatMari
a’shosue.
”
“Whenyouzonedoutandtoldeveryonet
hat
youdon’twanttoseemeeveragainevenwhen
Iwantedtohelpyouwit
hwhateverdemonsyou
have.
”
“Iam sor
ry.Idi
dn’tknowwhatt
odobecauseI
am al
way sscared.”
“
Whatar
eyouscar
edof
?”
“ThatIwi
ll
nev
erheal
from mypast
.Thatmy
pasthas….
”
“
Tel
lmeaboutyourpast
,”hesay
s.“
Youwant
ed
t
otal
k?Let
’st
alk.
”
“Yes…Iwillt
alk.Ijustneedami nute,”Imumbl
e
whi l
egett
ingonmyf eet
.Ihurrytot hebasi
nto
getsomewat er.Ifi
llacupandgul pitdownmy
throat.WhenIt ur
n, sothatIcanr eturntomy
seat,Phutii
sstandi nginfrontofme.
“Ar
ey oual
ri
ght
?”heasks.“
Youdon’
thaveto
tal
kabouti
tify
ouarenotready
.Youdon’
tlook
okay.
”
“
Iam r
eady
.Iam.
”
“
Okay.
”Hetur
nsbackt
ohi
schai
randwai
tsf
or
metotakemi
ne.
Thi
sisi
t!
“So…Dadst oppedcomi nghome.Idon’ tknow
whathappenedbet weenhim andour
mother…sohest oppedcominghome, r
ight?
Mom starteddr inkingmoret hanshedi dwhen
Dadwasar ound. ”Phutinodsatme.“ Shedr ank
morethanev erandIt hi
nkthingsst art
edgoi ng
badforher.Noj ob.Sheneverwor ked.Dad
usedtobuyust hingsbuthest opped.Bi l
l
s
star
tedpill
ingupev erymonthsoshest art
ed
gett
ingloansf rom people.DineoandIusedt o
hearheront hephonebeggi ngpeopl efor
money .
”Idon’ tknowhowbutmyhandi sin
Phuti
’
s.HeI
scar
essi
ngt
hebackofi
twi
tha
thumb.
Mypast
.
Iwasv eryy oungbutIr emembert hef i
rstdayit
happened.Mom st artedhav ingf r
iendsov er.
Notherusual ‘
socialclub’ladies,butmenwho
wouldspendt hedaydr i
nkingwi thherwhi le
pl
ay i
ngl oudmusi catt hebackoft hehouse.
Thoseday sshenev ercompl ainedaboutmoney
butwehadwhatwewant ed.Wenev erheard
heront hephonecr yi
ngf ormoneybutshe
boughtusev ery
thingweev erneededsowe
stoppedf eeli
ngthev oidDadabsence.Oneday ,
whenoneofherf r
iendscameov er,heasked
herforhi smoneyback.Di neowasoutpl aying
andIwasi nthekitchenwi thmymot her.
“Icamet ocoll
ectmymoney,
”thosewerehi
s
wor ds.Ir
ememberthosewordsver
ywell
becauset hati
swher
eevery
thingst
art
ed.
Iwast ooy oungt ounder standtheterms
repayment sandal l
,butIr ememberwhatt he
guysaidwast hathewi l
lcomet oourhome
everydayt ochecki fshehashi smoneyr eady
forhim.Thenextdayheshowedup, hecame
withalcohol,lotsofi t.Theydrankallafternoon.
Hoursl at
er,mymot herhadpassedoutwhen
themanaskedmet osi tonhislap.Ididn’
twant
tobuthef orcedmet o.Ev entoday,Isti
ll
rememberhi scol dfingers.Twogoi nginside
myv aginaandt heot herf ourfi
ngersonhi s
otherhandi ntomymout h.
“Thul
i
…itsokay
,”Phut
ihasmeinhisarms.What
didIt
ell
him?Idozedoffsomewhere!
“
It
snot
…”Isob.
“
Iti
s.I
tisi
nthepast
.”
“
Canyoudri
vemehome?”Iaskaft
eral
it
tl
e
whi
l
e,whi
lecleani
ngmyf
acewit
hhisshi
rt
.
“
Doy
ouhav
eyourst
udentcar
d?”Heasksst
il
l
hol
dingmei
nhisembrace.“
Youdon’
thavet
o
go.Wecandosomet
hingfuntohel
pyou…”
“
NotRes.Sowet o.Iwanttotal
ktomymother.
I
fIdon’
tdoit,Iwill
doit,
”Isayandhest
aresat
meforsolong.
“
Arey
ousur
e?”
“
Iam,
”Imumbl
e.
Idon’tknowwhatIam doi ngbutIneedt
odoit
now.Fr om t
hisday,Iwanttomov eonwi
thmy
l
ife.Iwill
seethetherapi
standmov eonwit
hmy
l
ife.Ihopeithel
ps.
Itdoesn’
ttakeuslongformetogetintoPhuti
’s
sli
mf i
tblackt-
shi
rtandmyskinnyjean.Idon’
t
evendaretakemyst i
let
tosbutkeepPhuti’
s
sli
pperswhicharetoobig.

*
***
**
“Doyouwantmetocomeinwit
hyou?”Phuti
askswhenwereachmyhome.Heisparkedat
thegat
e.
“
No.Iwantt
odot
hisonmyown,
”Ir
espond.
“
Arey
ousur
e?”
“
Yes.St
ayher
e.”
“
Okay
.You’
l
lfi
ndmeher
ewheny
ouar
edone.
”
“Iknow.Thankyou,
”Imumbl
ebef
orej
umpi
ng
outofthecar.
Sheishomeandsoundssobertoday.Sheisi
n
theki
tchenwhenIknock.Theki
tchenIdon’
t
wanttowalki
nto.
“
Thul
i
…youarehome? ”Sheaskswhenshef
inds
mewait
ingout
side.
“
Canwet
alk?
”Iask.
“DidDineosendy
ouwit
hmymoney ?Shehasn’
t
pickedupmyphonesbutIl
eftheramessage.”
It
akeadeepest
,longestbr
eat
h.
Money
!
Thati
sallshecar
esabout
.Thati
swhatgotus
i
nthisdar
kness.
“
Yourui
nedmyl
i
fe,
”Isay
.“It
houghtIshoul
dlet
y
ouknow.”
“
Thul
i
sil
e?”
“
Your
uinedme.Your
uinedmyl
i
fe.
”
“
Isi
tbecauseIasky
out
ohel
pmewi
th
money
?”
“Whydon’ tyouwakeupandgot owor kl
ike
otherwomen?Youar esol azy,Ma,”Isay.I
won’tbeshockedi fi
sal l
ourf at
her’sdoi
ng.He
madeherahousewi fe,
didev eryt
hingforusand
shefai l
edtof endforherselfwhenhewasn’ ti
n
thepicture.Beforeheleft,wewer eaperfect
famil
y .Aper f
ectlitt
lefamilyoffour.
“
Thul
i
sil
e,di
dn’
tIt
ell
youaboutmyar
ms?
”
“Idon’tcare.Youcan’talwaysaskf ormoney.I
don’tcareabouty ourar ms.
”Sheclapsher
handsatme.“ Any way,Iam notheretot
alk
abouty ou.Ijustwanttot el
lyouthatIwi
shI
couldf or
givey ou…butIcan’t
.”
“
For
giv
emef
orwhat
?”
“
Forgi
veyouforbei
ngabadmot
her
,Ma.You
r
uinedmyli
fe…”
“Youkeepsay i
ngIrui
nedy ourl
if
e.HowdidIdo
that
?Igavey ouevery
thingyouwanted.
Ever
ythi
ngy ouneeded.Evenwheny ourf
ather
l
eftme,Ifendforyou,”shesnaps.
“Atwhatcostwheny ourfri
endshadt hei
rway
withme?huh? ”Iyel
lback.“I
ttookyour
neighbourstohelpusbuthowcant heyhelp
wheny oudon’teventakeoursides?”Iwalk
closertoherandstar
tcountingthetimeswhen
herfri
endhadhi swaywithme.“ Howmany
ti
mesdi dThuliandIbegyout ostoplett
ing
y
ourmeni
n?Howmanyt
imes?
”
“
Thati
sthepastThul
i
sil
e.It
oldy
ouIdon’
t
r
emember.
”
“Howcany ourememberwheny oualway spass
out ?How?Okayl etmer emindy ou,
”Icr yout.
“Zubeuset oputhisf i
ngersinsideofmewhi l
e
j
er kingof f…wheny ouwer esleepi ngony our
chai r.Ohhhwai t….thatwasbef orehef ucked
met omyt earswheny ouwer epassedout .Do
youknowhowmanyt i
meshedi dthatbeforehe
toldhi sfri
endst ojoinhim?Wheny ouinv i
ted
yourf r
iendsher e?Whent heycameher ewi t
h
alcohol ?Doy ouknowwhowaspay i
ngf oryou?
Whent heybroughty ougroceriesandgi veyou
money ?Doy ouknowwhowaspay ing?Ma? ”
“
Thuli
…”Phut
isaysfrom behindmebutIshake
myheadathi
mf orhimt ostandwher
eheis.I
t
oldhi
mt ost
oprightthere.
“
Howmanyt
imesdi
dIbegy
out
ost
opt
hem
from comi ng?”Iturnbackt omymot her.Dineo
wasi nhi ghschool andt heirschool usedt ogo
unt i
ll
at e.Iwasal way swi thmymot her.Wheni t
happenedt oDineot wice, sheputt woandt wo
together ,andhav eZol a’ssistermov eustot he
back-roomsbecauseIbecameawal ki
ng
zombi e.Atschool theydi dn’tpickanyi ssues
becauseIwasal way sbr ight.Iev enbecame
brighterandnoonet houghtImi ghtbehav ing
i
ssuesathome.WhenZol a’ssi
st erusedtot ry
tobr i
ngpeopl ei ntohel pus, moneyt alked
becausenocasewast akenser ious.Ma,
doesn’ tremembernot hi ng.Shewasal way s
passedoutwhent hewor sthappened.
“
Thul
i…l
et’
sgo,
”Phut
ibegs,
hisv
oicebr
eaki
ng.
“
Babe,l
et’
sgo.
”
“Shest
il
ldoesn’
tknowhowmanysetoff inger
s
havebeeninsi
demyv agi
na.Nothers.Mine.
Sheneverhadaknif
epiercedinherstomachto
showherhowmucht heywi l
lhur
therifshetol
d
anyone.Shedoesn’tknowhowi tfeelst
ohav e
handsonhermout hsothatshedon’tcry.Oh
myGod, Idi
dn’tevenwanttoscream…i just
wantedtobreathe.Iwantedtobreathe,
that’
s
al
l.
”
I
tispoi
ntl
esst
owi
pemyt
ear
sawaynow.
Sodamnpoi
ntl
ess.
“
It
’sokay
…”Phut
isay
s.
“No.Shesti
ll
doesn’tknowhowmanycocksI
sucked.Shedoesn’
t.Ibeggedherami l
l
ion
ti
mesnott oopenthedoorwhent heycame
knocki
ng.Youknowwhatshedi d?Shei nv
ited
them i
nbecausetheylefthermoney.
”
Phut
ist
andshel
plessl
yatt
hesi
de.
“Youruinedmyli
fe,”Ihi
ssather,
myfingeron
herface.“Your
uinedmyl i
feandIwi
l
lnev er
forgi
vey ou.
”
“
Mybaby
…”
“Iam noty
ourbaby
.Yourbabydi
edteny
ears
ago.Shediedandyouwi
llnev
erhav
eherback.
”

600SHARESunl
ockEPI
SODE8,
tomor
row@
20h00shar
p

www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za
admi
n@st
ori
esby
takal
ani
m.co.
za

PI
CKOFTHEDAY

I
ntotheSun+Adel
aide=R510i
ncl
cour
iert
o
door
/PAXI
_
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
__
W OUNDED HEARTS
EPI
SODE8

PHUTI

“Iam notyourbaby.Yourbabydi
edtenyear
s
ago.Shediedandy ouwillnev
erhav
eherback,
”
Thuli
criesoutbeforecol
lapsi
ngonthef
loor
.
Oh,
shi
t!
Irushtowheresheisbutsheisfine.Sheis
sobbingbutshedidn’
tpassoutorany thi
ng.She
fi
ghtsmyhandswhenIt r
ytopickherupsoI
j
usthelpherupandpul l
hertothecarbef or
e
anotherepi
sode.Weneedt ogoorel seshewill
explodewhenshegetsherstrengthback.
Ibuckl
eherseatbel
tandmov
etot
hedr
iver
’s
seat.
Shei
scal
m asshet
ri
est
obr
eat
he.
“
Arey
oual
ri
ght
?”Iaskaf
tert
hel
ongestt
ime.I
haven’
tmov edbutThuli
hasn’
tstoppedcr y
ing.
Hermot heri
sstandi
ngatthegate,hel
plessbut
Ishakemyheadwhensheat t
emptst ol
eav e
thegate.Sheist
helastper
sonthatThuliwants
tosee.
Iam evenconfl
ict
edrightnow.Iam gladI
broughtherher
e…tofacehermot herbutIdon’
t
knowwhatt odowi t
hherrightnow.
Shei
smor
ethanamess.
“It
oldy
out ost
ayi
nthecar
,”shesobs,
herey
es
onherhands.
“Ihear
dyouf r
om here.That’
swhyIcameinfor
you.Iwouldn’
thavewalkedintoyourmot
her
’s
housewithoutyourpermissi
on.”
“Sheisnolongermymot her,
”shesobs.Ir each
forherhandandcaressitasshet akesa
l
ongestbreath.Ihavenocluewhatt osaynext.
Iholdherhanduntil
shestopscrying.Itt
ookher
solongbutIwai t
edunti
lIfel
tthatitwassaf e
formetodri
ve.Ir
everseoutandheadbackto
themainst
reet
.Whenwepassal i
tt
lecent
re
withanumberofspazashops,Thul
iasksmeto
stop.
“Canyoupleasel
endmesomemoney .Iwould
l
iketogetsomethi
ngf
ortheheadache,”she
says.
“
I’
ll
gogety
ousomet
hing…”
“No.I’
l
l go,
”sheinsi
sts.“Ineedt
obr eat
he.”I
pull
at wentyfr
om mywal let
.“Ahundred,pl
ease.
Iwil
lgiveyouback…”
“Comeon,
”Imumbl ewhi
lepul
li
ngahundred.
Maybesheneedssomethi
ngtoeattoo.“
Please
bri
ngmeabottleofwat
erifi
twil
lbeenough.”
“Sure,”shequickl
ysaysandwalksoutoft
he
car.Iwat chunti
lshedi
sappeart
osomekindof
agr ocerstore.
Ipullaphoneandscr
oll
str
aightt
othel
ast
dial
l
ednumberonmyphone.Thi sti
mei
tgoes
t
hrough.
“
Hel
l
o,”Di
neoanswer
sfr
om t
heendoft
hel
i
ne.
“
Hi!
”
“Oh,Phut
i.Iam sosor
rymyphonewasdead
and….Ohman…i tisal
ongst
ory…”
“
Youcanst
opact
ingnow.Shet
oldme.
”
“
Shet
oldy
ouwhat
?”
“Thatyouplannedt
hewhol
ethi
ngf
ory
out
o
disappear
.”
“
Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?”
Oh,myGod,thi
sgirl
.“Thuli
,stopacti
ng.She
tol
dmeabouty ouandherpl anni
ngeveryt
hing.
Youcanstopacti
ng.I’
m call
ingwithsomething
moreser
iousthanthatstupi
dact.”
“Oh,”shesaysandsighs,“Im sorr
y,Ipr
omised
mysi stert
haty
ouwon’ tsleepwi t
hthatgi
rl
.I
didn’tmeantoplaywit
hy ourf eel
i
ngsbutmy
sist
ercomesf i
rst.
”
“Iam i
nSoweto,
”Isay
,movi
ngonfr
om t
hat
usel
esschatshewantst
odwel
lon.
“
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngi
nSowet
o?”
“
Thul
iaskedmetobr
ingherher
etohav
eachat
wi
thyourmot
her
.”
“
Oh,
no…don’
tlethergo.
”
“
Alr
eadydone.
”
“
Howi
sshe?
”
“
Sheisf
ine…buti
twasint
ense.Shewenti
nto
t
heshoptogetsomewater.Idon’
tknowwhat
t
odo.WhatdoItell
her
?Thisistoomuch.
”
“Tel
lmewhenyougettoyourapar
tment
,Iwi
l
l
cometoher
.Shemightbetoomuchtohandl
e.”
“Oh…shit
,”IsaywhenIseeThul
isi
tt
ingont
he
benchjustoutsi
dethest
ore.
“
What
’sgoi
ngon?
”
“
Ineedt
ogo.I
’
llcal
lyouwhenIgett
omy
apar
tment
.Ineedt
ogo.
”
“
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
”
“Not hi
ng.IjustneedtogetThulioutofher e.I
needt ogo,”Isaybeforehangingupand
rushingtowher eThulii
ssitt
ing,cr
ying.She
takesanot hersipandthenfrownatt hebitter
drink.Justbeforeshetakesthelastsip,Ipull
thepocketwhi skeybottl
efrom herhand.
“Please…”shesays.Herfacei
sshit
tyagain,
tearsalloverherf
ace.Idropmyeyestothe
bottlewhichisasgoodasempt y
.
“
Real
ly,
Thuli
?”It
hrowthebot
tl
eintothebi
nnot
f
arfr
om us.“
Thisi
sn’
tgoingt
ohelp.”
“
Iti
sgoi
ngt
ohel
pme.
”
“
Right
!”
“Areyoujudgingme?”sheasks.Shehasn’
t
cleanedherfaceandIdon’
tli
kethosetear
son
herface.
“WhywouldIj
udgey ou?Idon’
tknowy
ou.”I
knowver
ywellthatargui
ngwit
hherwil
lj
ust
makethi
ngswor se.
“
Per
fectanswer
.”
“
Come.Weneedtogetoutofherebefor
eal
l
t
hatal
cohol
goesst
rai
ghttoyourhead.”
Howdi dsheev
endr i
nkthatt
hing?Undi
l
uted
Whiskey?Damn,herheadisgoingt
opoundfor
day
s.
Iletherseatatt hebackbecauseIdon’ttrustal
l
thatalcohol nottot
urnherintoafreakany
mi nut
e.Iputmyaddr essonthenav i
gatorand
drivestraighthomeunt i
lsheasksfora
McDonal ds.Imakethedr i
vewaythrubefore
headingst rai
ghttomyapar tment
.
“Canwe…j ustsither
eforal i
tt
lewhi
le?”she
asks.Sheisalreadydrunk,butnott
hewayI
thoughtshewoul dbeafterdowningthatli
tt
le
bottl
e.
“
Ofcour
se,
”Ir
espondandr
oll
downt
he
wi
ndows.
“DoyouthinkIshoul
dt r
ackdownmyf at
her….
Andalsotellhi
m howofacowar dheis?”She
asksandshov esaburgeri
nhermout h.Iwai
t
unti
lsheswal l
ows,“
Doy outhi
nkthatiti
sall
his
faul
t?”
Idon’
tsayany
thi
ng.Whatam Isupposedt
osay
?
“
Sheclaimsshedoesn’
trememberbutthati
s
j
ustbull
shi
t,
”shesaysandtakeanot
herbit
e.
“
Oh,Ithi
nkIwashungry.
”
“
Yes.
”
“
Don'
tyouwantsome?
”Shepassest
hebur
ger
t
othefr
ont
.
“Oh,y
es…”Isaywhil
etaki
ngitfr
om her.It
akea
bit
ebecause,
yes,
Ishouldgaveboughtsome
formysel
f.
“
Whenar
eyougoi
ngt
orunaway
?”Sheasks
andf
lopsont
heseat
.
“
Iam notgoi
ngt
orunaway
.”
“Theyallsai
dthatunt
ilIwast
oomucht
o
handle.
”
“
Wel
l
….i
am nott
hem.
”
“Noonecanhandleawoundedhear
t,
”shesays.
Trut
h!Idon’
tknowhowonecanhandlemetoo.

*
***
**

Thul
ihasbeensl
eepi
ngf
ort
wohour
snow.
Shit
!Idon’ tknowhowImanagednott obreak
downwi t
hherwhenshedi di
nmyarmsaf ter
thechati nthecar .Shecri
edher
sel
ftosleep.
Theal coholshet houghtwoul
dhelpactual
ly
madeherwor se.Shelosti
tandIam gr
ateful
thesistershowedupwhenIneededhert he
most.
Fourshour
slat
er,
mybodyst
il
lhas
goosebumps.
Howthefuckdoesaparentl
etmenhav
ethei
r
waywit
hherchil
dren?
How?
Iam standingatthedoor,wat
chinghersleepi
ng.
Sheisrestlessevenwhensheissleeping.She
fl
inchesnowandt hen,
andDineohastowake
herupt oletherknowthatsheisdreaming.
HowdoIhel
pher
?
How?
Wher
edoIev
enst
art
?
“
Sheissti
l
lrest
less,”IsaywhenIret
urnt
o
wher
eDineoiswat chi
ngtelev
isi
on.
“
Shewill
befi
ne,
”shesays.“
Sheget
sliket
his
whenshehast
orel
ivet
hatmoment.”
“
Whendi
dshet
ell
you.
..
fort
hef
ir
stt
ime?
”Iask.
“Whenshet urnedsixteen.Wheni thappenedto
me, Idi
dmybestt oprotectheronl ytofindthat
thedamagewasal readydone.Wor stdamage
ever.Sheref
usedt otalkunt i
lshewassi xt
een.I
watchedherbr eakdownf orday sandshe
ref
usedt ogot her
eev eragain.So, thi
sisan
i
mpr ovement.Iwentt hroughwi ththerapy.Il
ive
withthescars…butThul il
iveswitht hewounds.”
Shi
t!Thi
sisheav
y.
Aknockinterr
uptsus,
befor
ethedoorfl
i
es
open.Car
ol walksi
nwithaboxofpi
zza.
“Hey…Oh…Idi
dn’
tknowy
ouhav
evi
sit
ors,
”
Carolsay
s.
“Carol.
”Igetonmyfeetandmeetheratt
he
kit
chen.“Youshoul
dhavesai
dthatyouwere
comi ng.
”
“I
tisourri
tual
tohavepi
zzaaft
erour…
cl
ubbing…”shestar
esatwher
eDineois
watchi
ngtelev
isi
onwit
houtacarei
nthewor
ld.
“Come,
weneedtot
alk,
”Isaywhi
lel
eadi
ngt
he
wayout
.Shef
oll
owsandclosest
hedoor
behi
ndher
.
“Whichoneisy
ours?”Carolaskswhenwesit
onthestai
rways.“
Ithoughttheywer
esi
ster
s.”
“
Theyar
e.”
“
Youar
edoi
ngt
hem bot
h?”
“
What?No.Shedoesn’
tev
endomen,
”Isay
.
“
Thul
iisj
ustbusy
.”
“
Play
ingf
ami
l
y,huh?
”
“
Notreal
ly,
”Irespond.Wesi
tinsi
lence,
wat
chingcarspassbythemainroad.
“
Youdon’
tlookf
ine.
”
“Maybeweshouldr
eal
l
ycal l
itqui
ts,
”Ist
art
.“I
am deal
i
ngwithsomet
hingthatwil
lneedmeto
…changesomeofmyway s.
”
“
Whati
sit
?”
“Somet hingdeeperthanme. ”Isighdeeply
becauseIdon’ tevenknowwhatIam say i
ng.
Eveni fIneedtobet hereforThuliasaf ri
end,I
don’twantt ogetherdepr essedaboutmy
rel
ationshiporfri
endshipwi t
hCar ol.Sheand
Dineowoul dn’thavegonet hroughwi tht
heir
operationifshedidn’tmindmebei ngwithCarol
.
“Well
,Isawitcoming,
”Carolsay
s.“Thiswas
goi
ngt ohappentoeit
herofus.I
tjusthappened
toyoufir
st.
”
“
Whathappened?
”
“Every
thingchangedwhenshecamei ntothe
pict
ure.Shei stheonewhohady ouont he
phoneev eryday ,isn’
tshe?”Sheasks.Inod.“I
understand.”Sheget sonherf eet
.“Iguessthi
s
i
si t
.Shei sn’
tst r
ongf orourarr
angement ssoI
guessy ouhav et ogoexclusiv
e.”Inod.“You
owememypi zza.”
Ipul
lmyphoneandshowi
ttoherbef
oreshe
wal
ksaway .Imakeamoneyt r
ansfert
oher
bef
oreheadingbackt
otheflat.Di
neois
hel
pingher
selft
othepi
zza.
“
Thi
smustbet hedopestpi
zza,
ever
,”shesay
s
f
rom t
hecouch.
“
Iagr
ee.
”Idi
shf
ormy
sel
fbef
orej
oini
ngher
.
“So,doyouhav eanyi ntent i
onswi thmysi ster?
”
sheasksbuti nasecondr aiseherf inger.“Don’t
answerthat .Imightnotl iket heanswer .You
don’thaveintention…weambushedy ouand
forcedourselvesher eintoy ourspace.I
apologi
ze.But …iknowThul ilovesy oumor e
thanshemi ghtev erexplaint oy ou.Not hi
nghas
evergothert ofaceherdemons.Youknowwhy
Iwentwi t
ht heplan? ”Dineoasks.Ishakemy
head.Thulitoldmet hismor ningbutIwantt o
hearitfr
om hersi ster.“Shepr omi sedthatifI
helpher,shewi ll
got other apy.Fort hef i
rst
ti
mei nteny ears…sheagr eedt ogoi fsheget sa
chancetot alktoy ou.”
Wow!
“
Wow,
”Imumbl
e.
“Iwi
llnev
er,nev
er,f
orceyout
ostayaft
ert
his
wholethi
ng…butIbegyoutobegent
lewit
h
her.
”
“
How?
”
“Gowi ththefl
owunt i
lshegetshelp?”Shesays.
“Pleasejustpl
ayalongtolovi
ngherback…j ust
sot hatshegetshelp.Whenshehasmade
progress…youcanhav eyourl
ifeback.”
“
Idi
dn’
tsayIam l
eav
ingher
.”
“Youdidn’tsayy ouwer estayi
ngeit
her,
”she
responds.Herv oiceisbr eaki
ng.“Pl
ease.Idon’
t
knowy oubutIdon’ tknowhowel set ogether
help.Therapydoeshel p.Iam abl
etol i
vemylif
e.
Iam dating.Ihav eal i
fe.Shedoesn’t
.Allshe
doesiswor k.Youar enotgoingtoheal her
…but
don’tputherintot heditch.”
*
***
**

Thuliwil
lbef ine!It ellmy selffort hemi ll
ionth
ti
measIt urnt ot hepar kingl ot.Ithasbeena
fewday ssincet hatSowet oSat urday .When
Thuliwokeuphour sl ater,sheaskedmet otake
hertoRes, toget herwi thhersi st er.Shedi dn’t
wantt ofaceme.Shest il
l doesn’ twantt of ace
meandal lt
hatIam t ry
ingt odoi st ochatt oher
toremindhert hatIam t heref orher .I tfeelsli
ke
sheiswai ti
ngf ormet odi sappearf r
om herl if
e
j
ustlikehowt hepeopl esheat tempt edt ot el
l
walkedawayf rom herl i
fe.Shehasn’ tgi venme
achancet ot ellhert hatIwi llstay .Hersi st
er
Dineotoldmenott omaker usheddeci sion.I
thi
nkshehasal sobeendi sappoi ntedbymany
people.Idon’tpl ant oleav e.Ijustwi shThul i
couldletmei nsot hatIcanhel pt omybest
abil
it
y.
‘
Hey,howwast heAccounti
ngt est
?’-Itext
Thul
i.Shetol
dmeaboutt hetestthatshehas
beenprepari
ngwit
hGrace.
‘
Nai
ledit
.Ial
wayst
ellt
heprofessor
stomake
t
hei
rtest
salit
tl
edi
ff
icul
t.
’-Thuli
.
‘
Dotheyevermaket
hem al
i
ttl
edi
ff
icul
t?’
-I
r
espond.
‘
Nev
er.Theydon’
tli
sten.
’-Thul
i
.
‘
May
bey
ouar
etoogoodf
orschool
.’
‘
Youmay
ber
ight
.Lol
.Howar
eyou?
’-Thul
i
.
‘
Iam al
ri
ght
.Justmi
ssi
ngy
ou.
’
‘
Ther
eisnot
hingt
omi
ss.
’-Thul
i
.
‘
Thereisalottomiss.Iam goingtoLi
mpopo
t
omor r
ow.Iwantsomecont entt
omakemy
motherlaugh.Onl
yyouarecapableofthat
.’
‘
Sendmygr
eet
ings.
’-Thul
i
.
‘
Iwi
l
l.Canwedoear
lysupper
?Iam aty
our
school gate.Nowt hatyouaredonewi t
hy our
Account ingtest
,Iknowy ouhav eallt
het i
mei n
thewor lduntily
ourexams.Come.Iam out si
de.
Ijustpitchedmyl atestproj
ect,
Ihaveal lt
he
ti
mei nt hewor l
dt owaithereall
night.So,take
allyourtimeget t
ingready.’
Shedoesn’ tr
espondt omylastt extsoIthr
ow
myphoneont heseatandl i
stent otheradi
o.
Everyday,somanyGBVcasesr eportedandthe
governmentisstil
lfai
li
ngus?I tsickensmet o
knowt hatourpri
ncipalsdonotf ocusmuchon
these…but…
Iquicklychangethest at
ionwhenInot i
ceThuli
walkingtowar dsthecar.Hersmilei
snotbr i
ght
butitcando.Thedr essshehasont ell
smeshe
madel i
tt
leeffor
tsforoursupper.BeforeIcoul
d
evenj umpoutoft hecart oopenthedoorfor
her,sheisalreadyopeningthepassengerdoor.
Sheflopsontheseatandsays,
“Takemet
o
thatr
estaur
antforsomesoup.”
“
JustwhatIt
hought
.”

Attherest
aurant,
thewaitr
esstakesourf ood
aft
erdroppingourfi
rstgl
assesofjuice.We
haven’
tsaidmuchsinceourdrivefrom the
col
lege.
“
Didmysi
sterputy
out
othi
s?”Thul
iasks.
“Wherey ouguysworkingonanotheroperat
ion
thatIdon’tknowabout?”Ismi
rkather.“No,she
didn’
t.Iwasmi ssi
ngyouanddidn’twantto
l
eav eforLimpopobeforeseei
ngyou.”
“Shei
scapabl
eofmaki
ngpeopl
edot
hingst
hey
don’
twantto.
”
“
Notme,
”Ir
espondandshesmi
l
es.
“Iam goi
ngt
oseethether
api
stnextweek.Fi
rst
appoi
ntment
.Icoul
dn’
tgetacl
oserday.
”
“
That
’sgr
eat
.”
“
Iam sor
ryy
ouhadt
oseet
hat
…”shesay
s,at
thi
spoint,hereyest
ooglassysheiscl
oset
o
cry
ing.“Idi
dn’tmeanfori
ttohappen.”
“
Neverapol
ogi
sef
ort
hat
…nev
er…doy
ouhear
me?
”
“
Whynot
?Idi
dn’
t…”
“Neverapologise.Gety ourheal
ing,Thuli
.Thisis
yourchance…sogr abt heopportunit
yandr un
withit
.Don’tbeapol ogetic.Nev
er,”Isay.Her
tearsarenowst reami ngdown.“ Iam soso
proudofy ou,beli
ev eme.Youar esobr ave.Just
l
ikemyki ndofwoman.Youwer esobr ave.
”
Shechokes,
“Don’
t…”
“Iam notgoingtosayt hingsIdon’tmeanso
don’
twor r
yaboutmesay ingthi
ngs.”Ipul
lher
hand,andthenanot her.“Lookatme. ”Sheli
ft
s
herhead.“Youar egoingt odoeverythi
nginthe
worl
dt ogettheheal i
ngy ouneed.Don’tworry
aboutmoney .Doev erythi
ngy ouneedt odoto
getyourhealing.Don’teverlookback,doyou
understand?”Shenods.“ Idon’tev
erwantyou
tolookback…ev eragain.Doy ouhearme?”She
nods.“Dineoisthere.Iam there.I
’l
lwor
k
overti
mei fneedbe…buty ouar egoingt
oget
thehealingyouneed.”
“
Arey
ougoi
ngt
odot
hesame?
”
“
What
?”Iask.
“
Getheali
ng.Doitwit
hme.Youal soneedto
moveonfrom yourmother
’si
ssue,”shesay
s.I
l
ethergoofherhandsbutshetakesthem.“Do
i
twit
hme. ”
“Yougofir
st.Iam st
ronger
.Idon’tneedhelp,
”I
say.Idi
dn’
tknowIneedhel pinthi
sregard.I
havebeenli
vingwiththi
sburden…Idon’tneed
help.
“No.Youdoitwit
hme.Promi
seme,Phut
i.
”She
shakesmyhands,hert
ear
sst
reami
ngdownher
face.“
Doitwit
hme.”
750SHARESunlockEPISODE9,t
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enge!
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W OUNDED HEARTS

EPI
SODE9
THULI

“No.Idon’ tneedhelp,Thuli
.Let’sfocusonyou,
”
Phuti says,hiseyesnotleavi
ngmi ne.Whenthe
waitresswal ksbacktoourt ablewiththe
start
er s,
IletgoofPhut i’
shandsf orthe
waitresst oprepthetablefortheplates.I
excusemy selftotheladi
es’room toclean
my selfup.
Standingatt hemi r
ror,myeyesarepuf
fyli
ke
howt heynor mallygetwhenIcrybutIl
ook
decentaf t
erput t
ingpowderonmyf ace.Irol
l
theli
pstickonmyl i
psandwashmyhands
beforerunningmyhandsdownmydr essto
smoot hit.WhenIr eturnt
oourcornertabl
e,my
soupawai t
sme.Phut i
isal
mosthalfwaydone
withhisbowl ofseafoodstart
er.
“
Theymaket
hebestf
oodher
e,don’
tthey
?”
Phutimumblesbeforewi
pinghi
smouthwit
h
thenapki
n.Hesetsitdownandcont
inuewi
th
hisdi
sh.
“Theydo. ”Ist
artdiggingi ntomybowl of
chickensoup.Itisnicel ythickandfil
li
ng.Idon’t
event ouchthegarlicbr eadt hatcomeswi thi
t.I
don’twantt odil
uteitst aste.Iam yettofind
somet hingthatbeatst hesesoupst heyser ve
here.Idon’tcookbuti fIlear ntodoso, Iwould
l
iket odot hi
sathome.
“So,whendot heex amsst art
?”Phut i
asks.He
haschangedt hesubj ectfr
om t hatheav ychat
thatl
edmet ot her est r
oomsandIt hi
nkatt hi
s
minute,i
tisagr eati dea.Idon’tli
kedwel li
ngon
painf
ulstuff.Pai nful memor i
esIt houghtI
wouldnev erhav et or el
ive.Iguessonecannot
runawayf rom t hepastf or
ever.Thebestwayi s
todealwithitwheny ouareready .Iam feel
readynow.Iwi shIwast hi
sreadyt eny earsago.
Thisissohar d, though.ButImustsay ,thechat
withmymot her-nomat terhowpai nfuli
twas,
haslif
tedthisburdenIhadonmyshoul ders.I
feelsomuchl ighter
.Theni ght
mar esareback
butthoseIcandeal wi
th.Ifeell
ighternowandI
am start
ingtohav easmi leonmyf ace.Thelast
ti
meIhadasmi lewaswhenDadwasst i
ll
aroundwi t
hus-whenwewer esti
llafamily.
Dad!
Idon’tevenknowi fitisagr eati
deat olookf or
him.May beIshouldt alktoDineoabouti t.Butif
wedol ookforhi m…thenwhat ?Hehaspr obably
mov edonandhasst artedanewf amily
whereverheis.Hei sn’tthefir
stmant owal k
awayf r
om hisf amil
y-t hatIknowf orsure.
Adultshaveissuesoft heirown.Butwhatev er
thereasons,theyareunf orgiv
able.Howdoes
hethinkDineoandIar edoing?Howdoeshe
thi
nkmymot herisdoi ngafterheleftus?I ti
sn’
t
l
ikehel ef
therwi t
hendl essamountofmoney
totakecareofus.
“
Thul
i
?”
“Huh?
”Ili
ftmyeyest
oPhuti
wholooksworri
ed.
Hemov esonhi
schai
randasksi
fIam al
ri
ght.I
nodathim.
Ihadzonedout
,hadn’
tI?
“
Iaskedwhentheexamsstar
t?”Hecl
earshi
s
t
hroat
,“Ar
etheyst
arti
nganyt
imesoon?”
“Oh…onl
yi ntwomonths.School
closeson
Mondayf orj
ustaweekandwhenwer et
urn,
it’
l
l
berevi
sion.”
“
Schoolcl
osesonMonday
?Whatar
eyourpl
ans
f
orthehol
iday
s?”
“Wel
l…Ihavenoi dea.
”Isipf
rom mygl ass
bef
oretaki
ngaspoonf ul
ofthesoup.“ Iusedto
workmybut toffduri
ngschoolhol
iday s.
Now…thatIhav eaweekt omyself
, Ihaveno
cl
uehowIwi llspendit
.MaybeI’l
ltakeGr ace’
s
dar
e.”
“Whatdar e?
”Helaughs.MaybeGrace’s
suggesti
onsdowor k.I
twasherdoi ngthatgot
met othissamechairi
nf r
ontofPhuti.I
tisher
darethatgotmeaf est
iveseasonjobather
fat
her’scompany.Asummerj obIam looki
ng
for
war dfor.
“I
tisn’
tadareperse,
butsheaskedmet
oread
oneofherromancebooks.
”
“
Oh!
”
“Exact
ly.
”Webot
hlaugh.“
Ihat
ethat
nonsense.”
“Why?”heasks.Irememberseeingabookshel
f
i
nhisapart
ment .Idon’
treadbooks,
soIdidn’
t
evengothr
oughhi scol
lecti
on.
“Whywoul dIwantt oreadaboutthingsthatwill
neverhappeninr eall
i
fe?Itoldyou.Iam wiser
thanthat.
”Ishrug.“I
fshesuggest edthatIread
ahistor
icalbook,Iwouldgladlyt
aket heoffer.
But,r
eadingromance?Thoset hi
ngsar etoofar
f
etchedf
orme.
”
“Idon’
treadr
omancebutIknowt
hoset
hings
dohappen.”
“
No.
”
“Theydo.Okay,maybethebooksarealit
tl
e
exagger
ated…tooexxager
ated…butt
heyarenot
toofarf
etched.Don’
tyoubeli
eveinfat
e?”
“
Uhm…no,”Il
augh.Ialsolaughathowagr
own
mancanbeli
evei
nt hat.
“
Youcannotbeser
ious.
”
No,
YOU,
cannotbeser
ious.
“
Iam ser
ious.Idon’
tbel
i
evei
nfat
e.”
“Doyouknowhowmybossmethi
swi
fe?
”he
asks.
“Don’
twastey ourti
met el
l
ingme.Itwon’t
changemymi nd.
”Itakemylastspoonfuloft
he
soup.“Don’
ttellmeaboutsweetlove.Whydo
peopleneverwrit
eaboutmyf at
her’
sstory?He
l
efthischi l
drenandnev erlookedback.Hi s
chil
drengetabusedy etheisnowher etobe
found.Hei sliv
inginpeace, l
ivingal i
e…”Idrop
thespoonont hebowl andt akeadeepestsi gh,
“Okay…may beIwillgi
veitat ry.
”Itoldmy sel
f
thatIwi l
lonlybepositi
vef r
om t hisdayuntil
.IfI
needt obeposi ti
veaboutast upidromance
fi
cti
on, l
etitbe.Iam wi l
l
ingt ostartthisheal
ing
j
ourney .Thispositi
vejourney.
“
CanIgetar ev
iewwheny ouar
edone?
”Phut
i
l
aughs.“Iwoul
dli
ketoknowhowyouanal
yse
t
heseficti
onst
ori
es.
”
“Gr
acemustn’
thearmebecauseherl i
tt
le
bubbl
ewouldpop.Ihaveneverseenher
wit
houtabookinherhand.
”
“Booksaret
herapeut
ic.IsecondGr
ace.Il
i
ke
hersuggest
ion.
”
“
Youal
way
stakehersi
de.
”
“
Youar
eluckyIonl
yli
key
ou…nother
.Shei
sn’
t
evencl oset obey ourthreat,
”hesayswitha
smile.Il ookawaybef oregetti
ngemotional.I
don’tknowhowwear egoi ngtodothi
s.A
rel
ationshi p.Il
ovetheideaofget t
ingalovi
ng
part
nerl i
kemysi ster
,buthowdoImakei twor k
whenal lIseeisthosef acesofthosedevil
s
whenev erIgetint
imate?
May bethetherapywillhel
p.Maybeitwon’t.But
Iam hopeful.Dineosaysitwil
lhel
p.Phutisays
sotoo.Iam y ettotel
lGraceandMar i
a.These
fouraretheonlypeopleinmyspace.
“St
aywi
thme,Thul
i
,”Phuti
sayswit
hasmile.I
dogetl
osti
nmythoughtsandhehaspi
ckedit
up.
”
“
Yes!
”
Supperisservedandsoi sdessert
!Justl
ikethe
otherday,wehav ebeenatthi
scornertablefor
mor ethantwohour sbutwestil
lhavealotto
tal
kabout .Phut
itri
edhisbestnottobri
ngt he
Sowet oepi sodeinourchats.Iam st ill
not
comf ortablethathesawmeast hatmessedup.
Iam ev enembar r
assedatbr eakingdowni nhis
armsaf tert heMcDonalds.Di neosaidPhut i
doesn’tmi ndbecausehehasf eeli
ngsf orme
butIam notcomf or
tabl
ebecauseal otof
peoplewal kedawaysi ncet hedayt hegotahi nt
ofmypast .Mysexexper i
enceshav ebeen
horr
ibleandi fIam i
nar el
ationshipnow…we
needt ober eal
ist
icaboutthings.West opped
themanf rom hav i
ngareleaset heot hernight
andy et….
“
Whatar
eyout
hinki
ngabout
?”Phut
iasks.
“
Oh,
not
hing,
”Iqui
ckl
yrespond.

*
***
*

Gracehasbeenhavi
ngaf i
elddaywit
hmesi nce
t
hecallImadetoherthi
smor ni
ng.School
closedonMondayandGr aceleftthefi
rstnovel
toreadf ortheweek.Si nceIagreedt oseePhuti
onFr idaynoonaf terwork,Ihavebeenbur i
edon
thebookt hatGr acedaredmet ofini
shbefore
sher etur
nsf r
om homeonSundayev eni
ng.Iti
s
aWednesdayandt hebookisalreadydone.I
stil
lsayitiscute…justhowIt houghtbutit
was…sogood.
‘
Iknewy ouwouldfal
linlove.Iwill
giveyou
anotherbookwhenIreturn,
’-Grace.Iam not
real
l
yi nl
ovebuti
twasj ustliber
ati
ngtoread
aboutsomethi
ngsolov el
y .
Nowt hatIdon’thav eanythi
ngt odo,Ipullmy
j
acketanddeci det otakeawal k.Thecollegeis
empt y.Onlyaf ewst udentshereandt here.I
tur
nt owar dstheschool fi
eldsbutstopwhenI
noticeMrNgweny a’scarattheparkinglot.Next
toitisanot hercarthatbelongst oProfLloyd.I
changemydi r
ecti
ont othefaculty,
tofindMr
ngweny a.Ifhehassomewor kforme, Iwould
appr
eciat
e.Iam notusedtobedoi
ngnothi
ng.
Hisof
fi
cedoorisslight
lyopen,
sohei
sindeed
i
n.
“
Comei
n,
”hecal
l
soutwhenIknock.
“Isawyourcarout
side,
”Isayandhel
i
ftshi
s
headtome.
“Miss…Thul
i
,”hesaysbef
oredroppinghi
spen
onthepil
eofpapert
hatheisworkingon.
“School
iscl
osed.Whatar
ey oudoingher
e?”
“Well
,IhadnowheretogosoIam ar ound.The
studygroupal
sotookabreak,
”Irespond,eyi
ng
thepil
eofpaperonhisdesk.I
tisthe
economicsassi
gnmenthegav eusaweekago.
“Haveyoumarkedmine?”
“Shouldn’
thavewastedmytime,
”heresponds
whi l
etaki
ngthepenandpagingthescr
ipti
n
frontofhim.Iknowwhathemeans.Itwasnot
challengi
ngenough,
mostlywhenIhadbooksin
frontofme.
“Ihav
enothi
ngtodo.Letmehelpyoumark.I
havenot
hingtodoatal
l.
”Ihav
eassist
edhima
fewti
messinceItut
orhi
ssubj
ect.
“
Whyar
eyounotat
tendi
ngpar
ti
esandal
l
?”
“Sir
!Notme,”Ir espondaf t
erlaughi ng.Okay,
whyam Inotat tractedtohim any mor e?Ishake
myheadathowPhut ihasforcedhi mselfinmy
headnow.“ I
’l
ltaket hispi
leandI ’l
lbringitback
i
nanhour .Iwon’ ttouchthegener al knowledge
questi
onssincei tneedsy ourinterpretat
ion.
”I
pickasmallerpile.MrNgweny aget sonhi sfeet
andmakeacopyoft heanswer s.
“Letmeknowwheny ouaredone”heresponds
whilehandingmet heredpenandt heanswer
sheet.Inodathim befor
edisappeari
ngtothe
studytableout
sidethefacul
tyarea.
DemandandSuppl y
.Isti
ll
don’tgeti
twhy
peopledonotunder
standthi
sconcept.When
ther
eisademand, f
orcesmustfacil
i
tatet
he
supplyanditobv i
ousl
ycauseschangesi nmany
fact
orsassoci atedwiththeglobaleconomy .I
don’tknowhoweasyt oexplai
nitbutIdon’tget
i
twhyi tisforeigntomany .AsImar kthrough
somescr ipt
s, Icomeacr osstwofrom myst udy
groupandt heyseem t obeonpoi nt.Iam proud
ofmy self
.Anhourl at
er,MrNgweny awal ksto
whereIam si tti
ngandt akestheotherempt y
seat.
“
Sir
!”
“Howdi
ditgo?Iam t
hinki
ngofmaki
ngmyway
homenow.”
“
Itwentper
fect
lywel
l
,”Ir
espond.“
Thi
sist
he
l
astpaper
.”
“
Howdoy oualwaysgett
hisr
ight?Ioncehada
f
ri
endsett hepaperf
ormesoi ti
ssafetosay
t
hatIam nottheonegivi
ngouteasytests.
”
“
Well
…”Istar
eathim.“Ihav
enoideabutIknow
t
hatIcl
oseoffev
eryt
hingandf
ocusonone
t
hingandhav
eitwor
kforme.
”
“
Youshoul
dn’
thav
ebeenher
e.”
“
Itot
all
yagr
ee.
”Ichuckl
e.
“
So,
itt
hishowi
tiswi
thev
ery
thi
ngi
nyoul
i
fe?
”
“Forsomereasons,
Idon’
thav
eapr
ett
ygood
sociall
i
fe.
”
“
Becausey
ouwererude.Thi
ngshav
echanged
abi
tnow,t
hough.
”
“Isuppose.
”Igi
vehim backthepileofscripts.
Heget sonhisf
eet,
readyt oleav
ewhenIsay ,
“CanIask?Whatwouldaguy …appreci
ateforan
appreci
ati
ongif
t?Notast udentbutawor king
class.
”
“Uhm…”het akesami
nutetothi
nkhard.He
shakeshi
sheadandlaughs,“
Iti
sfunnythatI
havenoidea.”
“Okay,whatdoesy
ourwi
fegi
vey
ouony
our
bir
thday?”
“Yearafteryearshetakesmet osupperand
givememi nd-bl
owingsex,cl
aimingthatiti
sa
presentforme.Ihav eneverhadanything
special
,”hesay s.“
Gethim agoodscot chorif
helikessports,gethi
m aVIPt i
ckett
oamat ch.
”
HereIwas, thinki
ngMrNgweny awasl iv
ingan
i
nteresti
nglife.VI
Pticket
sf orPhutiwould
scoreat humbsupf orefforts-thatguyhas
connectionsfordays.Asf orscotch…theguy
doesn’tquali
fytobeadr i
nker .

*
***
***

Fri
daylat
enoon, Phutiisheretopickmeupf or
amov i
e.Well,af
terfail
ingtogethim agif
t,Iam
goi
ngtohiscarempt yhanded.Ijustwantedto
gethi
m alitt
lesomet hi
ngtoappr eci
atehi
mf or
hi
shelp.Butonet hi
nghasbeenst uckwit
hme-
mind-
blowingsex.Oh, notthatIhavetogiveit
tohim.I tj
ustgotmet hinki
ngaboutther ealit
y
ofthings.Phutiisaman, andifwearepur suing
thi
sr omanticrelat
ionship,wearegoingt ohav e
toengagei nitbutIam notr eady.Readingt hat
eroti
cbook, Ididgetar ousedbutIdon’tthinkit
will
bet hesamewhenIact uall
ydoi t
.
Tomor rowismyf i
rsttherapysessionandI
hopei tgoeswel l
.
“Canwej ustbuypopcor nsandslush…andchat
i
nstead?”IaskwhenIgett othecar.Iam noti
n
themoodf oramov i
eforsomer eason.He
agrees,
sohegoest othecinemaandget sus
popcornsandpuppysl ush.Whenher et
urns,he
dri
vesusbackt othecoll
egeandpar ksj
ust
neartheresidence.
“Mynephewwantstov
isi
tmedur
ingt
hef
est
ive
season,
”Phut
isay
s.
“
Lethimv
isi
tyou.I
twoul
dbef
un,
don’
tyou
t
hink?
”
“Iam pl
anni
ngto.I
tmustbebori
ngforhimto
spendhisli
fewi
ththel
adi
es.I
’
llt
akesomet i
me
offt
owardsChri
stmasandhavehim ov
er.
”
“
Howi
syourmot
her
?”
“She…wasdi f
fer
ent
.Itol
dyouwhenI
ret
urned…butmycousinsai
dshei
sokaywhenI
checkeduponherlastni
ght.
”
“That
’sgood,
”Imumbl
e.“
So…i
readar
omant
ic
novel
.”
“
No,
youdi
dn’
t,
”hesay
sbef
orel
aughi
ngatme.
“
Wel
l
.Itwasqui
tei
mpr
essi
ve.
”
“That’
sagoodst ar
t,”hesaysandthr
owsa
handfulofpopcornintohismouth.“
So,
iti
s
anotherscoret
oGr ace.
”
“
Shei
snotgi
vi
ngmepeace.
”
“Ial
sowouldn’
tgi
vey
oupeacei
fyoul
i
kewhatI
suggest
.”
“
Ili
kewhaty
ousuggest
…il
i
ket
hatr
est
aur
ant
t
haty
out
akemet
o.”
“
Iam gl
ad.
”
West
aysi
l
entf
orav
eryl
ongwhi
l
e.
“
Phut
i?”
“
Hmmmm?
”Hehumsandt
urnshi
sfacet
ome.
“
Whatar
ewe?
”Iask.“
Meandy
ou?
”
“Doyouwanttobemygirl
fri
end?
”Hel aughs.
“Youar
emygi r
lf
ri
endbecauseIl
ikeyouandI
onceaskedyoubemorethanafri
endt ome.”
“
Youdi
dn’
taskmeagai
n.”
“
Woul
dyoul
i
ket
obemygi
rl
fr
iend?
”
“
Uhm!
”
“Thenyouaremygir
lf
ri
end,
”hesaysandbit
es
hisbot
tom l
i
p.Hemov escl
oserandpecksme
onmycheek.“Youaresobeaut
if
ul.
”
“
Don’
tyoumi
sssex?
”
“
What
?”Hel
aughs.“
Howdoesy
oubei
ng
beaut
if
ulhasany
thi
ngt
odowi
th…”
“
Notr
elat
edt
opi
cs.Sor
ryIwasn’
tcl
ear
.”
“
Okay
.So…doIneedt
oanswery
ourquest
ion?
”
“
Yes!
”
“
Well…Idomissi
t…but
…Icanf
unct
ionv
erywel
l
wi
thoutit
.”
“
Wer
eyour
eal
l
ygoi
ngt
osl
eepwi
tht
hatl
ady
?”
“
Ify
oudi
dn’
tcockbl
ock…y
es…”
“
OhmyGod,
doy
ouhav
etobet
hatbl
unt
?”
“
Idi
dn’
tknowwewer
eal
l
owedt
oli
e.”
“
So…doy
oust
il
ltal
k?”
“No.Shecametoseemet hatSaturdaywhen
youweresleepi
ng.Wehadachat.She
underst
oodthegroundIam st
andingon.”
Wesityetagai
ninsil
ence.Phut
i’
sphoner
ings.
Hepull
sitfr
om whereitwasandtur
nsthe
scr
eentohisface.
“Pri
vatenumber.I
fIwanttospoi
lmyweekend,
I’
llr
espondtothi
s.”Hedoesn’
tansweri
tunt
ili
t
stopsringi
ng.
“
Why
?”
“I
tcoul
dbet heof
fi
ce.Newcl
i
ent
sar
e
demanding.
”
“
Whatexact
lydoy
oudo?
”
“
Wel
l
…Ihel
ppeopl
emakemoney
.”
“
Howcool.”Il
aughbuthi
sphonegoesoffagai
n.
“
Iti
sal
readysix.May
beiti
sn’
tanewcli
ent.”
Hepicksthephone.“Hell
o?Yes.”Shestar
esat
meandshr ugs.“Who?Yes!Sheismymot her
.
Where?…”Phut i
star
tsthecar.“
Whereis…
al
ri
ght.Thankyou.”
Idon’
tli
kehowhel
ooksr
ightnow.
“
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
”Iask.
“Ineedtogo,
”hesay
s,sli
ghtl
yshakingbutifI
didn’
tknowhim…Iwouldn’
thavepickeditup.“
I
needt
orusht
othehospi
tal
backathome.
”
“
Doy
ouwantmet
ocomewi
thy
ou?
”
“
Iwantyoutogot
oyourf
ir
stt
her
apymeet
ing
t
omorrow.
”
“
Phut
i…buty
ou…”
“
Leav
e,Thul
i
,”hesay
s,agi
tat
ed.“
Ineedt
ogo.
”

www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za
admi
n@st
ori
esby
takal
ani
m.co.
za

PI
CKOFTHEDAY

I
ntotheSun+TheRoyalMist
ress+Adel
aide+
TheRival
=R850i
nclcour
iert
odoor/PAXI
_
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
__
W OUNDED HEARTS
EPI
SODE10

PHUTI

“
Doyouwantmetocomewit
hyou?”Thul
iasks,
l
ooki
ngal
lwor
ri
ed.Whatani
cegest
ure!
Evenifshewasn’tgoi
ngtotherapytomorr
ow,I
wasn’tgoi
ngtowai tf
orhertogotoherroom to
dresswarmlyorpickherhandbag.Shewasjust
goingtodel
ayme.Ineedt ogettomymot her.
“
Iwantyoutogotoyourf
irstt
her
apymeeting
t
omorrow.”Myr
easonisvali
denoughbutshe
i
suncert
ain.
Nowi
snott
het
ime.
“Leav
e,Thul
i.Ineedtogo,”Isaysharpl
ywhen
shetri
estodebate.Iam readytorev
erseoutof
hereandmakei tst
raighttotheN1.
“
Fine.I
’
llgo.
”
“Iam sor
ry.Ij
ustwantt
ogett
her
eassoonasI
can.
”
“
Sur
e.Sendmygr
eet
ings.
”
“Ofcourse,
”Imumbl
e,notsurewhyIam
starti
ngtotr
embl
e.I
njustafewseconds,
Iam
alreadyt
urni
ngi
ntot
hemai nroadt
owardsthe
highway .
Hospi
tal
?
Kamodoesev erythi
ngtomakesur ethatshe
doesn’tgothere.Ihatehospi
tal
s.Ifr
eaking
despi
sehospi t
als.Stoppi
ngatthepetrolstat
ion
tofi
llupthestation,It
ryKamo’snumber .
Dead!
Dammi
t!
“Full
tankplease,
”Isaytot heattendantwhois
standingbythewindow.“ Pleasedoaqui ck
check-upont het
yres.Ishouldbeoutofher ei
n
10mi
nut
es.
”
“Sur
e,”herespondsbef
oreclocki
ngthepet
rol
onthemachi ne.Hemustn’
tdareasktowash
mywi ndscr
een.
JustwhenIam abouttot
ryKamo’sphone
agai
n,myphonerings.Pr
ivat
enumber.
“
Hel
l
o?”Ihol
dmybr
eat
h.
“
Phut
i?Kamoher
e.”
“
Ohm dammi
tKamo…y
ourphonei
sof
f.
”
“That’
swhyIaskedther
ecepti
onistt
ocally
ou
earl
ier
.Iwasneededint
hewar dandthephone
wasalreadyri
ngi
ng…soItol
dthenursetoj
ust
tel
lyouthatIam …”
“
Whati
sgoi
ngon?Whati
sshedoi
ngt
her
e?”
Thepetrolat
tendanti
ssigningformetoopen
thedoortochecktheairpressur
e.Il
ethi
m do
whil
eItrytostayascalm asIcan.
“
Iknewy
ouwer
egoi
ngt
ogetsowor
kedup.
Shewi
l
lbeokay
.”
“NoKamo.Yougivehert
hebestheal
thser
vices
ever
…soIwanttoknowwhatledhert
othe
hospi
tal
.Whatar
ethedoctor
ssayi
ng?”
“Theyaregoingtokeepherjustforthenightt
o
makesur ethatsheisfi
ne.Iam notworri
ed.It
wasj ustali
tt
leoverr
eacti
onfr
om herandher
heartratewasjustoutofcont
rol.If
orgotmy
phoneathomeso…t hat’
swhyy oucan’treach
me.”
“
Tel
lmeyouar
enotl
yi
ngt
ome.
”If
inal
l
yletout
abr
eat
h.
“
Shei
sfi
ne.
”
“Okay,
I’
ll
bet
her
einf
ourhour
s.Iam j
ustf
il
li
ng
up.”
“
Youwer
eher
ejustl
astweekend.
”
“Mymot
herwasn’
tinhospi
tal
…nowshei
s.I
’
ll
seey
ousoon.
”
“Fi
ne.NothingIsaywil
l changey ourmind
anyway.”Thatsheknowsv erywell
.Ipayformy
ser
vicesandheadst r
aightt otheN1.
Phew! !!Il
etoutalongsi gh.Thismomentr ight
hereconf ir
mst hatIam notr eadytoletmy
mot hergo.Att i
mesi ti
sv eryhardformet o
l
ookatherbutIwanthert okeepf ighti
ngf or
me.Ineedher .Shedidn’tgettoliv
eherl i
fe.She
struggledwi t
hmeandj ustwhenIbecamean
adult,Itookawayherl i
fe.Iti
sn’tagoodt hingto
dwel l
onbuthowdoImov eonwi t
hlifewith
thatbur den?
Thulispokeaboutget t
inghelp.Whocanhel p
me?HowdoImov eonf rom thatwhenIgett o
beremi ndedofthepastwhenIl ookatmy
mother?Shecannotev entell
mei fwhethershe
for
givesmeornot ?HowdoImov eonf r
om that
?
Everybodytel
lsmei twasnotmyf aultbutI
’l
l
neverhearhersayt hathersel
f .So,howdoy ou
knowt hatever
yonei sright
?
*
***
*

Thedoct oronthefloorconfir
mswhatKamo
said:sheisfi
ne.Theyarej ustmonit
ori
ngher
forthenightandwewi llhaveherhome
tomor r
owmor ning.Forami nutewhenIwalked
downt hecorri
dortowher eshei ssl
eepi
ng,I
thoughtKamowasj usttryi
ngtokeepmeaway
from her.It
houghtthatmay beshewashi di
ng
thetruth.
Itakeherhandintomi
neandwat chher
.Shei
s
sl
eeping,peacef
ull
ysoshedoesn’tmov
eatmy
gestur
e.
“Theygavehersomethi
ngstrongtocalm her,
”
Kamosay s.“
You’l
lseehert
omor row.Visi
ti
ng
hoursarewayoverandwecan’ tstayf
orlong.
”
“Ofcour
se,
”Imumble.I
fitwasn’
tthatIcal
l
ed
andaskedt
herecept
iontoal
lowmet en
minutesinwhenIarri
ve,t
heywouldn’
thav
elet
mei n.Ipi
ckmyjacketfr
om theot
herchai
rand
f
ollowKamot otheparki
nglot.
“Wewi l
lmeetatthehouse,al
ri
ght?”Kamosay
s.
“I
’l
lbejustafewmi nut
eslat
e.Ineedtopi
ck
Lethabofrom Rej
oyce’
shouse.
”
“
I’
ll
dri
vebehi
ndy
ou.
”
“Okay
,Uncl
e,
”shesayswhi l
elaughi
ng.She
alway
ssaysthatIam ov
erprot
ecti
ve.Well
,I
thi
nkIam.
Aswedr i
vebackhome, Idr
opNj abuloa
messagethatIwil
lnotbeavail
ableuntil
Wednesday.Thei
rcompanywon’ tdiewi t
hout
me.Maybesomepr ojectsmightslack…butI
needtobeheretomakesur ethatshei sfi
ne.
ParkingbehindKamo’scar,Ialsogothr
ougha
chainoftextmessagesfrom Thuli
.Shehas
beenwor ri
edsickandIdidn’tmeantofreakher
out.
‘
Howi
syourt
ri
p?’
‘
Howi
sshe?
’
‘
Dude,canyoujustt
extmeback.Idon’
twantt
o
cal
landdist
urbyoubutIcannotsl
eep.
’
‘
Phut
i!
’
‘
Phut
i,i
fyoudon’
ttextmeback,I
’
llnev
ert
alkt
o
y
oueveragai
n.Iam worr
iedsi
ck.
’
‘
IwishIwasn’
tthi
ssoft
.Phuti
??Mymessages
ar
egetti
ngdel
iver
ed.Yourphonei
sst
il
lon.Oh,
myGod.’
Il
aughmyl ungsoutathowparanoidThul
ii
s.I
neverknewshewaslikethi
s.Idi
alhernumber
andshepicksiti
nami nut
e.
“
Iam goi
ngt
oki
l
lyou,
”shesay
s.HowdoInot
l
aughatt
hat
.
“
Sorr
y.Iwasdr
ivi
ngandwhenIgother
e,Ihad
t
ospri
nttomymot her
’swar
d.Shei
sfi
ne.Iam
f
inet
oo.”
“
Phew!Di
dthedoct
orsaywhyshei
sther
e?”
“Shewasj ustdi
str
essed.Shewi
ll
behome
tomorrow.Iam yettoaskmycousintot
ell
me
thetr
uth.Ihaveafeeli
ngsheishi
ding
somethingfrom me.”
“
Okay
!”
Wow, thi
sfeelsgood.Hav esomeonecarefor
youwhi l
eyoucareforthem?Inev erhadthi
s
wit
hCar oloranygirl
Iwasst ri
ngi
ngalong.Now
i
tmakessensewhyaf uckerl
ikeNjabul
ogotto
becrazyinlovewithhiswife.
Thi
sfeel
sgood…hav
ingThul
iret
urnt
hef
avour
.
“Ar
eyoualr
ight
?Iam sorr
yforspoi
l
ingourdat
e.
Butsi
nceyouaremygirl
fr
iendnow,I
’l
lmakeit
uptoyou.
”
“
Yeah,
Iknow.
”
“What’
sup?Areyouokay
?”Iask.WhenKamo
star
tshercar
,Idot
hesamesot hatImake
spacef
orher
.
“
Ican’
tsl
eep.
”
“
Wher
eyouwor
ri
edabouty
ourboy
fri
end?
”
“Thatfi
rst
.Thenabouttomorr
ow’
smeet
ing.I
don’tknowwhattoexpect.
”
“Don’tt hinkt oomuchabouti t.I
fIwast here,I
wasgoi ngt ohol dyourhandbutIknowy ou’l
ldo
good, ”Isay .Iam alsojustalit
tl
escaredf orher.
Ididn’tlikehowshewaswhenshewasather
mot her’s.Ifshehast ogot hroughthatagain
withast ranger?Shemi ghtbet oomucht o
handl e.Whyam Iev enwor ri
ed?Idon’teven
knowwhatt herapi
stsdo.May beitwil
lj
ustbea
seriesoff ewquest i
onsandt hat’
sit
.May beit
won’ tev enbeashect i
cast hatday.
Shewi
l
ldoj
ustf
ine.

*
***
*
Lethaboisdel i
ghtedtofi
ndmei nthekitcheni
n
themor ni
ng.Hewast oosleepylastnightwhen
wegott ot hehouse,sohepr obablythoughthe
wasdr eami ng.Butwhenhef oundmeonmy
l
aptop, i
nt hekit
chen,hewassoexci ted.Iwas
j
usther elastweekendandnowIam backagai n.
Ialr
eadyknowt hatheneedsmet ojoinhim at
thesoccerst adium f
oranotherroundofsoccer
mat ch.
“It
oldyouthaty
ouar enotpl
ayingt
oday,
Lethabo,
”hi
smot hersay
swhilewalki
ngi
nto
thekit
chen.
“
But
,Ma!Mykneei
sfi
ne.
”
“
Whathappenedtoyourknee?
”Iask.Hedi
dn’
t
ment
ionanyt
hingabouti
twhenIaskedhowhe
i
sdoi
ng.
“Hefell
andunti
lIsayso,
hei
snotgoi
ngt
othe
soccermatch.
”
“But,Ma!
”Lethabomumbleswhi leleavingt he
kit
chenwithabowlofcereal.Hismot her
repri
mandshim whi
leIputawaymyl apt op.I
couldn’
tsl
eepsoIthoughtIcouldpusht hrough
someemai l
s.Kamomakesbr eakfastforthe
bothofusandsettl
esont hechairopposi te
minewhenshei sdone.
“Whathappened?”Ifinall
yaskbecausemy
mothercannotjustbest ressedoutoftheblue.
Shewasn’thersel
fthel astweekendso
whateveriti
s,sheishidingitfr
om me.“ She
wasn’tfi
nethispastweekendaswel l
.”
“Wel
l…”Kamost
ir
shert
ea.“
Ntat
eLer
olewas
her
e.”
“
What
?”
“HecamelastTuesday
…andl ucki
lyyourmother
wasinsi
desoIwasablet omakeanexcusef or
her
.Butheretur
nedyester
dayaf t
ernoon,
l
ookingf
oryouandwewer esit
ti
ngout si
deso…
hef
orcedt
otal
ktoher
.Shedi
dn’
ttakei
twel
l
.”
If
eelmybodyboil
i
ngup.Ifeel
mybr eat
h
l
eavi
ngmylungs.I
tisasi
fIam notheari
ngwel
l
.
“Whatwashedoi
nghere?
”Whyam Ihear
ing
aboutt
hisf
ort
hefir
stt
ime?“
Whydidn’
tyoutel
l
me?”
“
Iknowhowy oufeel
abouthi
m,Phut
i.What
wasIsupposedt
odo? ”
“Youweresupposedtotel
lme.Idon’
twanthi
m
here….Youknowthat
.”
“Iknow.Itol
dhim…”Kamosay s.“
Ididn’twant
toworky ouup.NowIdon’thaveachoice
becauseMadi dn’
trecei
vehi
m well
.”
“No,Kamo.Yout ell
meev er
ythi
ngthathappens
here.Icannotbetherei
nJoburgli
vi
ngmyl if
e
l
ike…”
“Youpromisedt
ohavemet
akechargeofthi
s
house.It
houghti
twast
her
ightt
hingtodo.I
am sorr
yifitwasn’twi
seenough.”Shestaresat
me.“Ihaveeveryt
hingundercontrol
.Remember
sheismyaunt ?Sheismymot hersoIl
oveher
thesamewayy oudo.Iwouldn’tmakewrong
deci
sionsregardi
ngher.But
…t her
eisyouas
well
.”
“
Iam sor
ry,
Kamo.
”
“
It
’sal
ri
ght
.”
“I
’
llberi
ghtback.”Igetonmyf
eet
,leav
ingmy
steamyhotbreakfast
.
“
Wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
”
“Tohishouse,
”Isay.Sheraisesaneyebr
owat
me.“Iguess…sincehecanjustshowupatmy
house.I
’l
ldothesamet ohis.Gotakebo-
Mma…I ’
ll
ber i
ghtback.
”
Idon’twai
tforhertosayanyt
hingbecauseshe
wil
lcallmeback.Ifhewantedustotalk,then
may beiti
sti
mewedohav ethatchat.Idon’t
everwanttohearthathecameher e.
Hishousei smi l
esawayf rom our s.Mymot her
rai
sedmeal onebutheusedt ocomet ospend
daysandni ghtswi t
hher.Theyhada
rel
ationshipbutwedi dn’t
.Whent hingswer e
great,Icouldheart hem laughi ngandbei ngj oll
y
butwhent hingswer esour ,hewoul dquestion
mypat er
nity.Thef i
rstday ,Ithoughti twasjust
ami sunder standi
ngbutwhenhebr oughtitup
somanyt imes, Istart
edt hinkingal otabouti t-
mor ethanIshoul dhave.Iwasj ustakidand
shouldhav est ayedoutoft heirbusiness.
Thingswentoutofcont rol whensomeki dat
thesoccerf i
eldbroughtthei ssue.Iwaspi cked
asthecapt ainandsomeonedi dn’tl
ikeit
.
“I
fyoutakethi
ngspersonal
ly
…may beyou
shoul
dst ar
tateam wit
hyourbr
others,
”Ihad
sai
dduringourstupi
dargument
.
“AtleastIknowal
lmybrot
hers…unli
keyou,
”he
spit
tedwhenev er
yonewasbusylaughi
ngatmy
j
oke.Iwasj usttryingtoputhimintohisplace
buthedi dmei nstead.Justli
kethat,If
oundout
thatthemant hatv isi
tedmymot herhada
familyandawi fe.So, whatdoesthatmakemy
mot her?Iwasy oungandst upidtojudgeher.I
t
wasn’tmypl ace.ButIdi dandmessed
everythi
ngforher.Ididandr ui
nedherl i
fe.
WhenIpar koutsidethegate,theol
dmansees
mycar .Heissit
tingattheverandawi t
hhi sol
d
wife.Ididmyinvesti
gati
onandf oundt hathe
doeshav etwosonswhoar eolderthanme.I
stepoutofthecarandwai tforhimt omakehi s
wayher e.
“
Ihear
dyouwerelooki
ngforme,”Ical
mlysay
whenher
eacheswhereIam st
anding.
“
Yes!
”Herespondswhilelookingar
ound.
“
Comein.I
’l
lhave…herprepare…”
“
No.Iwon’
tbest
ayi
ng.
”
“
Oh…”
“
Iam here.Tel
lmewhaty
ouwantf
rom meand
mymot her?
”
“Wecannothav
ethi
schatwhi
l
est
andi
ngatt
he
gat
e.”
“Icameher et otell
youtostayawayfrom my
mot her’
shouse.Ther ei
snot hi
ngmor et
hatwe
willchatabout.Iwantyoutost ayawayfrom
mymot her.Idon’tappr
eci
ateyouwor ki
ngher
out.”
“
Iwant
edt
oseehowshewasdoi
ng.
”
“Shei
sperfect
lyf
ine.Per
fect
lyf
ine.Shehas
beenfory
ears.
”
“
Son….
”
“Don’
tcal
lmethat
,”Ihi
ss,tr
yingtokeepmy
voi
celow.Mymothertaughtmewel lt
obe
yel
li
ngatoldmenbutsomet hingscanjust
pushyou.
“
Pleasel
i
sten…”
“Youmadei tcl
eartomymot hert
hatIam not
.I
am notyourson.NowIwanty outostayaway
from usl
ikeyoudidal
ltheseyear
s.”
“Mokgadi …cal
lBoy
-boytocomehere,
”theol
d
mancal lsouttohi
swife.Thewi
fegotupand
dissapearsint
othehouse.
“Pleasedon’tevershowupt omymot her’
s
houseev eragain.Beli
eveyoume…I ’l
lkillyou
withmyownhandsi fIhaveto.”Ij
umpi nt
omy
car.Theboywhowascal l
edcomesr unningasI
startthecar.Iam abouttoreversemycarwhen
hest andsbesidetheoldman.
Shi
t!
Ifeelmybl
oodgetti
ngcold.Mywindowsar
e
roll
eddownbutIcannotbreat
he.
“Idi
dn’
tbel
i
eveyourmot her
…unti
lafewyear
s
agowhenmyy oungestbornisaspl
i
tti
ngimage
ofyouwhenyouwerehisage.”
“
Iam noty
ourson,
”Ihi
ssbef
orer
oll
i
ngt
he
wi
ndowsupwi
thmyt
rembl
i
nghands.

*
***
**

“Phut
i,youhavebeensit
ti
nghereforhours,”
Kamosay s.Ihavebeensit
ti
nginthecarfor
count
lesshours,Ihav
elostcount
.Lethabo
cameandaskedmet ocomei nsomanyt imes,
heendedupgi vi
ngup.
“
Issheup?
”Imanaget
oask.
“
Yes.
”
“
Idon’
twantt
ost
ressher
,”Imumbl
e.
“Shewill
bewonderingwhyyouhaven’
tcomei
n
toseeher.It
oldheryoudr
oveheretosee
her…butyouhaven’
tshownyourf
ace.”
SinceIgotbackfr
om NtateLer
ole,
Ipar
kedmy
carintheshadeandsither
e.Thi
snew
revel
ati
onmakesev er
ythi
ngworse.
“Justgohaveawor dwithherandexcuse
yoursel
f.I
’l
lgi
veherlunchandmeds
after
wards,
”Kamosay s.
Idragmyf eett omymot her’
sroom.Thesmi l
eI
practi
sedthewhol ewayt oherroom fades
awaywhenIseeherl y i
ngont hebed.Myf ace
fall
swhenIr emembert hosewor dsItol
dher
whenshet riedt otell
met hatIdonotknow
whatIam t alki
ngabout .Thatni ghtwhenI
choset ohumi l
iateherwi ththewor dsfrom my
veryownmout h.Iaccusedherofr uini
ngsome
man’ smarriage.Itoldhert hi
ngsIcannott ake
back.Iam MrLer ole’
sson.Idon’ tevenneedt o
paymoneyt ofindout .Thatboyl ooksli
ket he
pictur
einmybedr oom.
Myshoul
dersstar
tshaki
ngandt
henextt
hingI
f
indmysel
fkneeli
ngbesi
demymother
’sbed.
“
Ma…f
orgi
veme,
”Ipl
ead.“
Iam sososor
ry.
”
Fuck!Inev
erknewIst
il
lhav
etear
s.Theyar
e
wet
ti
ngmymom’
shandwhi
chIhav
einmi
ne.
“
Iam sososor
ry.Iam sor
ry!
”
Atearr
oll
sdownherey
eandmakest
hings
worsef
orme.
“Ma…dosomethi
ng.Closey
ourey
es…or
squeezemyhand…dosomethi
ngtot
ell
met
hat
youforgi
veme?Please!
”
Icleanmyey eswit
htheotherhandandstare
downatherf orasi
gn.Justanysign.She
doesn’tcl
osehereyesormov eherfi
ngersor
doany thi
ng.Shej
ustst
aresatmewhi l
eher
tearsgushdownherface.
“
MA!PLEASE!
”

www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za
admi
n@st
ori
esby
takal
ani
m.co.
za
PI
CKOFTHEDAY

Int
otheSun+Tr i
l
ogy:R850i
ncl
cour
iert
o
door/
PAXI(Per
sonal
i
sedbookmarki
s
compulsor
ytothi
sorder.
)
Cl
osi
ngdat
e:17Jul
y2020at17h00.
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W OUNDED HEARTS

EPI
SODE11

THULI
SILE

‘
Phuti
,Nj
abul
otol
dmey ouweresupposedto
bebackatt
heoff
iceonWednesday.Whati
s
goi
ngon?’
‘
HowdoyougoAWOLonmej ustaweekaf
ter
agr
ee’
i
ngtobemyboy
fri
end?
’
‘
Ineedy
our
ightnow,
Phut
i.
’
‘
Cany
ouswi
tchony
ourphone?
’
Irol
lonmybedwhenIr eali
set hatIhavebeen
sendingt hetextmessageswi t
hzer oresponses.
Tableshav eturnednow.Fort hewhol eweek,I
havebeent r
yingtogetholdofhi m butwi t
hno
l
uck.Okay ,
Iam notatt hatstagewher eIcould
j
ustr ockupathi splaceunannounced, soI
don’tevenknowi fheisbackf rom Limpopo.If
heis, t
hensomet hingisdefinit
elywr ong.Al
so,
i
fhei snotbackhomet hensomet hingis
defi
nitelywrongbackathome.
Idon’
tknowwhatel
set
odo.
I
fitwasn’
tf ort
hereopeningoftheschooland
havi
ngalott odothi
spastweek, Iwasgoingto
l
osemymi nd.NowthatitisFri
dayandGrace
l
eftt
ov i
sitherpar
ents,Icanfeelhi
sabsence.
WhydoesGr
acegohomeev
eryweekend?
Maybethati
swhatheal
thyfamil
iesdo.Just
maybe.Shewasther
eforthepastweekwhen
t
heschoolwascl
osed,andnowshel eftwi
thout
adoubt.
Si
gh!
Itr
yDineo’
sphone.Ij
ustneedsomebodyt otal
k
tobefor
eIlosemymind.Ihavebeenpressing
theedgetocry.
“
Hey
…what
’sup?
”
“
Whyar
eyoupant
ing?
”Iask.“
Youar
epant
ing.
”
“
Sush!Iam f
ine,
”shesay
s.
“
DidIdi
stur
bsomet
hing?
”
“
Obvious!
”Shel
aughsandt
her
eaf
tersomeone
l
aughstoo.
“
Ist
hatMuof
he?Sendmygr
eet
ingst
oher
.”
“
Wil
ldoassoonasy
ouhangup.What
’sup?
”
“Hest
il
lhasn’
tswi
tchedonhi
sphone.Shoul
dI
beworr
ied?”
“No.Youshouldn’
tbewor
ri
ed.Youshoul
dbei
n
bedrightnow.
”
“Ineedtot
ellhi
m allabouti
tandheisn’
t
anywhereIcanreachhim.Ifeel
li
keIam goi
ng
crazy.
”
“Look.Heprobabl
yhasav er
ygoodreasonwhy
hewentAWOL.So, unti
lhecomesbackt o
explai
nhimself
,cany oupl
easejustf
ocuson
tomorrow’
ssession?Please?”
“
Youar
eri
ght
!”
“
Whenam Iev
erwr
ong?
”shesay
s.
“Doyout
hinkher
anaway
…becauseofmy
past
?”
“Hi
slossifhedid.AndI
’
llki
ckhi
sbal
l
swhenI
seehim agai
n.”
“
Iam ser
iousDi
neo.
”
“Nosweety.Youarenotgoi ngt otaket wosteps
backbecauseofhim.Look, ever y
bodyi sgoing
thr
oughsomet hi
ng.Weall do.Lethi m go
thr
oughwithwhateverheisgoi ngthroughwhile
youdothesame.Thisisy ourj ourney.Iti
stoo
soontodocouple’st
herapy .”Shesi ghs.
“
Ohpl
ease,
Dineo.
”
“Youknowwhat ?Cal
lmeaft
eryourther
apy
sessi
ontomorrowandwewillgooutfori
ce
cream.I
’l
lhel
py ousear
chf
orhim.”
“
Okay
!”
“
Deal
!”
Okay ,may beifsomeoneel seothert
hanme
makeat urnathisapar t
ment,itwon’
tcomeout
asst al
king.Iam wor r
iedabouthim.Itcoul
dbe
anything.Itcouldbethathesatdownand
real
isedt hatarelati
onshipwit
hmewon’ twor
k,
butknowi ngPhut i,
hewoul dhavement i
onedit
otherthangoi ngAWOLonme.
Afterr eadingthreechaptersfrom Nomaswazi -
anot hernov elr
ecommendedbyGr ace,Iswit
ch
ont hel ightandtrytoimaginehowHl ongwane,
themai nmani nt hi
snov el
,looksl
ike.LOLIam
startingt oseewhatGr acesees.No!Nott he
sexypar tandallbutIam st ar
ti
ngtofeelli
keI
knowt hesepeopl e.Ili
kethedude.Heseems
l
ikehei sar eal
isti
c.Itwouldn’
thavemade
sensei fthey….
.
Myphonev
ibr
atesonmybedandIj
ump.
Phut
i?
Myheartdr
opswhenIseeMar i
a’
sname
i
nst
ead.Iti
satextmessage.
‘
HeyThuli.Sorrytotextyout hi
slat
e.Someone
fedThabelothousandsofsweet st
onight,
soI
havebeentry i
ngtoputhert obedforhoursnow.
Njabul
osay shealsocannotgethol dofPhuti
buthetri
edt henumberl i
stedonhisfil
eforin
caseofemer gencies.Phuti
’scousi
nsay sheis
fi
ne-hewasjustgoi
ngt
hroughal
it
tl
ehiccup
butheshoul
dbebackatworkonMonday.’
-
Maria.
‘
Ishismotherfi
ne?Di dthecousinsay?When
heleftf
orLimpopo,itwasf orhi
mt oseehis
motheratthehospit
al.’
Irespondwithi
n
seconds.Atl
east,t
hisinfor
mat i
onisbett
erthan
stayi
nginthedark.
‘
Njabul
osay shedidn’
tspeci
fi
cal
lyaskedabout
t
hemot herbutthecousi
nsoundedfine.Doyou
wanthi
mt ocallheragai
ntomorr
ow? ’-Mari
a.
‘
No.Thankyou.Iam sur
esheisfi
ne.Thanky
ou
andsor
ryforbei
nganuisance.
’
‘
Youmustst opsayi
ngthat
.Youarenota
nui
sance.Whenarewedoinglunch?Sunday
noon?Thegirl
sarespendi
ngthei
raft
ernoon
wit
htheirdad.
’-Mari
a.
‘
Sundayi
tis.
’
*
***
*

“Tell
meaboutwhat’shappenedsincewemet
l
asttime?”MsVanessaasks,al
readyscr
ibbl
i
ng
notesaway.Hernot
ebooklooksoldsoIbeti
t
carri
essomanysecret
s.
“
Uhm….
letmet
hink…”
“
Youdon’
thav
etothi
nkabouti
t.Youdon’
thav
e
t
omakethi
ngsup.
”
“
Ihav
ebeensear
chi
ngf
ormyboy
fri
end.
”
“Phuti
?”sheasks.Shehasagr eatmemor y
unlessshewentt hr
oughmynot esbefor
eour
meet i
ng.Okay,justtocleart
hingsout-she
knowsPhut ibecausehei soneoft hepeopleI
ment i
onedthelastt i
meIwasher e.Sheasked
met oment i
onev er
yonewhohasbeenonmy
sidethusfarandPhut imadeitt othetopfour
.
Dineo,Phuti
,GraceandMar i
a.Wespental most
agoodhourt alkingabouthowt heyhave
i
mpact edmyl ife.Goodthingithappened
beforeshestartedambushi ngmewi th
uncomf ort
abl
equest ions.Iwasaboutt owalk
outwhenshet oldmet hesessionisov er
.Ist
il
l
don’tbeli
evethatitwasr eal
lyover.Ihavea
feel
ingshesawt hatIwasaboutt obur st
.
“
Phuti
,ri
ght
?”sheasksagai
nandInod.“
Why
wer
eyousearchi
ngforhi
m?”
“Heleftf
orhomeandhehasn’ tbeenback.I t
i
sn’tabigdealthough.Soapartfr
om searching
forPhuti
,Idi
dal otofschool
wor kandIreada
book.”Oh,bytheway ,
shewasi mpressedthatI
havestart
edreadingromanceandi thashelped
meescapeatt imes.
“Okay…”shescri
bbl
essomemor e.“Canwe
carr
yonf r
om wherewelef
toff
? ”Itakea
deepestbreat
handstar
eather.“Arey ouokay
?”
“
Yes.Ijustdon’
twanty
out
oaskmeaboutmy
mothertoday.
”
“Iwasgoi
ngtost
artt
her
e.Howdoy
ouf
eel
abouther
?”
“Pl
ease…”Ibegbutshestaresatmewi
thouta
word.St
udyingme.Ishakemyheadatherbut
shedoesn’
tmov ehergaze.Aminut
epassand
shesti
ll
hasn’tsai
dathing.
“
Car
etoshar
e?”
“
No.
”
“
Okay
,howdoy
ouf
eel
aboutDi
neo?
”
“Sheismyl i
feandIowehermyl i
fe.
”Istart
.
“Sheisev erythi
ngtomeandIam gr ateful
for
her.Shei stheonlythi
ngthatGoddi dr i
ght…i
n
myl i
fe.”MsVanessanar r
owsherey es.At
ti
mesIf eell
ikesheisachristianbutdoesn’t
wantt oimposeonmybel i
ef s.Shemustkeepi t
thatway .“Sheistheonethatkeptmesaneal l
thesey earswhennooneknewwhatIwas
deali
ngwi t
h.”
“
Doy
ouev
ergett
otel
lhert
hat
?”
“
Notasof
tenbutsheknows.
”
“
Whendoy
ounor
mal
l
ytel
lher
?”
“
Whenev
erIgetachance.Whenwear
e
t
oget
her
.”
“
Now…howdoy
ouf
eel
abouty
ourmot
her
?”
“Ihateher.No…thatsnott
hecorr
ectword.I
despiseher.Iwon’tbesur
pri
sedifshei
sn’tmy
mot her
.”
“
Why
…”
“Oh…pl ease…”Igetonmyf eet
.Arewegoi ngto
dot hingsli
kethis?Ihatethewoman, f
inishand
klaar.WhydoIneedt oelaborat
e?Idon’tneed
toelabor at
eonany thi
ng.
“
Sitdown,
Thul
i
.”
“
Canwet
alkaboutsomet
hingel
se?
”
“What
sthepointofy
oubei
ngherei
fyouare
goi
ngtochoosewhatyouwantt
odiscuss?
”
Ishutmyeyes,
try
ingt
obreat
he.Phut
i’
sface
comestomymi ndsoIsnapmyeyesopenand
takeaseat
.
Am doingthi
sformy sel
fandformyfutur
e.
Phutimightbeormightnotbemyf ut
ure…but
fornowIassociat
emyf utur
ewithhim.
“
Wher
ewer
ewe?
”Imumbl
e.
“
Whydoy
ouhat
eyourmot
her
?”

*
***
**

Iam gratef
ulthatDineoandhergi r
lfr
iendare
heretopickmeupaf termysession.Myey es
aresopuf f
y,Iwasev enembarrassedt owalk
downt hecorri
dorfrom MsVanessa’ soffi
ce.
Whydoest hishav etobesohard?Thi syearI
havecriedmor ethanIhaveevercriedinten
yearscombined.Iusedt obot
tl
et hingsupbut
t
heseday
sIt
earupl
i
keat
ap.
I
tdoeshelpbutsometimesithur
ts.Someti
mes
whenIcryIcannotbr
eatheandIdon’tknow
whatgooditi
sdoingtomybody .
Dineoi
sst
andi
ngbythecar
,herar
mswi
de
opentogi
vemeahug.
“Youaredoi
ngsowel l
,
”shemumbl estomyear.
Theoldmewouldn’tcrybutIshudderi
nher
arms.Thisi
smysister
.Theonewhof oughtf
or
mewhenshewasev enyoungt ofi
ghtherown
batt
les.
“
Yout
hink?
”
“
Iknowso.
”
“
Weev enputdownabet
,”Muof
hecal
l
sout
f
rom t
hedri
ver’
sseat
.
“
Whatbet
?”
“It
houghty
ouwoul
dn’
tlastt
wohour
s,”Di
neo
says.
“
Isai
dyou’
ll
stayf
ort
hir
tyminut
essoDi
neo
woncozher
swasanhour.
”
“Youguys,
”IsmackDineo’
sshoul
der
.“I
sthat
supposedtomakefeelbet
ter
?”
“I
tissupposedtomakeyoukeepitupand
provetheworl
dwrong.Come,l
et’
sgetsomei
ce
cream.”
Justli
kethat,t
heset woladiestur
nmyheav y,
crazyday,i
ntoafunf il
l
edday .Theygetmei ce
cream anddraggedmear oundthemallfora
shoppingspree-becauseshoppi ngisatherapy
forall
girl
s.Idi
sagree.Wal ki
ngintoahundred
shopsandonl ybuyingfrom fouri
sn’
tquitefun
forme.
Theyforcemet odinewit
hthem befor
eIassure
them Iwil
lbefi
netogobackt othecoll
egeon
myown.Ineedt ofacemydemonsbymy sel
f.I
cannotalwaysdependonpeople.Anyway,I
haveNomaswazi toread.Atl
eastIhave
Hl
ongwanewithdemonsofhi
sown.Wecan
t
ackl
ethem t
ogethert
oni
ght
.

OnSundayaf t
er noon,Mar iat
extsmet he
l
ocationoft herestaurantwher ewearedining
at.I
tisfancy-t oof ancythatIbeli
evesheis
sett
li
ngt hebillforthebot hofus.Sheis
wearingar edsummerdr essandthehandbag
whichisont opoft het ablematchesherdress.
Whenshenot icesme, shewidenshereyesand
getsonherf eet.
“Lookaty ou, ”shesay swhi l
egi v
ingmeahug.
Lookatme, huh?Ofcour se,Di
neohasbeenon
mycasel atelyaboutt hechuck- t
ail
orsIalway s
haveon, soshet oldmet oalway sdressupa
l
itt
lewhenIl eavet hecollege.Itri
edtodressup
alit
tl
ebutIknowIst i
llhaveal ooonnnggggway
togo.Yest erday ,dur
ingourshoppi ngspr ee,
Muof hegotmet hisbobcupwi gwhi chsuitsme
sowel l
.Ittookmebysur pri
seandi tisof
f i
cial
l
y
myv
eryf
ir
stwi
g.
“Youl
ooksopr et
ty…ar
eyousur
eyouar
enot
glowi
ngbecause…”
“
Pleasedon’
tsayi
t.Mr
sRsai
dthesamet
hing.
”
“
May
bei
tist
rue.
”
“Ir
efuse!
”Shelaughs.“Whatareyouhavi
ng?I
alr
eadyorder
edagl assoftoni
cformysel
f.”
“I
’l
lhavet hesame,”Isay .Thewait
ersli
desto
ourtableandt akesmydr i
nkorder
.Irefuset
o
orderthest ar
terbecauseIdon’tknowifwewi l
l
bestay i
ngf orl
ong.IfIwaswi t
hPhut i
,hewould
haveinsisted.Ibethetipsthewaitr
esseswell.
Shetakesaminut
etotel
lmeabouthowt
he
gi
rl
saredri
vi
nghercrazy
.
“
Iti
sinday
sli
ket
hesewhenIt
akeabr
eat
her
.”
“
Looksl
i
keDadi
sgoodwi
tht
hem.
”
“
Hei
s!”Shesmi
l
es.Awomani
nlov
e.
Thewait
erplacesaplateofbakedfishand
veggi
esinf
rontofmeandabowl ofpast
ain
fr
ontofMari
a.Heal soset
sagl assofwhite
winewit
hmymeal andjui
ceforMar i
a.
“
So,
howar
eyou?
”Shef
inal
l
yasks.
“Iam doi
ngokay.Wasj ustalit
tl
eworri
edabout
PhutibutnowthatIknowt hatheiscoming
backtowor konMonday ,I
’l
lbegood.”
“SoyouandPhuti
?”sheasks.Shedoesn’
tev
en
havetof
ini
shtheli
ne.Inodandshebeamsat
me.
“Rememberwhenweusedt ostaytogether
?
Youonceaskedwhatmyst or
ywas? ”Shenods.
“Iam seeingather
api
standsheencourages
met otalkaboutmy…past…tohel
pmeheal .So,
youonceaskedandIdi dn’
tgi
veyouan
answer.”
“
Iremember
.”
“
Iwasmol
est
edsomanyt
imeswhenIwasi
n
SeniorPri
mary.Iwasrapedtoobyanumberof
menwhousedt ocomet oourhome…mymom
consider
edthem fr
iendsbuttheyt
ookawaymy
l
ife.
”
Mar
iadr
opsherf or
k,get
sonherf
eetandhugs
mefr
om theback.
“Iam sosorr
y.”Shesqueezeshar
d.Real,
real
hardunti
lsheletsgoandtakesherseat
.“Iam
sosorryyouhadt ogothr
oughthat.
”
Itakeal ongestsigh!AtleastMar i
aisn’tcry
ing
l
ikeGr acedidwhenIt oldherthi
spastweek.I t
couldbet hatMar i
ahasal sobeeni na
tr
aumat icsituati
onaswel l
-sheknowshow
deepi ti
sandhowst r
ongshehast obef or
someonei nthissit
uation.Ourstori
esar e
diff
erentbutIguessourancest orsbroughtme
toherapar tmentforar eason.
“
It
’sokay.Iti
stoughtohavetorel
i
veitbutIsee
ali
ghtattheendofthetunnel
.Onedayitwil
lal
l
bei
nthepast
.”
“
Ilov
ethatThul
i
.Il
ovet
hat
.”
“
Didyouev
ermov
eonf
rom …t
hat
…Luzuko
i
ssue?”
“Yes.Yes.Iam atahappyplace.Thelastt
imeI
sawhi m wasmor ethansixmonthsagoandI
knowhowt ohandlehimifheevershowsup.
ButIhavemov edonandnowf ocusi
ngonmy
famil
y.”
“
MrButhel
ezi
ismaki
ngy
ouhappy
..Icansee
t
hat
.”
“Iam st
il
li
nhoney moon,
”shesaysandlaughs.
Befor
eIcoul dthrowinmytwocentsopinion,
myphoner ings.Ipickt
henapki
nandwi pemy
handbeforediggingformyphonefrom i
nside
mybag.
Phut
i?
Nothi
m.
“MrNgwenya?
”Imumbletomyselfbefor
e
answer
ingt
hephone.“
Goodday,Sir
.”
“
Howar
eyouMi
ss…Thul
i
?”
“
Iam good,
Sir
.”
“
Didn’
tyourecei
veanemailfr
om Ms
Nol
uthandofr
om NM-EcoTech?”
“
Uhm…whenwasi
tsentt
ome?Ihar
dlycheck
mygmai
l
.”
“
Shesai
ditwassentonWednesdayandby
t
oni
ghtsheshoul
dhaveyourr
esponse.
”
“
I’
ll
takeal
ookwhenIgetbackt
othecol
l
ege.
”
“All
owmet ospoi
litforyou…i ti
sagr eat
opport
uni
tyandIdidn’tknowany onewho
wouldbebett
erfi
ttogeti t.Inormall
ysendher
recommendati
onlett
erf r
om ourgr aduat
es…soI
didputmyrecommendat ionf oryou.Youcan
evenbepromotedinnot ime.”
“
Arecommendat
ionf
orwhat
?”
“
Juni
orEconomi
st?
”
“
Wow!”Isay.“
I’
ll
checktheemai
landr
espond
t
oitASAP.Thankyou,
Sir.
”
“Youdeser
vei
t.Yourmi
ndwor
ksl
i
kea
sponge.
”
“Iagr
ee.Thankyou.
”Ihangupandshar
ethe
newswithMaria.
“
Getoutofher
e.Juni
orEconomi
st?That
’sbi
g.”
“I
’l
lchecktheemai l
s.I
fitisnotfar,Icant akeit
andjuggleitwit
hschool.”Igiv
eMar i
aawi dest
smilebutitgetsdi
mmedwhenIr eali
set hat
Phutii
snother etocel
ebr at
ewi t
hme.Mar i
a
cal
lsourwai t
erandordersjusttwogl assesof
champagne.
“
Maria,Ihav
en’
tev
enopenedt
heemai
l
,”Isay
whi
l
el aughi
ng.
“Butt
hejobi
syoursifyourespondbef
oret
he
endoftheni
ght
,”sheresponds.
Thewai
terdoesbri
ngthechampagnef
lut
es
andwetoastbef
oretaki
ngourf
ir
stsi
ps.
Thefir
stt hingIdowhenIgeti ntomyroom i s
takeoffthepl atf
orm heel
sIhadonandj ump
formylapt op.Onmywaybackher e,Ihave
beentryi
ngt othi
nkhowIam goi ngt
omanage
myt i
mewhenIt akethisj
ob.Iti
sdoable.Idon’t
needtobei nclasstopassmyexams.My
l
aptoplightsupandgost rai
ghttomyemai ls.
Ther
eisoneemai
lfr
om aNol
uthandoMangena.

———————-

To:
thul
i
sil
e005@gmai
l
.com
Fr
om:
Nol
uthandoM@nmecot
ech.
co.
za
Subj
ect
:JUNI
ORECONOMI
STPOSI
TION
Goodmor
ning

Mynamei sNol ut
handoMangena, CEOofNM-
EcoTech.Yournamewassubmi t
tedandhi ghl
y
recommendedbyPr ofNgwenyaforaposition
ofaJuni orEconomi st
.Asafell
owEconomi st
,I
trusthi
sjudgement .Weareinurgentneedt ofi
ll
thisposit
ionassoonaspossi bl
e,theref
oreI
needy ourresponsebySundayaf t
ernoon.

Weareadevelopi
ngcompanyandweof f
eryou
R320000perannum f
oryourposi
ti
onunti
lyou
ar
epromotedtoanEconomist.

Letmeknowi fy
ouwi l
ltakethepositi
onandI
wil
lhavethecontractdraft
edandsentt oyou.I
am tol
dyouar einGauteng;theref
oreyoucan
tr
avelt
oher etomorrowandst artonTuesday.
Wewi l
lsortyourexam studyleavewhenyou
st
artwor
king.

Yourr
esponsewi
l
lbehi
ghl
yappr
eci
ated.

Regar
ds,
Nol
uthandoMangena
CEONM-
EcoTechPt
yLt
d

————————-

Theyarenoti nGauteng?????
?Ipl
aymyfinger
s
onthekey boardandsearchfort
hei
rwebsit
eto
getthei
raddress.NM- EcoTechi
sin
Mpumal anga.
OhmyGod!
HowdoIupandleav
etomor
rowwhenIst
il
l
hav
etoseePhut
i?
Myt
her
apy
?
Butwhoi sgoi
ngtogiv
emeR27000amont
hif
Idon’
ttakethi
sjob?
Ithr
owmy selfonthebedandcov
ermyey
es.I
needthi
sjob.Ireal
lydo.

I
NTOTHESUNPRE- ORDERScl
osetomorrow,
17t
hJuly2020at17:
00.Pl
easeWhatsApp:066
2230319
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE12

PHUTI

Wal
kingi
ntomyapart
ment,
Idropmykey
sand
wal
l
etonthetabl
eandpr
oceedtot
hebathr
oom
topreparemy selfabath.Iopenthet aptof i
l
l
thebat htubbeforedraggingmyf eetaroundt he
apartmentt oopenthewi ndows.Thebi nIleftin
thekitchenisoffsoIdropi tout
side.My
neighbourstandsbyt hedoorandsmi l
esatme
asIgoupt hestair
s,backt omydoor .
“
Youdi
sappear
ed.
”
“
Ideci
dedtostayhomef orl
ong.Di
dyoumi
ss
me?”Iaskandhelaughs.
“Youwish!
”Hehandsmeabr ownenvel
ope,“I
tooki
tforyouwhensomel adywastr
y i
ngto
sli
dei
tintoyourapar
tmentthi
smorni
ng.”
“Oh,t
hankyou.Didshesayhername?”Iask.I
t
i
sr ar
ethatIr
eceivepar
cel
sorlett
ersinmy
apart
ment.Idi
rectmostofmymailtowork.
“
Shedi
dn’
tsay
.”
“
Okay
.Thanky
ou.
”
“
Arey
ouokay
,man?
”Mynei
ghbourasks-not
mi
ndi
nghi
sfucki
ngbusi
ness.
“
Iam gr
eatman.Justhadal
ongweekend.
”
“That'
swhatIam t al
kingabout,
”hesaysand
l
aughs.Heispr obablythi
nkingaboutpart
ies
becauseIam themai nmanwheni tcomesto
those.However,r
ightnow, Iam f
arfrom t
hat.
“I’
l
lseey ouaround,
man.Ileftt
hewat er
running,
”Ifi
nall
yexcusemy sel
f.Idr
opt hel
ett
er
ont hetabl
eandcont i
nuet
ot hebathroom f
ora
bath.
Ipeelmycl
othesof
fandgeti
ntot
hebat
hjust
torel
ax.
Damn!Thist
hingistoosmal
l.Thi
sisprobably
thethi
rdt
imeIam taki
ngabath.Therestofthe
ti
mesIwasn’tal
onebutri
ghtnow-Ineedi t
.I
rel
axmyheadont heedgeandclosemyey es.
Imustagree,thepastweekhadbeenthemost
di
ff
icult
,emotional
ly
.Mymot heri
snotget
ti
ng
bet
ter.I
nsteadsheseemssomadatme.Kamo
saysot herwisebutmymot her’
seyesar enot
welcomi ng.Iregretev
erdri
vingtoseet heold
manbecauseInev erf
eltt
hissomuchgui l
tunti
l
Isawt hepr oofthatmymot herwasrightall
along.Beforelastweek,Ihadsomet hingto
holdont obutwhenIgott het r
uth,
itkill
edme.
“Phut
i…wearenotgoi
ngdownthi
sroadagai
n,
”
Kamohadsaidwhenshefoundmeinmy
mother’
sroom i
ntear
s.
Fuck!Whatki
ndofamancr
ies?
Ihadwalkedoutoftheroom befor
elett
inga
womanseemyf ucki
ngtear
sbutKamo
fol
lowedmeandsl i
deintomyr oom bef
oreI
couldl
ockthedoorforhert
ocomei n.
“Phut
i!Please!Iam goingtoneedyoutogetup
andgety oursel
ftogether
.Yourmotherneedsto
getbetterandshewon’ tbeablet
odowheny ou
aredoingthistoyourself
.”
“
Whycan’
tshel
etmeknowt
hatshehas
f
orgi
venme?
”Ihadasked.
“
Shewill
.Butunt
ilt
hen…y
ouhav
egott
ofor
giv
e
y
oursel
f.
”
“
Youdon’
tev
enknowwhaty
ouar
esay
ing.
”
“
Iknowexact
lywhatIam say
ing.
”
“
Whatar
eyousay
ing?
”
“
For
giv
eyour
sel
f.I
twor
ks.
”
“
That
’s…bul
l
…nonsense.
”
“Idon’
tcarewhatyousaybutIam hel
pingyou.
Shecan’ttal
kri
ghtnowandthisi
stheonly
thi
ngyoucandor i
ghtnow.Youcannotchange
thepast.
”
Icannotchanget
hepast
!-t
hati
swhathur
ts
themost.
Kamowasr eadyt
oleavemyroom but
somet
hinghadsnappedint
ohermind,“
You
knowwhatyouneedtodo?”
“
What
?”
“Pray!”Ishookmyheadatherbutsheadded, “It
helpedmewhenIf el
tthatnooneist here.I
tdid.
WhenLet habo’sfatherlef
tme, Iwasa
mess…butIpr ayedandaf terawhile,ithel
ped
me.If eltli
keIhadsomeonet ot al
kto.Ijust
tooksomet imeof ffrom ther
estoft heworld
andl ockedmy selfintheroom andt alkedto
God.Tr yit.Takeadayort woandconnectwi t
h
WHOev eryoubelieveinandtheywi lltal
kback
toy ou.”
Il
aughed.I
twasbet
tert
hancr
ying.
“Idon’tknowwhatel setotel
lyou,
”shehadsaid
andshr ugged.“Whydoy outhi
nkkokousedto
medi ateatthebackofthehousewhenwe
visi
tedherthosey earswhenwewer eyoung.
”
Ilaughedather,
“Medi
tat
e?Shewast
alki
ngt
o
theancestor
s.”
“
Samet
hing.Shedi
ditev
erysi
ngl
edayev
en
whenitwasr
aini
ng.It
alkt
oGodj ustt
hesame
waysheusedtowit
hherbeli
ef.
”
“
Thanky
ouKamo…but
…Iam fi
nebyt he
way
…whaty
ousawinthatr
oom was…”
“
Youdon’
tneedtoexpl
ain,
”shesai
dbef
ore
l
eav
ingmealone.
Ittookmej ustafewhour stodecidetodowhat
shehadadv i
sedmet odo.Insteadoffinding
someguy stochi
llwit
h-justtoforgetthis
whol et
hing-Idecidedtojustconvincemy sel
f
thatmymi st
akei
sf or
givabl
e.
Fi
veday
slat
er,
Ifeel
thesame.
Mymi st
akeisunfor
givable.Ispoketomy sel
for
prayormeditate…whatevery oucall
itforso
manyhour sbutIsti
llf
eel l
ikeIhavebeen
tal
kingtomy self
.It
ri
edcl osingoffthewhole
wor l
dbutsti
lli
tfeel
sli
keIwasj usttal
kingto
my sel
ffordays.
Shoul
dn’
thav
ewast
edmyt
ime!
Itisgetti
ngdarkoutsidesoIgetoutoft henow
col dwaterandjumpintobed.Ist areatmy
phone-Iknowami l
l
ionmessagesandemai ls
from wor kawaitmeandknowi ngNj abul
o
But hel
ezi,hehasbeencalli
ngmenonest op
andonceheget smynot if
icati
ont hatmyphone
i
sonhewi ll
dri
veheretodr opoffwor k.Idi
dn’
t
ev enshowupt owor ktodaywhenIhad
promi sedto.
Thul
i
sil
e!
Imi
ssherbutonemor
esl
eepwon’
tki
l
lme.
Ihadhopedt hatmymot herwil
lsmilewhenI
tel
lherabouthowThul ii
smygi r
lf
ri
endnow.
Andt hatIwi
llbebri
nginghertomeetherver
y
soon.Shedidn’tgi
vemet hatsmil
ebuthereyes
werewar merwhenIt ol
dher-soIt akei
tasan
approval.
*
***
*

JustasIthought
!-myphonev ibr
atesami ll
ion
ti
meswhenIswi tchitonwhilemaki ngmy selfa
cupofcoffeebefor
edr i
vingt
owor k.Andjust
asIthought,
Njabul
oi sthefi
rstonet ocal
lme.
“MrBut
helezi
,
”Isaybef
oreget
ti
ngr
eadyf
or
himtoswearatme.
“Getyourassher
e.Ifyousti
llwantyourjob,
you’l
lbeinmyoffi
ceinthir
tymi nut
es.Idon’
t
carewhereyouarebutIwanty ouinmyf ucki
ng
off
iceinthi
rt
yminutes.No.Scratchthat
.Iwant
youinmyof fi
ceRI
GHTNOW! ”
“
Youknowi
t’
ssi
xthi
rt
yri
ght
,”Iask.
“I
fyouwereheredoingyourjob,Iwouldn’
thave
beenhereinmyoffi
ceatfuckingsixthir
ty.Do
youknowt hedamagecontrolIhadtodo
becauseyouwentAWOL? ??”
“
Isenty
ouanSMSbef
oregoi
ngAWOL.
”
“
Likehelly
oudid.Ineverrecei
veanyt
hingf
rom
youotherthant
hefactthatyouwerecomingto
workl
astweekWednesday .Todayi
sTuesday
.”
“Idi
dsendyouacommunicat
ionthatIwi
l
lbe
offl
i
neforafewday
sti
lSunday.
”
“Youdidnot.
”hesay s,“Wherethefuckarey ou?
Yournewcl i
enti
sonmyneckwi thquest
ionsI
cannotevenanswer.Wear eonthevergeof
l
osingtwoclient
sincludingSmoot hAPP-y our
biggestcl
i
entthi
smont h.Getyourasshere.”
“I
’l
ltakeyoutoCCMAf orthatl
anguageyouar e
usingonme. ”Ilaughwhil
etaki
ngmycarkey s.
Forgetthecoffee-I’
ll
haveacupatt heoffi
ce.I
knewi fIswi
tchedonmyphonebef orebedlast
nightIwasgoingt oworkthewholenight.
“Goahead!Goahead!I
’l
levenbreakyourlegs
befor
eyoumakei tt
otheirof
fi
ce,”hesays.
“St
acyisgoingt
ocallmeatseven…whatwas
t
hel
astupdat
eyougav
eheraboutherTVad?
”
“
I’
ll
needt
ocheckmyemai
l
sfor
…”
Ist
artt
hecarandspeedoutofmycompl
ex.
“Howdoyoudisappearwit
houthandov
er?Iam
goingt
ofi
rey
our ightnow,
”hesays.
“Ofcourse.Idi
sappearf
oraweekandmy
accountsareamess.Tryfi
ri
ngme, ”Il
augh
whilehegroansonthephone.“I’
ll
beinthe
off
iceinthir
tyminut
es.Iam al
readyi
nthecar
.”
“
Thi
rt
ymi
nut
es.
”
“Youshouldhavejustsai
dyoumissedme.No
needt ocry
.”HehangsupwhileIl
augh.I
’l
lfi
x
everyt
hinginamatteronti
me.Mysmi l
e
disappearwhenInoti
ceThuli
’
sSMSont he
screen.
Thuli
:'
Idon’tunder
standwhyt hehell
youare
tel
l
ingmet hisaft
erdisappeari
ngforaweek.
Youshouldhav etr
iedmel astweek.
'
Haw!
Idialhernumberbutt her
eisn’
taresponse.I
keept r
yingthephoneasIdr i
vetotheoff
ice.
Shedoesn’ ttakeanyofmycalls.Wit
honeey e
ont heroad,Itryt
oscanthroughhertext
s.
WTF!
!!Shehasbeenl
ookingforme.Ididn’
t
ev
engot hr
oughther
estofthetextmessages.
It
ryt
hephoneagai
n.
“If
orgotyouaregoi
ngtodistur
bmet
hewhol
e
dayifIdon’
tansweryourcal
l
.”
“
Youknowver
ywell
,
”Irespond.“
Whatdoy
ou
meanwhyt
hehel
lam Itel
l
ingyou…”
“
Exact
lythat
.Youdi
sappearandnowy
ou
want
….”
“
Whoa!Wai
tami
nut
e.”
“
Ineedt
ogetr
eadyf
orwor
kri
ghtnow.
”
“
Doy
ouhav
eacl
asst
hisear
ly?
”
“Iguessalothaschangedsi
ncey
ou
dissapear
ed.”
“Whydoev er
yonesayIdi sappear ed?Isenty ou
atextthatIneedsomet imeof f.Isenty oua
l
ongassmessageexpl ainingt hatIneedsome
ti
meof fwithmy selftoreflectonsomet hingI
neededto.Itoldyout hi
swi llbemyl i
ttl
etherapy
andIneededt odoi t.It
oldy out hatIwasgoi ng
totel
lyoual l
aboutwheny out ellmeal labout
yourtherapysessionwi t
hy ourdoct or.Ithought
youwoul dunderstand…”
“Ij
ustgott
hatl
ongasst
extmessager
ight
now.”
“
IsentitlastweekSatur
day
.It
oldyoumy
motherisn’thappywi
thmeandall
…”
“Irecei
veditnow.”Shesighs.“
Iguessitdi
dn’t
reachmebef oreyouswitchedoffyourphone.
Look.Iwouldliketotal
kbutIam runningl
ate.
CanIcal l
youlater.
”
“
Please!
”
“
okay
!”
“
Wai
t…bef
orey
ougo…”
“
Yes!
”
“Howarey
ou?Areyoual
ri
ght
?Iam sor
ry
about
…Ineededt
ime…”
“
Iam f
ine,
”sher
esponds.Shesoundssosad.
“
Babe.Pl
easet
alkt
ome.
”
“OhmyGod,
Phut
i!Whatdoy
ouwantmet
osay
,
dude?
”
“
Dude?
”
“Whatdoy ouwantmet osay?Ihavebeen
worriedsickaboutyou.Ineededyou…butI
under st
andnowt hatyouneededsomet imet
o
yourselfbutyourmessagewoul dhavemadea
dif
ferenceifIhadreceiv
editlastweek.
”
“
Iunder
stand.CanIt
akey
out
osupper
?”
“
Hav
enty
our
eadanyofmymessages?
”
“
Iswi
tchedonmyphonenow.
”
“
Iam outoft
own.Igotaj
obi
nMpumal
anga.
”
“
What
?”
“You’
llcat
chuponthemessages.Ineedto
fi
nishupbefor
erunni
nglat
eonmyf irstday.I
’
ll
cally
ouwhenIgetachance.”Acarbehind
minehootsandIjumpbacktoreal
it
y.“Ineedto
go.”
“Al
ri
ght
,”Imumblebeforeshecut
smeoff.I
speedt
owor ksothatIcanreadt
her
estofher
thr
eadmessage.
Whil
emar chi
ngtoNjabul
o’soffi
ce,Igothrough
ther
estofthemessages.Alsotheoneswher e
shesaidshegotaj
obasaj unioreconomi st
andthatshei
sleav
ingtown.Shel ef
tyesterday
whil
eIwasdr i
vi
ngbackfrom Polokwane.
Wow!
I
tfeel
sli
keablow.Ishoul
dbehappyforher
t
hisminut
ebuthereIam t
ryi
ngnott
ot hi
nktoo
much.
‘
Icamel ooki
ngf oryoubef oredrivi
ngout.I
hear
dy ouwillber et
urningtowor konMonday
soIthoughtIcoul ddropbybef oreleav
ing.Il
eft
anenvelopefory ou.Justat hankyougiftf
rom
mesinceIdon’ tknowwher eIstandwithyou.
’-
Thul
i.
Nj
abulo’
sPAsmi
l
esatmewhenIwal
koutof
t
heelevat
or.
“Welcomebackt
othewor
ldoft
hel
i
ving,
”she
says.
“
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
ethi
sear
ly?
”Iaskher
.
“
MrButhel
ezihasbeenonabadmoodt
he
whol
eweeklastweek…hewant
smeher
eat
wei
rdhour
s.Thankstoyou.
”
“Mypleasur
e,”Isaybef
oreopeni
ngNj abul
o’s
door
.Histableisamesstoshowt hathehas
beenhav
ingahect
icmor
ning.
“Thenyoudeci
dedtoshowup,
”hesay
sbef
ore
droppi
nghisheadbackt
ohiswor
k.
“Didyouevergetmymessage?
”Iaskwhil
e
standi
ngattheedgeoft
hetabl
e.Mycli
ent’
s
fi
lesareonhistabl
e.
“
Itol
dyou…”
“
Pleasecheckifyougotat
extmessagef
rom
methismorning.
”
“Howdi dy outhinkIcall
edyou?Isawy ourl
ong
excusebutIdi dn’treadi
tbecauseIneededyou
here.Pleasetakey ourfi
lesf
rom mytableand
callthesecli
ents.CallSt
acybackandinvit
eher
forameet ing.Fixyourmess.Wewi l
lcatchup
afterwork.”
Theyallgotmyt extmessagethi
smorning.I
mighthaveswitchedoffthephonebef
orethe
SMSswentt hr
ough.Ihav enoideawhat
happened.Ipi
ckall myfi
lesandheadouttomy
cubi
cle.Justt
hemi
nut
eIst
epoutoft
he
el
evator,ev
ery
onei
sonmycase.
Ev
ery
one!
Igetmyheadi ntoworkbecausenowt hatIam
atmydesk, IcanseethatNjabulowasnot
exagger
atingaboutthemess.Al otoft
hings
weren’
tattendedtobecausesomedet ai
lswere
withme.Itwasunprofessi
onal ofmetoleave
thi
ngsli
ket hi
s.
Thul
isi
le!Ev
erytimemyphonevi
brat
es,
Iwishi
t
i
sher.Iam doingevery
thi
ngi
nmypowernotto
cal
lheranddisturbher
.
I
tisaft
erl
unchwhenIpickmyphoneandhead
t
omycarbecauseIcannottakeitany
more.She
wi
llhavet
oforgi
vemeifIam dist
urbi
ngher.
Shedoesn’
tpi
ckupbutIdon’tgi
veup.Onl
yon
thef
ourt
htrydoesshepi
ckitup.
“
Hi!
”
“
Iam notapsy
cho…sor
ryf
ordi
stur
bingy
ou.
”
“
It
sokay
.”
“Wher
ear
eyou?CanIcomeandseey
ou?I
needt
oseeyou.
”
“
Phut
i…”
“
I’
ll
dri
vet
her
eaf
terwor
k.”
“
Youdon’
thav
eto.
”Shesay
s.“
Idon’
twantt
o.”
“
Whynot
?”
“
BecauseIwantt
ofocus.Iwantt
ofocusonmy
wor
k.”
“Pl
easesendmeyourl
ocati
on.Iwi
llcomeas
soonasIknockof
f.Weneedtotal
k.Ineed
you.
”
“
Ineededy
oul
astweek.
”
“Iknow.
”Isigh.Idon’
ttel
lherthatIneededher
buthadtobest r
ongforher.Shehadher sel
fto
focuson.Iam str
ongerthanherandIdi dn’
t
wantmyi ssuest
otakeherst
epsbackfr
om her
ther
apysessiont
hatSat
urday.Ihadt
obe
self
ish.
“Ihav
etogo,Phuti
.Iam i
ntheCEO’
soffi
ce…”
shehangsupbeforeIcoul
dsayany
thi
ngelse.
FuckEv
ery
thi
ng!
!!Fuckev
erysi
ngl
ethi
ng.
Irefi
l
l mycof f
eemugandheadbackt of acemy
mount ainofwork.MrRwal kstomydeskt o
checkont hedamagecont r
ol Ihav
ebeen
workingont odefuset hef
ire.Heispissed.
Evenwhenev ery
oner ecei
vedmyt extmessage
today,theythi
nkIdecidedtosendt hem my
damnt extthismorning.
Now,
ital
socost
edmear el
ati
onshi
pwi
thThul
i
.
NowIhavet
odothechasi
ngagain.
Damn!
“
Isev
ery
thi
ngcomi
ngal
ri
ght
?”
“
Yeah!
”
“Areyoualri
ght?Youlookli
keamess,
”heasks.
Iletoutachuckle.I
twouldbeawast
eofti
me
totellhi
m howIactuall
yfeel
.
Ifeel
li
kemycarryi
ngtheworl
donmyshoul
der
ri
ghtnow.Buti
tisusel
esst
omenti
on.
“
Iam f
ine.
”
“
Doyouthi
nky
ouwill
bedonewi
thSt
acy
’sf
il
e
t
oday
?”MrRasks.
“
Def
inet
ly,
”Isay
.
“Njabul
oleftt
heoff
icef
oranothermeet
ingso
pleasebri
ngthefi
l
et omyoff
icewhenyouare
done.”
“
Sur
ethi
ng.
”
“Ar
ey ousureyouaref
ine?
”MrRasks,
his
handsinthepocket
.
“Iam per
fect
lyf
ine,man.Whywouldn’
tIbef
ine?
Iam perf
ectl
yfi
ne.”Thati
swhatt
hewor l
d
knows.Thatiswhattheworl
dwil
lknow.
Myphonepi
ngs!
Iopenthemessaget
ofi
ndThul
i
’st
ext
.Amap
l
ocati
on.
‘
Myl ocat
ion.Iam st
ayi
ngattheI
nnj
ust
opposit
ethisexactl
ocat
ion.
’
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE13

THULI
SILE

‘
HeyThul i,Ihopey ouar
eal r
ight.Allt
hebest
withyourfirstsessiont
oday.Iam sopr oudof
you.Mom i soutofhospi t
althismor ningbut
sheisn’thappyt oseeme.Iwi lltel
lyoual labout
i
twhenwemeet-wheny outellmeabouty our
sessi
on.Iam goi ngt ot
akesomet imeof ffrom
everyt
hing.Ineedt oref
lectonsomet hingsi n
myl i
feandIam goi ngt oneedtotuneof ffr
om
thewor l
dbef or
eitfeedsoffmysoul -okay,I
am alsohidingawayf r
om worksoI’l
l be
unreachableforafewday s.Ihopey ou
understand.I’
ll
callyouassoonasIr etur
nfrom
homeandwewi ll
cat chupwhileyouhav eyour
favouri
tesoup.’
IhavereadPhuti
’
smessagessomanyt imes
ti
me.Iwishithadgoti
nwhenitwasintended
to.If
eelsosobadforl
ashi
ngoutathim when
hecall
ed.HesoundedsooffonthatSMS.He
soundedli
keheneededmejustasIneededhim.
Oh, myGod, Ineededhi m sobadly.Ineeded
thistextt
oconf i
rmthatwear ealr
ight.WhenI
couldnotreachhim, Ithoughthehadr anaway
from mebecauseIam t oomucht ohandle.A
partofmedi dknowi twasn’ taboutmebecause
theyalsoneededhi m atwor k-Ihadjust
thoughtIwasi mportantforhimt otellmewhat
wasgoi ngon.
Aft
ersendingPhuti
myl ocati
on,
Ipi
ckthebott
le
ofwaterIhavebeencl
utchingonandtakeasi
p.
Ihavebeensigni
ngpil
esofpaperssi
nceIgot
here.
“Ipromi sethisi
st helastform Ineedy outofil
l
sign,”theHRl ady-If orgothernameal ready-
sayswi t
hasmi le.“Thisisalistofbenefici
ari
es
youhav eshouldany thi
nghappent oy ou.”She
giggle.“Godf or
bids.Butweneedt oalway s
preparef orthefuture.”
“Iknow,”Igi
veherasmi l
ewhil
epi
cki
ngthepen.
Thisiseasy.Isi
gninDineo’
snameandsi
gnthe
form befor
ehandingi
tbacktoher
.
“And…wear edone,
”HRladysay
sandcloses
myf i
le.“Pl
easegobacktoMsNolut
hando’s
off
ice.”
“Thankyou!
”Imumblebefor
emakingmyway
tothefi
rstf
loorwher
eMsMangena’sof
fi
cei
s
at.I
fIhadmetheratther
ecept
ion,
Iwoul
dhave
pasther.Shei
sprobabl
ymymot her’
sageand
herfashi
onsenseisnotasmind-
blowingas
thatofaCEO.Heroffi
ceist
odiefor,t
hough.
“
Areyouset
tl
ed?
”sheasksasIt
akemyseaton
t
hecouch.
“
Iam donewi
thHR.
”
“Iam goingtocallEdwin.Hei sgoi ngtowork
closelywithyou.Youar enothi sassist
antbut
partnersolethim bull
yy oui ntomaki ngcopi
es
andal l-hehasat endencyofdoi ngthatbut
withpar t
nershedoesn’tt rust.Theguywhowas
wor ki
ngonourl atestprojectr esi
gnedsoIneed
yout ojumpi nt
othedeependasf astasyou
can.”
“
Ithi
nk…Icandot
hat
.”
“Ij
ustsettl
edtheinvoi
cef ort
heInnforj
usttwo
weeks,thenaftert
hatyouwi l
lneedtocheck
out.Areyougoingt omanagegetti
ngan
apartmentforyoursel
f?”
“
I’
ll
star
tlooki
ng.
”
MsMangenapi
cksherof
fi
cephoneanddi
alsa
number
.
“
Comet
omyof
fi
cef
orj
ustami
nut
e.”
Shetell
smeaboutt heEconomistIwil
lbe
workingwi
th.Idon’
tli
kehim al
readybecause
hesoundsbossy.Idon’tl
i
ketobebossed
around.
I
nami nute,aknockcomesfr
om thedooranda
guywalksin.Hetur
nstomeandshift
shis
gl
assesbeforetur
ninghi
sgazebacktoMrs
Mangena.
“
HeyEdwin.”Oh,i
tist
heeconomist.“
Please
meetThul
i.Shei
sthenewJuniorEconomist
r
epl
acingCharl
es.
”
Edwi
ncr
osseshi
sar
msandt
urnst
ome.
“
Wher
edi
dyougr
aduat
e?”heasks.
“
Ihav
en’
tgr
aduat
edy
et…but
…”
“Reall
yNol u?Areyougivi
ngmeanot her
student?”Edwinasks,hi
shandsst i
l
l cr
ossed.
Hei sNjabulo’
sageandhi sdarkgel
ledblack
hairsui
tshi mjustper
fectbuthehasanat ti
tude.
“
Iknow…Iknow…Shewashi
ghl
y
r
ecommended.”
“
Youkeepwast
ingmyt
ime.
”
“
Yout
oldmey
ourhandsar
eful
l
.”
“AndIspeci
fi
cal
lyaskedy outoappoi
ntahi
ghl
y
qual
if
iedcandi
date.Icannott
akeallt
heti
mein
theworl
dtoteachstudents.
”
“Youdon’thavetoteachmeany t
hing.Just
showmehowt odomyj obandIwi lldoexactl
y
that,
”Isay.Ooops!Idi
dn’ tmeant osnaplike
that.Di
neoalwaystell
smet owatchmymout h
becauseitwil
lgetmei nt roubl
e.Iclearmy
throatandsay,“
Iam af astlearner.
”
“
Idon’
twantl
ear
ner
s.”
“Edwi
n!”Mr
sMangenasay
sandheshakeshi
s
head.
“
Fine!
”
“Takehertoherspaceandint
roducehertothe
coll
eagues.Anddon’tmakeheryourassi
stant
,”
shesayswi t
hasmi l
e.Edwi
nlaughsandtil
this
headformet ogowithhim.Ipi
ckmyhandbag
andhurrybesidehi
m.
“Iwanty ouher eatei ghtev er
ymor ning.Idon’t
havemucht imet ospar esoifyoudon’ t
understandany thing, gohomeandt each
yourself
,”hesay s.Iexpecthi mt osayt hatheis
j
okingbuthedoesn’ tcor r
ectme.If oll
owhi mt o
thefourthfloor.“Thisi swheret het eam i sat
.
Youwi llworkcloselywi t
hmebuti not hercases,
weassi gngr oupst ot akeonpr ojects.Iwasn’ t
tol
dabouty ourarrival soyoucanuset his
cornerrightherewhi lewegety ourof fi
ce
prepared.”
Of
fi
ce?
Thecor
nerist
oof
ancyIwonderwhatt
heof
fi
ce
l
ooksli
ke.
“
Getset
tl
edandcomeseemei
nmyof
fi
ce.
”
“Yes,
”Imumbl
ewhi
l
edr
oppi
ngmybagont
he
chair
.
Sigh!Thi
sisgoingtobever
yinter
esti
ng.I
’
ll
checkmyphonef orPhut
i’
sresponseandther
e
i
sn’tanyothermessaget
han
“
Seey
ousoon.
”
Igetdownt othebusi nessoftheday.Ihonestl
y
thoughtIwouldbei nanof fi
ce,anal
ysingdata
forevenhugecompani es.Thi
siswaybet ter
thantutor
ingstudentswhoar enotev en
i
nterest
edi nt
hesubj ect.
GraceandDineocheckuponmewhenIam on
myl unchbr
eak.Edwi
nsaidmylunchbr
eaksar
e
anhourbutonday sl
iket
hesewherewehavea
ti
ghtdeadl ine,t
herearenolunchbr eaks.Heis
l
uckyhef oundwi thatoughskin.Heeasi l
ygets
i
rrit
atedbymanyquest i
ons-heisnotagood
teacher.Lol,whatam Isaying?Hesai dhe
want sahi ghlyquali
fi
edeconomi standIam
nothingli
ket hatbutIknowIam waybet tert
han
thepersonhei slooki
ngfor.
Atfourt
hir
ty,Iwal
kintoEdwin’
soffi
ce.Heis
buri
edbehindthecomputerandhistabl
eis
fi
l
ledwit
hpaperandt hreeemptycups.Onl
ythe
stai
nswil
ltel
lther
ewascof f
eeinalloft
hem.
“I
tisfourt
hirt
y,”Isay
.Thefloorisal
mostempt
y.
Ihaven’
tevenmett heothercol
leagues
becauseIhavebeenbur i
edont hepapersI
neededtotrytoanalyseal
lbymy self
.
“
Okay
.”
“
CanIbeexcused?
”Iask.
“
Okay
,”her
espondswi
thoutl
i
fti
nghi
shead.
Iwantt
oaski
fiti
sal
ri
ghti
fIl
eav
ebutIcannot
ri
skspendi nganot herhourher e.Ihav et o
preparef orPhut i
’sarri
val.Icloset hedoor
behindmeandheadst r
aighttot heI nnj ust
acrosst heof fi
ces.Ther oom i shuge, wi t
ha
l
itt
leloungear eaandaki t
chenet te.Iki ckof fmy
wedgeandj umpst rai
ghtt oashower .Af tera
quickshower ,Ipaget hr
oughgoogl etosear ch
foradecentr estaurantthatPhut iandIwi ll
dine
i
n.Ther ei sonej ustaroundt hecor ner .Atf ive
thi
rty,Ihav epickedadr esst hatIwi llwearand
allIneedt odoi sgeti nt
oi twhenPhut i gets
here.Iditcht hemake- upbecauseIcannott ake
anothert hirt
ymi nutestoputi tonagai n.
Irollonthebedwhi lecheckingforapart
ment s
torent.Allofthem aroundhereareexpensi
v e.I
canaf f
ordt hough.Thereisabachelor
apartmentf ourstr
eetsfrom her
e.Imakea
ment alnotetoaskmycol l
eaguesifther
eare
anylocal t
axi f
rom theapart
mentt otheoff
ice.
Ifyes,Idefi
nitel
ygoingforit.
I
thasbeenhoursofwai
ti
ngbutatsev
ent
hir
ty,
myphonepings!Ij
umpi
nexcit
ement.
‘
Heybabe.Iwon’ tbeablet omakei t
.Ever
ybody
aroundher ewant
sanar m andal eg.Somuch
todoi njustaday.Iwil
lcally
ouwhenIgeta
chance.Iam sorr
y .Iwaslookingfor
wardtosee
you.’-Phuti
.
Oh,
wow.
‘
Shouldn’
tyouhav
etol
dmehour
sago?
’-It
ext
back.
‘
Wasstuckinameet i
ng.Iam j
umpingto
anot
her.I
’
llcal
lyoubefor
eIsl
eep,Ipr
omise.
’-
Phut
i.
‘
Iwasl
ooki
ngf
orwar
d.’
‘
Iknow.Met
oo.Ineedt
orun.I
’
llcal
lyou
t
onight
.”

*
***
*
Threedaysintot hejobandIalreadyf
eel l
ikea
zombie.Edwi nhadmer unaroundwithfi
lesli
ke
Iam hisassistant.EvenwhenIsubmi tmy
analy
ticdata,Idoubtheev enlooksatthem.He
l
etsmer unar oundl i
keacrazywoman.
“
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
hisweekend?
”Edwi
nasks.
“
What
?”
“
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
hisweekend?
”
“Uhm…i am goi ngt oviewanapar tmentIneed
tostayin.”Oneoft heladi
esImetatt hecoffee
room tol
dmet hatt heplaceisawal ki
ng
dist
ance.WhenIt oldherthatIwouldn’twantto
walkalone,sheconf ir
medt hattherearelocal
taxi
stot here.Imadeanappoi ntmentt oviewit
onSaturdayaf ternoon.
“Okaythatwon’
ttakel
ong.Ineedyoutocome
i
nt omorrowandSundayandstudythi
sdata…
summar i
sethestatsf
orme.Iwantitonmy
tabl
eonMondaymor ni
ngformetof
inal
iset
he
progr
ammi ngt
hatIam doi
ng.
”Hedr
opsa
bookletonmytabl
e.“
Youcangopar
tyyourl
if
e
away.”
Partymylif
eaway ?Idon’tevenknowanyone
aroundhere.I
tisknockof ft
ime,soIl
ockthe
bookletawaybeforeheadingtomyInn.
Justli
kePhut i
pr omisedwhenhecal ledon
Tuesdayev eni
ng, hecall
smewhenev erhegets
achance.Wor kingwi t
hEdwi n,Ikind-
of
understoodhowbusyl i
fecanbewheny ouwor
k
withprojectsbutmyhear tlongst osi
tdown
withPhut isowecoul dtal
k.Itisunfai
rf orme
feell
i
ket hisbutIf eelneglected.Idon’tknow
whyIf eelli
ket hi
s.
Howi
sthi
sgoi
ngt
owor
k?
Arr
ivi
ngattheI
nn,
Ichangei
ntot
rackpant
sand
gettobed.
Thi
spl
acei
ssol
onel
y.Phut
ihadsai
dhewi
l
l
comest r
aightaf terwor kbutIam notcount i
ng
oni t.Iwashur twhenhehadcancel l
edonme.I
hav en’tcalledhi mt ochecki fhei sonhi sway
becauseIdon’ twantt obedi ssapointed.Iscrol
l
thought hechannel suntil Istopatonewher ea
mov i
ei splay i
ng.Igeti nsi demybl anket sand
trynott ot hinktoomuch.Iwassupposedt obe
hav i
ngasessi ont omor r
owwi thDrVanessabut
becauseIam her e,sheref er
redmet osomeone
else.Iam notl ooki ngforwar dt obookone.The
twof i
rstsessionswer esoener gydr aining,
I
woul dn’twantt or epeatthem.Hav ingt otel
lthe
newdoct orwhyIam i nt her oom andwhathas
happenedi ndetails?No, Iam notl ooki ng
forwar dt othat .
Ihaddozedoff
,onlywokenupbyaphone
ri
ngi
ngfrom t
hesideofthebed.
“
Hel
l
o.”
“
Wehaveagentl
emanher
e…”thel
adysays.
.
“
Phut
i?Okay
..Ma’
am,wehav
ePhutiher
etosee
y
ou.
”
Hei
sher
e?
“
Okay
,pl
easel
ethi
m up.
”
“
Alr
ight
,thanky
ou.
”
Ijumpoutofbedandrushtothebathroom to
checkifmyhairi
sdecentenough.I
tisn’
tin
placeandther
eisaknockbeforeIcaneventry
tofixmysel
f.
Scr
ewi
t!
I
tisn’
tli
kehehasn’
tseenmei
nmywor
st.
I
nasecond,
Iam t
hedoorbef
orehecoul
dthi
nk
ofmaki
ngatur
n.
“
Hey
,”hesay
swhi
l
ewal
ki
ngi
nsi
de.
“Hey.
”Iclosethedoorbehi
ndmeandt ur
nto
him.Hehashisar msopenforme.Igeti
ntoa
sil
enthugwhichlast
sformanyminutesIl
ost
count.
“
Howhav
eyoubeen?
”Heasksaf
teral
ongest
whi
l
e.
“Iam okay
.Ihav
ebeengood.Howhav
eyou
been?”
“Iam tooexhausted…andIhav ewor ktomorrow
mor ni
ngatnine.”Helookslikeawal ki
ng
zombie.Hiseyesar ebl
oodshotr ed.BeforeI
couldsayanythi
ng, hetakesoffhisjacketand
dropsitonthecouchbef oretaki
ngaseat .
Uhm!Thisisthef
ir
sttimeIhav
ea
guy…incl
udi
ngPhuti
…soIam cl
uel
esswhatIam
supposedtodooroffer
.
“Wouldyoulikesomethi
ngtodr
ink?Shoul
dI
orderusfood?”Idon’
tseeusdi
ningatal
l.
“
Iwoul
dli
ket
otakeanap,
”hemumbl
es.
“
Ohhh…”
“
Please.
”
“
Okay
…”
“
I’
ll
taket
hecouch.Justanhournap.
”
“Ofcourse,
”Imumbl e,walki
ngtot hecl
osetto
getanextrabl
anket.Ipullonepi
llowfrom t
he
couchnexttothebedandhandt hem tohim.
Healreadyhasshoesof fandhisphone,wall
et
andkey sar
esetont hetable.
Hereal
lyisexhaust
ed.Ami
nut
elat
er,
hei
s
deadasleep.

Ihavebeent ossingandt urni

ngt hewhol eni ght
.
One,becauseIhav ePhutiinmyr oom.Two, he
cameal lt
hewayf rom Johannesbur gandwe
haven’tt
alked.Three,itwasn’tanapt hathe
took.Hehasbeensl eepingsincehegother e
andIknow, beforeIev encheckmyphonet hat
i
tisaftermidnight.Hedoesn’ tevenl ooklikehe
will
wakeup.Four ,Phutimumbl esinhi ssleep-
hemustbet ooexhaust ed.Ti
meaf tertime,his
phonef l
ashed.Itisonsi l
entbutt helightkeeps
di
stur
bingme.
Thephonef l
ashesagai
nsoIgetupsoIcoul
d
j
ustturnitupsi
dedown-thel
ightkeeps
di
sturbi
ngme.
Carol
’
snamef l
ashesonthescr
een.Iqui
ckl
y
dropatowel ontopoft
hephoneasifitwi
ll
take
awaymyi nsecur
iti
esaboutt
hegir
lwhoheused
toscr
ew.
‘
Oh,Thul
i
,st
opi
t.
’Iheadbackt
obedandt
ryt
o
sl
eep.
Stopthinki
ngt oomuch.St opt
hinki
ngtoomuch.
Stopthinki
ngt oomuch!Isangthisexactwords
i
nmyheadt hewhol eni
ghtunt
ilIhearPhut
i
getti
ngupf rom thecouch.Hemakeshi swayto
thebathroom andIpul l
myphoneundermy
pil
low,i
tisjustafter6AM.
Whenher
etur
ns,
hef
indsmesi
tt
ingont
hebed.
“Whydidn’
tyouwakeme?”Heaskswhenhe
not
icesme.“Whatti
meisit
?”
“
6:15,
”Isay
.
“
Whydi
dn’
tyouwakeme?
”
“
Youl
ookedl
i
key
ouneededt
osl
eep.
”
“
Idi
drest
…”hesay
s.
Ofcour
se.Wor
k.
Phutigoesbackt
ot hecouchandpi
ckshi
s
phone.Heswipesitafewtimesbef
ore
droppi
ngitbackt
ot hetabl
e.
“But
…Iam goingtoneedtogo,”hesadlysays.“
I
l
eftbeforepr
epari
ngformymeet ing.
”Ist
areat
him whil
eheputshisshoeson.“Didyouhear
me? ”
“
Yes.
”
“
Youdon’
tseem f
ine.
”
“
Doy
out
hinkwewi
l
lwor
k?”Iask.
“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”
“
Doy
out
hinkwewi
l
lwor
k?”
“
Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?”
“Thi
s,”Ishr
ug.“
Youjustgother
e.Youhav et
o
goagain.Wedidn’
tevengettotal
k.Ineedto
tal
k.”
Idon’tmentionCar olbecauseitwouldmake
mel ookstupid.Thedi st
anceisalsohardbut
wehav en’tt
riedbutCar oli
sjustacallawayfor
him andhedi dadmi tthati
fIhadn’tst
opped
them thatni
ght, hewouldhav esl
eptwi t
hher
withoutadoubt .Iam notthereanymoret ost
op
him.Hei sman.Heneedssomeone.Idon’ t
wannahur tmy self.
Hesagshi
sshoul
der
s.“
Iam t
ooexhaust
edt
o
ev
enansweryou.
”
“Ar
ewenotfool
ingoursel
ves?
”Iask.“Idon’
t
knowhowthi
sisgoingtowork,Phut
i.
”
I
thasn’tev
enstar
tedandal
ready,Ifeel
li
keiti
s
notgoi
ngtowork.Iam i
nmypr ocesswith
ther
apyandIdon’
twantany
thingthatwill
take
awaymysani
ty.Thi
sisdr
ivi
ngmecr
azyal
ready
.
“Maybewear
e,”hesay
swhi
l
eput
ti
ngonhi
s
shoes.
“Idon’
tknowwhatIam t
hinki
ngPhuti
…idon’t
evenknowwhatIam sayi
ng.Iam j
ustaski
ng.”
“
Iknow,”hesaysandgetsinhi
sfeet.“
Myli
fei
s
amessandIcannotburdenyouwithitwhi
l
e
youneedtofocusonyourheal
i
ng.”
“
Soy
ouagr
ee?
”
“
Ido.
”
“
Oh,
youdo?
”
“Whatdoy ouwantmet osayThuli?Icannot
breakmylegandgi veittoyou.Icannot.The
wor l
dneedsapi eceofme…andIhav enomor e
piecestogiv
e.Soy esIagreethatIam fooli
ng
my sel
finthi
nkingthatIcanmaket hewhol e
wor l
dhappy.Ihavebeenf ool
ingmy sel
f.
”
“
Phut
i!
”
“Youwinsome, youlosesomeThuli.Iam
winni
ngproject
saf t
erproj
ectsbutmyl i
feisa
fucki
ngmessandIneedt oputiti
nplace
befor
eIbreakeverythi
ng.Idon’
twantt ofeed
offfr
om yourenergy.Youneeditf
ory our
self
.”
“Soyouwer
eplanni
ngonleav
ingme,
right
?You
knewweweren’
tgoingt
owork.”
“Youj
ustmademer eali
seitnow.Idr
oveallt
he
wayherebuti
tisn’
tenoughbecauseIcoul
dn’t
givey
ouwhatyouneeded.”
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE14

THULI
SILE

“Youareslacking,
”Edwi
nsayswhenIent
erhi
s
offi
ce.I
tisthreeweekssi
nceIhav
eseenPhuti
andIhaven’tbeendoi
nggreat
.Hedr
opsa
pamphletoftheworkIhav
ebeendoi
ngsi
nce
thebegi
nningoftheweek.
“Whatdoyoumean?Ianal
ysedthi
sdataforthe
pastweek.WhatdoeshemeanIam sl
acking?
“Oh,andt hi
sisthebesty oucoul dgiv
eme?”he
asks.“Whatar ethetrendsint hesei
mport
s?”
Hepoi ntsatthegrapht hatIskippedwhen
doingtheexer ci
se.Ididn'
tthinkitwas
i
mpor tant.
“
Uhm…”
“Exactl
y!Pl
easer
e-dot
hisandsubmi
ton
Saturday.
”
“
Sat
urday
?”
“
Yes.I
sther
eapr
obl
em?
”
“
Iam l
eavi
ngaf
terl
unchonFr
iday
.Ihav
etobe
i
nJoburg.
”
“
Whati
ssoi
mpor
tant
?”heasks.Iwoul
dli
ket
o
t
ellhimt hatIam goingtoseeDrVanessaf or
myt herapysessionwi t
hher.Idon’
ttellhim
t
hough.I tissomet hi
ngelsetoshowy our
vul
nerabilit
yatwor k.Edwindoesn’
toper at
e
withfeeli
ngs.Hei ssweetsomeday sbutnot
t
ooof ten.“Ihaveseent hatyouhaven’
tbeen
yoursel
ff orthepastdays.”
“
Ineedt
odosomet
hingper
sonal
Edwi
n,
”Isay
.
“Not
hingi
spersonal
her
e.Iwon’
tappr
ovey
our
hal
fday,
”hesays.
“
Edwi
n,y
oucannotdot
hat
.”
“
Youjustgother
eThul
i
.Youcannotbeaski
ng
f
orhalfday
sanddaysoffasy
et.
”
“
Please.
”
“NoThuli
.Thisi
snotschoolwhereyoucan
deci
dethatyoudon’
tfeell
i
keattendi
ngaclass.
That
'snothowitworkshere.
”
“
Ineedt
ogot
other
apy
,”Isay
.Ir
eal
l
yneedt
o
gotomyt her
apysession.Ineedi
t.Imi
ssthose
twodayswhereIcouldoffl
oadinDrVanessa’
s
off
iceandnotfeel
judged.Ineedt
hatri
ghtnow.
“Ther
apy?
”Edwi
n’
sey
essof
ten.“
Pleasesi
t
down.”
“
Pleasedon’
tfeel
pit
yforme.
”
“
No.No,”hesays.It
akeaseat
.Edwincl
ear
shi
s
t
hroatandasks,“
Am It
oohardonyou?”
“No,itisn’tyou.Itisli
fe,
”Irespond.Li feisso
notfairatal l.I
tnevergivesmewhatIwant .Oh,
no,correct i
ons.Ittakesandgi ves.Ittookaway
mypur ityandgav ememysi sterwhom Iown
myl i
fet o.Itgav emeaper fectjobbutt ook
Phutiawayf rom me.WhatIt houghtwasa
dream wast her eal
it
y.Phutiwal kedoutoft he
I
nnt hatmor ningandnev erreturned.Hei sn’t
rudeorany thing.Hetakesmycal lsorresponds
tomyt ext s-heal way sdoes.Butheagr eedto
putti
ngast opt oourrelati
onship.It’
ll
beal ieifI
sayIam notheartbroken;
Iam.Ithasbeen
weeksandIfeelli
keIneedsomeonet oventt
o.
Icannotal
waysbot hermysist
erwhil
eshetri
es
tonavi
gateherli
fewi t
hhergir
lf
ri
end.Sheal
so
needsabreak.
“Iam sorr
y.Ifyouneedanyonetotal
kto,
Iam
here,”hesays.Il
augh.Il
aughbutstopwhenI
real
isethatheisn’
tjoki
ngaround.
“
Edwin,ar
eyoutel
li
ngmethatyoucanli
stento
meyelpi
ngabouthowmyboyfr
iendlef
tme? ”
“
Ishestupi
d?”Heaskswit
haf
rown,
“Who
woul
dleaveagir
lli
keyou?
”
Il
aughandagai
n,hei
sn’
tjoi
ningme.
“
Wel
l
…thanky
ouf
ory
ourki
ndwor
ds.
”
“
Youdon’
tbel
i
eveme,
doy
ou?
”heasks.
“ofcourseIdon’
t.Andplease,
Itol
dy ou…you
don’thavetopit
yme.Iam perfect
lyfi
ne.Ij
ust
wantt ohonourmydoctor’
sappointmentsunt
il
shecl
ear
smeof
ffr
om herof
fi
ce.
”
“
Didn’
tsher
efery
out
osomeonecl
oser
?”
“Wel
l…idon’
twanttostartanot
herr
idewi
th
someoneelse.Ipr
eferher.
”
“
Itot
allyagree.I
’l
ltaket
hese,
”hesay
swhile
r
eachingforthedocumentsinmyhand.“
I’
lldo
t
hefinalanalysi
s.Youcango.”
Oh,
okay
?
“
Thanky
ou,
”Imumbl
ewhi
l
eget
ti
ngup.
Thatwasaweir
dconver
sat
ionIhadwi
thEdwi
n.
Hehasalway
sbeenedgyandsopushybut
today
,hewasmorehuman.

*
***
**
Iti
sFri
dayandIshouldn’
thav
ewastedmyt i
me
comingtoworktoday
.Ishoul
dhavejustwoken
upandheadstrai
ghttoJobur
g.Edwinhadbeen
superwei
rdsi
nceourchatinhisof
fi
cethe
otherday.Hedoesn’ tlookatmet wice,wi
thout
pretendi
ngtobebusywi t
hsomet hi
ng.Inow
haveanof fi
cebutt oav oi
dpeopleknockingon
mydoor ,Ial
way skeepmydooropenandmy
vi
ewi sEdwin'sl
oungi ngarea.Ifi
ndhim stari
ng
atmebef orehewal kst owar
dsmyof fi
ce.
Beforehecouldr eachmydoor ,Ipullmy
handbagf r
om mydr awersothathedoesn’ t
gi
v emeanyl astmi nuteproj
ects.
“Whatti
mear eyouheadi
ngout?”heaskswhil
e
cl
osingmyofficedoor
.“Youcanbeexcused
anyt
imey ouwanttogo.”
“Thankyou,
”Isayaft
ercl
ear
ingmyt
hroat
.“Why
areyouacti
ngweird?
”
“
Ijustf
eel
badabouthowt
oughIhav
ebeenon
y
ou.”
“
Itoldyounott
ofeelpit
yforme.Please.Iam a
t
oughcookie….
andthisther
apysessionsaren’
t
abigdeal.
”
“
Yes.JustthatIlostsomeoneIl
ovedbecauseI
wastoughont hem whenIwassupposedtobe
t
herefort
hem. ”
“Oh…Iam sor r
yt ohearthat
.Di
dshekill
herself
?”Iask.IcovermymouthwhenIr eali
se
thattherewasn’tafil
teronmyquest
ion.“Iam
sosor r
y.Iam sorry
.”
“I
fyouneedany
onet
otal
kto.Pl
easedon’
t
hesi
tat
e.”
“Thankyou.Iam sorr
y.Iam sousedt
o…
sweepingevery
thingawayandIknowmy …”
“
Don’tworr
yaboutit
,”hesay
sbeforeIcoul
d
f
ini
sh.Ist
areathi
m andhedoesn’tmove.
“
Arey
ouokay
?”Iask.
“Justthatwheny ouspokeaboutneeding
therapyandall…ittr
igger
edsomethi
ngt hatI
havebeenr unningawayf r
om.SomethingthatI
shouldhavesuggest edtomybestfri
endbefore
shet ookherli
fe.”
“Iam sosor r
y,”IsayandEdwi nnodsatme
befor el
eav i
ngmyof fi
ce.Itisonl ywhenhe
closeshi sdoort hatIr
ealiset hatwearealli
na
battlefi
eld.Li
feisabat tl
efieldandev er
yonehas
theirownst ory.Dineo?My self?Grace’
sfamil
y
becauseofGr acebr ot
her?Mar i
abecauseof
herpsy choticex-boyfr
iend?Edwi n?Whoi nt
he
wor l
ddoesn’ thav eastoryt ot el
l?

*
***
*

Dineoiswaiti
ngwithherar
mswi deopenfor
met ojumpinto-shealwaysdoes.Ial
l
owher
toembr acemebeforeshepull
smeoutoft he
hug,herbothhandsoneachofmyshoul der
s,
andstaresatme.
“
Youar
einonepi
ece,
”shesay
sbef
orel
ett
ing
mego.
“
Whatdoy
out
hink?
”Iask.
“
Afterhear
ingyoucr
ythewhol
ethreeday
s…I
wasn’tt
oosure,
”shesay
sandgrabsmybag.
“Iam overi
t,
”Irespondwhi l
efoll
owingherto
whereMuof heisparked.Whileshegetsmy
bagsintotheboot,Ij
umpi ntothebackwhereI
fi
ndal adyIdon’
tknow.Per hapsanewf r
iendof
thei
rs.
“Heybeauti
ful,
”Muofhesay
sasshest
art
sthe
car.“
MPi streat
ingy
ouwell.
”
“Youthi
nk?
”Iaskwithachuckl
e.Theydon’
t
evenknowwhattheyar
etalki
ngabout.
“
Yes.Il
ovet
henewhai
r-
do.
”
“
Oh,
please,
”Imumbl
e.
“Sheisr
ight
.Itsui
tsyouperfect
ly,
”thel
ady
sit
ti
ngwithmesay s.Shedoesn'
tevenknowme.
“
Lul
u,meetmybabysisterThuli
.Thul
i…t
hat
’s
Muof
he’
scousin,
Lulu,
”Dineosaysasshe
j
umpstothef
rontseat
.Shet apsonthe
dashboardandhergi
rl
fr
iendr
ever
sest
hecar
outoftheparki
ngspot
.
Thi
sisgreatcompany.SomethingIhaven’
thad
i
nawhi l
e.Theyhavebeenlaughingthewhole
wayfr
om theminutetheypi
ckedmeup.
“Bytheti
mey ouleav
e…every
onewil
lthi
nkI
wasabadi nf
luence,
”muof
hesayst
oher
cousin.
“
Buti
t'
str
ue.
”
“
Ohhh…”Muof
hel
aughs.
“Let’
spar tyforthelastti
me.Cal l
t hatfr
iendof
ya’l
lssot hathecanhookusupwi thVIP
ti
ckets,”Lulusay s.MuofheandDi neofreeze.
Muof he’sey esmeet smineont her earvi
ew
mirror.“Whati shisname? ”Thecousi nsay s
andt r
iest othinkhard.Iknowwher ethi
si s
goingsoIf i
ndsomet hi
ngtosaybutt helady
beatsmet oi t
,“Hisnamei sPhuti.NowI
remember .”
“Areyouguyshangingaroundwi
thPhutinow?”
Iask,ai
mingmyquest i
ont omysi
ster
.Ispeak
toheralmostever
ydayandshehasnev er
mentionedhi
mt ome.
“
No…notl
i
ket
hat
.”
“
Theyweret
ryi
ngtocock-
blockhi
m,”Lul
usay
s
whi
lel
aughi
ng.Mymouthgoesdry.
“
Didi
twor
k?”If
indmy
sel
faski
ng.
“
No.”Lul
ulaughssohar
d.“
Het
oldusnott
o
wast
ehisti
me.”
Mywor
ldcomescr
umbl
i
ngdown.
“
Cany
oupl
easeshutupLul
u?”Muof
hesay
s.
“What
?Isther
esomet
hingwrong?
”sheasks.
Howdumbcanapersonbe?Onlywhenshe
l
andshereyesonmedoesshegetst
hepict
ure
butj
ustt
oolate.
“
Wasi
tthesamegi
rl
?”Iask.
“
Wear
enotdoi
ngt
hisr
ightnow,
”Di
neosay
s.
Shetur
nstoMuof
heandsay
s,“
Babe…t
akea
tur
nther
e.”
“Sure”Muofherespondswhilestoppi
ngatan
i
sland.ThankGoodnesst heroadisnotbusy.
Dineojumpsoutoft hecarandmar chestomy
sideandasksmet ojumpoutoft hecar
.Atthi
s
mi nut
eIam deafandonpi l
otmode.
“
No…wear enotdi
scussi
ngPhut
i,
”Di
neosay
s
whenIshutt
hedoorandcrossmyar
msather.
“Whydidn’
tyout
ellmethaty
ouar
ehangi
ng
aroundwit
hhim?”Iask.
“
Becausei
tshoul
dn’
tmat
ter
.”
“
NoDi
neo…”
“Okay…l
ikeshesaid.IthoughtIcoul
dtal
ksome
sensetohim abouthim breaki
ngthi
ngswit
h
you.”
“
And…”
“
Andwear
enotdi
scussi
ngi
t.Wear
enot
di
scussi
nghi
m.”
“Youknowbet terthanthat,
”Isay.Myt
earsar
e
threateni
ngtofall
becausesheknowsexactly
howPhut if
eel
saboutme.Andt hemoreshei
s
hidingit,
themorei tconf
ir
mshowmuchhe
didn’tlov
eme.
“
Thul
i
!Wear
enotdi
scussi
ngPhut
i.
”
“
Iwanttotal
k.Iwanttotal
kabouthi
m.Iwant
t
oknowwher eIst
and,”Isay.At
earescapes
myeye.“
Wasi sCarol
?”
“
Wear
e…”
“Tell
me,”Iyel
l.Myt ear
sdon’tmovehersoI
knowshei snotgoingtocomewi ththetr
uth.
SheshakesherheadandIknowi tisover
.
“Whatdidhesay ?Wasi saboutmeand. .
.the
rape?”
“
No!I
twasn’
t.
"
“
Don’
tli
etome.Weal
lknownoonewant
stobe
wi
thsomeonewhoi
sasbr
okenasIam.
”
“
That
'snott
rue.
”
“
Thent
ell
mewhatPhut
isai
d.”
“
Hesai
dyouguy
swon’
twor
k.”
“Why
?Isi
tbecauseIov
er-
react
edwhenhe
cametov
isi
tme? ”
“
Becauseoft
hedi
stance.
”
“
Washewi
thher
?”Iask.
“
Let’
sgo.Wearedonet al
kingabouthim.He
i
sn’
timport
antanymore.SorryaboutLul
u
menti
oni
nghim,”shesays.“Getinthecar
.”
“
No.
”
“Geti
nthecarnowThuli,
”shesaysbefor
e
walki
ngtothefr
ontpassengerdoorandstar
es
atme.Shenodsatmebef orejumpingi
n.
I
fther
ear
etwohumanbeingswhounder stand
meareDi
neoandhergi
rl
fr
iend.Theydon’tcal
l
meoutt ogeti
nsi
det
hecarsowecoul dgoso…
Itakeafewminut
est
omy sel
f…acknowledgi
ng
thatPhut
iandIar
eover
.Thel
itt
lehopeIhadis
broken.
BythetimeIjumpbacktomyseat, t
hecousi
n
i
squietandonherphone-Iknowt heygaveher
alect
ure.Theyshoul
dhavegiv
enherone
befor
elett
ingheropenhermouth.

Mysi stercouldn’tevenl etmegosl eepatmy

RES.Shef orcedmet oherapartment
because…appar entl
y,sheowesmeaf unfi
ll
ed
night.Iknowbet t
er.Iknowt hatshewantsto
keepaney eonme.I tisn’tl
i
keIwoul dcal
lPhuti
tomeetwi thme, evenwhenapar tofmewant s
tocall hi
m sobadl y.Iwantt oseehimf or
my selfthathehasmov edonandt hatIdon’
t
meanany thingtohim.
“
Wear
enol
ongerdi
scussi
ngPhut
i.Wear
e
goi
ngtodiscussy ouandyourappoi
ntmentwi
th
DrVanessa,gotit
?”Dineosayswhil
ehandi
ng
meabowl ofnoodles.
“Am Iam notol
denought
ofi
ghtmyown
bat
tl
es?”
“
Idon’
tthi
nkso.
”
“Maybe,youshouldletherfi
ghtherown
batt
les,
”Muof hesuggestsbutDineoshoota
daggerather.“Imean…sheisgoingtofindout
ver
ysoon. ”
“Fi
ndoutwhat?”Iask.It
houghtIwasov erhi
m
andthi
srel
ati
onshipwhichneverhappened.
“Thathechosetomov eonwi
thhi
sli
fe,
”Di
neo
says.“That
'swhathesai
dwhenwespoketo
him.”
“
Hedoesn’
tmeani
t,
”If
indmy
sel
fsay
ing.
I
ndeni
al?
May
be?
“Tell
usabouty
ourj
ob…Mi ssEconomist
,”
Dineosay
s.Themasterofchangi
ngsubj
ects.
“
Juni
orEconomi
st,
”Icor
recther
.
“
Nott
ous,
”shesay
s.“
Youar
eoureconomi
st.
”
“Il
ikemyjob.Atl
eastIdon’
thav
etodeal
wit
h
student
s.”
“
That
'swhatIneededt
ohear
.”
“
Youdon’
twantmeher
e,doy
ou?
”Iask.
“IwantyouinMpumal anga…start
ingali
fef
or
yoursel
f,
”sheresponds.“Iam happyt
hatyou
haveaper f
ectl
ifenow.”
Iwantt
otel
lhert
hati
tisnotper
fectwhenPhut
i
i
sn’
tini
t.

*
***
*

Noone,
incl
udi
ngDi
neo,
hasev
ersai
dmy
ther
apysessionwi l
lbeanyf un.Ihavebeen
cryi
ngmybal l
soutsi nceIsteppedinDr
Vanessa’
sof f
ice.Shealway stell
smethatshe
seesprogressinmebutIdonotseeany .AllI
doiscryli
kesomeonei sstabbingmyhear twit
h
asharpknife.
Icrymyl ungsoutbutthefunnyparti
sthat
whenIwal koutofheroffi
ceIf eel
li
keanother
blockofbricksi
soffl
oadedf r
om myshoulder.I
don’tknowhowi tworksbutitalwayshappens
thatway.
“Talk!Talkitout,
”DrVanessahadsaidwhenI
tri
edt ohidesomet hi
ngsfrom her.“
Donotbe
afraidtotellany
onehowy oufeel.Donotbe
afraidtostatewhatyouwant.Wheny ouwant
somet hing…goforit
.”
Thi
sissoconf
usi
ng.
Al
lIwanti
sPhutiandIknowt
hatIcannothav
e
hi
m.Thenwhat?
“
CanyoutakemetoPhuti
?”IaskwhenIj
ump
i
ntot
hecaraft
ermysessi
on.
“
What
?”Di
neoasks.
“
Ineedt
otal
ktohi
m.Anexerci
se
r
ecommendedbymydoct
or,
”Isay.
“Youknowwhat?Igiv
eup,”Dineomumblesand
mumbl essomet
hingtoMuofhewhostar
tsthe
car.
‘
CanIseey ou?Fi
veminut
esi
sal
lIneed.
’-I
sendatexttoPhut
i.
‘
Youar
einJobur
g?’
-Phut
i.
‘
Yes.Wher
ear
eyou?Iwon’
ttaket
ime.
’
‘
Thul
i
.Iam i
nami
ddl
eofsomet
hing.
’-Phut
i.
‘
Shedoesn’
thav
etoknow.Whoev
eri
tis.Fi
ve
minut
es.
’
‘
Iam atNj
abul
o’scarwash.
’-Phut
i.
‘
Wil
lbet
her
einaf
ew.
’
“
Wear
egoi
ngt
oBut
hel
ezi
’
sjoi
nt,
”Isay
.
Muof het akesof f.Ot hert hanDi neot elli
ngme
thatthisisabadi dea, thethreeofusar equi et
.I
don’tev enknowwhatIam goi ngt osayt ohim.
Oneper sonIknowIam notr eadyt ot alktois
mymot herwhoDrVanessasuggest edt hatI
see.Ihav enot hi
ngt osayt oherot hert hanwhat
Itol
dhert hel astti
meIsawher .Imeant
everythingIsai dtoherwhenIt ol
dhert hatshe
l
ostmeandshewi l
lnothav emeev eragai n.Dr
Vanessaal sot ol
dmet obepr epar edt oaccept
what everthesecr et sort ruthst hatIwi lldigifI
chooset ofindmyf at herandputhi mi ntoan
i
nterrogat i
on.Ihav etoseehi m wi thDi neosoI
needmor et imet odi scussi twi thmysi ster.
May bei tisagoodi deat of i
ndhi m anddi scuss
i
ssueswi thhi m oritwoul dbeav erybadi dea-I
am war nedt ober eadyf oreithert hegoodor
thewor st.
Iam notr
eady
!
Whenwer eachthecarwash,Muofheparksby
thesideoftheroad.Wear enotst
ayi
ng.Iam
notthekindtoputmy sel
finawkwardsi
tuati
ons
sowear edefini
tel
ynotstayi
ng.
‘
Iam here.Parkednexttot
heredbil
lboard.
’-I
textwhil
esteppingoutoft
hecar.Onourway
here,It
ri
edtoputsomepowderonmyf aceto
trytocovert
hepuf f
yeyes.
‘
Coming!
’Hisresponsemakesmyheartskipa
beat
.It
rytotakeadeepestbreat
hsothatIam
abl
etosayeveryt
hingIam heret
osay
.
I
naf ewminut
es,Phutiappearsfrom t
hemain
gate.Myheartskipsanotherbeatbecause…I
don’tknowwhy .
“
Hey
,”hegr
eet
swi
thasmi
l
e.“
Goodt
oseey
ou.
”
“
Yeah…”Imumblei
ntohi
sar mswhenheoff
ers
ahug.I
tst
aysf
orsolongthatIf
eell
i
keIbel
ong.
“Youdi
dn’tt
ell
meyouwer
ecomi
ng,
”heasks
aft
erl
ett
ingmego.
“
Ijustcametoseemyt
her
api
st.Iam l
eav
ing
t
omor rowmorni
ng.
”
“
Yeah?Howdi
ditgo?
”
“
Howi
syourmot
her
?Howar
eyou?
”
“Me?”Hei
sspeechless.“
Wel
l…Iam okay.
And…shei
sfi
ne.I’
l
lseehernextweekend.
”
“
Pleasewai
tforme,
”Isaywi
thoutt
hinki
ng
t
wice.
“
Ibegy
ourpar
don?
”
“Pl
easewai
tf orme?”Isay.“Uhm…wecannot
betoget
her
.Youar eri
ght.Isti
ll
hav
ealongway
togoonmyj ourney
.But…cany ouwai
tforme?”
Hechuckl
esi
ndi
sbel
i
ef.
“Imeanit.Imightfi
ndsomeonebutnoonewil
l
makemef eel
likeyoudo.Iam sorr
y…we
couldn’
tmakei twork…butIam aski
ngt
hatwe
tryagai
nwhenIam r eady
?”
“
Whati
sthatsupposedt
omean?
”
“Donotcommi ttoanyone.Idon’
tcar
ewhatyou
dowi t
hyourl
ifebutwhenIneedy oubacki
nmy
l
ife…canIhav
ey ou?”
Di
neomustnothearmeri
ghtnoworel
seshe
wi
llki
l
lmewithherbar
ehands.
“
Idon’
tknow.
”
“
Wai
tforme.
”
WOUNDEDHEARTS‼

EPI
SODE15

THULI
SILE

“Whatwast hatallabout?”DineoaskswhenI
j
umpbackt ot hecar .Mytearsare
uncont
rol
lable.Iam notacr ybabybutIt
hink
mymor ni
ngsessi onwi t
hDrVanessaopeneda
t
apoft
ear
s.It
houghtIhadt
his!
“
Hesai
d‘no’
.
”
“
Not
owhat
?”
“
Notowait
ingforme.Iaskedhi
mtowai
tfor
meandhesaid‘no’
.
”
“Ohbabes, ”shemumbl esandt hereafter
stor
msoutoft hecar .Shemar chesaf terPhut i
andIcannothearwhatt heyaret alkingabout .
Myt earsarest oppingmef r
om r unningaf t
er
them tobegDi neot ol eavehim al one.I
shouldn’thavecameher e.Itwasami stake.I
won’tbest art
ingt obegany onet ol ovemel ikeI
am incapableofl ovingmy sel
f.Itwasami stake.
Itwas.
Dineocomesbacktothecarandj
umpst
oher
usualseat
.Shecr
ossesherarms.
“
Arey
ouokay
?”Muof
heasksmysi
ster
.
“
Nev
erbeenbet
ter
.”
“Whydidyougoaf t
erhim?
”Iask,t
ryi
ngnott
o
choke.Whathappenedtome?Whydocr yso
muchnow?Li f
ewassomuchbet t
erwhenIwas
abl
et ocont
rolmyself
.WhenIcoul
dlockaway
myf eel
i
ngs.
“BecauseIhadaskedhim ni
cel
ynottobreak
yourheartandt
hereheisbeingapussyand
doingexactl
ywhatItol
dhim nott
odo.”
“So…”Icl
eanmytearswi
thmyhand.“
So…y
ou
tol
dhimt obeni
cetome?Ist
hatwhyhest
uck
around?”
“
Notl
i
ket
hat
.”
“
Then…l
i
kewhat
?”
“
PleaseThul
i
.”
“
Stopdoi
ngt
hist
omeDi
neo.St
opi
t.
”
“
Okay.Imighthaveaskedhi
mt obeni
ce.Idon’
t
wantyoubreaki
ngyourhear
t.
”
“
Andy
out
houghtwhaty
ouaskedhi
mtodo
didn’
t?Looknow.If el
li
nlov ewithaperson
whowasput ti
nganactal lthist
imebecause
youaskedhimt o.”Iyel
lather.“Howdoy outel
l
aguyt opret
endt oli
kemewhi l
eIam fooli
shl
y
openingmyhear tforhi
m? ”
“
Hesai
dhewasn’
tfaki
ngi
t.Hesai
ditwasr
eal
.”
“
WAS?
”
Oh,
wow.
Whyar
ethesedamnt
ear
sst
il
lfal
l
ing?
???
??
Yoh!
!!
!
Icannotev
enbr
eat
he.
“Thul
iwhatdoyouwantmet osay
?”Di
neoasks
aft
ertaki
ngalongestbr
eat
h.
“
Iwanty
out
oleav
emet
hehel
lal
one.
”
“Ihavebeentel
l
ingyouforagest
ofor
getabout
him befor
eyouhurtyour
sel
f.Hei
saman.Men
arejerks.
”
“Notal
l,
”Muof
hej
umpsi
ntodef
endt
hemal
e
speci
es.
“Idon’
tcar
e.Butheisoneoft
hej
erksandy
ou
needtofor
getabouthi
m.”
Whydidn’
tanyonetel
lmefal
li
nginl
oveismor
e
pai
nfult
hancutt
ingyour
sel
fwithakni
fe.
“
Whydon’
twegoshoppi
ng?
”
“Forwindowshopping?Iam notgoi
ng
anywhere,”IsayandMuofheseemsoffended.
Shestaresatmewi thafrownunti
lwealll
augh.
“No.Iam notgoingshoppingwi
thyouguys.”
Theseladi
esl
ikewi
ndowshoppi
ngandIhatei
t
asfuck.Mysmil
egi
vesmeanopportuni
tyt
o
breat
h.
“Okay…look…Iam sorryaboutjumpinginto
yourbusiness.Youaremybabysi st
erandI
wantyout ofocusonwhati smoreimpor t
ant.
Yourhealing.Yournewjob.Yourexamsint he
comingmont hs?
”
Myexams.Ihav
eneglectedmyst
udi
es.Butnot
t
hatIneedt
ostudyev
er y
day.
Weal
lsi
tinsi
l
encef
oral
i
ttl
ewhi
l
e.
“Iam waiti
ngforanyofy
out ogiv
eme
direct
ionstot
henextdesti
nati
on?”Muof
he
breaksthesil
ence.
“Dr
opmeattheapar
tmentandy
ouguy
scango
haveaj
ol.
”
“
Iwon’
tgowi
thouty
ou.
”
“Iam notababy,
Dineo.
”Icleantherestofmy
tear
swi t
hmyhandsandsi tquiet
ly.“
I’
ll
getov
er
i
t.Ihavegott
enoveralotofthi
ngst obe
shakenbythi
s.”
“
Ili
ket
hat
,”Di
neosay
s.

WhenDineoandMuofheleavemei nthei
r
apart
ment,
Iputonsomet el
evi
sionandgo
thr
oughmyphonewhilel
yingonmycouch.
Nomor
ePhut
i.
Iscroll
throughourmessageswhi ledeleti
ng
eachandev eryonehehassentme.Idot he
samewi t
hthemessagesIhav esenthi m.I
deleteeverythi
ngthatwouldremindmeofhi m.
Iti
sapi tyIwon’tbeabletoerasehi sphoneand
memor iesinmyhead.Fi nal
lyIblockhi s
numberanddel etei
tsothatIdon’tgett empted
tocallhim.Butagain.Icanjustdialthem fr
om
myhead.
Anewmoviest
art
sandIf
orcemy
sel
ftowat
ch
i
tfr
om t
hebegi
nni
ng.
Idozedof fbecauseDi neoisnowwal king
aroundt hekit
cheni nherbum short
sand
Muof heishavingcor nfl
akesatthekitchen
counter.Lastnighttheyfedmenoodl es.And
arewehav i
ngcer ealf
orsupper?
“Ineedanew…uhm…”Dineostopswhenshe
noticesmesi
tt
ingup.“
DidIwakeyouup?”
“
Whatdoy
out
hink?
”
“Sor
ry,
”sher
esponds.“
Iti
sti
metowakeup
anyway.Wehavetogograbanear
lysupper
.”
“
Don’
tyouguy
scook,
real
l
y?”
“
Babe…areyougoingtocook?
”Di
neoasks
Muofheandtheybothshr
ug.
“
Remi
ndmet
obr
ingmyownf
oodnextt
ime.
”
“Gofreshenup.Wear et oleav
einaf ew,
”Di
neo
says.Iheadtot heguestroom tofr
eshenup
andputondecentcl othes.Idon’
tknowwhy
theydidn’
tjustorderf
oodont heirwayfr
om
thei
rgalli
vanti
ngspree.
Muofheisnowi
nherpy
jamas,
lyi
ngont
hebed
whi
leDineowai
tsf
ormebythedoor
.
Ohh,iti
sjustt
het
woofus.Iappr
eci
atet
his.My
si
sterandIneedt
otal
k.
“
Whatdoyouf
eell
ike?
”Dineoaskswhenshe
j
umpstot
hedri
ver
’ssi
de.Thewayhergir
lf
ri
end
dr
ivesherar
ound,
Ial
mostf
orgotshecandr
ive
acar.
“Nandos?”Imumbl e.Ist
il
lfeell
ikeIhavebeen
hitbyt
ruckbutjustalit
tl
ebet t
erbecauseIam
goingtogetsomef ood.
“Ther
eisonejustaroundt hecorner,”shesay
s
befor
erever
singoutoft heparking.Sheheads
downaboutfourblocksunt i
lshest opsata
complexwit
hj ustr
estaurants.
Ifoll
owheri nbuttur
nt opickthebesttabl
e
whilesheor der
sthefood.Sheknowswhat ev
er
sheor dersther
eshouldhav egarl
icr
oll
sand
spicyspinachandadr ylemonf oradri
nk.
“
HowisGr
acedoi
ng?
”Di
neoaskswhi
l
etaki
ng
aseat
.
“
Ihav
en’
tspokent
ohert
hisweekend.
”
“Whydon’
tyouinv
iteherov
erforaweekend
bef
oreyouguysstartwi
thyourexami
nat
ions?
”
“
Oh…wel
l
…shewon’
tcome.
”
“
Whyar
eyousosur
e?”
“
Shegoeshomeev
eryweekend.
”
“Iknowshewi lll
ovetospendaweekendwi th
you.Justone.Okay …may beIhav ealready
spokent oher,”shesay sandIdr opmy
shoulders.“
Rel ax.Thi
si sthelastti
met hatIam
mingli
ngwi t
hy ourbusiness.Ididn’
tli
keseeing
youcrythewayy oudid.SoIcalledhersoy ou
twocouldbondandt alkbecausemay be
somet hi
ngsy ouwoul dn’twantt otal
kt ome
about.”
“YouknowIt
alkt
oyoumor
ethanev
ery
body
elsei
nthewor
ld.
”
“Well
…someti
mesyouneedsomeonewhowill
notbehardonyoul
ikeIam.Someonesweet
l
ikeGrace.
”
“Thanks.
”Imumbl
e.Await
erwal
kst
oourt
abl
e
andleavesat
rayf
ull
off
ood.
“So…howdi dt
hesessi
ongo?Apar
tfr
om t
he
doctort
ell
i
ngyoutogobegamant owai
tfor
you…”
“Shedidn’
ttell
metodothat.
”Irol
lmyey es.
“Shejustsai
dIshoul
djustt
alkabouteveryt
hing
Ifeell
iketal
ki
ngabout
.Imustn’
tbeafraidto
speak.”
“
And…”
“
ThatImustt
alktoMom…”Il
etoutabr
eat
h.
“
Thati
snothappeni
ngt
hough.
”
“
Iknow.”Sheshr
ugs.“
You’
l
lknowwheny
ouar
e
r
eadytotal
ktoher.
”
“
Iguess.
”
“
So…istheresomethi
ngelse…othert
hantal
ki
ng
t
oPhutiabout…”shestopswhenIgivehera
war
ninglook.“I
sther
esomet hi
ngelseyouwant
t
otal
kaboutwi thme?”
“
Dad.
”
“
Whatabouthi
m?”Shemov
esuncomf
ort
abl
y.
“
Don’
tyouwantt
ofi
ndoutwhathappenedto
mom andhi
m?Whyhelef
tusjustl
i
kethat?
”
“
No.Doy
ou?
”
“
Iam conf
li
cted.
”
“Dowhatyouneedt
odobutIdon’
twantt
o
knowabouthi
m andhi
snewli
fe.
”
“
Wher
edoIev
enbegi
n?”
“
Khumbulekhay
a,”Thul
isay
sitsodr
ylyandshe
i
sn’
tjoki
ng.

*
***
*

ThereasonIdon’tli
ketalki
ngaboutmyi ssues
wit
hpeopleisthem feel
ingpi tyf
orme.Ireal
ly
hat
eitwhenpeopl efeelpit
yf orme.Hereis
Edwinacti
ngallnicetome.I tistwoweekslat
er
buthest
il
lhavet
hosesoftey
esonmeandhe
doesmyjobtooevenwhenIhav
en’
taskedhi
m
to.
“
Youshoul
dstopact
ingwei
rdl
yEdwi
n,
”Isay
.
“
Youarest
art
ingt
ofreakmeout.
”
It
ell
himt
hisbuthedoesn’
tli
stent
ome.
“
Wei
rdhow?
”
“Youaretoosweet .Idon’
tli
kethesweetpartof
you.Il
iketheEdwi nImetont hef
ir
stday
becausehemakesmedomyj obandIlear
na
l
otaftereverystudyImakeonmy
assi
gnment s.”
Edwi
nlaughs.
“
Okay
?So…y
our
atherhav
emer
ude?
”
“
Please!
”
“
Okay…I’
ll
giveyourude.
”Hesmi
l
esbefore
maki
ngastrai
ghtface.“
Wher
ear
etheLipt
on
r
epor
ts?
”
Icoul
dn’
thel
pbutl
aughathi
m.
“
Youcoul
dhav ewai
tedformetoleavef
irst
.
NowIam notgoi
ngtotakethi
sseri
ous.
”
“
Okay
.I’
llt
ryagai
ntomor
row.I
’
llneedt
ochange
i
nmysleep.”
“
Thatwouldwork.
”Ismile.“
Edwi
n,Ineedtoput
t
hreeweeksst
udyleave.Myexamsstarti
ntwo
weeks.
”
“Uhm…okay .Iam nott r
yingtobeni
cebutIwas
tol
dt hatyouaregoingt oneedamont hto
prepareforyourstudiesandwr it
eyoursev
en
papers.Iwil
l gi
veyout hatsincewearedone
withtheexclusiveprojects.
”
“
Idon’
tneedamont
h.”
“
Thr
eeweeksisasgoodasamont
h.Puti
ton
t
hesyst
em andIwi
l
lappr
ovei
t.
”
Okay
.Fi
ne.
“
Thanky
ou.
”
Ther estoft heweekf l
i
esby .Ididn’thav
emuch
todo.No, IhadalottodobutIam goodat
managi ngmyt i
menow.Bef oreleavingthe
offi
ce, Imadesur eIhandov ermywor kt
oEdwi
n
whowi llhavetosurvi
vewi t
houtmef oramont
h.
Iwast oohonest ,Idon’tneedt woweekst o
preparemy sel
fsoIam goi ngt otakeali
ttl
e
vacationbymy sel
fjusttorelax.
‘
Hey .Wearetwent yminutesawayfrom t
he
l
ocat i
onyougav eme. ’
Ireadthemessageand
textbackan‘Okay ’
beforemarchi
ngoutofthe
buil
dingtocatchat axit
omyapar t
ment.My
apartmenti
stwobl ocksf r
om worksoIam
thereint
enmi nutes.
Itakeanot hertenmi nutest
otrytotidyupt he
messIl eftinthemor ni
ng.I
ncaseGr ace’s
fatherdecidestocomeupandmakesur ethat
hisdaught eri
sgoi ngt obesl
eepinginadecent
apartment.Hi slov
ef orhisdaughterisnewt o
me.Iti
st oofor
eignbutknowinghowf r
agi
le
Gracelooks,
Iwouldalsobewor r
iedabouther
.
Sheisthesweetestthi
ngthathasever
happenedtolif
e.
‘
Wear edownstairs.
’-Gr
ace.Iheadst
rai
ghtt
o
ourl
it
tlerecept
ion.Shei
sstandi
ngwit
hherpink
over
nightbag.
“Si
r,
”Ihurryt
oshakeherf ather’
shandbefor
e
j
umpingt ohugmyf r
iend.Thisissounli
keme
butIam happyt
oseeher .Thi spl
acegetsso
l
onely.Iam adi
ff
erentgir
l al
ltoget
her-Ismil
e
andcrynow.
“
Ibeli
evey
oul
adi
eswi
l
ltakei
tfr
om her
e,
r
ight
?”
“
Yessi
r.
”
“Grace,
I’
ll
seeyouonSunday,
”hesaysbefor
e
giv
ingheraside-
hugandt
hereaf
ternodatme
andwalkstowardst
hedoor.
“
Washeher
etomakesur
ethaty
ouar
enot
comingt
ovi
sitaman?
”Iwhi
sperasIt
akeher
bag.
“Notreall
y.Hewoul
dhav
easkedtheguyto
comepi ckmeupathome,”sher
espondswi
tha
shrug.
Ileadthewaytomybeaut i
fulcozyapar
tment
whichIam star
tingtolovesomuch.Imade
suretohaveeveryfurni
tur
ei nwhiteandgreyso
thatIdon’
tgettoolazytocleanaftermyself
.
“
Youhaveavaseoffr
eshr
oses?
”Gr
aceasks
whenshewal
ksint
omyspace.
“Oh,Igotthosebecausey
ouwerecomi ng,
”I
corr
ecther.Iwentshoppi
ngyest
erdaysothat
shedoesn’tcomet oanempt
yhouse.And
unli
kemysi sterandMuof
he,
Iplantocookfor
myguest s.
“Il
ovethispl
ace.Nothi
ngli
keRes,”she
responds.Ohwell
,ourroomsatResar eti
ny
andnot hi
ngcomparedtothi
s.Iam proudof
my sel
fthough.SixmonthsagoIwouldn’thave
thoughtIwouldrentanapartmental
lbymy sel
f.
Ihavechangedr oommatesl i
keasetofsocks.
Butmyl astroomieandf r
iendnowisforkeeps
foreverandev er
.
Imakeament alnotetoseeherwhenIgodown
toJoburgformyex ams.May bewecoul dcat
ch
up.Icannotshutev er
yoneoutofmyl ife
becauseofamanwhom It houghtl ovedme.
Somet i
meswemakewr ongdeci sionssoI
choosenottopuni shtherestoft hewor l
d.Note
-DrVanessawoul dbepr oudofmer i
ghtnow.I
speaktoherov erthephonesi nceIcannotgo
ther
eof t
enbutImadesur etobookan
appoint
mentbef oremyf i
rstpaper .
Gracehasn’tchangedabit.Sameoldgi r
lwho
l
ov estoreadherbooksov erwatchi
ng
telev
isi
on.Iti
seveningandsheisalreadyina
pinki
shonesiereadingherlat
estnovelwhil
eI
prepareusachickenpastadish.Lookingather
,
Ishakemyheadathowi nnocentshel ooks.
HowIdon’ tknowi ft hereasonherf at
herisover
protecti
veofheri sbecauseheseest hesame
thi
ng.Idon’ tthink, unli
keme, shecansurviv
ea
mant el
l
inghert of uckof fbecausehedoesn’ t
l
ov eherany mor e.Okay ,itisn’
twhatPhutisaid
butitiswhatIf eltlikehewassay i
ng.Forthe
fi
rsttimehest ay edawayf r
om meandwehav e
managedt hreeweekswi thoutany
communi cati
on.Gi vemeanot hermont handI
won’ tevenrememberwhathel ooksli
kewhi l
e
smiling.
“Gr
ace, whydon’tyouhaveaboy fri
end?”Iask
whilesetti
ngupt hel
it
tl
ediningtable.I
treall
yis
atablefortwojustli
kethesalesladyat@home
sai
d.Gr acesetshernoveldownandst retches
beforewalkingtowhereIam.
Ipl
aceourbowl
sofpast
aandcut
ler
y.
“Uhm…Idon’
tknowwhyIshoul
ddate,
”she
saysbef
oret
aki
ngaseat
.“Oh,t
hisl
ooks
l
ovel
y.”Shepi
cksafor
kandwai
tsformet
o
al
sotakemyseat.“
Saygr
acef
orus.”
Ist
areatherbef
oreopeni
ngmymout
h,“
Thank
youfort
hefood.Amen.”
“
Short
,”shesay
swi
thagi
ggl
eandgoesf
ora
f
ir
stbi
te.
“
Soy
ouhav
enev
erhadaboy
fri
end?
”
“
Hadoneathi
ghschool
.”
“
Whatabout…”
“Lucas?Fri
ends.Ourpar
entsar
efri
ends.
”She
staresatme.“Themeninthebooksarefar
muchbet t
er.”
“Thatisyourpr
obl
em.
”Il
augh.“
Buty
oumi
ght
beright.
”
“
Whathappenedt
oyouandPhut
i?”
“
Didn’
tmysi
stert
ell
you?
”
“
No.Shej
ustaskedmet
ocomeseey
ouf
ora
l
i
ttl
ewhi
l
e.”
“Well
…thankyouf
orcomi
ng.I
tget
slonel
y
aroundher
e.”
“
Iwoul
dlov
either
e.”
“
Youar
eri
ght
!”Il
augh.
“
Sowhathappened?
”
Oh,
wear
est
il
lonPhut
i.
“Thedi st
ance.And…wear ebett
erof fasfri
ends.
May behewasj usti
nmyl if
et omakemer eali
se
thatIneedt odomysessi onswi t
hDrVanessa. ”
Shegi vesmeapuppyf ace.“Thesessionsare
goingwel l
.So…ev er
ythingelsei
sper fectbut
Phuti andIdidn’
twork.Wear ereall
ymeantt o
bef r
iends.Wedi dn’
tevenhav earelati
onship
anditwasal readyover.
”
“
Iunder
stand.
”
“
Youdo?
”
“
That
swhatmymot
hert
oldmewhenwel
ost
mybr ot her.Shetoldmehewasj ustinourli
fe
toteachussomet hing.Wedoourweekend
dinnersi nhismemor y.Wewer eabrokenfamily
atsomepoi ntinl
if
ebutwhenwegat heraround
andr eflectonhowper fecthewas…ithasmade
usst rongerandsocl ose.Iti
ssadthathehad
toleav eus…f orust obet hi
sway.
”
Igof
orherhandsoIcoul
dsqueezei
t.She
al
waysl
ookssadwhenshespeaksabouthim.
Aft
erwhatseemsli
kefor
ever
,sheasks,
“So,
youandPhutiar
eover
?”
Wer
eal
l
yar
est
il
lont
hisman.
“
Yep!
”Isay
.“Funny
,huh?
”
“
Notr
eall
y.Hemadeyou…soft
,”shesays.
“
So…i
tisfi
ne,
hecangotohel
l
.Hisjobisdone.
”
“
OhmyGod,
thati
swhatDi
neowoul
dsay
,”I
l
augh.
“
May
bei
tisherl
i
ne.
”
“
Shedi
dtel
lyouabouthi
m.”
“
Shej
ustsai
dhei
saj
erk.
”
“Al
lmenar
ejer
ks.I
nfact
,all
menar
ejer
ksand
t
heycanal
ldi
e,
”Isayandrai
semygl
assto
Grace.
“No, t
heycan’tal
ldie.Okay…may be…ever
ymen
excludingmyf at
herandbr ot
hers,
”she
respondsandt henclinchhergl
asswithmine
whilewebot hlaugh.
Myphonevi
brat
esandIsmil
ewhenIseethe
nameonthescr
een.I
tisat
extmessage.
‘
Nomani swor t
hy ourtear
s,babygi
rl
.Nogi
rl
ei
ther
.Il
ovey ousomuchandy oumakemea
pr
oudestsi
ster,
’-Dineo.
‘
Areyoudr
unkt
ext
ingme?
,’It
extherbackwhi
l
e
l
aughi
ng.
‘
Am Inotmaki
ngsense?Okay,
yesIam dr
unk
t
ext
ingyoubutImeanever
ythi
ngIam t
ypi
ng.
’
‘
Il
ovey
out
oo,
sis.
’
“
Whoismakingy
ousmil
eli
ket
hat
?”Gr
aceasks
whi
l
eIgetbackt
omyfood.
“
Thebestper
soni
nthewor
ld.
”

500shar
esf
orFr
iday
’sEPI
SODE.

EPI
SODE16-Tomor
rowat20h00

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE16

THULI
LE
Thisisnewt ome.Hav i
ngsomeone, otherthan
Dineo,st
ayupj usttalki
ngtomet hewholenight
?
EvenwhenIst ayedwi thMaria,wehardlydid.
Wehar dl
yst ay
edupunt i
lmor ni
ngjusttal
ki
ng
aboutuselessthings.Nodrinking.Nocryi
ng.
Justchil
li
ngandt alk.
Mar
iaf
oundmei
nmywor
stpl
ace.
Shef oundmewhenIwasbr oken.Then,
bef or
e
thiswholenewme, Ineveropenedmyhear tto
talktosomeone.IfIcouldchangeal l
ofthat,I
woul d.I
fIcouldchanget hewayIshuteveryone
outofmyl i
fefort
hemi stakesthatmymot her
did,Icouldchangeallofthat.
“So,wheredoy outhi
nkofgoing?”Graceasks
whenItellheraboutaminivacat
ionthatIwant
totakejustt
ounwi ndbef
oreprepari
ngfor
examinati
ons.
“
Thisisgoi
ngtobemyv er
yfi
rstv
acat
ionso
wherecanIgo?
”Iask.“
Solov
acati
on.
”
“
Howmuchi
syourbudget
?”
“
Nott
ooexpensi
ve.
”
“Durban?EverybodygoestoDurban…soyou
shouldstar
tthere.Youcangetanaffor
dabl
e
hotelj
ustacrossthebeach.”
“MaybeIcoul
djustwakeupev
ery
dayandgo
chi
ll
bythebeach.”
“
Wit
habook.
”
“
I’
ll
lookcool
whi
l
eati
t.
”
“
Youmustgetabi
ki
niand…”
“
Biki
ni?Ohhh…no…”
“
Youcannotgotoasolov
acat
ionandnotget
y
oursel
fabiki
niset
?”
“
Ihav
enev
erownedone.
”
“Thi
sisyourchance.I
maginebeenhundredsof
kil
ometr
esawayf rom ev
erybodywhoknowy ou?
Youcanbey oursel
fatal
lcosts.
”
“
Okay
…wear
egoi
ngshoppi
ng.
”
Gr
acet
urnssoshecoul
dfaceme.
“
Thul
i
?”
“
Hmmmm?
”Isaywhi
l
eal
sot
urni
ngt
ofaceher
.
“Iam sor
ryaboutfor
cingy
outomeetPhut
ithat
ti
mewheny oudidn’
twant
.Maybehewoul
dn’t
havehurtyou.Rememberthedar
eIgav
eyou
thatweekend?”
Ismi
l
eather
.
“
Iam f
ine.Don’
tworr
yabouti
t.AndIam gl
ad
y
ougav emethatdar
e.”
“
Youdo?
”
“Yes.Likey ousaidlastni
ght.Phut
imademe
thi
ssof t.IneverknewIwascapabl eofsmili
ng
and…t oev encrythepainaway.Sothankyou
forbri
ngi nghimintomyl if
e.Therestwasmy
faul
tandt herei
sn’tanyt
hingIcandoifhe
doesn’twantt ogivemeanot herchance.
”Isi
gh.
“
Okay
.If
eel
bet
ter
,”shemumbl
es.
Iret
urnbackt
omyi
nit
ial
posi
ti
onandst
areat
thecei
li
ng.
“Nowt hatIhav eali
tt
leexperi
encewi t
hlove…I
canadv i
sey ounottojumpi nwi t
hallyourhear t
atonce.Youknow…gett oknowsomeonef irst
andbesur et hatyouareallonthesamepage.
Imaginebei ngwi thsomeonef orsomanyy ears
toonlyfindt hattheyarenotont hesamepage
withyou?I tsucks.Itsuckstohearsomeonet el
l
youthaty oushoul dli
vey ourl
ifewit
houtthem
eveny oudon’ twant
.”
Gr
acesof
tl
ysnor
es.
Ihavebeent alki
ngt omy selfal
lthi
st i
me.Ipull
theblanketsandshutmyey essot hatIcoul
d
tryt
osl eep.Sleepdoesn’ tcomeeasybuti ti
s
bett
erthant heol denday s.Hourslater,whenI
coul
dnotf al
l asl
eep, Ipull
myl aptopandbook
asea-viewr oom f orthreenight
sandar etur
n
f
li
ght
.
I
t’
sconfi
rmed.Iam goi
ngt
omyv
eryf
ir
st
v
acati
on.
Ionlysleepf ortwohour sbeforeGr acewakes
meup.Shedi dn’
tint
ent i
onal
lywakemeupbutI
am al i
ghtsleeperandIam sousedt o
functi
oningwi thoutsleep.Therewer edays
wher eIcouldkeepmyey esopenf ordays
withoutsleep.Ijumpi ntotheshowerf ir
stso
thatIcanpr eparebreakfastbeforeour
shoppingspr ee.Ihate,hate,hat
eshoppi ngbutI
wantt olookt hepartwhenIsl ayonmyv ery
fi
rstvacation.Iti
smyf i
rstanditshouldbe
special
.
Gr
acewal
ksbackt
othebedr
oom af
terhert
urn.
“Eggsandbacon?”Iaskwhi
l
et yi
ngmysandal
s.
Dressup!Ial
waysdressuptheseday
s.
“
Cer
eal
.Wecangr
abl
unchatt
hemal
l
.”
Byel
even,
wear
edonehav
ingcer
eal
soIr
ing
usanUbertoiLangamal lf
oraquickshopping.
Quicki
nandout.Ihav ebeenhereafewtimes
whenIwasshoppi ngformyapartmentsoI
dragGracet
othisshopwhi chIsawtheother
day.I
thasbeauti
fulsandal
sandbikini
sets.
Igiv
emydearf
ri
endher
ethel
i
ber
tyt
ochoose
forme.
“No.Iam notwear
ingt
hat.
”Ir
efusewhenshe
showsoffasetthatwoul
dbarel
ycovermeup.
“Okay…t
hisonet hen…becauseyouwantt
olook
l
ikemymot her,
”shesay sandshowsmethe
pinkswi
m suit
.
“Il
ovethepi
nkone…yes…”I
tisaonepi
ece.It
wil
llookgr
eatonme.Ipi
ckanot
heronebefor
e
headingt
otheti
ll
.
Afterpayingformyswim wear,I
ml azyt
owalk
aroundt ogettheperf
ectcl
othestowear,soI
dragGraceoutoft heshopsowecoul dgetto
therestaurant
sforsomedrinksinst
ead.
“
Youst
il
lneedt
obuysomecl
othes.
”
“Ij
ustr
ememberedIhaveafewdressesI
haven’
twor
n.I
’
llusethosei
nst
ead.”
“
Whydon’
tIt
rusty
ou?”sheaskswhi
l
e
f
oll
owi
ngmeoutofthestor
e.
“
Trustme,
”Ir
espond.“
Whatdoy
ouf
eel
li
ke?
”
“
RoccoMamas.
”
“
Per
fectchoi
ce,
”Imumbl
e.
Il
eadthewayt owher
eRoccomamasi s.We
meetthewai t
ressbythedoorbutbef
oreshe
coul
dhel pus,Edwi
niswalki
ngtowardsus.He
wassitt
ingatoneofthetablesj
ustbythedoor
.
“
Whatasuprise!”Edwinsays.Hedoesn’
tlook
l
i
ketheEdwinIam usedt oatwork.I
nsteadof
t
heblackgl
assesheal wayshaveonatwor k,he
i
swearingaclearvint
agefr
ame.Forthefirst
t
ime,heiswearingsomethi
ngelseotherthan
t
hoseformal
-ishpantshealwayswears
every
dayatwork.Helooksdi
ffer
ent
.Iam
star
ti
ngtothi
nkthatevery
bodyhasdiff
erent
l
ivesandhavetwolooks.Hedoesn’
tlookli
ke
thebori
ngandrudeEdwinthatIam sousedto.
“
Edwi
n.Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?”Iask.
“
Uhm…eat
ing,
”her
esponds.
“
Aha!Youdonoteaty
ourgr
eensonweekends.
”
“
Sodon'ty
ou,
”hesays.“Youal
sobr
oughta
f
ri
end?Youhaveafr
iend?”
“Oh,myGodEdwi n.Youmakemesoundl i
kea
badperson.YesIhaveafri
endandhernamei
s
Grace.Shecametov i
sitmefr
om Jobur
g.”
“
HiGr
ace.Iam Edwi
n.Thul
i
’sf
ri
endf
rom wor
k.”
“
Youar
enotmyf
ri
end.
”
“
Iam.Weworktoget
herev
erydayandshecan
t
oler
atemenow.Onl
yyoucantoler
ateme…so
y
esy ouar
emyfri
endfr
om work.
”
Thewai
tr
esscl
ear
shert
hroatbecausewear
e
blockingthewayf
orot
her
stoent
ert
he
restaurant
.
“Oh,sorr
y.Youguyscanjoi
nme.Ihaveat abl
e
tomy sel
f,
”Edwinshowsushistabl
e.Ther
eare
fourchai
rsbutonl
yonelaptopandabottl
eof
beeronthetabl
e.
“
Wedon’
twantt
odi
stur
bwhat
ever
…”
“
Ohplease.Iwasjustpassingt
ime.Iam
wai
ti
ngformysi st
ertofi
nishhershi
ftbef
ore
wegotoapar t
y.”
Youknowwhat ?Idon’
twanttober ude.So
whenGr acedoesn’
tseem t
omi nd,webot htake
ourseat
satEdwi n’
stabl
e.Ishouldhavestuck
arounddoingshoppi
ng.
Thewait
resssetsthemenusandpensi
nfr
ont
ofusbef
oresteppingbackwar
dtogi
veusr
oom
topl
aceourorder.
“I
’
llhav
eagl assofi
ce-
col
dwaterandabot
tl
e
ofcokethenwhenyouret
urnI
’
llgi
veyoumy
f
oodor
der
,”Isay
.
“
I’
ll
hav
eanappl
ejui
ce,
”Gr
acesay
s.
“I’
l
lber ightback,
”thewaitressnodsandwalks
away .Shei snottoofr
iendly,sher
emindsmeof
howIusedt obewhenst udentscametothe
restauranttodine.
“Ididn’
tknowyoudri
nkal
cohol
,
”Isayt
oEdwi
n
afterhetakesasi
pfr
om hi
sbott
le.
Heraisesaneyebr
owatmeandsays,
“Wel
l…I
di
dn’tknowyouhadfr
iendsandy
ouweret
his
sweet.”
“Edwin,hav
eIev erbeenany
thi
ngotherthan
sweet?”Iask.Gracedart
shereyesbet
ween
him andI.“
Grace,what?”
“
Not
hing,
”shemumbl
es.
Ourdr
inksor
deri
sseti
nfr
ontofus.
“
Whatar
eyouwor
kingon?
”
“
Jupi
ter
,”hesay
swhi
l
eshut
ti
ngt
hel
apt
opand
putti
ngiti
ntoi
tssl
eeve.Jupi
teri
sacompany
thathasaproj
ectwit
hus.“Li
keIsaid…Iwas
j
ustpassingti
me.Iti
sn’
tanyt
hinghecti
cthatI
won’thandl
ebefor
etheendofMonday .Ijust
needtodosomecodi ngfort
heirsy
stem and
wewi l
lbegoodtogo.”
“
Whatdoy
oudo?
”Gr
aceasks.
Ohsheaskedt hewr ongquesti
on.Edwintakes
ti
met ell
i
ngherwhatj obhedoes.Itis
fasci
natingforanupcomi ngEconomi stbutI
dealwithiteveryday.AsheisengagingGr acei
n
aconv er
sation,Itakeaminutetojuststar
eat
them.
Youknowi ti
spossibl
etofor
getthatPhut
iev
er
exi
sted?Li
ke…onedayIam goingtowakeup
andjustr
eali
sethatIcandoi
twithouthi
m?
“So,t
hebigbosswasn’
tly
ingaboutyou?”Edwi
n
says.“
Youhaveagoodreputat
ionatyour
school,
huh?”
“Youmust
n’tbel
i
eveev
ery
thi
ngt
heyt
ell
you,
”I
say.
“
Iti
sfasci
nati
ngt
ogett
oknowt
hissi
deof
y
ou,”hesays.
“Idon’
tli
keyoubeingsweet,
”Isay
.“Nowyou
areshowingoffy
oursmileandevery
thi
ng.
”
“
ButItoldyouthatIam t
hisni
ce.Iwasjust
t
ryi
ngt opushyouharderbutt
herewasn’tev
en
apointbecauseyouknowhowt odoyourjob
wi
thoutme. ”
Ifi
ndmy sel
flaughi
ngwhenGr aceandEdwi
n
aremakingitthei
rmissi
ontoembarrassme.
Minut
est ur
ntohoursandbef or
eweknowitwe
havespenttheenti
reaft
ernoonwit
hmy
super
visor.
“Soyourexamsaresoon,huh?”Edwi
nsay s
whenheissett
li
ngthebil
lwhichheinsi
stedon
payi
ng.
“
Yeah.Iam notr
eadyf
orEconomi
csand
Accounti
ng.Unli
kesomeonewhoisgoingon
vacat
ion,Ihav
etoburymysel
finbooksfort
his
comingweeks.”
“
Youaregoi
ngonvacat
ion?
”Edwinasks.“
I
t
houghty
oubrokeupwi
thyourboyf
ri
end.”
“Doesithavetobewi thaman?”Iaskandhi
s
eyessof t
en.“
Ijustneedsometi
met omysel
f
befor
et heexams, t
hat’
sall
.”
“Thatsoundsli
kefun.Wher
eareyougoi
ng?”He
asksasifheisint
erest
edtoknowmore.Iknow
heisjustbei
ngpoli
te.
“
Durban.Myfi
rstt
imeinDurbanso…Iam
l
ookingfor
war
d.”Ipi
ckmyhandbagfrom t
he
t
able.“
Weshouldgetgoi
ng.Thanky
oufor
l
unch.”
“
Mypl
easur
e,”hesay
s.
“I
twasnicemeet
ingyouEdwin,
”Gracesays
befor
efol
lowi
ngmebehind.Shestaresatme
l
ikeshewantsmetosaysomething.Idon’
t
haveanyt
hingt
osay
.“Hey
…hei
snotal
way
s
thatni
ce.
”
“
What
?”
“
Edwi
n.Heisnotalway
sthatni
ce.Icansee
t
haty
ouareint
erest
edorsomethi
ng.”
“
Iam nott
heonei
nter
est
ed.Hei
s.”
“Di
stancewon’
twor
k,Gr
ace.Youcannothav
ea
boyf
riendwhoi
smil
esawayfrom y
ou.”
“
Hei
snotint
erest
edi
nme.Hei
sint
erest
edi
n
y
ou,
”shesay
s.
Il
augh.
Nonsense!

*
***
**

HadIknownhowli
ber
ati
ngt
hisis?Iwoul
dhav
e
agr
eedtojoi
nDi
neoandMuofhewhenthey
alwayswantedmet otagalongt
ot heir
vacat
ions.Idi
dn’
tknowhowni ceitistojustl
ie
onthebedanddonot hing.Mymindi satpeace.
Iam atpeace.
Li
ke,
thi
sisni
ce.
Ipul
lmyphoneandmakeanot
e.
‘
Booky
our
sel
fav
acat
iononceay
ear
.’
Thehot elroom isnott oofancybutiti
sperfect
.
From myr oom Icanseet hebusiestst
reetof
SouthBeach.Iusedt othi
nkonlyJoburgstr
eets
arethisbusy .Everyoneisgoingonabouttheir
business.Bef or
et hrowingmyphonebackt o
thebed, Isnapapi coft heviewandsenditto
Dineo.Inani nstant,myphoner i
ngs.
“
Whatareyoudoi
ngt
her
e?”SheaskswhenI
r
espond.
“
Myf
ir
stv
acat
ion.
”
“
Whoar
eyouwi
th?
”sheasks.Whyshoul
dI
havesomebodyt
ogoonvacat
ion?It
hought
shesai
dIcanspendmymoneywhateverwayI
want.
“
Noone.DoIneedt
obewi
thsomeone?
”Iask.
“Justmakingsurethaty
ouar enotj
umpingi
nto
anotherr
elat
ionshi
pt of
orgetabout
…him.”
“
Whywoul
dIwantt
ocompl
i
cat
emyl
i
fel
i
ke
t
hat
?”
“
Good.
”
“
Iam f
ine,
alr
ight
?Iam per
fect
lyf
ine.
”
“Okay.I
’
llr
elax.Whenar
eyoucomi
ngt
his
side?
”
“
Thursdaymorni
ng.Myexamsar et
hatot
her
week.Andno,
Iam notgal
li
vant
ingwit
hyou.
”
“
Ijustwant
edt
omakesur
eIbuyenoughf
ood.
”
“Don’
t.Iam goi
ngbacktoRes.Exams,
remember?”Isi
gh.“
Youdoknowt hatIownan
apart
mentallbymysel
f,r
ight
?”
“Fi
ne.I
’l
lseeyouaf t
eryourexams.Loveyou.
Enj
oy.Don’tgoclubbingal
one,”shesay
sbefore
makingkissessounds.
Ithr
owmyphoneont hebedandst r
ipoffmy
clot
hesf orabath.Icr
osstheroom tosear
ch
foranov el t
hatGr
acelef
tinmyapar t
ment.I
wasr eadingitonmyfli
ghther
e.Irunthebath
whil
eget tingmysel
faglassofchampagne.
Whol eav esabott
leofchampagnewithout
fl
utes?Ipi ckt
hetumblerandfi
ll
itwi
ththe
Champagnebef or
egetti
ngint
oaf ul
ltubofhot
water.Ileavemyphoneont hefl
oorandgrab
thenov el.
Hmmmm!
Ishakemyheadandcont i
nuet oread.WhenI
star
tvisuali
zingwhatXav i
erisdoingto
Chri
stell
e,Ifi
ndmyf ingersrubbingmy …uhm…
myt hi
ngie.Idon’tstop.Oh, mygoodness, I
haven’
tfeltthisurgef orages.Withoutbl
ocking
mymi ndt ot hi
s, Iinsertonef i
ngerjustto
scratchthei tchiness.Onef ingerandt henthe
nextandt henextt hingIhav esomeonet o
replaceXav i
er’sf ace.ItisPhuti.Ishakemy
headsot hatIgobackt oimaginingXav ieras
thiswhi t
eper f
ecthumanbei ngbutPhut i
’sface
keepsi nsisting.Myf ingersandmyheadar enot
functionsoIdr opt hebooksot hatIcouldthink
aboutsomet hingel seinstead.Agai n,
my
fi
nger sfollowt hei tchinmycor ebutt hi
st i
meI
blockPhut i
’sfacebysomebody ’sface.shesee
theheadl i
ght sbef orehest oppedt orescueher?
Icont i
nuet or ollmyey esbutwhenIr eadwhat
comesnext ,Ifeel atinglebetweenmyl egs.
Thi
schampagne!
Ishakemyheadandcont i
nuet oread.WhenI
star
tvisuali
singwhatXav i
erisdoingto
Chri
stell
e,Ifi
ndmyf ingersrubbingmy …uhm…
myt hi
ngie.Idon’tstop.Oh, mygoodness, I
haven’
tfeltthisurgef orages.Withoutbl
ocking
mymi ndt ot hi
s,Iinsertonef i
ngerjustto
scratchthei tchiness.Onef ingerandt henthe
nextandt henextt hingIhav esomeonet o
replaceXav i
er’sface.ItisPhuti.Ishakemy
headsot hatIgobackt oimaginingXav ieras
thiswhi t
eper f
ecthumanbei ngbutPhut i
’sface
keepsi nsisting.Myf ingersandmyheadar enot
functionsoIdr opt hebooksot hatIcouldthink
aboutsomet hingelseinstead.Again,my
fi
nger sfollowt heitchinmycor ebutt hi
st i
meI
blockPhut i
’sfacebysomebody ’sface.
Edwi
n!
Inf
rust
rat
ion,
Ipul
lmyf
ingeroutandopena
col
dtap.
Iam star
tl
edbymyphoneringingonthefl
oor
asifsomeoneknewwhatIwasdoi ng.Af
ter
reachi
ngforatowel
onthefloortowipemy
hands,Ianswert
hephonebeforeshecoul
d
hangup.
“
Hey
,hey
,”Isay
,br
eat
hlessl
y.
“
Oh…Iwasaboutt
ohangup.
”
“
Iknow.Sor
ry.Iam t
aki
ngabat
h.”
“Okay.Iwant
edt
ofi
ndoutwhenar
eyout
his
side?
”
“
I’
ll
bet
hereonThur
sday
.Ial
sowantedtocal
l
y
ousothatwecoul
dcat
chupthi
sSatur
day.”
“Perf
ectthen.NjabuloandIarehostingafamil
y
braai
.Wear esupposedt obecelebrati
nghis
sist
er’
sbirt
hdaybutshedoesn’ twantaparty.
Sowear esticki
ngt othebr
aai.Justafew
fri
endsandf amil
y,”shesays.
“
Ah…Mar
ia,
isPhut
igoi
ngt
obet
her
e?”Iask.
“Oh…pleasehol
don, ”shesay
sbeforeshe
disappearsf
rom theli
ne…“Babe…i
sPhutigoi
ng
tobeher eonSaturday?”
“
Ofcourse,
whoi sgoi
ngt
orunt
hebar
?”
Nj
abul
osay s.“
Whowasaski
ng?
”
“
Thul
i
.”
“Oh.Yes.Hewil
lbeher
e.I
sshecomi
ng?
”He
asks.Iwantt
ohangup.
“
Iam i
nvi
ti
ngher
,”Mar
iar
esponds.
“Babe,wil
li
tbeagoodidea?”Hepauses.
“Ahhh…shit
…whywouldy ouaskmewhileshei
s
ontheline?”It
hinkMar
iashowedhi
mt he
phone.
“Whyar
ey ouswear
ing?
”Mar
iaasks.Il
augh
bef
orehangi
ngup.
I
naf
ewmi
nut
es,
myphoner
ingsagai
n.
“Iam sor
ry,
Ist
il
ldontunder
standwhyhe
swearssomuch,”shesays.
“Hehasn'
tchanged,
Isee,
”Il
augh,
try
ingt
ost
ay
str
ong.
“
Somet
imesheget
sitr
ight
.”
“Okay.I
’
llwon’
tmakeitt
othebraai
.Buty
ouand
Iarecatchi
ngupwhenIam donewit
hmy
exams.Iam pay
ing.
”
“Deal
.Tal
ktoy
ousoon,
”shesay
sbef
ore
hangi
ngup.
Wher
ewasI
?
Xav
ierandChr
ist
inne.
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE17(
Unedi
ted)

PHUTI

Kamowal ksintothekitchenwit
hanempt y
gl
assofwat er.I
tisjustaftermi
dni
ghtbutIam
st
il
lsit
ti
ngint hekit
chent r
y i
ngt
ocrackthe
l
atestpi
tchIneedt omakewhenIr eturnto
workonMonday .
“
Sti
l
lneedt
ogetwat
eri
nthemi
ddl
eoft
he
ni
ght
?”Iaskwhi
l
eput
ti
ngmyl
apt
opasi
de.“
Iti
s
abadhabi
t.
”
“Iwouldsayiti
sabadhabitt
oworkinthe
middleoftheni
ghtwhenyouaresupposedt
o
beresti
ng.Don’ty
oueverr
ecogni
setheword
weekend?”
“I
tisjustal it
tl
ebi
thect
icatwork.So,
sinceI
couldn’tsleep…It
houghtIcoul
dpush
somet hingsoutoftheway.
”
Shefi
ll
shergl
asswi
thcoldwat
erandtakesa
seat
.Iwoul
dhavepr
efer
redtobel
eftal
one.
“Areyoualri
ght?”sheasks.“Youhaven’
tbeen
yoursel
fsinceyougotherey est
erday.I
s
everyt
hingalr
ightatwork?”
“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”
“
Youar
enoty
our
sel
f.
”
“
Ofcour
se.Let
habobr
ingst
hebesti
nme.
”
WhenIgother
e,t
hehousewasquei
t.No
cartoonsormov i
eplayingandnoonehas
switchedtheTVonsi nceyester
day.Hewentt
o
vi
sithisaunti
nPol okwaneforaweekend.Heis
i
nv i
tedtohiscousin’
sbirt
hdaypart
ysohewas
pickedupbeforeIcouldarri
ve.So,
iti
ssuper
quietwhenheisn’taround.
“
Iknowy
ou,
Phut
i,
”shesay
s.
“Iam f
ine.Youshoul
dn’
twor
ryy
our
sel
f.
”Ishr
ug.
Ifeel
fine.
“
Youcannothi
def
rom me,
”shei
nsi
sts.
“
Well
…apartf
rom tel
l
ingt
hatol
dmant
oleav
e
meal
one.Iam al
ri
ght.
”
“
Whataboutthatgi
rly
ouusedtotal
kt o?Iknow
i
thasever
ythi
ngtodowithher
.Youhav en’
t
t
ouchedyourphonesi
nceyougothere.”
“
That
’sbecauset
her
eisn’
tanygi
rlany
mor
e.”
“
Oh!
”
“
Yes.
”Isi
gh.“
So,
wedon'
thav
etot
alkabouti
t
becausetherei
sn’tany
thingtot
alkabout
.
Thereisn’
tatal
l.Iam f
ine.”
“I
fyouwerefiney ouwerenotgoingto
emphasiseoni t
.Idon’
twantyout otel
lme
whattheproblem wit
hherbutIjustwantyout
o
knowthatIam her ei
fyouneedany oneto
l
ist
en.”
“Haveyouheardanythi
ngfrom MrLer ole?He
hasn’
tshowedhisface,hashe? ”Ichangethe
topi
cbefor
ewecoul devendwel lonit.Iti
s
12h30andIhavenoener gyinmet ounpack
romanti
cfeel
ingtomycousi n.Shewon’ teven
underst
andanyway,sowear enotdi scussi
ngit.
“
Hehasn’
tshowedhi
sface.
”
“
Good.I
fheev
erdoes,
youmustl
etmeknow.
”
“
So,
youar
enotpl
anni
ngont
alki
ngt
ohi
m?”
“Ihav
enothi
ngtosayt
ohi m.Not
hingatal
l
.He
canstaywher
everhei
s.”
“Iunderst
and,
”sherespondswhilegetti
ngon
herfeet.“
CanIgooutt omorr
ow?Iwon’ ttake
l
ong.I’l
lgooutwheny ouhavebreakfastwith
her.I
twi l
lbej
ustbeani nandout.
”
“Oh…no…it
sokay,
youcangoout
.Taket
he
aft
ernoonout
.”
“No,
Phuti
,
”shesay
s.“Ij
ustwantt
osee…
Kgot
soforafewminut
es.”
“Pl
easesi
t,
”Isay.Ij
ustremember edwho
Kgotsoi
s.Let
habohasment ionedhim afew
ti
mesandIhaven’tpai
dattenti
on.Shesit
s
down.“WhoisKgotso?”
“
Justsomeone.
”
“Let
habohasspokenabouthim.Youcango
seehimtomorr
ow, Idon’
tmind.
”
“Inor
mallyhavehi
mv i
situsbutIwouldn’
tdare
askhimtocomeher ewheny ouarearound,
”
shesays.Ihat
ehowshedoesn’ thav
eal i
fe
becauseofhim.
“Whydon’ tyoucal lhim over?I’
l
lspendtheday
withMaout side,
”Irespond.Iknowherr eason
oninsisti
ngt odartoutf orjustaminuteandnot
spendt herestoft hedayout .Iam evengrat
eful
thatsheist hatconsi der
atebutImakeanot eto
getsomeonet oassisther.Someonet ocome
heredur i
ngt heday ,sothatshedoeshav eli
tt
le
ti
met oher self.
Kamogel oleavesmesi tt
ingal one.Theedget o
callThuliisalwaystherebuti twoul dbeunfair
ofmet omakeacal landdi st
ur bherafterI
walkedoutofherr oom att heInn.Ithasbeen
manyweekssi nceIlastsawheratt hecarwash.
WhenIt oldherthatIwon’ tbeabl etowaitfor
her.Itwasmyhonestt r
uth.Idonotwanthert o
dependonabr okensoul l
ikemy sel
f.Iwanted
hertof ocusonherownheal i
ngbutt hemessI
am inwi llpul
lherbackwar d.Sheneedst o
channel allherenergytoherheal i
ng.Isawwhat
tr
iggeredheremot i
ons.Theni ghtIsleptather
room, Carolleftahundr edmi ssedcal l
sand
texts.Shemi ghthav eseenal l ofthem.That .
Thatj ustshowedmehowv ulner ableshei sand
anydi str
acti
onl ikewhatImi ghtbedoi ngin
Johannesbur gwhi leshei si nMbombel aisthe
l
astt hi ngIwant edhert ogot hr ough.Shedi dn’t
ment i
onheri nsecur it
iesaboutCar olbutitwas
writtenal loverherf ace.So, forme, itwasbest
thatIr emedyt hesi tuationbef or eitmessesher
up.Fi ne,Iregretnott ell
ingherwhatCar ol
needed.Shewasonceagai nt akeni ntothe
custodywi thhert wof ri
endsf ordr i
nkingand
drivi
ng.Theywer edr i
v i
ngbackf r
om adr i
nki
ng
spreeandwer est oppedbyt hepol i
ce.Thatis
whatshet ol
dmewhenIcal l
edbackwhi le
drivi
ngbackt oJobur g.Shewant edhel pbefore
thepol i
cecoul dt aket hem t ot hehol di
ngcel l
s.
Wel l
, Iwasn’tofanyhel pbecauseIwasdead
asleepandt her ewasnot hingel seIcoul ddo
whenIwokeupi nt hemor ning.
Befor eputti
ngmyphoneaway , Ity
pey et
anot herSMSf orThul
iandsendi ttoablank
contactIcr eatedforher.Ihav eat housandsof
them sentt othisnumberIr andoml ycreated.
Theydon’ tgetsenttoany onebutIhav ea
recor dofthem.Thesear ethemessagesaski ng
herhowshei sdoingandwi shi ngherwel li
nher
j
our ney.Isawi tsomewher et hatIshoul dwr i
te
howIf eel
.Iam notgoi ngtost ar twri
ti
ngdown
myf eelingsinadi ar
ybutIcansendSMSst hat
Thuli wil
lneverread.Shemi ghtnotwantme
backi nherl i
febutonlyIwi l
l knowmuchIl oved
her.
‘
Icannotsl
eepandIwi shIcoul
dcallyouj
ustt
o
hearhowyouaredoing.IwishIcoul
dcall
you
j
usthearyourv
oice.
’

*
***
*
Kamoallowedmet osleepin.I
tisafternine
whenIam up.WhenIheadt ot
hekitchen, If
ind
herpr
epari
ngbreakfastformymot herandI .
Eveni
fIinsi
st,
shewon’ tall
owmet ohel pher
soIgrabachairaf
tergreeti
ngher.
“Iwasthi
nki
ng,
”Ist
art
.“Iwasthi
nki
ngthatwe
getsomeonetohel
pyouaroundthehouse.
”
“Helpar
oundthehouse?
”Sheasks,
not
stoppi
nghert
askathand.
“
Yes.Sot
hatyoucanhav
eroom t
o…hav
eal
i
fe,
y
ouknow?”Isay
.
“Reall
yPhuti?Youareal
readydoi
ngenough.
Youcannott akecar
eofmeandst il
lgetme
help.IknowIam yoursi
sterbutt
hatwouldbe
toomuch. ”
“It
houghtmay
bei
twoul
dgi
vey
our
oom t
o
have…”
“
Canyoust
oplooki
ngforsol
uti
ontosit
uati
ons
whi
char
eundercont
rol
?Youarejustsoused
t
ofi
xi
ngt
hings.
”
Isi
gh!
“Phuti
,l
ook.KgotsoandIarenew.Hecomes
aroundtoseemeandheunder st
ands.When
theti
mei sri
ght
,Iwil
loff
ici
all
yint
roducehimto
youandLethabo…andhewi l
lcomeseemei n
thehousewhenhehast o.Fornow,every
thi
ng
i
sper f
ectl
yfi
ne.”
Asi
fshewi
l
ltel
lmei
fthej
obi
stoomuch.
“
Ify
oui
nsi
st.
”
“OfcourseIi
nsi
st.Yout
akecareofme,your
motherandLethaboandontopofthem y
ou
wantsomeonet ocomeandhelpus?Haowa
Phuti
.”
“
Fine,
”Isay
.
“
Doy
ouwantt
osi
tout
side?
”
“Yes,
”Ir
espondwhi
l
et aki
ngmymother’
str
ay
offoodt
otheli
vi
ngroom.Iswi
tchonthe
t
elev
isi
onandscr
oll
tot
hebusi
nessnews.
I
naf ewminutes,Kamohel
psmymothert
othe
room.IdonotknowhowIcanshowmycousin
howmuchIappr eci
ate.
Whenmymot herisset
tl
ed,
Ipickthenapkin
andseti
tonherl apwhil
egett
ingclosersoI
coul
dstar
tfeedingher.
“
So,I
’l
lbebackint
hirt
yminutes,
”Kamosay
s
f
rom t
hedoor.“
Thi
rtyminut
es.”
Iwantt
otellhert
otakeherti
mebutI
rememberthatmymotherhasarouti
neand
mightr
eal
lyneedKamoaf t
erherbr
eakfast
.
Kamoclosesthedoorandshewasgone.
“Sheisgoingtomeetaguy ,”Isaywit
hal augh.
Whenwewer egr owingup,Kamo’ smotherwas
thesostri
ctthatshewasn’ tall
owedt ohave
boyfr
iends.Iwast heopposite.Ihadusel
ess
rel
ati
onshipssinceIstart
edhi ghschoolandI
neverhadahi di
ng.
Ifeedmymot heri nsilencet r
yingsohar dnott o
ment ionNt ateLer oleandhowsor ryIsti
llam.
Event houghshei sdoi ngal ri
ghtoncemor e,I
sti
llfeel r
esent ed.Ist il
l f
eelli
keIr ubbedher
woundsandi tist akingsol ongf ort hem toheal
.
Hisr eturnhasbr okent hebothofusandwear e
fai
lingt oreconnect .Itkil
lsmeandnotknowi ng
whatt odohur tst hemost .Itrytogi veli
fethe
bestofwhatIcanof fersot hatitcanof fer
forgivenessi nr eturnbuti tisn’
twor king.It
doesn’ thelp.Ifeel empt y.
“Di
dItellyouaboutXol ani
’sweddingi naf ew
months?”Iask.Ireturnanotherinvi
tationfor
myoldf r
iend’
sweddi ng.Beforegivingher
anot
herspoonf ulofhercerealIstareathert o
tr
ytopickwher ehermoodi sat.Herey esare
warm.IknowIcansaf elyconti
nue, “Youknow
i
fIwasn’thopelessi nthi
slovebusiness…I
wouldhav ebeenbringingyouadaught er-
in-
l
aw.”Ilaughatt hethought.I
twoul dbe
beauti
ful
tomakethesetr
ipshomewithherand
thechi
ldr
en.“
TheoneIloveisnotr
eady.
”
Ofcour
se,Iam tal
kingt
omy sel
fandstar
ingat
herf
aceforahinttoshutuporcont
inue.
“Haveyoueverdonesomet hingr ightbutfeel
l
ikeyoudidwr ong?”Iask.“Liket hisdecisi
on
couldsav
eal ifebutitki
ll
sy ousomuch
becausetheywi l
lneverunder stand?”Mymom
star
esatme.“ Likeyouwat cht hem gethur t
overwhatyousai donlytosav et hem? ”No
answer.“
Wi l
ll
ifeeverforgi
v eme? ”

*
***
*

Visi
ti
ngmymot heralway sdrainmyener gy.I
t
will
takeaf ewdaysf ormet ogetonthehang
ofthings.Idon’tknowi fanyofmycol leagues
areawar e.ItisThursdayalreadyandIf eelov
er
worked.It hinkThul
i al
sohassomet hingt odo
wit
hit.Apartofheri
sst
uckwi t
hme.Shei s
al
waysinmymi nd-mypr
ay er
sarethatsheis
per
fectl
yfi
neanddoinggreatwherevershei
s.
‘
Justt
hinki
ngofy
ou,
’Isendt
het
extt
o't
he
number’
.
“Hey…ar
eyousti
l
l handl
i
ngt
hebaron
Satur
day
?”Nj
abuloaskswhi
l
esit
ti
ngont
he
edgeofmyworkdesk.
“Yes.Sur
e.Ihavegoty
ou,
”Isay
.Ofcour
se,
I
havegoteverybody
.
“I’
l
lbuythest
ufft
omorrowev eni
ng.Justmake
sureyouarenotl
ateorelseyouwil
lneverhear
theendofitf
rom mywife.”
“
Goti
t,
”Isay
.
“Look,”Nj
abul
ogetsonhisfeet.“Ihear
dmy
wifeinvi
ti
ngThul
itothebr
aai.So, i
fshe
comes…Ihav enothi
ngtodowi thit.
”
Myhear
tski
psat
inybeatl
i
keat
eenager
’s.
“
Isshecomi
ng?
”Iask.
“WhatIknowisthatsheisar oundf orher
examsbutIam toldshesaidshewon’ tcome.
Butyouknowhowpeopl eare.Pleasechange
thei
rmindssoIam justsaying…incaseshe
showsup…Ihav enothi
ngt odoi t.Iam notlove
match-
makingorany t
hing.Iam toool dforthat
bull
shi
t.
”Icanseehiswi fet
elli
nghi mt ostop
sweari
ng.
“Well
…ifshecomes…shewillbetheret
oenj
oy
heraft
ernoonl
ikeev
erybodyelse,
”Isay
.
“Yes.Youi ncl
uded.Youar
edr i
nki
ngt hi
s
Saturday.Youarestif
fashell
.Butitwouldbe
bestifyoudon’tbri
ngadate,youknow?Iam
awaret hatyouguysareoverbutmywi femight
notbev erywelcomingtoyourdate.
”
“
Iwasn’
tpl
anni
ngt
o,”Il
augh.
“
Iam j
ustwarni
ngyou.Youknowhowmy
womenare,
”Njabul
osaysbefor
eleav
ingme.
Everwishedforsomet hingy ouknowy oumight
noteverget?Thisisme.Si nceNj abulotoldme
aboutthepossibi
li
tyofThul i comi ngtothe
braai
,Ihavebeenwi shingthatshedoes.Just
formet olaymyey esonher .Justf ormet o
knowt hatsheisperfectl
yfine.Nott hatIam
expecti
nghertobemi serable.Ijustwantt obe
surethatsheisalr
ight.Iwillfeelbet t
er.
Saturdaynoon, af
terdroppingmycl othesatt he
l
aundr omat,Iheadt otheBut helezi
sf ormyt ask.
JustlikeNjabulosuggested, Idon’thav eanyof
myf emal efr
iendswi t
hme.I tisaf t
er14h00and
thehousei snottoopacked.Justaf ewf acesI
know.Ihav ebeeni ntheBut helezi’
slivesto
knowaf ewfacesar oundthem.ButIam
missingonef ace.
If
eel
li
kecr
ap.
“
Thebarmani
sfi
nal
l
yher
e,l
adi
esand
gent
lemen,
”Nj
abul
ocal
l
sout
.Thabel
oisi
nhi
s
arms.
“Toomuchdrama,man,
”Isaywhi
l
etaki
nghi
s
daught
erfr
om hi
sarms.“
Howareyou
Thabel
o?”
“
Tell
himy ouwerecryi
ngthewhol
emor
ning,
”
Nj
abuloanswer
sf orher
.
“Mandi dy oueverdenyt hi
skid?”Iaskwhil
e
putt
ingherdown.Ev erydayIseehershelooks
exactl
ylikeherfather.Sheisaspliti
magineof
herfather.Oh,Iam joki
ngaboutt hereal
i
tyof
myl i
fe.
“Mommyiscall
ingyouovert
her
e,”Njabul
osays
bef
orehepushestheki
dtorunacrossthelawn.
“Iam abarmantowhichbar
?Ev
ery
onei
s
drinki
ngsomet
hing.
”
“Youwer
elateandmycousi nt
ookyourjob.
Grababeer
,”hehandsmeabeerandl eadsthe
waytowheretheotherguy
sarechi
l
ling.Inod
att
hem bef
oret
aki
nganempt
ychai
r.
Asusual,t
her
eisanargumentaboutsomething.
Iam dr
inki
ngmybeerwhi l
escanni
ngtheyard.
Sti
l
lnosignofher
.Iam temptedtofol
l
ow
Mariaj
usttof
indouti
fshechangedhermind.
Second,thir
d,f
ourth,
fif
thandIsoonstop
counti
ngt hebott
leofbeersIhav
ebeen
downing.Ihaven’
tdrankinawhilesoIam f
ull
y
i
nt oni
ght.
WhenInot i
ceMar i
ast
andingwi
tht
woofmy
coll
eagues,Igetonmyfeett
ogosendmy
greet
ings.
“MrsBut
hel
ezi
,”Ical
loutbef
oreshecoul
dtur
n
backtot
hekit
chen.
“
Hey
,Phut
i,
”sher
esponds.“
Goodt
oseey
ou.
”
“
Yeah!
”
“Needany
thi
ng?”Sheasksscanningthetabl
e
nextt
owheretheguysarechi
ll
ing.I
tsti
ll
has
t
hesnacksandmeatshel
eftal
i
ttl
eear
li
er.
“No.Ij
ustwantedt
ofi
ndout…i
fther
eisany
chancethat
…uhm…Thuli
iscoming?
”Iask.
“Oh,
sheisn’
tcomi
ng.Shet
oldmeshei
snot
coming?
”
“
Arey
ousur
e?”Iask.
“Yes.”Shecrossesherar
ms.“Whyareyou
asking?Ithoughtyoudi
dn’twantt
oseeher
again.”
“
Iknow.Iknow.Ij
ustwant
edt
oseeher
.”
“
Okay,shetol
dmewhathappened.Howyou
t
oldherthaty
ouar
ebet
teroffbr
okenup.
”
“
Cor
rect
.Isai
dthat
.”
“
Thenwhywoul
dyouwantt
oseeher
?”
“BecauseIwanttoknowthatshei
sdoingfine.
Notthatshemightbemiserabl
eaf
terourbreak
up…butIjustwantedtoseeformysel
fthatshe
i
sf i
ne.”
“
Shei
sfi
ne.Shei
sdoi
nggr
eat
.”
“
Right
!”
“Di
dshesaywhyshei
sn’
tcomi
ng?I
sshe
avoi
dingme?
”
“
Phut
i?”
“
ComeonMr
sBut
hel
ezi
…Ij
ustwantt
oknow.
”
“Exams. ”Sheswall
owshar dasifshei
smaking
i
tup.“ Shewasonv acat
ionbutnowshehasto
startprepari
ngforherexams.Shestar
tst
his
comi ngweekort henext.”
“
Vacat
ion?Shewentonv
acat
ion?
”
“
Justt
ounwi
nd.
”
“
Yeah!Yeah!Thanks,
”Isay
.
Mariastar
tswalki
ngawaybutstopsather
tr
acks.Sheturnsandsay
s,“Maybeyoushould
l
etherwr i
teherexamsfi
rst
.Shesounded
perf
ectl
yfinesoyoudon’
tneedtoworryabout
her.
”
“
That
’swhatIwant
edt
ohear
,”Imumbl
e.
“
That
’swhatIwant
edt
oknow."

Sorr
yfort
helat
eepisode-gotcaughtup
fi
nal
isi
ngl
astminut
eor der
s!!
!!
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE18

PHUTI

Fuckit
!Iam goi
ngcr
azy
!Iam f
ucki
nggoi
ng
crazyr
ightnow.
“Uhm…areyoualri
ght?”Deni
se,
mycol
l
eague,
asksf
rom hercubi
cle.
“
What
?”
“
Arey
oual
ri
ght
?”
“
Yeah,
whynot
?”
“Welll
…f i
rst
,youhavebeenswear i
ngthewhole
mor ni
ng.Second,youareinyourworstmood
sinceMonday .Thi
rd,y
oul ookl
ikeamess.Four,
youmi ssedyourteno’cl
ockmeet i
ng….and…”
“Whatthehell
??”Ijumpfr
om mychairt
ost
art
packi
ngmyl aptopsoIcouldr
ushtothi
s
meeti
ngt hatIhavefor
got
tenabout
.
“Fi
ve,y
ouwouldhaveknownthemeeti
ngwas
cancel
ledfi
veminut
esago,
”shesay
swithher
armscrossed.
“DammitDeni
se.”Igr
abmychairandr
elax.I
compl
etel
yforgotaboutt
hemeeti
ng.
Complet
ely
.Mydeskphonerings.
Ei
sh!
“
Yes?
”
“
Comet
omyof
fi
ce.
”
Isawi
tcomi
ng!
“
Alr
ight
.”
“
Theboss?
”Deni
seasks.
“
Yes!
”
“Hewasf ur
iouswhenyoudidn’
tshowup.It
ri
ed
totakeoneforthet
eam andmakea
present
ati
onbuthedismissedus.
”
“
Thanky
ouf
ort
ryi
ng.I
’
lldeal
wit
hhi
m.”
“
Hei
sn’
tinagr
eatmood.
”
“Nei
theram I
…soI’l
ltakewhat everhedi shes
me,”Isaywhil
egettingup.Notal otofpeopl e
knowhowNj abul
oandMrRar ecl osetomeso
Ipl
ayalongwhent heyar escaredonmybehal f.
Theladi
esevenhav etheirpuppyf aceswhenI
am summonedt otheof fi
ce.Ofcour se,it
doesn’
tmakemel essunpr ofessional.Ijust
don’
ttakewhattheydi shmeper sonal because
whenwewal koutoft hisbuil
ding,wedon' teven
showit.
“TaketheLabelLi
nkfolderwi
thy
ou,”Deni
se
sayswhilegrabbi
ngitonmydesk.“
Mr
Buthel
eziaskedaboutit
.”
“Oh,yes,
”Itakeitfrom herhandsandIdragmy
feett
oNj abulo’
soffice.It
hinki
tisaboutti
meI
dealwithmyi ssues.HisPAnodsatmet ogoi
n.
Ifi
nditont hephone-i tseemswithhiswif
e
becausethemani sspinninghi
schairwhil
e
smili
ng.
“Hey…Ihav egott ogo.Ineedtodiscipl
et hi
s
guyf orsl
ackingonhi sj
ob,”Nj
abulosay s.“Oh,
yes!Ididn’
tforget.Sweetchi
ll
ichi
ckenpi zza
withextrapineapples.
”Helaughs.“Sweetchi l
l
i
chickenwithextramozzarell
aandpi neapples.
Okay .Il
ovey ou.
”
Ioccupythecouchattheendoftheoffice.Iam
stay
ingherforlonger
.Iwatchatheputsdown
hi
sphone.Hi ssmilei
swide.Heisinhisown
worldwhenheshakeshi sheadatthephone.
“
Howdoesi
tfeel
?”Iask.Hesnapshi
sey
esat
me.“
Mar
ri
age?”
“Letmesee. ”Heget sfrom hisseatandput s
hishandsinhi spocket.Her oundsthet ableso
thathegetst owhereIam si tt
ing.“
Hav ey ou
everhady ourdicksuckedear lyint
hemor ning?
Okay…no…hav eyouev erhady ourdicksucked
wheny ouar esti
llsl
eeping?Theny out hinkyou
arehavingthisbestdream ev eronl
yt ofindthat
i
tisreal?”
“
For
getIasked.
”
“Iwastryi
ngtogetanexampl eyoucoul
drelat
e
to.
”Ishakemyheadathi m.“Okay,l
ook…iti
s
thebestfeel
i
ng.Youknow?Knowi ngthateven
i
fthewor l
discrueltoyou…youhav esomeone
whohasy ourbacknomat t
erwhat.Youknow
youcanlooseev er
ythi
ngbutt heyaret
here
besi
dey ou.I
tisunexpl
ainable.Youwon’t
underst
and.”
“Ir
eal
lydon’
t.
”ButIwantit
.Iwantt
oknowthat
someoneisther
etoli
stentomewhenIneedto
tal
k.
“Ofcourse,youhav
eneverbeenina
rel
ati
onship,
”hesays.“
Oh,corr
ecti
on.Youwere
i
nar el
ationshi
pbutyoudeci
dedtofuckitup
befor
eitbegan.”
“
Notf
air
.Youwer
esupposedt
oleav
ethatat
t
hebr
aai.
”
“
Notwhenyoualmostcr
ied.
”Helaughsand
mimicsme,
“Imessedup.Ir
eal
l
ymessedup.I
messedup.
”
“
Iwasdr
unk.
”
“Youaremost
lyhonestwheny
ouaredr
unkso
youfucki
ngi
nloveanditi
smessi
ngwit
hyour
head.
”
“
Whatmakesy
ouanexper
t?”
“
Oh,
Iam af
ucki
ngexper
t.Ioncedr
ove500
kil
ometr
etoshootamanwhowasf ucki
ngwith
mywife.Mygir
lfri
end.What
ever
…sheismywife
now.ThatswhenIknewIam anexperti
nthi
s
‘
lovef
eeli
ngs’t
hing.”
“Youareforgett
ingthepartwherewehadt o
bail
yououtf orthatst
upidi
ty.ButIagr
ee.I
twas
anicegesture.
”
“Ni
cegesture?I
twasev er
ythi
ng.I
tlandedmea
permanentpussyfort
herestmyli
fe.Okay,
don’tment
ionthattomywife.
”
“
Sheisnev
ergoi
ngt
owi
n,i
sshe?
”Imumbl
eto
mysel
f.
“Whatisgoi
ngon?Youmi
ssedameetingtoday
.
Thelastt
imeIsawyou…y
ouwerecr
ying.SoI
am worri
ed.
”
“
Iwasn’
tcr
ying.
”
“
What
ever
!Whati
sgoi
ngon?
”
Wher
edoIbegi
n?Phew!
!!Isi
tupst
rai
ght
.
“
Ineedsomet
imeof
fforal
i
ttl
ewhi
l
e.”
“
Whati
sal
i
ttl
ewhi
l
e?”
“
Afewday
s.Aweek.
”
“Whythefuckwouldyouneedaweekof fwhen
wehavethreedeadl
inesbyFri
day?”Hefrowns
atme.Ihavethr
eeaccountswhichIam
j
uggli
ngandIthinki
tisaddi
ngtomyst r
ess.“I
s
thi
sforawoman? ”
“
Bel
i
eveme, i
tisnot,
”Ir
espondwi
thmyey
eson
t
hefl
oor
.Justali
ttl
epartofi
t.
Njabulocrosseshi sarmsandf orthefir
stt i
me
heseemsv erycurioustofindoutwhati sreall
y
goingon.Idon’ tt
alkaboutmymot her.There
hasnev erbeenar easonformyf ri
endst odr i
ve
downwi thmet oLebowakgomosohehas
nevermether .Ididn’tt
ell
any onewhyIgo
homeev er
ymont h-t heyjustknowt hatIdoand
myr easonisthatIhav ealway sdonei tsince
myv arsit
yday sandIwon’ tbest oppingany ti
me
soon.Ihavenev ermentionedhowdepressi
ngI
feelev
er yt
imeIr et
urnfrom Li
mpopo.Noone
knowst hati
fIcouldcryev er
yday,
Iwould.
Like…Ifeelexhausted.
“Man,
youarest
art
ingt
ofr
eakmeout
.Whati
s
goi
ngon?”
“
No…Iam f
ine.
”
“
Youj
ustf
ucki
ngz
onedout
…inf
rontofme.
”
IgetonmyfeetsoIcoul
dgetmy selfabottl
eof
waterwhi
chisonasmalltabl
e.Ifeelsi
ck.Ifeel
verysi
ck.
“Youhav en’tbeenwel
lforafewweeksnow.I
thoughtitwasaboutthegirl
.Iunderst
ood
becauseIwasonceamess…butknow?You
arefreakingmeoutandIdon’ tf
reakout.Shi
t,
youar eamess. ”
“
YouknowIl
i
eaboutwhyIgohomeal
lthe
t
ime.
”
“
Okay
…thencomewi
tht
rut
h.”
“Mymot herisper manent lydisabledbecauseof
whatIdi dt oherwhenIwasy oung.”Iletouta
breat hbef oredi v i
ngint ot ellhi
m what
happenedt hosemanyy ear s.Hownowi tis
eatingmet hatshewasr ightaboutnotknowi ng
aboutNt ateLer ole’sfami lybecausehehadl i
ed
toher .HowIt oldhert hatwhatshedi dwasa
disgrace.HowIcal l
edhera: sfebeandcannot
taket hosewor dsbackandnomat t
erhowIt r
y
tofor givemy self ,i
tdoesn’ twor k.HowIf eel
guil
t ybecauseshecannol ongerliveherlif
e.
Kamot r
iedt ell
ingmeabouthowt hingsinlif
e
happent hewayt heywer eplannedt owor k.
Then, ifthati st hecase, howi si tt
hatmyl if
e
waspl annedt obemi serable?HowwasThul i
’s
i
nnocencet akenf r
om heratat enderage?How?
Whoget stochoosewhi chf amilydeservesto
suffer?Itdoesn’ tmakesense!
“
Shuuuu!
”Nj
abul
obr
eat
hesout
.Iknow.I
tis
heavy
.“Ineedadri
nk.
”Njabulolooksar
ound
theof
ficebefor
ecal
li
nghisPAt ogethi
m
somethingfr
om MrR’sof
fice.
Iam her
e,st
andi
ngi
nthemi
ddl
eoft
heof
fi
ce,
shaki
ng.
“Iwishmywifewasher
etot
ell
yousomewi
se
shit
.”Nj
abul
osays.
“Youdon’ thavet osayany thi
ng.Not hingcanf i
x
i
t.Itisjustwhati tis,
”Isay.“I
ti sjustgetti
ng
heaviernowt hatt hedamnol dmanwant sback
i
ntomyl i
feaft
ert hedamage.Youknowwhat
hurtsthemost ?Thef actthatsher aisedmeso
well…t hatwasvmyf i
rstoutburstandl ookat
wher eitgotme?I tgothercrippled.Shehasno
l
ifeinher .Somet i
meswhenIl ookather ,itfeel
s
l
ikeshei sbeggingmet ojustletitgoand
everythingIdoist omakesur eshei swel ltaken
careof .Ipaymycousi ntocar eforherandIpay
forthebestmedi calever…buti tdoesn’thelp.It
makesev eryt
hingwor se.Icannotbuyherl i
fe
back.
”
Aknocki nter
ruptsus.Iquicklyt ur
nawayf rom
thedoor.Ifeelli
keamess, Imi ghtbelooki
ng
l
ikeone.ThePAcomesi nandt ell
sNjabulothat
ther
eisn’tanythi
ngforhimt otake.WhenIl ook
atherovermyshoul der,herf acefall
s.Ifi
t
wasn’tf
orherboss, shewoul dsaidsomet hing.
“
Thanky
ou,
”Njabul
osaysandshewal
ksoutof
t
hedoor
,cl
osi
ngitbehi
ndher
.
“
Hav
eyout
ri
edt
alki
ngt
oher
?”
“
DidImissthepar
twher
eIt
ell
youshecannot
t
alkbackt
ome? ”
“
Shi
t!
”
“Exactl
y.”Itakeaseatont hecouch.“ If
eelli
keI
am goingt oblast
.Ithi
nkmeet ingThul i
,wit
hher
owni ssues,Itookherburdensaswel l
.Then
thereismyj ob.Thenther
ei sther estofthe
world…whi chkeepstaki
ngsomet hingfrom me.
”
Nj
abul
osi
ghs.Heav
yst
uff
.Iknow.
“Whydi dn’
tyousayany
thingwhenIwasbusy
pushingtheaccount
stoy ou?Dude?You
disappearedonusandyouj ustpi
ckedupl
i
ke
everyt
hingisper
fect
lyf
ine.”
“
WhatwasIsupposedt
odo?Orsay
?”
“
Thatyouneedsomet
imeof
f.Li
kenow.I
woul
dhavegiveny
ousomet
imeoff
.”
“Andthenwhat?Iam goingtober oll
i
ngonmy
bedfeeli
ngsorr
yformy sel
f.Iwast hi
nki
ngof
taki
ngthesefewdaystospendi tbackat
home.”
“
No.
”
“Whatdoy oumean?I t
sbetterther
ethanbeing
bymy sel
f.Iwouldhavewant edtoseeThulibut
Idontwanttodisturbherst
udies.Iwantherto
focusonherstudies…so…”
“
Igety
ou,
”hesay
s.“
Butshewon’
tdi
e.”He
shrugs.“Themor eyouwait,
themoreshewill
mov eonandboywhenwomenmov eon…they
doitinmi l
li
seconds.Okay…t
hatsali
ttl
e
exaggerati
onbutiftheywanttoremoveyou
fr
om theirsystem,theycandoitj
ustnow.
”
“
Whatshoul
dIdo?
”Iask.
“Ihavebeenwait
ingfort
hisdayjusttogiv
ey ou
advicesonwomen,”hesaysandr ubshishands.
“Fi
ndherandtell
herhowy oureall
yfeel
.Shoot
yourshotagai
nandmakesur eyoudon’tmess
i
tupagai n.
”
“That
’sal l
?”Il
augh,feel
ingal
it
tlelightthatone
ofmyf r
iendsknowswhatIam goi ngt hr
ough.
HeisNj abuloButhelezi
-hemakesj okesover
every
t hi
ngbutIknowdeepdown, hehasmy
back.Ihav enoideawhyIcouldn’ttellhi
m what
wasr eall
yup.Iwant edtomanupandhandl e
thi
ngsal lbymy sel
f.
“
Wel
l
.Appar
ent
lyf
lower
sdon’
twor
kbecause
thesegi
rl
sar
esmartt
hesedays.Try
…
somethi
ngshel
i
kes,
”hesays.Iknowexact
ly
whatiti
s.
“
Thanks.
”
“Well
…abouty
ourmot
her
,”hesay
s.“
Iam sor
ry.
Itr
ulyam.
”
“
Thanks,man,
”Irespondwhi l
egett
ingonmy
f
eet.“
I’
ll
putmyweek’ sleav
eandhandov ert
his
week’
swork.
”Igettot hedoor.“
Thanks…for
…”
“
Don’tmenti
onit
,”hesay
s.“
Mymot
her
-i
n-l
aw
wi
ll
contactyou.
”
“
Yourmot
her
-i
n-l
aw?
”
“Yes.Thesamel adythatsaidIshoul
dgiv eher
myf ri
ends’ namessot hatshecouldprayf orall
ofust ostopdr inkingalcohol
,”hesays.How
canIforgether ?Butwhywoul dshebecal ling
me?“ Shewi llknowexact lyhowtohelpy ou
and…bepr eparedf orherpowerhour.”
“Powerhour
?”Iaskbuthedi
smissesmeby
call
i
nghisPAtocomei nt
otheoff
icef
orher
assessment
.

*
***
*

Dayoneofmyl eave,Idonotknowwhyt hehell

Itooksomeday sof fbecauseIspenti
twal ki
ng
aroundthehouse, i
gnori
ngt heedgetodriveup
toLimpopo.Iam notamommy ’sboyli
kehow
theboysusedtol abelmeduet omyt ri
ps.Her
sit
uati
onforcesmehome.
Dayt wo-Ihav ebeentemptedt ogotoThul i
’
s
school soIcouldtal
ktoher.Idontwantt o
distur
bherbutwhenIr ememberwhatNj abulo
toldme…aboutherf l
ushingmeoutofher
system, Iwanttotal
ktoherandt el
lherwhatI
reall
ymeantbymywor ds.Tot el
lherthatIwas
stupidandonlythoughtIwasdoi ngtheright
now.
Iti
sthet hi
rddayandIam atThul i
’s…orour
favouri
terestauranttoordersomefoodforher
.
Ameal sheenj oy
edthelastti
mewewer ehere
andt hebutternutsoupwhichshelovesso
damnmuch.
“Thatwi
l
lbeR190,
”thel
adybehi
ndt
het
il
lsay
s
asshehandsmeapaperbag.
“Thanky ou,
”Isaywhi lehandinghert heR200
note.Idriv
estraighttoherr eswhilerehearsing
myspeech.Ay oungsecur itygiv
esmeahust le
butnothingahundr edcoul dn’tf
ix.Parki
ngj ust
outsidetheseniorresidence,Ipullmyphoneso
thatIcouldgetther oom number .Njabulogoti t
from hiswifel
astnight .Hespokesomet hing
aboutfuckingitoutofherbutIam gr atef
ul she
helpedmesoIdon’ thav eroom tomesst his.
Room 302.Iknockoni
taf
ewt
imes.
“
GoawayGr
ace,
”shey
ell
sback.Myhear
tis
j
umpi ngoutofmychest.Iknockagain,ali
tt
le
hardersothatsheget
sitisnotherfr
iend.I
don’tevenwanttosaymyname, incaseshe
doesn’twanttoseeme.
Iknockagai
n.
“Gr
ace,gost
udyt
hechapt
erIgav
eyou,
”she
cal
lsout.
Anot
herhar
derknockandherdoorf
li
esopen.
“
Ilockedmydoorforar eason,
”shesnapsbut
whensheseesme, shef r
owns.“Wherei
sGrace?
Whatareyoudoi
ngher e?”
“
Deli
ver
y?”Ishowof fthepaperbag.Shesmil
es
whensheseesthebr andbutinasecond,she
f
rownsagain.“
Ijustate,t
hankyou.”
“Igotyouthecreamybut t
ernutsoup.Ialsogot
youtheshortbreadthatgoeswi t
hit.”Fuck,
I
am tryi
ngnottobreakfrom begging.She
snatchest
hepaperbag.
“Del
iv
eryrecei
ved.Thanky
ou.Now,
Ineedt
ogo
backtoreadi
ng.”
“Uhm…Iwasthi
nki
ngthatwecoul
dtal
k,
”Iask
befor
eshecoul
dcl
osethedooronmydoor.
“
Ithoughtweweredonetal
ki
ng,”sheresponds.
NowIrememberNjabul
o’swords.Sheseems
l
ikeshehasmovedonfrom mysor r
yarse.
“
CanIcomei
n?”Iask.
Shel
ooksov
ershoul
derandshakesherhead.
“
Chancesare,
iti
samess.Idontmi
nd.Iknow
y
ouarestudyi
ng,I
’l
ltakej
ustt
enmi
nutes.
”
“
Fiv
e.”
“
Yes,
fiv
e.Per
fect
.Yes,
”Isay
.
Sheopensthedoor
.Iwasr
ight
.Herr
oom i
sn’
t
toocl
ean.
“Sor
ry…Icannotst
udyinacleanr
oom, ”she
sayswhi
lepicki
ngpil
esofpaperf
rom thechai
r.
Sheopensthecurt
ainsforsomel
ightandsets
thefoodonat ablewi thhermicrowav e.WhileI
watch, shepicksagownandput si tov erherPJ
shortst hathardl
ycov erherbums.Iwon’ t
entert
aint hatIam turnedbythat .Iam nother e
forthatandi tmightawr ongmov etoev en
stareandappr eciatesoIstayf ocusedasshe
tri
estot i
dyup.Shei sdoingsoi nsilence.When
done, shesitsont heedgeoft hebedandst ares
atme.
Ihavel
earnttoreademotionsthroughone’s
eyes-thati
showIcommuni catewithmy
motheranditisn’
tdi
ff
erentwiththerestofthe
peopl
e.
“
Yes?
”sheasks.
Pai
n!Thati
swhatIam get
ti
ngf r
om herey
eson
me.Pai
nwhichIpr
obablycausedher.
“Iam sor
ry,
”Ist
art
.Shefoldsherar
msandtil
t
herheadsoIcouldcont
inue.“
Iwasajer
k.”
“
YesandIdon’
tdoj
erks.
”
Focus,Phuti
.Ifi
twasanyotherday,
Iwouldt
ell
herthatherl
ineis‘
outofl
i
ne’butthi
sisnott
he
ti
me.
“It
houghtIwasdoi ngyouafavour.Iwas
exhausted.It
houghtIwasdoingtheright
thi
ng.”
“Oh,Iam sor
ryt
ohearthat,
"shesay
swit
han
att
it
ude.Iunder
standherat
tit
udeonme.I
deservei
t.
"Iwaswrongtocal
lofft
hingswit
hout
expl
aini
ngthi
ngstoyou.Iam sor
ryandIhope
ther
eisroom f
orus.
"
"
Iaskedy
out
ogethel
pmewi
thmebut
..
."
"
Iam get
ti
nghel
p.Iam get
ti
nghel
p."
"
Youbookedasessi
on?
"
"Wel
l.
..notperse.
..butNjabuloi
sget
ti
ngmehis
mother-
in-
lawt ohelp.Hesaidshewi
llhel
pme.
Thatcountsforsomet hi
ngright
?"
"
Iam happyf
ory
oubut.
..
"
"
Butnot
hingThul
i
.Ineedy
ou.
"
"Ineededy
out
henbecausey
oupromi
sedt
o
holdmyhandwhenIgotomyther
apy
."
"
Itakeev
ery
thi
ngIsai
dback.
"
"Saysthemanwhodon'
tdocatanddog
chases..
.what
every
ousai
d,"shesay
s.
Myphonedistur
bsus.Idon'ti
gnor
ephonecal
l
s
becausei
tmightbeanythi
ngaboutmymother.
"
Hel
l
o!"
"
Hel
l
o.Ndi
masi
ari
.Am Ispeaki
ngt
oPhut
i?"
"
Yes?
"
"Call
meback,Idon'
thavepowerhour
.Nj
abul
o
saidImustt
alktoyou,
"shesay
sandhangsup.
Powerhour
?
WOUNDEDHEARTS
EPI
SODE19

THULI
SILE

DidIt elly ouhowmuchIhadi nDurban?Idi d

thebeachl i
keGr acesuggest ed-itwasj ust
acrosst hest r
eetsoi twaseasyt ospend
count lesshour sbust i
ngi nthesun.Itwas
heav enly .Youcannev erbeinDur banandnot
visitUshakaMar i
ne.Ofcour se,ididthatand
manyot herthings.Byt heti
meIhadt oflyback
home, Ineededmor etimetor el
axbutIhadt o
comebacksoIcoul dfocusonmyexams.
SinceIam back, Ihavebeenswampedwi th
school wor .NotbecauseIam st rugglingwith
myst udies-i tisthetutori
ngIam backat .Mr
Ngweny aaskedmet ohelpaf ewguy swhoar e
struggl i
ngwi thmeasur i
ngtotaloutputand
i
ncome.Thel ecturemeet i
ngsstar t
edonFr iday
anditistheonlythi
ngt hathaskeptmerooted
i
nschool andnotf i
ndmy sel
finMari
a'
shouse.I
knowhow cr azyiti
s-mewant i
ngtoseePhut
i.
Iknowv erywellt
hatitisawr ongmove.I
cannotli
vemyl if
easi fIdontknowwhatIwant.
Iwantedhim -hedidntwantme-soIneedt o
for
getabouthim.
F.
O.R.
G.E.
T.Maybei
fIspel
li
tout
,itwi
l
lgeti
nto
mythi
ckskul
l.
Today,Iam goingt ocatchamov i
eafteran
hourofstudying.Gracewenthomef ora
weekendasusual -ibetherbr
other'
smemor i
al
cannotbemi ssed.
MyphoneringsasIchangei
ntoapairofj
eans.
Ial
waysstudyinmypjamas.Theyar
e
comfor
tabl
e.
"
Muofhe?
"Iask.Shenev
ercal
l
smeunl
essIam
wi
thmysist
er.
"
Heyki
ddo.
.howar
eyou?
"
"Iam gr
eat
.You?
"Iaskwhil
esit
ti
ngdown.I
don'
tknowwhyIhavethi
surgetodoso.
"
CanIseeyou?Icanpi
cky
ouupf
ordr
inks,
I
j
ustneedt
ochat.
"
"
Whati
sgoingon?"Iam f
orev
ert
hinki
ngabout
t
hewor
stscenar
io.
"Wel
l.
..Ijustneedabreather
,that
'sal
l
.
Ever
ythingisperf
ect
lyfine.
"
"Okay,
Iwasabouttogot
othemal
l
.Youcan
pickmeup.Ar
ey oucomi
ngwit
hDi
neo?"
"
No.
"
"
Ohh.
..
okay
,"Imumbl
e.
"Seey oujustnow,"shesaysbefor
ehangingup.
Itri
edDi neo'snumbersothatIcangetheads
upf r
om her .Whydoesshewantt omeetwi t
h
mef ordr i
nks?Dineo'
sphoneisoff.Ist
artt
o
panicbecauset hisi
ssounlikeher
.Mycol l
ege
i
sn'ttoof arfrom Muof
he'sapar
tmentsoIgrab
mybagandhur
rytowaitoutsi
debyt
hemai
n
gat
e.I
nafewmins,Iseehercar.
"
Heysweet
ie,
"shesay
sbef
oreIev
enj
umpt
o
myseat
.
"
Wher
eisDi
neo?
"Iask.
"Shei
staki
ngsometi
met
ocool
off
,"shesay
s
befor
edri
vi
ngaway.
"
Whathappened?
"
"Wel
l,
wehadourver
yfi
rstugl
yfi
ghtsowear
e
bot
hnott
aki
ngitwel
l.
"
Oh!
"Well
,whydi
dn'
tshecallme?
"Iask.Shecoul
d
havecal
ledme.Ishoul
dhaavebeenwit
hher
i
nstead.
"Shel
eftherphonebutshesai
dshewi ll
be
backwhenshehascool edof
f.Sheisprobabl
y
somewhereshoppinganddoesn'twanttosee
me."
Muofhet
urnst
oacof
feeshopandpar
kst
he
car
.
"
Let
'sgetsomecake,
"shesay
s.
"
No.Iwantt
oknowwhatisgoi
ngon.Iam
wor
ri
edaboutDi
neo.Whydi
dyoucal
lmeher
e?"
"Well
."shesi
ghsdeepl
y."Shei
sn'
ther
selfl
atel
y
andIthoughtIcoul
dasky out
otal
ktoherfor
me."Sheshakesherhead."Weusedt
odo...
cokewhenhav i
ngfunbutsheisi
soverdoi
ngit
now."
"
What
?"
"WhenIf
ightfoundi
tinherpocket
,sheswor
e
shehadnevertri
edi
tbefor
e."
"
Whenwasi
t?"
"Maybetwoweeksaft
erPhutit
ookyouto
Sowetotoseeyourmother
.Idoubti
twasher
fi
rstbyt
hewaysheknewhowt osmokei
t.She
gotmetotryi
tandwehav esmokeditmore
t
hantwi
cesincethen..
.butIr
ecent
lyf
ound
mor
einherdrawer."
Oh,
myGod.
"
Whatdi
dshesay
?"
"Sheinsistsiti
sforfunbutitismor et hant hat.
Idonttrustthisst
rongfacewhi chshei sput t
ing
on.Idon't.Theotherdaywheny oucal ledfrom
Durban,shewascr yingbuthadt ocr ackj okes
foryounott oknowt hetrut
h.Shei sn'tfine.She
actsallstrongbutsheisn't
."
"
Isi
tme?
"
"No.Shehasherownissues.Ij
ustneed
someonetoreasonwithherbef
oresheget
s
addict
ed.I
twon'tbegood.
"
"
I'
ll
speakt
oher
."
"
And.
..
"
"
Yes?
"
"
Arey
ousur
eaboutl
ooki
ngf
ory
ourf
ather
?"
sheasks.
"Wel
l,
"Ishrug."
Ineedanswer
sbutIam not
sur
eyet."
"
Idon'
tthi
nki
tisagr
eati
dea.
"
"
Whynot
?Whatdi
dDi
neosay
?"
"
Iti
sntagoodi
dea.
"
"
Doessheknowsomet
hingIdon'
t?
"
"Idon'
tknow.Shejustsai
dsobutshehasgi
ven
youroom togosearchforhim.So,
Iagr
eewi
th
her.I
tmightnotbeagoodi dea.
"
"
Okay
,thanks.I
'
ll
..
.thi
nkabouti
t.
"
"CanyouspeaktoDi
neoforme?Iam sor
ryf
or
dist
urbi
ngyourst
udyti
me."
"No.Any
thingformysist
er.Tell
mewhensheis
homesot hatIcanUbermy sel
fther
eandt
alkt
o
her.
"
"
Arey
ousur
eyoudon'
twantsomecake?
"
"No.Ij
ustat e,
"Il
ie.Ij
ustlostmyappet i
te.How
canIbefineaf t
erlear
ningthatmysisteris
putt
ingamaskf ormewhi lesheisbreaking?
Drugs?Dineo?Iknowshewi ldbutt
hisisoutof
hand.Idon'tevenknowwhatt odo.

*
***
**

Itri
edwat chingamov i
eattheci nemabutmy
mindwasal waysonmysi ster,Dineo.Muof he
toldmeshecamebackandwentst raightto
bed-stil
langr yather.Iwast ol
dshei sf i
neand
whenshewokeupt hismor ningshet oldme
thatsheisnotgoi ngtot al
ktomeunt ilIam
donewithmyexams.Ev erybodyi stakingt hese
examsv eryser i
ousbutme.Butf ine,Iwi l
ltryto
putherissueasi desinceMuof hepr omi sedt o
takecareofher .Iti
sjustaftertenandIam st i
l
l
i
nbedwhenGr acecal l
smef r
om out side.
Idr
agmyl egstothedoorandshemar
chesi
n
myroom withbooksi
nhand.
"
Didyoucr
ossni
ght
?"sheaskswhi
l
escanni
ng
me.
"No.
"Irol
lmyeyeswhi legetti
ngbacktobed.I
feel
miserabl
e.Mysister.Operat
ionf
orget
ti
ng
Phuti
.Examsarethelastthingsi
nmyhead.
"Pl
ease,l
et'
srev
isetheMonetar
ypol
i
cy?Iam
notunder
standi
ngthefl
ow."
"
Fine,
"Ibr
eat
heout."Gety
oursel
fcomf
ort
abl
e.
I
'
mt aki
ngaquickshowerfi
rst
."
"I
'
llmakeyourbedandgetuscoff
eewhileati
t,
"
shesayshappil
y.Ist
areatmybedandnod.I
grabmytoil
etr
ybagandgownandt her
eaft
er
makemywayt otheshowerr
oom.
Whatam Igoi ngtodot ohel
pDi neo?WhenI
cal
ledher,shedismissedmebecause
apparent
ly,i
tisn'
tmyj obtotakecar eofher
.
Sheiswrong.Weonl yhav eeachot herandi
tis
myj ob.Mymot herisnowher einthepi cture.
OnceIsucceedonmy' forgetPhutimi ssion',I
am goi ngt odot hesamewi thmymot her .Aft
er
myexami nati
on,Iam leavingGautengf orgood
andst artanewl if
einMpumal anga.Icanst art
myper fectli
fethere.Aft
ermysessi onswi thDr
Vanessa, Iam neversetti
ngmyf oother e.Mar i
a,
Grace, DineoandMuof hewi llf
indtheirwayt o
eMal ahleni.Iam neversettingmyf oother e.
WhenIret
urntomyroom,myroom iscl
eanand
t
idi
edup.Thecur
tai
nsareopenedandther
eis
acupofcoff
eewait
ingf
orme.
"Youshoul
dn'
thav
ewast
edy
ourt
imecl
eani
ng,
"
Isay.
"
Imagi
nemaki
ngmor
emess?
"Gr
acesay
s.
"
Howar
etheexamspr
epar
ati
on.
"
"
Theyar
eki
l
li
ngme.
"sher
espondswi
thaf
rown.
"Youjustcannotwai
ttor
eady
ournov
els.That
's
all
."
"
Thatt
oo.Al
so,
examsgi
vemeanxi
ety
."
Aftergett
ingint
omybum shor t
sandav est
,I
grabmyseatsowecoul dstar
t.Twohoursl
ater
Iam mad.Gr aceisunpr
eparedsothi
sisnota
revi
sion.I
tisnotarevi
sionatall
.
"
Youdi
dntst
udyt
hischapt
er,
didy
ou?
"
"Idi
d,"sherespondswithherhandsonher
cheeks."Ij
ustdon'tudner
standi
t."
"
Wedidt
hischapteronl
evel
2,donty
ou
r
ememberanyt
hing?"
"
Wel
l
,iti
smor
edi
ff
icul
tnow.
"
Ipul
l astudyguidet
hatIhavebeenusingwhen
Iwast ut
oringandpl
aceitinfr
ontofherbooks.
"Gostudychapter4andonlyretur
naft
erwards.
Don'tcomebackunt i
lyouunderst
andaquarter
ofit
."
Shel
eavesmeonmydesk, makingnot
esonthe
samechapt
er.Twohour
slater
,Iam di
stur
bed
byaknock.Ial
mostchokewhenIseewhoi
s
behi
ndthedoor.
Boldface,boldface.Iremindmyselftoputt
he
boldface.Butashewat chesme,Ifeell
i
kehe
knowst hatIhavewetdr eamswithhisfaceon.
Heist hereasonmyni ghtmare'
saregonebut
theyarereplacedby..
.somethi
ngelse.
Smar tass.Heknewt hebutt
ernutsoapwas
goingt omeltmyheart.Heistry
ingto
conviencemeonsomet hi
ngthatIhavetol
d
mysel fIwon'
tdo.Idontwanttodot heback
andfor thwi
thhim.AndIwasdoi nggreattr
ying
toforgetabouthim.
Hi
sphoner
ingsandheanswer
sit
.
"Givemeasecond.I ti
sMar i
a'smot her,
"he
sayswhi l
edial
ingthephone.Igrabachai rso
thatIcantrytopickupwhereIleftoff.Aft
er
thi
scal l
,heisl
eav i
ngmyroom.Idon' tneedany
destruct
ion.
"Iam withher,
"hesay sandIturnt
ohi m.He
hasaf rownonhi sface.Ihaveonetoo.Why
wouldMar ia'
smot heraskaboutme?Het akes
thephonef rom hi
searandt aponthescreen.
Heshr ugswhilemov i
ngt owhereIam si
tti
ng.
"
Okay
,thephonei
sonspeaker
,"hesay
s.
"Doyouhaveenoughai
rt
ime?
"sheasks.
Enoughai
rt
imefor?
"Iam usi
ngaworkphone,
youdon'
thav
et o
worry,
"Phut
isay
sandshrugswhenIst
areat
him.
"
Howar
eyouThul
i
?"sheasks.
"
I'
mfi
ne,
"Ir
espond.
"
MariaandNj
abul
ospoketome.Aski
ngme
t
hatIhel
pyoutwo,
"shesay
s.
"
Oh.
..
okay
..
."
"
Arey
out
womar
ri
ed?
"
"
What
?No.No,
wear
enot
,"Iqui
ckl
ysay
.
"Iwouldl
iketomar r
yhersomeday ,
"Phutisays.
Ifr
ownathi m becauseheisdoingthis,
knowing
wellIwon'tr
epri
mandhi m whi
leont hephone.
"
Oh,
thati
sgood,
"shesay
s.
"
No.Wear
enot
,"Icl
ari
fyt
hesi
tuat
ion.
"
Okay
.So,whatiswr
ong?Iam her
etopr
aywi
th
y
ou,
"shesays.
"Pr
ayforme?"Il
aughbutnottool
oudsoit
doesn'
tcomeoffasdisr
espect
.Phut
ihasa
smugonhisfacetoo.
"
Idon'
tneedpr
ayer
s.Butt
hanky
ou,
Ma.
"
"Youcantel
lmewhaty ourpr
oblem i
s.Ibel
iev
e
anythi
ngispossibl
e.Iam notgoingt
osolveall
theprobl
emsbuti canhelpyougetyourpeace
back.Godisableto.
..
"
"No.No,
thankyou,
"Isay
.Phutii
snolonger
sayi
nganythi
ng.Di
dhetell
hertocal
lwhenhe
i
sheresothathecanusethist
acti
ctogetus
back?I
tisnotgoi
ngt
owor
k.I
nfact
,iti
s
makingmesick.
"
Whatwast
hat
?"sheasks.
"
Isai
dNo,
thanky
ou.Idon'
tneedy
ourpr
ayer
."
"
Whynot
."
"
BecauseGodisj
ustafi
cti
onchar
act
ert
hati
s
madeforev
ery
bodytobeli
eve.
"
"No.GodexistandIam notgoingt oletyou
mockhi m.Nomat terhowdiffi
cul
ty our
sit
uati
onis,youarenotgoingtomockGod, do
youunderst
and?"shesay ssternl
y.
"
Idon'
tbel
i
evei
nwhaty
oubel
i
evei
n."
"
AndIam notgoingt
ochangey ourmind.Iam
j
ustgoi
ngtopraywhil
eyouli
sten,thati
sall
."
"Ineedt ostudy,
"Isay,st
ari
ngatPhutibecause
thisismor eforhi
m.Hei sinvadingmyspace
rightnowandhi stacti
cismaki ngmeev en
sicker.Howdi dMaria'
smot herknowthatwe
ar
etoget
herr
ightnow?Het
oldher
,ofcour
se.
"Okay
,justputthephoneonthetabl
eandgo
backtowhaty ouweredoing,
"shesays.
"
Whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his?
"Iask.
"Becausemydaught
eraskedmetospeakto
you.Someti
mesGodwant sust
ospeaktoour
problemsandcommandthem t
omov eoutof
ourway .
"
"Wherewashe,huh?ThisGod.Wher ewashe
whenIwasraped?Whenmenwer ehavi
ngt hei
r
waywithme?Wher ewashe?Wher ewashe
whenIcri
edeverynight?Iwasonmyown.I
neededHimthen.ThenwhenIwashel pless.I
neededhi
m.Whywoul dHewantt ohel
pme
now?"Phut
i'
seyesar eonthefl
oorbecausemy
tear
shavestar
tedagain.Mytearsaregushing
downmycheeksr i
ghtnowbecauseIam angr y
.
"
Idonthav
eal
ltheanswer
s."
"
Thenmay
bey
oushoul
djustl
eav
emei
npeace
becausey
ouwi
l
lbewast
ingy
ourt
ime.
"
"
Idon'
tmi
ndwast
ingmyt
ime.Idon'
tmi
nd.
"
OhmyGod,
thi
swoman!
Phutistaresatmeandwhi spersthatheissorry.
Iti
stool ate.If
eelweaksoIsi tonthefloorand
Phutidoest hesameinsteadoft ell
i
nghert hat
shecanhangup.Hesi tsacrossmeandt hereis
sil
enceint heroom f
oralittl
ewhi l
e.
"
Peace.Wearepr ayi
ngforpeace,"Mari
a'
s
mothersay
safteralongwhile.Ihavenothi
ng
l
efti
nmet osayany t
hingandtoher ,
iti
sasign
t
hatshecancontinue.
Tenmi nuteslaterandIam i ntearsfrom what
shesay s.Herwor dssobol dshebel iev
es
everyt
hingshei ssay i
ng.Shegoesonandon
andonaboutt hingsIdon'tunderstand.Phuti
is
stari
ngont hef l
oor.Icanev enseei fheis
l
isteni
ngt oher.
Ishakemyheadwhenshest
art
sment
ioni
ng
forgiveness.Doessheev enknowwhatIhav e
beent hroughf ormet oj ustdi shoutt he
forgivenesst oev eryment hattouchedme.
Whenshedi rectsherwor dst oPhut i
'
ssituation,
Ili
ftmyey est oPhut i
.Hei squei tandnot
react i
ngt oany t
hing.Itpai nsmewhenIt hink
abouthowhei sbeat inghi msel fforsomet hi
ng
hedi dndo.Hei sn'tli
kemymot herwhowas
j
ustcar elessandnegl igent .Shecaused
every thingthathashappenedt omeandDi neo-
mysi stercannott akeany mor enow.Shehas
carriedherbur denandmi newhi lemymot her
continuest odr i
nkasi fthewor ldisthemost
beaut ifulplace.Mar i
a'smot herdirectsher
prayert oPhut i
'smot herandPhut i cl
earshi s
throat .Iti
sget ti
ngheav ier.Hest i
llhashisey es
ont hef l
oorbuthei sbr eathingf astnow, Iknow
i
tpai nshi mt ol i
st entowhatMar i
a'smot heris
say i
ng.Li steningt osomeonet ell
i
ngy out hata
magi ccanhappenandt hingswi llbefine?
Thi
rt
yminuteslat
er,
Iam st
ruggl
i
ngt
ozoneout
,
soIqui
etl
yli
sten.
Four
tyfi
veminut
esl
ater
,shesay
s,"
InJesus
name,amen!
"
Onl
ynowdoesPhut
ili
ft
shi
sheadandcl
ear
s
hi
sthr
oat
.
"Thanky ou,
"hesays.Hestar
esatmeandIam
speechless.Idon'
thavet
heenergyt
osay
anythi
ngany more.
"
Iwi
l
lcal
lyout
omor
row.
"
"
Agai
n?"Iask.
"
Yes.Tomor
rowt
oo,
"sher
esponds.
Phutiget
sonhi
sfeetaf
terhehangsupt
he
phone.
"Iam sor
ry.Ididn'
tknowshewi
l
lcal
lwhenIam
here,
"hesay s.Hecannotev
enl
ookatme.
"Areyouokay
?"Iaskbecausehel
ookssosadi
t
breaksmyheart
.
"I
'
llbefi
ne,
"her
espondsandcl
ear
shi
sthr
oat
again.
"
Uhm.
..
shoul
dImakey
ousomet
hingt
odr
ink?
"
"
Youneedt
ogetbackt
oyourst
udi
es.
"
"Forgetaboutstudies,
"Isaywhi l
egett
ingup
andcl eani
ngmyf acewit
hmyhands.Iam
goingt obemiser abl
eforaf ewhours,so
may beIcanhav ehi scompanyf orj
ustafew
minutes.Also,Ifeelsobadf orhowmessyhe
l
ooks." Youcant ellmeallaboutthebr
aai."
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE20

PHUTI

"
For
getaboutst
udi
es,
"Thul
isay
swhi
l
eget
ti
ng
onherf eet.Shehadbeencr yi
ngt hewholeti
me
whenMar i
a’smotherwaspr aying.Idon’
tknow
howIf eelbutmyshoul der
sar eheav y
,mychest
i
st i
ghtandmyt hr
oatisdry.Itwast ooheavy.
“Youcant ellmeallaboutt
hebr aai.
”
Al
laboutt
hebr
aai
?
Ther
eisnothingtotell
othert
hanthefactthatI
hadbeensecretl
ywaiti
ngforhertoshowupt he
whol
edayunt il
Idrovehomewi t
haheav yheart.
Andnow,beforeIrecei
vedthi
scall
,shedidn’t
wanttohearanythi
ngf r
om me.
HowdoImaket
hingswor
kforbot
hofus?
HowdoImakeherf eel
thatIr
eal
l
yneedherin
myli
feandIreal
l
yfl
oppedbyendingthi
ngswi
th
hert
helastt
imeshewasinJoburgtoseeme.
Iwat
chasshewal kst
otheendoftheroom and
pi
ckstheket
tl
e.Shefi
ll
sitwit
hwaterandplugs
i
twhil
eprepar
ingthemugsforcoff
ee.Ther
e
ar
ealr
eadythreemugswithcoff
eestai
nsso
shehasbeenover
loadi
ngher
sel
fwi
thcaf
fei
ne
thewhol
eday.
“Ar
eyoureadyfortheexamst
hough?
”Iask.I
t
hasbeensi
lentforl
ong.
“
Wel
l
…I’
l
lber
eadyi
naweek.
”
“
Howl
ongar
eyouher
e?”
“Aboutthreeweeksandthereaf
terI’
ll
begone
forgood,”sherespondswit
houtacare.“ButI
am worriedaboutmysister
.Iam real
lyworri
ed
abouther .
”
“Whatiswr ongwit
hher?”Iask,
ignor
ingt
he
otherpartofherr
esponse.Shestar
esatmeas
i
fdecidingwhethertot
ellmeornot.
“Sheisstarti
ngtodependondr ugs.Coke,”she
respondsandt akesadeepestbreath.“It
hinki
t
hasev er
ythingtodowithmyi ssues.Theywere
toomuchf orher.Toomuch.Andshehasbeen
helpi
ngmesi nceshewasat eenager.
”
Toosad!
WhatdoIsay
?
“
Shewi
l
lbef
ine,
”Ir
espond.
“
Ibel
i
eveso.
”
Whenthecof
feei
sready
,shepassesmeone
mug.
“
Youmaket
heshi
tt
iestcof
fee,
”Isayandshe
l
aughs.
“Youarenott hefi
rsttoment ion.Gracebuy s
hercoffeewhenshecomest ot hissi
de.Ilove
mycof feethewayi ti
s,”sheresponds.Iwant
her.Iwantherbacki nmyl i
fe.Wewi l
l f
igur
ethe
restoutwhenwear etogether.Ijusthopethere
i
sr oom formei nherli
fe.Shel ookslikeshehas
mov edont houghandi ti
sn'tsitt
ingwel lwi
th
me.
“Iwastol
dyouwentonv acat
ionlastweek.
”I
clearmythr
oatbecauseIam obv
iouslyj
eal
ous.
Shestar
esatmeasi fshecanseethr
oughme.
Idon’
tstopaski
ngher,“
Howwasi t
?”
“
Myv
eryf
ir
st.I
twasper
fect
,”shesay
s.
“That’
s…great,
”Imumbl e.Ihavenoenergyt o
askifshewentwi thhernewboy fr
iendorwhat?
Istheresomeoneal r
eadyinherlif
e?May bethat
i
swhyshei nsi
stedthatwear eneverget
ting
mar r
iedwhenMar ia’
smot herasked.
NO.Shecannotbei
nanot
herr
elat
ionshi
p.
Iwanttoaskheraboutsomeoneel
sebei
ngi
n
herl
if
ebutIam dist
urbedbyaknockont
he
door
.
“
Ipr
omi
seIam r
eadynow,
”thev
oicesay
s.
“Gr
ace,
”shesay
swhil
ewalki
ngtot
hedoor.She
openst
hedoorandst
epsasi
desoherv
isi
tor
canent
er.
“
Iam r
eadynow.Revi
sedandreadyt
ogive
y
ou…”shestopst
alki
ngwhenshenoti
cesme
sit
ti
ngatthecorneroft
heroom -acupof
tast
elesscof
feewhichIdon’
tpl
antofi
nish.
“
HiGr
ace,
”Iwav
eather
.
“Uhm…hi…hiPhuti,
”shesays.“I
tisgoodtosee
youagain.
”Hereyesswaybet weenThuliand
me,evi
dentthatIam atopi
chereandi ti
sa
shocktofi
ndusinoner oom.
“Well
,I’
l
lgi
v eyouguyssomeroom tost
udy
.”I
caref
ull
yplacethecuponthetabl
eandwalkt
o
thedoor.“
Thuli,
I’
ll
seeyoutomorr
ow.”
“
Tomor
row?
”
“Forthet
hingi
e…t hecall
?”Isay.Thi
sisme
try
ingtogetclosert
oher .Iwil
lmaketr
ipsfr
om
myapar t
mentt oherroom justt
oseeherinthe
nameof' pr
ayer'
.
“Ahh…”Sheeyesherf r
iendandt hereaf
tersays,
“Fi
ne.Fi
ne.
”Sheobv i
ouslydoesn’twantmet o
saymore.Ofcourse,noonewi llunderstand
thatwehavetosi
tt ogethertowaitforthecall
f
rom someonewhoi
ssomewher
einVenda.
“
Alr
ight
,tomor
rowi
tis.
”
Walkingbacktomycar ,
Iam all
smi l
es.
Tomor r
owIhav eachancetosqueezeinmy
requesttobegivenanot
herchance.Maybe,
just
may be,shewi
llgiv
emer oom.

*
***
*

Ther estoft heweek,Iwentbackt oThul i

’sRes
forourmeet ingswit
hMar ia’smot her.Themor e
day swedot his,t
heeasi
eri tisgetti
ng.The
thi
rddayt hatIwasinThul i
'sroom, wej ustwent
straightt othecallandsincet hatday ,weall j
ust
stareatt hephoneandl i
stent oMar ia’smot her
prayf orusi npeace.Thatwoman’ sfaithis
somet hingel seIdon’
tunder stand.When
Njabul osai d,sheisgoi
ngt ogeti ntouchwi th
me, It houghtshewasgoi ngt oaskmewhatt he
problem i sandhel pmedeal withi t
.I nstead,
shet ellsGodwhati sgoi ngonwi tht hebot hof
us,andshepl eadswi thGodt ogi v eusanot her
chancei nl i
febecauseHehaspr omi sedust hat
Hecangi veuspeace.Shepl eadst hatHe
all
owsust oexper i
encei tandopenourhear ts
forforgiv eness.Fr om t hef i
rstday , shehas
beenpr ay i
ngf orthoset wot hings.I tisscar y
thatThul ihasbeenl essdefensi veandshe
doesn’ trollherey esbutj ustlistenswi thme.I ,
ontheot herhand, f eelli
ghterbyt heday .When
shet ellsust hatwear eonaj our neyandwe
must n’tlookback, Ifelteverywor dshet oldus.I
am st artingt obeliev eherwor ds.Whenshet ell
s
usthatGodal way sanswer sal l
pr ay er,Iam
start
ingt obel iev
eher .Youcannotdo
somet hingf orday si nar owandnotgetsome
l
ight.
Today,
Iam backatwor
kandIf
eelal
i
t t
le
fr
esher
.If
eelmuchbett
ert
hanhowIfel
tlast
week.Befor
et aki
ngmyaccount sbackfr
om
Deni
se,Iheadst r
aighttoNjabul
o.Hei
sinacal
l
whenIgetintohisof f
ice.
“Baby
,I’
l
lcal
lyouatl
unchhour
,”hesay
sbef
ore
hangi
ngup.
“Doyouev erworkory
ouareal
way
sonaphone
wit
hy ourwife?
”Iaskwhi
l
etaki
ngaseatathi
s
desk.
“Shehast
oknowImadeittoworki
nonepiece.
Oh,youwoul
dn’
tknowhowthatf
eel
sli
ke.You
j
ustneedtomar
ryandyou’
l
lknowhowitfeel
s.”
“
Youknowhowt
orubt
hesal
tont
hewounds.
”
“Thewoundsyoucreat
edyoursel
fbypl
ayi
nga
j
erk?Shemustn’
ttakeyoubackandmakeyou
sweatali
tt
le.
”
“Iam atyourof
fi
cesoIwon’
tswearatyou,
”I
say.I
nsteadIgiv
ehim ami
ddl
efinger
.
Hel
aughswhi
l
eget
ti
ngupf
rom hi
schai
rto
hanghi
sbl
azeront
hest
and.
“So,howwasy ourweekoff
?We
surv
ived…har
dly,
”hesays.
“I
twasgood,
”Ismi
l
e.“
Igott
oseeThul
i
ever
yday
.”
“
Ahhhh!
”Hegi
vesmeawi
desmi
l
e.
“Notwhatyouar
et hi
nki
ng,
”Icor
recthi
m bef
ore
hethi
nkstheworstofme.
“Thenwhatwer
eyoudoi
ngt
hewhol
eweek?
Together
?”
“Thefir
stdayy ourmother
-i
n-l
awcall
edme,I
wasinThul i
’sRessoshepr ay
edforthebot
hof
us.Sincethen,Ihavebeengoingt
here
every
day .
”
“Hol
dup.”Helaughs.“So,
youwenttoThul i’
s
Resforyourownbusinessandmymot herin
l
awcallsyou…andbothofy ouarest
ucki n
pray
erwithher?
”Inod.“Okay,i
tisasign.She
wasmeantt
ocal
lyouwheny
ouwer
ether
e.”
Ishakemyheadathi
m.“Wel
l…i
twasjustgood
ti
mingandIhav
ebeenseei
ngThul
iev
eryday
si
ncethen.
”
“
Okay,seemsli
kether
eisprogress.Idi
dn’
t
t
hinkThuli
wouldt
akethecall
s.Mar i
awasjust
t
ryi
ngherluck.
”
Ther
eispr
ogr
ess.
Igetonmyfeetandsay,“
Thankyouforget
ti
ng
hertodothi
s.I
tisbet
tert
hantal
king…andi
tis
worki
ng.
”
“Iam happyi
tishelpi
ngt
hebot
hofy
ou,
”he
sayswithasmile.
OnceIam backatmydesk,i
tdoesn’
ttakeme
l
ongtocatchuponmywor kandrunwi thi
t.
Twoproj
ects-onewit
hasoccerteam and
anot
heronewithanewmusicDJ.Thel att
eris
al
waysshift
edtome.Bytheendoftheday ,I
makemyf i
rstst
opatThul
i’
sResforourdai l
y
doseofprayer
.Twoknocksandsheopenst
he
doorforme.Asalway
sherroom i
smessywith
paperandmugsofcoffee.
“Looksli
kearoughday,
”Isaywhil
etakinga
seatonthebeanbedchairshehas.Okay,Iam
getti
ngtoocomfort
abl
ehereandsheal ways
rol
lshereyeswhenIdo.
“
Yeah!Ispentt
hemor
ningt
utor
ing.
”
“Areyousupposedtobet
utor
ingwhen
prepar
ingforexams?”
“
Theyaskedmeni
cel
ybuti
tisexhaust
ing.
”
“
Oh..y
ouhaveav er
ybeauti
fulhear
t,
”Iaskwi
th
asmil
ebutsheshakesherhead.
“Idon’t
.Iam doingi
tforMrNgwenya.Hegot
met hisjobsothisi
salit
tl
esomethi
ngtoshow
him Iappreci
ate.Di
dItel
lyouhej
usttol
dmy
bosst ohir
eme? ”
“
Wel
l
…youar
esmar
t.Hehadt
o.”
“Appar ent lyIam v erysmar t
,”shesay swhi l
e
headi ngt oherphonewhi chisnowr i
ngingon
thet abl e.“ Hel l
o.”Shelaughsatwhat ev erthe
otherper soni ssayi
ng.Hav ey ouev erwat ched
someonel aughgenui nelywi tht herestoft he
wor l
dbutdoesn’ tgi
vey out hesamel augh?I
feeljeal ousatwhoev eri
smaki nghert hishappy .
“Stopl y ingEdwi n.Youdon’ tmi ssme.Youl ove
wor kingal one. ”Edwin?Edwi n?“ Twoweeks.
Youdon’ tev enneedmet herebecausey oudo
thoseanal ysisinjusthour s.Yes.Iam wr iti
ngit
tomor row.MrNgweny asai dthesamet hing.”
Shel aughssohar dthatIshi ftont hisbean
chair.Iam nol ongercomf ortable.“Yousendt o
mypr ivat eemai l,I
’l
latt
endt oitbef oreIgot o
bed.You’ llgetmyemai lbeforey ougett othe
offi
cet omor row.Yes.Okay ,Iwoul dsayIdon’ t
needt hel uck…butt hanky ou.”
Aft
erhangingup,wi
ththeperf
ectsmi
lest
il
lon
herface,
shetypessomethi
ngonherphone.
Isthi
showt hemi ssedcal l
sf r
om Carolmade
herfeel
?IfyesthenIt otall
yunderstandhow
shereactedthatmor ning.Ifeell
i
keakni fei
s
stabbi
ngmychest .Li
ke, whoisthisfuckerwho
canmakehersmi leli
ket hi
s?
“
Whoi
sEdwi
n?”Icannothol
dmy
sel
f.
“TheEconomistIworkwi
thhim.Helikesl
ying
abouthowheneedsmeatt heoffi
ce.He
doesn’
tevenneedmeatall,
”shesaysstil
l
beaming.Hereal
lydoesmakehersmi l
e.
“Isee,
”Isay.Icoul
dn’
tgetmyselft
oaskif
somethingishappeni
ngbetweenthet
woof
them.Hecannotmakehersmi leli
ket
hisi
f
therei
sn’t
.
“Shoul
dwegett ot
hecall
?”Sheaskswhi
l
e
placi
ngherphonebackonthetabl
e.
“Sur
e,”Imumblewhi
l
eget
ti
ngMar
ia’
smot
her
onthephone.
Myhear
tisnoti
nthi
stodaybuti
thast
obe
done.

*
***
*

Iswear,t
hisEdwinnamemakesmesi ck!I
haven’
tgottentowipethatimageofMar ia
smili
ngathim outofmyhead.I tisWednesday
,
butIam sti
llst
uckatthatfuckersname.Idon’
t
evenknowhowhel ooksbutIhat ehi
m.
Wel l
, evenwi ththat,workneedstobedonesoI
headt omyst r
ategicmeet i
ngwithmyonecl ient
.
Deni seismyr ighthandwomen, soshei s
acrossmet akingnotes.Ifshekeepsherwor k
ont hisjob,shei sgoingf ar
.Ihar
dlygroom
coll
eaguesbutshei sahar dworker.Nowand
thensheput ssuggest iononthetable.Bythe
ti
mewel eav ethemeet ing,wearesuretobe
roll
i
ng.Whi l
epacki ng,togetreadytoleavethe
offi
ce, Ireceiveat extmessageformet ocome
i
nlatesi
nceshehasaSky
pemeet
ingf
rom
workunt
il16h30.
Withwho?Iaskmy selfasIheadtothepar
king
l
ot.See,toni
ght
,Iam gett
ingtothebott
om of
t
his.Idon’tl
i
kethi
sEdwi nguy.
Inst
eadofdr i
vinghomef i
rst,Ipar
kout sideher
Resandt exthertotellmeshei sdone.16h45
shet el
l
smet ocomei nbecauseshei sdone.
WhenIwal kintoherroom, sheisdressedi n
formalshir
tandbot t
om pyjamas.Ifeel ali
ttl
e
bettert
oknowt hati
treal
l
ywasawor kcall.
“
Howwast hemeet
ing?
”Iaskwhi
l
eget
ti
ngon
t
hechai
r.
“I
twasgreat.Iam runni
ngwi t
hthi
sot her
assi
gnmentsoIhadt obri
efthebigboss.She
i
saper f
ect
ionistsoshewant edtoknowt hatI
am ontr
ackandI ’
llbeabletohandle
ever
ythi
ng.
”
“
Alr
ight
,”Ir
espond.
“Canwegett oit?Ineedtost udyfor
tomorrow’spaper,
”shesay swhileunbuttoning
theshi
rt.Sheiswearingapi nkbrabutwhen
shenoticesmyey esonher ,shequicklycovers
upandhur ryt
othecl oset
.“Iam sosor ry
.Iam
sousedt oGrace.”Shepicksahoodi eandhur ry
outoftheroom andonl yret
ur nminuteslat
er,
changedintoay el
lowhoodie.
Whensheissettl
edonthebed,Ipul
lthechair
andplacei
tnexttobedandther
eaft
ercallour
past
oro’l
ady.
“Howlongisshegoingtodot
his?”Thulilaughs
butbefor
eIcouldanswer,
Mari
a’smot herpicks
thephone.Sheget
sdownt ot
hepr ay
er .
Doesn’tshegettir
ed?Ihaveaskedmy selfthis
questi
onaf ewt i
mes.Howcansheconsi stentl
y
dothiswithoutfai
lur
e?How?Icannotev enpr ay
fortenminutes.Thelastt
imeIlockedmy selfin
theroom, al
lIdidwasaskquestionsil
ently
.
Thiswomant al
ks,outl
oudlyandbodly.
Twent yminuteslat ershesay s,“Iwanty outo
star
tpr ay
ing.”Thuli st
aresatme.“ Cany oupr ay
outloudsot hatIcanheary ou? ”Tomysupr i
se,
Thuligoesaheadandmumbl esherpr ayer.Her
prayerisaimedathersi st
er.Idon’ tgetwor ds
outofmymout h.Idon’tknowhowt opr ay.
Minuteslater,Mar i
a’smot hercont i
nuest opray
foruswi t
houtf orcingustospeakoutl oud.
ThuliandIjuststar eateachot her.Iwi shshe
couldseehowmuchmyhear twant sher.Ili
ke
her,andIneedher .Shedoesn’ thav etowi pe
meoutofherl i
fe.
Ioweheranapol ogyf ornotunder standingwhy
shewassoi nsecured.Shehadev er
yr i
ghtt o
over-
reactwhenshesawCar ol’snamef lashon
myphonei nt hemi ddleoft heni ght.Carol andI
haveahi st
orytoget her.Idon’tev enknowhow
cl
oseshei st othi
sEdwi nguybutIhat ehim and
Iwishshedoesn’ thav eanyr elationswi t
hhi m.
“
AmenandAmen,
”Thul
iresponds.
“
Thanky
ou,
”Isay
.
“
Ma,howlongarewegoi
ngtodothi
s?”Thul
i
j
umpsinbefor
eIcoul
dhangup.
“
Unt
ily
oust ar
tprayi
ngforyour
self,
”Mari
a’
s
mot
herresponds.Shedoesn’
tlaugh.“
Cal
lme
t
omorr
ow. ”
“
Thanky
ou,
”Ir
espondbef
oreIhangup.
“
Thesooneryoust
artpray
ing,
thesoonershe
wi
ll
letusgo,
”Thul
isays.
“
Get
ti
ngr
idofme,
huh?
”
“
Ofcour
se.Iwantmyl
i
feback.
”
Herl
i
febackwi
thoutmei
nit
.
“Iwantyoubackinmyl i
fe.Iam sorr
yfor
chasingyouaway.Iknowt hatyouhatemeso
muchbutpl easej
ustgiv
emet i
metoprove
my sel
ftoyou?Idon’
tli
keseei ngyouwith
anyoneelse.”
“
Youhav
enev
erseenmewi
thsomeoneel
se.
”
“
IsawhowEdwi
nmakesy
oul
augh…andIhat
e
i
t.
”
“
Edwi
n?Myboss?
”Shel
aughs.“
Oh,
no.
”
“Idon’tcarebutIdon’tli
keseeinghi
m making
yousmi le,
”Isaywhilegetti
ngonmyf eet.Her
wateryey esdrawmet oher.Ir
espondtothem
butleaningtothebedsoIcoul dgetclosert
o
her.
“
Whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
”
Shi
t!Thi
sisawrongmov
eforsomeonewho
hasbeeninadar
kwhenmentookadvant
ageof
her
.
“Iam aski
ngt hatIki
ssyou?Iwoul dli
ketokiss
your i
ghtnow,”Isay.Whil
emaki ngsurethatI
am notov er
steppingmyboundar y,Imoveclose.
Ihavemast eredreadi
ngpeople’semotionfrom
howt hei
reyesspeak.Shei sal
rightsoImov e
closersoIam closeenoughtodr opmyl i
pson
her.Shehasn’tsaidanyt
hingelse.Shehasn’t
gi
v enmeconsentsoIdon’tsmashherl ipsbut
sti
llmov ecl
oser
.“Iwantt
oki ssyouThuli.
”She
bl
inksaf ewtimesandbecauseshei sn’
t
pushingmeaway ,Igostr
aightforherli
ps.They
arewar m.Verywarm.Icl
osemyey esand
continuetoki
ssher.
“
But
…”shet
ri
est
osay
.
“
Shhhhhh…”Imumbl
ebef
oreki
ssi
nghersome
more.
“
Wear
e…”
“Shhhhhh!
”Thisti
meshedoeski ssmeback.
WhenIopenmyey estoseeifsheisful
l
yin…I
fi
ndhersclosedsoIclosemineagainand
conti
nuetofeell
hersweetl
ipsonmi ne.
“Phut
i…”shewhi
spersbutherbodyisrel
axed
andsheissti
l
lpant
ing.Herl
ipstoocloseto
minetotel
lmeshestil
lwantsmore.
“
Shhhh!
”
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE21(
Unedi
ted)

THULI

“Shhhhhh!
”Idon’tevenknowwhenIcl
osedmy
eyes.Phut
i’
sli
psar esoft
.Sof
tert
hant
heti
me
wekissedthelastti
me.
Oh,l
astti
me.Lastt i
meIhaddemonscr awl
ing
i
nmyheadandi tdidn’
tendverywel
l
.Asmuch
asIam enjoy
ing,Idon’
twantthosef
acesto
st
artappeari
ng.
“Phuti
…”Iwhispersothatwecouldstopbefor
e
i
tturnsbad.Ialsowanthimtoknowt hatt
his
momentdoesn’ tchangethefactt
hatIam mad
athim.Mybodyf ai
l
smeasi tgoesnumbandI
fi
ndmy sel
fgettingwet.
Hegiv
esmeaf ewsecondstopul
lawayand
whenIdon’
t,
hewhisper
s,“
Shhhh!
”
Justahissfr
om him andIam soaki
ngwet.
Veryver
ywetliketheti
mesIgetwhenr eadi
ng
thosebooksfrom Gr
ace’sbookshel
f.
Hist ongueisinmymout h,shakingmebackt o
reali
ty.Nodemons.Nof acesf rom thosemen.
Nosmel lofsweatbutIwantust ost opsothat
wedonotgett here.Iputmysweat ypalmsand
sli
ght l
ypushhim away-myhandsandmout h
doingt heopposi
te.Luckily
, Phutigetsthe
message.Hepul l
shislipsawayf r
om mi neand
staresdownatme.
“Iam sor
ry.Igotcar
ri
edaway,
”hesays,st
il
l
searchi
ngmyey esforsomet
hing.“
Ishoul
dn’
t
have.”
Iam gladhedid.Iam gl
adhekissedme.Itwas
nice.Imanagedtostopitbef
orethosegr
oss
facesstar
tedinvadi
ngmyhead.
“
It
’sokay
.”
“Youwantedt
osaysomet
hing,
”Phut
isay
s.“
I
am sor
ry.
”
“Uhm…west il
lneedtotalk,
”Isay .Phut
igets
from thebedsohecoul dst andfarawayf r
om
thebed.Hel ooksscared.“Iam okay.Iam not
madaboutt hekiss.”Herelaxesjustabit.“I
enjoyedit
.”
“Youdid?”Themansoundsli
kehejustwona
j
ackpot.“Idi
dbuti
tdoesn’
twipeaway
ever
ythingyoudi
dtome.”
“
Iknow.Ofcourse.”Heclearshi
sthroat
.“Let
meleavey
out oyourstudiesandI’
l
lseey ou
t
omorrow,r
ight?”
“Uhm!Yes!Perfect
.Thankyou,”Ir
espondwhil
e
gett
ingupfrom thebedtowalkhimtothedoor.
Heleadsthewayandwhenheget stothedoor.
Heforgetsabouttheapol
ogieshemadea
minuteagoanddr ophismouthtopeckmylips
-justl
i
kehedidwhenIwasi nhiscarbefor
ethe
wholedramaofhim goi
ngAWOLandIl eav
ing
toMPf oraj
ob.Justli
kethatpeckonmyl i
ps.
“I
’l
lseeyoutomorrow.And,
weshalltalkthen,”
hesaysbeforewalki
ngoutofthedoor.My
heart
sisjumpingoutofmychestasIr ecal
lthe
ki
ss.Forthefi
rstt
imeinmylif
e,Ienj
oy edit
.
Ipickmyphoneandmakeanappoi ntmentwit
h
DrVanessa.Weneedt otal
k.Ispeci
fi
call
yask
fortheSatur
daythe28t hbecauseI’
ll
bedone
withmyexams.Thel astthingIwantisgoingto
meetwi t
hherandIgetdi st
ractedwit
hmy
schoolwork.Inevergetusedtothesessions
withher.
IshutPhutioutofmymindsoIcoul
dcont
inue
studyi
ng.Theprobl
em nowist
hatDi
neois
sneaki
ngintomyhead.
Itpai
nsmesomucht hatshei
sgoingt
hrough
allt
heset
hingsbecauseofme.Itwoul
dn’
thel
p
tofor
cehertot
alkt
omewhenIam wr
it
ingmy
exams,shewoul
dn’
t.
‘
Howi sshedoi
ngt
oday?”It
extMuof
hewhoi
s
keepi
nganeyeonherf
orme.
‘
Sheisal
ri
ght.Wearenottal
ki
ngaboutthe
i
ssueunt
ilshei
sreadytodoso.’
-Muofhe.
‘
Howar eYOUhol dingup?’Iask,
becauseIhav
e
l
earntt
hatittherestofthepeoplear
oundyou
whoalsosuffert
hemostwheny ougoing
t
hroughalot.Iti
sn’tj
ustyou.
‘
Iam playi
ngt hedetect
ivenow.Always
checki
ngherj acket
sandbagswhenshecomes
backseveryday.Allt
hetimewhenshesl eeps.
Othert
hant hat,Iam al
ri
ght.Iam doi
nggreat.
’-
Muofhe.
‘
Thanky
ouf
ort
aki
ngcar
eofher
.’
I
ttakesev
ery
thi
nginmet
oputev
ery
thi
ng
behi
ndmeandstudy.
Iam neveracross-
nighter
.OnlywhenGr ace
i
nsistst
hatIstayupwi t
hherandst udy.Iam
doingmyr ev
isi
onsbymeansofanswer ingold
questi
onpapersjusttoseeifIam preparedto
tackl
eallt
hesubjects.
Iam r
eadyt
otackl
eal
lthequest
ionpaper
s.
“IsawhowEdwi nmakesy oul augh…andIhat e
i
t,”Phuti’
swordsringinmyhead.Igetf rom my
chairandlaughhardasIwal kt owar dsmymi ni
tableforacupofcof fee.Howcoul dhethink
Edwi nandIhavesomet hi
nggoi ngon?ButIam
start
ingtoquesti
oni fEdwinhaschanged
towar dsmebecausehei sstar t
ingt ohave
feeli
ngsforme.Nev er.Edwi nandIar ejust
fri
ends.Supervi
sorandj unior.Of fi
ceromance
hasnev erworkedforme.Thel astpersont hat
hadasuccessf ulone…isMrandMr sRas
everybodycall
sthem.Ihav enoi deahowt heir
relat
ionshi
pisorifitsurvi
ved.Ihav enoi dea.
ButwhatIknowi st hatoffi
cer omanceendsi n
tear
s.Imaginedatingyourboss,whomi ghtend
upfall
inginlovewithyourcol
league?IfI
coul
dn’tdatefrom thesameschool, whatabout
thesameof fi
ce?Itwouldneverwor kforme.
Never.ButitwasfunnyhowPhut icouldbe
i
ntermediatedbymyboss.
Mysmilet
urnssourwhenIr
emembert
hatour
chal
l
engessti
l
lstand.
Thedi
stance.
Mytrusti
ssues-whichIcoul
dworkont
hem of
cour
seifPhutiassur
eshisl
ovef
orme.
Mypl ans?Ihadpl annednevertosetfooti
n
GautengonceIf inishmyappointmentswithDr
Vanessa.Relocatingwill
bepartofmyt herapy.I
wantt obeasf arawayf r
om everyoneas
possible.Iwanttostartanewlifeformyself
.

*
***
Twoweekslat
erandIam onmylastpaper.
Todayi
spensdownandIam looki
ngforwardt
o
i
t.
“Forgi
veness.Peace.Gi
vemepeace,”Imumble
asIgetadeskatt hebackrow.Ial
wayspick
thelastr
owsot hatIcansneakoutoftheroom
aftert
heexams.
“Forgiveness! ”Imumbl e.ThewayMar i
a’s
mot herforcesPhut iandIt opray ,
hereIam
mumbl i
ngherwor ds.IfPhut iwasn’ tstubborn
aboutlear ningt oprayf orhimsel f?Shewoul d
havest oppedherhour l
yphonecal l
s.Iam
starti
ngt ot hinkPhuti,ev enwhenhedeni es,i
s
doingitintent ionalsothathef i
ndsanexcuset o
spendanhourwi thmeev er
yday .Mar i
a’s
mot herissomet hi
ngel se.See, IwishIhadf ait
h
l
ikeher s.Scr atchthat,Iwi shIhadt i
mel ikeshe
does.Ti met ospendanhourwi thtwost rangers
shedoesn’ tev enknow…j usttopr ayf orthem
becauseitisther ightthi
ngt odo.Ist opped
chall
engingherf aithwhenshet oldmeshe
doesn’tcar
ewhatIbel i
evein-al lsheisdoingis
praytoherGod.Whet herIbeliev edinhim or
not,shewillpray.Iusedt ogot ochur chwith
Mom andDi neo.Ev enafterthewhol ething
star
ted,Iusedt ogot ochur ch.Butsoon, whenI
star
tedunder standingwhatGodi smeanttodo
forme, t
helesserIwentt ochur ch.Iendedup
notgoingthereany more.ButwhenMar i
a’s
motherspeaksofhi m -Ifeel whatIusedt ofeel
whenIwasy ounger .Thatexci tementofgoi ng
toSundayschool tomeetmyf riendsandshow
them mynewdr ess.
“Hey,hey
…Iam sitt
ingbackheretoday
,”Gr
ace
dist
urbsmef r
om myt hought
s.“
Ihaveagood
feel
ingaboutt
hispaper.”
“Goodtohear
,”Isaywhil
esitt
ingupstr
aight
andli
ningmypensont hetabl
e.Account
ing3B.
Iti
sn’
tawalkinthepar
kbutIhav edone
exer
ciseswit
hpastquest
ionpaper
s,dat
ing
backtofouryear
sago.
Theinv
igi
l
atort
akest
hemi
cfr
om hert
abl
eand
get
sonherfeet
.
“Goodl
uck.I
fyoufini
shfir
st,
don’
tleav
eme,”I
saytoGr
ace.Thatscoresmeawidesmi l
e.
“Don’
tfool
me.Youar
egoi
ngt
ofi
nishf
ir
st,
”she
says.
“
Arewegoingoutfori
cecream?Ihav
eadat
e
wi
thPhut
itoni
ght,
”Isay.
“Shhhhh!”Thei nvigil
atorhi
ssesont hemi c.
Whyam Ismi li
ngl ikeafool?Graceshr ugsat
mef ormyr eact i
on-ofcour seIdidn’ttell
her
aboutthekiss.Wehav ebothbeenbusywi th
examst obet alkingaboutboy sandki sses.
“Thisi
sy ourlastpaperf ortheyear.Pleaseput
awayy ourphonesandy ourbags.”Sher ecit
es
therul
esandt ell
suswehav et
hreehour st o
fi
nishourpaper .
Thisis!Possi
blymyl astexam i
nthi
scoll
ege.
Probablymyl astweekinGauteng.Mylast
chancet ogiv
emyl ect
ureaheadachewhenhe
doesn’tunderstandhowImanagedt oaceyet
anotherpaper.
Asalway s,Iam oneofthosewhoar eexcused
aft
ertwohour s.Ahundr edpercenti
snot
guaranteedbutGr acegi
v esapuppyfacewhen
shenot i
cesmepacki ngmypensi nt
omypenci l
case.Sheknowswher etof i
ndmeaf terher
paper.Ipickmyschool bagf r
om thefloorand
hurr
youtoft heaudi t
ori
um.
Ihaveanhourbef oreGr acecomescompl ai
ning
aboutthepaper,soIcrosst hesoccerf i
eldto
gettotheFacultybuil
ding.IheadstraighttoMr
Ngweny a’
soffi
ce.Asal way s,
hei si
nhi soff
ice,
markingscri
pts.Ihadtoknockt wotimesonhi s
hal
fopeneddoorbef orehenot i
cesthathehas
avisi
tor.
“
Doneal
ready
?”Heasksaf
terconf
ir
mingt
he
t
imeonhi
swat
ch.
“
Itshoul
dn’
tbeasupri
se,”Isaywi
thal
augh.
“
Doy ouneedext
rahands?”
“Notwheny
ouaresupposedtobegoi
ngt
othe
pensdownpar
ty.Ihear
dther
eisonet
oni
ght
.”
“
Ihav
enev
erbeenaf
anoft
hose.
”
“
Youknowy
ourl
i
feshoul
dhav
eabal
ance,
r
ight
?”
“
Ihav
ebet
terpl
ans,
that
’swhy
.”
“
Gladt
ohear
.”
“Sir
,Icametotel
lyouthatIappreciateyour
helpwithev
eryt
hing.Thankyouf or
recommendingmet othatjob.Iam lovi
ngit
.”
“Ihaverecei
vedcompliment
sfr
om Edwi
n.The
scient
ist
.Healsothankedmefor
recommendingyou.”
“
Hedi
d?”
“
Hedid.Ihear
dy ouar
emaki ngqui
tean
i
mpressi
onthere,Mi
ss.Iknewyouweregoi
ng
t
orock.”
“
Thanky
ou,
Sir
.”
“Wheneveryoucomear
ound,pl
easel
etme
knowsot haty
oucancomeinandmotiv
atemy
newstudents?
”
“
Me?
”
“Yes.Maybey ougivethem yoursecretsin
economicanal ysi
s.Yourteam di
dgr eat.Pl
ease
don’tmentionittoanyone…buty ourteam did
greatanditbecauseofy ourl
essons.So, you
mustcontinuesheddingt hel
ighteverywhere
yougo.”
Icannothel
pbutsmil
ethatIwasablet
ohel
p
j
ustaf ewpeopl
e.Sev
enisagreatnumbert
o
workwi t
h.
Bytheti
meIleav
eformyr oom,Phutihas
al
readysentmeatextmessagethatIshoul
d
dressupwar mf orourdat
e.Iwonderwhathe
hasinst or
eforus.Butwhateveri
tis,
mustbe
fun.Iagreedtomeet i
ngwithhimtoni
ghtso
thatIcangospendaf ewdayswithmysist
er
beforeleavi
ngforMpumal anga.
Asusual ,Gracecomesi ntocomplai
nabouta
cert
ainchapt er.I
tistheonethatIal
sospend
moret i
meon, soIdonothav emucht osay
aboutit.Whenshegi vesmeahugandt ell
sme
nottobeast ranger,
IknewthatIhadtowor k
onmyf ri
endshipwithherasmuchasshedoes.
So,Ipromi sednottobeast r
anger.
“Call
met
oni
ghtandt
ell
meal
labouty
our
date.
”
“Iwi
ll
,
”Ismil
eatherbef
oresher
ushestopack
awayherl
if
ebefor
eherfat
herpi
cksherup.I
wil
lbedoi
ngthesameinafewdays.
Atsixt
hir
ty,Phut
itel
lsmeheisatt
hegat
e.I
havebeenreadyforhour
snow,soIpi
ckmy
back-
packandhurrytomeethim.Beforedri
ving
outofcampus,hetell
smet hatwearegoingto
watchamov i
e.Thelastti
mewehadamov i
e
date,
heendedupr unni
nghomesot hisisto
maket hi
ngsupforme.
I
nsteadofdri
vi
ngustothemal
l,
het akesa
dif
fer
entt
urntoasubur
bIdon’
tknow.I nj
usta
fewminuteshest
opsatahugefi
eld-l
i
keplace.
“
Hereweare,
”hesay
s.“Themov i
estar
tsi
n….”
Hegl
ancesathi
swatch,“
…in…t
wentyminut
es.
”
“
Out
doormov
ie?
”IaskwhenInot
iceaboar
dat
t
hegat
e.“
Howsweet.
”
“Let
’sgetsomethingtoeat ,
”hesay swhi l
e
j
umpi ngoutofthecar.Hewal kstowher eIam
andtakesmyhand, l
eadingmet otheki osk.For
thefi
rstti
me,Ifeell
ikehisgirl
fr
iend.Hepi cksa
bott
leofwine,hotdogsf orthebothus, andall
sort
sofsnacksandj uice.Theguybehi ndt he
shel
fgiveshim apicnicbasketandt el
l
sust o
pi
ckt
heper
fectspot
.
Hewasr i
ghtaboutmehav ingtodr esswar mly.
Iti
sabi tchi
llyandt hatexplainstheblanket s
thehav eoneachandev erypicnicspot.Phuti
all
owsmet opickt hespot .JustlikeIdowi th
myexamsspot ,Ipi
ckt heonef arawayf r
om the
others.Onewher ei
twoul dn’tbeapr oblem if
youwantt osneakaway .Youcoul ddoso
withoutdist
urbingany one.Iset t
leont hepill
ow
whilePhutidoest hesame.Hegoesst rai
ghtto
getti
ngusgl assesofwi newhi l
eIgof ormy
hotdog.Ihav ebeent ooexci t
edt ohavel unch
today.
“
Ididn’
tknowy
ouwerearomanti
c,”Isaywhi
l
e
r
eceivi
ngabot
tl
eofj
uicef
rom hi
m.
“Icanbeonei fIwantto.”Hefl
ashesmeawide
smile.Phut
iisquit
eahandsomeman…r eal
ly
.
NowIknowwhyIf ellinlovewit
hhim.Hehas
themostbeaut i
fulheartandevenwhenhe
wasn’tashandsomel ikeProfNgwenya,
hewas
hot.Heistooconsi
der
ate.Ver
y,v
ery
consider
ate.
“Whichmoviedi
dyoupick?”Iask.Hehasn’
t
sai
danythi
ngaboutthemov i
e.Ahugescreeni
s
i
nfrontofus.Onl
yadvert
sareshowing.
“
Lov
eint
heSky
,”her
esponds.
“
Ahopel
essr
omant
ic,
”Il
augh.
Thepi
cni
cspotsareget
ti
ngfull
erbyaminut
e.
Themovi
eistostar
tinf
iveminutesnow.
“
Younai
l
edy
ourpaper
,di
dn’
tyou?
”
“
Obv
ious.
”
“
So,
whati
snext
?”
“Iam l
eavi
ngforMpumalangainthr
eedays.I
am goingtospendt
woday swit
hmysisterand
Ialsohaveanappoi
ntmentwit
hDrVanessa.”
“
Howar eyoufeel
ing,
lat
ely
?WithMar
ia’
s
motheri
nter
fer
ingwit
hyour…oh…wi
thour
l
iv
es?”
“
Ihavebeendoinggreat
,”Isaywi
thouteven
t
hinki
ng.BecauseImeanit.If
eel
great.If
eel
l
i
keIhav ethr
ownmybur dentoher.
“Icansayt hesame,”her esponds.“Sheonly
dealswiththepositivi
tyonlythatyouendupnot
havingachoi cebuttobeposi ti
ve.
”Iagreewith
hisstat
ement .“Forthefi
rstti
mei nforever
,Iam
notgoinghomet hi
sweekendandIdon’ tfeel
guil
ty.I
sn’titfunny
?”
Wow!
“
So,
whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
hisweekend?
”
“
Iam t
aki
ngy
oubackt
oMpumal
anga,
”hesay
s.
Themov iestartsbutPhutiandIarestil
l st
ari
ng
eachot her.IthoughtIwasgoi ngtotel
l himthat
thismightnotwor kbutthehopeIseei nhis
eyes…t i
esmyt onguefrom sayingt
heexact
wor dsIhadr ehearsedonceIwasget t
ingready.
Instead,Iask,“Howar ewegoi ngtomakei t
wor k?IfyouandIar egoingt obetogether?”
“
Iam goingtodri
vet
oyouever
yFri
dayand
l
eaveeveryMondaymorni
ngunl
essyoudon’
t
wantmet her
e.”
“
Ever
yweekend?
”
“Excepttheweekendsyouwil
lcomet
hissi
det
o
seey oursi
ster
sandfri
ends.
”
Themov i
ehasst
art
edbutwehav
en’
tpay
edany
at
tent
ion.
“
WhataboutCar
ol.
”
“
Nooney
oumustwor
ryabout
.”
“
Thatl
i
ne.
”
“Takemywor d.Iwouldn’
taskf
oryourchance
andblowitoverafuck.Wewerefriendswi
th
benefi
tsbutwearenot hi
ngnow.”
“
Isee.
”Idr
inkf
rom thewi
negl
ass.“
Doy
ou
t
hinkwewil
lwork?
”
“
Ifwebot
hagr
eet
omakei
twor
k?Yes.
”
“
Wel
l
…I’
l
lagr
eei
ncondi
ti
ont
hat
…”
“
Namet
hem!
”
“
Yout
alkt
omeev
ery
day
.Al
lthet
ime.
”
“
Done.
”
“
Youtel
lmethetr
uthaboutyourf
eeli
ngs.Ev
en
i
fyoudon’
twantme,you’
l
ltel
lme.”
“
Never.”Iwi
denmyeyes.“
ImeanI’l
lnevernot
wanttobewithy
ou.ButIwil
lbet
alkaboutmy
f
eeli
ngsallt
heti
me.”
“
Youwi
l
lst
opt
hisr
omant
icbul
lshi
t.Ihat
eit
.”
“
No.I
’
llt
eachy
out
olov
eit
.”
Wehaven’
tevenstart
edwatchi
ngt
hemovie
whi
chwepaidfor.Idon’
tev
enseeour
sel
ves
wat
chi
ngit.
“
Iwon’
tstopt
hisr
omanti
cnonsense.I
’
llt
each
y
outolov
eit,
”her
epeat
s.
“
Okay
,deal
,
”Isaywhi
l
egi
vi
nghi
m myhandt
o
shake.I
nst
ead,
hegi
vesmeapeckonmyl
i
ps.
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE22

PHUTI

Sheismi nenow, t
hisgirl
.Thisstubbor ngir
l.I
stealt
helastglanceofherandt rytof ocuson
themov i
eont hescreen.Ishouldn’thav e
wastedourt i
mebybr ingingushere.Weshoul d
havejustorderedusfoodandchat tedinthecar.
Wear ealmosthalfwayt othemov ieandwedo
notevenknowwhyt hemani schasingaf t
erhis
woman.
“
Doy
ouwannagetoutofher
e?”Iask.
“Let
’sfi
nishthedoorfi
rst
,”shesay
sandgiggles.
Okay,Iagree.Theyhav
ethebestbakedsnacks
andwecannott
aket
hebasketwi
thus.
So,thisisit
.Wear eoffi
ciall
ydati
ng.Ipromise,
my self
,thatIwon’tmesst hi
sup.Ijustneedto
fi
ndt hi
ngst othi
nkaboutwhenIcr av
esex.
Aft
ercor neri
ngherwi t
hthatkiss,wit
hout
thi
nking,Ineedtot hi
ngsrightandnothurryus
i
nanyway .
AsmuchasIt r ytofocusonthemov ieandpick
upthepieces, Icannotseem toconcentr
ate
wit
hThulismi lingbesideme.Hersmi l
eis
sweet.Hergiggl estur
nmeon.I fthi
ngsweren’t
howtheyar e,Iwasgoi ngtotakeherhomeand
makeherf eelgood.
Imustj
ustf
orget
.
“Whatarey
out hinki
ngabout?”Thul
iasks.The
ai
risfi
ll
edwithlaughterf
rom Thul
iandtherest
oft
hepeople.DidImi sssomethi
ng.
“Iam nott
hinki
ngaboutany
thi
ng,
”Iqui
ckl
ysay.
Shejustgavemeachance-howcanIscareher
bytel
li
ngheraboutmywi
l
dthought
s?Not
happeni
ng.
“
Youar
enotwatchi
ngt
hemov
ie,
”shesay
s
whi
l
egiggl
i
ng.
“Uhmmm. .
”Myeyeswereonthescreenbut
defi
nit
elymi
ssedt
hejoke.Hence,
every
onebut
meislaughi
ng.
“
Let
’sgetoutofher
e,”shesay
s.
“No.Youareenjoyingthemov i
e.Iam havi
nga
greatt
ime,watchingyou,”Isay
.Shesmi l
esat
meandt her
eafterfocusesonthemov ie.
PromisesarepromisesandImeanti
twhenI
tol
dThuliIneedachancetoprovemysel
ftoher
-Iwon’tmessthingsup.
Iam goi
ngtoseeherev er
yweekend.Oops!
Amendment-ev er
yweekendwhenIam notin
Limpopo.Well,Iam notpl
anningongoi
ngther
e
ever
ymont hlikeIusedto.Forthef
ir
stt
imein
l
ikefor
ever,Iam goingtoli
stentomycousi
n.I
am goingtotryandli
veal i
tt
le.Notpretending
toli
vealitt
lebyspendingmyent i
ret i
me
workingandmaki ngmoney ,butl
ivealitt
le.
Thulii
sdonewi thschoolunti
lnextyearifshe
deci
dest ofur
therherstudi
es.Shei sgoingto
havetimetoo.Enought i
met omakeuswor k.
Whenmyphonev i
brat
esf rom themat ,Ialr
eady
knowwhoi scal
li
ng.Njabulo’smot heri
nl aw.I
textherbackandtoldhert hatThuliandIwer e
watchingamov i
e,inpublic.Idon’tevenknowi f
sheunderstandswhatImeanbutshedoesn’ t
callagai
norleavea‘Pleasecall me’.
I
sn’
titcrazyhowsheoper at
es?Ididment i
oned
i
ttoNjabulothatIam gr
atef
ul f
orhercall
s.
Whathement ionedwasthatifshecouldhelp
hi
m,thenshewascapabl eoff i
xi
ngallt
he
worl
d’sprobl
em.
Ibel
i
evehi
m now.
Iam notasai
ntbutherwor
dsar
esowi
set
hat
youstartseei
ngt hi
ngst heway ,shedoes.She
i
snev ernegati
ve.Ev enwhenThul i
toldhershe
wishedthosemenwhor apedhermustdi e,she
tol
dThul i
notburdenher selfwithwhatt he
cri
minalsdeserve.Theywi llpaytenfoldsfor
theharmt heydi
d.I fshewasn’ tanelder,Thul
i
mightnothav el
istened.Ormay beitthefact
thatcommandspeacebef oreshespeaks.
Oh, t
hefunniestthingt hatIlearntabouther
wast hatshepray edforMar iaandNj abulotobe
together
.Ikidyounot .Nj abulosaidhewasi n
thecarwi t
hMar iawhent hathappened.When
Mar i
a’smotherfor cedherdaught ertoprayfor
themanshewant s.Andt hemanshewant ed,
shegott heend.Funny ,Iknow.ButIam st ar
ti
ng
tobeliev
eittrue.Sot ruet hatIwast empt edto
askhert oprayforThul i’
shear ttoreceivemy
plea.Thankgoodnessi tdi dn’
tgettot hat
.
Anhourl
ater
,themovieisfi
nishedandIdidn’
t
ev
enwatchhalfofi
t.Thuli
caughtitl
atebutshe
wasabletoconnectthedot
s.Ever
yonebutme
i
scracki
ngupast heygetupfr
om thei
rpi
cni
c
mats.
“SeewhyIalway
spi
ckt
helastr
ow?”Thul
iasks
aswemakeourwaytotheki
osktodr
opthe
picni
cbasket
.
“Youarev erysmar t
,”Irespond,earni
ngar ol
lof
eyesfrom her .Wewer ethethirdtoleavethe
parki
ngl otandsincewear efull
,Iaskifshe
wouldlikesomesoupori cecream.Icecream
wonbutatf ir
stshewasconf used.Sheisthe
onlywoman, Iknow, wholovessoup.Idr i
veus
togeticecr eam beforeparki
ngout sideherRes.
“Ithi
nkDineoi savoi
dingme, ”shesaysafter
try
inghersister’
sphone.Shehadbeent ry
ing
herphonesi ncewel ef
ttheout doorci
nema.
“Whethershel i
kesitornot,Iam goingtoher
apartmenttomor r
owmor ni
ngandwel eaveI
’l
l
l
eav eforMPonSundaynoon. ”
“
We.
”
“
Huh?
”
“
Wel
eav
eforMPonSunday
.”
“Wher eyouseri
ous? ”Sheaskswhi l
elaughi
ng.
Whenshest opslaughing,shestar
esatmeand
al
l Iseeinhereyesisdoubt .Idonotblameher
.
HowdoIbl ameherwhenIhav eonce
disappearedonhert helastti
me?
“
Iwasseri
ous.I
’
lldr
iveyoubacktowork.I
fyou
wantt
ohostme,I’
ll
sleeptheni
ghtandwakeup
f
orworkonMondaymor ni
ng.”
“Youwer esupposedt oseey ourmother
.Why
don’tyougot herewhileIspendaweekendwith
Dineo?Thatway ,y oucantell
yourcousi
nthat
youf oundyourselfagirl
fr
iendandshewill
be
sharingyouwi t
ht hem?”
“Ri
ght?”Inodather.MaybeIcandr i
v eupto
Limpopoandseehowt hi
ngsar ebeforeIst
art
thi
snewl i
fethatIhaveenvi
sioned.Lifet
hatI
shoul
dhav
eli
vedf
orages.
“Whatdoyouthi
nk?
”SheaskswhenIhav
en’
t
sai
danythi
ngbutst
areather
.
"
I’
ll
goseemymot hert
omorr
owandSunday
morni
ng,I
’l
lbebacktotakey
out
o
Mpumalanga.
”

*
***
*

Imighthav eov ersoldmy selfaboutt he

romanticthingsIpr omisedIwi l
lnotstopdoing.
Theguy s,MrRandNj abulo,laughsatmewhen
Iposedt hequest iontothem af terameet i
ng
thi
smor ning.ItisaSat urdaymor ni
ngandI
agreedtojoinedt hem forameet i
ngIleavefor
Limpopo.Theydi dgivemeaf ewpoi nt
ersthat
mightinhandy .Sur pri
segifts.Ev er
yhourphone
call
s.Fl
ower sar eamust-i tdoesn’ tmatt
erif
shedoesn’ tl
ikethem; thegest uremeans
somethingasl ongasIdeliv
erthem ongood
days.Shopping.Thelisti
sendl
essbutknowing
Thuli
,mylistmi ghtbeali
ttl
eshort
.
Jeez!
Ididn’tknowwhatIwasmi ssing.Thisfeel
ing.
Thishear t-
war mingfeeli
ng.Evenwhenshei sn’
t
nexttome, Ifeelso….Idon’tknowhowt o
explainit.Okay,ri
ght,Thuli
andIl abel
ledour
rel
ationshipbef orebutthi
stimei ti
sso
dif
ferent.Thist i
me, i
tfeel
srealandIam v ery
suret hatIwil
l notmesst hi
ngsup.
ThewayIal wayssaythatl
i
ne,Iam st
arti
ngto
bescaredthatImightendupdoingexactl
y
whatIam prayi
ngnottodo-messup.
Ihavebeendri
vi
ngforhours,smileonmyf ace
buttheminut
eItur
ntot hestr
eetthatleadsto
myhouse, mysmil
edisappears.Iknowwho
dri
vesthatbr
ownbakkiethatisparkedoutsi
de
mygat e.
AsItur
ntowardsmygate,Ifeel
ast
ingi
ngpai
n
i
nmypal ms.Idi
dn’
treal
iseIwasgr
abbi
ngon
thest
eeri
ngwheelt
ightl
y.
Myhear tst opsr acingwhenInot i
cewhati s
actuall
yhappeni ngi nmyy ard.NtateLeroleis
sit
ti
ngundert het ree,hiswi febesidehim.That
boy,mybr other,appar entl
y ?Thatonet hat
l
ooksl i
kemei splay i
ngsoccerwi thmynephew.
Mymot heri salsosi tt
ingwi ththem, Kamo
besideher .Mynephewt r
iest okickaball
towardst heot herboybuthemi sses,causing
everyonet olaugh.Ofcour se,excludi
ngmy
mot her.
Thisi
s….unbel
ievabl
e.OnlywhenIdri
veinsi
de
thegat
e,doesthepartyst
ops.Idon’
tknowif
thi
siswhathappenswhenIam notaround,ori
f
Kamoinvit
edthem becauseiti
sthel
ast
weekendofthemonthandsheknewImi ghtbe
cominghome?
Iwonder
.
IgetmyanswerwhenKamoget supandstar
ts
walkingtowhereIam parked.Shel
ooks
stunnedlikeshedidn’
texpectmehome.Her
sonf ol
lowsher,happi
ly.
“
Phut
i,Ididn’
tknowy
ouwer
ecomi
ng,
”shesay
s
i
nawhi sper.
“Uncl
ePhuti…”Lethabosay shappil
yl i
kehe
alwaysdoeswhenIcomehome.I ti
ssodi ff
icul
t
topret
endthateverythi
ngisperfectl
yf i
neev en
whenIam outher epret
ending.Thel astthi
ngI
wantistobedisrespectf
ul.Notinfrontofmy
motherwhenIam t ry
ingtodor i
ghtbyher .
“Doyouhaveabagatt
heback,
mal
ume?
”
Let
haboasks.
“No.Thanks.Goplaysoccer
,”Isaywit
hout
focusingt
oomuchonhi m.Whenhedi ssapear
s,
IhissatKamo,“Whataretheydoinghere?What
i
sgoi ngonhere?
”
“
Canwegot
othehouse?
”shepl
eads.Bef
oreI
coul
dev
ent
alktoher
,shewal
kst
othehouse,
l
eavi
ngmet
of ol
l
ow.
Imumbl emygreet
ingswithouttur
ningtowhere
theel
dersareseat
ing.Theydidn’
texpectt
osee
mesot heycangoonandpr etendthatIam not
here.
“Idi
dn’
tknowy
ouwer
ecomi
nghome.Iam
sorr
y.”
“Thi
siswhaty oudowhenIam nothome?”I
whisperback,t
urni
ngovermyshoul
dertomake
surethatt
hereisnoonebythedoor.“
Howdo
youbringthem her
e?”
“
Iam sor
ry.
”
“Whati
shappeni
ng?
”Iputmyhandsi
nmy
pocket
s,andt
ryt
ostaycal
m.
“
Yourmot
heri
sseei
nganewt
her
api
st.
”
“
Idi
dn’
tknowaboutt
hat
.”
“
Idi
dn’
twantt
ost
ressy
ouwi
tht
hedet
ail
s.You
l
eftherelookingli
keazombietheot
hertime
youwereher e.Sheisseei
nganewtherapist
andhespoket oheraboutf
aci
ngthedemonsof
thepast.
”
Idon’
tli
kewher
ethi
sisgoi
ng.
“
Ispoketoherafewt
imesbeforeinvi
ti
ngt
hem
l
astweek.Iswear
.Nt
ateLerol
ealwayswant
ed
t
ospeaktohersohecouldapologi
se.
”
“Sheneverwantstoforgi
veme…sohowi nthe
worlddi
dy outhi
nkthisist
hebestidea?How?
Didshetelly
outhatsheisfi
newithit?
”
“
Phut
i.Iknowbet
ter
.”
“
Shei
smymot
her
,”Ihi
ss.
“Sheismymot hert
oo,”Kamosay s,herv oice
breaking.“
Youknowwhat ,ifi
twasn’ tthatIam
doingitforher,
Iwouldhaveleftyout ohandl ei
t
yourselfwit
houtme.Itryever
ythingIcoul d.You
havenoi deawhatIam goingthroughher ewi th
yourmot her.
”Emphasiseson‘mot her’
.“So,
may beifIkeepfai
l
ingyou…may beyouget
anothernursetodothisforher
.May beanot
her
nursewhowoul dtakeordersonlyf
rom you
wheny ouareinJoburg.”
Peace!
Peace!
Wepr ay
edforpeaceforthewhol eweekand
hereIam,doingtheopposi
te.Igrabaseatand
tr
ytocatchmybr eat
he.Myangerwi l
ldestr
oy
every
thi
ngthatIhavebeenbuildi
ngthispast
week.Befor
eIlosemymi nd,Igrabmyphone
fr
om whereIhavedroppeditwiththekeysand
ty
peanSMSf orThul
i.
‘
Howar eyouholdi
ngup?
’-It
extandpr
ayt
hat
sheseeitbef
oreIl
osemymind.
‘
Iam missi
ng.Icannotwai
ttoseeyou
t
omorrow.Tensharp,youshoul
dbehere.I
wannashowy oumynewt own.’
-Thul
i.
Hert
extmakesmesmi
l
e.
‘
Hav eyoul i
edtoyourmotheraboutmebei
ng
hardheaded?Pleaseputinsomegoodpoints
formesi nceIam thegi
rl
fr
iend.
’-anot
hert
ext
from Thuli
.
Okay,Iam gladItextedher .Thi
si swhatit
meanst ohav esomeone.WhatNj abul
omeant
i
nhisof f
ice.Thatyouwi l
lhavesomeonewho
wil
lchanget heworldar oundfory ou.Thatno
matterwhat,someonewi llbetheonlytomel t
yourheart.Witht
hatt hought,Itextherbacka
t
housandl oveemoj i
sandassur eherIwi l
lputi
n
agreatwor dforher.
Peace!
Peace!
For
giv
eness!
Ishakemyheadwhent hosewordskeep
creepingi
nmyhead.IknowIneedtoacton
thosebutnott
oosoon.Maria’
smot hert
aught
ThuliandI,
shest
il
li
s,butshenevergaveusa
manualonwheretostart
.Themansit
ti
ng
out
sidedoesnotdeserv
emyf or
giv
eness.
Mynephewr
unsi
ntot
her
oom,
star
tl
ingmea
l
it
tl
e.
“Malume,theywantyououtsi
de,
”hesayswhi
le
catchi
nghisbreat
he.Bef
oreIcouldgi
vehi
m an
excuse,herunsout-l
eavi
ngmet odeci
deon
myown.
Myphonev
ibr
ates.
‘
So,Di
neosay si
fsheseesy ouagainsheis
goi
ngtoshootyouony ourlegforwhatyouput
USthr
ough.Iam putt
ingagoodwor dforyou.
Tal
ktoyoulater
.Sheagreedformet ospoil
her
bef
oreshethi
nksaboutforgivi
ngyou.Iwantmy
moneyback.’
-Thuli
.
‘
Keept heinvoi
ces.Iwi
ll
set
tlet
hem.I’
llcal
lyou
toni
ght.’
Irespondbackbef
oredraggi
ngmyf eet
outsi
de.
I
sn’
titcr
azyhowahear
tcanmanaget
wo
feel
i
ngsatonce.HereIam showi
ngThuli
the
bestpar
tofme,whileIam i
nthemiddl
eofthi
s
mess?Iloat
heNtateLerol
ewithal
lmyheart
.
Iam doi
ngthi
sformymother
.Iremi
ndmysel
f
asIsteptowher
etheyar
esit
ti
ngli
keabi
g
fami
ly.
“
Howwasyourt
ri
p?”Nt
ateLer
oleasksasIt
ake
myseat
.
“I
twasgood.Thanky ou, ”Imumbl ebefor e
l
andi ngmyey esonmymot her.Thereisn’t
muchchangesi nherappear ancebutherf acei
s
fr
iendly.Shestaresrightatmeasi f
communi cat
ingwithme.May beKamowas
ri
ght.May be,shereallyneededt odot his.There
i
sn’tt r
aceofhatredinherwar m heart.AsI
stareatherforlonger ,Iam getti
ngasmi lefrom
her.Ishakemyheadbecausei tseemsl ikeIam
seeingt hi
ngs.Ir
eallyam, seei
ngt hi
ngs.I
haven’tseenherl i
kethi sforages.
“
Kamosai dyouwerenotcomi
ngbackt
his
weekend,
”hesays,
pull
ingmebackf
rom my
t
houghts.
“Yes.IhadIthoughtIwon’
tmakeit
,”Ir
espond.
Myey essti
ll
onmymot her’
sey
es.Iswall
ow
hardwhenInot i
ceasmi l
e.
“It
ookyourmotherforawalkt
hismorning,
”the
oldmansays.“
Oh, pl
ease…meetmywife.You
sawherthedayyoucamet omyhouse.”
Theol
dladynodsatme.Idot
hesame.
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
Peace!
For
giv
eness!
Peace!
Isthi
swhatNjabulo’
smot heri
nlawwast al
king
about?Thatwhatsheisdoing,pr
ayingdayand
night
,forThul
iandIisf
orourfamilyaswell
?
Thateachandev er
ypersonconnectedtous
wil
lexper
iencet
heblessi
ngs?Notjustus.Is
thi
swhatshemeant?Thul i
,wher
eversheis,
soundsatpeaceaswell.
Lethaboandt heboyarepl
ayi
ngfurt
heraway
fr
om us.Forany onepassi
ngby,
they’
ll
thi
nkthi
s
i
soneper fectfamil
y.
“Iwast el
li
ngyourmotheraboutCedric.My
eldest.NextSat
urday,
wear egoingtopay
dowr yforhi
swife.Iwasasking…ifwearegoi
ng
toseey ourmakatianyt
imesoon.”
Ismi
l
e.Not
hingwar
nedmebutIam beami
ng.
“
Ahh…no…i
tisst
il
lnew.
”
“
Oh,
sheisther
e?”Theol
dmanl
aughs.Hei
s
t
hel
oudesttol
augh.
“I’
l
lbebr ingi
nghersoon,”Isay,
myey esonmy
mot her.IdonotknowwhyIam bei ngnice;but
thewar m eyesmymot heri
sgivi
ngme…f orces
met obl urt
.“Iwil
lbr
inghersoon.Sheisfrom
Sowet obutwor ki
nginMpumal anganow.”
“
Ist
hatso?
”Kamoasks,
crossi
ngherar
ms.
“Thesamegi rl
It ol
dy ouabout
,”Isayt
oKamo
andreturnmygaz etomymot her.“
Thesame
bigheadedgirlthatusedtogivemeat ough
ti
me.”Ilaugh.“Thatone.”
Ishoul
dspeakaboutThuli
moreof
ten.My
mother
’sl
ipstwit
ch.Justl
i
ket
hefi
rstti
meI
tol
dheraboutThuli
.
Sheappr
oves.
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE23

THULI

"So,
youtookhi
m back?Thesameguywhosai
d
gofucky
oursel
f?"Di
neoasks.
"
Hedi
dn'
tsayt
hat
."
"Hisact
iondi
d.Hisacti
onssaidexact
lyt
hat.
Now, t
hatyoutookhim back.
..
hei
sgoingto
playontopofyourhead."
"ComeonDineo,
"Imumble.Doesntsheknow
thatt
hehear
twantswhatiswants?Also,
she
hasnoideahowPhuti
andIaresoconnect ed.
Shehasnoi
dea.
"Doyoul ovehi
mt hatmuch?"sheasksaft
era
fewmi nutesofsi
l
ence.Iknowt hatshewi
llbe
onmysi dewhenIneedhert obe.Inodather
questi
onbecauseIr eal
l
ywantt omakethi
s
rel
ati
onshipworkthisti
me.
Ineedt
omakei
twor
k.
Phut
i!
Sincehedroppedmebackt otheRes.
..
Ihave
beenthi
nkingalotabouthi
m.Ourmov i
edate.
Thepromiseswemadet oeachot
her?Ireal
l
y
wi
sht
hiswor
ksout
.
"RememberwhatyousaidaboutMuofhe?That
noonewil
lunder
standhowy outwoconnect?
Howsheturnedyourl
if
earound?Ifeelt
he
sameaboutPhuti
.Hehasawayofconnect i
ng
withme.
"
"Damny ou!Youarei
nlove,
"shesaysbefore
thr
owingapi l
lowatme.Iam toolat
etoduckit
soitdoesanumberonmyf ace.Ipi
cki
tfrom
thebedandt hrowi
tbackather.
"Iam,"Imumble,shyl
y.Thi
sfeeli
ngiscrazybut
Iunderst
andit
.IkissedhimthatnightandI
didn'
tseethem demons.Thi
sisnew.Tot al
ly
new.
"Tel
lhi
m Iwil
ll
iterall
yshoothimifhehur t
s
you.
"Iknowshemeansi t
.Shehasbeenmy
guardi
anangelsinceIwasy oung.Itismyturn
tobethesamet oher .Sheisnotgoingtoall
ow
me,butshedoesn' thaveachance.
"Whydon'
tIgospoil
youwhil
eItel
lyouall
abouthi
m, huh?
"Iof
fer
.Shecanneversay'
no'
toshoppi
ng.
"
Ohhh?Shoppi
ng?
"
"Yes.Ifi
guredIneedtopaybackal l
thebootsI
stol
ef r
om yourcloset.I
'
llal
sogetyouthat
handbagy ouwantf r
om Guess.Ihavemoney."
"MissEconomist
,"shesayswit
hawidesmil
e.
"I
'l
lneversay'
no'toashoppi
ngspr
ee.Youal
so
needtochangethosejeans.
"
Shejumpsof fthebedt ogethermake-upready
whileItextPhuti
.Imisshim al
readyandithas
onlybeen,what?Justaday .Wheneverhetexts
back,Iam allsmil
es.Iam agir
l i
nlove.

*
***
**

Ihat
eshoppi
ng!
IH.
A.T.
Eshoppi
ng!
ButI’l
ldoitformysi ster,anyday ,
andanyt i
me.
SinceIgottoherapar t
mentl astnight,she
hasn’tbeeninagr eatmood.Icoul dn'teven
bringPhutiuport he' coke'issue.Muof healso
hadt oexcuseher self.Wej ustst ayedi nbed
andcat cheduponsomeNet f l
i
xser iesthatshe
hasbeenwat ching.Now, sincewel eftthe
house,Ihavebeenswi pingmybankcar dli
ke
nobody '
sbusinessbutIdon' tmi nd.Ihav e
enoughnowandshepr omi sedt hatthisisthe
l
astshopwear ein.
Igrabaseatatt heendoft heshopandwat ch
asshewal ksar oundt heshop,herconfidence
oozingeverywher e.Noonecant el
lthatsheis
notperfectl
yfi
ne.Shel ooksli
keawomanwho
hasev er
ythi
ngandt hewor ldfi
guredout.Her
shortj
eanski r
tandl onglegsinherhighheel
bootsareturningheadsi nthi
sdesignershop.
Thatishowconf identsheis,butalotisgoing
oni
nherhead-onl
yMuof
heandIknow.
Whensheisdonepicki
ngherunderwearand
what
evershewasdroppingint
hebasket,Idr
ag
myheavyfeett
othetil
ltopayf
ortheit
ems.
"Looksli
keIam buyi
nglinger
ieonbehalfof
Muof heher
e,"ImumbleasIgivethecashiermy
bankcard.Allt
heunderwearshehadpickedare
tooskimpyforhert
owearonar egul
arday.
"Nowondery ougoaroundcoveri
ngy our
sel
f
l
ikeanun.Theconf i
dencecomesf r
om the
i
nside,
"sherespondswhilet
akingtheshoppi
ng
bagfrom t
hecashier.
Yeahri
ght!Idon'
tneedaski
mpypi
eceoff
abr
ic
tofeel
confident
.OrdoI
?
Aftershopping,Ial
lowhertoor
derfoodsowe
couldbackt oherapart
ment.Ir
eall
yneeda
str
ategytohav eDineotal
kstome.Luckilyshe
doesn'tsuggestthatwebuysomedr inksfor
thehouse-wehav egottobesober.Iam not
muchofadr
inkerbutshei
s.Muofhei
snot
homewhenwewal kbackt
othei
rapar
tment
.
"Whenisyournextther
apysessi on?
"Dineo
askswhil
ethrowingherselfonthecouchfor
anotherr
oundoft el
evi
sion.Isi
tnexttoher
becauseIdon'
tjustwanttowat chTV.Iwantto
tal
ktoher.
"DrVanessai
savai
lablei
ntwoweeks.Shei
s
outoftownandIdon'twantt
oseeher
assi
stant
."
"Shehasbeendoi ngagreatj
obwithyou.Iam
i
mpr essed."Idon'
tmenti
onthatMari
a'
smot her
hasbeenf orci
nghersel
finmyjour
ney.Who
wouldbelieveme?
"
Don'
twanty
ouwantt
oseehert
oo?
"Iask
i
nst
ead.
"
Me?
"sheasks.
Ir
aiseaney
ebr
owatme.
"
Youar
etheonewhof
orcedmet
odot
his.
"
"Ididntforceyoutodoit.Youdiditbecause
youdi dntwantPhutitosleepwit
ht hatgir
l.
..
that
night,
"shesay sandlaughs.Okay,wear enot
goingt oforgett
hatevening."
Idon'tneedit.
"
"PleaseDi
neo.Ihavebeenoffloadi
ngmy
buggageony ourshoul
derssinceyouwerein
highschool
.Iam goingtograduatesoon.How
manyy ear
shav eyoubeendeal i
ngwithmy
i
ssues?Didyouev erdealwi
thy our
s?"
"Iam per
fect
lyf
ine.Isawmyt
her
api
stt
henand
Iam perf
ectl
yfi
ne."
"No,
youarenot
.Youshoul
dn'
thav
est
opped
seei
ngyourt
her
apist
."
"
Why
?"
"Becauseevenwhenyouwereheal
ing,Iwas
taki
ngy ouf
ivest
epsback.Andnow..
.Iam
getti
ngbett
erbutIam l
eavi
ngyoubehind.
"
Sheshakesherhead.Iknowverywellwhatshe
i
st hi
nki
ng.Iusedtothi
nkitt
oo.Iusedtothi
nk
thatIam per
fect
lyf
ineevenwhenIknewIam
dyingal
one.
"Look..
.Iam sor
ryf
orscar
ingyouandMuofhe
withthecokethi
ng.I
twasstupid.Ver
yst
upi
d.
ButIam fine.
"
Ist
areather.Shei
sasstubor
nasIam.It
hink
sheisworsethanIam.
"Iam notgoi
ngbacktoMpumal angaunti
lIam
cert
ainthaty
ouarefine,
"Imumblewhile
rest
ingmybackont hecouch."
Thejobcan
wait
."
"
Youmustbest
upi
d."
"Whatdoyouwantmetodo?Youwantmeto
star
tafr
eshi
nMP...
buthowdoIdot
hatwhenI
knowyouarebr
eaki
ng.Ineedy
ouDi
neo."
Shest
aresatmebeforebr
ingi
nghert
humbt
o
cl
eanthetear
srol
l
ingdownmycheeks.
Whendi
dIev
enst
artcr
ying?Iam acr
ybaby
now.
"Weneedeachother.Letmehelpyouthesame
wayy ouhel
pedme,"Imumble.Hereyesare
tear
y.Shedoesn'
tcrymuch.Sheneverdoes
anditworri
esmebecauseIwasoncel i
kethat
.
"
I'
ll
bef
ine.Ineedy
out
ofocusony
ouand.
..
."
"
No.Iam donewithyouandPhuti
tel
l
ingme
t
hatIneedtofocusonmyheali
ng.Whatabout
y
ou?"
Shepul
l
smei
ntot
hear
ms.
"Doi
tforyour
sel
f.Ordoi
tforMuof
het
hen.
..
if
notme."
"I
'
lldoitfory
ou.Forus,
"shesayswhil
e
squeezingmeti
ghtl
y."I
'
lldoi
tforus.
"

*
***
*
Ifi
twasn' tthatDi neoki ckedmeoutofher
apartmentsot hatIdon' tmi sswor k,Iwould
havecal ledEdwi nandaskf oranext ensi
onof
myleav e.Di neowant stopl ayt hebi ggersi ster
soIallowhert obej ustt hat.Yest er daywas
heavybutwesl eptitoffandt odayi sanewday .
Anewdayt ocont i
nueourj our ney s.Shet ookDr
Vanessa' snumber sandIpr omi sedhert hatI
wil
lprayf orherwhenMamaMar iacallsmef or
oursessi on.Shel aughedatmesoIdi dn'tgeta
chancet ot ellhert hatther easonIam smi ling
morei sbecauseoft hispeaceIhav einmy
heart-from Mar i
a'smot her'
spr ayer.Foronce
i
nawhi le...
Idon' twishf ormyr apistst odie.
Somehow, Idon' tcarewhathappenst othem.I t
i
swei rd, Iknow.I twasnev erliket his.Iusedt o
walkar oundwi thsomuchheav i
ness.

So,t
hisi
sit
!Myroom i
spackedawayinboxes.
Idi
dn'
thavemuchher
esinceIonl
ystayedfor
j
usthalfasemest
er.Itf
eel
sli
keagesagobutit
hasbeenaf ewmonths.Myli
fechangesi
nsuch
ashortper
iodoft
ime.
'
Readytogo?Ishoul
dbet
her
einhal
fanhour
.'-
atextf
rom Phut
i.
'
Ihaveneverbeenr eady.
'-Itextback.Imeanit
.
Iam r
eadytost ar
tafresh.Iam readytostar
ta
newli
feformy sel
f.
Aspr omised,Phutii
sknockingonmydoorin
thi
rtyminutes.JustwhenIopenmydoor ,
he
greetsmewi thahug.Het akesti
mewiththe
hug-i fwehadn'tseeneachothertwodaysago,
Iwoul dthi
nkhemi ssesme.
"
Imi
ssedy
ou,
"hemumbl
esbef
orel
ett
inggo.
"
Howwasyourtr
ip?
"Iask.Hel
ookssohappy
.
"
Youl
ookhappy
."
"
Iam happyt
ospendt
odaywi
thy
ou.
"
Okay
,thi
sismyl
i
fenow.Ihav
esomeonewho
i
sobli
gat
edt otel
lmeal l
theni
cethi
ngst
o
makemef eelgood.I
tisworki
ng.
Wetakeanotherhourmakingsur ethatmy
r
oom iscleanandempt ybef
oreIdropt hekey
t
otheRessuper vi
sor
.Itisaf
teronet hi
rtywhen
westartourj
ourneyt
oMpumal anga.
Iam happyPhut isuggestedthis'r
idi
ng' wi t
hme
toMpumal anga.Hehasmyhandi nhisashe
drives.Icannotexplainthefeeli
ngbuti tf eel
s
l
ikeourf eeli
ngsforeachotherar egetting
deeperaswedr iv
einsil
ence.Themusi cis
playingsof tl
ybutmymi ndisal loverthe
place..
.thinki
ngabouthowIr eal
lyneedt ogive
thismyal l
.Ihaveneverbeeni nar el
ationship
l
iket hi
swher esomeonel ovesmeev enwhen
theyknowhowmuchofdamagedgoodsIam.
'
Damagedgood' i
swhatsomeguysai dIam
whenIexplainedwhyIwouldn'tfr
eel
yhavea
sexualr
elat
ionshi
pwithhim becauseofmy
chil
dhood.Wewer ebothdrunkbuthiswords
arepainful
.Ir
ememberIhaddr ankwinealitt
le
sothatIcouldtrytoshutmydemonsf orali
ttl
e
whilethatni
ghtbuttheycamehaunt i
ngme
whenwewer einthemi ddl
eofthedeeds.I
understandhewaspi ssedatmet ur
ninghim on
onlynottodeli
verbuthiswordswerepai nf
ul.
Whyam Iev enthinki
ngaboutthepast?
"Icannotdealwithdamagedgoods, "theguy
hadsaidwhenIexpl ainedwhyIcannotopen
myl egsforhim whenIwasi nar el
ati
onship
withhim.Itwasmyl astrelationshi
pandI
swor enevertofal
linlovewi t hanyonewhenhe
walkedoutofmyl i
felikeIdi dn'tj
ustconfi
dedin
him.Itoldhim aboutther apeandnotaboutt he
numberof' men'whohadt heirwaywi thme.
Phut
ishakesmyhand.
"
Arey
oual
ri
ght
?"
"
Huh?What
?Yes.
"
"
Youj
ustzonedout
.Tal
ktome.
"
Icl
earmythroatbecauseIdon'
twantt otalk
aboutwhatIwasthinki
ngabout.Ishouldjust
for
getaboutthepastandfocusonmybeaut i
ful
andbri
ghtfut
ure.
"I
t'
snot hi
ng,"Imumbl ewhil
elookingoutoft he
window.Phut ishakesmyhand, remi ndingme
thatIsaidwear egoingtobei nthi
sr elati
onshi
p
provi
dedt hatwet al
kaboutev er
ything,
i
ncludingthet hi
ngsthatscareusorev enwhen
wedon' tl
ikeeachot heranymore..
.wear egoing
tobeopenabouti t.
Mywor
ds-nothi
s.
"
Wet
alkaboutev
ery
thi
ng,
"hesay
s.
Isi
ghdeepl
y.
"Ij
usttookaminutet
hinki
ngaboutthel astguy
Itol
dthatIwasrapedasachildand...hecal l
ed
medamagedgood. "Icl
osemyey essot hatIdo
notcry
.Ithi
nkIshouldbri
ngthi
supwhenIsee
DrVanessa.WhydoIwantt ocryal
lthet ime?
"Youarenotdamagedgoods. "Saysamanwho
overhear
dmey el
latmymot herforwhatshe
didtome.Heknowst hedept hofwhat
happenedtome.Nof i
lter.I
tissohardto
beli
evebutmyheartbelieveever
ywor dthat
comesf r
om hi
smout h.Ourconnectioni
s
deeper.
"
Iknow.
"
"No.Youhavenoideahowpreci
ousyouare,
Thuli
.Youhavenoidea.
"Me?Preci
ous?Oh,wel
l
.
"Youdon'
tbeli
eveme,doyou?"
Idon'trespondandj ustlikehowmysi st
er
Dineowoul ddriveoutoft her oadtohav eachat
withme, Phutidoest hesame.Iwi shIwasnota
mess.I tisjustthat.
..
somet i
mest hesebad
thought screepinmyheadwhenIshoul dbe
happy .Phutistopsthecaratt hesi deofthe
road.Hi m andmysi st erarecutoutf rom the
samef abri
c.Theirconcer nwheni tcomest o
mywel lbei
ngisjustsomet hingelse.
"Youknow. .
.Ihav enev erbeeni naser i
ous
relationshi pbef ore..
."hest arts.Ofcour se, he
hasnev erbeeni naser iousr elat i
onshipbut
Car ol hasal way sbeeni nthepi cture.Carol -
anot herper sonIshoul dn'tev enbot hermy self
about ."IknowIhadent angl ement swi thCar ol
.I
can'tf indt herightwor d. .
.butshedoesn' tmean
any thingcl oset owhatIt hinkabouty ou."It
musthav ebeenmyf acet hatgav eawaymy
i
nsecur i
tyregar dingthi s.Justl ikehowhe
wasn' tpleasedaboutEdwi n-myboss-whom
heshoul dn'twor ryhimsel fabout .
..Ifeelthe
sameaboutCar ol.Ev enwhensheknowsher
placei nPhut i'
sl i
fe."Ihav enev erbeeni na
relationshi ptoknowwhatIam supposedt osay
ordo. ..butIwi l
l domybest .Ihav eMrRand
Njabul o..
.soIknowI 'l
l doagr eatj ob.Beli
ev e
me.Iwi lldoev erythi
ngt obet hebestper sonin
yourl ife."
"
Iknow.
"
"Youarethemostpr
ecioust
hingt
hathasev
er
happenedtol
if
e.Mylif
e."
"
Phut
i.
"
"Iwantyout olistentomecar eful.
"Inod
becauseIam speechl ess."WhenIl ookaty ou,I
dontseey ourpast .Youdi dn'
tchooseany t
hing
ofthoset hingst hathappenedt oy ou.Itwasn' t
yourfault
.So, Idon'teverwanty out othink
yoursel
fasdamagedgoods. ..
doy ouhearme? "I
nod.Whatel secanIsay ?"Ev
erythingi nli
feisa
choice,r
ight ?"Her aiseshisey ebrowsf ormet o
agreetowhathei ssaying.Inod."Ri ghtnow.
Righthere.At ..
.whatt i
mei sit?"Webot hsear ch
fortheti
meonourphones." Rightatt his
minute.
..y ouandIar egoi ngtoagr eet hatno
manhasev ertouchedy ou."
Isi
gh.
"Ri
ghthere.Ri
ghtnow.Webothagreet
hatyour
pastdoesnotmatter
.Yourpasti
swhatshaped
y
oubuti
tdoesn'
tmat
tert
ous.Doy
ouagr
ee?
"
heasks.
"
Howdidy ougetthi
ssmart
?"Iaskwhil
e
l
aughi
ngbuttearsobvi
ousl
ystr
eamingdown
mycheeks.
"
SinceIst
art
eddat
inganEconomi
st.
"
"Juni
orEconomist
,"Icorr
ectwhi
l
elaughi
ngl
i
ke
Ialwayscor
rectmysister
.
"Samething.Youar
eaneconomistt
ous,
"he
says."
Yourpastdoesnotmat
teranymor
e,do
youagreewithme?"
Inod.
"Wear egoi
ngtonavi
gat
ethr
oughthi
sthing
call
edlif
etoget
her
..
.meandyou,
"hesays.
"Agree?"
"
Iagr
ee.
"
"Ri
ghtatt
hisspot
..
.y
ouar
eleav
ingy
ourpast
her
e."
"
Okay
."
"Andyouaregoi
ngt
oall
owmet
olov
eyout
he
bestwayIknowhowto.
"
"
Okay
."
"Bytheway.
..
everyboywhonev ersawhow
preci
ousyourare.
..
isst
upi
d,"hesayswhil
e
start
ingt
hecaragain.
I
fthisi
slove-thi
sthingwher
esomeonet el
l
s
youallt
hesethi
ngsthatmakeyoufeel
bett
er.
..
int
hemi ddl
eofnowhere?-Iam r
eady
fori
t.
Iam r
eadyf
ori
t!
!!

Pl
easeshar
e

Epi
sode24-Thur
sday20h00
WOUNDEDHEARTS
EPI
SODE24

PHUTI

Imustt hankNjabulo’smot herinlawf orher

wi sdom.Idonotknowhowshedi di
tbutj usta
fewweeksofheri nteractionandshehasgi ven
mesomet hi
ngtohol don.Shehasgi venmea
chancet obewisewi t
hmywor ds.Wear estil
l
par kedatthesideoft her oadasThul i gets
her sel
ftogether.Iknowwher eshei scomi ng
from.Thi sishard.Wear ehumans.Wear eall
concer nedaboutwhatot herpeopl ethinkabout
us.Igi veafuckaboutwhatpeopl ethinkofme
hencei ttookmeagest oev entalktoaf ri
endof
mi neaboutmyi ssues, soIf ull
yunder stand
wher eshei scomi ngf rom.Shej ustdoesn’t
hav etowor rywheni tcomest ome.
Iam nottooperfectbutIwasr aisedwellt
o
knowhowt ohandl eawomanl ikeaglass.She
doesn’thav
et ohidewhatshef eelswheni t
comest ome.Wel l,Ihavenoideahowwear e
goingtonavigat
et hroughthi
sbutIknowi tis
well.
“Ai
n’
tyougoingtogetexhausted?Thi
si sso
heavy,
”Thul
isaysasshestraight
enherselfasi
f
shi
eldi
nghersel
ffr
om thepain.Hereyesgive
away.Sheisscar
ed.Iam scaredtoo.
“Well
…wewi l
lexhausteachot
her,
”Ir
espond.I
comewi t
hmyownbaggageandshewi l
lbe
off
loadi
ngsomeofi tof
fmyshoulder
.I’
l
ldothe
samewi t
hhers.Myresponseget
smeagi ggl
e.
Itdoesn’
ttakelongf
orust oreachher
apartmentinMpumalanga.Themi nuteshe
walksin,sheheadsstr
aightt
oopent he
curtai
nsandswi t
chontheplugswhi chwereof
f.
“
Ineedt
obuysomegr
ocer
y,”shesay
saf
ter
openingherfr
idge.“
WhenIl
efther
e…”She
stopsandstaresatme.
“
Youcansayi
t.
”
“Ij
ustdecidedt oleaveforavacati
on…sothe
foodisspoilt
,”shesay s.Thelastt
imeshewas
here,shehadt oldherselft
hatsheisl
eavi
ngme
forgoodandwon’ tbeneedingmei nherl
if
e.I
wasaj erkthenandi twast ooembarr
assi
ng.
“
Iam sor
ryaboutt
hat
.”
“
Thepastremember
?”Shegivesmeasmil
e.
“
Weleftt
hepastatt
hesideofther
oad.
”
“Ofcour
se.
”Inodatherwisewor
ds.Fewhour
s
ago,wehavest
eppedint
oanewj our
ney.
Abeaut
if
ulj
our
ney
.
Av
eryl
ongone.
“
I’
llt
akethebedandyoutakethecouch,”she
t
hrowsapill
owatmewheni tisti
mef orbed.I
watchasshewalkst
otheclosetandgetthe
bl
anket
s.
Whenherphonev
ibrat
esonthebed,
shepi
cks
i
tandcheckwhat
everiti
s.
“Looksl
ikeIhavesomuchwor kt
odowhenI
getbacktotheoff
ice,
”shesay
sandthr
owst
he
phonebackonthebed.
“Wast
hataworkemai
l
?”Iaskwhi
leputt
ing
awayt
hecushi
onswhi
chwhereonthecouch.
“
Yes.
”
“
Arey
ouwor
kingt
hewhol
eni
ght
?”
“Nope.”Shestopsputtingawaythepill
owsand
staresatme.“Didwesett he‘noworkingwhen
wear etoget
her’rul
e?”Ishrug.Didwe?“Ifwe
didn’t
,her
eisit:
Nol aptops.Noworking.Unl
ess
i
tisdeemedasamat terofli
feanddeath.
Agree?”
“
Iagr
ee.
”
THREEWEEKSLATER

Myday sstartdi
ffer
entlynow.Whi legrabbing
breakfastinthemor ning,Iam onacal lwit
hmy
woman.I thasbeent hreeweekssi nceI
droppedheratherapar tmentandwet alk
everyday.Itwast hepromi seswemadet oeach
other.Aspr omisedagai n,Imadesur etodriv
e
toherev eryweekendexceptf oronewher eI
madeat urntoLimpopo-hersuggest i
on
obviously.
Wear egoi
ngtomakethiswor
k-thi
shas
becomemysloganeverysi
ngl
eday.Awi
shI
praycomestr
ue.
Getti
ngtoknowThul ieachday, Ihavelear
nt
thatsheist hemostemot i
onal personIhave
evermet .IfIdon’
tthr
eadcar ef
ul l
y,Imight
breakher .Ineedtoaffi
rm myfeel i
ngsforher
everydayunt i
lshebel
ievesthatf r
om the
bott
om ofmyhear
t,Iwanttobewit
hher.Shei
s
thewomanIwanttobewith.Andherpast
meansnothi
ngtome.
Iam amani
nlov
e.
“Youhav ebeengi gglingtoy oursel
fsinceyou
gother et
hi smorning…i nfact,ever
yday…lat
ely,
”
Denisesay swhil
eget ti
ngherchai ratherdesk.
Shemustl ear
ntomi ndherbusi ness.Idon’
tsay
i
toutl oudbecauseev enonmywor stdaysshe
hassai dawor dort woandIknowshemeans
well.Butmay beshei sr i
ght.Idon’tknowbutI
mighthav ebeengi ggling.Iam atmyhappi est
pointinli
fe.
“Ar
ey ousure?
”Iaskwhil
etr
yingtoactnor
mal
butdeepdown, Iknowmyhearti
satpeaceand
i
thasev er
ythi
ngt odowi
thagirl
.
Yes,
myhear
tisdef
ini
tel
yatpeace.
“
Iam sur
e.Si
ncey
ougother
e.Act
ual
l
y,t
he
whol
eweek.”
“
Oh,well
…Ishoul
dkeepwhateveri
smaki
ngme
t
hishappy,
whatdoyout
hink?”
“Defi
nit
ely
.”Shepickshercupf
rom thet
able
andtakesasip.“Arewestil
lmeet
ingGeorge
from mediasect
ion?”
“
Hedidn’tconfi
rm andifheisn’
tav
ail
abl
eto
meetusatoneo’ cl
ock,youcanhavehim
r
eschedulethemeet i
ngtonextweekMonday.
”
“Whathappenedt oyou?”Sheasks,her
eyebrowsar ched.Idonotknowifitwasjust
evi
dentt hatIam happymanorwhat .“
Youare
acti
nglikeamanwhoi sinl
ove.
”
“
Howdoamani
nlov
elookl
i
ke?
”
“Likey ou…”shesay sandlaugh.“
Youl eavethe
officeatfourthelatest
.Youdon’ttakelate
noonmeet ingsi
nf eartheywil
lgoov erfour
o’clock.ThatisnotthePhutiIknow.”
Bef
oreIcoul
drespond,
Njabulowalkst
ous.He
i
spagingaredfi
leandIal
readyknowiti
sfor
theExecClub.Irol
lmychairsothatIcanface
mycomput erandpullt
hereport
st hathemight
beherefor-Ialr
eadyknowwhathewant s.
“
Goodmorning,
”hesays,notli
ft
inghi
shead.
Whenhedoes,hetakesonelookatmeand
f
rown.What
?Can’tamanhav easmil
eonhis
f
ace.
“
Deni
se,
doyouhavepl
anst
hisweek?
”heasks.
“
Ihav
eajobfory
ou.
”
“
Whyar
eyounotaski
ngme?
”Iask.
“BecauseIalr
eadyknowt heanswer,”he
responds.Wehav en’
thadachataboutmy
relati
onshi
pwithThulibecausehehasbeen
travel
li
ngthepastweeksbutheobv iously
knowswhati sgoingon.He, hi
mself
,toldme
thathiswif
etell
shim everyt
hingsheknowssoI
takeitshealr
eadytol
dhi m.Mar i
aandThul i
are
close.
Wel
l
,hewasr
ightaboutknowi
ngmyanswer
.At
thr
eethi
rt
y,Iam outofhere.Iam grabbi
ngmy
l
aptopbagandthrowitinthelockersothatI
am nott
emptedtoopeni twhenIam supposed
tobespendi
ngtimewi t
hThul i
.
Nowor konweekends-t hatwasnumberone
rul
eforourlongdi
stancerelat
ionshi
p.I
magi
ne
i
fshehast oworkandt heonlyti
mewegeta
chancetobondisonweekends?Youcannot
wasteti
meonwor k.
“
Iam avai
labl
e.”Deni
sesmi
l
es,
exci
tedabout
t
hetask.
“Ineedtofinali
sethesummar yreportf
orExec
ClubandmeetChr i
sthisaf
ternoon.Takethe
company ’
scr edi
tcardandtakehim andhis
team tobreakfastf
orameet i
ng.Cany ou
handlethatorshouldIget…”
“I’
l
ldoit
,”Denisejumpsin.Iknewshewould
taket
het ask.Iseealotofmei nherwheni
t
comestopr oject
s.Sheexecutesitt
hewayshe
i
ssupposedto.Njabulodropsthefil
eont he
tabl
eandpul
l
shi swalletbefor
elookingfora
company’
scr
editcard.Hedr opsitonthet abl
e
andtel
l
shertokeept hesli
ps.
“CanIseey
ouinmyoff
ice?
”Njabul
omoveshi
s
eyestomebef
orel
eadi
ngthewaytothe
corr
idor
.
“I
sev ery
thi
ngal r
ight
?”Deniseasks.Inodather
andwi nksothatshedoesn’tstr
ess.IfIam
summonedf orsomethingwrongIdid, Iwould
haveknown.Whenwesl i
deint
ot heelevator
,
Njabulowait
sf ormet ogetinfi
rstbeforehe
j
oinsinandpr essthefloorwherehisof f
icei
s.
“Wheni
stheweddi
ng?
”heasks,
asmi
l
eev
ident
onhisf
ace.
“
Whatweddi
ng?
”
“Don’
tfuckwi
thme.Youarewalkingaround
herel
ikeyouj
ustwonajackpotandmywi fe
warnedmeaboutgiv
ingyouataskthis
weekendbecauseappar
ent
lyi
tisaspeci
al
weekend.
”
“Speci
alweekend?
”Iask,sl
i
ght
lyshaki
ngmy
headbecauseIdonotknowwhatheistal
ki
ng
about.“
Whatareyoutal
ki
ngabout?”
Theel
evat
oropensatt
het
opf
loor
.
“Oh,
shit!Youdidn’
tknow?”IaskasIfol
lowhim
tohi
soff i
ce.Speci
alweekend?Idonotknow
anyt
hingaboutit.
“
Knowwhat
?”
“
Iti
sn’
tmyplace,
”hesaysandshakeshishead.
“
Mywi f
ewill
kil
lmeifIr
uinthesur
pri
se.Ij
ust
t
houghtyouknew.
”
“
Canatl
eastgi
vemeahi
nt?
”
“Oh…bel
ieveme…itisgr
eat
.”Hetakeshisbl
azer
offandhookitonthest
andbeforetaki
nghi
s
seat.
“
Ify
oudon’
twantt
otel
lme,
thenwhyam I
here?
”Iask.Knowi
ngNjabulo,
heisnotgoingto
tel
lmewhathemeansaboutt hespecial
weekendsoIdonoteventrytoconvi
ncehimt o
tel
lmewhatheknows.Iam justexci
tedthatI
am goingt
oseeher.
“Weneedt
or ecr
uitt
headver
tagencyf
or
Thomaspr
oject,
”hesaysandst
aresri
ghtatme.
“IsDeni segoingt orunwi t
hi t?”IaskbecauseI
knowwhywehav etodiscussi ther
e.Thi s
mi ghtmeanwor ki
ngclosel ywi thCarolandt hat
i
st hel astt
hingIneed.Ipr omi sedCar ol t
hatI
willleaveherinpeaceandwedonothav et o
crosspat hsbecauset hingswi llbeextremel y
awkar d.Also,thelastthingIneedi stol i
ewhen
Thul iasksmeaboutwhatpr ojectIam wor ki
ng
on.Weal wayst alkandpr omi sedeachot her
thatwewi l
lalway sbehonestt oeachot her.
Car olissti
ll
asensi ti
vetopi c.Shei snot hing
compar edtothatdude, Edwi n.
“
Cany
ounotr
unwi
thi
t?”Heasks.
“
Iwoul
dlov
etobut
…”
“
Butwhat
?”
“
Car
ol!
”
“
Aha!Iknewwher
eitwasgoi
ng.
”
“ChancesareIwi
ll
havetodeal
wit
hCar
olat
somepoi nt
…anddude…”
“
Fuck!
”Helaughs.Thi
sdudet
hough.Ishake
myhead.“
Youareinlove.
”
“
Itf
eel
sgood,
man,”Isaywhi
l
echecki
ngt
he
t
imeonmywristwat
ch.
“Iknow.Okay ,
Iwil
lputDeni seonthepr oj
ect
.
Youmustal sogroom Mul i
sa.Itseemsl i
kewe
areloosi
ngy ouandIam af rai
dthatifsome
companyf r
om MPwant syou…y ouaregoingto
l
eav eusli
kewenev erexisted.”
“Iam af
rai
d,thati
sthet
rut
h,”Isaywhi
legetti
ng
up.I
twouldn’tbeabadthi
ngbutitwouldn’
tbe
asmar t
estthi
ngtodo.Nottosoundli
keajerk
butitwoul
dbeasaf emov ei
fthemov
ei sdone
whenwegetmar r
ied.Li
stentomegett
ing
aheadofmy sel
f.
“Don’
tyoufucki
ngdare!”Njabul
opoint
safinger
atme.“Don’
tyoudare.”Il
aughasImakemy
waytothedoor.“Iam ser
ious.Youmustn’
tdare
me.”
Therestoft
hedayIhav ebeent ry
ingtothi
nk
aboutwhatNjabul
owassay i
ng.Thefirei
nme
i
signit
edbutIshutmyf i
lthyi
deasout .When
youtal
kofaspecialweekend, myhead
automati
cal
l
ymakesupt hatithaseveryt
hingt
o
dowithsex.
Sex?
IdonotthinkThulii
sreadyforthat.Shei
snot
.
Theexcitementfl
iesoutofthewi ndowwhenI
real
isedthatThul
imighthavecalledMari
afor
ti
psorany thi
ng…becauseshethinkssheis
ready.I
tistimetodri
vetoMP, soIpackmy
deskawayandshov
emyl
apt
opbagi
nthe
l
ocker.

*
***
*

‘
Ithi
nkI ’
l
l bethereaf t
eranhourandhal f
.Looks
l
iketheroadi sclosedorsomet hing.
’-It
ext
Thul
i.Ihav ebeenst uckher
ef oroverthi
rt
y
minutesandi ttel
lsmewear ererout
edto
anotherroadorsomet hi
ng.
Swit
chingt heirri
tatingr adioof f
,mymi nd
wanderst omychatwi t
hNj abulo.Idonotf eel
asexcitedbecauseofwhatNj abulosaid.What
i
fIam rightaboutThul iwant i
ngt ohavesex?As
IparkatThul i
’spar king,It r
ymybestt oswi tch
mymi ndt osomet hingel se.TextingherthatI
am atthepar kinglot ,shesendsasmi leyface
asImakemywayt ot her ecepti
onwher eshe
wil
lmeupf rom.I tisst i
llearlystagesformet o
j
ustgostr
aightt
oherapar
tmentl
i
keIownher
space.
“
Howwasy outr
ip?”Sheaskswhi
l
erushi
ngt
o
wher
eIam st
anding.
“
Itwasagreat,”Irespondwhil
egracingherl
ips
wit
hashortkiss.Ialwaysremembert okeep
t
hekissesshort,evenwhensheinsists.
Get t
ingint
oherapar t
ment ,
nothi
ngisoutof
place.Nothingt hatsuggestsaspeci
alweekend.
Itrytolookar oundforcluesbutther
earenone.
Itissti
llascleanasIal ways.
“
Areyoualr
ight
?”Thul
i askswhi
l
eget
ti
ngon
t
hecouch.Thetel
evi
sionison.
“
Iam f
ine.Yes.
”
“
Youlookweird,
”shesay
s.Whati
sitwi
thme?
I
tseemslikemyfacecaneasi
l
ygi
vemy
t
houghtsaway.
“
Itwasal
ongdaybutIam gr
eat
.”Hersmi
l
eis
fr
om eart
oear.Onl
ynowwhenshepi cksa
glassf
rom t
hetabl
edoInoti
cethechampagne.
Shehasbeenwatchingamovi
e,whil
esippi
ng
champagne.
“Iam or
deri
ngpastaandchicken,
”shesays,
phoneonherhand.“Youaregoingtohel
pme
dogroceryshoppi
ngtomorrow,ri
ght
?”
Afterinf
ormi ngmet hatUberEat swi l
lbeher ein
twent yminutes,Ipull
aHei nekenf r
om t he
fri
dgeandgetcomf ort
abl
enextt oher .Shej ust
hadashowernotl ongago, herscenttellsme
so.Shesmel lsl
i
ke…somet hingsweet.Icoul d
eatherupr ightnow.Shesav emydi rt
y
thoughtsbyj umpingf r
om thecoucht osett he
tablefortwo.Shenev ereatswhi lewat chingTV.
Ihav en’
tbeenher efortoolongbutal lthet i
meI
havebeenher e,
sheset sthet abl
eandwehav e
dinnerli
keadecentcoupl e.
Aft
ersupper
,Ihel
pwi t
hthedi
sheswhil
eshe
get
sthebedready.Sheisj
ustsl
i
ghtl
y,sl
ight
ly
ti
psyfrom t
hechampagneasshedances
aroundtheapar
tmentaswecleanaf
ter
oursel
ves.
“Canyousleepwithmet onight?
”sheasksin
herpyjamaset.I
tisn’tr
eveali
ngoranyt
hing.It
i
seithersheiscl
uelessabouthowt oseduce
someone.Regardless,mymout hgoesdry.“I
sit
abadi dea?
”
“
Ahhh…wel
l
…”
“It
houghty
oumaybet i
redofsl
eepi
ngont
he
couch!
”Sheresponds.
“
What
?”
“It
houghtwecouldstartshar
ingthebedsinceI
am get
ti
ngcomfortablewithyou.It
rusty
ou.I
knowyouwon’thurtme. ”
“
Wait
…bysleepi
ngwi
thme…y oumeantoshare
t
hebed?
”Shenodsatmyquesti
on.Okay
,Iam
t
heonewit
hawi l
dmind.
“Yes.Di
dyout
hinkImeansex?
?”sheasks,
her
eyeswil
d.
“No.No.
”Irespond,myhandsonmywai
st,
“Okay…y
es…Ithoughty
ouwantedust
ohave
sex.
”
Hereyesgoeswi
de,
“Uhm…whywoul
dyout
hink
t
hat?”
“Thechampagne…uhm…Nj abul
o’saski
ngmeif
Iam r
eadyforaspeci
alweekend.I
tiscr
azy
,I
know.”
“I
sn’
tthisspeci
al?
”Sheshrugs.Iam gl adshe
di
dn’tmentionanyt
hingaboutNj abulo’
sblurt
ing
herbusi
ness.Hemustst opeav esdroppingon
hi
swi f
e’sconvoswithherf
riends.
“
Iti
s.”
“Youdon’tthi
nkso, doyou?”Shest ar
esatme.
Asalways,myf acemi ghthavesaidsomet hi
ng.
“Okay,i
tisspecialf
ormebecauseIhav enever
sharedabed…wi thsomeoneIl ove.Li
ke,Iknow
Iam saf
ewi
thy
ou.Iknow…Iam saf
ewi
thy
ou.
”
Iwal
ktowher
eshei
sst
andi
ng.
“Iam happyyoufeel
thatway,”Isay.“
Didyou
havetogetti
psytotell
me?”Myf acei
scloseto
hers.Shenodsatmyquestion.“Iwantyouto
bef r
eewithme.”
“
Okay
.”
Imakeament alnotetotal
kaboutsexinour
rel
ati
onshi
pafterherchi
l
dhoodt r
auma.Iam
fucki
nghornyasItouchherwaistandsni
ff
ing
herscent
…butweneedt ot al
k.
“Iam honour
edtoshareabedwithyou,Thul
i
Lerebane,
”Imumble.Itt
akesev
eryt
hinginme
nottogiggl
eandlaugh.
Thi
sissomewhatcut
e.

*
**
Maywepl easehaveabookchatt omor r
ow
(SATURDAY)at11: 00to12:00?I'
llbehav i
nga
bookchat( onTHEROYALMI STRESSser ies
andI NTOTHESUN)wi thLorr
aineSithol
e.The
mai ntopi
cisBLACKWOMENANDSACRI FI
CE-
thisisaserioust
opic.Justcl
i
ckont helink
tomor r
owandj oi
nus.Hav eyourcoffeeont he
side.

Let
schat
:
htt
ps:
//us02web.zoom.us/j
/84952236389?pwd
=RFNMN3RKT3l GcGZidk80Q09KWDFt Zz09
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE25(
Unedi
ted)

THULI
Ihavebeensoner vousfort hewhol eweek.
Sharingabedwi thamani sgoi ngtobea
hardestthingever.Okay,Ihav ehadmoment s
withtheguy sIt
riedhav i
ngr el
ationshi
pswith
butnotsomet hi
ngt hisserious.Icantellhe
wantst olaughatmef ormaki ngthis‘
sl
eeping
together’
soundsof or
mal .Itmeansso, so
mucht ome.
Heget sinmyduv etfirstandt apthebedf orme
tojoinhi
m.Ihesi t
antlywalkt othebedand
j
umpnextt ohim.Onl ynowwhenhest ar
es
downatmedoIf eelembar rassedaboutmy
choiceofthepy j
amas.Mar iasuggest edthatI
putonsomet hingsexyonl yifmyai mi sto
seducehim andifIam r eadyf orustosl eep
together
.Iam notther eyet.So,toav oid
seducinghim,Ipickedanor mal setbutwhen
hekeepsst ar
ing,Ifeelli
kechangi ng.
“Isnor
e,don’
tI?
”HeasksasIsitonthebed.Of
coursehedoes.Nott
hathor
ri
blebuthedoes.
“Justalit
tlebi
t,
”Imumbl e.Whyam Ieven
nervous.Somethinginmeknowst hatIcan
trusthi
m.Somet hingdeepanditscar
esmeso
muchbecausei tisthefi
rstti
meIfeell
ikethi
s
aboutany one.
“Youarethinkingt oomuchabout ,
”Phutisays.
“Youdon’thavet ot hi
nktoomuchabouti t.You
aregoi
ngt ogeti nt heduvet
sandt ur
nthatway
andifyoulike,I’
l
l spoonyou.Ify
ouar enot
comfortabl
e, I
’
llturntheotherwayandwecoul d
tal
kabouty ourdayunt ily
ousleep.”
Ipul
lthesi
del
ampof
fandgetundert
heduv
ets.
“IthoughtIhaveeveryt
hingundercontrol,
”Isay ,
shy l
y.Phuti
’
slaughterwar msmeupasI
snuggleclosetohim.Bef oreIstar
tmumbl ing
somemor e,Phut
istartsaskingmeaboutmy
dayandhowt hi
ngsar eatwor k.Il
i
ketalki
ng
aboutmynewpr oj
ect.Edwi nandIarewor king
ondev elopi
nganAPPf orcompaniestoeasi ly
tracktheeconomict r
endsr el
atedtot
hei r
busi
nesssot hattheyareabletomakewise
deci
sions.Iam r unni
ngwi t
htheshowandhav e
ateam ofInternswor ki
ngforme.Iam gr
ateful
formyexper i
encewi thstudent
s,unl
i
kemy
boss,Iam pat i
entwithmyt eam.
Okay,IseewhatPhutiwasdoi ngwhenhe
askedmet otel
lhim aboutmynewpr oj
ect.I
t
mademer el
axandher eheis,dozi
ngt osl
eep
whil
eIbr i
ngscenari
osofwhatIam cr eati
ng.
Andmosti mportant
ly,Iam r
elaxedandno
l
ongernervous.
“
Youaresleepy,
ain’tyou?”Iaskhim whil
e
t
urni
ngtofacethewi ndow.Whenhet r
iesto
movehi
shandsot hathedoesn’tpul
l mecloser
t
ohim,Itel
lhimitisalri
ght.
“Youknowsomet hi
ngmightbepokingyouifI
spoony ou,r
ight?
”Heasks.Iknow.Icannot
expecthimtobesocl osetomeandnotget
aroused.Thi
si swhyIcal
li
taspecialni
ght.
Whenheget smyper missi
on,hepull
smecl ose
tohim andtellmegoodnight.WhenPhut
i
sleeps,hetr
ulydoes.Unl
ikemewhocanst ay
uphal foft
henightjustt
hinki
ng.
Sex!
Now, whenIam supposedt obesl eeping, Iam
forcedtot hinkaboutsex.It hi
nkPhut iandI
needt obeont hesamepage.Howi sgoingt o
bewi thhim?Iam honest ly
,honestlyinlov ewi t
h
him andIknowhef eelst hesamebutIpr ay
everydaywet hatbothconnectont hatregar d.I
hav eneverconnect edwi thany one,unlikehi m
whohadasexbuddy .Ihav eneverdonei tand
enjoyedit.Al l
endedupwi t
hmel ookingatt he
ceili
ng,cryingastheot herpersonpl ease
themselveswi thme.Ihadt ostopwhi l
edoi ng
thedancebecauset heni ghtmarewer e
foll
owingme.
CanIsl
eepnow?
Phut
iispr
obabl
ydr
eami
ngbynow.Hehasl
et
goofmeandt ur
nedtofacetheot
herway .So
manyquest ioncomestomyheadasIwat ch
hi
m sleepingpeaceful
l
y.Whatgoesinhishead
whenhet hinksofme?IknowIshoul dn’
tfocus
onthenegat iv
e,somethingsarej
ustsotoo
good…t oogoodt obetrue.
Bef
oreIknowi
t,Idozedof
f.
Inthemor ning, Iam onl ywokenupwhenPhut i
pullsmesocl oset ohi m, Igottempt edt ojump
outofbed.Hi speni sdidpokemeandi tisas
hardasast eel .Mymout hgoesdr yinstantl
y.I
don’tknowi fitist hechampagneIwasdr i
nking
l
astni ght,oriti sthef eeli
ngt hatwentst r
aight
tomycor e.Thatbut t
erfl
iesi nyourst omach
kind-ofaf eeli
ng.Phut ireali
sesourcont actand
probably,myst iffnessbecausebef oreIcould
sayany thing,hecl earshist hroatandsi tsup.
“Isl
eptt
hewhol
eni
ght
,di
dn’
tI?
”Heasks
befor
eyawni
ng.
“Youdon’ thav eapr oblem, sleeping. ”Thathe
doesn’thav e.Heget sonhi sf eetandmakeshi s
wayt othebat hr oom.Hedoesn’ tev encare
aboutthet entont hef r
ontofhi sboxer s.When
heclosest hedoor ,Ireali
set hatIhav ebeen
drooli
ngonhi m.Hi sbody .Thet hicknessofhi s
penis.Jeezzz, whatam Isay ing?Ihav enev er
thoughtaboutt heset hingsapar tfrom t he
bookst hatGr acecont i
nuet or ecommendf or
me.
Iimmediatel
ygetoutofbedsothatIcoul
dput
onmygown, hopi
ngthati
twil
lcovert
hefact
thatIam wetandhorny.
I
sn’
twei
rd?
Ori
sthi
showt
hingsar
esupposedt
obe?
“
Areyoual
right
?”Phut
iasksashewalksback
t
owhereIam.Igivehi
m asmilej
ustt
ohide
my….wel
l,
Idon’tev
enknowwhatIam hidi
ng.
“
Youaresupposedtostayi
nbedsothatIcan
makey
oubr
eakf
asti
nbed.
”
Yeahr i
ght!BeforeIcouldsayanyt
hingtobash
hi
st hought,hepointstothebedsoIcouldget
backtot heblankets.Hepickshi
st-
shir
tand
putsiton.
“Readordosomething…butyouwil
ldot
he
dishes,
”hesayswhi
lecrossi
ngther
oom back
tothekit
chen.“
Ihat
edishes.
”
Iwatchasmyboyfr
iendmakesmebr eakf
astto
beservedi
nbed.Myv er
yfi
rstbr
eakf
astinbed.

*
***
*

Groceryshoppi ng.Ami nispri

ngcl eaning.A
mov i
edat e.Allthatwastheor deroft he
weekendandIenj oymyselfsomuch.Il i
kehow
whenPhut iandIar et
ogether,wegett odoall
t
hebor ingthingsandnev ergett i
redofeach
ot
her
.
Now,wear ewai t
ingforourf
oodatNewsCafe.
Aft
erlunch, Phutiisdri
vi
ngbackt
oJoburgf
or
workandIam goi ngbacktoahecti
cweekof
endl
esspr ojectsandall.
“WhenareyoucomingtoJobur
g?”Phut
iasks
asthewait
erset
sthefood.
“Mynextappointmentwi
thDrVanessai
sthe
otherweek.I
’
llcomethen.
”
“Weneedt otalk,”hesay s.“
Idon’tknowi fwe
shouldtal
kabouti tnoworaf terDrVanessa’ s
appoint
ment .
”Myanxi et
yshoott oat housand
i
nasecond.Tal kaboutwhat ?Doeshewantt o
breakupwithmeagai n?Doeshewantt oleave
me?WasIt oochi l
dishforhim…chi l
dishabout
thewholesleepingtogetherthingie?“Hey,are
youalri
ght?”
“
What
?”
“
Arey
oual
ri
ght
?Youl
ookl
i
key
ouj
ustsawa
ghost
,”Phut
isay
scal
mlyasi
fhedi
dn’
tjust
thr
owabombonme.
“
Iam f
ine,
”Iwhi
sper
.
“No,youarenot.
”Phuti
t akesmyhand.Imi ght
havegivenhi
m areasont odoubtmywor ds.He
rubsmyhandandwhatIf eeli
sbeyondme.I
thi
nkIhavedeeperfeel
ingsforPhutiandIdo
notknowhef eel
sthesame.
“Whatdoy outal
kabout
?”Iask.Maybei fhejust
sayall
thethingshewantstosay,
I’
ll
br eathe
aft
erwardsbecauseIam suf
focat
edrightnow.
“Uhm…Iwantust otal
kaboutsex,”hesays
aftercl
ear
inghi
sthr
oat.Oh,hedoesn’twantt
o
breakupwi t
hme?Oh,wait…doeshewantsex
from me?“Thul
i
…backtoearth,
please.”
“
Huh?
”
“Backtoeart
hplease.Yourmindisrunni
ngwil
d.
Iwanty out
ocomebackt oeart
h,”hesay
s.Get
apartnerwhoknowswhaty outhinki
ng,t
hey
say
.Ther
eisnohi
dingf
rom hi
m.
“Yeah.Iam f i
ne, ”Imumbl e.MsVannessaandI
hadachataboutt hi
s.SheaskedmehowIf eel
abouti nti
macywhenIt ol
dheraboutmy
romant icrel
ationshi pwit
hPhut i
.Iwasn’ tsure
ofwhatIt ol
dherbutIment i
onedthatPhut i
makesmef eel ateasesohei soneper sonI
trust.Hecomesaf termysistersoIbel i
evethat
Icant rusthi
m wi thmybody .Also,havingsex
wi t
hhim won’ tbemyf ir
st…Ijusthopei twil
lbe
betterthantheot herexperi
ences.Iraisemy
handf orthewai tr
ess.Ihatetodot hisbutI
hav eto.
“Iam nothappyt hatIhav
et ogetyoudr unkto
tal
k,”hesay sandthereaf
terchuckles.Hi s
statementdoesn’tstopmef rom conformi ngto
thewai tr
essthatIneedtogett woshot s.Likea
god- sent
,thewaitr
essbri
ngst heshotsi na
mi nuteandIdownbot hofthem whi l
ePhut i
makesnoi seabouthowunnecessar ythisis.He
hasnoi
deahowner
vousIam.Noi
dea.
“Whatwereyousay
ing?
”Iask.Phut
ishakeshi
s
headbutheknowsnotgiv
emeal ect
ure.
“Look,It
houghtitwouldbebestthatwet al
k
aboutsex,”herepeat
swhatpushedmet otake
theshort
s.“Idon’twantyoutofeelpr
essuredt
o
sleepwit
hme.Icanj erkmy sel
foffwheneverI
wantifyouhavet oknow…”
“
Toomuchi
nfo,
”Isay
.
“Howthehelldoyouthi
nkIfuncti
on?
”Heasks
befor
elaughi
ng.“
Fuck…mybal l
sgetbluesoy
es,
Ineedtojer
koffafewtimes.”
“
Okay
…youar
etel
l
ingmet
his,
because?
”
“BecauseIdonotwanty
out
ost
ressy
our
sel
f
aboutsuch.
”
“
Whati
fIam r
eady
?”
“Nah.”Phuti
dr i
nksf
rom hi
sbeerbot
tl
e.WhenI
don’tsayanythi
ngelse,
hestar
esatmewith
wi
denedey
es.
“
Whati
fIam r
eadyf
orsex?
”
“No.Youcannotbereadyaft
ershots.Andyou
cannotbereadyj
ustbecauseIbroughtthi
s
topi
cup.”
“DoyouknowwhyIhadt omakethi
sweek
speci
al?
”Iask.Theal
cohol
hasn’
tki
ckedi
n
yet
…orhasit?
“
Why
?”
“BecauseIam r
eadytogetdeeperint
othi
ngs.I
f
Iwasn’tr
eady…iwouldn’
thavesuggest
edus
shari
ngthebed.Itmeansalottome….Bothof
them.”
“Ofcour se,”Phutisay
s.Hedoesn’tbeli
evewhat
Iam say ing.ShouldItel
lhi
m howdeepmy
feeli
ngsar eforhim?Wedidn’tt
alkaboutwhat
sleepi
ngt ogethermademef eel
.Myf eel
ings
aredefinitelydeepert
hathi
sandIdon’ twant
himt oknow.“ Lookbaby…whatIwant edtosay
wasthaty
oumust
n’tf
eel
li
kewehav
etodoi
t,
okay
?”
“
Whynot
?”
“BecausethatisnotwhatIwantust obe.Ihav
e
beeninrel
ationshiporsi
tuat
ion-shi
pswhere
sexisthemai nreasonIam withaperson…thi
s
i
snott hecase.”
“
Right
!”

*
***
*

Sexwast helasttopicweshoul dhave

di
scussedaboutbef or ePhut
i l
eftonSunday.I
t
i
sFridaynowandi thasbeent heonlyt
hingthat
hasbeeninmyheadsi ncehekissedme‘ good
bye’
onSundayaf ter
noon.Evenwhenhecal l
ed
medur i
ngt heweek, Icoul
dn’tevenbri
ngitup.
MayIcanj usttakethingsint
omyownhands-
thatshoulddo.I
fweputthi
sint
oanother
discussi
on,Phut
iisgoi
ngtooveranal
yse
everythi
ngandscrut
ini
sewhyIam notready
.
Hehashi sownreasonswhyIam notreadybut
Iam.
Thisiscr
azy.WhenIupdat edMariaabouthow
theweekendwent ,Ididn’
ttel
lherabouthow
hornymyexerciseleftme.IthinkIam ready
.
Butam IasreadyasIsayIam?WhenIwas
aloneinmyapar t
ment ,Ihavebeenthi
nkinga
l
otaboutit.
“Youaremi lesaway,
”Edwinsaysashesettl
es
ont hechairnextt
omi ne.Wearereadyt
o
presentthenewAPPt hatEdwinisaboutto
developforanewcl i
ent.
“Notatall
.Ar
eyouready
?”Iaskinstead.My
personal
li
fei
snotupfordi
scussion.Iti
sn’
t.
“Def
ini
tel
y.Asal
way
s,”Edwi
nrespondsj
ustl
i
ke
healwaysdoes.
Whent hemeet ingst
arts,
Itrymybesttostay
focusedsot hatIcantaketheminutesf
or
reportpurposesandalsoformet obeableto
domyj obnextdays.
Isur
viv
e.
Isurvi
vet wohoursofal
ongestmeeting.Al
lI
hadtodoi st
opushPhutiawayfr
om my
thoughts.Heiscomingt
oday,asplannedbut
thewhol edayItr
ymybesttofocusonmyj ob.
WhenIgethome, Icheckmymessagest o
knowt hatPhuti willbearri
vinginanhour .Long
week.Longday .Iwantt ogetov erthatanddo
whati sinmymi ndbef oreIchangemymi nd.
Ther ewasnochancef ormet ogetasexy
l
inger i
ebutthebl ogIr eadysaidthatIdonot
needanyexpensi velingeri
e.Ijumpintoa
showerandgeti nt othegownaf terspari
ngmy
bodywi t
hmymostexpensi veperfume.The
blogdi dsaythatitwor kstocompl imentthe
mi ssi
ngl i
ngeri
e.Byt het i
mewhenPhut itell
s
met hatheisdownst air
s,It
ellhimtoask
securi
tytoletmehi m becauseIalr
eadymade
anar r
angementwi t
ht hem.ImagineifIhaveto
rundownst ai
rsandcomebackt obei n
character-Ihadpaidonesecur i
tyguardtolet
myboy fri
endinwhenhear r
ives.Whenaknock
goesonmydoor ,Iknowi ti
shim.
Noshot sneeded, Thuli
.Noshot sneeded,
I
remindmy selfasIwal ktot hedoortoopenit.
LikewhatPhut isaid,
Ineedt obesanewhenI
decideonthis.Thisthingofusi ngalcohol
asan
escapewon’ twork.Also, Idon’
twanthi mto
thinkt
hatIhav edecidedont hi
sbecauseIam
drunk.Iam assoberast heycome.
Idon’
tcar
ehowt
ir
edhei
s.
“
Comei
n,
”Isaywhi
l
eopeni
ngt
hedoor
.
“Theroadmaint
enanceis….
”Hesay swhil
e
walki
ngint
otheroom butst
opswhenhe
noti
ceshowinappr
opriat
eIlook.“
…hect
ic.
”He
star
esatmyopenedgown…andt henl
if
this
headsothathi
seyesmeetmine.“Whatisgoi
ng
on?”
Done!
I
tisdone!
Themanisspeechl
essandt
hel
ustinhiseyes
i
senoughformetoknowhowhefeelsabout
me.Wearekindofi
nasamepage.
“Howwasy ourt
rip?”Iask,soundi
ngformal.
Thelookonhisfaceforcesmet ochuckl
e.He
l
ookslikehehasseenaghost .Aghostbeing
me.
“Youdon’ tgettoaskmeabouthowmyday
l
ooksl ike…whilelooki
ngli
kethat…”hesay s,
fumbl i
ngwi t
hhi swords.Heswear sunderhis
breatheandIknowt hereisnogoingback.I
takehisbagandt hrowitonthefloorsothatmy
handscangetonhi m.Befor
ehecanev ensay
anything,mylipslandsonhimj usttogivehi
m
assur
ancet
hatt
hisi
nwhatIwant
.
“
What….
ist
his…”heasks,
hishandsl
andi
ngon
mybums.
“Ihav
econdoms,”Imumblewhil
esli
dingmy
handint
othegown,comingbackwit
ha
condom.Hegrabsitf
rom myfi
ngerandswear
s
somemor e.
“
No…no…Thul
i,
whyareyoutempingmelike
t
his?
”Heaskwhil
est
ruggl
i
ngwithhisbr
eath.
“
Iwantust
odoi
ttoni
ght
.”
“Areyousure,
”hewhispers.Iknowtheisn’
tin
hissensesbecausei
fhewas, hewasgoingto
stopmef r
om doingt
his.Het hinksI
’
m not
readyandIam.
“
Yes.
”
“
Okay
,Iam goi
ngt
obegent
le,
”hewhi
sper
s.
“Youdon’thav
et obe,
”IsayasIt
akeaf
ew
stepsbacktoreachmybed.
“Iwantt
ogiveyout
hebest
,”hemumbles
befor
ehishungr
yli
psl
andsonmine.
“
Idon’
twantthebest
….Ij
ustwantyou,
”I
mumble.Recei
vi
nghi
sgentl
ekissonmyli
ps.
“
Iwantyout
oo,”Phut
iconfesses…f
orci
ngme
t
odestr
oyal
lthewall
saroundme.
Iwantt
his.
Iwantt
hisnow.

I
tisyouandIthisweekend!
! -ithasbeen
alongestweekofmylif
ebutwear
eback
t
ogethernow.

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE26(
Unedi
ted)
THULI

“
Idon’
twantthebest
….Ij
ustwantyou,
”I
mumble.Recei
vi
nghi
sgentl
ekissonmyli
ps.
“
Iwantyout
oo,”Phut
iconfesses…f
orci
ngme
t
odestr
oyal
lthewall
saroundme.
Iwantt
his.
Iwantt
hisnow.
Idonothav eanydoubtsatthi
smi nut
e-Ijust
wantwhatIwantnow.Phut ipul
lshimselffr
om
thekissandstaresdownatme.I fhewanted
met otapdownandwal kaway ,heisnotgett
ing
outofthissoeasil
y.Ist
arebackathim,my
eyesfull
oflust.
“
Iam sur
e,”Imumbl
e.“
Iam sur
e.”
Thatgi
veshi
mt heener
gytopeelthegownof
f
myskinandthr
owitonthefl
oor.Themanisas
hungryasIam andt hatmakesmef eelgreat.I
t
makesmef eelsomewhatspeci al
.Iti
sgoodt o
feelwantedandPhut ir
ightherewantsme
regardl
essofev ery
thingthatisinmyl if
e.When
mygownl andsont hefloor,hi
shandsget son
mybr eastandIr ol
lmyey esathowgr eatit
feel
s.Itfeel
snew, thisfeeli
ng.Howhishand
burnsonmyski nbutnott oohotformet orun
awayorst ophimi nanyway .
Myhandsf ighttopullhi
st -
shir
toffandi na
minuteIsucceedt odoso.I nbetweenmy
thi
ghsisawel l.Iam sowet .Wett
erthatIhav e
everexperi
encei nmylife.I
tisPhuti
’shands
makingmel i
kethis.Makingmet rembleashi s
handsplaywi t
hmyboobs.Hepushesme
backwardsunt i
lIdropont hebed.Hispant s
getsonthef l
oori naminute-myey esar eon
hisbarechestasheget sont hebedt ogett o
me.Hismout hfindsmineandt hi
srighthereis
whatIhavedr eamtabout .Heislostinthis
whenIf eel hishandsonmywai st.Hisfinger
s
teasemyst omachwhi l
ehi smout hisat t
ached
tomi neandhi stonguef or ci
ngi tswayi ntomy
mout h.Hisgr oani sloudasIsuckhi stongue.It
i
sonl ywhenhi sfingersr eachf ormyv aginadoI
tenseup.Idi dn’tmeant oandPhut idoesn’t
seem tor eali
semymov e.Hisf i
nger sfindsthe
entranceofmypussyandIshutmyey esso
ti
ghtlysoIcoul dpraysot hattheGodt hat
Mar i
a’smot herpr ayedt odoesnotal l
owt he
demonst ocr eepintomyheadr i
ghtatt his
moment .Rightnowwhenev erythingwas
perfectl
ygoi ngwel l…thef ingers.Thef ingers
arecoldandi nani nstant,hisbr eathisloudand
scaringme.
“Phuti
,”Iwhisper,
tryi
ngtocatchmybr eathbut
Phutiislostint
hekissthatheistr
yingtoshut
meupwi thanotherdeepone.Thefingers
haven’tstoppedcreepi
ngintomyski nandwith
awar ning,t
earsgushoutofmyt ears.
No.
Phut
i.
No.
Whenmysobsareloud,
Phut
ist
art
sshaki
ng
whi
leget
ti
ngof
ffrom me.
“
Thul
i
,”hecal
l
s.“
Thul
i
,openy
ourey
es.
”
Ishakemyheadashekeepsshaki
ngme.
“Openy oureyes,
”hebegsandIf orce
everyt
hinginmet oopenmyey esandwhenIdo,
hiseyesar egl
uedonmi neandwor ryisall
over
them.Insteadofpushinghim awayfrom me,I
pullhi
m closertomesowecont i
nuet heki
ss
despit
ewhatj usthappened.
Idon’
twanthi
mtost
op.
Mytear
sdon’tstoprushi
ngoutofmyey
esasI
t
ryt
ogetmy selfcal
m.
“
Thul
i…”Phut
iwhi
sper
stry
ingt
otakemyhands
whi
chareatt
hebackofhi
sheadbutIdon’
t
move.Al
lIdoistobegf orhi
mt okissme.I
wanttof
eelbett
er.Ineedtofeelbett
er.Hel
ets
goandwe
“Pl
easePhut
i…makemef
eel
bet
ter
,”IbegasI
cont
inuet
ocli
ngonhi
m.
“Shhhh..”Phuti
say sbeforefi
nall
yki
ssingme
untilmysobsst op.Hedoesn’ tt
ouchmeelse
wher e.Hedoesn’tcontinuewhathewasdoi ng
andIknowi ti
snol ongergoingtohappenand
may be,iti
salri
ght.IthoughtIwasreadybutI
disappointedhi
m, didn’
tI?
“Iam sor
ry,
”Iwhi
sperwhenwebr
eakapar
t
afterawhil
e.
“
It
’sokay
,”hemumbleswhil
ecleani
ngmyt
ear
s
wi
thhist
humbs.“
DidIhurtyou?”
“
Thef
inger
s.Theyr
emi
nded…”
“
Iunder
stand.
”
“
Iswear
…Iam r
eady
.”
“Iknow.Wewi l
ltr
yagai
ntomorrow,”hesays
beforeki
ssingmeonceagai
nandr oll
ingonthe
sidesothatwecouldl
ieonthebed.Istar
ethe
othersi
deandhehugsf r
om theback.
Iam nakedandIhav ehi m behi
ndme-t hatis
somepr ogress…thefingersarejustashow
stopperandshouldbeav oidedwhenwet r
y
again.I
tisn’
tevenclosetobedt imebutlyi
ng
si
lentl
yinbedmakesense.
“Howisyourmother
?”Iaskaft
erawhil
e,
hopi
ngtocatchhismoodfrom hi
svoi
ce.
Hechucklesandsay s,
“Kamosayssheisquit
e
greatandthereispr
ogressi
nherheal
th.I
tis
funnyhowt heoldmanalwayscomesbyto
spendtimewi t
hher.
”
Goodmood.Hismoodi
sn’
trui
nedbywhat
happenedear
li
er.
“Maybei
tishiswayt
oapol
ogi
seforwhathe
didt
oher.Peopl
ehaveaf
unnywayofshowi
ng
howsor
ryt
heyar
e.”
“Wel
l…itjustdoesn’
tmakesensewhenhe
comesbywi thhiswife.Iti
sjustawkwardbutI
deci
dednott oevenaskany more.”Hepul
lsme
cl
oser.“
ItoldherthatIwi l
lbebringi
ngyou
homesoon.Ar eyour eadytomeether ?”
“
What?”Iwhi
sper.Itur
ntofacehi
m andasmi
l
e
i
sst
il
lonhisface.“Doyouwantmetomeet
y
ourmother?
”
“Soon?Yes.Ipr
omi
sehert
hatIwi
l
lbr
ingy
ou
homesoon.”
Futur
e.Hedoesseehisf
utur
ewithme,ev
en
aft
erthi
swholedr
amaIjustdi
shedhi
m.Ishe
j
ustperf
ectofagent
lemen?
“
Iwouldli
ketomeethersoon,”Irespondand
t
urnbacktomyinit
ialpose.Therestoft
hetime,
wecatchuponhowt heweekwasandpl ansfor
t
heweekend.Thereisn’
tmucht odoandour
r
outi
neisbecomingboringbecausewedot he
samet hi
ngsoverandoveragai
n.Theonly
reasonwegetoutofbedisbecauseweneed
food.Aft
erthat
,westayi
nbed,chatt
ing.
Thewhol eweekend, wedecidedtoletthesex
go.Ididn’thavetheenergytobr i
ngupagai n
unti
lSunday .Also,Phuti
didn’twanttobr i
ngup
theconv ersat
ionincaseIam notr eadytobring
thetopicup.Iwasf i
nebythatuntilhekissed
megoodby eonSundayev ening.
Ihat
edhowmuchofacowar
dIwas.

*
***
*

Thewhol eweekleadi
ngtomyappoi ntment
wit
hDrVannesahasbeenl ong-Ididn’teven
getachancet of
eelpit
yformy sel
fort otakea
fewstepsbackonmyj ourney.Maybe, Phuti
nevergiv
esmeachancet ofeelpi
tyf ormyself
orfeelsmall
aboutwhathappenedl ast
weekend.Allhedoes,ever
yday ,i
st ot
extme
andtellmehowsex yIam.Howbeaut iful
Ilook
whenIsleep,somucht hathewi shesIgivehim
enoughtimetowatchme.I fhet urnsormov e,
oranythi
ng,Icaneasi
lyfeelhim andjustli
ke
that
,Iwakeup.Iam al i
ghtsleeperandhav e
alwaysbeen.
“Zamat el
l
smey ouarenotstay
ingunti
llat
e
toni
ght,
”Edwinsay swhi
legrabbingaseatinmy
offi
ce.Heinv
itedhimsel
fforacof f
eebreak.
“
Yes,
Iam l
eav
ingf
orJobur
gtoni
ght
.”
“Doyour eal
lyhavet ogo?”heasksandt i
lthi
s
headwhi l
ehewai tsformyr esponds.Since
Phutit
oldmehei sjealousofEdwi n,
Imadei t
mypoi ntnottoleadEdwi noni nanywayi n
caseher eal
lyhasfeel i
ngsforme.Thel ast
thi
ngIneedi sconfusionandcompl i
cati
ons.I
hadalsomadei tmyt asktotrymybestt oread
Edwin’
smi ndbutIf ailatt
hat.Heisgener al
ly
notanasshol eformet of
eelthathetreatsme
speci
albuthet
ri
esbyal
lmeansf
orust
ost
ay
cl
ose.
“Ihaveanappoi ntmentwi t
hmyt herapi
st,
”I
respond.Iknowhewoul dn’taskorbegmet o
stayifImentiont hat.Nott hatmyappoi nt
ment
withDrVanessai sal i
e.Itisoneoft hereasons
Iam goingtoJobur g.Thesecondonei sDineo.
Okay ,t
hesecondonei sPhut ibecauseIknow
DineoandMuof hehav epl anst hewhole
weekend.IwantPhut i
andIt r
yagain.IknowI
mi ghtbegiv
ingt hemanat ightti
mebutIneed
thi
sf ormyselft
oo.
“Whyar
eyoubi
ti
ngyourl
ip,
Thul
i?
”Edwi
nasks
bef
oret
aki
ngasipofhi
sdri
nk.
“
Oh, sor
ry,”Iqui
ckl
ysay .If
orgotIhaveavi
sit
or
i
nmyof ficewhileIam daydreamingaboutt
he
t
hingsIwantmyboy f
ri
endandIt ot r
y.
“
Areyougoi
ngtotaket
heGeoTechfi
lewit
h
y
ou?”Edwinasks.Wor
kist
helastt
hingonmy
mi
ndt
hisweekend-orr
ecent
ly.
“Iam goi
ngt
ohav
ethel
ongestweekend,
ever
,”
Isay.
“
Boyf
ri
end?
”Edwi
naskswhi
l
eget
ti
ngonhi
s
f
eet
.
“Maybe.May
benot.TheGeoTechdeadl
inei
n
nextweekWednesday
,I’
l
lmakesureIhave
donemyworkbyTuesdaynoon.”
“
Enj
oyy
ourweekend,
”hesay
sbef
orecr
ossi
ng
t
ohi
sownoff
ice.
Byf ouro’cl
ockIpullmyov er
nightbagand
pursef r
om mycupboar dandmakemywayt o
thet axir
ankforataxit
oJobur g.It
extPhuti
,to
l
ethi m knowwhatt i
mehecanwai tformeat
thet axir
ank.Bythetimewer eachJoburgCBD,
Iam donepl anni
ngtheweekendi nmyhead.I
haver eadtwochaptersfrom anewbookt hatI
pickedf r
om thebookstoreawhi leago.I
f
anyonecoul dseethethingsIreadabout ,
they
wouldshakethei
rheadsatme.If
indthese
booksli
berat
ingwhenthechar
acter
sIread
aboutar
easbol dashowIwishtoeverbe.
Tr
avell
i
ngisexhausti
ng,mostl
ywhenyoudoit
st
rai
ghtfr
om work.Iguessi
twewill
getusedt
o
i
taft
eralongwhil
e.
Sat
urdaymor
ning,
aft
erbreakf
ast
,Phut
idr
ops
meatDrVanessa’
soff
ice.
“Lookatyou.Iam i
mpr essedaboutyour
progr
ess,
”shesay saft
ermaki ngnotesonwhat
Ihavebeentelli
nghersincefi
fteenminut
es
whenIgother e.
“Thanky ou.ButIstil
lhav e…somet hingIneed
togetov er,
”Isay.Ihav ealreadygi
venheran
updateaboutmysi sterandhowshei sdeali
ng
withherissuesandhowi tscaredmef orali
ttl
e
while.Iam gladDineodi dn’ttaket
hingsfurt
her
andMuof hehastoldmeshei sperf
ectl
yfine
andst art
ingwithhersessi onssoon.
“
Whati
sit
?”
“I
tisaboutmysex ualrelat
ionshipwit
hmy
boyfr
iend,”Isay.Thisissounl i
kemebutal ot
haschanged.Al othaschangedi nmyl i
feIam
alsoj
ustgoi ngwi t
haf l
owbecauseIdon’ t
understandallthesethingsthatarehappening
tome." Thelasttimewet r
iedgetti
ngint
imate…
whenhet ouchedme…Ist art
edseeingthose
guys,
”
“
Doy
out
rusthi
m?”
“
Yes.HenceIt
houghtIwasr
eady
.”
“Youmightbephysi
cal
lyr
eadyforitbutnot
mental
ly…butever
ythi
ngwil
lfal
li
npl acesoon.
Justgi
veitt
ime.Doesheunderst
and? ”
“
Yes.
”
“Doyouneedsomeonet ot
alktohim aboutit
?
Sothatheunder
standswhereyoucomef rom?
Seei
ngsomeonemi ghthel
p.Thesethingstake
ti
me.”
“Idon’tt
hinktherei
saneed.Heunder stands.I
j
ustdon’tknowwhathappened, ”Isay.I nthe
nextthir
tyminutes,
shecouchesmeonhowt o
handlemyemot i
ons.Ididn’
tcr
y.Therewas
nothingtocryabout.Therewasnothingatal l
.If
anyonement ionedthatIwil
lbethi
sfreeaf ter
seeingashr i
nk…Iwoul dn’
thavebel
iev edthem.
“
So,
areyour
eadytocal
lyourmot
her
?Tot
alk
t
oher?
”Sheasks.
“
Iam notr
eadyt
oseeher
.”
“Let
’spr
etendt
hatIam y
ourmother
.Doyou
haveanyt
hingt
osaytome?”sheasks.
“
Yes.
”Icl
earmyt
hroat
.
“
Pret
endt
hatIam y
ourmother
…saywhat
ever
t
hati
siny
ourhear
t,
”shesays.
Ist
areatherf
orsolongbef
oresay
ing,
“Iam
notr
eadytosi
tdowni nt
hesameroom wit
h
youbutIf
orgi
veyou.”
Ther
eIsai
dit
.If
orgi
veher
.
Themi nuteIwalkoutofDrVanessa’sof
fi
ce,I
feelsoli
ght.Notears.Whatsoever
.WhenIget
totheparkinglot
,Phutii
swaiti
ngforme.When
Ijumpintomyseat ,hetakesmyhandandkiss
thebackofi t
.
“
Howwasi
t?”heasks.
“
Per
fect
!”Ismi
l
e.“
Ideci
dedt
ofor
giv
emy
mot
her.
”
“Iam pr
oudofyou.”Phutiki
ssesmyhandand
reachovert
okissmyl i
ps.Thatfeel
i
ng,agai
n.
Thatstr
ongfeel
ingthatIgetwhenIkisshi
m al
l
theti
me.
“Doyousti
llwanttotr
y?”Imumbl ei
nhisli
ps.“I
wantto.
”Phutidoesn’
trespond.Hestar
tsthe
caranddri
vesstrai
ghthome.
Thesexualt
ensionhasbeenstr
ongsincewe
l
eftDrVanessa’
soffi
ce.Somuchthatwhenwe
walki
ntoPhuti’
sapart
ment,hel
ocksthedoor
andstartsundressi
ngme.Hecannothol d
hi
msel fsi
nceIhadmyhandonhi sthi
ghthe
wholewayt othehouse.Hel eadsthewayt ohi
s
bedroom.Whi l
ehesear chesthedrawersfora
condom, Iam alr
eadytakingmyclothesoff.
WhenPhut iret
urnswher eIam si
tti
ng,hetakes
overuntil
Iam leftwi
thjustunderwear.He
str
uggleswithhisowncl otheswhil
eIwatch
hi
m.
Thesunissti
ll
upandt her
eisnothi
dingfr
om
eachother
.Phuti
getsovermewhileIli
edown.
Hestaresdownatmeandpl acest
hecondom
caref
ull
yonthenightst
and.
“Lookatme.All
thetime,okay?
”Hemumbl es
andInod.“Whateverhappens,don’
tcl
oseyour
eyes,okay
?”
Heisri
ght.Thesethi
ngsattackmewhenIcl ose
myeyesandgomi l
esawayi nthoughts.Il
i
ftmy
headsothatIcanreachforhisli
ps.Iti
sgoing
tobeweir
dki ssi
nghim wi
thmyey esopenbutI
tr
y .Hebreaksthekissanddr ophi smouthon
myshoul der.Heki
ssesev erypar tofme, l
if
ti
ng
hi
sheadt omakesur ethatIam st i
llokay
.Iam
mor ethanenough.Whenhi sl i
pst ouchmyski n,
Ifeelli
kemysoul i
sr i
ppedoutofmysoul .
Whenhi sfinger
splaywi t
hmyni pple,Imoan
whi l
ewideningmyey es.
daaammmnn!
!
“Ar
eyouokay?”Heasks.Inodathi
m andt
ry
har
dnottoclosemyeyeswhenhiswarm
mouthcover
sonebreast.
Dammn! !Hi
stongueswipesonmyni ppl
eandI
gripthesheetssoti
ghtl
y.Iam notusedt othi
s
tenderfeeli
ng.HechecksifIam alr
ightbefor
e
hemov eshismouthtomyst omach.Ahundr ed
kissesonmyst omachmakemet wistonthe
bed.Hishandsar eonmywai stashemov es
downt omypussy .
Iwi
denmyey
eswhenIcat
chhi
m sni
ff
ingme
befor
epull
i
ngmyunder
wearandt
hrowi
ngi
ton
thefl
oor
.
“Staywithme, okay?Holdonthemat t
ress
ti
ghtly…”hesay s.Myhandsgri
pont hesheets
asPhut idr
opshi smouthtotheopeningofmy
vagina.I
nani nstant
,If
indmyf i
nger
si nhishai
r.
Het i
ghtensthegr i
ponmywai stwhil
ehi s
tongueswipesmyv agi
nalipsl
ikecr
azy .
“
Areyouwi t
hme?
”Heasks.Imoan…gi
vi
nghi
m
myresponse.
Hesucks.
Shi
t!
Hesucks.
Andsucks.
Andsuckssomemor eunt
ilmycl
i
tist
ender
andover
lysensi
ti
ve.
Ooo,
wow!
It
houghtmysoul
isbei
ngr
ippedf
rom mysoul
then…butthisinstant…i tact
uall
ydoes.Ifeel a
thousandfeeli
ngsatonceashekeepski ssing
andsuckingme.If eell
ikecryi
ng.NotbecauseI
am hurtbutbecauset hisiseverythi
ng…t hi
si s
everyt
hingcomi ngf r
om hi m.Hedoesn’tfai
l t
o
keephishandsonbut tormywai st-pr
obabl yto
makesur etheydon’ tendwher eIdowantt hem
tobe.
Hehasasmi r
konhisfacewhenhepicksthe
condom f
rom t
hepedestal
.It
akethi
sminuteto
breat
heasheputsthecondom on.
“
Lookatme,
”hesay
sasheposi
ti
onshi
sdi
cki
n
myopeni
ng.
“
Okay
…”Iwhi
sperasIkeepmyey
esonhi
m.
“Il
ovey ou,
”hesaysashepushesi n.Ahintof
painpinchesmebutmybl oodrushingov ermy
bodyreplacesthepai
nwi t
hpl easure.Hef i
ll
s
meupi naninst
antasItrytomakeoutt he
responsetohis‘Il
oveyou’.Il
ov ehi
mt oo.He
shi
ft
sandIam f
il
ledi
n…somucht
hatIcl
ose
myeyes.
“No.St
aywithmebaby ,
”Phutisaysasherocks
hishi
ps.Igri
ponthesheetsoncemor eand
openmyey es.Hi
seyesareonmi ne…watching
measIst r
ugglet
obreathe.“
Doy ouli
keit?
”
“Shi
t,y
es,
”IwhisperasPhuti sl
owlyrocki
nand
outofmypussy .Iknowwhathei stryi
ngt
odo?
Hedoesn’twantmeget ti
nglostinthedar
k.He
gri
tshist
eethashesl owl
yfucksme.Bynow,
wehav earhyt
hm.
“Yes,baby,”hehisseswhenIl i
ftmybody
sli
ghtlytowardshisdi ck.Wrongmov e.No, I
meant …goodmov e.Hei snowdeepi nsideof
meandmywal l
shav eclosedar oundhi spenis.
Rightatthissecond, hestart
sget ti
ngf ast.Real
fastthatIam starti
ngt ofeelsomet hi
ng
ti
ghteninginsideofme.Cl imax.Iknowi t.Iwant
i
t.
“Staywithme, babe,”PhutisayswhenIr ollmy
eyesandget ti
ngtempt edt oclosemyey es.I
stareathim…myey esglit
teri
ngwi t
ht earsat
thisminute.Thisi
swhatIhav ebeenl ongi ngf
or,
forsolong.Andr i
ghtnow, t
hisiseverything.I
feelsodeeplyconnect edtoPhut i
.Ifeellikemy
wor l
disstarti
gntomakesense.
“Staywi thme…”hesay si
tlikehecaresso
much.I ndeed, heist
hef i
rstmanwhohas
genuinel ycaredformeandf ort
hatIam
grateful.Hedoesn’tstoprockingfast
erandI
canf eel t
hatitchcomingcloser…mytearsal
so
readyt ogr acemycheeks.
Thepaceincreasesandhi
shandsare
car
essingmyboobsandget t
ingbacktomy
but
t.
..
andt henbacktomywaist.Heisl
ikea
manonami ssiont
ogetthebothofustothe
per
fectedge.
Iam cl
ose.Toocl
ose.
“Staywithmebabe…staywithme”herepeats
ashecont i
nuestomakel ovet
ome.Ashe
continuestof
ucktheli
feoutofme.Asher ocks
hishipstogiv
emet hepleasur
eIhavebeen
l
ongingf or
.
Ther
e!Ri
ghtt
her
e!
Mybodyst artstr
emblingasIwel comet hi
snew
feel
ingthathasmechokei nmyt ears.Phut
i
doesn’tst
oppokingthespott hatisaboutto
expl
ode.Inasecond, hegetsitri
ghtandIcr y
outasIgr i
pbothsidesofthemat t
ressli
kea
possessedwoman.Phut i
groansont opofme
andinanot herminut
e,hecoll
apseont opofme,
hisbodysweatst i
ckyonmi ne.
“
Fuck!”Hehi ssesaf
teralongestwhile,
tryi
ngto
l
ifthi
sheavybodyf r
om mi ne.Hi
sey eslandson
myf acebeforehesays,“
Oh, shi
t…babe…ar e
youalri
ght?
”
Idon’
trespond.Ij
ustpul
lhi
m backont
opme
andcl
i
ngonhi
mfordearl
i
fe.
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE27(
Unedi
ted)

18SL

PHUTI

Whatdi dIdo?Thuli
tightensaroundmeasshe
catchesherbreat
hewhi l
ecr y
ing.Ifeell
i
kea
j
erkr i
ghtnow.Forasplitminute,Ifor
gotal
l
aboutherwhileIf
oughtt oreachmypeak. .
.and
Imighthavehurtherorsomet hing.Thatminut
e
canbet heonetoruinthingsforus.When
everyt
hingwasgoingsoper fectl
y.
Thul
idoesn'
tst
opcr
ying,
herbodysl
i
ght
ly
j
erki
ngoffthebedasi fsheisatherpeakonce
agai
n.Shetight
lyhugsme, hernai
lsdiggi
ng
i
ntomyf l
eshandIf eelhermoanassqueezes
hert
highstoget
her.
Okay
,Iam conf
used.
Iam r
eal
l
yconf
used.
"Babe,areyoualri
ght?"Iwhi
spertoherear
whenIf eelherbreat
hingnormal
ly.Nomore
cryi
ng..
.hopeful
ly
."Babe,di
dIhurtyou?Iam so
sorry
."
"Ar
ey ouki
ddingme, Phuti
?"sheasksaf t
er
l
etti
ngmego.Shecl earsherthroatandst ares
atme.Iam abouttoshitmypant s-okay ,I
'm
nakedbutyouknowwhatImean.Thel astthing
Iwantistotakeherbacktothatdarkhol e.Ido
notwanthertotakeherfivestepsback.I
shouldhaveknownbet t
erthan..
.
"
Iam sor
ry.
"
"
Hav
eyoul
osty
ourmi
nd?
"
"Whatar ey outal
kingabout?"Iaskwhil
egetti
ng
onmyf eet.Igetri
doft hecondom bef
oreIget
theblanketf r
om theclosetbeforel
yi
ngbeside
her.Ipullhernexttome.
"Thankyou,"shemumblesbef
orethrowingher
headonmychest .Shecurl
shersel
fnexttome
andt i
ght
ensherarmsaroundme.Herhear ti
s
sti
llbeat
ingsofastasi
fshewaspar tofarace.
"Thankyou."
Whywasshecr
ying?
"Di
dy ouenjoyi
t?"Iask.Ohman, whatwasI
supposedtothinkwhenallIsawwer etear
s
aft
erthatperf
ectroundofpleasure.
"
Itwasthemostbeaut
if
ult
hing.
..
ever
,"she
mumbles.
"Oh...
okay.
..
"Ist
aredowntoherface.Shehasa
perfectsmil
eonherface-thatf
ulfi
l
li
ngsmi l
e.
Andonl ynowdoIr el
axandappreci
ateherfor
trusti
ngmet hi
smuch.Thismeansal ottoboth
ofus.Ihugherbackandki
ssr
eacht
oki
ssher
for
ehead.
"Wasitt
hatgoodthaty
ouhadt ocr
y?You
scar
edthehell
outofme,"Imumble.I
tmi ght
havemeantmorethanIthought
.Morethan.
"
Youwon'
tunder
standi
t.
"
"
Tryme.
"
"Thi sisthefir
stti
mei nmyl i
fethatIhave
enj oyedbeinginti
mat e.Thef i
rstti
meinmyl ife.
Ev er,"sheresponds.Okay ,whensheput sitl
ike
this...i
tmakessomuchsense.Iki ssher
foreheadj usttoletherknowt hatIunderstand
whatshemeansandt hatIappreci
ateher
trustingmet hismuch.
Thi
sisbi
ggert
hanme.Waybi
ggert
hanme.
"Iam goingt
omakey ouahappywoman, "I
assureheronceagai
n.Ipromisedmy sel
ftodo
thati
nt i
mesthatshedoubtsthatshedeserves
themoonandt heskyandev er
ythi
ngthe
uni
ver
secanoffer
.Idonotexpecthertobeli
eve
i
tbutIknowbestandI'
l
lmakesur ethatshe
get
stoexper
ienceit
.
"Iloveyout oo,"shemumbl esinsteadof
acknowl edgingmyst at
ement .Ithitsme: Itol
d
herthosewor dsf i
rst
.Idid.Imeantt hem butI
didn'tt
hinkshewoul drespondt ot hem sosoon.
Al othaschangedaboutThul iandi tis
heartwarmingt oknowt hatIam par tofher
healingjourney .
Isl
ight
lymovehersot hatIcansi
tandfaceher
.
Whenshemov eshereyestomine,Idr
opmy
l
ipstohers."
Imeantev er
ywordIsaid.
"
"
Iknow,
"sherespondsasi
fshei
ssur
e."
Ifel
t
t
heconnect
ion.
"
Igetbackt
omyini
ti
alposi
ti
onandwebot
h
dozeoffi
neachot
her'
sarms.

*
***
*
Thuli'
sphoneri
ngsont hepedestalnearthebed.
Itisal
readymorni
ngbutwewer esleepi
ngin
sincewewokeupt wicelastnightbecauseof
goingtobedatnoon.Ipullthephonef r
om the
pedestalandpassitt
oherwhi leIchangemy
sleepi
ngposit
ion.
"Yes?"Thul imumbl esassheanswer sthe
phone."ItisSundaymor ning...
whywoul dIbe
upear l
yso? .
..
"sheannoy i
ngl ysay s."Edwin...
I
l
eftther eportsonmyi n-tray.HowwasIgoi ng
toknowt haty ouweregoi ngt odeci detogot o
workonaSundaymor ning?Iam st il
linJobur g.
"
Okay,itisthef uckerbutIdon' tsayany t
hing.
"Fi
ne.I'
llseey out omorrow. ..I'
llbebackt onight
butitwoul dn'tbepossibl etoseey outhen."
Okay,thistimeal lthesleepIt houghtIhadi s
l
ost.Isitupandst areather .Ar ewest il
ldealing
withthisguy ?WhenIr emembermyt askat
work,Ichi l
l.Mulisaisasl owestl earnerIhav e
evercameacrossandi fImightbeneededto
takehist
ask..
.andhist askmeanswor ki
ng
sli
ghtl
ywithCarol.Somet hi
ngIknowThul i
wil
l
notbepleasedt ohear.Inst
eadofli
steni
ngto
herphoneconv o,Igetupandmakemywayt o
thefr
idgetogetsomecol dwater.
Ipullacont ainerofwat eranddowni ti
nan
i
nst antbeforeput ti
ngt hegey ser.Thet imeon
thewal lsaysel even,soThul ihasj ustaf ew
hour sbeforesheasksmet odrivehert ot own
tocat chat axi toNelspruit
.Okay ,tobequi te
honest ,i
tisv eryhectictobei naser i
ousl ong-
distancerelationshipandaf terthisweekend,
thingsaregoi ngt obesl ight
lydifferent.The
connect i
oni st her
ebet weenusbuti tmightbea
l
ittl
edi f
fi
cultf ormygi rlnow.
Walki
ngbackt omybedroom,Ifi
ndherl
yingon
herback,stari
ngatthecei
li
ng.Shei
swear i
ng
myplainblackt -
shi
rtwhi
chshepull
edfr
om my
cl
osetlastnight.
"DoIreal
l
yhav
etogo?
"sheaskswhenISl
i
de
besi
deher.
"
Youcanst
ayi
fyoul
i
ke.
"
"Edwinwil
l ki
l
lme, "shesay swhil
eroll
i
ngso
thatshecanchi l
lonhert ummy .I
ftherewasa
nameIhat ed..
.wast hi
sone.Thisissof unny
becauseIusedt ocar elessaboutmenat tached
tomenIsl eepwith.
'
Ilovey ou.
"Iremembert hewor dsItoldThuli
.
Thisiswhatset sherapar t-nowondert he
chestpainwhenIam j ealous.Sheisthef i
rst
womant oactuall
ytouchmyhear tthismucht o
apointwher eIadmitt hatIloveher.Thisis
total
l
ydi ff
erentfr
om whatIusedt obe.Iuset o
givelessofaf uckwheni tcomest ot hewomen
Ihavebeenwi t
h.May bebecauseIdi dn'twanta
commi tmentsot helesst heywereat tachedto
me, t
hebet ter
.
"
Doy
ouwantmet
otal
ktoy
ourboss?
"Iask.I
f
gi
venachance,Iwouldcal
lhi
mr i
ghtnowto
gi
veapieceofmymi nd.Whoonearthcal
l
san
employ
eeinthemorningandfor
cesa
conv
ersat
ion?
"
Thatwon'
tbenecessar
y,"shesay
s.
"Maybeyoumustt ell
himt ol
eaveyouthehel
l
aloneonweekendsbecauseIam getti
ngbad
vi
besabouthim,"Isaywhilel
andingmyhand
onThuli'
sbums.Inani nst
antmydickgetsst
if
f.
Justli
kethat
,Iam rockhard.
"
Areyouj
elous?"sheasks,
play
ful
l
y.sheknows
t
heanswertothatver
ywell.
"Youknowtheanswertot hat
,"Isaywhi l
etr
ying
tosupressmyhornyfeel
ingsincaseThul ii
s
notinthemood.sheisnewt othis,Icannot
cornerheri
ntohavi
ngsext hi
smuch-shewon' t
beabletokeepup.Iti
stoosoon.
"MaybeIcanmakeyouf
eelbet
terabouti
t,
"
Thul
isayswhi
leget
ti
nguponherknees.Ahhh,
shit
,thatpositi
on.Okay ,
Imuststopgetti
ng
aheadofmy self
.Butblameitonhowf ucking
sexyshelooksr ightnow.Befor
eIcanev ensay
anotherword, Thuli
getsontopofmeandt hat
smileweakensme.I ttur
nsmemut e.
"Youar
egoingtobethedeat
hofme,"Isayas
sheset
tlesont
opofme.Mydi ckl
osescontr
ol
andsti
ff
ensevenhar
der.
"Maybe,thati
st heplan,
"shesay s.Myhands
l
andonherwai st .Ihavenoideawhyher
underwearisbackon.Idon'tblameher ,shehas
noideawhatst eamyweekendswi thher
boyfr
iendaresupposedt obel i
ke.This
underwearshoul dhavestay
edont hefl
oorunti
l
i
tgoest othewashi ngmachine.
"Il
i
kethat
,"Imumbl
easIrubherthighsto
showherhowexci
tedIam.Herbodyi swarm,
tur
ningmeonasIrubmyhandsev erywher
e.
"
Teachme.
"
"
Teachy
ouwhat
?"
"Howtof
uckyou,
"shemumbl
eswhi
l
erol
l
ing
herey
estomytouch.
"Okay ...thatIcando, "Imumbl easIpul lher
headsot hatwecoul dkiss.Justt his
passi onat eki ssf orust oconnectbef orewe
taket hi ngsf urther.Shei sfastlearner.ThatI
knowbecausewhenIt akecont rolandlead,she
followssui t.Shef oll
owswhatIdoand
ev erythingf allsi nplace.Aswepassi onatel
y
kiss,Ipar therl ipswi t
hmyt ongueandpushi t
throughi ntohermout h.Shemoansasshe
sucksmyt ongue.Shest art
sr ocki
ngher
hips...
r ubbi ngonmydi ckasshesucksonmy
tongue.Mywi l
dmi ndr eplacesmyt onguewith
myswol lendi ck.Justi magi ni
nghersucki ngit
pushesmet ot heedge.
"Teachme,"shemumblesonceagain.Wi
thout
respondi
ngtoher,
Ipul
ltheshi
rtoffandl
and
bothherhandsonherf
ullbr
easts.WhenI
squeeze,
shegaspsforair
.Ahhhh,
damn,what
aturnon.Assherol
l
sey estomytouch,
Ireach
fort
hedrawerwit
hmyonehand.
Ibet
terf
indt
hecondom Iam f
ishi
ngf
or.
Ifi
ndi
tandqui
ckl
ypi
cki
tbef
oreshechanges
hermi
nd.
"Howr eadyar
ey ouforme, babe?"Iask.The
l
astthingIwantistorunmyf i
ngersonher
pussy.Shesti
llget
sflashbackfrom thatsoI
wouldntdare.
"
Iam r
eady
,"shemumbl
es,
breat
hlessl
y.
"Okay..
."Isaywhilepeali
ngthecondom.She
getsoffandr ol
lherunderwearoffherbody
whi l
eIputthecondom on.Damn. ..
.If
eell
ikea
crazymanr ightnow.Irollt
hecondom onmy
thi
ckandf ulldi
ck.Mygi rl
issoeagertori
dei t-
somucht hatshedoesn'twaitf
ormet otellher
togetont op.Sheisalreadyontopand
struggl
ingtoinserti
tintohergl
it
teri
ngpussy .
Shewasr
ight
.Shei
smor
ethanr
eadyf
orme.
"Si
toni tandl ookatme, "Isayassheset tl
eson
top.Idontt rusthernottodr i
ftaway .
..
soIneed
herey esonme.Shet r
iest ogetiti
nbutshei s
sli
ghtlystruggling.Sheishot, wetandreadyfor
me." Holdont omyshoul dersandsi tonit.
"Like
agoodl earnerthatsheis,sheposi t
ionsitri
ght
andt hrowsherbodyt othef r
ontsot hatshe
couldhol dont omyshoul ders.
"Ahhwww. .
."shewhi sperswhenmydi cksli
des
i
nt oherpussywi thoutawar ni
ng.Iwat chasshe
fl
inchest othepai n.Likeagoodgi rl,sheshakes
herhipsandmydi ckslidesfurt
herin.Her
handsar eonmyshoul ders,minegettocaress
herperfectper kybr easts.Iall
owhert oroll
her
eyestot hef eel
ingbutIneedherey esonme
beforewecont inue.
"Ar
ey ouready?
"Iaskher
.Sheopenshereyes
andstaresdeepint
omyey es.WhenIgi
vehera
nod,shesli
ghtl
ystar
tsmoving,whi
l
ebit
ingher
bot
tom l
i
p.
"Yes,
"shemumbl
esasshest
art
smov
ing
slowl
y."Yes.
"
"Lookatme,baby,
"Ir
emindher.Whenhe
vaginawal
lscl
oseonmydick,Igri
tmyteet
h
andwatchasshegaspsforai
r.Sherol
l
sher
eyesandther
eaft
ersnapst
hem opentowatch
me.
"Okay
,"shewhisper
sasshesi
tsst
il
landmov
es
hereyestomine.
"Okay..
.mov easslowasy oucan. .
."Isayand
shestartsglidi
ngbackandf orth.Idon'texpect
hertopullstuntsonmesoIr elaxandwat chas
shestrugglest okeepherey esopen.t hef eel
i
ng
i
ssogoodt hatIal sostr
uggl enottohel pher
withthegrinding.Inami nute,shest ar
ts
breat
hinghar d."Yes,babe.That '
sright.
"Ifshe
keepsthispace, shewi l
ltakebot hofust o
whereweneedt obeinaf ewmi nutes.
Hereyes,asshestaresdownatme,areful
lof
l
oveandpassion.Shet ol
dmeshelovesme
backbutherfi
eryeyesonmear ea
confi
rmat
ion.Shelovesmeasdeepasshe
saysshedoes.Myhandsar eti
ghtonherwai
st
asshetri
esshechanget hepaceofourf
uck.
"No..
.staywithme, baby,"Isaybef oreshe
compl etel
yclosesherey es.Idon'twanthert o
getlost.Shesnapsherey esatmebutdoesn' t
stopgr i
ndingbackandf orth.I
tt akesev er
ythi
ng
i
nmenott opul l
hersl
ightlyupandf uckher
unti
lshecomes.No.Iwoul dn'
tdar e.Likeshe
saidlastnight,wehavet omaket hisspecialf
or
her.Fornow, thisisal
lforher..
.sor ough
fucki
ngst eami ngsexcanwai t.
"Ahhh.
..
"shemoansasshecont inuestohump
me.Sheisgetti
ngwetterbythesecondandal
lI
canhearisherpussymakingtheslappi
ngnoi
se.
"
Don'
tstop,"Ihi
ssasshecont
inuestohump
me.Herfaceisever
ythi
ngasshetri
estohi
de
howheav enl
ywhatshei
sfeel
ingis.Herboobs
arebouncingasshei
ncr
easesthepaceont op
onme.
Not apping.Icannottapherassasyet.
..
even
thoughIf eell
ikedoingso.Ahhh,
fuck!Thi
s
feel
ssogoodassher oll
sherbody.Someti
mes
sheget sitri
ght-sosor i
ght!
"Justl
ikethat
,"Ihiss,
givi
nghermor eener
gyto
ri
deme.Whenshet hrowshersel
ftothefr
ont
soshecoul drestherheadonmyshoul der.
..
I
getanoppor t
unitytosuckherboobs.Oneby
one,Isuckthem fordearli
fe.
"
Yesss.
..
"shecr
ies."
Yesss.
"
Asshecont i
nuest
omov e,Thul
istar
tsgett
ing
sl
ow.Idon' tknowwhatcouldbethereasonbut
Ifeelherget ti
ngweaker
.Itcoul
dbet hewoman
ont op,i
tt akesaprotonaili
tsoIgrabherwaist
sot hatIcouldchangeoutposit
ion.I
nasecond
shei ssleepingonherbackandIam ont opof
her
.
"
Youl
ooksobeaut
if
ul,
"Imumbl
easIposi
ti
on
mydi
ckt
oherentr
ance.
"
Thank...
ahhhhhh...
"shescreamswhenIpush
t
hroughinside.Igethereyesrol
l
ingwhenIstar
t
moving.Herfaceispricel
essasshetakesal
lof
meinsideofher .
Ireadherface.Passi
on.Love.Ful
fi
ll
ment.Joy
.
Alltheset
hingsandIgetthecourageto
i
ncreasemypace.Ourey esaregoodat
communi cati
ngbynow.
Pl
ease,
theypl
ead.
Withbothmyhands,Ispr
eadherlegssoIcoul
d
burymyballsi
nsi
de.Shecal
lsoutmynameand
hereyeswideni
nshock.
"Ahhh..Ohh..
.ahhhh..
."i
sallshecouldmoanas
Irockmywor l
d.Ooooh,shit
..
.Iam aboutto
l
osei tatthi
smi nutesoIpul
l outandgetonmy
kneessoIcoul dfini
shheroff.Itwoul
dn'
tbefai
r
i
fIdon'
tkeepupt
olastni
ght
'sdeal
i
ngs.
"Whydidy ou...
."shemumblesbutbeforeshe
coul
df i
nish..
.Il
andmyt ongueinsideofher
pussy,f
or ci
nghert ogaspforairandpul
l
ti
ghtenthegr i
pont hesheets.
How.Fucki
ng.Sex
y.
"Yesss..
."shehi
sseswhenIst ar
trol
li
ngmy
tongueinsideofherwetpussy.I
fitwasn'
tfor
herfuckingdemons,myf i
ngerswouldhave
beenf l
i
ckeringwit
hherbuttons.
"Doyoul
i
kei
t?"Iask.
Bet
terwet
alkt
hanl
osi
ng
her.
"
Yes.
.pl
ease.
..
"shesay
sassheopensherl
egs
wi
der
.
Mor
eaccess!
Iknowi twi
l
ltakeal
it
tl
elongersoIaddsome
pati
enceint
oitasIworkmyt ongueonher
pussy.Iam amanonami ssi
onandIhav eal
l
t
het
imei
nthewor
ldandev
enmor
e.
Isuckhercli
tasshehi
ssesandgaspsf orai
r
andcriesandwiggl
esonthebed.Oh,IwishI
couldrol
lhernowandpul
l herbut
tforadoggy,
butthatcanwait
!
Tongueandev enmor etongueswi pesather
vaginaunti
lshest art
stensingup.Myonehand
goest oherbreastandshest ar
tsshaking.Her
onel eggoesbehi ndmyneck, l
ocki
ngme
i
n...
andjustli
ket hat,
itwast heendf orher.
Shecriesoutloudwhenherorgasm ri
psher
apart
.Itrocksherbodysohardthatshedoesn'
t
breat
hef oraminute,
try
ingt
ogaspf orai
r.
Thesecondor
gasm ofherl
i
fer
ipsherbody
apar
t.
Yes,
Iam count
ing.
Sheflopsbackonthebedandtri
estocatchher
breat
h.Asnumbasshel ooks,
itdoesn'
tlook
l
ikesheisgoingt
ogivemesomeact i
on.Ipul
l
t
hecondom offandl
i
ebesi
deherasshet
ri
es
t
ocatchabreath.
"Cal
lyourbossandt ellhi
my ouwi
llbesick
tomorrow,"Isaywhilerunni
ngmyhandonher
sensi
ti
v epussy.Shejerksupandsqueezesher
thi
ghst i
ghtl
ytogetherandmoans..
.ri
ghtther
e,I
gotmyanswer !
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE28

THULI
SILE

IswearEdwinisgoingtokil
lmeonTuesday
whenIreturntowork.Ther
eisn'tawaythatI
am goi
ngt otel
lhimthatIwil
lnotbeshowing
uptomorrow.Hewi l
lknowthatIam j
ustlazyt
o
showup.Iwi l
lsendhim at
exttomorrow
morning.Hedoesn'tknowwhereIst aysohe
won'tgotomyapar tmenttofi
ndme.Noone
knowswher eIsaysoIam safe.Butt hel
ast
thi
ngIwantt otel
lhimisthatIwill
notbe
l
eavingJohannesburgthi
safternoon.
Phutipullsmeclosertohim sothatwecould
cuddle.Apartfr
om theorgasm thatIhave
experiencedtwi
ceinmyl if
e,cuddli
ngcomes
secondbecausewegett obeineachot her'
s
arms.
I
sthi
swhatIhav
ebeenmi
ssi
ngal
lmyl
i
fe?
Thi
sisev
ery
thi
ng!
If
eel
good.
If
eel
li
keI
m wor
thyt
obel
oved.
Ourconnecti
onisdeepert
hanit
houghtitwoul
d
everbe.AsIli
einPhuti
'
sarms,
hispeniskeeps
pokingmythighsandwhenhedoesthat,hi
s
bodykindsofsti
ff
ens.
"Ididn'
tcome, "hesayswhenhisdickkeeps
growingt hi
ck.Mywal l
saresti
ll
sensi t
ivefrom
thelastsession.Idon'
tknowhowt oexplain
thisgreatfeel
ingthati
sinbetweenmyl egs.
Whenhecoul dn'tt
akeitanyl
onger,hegr oans
andr eachforthedrawertopullanother
condom.
I
tisshowt
imeandboy
,ohboy
,Idon'
tmi
nd.
Withoutsay
inganyt
hingelse,her
ipsthe
wrapperandputthecondom on..
.andboydoes
heshowmehowmuchhel ov
esmewi t
hhis
di
ck.
ThisisIam goingtomi sswhenIam home
al
onei nmyapar tment.Ialr
eadyforeseea
chall
engehere.Iftheweekv isi
tswere
previ
ouslyamust ..
.nowt heyareaMUST.
Icannotbel
i
eveiti
sIsayi
ngal l
these.Gr
ace
mustnotheari
t.Di
neowillnotbel
ieveme.
Mariawil
lbesoshocked.
Icovermyey esforabi twhil
ePhut i
cleans
himselfupafterashortroundtogethi m of
f.
Whenher et
urnstothebed, hepickshisphone
toorderussomef ood.Thereisnowayoneof
usisstandinginthekitchen.Maybehei swil
li
ng
todoso, butnotI.
"
Oh,
Njabul
owast
ext
ingmeear
li
er,
"Phut
isay
s.
"
Didhesaywhathewant
s?"
"
Heaskedifwewer
efr
eet
hisaf
ter
noon,
"he
r
esponds.
"
Arewef
ree?
"Iaskandlaughwhenhegiv
es
measmi
rk.Wearedef
init
elynotf
ree.
Befor
ePhuticoul
drespond,hi
sphoner ings.I
t
i
swhenhesi tsuptoansweritthatIknowit
mightbesomeoneimportant.
"Ma,"Phutisay
s."Iam f
ine.
"Hel ooksatmeand
mimes' MamakaMar i
a'tomebef oresay
ing,
"Yes.Defi
netel
y.Whenar eyouleavi
ng?Alr
ight
..
.
uhm. .
.yeswecancomef orlunch.
"Hestaresat
meandshr
ugs."
Wewi l
lseey
ousoon.Yes,
Iam
comi
ngwit
hThuli
.Okay,
Ma.Bye.
"
Okay,wear enolongerst ay
ingi
nbedf orthe
restoftheday.Thi
sisMar i
a'smotheri
nviti
ng
ustolunch.Itwouldreall
ybeanhonourt omeet
herandsitwi t
hherafterthehourphonecalls
sherandoml ydoestot hebothofus.Evenwhen
Iam inmyapar tment,shedoescallmet o
checkhowIam doi ngandshepr ay swit
hme
beforehangingup.
"Icouldn'
tsayknow,
"Phut
ishr
ugswi
thone
shoulder.
"Weshouldgo,
"Isaywhilesi
tt
ingup.Iti
s
almostl
unch-
ti
meany waysoIknowi fwedon't
star
tget
ti
ngreadynow, wearegoingtoshow
upwhenMar i
aisclear
ingthedishesup.
"Youmustt el
lherthatIam goi
ngt
omarryyou
verysoon.Thelastti
mesheasked,yout
oldher
no."
"
Thelastt
imesheasked.
..
Idi
dn'
tl
ikey
out
his
much."
"Youlikedme.Youwer ejustmadatme, "he
say swhilepicki
nghiscl othesandmi ne.He
throwst hem inthewashi ngbasketandl eads
thewayt othebathroom." Wear etaki
ngt he
showert ogether,r
ight?I'
llbehave.
"
Andhedoesbehav ebecauset heonl yt hinghe
doeswhenwear einsidetheshoweri sr ubbing
mywhol ebodywi t
hmyshowergel andsoap.
Whenhedoessoonmysensi t
iveplaces, Iam
temptedtowantmor ebutt hesizeoft he
showerwon'tall
ow.Inf if
teenmi nutes,Phut i
j
umpsoutoft heshowerandal l
owsmet o
fi
nishup.Whil
ehepi ckshi sclot
hes, Iam
i
roningtheonl
ydecentdr essthatIhav e
brought
.Am IluckyIbr oughtitwithme?
"Youlookgoodi ndresses,
"hesayswhil
etyi
ng
hisshoes.Idi
sagreebutDi neoal
waystel
lsme
thesamet hatIam start
ingtobel
iev
ethem
bot
h.TheoneIhaveonei
splai
ngr
eenwi
th
l
ongsleev
es.Phut
igi
vesmeathumbsup
bef
orewemakeourwaytothecar
.
Okay,sothisi
swhatwecallanor
mal
r
elat
ionship?Thi
sissocut
e.Myphonev
ibr
ates
i
nmybag.
I
tisWhat
sappt
extf
rom Edwi
n.
'
Hey ,doyouknowwhattimey ou'l
lbeget
ting
here?IneedtheGeoTechASAP. .Iam meeti
ng
theCEOt omorrowfi
rstt
hinginthemorningand
Ineedt oupdat
eall
therequeststheymadeon
Fri
day .
'
Ohno!Isteal
agl anceatPhuti
,whoi
sdr
ivi
ng.If
Iwanttospoi
lhismood, Iam goi
ngt
omention
Edwin'
sname, soIwon't
.
'
HeyEdwi
n.Iam notsur
eyet.Can'tyoutr
ace
t
heemail
IsentonThurday
?'-Itextback.
'
Theemai
ldoesn'
thav
eanat
tachment
.'-Edwi
n.
'
Idon'
tknowwhatt i
meI'
l
l bether
e.'-It
ext.Thi
s
i
sthetruth.Idon'
tknowthetimeI'
llbein
Nel
spruitandlooki
ngonhowIhav emadeupa
pl
anonski ppingMonday
, Idon'
tknowwhat
el
setosay .
"I
severythi
ngal
right?Whoisony
ourphone?
"
Phutiasks.Imi
ghthavefr
ownedorsomethi
ng.
Oh,Iam abadliartoo.
"
Wor
k."
"Whatdoesthi
sguywantf
rom y
ou?"Phut
iasks.
"Heshoudl
n'
tbecall
i
ngyouli
kethi
sona
Sunday.
"
"Ri
ght?"Isay,t
ryi
ngtokil
lthefi
rethati
sbur
ning
i
nPhut i'
seyes.It
hinkmybossandmy
boyfr
iendstart
edont hewrongfoot.
"
Youar
en'
tchangingyourmindaboutl
eav
ing
t
omorr
ow,ar
ey ou?"heasks.
"
No!"Iqui
ckl
yrespondasi
fIwasaut
omat
edt
o
r
espondthatway.
"Good.BecauseIhav eplansforyout
onight,
"he
sayswithasmi rk.Hedidn'tev
ensaywhich
plansheistal
kingaboutbutmypant i
esar e
soakingwetfrom thethoughtsofwhathehas
plansforme.
'
Edwi n,canIsendyouthesewhenIr etur
nto
work?Iam sor r
ythatIcannothelprightnow.
'-I
respond.Iam alsostar
ti
ngt othi
nkthatEdwin
i
sbei ngimpossibl
eandi fIdidn'
tknowhi m
better,
I'
dsayhedoesntl i
kemet r
avell
ingtomy
boyfri
endt hi
smuch.ButIknowhei sbeinghis
boringself
.
Whenwegett oMaria'
shouse,ther
eisj
ustone
carpar
kedoutsi
dethegarage.ThankGoditj
ust
anint
imat
elunch.
"
Arey
our
eady
?"Phut
iasks.
"
Whatdoy oumeanam Ir
eady?
"Iask.Thi
sisn'
t
myf
ir
stlunchatMari
a'
shouse.
"
Thi
sist
hef
ir
stt
imewear
egoi
ngt
omeetour
fr
iendsasaser
iosl
ydati
ngcouple.So,
theyar
e
goingtoaskmanyquest
ions,
"hesays.
"
Areyouwor
ri
edaboutthequest
ions?
"Iask
whi
lefi
xi
ngmyli
pst
ick.
"Iam worr
iedaboutyou.Youmustn'
tfeel
pressur
edt osayany
thingyoudon'
twantto
say."
"
Arey
out
hisov
erpr
otect
ive?
"Iaskwi
thal
augh.
"
Alway
s."Hemeansi
t.
"Okay,don'tworryaboutme, "Iopent hedoor
andmeetPhut iont heot herside.Ishouldn'
tbe
worri
ed, i
tisjustMar iaandhermot her.Njabulo
seesusf i
rstwhenwewal kintothehouse.Just
asIthought ,
itisjustMar i
a,hersist
er-i
n-l
aw,
hermot herandhel peri nthekitchenand
Njabuloandsomeot herguywasout sidewith
thekids.Phutigreetst heladiesbefore
fol
lowinghisf r
iendt otheswi mmi ngpool area.
"
Iam keepi
ngt
hatdr
ess,
"Mar
iasay
sasIset
myhandbagont
hechai
r.
"Whycan'ty
oubuyy ours,
"Mari
a'
smot hersays.
Il
aughbecauseIknowt hatwasjusta
compli
mentf r
om myf r
iendher
ebutthemot her
woul
dn'tunderst
and.
"
Doy
ouneedanyhel
p?"Iask.
"
Youcanj oi
nMaf orteawhil
eZi zi
phoandI
f
ini
shthesalads,
"Mar i
asays.Ihaven'
tseenher
i
nawhi l
eandshel ookssl
ightl
ychubbyfrom
t
helastti
meIsawher .
Igrabaseatandshy lypourmy selfacupoft ea.
BeforeIcouldbringupanythi
ngt osayto
Mar i
a'smother,t
woboy sraceintothekitchen
from out
side.Thabelof
oll
owst hem behindas
theystopinfrontofMari
a.
"Iam f
ir
st,"t
heoneboysays.Ihav
eseent
hem
befor
e-It hi
nkf
rom Mari
a'
sbabyshoweror
something.
"
No,
Iam f
ir
st,
"theot
heronesay
s.Theyar
e
t
wins.
"Babe..
.gi
vet hem t
hespi
cesandthebowlfor
themeat ,
"Njabul
ocall
soutfr
om outsi
de.
Thabeloonlyarri
vesnowwit
hhercute
cornrowsonherhead."Gi
veThabelomy
cell
phone."
Mar iatakesthephonef rom t
hechargerand
handsi ttoherdaught erwhopout sand
thereafterturnstomar chbacktowher esheis
comi ngf r
om.Hey ,
Ihav eneverseenagirlwho
l
ooksl ikeherf at
herlikethi
sone.Mar i
aalso
picksthespi ceandt hebowl fr
om thetabl
eand
gav etheboy swhot ur nandrunoutsi
de.
"Boys!Dotheyeverwalk?
"Mar iasayswhil
e
gett
ingbacktohertask."
Hey ,Thul
i,Iwas
tel
li
ngmymot hert
hatiti
sluckythatyouare
sti
ll
aroundtojoinusforl
unch."Oh,ifonl
ythey
know.
"
Luck?Ial
way
stel
lyout
hatev
ery
thi
ngi
smeant
t
obe,
"hermot
hercor
rect
sher
.
"
Ohy es.Youweremeantt
ojoi
nusforl
unch
t
ogether.Doyouhav
eadayofftomor
row?"
Mari
aadds.
"Uhmm. .well
...
"Isiponmyt easot hatIgeta
minutetot hi
nkofanexcuse.Thei niti
alr
eason
wasPhut iandt hethi
ngswewer edoi ngbutifI
mentionthatMar ia'
smotherwil
lcastmei nt
oa
burni
ngf i
re."Iwil
lbeleav
ingveryearly
tomorrow."
"Al
right.Icannotwaitforyout ogetajobback
thi
ssi de.Aweekendi sshor ttoshareyouwi t
h
Phuti,
"shesay s.Idon'
ttellherthatIdon'tpl
an
toreturnthissi
de.Phut i
andIwi llj
usttr
yt o
makeourl ong-
dist
ancer el
at i
onshi
pwor k.Or
am Ifoolingmy sel
f?
"
So,
youtwoaredati
ng?"Mar
ia'
smot
herasks.
"
Doyoustayt
oget
her?"
"
Ahhh.
..wedon'
tst
ayt
oget
her
,"Icor
rect
.Iti
s
sowei
rdt
otell
aneldert
hatIsharethespace
wit
hPhut
iwhenev
erwear evi
sit
ingeachother
.
"Idon'tunder
standhowyouki
dsdot hi
ngs,
"she
says.Iam savedbyanot
herli
tt
leboyrunni
ng
i
nt otheroom togett
hekni
vesforUncle
Njabulo.
"Here,
"Nj abul
o'ssistersaysf
rom wher eshei s
standing."Ti
ey ourshoesandt akeof fyour
j
ersey."Itakeitthi
sboyi shers.Aftertakingthe
knivesfrom hi
smot her,t
heboyr unsout side.
"Comewi thme, "Maria'smot hersay swhenI
thoughtIwassaf efr
om heri nterr
ogation.She
takeshercupandnodssot hatIcouldt ake
mine.If ol
lowhert othelivi
ngr oom wher ethetv
i
spl ayingsof t
ly.Becauset hesl i
dingdooris
wideopen, InoticePhut i
standingwi thNjabulo
out side.Theybot hhav etheirbott
lesofbeer
whi leIsetmyt eaont hetable.Howt heyar e
drinkingi nfrontofourpast orhereisamy ster
y.
"
Howi
syourmot
her
,"sheasks.
Ehhh.
..mymot her?Ihav
en'
tseenhersincethe
dayIwrot
eherof ffr
om mylif
eandt hatwasso
manymont hsago.Ihonest
lylostcount
.
"
Idon'
tknow.
"
"Haw..
.youhaven'
tspokentoherinawhil
e
orr
?"sheasks.Ihaveafeel
i
ngMar iahas
alr
eadytoldhermydil
emmabutshei sgoingt
o
actasifshedoesn'
tknowthetrut
h.
"
Inol
ongerhav
eamot
her
."
"
Didshepassaway
?"sheasks.
"Yes,
"Irespondandsher aisesaney ebrowat
me.Thi sisonepersonwhohast aughtmet o
shutmymout h.Idon'
tknow.Ther eisjust
somet hi
ngspecialaboutherandIcannot
i
gnorei t
.Ifitwasanyoneelse,Iwouldhav e
alr
eadyt ol
dherwher etogetofforIwoul dhave
tol
dhert hatiti
sn'
tanyofherbusi ness.But,
she
i
sdi f
ferent.Shedemandsrespect .
"
Doy
oupr
ayf
orher
?"sheasks.
"
Who?
"
"
Yourmot
her
."
It
houghtIt
oldherIdon'
thav
eone.
"
No,
Idon'
t.
"
"Youshould.
"Shesay s.WhenIl eftPhuti
'
s
apart
ment, t
hisisthelastt
hingIthoughtIwi l
l
bedeali
ngwi th.If
orgavemymot her.Ial
ready
tol
dmyt herapistt
hat.Ihonestl
yforgavemy
motherandIam t hehappiestwomanonear th.
"
Ma,
Iam f
ine.
"
"Fornowbeforeyourmotherhauntsyou.Pray
forherwit
hmeandl etussetherfreefrom
whateverbondagesheisgoingthr
ough.
Somet i
mespeopledonotknowwhatt heyare
doinganditneedsyouandmet ohelpt hem."
"Iam f
ine,
Ma.Thelastt
hingIneedtotakea
stepbackwar
dbecauseitisgoi
ngtotakealot
f
rom met
otal
ktomymot
her
."
"Givemehernumber ,
"shesay s.Itur
nmygaze
totheki
tchen,onlytofindMar iaandhersister
-
i
n-lawmindingtheirownbusi ness.SoIam the
onlyper
sonwhohear dMar i
a'smot heraski
ng
mef ormymot her'
snumber s.Iswall
owmy
pri
deandgiv ehermymot her'
snumber s.Even
thoughIdon'tcal
lthem, t
heyar estil
lst
uckin
myheadbecauseIhav eawei r
dmi nd.
"Iwi
llcallher
,"shesay s.Ibeli
eveher.She
doesn'thaveapr oblem invadi
nganyone's
pri
vacy.Sheinv adedmi neandnow, hereIam.
"
Ma, t
hanky
ouf
ort
hepr
ayer
s.Theyhel
pedme
alot
."
"Iknow.Butdon'
tthankme.Iam j
ustdoi
ngt
he
Lord'
swork,"shesays.
Mar
iacal
lsmefrom t
hekit
chenandasksher
mot
hertoletmegosothatIcanhel
psetthe
t
abl
e.Ij
umpattheopport
unit
yofsett
ingt
he
pl
atesandglassesinst
eadofhavi
ngan
awkwardchatwiththepastor
.Ir
usht
othe
ki
tchenwhereMar i
aawaitsme.
"Ihadtosaveyou,
"shemumbleswhi l
egiggl
ing.
"Youcantaketheplat
esfr
om ther
eandst ar
t
setti
ngonthedini
ngtabl
e.Si
xadultsandfiv
e
kids.
"
"
Thankyou,
"Ismi
l
eatherbef
orer
eachi
ngf
or
t
heplat
es.
"
Youar
egl
owi
ng,
"shesay
s.
"Am I
?"myv
oicebet
ray
smeasIt
ryt
oact
nor
mal .
"
Youar
e,"Zi
zi
phosay
s.
"I
thasPhut iwr
itt
enall
over,
"Mar i
asay s."
He
hasbeenst eal
i
ngglancesofy oueverychance
heget s.
"WhenIl if
tmyey est
owar dstheglass
wallthatleadstotheswimmingar ea,Phuti
's
eyesar eonme.Hi swinkmakesmebl ush.I
quicklylookawaybeforemyf acegivesaway
whatIhav
ebeenbusywi
tht
hismor
ning.
Whenev er
y oneissitti
ngaroundt het able,
Mar i
a'
smot hertakesanoppor tunitytot el
l us
howdi sappoi nt
edshei sofNj abuloandPhut i
notquitti
ngal cohol.Ihonestl
ysawi tcomi ng
butNjabulodef endshi mselfwithal lthev erses
fr
om thebi blewher ealcoholwasment i
oned.I t
i
sr ef
reshingt owat chthem arguewhatt he
bi
blesai dregardingalcohol.Thisi swhatev er
y
normal familyshouldbel i
ke.Undert het able,
Phutitakesmyf reehandandr ubsi t.Whenmy
eyeslandonhi s,hi
ssmi lei
swi de.Thi sisthe
l
ov eIdeserv e.
"
Youmustmar
ryher
,"Nj
abul
osay
sfr
om acr
oss
t
hetabl
e.
"
What
?"Phut
iandIsayi
nuni
son.
"
Youtwomustf
uc.
..
.yout
womustget
mar
ri
ed,
"hesay
s.
"
Iti
sal
readydone,
"Mar
ia'
smot
hersay
s.
"Guy
s,wejuststar
teddat
ingafewmont hs
ago,
"Phutij
umpsin,hi
sey esgl
uedtohi
sf r
iend
whobroughtthi
sup.Ther
ei sanel
derhere.
"Thesoonerthebetterbef oreyougett empt ed
tohavesexbeforemar r
iage,"Maria'smot her
saysandNjabulobur sti
nt oaloudl augh.He
chokesonhisbeerandget sonhisf eet .Maria
l
aughstoo,foll
owedbyZi zipho.Phut iandI
star
eateachot herandt ryourbestnott olaugh
too.
"
Ma, whatdi
dyousay?"Njabul
oaskswhi
l
e
t
ryi
ngtokeepastr
aightface.
"Isaidt
hesoonert heygetmarri
ed..
.befor
ethey
gettempt edtohavesexbeforemarriage,
"the
mot her
-i
n-lawrepeats,
andNjabuloburstint
o
anotherloudlaugh.
Idon'
tknowwhyNj
abul
oisl
aughi
ng.
"Ma,Idon'
tknowwhyt heyar
elaughi
ng,
"Phut
i
sayswithastr
aightf
ace.
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE29(
Unedi
ted)

PHUTI

"Howi syourmotherdoi
ng?"Maria'smother
askswhenwear edonewi thl
unch.I twasa
greatdaytospendwiththeButhelezi.
"Sheisdoi ngmuchbet t
er,"Irespondwi tha
smi l
e,remember i
ngt hatithasbeenherpr ay
ers
thathav eforcedmet ostayposi t i
ve,ev
enwhen
Ididn'twantt o."Mycousi nt el
lsmet hatshei s
perfectl
yf i
ne.Hert herapistisev enhappywi th
theprogr ess.
..andsheseemst osmi lemor e
oftennow. "Iam f or
ev ergladt otalkaboutmy
mot her'
spr ogressnow.Most l
ybecauset he
personaski nghasgoodi nt enti
ons.Shewant s
topleadmycasewi
thherGod.Thati
swhatshe
alwayssay
s.
"
Iam happyt
ohearthat
,"shesay
s."
Whatdi
d
y
ousayhappenedtoher?"
"Uhm. .
."Iclearmyt hr
oatbecauseIdi dn'twant
totalkaboutt hisagai nbutthenagai n,she
meanswel l
.Sher eall
ydoes.Andev enwhen
shewaspr ayi
ngwi thmef orweeksandmont hs,
shenev eraskedt hedept hofhersi tuation,yet
shepr ay edforandwi thus.Al lsheknewwas
thatitwasmyf aultandIam f ail
ingt ofor gi
ve
my self."Shegotast r
okeoneni ghtandgot
paralysedf rom then.Ithasbeenf ormanyy ears.
Teny ear s.
"
"Andyouhav ebeent hinkingi
tisy ourfault
,"she
saysandpi ckshergranddaught erwhoi s
pull
i
ngherski rt
.Goodness, NjabuloBut hel
ez i
madebabi esthatlookl i
kehim.They oungestis
worse.Thegr annyclearshisthroatsot hatI
canrespondt othequest i
onIwast ry
ingt o
av
oid.
"
Yes.ButIhav
ebeenl
ear
ningt
ofor
giv
e
mysel
f.
"
"Iam happyt oheart hat
,"sher esponds.When
thebabygr absbot hhergr anny'scheeks, Itur
n
mygazet otheki t
chenwher eThul iishelping
Mar i
awi t
ht hedi shes.Shei sgiggl i
ngat
what everMar iawassay i
ngt oher .She
thereafterstar esatmydi r
ect i
on, catchingme
asIwat chher .Hersmi l
eisbeaut i
ful asshe
blushesandl ooksaway .IfIwasn’ tsitti
ngwi t
h
anel der,Iwoul dblowheraki ssbutt hereisn’
ta
room f orthat .Onlyamanl ikeNj abulocando
thatwi thoutev enthinki
ngt wice.Shel eavesme
stari
ngandf ocusesonhert askathandwhi le
Njabulowal ksi ntotheroom t otakehi s
daught er.Whenhel eavesmewi thhismot her-
in
-l
aw, Iknewmor equestionswer egoi ngtobe
asked.
“
Youmustmar
ryher
,”shesay
s.Shet
urnsher
gazetothekit
chenwer emywomani shappil
y
havi
ngaconv owithZizi
pho.Thatdressshehas
onkeepsturni
ngmeonbecauseIknowt hati
fI
sl
idemyhandunder neathi
t,I
’l
lreachthe
warmestplaceever.
“
Iwi
l
l.
”
“Att
hispointwhereyoumeetsomeonewho
makesyoul aughli
kethat…youdon’thav
eto
compli
cateitwit
hany t
hing.Iknowgoodpeopl
e
whenImeett hem.”
“Thanky ou, Ma,”Isay.I
fIam toevermarry
anyonei tcanbeThul iornoone.Itisnott
he
sextalking.Ijustthi
nkThuliandIhavethi
s
greatconnect ionthatnoonecanev er
understand.Ift her
eisanyoneIcant r
ythi
sli
fe
thi
ngwi th,itisher.Mari
awal kst
owher eweare
sit
ti
ngandshootmeasmi l
e.
“Ma,ar
eyoupreachingtothepoorguy
?”Mari
a
askshermot
her.“Letthemango.Theyneedto
goandgetr
eadyf
ort
hecomi
ngweek.
”
“Ofcour se,l
etmenotkeepy ou,”sheresponds.
WhenIt urntowhereThulii
s,shehasherbag
hangedov erhershoul
derandshealsohasa
containerinhand-leftov
ersIguess.Igeton
myf eetinani nst
ant.
“Ma,wewi
l
lcomev
isi
twheny
oucomear
ound
agai
n.”
“Yes.OrelseIwillbecomi ngtoy ourwedding,
”
sheresponds.Ilaugh, athowshesay si
t.I
t
soundsliketheweddi ngshei stalki
ngaboutis
verysoon.ThuliandIj ustgottogethermonths
agoandev enwit
ht hef ut
ureofget t
ingmarri
ed,
i
tisstil
learlyt
odiscusssuch.
“
Ma…stopputt
ingpr
essur
eonthepoorguy.A
weddi
ngneedmoney.Lot
sofi
t,
”Mariasay
s.
“
Doesn’
thehav
emoney
?”t
hemot
herasks.
“
Hedoes.But…Ma,
”Mari
alaughs.Sheisused
t
ohermothersomuch.Hermotherisn’
taf
rai
d
t
ospeakhermi
nd.
“Iwastel
l
inghimthatheshouldmarryyou.You
areabeauti
fulwoman…”Maria’
smot hersays
toThul
i.I
tissoheartwar
mingt oseeThuli
blushl
i
kethis.
“Whent hetimeisri
ght,
Ma, ”Thulir
esponds
befor
egi vi
ngMar i
aahug.Thabel ofoll
owswith
herhugbef oreMari
acallsherhusbandt owal
k
usout.Gundo’ sr
ascal
scomer unni
ngt oal
so
giveThuliahugandahi gh-
f i
vetome.
Nkosinathidoesthesamebef oreIleadThul
ito
thecar.
“
Youbettermar r
yher,”Njabul
oemphasi ses.He
l
aughsandt her
eafterkeepsastrai
ghtface.
“
Don’tmindher.Shebel i
evesinmarri
ageso
much.Idon’tbl
amehert hough…whatelse
woul
dshet alkaboutwithus?”
“Hasshefai
l
edi
nteachi
ngy
out
ost
op
sweari
ng?
”
“
Shedoesn’
tevenknowIam sweari
ng,
”hesay
s.
Mar
iacomestowherewearestandi
ng.
“Iwi
shyoucoul
dstayl
onger
,Thul
i
.Wer
eal
l
y
haveal
ottotal
kabout
.”
“Wewillcat
chupwhenIcomearoundagai
n.
Soon.Butit
’l
lbeupt
oPhuti
,hel
ovesiti
nMP,”
Thul
isays.
“
Ofcour
se,
Irat
herdr
ivet
her
ethanhercat
cha
t
axi
.”
“
Ncoooo…ar
en’
tyoucut
e?”Mar
iasay
s.
“
Mr sButhel
ezi
,Iam st
andi
ngri
ghthere,
”
Njabul
osays,hi
shandsinhi
spockets.“
Iam
r
ighthere.
”
“Youhavesomesteppinguptodo, huh,
”Ilaugh
whil
eopeningt
hedoorf orThul
i.I
fIdon’tmake
amov eforust
oleave…wewi l
lspendanother
hourher
e.Wehaveal ottodowhenweget
home.
“
Saf
etr
avel
sguy
s."

*
***
**

Gett
inghome, thefirstthingwedoi stoget
eachot hernakedf oranot herr
oundofl ov
e
making.Icoul dn’
tgetenoughofmywomanand
i
twoul dn’tmakesenset okeepThulifr
om
l
eavingonl ytojustst areeachother.Il
ovehow
Thul
i i
sopeni ngtomel i
keaf l
ower.Sheisshy
buthert r
ustinmei sf ul
fi
lli
ng.
“Doy ouknowhowmuchy outurnedmeont he
wholeafternoon?”Iaskwhil
eget t
ingontopof
her.Sheisnakedandherper kyboobsare
l
ookingrightatme.Isqueezeonebef ore
swipingmyt ongueont heni
ppleandsucking
theli
feoutit.
“
Thats…thats…t
hat
’swhyyou…keptwat
chi
ng
me?”Thuli
asksasshewiggl
esonthebed.
“Mmmhh-hhh.”Isqueezet
heot heroneand
conti
nuet
osuckt heother
.“Icouldn’
tkeepmy
eyesawayfr
om y ou.
”
“
Why
?”
Ohhh…whatki
ndofaquest
ioni
sthat
?
“Because…. ”Ileav eherboobsanddr opmy
mout honherst omach.“ One.Youar e
beaut i
ful.
”Idropt hekissest owar dsherpussy
andt hesmel lofherwetpussyt urnsmeon.I
hissbef oresay ing,“Two.Youar emostsexi est
womanIhav eev ermet .”Truthbet old,sheis.
Sheusedt ohi dei ti
nt hej eansandbaggyt -
shir
tssheusedt owear .Notf or
get t
ingt hedirt
y
chuck-tail
ors.Butnow…shei sthesexi estthing
ever.Shewi ggl eswhenIdr opmymout hont he
l
ipsofhersweetsmel l
ingpussy .Shegasps
whenmyl i
psl eav esaper konthoseot herli
ps.
“Three…Icoul dn’ twaittof uckyouagai n.Icould
waittogeti ntot hiswar m pussy .”Shehi sses
andt ri
est ocloseherl egsbutIam qui ckt opull
them apar
t.Oh,
dammi
t.Ther
eisn’
troom t
obe
aggressi
ve.
“I
tisei
theryoustopt
alki
ngandgett oit
…oryou
l
eavemeal one,
”shesays,herbodysli
ghtl
y
shi
veri
ng.
Oh,
Iam saf
e.
Idropmyli
psbackonherpussyandst
art
sucki
ng.
“
Ist
hiswhatyouneed?
”Iaskandsuckhar
der
t
hanbefor
e.
“
Yessss…”shehi
sses.
“
Liket
his?
”Isuckevenhar
derandherhands
r
eachformyhead.
“
Stopt
alki
ng,
”shewhi
sper
s.
“Why…”Idonotobli
ge.Iroll
myt ongueinside
herpussyandshehissessoloud.Shegr i
tsher
teet
hasIcontinuetoroll
myt ongueandsuck
andli
ckherfordearli
fe.WhenIf eel
thatsheis
goodt orecei
veme,Igetonmyf eetandreach
forthecondom, Rol
l
ingitonmyhar dr ockpeni
s,
Icatchherstari
ngatitasifsheli
keswhatshe
sees.Mypoorbabe.Iam get ti
ngheraddicted
tothesweett hi
ngsofli
fe.
WhenIgetbacki
nbet
weenherl
egs,
shewi
del
y
opent
hem forme.
“
Goodgi
rl
,”Imumbl
e.“
Keept
hem openl
i
ke
t
his.
”
“Okay,
”shewhi spersandal
mostcr i
esoutwhen
Ipushthroughthesl i
myopening.Shehasbeen
morethanr eadyformebutshewasn’ t
expect
ingthepl easur
etoconsumehert hi
s
much.
“Fuck!
”Igri
tmyt eethasIstartmovi
ngmyhi ps.
Myey esnevermissher sbecauset
hatisthe
onlywayIcant el
li
fshei sfi
neornot.WhenI
askherifsheisready…shenodsatmeandl ike
agoodgi r
lthatsheis,shekeephereyesonme
asIpoundonher.Herboobsbouncear
oundas
Ipushi
nandoutofhertightpussy
.Myhands
areonherwai
stasIpoundi nt
oher.
“Lookatme, babe,
”IsayasIcont i
nuet ofuck
her.Thisismet akingallofherbef oreshe
l
eav esmeunt i
lnextweek.Iam t akingall
ofher.
Shef ai
lstolookmebutr ollshereyesinstead.
Shecr i
esoutwhenIhi tthepreciousspot.She
cri
esoutl oudandIwai tf orhertocatchher
breath.Iwantmyownr el
easebutal lIwantis
forhertolif
therassf orme.
“Babe,canwet r
ydoggy ?”Iaskandwhenshe
nodsherhead, whil
etry
ingtobreathe,Ipull
out
androllheri
ntoherstomach.Itwon’ttakeme
l
ongt ogetmyownr el
ease.Whensheget son
herknees,Iposit
ionherassandent erherfrom
theback.
Okay,Idon’tevenmakeitt
oami nut
ebefor
eI
burstmynut s!Thul
icol
l
apsesonthebedand
rol
ltosleeponherback.
Yeses!
Thatwasf
ucki
nggood!

*
***
*

“Ilovey ou,
”Imumbl eintohermout hwhi
le
kissingher.Itisateightthir
tyinthemorni
ng,
shei saboutt ogetintothet axit
oNelspr
uit
.
Thesnoozedal lalar
mst hatwehadsetat
mi dnightbeforefail
i
ngasl eepsowewokeup
l
at e.Itevenfeelbadt hatshei sl
eavi
ngaft
er
suchast eamyweekend.
“Il
oveyoutoo,
”shemumbl
es.“
I’
ll
cal
lyouwhen
Ireachwor
k.”
“
Okay
!”
Iki
ssherpassi
onatel
yoncemorebefor
elet
ti
ng
hergo.Sheonl
yhasherhandbagsi
nceher
over
nightbagi
sstayi
ngwit
hme.Thenumber
ofSMSssher ecei
vedfr
om herbossf reaked
heroutthatshewantstogost raighttowork
whensher eachesMpumal anga.Thedude
actedasifhecannotdoany thi
ngwi t
houther.
Sheisajunioremployeeforcryi
ngoutl oud.
Iwat chasshestepsoutoft hecar-herass
turni
ngmeoni naninstant
.Shechecksf orthe
carsbeforecrossi
ngthestreettogettothet axi
rank.Onlywhenshet extst
hatshegott hetax i
,I
dri
v estr
aightt
owor k.
Uponmyar ri
val,Mul
isaisstandi
ngwi thDenise.
Ialr
eadyknowt hatt
hereissomethingt hathe
needsassi
stancewith.I
’m almostcloseto
giv
inguponhi m.
“
Thankgoodnessy
ouar
eher
e,”hesay
s,
l
ooki
ngrel
iev
ed.
“What’
sup?Tel l
meonlytheemergenci
es,”I
askwhilegett
ingonmydesk,t
okick-st
artmy
day.I
tisunli
kemet ost
artwor
kthislat
e.
“Kgomotsodoesn’
twantmet
otaket
he
account
.Shewantsyou.
”
“
Whatdi
dyoudo?
”
“Isentheranemailwi
thawr
ongatt
achment
,”
hesay s.“
Idon’
tknowwhati
swrongwit
hme
but…”
“I
t’
sf i
ne.I’
l
ltakecar
eofit,
”Isay.Icannothave
aper f
ectweekendandhav eitmessedupbyan
tr
ainee.Ialr
eadyknewitwasgoingt obea
hassletohav ehi
m wor
kwi thKgomot so’
steam.
Ij
ustdidn’twanttowor
kcloselywithCarol
again.
Twocupsofcof
feeandIam r
eadyt
ost
artt
he
day
.
‘
Madeittowor ksaf
ely
.Talktoyousoon.Lov
e
you.
’-atextf
rom Thul
ibeepsonmyphone.My
daygoesperfect
lyt
heminuteIhangupthe
phonewithher.
Justl
i
keanyot
herweek,
ifaMondayi
sthi
s
hect
ic,
chancesar
eitwi
l
lbewor
se.

*
***
*

Thi swhol eweek, from Mondayev eningt othis

mor ni
ng, Thul iandIspokel essert hanIwi shed.
Itwasn’ tmyf ault,andev enasIdr i
v eto
Nel spruitrightnow, Ihopewewi llhav eenough
timet ochi llandcat chup.Imi ssedher .I
mi ssedmaki ngl ov etoher .JustwhenIt hought
Iwasget t
ingheraddi ct edt osex, Iam t heone
whogotaddi ctedtoi t.Atni ght ,
whenshecal l
ed
me, Iendedupt ry
ingt oseducehert ohav esex
phonewi t
hmebutshewast ooexhaust edt o
playal ong.If eltli
keaj erkwhenIdi dn’t
under standt hatshewasexhaust ed.Iknow
bet ter
.Butonl ywhenshet oldmet hatshei s
tryi
ngt owor kherassof fsot hatshei sal lmine
byweekend, Iunder st
ood.
“Babe,
Iam f or
tyminutesaway.Areweor der
ing
i
nordoy oufeell
i
kegoi ngout?
”Isendmy
secondv oi
cenotesinceIlef
tJohannesburg
andallshehasdonei sblueti
ckme.
Fort
yminuteslat
er,Iam parkedoutsi
deher
apart
mentandshehasn’ trespondedtoanyof
myv oi
cenotes.Justbl
uet i
cks.
Ipullmyphonef
rom t
hepassengerseatand
dial
hernumber.
“
Heeey
yy,
”shesay
s,br
eat
hlessl
y.
“Babe.Iam her
e.Ihav
ebeent
ryi
ngt
otexty
ou
onmyway .
”
“
Iwasinameet
ingwheny
oudi
d.Wher
ear
e
y
ou?”
“
Downst
air
s.”
“
Ohhhh…”shesay s.“
Look…babe…Iam sti
ll
at
workandthingsareali
tt
lehect
ic.Youknow
what?Ihavethekeywit
hme.Whydon’ tyou
bri
ngusdinnerandI’
ll
fini
shmywor kwhil
ewe
eat.Themeeti
ngwithaclienttookall
myt i
me
andIhaveadeadli
netoday ,
”shesays.“Pl
ease
underst
and.I
’l
lmakeitupt oyou.Youknow?”
Mydi
ckt
wit
chesi
nmypant
s.
HowcanIsaynot
othat
?
“
Whatdoy
ouf
eel
li
ke?
”
“Fi
shandr i
ce.I
’l
lsendyouthelocat
iontomy
offi
ce.I
’l
lri
ngthesecuri
tyguy
sy oulety
ouin
wheny ougethere.Of
fi
ce406,”shesaysin
urgency.
“
Seey
ouj
ustnow.
”
Idri
vedownt oFish-awaybeforef
ollowingthe
l
ocationtoThul i
’
sof fi
ce.Aspromised,the
securi
tyguy sdonotgi vemeahust lewhenI
askedtogot oThuli’
soffi
ce.Theplaceisempt y,
withj
ustf ewpeopl erunni
ngaroundt hecorri
dor
asifcatchingadat e.WhenIgettoof fi
ce402, I
fi
ndthedooropen.Ev entheoneopposi tehers
i
sopenedt
oo.Theguyinsi
derai
seshi
shead
t
owardsmydi
rect
ion,f
orci
ngmet ogi
vehi
ma
wav
ebefor
eknockingonThul
i
’sdoor.
“CanIcomei
n? ”IaskasIknocksoft
lytotake
Thuli
’
satt
ent
ion.Shehasbeenburiedinher
work.
“Hey…y ouar ehere,”shesayswhi legettingup
towhereIam st anding.Damngirl.Shel ooksso
fi
ne.Iam sousedt of i
ndingherathomeona
Fri
dayev eni
ng, inpyjamas.Buther eshei s,i
na
greyfor
mal dressandbeaut i
fulplatform shoes.
ShethrowsherhandsonmeandIr ecei
v eher
hugbefor edroppingmyl i
pstokissher .
“Youlookso…deli
cious,
”Imumbl
ewhi l
e
squeezingherbum withmyfr
eehand.“Doy
ou
real
l
yhav etoworkonaFr i
dayev
ening?”
“Yes,
shehast
o,”ahoar
sev
oicesay
sfr
om t
he
door.
WTF?
“Sor
ry?
”IaskandThuli
dropsherar
msf
rom my
neckandfi
xesherdr
ess.
“Shehastowor konFr i
dayevening,
unfor
tunatel
y.Wehav eadeadlinetochase.I
’
ll
makesur etodropherhomewhenwear e
done,
”hesay s,
lookingall
pissed.Idropt
he
take-
awaybagont het abl
eandputbot hmy
handsinmypocket s.
“Youmustbetheboss,
”Isay.“
Wherearemy
manners…”Iputmyonehandupt oshakehi
s
hand.“
Iam Phuti
.Theboy
fri
end.”
“
Isee,
”her
espondsbef
oreshaki
ngmyhand.
“Youdon’ thav
et ot
akeherhome.Iam her
efor
that
,”Isaywhi l
eputt
ingmyhandbacktomy
pocket.“That’
smyjob.Notyour
s.”
“
Wear egoi
ngtobeher
eforl
ongert
hany
ou
t
hink,
”hesays.
“
I’
ll
beher
etoo.Don’
tyouwor r
yabouthowmy
womanwil
lgethome.Iam her
e,”Isaywi
tha
smi
l
e.
“Isee.Thuli
,pl
easesendmet hest
atsi
nan
hour,”t
heguysay sbefor
etur
ningi
nhisheel
s
andleavingtheoff
ice.
Isn’
theluckythatIam atherworkpl
aceand
cannotbeaj er
ktohim?Hel ikesherandcannot
evenhideit.
“Let
’smakei tanhourandhalf.Imissedy ouso
much, ”Iwhisperwhil
eclosi
ngherof ficedoor.
Thulishakesherheadatmebutdoesn’ tstop
mewhenmyhandssl i
deuphert highs.Ihave
alwayswant edtohavesexinanof fi
ce.May be
i
fImakeherscr eam ri
ghthere,ri
ghtnow, the
dudewi ll
leaveherthefuckalone.
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE30
THULI
SILE

“
StopitPhuti,
”Iwhisperi
nhismout h.Itt
ook
meeverythi
ngt ost
opt hi
ski
ss.Hishandsar e
r
eadytotakemydr essoffandhismout hhasn'
t
l
eftminesinceheclosedthedoor.Itrytocatch
mybreathashegr oansinmymout h.
"Imissy ou.
..
"hesaysandsmasheshi sl
ipson
mi neagainanddeepenstheki
ss."Imissyouso
much. "Hepartsmylipswit
hhi
st ongueand
startssucki
ng.
Iwantmor
eofi
t.
Ithasbeenaweekofhungeraf terthegreat
tastehegav emebutmybossi sacr ossthe
corri
dor.Themoreitregister
sinmyheadt hatI
don'twanttogetintr
oubl e,t
hemor eIgetthe
urget ostopPhut
ibeforeheget sintoodeep.It
i
sl atethough,
becauseIcanf eelhispenis
hardeninginhi
spants,fi
ght i
ngtocomeoutt o
pl
ay.
"Wait
,Phut
i,
"Isaysharpl
ywhi
lereachi
ngforhi
s
hands.Hefr
eezesbeforej
umpingback.
"
Iam sor
ry,
"hesay
s,wor
rywr
it
tenal
lov
erhi
s
f
ace.
Oh,no,t
hisi
sn'
taboutmyepi
sodesorany
thi
ng
l
ikethat
.
"No,
babe,Iam fi
ne,
"Iassurehim whil
efi
xing
mydress.Ir
eachtokisshisli
pstoassurehim.
"Mybossisintheot
heroffi
ce.Idon'twantto
geti
ntroubl
e."
"Oh. .
."Heclearshisthroatandsearchesf or
somet hinginmyey es.Whenhel ooksl i
kehe
hasgot tenit
,hesmi l
esatmeandpul lsme
closert ohugme.Iwr apmyar msar oundhis
wai stwhi l
ehesqueezes.Thi si
sahugIdeser v
e
aftersuchal ongweek.ThisisthehugIshoul d
hav er ecei
vedbeforeEdwi ni
nterr
uptedus.
"
Iwantt
ofi
nisht
heser
epor
tsi
nthi
rt
ymi
nut
es
sot
hatwecangetoutofher
e,"Isay
.
"Please,
"hesaysbeforelett
ingmego.Whi leI
hurrybacktomychai rt
of i
nishmywor k,Phuti
takesami nutet
olookar oundtheoffi
ce.Idon'
t
knowhowIam goi ngtoconcentrat
ewithhim
wal ki
ngaroundtheoffi
celookingal
lsexyand
all
.
HadIknowt hatthesexwasgoi ngtodriv
eme
crazywhenhei sfarawayfr
om me, Iwouldn'
t
havestart
ed.Iswear,Idi
dn'
tknowt hathavi
nga
connecti
onwithsomeonecoul dbethis
beauti
ful
.Iam lovedbyhim andIlovehi
m back
j
ustasmuch.
"Wow, thi
sisbeautif
ul,
"hesays, sti
llwalking
aroundmyof fi
cewithhi
shandsi nthepocket s.
Ihaven'tevendonemuchwi t
hmyof f
ice.Ihave
twohugepl antsatthecorneroft heof f
iceand
twopicturesofmysi st
erandIonmycabi net
withwor kfi
les.Edwi
nistooor ganisedsoI
don'tgetachancet ohaveamessi nmyof f
ice-
i
tisalway sneat.Inthemi ddl
eoft heoffi
ceare
myl ongblacktableandmyy ell
owof fi
cechair
.
Ay ell
owthree-seatercouchisattheendoft he
off
ice,withasmal ltabl
efordrinks.That'
sit
.So,
Idon'tknowwhathemeansbybeaut i
ful.
"Youdon'
thav
et obetoonice,
"Imumbl
ewhi
l
e
drawi
ngthegraphformyreport
.
"Iam t
ell
i
ngy ou.Itmakesy oulookl
ikea
badassboss,"hesay sandgrabsthetakeaway
bagandt her
eaftersett
lesonthecouch.
Hesay sal otofthi
ngswhi leItrymybestt o
concentrateonmywor k.WhenPhut iplacesmy
boxoff oodonmyt able,hesmi l
esatmeand
retur
nst ohisseat.Myl andl
ineringsbef oreI
couldev entakeabiteofmyf ood.Ialready
knowt hatitisEdwincal l
i
ngme.Themai n
reasonwekeepourdoor sopen, i
tisforust o
shoutwhenweneedi nformationfrom each
other,i
nsteadofusingaphone.
"Hell
o,"Imumbl e, closingmyey es,prayingthat
hedoesn' taddanot herloadofwor k.Butalso
thanki
ngGodt hatIwasn' tbentont hetable,
makingl ovetomyboy f
r i
endwhi l
eondut y
.Am I
evenondut yi
fIam j ustst uckherebecause
workist oomuch?I tisaFr idaynightforcryi
ng
outloud.Ishoul dbedr inkinganddoi ng
somet hi
ngf un.Buther eIam, spendingmyt ime
withmyboy fr
iendandboss.Awkwar d!The
minutet heyhadt hei rclash,Ichoset oignore
thei
rli
ttl
ef i
ght.Idi dn'twantt odisrespectany
ofthem.
"Am Ial
l
owedtoaskfori
nfor
mati
onsinceyou
deci
dedtobr
ingvi
sit
ors?
"heasks.Heispi
ssed.
Iknow.
"Thati
sunfair
,"ImumblesothatPhutidoesn'
t
sayanythi
ngort r
ytojumpintofi
ghtmybat tl
es
atwork.Thatisthel
astthi
ngIwant,heisnot
goingtobehereonMondaywhenIhav etoface
mybossal one.
"
Whati
sit
?"heasks.
"Whatinfodoyouneed.Iam donewi
ththe
sampledata.Maybeyoucanr unat
eston
those?"Iof
fer
.Wewer eworki
ngperf
ectl
y
beforemyboyfri
endshowedup.
"Fi
ne.Youcandropthem i
nmyoffi
ce,
"hesays
beforehangi
ngup.Iqui
ckl
ygetonmyfeetand
pul
l t
hefil
ewhichi
sdone.
"I
'l
lberi
ghtback,
"IsayasIscurryoutoft
he
room t
oEdwin'soff
ice.Edwi
n'sdooriswi
de
open-asignthathewasi nt
erest
edtohear
whatwashappeninginmyof fi
ce.
"Cl
oset hedoorbehindy ou,
"hesays.Istareat
him beforeclosi
ngthedoor.Agai
n,Ididn'twant
todisrespecthimjustbecausemyboy fr
iendis
i
nt heot herr
oom.
"Herei
sthesampl e,
"Imumblewhil
eplacingt
he
fi
leonthetabl
e.Heisn'
tevenonhischair
.Heis
standi
ngnexttothecoff
eestat
ionthathehas
i
nhi soffice.Hewat chesmef orquitealong
ti
mebef or efi
xinghisreadingglasses.Whenhe
doesn'tsayany thi
ng,Itakeasecondt oexplai
n
my sel
f,"Iam sorryforbri
ngingmyboy f
ri
end.I
shouldhav eknockedof fawhi l
eagobutI
thoughtIcoul dpushsomewor k."
Hedoesn'
trespondbutj
uststaresatme.When
Iseehi
sti
ghtjaws,Ir
eal
isethatheisn'
tpl
eased.
"
Leti
tbet
hef
ir
standl
astt
ime,
"hesay
s.
"
What
ever
,"Imumbl
e.
"
Whatwast
hat
?"heasks.
"I
t'
sokayEdwi
n.Ij
ustdon'
tknowwhatt
hebi
g
deali
s."
"Thebigdeali
shavi
ngv
isi
tor
swhenwehav
ea
deadl
inetochase.
"
"
Sot
hepr
obl
em i
snotmyboy
fri
end?
"
"Whywoul
dIhaveapr
obl
em wi
thyour
boyf
ri
end?
"heaskswi
thafr
own,maki
ngme
feelhorri
bleforevenassumi ngthathehasa
problem withmebr i
ngingmyboy f
riendov er
.
Okay ,Phutiwil
lgetmei ntroubl
ebecauseI
havebeent ryi
ngt ogetsignsthatEdwinlikes
me.Idon' tknowwher eheget sallt
hatfrom.
"
Ijust
..
."
"May bey ouar en'tasprofessi
onalasIt hought
youwer e,
"hesay sashet akesthefil
ef rom the
table.Ibitemyt onguenott osayanything.He
readsi nsilence.Ihav en'
tmadeanymi stakes
ont hoser eports-t hatoneIam verysur eof.
"Pleasesendmet herestofthework.I'
llfi
nish
everything."
"
No,
Edwi
n,Iam al
mostdone,
"Isay
.
"I
'
lltakei
tfrom here.Theseareper
fectsoI'
l
lbe
abletofi
l
tereverythi
ngin.Youcangohav eyour
weekend..
.outoftheoffice.
"
"
Areyousur
e,"Iask.Hedoesn'
trespondbut
t
akeshi
sseat."Onl
yifyouaresure.
"
"
Iam.
"

*
***
*

Ishoul dn'thav eleftt hatev eningwhenEdwi n

toldmet ol eave.Idi dn'tev enl ookbackwhen
Phut itookmyhandanddr oveust omy
apar t
ment .Wemadeupf orthel osttimeunt i
l
her eturnedt oJobur g.Ishoul dn'thav etaken
thatof ferbecause, sincet hatev ening,Edwin
changedt owar dsme.Hest oppedgi vi
ngme
tasksl i
keheusedt o.Ist arteddoi ngad- hoc
tasks.Wewoul dgot oameet ingandheget s
projectsbuthewoul dki l
l himsel ftomeett he
deadlinewhi l
eIl azyar oundt heof f
icedoing
absolut el
ynot hing.It houghtIwasseei ng
thi
ngsbuti thasbeenmor ethant hreeweeks
nowandIhav en'tdoneany t
hingpr oduct i
ve.
Iam si
tt
ingi
nmyof
fi
ce,
doorwi
deopensot
hat
Icanseehim whenhewal ksi
nt ohisoff
ice.I
tis
ei
ghttwentywhenhedr agshisfeetoutofthe
el
evatorandstr
aighttohi
soffice.Bef
orehe
coul
dev enset
tl
e, Ij
umpintohisoffi
ce.
"
Canwechat?"IaskasIcloset
hedoorbehi
nd
me.Hef
ixeshisglassesandst
aresatme.
"HowcanIhelp?"heasks.AsIfi
ndmywords,
hestar
tsunpackinghi
slaptopf
rom t
hebagand
putsi
tonthedesk.
"Whati
sgoingon?
"Iask,
hopi
ngt
hatwecoul
d
gostr
aightt
oit
.
"
Wit
h?"
"
Arewecool
?"
"
Yes.Whywoul
dn'
twebecool
?"heasks.
"Idon'
tknow.Youhaven'
tgi
venmet
askst
hatI
needtotackl
e,
"Isay.
"
Wel
l
...t
her
eisn'
tmuch,
"her
esponds.
"
Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?Whataboutt
he
PrestigeApp? "Iask.I twasjustt hr
eeday sago
whent heCEOcal ledameet ingabouti tsaying
thatweneedt odel i
ver .Isawhim givet asksto
af ewi nt
ernsbutj ustwhenIwasr eadyt o
receivemypor t
ionoft hewor k,
hegi vesme
uselessst ufft
ot ackle.Icannotbef il
ingor
readingr eport
sev eryday .
"
Ihav
eev
ery
thi
nghandl
ed,
"hesay
s.
"
What?Yougavet
hej
obtot
hei
nter
ns,
"Isay,
t
ryi
ngever
ythi
ngi
nmenott
ocr
ackandyell
.
"
Yes,
t heyar
eher
etolear
nsoitisthebestthi
ng
t
ogiv
et hem t
hej
ob.Idon'
twanttodrai
ny ou
wi
thtoomuchwork.
"
"So,t
hishassomet
hingt
odowi
tht
hatni
ght
,
doesn'
tit
?"
"Iam tooprofessionalt
obepet tyabouty
ou
bringi
ngvisi
torstoy ouroff
ice.Ij
ustdeci
dedt
o
handlethi
ngsmy selfwit
houtdraini
ngyouint
oo
muchwor k."
"
So,
whatam Isupposedt
odo?
"Iask.
"Whydon' tyoutakesomet i
meof f.Takealeav
e
orsomet hing.Youmightmisstheseday s
wherey ouhav etoomuchf r
eeti
mei nyour
hands.Bel i
eveme,"hesays.Okay,thatgi
ves
mehope.May beIam bei
ngparanoid.MaybeI
am justusedt oworki
ngsohardt hatIcannot
functi
onwi thoutsweati
ng.
"Okay,y
ouareright
.Iwi
l
lsubmi
tmyl
eav
e
appli
cati
on,
"Isay.
"Sur
ethi
ng,"her
esponds."Oh,
wheny ouret
urn,
Lydi
awill
bebackfrom hermater
nit
yleav
eand
youwil
lberepor
ti
ngtoher."
"
What
?"
"YoumetLy di
abef
oreshelef
tforhermat
erni
ty
l
eave,r
ight?Youwil
lberepor
ti
ngtoherwhen
sheret
urns."
*
***
*

Nowt hatPhuti
andIar eof f
iciall
yhav i
ngsex
l
ikerabbit
s,whenIgot oJobur g,Istaywi
thhim
i
nsteadofDineo.Mysist ercompl ai
nedonce
butImadeanexcuseaboutheral waysmaking
met obeaspar ewheel whensheandMuof he
arealwayscuddli
ng.Shegav eint omyexcuse.
Iarri
velastnightandhaven'tt
oldPhutiabout
mychatwi t
hEdwi nandhowwor r
iedIam about
myj ob.Iti
sstil
lamy st
erywhyEdwi ndecided
toletmer eporttoLydi
a.Ihavemetheronceso
Idonotknowwhatki ndofasuper vi
sorsheis.
Edwinwasj ustthebestEconomi stIhaveever
metsoIam pr ayi
ngthatLydiai
soft hesame
standard.
"Youhaveall
weekt oy our
sel
f,howdoesthat
feel
?"Phut
iasksasImakemy selfacupof
coff
ee.Iam ali
ghtsleepersowhenPhutiwoke
upf
orwor
kthi
smor
ning,
Ial
sowokeup.
"
Itf
eel
s..
.wei
rd,
"Ir
espond.
"Youar
ejustusedtoabusyschedul
e.Take
someti
met orestanddonothi
ng,
"heresponds.
"
Thati
sjusti
mpossi
ble,
"Isaybef
oreset
tl
ingon
t
hebarstool
.
"Bi
ngewatchsomeser
ies.Bookaspa.I
'
llbe
backatf
our,
"hesay
s.
Butwhywoul dEdwinmov emet oanot
her
supervi
sor?It
rytorecal
lthatev
eningt
ofi
nd
anythi
ngthatmighthavetri
gger
edhimtotur
n
thi
scoldtowardsme.
"
Fine.
"
"Whatisgoingon?Youareat housandmi l
es
away .Whatisgoi
ngon?"Phuticaughtmeof f
guard.Idi
dn'tmeantobemilesaway .Iam
tr
yingtosolveanequat
ion."
Okay ,y
ouar e
fr
eakingmeoutnow.Whati sgoingon? "
"
Iam t
hinki
ngofvisi
ti
ngmymot her,"Isayt
he
f
ir
stl
iethatcomestomymi nd.Idonotwantto
makeanissueaboutthi
sworkissue.
"
Ohbabe.
..ar
eyousur
e?"heasks.
No.Iam not
.Idon'
tknowwhyIhadt
osayt
hat
.
"
Icannotr
unawayf
rom herf
orev
er,
"Isay
.
"
Butareyouready
?"heasks,concer
ninhis
f
acethatIf
eelsogui
lt
y.Ifeelsogui
lt
yforl
ying.
"Iam ready.I
tisaboutt i
me,"Irespond.When
hel eaves,
Iam obv iousl
ygoingtowat chTVand
tel
l himthatIchickenedoutanddi dn'
tgo.Phuti
wor sensmygui l
twhenhewal kstomeand
givesmeat i
ghtesthug.Het el
lsmehowpr oud
hei sofme.
"
Doy
ouwantmetocomewit
hy ou?Icant
ake
y
out
her
eatl
unchti
me,
"hesays.
"
No.Don'
twor
ryabouti
t.I
'
llcat
chat
axi
."
"
No,
babe.Youknowwhat
?Icandr
opy
out
her
e.
Iwil
ltellNjabulotoal
l
owmet ocomeinafew
hourslate.I'
ll
justwor
kuntill
ate,
"hesayswhi
l
e
pul
li
nghi sphone.BeforeIcanevenstophi
m,
heisalreadydi al
i
nghisboss'
snumber .
Oh,
shucks.
May
bei
twasj
ustaboutt
ime.
"YougogetreadyandI'l
lbechecki
ngmyemai
l
s.
Njabul
odoesn'thav
eapr obl
em wit
hme
cominginali
ttl
elat
e,"Phut
isays.
Youknowwhat ?Icandot hi
svi
sitandgetov er
donewi thit
.Ihavemov edonanyway .Phut
iis
goingt obebymysi de-whatmor edoIwant ?I
l
eav emycupofcof f
eeandheadt othe
bedr oom t
ogetready.Idon'
teventaketimeto
ber eady.I
tisn'
tl
ikeIhavetodr
essupj usttogo
actlikeIcare.
"Ready?"Phut
iasksasIst
rol
lbackt
othe
kit
chen.Hewasf ul
lfor
cebusyonhi
slaptop,
so
mucht hatIwi
shtherewasanemergencyat
work.Iwat
chasPhuti
packshislapt
opint
ohi
s
bag.Hehappi
l
ygrabshiscarkey
sont het
abl
e
andleadst
heway.
Thewholewayt oSowet o,Iam quiet,t
ryi
ngto
fi
gur
eoutwhatIam goi ngt osaywhenIget
home.Ihadpr evi
ouslyv
owedt hatI'
l
lneverset
myfootthere.Buttheuniv
er sehasawayof
twi
sti
ngthings.
"
Whatisfunny?"Phutiasks.Iwasn'
tevenaware
t
hatIwaslaughingatmy self
.Asimpleli
eled
metomymot her '
shouse.
"
Nothi
ng.Justasil
l
ythi
ng,"Irespond.Thank
Godwearehere.Hedoesn'thavetodigthe
t
rut
houtofme.
"
Ready
?"heasks.
"
Yeah,
"Ir
espondasIr
eachf
ormydoor
.
"
Shoul
dIwai
tfory
ouher
e?"heasks.
"
Thel
astt
imeIt
oldy
ou.
..
youdi
dn'
t,
"Ir
espond.
"
IfIscr
eam y
oucanshowup.
"
"
Notf
unny
,Thul
i
,"hesay
s.
"Iknow.I
'l
lbefi
ne.I
'l
l cometakeyousothatyou
meether."Wit
hthatsaid,Iheadst
rai
ghtt
ot he
back,togett
othekitchen.
Whatam Iev
engoi
ngt
osay
?
Iknockaf
ewt i
mes.ThedoorisopenandIcan
hearmusi
cplayi
ngloudl
yint
hehouse.Just
whenIwasreadytowalkaway,mymother
showsupatthedoor.
"
Thul
i
?"shesay
ssof
tl
y.
"
Hi!
"
"
Pleasecomein,"shesay
s.Herhandsare
t
rembl i
ngasshepull
sthedoorwiderf
ormet
o
walkinsi
de.
Whyam Iher
e,agai
n?If
reeze.
"
Thul
i?
"shesays,
thenthereal
i
zati
on.She
wal
ksoutandcl
osesthedoorbehi
ndher.I
t
i
sn'tthesightoft
heki
tchenthatfr
ozeme.Ijust
don'tknowwhyIam here.Il
i
teral
lyhav
e
nothingtosaytoher
.Shedoesn'tl
ookdrunkor
anything.
"Youdon'tknowmuchIneededt
oseey
ou,
"she
says,
trembling.
"
Yeah,
"Isay
."Look,
Ineedt
ogo.
..
butIwi
l
lcome
t
oseeyouagain.
"
"
Okay
.Okay
."
"
Yeah,
"Imumbl
e.
Iam notshout
ingather
.Thi
siswei
rd.Iam not
yel
l
ingather.
"
Thanky
ouf
orcomi
ng,
"shesay
s.
"
Yeah.Keepwel
l,
"Isaywhi
l
enoddingather
.I
t
urnonmyheelsandheadfort
hegate.
"
Thul
i,
"shecall
sout.Ist
opbutIdonotturnto
f
aceher."
Thankyouforgiv
ingmynumbert o
t
hatl
adywhocal l
smeev er
yday.Shesaidyou
gavehermynumber
.Shedi
dn'
tev
ent
ell
meher
name."
"
Okay
."
"
Pleasefor
giv
eme,
mygi
rl
,"shesay
s."
I
wrongedyou.
"
Idonottur
ntofaceherbutwi
thtear
s
str
eamingdownmyf ace,
Inodandmakemy
waytothecar
.
Shef
inal
l
yget
sit
.
"
Let
'sgo,
"Imumbl
etoPhutiwhodoesn'
tsaya
wor
dbuthonor
smyrequest
.

Grabyour
sel
faTRI
OforR660i
ncl
udi
ngcour
ier
0662230319What
sapp

WOUNDEDHEARTS
EPI
SODE31

PHUTI

Hav ey ouev erdonesomet hingandt her eaf t

er
regret?Thi sismer ightnow.Si nceThul i saw
hermot her,shehasgonebackt othatpi tof
darknesst hatshehasbeenf ightingf ory ears.I
don'tknowwhathappened.Twoday sago,
whensheaskedmet odr i
veherawayf r
om
Sowet o, Iobligedwithoutaskingany t hing.ButI
shoul dhav easkedher .OrIshoul daskedher
mot herwhathappened.Shedi dn'tspendmuch
ti
mewi thhermot herbutwhensher et urnedt o
thecar ,shewascr yi
ngsi l
ently.Whenshewas
donecr yi
ng, shetol
dmeshei sf i
nebutIf orone
knowt hatitwasal ie.Ilef
tforwor k,thinki ng
thatsheneededt i
met oher self.Ishoul dhav e
trustedmygut .Mygutt ol
dmet osti
ckar ound.
ButwhenIreturnedfr
om workthatev
eni
ng,she
wasamess.Li kesheswit
chedf r
om t
heThuliI
havebeenwithforacoupl
eofmont hsnow.
Heresheisnow, bl
ankl
ysti
rr
inghercupof
cof
fee.
"Babe,wouldyouli
kemet oi
nvit
eyoursist
er
andpar t
nerfordi
nner?Ifeell
i
keachef,"Isay
whilegett
ingonthechairbesi
deme.Iam not
veryignor
ant,soIaskedadayof ff
rom work
becauseThulidoesn'
tseem li
kehersel
f.
"
Hmmmm?
"
"
Yoursi
sterandhergir
lf
ri
end..
.shouldIinv
ite
t
hem ov
erforsupper?I'
l
lcook,
"Ioffer.
"
No!
"shequi
ckl
ysay
s.
"
Whynot
?"Okay
,thi
siswei
rd.
"
Ahhh.
..It
houghtwecould..
.st
ayi
n..
.j
ustt
he
t
woofus,"sheresponds.
"
Babe,
whati
sgoi
ngon?
"Idr
opmycof
feeon
thetabl
eandf ol
dmyar ms.Okay,Ihavebeen
l
enientbutthingsar egett
ingworseinstead.
Thisisnotwher eIwantt obe.Iknewshe
wasn'treadytoseehermot herbutIdroveher
ther
ewi thoutthi
nkingt wi
ce.Ishakeoffthe
feel
ingtobeatmy selfup-somethingIam very
goodat.
"
Huh?
"
"I
thasbeent hreeday sandy oulookli
kea
mess, "Isay."Si
ncey oureturnedbacktoy our
mot her'
shouse. .
.y
oudon' tlookverywell
andI
havebeenwai ti
ngfory outocomet ome."She
blanklystar
esatme.“ Babe, y
ouandImadea
promiset oeachot her.Wepr omisednottol i
e
toeachot her.Whati sgoingon? ”
“I
tiswei
rdt
hatIdon’
tfeel
any
thi
ng.If
eel
fine.I
do.”
“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”
“
ImeanIam f
ine.
”
“
No,
youar
enot
.”
“
So,shouldIli
enow…and…sayIam notfi
ne
whenIfeelokay?
”Shesnaps.Okay
,thi
sis
wei
rd.
“Fi
ne.Fi
ne.Whatcanwedo,today
?Wanna
catchamovie?
”Itryt
ochangethesubj
ectt
o
avoidafi
ght
.
“
Canwest
ayi
n?”
“Ofcourse,”Isaywhi l
egett i
ngup.Somet i
mesit
i
sbestt ogiv eanotherpersonsomespacet o
breat
he.Ipi ckmyphonef rom thecount erand
headtot hebedr oom sothatIcanl ieont hebed.
Idon’
tplant oopenmyl aptopatal l,
soIget
undertheduv etsandtypeDi neo.Ikepther
numberf rom t heti
mewhenThul i
usedmy
phone.Iknewi twouldcomei nhandy .
‘
HeyDineo,doyouhaveaminute?
’-Itexther.
Whi
lewaiti
ngforherr
esponds,
Iscrol
lthrough
myFacebookpage.Ist
opatapartythatis
goingontomorr
owni ghtatClubV.I
tishost
ed
byanoldfri
endofminesoIl eaveacomment,
askingwhyIwasn’
tinvit
ed.
Myphonepi
ngs.
‘
Whatdidy
oudo?Shoul
dIl
oadmygunnow?
’-
Di
neo.
‘
Wher
eismysi
ster
?’-anot
hert
ext
.
‘
Arey ouseriousl
yevergoingtot
rustmewit
h
yoursister
?’-Isendthetextwhi
l
eshakingmy
head.Ihavepr ovenmyselfsomanyti
mesbutI
am stil
lnottrust
ed.
‘
Nobutyouhav
emybl
essi
ng.What
’sup?
’-
Di
neo.
Bigsi
ster
’stendenci
es.Ishakemyheadwhi
l
e
ty
pingthenextmessage.
‘
ItookhertoseeyourmotheronMondayand
shehasbeenacti
ngstrangel
yaft
erwar
ds,
”It
ext
.
Inl
essthantenseconds,myphoneri
ngs.
“
Hel
l
o,”Ir
espond.
“Whydoyoualway
sli
ketaki
nghert
her
e?Why?
”
Sheasks,
alr
eadyr
eadyt
ochopmyheadoff
.
“Comeon…Ithoughtshewasokaytodoso.
Shehasbeenperfect
lyf
inef
ormont hssowhen
shesaid,
shewantedtogo…Ithoughtshewas
ready
.”
“
Ready
?Hav
eyoul
osty
ourmi
nd?Ready
?”
Thatiswhatsheal
way
ssay
s,butIdon’
tdar
e
sayittoher
.
“
Ihonest
lyt
houghtshewasf
ine.
”
“Thereisnowayshei sgoingtober eadyto
faceourmot her
.Thereisnodayt hatsheis
goingtobefinetowalkintothathouse.Iknow.
Irai
sedher.Irai
sedThuli,
”shesay s,herv
oice
breaki
ng.Isitupbecausethi
si smor eser
ious
thanIthought.
“
Dineo…Iam sor
ry…Ihonest
lyt
houghtshei
s
f
ine…”Isay
.
“
Howdoy
ouknow?
”
Okay,thereisnowayt hatIam goingtot ellher
thatThuliandIareli
vi
ngl i
keanormal coupl e
now-Imean, sexwasabi ggestdealinthi s,
wasn’tit
?Imi ghtbeajerkforconcludingf rom
thatonlyandnotconsiderheractualfeelings.
“
Ahh…becauseshei
smywoman?
”Isay
.
“Idon’
tknowwhatshewasdoingther
e
because…shehasneverbeenokayaf
terhav
ing
anencounterwi
tht
hatwoman.”
Thatwoman?Thi
sist
oodeepf
ormet
ohandl
e.
“
LookDi
neo…pl
easedon’
tgetworkedup.Ij
ust
want
edt
oknowifther
eisanyt
hingIcando?”
“
I’
ll
ber
ightt
her
e.”
“
No.I
’l
ltakecareofher,
”Isay
.Iam i
nherl
i
f e
f
orareason,am Inot
?Shecannotal
waysrun
t
ohersist
er.
“
I’
ll
ber
ightt
her
e,”shesay
sbef
orehangi
ngup.
WTF?
Ir
olloutofbedtogocheckonherinthe
ki
tchen.Sheissi
tt
ing,
star
ingi
nspace,notev
en
bl
inki
ng.
“Thuli
?”Iwhisperwhil
ewalki
ngt
owar
dsher
.I
don’twanttostart
leher.
“
Hmmmm? ”Shet
urnstowar
dsme.“
Doy
ou
t
hinkIam goodenough?”
“Goodenoughforwhat
?Yes,y
ouar egood
enough,
”Isay.“
Youaremorethangoodenough.
Youareperf
ect.
”
“Idon’tunder
standwhyIsayIf orgiv
emy
mot her,
”shesays.“SheisthereasonIdon’t
wantt obeapar enti
nmyl i
fe.Sheist her
eason
Idon’twanttohav earesponsibi
li
tyofrai
singa
chil
d.Like…howcanIf orgi
v eher?”
Okaay
yy…t
hisi
sdeep.
“Youaredoingi
tfory
our
sel
fbabe.I
tisnotf
or
herbutiti
sfory
ou.”
“
ButIdon’
tunder
stand…why
?Why
?”
“
Becausei
tist
her
ightt
hingt
odo,
”Isay
.
“YouknowwhyIsaymay be…justmay be..
Iam
notgoodenough?I fshel ovedmesomuch…
shewoul dn’thaveal l
owedal lthosement o
messwi thmyl ife…”Therei snot hi
ngIcansay
tomakeherf eelbetteraboutthis, soIkeep
quietbecausei tisthebestthingt odo.
“May be…nomat terwhatIdo…Iam notgood
enought hat’
swhyIam demot ed…somucht hat
Int
ernsar eevenbet tert
hanIam. ”
“Whoa!Wait!Whatar eyout al
kingabout ?”Iask
becausethesenewsar enewt ome.Shewi pes
herfacewiththesleevesofherj er
seyandpi cks
herphonefrom thetable.Iwaitinsilenceas
shescrol
lthroughherphone.Shef inall
yturns
herphonetowar dme.Ir eceiv
ei tf
rom her
handsandr
eadt
heemai
lthati
sont
hescr
een.

—————-

To:
thul
i
sil
e@geot
ech.
co.
za
Fr
om:
lydi
a@geot
ech.
co.
za
Subj
ect
:NEW TEAM

GooddayThul
i
sil
e

Ihopet hi
semai l
findsy ouwel l.Iam sorr
y
abouty ourdemot ion: Ir
etur nedt owor kt
oday
andwasadv isedbyy ourpr ev i
ousSuper vi
sor
thatyouar enowpar tofmyt eam.Iam exci t
ed
tomeety ouandIhav ehear dgoodt hingsabout
you.Iam t ol
dy ouar eonl eav eunt i
lMonday .
Unfortunatel
y,Iwillbet r
av elli
ngt otheDur ban
branchtomorrowanduponmyr et
urni
ntwo
weeks,wewi l
lassignsomet askstoyou-i
fwe
haveproject
s.Idonothav eanythi
ngtobe
urgent
lytakencareofsountilIret
urn,
youcan
gothroughthecompanypol i
ciesandstudy
muchaboutdat aanalysi
s.

Wi l
lyoubeokaytomovetomyfloor?Ihav
ea
team si
tuat
ednearmyoffi
ceanditwill
onl
y
makesensei fy
oumov edownhere.Wecan
discussthi
swhenIret
urntot
heoffice.

Regar
ds
Ly
diaSemel
ane

—————-

Mymout
hisdr
ywhenIf
ini
shr
eadi
ngt
heemai
l
.
Somanyquest
ionsIwantt
oaskbutThul
il
ooks
vul
ner
abl
etoansweranyofthem.
Whywasshedemot
ed?
Di
dshegetdemot
edbyhersuper
visor
?Why
?
I
sitwhyshei
sher
e?
Cometot hi
nkofit
,shehasbeendist
antsince
shegothereandIthoughti
twasn’
tanyt
hing
much.Ibeli
evedherwhenshetol
dmet hatshe
wasfi
ne.
“Babe,doyouknowwhyEdwi nhadtoletyou
go?”Iask.Idon’twanttodi
scussaboutthe
fuckerbutifi
tisbecauseofmyv i
sit
ati
onthe
othernight
,thi
scanbehandled.
“
Hesayshecanhandlet
heworkl
oadwi
thout
me,
”shesay
s,socl
osetocr
ying.“
Hegi
vesthe
t
askst
ohisi
nter
ns.”
“Whydon’ty
outal
ktot
hebi
gboss…orHRor
anyt
hing?
”Iask.
“BecauseIsti
l
l wi
shhecanseehowgoodI
havebeenandchangehismind.Whati
fmy
workwast hereasonhedr
oppedme?Whati
fI
am notgoodenough?”
Ilaughatherwor ds.Whatkindoffuckeryisthi
s?
Thedudei sjustbeenstupi
dandi ti
st oosad
thatshedoesn’tseethatheisbeingchildi
sh.I
donotknowwhati sinherheadbutIam not
goingt ost
andher eanddefendtheguyf orwhat
hedi d.Thi
sIcanf i
ghtfr
om myendandwi ni
t
forher.Iti
snonsense.
“
Iknewit
…Thisi
sfunnyt
oyou,
”Thul
isay
s
whi
leget
ti
ngup.
“Iam sorr
y,comeon.Thatguyi
sjustbei
ng
chil
dishandIdon’
tknowwhyy oucannotsee
that
.Icancallhi
m and…”
“Idon’
twanttoworsenthesi
tuat
ion.Why
wouldIdothat?
”Sheasks.Thewayhervoicei
s
cracki
ngtel
l
smet hatthi
sisseri
ousandI
mustn’
tmaket hesi
tuat
ionli
ght
lyl
.Shei
s
al
readydefeat
ed,sosheleav
estheroom and
marchestothebedroom.
Phew!
!!
!
Aknockcomesfrom mydoorasIset
tl
eont he
couchi
ntheli
vi
ngroom.Thedoorisunl
ocked
soIcal
loutf
orwhoeveri
sbythedoortocome
i
n.
“Whereisshe?”Dineoasks.Nogr
eet
ing,
not
hing.“Thul
i
? ”Shecal
lsout.
Whyi
sshepani
cki
ng?Whyar
ewomenso
dr
amati
c?
“Di
neo,whatar
eyoudoinghere?
”Thul
iasksas
shecomesdownt hecor
ri
dor.Herf
acesays
shehasbeencryi
ng.
“
Arey
ouf
ine?Whati
sgoi
ngon?
”
“
Didy
oucal
lmysi
ster
?”Thul
ist
aresatme.
Youknowwhat
?Iam def
eat
ed.Thel
astt
imeI
arguedwi t
hawomanwhohappenedt obemy
mot her
,thi
ngswentsout
handIst i
llr
egr
etitt
o
thi
sday ,soIswit
cht
hetel
ev i
siononandlet
them si
stersdeci
dewhattheywanttodo.

*
***
***
*

ClubVi sal
readypar kedwhenImakemyway
ther
e.Thulil
eftwithhersi st
eryester
day
mor ni
ng,soIhavet het i
met omy sel
funti
lshe
needsme.Av oidconf li
ctsatal
lcosts,r
ight
?
Thisismeav oidi
ngconf li
cts.
“Ahhh,brayaka,
”thesecur
it
ycall
soutasIturn
towardstheparki
ngattheback.Ihavebeen
herecountl
esstime,somuchthatIhavemade
fri
endswitheveryonewhoworkshere.“
Where
havey oubeen?”
“Ei
sh…spani
,brayaka,
”Ir
espondasIcheckf
or
somefewnot est
ogi v
ehim sot
hatmycaris
secur
edunti
lImakemywayhome.Her
ecei
ves
themoneyandmovest
hecone.
“Don’
tbeast rangermyguy ,”hesay sasIdrive
i
ntotheVI Pparki
ng.Themusi cisloudIcan
hearfrom t
hepar kinglot.Beforewal ki
ng
towardsthebackdoor ,Icheckf orany
messagesf r
om Thul i.None.Isendhert hel
ove
emojisbefor
esl i
dingmyphonei nmyback
pocketandmaki ngmywayt ot heclub.
Jerusalema!Okay ,t
hisi
sthesongoft he
decade.Thev erseblast
sont hespeakerasI
makemywayt owher eIcanf i
ndMarkand
Casey ,
themanager softhisbar.I
tisan
anniversar
ycelebrati
onsot heypr
omisedtobe
here.
“
Youmadei t
,”Mar
ksayswhi l
eget
tingupfrom
acouchwherehei
ssurroundedbycountl
ess
women.IwaveatCaseyandhisgroupof
f
ri
ends.
“
Wherehavey oubeen? ”HeasksasIsett
leon
t
hecouch.Ihaven’tbeeninthescenef
orso
manymonths,Ilostcount.
“
Ihadtol
aylowforali
tt
lebi
t,
”Ir
espond.“
Who
i
sonthedeckst
onight
?”
“
Youdi
dn’
tseeDj
Lux?Whendi
dyougether
e?”
“
Justnow.
”
“
WhenIsawthatgi
rlofyour
sawhileago…I
wassur
eyouwereherealr
eady
,”hesays.
Theregoesmyf un!Bymygi rl
,hemeansCar ol
.
Ihavel ostcountoft i
mesCar olandIhitthe
clubs.Webot hwel i
vedt opar t
y.Iwasj ust
hopingt hatshedoesn’ tshowup.Butwhoam I
fooli
ng?I fyouareapar t
yani malli
kethebot h
ofus, ClubV’sanniversar ycel
ebrati
onsar ethe
i
sh!Idon’ tknowhowt heydoi tbutMarkand
Caseydon’ tcareaboutt hemoneyf orjustone
nightinay ear.Everydrinkgoest ohalfpr i
ce
andt heplacebecomest oocrowded.Soov er
crowdedt hati
fIdidn’
thaveaccesstotheVIP,
I
wouldratherstayhome.Iti
salreadygett
ing
packedinseconds.
“Repeat!Repeat!Repeat!”Thecrowdy el
lswhen
thesongf ini
shed.Icannothel pbutlaughwhen
theDJst artsthesongagai n.Theplacegoes
crazyast hesongstartsafresh.Okay ,t
hisis
refr
eshingt owatchast hedancef l
oorget s
packed.Amongstt hegi rl
slaughingandwal king
towardstheVI Psecti
oni sCar ol
.Whenourey es
meet ,
shegi vesmeasmi leandawi nkbef ore
goingtothef arendofwher eIam standingwith
Mar k.
“Ar
ey ouguy snolongerthecool estcoupl
eon
motherearth?”Mar kyel
ltomyearaf t
er
handi
ngmeashot .Ihateshots.Theygiveme
headaches,buttonightIshootonedownmy
thr
oat.Justalit
tl
ebuzzt ogetmei nthemood.
Theonlythi
ngIhateaboutt
heVI
Psect
ionis
thesoundprooft
heboothcanof
fer
.Watchi
ng
Carolwalkt owar dsme, Ial
readyknowshe
wantstochat .Shehasst udiedtheat
mospher
e
andalreadyconcl udedthatIcamehereal
one.
HadIbr oughtThul i
,shewoul dhavemade
hersel
fv i
sible.Ialwayssay ,
womenl i
keherar
e
dangerous.
“Ar
ey ouavoi
dingme?
”Sheasksl
oudl
y,whi
l
e
set
tl
ingnextt
ome.
“
Notatal
l
,”Iy
ell
back.
“Iam t
oldyoudon’twantt
ohandl
eour
account,
”shesays.
“
Arewet
alki
ngaboutwor
know?
”
“Oh,wedon’
thave,
”shesayswi
thasmi
rkand
stareatt
hedancefl
oorwi
thme.“Howi
sit
beingafami
lyguy?
”
“
Huh?
”
“
Howisitbei
ngafami
l
yguy
?Ihav
en’
tseeny
ou
i
nages,
”shesay
s.
“
It
’squi
tegr
eat
.”
“
Liar
!”Shel
aughs.
Thisissomewhatawkwar d.I
fitwasmanyago,
shewoul dhavebeentwerki
nginfrontofme
andwoul dhavebeenslappi
ngherassi n
preparat
ionforwhatwasgoingtohappen.
“Let
’shav
efun…f oroldtimessake,”shesays.
“Youowethattome. ”Ishakemyheadbecause
Idonot.“
Relax.Idon’tdocommittedguys.”
“
Iknow,”Irespond.Thati
swhatIli
keabouther
.
I
nami nute,herfr
iendspul
lhert
othedance
f
loor
,leav
ingmei npeace.
Icannotdancet osav emyl i
febutIgetfulf
il
led
bywat chingothersdo.Justforami nut
e,a
worldisabeaut if
ulplace.Aworldisa
wonder f
ul pl
acewi t
hal otofhappyfaces.I
don’thavet obedrunkf ormetoenjoysuch
spaces-Ij ustgetthi
ssenseofpeacewhenmy
mindonl yconcentrateonapositiv
emood.
Everyt
hingelsedonotmatter
.Myissuesdon’t
mat t
er.Workdon’
tmatter
.Onlywhent heDJ
start
splayi
nghiphop,doItakeaseat.Ipul
lmy
phonef r
om mypockettocheckifIhaveany
textbackfr
om Thuli
.
Oh,
dammi
t!
Sev
enmi
ssedcal
l
sandf
ourt
extmessages!
‘
Idon’tknowwhatisgoingonwi t
hme.Iam
scar
ed.Ifeel
finebutl
ikewhatyousaid,
MuofheandDi neosayIdon’
tlookfi
ne.’
-text
messagesentat21h45.
'
Iwasn’twit
hmyphoneear l
ierandmissedyour
textmessages.Whyareyounotrespondi
ng
back?Areyousleepi
ng?’
-23h03.
‘
Iwi shIcouldjustletyousleepi
fyouare
sleeping…butIhav espentsomucht i
mewit
h
yout oknowt hatitisn’
tbedtimewit
hyou
unlessy ouarebusy .’
-23h35.
‘
Idonotev
enknowwhyIam sad.I
tisaf
ter
midnightandy ouar eobviouslysl
eepingor
somet hi
ng, r
ight ?Iam sorryifyouaremadat
me.Idon’tknowwhati swr ongwi t
hme.Thi s
j
obt hi
ng.Idon’ tknow.May beEdwi nreal
ly
doesn’thavel oadsofwor kt ogivemeandmy
mindist r
yingt obr i
ngmedown…y ouknow?
MaybeIshoul dn’tmakeabi gdealoutofthis,
ri
ght?Thet hingi s…thi
swhol eissuemademe
doubtmyef f
or ts.Iknowy ouar esl
eepingbutI
wishIcouldt alkt oyou.'
Jeez!
!!Rel
ati
onshi
psneh?
??
Myphoner
ings.

www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE32
THULI

Idon’
tknowwhythisEdwinissueissinki
ngme
tothehol
e.Thi
sisdeeperthanIthoughti
tis,
mostlywhenDi
neoisstati
ngfactsinmyf ace.
If
eelli
keajer
kfornotl
i
steni
ngt
oPhut
iwhen
hetr
iedtomakesensetome.
Whydi
dIev
enl
i
eatt
hef
ir
stpl
ace?
Ir
eadtheemai l
forthehundredt
hti
meuntil
Di
neocatchesmer eadi
ngit.Shehadst
epped
i
ntot
hebedr oom wit
hMuof he.
“Konje…whydi dyouquitatVi
ncy’
s?”sheasks.I
quicklyshutt
helaptopasifshedi
dn’tcat
chme
redhandedonsomet hi
ngshetol
dmet ostop
doing.
“
What
?”
“Iaskedwhydidyouqui
tatVi
ncy
’sr
est
aur
ant
?”
Sheasksagain.
“
Ididn’
twantt
owearthei
rski
mpyski
rt
s.I
twas
j
usttoomuchforme.
”
“Andthatrest
aur
antwher
ePhut
ihost
edhi
s
bir
thday?
”
“Oh, t
hedayhet ookmyt abl esohecoul dwat ch
meser veme? ”IaskandDi neol aughsatme.I
wassomadt hatday .WhenIcal l
edmysi ster
afterthewhol esituation,It oldherhowmuch
childi
shPhut i i
sfordoi ngwhathedi d.DidIever
ment iont hisstory?Phut i,longt imeagowhenI
usedt ohat ehisguts, heknewwher eIwor ked.
So, hebr oughthi sfriendsov erfordinner.I
twas
hisbirthday .Hemadesur et obookundermy
tablessot hatIwillbet heonet oser
v ehistable.
Okay ,Idon’ tknowwhot hechi l
dishonewas
betweenhi m andI ,butIr esi gnedthatnight.I
resignedont hespotbutl ucki lyMariawast here
todef uset hesi t
uation.Shehel dmedownandI
wasabl et ojoinPhut i’
sbirthdaypar ty.Buthere
wear e, Phut iandI.Iam f allingsodeepl yinlove
wi
thhi
m.Iam i
nlov
e.
“
Whatdi
dyout
hatni
ght
?”
“
Itol
dyouIqui
t.
”
“
Whereisthatbossl
ady
?Thatgir
lwhodoesn’t
t
akeanynonsensefr
om any
one?”Dineoasks.
“
Ift
hereisanythi
ngy
oucantakefr
om yourpast
i
sthatchar
acter.
”
“
Ist
hisaboutmydemot
ion?
”
“Whatdemoti
on?Iaskedyouifyourecei
veda
l
ett
erfrom HRori
fyouarejustworki
ngyoursel
f
up?”
Tobehonest ,Imighthavejumpedhi ghaft
er
readi
ngt hisemail.Comet othinkofit,
the
demot i
oni nformati
onissupposedt ocome
from HumanResour ce’
soffice.Nothi
nghas
camei ny et.Maybethisi
sjustwhatEdwi ntol
d
mynewsuper vi
sorandisnotact ual
lywhat
happened.
“
Ihav
en’
t.
”
“
Seey
ouar
ejustwor
kingy
our
sel
fup?
”
“
Iguess,
”Imumbl
e.
“I
fhedemotedyouwithoutareason,
thenheis
goingt
oloseacase.Theminuteyourepor
thim,
heisgoi
ngtolosehi
sjobsojustsaytheword.”
“
Idon’
twantt
hat
.”
“
Whynot
?”
“
Iwantt
hissobad,
Dineo.Thei
deaofdoi
nga
j
obIl
ove.
”
“Then,got othenewsect i
onandki ckassunt i
l
theymakey outhi
sloser’
sboss,”shesay sand
forthefir
sttimeIlaugh.Ev eni
fIwanted,Ican
neverbeEdwi n’sboss.Themani sar obot.
Dineocont i
nues,“I
fnot,comebackt oJoburg.
Hav eyouev entri
edapplyingforajob?Thisjob
thatyoucry i
ngforwasgi ventoyou.You
haven’teventri
edmar keti
ngandher eyouare
cryi
ng.Puty
ourCVint
wocompaniesandtel
l
mei ft
heywon’
tfi
ghtf
oranEconomi
stli
ke
you.”
“
Juni
orEconomi
st.
”
“Samething.JuniorEconomist
,Seni
or
Economist,Economist.Whateveri
tis…y
ouar
e
aneconomi st.
”
“
Yeahr
ight
,”Imumbl
e.
“Youhavenoi deahowsmar tyouar e,doy ou?”
Sheasksandshakesherhead.“ Youar eso
cute.
”Istareatherwi t
houtsayingany thing.I
wishmyhear tcouldstopraisi
ng.“ Youlookl i
ke
amess.Pl easestopstressi
ngaboutt his.Stop
str
essingyoursel
faboutnothing.Sl eepi toff.
Talktoyouboy fr
iend.Hewaswor riedabout
you.”
*
***
**
Whyi sPhuti
notanswer i
ngmyphone?Ihav
e
beentexti
nghim all
nightandnowt
hatheis
onli
ne,heisi
gnoringmycal l
.
Ihat
efeel
i
ngl
i
ket
his.Ir
eal
l
ydo.
MyphonebuzzesandIal
mostj
umpi
n
exci
tement
.
‘
Heybabe, I
’
llcallyouinaf ewmins.Iam not
home.Iwasoutandi tisquit
eloudwhereIam.’
-Phuti’stextfreezesmef r
om whereIam
standing.Ireadt hetextagainbefor
echecking
thetime.I ti
saf termidnight.
Ibit
emybot t
om li
p,tr
yingsohar dnottosenda
textaskingwher eheis.Whoi shewi t
h?Ishe
outwi t
hf r
iends?Isheisoutwi th….Carol
?He
neededabr eather
,forme?Am It oomucht o
handle?Iqui ckl
ythrowt hephoneont het
able
sot hatIdon’tgettemptedt otexthi
m.
“
Leti
tgo,
Thuli
.Leti
sgo!
!!
!”Iedgemysel
fasI
t
rembl
ewhereIam.Theguyneededt
ospend
t
imewi
thhi
sfr
iends.
“Babes??
”Muof heaskswhenshewalksint
o
thekit
chen.Sheputsonthel
ightwhi
chwasn’t
on.Theli
ghtthatwasiscomingfr
om theli
vi
ng
room.“Areyoualri
ght
?”
“
Yeah!
”
“Youknowy ouar ehorr
ibl
eatlyi
ng,ri
ght
?”she
says.WhenIdon’ tr
espond,shegrabsmy
phonefrom thetableandgoesthroughi
twhil
eI
fi
ghttogetitbackfrom her.
“Canyouplease…leavemyphone? ”Ical
ml ysay
,
accept
ingmydef eatbecauseshehasalready
dart
edtothelivi
ngroom.
“Yourmindisnotrunni
ngwi ld,isi
t?”Muofhe
asksassheplacesmyphonei nherhand.She
walkstothefr
idgeandpi cksabot tl
eofjui
ce.I
star
eathersot hatshedoesn’ tdr
inkfr
om the
cart
oon.Justl
ikethat,shedrinksfrom i
t.
“
I’
ll
nev
ereaty
all
’
sfood,
”Imumbl
ewhi
l
e
put
ti
ngont
heket
tl
eforcof
fee.
“
Don’
tyoudaremakecoff
ee.Youknowi
tai
n’
t
f
oodfory
ou,”shesay
s.
“
Whatsgoodenoughf
orme?Huh?What
?”I
mumbleatmysel
f.
“Hewentoutwit
hhisfri
ends,
”Muof hesay
s.
ShecanseethatIam act
uall
ymilesaway,
tr
yingt
owonderwherePhutiis.
“Iknow…Idon’tknowwhyIam sowor kedup,
”I
saybeforenoti
cingDineowalki
ngi
ntother
oom.
Shef i
xesherbum shortsbef
orest
oppi
ngnext
toMuof he.
“
Whyar
en’
tyousl
eepi
ng?
”Di
neoasks.
“
Phut
iisoutcl
ubbi
ng,
”Muof
her
esponds.
“Oh!
”Dineopul
lsthej
uicecar
toonf
rom Muof
he
anddri
nksfrom i
t.
I
tisconf
ir
med!I’
m nev
erdr
inki
ngany
thi
ngf
rom
t
hisapar
tment
!
“
Oh,
what
?”
“Oh…hehasal
i
fe.
”Al
i
fewi
thoutme?“
Youl
ook
shocked.
”
“
Idon’
tknowwhyy
ouwantt
orubi
tin.
”
“
Iam notrubbi
nganythingin,
Iam j
ustst
ati
ng
t
hefacts.Hehasali
fe,”Dineosay
s.
“Youdon’
thavetor
ubi
tin,”Ical
loutandshe
star
esatme,herar
msfoldedtoherchest
.
“I
twasjustar
eminder.Shouldwegoout?We
havetwohour
sbeforetheclubscl
oses,
”Di
neo
says.
“No.Idon’tfeel
li
kei
t,”Ir
espond.Ij
usthav
eto
swall
owt hishardpi
l
landsleep.
“Youthi
nkhei
sbusywi t
hthatgirl
,ri
ght
?”Trust
mysistert
obebrut
al.“
Hewoul dn’
tdare.I
promi
sedtochophisheadoff.
”
“
Asi
fthatwi
l
lmakemef
eel
bet
ter
.”
“
Got
osl
eep.Hewi
l
lcomebackt
oyousoon,
”
Muof
hesay
s.
“Im goingtosleep,”Dineosayswhi l
ewal king
towardst hedoor.Shest opsandt urnstowards
meandasks, “Arey ouhonestthat,y ouarenot
affectedbyvisit
ingt hatwoman’shouse? ”By
thatwoman, shemeansourmot her.Ishakemy
headbecauseIal sodon’tunderstandwhati s
goingonwi thme.
“
Shef
inal
l
yapol
ogi
sed,
”Isay
.
“
Goodforher
.”Withthatsai
d,shewal
ksoutof
t
heroom wi
thhergi
rl
fri
endbehindher
.

*
***
*

Int
hemor ni
ng,
Iwakeupt ohundredmi ssed
cal
l
sf r
om Phut
i.Justaft
ermysi st
erand
Muofhelef
tmel astni
ght,
Ialsoleftf
orbed.It
wasn’
teasytotextPhuti
totellhi
mt hatwewi l
l
chatint
hemorni
ng.Formyownsani t
y,Ihadto
l
eav emyphonei
nthekitchensothatIdonot
stayupthewhol
enightwaiti
ngforthecall
.It
tookmehoursbutevent
ually
,If
ellasl
eep.
Igot
hroughat
hreatoft
extmessages.
‘
CanIcomepi ckyouup?’-fi
rstmessage.It
makesmef eelbet
tert
hathewasn’ttaking
anyonehome.Themessagecamei njust
minutesaf
termygoodnightmessages.
‘
Youar
enotpi
cki
ngupy
ourphone.
’-second
t
ext
.
‘
Okay
,ifyouseet
his,cal
lmeandI
’
llcomepi
ck
y
ouup.’-l
astmessage.
Iam gl
adIfel
lasleep.Imagi
ne,
ifIhadinsi
sted
onhimleavi
ngwhat everhewasdoing,
justto
nur
semyf eel
ings?
Isleptver
ylat
e,soiti
saftertenwhenIstrol
l
aroundthekit
chen,di
ggi
ngf orsomethingtoeat
.
Not hi
ngIhaveappeti
tef
or.Ipullapacketof
chi
pssoIcoul
deat
.
‘
Sor r
y,Ididn’
tsleepwi t
hmyphone. ’
-Itext
Phutiwhilesettl
ingont hecouch.Myphone
ri
ngsi naninstant.Idon’tev
enwasteti
me
responding.
“
Hel
l
o.”
“Yay
…sheisal
ive,
”Phut
isay
s.“
Howar
eyou?
Didyousl
eepwell
?”
“
Yes.
”
“Whereyoumissi
ngmethatmuchlastni
ght
?”
Heasks.Heknowstheanswert
othatbuthe
sti
l
lhastoask.
“
Iwas.
”
“Haveyoual
readyhavebr
eakfast
?”Heasks
befor
eyawni
ngl oudl
yonthephone.
“Iam act
uall
yhavi
ngav er
ynicebr
eakfast
.Sal
t
andVinegarchi
psfrom t
hesnackdrawer,
”I
respond.
“Iam onmyway .Getready.Iam t
akingy outoa
properbreakfastbeforethoseladi
esst arveyou
todeath.I’
ll
bet hereinthir
tyminutes,”hesays.
Ili
kehowpl ay f
ul hesounds.Myhear tjumpsin
excit
ementathowangr yhedoesn’tsound.I
wassososcar edt hathewi l
lj
udgemef orhow
Iwasact i
ngt hesepastday s.
“
I’
ll
ber
eadyi
nthi
rt
y.”
Ijumpt ogetr eady.Isucksomet imes.
Someonemi ghtsayIam moody .OnedayIf eel
per fectlyf i
ne.OnedayIf eel li
keamess.I t
needsav eryunderstandingper sont okeepup.
Ifther ei sonehumanbei ng, apartf r
om my
sister,whoIneedt okeepf ort her estofmyl if
e
i
sPhut i
.I tevenscar esmehowmuchIam
goi ngt oneedhi mf ortherestofmyl i
fe.Ishe
av ail
abl ef orthat
?Justl i
ket hat,mymi ndsinks
i
nt odar kness.Nomat terhowmuchIt ry…those
thought st hatremindmet hatdon’ tdeserveall
theset hingsIhav e,keepsl idingi ntomyhead.
HowIai
n’
tgoodenough!
It
akeadeepestsi
ghandtr
ytoi
magi
net
he
pl
acet
hatPhutii
staki
ngme.
Out
doorbr
eakf
astpi
cni
c.
Adri
vethr
oughatMcDonal
dandwecoul
deat
f
rom t
hecar.
Anexpensi
ver
est
aur
ant
.
JustwhenIkeepmyt houghtsinthebreakfast
date,If
eelmyselffeel
ingbett
er.Igeti
ntomy
dressandtheonlywhitesneakersIbrought
withme.Iam stil
lnotbigonmake- upsoIam
doneprepari
ngint hethi
rt
ymi nutest
hatI
promisedtotake.Iusetherestofthemi nutes
tocleanuptheroom andpacki ngmybag.
‘
Iam out
side.
’
Iexcit
edl
ypickmybagsandrushout.WhenI
walktotheli
vi
ngar
ea,Ifi
ndDineoandMuofhe
fi
nishi
ngthechi
psIl
eftonthetabl
e.
“Okay
…y oul
ookcute,”Di
neosay
s.“
Whydoy
ou
haveyourover
nightbag?
”
“Phut
iispicki
ngmeupforbr
eakfast
,”Ir
espond
shyl
y.“I
’l
lgotohi
sapar
tmentaft
erwards.
”
“NowIf eelli
keajerkforforcingyououtofhi s
house,”Dineosayswhi l
eshaki ngherhead.She
hadsaidt hatshehadpani ckedwhenPhut i
told
herthathet ookmet omeetourmot herandI
camebackl ooki
ngli
keaghost .Idon’
t
remembersomeepi sodest hatIgothroughand
somet i
mesIt akethem li
ghtly.ButIpr
ayf orthe
daywhenIwon’ tworr
yherorany one.
“No.Iappreci
ate,
Dineo.YouknowIdo.Iknow
Phutiunderst
andstoo.”
Whent heywav emeoutoft heapart
ment,Irush
toPhuti’
scarjustout
side.Hissmil
ewelcomes
mewhenIset t
leonthecarseat.I
nsteadof
star
ti
ngt hecar,hest
aresatmef oralongest
ti
me.
“
What
?”Iwhi
sper
.
“Youaresobeaut
if
ul,
”hesay
s.“
Arey
ou
alr
ight
?”
“
Yes.Iam f
ine.
”
“Letmegof eedy ou,
”hesayswhilestart
ingt
he
car.If
all
inlovealloveragai
n.I
tisn’tt
he
promiseforfood,iti
sthewayhel ookedatme
whenhesai dit.
I
nfewminutes,weparkoutsideourr est
aurant
.
Wepickaperfectt
abl
eoutside.Thewai tr
ess
t
akesourcoff
eeorder
sanddi sappears.
“Iwentoutlastnight
.Iwishyouwer ethere,
”
Phutisay
s,bringi
ngt het
opicIdi
dn’twantt o
bri
ngup.Thel astthi
ngIwantisforhimt othink
thatIam i
nsecure.Iam noti
nsecure.Ijusthave
thesedemonst hattormentmeattimes.
“
Howwasi
t?”Iask.
“
Sameol
d,sameol
d.ButIf
eltoutofpl
ace,
”he
respondsbefor
elaughi
ng.“
Thenextt
imeIam
hit
tingthecl
ub,I
’l
ldosowit
hyou.
”
Thewait
resspl
acesmycupinfrontofme.I
takeaf
ir
stsipandst
areatPhut
i.
“Pl
easehelpmel ookforaj
obi
n
Johannesbur
g,”Isay.
Healmostchokesonhi
stea,
“Youwannacome
back?
”Hisfaceli
ght
sup.
“Ij
ustreal
i
sedthatIhaven’
tevenappl
iedfora
j
obandher eIam cryi
ngovermyjob.I
fthenew
secti
onisshi
tt
y,I’
l
ljustl
ookforanot
herjob.
”
“Okay…t hatshouldbeveryeasy.Youar etoo
smart…nocompanyi sgoingtoletyouwal kout
thei
rjobi fy
ouev ershowupf oranintervi
ew,”
hesay s.Idropmyey estomycof fee.“Youdon’t
beli
eveme, doyou?”
“Di
neosai
dthesamet
hing.If
eel
li
keaj
erkf
or
notbel
i
evi
ngit
.”
“Don’
tworry
/DineoandIareher
etor
emi
ndy
ou
unti
lyoubel
iev
eit,
”hesays.
Ifeell
ikecr
yingwhenhesayst
hat.WhatdidI
dot odeser
vethi
s?What?Mytearsj
uststr
eam
downmycheekswi thoutawar
ning.
“Thankyou,
”Imumblewhi
l
elaughi
ngatmy
sel
f
andcleani
ngmytear
sup.
“Sendmey ourCVandall…andwewi l
lgety
oua
j
obar oundher e,
”hesayswhil
erubbi
ngthe
backofmyhand.“ Youdon’
tknowhowmuchI
wouldkill
forthat.
”
IcleanmyfaceupasInot icet
hewaitr
ess
walkingt
oourt abl
ewiththemenu.Shesets
them onthetableandwalksaway,
givi
ngusa
minutetopickthefood.
“HowcanIkeepy
oui
nmyl
i
fef
orev
er?
”Iask,
beami
ngathim.
“Haven’
tyou,alr
eady?”heask.Hekeepshi
s
eyesonmi ne,bui
ldi
ngupthatsexual
connect
iont
hatwehav
e.“
Ilov
eyou.
”
“
Am Inott
oomuchf
ory
ou?
”Iask.
“Toomuch? ”Henodshisheadwhi
l
ethi
nki
ng
hard.“Wel
l
…j ustmuchenoughf
ormeto
handle.
”
“
Whydon’
tIt
rusty
ou?
”Iaskwhi
l
egi
ggl
i
ng.
“I
tisn’
tli
keIdon’
tknowwhatyouhavebeen
goingthr
ough.Imeanti
twhenIsai
dI’
llbe
here,
”hesays.
Whent hewai t
resscomesbackt otakeour
order
,IletPhutiordersomet hi
ngforme.When
wear elef
talone,Phutitakesmyhandandsay s,
“Doyouknowwhendi dIfalldeepl
yinlov
ewit
h
me? ”
“
When?
”
“
Onourfi
rstdat
e.WhenItol
dy ouaboutmy
mot
herandyoucri
edonmybehal f
,”hesays.I
r
ememberthatday
.“That
’swhereIknewthat
y
ouaretoohar
donthewor l
dandyour
sel
f…but
y
ouhavethemostbeaut
if
ulhear
t.
”
Isi
gh,
deepl
y.Tr
yingnott
ocr
y.
“Icannotwai
tf orthedaywhenyoust
opbeing
toohardony ourself
,”hesay
s.“
Youaregoi
ngto
beunstoppable.Youar egoi
ngt
obea
dynamite.
”
“
Phut
i,
”Iwhi
sper
.
“
Iswear.Oneday,
I’
ll
remindyou,
”hesay
s.
“
Stopbeinghar
dony our
sel
f.Okay
?”
“
Okay
,”Iwhi
sper
.
“
Okay,nomoredeepst
uff.Let’
sgetyouf
ed.I
wantustogosomewhereaftert
his.
”

-
--
--
--

I
'
lll
ety
ouknowwhenwear
ebackt
oournor
mal
sl
ots!Ver
ysoon!
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE33

PHUTI

“Okay ,
nomor edeepst uff.Let’
sgety ouf ed.I
wantust ogosomewher eafterthis.
”That
scoresabeam.I nnot ime, ourfoodi sinfront
ofusandmygi rlhereisnotwast i
nganyt ime.I
am righthere,wonder i
ngi fIshouldgoahead
withmypl anorifIshouldcomeupwi th
somet hingtodo?Byt heway ,Iam t hri
ll
edabout
herwar mingupt ot heideaofmar ketingin
Johannesbur g.Damn, t
hatwi l
lmakemea
happyman.Iam notbei ngsel f
ishabouther
mov i
ngt ome, itjustmakessense.She
deservest obet reat
edbet terthanher
supervi
sori s.Ibetyou,thisfuckercanev en
l
earnat hingort wof r
om herbecauseshei s
thatamazi ng.Whenwat chingt henewsandan
economi canal y
stcomesont hescr een,mygirl
alwaysdi shesupt hefacts.Wel l,Idon’
tgivea
damnaboutwhathappensi ntheeconomybut
Thulibreatheseconomi cs.Ev enwhent he
governmenti smaki ngfinancial andeconomic
decisi
ons, Thulihasalway stoldmehowgood
orbadourcount rywill
beaf f
ect ed.So,i
fyou
askme, noonecanbeanybet terthanmygi r
l.
“Whatareyouthi
nkingabout?
”Sheasksaf
ter
picki
nghermugofcof f
ee.Ifi
twasuptome,I
wouldcutthatt
hingoutofherdi
et.
“Abouty ougetti
ngaj obinGauteng,”Irespond
whil
er eadingherreaction.Herwarm smi l
etel
ls
meshei sreal
lyopent othisi
dea.Shedoesn’ t
soundf orcedoranything.So,ri
ghtatthis
minute,Iwishthatfuckerofasuper vi
sor
wor
senst
hesi
tuat
ion.Sel
fi
sh-Iknow.
“ButIam goingt ofindanapartmentf or
my sel
f,
”sher espondsbef oret
hrowingchips
i
ntohermout h.“Icannotstaywit
hDi neoand
hergirl
fr
iend.Theykeepdr i
nki
ngfrom thejui
ce
bottl
e.”
“
Andme?
”
“Meandyout
oget
her
,al
way
s?Iseedanger
,”
shesay
sandshr
ugs.
“
Whatdanger
?”
“Thedangerofnotf
ocusi
ngonmywork.The
onlyt
hingIwantwhenIam wi
thy
ou…i
st o
shag.
”
“
Whati
swr
ongwi
tht
hat
?”
“
Don’
tyouhav
etomi
ssi
t?”
“
WhydoIhavetomissit?Iam goi
ngtomar r
y
y
ouandI’
ll
haveaccesstoitwheneverIwant
.In
t
heshower
.Int
hekitchen.I
nthegarage…”
Wai t,
didIj usthintedamar riage?Boss, whynot?
I
tisn'twr ongt othinkfort hef utur
e,right?Tobe
honest ,Idesirewhatmyf ri
endshav e.Idesi r
e
whatMrRhaswi thhi
swomanandf ami l
y .I
desirewhatNj abulohaswi thhisf amily.Itis
funnyhowInev erusedt odesi r
esucht hings
untilThul iwasinmyl ife.Ithink, i
nsteadof
doingt hingsonmyown, itfeelsgoodt odo
them wi thsomeone." Whenwedr i
vet ogetherto
wor k,I
'l
l askforaqui ckiebef orey ouwal ki nt
o
theof f
ice.Ohhh. ..wait
...I'
ll
act uall
yjustmuf f
youbef or eyouleav ethecar ."
“OhmyGodPhut i,
Stooooppp,
”shecall
sout
whil
eclosinghereyes.Howcuteisthat?Shei s
sti
ll
shyt otal
kaboutsex.Ihav
eseent hingsin
theworld.Sexisgood.Sexhastobeenjoy ed.
Sexisnotov er
rat
ed.Weal l
havetosexupev er
y
dayifneedbe.
“
Whyshoul
dIstop?
”Iask,sl
i
ght
lyrai
singmy
v
oicei
nanatt
empttogetatt
ent
ionfr
om a
coupl
esi
tt
ingnextt
oit
.
“Phut
i!
”Thul
iwhi
sper
swhi
l
epoi
nti
ngherf
inger
atme.
“
What
?Don’
tyoul
i
kei
t?”Iask.
“Youaremakingmewet ,
”shesays.Shi
t!My
penisgr
owsinani nstant.HowmuchdoImi ss
her?Shewasn’tinhergreatspacet
hispast
weekandIdidn’tgetsomeact i
on.
“
Iseewhaty
ouar
etr
yingt
odo.
”
“
Whatam It
ryi
ngt
odo?
”
“Youwantust
oleav
ethi
spl
acef
orsome
acti
on.
”
“It
houghtyousai
dwehav
epl
ansaf
tert
his,
”
shesays.
“Oh,wedo.”Wit
hthatsaid,
Ifocusonmyplat
e
whichisasgoodasuntouched.Thi
sisso
unli
keme.Getti
ngnervousoverasimpl
e
questi
on.
"Hmmmm. ."Thulicloseshereyesasshechews
herf
ood.Mymi ndgoeswi ldl
ikeital
way sdoes
andbeforeIcoul dev enfi
xmypant s,Thuli
cont
inues,"Youpi ckthebestfoodev err
r.
"When
sheopensherey es,shewidensherey eswhen
shenoticesmest ar
ingatherbeaut y
.Nat ur
al
hai
r,neatl
ystyled.Herper f
ectbeautif
ulface
char
msme." Whyar en'
tyoueatingyourfood."
"
Iact
ual
l
yat
ebef
oreIpr
oposedt
hebr
eakf
ast
."
"Wasteoffood,
Phuti
,
"shesaysandshakesher
head."So,
whatarewedoingaf
tert
his?
"|
"Iam dri
vingustomyhomet own,
"Isay.She
freezesanddropshercut
ler
yonherplate.Di
dI
scareher?
"
Lebowakgomo?
"sheasks.
"
Yes.Ijustwantt
ogoseethem,"Ir
espond."
I
wantyoutomeetmymot her
."
"
Me?
"
"
Yes.
"
"
Arey
ousur
e,Phut
i?I
sn'
ti
tsoon?
"
"It
oldmyf amilyt hatI'
llbri
ngy ouover.
..
andthi
s
i
si t
,"Isay,pr
ayingt hatshedoesn'tturnmy
proposaldown.Mypr oposalforhertomeetmy
cousin,nephew, andmot her
.Thisisnota
mar ri
ageproposal butitwouldmeanal otfor
hertojoinme.
"
I.
..I
..
."sheopenshermoutht
ofi
ndt
her
ight
words."Idon'
tknowwhatt
osay.
"
"Well
..
"Iner
vousl
ymov eonmychair
.Thisis
getti
nguncomfor
tabl
e."Wecanst
il
lgosome
otherti
me.Idon'
twantyout
ofeelpr
essured.
"
"No,
Iwouldl
ovetomeetyourfamily.I
twi
l
lbe
anhonor
.Honest
ly!
"shesays."
Ijustdi
dn'
t
knowImeanthi
smucht oyou."
"Youhavenoidea,"Imumbl etomyself
.Idon't
knowwhatmor eIneedtotell
her,t
oassureher
thatIam cont
entwithher.Iam ol
d.Icannotbe
l
i
vingmyl
i
fel
i
ket
her
eisnot
hingt
oli
vef
or.
"
Whatam Igoi
ngtowear?Ionl
yhaveapai
rof
j
eansinmybag,
"shesay
s,soundi
ngli
kea
t
ypical
gir
l.
Shel
ooksper
fecti
nthatdr
essofher
s.Wear
e
comi
ngbacktomorr
owany way
.

*
***
*

Roadt
ri
ptoLebowakgomo-agoodi
dea.
Dr
ivi
ngwi
thThul
iwear
ingadr
ess-abadi
dea.
Wehav ebeendr i
vingf orhoursandIam
tempt edtostopbesi det heroadandgeta
quickiebutmyt hirstforsexmi ghtscareheroff.
Thel astt
hingIwanti sf orhertobei nabad
spaceonceagai n.Iwi shf orhertoreachmy
penisandst r
okei tasIdr i
vebutIwon'tini
ti
ate.I
feelli
kesomet hingsar egoingtoneedhert o
i
niti
atesothatIknow,Iam notf
reakingherup.
West i
ll
haveal ongwaytogowi t
hher
confi
denceandself-
esteem.Unti
lthen,I
'
llbe
str
ong!
Thul
iblusheswhenIl
andmyhandonherthi
gh.
Shedoesn'tst
opmeasItr
acehert
hight
oget
toherunderwear
.
Shi
t!
Iqui
ckl
yswervet
hecartothesl
owl anesot
hat
Icancont
inuewi
thwhatIwasdoing.
Dampunderwear!Shei
swet .Iam hard.When
shewiggl
esherbodyandtakesadeepestsigh,
Iknowsheisfeel
ingwhatIam feel
ing.
Westil
lhav eanhourt ogount ilwegett othe
l
odgewher ewear esleepi
ngat .Ihadn'tbooked
i
tunti
lafterbreakfastwhenThul iagreedtot he
i
deaofmeet i
ngmyf amily
.Iti
snot hi
ngf ancy
buti
nsteadoff orci
nghert osleepint hesame
houseasmymot her,It
houghtbooki ngusi na
l
odgemakesmor esense.Wel
l
,thatandt
he
factthatIcannotmakeherscr
eam whenmy
mot heri
sinthesamehouse.Shecannottal
k
butshesur el
yain'
tdeaf.
"Howf ararewe?"Thuli
asks.Thatmakesme
feelproud.Theconnect
ionbetweenusisnot
forced.Wear eonthesamepageandIl ov
ethat
aboutus.
"Justanhourtogo,"Isaywit
hasmirk.Ipul
lmy
handf r
om underherdressandf
ocusont he
roadaheadofus.
"
SowhatdoIneedt
oknowabouty
ourf
ami
l
y?"
"Well
,i
tismybeauti
fulmother
."Ist
ealaglance
athertoseeherr
eacti
on."
Bytheway ,Iam not
amama' sboy.
"Shebursti
ntoaloudlaugh.
"
Idi
dn'
tsayy
ouwer
eone.
"
"
Iwasjustmakingsure,
"Ir
espondwithasmir
k.
I
tisn'
tl
ikeIdon'
tknowster
eotypesoutt
her
e.
"
Youar eal
sogoingtomeetmywonder f
ul
cousin.Shei
sanurseandshetakescareofmy
mot her
.HernameisKamo.Herson'snameis
Lethabo.Wonder
fulpeopl
e."
"I
funlucky.
..myf atherwil
lcomeby ,"Isay.
Apparentl
y,hecomesbyt ooof t
en.Probablyt
o
makehi mselffeelbetterf
orwhat ev
erhedi dt
o
mymom andus." Butdon'tcountonthat.You
aregoingtomeetmymot her,Kamo, andher
son,Lethabo."
"
Okay.
..Mama, Kamo, andLethabo.Easyto
r
emember,"sheresponds.Idon'ti
gnorethefact
t
hatshecall
edmymot her'
Mama' .Damn, l
ove
wi
llmakeyouappreciateli
tt
lethi
ngs,huh?
Idriv
ef oranothert
hir
tyminutesuntil
Thuli
compl ainsaboutmysoundtracks.Idon'
thavea
favourit
ekindofmusicsoIjustpumpone
playl
istforhourswit
houtacar e,
butItel
lThuli
tochanget hemusictowhat evershewants.
Shepi cksmyphoneandhandsi ttomet oput
thepasswor dsoshecouldchanget heplayl
ist
.I
pl
acemyphoneinfrontofmyfaceforaface
det
ect
ionbef
orehandingthephonebacktoher
.
Shi
t!
Atthecornerofmyeye,asThulirecei
vesmy
phone,Inoti
ceatextmessagewhi chshe
shoul
dn'tsee.Thewayshefreezesasshe
scrol
l
sonmyphonet el
l
smeshesawt hetex
t
message.
Shecl
ear
sherthr
oatbef
oreaski
ng,
"Wer
eyou
wit
hherl
astni
ght
?"
Thel
astt
hingIwant
edwast
oexpl
ainmy
sel
f.
"
Whydoyouask?
"Therei
snowayIam goi
ng
t
odi
eforsi
nsIdi
dn'
tcommit
.
"
HeyPhuti,
Ijustwokeup.Justchecki
ngify
ou
madeithomei nonepi
ece.I
twasgr eatt
osee
you,
"Thul
ireadsthet
ext.
"
Itol
dy oui
wentclubbi
nglastnight
.Shewas
t
here.Acoi
nci
dencei t
ell
you."
"Idi
dn'
tknowy oust
il
lst
ayi
ntouchwi
thher
,"
shequi
etlysay
s.
"Well
..
.Idon'
thavehernumberbutshehas
mine.Wewor ktoget
herononeproj
ectatwork
soshehasaccesst omycontact
s.Idel
etedher
numbers."
"
Youwor
kwi
thher
?Whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
me?
"
"Thesamer easony oudi dn'
ttel
lmey ourboss
demot edyou,"Irespond.Webot hmade
promisestost ayhonestwi t
heachotherbut
herewear e.Wear ebot htoblame.Isteala
glanceatThuli andshehasherar mscr ossed.
Thatjoll
ygirl
Iwant edtoi nt
roducet
omy
mot heri
sgone.
"Babe,Ipromise,
Ididn'
ttell
youbecauseIdidn'
t
thi
nkitwasnecessar y,
"Isay.Inst
eadofher
respondingtomyst at
ement ,shestar
esdown
atherfinger
s."AslongasIappeari naclub,
chancesofbumpi ngintoherar ehi
gh."
"i
t'
sfine,
Phut
i.Youhav
eal
i
fe.Mysi
stersai
d
so."
"Ihavealif
e,yes;Butithasnot hi
ngt odowith
her,
"Irespond.Imakeat ur
nt othemai nroad
thattakesmehome.Att hisrate,If
eelli
ke
parkingbesi
det heroadsowecant al
kbefore
havinghermeetev eryone.
"Iknow,
"shesays."CanIplatafr
obeat
?"Bef
ore
Icanrespond,
Davidoisblasti
ngonmy
speakers.

*
***
*

Lethaboisthef i
rsttoruntomycarwhenwe
entertheyard.I
mmedi at
elyaft
erintr
oduci
ng
Thulit
oKamoandLet habo,Iheadstrai
ghtto
checkonmymot her.Sheisn'
tsleepi
ngsoI
foundheratt herightti
me.
"Ibroughtsomeonet omeety ou.Thegi rlIt
old
youabout ,
"IsaywhenIgett owher eshei s
sit
tinginherwheel chair
.Nomat t
erhowmuchI
canpay ,mymot herwill
nevergetof ffrom t
he
wheel chair
.Itispainfultoswallowt hatpi
llbuti
t
i
st her eali
ty.Luckil
y,herfaceiswar merandI
caneasi lytellsheisperfectl
yfi
nej ustby
l
ooki nginherey es.Icanreadhert hateasil
y.
"ShelooksnervousbutIassuredhert
hatyou
don'tmindmeet i
ngher,
"Isayandlaughathow
nervousIam.Mor enervousthanThul
i."
Her
namei sThul
i.SheistheoneIwast el
li
ngyou
about."
Noanswerbutshest
aresatme.
Herwarm ey
estel
lmet hatsheisl
ooking
for
ward.I
fIwasgett
ingdiff
erentv
ibes,Iwasn'
t
goi
ngtogoaheadwithmypl ans.
"I
'
llaskKamotoprepar
eyousothatwecansit
outsi
de,
"Isaybef
oreki
ssi
ngherfor
ehead.Thi
s
i
sbi g,hey!Br
ingi
nganotherwomanintoour
l
ives.Ithasalwaysbeenmymot herand
Lethabo-andher eIam, aboutt
oint
roducet
he
thi
rdwomani nmylif
e.
Walkingtothekitchen,
Icannothel
pbutsmi l
e
athowmycousi nandwomanl ookrightnow.
Thulii
sn'
tinaf oulmood.Whateveri
ssueswe
di
dn'tfi
nishinthecarwill
beaddressedwhen
wegett oourlodge.
"YoudonotknowhowhappyIam t of
inal
ly
meetyou.Wehav eheardalotaboutyou,
"
Kamosay sasshebeamsatmywoman.She
i
sn'tmuchofhugger.Ifshewas,shewasgoing
tohugheratthi
sinstant.
"
Ihopei
tisgoodt
hingsonl
y,
"Thul
iresponds.
"
Goodthi
ngsonly
,ofcour
se,
"Kamoresponds.
"
CanIgetyousomethi
ngtodr
ink?
"
"Gl
assesofj
uice,
"Iqui
ckl
yrespondbef
ore
someoneasksforacupofcoffee.Weal
lknow
i
tcof
feedoessomet
hingt
oher
.
"Howwasy ourtr
ip?Isthisy ourfirstt
imein
Polokwane?"Kamoasksasshewal ksaround
thekit
chen,getti
ngthegl assesandbi scui
ts.I
headf ort
hefri
dget ogett hejuice.Am Inot
gladtherei
sone?I fnot,Iwasgoi ngtosend
Lethabotobuycol ddri
nkl ikeIusedt odoso
whenwehadv isi
tors.
"
Fir
stt
ime,
ever
.Iti
shot
,"Thul
isay
s.
"Wearesousedt oithere,
"Kamosay sbefor
e
cal
li
nghersont otakethechairsoutsi
de.Iti
s
bett
ertositout
sidethanstayin-door.
"Kamo
tur
nstomeandpl acesatrayi
nmyhands.
"Pl
easetakethi
sout si
de.Iwil
lgetMar eadyto
meetourguest."
Whenshedi
sappear
s,It
urnt
oThul
i
.
"Areyoual
ri
ght?"Iaskherwhi
lepl
aci
ngat r
ay
ont het
abl
e.Ipullhercl
oset
omesot hatIcan
kissher
.
"
Yeah!
"
"
Ilov
eyou.
"
"
Ilov
eyout
oo.
"
"
Arey oureadyt
omeety ourf
utur
emotherin
l
aw?"Iask."Shecan'
ttal
kbutyoucantel
lher
whateveryouwanttotel
lher
.Shecanhear
you.
"
Thul
ismi l
esbefor
erespondingtomyki ss.I
pi
ckthet r
ayandleadthewayout si
dewher e
Let
habopr epar
edthechair
.Istealaglanceat
Thul
i,
justtomakesurethatshei sfi
ne.She
l
ooksfine.
WhenInoti
ceKamopushingMaoutofthe
house,
IgetonmyfeetsothatIcant
akeov
er.I
pushhert
owardsmyspot.
Thereist
hatawkwardmi nutewhenIgetback
tomyseatbutThulibreaksthesi
lence.She
clear
sherthr
oatandsay s,"
Ma,fi
rstofall
,I
wanttosaythatwhateverthi
ngPhutitol
dy ou
aboutmei
snott
rue.
"
Ibur
stintoal
oudlaughbecauseIdi
dn'
tseei
t
coming.Kamojoi
nsin.
"No,Iam ser
iousbecausePhut
itol
dyout
hatI
am big-
headed,"sheadds.
"Don'
tworr
y..
.wedidn'
ttakehim seri
ousl
y,
"
Kamosays."Weknewt hatyouwer ej
ustgiv
ing
him at
oughtime.Heneededthat."
Ohh,
trustt
hegi
rl
stot
eam up.
"Yes.Iam notbig-
headedatall
,
"Thulisays."But
Iam sohappyt ofi
nall
ymeetev er
yone.But
please..
.bel
iev
eme, Iam notwhatPhutisaidI
am. .
.minusthegreatstuf
f.Al
lthegoodthings
aretrue.
"
"Oh,
myGod, Ili
key ou,"Kamosayswhil
e
l
aughing.Mymot her'
ssmi l
eisev
ident
.She
appr
ov edbef
orebutt hisi
sacomfirmat
ion.
Am Inotf
all
i
ngdeepl
yinl
ovewi
tht
hiswoman?
Icannotwai
ttogetheri
nacor
ner
.

Spoi
lyour
sel
f!
!
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE34(
Unedi
ted)

THULI

Spendi ngthewhol eafternoonwithPhuti

’
s
famil
ywasn’ tweirdorawkwar doranythi
ng.It
wasj ustsof un.KamoandPhut iknowhowt o
keept heconv ersati
onsflowingtoavoi
dany
awkwar dsilencesi nbetween.Theywayt hey
aretoget her, t
ell
smet heyar epr
ettycl
oset o
eachot her.Theyar emor ethanj
ustcousins.
Theyar eDi neoandI .
Tobehonest ,
Ifeelwelcomed!Fr om theti
me
wegother eunt i
lnowwhenPhut it
ell
shis
motherthatwewi l
lexcuseourselvesafterMa’
s
supper.Kamodoesn’ tevenhav et osay
anythi
ngtot el
lmet hatIam wel comed.Her
warm smi l
eandhear tfel
tlaughterisenoughto
tel
lmet hat.Thewar mthinMa’ sey esmakes
mef eelathome.I tf
eelsli
keIbel ong.
“Doy ouguyswantsomet
hingt
oeat
?Ican
prepareasnack,
”Kamosays.
“No, wewi llgr
absomethingonourwayt othe
l
odge.Iwantt oshowThul i
around,
”Phutisays
andwi nksatme.Icaneasilytel
lwhatthi
sisal
l
about .Wehav ebeenfancyingeachothersi
nce
wej umpedi nt
othecar
.Hewant smeandI
wanthi m back-webothcannotwaittoget
alone.
“
Butyouguysarestayi
nguntil
Iprepar
esupper,
r
ight
?”Kamosay s.“
Wehav en’
thadmoment s
l
i
ketheseinages.Iam pr
epari
ngsomet hi
ngfor
Thul
i
.”
“
I’
ll
hel
pyou,
”Isaywhi
l
eget
ti
ngonmyf
eet
.
“
You’l
lhel
pmewi
thsupperl
ater
.Ihav
egot
t
his.
”
“
Youcanprepar
esomet
hingforThul
i
.Iam
f
ine,
”Phut
iaddswhi
l
egetti
ngonhisfeet
.
“
Alr
ight
,I’
llberightback,
”Kamosay sand
t
hereaf
terdisappearstothehouse.
Istayseat edwhil
ePhut ichall
engeshisnephew
witht hesoccerball
.Icannothel pbutsmi l
eso
widelywhenPhut ishowst heboyhi stricks.Ahh,
Ididn’tknowhehasgoti tinhim.Lethabo
gigglesashet ri
estocatchesupwi thhisuncle.
Isweari fPhutiwasn’tworkinginaof f
ice,he
wouldhav ebeenasoccerst ar.Heissogoodat
i
t.Icannothel pbuttakelit
tlevideoswhi l
ehe
runsar oundwiththeball
.
“Youdidn’
ttel
lmeyouwerethi
sgood,
”Ical
lout
asLethabotri
est
ocatchhi
sbreat
he.Iwonder
whatel
seIdon’
tknowabouthi
m.
“
Ihav
en’tdonet hi
sinages.Youbri
ngthebest
i
nme,”Phutisaysandpasst hebal
ltoLet
habo
whoi
stryi
nghi sbestt
ocat chup.
Ibr
ingt
hebesti
nhim?Yeahr i
ght
!Iknowhei
s
j
ustsay
ingsobutIcannothel
pbutbl
ush.
WhenKamor eturnswi ththefood, sheset sthe
tr
ayoff oodont het ablenextt oMa’ s
wheelchair
.Shecal lshersont orunt ot he
housetogetabowl ofwat erforust owashour
hands.Uponhi sretur n,hewal ksaroundhel ping
meandPhut itowashourhands-Ist opmy self
fr
om askingwhyPhut iiswashi nghishandsas
i
fthefoodi sreadyf orhi m.Ther earet wobowl s
onthetray.Thesoupandsof tporri
dgei s
obvi
ouslyforMasoIpi ckt hesmal lestbowl of
ri
ceandbeef-IhopeIam notbei ngtoof orward.
Thebowl isperfectf orme-Iam nothungr y.Or
maybei ti
sthebut ter f
li
esinmyt ummyt hatar e
makingmesoner v
ous.
Phut ipickstheotherplateandmov eshischair
closertohi smot her’
swheel chai
r.Itr
ymybest
nott ost ar
ebutIcannothel p.Hei stal
kingto
hismot herasifshewi l
lrespondt ohim any
i
nst ant.Ialmostdr opmyj awswhenhest art
s
feedingher .
Ihaven’texperi
encedmot her’
slov efora
decadebutwhatIf eelr
ightnowi sdeep
connectionbetweenPhut iandhi smot her.Iam
tryi
ngmybestnott oshedat earbecauseIam
feeli
ngwei r
dthingsdeepdownmyhear t.The
l
astt hi
ngIwanti stomakeMat hinkli
keIam
feeli
ngpityforher.ButhowdoIkeepmyt ears
from fai
li
ngwhenIam wat chingmymanf eed
hismot her?Thi
ssi deofhi m sohear twar ming.
Hedoesi twi
thsomucheasel i
kehei strained.
ThisisthesideofPhut ithatmel tsmyhear t.
Iam t
ouched.
Iam i
nlov
eal
lov
eragai
n.
Il
ovethi
smanandIwi
l
llov
ehi
mforev
erand
ev
er.
“Pleaseexcuseme, Ineedthebat hr
oom. ”Iset
thebowl ont heempt ychairnearmi ne,whil
e
gettingfrom mychai r
.Idon’twantany bodyt o
noticemyt ears.Kamodi rectsmet othe
bathr oom andIpi ckmyf eettorunt her
e.Once
there, It
rytost opthetearsfrom gushingdown
myf ace.Iam j usttouched.Myhear tisfil
led
withsomet hingthatIcannotexplain.
Ididnotevenneedtousethebathr
oom.AllI
wantedtodowast orunawayf r
om thei
rey
es.
WhenIhav etakenenoughbreat
hsand
gather
edenoughstrength,
Iwentbacktowhere
theyaresi
tti
ng.
Wespendt herestoftheaf t
ernooncat chingup
onourj obs.I
ttakesev er
ythinginmenott oget
car
riedawayandst ar
tdiscussingt hefiscal
pol
iciesofthecount r
ywi t
hPhut i’
scousi n.Phut
i
al
sot ookami nutetotellhismot herabouthis
planswit
hme.Tal kaboutamanwhoknows
whathewant s.Imustsay ,
itfeelsgoodt oknow
thatyouarewantedandt hepeopl eapprov e.I
usedtocareaboutwhatpeopl ethinkbutnowI
do.Iobvi
ouslydidnotengagei nt hemar r
iage
partbuti
tdidn’
tstopPhuti.Whenhewenton
andonaboutapossi bl
emar r
iage, IswearIsaw
Ma’sfaceli
ghtup.Idon'tknowi fPhut ii
s
getti
ngcarr
iedawayorwhat ,buthekeeps
feedi
nghismot hert
hesehopesanddr eams.
DreamsIalsowantt obepar tof.
WhenPhut itr
iestoannouncet hatweneedt o
getgoing,Kamodoesnotwantust oleave.I
agreetohel pherpr eparesupperwi t
hherwhi l
e
Phutispendshi stimei nhismot her’
sroom.I t
mustbehect i
ct otalktoyoursel
fbutPhut i
makesi tfeelnormal ashekeepsf i
ndst hingsto
tel
lhismot her.From hisnewpr ojectsatwor k,
tohisfri
endsandt heirspouses,Ioverhear d
himtelli
tall.Eacht i
mehedi d,
Ikeepf all
ingin
l
ove.
“WouldyouliketoseePhuti’
soldpict
ures?
”
Kamoof fer
satt hest
ove.Iam si
tt
ingonachai
r
choppi
ngv egetabl
esforthemealsheis
prepar
ingforhersel
fandherson.
“Yes, please.Showmesomeofhi sol d
pictures,”Igiggl eather.Itwoul dbev eryni
cet o
seehowPhut ilookedli
ke.Shoul dleav ethe
room andcomesbackwi thanal bum.Icoul d
notwai ttoseemymanwhenhewasst i
lla
child.WhenKamor eturnst ot heki tchen,she
tradest heal bum forabowl ofspi nach.Ihur ry
towashmyhands,gi ggl i
ngasIset tl
eonback
totheki t
chenchai r
.Mysmi lei swi dewhenI
opent heal bum.Thef irstpictur eisofPhut ias
ani nfant ,
followedbyt heonewher ehi smot her
i
shol dinghi m.Oh, mygoodness, hismot her
was…shest ill
is…sobeaut iful withherr i
ch
blackaf r
o.Sheseemsl ikeawomanwhowas
fulloflife.Ipaget hroughunt i
l Igett othe
pi
ctureswherehewasstar
ti
ngschool.Hewas
sothin,y
ouwouldswearhecouldn’
tstandt
he
wind.Hisey
esassti
llaswarm andwelcomi
ng.
“Ahhhhh, t
hisonei ssocut eIwannast ealit.
”I
l
iftthephot oalbum forKamot oseet hepicture
Iam referri
ngt o.Hewaswear i
ngasoccergear ,
abal li
nhishands.Hel ooksl ikehewasal ready
i
nhi searlyhighschool days.Itdawnsonme
whenIpaget hroughandnotf indhimi nsoccer
gear-hest oppedpl ayi
ngaf t
ert heincidentwith
hismot her.Ther estoft hepicturesareofhi m
i
npr imarylevel andyounger .Itisasifhis
chil
dhoodst oppedwhenhei nhighschool .No
recordofany thingthereafter.
“Youtwoaregoi ngtomakecutebabi
essome
day,
”Kamosay swi thasmil
e.“
IswearPhut
i
makesagr eatfather
.Hehel
psmer ai
semyboy
andItel
lyou,Lethaboisqui
teagentl
eman.
”
Kids,huh?Idon’
tknowi fIam capabl
eof
rai
singahumanbei ng.Thatexerci
seneeds
somedamnaccount abil
it
yandsomanypeopl e
areabletogeti
tri
ght.Whatam Igoingtot
each
anotherhumanwhenl i
feisst
il
lknocki
ngme
downl i
kethi
s?Li
kewher edoIevenbegin.
“Areyoualri
ght
,”Kamoasksasshegr abst he
seatnexttomine.Ihav
eabadhabi toft hinki
ng
toomuchaboutt hi
ngsthatIshoul
dn’tev en
worrymy sel
fabout.
“
Yeah,
yeah.
”
Lethabowalksint
other oom withanempty
bowl.Hetakesmyat tenti
onwhenhewal ksto
thebasint
or i
nseitbeforeputt
ingitont
herack.
“
Wherei
sUncl
ePhuti
?”Let
haboaskswhi
l
e
l
ooki
ngar
oundther
oom.
“
Busywi
thy
ourgr
andmot
her
.”
“Doyoust
aywi
thhi
m?”Let
haboasks,
aimi
ng
hisey
esatme.
“
Oh,
no,
”Ir
espond.
“
Let
habo,
whywoul
dyouasksucht
hings?
”
“BecauseIwantedtoaskhert
hatsheremi
nds
malumet hatIam st
il
ll
ooki
ngfor
wardtovi
sit
him,”Let
habosays.“Hesai
dhewillt
akemeto
soccermatches.”
“
Whydon’
tyouaskhi
myour
sel
f?”
“
BecauseIknowhei
stoobusyandIdon’
twant
t
obotherhi
m.”
“
I’
llr
emindhim,
’Ijumpi
n.Phut
idi
donce
menti
onhisnephewneedi
ngtovi
sithi
mfora
l
it
tl
ewhile.
“Thankyou.”Hi
sfacel
i
ght
supbef
oreher
ushes
outoftheroom.
“So,
howdidy
ouguy smeet?
”Kamoaskswit
ha
smil
eonherf
ace.Thiswomancansmi
le.
“
Uhm…wheredoIevenbegin?”Iti
pmyheadto
t
hebackandl
augh.WhenIbr i
ngmygazeback
t
oKamo,Inot
icePhut
iwalkingtowar
dsus.I
bl
ushwhenbeamsatme.
“Whati
ssofunny?”heasksbef
orel
eani
nghi
s
backonthewal
l.
“
Ijustaskedherhowy
out
womet
,”Kamosay
s.
“Oh…youst
il
lthi
nkt
hatIwasl
yingabouther
giv
ingmeatoughti
me?”Phut
iasks.
“
Shejustsai
dwemustn’tbel
iev
eyou…soI
wantt
oknowherver
sion.”Kamolaughs.
“
Int
hatcase,
Ial
sowantt
ohearherv
ersi
on.
”
“Well
…wef i
rstmetathisf
ri
end’schisanyama.
Therewasanev entandIwashelpingwi t
h
waiti
ngthetabl
efortheguest
s,”Isay.“Just
thatandhereweare.”
“
Oooh…babe,
youar
eleav
ingoutsomuch.
”
Thisti
mewhenweaskt obeexcused,Kamo
l
etsusgo.Phut i
hadalr
eadytoldhi
smot her
thatIwil
lseeherint
hemor ni
ngsowedonot
wastetimerunni
ngoutofthehousetothe
guesthouse.
“Yoh,Icoul dn’
twaitt ogety oualone,
”Phut i
mumbl esasheunl ockst hedoort other oom
whichwebookedf ort heni ght.Themi nutehe
shutsthedoor ,wepeel eachot her’
sclothesoff
ourbodi es.Thenextt hing,heispushi ngmet o
thebedf orali
ckingf east .EvenwhenIt ryto
stophim sowecoul dt akeashower ,hedoesn’t
enter
taint hethought .Whenhi stonguef l
ickson
mycl i
t,If or
getallaboutt heshower .
Whatshower
,huh?
Withalltherunni
nghedi dwit hhisnephew, I
l
ikehowhesmel lswhenourbodi esbecome
one.Whenhespr eadsmyl egsandt hr
ustinto
me-Il i
kehowhi ssweatsmel ls.I
thas
every
thingwi t
hthesexualtensi onthatwas
betweenussi ncethebeginningoft heday .We
onlyfal
lasleepafteracountlessf uckfeast.
*
***
*

Onlyt odaywhenPhut idropsmeatt het axi r

ank,
doIr emembert hatIwasn’ tlookingf orwar dto
mynewsect i
onatwor k.Wi t
hall thet eaching
thatDi neoandPhut igav eme, Iam goi ngt odo
mybestt oholdmyheadhi ghandf aket hatI
am finewi t
hi t
.Fakei tti
lyoumakei t.Ima
goingt oout -domy selfuntiltheyquest i
on
Edwinwhyhemov edme.Whi l
eati t,Iam goi ng
tosear chf orJuni orEconomi stjobsar oundMP
andJobur g.May beEdwi ndoesn’ tthinkhi ghly
ofmebecausehef eelsli
keIwasgi v enaf av our
tobeatEcoTech.Ist i
lldonotwantt obelieve
thathedi dwhathedi dbecausehel ikesmeand
didn’
tl i
kemeet ingmyboy fri
end.I fthatist he
trut
h, I’
llbeverydi sappoi ntedinhi m.Ipr ayi tis
notthecase.
OnWednesdaymorni
ng-myfir
stdayaf
termy
l
eav
e,Imakeitt
otheoff
icev
eryearl
ysothatI
canst artpacki ngmyof fi
ceawayandmakemy
wayt ot hef loorwher emyt eam is.Phut i has
urgedmet ogot oHRt of indoutaboutt he
demot ion.WhenImakeacal ltotheHRt eam, I
am t oldt hatHRdoesnotknowany thingabout
thedemot i
onort herotation.So, thi
si sa
personal fi
ghthuh?Att hisinstance,Ist op
packi ngmyof ficeaway .Iam notgoi ng
anywher e.Inst eadIsendanemai lt
oHRsot hat
Edwi ncanst ater easonswhyIam r ot atedt oa
postIwasn’ tappoi ntedi n.Iam appoi ntedasa
JuniorEconomi stundert het echanal ysis, sono
onehasar ightt oshiftmet osomet hingel seI
didn’tsi gnf or .Iam notgoi ngany wher e-t hanks
toPhut if orgi vingmeal lthesei deasonhowt o
tacklet hi swhol esi t
uation.Tomaket het hings
wor sef orEdwi n,nocommuni cati
oncamef rom
HR.Goodt hingIdi dn’trespondt heemai l sent
bymy‘ new’ super visor.IfIst ayandEdwi n
doesn’ tgi vemeanyt ask, I’l
lgladlyspendmy
ti
mei nt heof ficesear chingf oranotherj ob.
Ikeepmyof fi
cedooropenuntil
Ihearthe
el
ev at
ordoorpingat08h45announci
ngEdwin’
s
arri
val
.Curi
osit
ygetsthebestofhi
m because
hepeepsthroughthedoor,onl
ytomeetme
stari
ngbackathim.
“HiEdwin,
”Isaywhileget t
ingup.Edwin’
seyes
scanmycl ot
hesandl andonmypi nksneakers.
IhadthoughtIwil
lrunningaroundt hefl
oors
sett
li
nginsoIdidn’
tputmuchef fortsonmy
shoesli
keInormall
ydot hesedays.
“
Youar
eback.
”
“Myleaveendedyest
erday,
”Irespond,
not
mov i
ngmyey esf
rom him.“Howhav eyou
been?”
“
Ihavebeengr
eat,
”heresponds,hi
sgazenot
meet
ingmyeyes.Helooksworkedup.“You?
”
“
Ihav
ebeengood.Ir
est
edenoughandr
eady
f
ormynewtasks.
”
“
Good.Good.Hav
eagoodday
,”hesay
sand
turnst oleave.Iwatchasheunl ockshisoffi
ce
andget ssettled.Li
kearobot,heset shislapt
op
ont het ableandmakeshi msel facupoft ea.
Thenextt hingsistheemai l
sashesi pshi s
coff ee.Iknowhenot i
cedtheemai lfrom HR
whenhel i
ftshisheadandl ookstowar dsmy
office.Iprepar emyselfwhenheget sonhi s
feet.Hepi ckshi smugofcof fee-hispoison-
andwal kstowar dsmyof f
ice.
“
So,youar
enotmoving,
”hesay
s,hisey
es
f
ocusedonot
hert
hingsbutmyeyes.
“
Notatal
l
.”
“
Idonothav
eanyt
asksf
ory
ou.
”
“
It
’sokay
.Unt
ily
oudo,
I’
ll
bef
il
ingf
ory
ou.
”
Hesi
ghs.
“
Okay,
sui
tyoursel
f,
”hemumbl
esandst
art
s
wal
ki
ngtothedoor.
“
Hey
,Edwi
n,
”Isay
.
“
Yeah?
”
“
Wouldyoumindwri
ti
ngmearecommendat
ion
l
ett
erorshoul
dIgot
otheCEO?
”
“
Recommendat
ionl
ett
erf
orwhat
?”
“
Iwantt
oresi
gn.
”
“
Whywoul
dyour
esi
gn?
”
“Ineedtogotoacompanyt
hatwil
lappreci
ate
me.Wi l
lyouor
gani
semealett
erorshouldI
ask…”
“
Youar
ebei
ngr
idi
cul
ous,
”hesay
s.
“Am I?Ijustgotdemot edbymysuper v
isorfor
somet hingIdon’tknowabout .IknowIam
worthsomet hingmor ethanhowIam t reated
byy ou.Iam thebestassi st
anty ouhadandy ou
knowi t.Whateveryourissuesar e…t
heyar e
noneofmybusi ness.Ijustwantt oleave…so
wil
l youbeabl etoorganisear ecommendat i
on
l
etter?”
Ial
mostr
ollmyeyesasIsayal
lthel
i
nesPhut
i
hadmepract
isebef
oreIr
etur
ned.
“
Iwon’
twr
it
eit
.”
“
Why
?”
“Becauseshewon’tl
etyougo.”TheCEO,he
means.“Themov ementwasjusttempor
ary
unti
lIfi
guresomethi
ngout.
”
“
Figur
ewhatout
?”
“
Idon’
tknow…buti
thassomethingtodowi
th
movi
ngdepar
tment
sorsomething.”
“
Why
?”
“BecauseIam i
nlovey ouwit
hyou,dammi
t!
”he
says,sofr
ust
rated.Hiseyesdon’
tmeetmi
ne.
“Sorr
y…excuseme. ”
Am Ithatsl
ow?Ij
ustl
ostat housandrandbet
.
Zeropoint
stomeandat housandpointsto
Dineo.
WOUNDEDHEARTS
EPI
SODE35(
Unedi
ted)

PHUTI

I
thasbeenawhi l
esinceIhadahect i
cweek
l
ikethi
sone.Ijustgotinandalreadythereare
pil
esoffi
lesonmyt able.Iam acti
ngasi fIdo
notknowwhyIam behi ndschedule.Ihav e
beenspendingtoomucht imewi t
hThul i
,Ihave
beensli
ghtl
yslacki
ng.Denisepassesmeamug
ofcoff
eebef or
esli
dingintoherseat.
“
Youar
egoi
ngt
oneedi
t,
”shesay
s.
“Youjusthadtor emindme, huh,”Isaybefore
taki
ngaf i
rstsi
p.Iam af raid,sheisright
.Iam
goingtoneedev erythi
ngt hatwillhel
pmest ay
upuntilt
heendoft heday .BeforeIcouldgrab
thefi
rstfi
le,
Njabulowal kst omydeskwi tht
wo
env
elopes.
“
Mor ework?
”Iask,
whi
ler
oll
ingmyeyesatme.
I
tisasifhecoul
dsmel
lmylazi
ness.
“Whoiswor
kingonMaj
orI
nn’
saccount
?”he
asksi
nst
ead.
“
Ihandedi
tovert
oDeni
se.I
twasmi
ne,
”Isay
.
“
Isther
esomethi
ngwr
ong?”
“Wer eceiv
edsomev ouchers,
”hesayswhil
e
droppingoneenvelopeonDenise’
sdesk.He
thereaft
erdropsanotheroneonmydesk.Iam
forcedtoopenmi newhenDeniseexcit
edl
y
yell
ed.
Oh,
wow!
“Avoucherforatwo-
bedr
oom excl
usi
vevi
ll
a,
huh?”IaskasNjabul
oconti
nuousl
ynodshi
s
head.
“Ali
tt
lesomet
hingtokeepyouguyshappy
aboutdoi
ngyourj
ob.Whil
ey ougocl
aimthose
v
oucher
s,pl
easemakesureyoutakesome
t
imetogetasmuchinfor
mati
onaboutthe
l
odgeasyoucan.Workandpl
easure,
huh?”
“
I’
ll
def
ini
tel
ydo,
”Deni
sej
umpsi
n.“
Def
ini
tel
y.
”
Njabulo’
sphoneringsandbef
oreheanswersit
,
heturnsanddisappeardownthecorr
idor
.He
al
way sdoesthatwhent hewi
fecal
ls.
“
Youseem pr
ett
yexci
ted,
”It
urnt
oDeni
se.
“
What ?Whowouldn’
tbeexci
tedt
otakethei
r
f
amilyonavacat
ion?Myhusbandandli
tt
leboy
wi
ll
beasgladasIam. ”
Iam notasexci tedasshei s.Atwo-bedroom
vil
l
a?Whoam Igoi ngtot akewi t
hme?It wirlon
mychai randcheckedt heMaj orInnVill
ason
theinternet.Iwoul
dhav elovedtotakemy
mot her,KamoandLet habo.Theyhonest ly
woul dlov eafamil
yvacat ion.Theplaceistoo
beautiful.However,i
tisnotwheel chairfr
iendl
y.
Iti
saki ndofalodgewher ecoupleswoul dgo
t
oreconnectorsomething.Aper
fectget
away
f
orafamilyl
ikeDeni
se’s.
“Areyougoingt
otakeyourlov
elygir
lfr
iend?”
DeniseasksasIcar
eful
lyputthevoucherinthe
drawer.
“It
hinkthatwoul
dbeagr eatidea.Ijustwant
ed
totakehertoaromanticget
awayv erysoonbut
IhadbeenscaredthatImightbeget ti
ngcarr
ied
away .
”
“Scaredshewoul
dthi
nky
ouar
egoi
ngt
o
propose?”
“
Thatisnotthereason,”Il
augh,“
Didyouever
t
hinkl
ikethatwheny ourhusbandaskedyout
o
aromanti
cgetaway ?
”
“
Idi
d.Iwant
edhi
mtopr
opose.
”
“Idon’
tthi
nkmygirl
fr
iendi
satt
hatpoi
nt.We
arenotther
eyet
.”
“
Butt
hisv
acat
ioncoul
dbeper
fect
.Youcan
t
akey
our‘
coupl
e’f
ri
ends.
”
“Youmightberight
,”Ir
espond.Maybeit
wouldn’
tbeabadi dea.MrButhel
ezii
stheright
guyfort
his.Themancanbeagr eatr
ight
-hand
man.
Myphonebeepsonthetable,
bri
ngi
ngasmile
onmyfacebecauseIal
readyknowwhoiti
s.
“Yes,myl ove,
”Ianswerwhilegett
ingonmy
feet.Idonottrustmy sel
fnott
osaysomet hing
i
nappr opri
ateinfr
ontofDenise.Iheadstraight
tothebalconywher eweusuallychil
ldur
ingour
breaks.“Howdi ditgo?”
“
Huh?What ?”sheasks.Howcanshenotknow
whatIam t
alki
ngabout?Ihavebeenwai
ti
ngthe
whol
emor ni
ngf orhert
oupdatemeaboutthe
messatheroffi
ce.Herbossdemoti
ngher
wi
thoutareason?
“Thewhol
eHRt hingi
ewithyourboss?”Iask,
holdi
ngmysel
ffrom cal
l
inghim ajer
k.Even
thoughheisone,Thul
iwoul
dn’
tappr
eci
ateme
call
inghi
mt hat
.
“
Well
…Ispoketohim andever
ythi
ngi
ssor
ted.
I
twasamisunder
standing.
”
“Amisunder
stand?Ami sunder
standi
ng?No,he
hasgottobechargedforhisact
ion.Okay
,at
l
eastdidhegiveyouanexplanati
onofwhyhe
wasbeinga…notsowi seboss? ”
“Wel
l
…”sheclear
sherthroat
.Shei
stry
ingt
o
hi
desomet
hingfrom me.Iknowhert
oowellby
now.
“
Youknowy ouarenotgoi
ngt
oli
eandgetaway
wi
thi
t,r
ight
?”Iaskandshegi
ggl
es.
“
Okay…wel
l
…Ispoket
ohi
m andhehada
r
eason.
”
“
And,
hisr
easonwas?
?”
“
Hesai
dheisi
nlov
ewi
thme,
”shesay
s.“Was.
Wasi
nlov
ewit
hme.Nobi
gdeal
.Nobigdeal
at
al
l
.”
“
Oh…thej
erk,
”Isay
.“Whatki
ndoff
ucker
yis
t
hat
?”
“
Babe…”
“What ?Iknewt hejerkwasi nlovewithyoubut
fortakingthingsthatfar?Hei sstupi
derthanI
thought .Takehimt oHRf orthat.Hecannot
emot i
onal l
ydrai
ny oulikethatandgetaway
withitjustli
kethat.HRneedst oknow.”
“
Phut
i,no.
”
“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”
“
Idonotwantt
hedr
ama,
real
l
y.”
“HeisluckyIam nott
her
e.Iwoul
dhav e
punchedhimf ormaki
ngyoudoubtyoursel
fli
ke
that
.So,ther
ewasnodemot i
on,ri
ght?
”
“Nodemot
ion.Hestagedev
ery
thi
ngj
ustt
o
get
…myatt
ention.
”
Whatani
diot
!Whatani
diotofaman.
“
Andyouhaven’
tchangedy ourmindabout
mar
keti
ngforaj
obt hi
sside,haveyou?”
“
Ihav
en’
tthoughtabouti
t.
”
“
Youhav
en’
tchangedy
ourmi
nd,
right
?”
“Babe…Ijustgotmyjobback.CanIcel
ebrat
e
thatfi
rstbef
orethi
nki
ngofresi
gnat
ionsand
all
?”
Oh!
“Okay
,right
.Youareright
,”Ir
espond.Iwon’
tli
e
andsayIam notdisappoint
ed.I
twouldhave
beennicetohaveheraroundhere.
“
Arey
oual
ri
ght
?”sheasks.
“
Yes.Iam fi
ne.So,
arey
oucomi
ngov
ert
his
weekend?
”
“
Yes,
def
ini
tel
y.
”
Thankyou.Mynephewi scomi ngtov
isi
t,
r
emember ?So,Icannotbet heonecomingto
y
ou.I’
l
lpickyoufrom thetaxirank.
”
“Uhm…y ournephewiscoming?Whydon’ty
ou
spendti
mewi thhim?Icanseeyounext
weekend.”
“
Right
!It
hinksot
oo.
”
“
Ilov
eyou.Ineedt
ogo.Cal
lyou,
toni
ght
?”
“
Chatt
oyoul
ater
.”

*
***
*

Therestofthedaywentbysof astandonly
whenIgett omyempt yapartmentdoIt ryt
o
anal
yzemyconv ersati
onwi t
hThuli.She
seemedof f
ishwhenIbr oughtaboutmy
nephew’svisi
tat
ion.Itwasheri deaanywaybutI
am gett
ingdif
ferentvibesbefore.IwishIcould
confr
ontherabouti tbutmay beitisn’
tabig
deal
.May beshemeanswhatshesai d,
may beI
canjustspendti
mewi thmynephewwi t
hout
her.Shehadbeenwi t
hmethewhol
eofl
ast
week, andi
tissel
fi
shofmetowantmor
eof
that.
Iswearatmy
sel
f.
Iti
sreal
l
ysel
fi
shofmet
oneedherbesi
deme
all
theti
me.
Thethi ngis,Iwanthertomy selfal
lthedamn
ti
me.Whocanbl ameme?If ell
inlovewit
hher
alloveragainwhensheconnect edwi t
hmy
famil
y .Kamoasksmeaboutheral ltheti
me.
Mynephewment i
onedheraf ewt i
meswhenI
wasont hephonewi thhim.Nopr essuretoher
though–ev erybodyjustseemedt oconnect
withher .
Thephonecal
lshepromiseddoesn’
tcomeunti
l
Ij
umpt obedaf
tersendi
ngheragoodnightt
ext
message.
Beforeget
ti
ngr eadyf
orworkt
henextday
,If
ind
athreadoftextmessages.
‘
Heylove,sorr
yIdidn’
tcall
youwhenIgothome.
Idozedoffbefor
emakingacalltoyou.You
shouldhavecall
edmei nst
ead.
’–thefir
st
message.
‘
NowIcannotsleepbutIcannotcal
lyou
becauseIdonotwanttodist
urbyoursl
eep.
’
‘
HeyPhut i,
Idonotknowhowy ourrecei
vedmy
responseaboutnotjoi
ningyouandy our
nephewt hi
sweekendbutIwantt obehonest
withyou.Iam scar
ed.Iam cluelessabout
chil
dren&kidsandhav i
ngtohel ptakecareof
onef r
eakedmeout .
’
Shemighthavewentbacktosl
eepaft
erthe
thi
rdmessage.Whi
lepicki
ngupthecl
othesfor
work,
Idial
hernumber.
“
Heybabe,
”sher
espondsbr
eat
hlessl
y.
“Shoul
dIcal
lyoulat
er?”Iask.“
Idon’
twantt
o
haveyoul
ateforwork.
”
“
No,
it’
sokay
.Wecanchat
.Imi
ssedy
ourcal
l
l
astni
ght
.”
“
So,
yourlastt
ext,
”Ist
art
.“Whatdidyoumean
y
ouarescaredofki
dsandchil
dren?”
Shesi
ghsdeepl
y.
“
Idon’
tknow.
”
“
Kidsar
eador
abl
e,r
ight
?”
“Yes,t
heyar
e.Butt
heyar
eador
abl
ewhent
hey
arefarfr
om me.
”
“Whatdoesthatmean? ”IaskasIpullmy
favour
it
eshir
tfrom t
hecl oset
.Ihadn’
tworna
blackshi
rti
nsuchal ongt i
me.
“Areyour eal
lyaskingmethat?”sheasks
beforetakingadeepestsigh!“
Idon’twantany
kidstogot hroughwhatIwentt hr
ough.Iam
goingtolosemymi ndt
othatpossibi
l
ity
.Idon’
t
wantt oendupl ikemymot her
.”
“Babe!
”IclosemyeyessoIcoul
ddi
gdeept
o
gettheri
ghtanswerf
orher
.
“
Please,
let
’snotdot
his.
”
“Yes.Iti
sn’tarightti
me.Iam sorry
,”Isay.I
quickl
ythinkofsomet hi
ngtochangethe
subjectwith.“Hey…howaboutwegoona
weekendawaywi t
hNj abul
oandMar i
a?I
receiv
edav oucherforatwo-bedr
oom vil
l
a.”
“
Thatsoundsl
i
kef
un.I
sther
easpa?
”
“Ther
eisdefi
nit
elyone.YouandMar i
acan
bookahalfdaytreat
ment.So,i
sthatayes?
”
“
Iti
s.”
“Per
fect
.Il
oveyou,sweethear
t.Hav
easuper
b
dayandI’
ll
catchyouatlunchti
me.”

*
***
*

I
tdi
dn’tt
akemucht oconvi
nceNj abul
otojoi
n
me.Hesaiditwasagreatexcusetorunaway
f
rom hi
sli
tt
legir
lsf
orjustafewday s.The
fol
l
owi ngweekendwasper
fectsi
ncehis
Chisanyamajoi
ntdi
dn’
thav
eanyev entpl
anned.
Thi
sweekenditi
smeandmynephew.Hi
svi
sit
wasov
er-due.
“WillbeatMTNt axirankinthi
rtyminut
es,
”
Kgothat sosayswhenIcal lhim.Heisataxi
driv
erandanei ghbourofusbackathome.I
hadaskedhi mt odri
vetoJohannesburgwith
mynephewt hi
safternoon.Iwil
lfi
ndawayt o
takehi m homeonSunday .Thatisme–Iam
alway sont her
oad.
Imakemywayst raighttot hecitytowaitfor
Lethabo.Theexcitementi nhisey eswhenhe
sawmei spri
cel
ess.It hrowhi sbagintothe
bootanddr i
vestraighttoMcDonal dt
ogethis
favouri
teburger
.Kamoi snother etorepri
mand
him,sohei sgoi
ngt ohavet hebestti
meofhi s
l
ife.
“
Wher
eissi
sThul
i
?”Let
haboaskswhenwe
arr
ivet omyapar tment.Itwasquietandnosi gn
ofany body.Sincethatphonecalltheother
mor ni
ng, Ineverbroughtupthattopicagain.
Event houghIwi shedforhertohav echanged
hermi nd,Iunderstoodthatwearequi t
e
di
fferent.Andal it
tl
epartofmei swor r
ied.Just
sl
ightlywor r
ied.
“Thuliworksi
nMpumalangar
emember
?She
couldn’tmakeitt
ovi
sit
.”
“Arey
oust i
l
lgoi
ngtotakemet
oGol
dReefCi
ty
eventhoughshei
sn’
there?
”
“Yes.Ofcour
se.WearedoingGol
dReef
tomorrowmorningandasoccermat
chi
nthe
after
noon.
”
“
Yes!
”Hethr
owsaf
isti
ntheai
randj
umpsf
or
t
heTVremote.
Thewhol eweekendIwitnessedLethabo
runni
ngar oundthepl
aceswehav ebeent owit
h
Njabul
o’schildr
enandMrR’ sboys.Idon’
tknow
butmyhear tal
waysmelt
swhenIseethe
chi
ldrenthatwearegr
ooming.Whycan’
tThul
i
seeitthi
sway ?Why?
Mor
equest
ions,
noanswer
s.
Wit
hasuccessfulweekendwi
thmynephew,
I
am cer
tai
nIcouldhosthi
m moreof
ten.

*
***
*

Sincet
hebegi
nni
ngoftheweek,
Ihavebeen
l
ookingfor
war
dtoseemywoman.Mymi ndi
s
blownawaywhenshewavesatmeandrunsto
thecar
.
IswearGodcreat
edadresswi
thThuli
inhi
s
mind.Iswear
.Thatbut
tandt
hatwaist
?and
thosel
egs?Dammi t
!
Iqui
cklyj
umpoutsoIcoul
dst
eal
aki ssi
nfront
ofal
lthesemenwhoarest
eal
i
ngglancesather
.
“Imissyouami l
li
ontimes,”shesaysaft
era
smackonmyl ips.It
hrowt heluggagebagin
thebootandhurrysowet hatwecouldcatch
thesunsetaswedr i
vetothelodge.
“Mari
aandIbookedaSpafort
omorrowt
wel
ve
o’
clock,
”Thul
isay
sasshebuckl
esup.
“
Looksl
ikeyouareexci
tedaboutthespamor
e
t
hanyouareofspendi
ngtimewithme.”
“No.Ij
ustneedaspa.Thelastt
imeIwentther
e
wasonmysol ovacat
iontoDurban.I
thasbeen
closet
oay ear
.”
“
Okay
,wheny
ouputi
tli
ket
hat
,Iunder
stand.
”
Njabul
oandMar i
aarr
ivedbefor
eus.Theman
hasstar
tedthefi
ref
orthebraaiandIam
pl
easedwithhim.
MariaandThulit
wirl
ineachother
’sarmswhi l
e
It
aketheluggagetoourmagnifi
centroom.Iti
s
al
readydarkbutIcantel
l,t
hisi
safive-
starki
nd-
ofalodge.I
twil
lbeeasiertopul
lupsalesfor
t
hem.
“Whenlastdi
dIseey ou?Ineedyoutot el
lme
every
thi
ngImissed,
”Mariasaysfrom the
kit
chencount
er.Shewasalreadyputt
ing
toget
herasal
ad.
“I
’
lll
eav
ey oul
adi
est
ocatchup.
”Igi
vet
hem a
nodasIheadtot
hedeck.
Fr
eshair
!Ther
eissomuchf
reshai
rint
his
pl
ace.
“Coldbeeri
nthebl uecool
erboxandt
he
champagneint heredone,
”Njabul
oadvi
ces
from t
hebraaistand.
“Ar
ey outryi
ngtoki
llus?”IaskasIpul
lone
beerfrom ahugecoolerbag.Nj
abul
owentall
out.
“Dude,Iam goingt
ogetfucki
ngsloshed.
Haven’
tdonesowhenoneofmydaught er
s
cannotfal
lasleepwit
houtsl
eepi
ngonmychest
fi
rst
.”
“
Thenhowi
sshegoingt
osur
viv
ewi
thouty
ou
t
her
ethi
sweekend?
”
“Shecansurvi
vewhenIam nothome.Iti
sli
ke
shesmel l
smewhenIwalkintothehouse,
whateverti
meIgethome.
”
Thosedamnpr icel
essmomentsmakemyheart
melt.Ihadalwayswonderedi
fIcoul
dmakea
greatfat
her.It
hinkIhav
eananswertot
hat.
“DidThulitel
lyout
hatwehavebookedan
afternoonspatomorr
ow?Threehourst
ops?
”
Mar iaasksasshesetsabowlofbi
lt
ongonthe
table.
“
Iam war
ned,
”Ir
espond.
“Areyousureyouarenotgoingtostayi
nback
afteragoodfuck?Imean,Thabeloi
snothere
toaskwhywewer emakingnoise…soIam
planni
ngtomakeuseoft hi
sweekend,”Njabul
o
j
umpsi n.
“
OhmyGod.Toomuchi
nfor
mat
ion,
”Mar
ia
shy
lysay
s.
WhenThul iwalkstothedeck,Iopenmyarmfor
hertocomest andbesi deme.Idropafew
kissesonherforehead.Ihaveplansofmyown
thisweekend.Goodpl ans.
“
Themeatwi
l
lber
eadyi
ntwent
y.”
“
I’
ll
sett
het
abl
e,
”Mar
iaof
fer
s.
“I
’l
lhelp.
”Theybot hwalki
nsi
de,l
eavi
ngme
star
ingatmywoman.Hersmi lest
il
lcharmsme
eventoday.Shei sthewomanofmydr eams.
Justthisli
tt
lepinginmyhear
twhenIt hi
nk
aboutthisotherpart.
“
Whatiswrong?”Njabuloasks.Fort
hef
ir
st
t
ime,
heisn’
tplayf
ul abouti
t.
“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”
“Yourfacewentfr
om hundredt
ozero,
”hesay
s,
concerninhisvoi
ce.Iknowmyfri
end.I
fit
wasn’tseri
ous,
hewoul dhavemadeajoke
abouti
t.
“
Ilov
eher
.”
“Theworl
dknows.Youcannotkeepy
ourey
es
offher
.Butwhat
’sup?
”
“Haveyouev
erwant
edsomet
hingbuty
ourwi
fe
doesn’
t?”
“
Ahhh…shedoesn’
twantmetost
artsav
ingf
or
aFer
rar
i.Iwannat
akemygi
rl
son…”
“
Notmat
eri
alt
hings.Somet
hingdeeper
?”
“
Like?
”Sheshr
ugs.“
Icannott
hinkofany
thi
ng.
”
“
May
bewant
ingmor
ebabi
esi
nthef
utur
e?”
“
Youwanta…ababy
?”hewhi
sper
sthel
astpar
t.
“
Notnow.Buti
nthef
utur
eyes…”
“
And?
?”
“
AndThul
ii
shi
nti
ngot
her
wise.
”
“
Doy
our
emembert
headv
iset
hat
…”
“Li
kefuckIwould.Thul
ihasbeent hroughal
ot.
Ifshetell
sme‘notoababy ’
I’
ll
hav etomake
sureIdon’tgoagai
nstt
hat.Orelseitwill
bet
he
endoft heworl
d.”
Nj
abul
osi
ghs.
“
Hav
eyouspokent
oher
?”
“Sheactswei
rdl
ywhenIdo.Idon’twantto
pushherawaywitht
oomuchf uturepl
ans.ButI
am afr
aidoneofusmightnotbehappyabout
thefut
ure.
”
“
Shi
t,t
hat
’sdeep.
”
Thuli’
slaughpiercemyhear t.Shespinsaround
forMar i
a,showingof fherdressthatMari
a
keepscompl imenting.Icannotseeaf ut
ure
withouther.Icannot.
“
Whatdoy
out
hinkweshoul
ddo?
”
“
Oneofy
ouhast
ocompr
omi
se.
”
“
Imagi
nei
fshecompr
omi
sesandendupbei
ng
miserabl
ewithmybaby ?
”Irubmyhead
becausethi
sisgett
ingmewor kedup.“
Imagi
ne
i
fIcompr omiseandwishtohavechi
ldr
enfor
therestofmylif
e?”
“
Thenmay beyouwerenotmeantt
obe
t
oget
her.Maybesheismeanttobeiny
ourl
i
fe
f
ornow.Notthefut
ure.
”
Thuli
smi l
esasshemakesherwayt
owher
eI
am standi
ng.
“Thetablei
sready.Wear ewait
ingforthe
meat ,
”shesaystoNjabuloandthereaft
er
staresupatmewi thl
ovingeyes.“Thankyouf
or
bringi
ngmeher e.
”

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE36(
Unedi
ted)
THULI

“Babe,ar
ey oualr
ight
?”IaskPhut iwhot ur
nsto
myf aceandgivesmeat ightsmi le.Wear e
havingdi
nnerbuthehasn’ tletgoofmyl ef
t
hand.Hehasi tunderhi
ssi ncewet ookour
seats.Heisn’
teveneati
nghi sfoodwhi l
eIfeast
onthemeatwi ththeotherhand.
“
Yes,
Iam f
ine.
”
“So,atthatminut
eneh?”Njabul
oconti
nuest o
narrat
ehisstory,
“MrsRwasr eadytopourhot
wateratme.Thati swer
eIknewt hati
tisn’
t
onlymywi fewhoisacrazyasfuck.Al
lwomen
are.
”
“St
oplyi
ng,”Mar
ialaughs.“
Myf
ri
endwoul
d
neverdothat
.Never.
”
“
Thandeka?ThesameThandekat
hatIknow?
”
“Unl
essifwhatevershewasdoi
ngwast oput
Gundo’sex-wi
fei
nherplace.Ot
herthant
hat,
myf r
iendisanangelandtheworl
dshoul
dbow
atherfeet
.”
“No.Idi
sagress,
”Nj
abul
olaughs.Ohmy
goodness,Icannev
ergetusedtothi
sman.“
All
womenar edramaqueens.
”
“ExceptI,
”Ir
espondwhi
l
eli
ft
ingmyhand.“
Iam
notat y
pical
gir
l.
”
“
Doy
ouagr
ee?
”Nj
abul
opoi
ntsatmyboy
fri
end.
“
Agr
eet
owhat
?”Phut
iasks.
“ThatThuliisn’tdramati
c?Isayallwomenare.
Shesaidal lwomenexcepther …soIam asking
youast hemanwhoknowst hedepthofher
heart.I
ssher ight?Isn’
tshedramaticl
iket
he
restofthewor ld?”Njabul
oasks.Iwouldn’
thav
e
emphasi sedhisquest i
on.
“Sheisr
ight
!”Phut
isaysbefor
etaki
ngasipof
hisbeer
.Onlynow,Iknowthatsomethi
ngi
s
wrong.Iknowmyman.I fhewereperfectl
yfi
ne,
hewouldhav eteasedmeandagr eedwi t
h
Njabul
oev enifi
twasjustfort
hef unofit.
“
Oh…wel
l
…Idi
sgr
ee,
”Nj
abul
osay
s.
“Whycan’ tyouacceptthatyouwerebl
essed
withaloving,undr
amat i
cwi f
eever
?”Mariaasks.
“Youdonothav etoproveapointj
ustbecause
allyourexesaredramat i
c.”
“Mar
iabuthel
ezi
,youaretesti
ngme.”Nj
abul
o
poi
ntsathiswif
e.“Youar
et empt
ingme.”
“
Tempti
ngy out
odowhat?
”Sheshrugs.“
Ithi
nk
y
ouaredrunkandy
ouneedtosl
eep.”
Mariagetsonherfeetandstar
tcl
eari
ngt he
tabl
e.Phutii
smilesandmilesway.Heisn’tl
i
ke
themanwhopi ckedmeupawhi l
eago.Hewas
solooki
ngforwardtothi
sbuthereheislooking
l
ikeaghost.
I
shi
shi
smot
her
?
Di
dKamocal
lhi
m andsai
dsomet
hing?
“
Arey
ouokay?
”Iaskhi
m onceagai
nanddown
mygl
assofwi
ne.
“
Yes,
baby .
”Hepul
lsmecloserandki
ssmyli
ps.
“
Iam f
ine.Whyar
ey ousoworri
edaboutme?
”
“
Becausey
oudonotl
ookl
i
key
our
sel
f.
”
“
Ithi
nkIhadalongFri
day
.Iam f
ine.Don’
tget
y
oursel
fworkedup.
”
Mar
iaopenst
het
apofwat
ert
ofi
l
lthebasi
n.
“Letmehelpwit
hthedi
shes.Ihaveasurpr
ise
foryou,
”Imumbleinhi
sli
ps.“Iknowyouare
gongtolovei
t.
”
“Icannotwaitalr
eady,”hesaysbeforeplant
ing
anotherkissonmyl i
ps.Wi t
houtanotherword,I
getonmyf eetandpackawayt hedi
sheswhi l
e
PhutiwalksouttojoinNjabulo.Somethi
ngis
notrightbutIcannotputafingeronit.
“
Doy
ouguy
shav
epl
ansf
ort
hemor
ning?
”
Mari
aasksf
rom t
hebasi
n.Ipl
acethedi
rty
di
shesi
nsi
dethewat
erandstandbythe
wi
ndow.
“Ifi
twasn’tt
hatIhaveplanst
onight
,Iwas
goigj
ntoforcePhutit
ocomehi ki
ngwithmein
themorning.Isawtheyhavesunri
sehiki
ngs.
”
“
Oh, pl
ans,huh?
”Mar
iaasksbef
oreIbur
sti
nto
aloudlaugh.
“
Ido.
”
“Iknewy ouhadi ti
ny ou,”Mariasaysasshe
washest hedi shesandput t
ingthecleanones
ont heotherbasi n.Thesear emeantf ormet o
ri
se.Ifol
dt hesl eevesoft hecardi
gant hatIam
wear i
ngandopent hetapt ofi
llt
hebasi nwit
h
water.Iwillr
inseanddr ythedishesaswe
catchup.
“
WhatdoIhav
einme?
’
“
Thi
srel
ati
onshi
pvi
bes,
”shesays.“
Ili
keyou
t
woarewit
heachother
.Youaresoref
reshi
ng
t
owat
ch.
”
Iwanttoaski fshedoesn’ tseesomet hi
ng
wrongwi thPhuti
,butIdon’ t
.May beher eall
yis
exhaustedf r
om ahect i
cweek.Ihav ebeen
l
ookingf orwardt
ot hi
sv acationsincehe
ment i
onedi t
,maybet hat’
swhyIdon’ tevenf eel
ahintofexhaustion.Somet imesPhut i
overworkshimselfatwor k.Itprobablyisn’ta
greatdeal.
“
Imethi
sfami
l
yaweekorsoago.
”
“
Wow.
”Mar
iabeamsatme.“
Howwasi
t.
”
“Mi
ndblowingbutt
heywer
esowel
comi
ng.And
bythet
imewecameback…Iwasmorei
nlove
wit
hhim.”
“Ncoooo!
”Mariasmil
esatmebefor
econtinui
ng
towashthepots.“
Now,whatcomesaf
terisa
seri
ousrel
ati
onshi
pwhichl
eadstomar
riage.”
“
What
?”Igasp.
Maria’
ssmi l
efadesbefor
esheturnst ome.
“What?No.Ijustmeantthat
…notal otof
peoplewouldjustlety
oumeettheirfami
lyi
f
theydidn’
thaveplanswit
hyou.
”
“
Uhmm.
.”Ipul
lasmi
l
e.“
Right
!Yes.
”
Iturnmygazetothedeckwher eNj
abuloi
s
busytel
li
ngPhuti
ast ory
.InsteadofPhuti
focusi
ngonhisfr
iend,hehashi seyesonme.I
givehi
m asmil
ebef oretur
ningbacktoMar i
a.
Woul
ditbewhyPhut
iiswor
kedup?
No.
Howmuchofacoinci
dencewill
itbei
fNjabul
o
andMari
aar
ebothtal
kingaboutthemar
riage
i
ssue?
Iam j
ustworkedupbecauseiti
smynormt o
over
thi
nkthi
ngsandfindanswerswher
ethere
arenoquest
ions.
Bef
oreIcanev
ensayany
thi
ngt
oMar
ia,
Njabul
o
walksint
otheroom whil
esingingforhi
swif
e.
EvenifIdi
dn’
twanttolaugh,therewasn’
taway
Icoul
dkeepasmi l
efrom my self
.
Damn,t
hemanlov
eshiswi
fedear
lyandhi
s
act
iont
endst
odri
vehi
swif
ecrazy
.
“Oh,myGod, Njabulo…”Marialaughsaswe
watchhim si
ngaZul usong,withsomemov es
tobackitup.“Thuli
.Wear egoingtobed.
”Mar i
a
wipesherhandswi thacleanclothandpul
lsher
husbandtowardst hecorri
dor.
Phutiwal
ksi
ntot
heki
tchenwi
thasmi
l
eonhi
s
face.
“Heisfunnywhenheget
sdr
unk,
”hesay
swhi
l
e
grabbi
ngachair.
Cometot
hink,Ihav
eneverseenPhutidr
unk.
Hehaswi
tnessedmebeforebutIhaven’
tseen
hi
m.Hedri
nkslikeafi
shbutneverl
osesit
.
“
Thispl
aceisl
ovel
y,
”Isay
.Iam al
mostdone
wi
thmytask.“
Ishoul
dtel
lDi
neoandMuofhe.
”
Phut
idoesn’
tsayany
thi
ngback.WhenIgazeat
hi
m,helooksli
keheismil
esaway.“
Babe?”
“
Yes?
”
“
Isaid,Ishoul
dt el
lDi
neoandMuof
heabout
t
hisplace.Iti
slovel
y.
”
“
Iti
s.”
“Wouldyoul
iketohi
ket
omorr
owmorni
ng?”I
ask,t
ryi
ngtofi
ndsomet
hingf
orust
ochat
about.
“Hel
lno,
”hesayswhileget
tingf
rom t
hechai
r.“
I
am nother
etoexer
ciseinthemorni
ng.”
“
Idi
dn’
tpl
anf
ort
hoseei
ther
,”Igi
ggl
e.

*
***
*

Theact
ionIhadpromi
sedmy sel
flastnight
di
dn’
thelp.Whenwegottoourroom lastni
ght
,
Phutipul
ledmei nhi sarmsandwest ayedin
bedjuststar
ingout si
deoursli
dingdoor.Whil
e
Mar i
aandNj abulokind-
keptusawaket he
wholenight,
Phut iandIwerecontenti
neach
other’
sarmsj ustshowingeachother’
slove.I
t
wasasi fourheartswerecommuni cati
ngwi t
h
eachother.
I
twasasi fhewastel
li
ngmehowmuchhe
needsmei nhi
sli
feasmuchasIl
ovehi
m and
needthewholeofhi
m.Ihav
enoideawhatt
ime
wefellasl
eep.
Now, i
tmustbeear
lymorning.Phuti
’shands
havefoundmybarethi
ghs.Ifeelhi
shand
tr
acingmythi
ghandmov i
ngt owardsmybum.
Whenhecaressmybumswi thhiswarm hand,
I
l
etoutadeepestsi
gh.Iam sleepybuthornyas
hel
l.
Whenhenot i
cesthatIam up,hegetsonhi
s
kneesandposit
ionedhimselfi
nbetweenmy
l
egs.Iwiggl
eashi spal
m caressmystomach
andmovestomypussy.Hi
stouchonlycal
l
s
somethi
nginmetowakeup.Ihi
ssashedr ops
hi
sli
pstotheopeni
ngofmyvagina.
HeknowsIcannotst
andt
his.
Whenhet onguefli
psonmyopeni ng, he
reali
sest
hatIam alreadyr eadyforhisdick.The
dickhehasgottenmesoaddi ct
edt o.Iwatch
asheopenst hesidedr awerwher ehehas
placedhi
swal l
etandr etr
ieveacondom.My
eyesdon’
tleavehisdickasher oll
st hecondom
oni t
.
Withoutwast i
nganyt ime,hepusheshisdick
i
ntomyv aginaandIgaspf orai
r.Iwasn’
tready
foritsoIpullthebedspr eadswithmyf i
sts
whilegaspingf orair
.Hef i
l
lsmeupandwhenI
openmyey es,Ifindhisonmyf ace.
“
Arey
ouokay
?”Hemumbl
es.
Eventhoughi
tisdark,
Icanseehisf
adefrom
thel
ightcomi
ngthroughfr
om thesl
i
dingdoor.
Themooni sshi
ningdownatusasi
fappr
ovi
ng
thi
sconnecti
onbetweenus.
“Iam fine,”Imumbl ebackandhestart
smov ing
torhythm.Imov emyhi pswit
hhim.Inone
connect ion.Hishandsfindmyfl
esh.Hishands
areonmybr eastsandthenmyhipsandthen
face.Ev erywhere.Hi
shandsareeverywher
e.
Hemov
esandmov eshi
shipsunti
lIstart
f
eel
i
ngli
keIneedt
opee.Iti
sclose.Iknow.
“Iam cl
ose,
”hemumbl
esashecont
inuest
o
humpme.
“Waitformebabe,”Imumbl e,f
orci
nghi
mt o
stopmov ing.Thei
tch.Theit
chneeds
scratchi
ng.Whenhemov esonceagai
n,Iwrap
myl egsaroundhiswaistandpushhimfurt
her
i
n.
“
Fuck!
”|Hemumbl esandther
eafterst
art
s
l
osi
ngcontr
ol.Exact
lywhatIneededtoscrat
ch
t
hatbut
toni
nsideofme.Hegr oansashedoes
hisbestt
opushhi
sdi
ckfur
theri
nunt
ilIst
art
rol
li
ngmyeyestot
hebackofmyhead.
Thatfeel
ingcomes,di
sarmingmeunt
ilIcr
yout
andreachint
ight
lyf
orhisbacksot
hatIcould
cl
ingonhi m.
Mybadhabi
t!
Ifeel
hisdickshoot
ingthesper
msint
othe
condom befor
ehefall
sont opofme.
Minut
eslat
er,hepull
shimsel
foutandsleepon
hi
sback.Aft
ercatchi
nghisbr
eat h,
hepull
sthe
ti
ssuefr
om thepedestal
andcleanshi
mselfup.
Ir
oll
tol
ooktheot
herway,
mybumsonhisso
wecoul
dcuddl
e.Hepul
lsmecl
oserandwr
ap
hi
sarmsar
oundme.
“
Babe,
”Imumbl
e.
“
Yes?
”
“Whatwaswrongwi
thyoul
astnight?We
promi
sednottol
iet
oeachother
,”Iadd.
“
Wel
l
…“
“
Pleasebehonestwi
thme.
”
Hesi
ghsdeepl
y.Ihav
enev
erseenPhut
iso
wor
kedup.
“Nj
abuloandIwer ehavingaman’ s
chat…unf
ortunat
elyIcannottel
lyouabouti
t
becauseitwasaman’ schat…”
“
Idon’
twantt
oknowabouttheman’
schat
…I
wantt
oknowwhatbot
heredyou.
”
“Well
…fr
om ourchat
…Ijustreal
i
sedthatIlov
e
yousomuchthatIam soafr
aidtol
osey ou,
”he
says.
“What
?”Itur
ntof
acehim.“
Youarenotgoi
ngto
l
oseme.”Hesear
chesmyeyes.“
Youarenot
goi
ngtolosemeatal
l
.”
“
Iknow,
”hemumbl
es.
“Iunderstand,t
hough,
”Idr
opaki
ssonhi
sli
ps
beforestaringbacki
ntohi
sey
es.“
Iwoul
dshi
t
scar
edtolosey
out
oo.So,
thef
eel
i
ngi
s
mutual
.”

*
***
*

Iwaswor
kedupf
ornot
hing.
Howr omanti
ccanPhut ibethough?Afterour
chat,
atwhateverti
mei twasafterourlove
sessi
on,wewentbackt osleep;onlyt
owakeup
now.Ifi
twasineitherofourapartments,we
weregoingtoorderfoodinandchillf
ortherest
oftheday.
Unfor
tunat
ely,
hepai
dthousandsforal
uxur
ious
spathatMari
aandIaregoi
ngto,soIhavet
o
getoutofbed.
“
Whereareyougoi
ng?
”Hemumbl
es.Iwas
t
ryi
ngtosneakout
.
“
Iwannagetr
eadyf
ort
heday
.Getaqui
ck
showerandpr
epar
eyoubr
eakf
astbef
orespa,
”I
say.
“
Comebackt
obed.I
’
llski
pbr
eakf
ast
.”
Dar
tingmyeyestothecl
ock,
Ireal
i
sethet
ime
i
stenthi
rt
y,soIdohaveanot
herhourt
ospa
bef
oreourappoi
ntment.
Igeti
ntotheduv
etsandPhut
icuddl
esme
al
ready.
“
Ilov
eyou,
”hemumbl
esi
nhi
ssl
eep.
“
Ilov
eyoutoo.
”Ir
espond.Hecloseshi
seyes,
l
eavi
ngmewatchi
nghisfaceashedrif
tsback
t
ohissl
eep.
“Promi seyouain’tgonnaleaveme,”Imumble.
I
nst antlyaft
ersayingthoseword,Iprayhe
didn’thearme.Idon’ twanthimtofeelli
kehei
s
forcedi nt
othis.Nomat terhowmuchIwant
him alltomy self
.
“
Ipr
omi
se!
”
Oh,
hehear
dme.

*
***
*

Mari
ahadtoknockonourdoorat
housand
t
imesformetowakeup.
Iknewt
hiswaygoi
ngt
ohappen.
“Givemet enminutes,”Icalloutwhi l
ejumping
i
ntot heshowerforamar athonshower .Am I
nothappyt hatwearegoi ngt oaspaandt her
e
i
sn’taneedt odressupsi ncewewi llbeinour
gowns?Wi t
houtputti
ngonl oti
on,Ipullmymaxi
dressandspr i
ntaroundt her oom togetmy
sandals.
“
Youknowyoucancancel,
right
?”Phut
isay
s
wi
thasmir
konhisface.
“Tempt
ing.Ver
ytempting!
”Ismi
rkathi
m asI
putonmyshoes.“I
’l
lseeyoulat
er.
”
“
Enj
oy!
|”Phut
ical
l
soutasIr
unoutoft
hedoor
.
Nj
abul
oiswatchi
ngt
elev
isi
onwhenIst
ormi
nto
t
heli
vi
ngarea.
“Goodmorni
ng,
”Igr
eetwhi
l
eheadi
ngf
ort
he
kit
chen.
“
Ithoughty
ouhadcancel
l
ed,
”Nj
abul
osay
s.
“Iwasgoi
ngt
oki
l
lher
,”Mar
iasay
s.“
Thul
i
,let
s
go.”
Wearejustt
enmi nut
eslat
ewhenwesi gnin
andchangeint
ot hewhitecot
tongowns.Maria
pi
ckstwoglassesofchampagneandhands
onetome.Ifoll
owhert othedeckwherethey
havesett
hesnacksf orus.
“GodknowsIneededthi
s,
”Mar
iasays.“
Those
Buthel
ezi
gir
lsar
edriv
ingmecr
azy.”
“
Icani
magi
ne.Howdoy
ousur
viv
ewi
tht
hem?
”
“
Itneedssomeget
ti
ngusedt
o,”Mar
iasay
s.
“
Theycan’
tbet
hatbad.Theyar
esogor
geous.
”
“
MaybeIshoul
dleavethem wi
thy
ouandPhut
i
f
oraday…thenyou’
l
l t
ellme…”
“
Oh,no,please,
|
”Iqui
cklysay.Mar
ial
aughsat
me.Iam sogladshedidn’
treadmuchint
oit
.
“Iam l ov
ingyouandPhut i
somuch,
”Mar
iasay
s,
bringingasmi let
omyf ace.“
Howar
eyou
maki ngt hi
slongdist
ancework?
”
“
Iam l
ooki
ngf
oraj
obi
nJobur
g,”Ir
espond.
“
What
?”
“
Ihavethoughtabouti
t.Don’
ttel
lhi
mthough.I
wantt
osur pr
isehi
m.”
Mari
astar
esatmewi
thasmi
l
eandasks,
“Ar
e
yousur
e?”
“Yeah!”IsipmyChampagne.“
Ihavereali
sed
thatIdon’tneedany
thi
ngmorethanbeingwith
him.”
“
Ahhh…Iam sohappyf
ory
ou,
Thul
i
!”
“
Thanky
ou.Buty
ouar
en’
tsur
eaboutmov
ing?
”
“Iam.Ifyouare.”Shesi
psfrom hercup.
“Whateverdecisi
oniti
s,i
tmustbecomi ngfr
om
yousot hatwhen…ev ery
thi
nghitsthefan…you
donotbl ameitonanyone.”
“
Not
hingi
sgoi
ngt
ohi
tthef
an.
”
“Iknowbabes.Thethi
ngis,Ihaveseen
compromiseskil
lpeopl
e.So,whatever
sacri
fi
ceswemakef orafamilymustbefr
om
us.Thatwaywewi l
lbehappier.
”
Isi
gh,
deepl
y.
“
Doy oumissmodelli
ng?”Iaskher.Sheusedto
t
ellmeaboutthosesacr
ifi
cesbefore.“
Doy ou
t
hinkyou’
l
levergiv
eitatry?”
“
Nev
er!
”Sher
esponds.“
Nev
er.
”
Al adyi
nwhitewalksint
ot hedeckandt el
lsus
thatourmassageroom wasr eady.Iexcit
edl
y
placemychampagnegl assont hetableand
foll
owtheladyforourfi
rstsessi
on.
BothMariaandIsett
leonthemassagebeds
andrel
ax.Aknockinter
rupt
sus.
“Babe?Areyouinther
e?Areyouguys
dressed?
”Thevoicefr
om out
sidethedoor
belongstoPhut
i.
“
Phut
i?Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?”
“
Babe,weneedtotal
k…pleasecomeout
side?
”
Hesay
swhileknocki
ng.
Whati
swr
ong?Whatcoul
dbesoi
mpor
tant
?
“Excuseme,”Imumbl e.Ipul
lthegownandput
i
tonasImar chtowalkoutoft her
oom.Closi
ng
thedoorbehindme, Ishrugathim?Whatcoul
d
besoi mport
ant?Hewat chedmel eav
ethe
houseaf ewmi nut
esago.
“Weneedt
otal
k,
”hesays.Thef
acehehadl
ast
ni
ghti
sononceagai
n.
Weneedt
otal
k?Weneedt
otal
k?
Ihav
ehear
dthatl
i
nesomanyt
imes.
ht
tps:
//www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za/
shop/
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE37(
Unedi
ted)

PHUTI

Okay
,may
beIshoul
dn’
thav
ecameher
e.
Thul
il
ookssopal
e,asi
fshehasseenaghost
.
Ireachf
orherhandandIf
eeli
ttr
emblingi
n
mine.It
akeherhandandl
eadthewayt ot
he
deckwherethevi
ewissomagnif
icent
.
“Phuti
…youar
escari
ngme, ”Thul
ifi
nal
lysays
whenwegettothecouches.Il
etherseatwhil
e
Istandsot
hatIcanpaceupanddown.
“
No,
babe…don’
tbescar
ed.
”
“Whati
ssoimportantthatyouhadtor unall
the
wayhereanddist
urbmymassage? ”Thuli
star
esatme,herchestri
singandfall
ing.
“
Weneededt
otal
k,
”Isay
.“Wedo.
”
“Aboutwhat
?”Sheshr
ugs.“
Ihat
ethi
sPhut
i.I
hateit
.”
“
Hat
ewhat
?”
“I
fyouwanttobreakupwi t
hme…y oucanjust
sayitsol
ong.Youdon’thavetodragitandall
,
youknow,
”shesay s,
hervoicebr
eaking.
Ikneelbesi
deherandt
akeherhandandsay,
“Babe…real
x…no…sorryIdi
dn’
tmeantofreak
youout.”
“Whatiswrong?Whyar eyoudoi
ngthi
s?”She
asks,t
earsalmostcl
osetofal
li
ngdownher
cheeks.“
Isthi
saboutthebabi
es?”
“
What
?”
“
Iwon’
tpr
etendasi
fIdon’
tknowwhati
sgoi
ng
onher e.Isitaboutthebabi
es?Di dyoutal
kyour
fri
endsi ntosuggesti
ngthatwet akecar
eof
thei
rkidswhent heygoaway ?Isit
?Sothatyou
canseei fIam keenornottotakecareof
babies?”
“
Babe?Oh,
please.
”
“Pl
easewhat
?Itcannev
erbeacoi
nci
dence
evenify
ouwantitt
obe.
”
“Okay…Ididn’
tgetmyf
riendstobr
ingt
hatup…
butthati
snotwhyIam here.
”
“Thenwhyarey ouher
e?”Sheasks,herchest
ri
singandfal
li
ng.Ihat
ethatIbroughtpani
c.I
am notproudofmydramaticacts.
Isi
gh,
deepl
y.
“Iwast hi
nking…j ustwhenyouwal kedoutof
thehouse…j ustwheny ouwalkedoutoft he
houseIr eali
sedthatli
fewil
lneverbecompl et
e
withouty ou.Li
ke…y ouarethebiggestpi
eceof
myl i
fe.Like…Icannotliv
ewi t
houty ouki
nda
vibes, ”Isayandherglossyey esareonme.
“Ther ear esomanyt hingst hatcankeepus
apar tbutIdon’ twantthoset ocomei nbet ween
us.Il ov eyou.AndIwantust opromi seeach
othert hatwear egoi
ngt omaket hi
s
relationshipwor knomat terhowdi ff
icul
titcan
get .Iwantust opromiseeachot herthatitisus
bef oret herestofthewor l
d.”
“
I…I
…”
“Iwantustopromiseeachotherthatweare
bothgoingtogiv
eitoural
ltomaket hi
swork.I
havethoughtabouti
tsolong.Idon’twant
anyoneelsebutyou.
”
“
Phut
i,
”shemumbl
es.
“Pl
easeThuli
.Nomat
terhowmuchItry
…no
matterhowmuchIt
ry.
.Isti
l
lcomebacktoy
ou.
Ineedyou.
”
“
Ofcour
sey
ouhav
eme.
”
“
For
ever
?”
“
IfIam notmistaken…Iaskedy
out
hesame
t
hingandy ouagreed.
”
“Iwantust opromi seeachot her
,”Isaywhile
point
ingoutmypi nki
efinger.Shelaughswhen
shereali
sedthatIhav eputitoutf orustomake
apinkiepromise.Shecr ossesherf i
ngerwith
minewhi l
eshel aughs.Asweetl aught hat
warmsmyhear t.
“Ipr
omise,
”shesays,
thosegl
ossyeyesl
etti
ng
goofthetear
stheywerehol
ding.“
Ipr
omise.”
“
Itdoesn’
tmatt
erwherewegof rom herebutas
l
ongaswear etoget
her,r
ight
?”Isay.“
Wear e
j
ustgoingtoworkonthenow,ri
ght?Thenow. ”
“
Thenow.
”
“Okay!”Isaybeforekissi
nghersodeepl
ythatI
mightbehur t
ingher.Whenwebot hhaveto
catchabr eat
h,Ilethergo.“
DidIdi
stur
byour
session?”
Shepant
sandl
aughsbef
orer
espondi
ng,
“You
di
d.Youdi
d.”
“Ij
ustcouldn’twai
tforanothertwohours.I
don’tknowwhaty oumi ghtbediscussi
ngwith
yourfri
endbutwhat everi
tis…youandIar e
stucktogetherunt
iltheend,r
ight?
”
“
Right
!”
“Okay.Gobackint hereandIswear ,
Iwil
lstay
awayf rom youf
oral i
ttl
ewhileunti
lyouare
back,”Isaywhil
ehelpinghertostand.She
cleansherfacewiththesleeveofthegown.I
am sorryImadeherpani cbutIjustcoul
dn’t
waitforhertomaket hispromisewithme.“Tell
them toextendyourmassaget ime…Iwillpay.
”

Damn!
Blameitont hi
smot herf
uckercall
edNjabul
o
forfr
eakingmeout .Hist
ruthdigsdeepdown
one’sheartandIdonotappr eci
atehi
s
blunt
ness.SometimesIwi shhecouldjustt
one
i
tdownal
i
ttl
ebi
tbef
oref
reaki
ngsomeofus
out
.
Earl
ieron,Ihadstr
oll
edintot
hedeckf orsome
mor ni
ngdrinksandthefi
rstt
hingthedude
askedwaswhet herIsetther
ecordsstrai
ght
withmywomanbecausehecoul dseet hatshe
wasdi st
urbedinaway .
ThelastthingIwanti stoworryThuliout.This
i
smychoi ceformet oputherhappi nessfir
st
befor
emi ne.Iam thest r
ongerone.Shei sn’
t.
Bri
ngingthef ut
ureissuewithherri
ghtnow
mightjustmesst hi
ngsf orus.Sheisf r
agil
eand
i
tismyj obt oprot
ectherf r
om anythingthat
mighthavewantt of uckwithherl
if
e.
Isthislove?Thi
smustbemor ethanlove.What
Ifeelforthi
swomani sbeyondanyt
hingIcan
explain.Assheshut
st hemassageroom, I
makemywaybackt oourhouse.
‘
Gety
ouractt
oget
her
,’
Iremi
ndmy
sel
fasIget
i
ntothehouse.Nj
abuloi
ssti
l
latt
hedeckwhere
Il
efthi
m.Hei sdr
inki
ngfr
om agl
assofwhi
skey.
“
Whatthefuckhappenedtoy ou?”HeasksasI
t
akemyseatnextt ohim.“Iwasjustt
alki
ngand
t
henextt
hingy oustormedoutofhereasif
t
her
eissomet hingwrongIsaid.
”
“
Ijustneededtoclearmyhead,
”Isaytohim
whil
ereachingformybott
leofHei
neken.After
t
akingonesi p,
Igetonmyfeettodisposeofit
.
“Thi
sloveshi
tisdriv
ingyoucrazy,
”hesaysasI
drai
nthebott
leinthebasinandthrowthe
emptybott
lei
nt hebin.
“
Don’tyoudaresayanythi
ng,
”Irespondwhi
le
f
ishi
ngforanothercol
dbeerfr
om thedeep
f
reezer
.
“
Whatt
hehel
ldi
dIdonow?
”
“
Nothi
ng.Butyouar
esuchabadadvi
ser,
”Isay
.
“
Nowthatyoufeell
i
keyouar
eanexpertof
l
ove…youthi
nkyouknowbet
ter
.”
“Mar
riedwit
htwoki
dsandahappi
estwi
fe…y
es,
Iam anexper
t.
”
“
Yeah,
right
.”
“Iknowmyboss.Commit
mentisasscar
yas
shit
.Li
ke,
youneedtobetoughmyguy,
”he
says.
“
Shutup!
”
“Whatarewesupposedt
odonow?St
areat
eachother
’sey
es?”
“
That
’sbet
ter
!”
Nj
abulosipshisdri
nkandst ar
eatthe
mountainsinfr
ontofus.I
tissuchabeautif
ul
vi
ew.May beIshoul
dhav ewokenupf ora
hi
king,
itlooksl
ikeapeacefult
hingtodo.
“
Howisyourmot
her
?’Nj
abul
opul
l
smef
rom
myr
ever
ie.
“Sheisdoi
nggood.Thetherapysessi
onsthat
sheistaki
ngar
egoodf orher.Sheshoul
dhave
st
art
edwi
tht
hoseawhi
l
eback.
”
“
Whydi
dn’
tshe?
”
“Well
..Icouldn’taff
ordsomeofi t.I
tisfucking
expensive.Youwon’ tbeli
ev eIpaidmor ethan
twohundr edgr andforthepastsi xmont hs.I
havetof uckencoughanot hertwogr andbefore
shestartswi t
ht henextsemest er.Buty ou
knowwhat ?Aftertr
yingandseei ng
i
mpr ovement ,Irat
hersellthatscrapofacar
anduseat axitowor k.Ir
athergetbr oke,as
l
ongassheget sthebestcar eever.”Isipfr
om
mybot tl
e.“YouknowwhyIt hinkThul i
ismy
soulmat e?”
“
Yeah?
”
“I
tfeel
sli
kesheunderstandsmywhol e
sit
uati
onwit
hmymot her,y
ouknow?It ookher
tomeetmyf amil
yandmymot herwas
deli
ght
ed,
”Isay.Thatisenough.Mymot heri
s
deli
ght
edinthenow…andt hatshoul
dmatter
.
Thebesti
stot
akeeachdayasi
tcomes.
“
Shei
sakeeper
.”
“Mostpeopl
edon’tunderst
andwhyIlivethe
wayIliv
ewithmysal ar
y…butshehasnev er
questi
onsme.”Isitupstr
aight
.“Cometot hi
nk
ofit
…Ihaven’tev
endonesomet hi
ngspecial
for
herbutshei
s…sohappywi thme.”
“
Shei
sadoubl
ekeeper
.”
“
Stopf
ooli
ngaround.Imeani
t.Iactuall
ydiv
ide
myear
ningbet
weenhomeandsur v
iving.
”
“It
hinkshei si
ndependentforareason.She
doesn’texpectany
thingfr
om you.”
“
Isn’
tthatbeaut
if
ul?
”
“
Iti
s.”
“NotthatIwoul
dn’
tfendf
orherifIneedt
o,”I
say.“
Rememberamanhast of endforhi
s
famil
y?”
Nj
abul
ost
aresatmeandl
aughs,
“Dammmnnn,
y
ouar
efucki
ngi
nlov
e.”
Iam.
“
Whoaret
heset
her
api
stshel
pingy
our
mot
her
?”
“Molefe’sphysi
ot eam.Theyar
egood,
Itel
l
you,”Irespond.Iam real
l
yhappywi
ththe
progress.

*
***
*

WhenMar i
aandThul i
returnedf rom t
hespa,
NjabuloandIwer er
eadyt ot akethem dining.
Ourtableissetunderthetreej ustbyther i
ver
bank.Iam makingnotesf ort hi
slodge-t hey
deserveafivestarr
ati
ngandwear egoingt o
takethei
rbusinesstoskyhi gh.
Iam i
mpr
essed.
“
Thi
sisl
ovel
y,
”Thul
isay
s.Herhandi
sonmy
t
high,
sendi
ngwav
esoff
ir
est
omybody
.
Thewai
terpl
acesapl
att
eroff
oodi
nfr
ontofus.
All
sor
tsoffoods.
“
Thuli
,howisMP?Doweneedt opayyouav i
sit
,
t
her
eaty ourcompany
?’Nj
abul
oasks.Ishoota
war
ninglookathi
m.
“I
ti squit
egood.Thetrav
elli
ngisquite
exhaust i
ngbutal
lworthit
.”Shesipsfrom a
glassofwhi t
ewine.“
Phutihasalreadydonethe
damage…y ouguysneedtowor senthe
si
t uati
on.”
“Oh,hedidn’tsay,
”Njabulorespondswhi le
stari
ngatme.Ofcour seIdidn’tdothedamage.
Thedamagewoul dhav eincludedbreakingt he
damnsuper v i
sor’
snose.Theydon’ tdeserveher
buthavinghermov etoJobur gisn’
tsomet hingI
will
choosef orher.ThelasttimeIbr oughtitup,
sheswepti tundertherug.Idon’ twanttoscar e
herwithallthesedemandsIhav e.
“Babe…ThuliandIwer
ediscussingabouta
getawaythatweneedtoorganiseformy
bir
thday
,”Mariasay
sfrom hercorner.
“
Okay
,wher
edoy
ouwantust
ogo?
”
“
Justt
hel
adi
es,
onl
y,
”shesay
s.
Nj
abulossit
supstrai
ghtasifhedi
dn’
thearher
wel
l.Heasksherwhatshesaidandwhenshe
r
esponds,heshakeshishead.
“
Stopbei
ngdramat
ic.Wher
edoy
ouguy
swant
t
ogo?”Iask.
“
Aweekend-
awayt
oDur
ban,
”Mar
iaadds.
“
Whyar
eyoul
eav
ingusbehi
nd?
”
“Becausewedon’twantyout
odist
urbus.We
havedrinki
nggamestoplayi
nourroom.We
haveshoppingtodo.Wehavespaandallsor
ts
ofpamper i
ngweneed.”
“Wel
l,
thel
astt
imeyouplay
edy ourdr
inki
ng
games…youcamecry
ingbecauseyouwer e
pr
egnant.Idon’
twantarepeatoft
hat,
please,
”
Nj
abulosaysandweallburstl
aughi
ng.
“
Shutup!
”Mar
iat
hrowsanapki
nathi
m.
“
Okay
…thatwasonehel
lofani
ght
,”Thul
isay
s.
“Talki
ngaboutladi
esgetaway
sandal
l
…the
guysarehav i
nganafter
noonaway
.Weare
goingfishi
ng,
”Njabul
osays.
“
Fishi
ng?
”Iask,
becauseIwasn’
ttol
daboutt
his.
“
Wear
egoi
ngf
ishi
ng,
”Nj
abul
osay
s.
“Fi
ne.Gofi
shi
ng.Wear
egoi
ngt
oal
adi
es
getaway
,”Mar
iasay
s.

*
***
*

Aweekaf t
erthevacati
onisthewor st
.When
theyneedyouint
heof f
ice,
allyourememberis
chil
li
ngatadeck,
byt hepool,dr
inki
ngpink
dri
nksbecausey ourwomanmi xedonef oryou.
Evenwor se,youmisst hespont aneoussext hat
youoncehadundert hesky .Sincet he
beginni
ngoft heweek, wehav ebeeni none
meet i
ngafteranot
herandIam l ookingf
orward
tothefishi
ngdatewi thmyf riends.Ican’tfi
sh
tosavemyl if
e.Idon’tevenknowi fanyofmy
fri
endscanbutIam notgoi ngt osayt o‘
no’ t
oa
funSaturdaywiththeguy s.Thul ialr
eadysaid
shewon’ tbecomingsot hatIcanhav eti
me
withmyf ri
endswhi l
eshepl ansonaget away
withhers.
Bytheti
mei tisFr
iday
,af
terthelastmeeti
ngof
theday
,Ilit
eral
lyt
hrowmyf i
l
esont het
abl
eand
headstr
aighttomyapart
ment .
Whataweek!
‘
Hey,areyouhomey etorthati
diotisst
il
l
makingyouworkli
keasl ave?’
-ItextThul
i.We
hav
en’tspokensi
ncemor ning.
‘
Hei
snotani
diot
.’-sher
esponds.
Hei
sani
diot
.
‘
Ij
ustgotofff
rom thetaxi.Iam goi
ngtomake
l
asagneformysel
fandsl eepearli
er.Whatar
e
t
heplansfort
henight?
’ -shetexts.
‘
Iam al
sosl
eepi
ngearl
ier
.Remembert
heboy
s
andIar
egoi
ngfishi
ng?
’
‘
Cany ouev enfish?
’-shetexts.Il
it
eral
l
ylaugh
atherquestion.Wehav eatt
empt edtodoso
buti
tdidn’tgosowel l
.Idon’tknowwhyNj abul
o
i
sinsist
ing.
‘
Iam aman.Icandoany
thi
ng.
’
Ther estofthenight,
wekeept exti
ngwhil
e
goingont hebusinessoftheev eni
ng.Iev
en
preparedwor s,
papandgr avywhileweareon
thephone.Byt hetimewebot hheardtobed,
I
donotev enwast emyt i
mefall
ingasleep.
Sat
urdaymor
ningIam wokenupbymyphone
r
ingi
ng.
Nj
abul
o!
“Geti
ce.Getenoughboozeforsi
x.Wewil
lmeet
atthesquar
eateleven,
”Nj
abulosays.
“Whyareyouguyssoexcitedaboutt
his?I
t
soundsli
keyouareal
lrunningawayfr
om your
wives,
”Igr
oanasIsit
.
“Getmarri
edfi
rstandyoouwil
lknowthef
eel
i
ng
ofhavingaboy’
sdayout.”Nj
abulosay
s.
“El
even,wearepicki
ngyouup.
”
Asinstructed,Igetreadyfort
hedayandhead
str
aighttoplayt hebarman.Iboughtt
hebooze
fort
heguy sasi nstruct
ed.Atelev
enfi
ft
een,Mr
R’svianopar ksnexttotheentr
anceofthe
l
iquorstore.
Onewouldswearthesemenaregoi
ngto
somewheref
un.Njabuloj
umpsoutoft
hecar
andhelpsmepacktheboxesatt
heback.Af
ter
that
,Ipul
lmybackpackfr
om t
hebootofmycar
andj
umpi
ntoGundo’
svan.
Thirtyminuteslater,wear ei naf i
shingspoti n
Har t
ees.Thepl aceisf ancierthant heonewe
wentt oawhi leago.Gundopul l
snextt oabr aai
stand.Oncet hecampchai rareunloadedf rom
thev i
ano,itallmakessensewhywear e.Wear e
j
usther etodr i
nkandbr aai whil
ewewat cht he
otherdudesf ish.Weal lsettledownwhi l
e
Gundoget st hefir
er eady-host ingpeopl ei
shi s
thing.Thetopicoft hegi r
ls’getawayi sbrought
forwardandi tseemsal lofusappr ov e.
“
HeyPhut
i…canyoupleasegetmeaf
il
ewhi
ch
i
sontopmycarseat
,”MrRsay s.
“Whyme, huh?”Iask.Therear
esixofusandI
am theonewhohast oplayt
herunner
.The
othert
woguy sarefrom workandthethi
rdguy
i
sMrR’ sbrotheri
nlaw.
“
May
bey
ouar
ethey
oungest
,”Nj
abul
oadds.
Ipul
lthef
il
ewi
tht
hecompanyl
ogoandheadt
o
wher
eGundoi
sst
andi
ng.
“Arewegoi
ngt
odi
scusswor
k…onaSat
urday
?”
Iask.
“
That
’sf
ory
ou,
”Nj
abul
osay
s.
“Me?”Iplacet
hebeerbottl
eonthecampchair
pocketandopenthefi
l
e.Myhandsst ar
ts
tr
emblingwhenIgothroughwhatisi
nthefi
l
e.
“Wethoughtwecoul
dtakey
ououtand
cel
ebrat
eyou,man,
”MrRsays.“
Wearepr
oud
ofyoumyguy .
”
“What
?”Imumblewhi
lepagi
ngt
hef
il
e.I
tist
he
quot
eandthei
nvoi
ces.
“
Wewanttobepar tofy
ourmother
’sj
ourney.I
f
weknewsooner,
wewoul dhav
edoneitalong
t
imeago,
”Njabul
oadds.
Iam aman,Idonotcr
y,butf
uckmyeyesar
e
tear
yri
ghtnowIam goi
ngtolosei
t.
“
Fort
henextsi
xmont
hs,
wewanty
out
oli
ve
yourl
if
ewi
thoutaworry,
’Gundosay
swhi
l
e
hit
ti
ngmyshoulderwi
thafist
.
“
Maybeyoucansaveali
tt
letomarr
yyour
woman,
huh?”Nj
abulosays.“
Youmanarein
l
ove.
”
Iam st
il
lspeechl
ess,
try
ingsohar
dnott
ocr
ack
andcry.
“Comeon.Thisi
snotabigdeal
.Itwasei
ther
wedothisorwepaythesamemoneyi nt
axes,
”
Gundosays.
Onehundr
edandeight
yfourt
housandr
ands
pai
dtoMolef
ephysiot
eam.
“
Itwasei
thert
hisorthetaxes,
”Nj
abul
osay
s,
t
ryi
ngtomakemef eelbett
er.
Fuck!Thetear
sescapemyey
eswi
thouta
warning.
WOUNDEDHEARTS
EPI
SODE38

THULI

FEW MONTHSLATER

Howper fectcanthisweekbe?Phut iandIar e

celebrati
ngouroneandhal fanniversary
togetheronFr idaysoIhav eal it
tl
esomet hing
plannedout .TheThur sdaybef orethe
anniversary,Ihavescor edanintervi
ewata
companyi nRivoniaandt hepayi sway y
yy yhi
gh,
Icannotev enbel i
eveit.Okay,Idobel ieveit
becausemyf i
rstsal
aryhasbeenqui t
est eep.
Idi
dn’tappl
yfort
hisjobbecauseofthegood
pay.I
tissil
l
yandIhopeIdonotr egrett
hisif
PhutiandIdonotworkonit.Aft
erMar i
atold
met omakeadecisiononmyown, Ihavebeen
thi
nki
ngdeepaboutitandIhav ebeenthinki
ng
aboutformonths.Mymov eisn'
tenti
rel
yabout
PhutiandI'
srel
ati
onshipthough.Ihavequi t
ea
fewreasonsandIhavet houghtaboutitfor
qui
tesomet ime.Atfi
rstIstoppedjobhunt i
ng,
makingsurethatIam notmaki ngthi
s
j
udgementbecauseIam di ck-ti
mised.
Firstofall,Idowi sht obecl osert oev eryone.I t
get sprettylonelyar oundher e.Idonothav eany
fri
endsi nMpumal angabecauseofmyt raveli
ng
bet weenher eandJobur geveryweekend.My
sisterisinGaut eng.Ineedt or eviv
emy
relati
onshi pwithGr ace-shehasbeent oogood
tome.Secondl y
, Idonothav et hatanger
any more.Theangert obeasf araspossi ble
from mymot her.Thi rdly,mysessi onswi thDr
Vanessaar eascr uci alandIhav ebeenski pping
mostofmymeet ingsduet omyunav ailabili
ty.I
donotf eelasanxi ousasIusedt of eelbut
somet imes, whenIt hinkthewor l
disbi gger
thanmeorwhenIdoubtmyr elati
onshi pwi t
h
Phuti,Ifindmy sel fr unni ngt oher ;shei sa
godsendt hatone.Ourmeet i
ngsshoul dn'tbe
l
iket hatt hough; t
heyshoul dbeconsi stentuntil
IknowIhav eev erythi ngandt hewor ldbyt he
ball
s.Last ,ohbutnotl east ,Phut i
.Themanhas
beendoi nghi sbesti nt hisrelationship.
Juggl i
nghi sr elationshi pwi thmeandhi s
visi
tationhome, wehav emadei twor k.Ihav e
visi
tedhi smot herwi thhi m af ewt imesand
unli
ket hef irsttime, henol ongerent ertain
Kamowhensheasksaboutmar ri
age.I tisasif
heswi tchedt hei deaof f.Iam notbot hered
aboutget tingmar riedsosoon, butIj ustfindit
sowei rd.Fr om hundr edt ozer o;itiskindawei rd.
AtfirstIt houghthewaschangi ngt hesubj ect
sothatIdon’ tfeel awkwar dabouti tandhehad
allr
ight st ot hinkso, Ihav ebeent heonewho
usedt of reezewhenhement i
onedf utureplans.
May beIcoul dbr i
ngt het opicthiscomi ng
weekendwhenwecel ebr ateouranni versary.
Butwher
edoIev
enbegi
n?
Ishakemyheadt omyt hought s,whi char e
turningintonegat ivi
ty.Igetonmyf eetandgr ab
af i
lef r
om t hecabi net, i
tisalmostknockof f
ti
mebutIam al readydonef ort heday .Ifit
wasn’ tthatdr ivi
ngschool i
nstructori spi cki
ng
meher eaf terwor k,Iwoul dhav eleftawhi le
ago.Iscant hrought hef il
eandsmi l
ewhenI
rememberpi tchingf orthispr oj
ect .Edwi nandI
hav ebeenwor kingoni tandwesubmi ttedthe
resultstot heCEOt hismor ning.Ourwor king
rel
at i
onshi pi sbruisedsi ncet hetimeheact ed
l
ikeaf oolbutwear ebot hpr ofessional .Ihave
madesur etokeepmydi stance.Ifhest ay edas
af r
iend, Iwoul dhav easkedf orgui dance
regar di
ngmyr elati
onshi p.Butknowwher ehis
feeli
ngswer eonceat ,Ikeepawayf rom hi m.
Speakoft
hedevi
l
.Edwi
nisst
andi
ngbymy
doorasImakemywaybackt
omydesk.
“
Ithi
nkIam goi
ngt
oleav
e.Iam t
aki
ngaf
ew
day
sof
fsoI
’
llseey
ounextweek.
”
“
I’
ll
seey
out
hen.
”
“Areyoualri
ght
?”Hefr
ownsandf
ixeshi
s
glasses.“
Youseem of
f.
”
Ihavewor kedwit
hhimforali
ttl
elongforhi
m
tokindaknowwhenIam downbutIam not
aboutt odi
scussmyanxiet
yaboutmy
rel
ationshi
pwithmyboss.Thebosswho
fanciesme.Fanci
ed.Whateverthecaseiti
sor
was.
“
Iam justali
tt
leanxi
ousaboutThur
sday
’s
i
nter
view.”
“
Youaredef
init
elygoi
ngtonai
li
t,
”hesayswi
th
asmi
le.“
But
, doyoureal
l
yhavetogo?”
Youoncewant edmegone-It
houghtt
omy sel
f
butbecauseIdon’
tdwel
lonpet
tyi
ssues,
Ido
notmentioni
t.
“
Wel
l
…”
“Youknowwecancounterof
fery
ouwhatthe
othercompanyi
spr
omisingt
ogivey
ou?”
“Hey…hol
don.Ihav
en’tevengot
tent
hej
ob.I
sti
ll
havet
ogotheinter
view.
”
“I
tisagiven.Yougott hejob,
”hesay s.Ir
oll
my
eyesathimf ortryi
ngtobeni ce.“Youdon’t
havetostressy our
selfaboutit.Youar et
he
bestcandidate.Iworkedwithy ou.Iknow.”
“
Thanky
ou.
”
“I
’
llseey
ounextweek,
”hesaysbef
orenoddi
ng
atmeandwalki
ngouttothecor
ri
dor.

*
***
*

Edwinwasr i
ght.Inf
act,ever
yonewasright
.I
nai
ledtheinter
viewthi
smor ni
ngandIknowf or
afactthatIgotthej
ob.Ihaveneverconvi
nced
anybodyaboutmyabi l
it
iesli
keIdi
dtheCEOof
EconValueandhi st
eam.Pit
ytherewereot
her
candidatesout
sidetheboar
droom,they
wouldn’thir
emeont hespot.
“
Canwenothir
eher?”TheCEOhadsai
dbef
ore
t
hei
nter
viewended.
Relax!Theremightbesomeonebet tert
hanme
i
nt hequeueofcandidates.Istepoutoft he
recepti
onanddi al
Grace’snumber .She
promisedt omeetmef orlunch.Shei sworki
ng
forherfather
’scompanyandIbetshecanhav e
thi
ngsherwayi fshewant s.
“
Hey
,hey
,”shesay
shappi
l
y.
“
Iam donewit
hmyi nt
erv
iew.Inai
l
edi
t.Ar
ewe
meet
ingforl
unch?
”
“Yes,pl
ease.Ihav
etoseey
ou,”shesay
s.Sheis
thesameGr aceImetf
ouryear
sago.Sweetand
cute.
It
exthertheaddressofwher
ewearemeet i
ng-
anaddressnotfarfr
om wher
ethei
nter
views
were.Icoul
dcallanUberandri
detoPhut i
’
s
apart
mentbutIwouldn’tev
endare.Igraba
seatandorderadri
nk,whil
eIwaitformysweet
fr
iendtoarr
ive.
Itdoesn’
ttakehert
oarr
ive.JustasIt
hought
,
sheissti
llasbubbl
yasever.
“
Haaa…l
ookaty
ou,
”shesay
swhi
l
ehuggi
ngme.
“Doyouli
vei
nagy m now?”Iask,shel
ooksso
pet
it
e.Iam t
heopposit
e.Blameitonallt
he
moneyIam baggi
ngatwork.
“Ido.Ihav
eacr ushandhewor
ksatt
hegy
m,”
sheresponds.
“
No,
youdonot
.”
“
Ido.Andheisr
omant
ictoo,”shesays.Ishake
myhead.Shei
ssti
l
lahopelessromantic.
Duri
ngourthr
eehourslunch,myf
ri
endandIfi
l
l
eachot
herinonallt
hethingswehavebeen
busywi
th.Sheevenrecommendsahundredof
booksIneedt
oreadsi
nceIst
oppedr
eadi
ng
books.
“Iam l
i
vingli
fel
ikeoneofthechar
acter
sinthe
books…whyshoul dIr
eadmoreofit?
”Irespond
withasmirkandshegiggl
es.
“Luckyyou.Now, Ihopehei sworkingona
perfectpr
oposal.OhmyGod…Icanj ust
i
magi neaproposal underthestars.Oooohh…or
may beinay achtduringsunset,
”shesay s.I
fakeasmi l
eather .“Andtheweddi ng???I’l
l
sponsoritj
ustsoseeaweddi ngli
ket hatof
thosecharactersfr
om t heCrazyRichAsi ans.
”
“I
’l
lwaitforyourandt hatguyfrom gy
mt oget
married.Cheerstohappyl i
fe,
”Isayandrai
se
mygl assforatoast,hopingtochangethe
subject.Gr
acegiggleshappi l
y.

*
***
*
Myapol ogiesbutIam goingt oloseapoi ntfor
theteam.Toni ghtisPhuti
’sandIar e
celebratingay earandahal ftogether.Iknowhe
i
sn’tplanni ngany t
hing.Wheni twasoury ear’
s
anniversar y,hespoil
edmer ottenwi t
hat ri
pto
Mozambi que.Itwasmyv eryv er
yv er
yf ir
sttime
outofSout hAf ri
casoheout didhimsel fandgot
mesoexci ted.
Ihadhim dri
veustoahot
eli
nMpumalanga-he
i
sgoingtodr opmetomyapart
mentonSunday
befor
eher et
urnst
oJobur
g.
“Youar emaki ngmef eelbad,”Phutimumbles
whenhepar kst hecar.Itisasurpri
se.Whil
ehe
wasatwor k,Itoldhimt hatwhenheknocked
off,
heneededt odr opmeatMPf oran
emer gencyatwor k.Onlywhenheseesmewi th
hisluggagebagdi dhenot icethatsomethi
ng
wasof f.
“Comeon,Iam al
l
owedtotreatmyboy
fri
end
onaspeci
alweekend,
”Isay
.
“Si
xmont
hsl
aterIwasgoi
ngt
odot
his,
”he
says.
“Come,
let
’sgo.Ourdi
nneri
sinthi
rt
ymi
nut
es,
”I
saywhi
leget
ti
ngoutofthecar
.
Tobehonest , Ial
sowantust otalk.Myanxiet
y
aboutourr el
ationshi
pmi ghtbesomet hi
ng.
WhenGr acespokeaboutt hemarriage,t
heair
almostleftmyl ungs.Whydoesn’tPhut i
bri
ng
thetopi
c?I sitsomethingIsaid?DidIputhim
off.Hey
, hestilll
ovesmet hesame, i
fnotmor e.
Hetakesourl
uggaget
other
ecept
ionwhi
l
eI
checki
n.
“Sexisnotagif
t,
”Iremembermyol dl
ecturer
’s
commentwhenIaskedhi m whatcoul
dmakea
perfectgi
ft
.So,
forthatreason,Imadesureto
organiset
hegif
tforlat
ertonight.
Atthedi
nnertabl
e,Phuti
takesmyhandand
ki
ssesthebackofit.“
Thankyoumylove.If
eel
ext
remelyspeci
al.
”
“Youareabestgifttome,soIr
eall
yhadtothi
s
foryou,
”Isay.“
Itisnot
hingmuch.Justdi
nner
andal i
tt
let
imet obond.
”
Heki ssesmyhandandwehav edi
nner,
catchingupwi tht henewsf orm wor
k.Itist
oo
soont oev enbringupt heinter
viewtopicsi
nce
i
twasj ustyesterday-theysaidIwil
lfindout
theresultswithint hi
rt
ydays.
“Happyoneyearandsi
xmonthsmylov
e,”Phut
i
say sbef
orer
eachi
ngtothesi
desowecould
kiss.
“
Happyanni
ver
sar
y,”Imumbl
einhi
smout
h.
“Il
ovey ousomuch, ”hemumbl esbackandmy
heartdances.Iknowf oraf actthathedoes.
Theremi ghtbejustl
it
tletinyissuesweneedt o
i
ronoutbutIknowv erywel lthathelovesme.
Hegr oansashecont i
nuest okissme,wi t
hout
thecareinthewor l
d.Any bodycoul dbe
watchingbuthedoesn’ tcare.
If
eel
mysel
fmel
ti
ngasIr
ecei
vet
heki
ss.
Thewai
tercl
ear
shist
hroatbef
orewel
aughas
hecl
ear
sthetabl
e.
“Pleasebill
ittoroom 602,”Phut isaysashe
getsonhi sfeet.Wedonotneeddesser t
.
Dessertshal l
beser v
edi nthebedr oom.My
stomacht wistinexcitementasPhut ipull
smy
handanddr agmet oourl argeroom wi ththe
viewsoft hemount ain.I
tisdar knowbutIknow
i
thast hev i
ewsoft hemagni fi
centmount ains.
Byt heti
mewel ockthedoor ,
wear ebot hina
hurrytotakeeachot her’sclothesoff.
Wear
ebot
hnakedandpant
ing.
HeknowshowIl ikei
tfir
st.Hehast osuckthe
l
ifeoutofmef ir
stbeforewerideon.Hi shand
reachesmybar ebreastwhil
ehislefthandpulls
mecl oser
.At i
nysqueezeandIam get ti
ngev en
wetter.Hepushesmet owardst hebeduntilIsi
t
ont heedge.Ihi
sswhenheget sonhisknees
becauseIknowwhatiscoming.Pi
cki
ngmy
ri
ghtlegandhangi
ngitonhi
sshoulder
,I
caref
ull
yli
eonmybackandst areatt
hecei
l
ing.
Thenextthi
ng,wit
houtawar
ning,Phuti
’
s
tongueisswi
pingmycli
t.
Ahhhhh!
Heinser
tshi
stonguedeepi
nsi
demyv
agi
na
andIrol
lmyeyes.
Thi
s.i
s.ni
ce.
Hesucksandl
i
cksandsucksandl
i
cks.
“Don’tyoudar ecum now, ”hesayswhi l
egetti
ng
onhisf eet.Hishandonst r
okinghishardcock.
Ihavezer oener gyl ef
tinmet ogetonmyknees.
Luckily
,heposi tionsittotheent r
anceofmy
vagi
na.Wenol ongerneedacondom.Iam ona
contraceptiv
e.Ev enwiththat,heisnotall
owed
tocum i nsi
deme.Weagr eed.Ofcourse,i
fhe
acci
dent all
ydoes, Iwouldgohi ghandlaw
fi
ndingt heremedy .
Hepushesi n,for
cingmet orol
lmyeyesand
curlmytoes.Iletoutabreat
hbeforehest ar
ts
makinglovet ome.Hei ssweetandgentle.I
knowwhenhedoest hi
s,hei
semot i
onal.He
mov eshi
shi psslowlyandsodamngoodIam
soclosetoreachmyedge.Heshoul dn’thave
giv
enmehead.
“Don’
tyoudar
ecomenow,”hesaysashe
keepssl
idi
ngi
nandout
.Thisisspeci
al.
Wheneverwemakel
ovetoeachotherisspeci
al.
Ahhhhh..Ihi
ssbeforeclenchingmymuscles
aroundhispenisandthereaft
ererupti
nan
orgasm.Phutiqui
cklypullsoutandIpumphis
fi
staroundhisswoll
endi ckuntil
herel
eases
everydropofhim onmyst omach.
Damn!
Hestar
esatmebeforegi
vingmeasmirkand
di
sappear
ingt
othebathr
oom.Hecomesback
wi
thatowelandthr
owsittomesothatIcoul
d
cl
eanmy sel
f.Thereafterhegetsi
nsi
det
he
duvet
s.Ij
oinhim afterthrowi
ngthet
oweli
nthe
bat
h-t
ub.
“
Phut
i?”Ical
lashepul
l
smei
ntohi
sar
ms.
“
Hmmmm?
”Hemumbl
es.
“Therei
sanempt ybott
leofcol
ogneinyour
cabinet
…ithasbeentheref
orages,
”Isay.He
thr
owsev er
ythi
ngelseawaybutnott
hatone.
“
Yes?
”
“
Whyi
sthat
?”
Hel
aughs.“
Whyar
eyouaski
ng?
”
“
Iam j
ustcur
iousbutIhaveseeny oumoveita
f
ewti
mesbuty ouneverthr
owi taway,
”Isay
.
“Well
,
”Ifeelthatheissmi l
ing.“
Fouryear
sagoI
wasdeepi ndebts.”Hesighsdeeply.“
My
mother’
sbill
swer echoki
ngme.So…Ibasi cal
l
y
l
ivedforher.Ist
il
ldobutf ouryear
sagoitwas
bad.Mysalarywoul ddi
sappearbeforeIeven
seeit
.So,oneofthegoodeveni
ngs,Iwaitedat
thefi
ll
ingst
ati
onandwhenitwasmi dnight,I
rantotheATM andwit
hdrewsomemoney .
”He
l
aughs.“Iwasstupi
d…”Helaughs.“Ineededto
buymy sel
fsomethi
ngjustt
othankmy selffor
thegooddamnhar dworkIwasdoing.Justa
l
itt
lesomethi
ngforme.”
“Youboughty
our
sel
faf
ourgr
andcol
ogne?
”I
ask.
“Howdi dyouknowt heprice?”Helaughs.“I
wasst upi
d,Iknow.ButIneededt ospoi l
my sel
f
j
ustonce.Justonce.Thedebt or
scalledmel ef
t
ri
ghtandcent r
eandIwast herewalkingthe
str
eetsofJo’burgsmelli
ngl i
kealit
tlegod.SoI
keptthebottl
ejustt
or emindmy selftoli
vea
l
itt
le.Tosomet i
mesl i
veforme. ”
“Youarethemostself
lessmanIhav eever
met ,
”Imumble,get
ti
ngallemoti
onalandhe
kissesmyfor
ehead.Igetonmyf eetandhead
forthecl
oset
.“Ihavesomethi
ngforyou.”
“
Whati
sit
?”
Iret
ri
evet hegif
tIboughtforhi
m.Ihadi
tinmy
handbagear l
ier
.Ifhedidn’
tst
opthewai
ter
fr
om bringingourdessert,
Iwoul
dhavegiv
eni
t
tohim attherestaur
ant.
“Justal
i
ttl
egi
ftfr
om me.
”Ihandhi
mthel
it
tl
e
gif
tbagandgetbackont
hebednextt
ohi
m.
“Idi
dn’tgety
ouanythi
ng,
”hesay swhi
lesit
ti
ng
up.Il
ikethesmil
ehehasonhi sfacer
ightnow.
Heunwr apsthegi
ftandIseehismouthdropto
thefl
oor.
“
What?
”Hemumbl
est
ohi
msel
fandst
aresat
me.
“
Tot hemostsel
fl
essmanonear
th.Doy
oul
ove
i
t?”
“Howthehel
ldi
dy ougetthi
s?”Heasksashe
cont
inuest
ounwrapitinsuchurgency.“
How
muchisthi
sdamnt hi
ngnow?Doy ouknow
howmuchIpaidforitf
iveyear
sago? ”
“Dude!Doy ouknowhowmucht roubleIwent
throught ogetthatli
ttl
ebottl
e?”Iaskandlaugh.
Youshoul dseemyf ace;Iam soreli
evedthat
thebot t
lehewast al
kingabouthasabeaut i
ful
storybehindi t
.Ifi
twasboughtbyanEXor
somet hing,Iwasgoingt oret
urnitandcashin
mymoneyback.Thepr i
ceofthatthingcanpay
foracari nstal
ment .
“
Idon’
tknowwhatt
osay
,”hesay
s.
“Youcantel
lmeIam t
hebestgi
rl
fr
iendy
ou
haveeverhad.
”
“
Withorwi
thoutt
hisgi
ft
,youarethebestt
hing
t
hathasev
erhappenedtome,”hesays.
Ther
eisnor
oom f
orst
upi
dquest
ionsaboutmy
anxi
ety
.
Thi
sisful
fi
ll
i
ng,wat
chi
ngthissel
fl
essman
smi
leli
kethi
s.Myanxi
etycanwait
!
_
___
_

4bookscombo=R850i
ncl
cour
ier
.Textme:
0662230319
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE39

PHUTI

“Youwereri
ght
.Youdosmelll
ikeal i
ttl
egod,
”
Thuli
saysaswegrabourseat
sf orbreakf
ast
.I
worethecol
ogneshegavemel astni
ght.
Youseethelit
tl
ethi
ngssheconti
nuestodo,
theygostr
aightt
omyheart.Iam i
nlov
ewi t
ha
goodheart
edwomanandGodknowsIam ev en
scaredt
oloseher.Shewal
kedintomylif
eand
changedi
tfort
hebet
ter
.
Thewai tr
esswal kstoourtableandplacesthe
menusi nfrontofus.Shest andsst
rai
ghtand
staresatmebef oreshakingherheadt oremind
herselfwhereshei s.Thul
iti
lt
sherheadather
andsheawkwar dlysmi l
es.
“CanIgetyousomethi
ngtodri
nk?”thewai
tress
asks,
nervousl
y.Shehasbeencaughtst
ari
ng.
“
Cappucci
nowi
thcr
eam.
”
“
Orangej
uice,
please,
”Ir
espond.
“I’
l
lberightback,
”shesay sbefor
eclosi
ngher
eyesandt akingadeepbr eat
h.Ther
eaft
ershe
dropsherey estoThul
i andscurr
ytothe
restaur
ant.Wear esi
tt
ingbyt hebal
cony.
“Okay…itl
ooksl i
keIwon’tbeli
ki
ngthat
cologneofyours.Didy
ouseet hepoorgi
rlwas
hypnoti
zed?”Thuliwhi
spersandIcannothel
p
butlaugh.
Thati
swhati
tfel
tli
kewhenIhadi
ton.
Foury ear
sagoIwasdepr essedtot hecore.I
usedt owor kmor ethanIcoul dsl eep.It
ook
people’staskssot hatIcoul dgetpai doverti
me.
Unfortunatel
y,Ihadnoonet ooffloadto.Kamo
wasther ewithmewhenmymot her’
shealth
wasn’tingoodshape.It hinkshewasas
str
essedasIam.Myf r
iendswer ebuy i
ng
housesandget t
ingmar riedbutIwasl ooking
forway stogetmymot herint hebestshape.
Ismi
l
e.
I
twasnotal ie,Ifeltgoodafterputt
ingt hi
s
damnt hingon.Ev ent hegir
lsIusedt oaskout
wouldstar tlookingatmedi f
ferent
ly.Itmade
mef eelgoodt henbutdamn, Iwasdr owning.
Howev er,Istartedenj oyi
ngdoingthingsf or
my sel
fmor e.Istartedgetti
ngsocial wit
h
fr
iends.Isawl i
fei nadiff
erentwayunt i
lIgot
promotedatwor k.Sincethen,thi
ngsst art
ed
l
ookingbet ter.Thi ngsarewaybet ternow.
Inf
act,
thi
ngsar
egreatsi
ncemyfr
iendstook
careofmymother
’sbi
ll
sforsi
xmonths.Iwas
ablet
osavesomuchmoney .
Thewai
tr
esspl
acesmydr
inki
nfrontofme,
pul
li
ngmebackfr
om myt
hought
s.
“Doyouknowwhatyouaregoi
ngtoor
der
?”she
askswhil
epul
li
nghernot
epadfr
om t
hepocket
ofherapr
on.
“I
’
llhavethepancakesandstr
awber
ri
espl
ate,
”
Thulisay
sbeforeclosi
ngthemenu.
“Whatwouldy ousuggestIorder
?”Iaskthe
wait
resssinceIdidn’
tbotheropeni
ngthemenu.
Iam toohungrytotel
lhertocomebackl at
er.
“Foryou…wehav eachi ckenbreastst
uffed
withallsor
tsofcheeses,”thewait
resssays
happil
y.
“Maybeyoucanhav
eafullbr
eakf
astmealwi
th
atoast
.Iwouldl
i
ketohav
esomeofy our
bacon,
”Thul
isay
s.
“
Youcanordersomebaconony
ourpl
ate,
”the
wai
tr
esssays.
“I
’l
lhav ethefullbreakfastmeal,whit
et oast
wit
hext rabaconpl ease.Scrambledeggs,”I
quicklysaywhi l
eshenot esitdown.The
gi
rlfr
iendisalway sr i
ghtunlessIwanttobe
deprivedgoodt hings.Thewai tr
essturnsonher
heelsanddi sappear s.
“Iof
fi
cial
l
yhatet
hatcol
ogneofy
our
s,”Thul
i
saysandrol
l
shereyes.
“
Bestgi
ftev
er,”Isaywhilet
aki
ngherhand.
“
Thankyouforthis.Ioweyouone.
”
“
No,
youdon’
t.
”
Shequi et
lypul
lsherhandanduseitt
opi
ckup
thecupanddr inkf
rom it
.Iknowhert
oowel
lto
knowt hatsomethi
ngisbotheri
ngher
.Si
nce
l
astnight,sheseemedl i
kesomeonewho
wantedt obri
ngsomet hi
ngup.
“
Arey
ouokaymyl
ove?
”Iask.
Shenods.
“
Arey ousur
eyouarenotpissedbythat
wait
resswhoseemst obehavingacrushon
t
hissmallgod?
”Itease.
“
Youknowt
heanswert
othat
,”shesay
s.
“
Thentel
lmewhati
swr
ongsot
hatIcanf
ixi
t
f
oryou.
”
Shesipshercappucci
noandt
her
eaf
tert
akesa
deepestbr
eath.
“Ihavebeenmeaningtoaskifever
ythi
ngisfi
ne
betweenus?”sheasks,dr
oppinghereyesto
herfinger
s.“
SometimesIdonotknowi fyou
sti
llseemeinyourfut
ure….
”
“
Ofcour
se,
Ido.
”
“Whydoy oualwaysavoidKamowhenshe
bri
ngsthemar r
iaget
opic?Iknowithasnot hi
ng
todowithmakingmef eelcomfor
table.Iknow
i
tisdeeperthanthat
.”
It
akeadeepestsi
gh!
“
Babe…l
et’
snot
…”Imumbl
e.
“
Ohhh,Iam r
ight
,ai
n’
tI?
”Shest
aresatme.
“
Don’
tyouwanttogetmarr
iedt
omeany more?
”
“
Babe!
”Ir
eachforherhand.“
YouknowIwant
t
ogetmarr
iedt
oy ou.
”
“
No,
itdoesn’
tlookl
i
kei
t.
”
Iknowwhatshei
stal
ki
ngabout
.
Ihavebeenwayf araheadofmy selfandIdon’ t
wanttogethurtint heprocess.Idon’ twantto
thi
nkmuchaboutt hef ut
urebecauseIam
enj
oyingthenowandNOW i swhatmat t
ersat
thi
spoint.Honest
ly, Iam fr
eaki
ngout .Whati f
myplansar enotwhatThul ihasi nmi nd?She
hasabr i
ghtfut
ureaheadofher .Planningthe
fut
ureiskind-
offreakingmeout ,knowingt hat
wemi ghtnotwantt hesamet hings?
Ihav
eli
stenedt
oherpl
ans.Br
ight
estf
utur
e
thatonecaneverimagi
nebutshehasnoroom
forafamil
ysetup.Shehasnoroom f
ordoi
ng
whatIhavebeendoingformymotherfort
he
pasttenyear
s.
Andi
t’
sal
ri
ght
.
“Youpr
omisedthatwewon’thidethingsf
rom
eachot
her
,”shesay sandherhandshakes
whenshepicksthecuptoherli
ps.“Youknow
howIam.Iov er
thi
nk.Iworr
y.”
“See, t
hat’syourproblem,mylove.Youare
overthinking,
”Isay,knowingver
ywel l
thatIam
maki ngherf eelbett
eraboutt
hesi t
uati
on.She
hasnoi deawhati sgoingondeepdownmy
soul.“Stopov er
thinki
ng.”
Shesmi
l
esatmebutIcant
ell
shei
sner
vous.

*
***
*
“Baby,Igott
hejob,”Thuli
scr eamsont he
phone.Itisj
ustaweekaf terourlit
tl
egetaway .
Agetawaywher esheandIr econnect
edlikewe
alwaysdo.Damn, Iam for
ev erfal
li
ngdeepi n
l
ov ewiththi
swomanev erydamnsecond.
‘
Youar eintoodeepmyguy .Deepi nball
sand
deepi nthathear tofyours,’Nj abul
ohadsai d
thelasttimeIwentoutwi t
ht hegang.Itwasa
fewmont hsagowhenwecel ebrat
edMrR’ s
bir
thdayi nhishome.God, di dInotl i
kehis
familyset-up?Di dInot?Ev enwhenl if
ehasy ou
byy ourthroat,therei
ssomet hingabouta
familyunion.Ormay beitisj ustwhatIwi shed
for,formymot herandI .Ihav enev erhadt hat.I
t
hasal waysbeenmymot herandI …andmy
fatherwasj ustaboy fr
iendwhousedt ovisither.
Byv isi
ti
ngher ,Imeancl osingt hedoorandhear
them getbusyal lni
ght.
Dammi t
!Whyam Ieventhi
nkingaboutsuch
thi
ngs?Iti
sn’
tmybusinessbutaft
erstr
uggl
ing
wit
hmymother
,Iwi
shedadi
ff
erentl
i
fef
orher
andmy
sel
f.
“
Babe,
arey
out
her
e?”Thul
ical
l
sout
.
“Yes.Yes,
”Isay.“Congrat
ulat
ions!Wear
e
goingtocelebr
atetonight
.”
Thenewscameataper
fectt
imi
ng.Shei
s
comingt
hissi
def
ort
heweekend.
“
Iam goi
ngtodr
essupandwear
egoi
ngout
t
oni
ght,
”shecal
l
southappi
l
y.
“
Whendoy
oust
art
?”
“Ihav
eameet ingonMondaytosigntheoff
er,
thenIam goi
ngtoputamonth’snoti
ce.
Theennnnn…Iam movi
ngbackt oJoburgaf
ter
nextmonth.”
“
Ah,congr
atul
ati
onsagainmyl ove,
”Isay.She
want
edthi
s.Ihadstoppedmy selff
rom f
orcing
t
heconver
sati
onabouthermov i
ngherli
feback
t
oJoburgsoIknowi twasherdecisiont
omov e
backher
e.
“Pl
easetakeMondayoff.Af
termymeet
ingI
wantyoutohelplookf
oranapart
mentt
or ent
?I
am soexcit
ed,
y ouhav
enoidea.”
“
I’
ll
puti
nthel
eav
eday
.”
“
Letmenotkeepyouonthephone.I
’
llseey
ou
t
oni
ghtwhenyoupickmeup.”
“Seeyoulat
er.Il
oveyou,
”Ir
espondbef
ore
putt
ingthephonedown.
At17:45,
Thul
ihappi
l
yjumpsintomycar
.Her
smil
eissobri
ght
.Aft
erdr
oppingaki
ssonmy
l
ips,
shebuckl
esupandIdri
veustomy
apar
tment.
Fi
rstthi
ngsf
ir
st,
lov
emaki
ng.Imi
xheral
way
s
duri
ngtheweek.
Onesessi
onofmake-
outandwenapineach
ot
her’
sarms.Weshal
lgodanci
ngbef
ore
midni
ght.
“Mydriv
inginstr
uctorsay sIam almostr eadyt
o
geti
ntothebusyst r
eets.Iam anxiousbutt oo
exci
ted,
”Thulisaysafteroursecondl ove-
makingsession.I
tisnowaf t
erninethir
ty ,
sowe
havegottogetupandl eaveforthenightscene.
“Areyoudri
vi
ngust
oni
ght
?May
beIcanget
drunk,
”Isay.
“Hell
no.Nobodyisgetti
ngdrunk.Wearej
ust
goingoutt
odance.Justthetwoofus.Ihave
somet wer
kingmov esIwanttoshowyou,
”she
saysbefor
eagiggle.
“
Inthatcase,
getyourassupandgetr
eady
.I
wantashowf rom y
ou,
”Isay.

Anhourlaterwemakeourwayt othecl
ub.The
secur
ityguynodsatuswhi lewemakeourway
tothr
ought hebackdoor.Thuli
isbymysidein
hershort
estandsexiestdressever
.Shel
ooks
nothi
nglikethatgi
rlwhousedtowearChuck
Tayl
ors.Di
rtyChuckTay
lor
s.Shehasherbr
aids
neat
lystyl
ed.
“Pl
easegetusabot t
leofchampagneandsi x
Corona’spl
ease,”Isaytot hewai t
erwhowas
walkingpastus.VIPsectioni snormallyciv
il
,
henceIdon’tmindclubbing.Thewai t
ressnods
andhur r
ytotheback.WhenThul iandIget
sett
ledonat abl
eatt hecor neroftheVI P
secti
on,shesmi l
esandlooksar ound.
“Gi
veitanhourandy ou’l
lbeti
psyenought
o
danceont hetable,
”Itease.Shesai
dshewil
l
danceont opoft hetabl
e.Wear eheret
o
cel
ebrate,t
hereforedancingonthetabl
esi
s
permi
tted.Justthisonce.
Whenherbot tleofchampagnearr
ives,she
doesn’ttakel
ongbef oreshei
sonthesecond
fl
ute.Byt het
hirdfl
ute,shei
sonherfeetandI
am forcedtojoinher,wit
hmytwoleftfeet
.
“
Idi
dn’
tknowy
oucoul
dgr
indl
i
ket
his,
”Isayas
Iwrapmyar m ar
oundherwaist
.Shei
s,f
ort
he
fi
rstt
imeev er
,gr
indi
ngandtwerki
ngl
i
keshe
promised.
“
Ineededt
ogetanewj
obf
ir
stf
ori
t,
”shesay
s.
“
Aneconomi
stwhocant
wer
k.Il
i
ket
hat
,”Isay
.
Shetur
nst of
acemeandt her
eaft
erthrowher
armsaroundmyshoulder
s.Fi
rstIgetadeep
ki
ssbeforeshebeamsatme.
“Youshouldgetnewjobsmoreoft
en,
”Itease
beforeshereachest
okissmesomemor e.She
staresatmef oramoment.“
Babe,
areyou
alri
ght?
”
“
Yeah!
”
Anewamapi anosongi
splayingloudlyonthe
speaker
sbutThuli
andIaremov ingsidetosi
de
asifaromanti
coneispl
ayinginstead.
Shedoesn’
tlookf
ine.
“
Whati
sony
ourmi
nd?
”Iask.
“
Us.
”
“
Whataboutus?
”Iask.
“Youar
ehidi
ngsomet
hingf
rom meandIdon’
t
knowwhatiti
s.”
“
Whywoul
dyout
hinkt
hat
?”
“
Iknowyou.Andsometi
mesIcanseei
twhen
y
oulookatme,”shesay
s.
Isi
gh!
“
Okay,let’
scel
ebratey ounowandwhenwego
t
oMcDonal dtograbt heaftercl
ubbi
ngbur
ger
s,
wewillhaveachat.I’
l
l tel
lyouwhat’
sonmy
mind,
”Isay.
“
Aft
ercl
ubbi
ngbur
ger
s,”shesay
sandsmi
l
es.
“I
t’
sar i
tual
.McDbur
gersl
apshar
deraf
tert
he
cl
ub,”Ir
espond.
I
tisourr
it
ual
.Sheknowsi
t.
*
***
*

“Canwehavet
woQuar terPoundermedi
um
meals?Bot
hdr
inksshouldbecokewithi
ce,
”I
call
outatt
heMcDdrivethr
u.
I
tis02h30.
Aft
errecei
vi
ngourorder
,Idri
vehome,
par
kthe
carandrol
ldownthewindowssowecoul
deat.
“I
tisquietouthere,
”Thuli
sayswhi
l
egr
abbi
ng
herfoodfrom thepaperbag.
“Andsafe,
”Iadd.Ihavestayedhereforages
andhavenevercameacr osschall
enges.“Do
youknowwher eyouwoul dl
iketostay?Areyou
readyt
ostayalone?”
“Isawtheseapartment
sjustacrossRivoni
a
Boulevar
d.Theylookpr
operandt heypromised
a24hrssecuri
ty.MaybeIshouldgetat wo
bedroom apar
tmentandstaywithaf r
iend,
r
ight
?”
“
Notabadi
dea.
”
Thuli
takesabi
teofherQuar
terpounderand
tur
ntome.
“So,
tel
lme.Whathav
ebeenony
ourmi
nd?
”she
ask.
Ihadhopedwewouldn’
tbri
ngthisup.Weboth
didn’
tdri
nkmuchsoIcannotev
enbr ingi
tasan
excuse.Ihav
enochoi
cebuttotalk.
“Il
oveyou.That
’st
hest
ory
,”Ir
espondand
smileather
.
“
But
…”
“
Shoul
dther
ebea‘
but
’?”
“
Somet
hinghasshi
ft
edbet
weenusPhut
i.
”
“
Iam t
aki
ngeachdayasi
tcomes.
”
“
Because…”
“
Iam guar
dingmyhear
tinaway
.”Ibl
owouta
br
eath.I
tisn’
teasytot
alkaboutt
his.Itakea
bi
teofmybur gerandt
urntoherwhileIchew.
“
Whywouldyouwantt
oguardyourhear
t?Ar
e
y
ounotsur
eaboutme?Aboutus?”
“
Iam.
”
“
Thenwhydoy
ouneedt
oguar
dyourhear
t?”
“I
ncasewedon’ twantthesamet hi
ngs.Same
fut
ureplans.Onehast osacri
fi
seandIdon’t
knowhowmuchbot hofusarewi l
li
ngto
sacri
fi
ce.Oh,letmer ephr
ase.IknowIam the
onewhohast osacri
fice.
”
“
Sacr
if
icef
orwhat
?”
“
Sacr
if
icemywi
shessot
haty
oust
ayhappy
.”
“
Ist
hisaboutt
hebabi
es?
”
“
Yes.
”
“
Butwecanbehappy
…justy
ouandme.Whydo
wehav
etohavebabi
es?
”
“BecauseIhavealwayswishedf
orsomeint
he
fut
ure,”Ir
espond.“WecanbehappyifI
sacri
fi
cewhatIwi shf
or.
”
“
So…whatdoest
hismean?
”sheasksqui
etl
y.
“
Thi
smeansthatoneofuscanbehappyand
t
heonecanbemiser
ablei
nthefut
ure.
”
“
What ’
sthepoi
ntofbei
ngmi
ser
abl
eina
r
elat
ionshi
p?”
“
Exact
lymyquest
ion.
”Ishr
ug.
“
Whatar
eyousay
ing?
”
“
Iam notsay
ingany
thi
ng.
”
“
Butwhatdoest
hisi
mpl
y?”
“
Well…Iam taki
ngeachdayasitcome.When
t
imecomeswher edeci
sionshavetobe
made…thenIshall
doso.Stayunhappyor
l
eave.
”
“
Arey
oupl
anni
ngt
oleav
eme?
”
“Iam pl
anni
ngtohav eyouli
vethebestl
if
eyou
haveeverenvi
sioned.Il
oveyouthatmuch.
”
Sheputsherburgeroni
tsboxandt
hrowi
tin
thepaperbag.
“So…wear
ejustcasual
l
ydat
ingunt
ily
ou
deci
det
oleav
eme? ”
Isi
ghdeepl
y.Shedoesn’
thav
etoseei
tthi
sway
.
“
Okay…wher edoy ouseeyour
sel
finf
ive
y
ears?”Iask.Shestar
esatmeandkeepsqui
et.
“
Tel
l me.I’
llt
ell
youwhereIseemysel
f?”
“Well…bothofussuccessf uli
nourcareer
s.
Mar r
ied.Trav
elli
ng.Mov ingint
oournewhouse.
Idon’tknow…v enturi
ngi ntobusi
nesses
together?Makingmoney ?”shesayswithshr
ug.
Beautiful
.Verybeauti
ful.“Whatdoy ouwant?
Wher edoy ouseey ourself
?”
“
Liv
ingasimpleli
febecauseli
fehasexhaust
ed
me.Ihavebeenworki
ngal l
myl i
fe…formy
motherandI.I
nthenearfutur
e,Iwantahome.I
wantt owor kf ormywi feandkids.Iwantt o
settl
ewi t
haf ami l
y.Myownf amily.Iwantt o
feell
ikeIbel ongt oaunion.”Ishr
ug.“ I
tisn’
t
glamorousandbabyIcannev erforceyout o
stoopthatl owt omakemehappy .Iwanty outo
fl
ytogr eaterheight sandbecomet hebestt hat
thewor l
dcanev eroff
er.
”
“
Phut
i.
”
“Youar enotgoingtobehappierwithababyif
youdon’ tseeyoursel
fhavingone.
”Iturnt
oher
andst areinhereyes.“I
thasbeenagessince
thatvacationwithNjabul
oandhiswi f
e.Iwasn’
t
goingt obringt
hisup…Iwaswai ti
ngforyou.
”
Shest
aresoutoft
hewi
ndow.
“
May beyoucoul
dtal
ktoDrVanessaabouti
t.
Maybeyoucanunpackthatf
earandworkon
i
t?”
“
No,
”
“
Whynot
?Itcoul
dbe…”
“No,Phuti.I
t’
snotaf ear.I
t’
sachoice.
”She
dropsherey estoherhandsandshakesher
head.“Idon’tneedtotalktoanyoneabouti
t.I
don’twanttowor konitbecausetherei
s
nothingtowor kon.Ij
ustdon’twanttohave
babies.Idon’twantchil
dren.”
“
Iknow,mylove.Iknow.”Thel
astt
hingIwant
i
stoargueandsayt hi
ngswebothdonotmean.
Sheshr
ugs.
Ishr
ugt
oo.

TheTRI
O-R660i
ncl
cour
ier
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE40(
Unedi
ted)

THULI
Myr
elat
ionshi
pst
atusi
sof
fi
cial
l
y:compl
i
cat
ed.
Wedi dn’tmakel oveonSat ur
dayaft ert hat
whol efuturedebat ewehad.Thatmi nutewhen
hejustpul l
edmecl oserint
ohi sarms, Iknew
thatev er
ythingwaswr ong.Iknewt hatwewer e
drif
ti
ngapar tbecauseofhowdi f
ferentwesee
l
ife.Howdi ffer entweseet hef ut
ure.That
mor ning,hej ustcuddledmeandhel dmet ight
asifhewassay i
nggoodby etome.
If
eel
sick.
If
eel
sososi
ck.
Howcanwebesoper
fectandyetnotso
per
fectt
oget
her
?Howcruelcanl
ifebe?
Therecept
ioni
statEconValuesmi l
esatmeas
shemakesherwaybackt oherseat.I
nfrontof
mei sacupofcoffeesheof f
eredmeearlierasI
waitformymeeting.Ishoul
dn’tbehavi
ng
cof
feebutIneeditrightnow.
Ihavebeencontempl
ati
ngaboutthi
sof f
er?I
f
therei
snofutur
ebetweenPhuti
andI …shoul
dI
sti
llmovebackherej
ustt
owatchhim mov eon
withaperf
ectwoman?May bemyl i
feisi
ndeed
i
nMpumal angawithnewpeopl
eandnewsetof
fri
ends.
Newf
ri
ends.
HowwillIst
il
lbefr
iendswi
thMar
iai
fPhut
iand
Igoourseparat
ewell?
No!
Wecannotgooursepar
ateway
.
“Areyoual
ri
ght
?”therecept
ioni
stasks.“
You
arenother
eforanint
ervi
ewar eyou?”
“
What
?No?
”
“Oh,
sor
ry.
”Shesmil
es.“
Youlooksonervous,
onewoul
dswearyouareher
eforthei
ntervi
ew.”
“
Oh….No…itmustbethecol
d.”Ipickthecup
f
rom t
het
ableandtakeasi
p.“Ieasil
ygetchi
ll
s
wheni
tisabi
tcol
d.”
“Isee.Shoul
dIswitcht
heair
conf
ory
ou?
”she
askswhi l
egett
ingonherf
eet.
Iam notf
reezi
ngmydear !Iam j
ustner
vous
aboutmylif
enje!I
tsuckstobeinlove.
“No.Pl
ease,no.Thecoff
eewil
lwarm meup.”
Sheisni
ce.Sheget sbackonherseatand
star
tsworki
ng.
WhenIam hal
fwayt hroughmywor k,a
gentl
emanwalkstowher et herecepti
ondeski
s.
Iwatchashi
ssmi l
espr eadsonhi sface.I
rememberhi
mf rom theintervi
ew.Hewason
thepanel
andwasj ustaspl easedwi t
hmy
i
ntervi
ew.
“
Iam her etopickmyv i
sit
or,
”hesay stothe
r
eceptionistwhopoint
satmydi recti
on.Iam i
n
acornerandcanbeeasi lymissed.Igetonmy
f
eetandt akeaf ewstr
idestoshakehishand.
Hehast hemosthandsomesmi leever.
Itakeadeepestsi
gh!Thi
smustnotbeanot
her
Edwin.
“
Iam Thul
i
,”Il
i
ftmyhandsohecoul
dshakei
t.
“
Lungel
o,”her
espondswhi
l
eshaki
ngmyhand.
Damn,myhanddeci ded…outoft
heblue…t
o
st
artsweati
ng.Ipul
litfr
om hi
sgripandcl
eani
t
wit
hmydr ess.“
Pleasecomewi t
hme. ”
Ipickmybagfr
om t
hecouchandf
oll
owhi
mto
theelev
ator
.
“Youdidbri
l
li
antlyonyourinter
view,
”hesay
sas
hepresses‘
floor4’ontheelevat
or.
“Thankyou.It
houghtIcoul
dhav edonebetter
,”
Ili
e.Igavemyallonthati
nter
view.Morethan
myal l
.
“Therewasstil
lmorethanthat?
”heasks,
crossi
nghisarms.Hisscentremindsmeoft
he
cologneIboughtPhut
i aweekago.
“
IfIwasn’
tner
vous,
Iwoul
dhav
ebr
oughtt
he
best
,”Isay
.
“Mydadwasimpressed.Iwasimpr
essedt
oo,
”
hesaysbef
oret
heelevatorst
ops.
Mydad,
huh?
ThedooropensandLungeloleadstheway
downthecorr
idort
oaboar dr
oom.Ther ei
sa
l
adysit
ti
ngononeoft hechai
rs.Whenshesees
me,shegetsonherfeetandmar chest
oshake
myhand.
Okay,
Iam goingt
oneedt
oupgr
ademy
wardr
obehere.
“
Hi…Iam St
acy,
”shesay
swi
thawar
m smi
l
e.
“
Pleaset
akeaseat
.”
“
Thanky
ou,
”Imumbl
ewhi
l
epul
l
ingt
hechai
r.
“Well
…wewer eimpressedbyy our
i
nterv
iew…wecouldn’tevenwaitanyl
ongerto
giv
ey ouanof
fer,
”Staysay swhil
emakingher
waytothechai
r.Shesitsandopenaf i
lewhich
i
snoi
nfr
ontofher
.
“Thankyou,
”Imumble.Ithi
nkIdon’ttake
complimentsver
ywell
.Inevergetusedto
peopleprai
singme.
Weird,
Iknow.ButIthi
nkithasalott odowith
myself-
steem.Iam worki
ngonmy selfev
ery
dayandIneedtoremembert hatIam good
enough.
Goodenoughf
ort
hewor
ld,
asPhut
ial
way
s
t
ell
sme.
Phut
i!
“Ihopeyouwi l
lgladl
yaccept,
”Lungel
osays
withhi
schar mingsmile.Inar
rowmyey esat
him.Ibetyouat housandrand,al
lgi
rl
sfall
for
him wherev
erhegoes.
“
Letussee,
”Imumbl
ewi
thasmi
l
e.
Lungel
osli
desanenvel
opetomeandgi
vesme
asmirk.Heseemssosuret
hatIwi
l
lbever
y
happyandwon’
tneedt
onegot
iat
e.
Honestl
y,Idon’
tevenwantt
onegotiat
e.Ijust
wantthi
sjob,anapart
mentandstoptrav
elli
ng
bet
weent ownstoseethepeopl
eIlove.
Myey eswidenwhenIgothrought
heoffer
.Thi
s
i
snott hestar
ti
ngnotcht
heyputontheadver
t.
Lungelopushesanot
herenv
elope.
“Whati
st hi
s?”IaskasIopeni
t.Okay
, t
hishas
anotchthatIsawontheadver
t–whi chissti
l
l
appeal
ing.
“WeatEconValue,pri
deourselvesinyout
h
devel
opmentandwest r
ivetothebest,
”Lungelo
saysashestandsfrom hisseat.Hewalksto
thebackoft
her oom topickabot t
leofwater
.
“Doyouwantsome? ”
“Somewhat ?”Isayandquickl
yshakemyhead.
Idon’twantwater.Iwanthi
mt ogetbackt
othe
pointsothatIknowwhyt heotherof
ferwi
l
l
makemeami l
li
onair
eintenhours.
“West r
ivetobethebest.So,eachandever
y
yearwet akeaboutthi
rt
yinter
nsand
graduates,
”hesays.“Iwil
lbehonestt
osaythat
wedost r
uggl
ejustalit
tl
ebitwitht
hem.”
“
Whyi
sthat
?”
“Thet i
mei sshort.Wet endtohav ebigger
projectsandmostseni or
swi l
lratherfocuson
projectsthant eachingagr aduatehowt omake
ananal ysis,”hesays.InodmyheadbecauseI
knowwhathemeans.I ti
snotaseasy .“We
werei napr ocessofget t
inganEconomi stwho
canhi ghlyfocusongr oomingthegr aduate.
Likepr oj
ectmanagerf orgraduates.”
“
Okay
?”
“Wesawy ourCV–y ouusedtotutorstudents.
Wehear dy ouanalyzethescenar
iomor ethan
anybodycoul d.Iam notanEconomistbutI
heardyoul oudandcl ear
.Thati
sspecial.So,we
areoff
eringy outhepostwithaddeddut i
es.”
Ipi
ckt
hepaper
sandgot
hrought
hem agai
n.
“So,t
heotherof
feri
swhatyouwereherefor
,”
Stacysay
sasIpaget hr
ought
hepapers.
“Weareobvi
ousl
ygoingtoensurethatyoudo
notoverwor
kyoursel
f.Wecangety ouat eam
toworkwit
honyourspecialassi
gnments.Or
youcanevert
eam upwiththeint
ernsifyou
l
ike,
”headdsasifconvi
ncingme.
“
I’
lltaketheoff
er,
”Isay.Idon’
tneedtosleepon
i
t.IhavetaughtEconomicsbefor
e.IfIdeal
t
wit
hst udent
,howaboutagr oupofgraduates?
“
Icanmanaget heint
erns.
”
Lungel
otur
nst
oSt
acyandsmi
l
es.
“
Giv
ehert
hepen,
”hesay
s.

*
***
*

Howhar
dwi
l
litbe?
Igeti
ntot
hef
rontseatofPhut
i’
scar
.
“
Howdi
ditgo?
”
“Perf
ect
,”Isaybef
oret
aki
ngadeepestsi
gh.“
A
greatof
fer.
”
“
That
’sgoodtohear
,”hesay
s.“
Shoul
dwegot
o
v
iewtheapar
tment?
”
“
Yeah!
”
“Icall
edt hecare-takerawhil
eago.Ithi
nkwhat
yousawont heinterneti
swhatisit,
”hesays.
Howdoeshedot his?Actasifnothi
ngiswrong
whenev eryt
hingiswr ong?Howdoeshedoi t
?
Wej usthadaqui etSundaybecausewehad
nothingt otal
kabout .ButMondaymor ni
ng,as
promi sed,hedrov emet otheoff
iceandnowhe
i
sr eadyt ohelpmeshopf oranapartment.
If
eel
li
kedy
ing.
If
eel
li
kemyhear
tist
orni
npi
eces.
“
Babe,
ever
ythi
ngwi
l
lbef
ine,
”hesay
s.
“
Howi
sgoi
ngt
obef
ine?
”
“
Idon’
tknow.But
…Ihopeso.
”
Idon’twanttosaywhati sinmymi ndbecause
i
tcancomeoutwr ong.But,howdoIpushasi de
thefactt
hatthereisnof uturehere?DoIjustgo
withthefl
owandwai tformyhear ttobe
choppedintopieces?Iam notaguywhocan
havehisfeel
ingsintact.Themor eIam here,t
he
mor eIam deeplyfal
li
ngi nlovewithhi
m.
HowcanInotf
all
inl
ovewit
hamanwho
makesmefeel
speci
alev
erysi
ngl
eday
?
“Don’
tthi
nktoohardaboutthi
swhol
e
dil
emma,”hesays.“Il
oveyou.
”
“
Fornow,
”Isay
.
“Youarebeingunfai
r,Thul
i
.Iam t
ryi
ngt
odo
somethinghere.
”
“
Whatar
eyout
ryi
ngt
odo?
”
“
Iam t
ryi
ngt
ohol
dont
ous.
”
Si
gh!
Phut
iissomet
hingel
se.Hi
shear
tisspeci
al.Hi
s
hear
tissomet
hingel
se.
Uponourar ri
val
attheapart
ment,thecaret
aker
takesusthroughtheemptyapar
tment s.Il
ove
them butIwantsomethi
ngsmallerthanwhat
theyhave.
Phutidr
ivesmetot
henextthr
eeapar
tments
whichIli
kedonl
i
ne.Ist
il
ldi
dn’
tgetwhatIwas
l
ookingfor.
“Don’tset
tl
eforanyofthem i
fyoudon’
tli
keany
ofthem,”Phutisaysasifhei
stal
ki
ngabout
somet hi
ngelseothert
hantheapart
ment.
Donotset
tl
eify
oudon’
tli
kei
t?
“
I’
ll
keepl
ooki
ngont
hei
nter
net
,”Isayqui
etl
y.
“I
fyouli
keanyt
hingy ouseeonthenet,
letme
know.Icandr
ivethereandtakeavi
deof ory
ou
tosee.
”Icryathisresponse.“
Haw,babe?Are
youalright?”IshakemyheadasIf eel l
ikemy
heartisbeingr i
ppedapar t
.Phut idri
vesbyt he
sideoft heroadandt rytakingmyhandsf rom
whereIhav eclenchedthem.“ Thuli
…Thul i
?”
Thisfeeling.I
tf eel
sli
kemyhear tisrippedf rom
mybodyandsomeonei sblocki
ngt heai rIneed
tobreathe.Ifighttoopent hedoorsoIcoul d
getoutandbr eathe.Ineedt obreathe!
Ineedt
obr
eat
he!
Phuti
rushesoutofthecar,
tothepassenger
’s
si
deandpullthedooropen.Igaspforai
rasI
cal
li
nalltheairt
heeart
hcanof fer
.
“
Breat
he!
”Phut
isay
swhi
l
erubbi
ngmyback.
Mor
eai
r!Igaspf
orai
r.
“Breat
he!
”Hecont
inuest
orubmyback,
unt
ilI
startf
eel
i
ngmysel
f.
Br
eat
he!
!!
!
Onl
ywhenIst
andst
rai
ghtandcl
eanmyf
ace
wit
hthesl
eev
eofmyf
ormal
shi
rt
,doesPhut
i
pul
lmeinahug.
“
It’
l
lbefine,
”hemumbl
esashesqueezesme
t
ightl
y.
Ihav
en’
thadananxi
etyat
tacki
nages.
Thefearofl
osi
ngaperf
ectper
sononear
th
knockedmetothegr
eathei
ght
s.
Whydi
dhehav
etobeper
fectandl
ovemet
his
much?
“Di
dIsaysomet hi
ngwrong?”heaskswhenI
am readytoj
umpbackt othecar.Whoi sthe
worldisgoi
ngtolovemethismuch?Whoi st he
worldisgoi
ngtolovemethismucht onotj udge
me?Somewoul dsayIloveattenti
on.Iti
snot
att
entionIwant
.Idon’
tchosetof eel
anxious.
“
No.Iam sor
ry.
”
“
It
’sokay
,”Phut
isay
sandhugsmeonceagai
n.
*
***
*

Thismustbet hemostdi ffi

cultweekofmyl if
e.
I
tist r
ue!Relationshipscankillyou.Il
eftfor
Mpumal angaonTuesdayandt heweekhas
beenlong.Ev ent houghPhuti di
dn’twantmet o
l
eav eaftert
heat t
ack,Iaasuredhimt hatDineo
wasgoi ngtoj oinmef oraweekend.Phut i has
togoseehi sf ami l
y.
Nothi
nghaschangedonPhut i
’ssi
de.Hestil
l
cal
lsmelikeheusedt o.St
il
ltel
lsmethathe
l
ovesmeev eryday.Heissti
ll
thesameman
minusthefactthathemightnotbeinthefut
ure.
Apartofmesay shewil
lstayandwewi
l
lfi
gure
thi
sout.Buttheot
herpar
tofmet el
l
smethat
hejustdoesn’
twantt
othrowmeawayli
kea
hotpotat
o.
Li
kehehast
ogr
adual
l
ywor
kondet
achi
ngus.
“
Hey
,someonei
satt
her
ecept
ionf
ory
ou,
”
Edwinsays.“
Theysayy
ouar
en’
tanswer
ing
yourphones.
”
“Oh,thankyouEdwi n,
”Ir
espondwhil
ewalking
backt omydesk.Mycel l
phonewassil
ence
sincemymeet i
ngearl
ier
.Inot
icet
womi ssed
call
sont helandl
ine.
“
Isev
ery
thi
ngal
ri
ght
?”Edwi
nasks.
“
Iam j
ustnotf
eel
i
ngwel
l
.”
“
What
’swr
ong?
”
Oh,
cuti
t!
Hewoul
dnev
erbePhut
iev
eni
fhewant
edt
o.
“Iam fi
ne,
”Irespond.“
Ineedtogo.Iam f
ine
though.Justasli
ghtheadacheaf
teral
ong
day.”
“Okay
,I’l
lseey
ouMondayt
hen,”hesay
sbef
ore
hehesistat
est
oleav
emyoffi
ce.
Ipul
lmyphoneandnot
iceast
ri
ngofmessages
fr
om mysi
ster
.
‘
Ismyeconomi
sti
nameet
ing?Beent
ryi
ngt
o
cal
lyou.
’
‘
Iam par
kedoutsi
det
hebui
l
ding.IhopeIgot
t
heri
ghtplace.
’
‘
Ify
oucomet ot
heparkingandnotfi
ndme, I
am attheLi
quorst
orejustdowntheroad.Iam
get
tingussometequi
las.’
‘
Youshoul
dn’
thav
etol
dmet oar
ri
veear
lyi
fyou
ar
egoingt
ogetmedrunki
nthecarwhi
l
eyou
ar
einmeeti
ng.
’
Ipull
mylapt opbagoutoft heoffi
ceandhur r
y
totheparki
nglot.Inoti
ceMuof he’scarand
makeal i
ttl
eprayerthatDineoisalone.Idon’
t
wanttoshareherwi thhergir
lf
ri
end.Butshe
wouldn’
ttoldmei fshewasbr i
ngingheralong.
“Hey…”Ical
loutasImarcht
othecar
.The
driv
er’
swindowisrol
l
eddownandsheissof
tl
y
playi
ngmusic.“
Opentheboot
.”
Thebootf
li
esopenandIt
hrowmyt
hingsatt
he
backbeforej
umpingint
hepassenger’
sseat
.
Beforeshecoul
dsayanythi
ng,It
hrowmyarms
aroundherandcli
ngonherfordearl
i
fe.
“Okay…ifyoudi dn’tchooseadickovery
our
sist
er…youwoul dn’tmissmethismuch,”she
sayswhi l
est r
uggl i
ngtopulloutoft
hehug.I
fi
nall
ylethergoandset t
leonmyseat.“I
she
thatgoodt hatyoucancomet oJoburgsomany
ti
mesandy ounev ervi
sitme?”
“Comeon…”Imumbl
e.“
Dri
vebackt
othest
reet
andtakeal
eft
.”
Mi nut
eslat
er,
wearei
nmyapartment.Dineo
kicksherboot
sof
fandpul
lhersocksoffher
feet.
“Howdoy out
ravelever
yweekendt
oJoburg?”
sheasksasshethrowsher
selfont
hebed.“The
tr
aff
ici
shorri
ble.
”
“
Iti
sonl
ybad…somet
imes.Notal
lthet
ime.
”
Ichangei
ntoPJsbef
orewebot
hsi
tint
hel
i
ving
r
oom,onthefl
oor,wi
ththeshot
sonthet
abl
e.I
won’
tbedri
nki
ng.Iam t
ooexhaust
edtodoso.
“
Whenishemar
ryi
ngy
ou?
”Di
neoasks,
outof
t
hebl
ue.
“Hespoket oy ou,di
dn’the?
”Iask.Dineoismy
sister
.Igrewupwi t
hher.Sheknowsf orafact
thatmar r
iageandal lt
hatnonsensewasn’tmy
thing.Ofcourse,gett
ingtofal
l i
nlov
ewi t
hPhuti
changedmymi ndaboutmar r
iage…butkids?
??
“
Hedi
dandhei
shur
ti
ng.
”
“
Iam hur
ti
ngt
oo.
”
“
Why?”sheasksbef
oret
hrowi
ngashoti
ntoher
mout
h.
Howarewesupposedtotal
kwhenshei
s
get
ti
ngher
sel
fsloshed?
“Iam hur
ti
ngbecausei
tmi
ghtbet
heendof
us.”
“
Becausey
ouwanthi
mtodowhaty
ouwant
,
huh?
”
“
BecauseIdon’
twantki
dsandhewant
sthem.
”
“Hetol
dmet hatyoudon’
twantt
otal
ktoDr
Vanessaabouti
t.
”
“
Yes,Idon’
t.Idon’
twantt
otal
ktoany
oneabout
i
t.I
tismychoice.”
Di
neowi
denherey
es.
“
Didy
out
ell
itt
ohi
sface?
”
“
Ofcour
se.
”
Di
neol
aughs.
Dr
unkal
ready
?
“Youarethemostsel
fi
shper
sonIhaveev
er
someacross.It
houghtt
hedi
ckwoulddothe
tri
ck,
”shesays.
“
What
?”If
rownather
.
“
Youar
esel
fi
sh.
”
“
Idon’
twantt
hebabi
es.
”
“Butyoushoul dhavetol
dhi my ouwilltalkto
Vanessaabouti t.Youcouldhav eevenl i
edand
tol
dhi mt hatyouwenttodiscussitwithherand
thentell
hi mthatyouhavedecidedaf teral ong
considerati
on…y ouarecert
ainabouty our
decisi
on.Thati swhatanormal personwoul d
do.Buty oujusttol
dhimt ofuckoff…justlike
that
…hemustgot ohellbecausehehast odo
whaty ouwant .”
Idr
opmyey
est
omyhands.
Thati
snotwhatImeant
.
Whensheput
siti
nthi
sway
…If
eel
li
keaj
erk.
“
Nowondert
hepoorguyt
oldmet
otakecar
eof
y
ou,
”shesay
s.

WoundedHear
ts

Epi
sode41(
unedi
ted)
Phut
i

Njabulofr ownsatmewhenhemeet si nt he
corri
dort ot heboar droom.Ihav ehadei ght
cupsofcof feeandf ourcansofener gydr inks
sincemor ningbutIst il
lfeelashel
l.Iam j ust
notfineandIdon’ tknowwhatt hepr oblem i s.
Okayt hati salie.Ihav ebeenhav i
ngsl eepl ess
nightssincemychatwi t
hThul i
thi
spast
weekend.Iam notexci tedaboutany thing.I
cursemy selfeverydayf orhowshittyIf eel.I
havet r
iedev er
ythingIcoul dbutnothingseems
tohelp.
“
Youl
ookl
i
keashi
tt
ymess,
”Nj
abul
osay
s.
“Dude,Iam f
ine,
”ImumbleasIshakemyhead
athim.Hepullshi
sphonefrom thepocketand
dial
anumberwhi leIwat
ch.“Seeyouaround,
man.”
“Interventionneeded, ”Ihearhim sayasIwal k
awayf rom hi m.“Themanl ookslikeamess.He
l
ookst hinl i
kehel landhisfacemi ghtchase
awayt hecl ient
s.”Iturntohim becausehei s
talkingaboutme.Ishr uggedandshakemy
headathi m.Thi smanl ovesinvolvi
nghimselfi
n
peopl e’sissues.Iknowhemeanswel lbutdude,
Ijustneedabr eak.“Oh, y
es.Hel ooksli
kehei s
aboutt ocr yhislungsoutr i
ghtnow. ”
“
Stopl
yi
ng,
”Igr
oanathi
m.
“Andheisbei
ngindeni
al…youknowthatafi
rst
signofsomeonewhoisstr
essed,
”Nj
abulo
repor
tstowhoeverhei
shavingaj
olwit
h.
Weareatwor
kbutIwantt
otel
lhi
mtof
uckof
f.
Hei
sannoyi
ngme.
“Cal
lwifeytopickthekidsf
rom school
.I’ll
do
thesame.Wear ehavi
ngdri
nksaf t
erwor k,
”he
says.“
Ihavetwobot tl
esinmyof f
ice.I
’
llget
someonet oprepareforusatt
her ooftop.”He
l
aughsandpoint
shisfi
ngeratmewhenIam
r
eadytowalkaway.“
Richar
dishasameeti
ngt
il
f
our…okaysure.
”
“
Idon’
tneedani
nter
vent
ion.
”
“Youdo.”Heputshi
sphonebackint
ohi
s
pocket
.“Youdo.Youlookl
i
keshit
.”
Isi
gh.
If
eel
sot
oo.
“Wear emeet i
ngatt herooftopatfourthir
ty.I
f
youdon’ tshowup…t henwear ecampingi nyour
houset onight
,”hesayswhi l
eheadi
ngf orthe
elevat
or.Idonotev enhav eachancetot urnthe
offerdown.
Theywoul
dn’
tgi
vemeachance.
Ij
usthat
ethatIam t
heoneneedi
ng
i
nter
vent
ionmorethananyofmyfri
ends.
Myl
i
fei
sjustamess,
nje!
Deni
sedr
opsapi
l
eofpaperwor
konmyt
abl
e.
“Iam sorrybutthi
sneedst obedoneASAP, ”
shesay swi t
hashrug.ItisThursdayandi
fI
needtol eavetheoffi
ceearlytomakeitto
Limpopoont ime,
Iwillhavethi
sdonebefore
thei
nterv ent
ionci
rcuswi t
hmyf ri
ends.
“Carol
ishandl
i
ngthefi
les,
”shesay
s.“
Shei
s
goingtol
eavetheof
fi
ceatfour.
”
Thel
astper
sonIwant
edt
odeal
wit
h.
Icheckthetimeandcur seundermybreat
h
whenInot i
cethatIonlyhavelesst
hanthi
rt
y
minutestodealwiththi
s.
Ipul
lthephoneanddi
alhernumber
.
“Car
olspeaking,
howmayIhelpyou,
”shesay
s
sweetl
y.Iknowshehasalr
eadyseenmy
numberonherscr een.
“
Phut
ihere,
”It
ryt
odr
awt
hel
astener
gyIhav
e
t
ogetthi
sdone.
“
Hey
…Deni
set
oldmey
ouar
ehandl
i
ngour
account
.Howar
eyou?
”
“
Iam gr
eat
.Howhav
eyoubeen?
”
“
Apar
tfr
om mi
ssi
ngy
ou…Iam gr
eat
.”
“Ha.
.ha.
.ha…”Isay.“Look,canyouplease
conf
irmt hequotat
ionswesentt hr
oughl as
week?Hav ethem signedsothatwecansend
youthejobcard.Thet eam wi
ll
startworkingas
soonaswegett hesi gnedquote.
”
Isi
gh.
“
Checkyouemai
l
s.Isentt
hrought
hequot
ati
on
t
hisnoon.
”
“
Whendoy
ouwantt
osetameet
ingwi
thour
t
eam?”
“
Tomor
rownoon?Wecan…”
“
Nott
omor
row.
”
“
Youst
il
lgohomeev
erymont
hend?
”sheasks.
“
YesIdo.
”
“Isweary
oumustbemar
ri
eddownt
her
ein
Limpopo.
”
“Carol!Please.”Isnap.“Thi
sisn’
tasocialcal
l
.”I
pincht hebridgeofmynose.“ Youknowwhat ?I
willsendy out hemeetinginvi
tat
ionnextweek
andy ouwi llaccept.
”
“I
sever
ythi
ngalr
ight
?”sheasks.“
Shoul
dIask
someoneelset
ohandleouraccount
?”
Njabul
owon’tbehappywi
thme.Hei
sri
ght
.I
needanint
ervent
ion.
“No.Iam sor
ry,
”Imumble.“
Ijusthadahect
ic
day.WouldTuesdaybef
inewithyourt
eam?”
“
Tuesdayi
sfi
ne.
”
“
I’
ll
sendt
hei
nvi
tat
ionf
orTuesday
.”
“
Getashag.Youneedone.
”

MaybeIl
ookwor
set
hanIt
houghtIdi
d.MrR
andRi
char
dfr
ownwhent
heynoti
cemewalkto
wheretheyaresit
ti
ng.Bef
or ethr
owingmysel
f
onthebarstool
,Ipull
aHei nekenanddownhalf
ofi
t.Wear esi
tti
ngattherooftopatourwork
bui
ldi
ng.Wenor mall
yhostf ar
ewell
sandpart
ies
uphere.
“Whati
shappeningtoy ou?”MrRaskswhi le
taki
ngoffhi
sgreyblazerandt hr
owingitonan
emptychair
.Hefoldsthesleevesofhisshi
rt
l
ikehealwaysl
ikestodoaf teralongday.
“Iam j
usthav
ingabadweek.Njabul
ois
dramati
c…Idon’tneedani
nter
venti
on.
”
“Oh…Iam dramati
c,”Nj
abulosaysfr
om behind
me.Hisjacketi
soffandhisshir
tisuntucked.
Hepicksabot t
leandsett
lesonanotherempty
chai
r.
“I
sityourmother
?”IshakemyheadatMrR’
s
concerni
ngquest
ion.
“
Mymot
heri
sper
fect
lyf
ine.
”
“
Man,
hav
eyoul
osty
ourt
ouch?
”Nj
abul
oasks.
“
Thatpuppyf
acehasev
ery
thi
ngt
odowi
tha
woman.”
“
Ahhh…nowthatmakessense,”Ri
chardsay
s.
Hei
sNjabul
oandMrR’smut ualfr
iendwho
wor
kswit
husbutIcancall
him af r
iend.
“
So…whatdi
dshedo?
”MrRasks.
“I
tisnotaboutwhatshedi
d.Thi
ngsar
ejust
di
ffi
cult
,”Isay
.
“
Mjol
ohasneverbeeneasi
l
y,”Nj
abul
osay
sand
t
heyal
ll
augh.
Thi
siswhatt
hecal
li
nter
vent
ion!
Theyshouldhavewar nedmebef oreIoff
ered
myheart.Thepain,r
elatedtomyr el
ati
onship,i
s
morethanthephy si
calpainIhav
eev erendured.
“So,
”Ibr
eathoutwhi
lesit
ti
ngst
rai
ght
,“Thul
i
andIwantdif
fer
entt
hings.
”
“
Okay
…”Ri
char
dsay
s.
Idon’
tknowhowmuchIcant
ell
them.
“Hewantsbabi
esandshedoesn’
t,
”Nj
abul
o
spi
ll
sitf
orme.
“
Ahhhhh…”t
heguy
ssay
s.
“Idon’
tknowwhatMar
iaseesi
nyou,
”Isayt
o
him.
“
Amanwhocanmakeherspeaki
nt ongues
whi
l
eshei
sn’
tpr
ayi
ng,
”Nj
abulosays.
I
diot
!
“So,y
es…Iwantbabi esandshedoesn’t.
”Isigh.
“Il
ovehersomucht ol
ethergowhenIhav eto.
Thedilemmar i
ghtnowisthatIkeepfall
ingin
l
ov ewithherandbreakmyheartwhenwehav e
topartwaysorwalkoutoftherelat
ionship
befor
eIgetbot hofusdeepinit
.”
“
Whydoy
ouhav
etopar
tway
s?”MrRasks.
“Becausewewantdi
ff
erentt
hings.Wehav
e
dif
ferentdr
eams.
”
“
Whycan’
tyoumeeteachot
herhal
fway
?”
“
Whati
shal
fway
?”Iask.
“Youletherdowhatshewant sandsheletsyou
dowhaty ouwant,
”MrRsay s.“
Bothofyou
havetocompr omise.Ifnot
…thenthebothof
youarewast i
ngeachot her
’st
ime.Inf
act,y
ou
arel
y i
ngtoeachot heraboutl
ovi
ngone
another.
”
“
Howso?
”
“
Idon’
tknow.
”Heshr
ugs.
“
Ifitwasme…Icoul
dtomar
ryt
wowi
ves,
”
Njabul
osay
s.
“Asifyouwouldmarr
ytwowiveseveni
fMar
ia
doesn’
twantyoutogetanot
herwif
e.St
op
l
y i
ng,
”Igroanathi
m.
“Mywif
eishandl
ingmyr el
ati
onshipwit
hmy
sonver
ywell
,”Nj
abuloadds.“I
tisn’
teasybut
shemakesi
twork.”
“
Yeah!Thul
icanl
ety
ouhav
eababywi
th
someoneelse.Someonewhodoesn’
twanta
rel
ati
onshi
pwithyou,
”MrRsays.
Theseguy
sar
edr
eami
ng!
I
tisunfor
tunat
ethatIdon'
twantt
oaddThul
i
’s
pasti
ntheequati
on.
“Li
kehellshewould,
”Imur mur
.Iwouldn’
twant
tohur
theri nanyway.Noneoftheseguys
under
stand.OnlyIunderst
and.
“Comeon.Ther eissurrogacy,”MrRpoi ntsout.
Ishakemyheadathi ssuggest i
onandhe
staresdeepintomyey es.“Okay ,
Iam st arti
ng
tothinkli
keyout wodonotwantasol uti
ont oa
hiccup.Youjustwantt obreakup.Wheny ouare
commi tt
edt osomet hing,youdoev er
y t
hingin
yourwillpowertosol veapr oblem before
walkingaway .Bel
ieveme. ”
MrR,
neh?
*
***
*

Myphoneringsfr
om whereIhav
el efti
t.Whi
l
e
pant
ingandtry
ingtocat
chmybr eath,Ipi
cki
t
upbefor
ethecall
ergi
vesup.
“
Hey
,hel
l
o,”Ir
espondbr
eat
hlessl
y.
Jeeez!Iam nol
ongerasfi
tasIusedt
obe.
Whatonear thi
sthi
s?Itr
ytocat
chmybreat
h.
“Hell
o.Areyoualri
ght
?”Thul
iasksf
rom t
he
otherendoftheli
ne.Ipr
obabl
ysoundli
keIam
fi
ghti
ngformyl i
fe.
“Iam good…j ustnotasf i
tasIthoughtIwas.”I
takeadeepbr eathandsettl
eont hecampchai r
thatIhaveplacedundert hetree.Si
nceIgot
here,Ihavebeencat chinguponmysoccer
skil
lswithmynephew.Theboyi sgett
ingbetter
andbet t
erbyt heday,leavi
ngmebehi ndont he
charts.Heremi ndsmeofwhenIwasy ounger.I
wasonespr interandnoonecoul dmatch.
Iarr
ivedhomeaf ewhoursagoandthoughtI
coul
dshowhi m whatIam madeof.Heshowed
mef l
amesinstead;
asifhehasbeenpracti
cing
toproveapoint.
“Wereyoupl ay i
ngsoccerwi thLethabo?”Thul
i
asks.Herv oiceissli
ghtlybreaking,soIknow
thatsomet hingiswr ong.Thisisn’
tacallto
checkuponmesi ncewehav en’tspokenthe
wholeday .ItIsmor ethanthat.“Howi she?And
howi severyone? ”
“Ever
y oneisgreat
.Mom isdoi ngqui
tewell
…I
am pleasedwi t
hherprogress.Verypl
eased.
Shecanmov emostofherbodypar t
snow.Very
verysmal lmovements…butitissomethi
ngthat
Icancel ebr
ate.
”
HadIknowt hatt
heset herapyteam wast hi
s
great,
Iwouldhavetakenhert heresi
ncet en
yearsago.WheneverIwantt oblamemy self
,I
alwaysremindmyselfthatIahem donet hebest
thatcoul
dwhenitcomest oherhealth.Therest
,
Ishal
lkeepondoi ngthebestthatIcan.Butto
behonest,Iam i
mpr essedwit
hhernew
ther
api
sts.Ithasbeenalmostalmostay ear
andahalfwi t
hhernewt eam andIam pleased.
Verypl
eased.
“Iam happytoheart
hat
.Iwouldhavel
ovedto
seeherbutyouknow…Ijustneedtohangi
n
hereunti
lIserv
edmynoticed.
”
Shesi
ghs,
sodeepl
y.
“What ’
sup,baby?Iknowyoudi dn’tcall
to
checkuponme. ”Shecansayal lshewant sbut
Iknowt hi
sisn’tj
ustacasualcall
.Herv oice
saysitall
.Otherthant
hat,wehav eal otto
discuss.
“
Huh?
”sheasks.
“Tal
kt ome.”Isignal
toLet
habotogetmea
bott
leofwat er
.Ineedsomethi
ngtodri
nk.God
am Ithir
sty
.
“
Dineoi
sher
e,”Thul
isay
scal
mly
.Iknowher
toowell
tofigur
eoutt
hatshei
sn’
thappyabout
herar
ri
val.
Oh,
ther
eitis.Iknowstor
y.Ihadachatwi
thher
onWednesday,befor
emyf r
iendsf
orcemeint
o
ani
nter
vent
ionIdidn’
tknowIneeded.
“That’
sgreat.Ibetsheist
akingyout
ooutto
celebr
atethenewj ob.Youdeser
vetocel
ebr
ate
thi
smi l
estone.”
“
Idon’
tfeel
li
kegoi
ngout
.”
“
Whynot
?Hav
esomef
un,
baby
.”
“
Idon’
tfeel
sookay
.”
“
Okay
.Whatdi
dDi
neot
ell
you?
”
“Whatdi
dyoumean?”Shesighs.“
Whatdidyou
meanwhenyousai
dt hatDi
neomusttakecare
ofme?”
Let
habohandsmet
hebot
tl
eofwat
er.
Itakeasipbeforesayi
ng,“Dineowasnot
supposedtotell
y ouanyt
hing.Ical
l
edherj
ust
becauseIneededtot
alkt
oher .Somet
imesiti
s
easi
ertogetadvi
cefr
om otherpeopl
e…sothat
youunderst
andhowothersthi
nk.”
“
So,whatdi
dyoumeanwheny
ousai
dshe
mustt
akecareofme?
”
“Youhadanat t
ackaf ewdaysago,Thul
i.
Obviouslyt
hingsarenotfi
newi t
hyou.May be
shecangety out ot
alktoDrVanessabecause
youlist
entoy oursi
stermorethananyoneelse.
”
“
Idon’
t.
”
“Comeon, webothknowy oudo.Howof t
endo
youdecideont hingsIsuggest ?”Iask.She
keepsqui etsoIgulphalfoft hewaterwhi l
eI
waitforhertosaysomet hi
ng.Not hi
ngcomes.
“Okay,Thuli…Idon’tmeant histomakey oufeel
bad.No, notatall
.Iam notiny ourli
fet o
changeit.Yoursisterr
aisedy ou.so,obv i
ousl
y
heradvicewouldsoundbet terthanmi ne.
”
“
Iknow…”
“
So…Ispoketohersothatshecandot
he
t
hingsIwon’
tbeabl
etodo.”
“
Arewef
all
i
ngapar
t?”Sheasks.
Iclosemyeyesandtakeadeepestbr
eat
h.“
We
arenot.Wewil
lbefi
ne.”
“
How?
”
“Canwecrossthatbridgewhenwegett oit
?
Likecanweli
veasi fwehaven’tthatchat?I
don’tl
oveyoulesserthanbefore.
”
Si
l
ence!
Mor
esi
l
ence!
“
Okay,
butImustbehonest
.Idon’
tknowwhat
t
othi
nk,
”shesays.
“Don’
tworr
yabouti
t.Wewi
l
lfi
gur
eout
every
thi
ng,
”Isay
.
Honestl
yspeaking,myfutur
ewithThul
ii
swhat
Ihavebeenthinki
ngaboutbutIdon’
twantt
o
str
essherwiththedetai
ls.
“
Okay
…”shesay
sner
vousl
y.
Wear
egoi
ngt
otackl
eeachdayasi
tcomes.

*
***
*

Whenev erIcomehome, Ienjoyspendi ngtime

withmymot her.WheneverIam her e,Igeta
chancet ocat chupwi thherandt ellher
everyt
hingt hatisgoingonwi thmyl ife.She
doesn’trespondbackt othethingsIt ell
herbut
shegladlylistens.I
tdoesn’tmat terthatshe
doesn'tgivemeadv iseorrespondbackt o
anythi
ng…asl ongasshei spartofmyl i
fe.As
l
ongassheknowswhatmywi shesar eand
whatisgoi ngonwi t
hmyl ife.
I
tisSat
urdaymor
ning.
Kamohasal
readytoldmeaboutherbreakfast
dat
ewit
hherboyfr
iend.Ial
readyt
oldheriti
s
fi
nethatshegoesoutandspendtimewi
thher
.
AslongasshegotMar eadyfort
heday;
Ican
handl
eherandLethabo.
“Okay…Iam goingt opushhert oy ourspotand
you’l
lfeedherbreakfast.Oncedone…j ustmake
surethatthefoodisset tl
edbef oresuggesti
ng
putti
nghertobed.Inor mal lywouldchillwit
h
herandwat chTVunt i
lIseet hatsheissleepy
foranap,”Kamosay s.“Lethaboknowst hedri
l
l.
Afterhisl
unch,hegoespl ayingwithhisfri
ends
untilt
heendoft heday .Youdon’ thavetowor r
y
abouthim.”
“
Goti
t.
”
“Areyousur
eyouaregoi
ngt
obef
ineunt
il
eveni
ng?”Sheasks.
“
Gohav
efunandf
orgetaboutus.Wear
efi
ne.
”
“Okay,okay
,”shesays.Shelooksverydapperi
n
herredpencilf
it
ti
ngdress.Thisdateofhers
mustbev eryimport
anttohertolookthi
sdope.
“I
’
llleav
ey outoi
t.Thefoodisonthet
rayontop
ofthetabl
e.”Shesmil
es.“Okay…I
'
m done.Iam
outofhere.”
ShepushesMatot
hel
ivi
ngroom and
ther
eaf
terr
unst
omeetherdat
eatthegat
e.
I
tisj
ustmymot
herandI
.
AsIwat chhersitt
inginherwheelchair
, Igetto
wonderhowmyl i
fewouldhav ebeenifmyl if
e
wasper fect.I
fIdi
dn’tspendmyl i
fetakingcare
ofher
,howwoul ditbe?Woul dshesolv emy
equat
ionswi t
hme?Woul dshebei nterestedin
mylovel if
e?Wouldshegui demet hrought hi
s
l
ovecrisisthatIam i
n?
Icanonl
ywonder
.
Shest
aresatmewi
thoutnowordsfr
om her
.Al
l
Idoi
sassumewhatshemightbethi
nki
ng.
“Iam sopl
easedwi t
hy ourt
her
apy,
”IsayasI
dir
ectaspoonfulofcerealt
ohermouth.She
sli
ght
lyopens,bet
terthanIhav
eseenher.She
mimi
cchewi
ngf
oral
i
ttl
ewhi
l
ebef
oreshe
swal
l
ows.
It
akeanot
herspoonf
ull
anddi
recti
ttoher
mouth.
“Youmustbewonder ingwher esheis,
”Isayto
her-tomy self-andsheopenshermout hfor
me.If eedhert hecerealbef oreconti
nuingmy
story,“
Wel l
…It houghtshewasper f
ectbutour
dreamsar ewayt oodiff
er entforustobe
together.
”Idr opthespoont othebowl and
stareather .“
Iwanttohav emanyki dsandshe
doesn't.Idon’tknowwhatt odo.”If
il
lherspoon
withhercer eal.“
Doy out hinkIshouldleaveher
andf i
ndsomeonewi t
ht hesamedr eamsasI
do?”
Ishr
ugatmy sel
fbecauseIknowshedoesn’
t
haveananswerforme.
“
No!
”
Ial
mostdr
opt
hespoont
othef
loorasIdar
tmy
eyesaroundt
ofi
ndwhor
espondedt
omy
quest
ion.
“
Let
habo?
?”Ical
lout
.
Noanswer
.
“Kamo???
?”Icall
outinst
ead.Myniecehaslong
gonetohi
ssoccerteam,heisonl
ycomi ngback
bytheendoftheday.
“Ma?Didyousaysomethi
ng?
”Iaskaft
ernot
fi
guri
ngoutwhomighthaver
espondedtomy
quest
ion.
Herey
esshi
neatme.
Wasi
ther
?
“Doyout
hinkIshouldleav
eherandf
ind
someonewhowoul dlovetogi
vemekids?
Manyofthem?”
“No!
”Thi
sti
meInot i
cethatt
hesoundi
s
comingf
rom hermouth.
“
Ma!
!!
!”Myey
esar
efi
l
ledwi
tht
ear
s.
“
No!
”Shesay
sonceagai
n.
No,Imust
n’tl
eav
eThul
itofi
ndsomeoneel
se
whowouldgiv
emechil
dren!
Al
umponmyt
hroatgr
owsev
enbi
g!
“No,”shesay
sagai
n,f
orci
ngt
hem t
ear
sinmy
eyes.

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE42

THULI
SILE

“Areyougoingt
oansweryourdamnphone?
”
Dineowhinesfr
om t
hebedroom.
“Iam coming?
”Icalloutf
rom t
hebathr
oom asI
quickl
ydrymysel
f.Iwashavingashowerandii
hearditr
ingafewtimes.Whoeveri
scall
ingme,
reall
yneedmeont hephone.
Dineohasherhandsonherhead.Sheisnur
sing
thehangov
erfrom herl
astni
ghtshot
s.
Phut
i!
Iqui
ckl
ypi
ckmyphone.
“Heylove,”Irespondwhilegetti
ngontheedge
ofthebed.Ther eissil
enceont heendofthe
l
ine.Ormay beImissedit.Ibr
ingthephoneto
myf acesoIcoul ddialhi
snumberback.Oh, we
aresti
llconnected.“Babe?”
Si
l
ence!
“Phut
i?Areyouther
e?”Iask.I
nst
eadIhear
heavybreat
hing.
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
WhydoIal
way
sthi
nkt
hewor
st?
Il
ist
en,unt
ilmyhear
tal
mostl
eapoutofmy
chest
.
“Babe?Arey ouokay
?”Igetonmyf eetbecause
Iam start
ingtopani
c.Phut
iissobbingatthe
endoft heli
ne.
“
Phut
i?”
Di
neotur
nst ome.Ishr
ugbecauseIdon’
tknow
whati
sgoing.
“I
’
ll
…I’l
lcal
lyoui
naminut
e,”hi
svoi
cebr
eaks
befor
eheendsthecal
l
.
Don’tt
hinkt
oomuch,Iur
gemysel
fbecausemy
mindhasatendencyofr
aci
ngt
otheworst
cases.
Butwhywoul
dhecr
y.
It
ryhi
sphonebuthedoesn’
tpi
ckup.
“
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
”Di
neoasks.
“Idon’
tknow.ButPhut
idoesn’
tsoundokay
.”
OhmyGod.“ Whatifi
tishi
smot her
?Whatif
somet
hinghappenedt
oher
?”
Dineodoesn’
thaveacomeback.Sheknows
howmuchPhut il
oveshi
smother.Icannot
thi
nkofanyt
hingel
se.
Ij
umpwhenmyphoner
ings.
“
Babe,
whati
sgoi
ngon?
”
“
Iam sor
ryaboutt
hat
.Ij
ustcoul
dn’
t…cont
ain
mysel
f.
”
“
Okay
.Whati
swr
ong?
”
“
She…sai
dno.
”
It
akeadeepestbr
eat
h.I
tisn’
thi
smot
her
.
“
Whosai
dno?
”
“
Mymot
her
.Shespoke.
”
Okay
, Ididn’
tknowIhadt
earsi
nmyears…they
j
ustfallonmycheeks.Di
neonot
icesmeand
st
art
ssi tt
ingup.
“
Oh,
myGodPhut
i…”Isay
.
“Af
terel
evenyearsIheardmymot hersay
somethi
ngtome, ”hesadlysays.Iknowhow
del
ight
edheis.“Thul
i…forel
eveny ears…I
haven’
thear
dmymot hersayawor d.Shejust
sai
donewor danditbrokemedown.Iam
sor
ry…Iam tooemot i
onalri
ghtnow. ”
Di
neoi
sshr
uggi
ngatme.
“Whatthehel
li
sgoingon?”Dineofi
nall
yasks
asIconti
nuetoshedmytears.Iam emoti
onal
too.
“Oneword,
Thul
i.Thati
swhatIneeded.Just
onewordfr
om mymot her
,”hesay
s.
“Iam sohappy ,Phuti
,
”Icr yout
.Icryonhi
s
behalfli
keIdidwhenhet oldmeabouther.Iam
sohappyf orhim.WhenIhav ebreat
hedenough,
Ifi
ll
Di neoin.Onlynow,shegetsbacktothe
bedwi threl
iefi
nherey es.
“Wearedest
inedt
obet oget
her
,Thul
i
.Babi
es
ornobabi
es,
”hesays.Thatmakesmecryeven
more.Whatki
ndofmanisthi
s?“Godknew
whathewasdoingwhenwemet .Heknew.And
whoam Itogoagai
nstHi
swill
?”
Howdi
ditcomet
ome?
Di
neot
urnst
omewhenIbr
eaki
ntoal
oudcr
y.
“
Phut
i…”
“
Iwasmeanttomeetyoufort
hesakeofmy
mot
her
,”hesays.“
Youdon’
tunder
stand.
”
Hei
ssi
l
entasIcont
inuet
ocr
y.
TheloveIfeelforthismani sdeepert hanwhatI
canexplai
nandt hesewor dsarejusttouchi
ng
myheart.Whosay sthingsliket
histoawoman
whoisn’tworthyofhisl ove?Mysi st
erhadbeen
beati
ngmeupwi thal ectureofhowsel fi
shIam.
Ifany
bodyment i
onst hewor dsel
fish,I’
l
lcri
nge.
Butdoesn’theseet his?
“
Youwer
emeantf
orme.
”
“
Iam notev
enwor
thyofy
ourl
ove.
”
Di
neot
urnst
omeandf
rown.
“Whati
sgoingonher
e?Cany ouputthephone
onspeaker
?”Di
neoasks.Imustbeir
rit
ati
ngher
wit
hmycr y
ing.
“
Yesy
ouar
e,”hesay
s.
“
Thanky
ouf
orl
ovi
ngmet
hismuch,
”Isay
.
“For
ever,
baby,
”hesays.“
Look,
I’
ll
cal
lyoul
ater
.
Ineedtobacktoher
.”
Di
neoi
ssi
tt
ingont
hebednow.
“
Andt
hen?
”
“
Whydoyouwantt
oli
stentomychat
s?”Iask
whi
l
ecl
eani
ngmyfacewithmytowel
.
“
Onethingyouar
etalki
ngabouthi
smot herand
t
henextthi
ngyouarecryi
ngandthanki
nghim
f
orl
ovingyou.
”
“
Youwon’
tunder
stand,
”Ir
espond.
“
Clear
ly,
”shesay
sdr
yly
.
*
***
*

Thelasttwoweeksi nMpumal angahasbeen

thelongest.Todayismylastdayatwork.Edwin
alr
eadytoldmet hattheyarehosti
ngapartyf
or
me.Ididn’twantone.AllIwantistoseePhuti
whenhecomest opickmeup.
Idropthel
astf
il
eint
heboxandpi
cki
tfr
om t
he
fl
oor.
“Handov erdone,
”IsayasIwal
kintoEdwi
n’s
offi
ce.Hiseyesholdsminebef
oreheshi
ft
shis
glasses.
“Iwoul
dhav
egottent
heboxf
rom y
ourof
fi
ce,
”
hesayswhi
leget
ti
ngup.
“
Ijusthadt
omakesur
e.”
Het
akestheboxfrom meandplacesi
tnextto
t
hecabi
net.I
fitwasn’
tfort
hisf
arewel
lthey
wantt
ohostforme,
Iwoul
dbel
eav
ingnow.I
t
i
stwel
veo’
clock.
“
Thuli
!”Edwinstandsi nfrontofme.Wi thout
t
hinki
ngtwice,Itakeaf ewst epsback.Ididn’
t
meanto.“Oh,sorry.Sorry
.”
“
It
’sokay
.Youst
art
ledme,
that
’sal
l
.”
“Okay.”Hecrosseshi
sarms.“
Iwant
edto
apologisef
ortheli
tt
lehi
ccupwehadawhil
e
ago.Ifeell
ikeajer
k.”
“
Iam ov
eri
t.Comeon.
”
“Iam notembarrassedaboutmyf eel
ingsfor
you.
”Ifli
nchtohiswor ds.Ist
il
lfi
nditweird.“
I
am embar r
assedbymyact i
ons.Iam real
l
y
sorr
y.”
“
Comeon…”Isay.“
Itisi
nthepast
.”Imeani
t.I
t
wasonl
yint
hepastandIam sooveri
t.We
wor
kedsmoothl
yaftert
hat
.
“
Imi
ghtnothav
ewor
dst
osayatt
hef
arewel
l
butIwantyoutoknowt haty
ouwer
ethebest
part
nerever
.IfIcoul
d,Iwoul
daskt
okeepyou
i
nher e.
”
“
Thanky
ou.
”
“
CanIcal
lyouwheny
ouar
eint
heJobur
g?”
“I
’l
lsendy
ouanemailfr
om wor
kandwecan
communicat
etheni
fyouneedanyassi
stance.
”
“
Thanky
ou.
”

Imustbegr atefulbuttherewasn'taneedfor
thefarewellIj
usthad.I twasjustafewladi
es
from ourfl
oorbutt heydonotknowmet oowell
tohav emucht osay .Wehadt eaandcake.Oh,I
am happyaboutt hev oucherandhandbagthey
gotme.Phut ii
swai t
ingformeatmyapar tment
.
Hev olunt
eeredtogett hemov ingtr
uckforme
sohehadt omakesur ethatt
hemov i
ngguys
packmyapar t
mentaway .
"
Didt
hef
urni
tur
eleav
eal
ready
?"Iask.
"
Yes,
justaf
ewmi
nut
esago.
"
"Didyougeteveryt
hing?"Iaskwhilewalki
ng
aroundmyl i
ttl
eapartment.Ihadgoodt i
mes
here.I
twasf unandIam def i
nit
elynotgoingt
o
missitthough.Iam star
ti
ngaf r
eshwithPhuti
.
"Okay,let
'sgo,"Isayhappil
y.Ilockthe
apartmentandhur rytodropitatthecaretaker’
s
offi
ce.Weonl ygettomynewapar t
mentaf ter
fourandboy ,am Inothappyt ohavethe
mov ers?Theyar ebusypackingmyapar tment.
Ifi
nall
ygotat wobedr oom apartmentsincethe
onebedr oomswer edamnexpensi vearound
here.Iam notgunni ngf oraroom-mate.Idon’t
thi
nkIwi ll
ev ergetonel ikeMari
a.Onewho
wouldn’tbri
ngmenhome?I fIgetl
ucky,Iwil
l
settl
eforone.I fnot,Icanmakei tmylit
tle
off
iceorsomet hingcool er
.Oh,i
tisaground
apartment,thereforeIhav eroom t
ohostmy
si
sterandhergi
rl
fr
iendandmyf
ri
ends.
"Myplaceoryours?"Phutiasksbefor
eweboth
giggl
e.Gonearetheweekendt ri
psbackand
fort
h.Iam superexci
ted.Wear est
anding
outsi
de,astheguysof f
loadthecouches.
“
Mypl
acef
oraf
ewday
s.Ineedt
o
"
Baby
,canIasksomet
hing?
"Iask.
"
Yes.
"
"Wheny ousaid, Godknewwhathewasdoi ng
whenhebr oughtust oget her…whatdi dy ou
mean? "Ididn’
taskt histhedayhet oldme.
Thankst oMar i
a'smot her ,Ibeli
ev e.Therei sa
higherpower ,
somewher e,guidingmyl i
fe.It
feelsli
kefrom thedayIr eceivedt hecallabout
myaccommodat ionatRes, someonewas
navigati
ngmyl ifetothegr eatest.Iam gai ning
myconf idencebitbybi t.Ihav emoney-l ot sof
i
t.Icanaf for
dtol iv
emyl ifetot hef ul
l
est .There
mustbesomeonest i
rr
ingmyshi pt othi
s
per
fectdi
rect
ion.Het
akesmyhandandr
ubsi
t.
"Wel
l.
..because.
..mymothersmiledforthefi
rst
ti
mewhenIt ol
dheraboutyou.
"Hesmi les.I
smil
etoo."Andshespokef ort
hef i
rstt
ime
whenIwast alki
ngtoheraboutyou."
Ncooooo!If
rownbecauset
ear
sar
est
ingi
ngmy
eyes.
"
Whatwer
eyout
alki
ngaboutwi
thher
?"
"I
fIshoul
dleaveyoutogetsomeoneel
seto
givemebabies.
"Haaaa!Tal
kaboutbei
ngbl
unt
.
"Shesai
dno."Mytearsenduprol
li
ngdownmy
cheeks.
"
OhmyGod,
"Isaywi
thasmi
l
e.
I
thurtsthathewast
hinki
ngofleavi
ngmeand
get
ti
ngsomeonewhowi l
lgi
vehim whathe
wants.
Butthen,
Ishoul
dstopbeingsel
fish,
li
kewhat
Dineosai
d.Lovehi
m enoughtolethim gof
ind
happi
ness.
Iam happyt
hatheisher
ebutIf
eelbadabout
cor
neringhi
mintodoi
ngwhatIwant.
All
t hethi
ngsDineot ol
dmecomet omyhead.
Phut i
hasbeenl i
vinghi
slif
eforhismotherand
me.Ihav etothinkhardaboutmeeti
nghim hal
f
orlethim gofi
ndsomeonewhoi swill
i
ngto
gi
vehi m backthelovehedeserves.
Ican’
t.
Ican’
tlethi
m go.
Iti
sf earoffi
ndingsomeoneelse.Ilov
ehim so
much.WhatIknowi sthatIam nothaving
babiesbutthatmust n’
tst
ophimf rom doi
ngso.
Ihavenev erbeenacompl i
cat
edsituati
onlike
thi
sbef ore.
Hepul
l
smei
ntoahug.
“
Iwasn’
tgoi
ngtoleav
eyou,
”hemurmur
sint
o
myhai
r.“
Icoul
dn’
tbri
ngmysel
fto.
”
Ihughi
mti
ght
ly.

*
***
*

“Youlookamazing,
”DrVanessasayswhi
le
gett
ingonherfeett
ogivemeal ongwarmest
hug.Herhugsmustbepackagedandsoldin
stor
es.
“
Thankyou,”Isay.Ifeelgoodi
nmyjumpsuit
.I
l
ookcompletelydif
ferentfr
om t
hegi
rlIwast
wo
y
earsago.Ibetyousomepeopl ewon’t
r
ecogni
zeme.
“
Howhavey
oubeen?Yousai
dyoumov
edback,
r
ight
?”
“Idi
d.Justl
astni
ght
.Iam st
art
ingmynewj
ob
onMonday .
”
“
Congr
atul
ati
onsony
ournewj
ob.
”
“
Thanky
ou.
”
“
What
’snext
?”
“Iam looki
ngf or
wardtoshopf ormyf i
rstcarin
af ewmont hs,
”Isay.Ili
kehowshedoesher
sessions.Shecanhav ey outel
l
ingherallgreat
newsandal l
happythingsandshewoul dlisten
attent
ivel
ybeforeyoucr awlonthefl
oorcr yi
ng.
Iam usedt
ocr
yingnow.
Phuti
makesmecr y–happyt
ears–mostof
thet
ime.I
tfeel
sli
kehecameint
omyli
feand
openatapoftear
s.
“
Whi
chonear
eyougoi
ngf
or?
”sheasks.
“Il
ovethenewHy undai
i20,
”Isaywit
hasmile.I
havebeeneyeingitf
orawhil
e,si
nceIst
art
ed
mydrivi
nglessons.
“
Ithoughty
ouwer
egoi
ngf
oraGTI
.”
“
Foraf
ir
stcar
?Nev
er.Ican’
tev
endr
ive,
”Il
augh.
“Il
ovethet
hri
l
l.Il
ovefastcar
s,”shesays
befor
eopeni
ngmyf i
le.I
tisqui
tethick–she
hasbeendealingwithmydemonsforayear
andahalf.Thatisl
ongti
me.“Anyt
hingy
ou
wanttotalkabout?
”Sherest
sherbackonher
chai
randst ar
esatme.Iti
sli
keshecansee
thr
oughme.
Isi
gh!
Thi
sisi
t.
“Il
ovemyboy
fri
endandIdon’
twantt
oleav
e
him.”
“Whatishi
snameagain?”sheaskswit
hasmi l
e.
Sheknowshi sname,
iti
sallovermyfi
l
e,but
shedoesn’twantt
oassumet hatwear
esti
ll
toget
her.
“
Phut
i.
”
“
Oh,yes…Phut
i.
”Shebeamsatme.“
Youdon’
t
wantt
oleav
ehim?Doeshewanttol
eav
eyou?”
“
Hesay
shedoesn’
t.
”
“
Okay
,thati
sgood.
”
“Hewant ski
dsandIdon’t.So,
Iam forever
anxiousabouthimleavi
ngmef ort
hatr eason.I
prayeverydaythathedoesn’
tbutIdon’tknow.I
getthisf
eeli
ngthatIam notwort
htobewi th
him.”
“Hewant
ski
dsandy
oudon’
t,
”sher
epeat
sandI
nod.
“
Am Iwei
rd?
”
“No, notatall
.”Sheshakesherhead.“ Ar ey ou
will
ingt owatchhim havechildrenwi t
h
someoneel se?”Ishakemyheadandcl osemy
eyes.“Ifyouwantsomet hi
ngandy ourpar tner
doesn’ twant…whatwoul dyoudo? ”Ist areat
her.“Givemeananswer .”Istaysil
ent .She
picksapenandpl acesitinthemi ddleoft he
table.“Youwantt hatpenandPhut isays, no…
whatdoy oudo? ”
Ihesi
tat
ewiththeanswerbutIknowshewi
l
l
tel
li
fIli
e.Shealway
sdoes.
“
Iwoul
dtaket
hepen.
”
“
Why
?”
“
BecauseIneedt
ousei
t.
”
“
Andhowwoul
dexpecty
ourpar
tnert
ofeel
?”
“Iwoul
dwanthi
mtounder
standt
hatIneedt
he
pen.
”
“
Wouldy
ouexpecthi
mtoforgi
veyouf
ort
aki
ng
t
hepenwhenhetol
dyounotto?”
“
Yes.
”
Idr
opmyey
est
othef
inger
.
“Soareyouwil
l
ingt
ounderstandwhenPhuti
goesandmakebabies?Areopeni
ngyourhear
t
tounder
standi
fheevergoesoutther
eandget
whathewants?”
It
akeadeepestbr
eat
h.
Tobehonest
…Idon’
tknowbutDrVanessa
want
sananswer
.
“
Idon’
thav
eachoi
cebutt
oaccept
.”
“
Youhav
eachoi
ce.
”
“
It
’sahar
donet
omake.
”
“
Whydon’
tyouwantt
ohav
echi
l
dren?
”
“
Ijustdon’
twant
.”
“
Isi
tthei
ssuewi
thy
ourbodyaf
tergi
vi
ngbi
rt
h?”
Sheknowsmyanswerbutofcour
se,
shehast
o
geti
toutf
rom me.
“
Iwasnotmadet
obeamot
her
.”
“
Why
?”
Ist
areather
.
“
Idon’
tdesi
rei
t.
”
“I
sityourbodyyouareworri
edabout?Isit
becauseyoudon’tknowhowt onurseababy?
I
sitbecauseyoudon’tknowifyouwouldmake
agoodmot her?Areyounotsureaboutyour
fut
urewithPhuti
?Wouldhemakeabadf ather
?
Ther
ear
esomanyr
easons.Iwanty
our
s.”
“
DrVanessa…y
ouknow.
”
“
Idon’
tknow.
”
Ihat
eitwhenshedoest
his.
“Icannotwishwhathappenedt ome,happento
mywor stenemy.Iwil
lnotbeabl et
ostanditi
f
mychi l
dgoesthroughit.If
orgavemyself
…just
i
ncaseIshoul dhavedonesomet hi
ngto
preventi
tfr
om happening.”
“
Itwasn’
tyourf
aul
t.
”
“Waitandlistentome…”Iam sor ryaboutbei ng
sharp,shest ar
tedthis.“If
orgavemy selffornot
doinganythingtopr eventit
.Ishouldhav esaid
somet hi
ngt osomeoneont hefi
rstday.Ishould
haveranawayf rom home.Ishoul dhaveki l
led
thefir
stguy .Something…”
“
Thul
i
!”
“
Wai
t.
”Isaywhi
l
epoi
nti
ngather
.“Ishoul
dhav
e
donesomet hi
ngbutIdi dn’t.Andfort
hat…I
for
gav emy self.So,now,ifanythi
nghappensto
anyonecloset ome…any oneinmywat ch
becausemay beIam atwor kandcannotbe
wit
ht hem allthetime…t henIam notgoingto
survi
veit
.Iam not .Iam goingtodie.
”
“
Itisn’
tyourf
ault.Iwon’
tgett
ir
edoft
ell
i
ngy
ou
t
his.Itwasn’
tyourfaul
t.
”
“ButIf
orgav
emysel
f…r
egar
dlessbecauseI
knowitwas,
”Icr
y.
“Whydoy oulovePhut
i?Whydoy oulovehi
m?”
sheasks,shif
ti
ngthetopic.Wehavedonethis
somanyt i
mesIknowt hedril
l
.“Tel
lmea
thousandreasonswhyy oulovePhuti
.”
“Helovesme.Her espectsme.Hehel
pedme
heal
,”IsayandIcleanmyf ace.“
Hesavedme
fr
om me.Hecar esaboutme.Hecaresabout
hismother.Heishumble…anddowntoearth.
Heisselfl
ess.
”Ismi l
e.“Noonehasevermade
mef eelsoconf
identandsexyli
kehedoes.You
sai
dat housandreasons?
”IaskasIlaugh.I
havesomanyr easonsbutIcan’
tpoi
ntthem
out
.
“
Icanli
stent
hewhol
eday
,”shesmi
l
es.She
meansit
.
“Hegenui
nel
ylovesmeandIfeell
oved.No
humanbeinghasahear
tli
kehis.
”Thatsumsi
t
all
.
“CanIgi vey ouat asktodountil Iseey ounext
week? ”sheasks.Inod.“ Whatify ouarebl essed
withchildrenwi t
hPhut i’
sheart
s?Don’ tattach
anypastt oit.Don’ tatt
achanythingtot his
thought.Iam nott r
yingtoconvincey out ohav e
chil
dren.Ij ustwanty outoimaginet hatfora
weekbef orewet acklethi
stopicagai n.”Istare
ather.“Now…l et’
sgobackt ot
hev ery
beginning.I twasn’ tanyofyourfaultthaty ou
werer apedandmol est
ed.”
ht
tps:
//www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za/
shop/

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE44

THULI

“I
’l
lbelat
et oni
ght.Iwi
llpassbyt hemal lfora
l
itt
leshoppingforthethr
eebikinisetsforour
vacati
ons,
”Isayt oPhutiwhoisonhi swor k
l
aptop.Heiswor kingf
rom homet odaywhi l
eI
getreadytoleavefort
heof f
ice.Iam already
l
ateifIdon’twanttobestuckint raf
fic.
“
Youcanst
il
ldoi
tonFr
iday
,”hesay
swi
thout
l
i
fti
nghi
sey
esf
rom t
hel
apt
op.
Ist
oppuf
fi
ngmyf
aceandt
urnt
ofacehi
min
hor
ror
.
“Arewenotl eavingthedayaf t
ertomor row?
Untilt
henextweek? ”Iask.Ouranniversaryi
s
onThur sdaynightandwhenhesai dhebooked
ourvacat i
onont hedayofouranni versary,I
assumedi twast hisThursday.“Phuti
,arewe
notleavingonthedayofouranni ver
sar y?
”
“
Hmmmm!
”
“Canyoupleaseanswerme?”Isnap.“
Ial
ready
putl
eaveforthi
sThursdayandFri
day.
”
“
Isaidtheresortdi
dn’
thavetheav
ail
abl
evi
l
las
f
orthisThursdayandFri
day.
”
“What
??”Thi
sishor
ri
fi
c.“
Thenwhyar
ewe
goi
ng,any
way?”
“
Seewhyyoushoul
dn’
tsnooparoundmythings.
I
twoul
dhavebeenabeauti
ful
surpri
se,
”he
r
espondswi
thasmi
rkonhi
sface.
“So,
whatar
ewedoi
ngonouranni
ver
sar
y?”I
ask.
Thi
sistwoyear
sanni
ver
sar
y.I
tisn’
tachi
l
d’s
pl
ay.Okay
,maybetomeonl
y.
Iam sad,
all
ofasudden.
Phuti
shrugsbef
oresay
ing,
“Wecoul
dhang
wit
hfri
ends.”
“Anotherbraaiwit
hfri
ends?”Iaskinhorr
or.
Theseguy shavebraaiever
ysecondweekend.
“Real
ly,Phuti
?Youshouldhav elef
tthi
s
anniv
ersarycelebr
ati
ontome. ”
“
Whatwer
eyougoi
ngt
odo?
”
“I
foneresortisful
l,t
hereisanot
herwhichisn'
t,
"
Ical
loutfr
om t hebathr
oom asItiemywig.I
makeament alnotetohaveitwashedatthe
sal
on.Idon'
tl i
kethetextur
eofit.
"
Ili
kedt
hatonef
ory
ou.
"
"NowIhav etohav
eanotherbraaionour
anni
versarywhi
lewewaittogot oanact
ual
cel
ebrati
on.Whatator
ture,
"Icomplai
n.
"
Comeon,
"hesay
s.
Ihur r
ybacktothebedr
oom.Ist
artpacki
ngmy
thingsint
hehandbagbefor
erunni
ngtoPhuti
'
s
closettoret
ri
evemyshoes.
"
Doy ouwantmetodropyouatwor
k?Youar
ea
l
i
ttl
elatet
oday,
"Phut
isay
s.
"I
fIkeeplett
ingyoudropmeatwor k,howam I
goingtolear
n?"IaskasIshovemyheel si
nto
theshoebagandsl i
demyf eeti
ntot hepump
shoes.Idon'
twasteanotherminute
complaini
ngbuthurrytotheparki
ngl ot
.
JustasIt ol
dDrVanessat hr
eemont hsago,I
gotmyHy undaii
20,i
nr edandIam lovingit
.
Dri
vingfrom myapar t
menti sn'
tahustlebut
fr
om Phut i'
ssi
de..
.i
tissomet hi
ngelse.Iam not
yetperf
ectbecauseIst i
llsweatwhent her
eis
tr
affi
c.Ihav ebeenbeat i
ngmy sel
fupwhyI
di
dn'tgof oranautomat i
c.Ev eryonesai
ditis
bestIstartwithamanual sothatIcanknow
howt oactuallydr
ive.OnceIgett hegri
pofit,I
'
ll
neverforgetthedri
llfortherestofmyl i
fe.
Isoldi
eronwi thmydr i
vi
ngunt i
lIgettothe
off
iceat06h50.Ihav efortyminutestomyself
beforeIstartwork.Iheadst rai
ghtt omyof
fice
andsettl
eont hechairbeforeputtingmyheels
on.Iwouldusual l
yputont heshoesdownstair
s
attheparking,butIthinkIam wor kedupby
Phuti’
sdisasterinplanning.
Howcanhemi ssouranniver
saryweekend?Iti
s
real
l
ypointlesstoleaveforourvacat
ionon
Monday ,
insteadofthisThursdaymorning.
Thursdayisouranniversar
y.”
DrVanessa’
swor
dscomet
omyheadl
i
kea
fl
ood.
‘
Youar
edi
ff
erent
.Youandy
ourpar
tnerar
e
di
fferentandwouldnotthi
nkthesame.Stop
havingtoomuchex pect
ati
onssothatyoudon’
t
gety our
selfhur
t.
’
Cl
ear
ly!
“
Wheni
ssheev
erwr
ong,
”Iqui
etl
yaskmy
sel
f.
Any way,
cany ouimagi
nemydisappoint
ment?I
t
i
sTuesdayandIhadal waysthoughtweare
goingonv acati
ononThur
sday.Ihavebeen
superready.
Igiggleatmy sel
fasIgetonmyf eet
.Dineo
woul dlaughherarseof
fifshelearnsthatIam
fussingaboutamer eanniv
ersary.Ial
sodon’t
knowwhathappenedt omy sel
f.Iam alll
ovel
y
dov eyandish…
“
Itmustbeav er
ygoodmorni
ng,
”avoicef
rom
t
hedoorsays.Idon’
thav
etotur
ntoknowwho
i
tis.
Lungel
o.
Theboss’
sson.
Themanwhoi
sagi
ftf
rom Godt
owomen.
“Whyarey ousneaki
ngaroundmyof fi
ce?”Iask
whil
eturningtowhereheisstandi
ng.Iwould
paytoseet hi
smaninshortsorany t
hingthati
s
notasuit.Today,
heisonadar kgreysuit
.
“Iwaswalki
ngpast…andnoti
cedthatnaught
y
smile,
”hesayswhil
ecrossi
nghisarmstohis
chest.“
Iam headi
ngtoCyri
l
’soff
ice.
”
“Idon’tt
hinkheisthereyet
,”Isay.Cyri
lalways
greetsmebef orehegoestohi soff
ice.Iknow,
becauseIam t hefi
rstt
oarriv
e.
“Couldyout
ellhi
mt or
ingmewhenheget s
here.Iti
sur
gent,
”hesays.Inodathi
m.He
staresatmeasifIowehim somethi
ng.
“What?
”Iask,
start
ingtodoubtt
hatIl
ookfine.I
shoul
dhavestar
tedfrom t
hebathr
oom t
o
ensur
ethatmyhairandmake-uparei
nplace.
“
Youamuseme,
”hesay
s.
“
Me?
”Il
i
ftmychi
n,“
Why
?”
“Nothi
ng.
”Hechuckl es.“
Butanyway,whenwe
awardempl oyees,
Ishouldhaveyouinmind.”I
rai
seaney ebrowathim.“Youarealwaysthe
fi
rsttoar
ri
v eandthelasttol
eave.Donotthi
nk
wedon’tnotice.
”
“Oh.”Ilaughoutloud,nervously
.Ifonl
ythey
knewt her eason-Iam thefir
sttobeatthe
tr
affi
ci nthemor ni
ngsandt helastint
he
evenings.
“Andwehavehadt esti
moni esf
rom yourinterns.
Iam gl
adthatyouarehere,”hesays.“Wear e
havi
ngthefi
rstquart
errevi
ewswi t
ht heinterns
andIam al
readyimpressed.”
“
Thanky
ou.
”
“
Keepupt
hegr
eatwor
k,”hesay
s.
“
Thanky
ou.
”
*
***
*

SinceIhadalreadyputt heleaveday
satwor k,I
decidednottowi thdrawthem soIcouldr
elax.I
hardlydo.Iam foreverworkingandIcoul
duse
thistwodaystoj ustrel
ax.
“Ar
ey ougoi
ngt
owor
k?”IaskPhut
iasher
oll
s
outbed.
“
Yes.Thr
eemeeti
ngsandImightgetsome
t
imemaybeforustogr
absupper?”Heasks.
Happyanni
ver
sar
ytoyout
oo,
Ithoughtt
o
mysel
f.Di
dhefor
get?
Her ushestotheshowertogetreadyforthe
day.Ipullmyphonef r
om t
hepedestalandgo
thr
oughFacebookasIwai tforhimtoreturn.I
t
i
sint hemiddleoftheweek,sochancesofme
fal
l
ingbackt osleepaft
erwakingupareslim.
Il
ist
enasPhut igetsreadyinthebathr
oom.I
getupf r
om thebedandheadt othecl
oset
whereIhav ePhuti
’
sgi f
thidden.Ipul
li
tfr
om
underneathmyclothesandheadbackt othe
back.
Whenheret ur
nst
otheroom,Iwat
chashegets
hi
mselfdressedi
nbrownchi
nosandacri
spy
whi
teshir
t.
Noanni
ver
sar
y,ny
ana?
?
Myphonepingsandamessagef
rom Di
neo
f
lashesonmyscreen.
‘
Hey…doy oufeel
li
keagi
rlsni
ghtoutt
oni
ght
?
Thur
sdaysundowns.’
-Di
neo.
‘
Itisn’
tevenseveni
nthemorni
ngandyouare
alr
eadythinki
ngaboutl
adi
esni
ghtout
?’-me.
‘
Iam goi
ngtoaconferencet
il
lev
eni
ng.Idon’
t
wanttof
orget
.’-Di
neo.
Phut
iput
sonhi
sshoesandhel
ooksl
i
kehei
s
r
eadyt
oleav
e.
“Happytwoyear
sanniver
sar
y,”Isaywhi
l
e
handinghi
m ali
tt
lebox.
“Ahhhh..babe,
”hesays.Hetakesthegi
ftf
rom
meandopensi t.Hi
seyesalmostpopsoutof
thei
rsockets.Igothi
m avoucheraddonwhat
heisgoingt opaywhenhechangeshistyr
es.I
knowt heyaredueandhisquotati
onwasscary.
“Idon’
tknowwhatt osay.”
“Youcansay
,happyanni
versar
yback,
”Isay
,
sadl
y.Icant
ell
hedidn’
tgetmeanythi
ng.
Myphonebuzzesi
nmyhand.
“Anniv
ersar
yandIl
ovey
ou,”hesaysbef
ore
droppi
nghisli
pst
omyforehead.“
Ioweyoubi
g
ti
me.”
‘
Peopl
ear
edif
fer
ent
,’
DrVanessa’
svoi
cer
ings
i
nmyhead.
Hesai
dthesamet
hingwhenIbookedusaway
f
ort
heone-
and-
hal
fyearanni
ver
sar
y.
Ishoul
dn’
thav
ehadt
oomuchexpect
ati
ons.
Iswallowthelumponmyt hroatandasks,“
Do
youhav eplansforust
onightorshouldIgoout
withDineotonight
?Sheinvit
edmet oagi r
l’
s
nightout.
”
“I
t’
sokay.Youcangooutwi thher
,”hesay
s
whil
epackinghisl
aptopint
oitsbag.Hegrabs
someofhisfil
esint
ot hebag.
“I
’
lll
eav
ef ormyhousewhenIwakeup,
”Isay
,
hopi
ngthathewil
lpul
lagi
ftf
rom hi
sbag.
Not
hing.
“Okay.I
’l
lpi
cky ouupon…Sat ur
dayev eni
ng.I
’l
l
comer eadyforthetr
ip.I
tissafert
oleaveour
carsatyourapartment,
”hesays.Hewal ksto
whereIam sitt
ing,onthebed,andkissesmy
l
ips.
“
Ilov
eyou,
”hewhi
sper
sbef
orer
unni
ngoutof
t
her
oom.
Imov
emygazet
omyphone.
‘
Ther eisthi
scool placeIwantust ogot obut
youhav edr
essupal i
ttl
e.Thereisachar it
y
eventandIhav et ickets.I’
l
l br
ingusdr esses-I
don’ttrustyourcloset .I
’l
lbeaty ourapartment
atfivetogetusr eady .’-Dineo.Icanjusttel
l
thatshei si
nagr eat estmoodandwhoam It o
spoilit
?
It
extherback,
‘Al
lri
ght
,I’
l
lbehomeatf
ive.
’

*
***
*

Dineomustr eal
lybelooki
ngforwardto
toni
ght’
sout i
ng.Idon’tbl
ameher,wehaven’
t
gottenoutinli
ketwomont hs.Shealways
blamesitonPhut ibutIal
waystryt
omake
otherexcuses.
Muofheisbehi
ndherwhenshewal ksintothe
housewit
htwosui tcover
s.Ididn’
tknowher
gi
rl
fri
endwil
lbejoini
ngus.Idon’tmindher.I
am j
ustnoti
namoodt owatchothersgetall
l
oveydoveywit
ht heirpar
tnerswhil
emi nei
s
wit
htheboys.
I
tismyf
aul
tthathewi
l
lbewi
tht
heboy
s.
Ishoul
dhavet
oldhimt hatIam nothappy
abouthi
sdeci
sionbutIdidn’
t.
“Ar
eyouokay ,
sweethear
t?”Muofheasksas
sheget
sont hecouch.Shelooksreadyf
ora
par
tyal
readybutDineodoesn’t
.
Iknowmysi
ster
,shei
sfussy
.
“
Phut
ifor
gotouranni
ver
sar
y,”Isay
,sadl
y.
“I
sn’thepl
anni
ngav
acat
ionorsomet
hing?
”
Dineoasks.
“
Hei
sbutouranni
ver
sar
yist
oday
.”
“
Sincewhendi
dbecomel
i
ket
his?
”Di
neoasks
wi
thalaugh.“
Butwearebl
acks…wedon’thav
e
t
ocelebr
atebi
rthday
sandanni
ver
sar
ieson
t
hei
rdays.”
“True!
!!
”Muofheadds.“
Imagi
neyoucouldn’
t
takesometimeoffatworkonyourbi
rt
hday?
Youcelebr
ateitt
hefoll
owi
ngweekend.”
“
Butt
hat
’snotwhatIwantf
orPhut
iandI
.”
“
Eeehhh,
”Dineosaysbutthenf
rowns,
“si
nce
whenareyouthi
sfussy?
”
Ishr
ug.
SinceIf
elli
nlovewithaman,Iwant
edtot
ell
herbutcoul
dn’tbr
ingmysel
ftosayi
t.
“Whatti
meistheevent
?”Muofheaskswhi
l
e
scr
oll
ingthr
ought
hechannel
s.
“Seven,
”Dineosay sassheheadst omyguest
room.Herr oom tobeprecisebecauseshe
alwayscall
sitthat.Ihav
en’tgott
enthe
roommat eanditdoesn’tlookli
keIwil
lbe
get
ti
ngonev
erysoon.
If
oll
owbehindsothatIseewhatshehasfor
me.Ialr
eadyshower
edanddidn’tbot
herwit
h
make-up.Di
neoisamasterofi
t
“
Pleasebecar
eful
withmydress,”shesay
s
whil
epull
i
ngawhitecockt
ail
dressandsetti
ng
i
tonthebed.
“Oh…wow,”IgaspasIt akeitfrom t
hebed.Ili
ft
i
tupsoIcoul dseeitperfectl
y.Thediamonds
sparkl
eintheli
ght
.“Howt hehelldi
dy ouget
thi
s?”
“CometoJoburgsmal lst
reetwithmeandI’l
l
showyouthi
ngs,”shesay s.Al
ltheti
mewhen
shementi
onsit,
Inev erpaidat
tenti
onbutfr
om
nowon,Iam goi
ngt ofoll
owherar oundt
o
shopsnow.
“Therei
snowayy ougotthisf
rom smallst
reet
,”
ImurmurasIsetitdown.Shepull
sanother
dressandset
sitontheside,“
Okay…thatone…I
canbel
i
evei
t.
”
“
Stopt
alki
ngorIwon’
tgi
vei
ttoy
ou,
”shesay
s.
“
Iti
smi
ne?
”
“Yes.Nowt hatIknowwehav eareasonto
celebr
ate…y oucanhav eit
.I’
l
ltaketheredone.”
Shepullshermake- upkit
sandputt hem onthe
dressi
ngtable.
Anhourl ater
,Il
ookdazzling.Thedr essisknee
l
engt handperfectforourdinnerevent.Thisi
s
goingtobet hefir
stchari
tyeventthatIwi l
lbe
att
endingandIl ookthepart.Luckil
y,Ihada
perfectsetofcomf or
tabl
eheel stogowi thit
.
“
Whydon’
tyoutwolookli
kethi
sall
theti
me?”
Muof
heasksassheleadsthewaytot
hecar
.
“Giv
ingyouroom toappr eci
ateus,”Dineosays
assheget sonthef r
ontseat.Itooksomany
pict
uresandIhav ebeent emptedtosendt o
PhutisothatIshowhi m whathei smissing.We
couldhavebeendi ni
ngandIl ooklikethi
s.
“
DoIneedt
omakeadonat i
ontot
hisev
ent
?Do
y
ouknowwhichchar
it
yiti
sfor
?”
“Iknowi ti
saboutwomen.Ididn’tpayattention.
Ijustacceptedt
hefoodvouchers,”shesay s.I
l
augh.Shehasal waysbeenahust lert
hisone.
“I
’
lldonat
ewhatIcan,
”Imumbl
ewhi
l
eset
tl
ing
ontheback.
Muofhedr
ivesusoutoft
hecomplex.Onl
ynow
whenIgothroughmyphone,
IseePhuti
’st
ext
s.
‘
Happyt
woy
ear
sanni
ver
sar
y.’
‘
SorryIdi
dn’tgetyousomething.Ifeell
ikea
j
erk.’
-anothertext
.Heshouldn’tusethatli
ne
becauseheusedi tsi
xmonthsago.
‘
I
’l
lmakei
tupt
oyou.
’-Phut
i.
‘
It’
sokay.Dineo,
MuofheandIar egoingout
.I’
ll
cel
ebrat
eonourbehal f
.Ciao.Iwannasavethe
batt
eryforthepi
cs.I
’l
ltextyouwhenIget
home.’Withthat
,Isl
i
demyphonei nt
omypur se
andlookout si
dethewindow.Onl ynowdoI
noti
cet hecentrewhereMuofheist urni
ng
towards.Thisisoneplacewheret hingshappen.
Thisplaceremindsmeoft heday swhenIuse
togri
nd.Iftherewasonegirlwhohust l
ed,was
me.Di neo’
sphonehasbeenr i
ngingnon- st
op
andshehasbeent r
yingtoignoreit.Ihopeher
gir
lf
ri
enddoesn’ tpi
ckitup.
“
Wear
eher
e,”Muof
hesay
s.
“Iusetoworkhere,
”Il
aughasIj
umpoutoft
he
car.“
Ihopenoneofthepeopl
eIuset
owork
witharest
il
lher
e.”
“Why ?Wouldn’ti
tbegoodtoreuni
tewit
h
them? ”Muofheasksasweheadt othe
recepti
on.Ithasn’
tchangedmuch.Andlucki
l
yI
don’trecogni
zeanyone.
“
Goodeveni
ng,
”thegent
lemansay
s,“
Tabl
efor
t
hree?
”
“
Wear
eher
efort
hedi
nnerev
ent
,”Di
neosay
s.
Henodsandl
eadsusi
nsi
de.
If
reeze!
Li
ter
all
yfr
eeze!
I
nf r
ontofmei sPhutiandourfri
ends,suit
edup
i
ngl amorouscl
otheswithchampagnef l
utesin
thei
rhands.Mymout halmostdropst othefl
oor
whenIseet hewholedecoraroundtheroom.
Thisisnotsomethi
nghej ustpul
ledinaday .
Therewasanev entpl
annerforthisone.
‘
HappyAnni
ver
sar
y’i
swr
it
tenont
hewal
l
.
“Happyanni
ver
sar
y,”Phut
isay
sashewal
ks
closert
ome.
“
Yougotme,
”Isayashepul
l
smei
nhi
sar
ms.
“
Youreal
l
ydi
d.”
“Youdon’tknowhowharditwast
okeepthi
s
from you,
”hesaysashehugsme.Heki
sses
meonmyl ipsbef
orel
ett
ingmegotogr
eetour
guests.
Wearei
nthatrest
aur
ant!Thatonewherehe
host
edhi
sbir
thdayandIgavehim af
ight.
Ihopehedoesn’tbr
ingt
hest
oryupwhen
ever
yoneasksforaspeechf
rom hi
m.
Minutesl
ater
,wear esi
tti
ngar oundthet
abl
e
andIcannothelpbutsmi l
eatev er
yonewhois
aroundus.Ourclosefr
iends.Eachandoneof
them.
Iam nev
ergoi
ngt
obel
i
evemysi
ster
.
Dinneri
sservedaswechi t
-chatandcatchup;
andrefi
ll
ingourgl
asses.Thisisway-
bettert
han
thevacati
on.Iwatchasamani nabl
acksuit,
walkstoPhutiandwhisperint
ohisear.
Thereaf
terheleaves.
“
Isev
ery
thi
ngokay
?”
“Uhm…”Phutigetsonhisfeetandwhisperto
me, “
Babe,
canIhav eawor dwithyou?Itl
ooks
l
ikether
eisanissuewithmycar d.Thedri
nks
bil
li
swayov erwhatIhavealreadypai
d…and
t
heywantust
otopt
het
ab.
”
“Oh…okay,
”Isaywhil
epull
i
ngmyclutchbag
fr
om thet
able.Thi
smustn’
thi
nderusfr
om
havi
ngagoodt i
me.
“Youcansettl
ethebi
llwi
ththemanagerther
e,”
hesaysaswewal ktowherethemani s
standi
ng.Iwalkt
owardshim andpul
lmycard
from t
hepurse.
“Howmuchdoweneedt opay?”Iaskthe
gentl
emanwhilepul
li
ngmyphonef ormybank
App.Ihopei
tisn’
tmuch,Iam goi
ngtoa
vacat
ionandwanttoslaywhenIam ther
e.
“Itwi
llbeR3000andt her estcanbesett
led
beforeyouleav
e,”hesay s.Ihandhim mycard
andwai tf
orhimtoprocesst hepay
ment .He
takesthecardandinsteadofswi pi
ngit,
hetell
s
met hatheneedsanot hermachine.
Itur
nsot
hatIcantal
ktoPhut
iwhi
l
ewewai
t
fort
hemanagert
ocomeback.
“
Thecardbet
terhav
ethemoney
,”Isaybef
oreI
r
eal
isewhati
sgoingon.
Phut
iisonhi
sknee.
Oh.My
.God.
Phut
iisonhi
sknee!
!!
Myhandsstartt
rembli
ngashetakesonetohis.
Myeyesturntoever
yonewhoisbeamingatthe
di
nnert
able.
“Ihavenevermetanywomanli
keyou,
”Phut
i
says.“Ihav
enevermetanywomanli
keyouand
Idon’twanttol
oseyou.
”
Ili
ftmyeyestomysister
,whohasherey
es
teary
.Inani
nstant
,mineget
stear
yaswell.
Phut
iist
alki
ngandIcannothearanyt
hingunt
il
heasks,
“Thul
i,
babe,mayyoupleasemar r
y
me?”
“
Huh?
”Iask.
Ther
eissi
l
encei
nther
oom.
“
Wil
lyoumar
ryme?
”

Pi
ckoft
heday
:Int
otheSun+TheRoy
al
Mi
str
ess

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE45(
unedi
ted)

PHUTI

“
NoPhuti
,
”shesay
swhi
l
eshaki
ngherhead.
“
Noways.
”
“
Arey
ouki
ddi
ngme?
”
“
Iam notdoi
ngi
t,
”shesay
sasshet
ri
est
o
marchbacki
ntoourv
il
la.Iqui
ckl
yreachf
orher
handandpul
lhert
owardsme.
“
Justdoi
tforme.
”
“
Nope.Nothappeni
ng.
”
“
Ial
readypai
dal
otofmoneyf
ori
t.Comeon.
”
“
Phuti
…Iam notbungeejumpi
ng.Noways.No
t
hankyou.YougoaheadandjumpandI’
l
ltake
y
oulotsofpicsandv
ideos.
”
“Whati
sthepointofj
umpingal
one?Iwantt
o
doitwi
thyou.Ipai
dfort
hecouplej
ump.”
“Then…justforget,
”shesays.“Irat
hergoi
nside
foryoutoshowmehowmuchy ouloveme.Or…
wecouldgochi llbythepoolandwai tf
ori
tto
getdarkbeforeweski ndi
p.”
“Okay…wecanstil
ldoboth,r
ight
?”Isaywhile
droppi
ngmylipstohers.Wi
thoutanotherword,
weclosethedoorandgettothehundredthlove
makingsessi
onssincewearri
vedhere.Iti
sour
thi
rddayandithasbeent
hebestv
acat
ionI
haveeveri
nto.
Iti
sdarkwhenIwakeupfrom ournap.The
curt
ainsar
ecl
osed,soi
tiswayt oodark.Ihop
outofbedandheadtothebathr
oom totakea
l
eap.WhenIret
urnbacktothebedroom, Thul
i
i
sawakeandcheckingherphone.
“
Weweresupposedt
ogoswi
mmi
ng,
”Isay
whi
l
eget
ti
ngbackinbed.
“Irat
hernotswimifIam goi
ngtor
ecei
ve
endlessorgasms.
”Shegiggl
esbef
oreIpul
lher
closert
ome.
Wear
eunbr
eakabl
enow.
Itdoesn’
tmat t
erwhatt
heworl
dwi l
lof
fer.We
areunbreakabl
e.Noonecanbreakoursouls.
“
Iloveithere,
”shewhi sperasIki
ssher
f
orehead.Wear eli
terall
yinthemiddleofno
where.Iti
sjustaresortwithever
ythi
ngyoucan
i
magi ne.Themountainssur r
ounditandthe
l
akesar
ebeauti
ful
.Ibety
ou,
SunCi
tyhas
got
tenacompeti
ti
on.
“
Iknewy
ouwoul
d.”
Sheturnssoshecouldsleeponherback.She
l
if
tsherlefthandandrol
lthebandonherfinger.
Thediamondspar kl
ebef
or eshesmi
leswidely.
Damn, t
hisgirlhadmesweat ingforweekspr ior
tothepr oposal.Iknewt hatshelovedme
enought oallowmet omar r
yherbutdamn, she
hadmesweat ing.Forweeks, whenIwas
organisi
ngt hepr oposal ortheanniversary
dinner,myf r
iendswer elaughingatme.Iwas
abletoactst rongi nf r
ontofherbutonceshe
disappeared,Iwoul dtakeadeepestbr eathand
prayshedoesn’ tturnmypr oposaldown.Ont he
nightoftheanni v ersary,Ihadbeent empt edto
postponet hepr oposal sinceIwasf r
eaki ngout .
Iwasgoi ngt oor ganisesomet hi
ngaroundher e
wheni twasj ustt het woofus.Howev er,itwas
onlybestt ocelebr ateouruni onwi t
hourf ri
ends.
Itt
ookall
oft hem tostandbyoursi defort he
pastt
woy ears…sot heyreall
yhadt obepar tof
thi
swonderfuljourney.Forthef i
rstti
meev er,
I
enj
oyedwatchingThul iintears.Shecoul dn’t
bel
iev
eitandwhenev erherf r
iendscamet o
congr
atul
ateher ,shehadt earsinherey es.
Ihadaskedheri
fshecoul
dmar
rymebuther
responsemel
tedmyheart
.
“Youwantt
olovemeunt i
ltheendofti
me?I
plant
odojustt
hat
,”shehadsai di
ntear
s
befor
ejumpi
ngandsaying,“YES!
”
Youshoul
dhav
eseenme.
Damn,
Iwasov
ert
hemoon.
Nomatt
erhowmuchImaytrytoexplai
nmy
l
ovef
orThuli
,i
twoul
dn’
tbeeasyt
of orany
one
t
ounder
stand.
Thul
itur
nst
omeandgi
vesmeawi
destsmi
l
e.
“
Ilov
eyou.
”
“Ilov
eyoumore,
”Ir
espondbef
orepl
ant
inga
kissonherl
i
ps.
“
Wear
eget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed,
huh?
”Iask.
Shenodsandsay
s,“
Whenar
eweget
ti
ng
marr
ied?
”
“
Assoonasy
oucanl
etme.
”
“
Nextweek,
”shesay
s.Il
aughl
oudl
y.
“Nextweek?Thatgi vesusthr
eeday s…li
ter
all
y,
”
Isaywi t
hagiggle.“Iwantmymot hertobepart
ofit…soiti
sgoingt otakeali
tt
lelongert
han
thattohaveherjoinus.Herdoctorneedsto
clearhertoj
oinus.”
“Okay …wecangetmar riedwhenshei scleared
tojoinus.Iwanthertoj oinus.Sheiscool,”she
says.Iwanttoaski fhershewant shermot her
attheweddingbutIki ndaknowt heanswer .Her
mot heri
soutofthepi cture.Sheclai
mst ohav e
for
gi v
enherbuttrustme, It
hinkshesti
llhasa
l
ongwayt ogotheitcomest oher.“And…
please…let
’sleavethedowr ypartout
.Youcan
givemet helobolamoneyandI ’ll
spoi
lmy sel
f.
”I
stareather.“Oh…wait…”shesitsup.“
Youcan
giveitt
oDineo.Shel i
teral
lyrai
sedme.”She
goesbackt olyingonherbed.“ Butmaybeshe
shoulddothef ormer.Givethemoneyt ome.”
Lucki
ly
, Iam nottootradi
ti
onal
todi
sagr
eewi
th
whatevershewi l
lsuggest.
IknowThul i.Iwaspartofherhealingjourney.I
f
Thulisaysshedoesn’twantsomet hi
ng,the
bestthingtodoi st
olist
en.Shecomesav er
y
l
ongwayf ormet oall
owany thingtotri
ggerthe
past.But,DrVanessadidagr eatjobwi t
hher .I
havewat chedhergrabbingthisthi
ngcal l
edlife
bythebal l
s.Shemakesmesuperpr oudofher .
“Sowhatkindofweddingwouldy ouli
ke?”Iask.
Ihav
el i
tt
lefunds,
enoughli
tt
lefunds,stashed
awayforthi
s.Thankstomyf r
iendswhogav e
mear el
iefformymother’
shospitalbi
ll
sf ora
wholeofsixmonths.
“Iwantsomethi
ngver
ysmall
.Inf
actIshouldbe
askingyouwhatki
ndofweddi
ngyouwant,”she
says.
“
Why
?”
“Becauseifitwasforme…Iwoul dinv
itet
hose
peoplewhower eattheanni
versarydi
nner
only,
”sheresponds.“Oh…pl
easeaddDr
Vanessaandt hreeofmycol
leagues.So,that
makesi tabouttwent
yguest
s.”
It
urnsoIcoul
dfaceher
.
“
I’
ll
justaddafewpeopl efr
om myfamil
yand
weareset,
”Irespond.Iam al
sonotbi
gon
f
amily.I
twil
lonlybemyf amil
yandmyaunt’
s
f
amily.
“
Iam superexci
ted,
”shesay
swi
thasmi
l
e.
Ibel
i
eveher
.
“Doyoust
il
lwantt
obeher
e?Or…shoul
dwe
dri
vedowntoLi
mpopotot
ell
myfamily
?”
“
Let
’scheckout
.”
That
’smygi
rl
.

*
***

Ther oadtr
iptoLimpopoi swaybetterthanus
runni
ngawayf rom all
theactivi
ti
estheyhadat
theresort
.Itwasn’
tal i
ethatIhadpaidf or
bungeejumping.Ithoughtitwassomet hingwe
couldbothdojusttocomeov erourfears.
Am Inotgl
adthatshedidn’
twantt
ojump?I
wasalsonott
oosur eanymore.
Wehavebeendri
vingf
orhour
sandweshoul
d
behomeinlesst
hanthi
rt
yminut
es.
“
Shoul
dIkeept
her
ingon?
”Thul
iasks.
“Let
’sseeift
heywi l
lpickitupbef
orewesay
anyt
hing,
”Isay.Icanal r
eadyimagi
nemy
cousinnot
ici
ngther i
ng.
I
nnot i
me,Iam dr
ivi
ngint
othedark.I
tislat
e
noonandIbetLet
haboisoutatthesoccer
matchwhi
leKamopr epar
essupper.
Bytheway,Mahasbeendoi nggr
eat
.She
doesn’
tspeakyetbutshecanmumbleafew
wordssomucht hatyouar
eabletomakeout
whatsheissay
ing.
Boy
,ar
ethi
ngsnotl
ooki
nggr
eat
?
Bytheti
meIparkthecaratmyusualspot,
Kamoiswaiti
ngforusatthemaindoor.She
hasherhandsonherwaistasshewatchesus.
“Youdi
dn’tsayy
ouwerecomi
ng,”shesay
sas
shewalkstowar
dsuswhil
ewejumpoutofthe
car.
“Sor
ry…wewant edtosurpri
seyou,”Ir
espond
toher.Shei
swalkingtothepassengerdoor
i
nsteadofmine.IwatchasshegivesThulia
bri
efhug.
“
Wel
l
,…i
tisagoodsur
pri
se.Wel
ovesur
pri
ses
l
ikethese,
”sheresponds.Aftert
hehug,
Kamo
str
aight
enshersel
fandst ar
esatme.
“IseeIam nott
hefavouri
teany
mor
e,”Isay
,
aimingtomakeherfeelgui
lt
y.
“Ohplease…whenlastdidweseeThuli
?Shei s
theonewemi ssmore,”Kamosays.Idonot
offl
oadthebagfr
om theboot.Wecandot hat
l
aterwhenKamohasnot i
cedther
ingandall.
“
Howi
sshe?
”
“Shei sdoingwayt oogreat.Shei
swatchi
ngTV
untildinner,
”Kamor esponds.Il
ovehowher
routinehaschangedsi nceshehasgotten
better.Iti
sn’tmuchbed.Insteadshei
spartof
dinnerandt elev
isi
ontime.
“Wher
eisLet
habo?”Thul
iasksaswef
oll
ow
Kamotothehouse.
“Soccer.Heisatthesoccerpract
ice,”shesays
beforetaki
ngalongestsigh.“Helovesittoo
much, Iam st
art
ingtolethim be.
”
“
Hei
sgr
eatati
t.Lethi
m be.
”
“
Fine,
”Kamoresponds.“
Goahead.I’
l
ljoi
nyou
i
nal i
tt
lewhi
l
e.Ineedtofi
nishdi
nner
.”
“Don’tworr
yaboutus.Weat enotl
ongago.We
wil
ljusthavet
ea,
”Thuliannouncesasmy
cousinheadstotheki
tchen.
Il
eadThul
itot
hel
ivi
ngroom, wher
emymot
her
i
sli
vel
ywatchi
ngt
elevi
sion.
“Hel
lo,Ma,”Isaywhil
eheadi
ngtowheresheis
seated.ShesmilesatmeasIplantaki
sson
hercheekbeforetaki
ngaseatonthenear
est
couch.
“
Hel
l
o…Ma,
”Thul
isay
sasshet
akesaseatnext
t
ome.
‘
Hell
o,”Mar
espondsinanot-
so-
audibl
evoi
ce.I
smil
eather
.Il
ikesheist
ryi
ngherbest
.Iam
pl
eased.
“
Wet
houghtwecoul
dcomebyandseey
ou,
”I
saywhi letaki
ngThul
i
’shandinmi ne.Kamo
didn’tnoti
cetheri
ngandIdon’tknowi fmy
mot herisgoingt
onoticei
t.MaybeIshould
havet ol
dthem whywear eher
e.
Befor
eIcoul
dpresentourcase,
Let
habor
unsi
n
wit
hawidestsmil
e.
“
Stoprunni
ngint
hehouse,
”hi
smot
hercal
l
s
f
rom t
hekit
chen.
“
Sor
ry,
Ma,
”hey
ell
sbackashepant
s.
“Areyoufrom pr
acti
se?”Iaskashet
akesa
seatatthefur
thestcouch.
“Yes…butIsawyourcarpassi
ngt
hest
adi
um
andIlef
t,
”hesay
s, happi
l
y.
“Nowgoshowerbef orey oujoinus,
”Kamosay s
andwi t
houtanar gument ,Lethaborunsdown
thecorri
dorforhisbath.Kamot her
eafterturns
tomymot herandsay s,“Thesetwodeci dedto
surpr
iseuswi thav i
sit,
cany oubeli
ev eit.
.,
Ma? ”
“
Yes!
”Mar
esponds.
“Noooowaay yyy…”Kamosays,hergazeon
Thuli
’shands.Shewastr
yingtohideherhands
butdamnt hediamondcannotbehidden.“
Is
thatwhatIthi
nkitis?
”
“
Wel
l
…”Ismi
l
ebr
ight
ly.“
Iti
s.”
“Ma…Thulihasaringonherfi
nger.Phuti
engagedher,
”Kamosay s,
rushi
ngt okneel
besi
demymot her
’swheel
chair
.“heaskedher
tomarryher.
”
“
Haaa…”Ihearmymot
hergasp.
Damn!
Igetonmyf eetsoIcoul
dexcusemyselff
rom
theroom.Ineveri
nmyl i
fewantThul
itoseemy
tear
s.Imaybel yi
ngtomysel
fbutIdon’
twant
hertoseemyt ears.
“Arey
outwoget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed?
”IhearKamo
asksThul
i
.
“Thati
swhywear ehere.Wewantedt
oletyou
know,”Thul
iresponds.Icanl
i
ter
all
yhearher
smilethr
oughherwor ds.
“Good,
”IhearMasayt
oher
.WhenIt
urnt
oher
,
sheisal
lsmiles.
Whatdoessheseei nThuli?IknowthatIl
ove
Thul
iwithallmyheartbutwhatissospecial
aboutherthatmymot her
’sworldl
ight
supat
thementionofhername?
“Wearegoingtodoasmal l weddi
ngver
ysoon.
So,Kamo,Iam goingtoneedt ogetacl
ear
ance
fr
om thedoctorastohowf arwecantakeher
.”
“Iam onit
,”Kamosay
s.“Ihopei
tisoutsi
deof
Polokwane.Weneedtobeoutofhere.A
changeofscener
ywil
ldousgood.”
“
Not
ed.
”Ismi
l
eather
.

*
***
*
SinceThuliandIgotbackf rom Li
mpopo, we
havebeenl ookingforperfectvenuestohost
ourwedding.Wecoul dgetaweddi ngplanner
butiti
stoosoonf orthatsincewear ewaiti
ng
forthedoctortoconf i
rmt hatMacanl eave
Limpopof oradayort wo….Ori fweshoul dhost
theweddingt hatsidewher eshedoesn’tneed
totravel
.Wear elookingatt hevenuesin
LimpopoandGaut eng.
UnlessThul ii
sn’thonestwi t
hme, sheis
handlingthiswell.May beiti
st heeffectmy
mot herhasonpeopl e.Beforewel efthome
aft
erourv isi
t,i
thadbeenemot ionalformet o
watchmymot hercl i
ngonThul isotightl
ythatI
hadt oseparatet hem from t
hehug.Iam y ett
o
fi
ndoutwhyThul iistoospecialtomymot her.
Now,i
thasbeenaweekandourl
i
fei
sbackt
o
nor
mal.
Wor
k,wor
k,wor
k,wor
k!….andmor
ewor
k.
Ist
il
lfall
inl
ovewithThul
ieverysingl
eday
bef
oresheleavesforwor
kandev eryti
mewhen
sheretur
nsinhersui
torwhateveratt
ireshe
hasonwhenshel eavesf
orwor k.
Iam unabl
etoexplai
nmyf eel
ingst
oanyone
butwhatIknowisthatIwanttobewit
hthis
womanf ort
herestofmylife.
Iti
sar andom TuesdayandThul
imadei
ttomy
apart
mentbef or
esix.
“Tiesdaymoviedat
e?”Iaskthemi nuteshe
wal ksi
ntot
hehouse.Ifwedon’tinsistont
his
kindsofdates,wewil
lneverhavethem.
“
Yourpi
ck!
”
“Ihavetheperf
ectpi
ck,”IrespondasIfi
nish
prepari
ngthespaghett
ithatIwascooking.
Thulionl
ywalksint
othedi ni
ngroom thi
rt
y
minuteslat
er,
smelli
ngf r
eshashell.
“Youar
eunf ai
r,
”IsayasIdisht
hemi
ncei
nto
herpl
ate.“
Yousmel lni
ce.
”
“Iknow.
”Shegi
ggles.Thesameef fectshehas
onmymot heri
sthesameef fectshehasonme.
Iam unabl
etot
hinkstrai
ghtwhenshei sinthe
room.
Myphonepi
ngsandIpi
cki
tfr
om t
heki
tchen
count
er.
‘
Iam gladtoletyouknowt hatMai sclearedt
o
tr
avelnow.Asl ongasshehasanur searound
toensuret
hatherv i
talsaretaken-thatisme
bytheway-shei sclearedtogoasf arasshe
wants.
’-atextfrom Kamo.
‘
Areyouseri
ous?
’ It
extherback.Thi
smeans
t
heworldtome.Itevenmeanst hatmymother
i
sbecomingasnor malastheycome.
‘
Iam.So,
youguyscandeci
dewheneveryou
wantt
ohosty
ourwedding…weshal
lbethere.
’-
Kamo.
Whatwoul
dIdowi
thouther
?
Thul
ifi
ndsmesmi
l
ingatmy
sel
f.
“
Wannashar
e?”Sheasks.
“Mymot heriscl
ear
edt ot
ravel
,
”Iannounce
proudl
y.Thismeanssomucht omebecause
nowmywi f
e-to-
becanchoosewhatevervenue
shewant stogetmarr
iedat.
Thatmeansal
ott
ome.
“
Arey
ouser
ious?
”
“
Yes!
”Ipr
oudl
yannounce.
“
IfoundaperfectvenueinLi
mpopo.Notf
ar
f
rom yourhome,”Thuli
says.
“
Youdi
d?”
“Yes.Madoesn’
thavetotr
avelmuch.I
tis
perfectf
orasmal
lceremony,
”shesays.
“
Isyourmothercoming?
”Iask.Wear
egoi
ngt
o
t
alkaboutt
hisatsomepoint
,whet
herwel
i
kei
t
ornot
.
“
No.
”
“Okay…fi
nebyme,”Iqui
ckl
ysaybef
oreshe
start
sthi
nki
ngtoomuch.Shel
ikest
orai
seher
mi ndsomuch.
Weeatourdi nneri
nsilence-becauset
hetopic
abouthermot heri
sofflimi
tsandIshouldhave
knownbetter
.Sheaut omatical
l
ybecamequi et
asifsheiscontemplati
ngonherdecisi
on.
Af
terdinner,
Thuli
picksherpl
ate…aswel
las
mine.Ikeepmygazeatherasshewalkstot
he
ki
tchentogetthem cl
eanedup.
“Ar
ey ouokay
?”Iask.If
eel
badaboutaski
ng
abouthermother
.
“
Yes.
”
“
Whati
sony
ourmi
nd?
”Iask.
“
Adoct
or’
sappoi
ntment
.”
“
Forwhat
??”IaskasIgetonmyf
eet
.
“
Fami
l
ypl
anni
ng.
”
“Whatf
amil
yplanni
ng?”Iaskasmyheartbeat
s
outofmychest
.“Whatfamil
yplanni
ng?
”
“Weareget t
ingmarri
edint
womont h’
sti
me.
Wear egoingtostar
tafamil
ysoon…soIwant
ustofindoutfrom t
hedoct
orhowsoonwecan
dothat.”
“
What
?”
WTF?
“
Iwasont hecontr
acept
ivef
orsolong…saya
y
earandahalf?Iwanttoknowifwecoul
dflash
t
hatoutofmysy st
em.”
“
Whatdoest
hatmean?
”
“
Youareasmar tman…youknowwhatIam
t
alki
ngabout
,”shesay
sasshecont
inuest
o
washthedi
shes.
I
fIdi
dn’
tfai
ntt
oni
ght
…I’
l
lnev
erev
erf
aint
.
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE46

THULI
SILE

Aweekl at
eranditst
il
lfeel
sli
keadr
eam t
hatI
am engagedtoPhuti
.
Imean,comeon, Ihavebeengivi
ngtheman
toughti
mesi nceImethi m.Sixmonthsago,
whenwehadt hatli
ttl
eepisodeabout
separat
ion,
Ithoughthehadchangedhi smind
aboutus.Whowoul dwanttobewi t
haperson
l
ikeme?
Ishaket
hatthought .Mytherapi
sthasurgedme
tostopt
hinki
ngl ikeIam notgoodenough.Iti
s
themostdiff
iculttaskbecause‘
doubt’al
way s
fi
ndawayt ocr eepin.Butinal
lhonest
y ,
I
thoughthewasj usttaggi
ngmeal
ongunti
lhe
knowst hatIam str
ongenought
osurv
ivea
break-
up.
Thespiri
tofdoubtissuchabiach!
!!
!Therewas
noroom formetot hi
nkli
kethatwhenPhutidi
d
nothi
ngbutkeephispromisetoloveme.He
l
ovedmedear lybutIkeptdoubt
ingthatIwas
bestforhi
m.
Isi
ghandturntotakeaglanceatPhut
i’
s
handsomedarkface.Hei
sst i
l
lasl
eepandher
e
Iam,mindraci
ngandgoingwi l
d.
Ili
ftmylefthandandgl
anceatt
heaccessor
y
thatdoesn’
tleavemyfi
nger
.
“Whatify ouar ebl
essedwi t
hchildr
enwhohas
Phuti’
shear t
?Don’tatt
achanypastt oi
t.Don’t
att
achany thingt
ot hi
sthought
.”–thosewer e
myt herapistwords.Aftert
hattask,Iwentto
seeheral mostev eryweekendforthepast
thr
eemont hsbecausewehav ethesedemons
t
ofi
ght
.
Thedemonoft
hinki
ngl
essofmy
sel
f.
Thedemonst
hatkeptpul
l
ingmebackwar
ds.
Oh,
andt
hef
ear
sIhav
e-had.
Someofust hi
nkthatt
hefutur
eisnotalways
sobri
ghtwhentherewastoomuchdar knessi
n
one’
sli
fe.Thati
snotthecasebutt
hatiswhatI
usedtothi
nktoo.
GodknowsIcoul dnev erthankDrVanessa
enough.Ifitwasany bodyel se,t
heywoul dhave
beensoi mpat ientwi thme.Ikeepdr aggi
ngher
threestepsbackwhenev erwepr ogresstothe
nextstep.Mymi ndandbankaccountt el
lsme
thatsheisjustdoi ngherj ob.Butmyhear ttel
l
s
mei ti
smor et hant hat.Ifitwasherjob,she
wouldhav epr escr i
bedmedsf ormyanxietyand
mov edonwi t hherl if
e.Shewoul dn’
ttakemy
handandl i
st enst oal lthesefearsthat
i
ntimidateme.
Dayi
n,dayout
,shehel
psmef
ight
.
‘
Itisn’ty ourf aul
t,
’–herf amouswor ds.Outof
all
t hingsIhav ebeenbat tl
ingwi th,thisi
sthe
mostdi ffi
cul tone.Mar i
a’smot heralso
conf usesmewhenshesay st hingshappenf or
areason.Butwhyme?I fitisbecauseIam
str
onger .Ifthatist hereason, thenIwantt obe
weak.I ti sunf ai
rthatmyst rengt h,t
ocomeout
str
ongaf teranyst orm,coul dbet hereasons
whyIwentt hroughal l
these.I tisunf ai
r.
Howev er ,i
fitwasmeantt ohappent oanybody
i
nt hewor l
d, whoel sewaswor t
henought obe
ther ecipient?
Li
fei
sjustunf
air
.
Andf
airatt
hesamet
ime.
Lif
etookmychi ldhoodawaybutIam t he
happiestwomanatt hispoi
nt.Thesamel if
e
thathasbeensocr ueltomebr oughtmeal l
thesethingsIev
erwi shedandprayedfor.Iam
bl
essedbey
ondwhatIhav
eev
eri
magi
ne.
“
What ’
sonyourmind?”Phutimumblesbefor
e
r
oll
ingtol
ieonhisback.Iwokeupf i
rstandmy
mindhasbeenrunni
ngwi l
d,asusual
.
It
urnsoIcoul
dfacehi
m.
“Iwasj
ustthi
nki
ngabouty
ou,
”Isaybef
orehe
pull
smeclosert
ome.
“
Ihadabeaut
if
uldr
eam,
”hesay
s.
“Whatwasitabout
?”Ihav
ebeenhav
ing
beaut
if
uldr
eamst oo.
“Yousai
dy ouwanttogot othedoctorsowe
coul
dstartwit
hpreparati
onsforourfi
rstbor
n,”
hemumbl esandthensmi l
es.Heknowsi t
wasn’
tadr eam.I
tisjustadream comet r
ue.
Okay
,IknewPhutiwant
edbabies.ButIhadno
i
deahewantedthem t
hismuch.
OhhmyGod,
Iam f
reaki
ngoutofal
ready
.
“
DrVanessagav
emeat
ask,
thr
eemont
hsago,
”
Isay.Iknowhewant st
oknowwhatchanged
mymi nd.DrVannessadidn’
tchangemymi
nd.
I’
l
ltel
lyouwhy.
“
Whatt
askwasi
t?”
“
Shetaskedmet
oimagi
nebabi
eswi
thhear
ts
l
i
keyours.”
“
Ah…t
hati
scut
e.”
“
SoIdi
d.”
“
Youwantbabi
eswi
thhear
tsl
i
kemi
ne?
”
“Iam prayingforbabieswithheartsli
key ours.
”
Phutipullsmecl oserandkissesmycheeks.
Wheni tcomest othi
ngscloset ohisheart,he
cannothidehi semot i
onsfrom me.Wehav e
beentoget herfortwoyears.Ifhecould,he
wouldcr ybutIknowhewoul dn’tdareinfrontof
me.“Youknowwhati sfunny?”
“
Yeah?
”
“
Shenev
eraskedmewhatIt
houghtoft
he
babiesther eaf t
er,”Ir espond, amazedathow
greatshei s.Iam goi ngt or ecommendhert o
thewor l
d.Af t
ert hatt ask, shenev eraskedme
howIf eltabouthav ingbabi es.Inst
eadshe
gavemeat asksaf t
ert asks.Wehadbeen
workingont he‘ i
tisn’ ty ourf aul
tconcept’
becausei twasappar entt hatIhadn’taccepted
thattr
uth.Idonow.Ev enwhensomet imes, I
doubtit.Ev enwhenIst i
llsayIshouldhav e
donesomet hingt ot hosemen.Thewor stcase
wouldhav ebeent oki llal
l ofthem,howev er
,it
wouldhav edonet hewor stdamaget omyl i
fe
and…Ipr obabl ywoul dn’thav ebeenhere,li
vi
ng
suchaf airyt alelife.
Iam her
enow.Ishouldl
i
veinthenowand
cl
osetheol
dbook.Thosechaptersarefini
shed
andwheneverIam r
eady,
Ishouldjustburnthe
book.
“
Sowhatmadey
ou…”Phut
iasks.“
…change
y
ourmi
nd?”
“
Ikeptdoi
nghert
asksal
mostev
eryweek.
”
“
Tasks?
”
“Okay …atf ir
stshel etmei magi nehav ingt hem
babi es…andIwoul dt rytoi maginet hat .Itwas
diffi
cultatf i
rst.
”Isi gh.Itwasdi ff
icultIal most
stopped.“ Then…sheaskedmet oi magi net hem
alittlegrownup. .
.”Ismi le.Dur i
ngt hist ask, I
couldt oputMar ia’sbabi esi nmymi nd.They
aregi rl
sandt heirparent sar esol ovingand
car i
ng.Nj abul oador est hem wi t
hev er ythingi n
him.AndMar i
a?OhmyGodshewoul dki llfor
them.Ii magi nedmybabi esjustashappyas
Mar ia’sbabi es.Ev eni fNjabul owasn’ tint he
picture,shewoul dmakeaper f
ectmot her .And
then…whenDrVanessat oldmet oimagi ne
them ast eenager s…Icoul dn’thelpbutt hinkof
Grace.Oh, Ihav ebeenpl ay i
ngmyscenar ios
withgi rl
s–t hati swher emyf earwas.Ist arted
thinkingabouthowGr acei swi thherf ather.She
i
sasol dasIam butt hel ov eherf atherhasf or
herisunbel
iev
abl
e.Hewouldrat
herdrop
everyt
hingt
otakehi
sdaughtert
oapar t
y,j
ust
tomakesuresheiswellt
akencareof
.Ihave
watchedashecheckeduponher,wheneverhe
gotachance.
I
fther
earepeopl
eli
ket
hose…itmeansi
tcan
bepossi
blet
obeabett
erpar
ent.
“
Arey
ouokay
?”Phut
iasks.
“YouknowhowMar ia’smotheris…withherand
everybodyelse?”Iask, t
ear
sthreateningtof
all
.
“ThatiswhatIwantf ormychil
dr en.I
fIcoul
d
bethatmot her,
nje!!
”
“
Youwi
l
.”
Ahhh,
enoughaboutt
his,
Iam goi
ngt
ocr
y

*
***
*

Di
neohasnotst
oppedscr
eami
ngwhenev
erwe
areonthecal
l
.Ial
waysreser
vefi
veminut
esf
or
hertot
ellmehowproudsheisofme.
Shei
sgenui
nel
yhappyf
ormeaswel
l
.
“Iam t
oof or
ward…am I
?orshoul
dIjustst
art
celebr
ati
ngthatIam t
hebestl
ady?”
“I
sthereanyot
her
?”IaskasIwal
kbackt
omy
desk.I
tisal
mostl
unchandIam wai
ti
ngf
ormy
ordert
obedeli
ver
ed.
“
Mar
iadoesn’
tst
andachance,
”shesay
s.
Isi
gh.
“Idon’
twantMaatt heweddi
ng.Am Iwr
ong?I
am confl
i
cted,
”Iask.
“
May
bey
oushoul
daskDrVanessa,
”shesay
s.
“
Comeon…y
ouknowy
ouropi
nionmat
ter
sto
me.
”
“
Itisyourday.Youshoulddowhatmatter
sto
you,
”shesay s.Icannotbel
i
evether
ear
eso
manybr okenfamili
esoutherei
ntheworl
d.Too
many .IfIrememberwel l
,Mr sRwasi nt he
samedi l
emmaasIwhenshegotmar ried.The
diff
erencei sthatIhavebot hparents,
al i
veand
kicki
ngbutt heyarenotwor thmyi nvi
tati
on.I
knowt her i
ghtt hi
ngtodo.DrVanessaal ways
preachesi t
.Al ways.I
tisjustsosodi f
ficultbut
yetagain,Iwantt oletgoofal lt
hebaggage.
IHAVENOTHI
NGTOLOSE,
IFIFORGI
VETHE
WORLD.
“
Let
’sgov
isi
tManextSat
urday
.”
“
Thul
i
…thi
sisnotmyj
our
ney
…iti
syour
s.”
“Pl
ease.Shewouldlov
etoseey ou.Iknowshe
wil
l.Thelastt
imeIwasther
e,shewasl ooki
ng
good.”
“
No.
”
“
Please.
”
“Shewoundedmyheartsomucht
hatIam
doingj
ustfi
newi
thouther
…andhi
m.”
“
Ourwoundedhear
tsneedt
oheal
.Theydo.
”
“
Gowithyourfi
ancé,”shesay
s.Ismil
eatthe
wor
d,fi
ancé.I
tsoundssobeautif
ul.“
Youneed
t
oformall
yint
roducehim.”
Isi
ghdeepl
y.
DrVanessawor
dsal
way
sri
ngi
nmyhead.
FORGI
VE,
FORGI
VE,
ANDFORGI
VE.
Easiersai
dthandone.Easi
ersai
dthandone,
I
tel
lyou.
“Look…Ineedtogonow.WhendoIseey
ou?
Didyouwanttotel
lmeanyt
hing?
”
“
Iwantt
otryforababy
.Doy
out
hinkIam doi
ng
t
heri
ghtt
hing?”
Ther
eissi
l
enceont
heot
herendoft
hel
i
ne.
“Whatdoyouwant ?”Dineofi
nal
lyasksandmy
heartst
art
sjumping.Whatdoesshemean,
whatdoIwant ?I
sn’tshesupposedtobehappy
forme?“Thuli
,ar
ey outhere?
”
“
Yes.
..
”Imumbl
e.
“
Whydoy
ouwantt
ohav
eababy
?”
“BecauseIthi
nk…maybe…justmay
be…Imi
ght
beadi f
fer
entmothert
hanours.
”
Dineoscr
eamsonthephone,
forci
ngmet
opul
l
theearpi
eceawayf
rom myear.
“Iam goi
ngt
obeanauntoneday
,”shesay
s,so
exci
tedly
.
Whatj
usthappened?
“
Whatwast
hatal
labout
?”
“
Iwasjustmakingsur et
hatyouweresure.The
momentyoument ioned…your
sel
f…Iknewy ou
meanti
t.I
tisn’
tjustasacri
fi
ceforPhuti
.”
“
Idomeani
t.
”
“
Iam goi
ngt
obeanaunt
,”shesi
ngs.
“Hol
dup.Iam notpr
egnant
.Iti
sjustathought
.
Phut
iandIgoi
ngt ogetmar
riedfi
rst
…then
cr
eateahomef ir
stbeforeweevengettothat
.I
am notinahur
rybutitispar
tofthef
uture
pl
ans.Itcanev
ent akeyear
s.”
“Fi
ne.Okay
…Ineedtogonow,”shesay
s,
soundi
ngli
kesher
eall
yneedstogo.
Whati
shappeni
ngt
ome?
Myf
acei
sti
ghtf
rom smi
l
ing.
Myl
i
fehaschanged.
Mywoundsar
eget
ti
ngdr
ybyt
heday
.

*
***

Phuticoul
dnotwai tf
orustovisi
tmydoct or.
Aft
erthebloodt estswetook,wenev erwent
backtothecondoms.Someoneshoul dhave
warnedmeaboutt hehotnessofit.Eventhough
Iwasont hepill
,IneverusedtoletPhuticum
i
nsideuntil
justaf ewdaysagowhenwespoke
aboutbabies.Ev enthoughIwon’ tbet akingthe
shotnow, Iknowi ti
sgoingtot akeal itt
lewhile
befor
eIst artov ulat
ingagai
n.Wear epl anning
togetmar riedint hr
eemont hs.Phut iandIcan
bothaffordabeaut i
fulcer
emonyoft hirty
guests.Aftertheweddi ng,wecant henst art
fi
nancial
lypl anningforourfami l
y.
Wher
eisThul
i
?Andwhatdi
dlov
edot
oher
?
“Somet imesi tcantakeal it
tl
east hreemont hs
tostartov ulati
ngagain.Somet imesi tt
akebe
ninemont hs.Seehowi tgoesandwewi l
ltakeit
from there,”thedoctorhadsai d.Rightthere,
PhutiandIagr eedtostarttryi
ngf orababyon
ourfirstyearanniversary.Thefirstyearofour
mar r
iagewi l
lbefortravell
i
ngandget ti
ngused
tothechanges.Iknowchangesar egoingto
comeandadj ustmentsneedt obemade.

Wear
einmyapar
tment-t
hisweekwear
e
spendingi
ther
e.Phutii
scat chi
ngupont he
soccerwhi
leIreadanotherbook
recommendati
onf r
om Grace.Iam becoming
mor eandmoreofastrangertomyself.
May bethi
swassupposedtobeme( al
lalong)
,
hadlif
enotrobbedmychil
dhood.May beI
wasn’tmeanttoberudeandunfri
endlyanda
‘
don’tcarety
peofagirl
’
.Iam deepinthis
thr
il
lerbookwhenmyphonev i
bratesonthe
couch.
Iopent
het
extf
rom mysi
ster
.
‘
Iwi
llgowithy
out
oseeher
.Ist
omor
rowaf
ter
wor
kf i
ne?
’
Ismi
l
ebef
oret
ext
ing,
‘t
omor
rowi
sfi
ne.
’
“Whoi scharmingyouwhi l
eIam si
tt
ingri
ght
here?”Phutiasksfrom hi
sseat
.Hehashisf eet
ont hecoff
eet abl
eandhishandsbehindhis
head,rest
ingont hecouch.
“
You,
DineoandIar
egoi
ngt
oseemymot
her
t
omor
row.
”
“
Me?
”
“
Wear egoingtotell
heraboutthewedding.I
t
houghtwecouldt el
lher
….eventhoughIdon’
t
wantheratthewedding.
”
“
Don’
tyouwanthert
her
e?”
“Idon’
twantanyt
hingt
oremi
ndmeaboutmy
past,
”Isay
,befor
edroppi
ngmyheadt
ogett
o
mybook.

Themor
ethemer
ri
er.
Thet hr
eeofussitinthecar,whileDi
neoandI
contemplateongoinginsi
de.Itisint
heev eni
ng,
andwepar kedoutsidethegate.Ihavebeen
herequiteafewti
mesbutDi neohasnotsether
footinages.
“
Doyouwantmetocomei
nwithyou?Orar
e
y
ougoi
ngtocal
lmewhenyouhav
espokento
her
?”Phut
iasks,
breaki
ngt
hesi
l
ence.
“Pl
easecomewi thus.Wemi ghtneedsomeone
tostopmef rom str
angl
ingher
,”Di
neo
announcesfrom thebackwhil
esheunbuckl
es
theseatbel
t.
“Youknowther
eisnor
easonf
ort
hat
,”Phut
i
giggl
es.“
Let
’sgo.
”
Noneofushav ecall
edher.Ihavebl
ockedher
number sbutDineowant
edust oarr
ive
announced-justtoseei
fshewaswor thher
for
giveness.
Myheartisbeati
ngoutmychestaswemake
ourwaytothehouse.Phuti’
shandisinmine.
Whenwegett othekitchendoor,
Dineoknocks
afewtimesbeforethedoorfli
esopen.Our
mother’
sjumpsinfearwhensheseesusbot h
i
nfrontofher.
Shedoesn’
tlookdr
unk.
“
Whoi
sit
?”av
oicecomesf
rom i
nsi
de.I
tis
f
ami
l
iar-t
oof
ami
l
iar
.
“Mydaughter
sar
ehome,”mymot hersayswho
hersi
ster
,whowalkst
othedoorbehindher
.
“Thul
isi
l
e?Dineo? ”Mymot her’
ssist
erwhi
spers
befor
eshejumpsoutoft hedoortohugthe
bothofus.Ihaven’tseeherinages.Many
manyages, i
ftheydidn’
tlookali
ke,Iwoul
dn’
t
haveremember ed.
“Pl
easecomei nsi
de,”mymot hersays,making
awayforallofustowal kinsi
de.Myaunt ’
sisa
fewyearsol
derthanDi neo.Sher unsaroundthe
houselooki
ngforglassestogetusj uice.
“Uhm…Icamet
oint
roducemyfiancé,”Isayto
breakt
heawar
dsil
ence.“
Hisnamei sPhuti.
”
“
Fiancé?
”Maasks.
“Yes.Wearegett
ingmar
ri
edsoon,
”Ir
epor
t
whileshowi
ngthem myr
ingf
inger
.Mymother
and
Di
dImention?Iam nothy
per
vent
il
ati
ngwhi
l
eI
si
tint
hiski
tchen.
Thi
sver
yki
tchen!
Iam notget
ti
nganat
tackoranyt
hing.Thi
sis
worthdi
scussi
ngwi
thDrVanessaonmynex t
vi
sit
.
“Wher eishe?”Di neoaskswhenourauntpl aces
glassesofjuiceinf rontofme.Idon’ti
nterr
upt
mysi sterbecauseIam i nter
est
edinknowing
thetruthmy self
.Bet weenDi neoandI,Iwasthe
onewhowasi nterestedt ofi
ndoutabouthis
wher eaboutsandhi sr easonsforl
eavi
ngus.
Mashakesherheadbef
orebor
ingherey
esi
n
Thul
i
’s.
“
Ihav
enoi
dea,
”sher
esponds.
“
Youar
ely
ing.
”
“
Ihav
enoi
deawher
ehewent
.”
“
Whydi
dhel
eav
eus?
”Di
neoaskst
hequest
ion
t
hatIhavebeenl
ongi
ngtoask.Atsomepoi
ntI
wi
shedthathedi
dn’
tgo.
“
Hewasunhappy .Imadehim unhappy,
”she
r
esponds.“
Imadehim unhappyandt hebest
t
hingforhi
m wastoleav
e.Itwasn’tanyofyour
f
ault
.”
“I
sheourf at
her?”Di
neoasks.Phutisqueezes
myhandasi ttr
embles.I
thadcrossedmymi nd
afewt i
messincecomingacrossthatshow:
Utat
akho.Somanyl i
esbetweenpar ent
sand
ourstor
iesmightnotbeanydif
ferent.
Butthatwoul
dbeanot
hercanofwor
msIam
notwill
i
ngtoopen.
“
Hei
s.”
“
Oh,
wow,
”Di
neosay
s.
“
Hei
syourf
ather
.”
“Idon’tbel
i
evey ou.Howcanhel
eavehi
s
chil
drenwithoutacarei
nthewor
ld?
”Dineo
asks.
“Theproblemswer ebetweenhi m andI …not
you.ButIfigur
ed,hemi ghtbeacowar dwhoi s
tooscaredt of
acehismi stakes,”ourmot her
says,hereyesonthefloor.Thel astt i
meIwas
here,ayearagoorso…shewast rembl i
ng.“I
apologi
sef ort
hemessIcr eatedint hishome.I
apologi
seonhi sbehal
f…f ordi sappearingon
youwheny ouneededhimt hemost .ButIswear ,
Ihavenoi deawherehei s.
”
Ir
eachf
orDi
neo’
shandandsqueezei
t.
I
tist
imet
odr
ythewoundsnow.
“
For
giv
eus,
”Mamumbl
es.
Nopastcanbechanged.
I
tist
imet
ojustbur
ntheol
dbooks.

Pickoftheweek!
!(Ihav
eli
mit
edAdel
aide
copies)
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE47(
Unedi
ted)

PHUTI

Thereissomet hingexhaust i
ngaboutv isi
ti
ng
Thuli
’shome.I talwaysdrainsenergy.Ihav e
beenher eaf ewtimesbutonl ywithThul i
.Just
whenIexpectThul i
toloseitlikeshealway sdid,
todayisn’tthecase.Shei st heoppositeofwhat
Iwasexpect ingtodealwith.Hersisteront he
othersidei samess.Wat chingThuliinherlong
j
ourney ,IthinkDineoneedswhatshehad
alwayswi shedf orhersister.
“Canwegonow? ”Dineoaskswhi
leget
ti
ngup.
Themotherandtheauntarehur
tbythe
stat
ement.Wejustgother
e.
“But…Ithoughtwecoul dcatchup,”theirmot
her
says.Iempat hisewithher.May bebecausemy
motherismywor l
dandt hiswomanr i
ghther
e
l
ookspai ned.Itisunfort
unatethatshehas
causedallthi
smessf orherdaught erbutshe
l
ookhur tanddef eated.Howev ershelooks
soberandbet terthanalltheotherdaysIhave
seenher.
“Ir
eal
l
ydon’
twanttocatchup,
”Di
neosay
s.“
I
sai
dallt
het
hingsIwant
edtosay.
”
Di
neoget
sonherf
eet
.
“
PleaseDi
neo…pl
easesi
tdown,
”theauntsay
s.
“Thi
swasn’tmyvi
sit
.Iti
sThul
i’
sv i
sit
.Sopl
ease
excuseme,”Di
neosaysbef
orerushi
ngoutof
thehouse.
Shest
il
lhasal
ongwayt
ogo.
“
So…whatisyoursurname…,
oursoont
obeson
i
nlaw,
”theauntasks.
“Mohapi …itismymot her’
sbut…”Icl
earmy
throatandThul isqueezesmyhand.Fami l
y
dynami csinSout hAfri
caneh?BeforeIcoul d
continue,Thuli
’
smot hergetsonherfeet.She
pacest hr
ought hekitchenaf ewti
mesbef ore
pickingherphonef rom thetabl
e.Weal l
wat ch
sil
ent l
ywhileshemakesacal l.
If
igur
e,someoneanswer
sbecauseshej
umps.
“Hel l
o…cany ouhearme? ”Sheasks, while
frozeni nonepl ace.“Oooh…Sy dney…iti
sme.
Oh, yes…ofcour se,youhav emynumber .Yes.I
promi sedmy sel
ft hatIwon’tbotheryou…my
pridedi dn’
tallowmet obothery ou…buty our
childrenneedsy ou.”Shestartsteari
ngupas
shespeaksont hephone.“ Iwoul dn’
tcallyouif
i
twasn’ tseri
ous.Ipr omisedmy sel
fthatI
woul dn’tbothery oubutIendedupmessi ng
thingsf orthekids.”Itisr
eallysadt owatchan
oldper soncr yont hephone.Icannev erstand
wat chingmymot hercry.
Iwhi spertoThul i
,andtellhert hatIwi l
lwait
out si
de.Itjustdoesn’
tlookr ightformet obein
thehousewhi lemysoon- to-bemot herinlawis
cryingont hephone…hav ingaconv ersati
onwit
h
mysoont obef at
her-
in-l
aw.Lucki l
yThul i
doesn’ tmindmeexcusi ngmy self
.Wi thout
thinkingtwice,Iheadoutt othecar .Dineois
sitti
ngr est
ingherbackont hecar ,witha
cigaretteli
t.
“CanIwai
twit
hyou?”Iask,
sothatIdon’
t
star
tl
eherwhenIst
andnexttoher.
“
Didyoul
eav
eheri
nsi
de?
”Di
neoaskswi
tha
f
rown.
“
Shet
oldmei
twasf
ine.
”
“I
fthereisn’
tmuchtodiscuss…whydon’
twe
j
ustleave,”Di
neoasksbeforedr
aggi
ngthe
ci
garetteandpuff
ingthesmoketotheai
r.
“
Ah…well…Ijusthadt
oexcusemysel
fforaf
ew
minut
es.I
’l
lgointher
einaminut
e.”
“Idon’
tev enknowwhatIam doi nghere,
”she
saysandshakesherhead.Sheof fersmethe
cigar
ett
e.Iknowwhatt hisissoIt akei
tfr
om
herandt akeapuff.Iam notasmokerbutI
havedonei tsomuchwi thmyf r
iends.
Somet i
mesy oujustneedtobei ntunewit
h
peopleforthem t
obecomf or
table.
Idr
agt
heci
gar
ett
ebef
orehandi
ngi
tbackt
o
her
.
“Weusedtopl ayi
nthisstr
eets,
”Dineosaysas
shedevoursherci
garett
e.“Didshetel
lyoushe
hadalwaysbeenthesmar tone?Evenwhenwe
wereyoung.”
“
Youknowshewoul
dnev
ersayt
hather
sel
f.
”
“Shewasv
erysmar
t,
”Di
neosay
s.“
Ver
yver
y
smart
.”
“
Shest
il
li
s.”
“Iknow.Whil
esomeofusareinret
ail
,shei
san
economist
,”Di
neor
esponds.“
Iknewherfut
ure
wastobri
ght.I
tisapit
ywegotoutoft
hispl
ace
whenitwasalr
eadytoolat
e.”
DI
neopassest
heci
gar
ett
etome.
“
Howwasshel
i
kewhenshewasy
oung?
”
“ShewasourDad’sfav
our
it
e.Shewast
hemost
adorabl
ebabyever.
”
“
Whathappenedt
ohi
m?Yourf
ather
?Doy
ou
r
emember?”
“Hewashappywit
hus.May
behehidhistrue
feel
i
ngs.Ev
ery
thi
ngwasper
fectunt
ilj
ustone
day.
”
“
Icani
magi
ne.
”
Shetakesbacktheci
gar
ett
efr
om meandspi
t
ontheground.
“Pl
easet
akecareofher,
”shesays.Thi
sisthe
samethi
ngItoldherafewmonthsagowhen
wehadaconv er
sati
on.“Idi
dmyjobandshe
tur
nedoutwel
l…butnowIwanty outotakeher
ofher
.”
“
Ipr
omi
set
o.”
“Iam gl
adIcockbl
ockedyouthenight
.You
happenedtobethebestt
hingthathasever
happenedtomysist
er.
”
“Wehavetogobackther
e…don’
twe?
”Iask
andshelaughs.“
Tel
lme…havey
ouconsi
der
ed
seei
ng…”
“
Idon’
tneedt
o.”
“
Youdo.
”
“
No,
Idon’
t.
”
“
Takei
tfr
om me.Youneedt
o.”
“Ineededitformysi
ster
.Idon’
tneedi
t.Iam
perfect
lyf
ine.”
“
Youknow…”
“Youdon’
tknowshi
t,
”shesay
s.Shesi
ghswhen
Ikeepmycool.“
Youaremybrot
her
-i
n-l
aw…l
et
usr especteachother.Youdon’tknowshi t
aboutme.Ihadt odoev er
ythi
ngIcoul dto
protectthatki
d.Ifcould…Iwouldnev ersetmy
footherebutwhat everIdo…isforthatgir
lwho
i
si ntherewiththatwoman. ”
Ibi
temyt
onguet
onotsayany
thi
ng.
“
Iunder
stand.
”
“
LikeIsai
d…Ididmypar tr
aisi
ngherthebest
wayIknewhow.Don’taskmehowIdi di
t.Idi
d
mybestandsheturnedoutwell.now…because
youcl
aimyoulovehersomuch…. ”
“
Idon’
tcl
aim.
”
“Oh…becausey oulovehersomuch…t henIam
handi
ngherov ertoyou.Butli
kewhatIalways
tol
dyoubefore….Ifyoudarehurther…Iam
comingforyourhead.”Ascalm asDineo
sounds…herwor dsarenotthreat
s.Shesounds
l
ikeshemeant hem.Ev enthoughIwantto
assurehert
hatshewon’ thavetocomef ormy
head…Ikeepqui
et.I
twoul
dn’
tdomegoodt
o
keepannoyi
ngher.

*
***
*

Duringt heweekend, Thul ileavesthehouseon

aSat urdaymor ningf orherappoi ntmentwi t
h
herther apist.Iam gladt hatshehasmadet his
partofherl i
fe.UntilDrVanessacl earherof f
from hermeet ings,Iwanthert oattendt hese
meet i
ngs.Whenwer eturnedf r
om Sowet ot he
othernight ,Icouldn’tbr i
ngt heDineot opicup.
Most lybecauseIwantt ost ayoutoftheir
business.Onourt ri
pbackt hatnight,Thuli t
old
hersistert hattheirfatheragr eedtomeett he
bothoft hem tot el
lthem hi ssideofthest ory.
WhileThul it
hinksitisagr eatidea…Di neoi s
againsther .Iam conf l
icted.Iam scaredt hat
themeet ingmi ghtnotgowel landitpullsThuli
backwar
ds.Butanot
hersi
deofmewi
shest
hat
shedeal
swiththi
sandgetov
erit
.
Theotherpersonwhoneedstodealwit
htheir
i
ssuesisme.AsmuchasIam noti nter
est
edin
arel
ati
onshipwi t
hmyfather
,itmi
ghtbeexactl
y
whatIneedbef or
eIgetmarri
ed.
Whilewaiti
ngf orThuli
toret
urnfr
om her
appoint
ment ,Itakesometimetopushsome
worksot hatIhav eaneasyMonday.Iam hal
f
thr
oughmywor kwhenmyphonespi ngswitha
message.
‘
Howf arar
ey ouwitht
heprogr
essrepor
t?My
bosswantsfeedback.
’-at
extmessagereads.
‘
Whoist
his?Iam sor
ryIdon’
thav
ethi
snumber
onmyphone.
’
‘
Arey
ouki
ddi
ngme?
’
‘
No,
Iam not
.’
‘
WTF?
”
‘
Whati
sthatsupposedt
omean?
’
‘
Didyoujustdel
etemynumberl
i
keInev
er
exi
stedi
ny ourl
i
fe?’
Ithi
nkatthispoi ntIhaveanideawhoi ti
sbutI
needtoplayal ongsot hatIgett
hisdonewi t
h.
Buthonestly,Inolongerhavehernumber .Thul
i
andIhadt hisconv er
sationonceandIdon’t
wanttodisappoi nther.Wearebothstart
ingon
acleansl
at e.
‘
Ilostmyol dphone.Butany way…ifyouar
ea
cli
ent,Iam notall
owedt ogetpersonal
wit
hy ou.
Pleaseemai lal
lyourenqui
ri
esandIwi l
lat
tend
toallofthem.’
‘
Fucky
ou!
’-Ir
eadt
hist
extwi
thasmi
rk.
Iam gl
adt
hisi
sov
er.
Idel
eteal
lthetextmessages.I
fthi
swasn’
ta
busi
nessphone,Iwouldbeblocki
ngthe
numbersaswell.
Iam atahappypl
ace….Anydi
str
act
ionmi
ght
messev er
ythi
ngf
orme.
Ihavebeenwor ki
ngforhourswhenIheart
he
carparki
ngjustoutsi
dethekit
chenwi
ndow.A
minutelat
er,Thul
iwalksi
nwi t
haboxofpizza
andsomedr inks.
“
Iti
sasify
ouknewIhav ebeenhungr
y,”Isay
whi
lecl
osi
ngt hel
apt
op.Idi
dhalfofmy
Monday
’stask.
“Youareal
lowedtoeatthi
s…prov
idedIdon’
t
cooksupper,
”shesayswhil
etaki
ngoffher
sneaker
sintheki
tchen.
“Deal,
”Isaywhil
egetti
ngtwosidepl
atesf
rom
thecupboard.Thul
ipi
ckshershoesand
disappeardownthecorri
dor
.Shecomesback
wear i
ngloungi
ngclot
hes.
“
Didy
ougetsomewor
kdone?
”
“Idi
d.Alotactual
ly,
”Ir
espondwhil
efoll
owi
ng
hertot
hegar den.Il
ovethespaceshehadher
e.
Somethi
ngwemustbr ingupsincewear e
gett
ingmarr
iedver
ysoon.Shesettlesonone
campchairwhil
eItaketheot
her.“Ilov
ethi
s
l
itt
legar
den.
”
“
Ilov
eitt
oo.
”
Thef
lower
ssur
roundt
hel
awn.
“Idon’
thav et hegarden…ar ewegoingto
survi
veper manent l
yst ayi
nginmyapar t
ment?”I
ask.Event houghmyapar t
mentisalmostpai
d
offinaf ewy ears,i
tisn’taper
fectsetupthan
thi
sone.Thul ii
srenting-goofthi
ng,wecould
l
etgooft hi
spl acebuti ti
stooperf
ect
compar edt omyspace.
“
Ilov
eyourapar
tmentmor
e,”shesay
s.
“Uhhhh…whereismygi r
lf
ri
endandwhatdi
d
youdotoher?”Iaskandshelaughssohar
d.
“Comeon…Iloveit.Thati
swheremany
memor i
esar
eat ,
”shesaysbeforet
aki
ngabit
e
ofherpi
zza.
*
***
*

Oncewear emar r
ied,Idon’tknowhowwear e
goingtomaket heset ri
ps…butIam l ovingthe
currentarrangement s.Iam tryi
ngtoLimpopo
andThul ii
sbesi deme.Thi scommi t
tedt y
peof
arelati
onshi pisper fect.Mostlywheny our
mot hergetsal ongwi t
hy ourwoman.WhenI
ment i
onedt hatIam dr ivi
ngupher efora
weekend, Thul iaskedt ot agal
ong.Honest ly
,I
thoughtshewoul dwantanexcusenott ocome.
Most l
ywhenInor mal l
yspendmostofmyt i
me
withmymot her.Itneedsaspeci alanointi
ngt o
understandhercondi t
ionandnotf eelsorryfor
her.Evenwhenshesai dshewant edtocheck
theweddi ngv enueout ,Iknewitwasmor ethan
that.Sheenj oyspendi ngt imewithmyf ami l
y.
“
Arey
ousur
eyoucanexcuseKamof
ort
hree
hour
sorso?”Thul
iasks.Wear
etur
ningt
othe
mainroadt
hatl
eadstomyhouse.
“
Ofcour
se,
”Ir
espond.
“IwantKamot ocomewi t
hmewhenIgocheck
outthePolokwanevenuewithme.Ili
kethe
pict
uresbutyouknow…picturescanbe
deceivi
ng.
”
“
YoucantakeKamoandI’
llspendthedaywi
th
t
heol
dladyandLet
habo.Iam usedtoit
.”
Iti
ssor efr
eshingtowatchThul ii
nthi
smood.
Mypr ayer…isthatever
ythinggoessmoothlyfor
usunt i
lfor
ever.Thi
ngsar etootooperf
ect
, i
tis
start
ingtoscareme.Att her at
ethatwearein…
nothingshouldcomei nbet ween.

Satur
daymor ni
ngwi t
hmymot herar
ealway s
thebest.Si
nceforev
er.Evenwhenshecouldn’t
communi cat
e.Butnowt hatwecant
alk,
they
areevenmor ebeauti
ful
.
“Wewil
lbebackbef oreitisti
met oprepar
e
l
unch,
”Lethabosay sasshehangsherhandbag
onhershoulder
.Thuliwalksintotheroom ina
summerdress,for
cingmenott ostaremuch
unl
essIwantaner ecti
ont hatIwouldn’
teven
nur
se.
Lethabor
ushesi
ntot
hekit
chenandpicksan
applebef
oreher
unsoutofthehouse.
“Soccermatch,
”Kamosayswhileroll
i
ngher
eyes.Ihav
enoi deawhyshedoesn’twantt
olet
theboybe.
“
Youtwo…go…I’
llj
ustchil
lwithMaundert
he
t
reeandi
fweevergetti
red,Iwil
lmov
eusinto
t
hehouseandwatchtel
evisi
on.”
“Okay.I
’
llt
akeheroutsi
de,
”Kamosaysbef
ore
walki
ngoutoftheroom.Thuli
smi
lesfr
om
wheresheisstandi
ng,i
nvi
ti
ngmetosneaka
kissonherli
ps.
“
Youhadt
oweart
hisdr
ess…di
dn’
tyou?
”Iask.
“ThoughtIcouldt
easeyouali
ttl
ebi
t,
”shesays
withasmirk.Ipul
lhercl
oserf
oraki
ss.“Ihav
e
plansforyoutoni
ght.
”
“
Ohyeah?
”Sheasksbef
oresl
i
dinghert
ongue
i
ntomymout
h.
“Iam ready,
”Kamosay sfr
om af
ar.Thul
ij
umps
backandr ushesoutofthedoor
.Sheis
adorablewhensheisshy .
Mymot herandIwatchasKamodri
vesoutof
theyar
d.Itpl
easesmetoseemycousingett
ing
alongwit
hmyf i
ancee.I
tmakesev
eryt
hingso
easy.
SinceMai sfed,herandIar ej
ustenj oyinga
Saturdaylat
emor ningunderthet ree.Nothing
muchhaschangedar oundher e.Onl yt
he
people.Thekidssti
llrunaroundt hestreetsli
ke
Iusedt o.Ev
erybodygr eet
swhent heypass
youry ar
d.Li
feissosi mpledownher e,iti
sa
pityt
hatourjobscannotbemov edher e.
Iam t
ell
ingmymot heraboutThuli
’sfamil
y
whenanol dbakki
edrivesi
ntotheyard.I
tisthe
oldman.Oncehepar ksthecarundertheshade,
hisy
oungsonj umpsf r
om thepassengerseat
andwalkstowherewear esitt
ing.
“
Lekale,
”hegreet
sshyl
y.WhenImumbleback
t
hegreet
ings,
heasks,
“OkaeLet
habo?
”
“
Wewentt
othesoccermat
ch,
”Ir
espond.
“Ntate…Itol
dy ou…Lethaboisatthesoccer
mat ch,canIgo?Iwon’ttakel
ong,”t
heboy s
says.Whenhi sfat
her,
ourf at
her
,agrees…he
runsoutoft heyar
dli
kehei schased.
Ist
il
lfi
ndt
hisset
upveryawkwar
dbutIhave
l
earntt
ogowiththef
low,f
ormymother’
ssake.
“
Whendidyouarri
ve?”heaskswhi
l
est
andi
ngi
n
f
rontofmymother.
“
Justlastnight,
”Ir
espondwhileget
ti
ngonmy
f
eet.Ipasshim mychairandheadtothehouse
t
ogetanot her.MymothertaughtmewellandI
cannotchangemyupbr
ingi
ngj
ustbecauseof
myf eel
i
ngs.
WhenIretur
n,Ifi
ndtheol
dmanchat
tingt
omy
motherj
ustli
keIdo.Hegi
ggl
estohi
mselfand
cont
inuet
ot el
lherwhyhi
swi
fecoul
dnotcome
wit
hhimtoday.
Luckil
ywhenIsetmychai r,
Inot
iceKamo’
scar.
Thegirl
sdidn’
ttakelong,
Iam wonderi
ngwhat
couldbetheproblem.
Thethreeofuswatchunti
lKamopar kst
hecar
besi
demyf ather
’sol
dbakkie.Thul
ij
umpsout
l
aughingandheadstrai
ghttous.
“
Youdon’
tlookpl
eased,
”Isay
.
“Iam notpl
easedatall
,
”shesays.Shehasher
handsonherwaist.“
Itl
ooksli
kewewi l
lbe
gett
ingmarri
edinJohannesbur
gorsomething.
”
“
Whathappened?
”
“
Thev
enuei
sper
fectbuti
tist
oohugef
ora
smallceremony .Pl us…t heredonothav eaircon.
Howar ewesupposet osur vi
vethisheat?”She
asksandf ansher self.Itisonlynowt hatshe
regi
ster
st heol dman.Shet urnstohim and
greetwit
hasmi lebef oreget ti
ngbackt oputti
ng
herhandsonherwai st.“ Guesswhatt he
managersay s…Iaskedf ordi
scountbecause
wewon’ tbeusi ngt hewhol espace…heasked
whywedon’ tj
usti nvit
emor epeopletot he
wedding.Like…wher ear ewesupposedt oget
peopletofil
lthev enuet hataccommodat et
hree
hundredpeopl e.”
Igi
ggle.Ourweddi
ngi
ssupposedt
ohav
ethi
rt
y
guest
.
“
Weonl
yneedt
hir
tyguest
s,”Isay
.
“Exact
ly.Nowhewant sustofindmor etwo
hundredandsev entypeopletofil
lthepl
ace,
”
shesay s.“Ma…”shet urnstomymot her
.“Do
youhav et wohundredr el
ati
vesthatwecould
i
nv i
te?”Ilaugh.Fir
stvenuev i
sitandsheis
wor kedup?LOL.“ ButItoldhimt ogetmet he
discountIwantorel se…hej ustlostbusiness.
WhatThul iwants…Thul igets.”Thuliturnsto
meandasks, “
WasIwr ongt ouset hatli
neon
him?Somet imespeopl egetmewr ong.WasI
wr ong?”Ishakemyheadather .Theol dmani s
staringatherinwonder .“Youknowwhat ?
May beIshoul dgetmy selfwaterbef orethi
s
heatbut chersme. ”Sheheadsf orthehouse.
“Howdoy ouguy ssurvivethisheat? ”
Theoldmani
slaughi
ngsohar
d,andmy
motheri
ssmi
li
ng.
“
Wher edidyoufindher ?”Hecont
inuestolaugh.
“
ThisisexactlywhatIhadt odealwit
hwhen
yourmotherandIwer ey oung.
”Itur
ntomy
mother.“
Awomanwhospeakshermi nd?A
t
oughcooki etoplease.”Heshakeshishead.
“
Youar eblessedbuty ouareupforarideyoung
man.”
Toughcooki
e,huh?Hecansayt
hatagai
n.
“Tel
lmeallabouti
t,
”Isaywhil
ewatchi
ngThul
i
marcht
ot hehouse.Todayt
hesunisoutto
showoffandmybabei snottaki
ngi
twell
.
Wel
comet
oLi
mpopo!
“Butwheredi dyouf i
ndyourmother
’srepli
ca?
”
Ntatelaughsbef oresay
ing,“
Remembert he
otherdayy ouaskedmewhatki ndofawoman
wasy ourmot her?Theresheis.
”Hepointsat
Thuli
’sdir
ection.“Idon’
tknowherheartbut
you…myboy …aremar ryi
ngyourmother.

admi
n@st
ori
esby
takal
ani
m.co.
za

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE47(
Unedi
ted)
PHUTI

Thereissomet hingexhaust i
ngaboutv isi
ti
ng
Thuli
’shome.I talwaysdrainsenergy.Ihav e
beenher eaf ewtimesbutonl ywithThul i
.Just
whenIexpectThul i
toloseitlikeshealway sdid,
todayisn’tthecase.Shei st heoppositeofwhat
Iwasexpect ingtodealwith.Hersisteront he
othersidei samess.Wat chingThuliinherlong
j
ourney ,IthinkDineoneedswhatshehad
alwayswi shedf orhersister.
“Canwegonow? ”Dineoaskswhi
leget
ti
ngup.
Themotherandtheauntarehur
tbythe
stat
ement.Wejustgother
e.
“But…Ithoughtwecouldcatchup,”t
heirmot
her
says.Iempat hi
sewit
hher.Maybebecausemy
motherismywor l
dandthi
swomanr i
ghther
e
l
ookspai ned.Iti
sunf
ort
unatethatshehas
causedal
lthi
smessf orherdaughterbutshe
l
ookhurtanddefeated.Howevershelooks
soberandbet
terthanallt
heotherdaysIhave
seenher.
“Ir
eal
l
ydon’
twanttocatchup,
”Di
neosay
s.“
I
sai
dallt
het
hingsIwant
edtosay.
”
Di
neoget
sonherf
eet
.
“
PleaseDi
neo…pl
easesi
tdown,
”theauntsay
s.
“Thi
swasn’tmyvi
sit
.Iti
sThul
i’
sv i
sit
.Sopl
ease
excuseme,”Di
neosaysbef
orerushi
ngoutof
thehouse.
Shest
il
lhasal
ongwayt
ogo.
“
So…whatisyoursurname…,
oursoont
obeson
i
nlaw,
”theauntasks.
“Mohapi…iti
smymot her’
sbut…”Icl
earmy
thr
oatandThulisqueezesmyhand.Fami l
y
dynamicsinSouthAfri
caneh?BeforeIcould
conti
nue,Thul
i’
smot hergetsonherfeet
.She
pacesthr
oughtheki
tchenafewti
mesbef
ore
pi
ckingherphonef
rom thet
abl
e.Weal
lwatch
si
lentl
ywhil
eshemakesacall.
If
igur
e,someoneanswer
sbecauseshej
umps.
“Hel l
o…cany ouhearme? ”Sheasks, while
frozeni nonepl ace.“Oooh…Sy dney…iti
sme.
Oh, yes…ofcour se,youhav emynumber .Yes.I
promi sedmy sel
ft hatIwon’tbotheryou…my
pridedi dn’
tallowmet obothery ou…buty our
childrenneedsy ou.”Shestartsteari
ngupas
shespeaksont hephone.“ Iwoul dn’
tcallyouif
i
twasn’ tseri
ous.Ipr omisedmy sel
fthatI
woul dn’tbothery oubutIendedupmessi ng
thingsf orthekids.”Itisr
eallysadt owatchan
oldper soncr yont hephone.Icannev erstand
wat chingmymot hercry.
IwhispertoThul
i,andtel
l herthatIwil
lwait
outsi
de.Itj
ustdoesn’
tlookr ightf
ormet obein
thehousewhilemysoon- to-bemot heri
nlawis
cryi
ngont hephone…havingaconv er
sati
onwit
h
mysoont obefather
-i
n-l
aw.LuckilyThuli
doesn’ tmindmeexcusi ngmy sel
f.Without
thinkingtwice,
Iheadoutt othecar.Dineois
sitti
ngr est
ingherbackont hecar,wit
ha
cigaretteli
t.
“CanIwai
twit
hyou?”Iask,
sothatIdon’
t
star
tl
eherwhenIst
andnexttoher.
“
Didyoul
eav
eheri
nsi
de?
”Di
neoaskswi
tha
f
rown.
“
Shet
oldmei
twasf
ine.
”
“I
fthereisn’
tmuchtodiscuss…whydon’
twe
j
ustleave,”Di
neoasksbeforedr
aggi
ngthe
ci
garetteandpuff
ingthesmoketotheai
r.
“
Ah…well…Ijusthadt
oexcusemysel
fforaf
ew
minut
es.I
’l
lgointher
einaminut
e.”
“Idon’
tevenknowwhatIam doingher
e,”she
saysandshakesherhead.Sheoff
ersmet he
cigar
ett
e.Iknowwhatthi
sissoItakei
tfrom
herandtakeapuff
.Iam notasmokerbutI
havedonei
tsomuchwi t
hmyf ri
ends.
Someti
mesy ouj
ustneedtobeintunewi
th
peopl
efort
hem t
obecomf ort
able.
Idr
agt
heci
gar
ett
ebef
orehandi
ngi
tbackt
o
her
.
“Weusedtopl ayi
nthisstr
eets,
”Dineosaysas
shedevoursherci
garett
e.“Didshetel
lyoushe
hadalwaysbeenthesmar tone?Evenwhenwe
wereyoung.”
“
Youknowshewoul
dnev
ersayt
hather
sel
f.
”
“Shewasv
erysmar
t,
”Di
neosay
s.“
Ver
yver
y
smart
.”
“
Shest
il
li
s.”
“Iknow.Whi l
esomeofusar einret
ail
,sheisan
economi st,
”Dineoresponds.“
Iknewherf ut
ure
wast obright.I
tisapitywegotoutofthisplace
wheni twasal r
eadytoolate.
”
DI
neopassest
heci
gar
ett
etome.
“
Howwasshel
i
kewhenshewasy
oung?
”
“ShewasourDad’sfav
our
it
e.Shewast
hemost
adorabl
ebabyever.
”
“
Whathappenedt
ohi
m?Yourf
ather
?Doy
ou
r
emember?”
“Hewashappywit
hus.May
behehidhistrue
feel
i
ngs.Ev
ery
thi
ngwasper
fectunt
ilj
ustone
day.
”
“
Icani
magi
ne.
”
Shetakesbacktheci
gar
ett
efr
om meandspi
t
ontheground.
“Pl
easetakecareofher,
”shesays.Thi
sisthe
samethingItoldherafewmonthsagowhen
wehadaconv er
sati
on.“Idi
dmyjobandshe
tur
nedoutwell…butnowIwanty outotakeher
ofher.
”
“
Ipr
omi
set
o.”
“
Iam gl
adIcockbl
ockedy
out
heni
ght
.You
happenedt
obethebestt
hingt
hathasev
er
happenedt
omysist
er.
”
“Wehavetogobackther
e…don’
twe?
”Iask
andshelaughs.“
Tel
lme…havey
ouconsi
der
ed
seei
ng…”
“
Idon’
tneedt
o.”
“
Youdo.
”
“
No,
Idon’
t.
”
“
Takei
tfr
om me.Youneedt
o.”
“Ineededitformysi
ster
.Idon’
tneedi
t.Iam
perfect
lyf
ine.”
“
Youknow…”
“Youdon’tknowshi t,
”shesay s.Shesighswhen
Ikeepmycool .“Youar emybr other-
in-
law…let
usrespecteachot her.Youdon’tknowshi t
aboutme.Ihadt odoev er
ythi
ngIcoul dto
protectt
hatkid.I
fcoul d…Iwoul dneversetmy
footherebutwhatev erIdo…isforthatgirl
who
i
sint
her
ewi
tht
hatwoman.
”
Ibi
temyt
onguet
onotsayany
thi
ng.
“
Iunder
stand.
”
“
LikeIsai
d…Ididmypar tr
aisi
ngherthebest
wayIknewhow.Don’taskmehowIdi di
t.Idi
d
mybestandsheturnedoutwell.now…because
youcl
aimyoulovehersomuch…. ”
“
Idon’
tcl
aim.
”
“Oh…becausey oulovehersomuch…t henIam
handi
ngherov ertoyou.ButlikewhatIalways
tol
dyoubefore….Ifyoudarehur ther…Iam
comingforyourhead.”Ascalm asDi neo
sounds…herwor dsarenotthr eat
s.Shesounds
l
ikeshemeant hem.Ev enthoughIwantt o
assurehert
hatshewon’ thavet ocomef ormy
head…Ikeepquiet.I
twouldn’tdomegoodt o
keepannoyi
ngher .
*
***
*

Duringt heweekend, Thul ileav esthehouseon

aSat urdaymor ningf orherappoi ntmentwi t
h
herther apist.Iam gl adt hatshehasmadet his
partofherl i
fe.Unt i
l DrVanessacl earherof f
from hermeet ings, Iwanthert oattendt hese
meet i
ngs.Whenwer eturnedf rom Sowet ot he
othernight ,Icouldn’ tbr i
ngt heDi neot opicup.
Most lybecauseIwantt ost ayoutoft heir
business.Onourt ri
pbackt hatni ght,Thuli t
old
hersistert hattheirf atheragr eedt omeett he
bothoft hem tot ellthem hi ssi deofthest ory.
WhileThul it
hinksi tisagr eati dea…Di neoi s
againsther .Iam conf l
icted.Iam scar edt hat
themeet ingmi ghtnotgowel l anditpullsThuli
backwar ds.Butanot hersi deofmewi shest hat
shedeal switht hisandgetov erit
.
Theotherper
sonwhoneedst
odealwit
hthei
r
i
ssuesisme.AsmuchasIam noti
nter
est
edin
arel
ati
onshi
pwithmyfather
,itmi
ghtbeexact
ly
whatIneedbef
oreIgetmarri
ed.
Whilewaiti
ngf orThuli
toret
urnfr
om her
appoint
ment ,Itakesometimetopushsome
worksot hatIhav eaneasyMonday.Iam hal
f
thr
oughmywor kwhenmyphonespi ngswitha
message.
‘
Howf arar
ey ouwitht
heprogr
essrepor
t?My
bosswantsfeedback.
’-at
extmessagereads.
‘
Whoist
his?Iam sor
ryIdon’
thav
ethi
snumber
onmyphone.
’
‘
Arey
ouki
ddi
ngme?
’
‘
No,
Iam not
.’
‘
WTF?
”
‘
Whati
sthatsupposedt
omean?
’
‘
Didyoujustdel
etemynumberl
i
keInev
er
exi
stedi
ny ourl
i
fe?’
It
hinkatt
hispoi
ntIhav
eani
deawhoi
tisbutI
needtoplayal ongsot hatIgett
hisdonewit
h.
Buthonestly,Inolongerhavehernumber.Thul
i
andIhadt hisconv er
sationonceandIdon’
t
wanttodisappoi nther.Wearebothstar
ti
ngon
acleansl
at e.
‘
Ilostmyol dphone.Butany way…ifyouar
ea
cli
ent,Iam notall
owedt ogetpersonal
wit
hy ou.
Pleaseemai lal
lyourenqui
ri
esandIwi l
lat
tend
toallofthem.’
‘
Fucky
ou!
’-Ir
eadt
hist
extwi
thasmi
rk.
Iam gl
adt
hisi
sov
er.
Idel
eteal
lthetextmessages.I
fthi
swasn’
ta
busi
nessphone,Iwouldbeblocki
ngthe
numbersaswell.
Iam atahappypl
ace….Anydi
str
act
ionmi
ght
messev er
ythi
ngf
orme.
Ihavebeenwor ki
ngforhourswhenIheart
he
carparki
ngjustoutsi
dethekit
chenwi
ndow.A
minutelat
er,Thul
iwalksi
nwi t
haboxofpizza
andsomedr
inks.
“
Iti
sasify
ouknewIhav ebeenhungr
y,”Isay
whi
lecl
osi
ngt hel
apt
op.Idi
dhalfofmy
Monday
’stask.
“Youareal
lowedtoeatthi
s…prov
idedIdon’
t
cooksupper,
”shesayswhil
etaki
ngoffher
sneaker
sintheki
tchen.
“Deal,
”Isaywhil
egetti
ngtwosidepl
atesf
rom
thecupboard.Thul
ipi
ckshershoesand
disappeardownthecorri
dor
.Shecomesback
wear i
ngloungi
ngclot
hes.
“
Didy
ougetsomewor
kdone?
”
“Idi
d.Alotactuall
y,
”Irespondwhi l
ef ol
lowing
hertothegarden.Ilov
et hespaceshehadher e.
Somethingwemustbr i
ngupsi ncewear e
gett
ingmar r
iedverysoon.Shesettlesonone
campchai rwhil
eItaketheother.“Ilovethi
s
l
itt
legarden.
”
“
Ilov
eitt
oo.
”
Thef
lower
ssur
roundt
hel
awn.
“Idon’
thav et hegarden…ar ewegoingto
survi
veper manent l
yst ayi
nginmyapar t
ment?”I
ask.Event houghmyapar t
mentisalmostpai
d
offinaf ewy ears,i
tisn’taper
fectsetupthan
thi
sone.Thul ii
srenting-goofthi
ng,wecould
l
etgooft hi
spl acebuti ti
stooperf
ect
compar edt omyspace.
“
Ilov
eyourapar
tmentmor
e,”shesay
s.
“Uhhhh…whereismygi r
lf
ri
endandwhatdi
d
youdotoher?”Iaskandshelaughssohar
d.
“Comeon…Iloveit.Thati
swheremany
memor i
esar
eat ,
”shesaysbeforet
aki
ngabit
e
ofherpi
zza.

*
***
*

Oncewear
emar
ri
ed,
Idon’
tknowhowwear
e
goingtomaket heset ri
ps…butIam l ovingthe
currentarrangement s.Iam tryi
ngtoLimpopo
andThul ii
sbesi deme.Thi scommi t
tedt y
peof
arelati
onshipi sper f
ect .Mostlywheny our
mot hergetsal ongwi thy ourwoman.WhenI
ment i
onedt hatIam dr ivi
ngupher efora
weekend, Thul iaskedt ot agal
ong.Honest ly
,I
thoughtshewoul dwantanexcusenott ocome.
Most l
ywhenInor mal l
yspendmostofmyt i
me
withmymot her.Itneedsaspeci alanointi
ngt o
understandhercondi t
ionandnotf eelsorryfor
her.Evenwhenshesai dshewant edtocheck
theweddi ngv enueout ,Iknewitwasmor ethan
that.Sheenj oyspendi ngt imewithmyf ami l
y.
“Ar
ey ousureyoucanexcuseKamof ort
hree
hoursorso?”Thuliasks.Wear
etur
ningtothe
mainroadthatleadstomyhouse.
“
Ofcour
se,
”Ir
espond.
“IwantKamotocomewi t
hmewhenIgocheck
outthePol
okwanevenuewit
hme.Il
i
kethe
pi
ctur
esbuty
ouknow…pi
ctur
escanbe
decei
vi
ng.
”
“
YoucantakeKamoandI’
llspendthedaywi
th
t
heol
dladyandLet
habo.Iam usedtoit
.”
Iti
ssor efr
eshingtowatchThul ii
nthi
smood.
Mypr ayer…isthatever
ythinggoessmoothlyfor
usunt i
lfor
ever.Thi
ngsar etootooperf
ect
, i
tis
start
ingtoscareme.Att her at
ethatwearein…
nothingshouldcomei nbet ween.

Satur
daymor ni
ngwi t
hmymot herar
ealway s
thebest.Si
nceforev
er.Evenwhenshecouldn’t
communi cat
e.Butnowt hatwecant
alk,
they
areevenmor ebeauti
ful
.
“Wewil
lbebackbef oreitisti
met oprepar
e
l
unch,
”Lethabosay sasshehangsherhandbag
onhershoulder
.Thuliwalksintotheroom ina
summerdress,for
cingmenott ostaremuch
unl
essIwantaner ecti
ont hatIwouldn’
teven
nur
se.
Lethabor
ushesi
ntot
hekit
chenandpicksan
applebef
oreher
unsoutofthehouse.
“Soccermatch,
”Kamosayswhileroll
i
ngher
eyes.Ihav
enoi deawhyshedoesn’twantt
olet
theboybe.
“
Youtwo…go…I’
llj
ustchil
lwithMaundert
he
t
reeandi
fweevergetti
red,Iwil
lmov
eusinto
t
hehouseandwatchtel
evisi
on.”
“Okay.I
’
llt
akeheroutsi
de,
”Kamosaysbef
ore
walki
ngoutoftheroom.Thuli
smi
lesfr
om
wheresheisstandi
ng,i
nvi
ti
ngmetosneaka
kissonherli
ps.
“
Youhadt
oweart
hisdr
ess…di
dn’
tyou?
”Iask.
“ThoughtIcouldt
easeyouali
ttl
ebi
t,
”shesays
withasmirk.Ipul
lhercl
oserf
oraki
ss.“Ihav
e
plansforyoutoni
ght.
”
“
Ohy
eah?
”Sheasksbef
oresl
i
dinghert
ongue
i
ntomymout
h.
“Iam ready,
”Kamosay sfr
om af
ar.Thul
ij
umps
backandr ushesoutofthedoor
.Sheis
adorablewhensheisshy .
Mymot herandIwatchasKamodri
vesoutof
theyar
d.Itpl
easesmetoseemycousingett
ing
alongwit
hmyf i
ancee.I
tmakesev
eryt
hingso
easy.
SinceMai sfed,herandIar ej
ustenj oyinga
Saturdaylat
emor ningunderthet ree.Nothing
muchhaschangedar oundher e.Onl yt
he
people.Thekidssti
llrunaroundt hestreetsli
ke
Iusedt o.Ev
erybodygr eet
swhent heypass
youry ar
d.Li
feissosi mpledownher e,iti
sa
pityt
hatourjobscannotbemov edher e.
Iam t
ell
i
ngmymot heraboutThuli
’sfamil
y
whenanoldbakki
edrivesi
ntotheyard.I
tisthe
oldman.Onceheparksthecarundertheshade,
hisy
oungsonjumpsf r
om thepassengerseat
andwal
kst
owher
ewear
esi
tt
ing.
“
Lekale,
”hegreet
sshyl
y.WhenImumbleback
t
hegreet
ings,
heasks,
“OkaeLet
habo?
”
“
Wewentt
othesoccermat
ch,
”Ir
espond.
“Ntate…Itol
dy ou…Lethaboisatthesoccer
mat ch,canIgo?Iwon’ttakel
ong,”t
heboy s
says.Whenhi sfat
her,
ourf at
her
,agrees…he
runsoutoft heyar
dli
kehei schased.
Ist
il
lfi
ndt
hisset
upveryawkwar
dbutIhave
l
earntt
ogowiththef
low,f
ormymother’
ssake.
“
Whendidyouarri
ve?”heaskswhi
l
est
andi
ngi
n
f
rontofmymother.
“Justlastnight,
”Ir
espondwhilegetti
ngonmy
feet.Ipasshim mychairandheadt othehouse
togetanot her.Mymothertaughtmewel landI
cannotchangemyupbr i
ngingjustbecauseof
myf eeli
ngs.
WhenIr
etur
n,If
indt
heol
dmanchat
ti
ngt
omy
motherj
ustl
ikeIdo.Hegi
ggl
estohi
mselfand
cont
inuet
otellherwhyhi
swi
fecoul
dnotcome
wit
hhimtoday.
Luckil
ywhenIsetmychai r,
Inot
iceKamo’
scar.
Thegirl
sdidn’
ttakelong,
Iam wonderi
ngwhat
couldbetheproblem.
Thethreeofuswatchunti
lKamopar kst
hecar
besi
demyf ather
’sol
dbakkie.Thul
ij
umpsout
l
aughingandheadstrai
ghttous.
“
Youdon’
tlookpl
eased,
”Isay
.
“Iam notpl
easedatall
,
”shesays.Shehasher
handsonherwaist.“
Itl
ooksli
kewewi l
lbe
gett
ingmarri
edinJohannesbur
gorsomething.
”
“
Whathappened?
”
“Thevenuei sperfectbuti ti
stoohugef ora
smallceremony .Plus…t heredonothav eaircon.
Howar ewesupposet osur vi
vethisheat?”She
asksandf ansherself.Itisonlynowt hatshe
regi
ster
st heoldman.Shet ur
nst ohim and
greetwit
hasmi l
ebef oregetti
ngbacktoput t
ing
herhandsonherwai st.“Guesswhatthe
managersays…Iaskedf ordi
scountbecause
wewon’ tbeusingt hewhol espace…heasked
whywedon’ tjustinvit
emor epeopletothe
wedding.Li
ke…wher earewesupposedt oget
peopletofi
ll
thev enuet hataccommodat ethree
hundredpeople.”
Igi
ggle.Ourweddi
ngi
ssupposedt
ohav
ethi
rt
y
guest
.
“
Weonl
yneedt
hir
tyguest
s,”Isay
.
“Exactly.Nowhewant sust of indmor etwo
hundr edandsev entypeopl et ofil
ltheplace,”
shesay s.“Ma…”shet urnst omymot her.“Do
youhav et wohundredr elati
vest hatwecoul d
i
nv i
te? ”Ilaugh.Fir
stvenuev isitandshei s
wor kedup?LOL.“ ButIt oldhimt ogetmet he
discountIwantorel se…hej ustl ostbusiness.
WhatThul iwants…Thuli gets.”Thul i
turnst o
meandasks, “
WasIwr ongt ouset hatli
neon
him?Somet imespeoplegetmewr ong.WasI
wrong?”Ishakemyheadather .Theoldmanis
star
ingatherinwonder.“Youknowwhat ?
MaybeIshoul dgetmyselfwaterbeforethi
s
heatbutchersme.”Sheheadsf orthehouse.
“Howdoy ouguyssurv
ivethi
sheat ?”
Theoldmani
slaughi
ngsohar
d,andmy
motheri
ssmi
li
ng.
“
Wher edidyoufindher ?”Hecont
inuestolaugh.
“
ThisisexactlywhatIhadt odealwit
hwhen
yourmotherandIwer ey oung.
”Itur
ntomy
mother.“
Awomanwhospeakshermi nd?A
t
oughcooki etoplease.”Heshakeshishead.
“
Youar eblessedbuty ouareupforarideyoung
man.”
Toughcooki
e,huh?Hecansayt
hatagai
n.
“Tel
lmeallabouti
t,
”Isaywhil
ewatchi
ngThul
i
marcht
ot hehouse.Todayt
hesunisoutto
showoffandmybabei snottaki
ngi
twell
.
Wel
comet
oLi
mpopo!
“Butwheredi dyouf i
ndyourmother
’srepli
ca?
”
Ntatelaughsbef oresay
ing,“
Remembert he
otherdayy ouaskedmewhatki ndofawoman
wasy ourmot her?Theresheis.
”Hepointsat
Thuli
’sdir
ection.“Idon’
tknowherheartbut
you…myboy …aremar ryi
ngyourmother.

admi
n@st
ori
esby
takal
ani
m.co.
za

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE48

THULI
Phuti’
scousinhasbeenhavi
ngaf itofl
aught er
asIhelphermakesupper.Idi
dn’tknowIwas
funnyunti
lshecannotst
oplaughing.Ithi
nkI
am justal
itt
lener
vousandIam justblabbing.
“Whatdoy outhinkIshoulddo?Shouldwe
sett
leforthatvenue?”Iask,
asIcutthecar
rot
s
forthestew.Nowt hatIam engaged,wedi
dn’
t
bookal odge.Wet houghtwecouldspendt
ime
withthefamily
…andIcanst artget
ti
ngusedto
everyone.
Ah,
Iam al
readycl
oset
oev
ery
one.
Theyarer eall
ysweetpeopl e,soitiseasytobe
partofthem.Il oveithere.I
tisveryhomel y.
Nothingli
kewher eIgr ewup.I ti
sv eryhomely
buttoohot ,ohmyGodIdon’ tknowhowIam
goi
ngt osur vi
ve.Iwassosur ethatitwouldbe
rai
ningbynow…j ustlikehowi twouldbackin
Gauteng.Butno, ithasbeenheataf t
erheat
aft
erheat.
“IwouldsayGaut engformyownselfi
sh
reasons,”sherespondsasshesti
rinthesoft
porri
dgef orPhuti
’smother
.Iam hel
pingwit
h
thechickenstew.
“
Whatwoul
dbet
hesel
fi
shr
easons?
”
“
Justanexcusetol
eav
ePol
okwanef
oral
i
ttl
e
whi
le,
”shesays.
Iqui
etl
ycont
inuechoppi
ngt
hecar
rot
s.
“Whatwoulditt
akeforMatotr
avel
?”IaskasI
pul
lthecabbagefr
om thef
ri
dgesoIcouldcuti
t.
“Justawheelchai
rfr
iendl
yaccommodati
on.I
am ther
easanur seandherther
api
sthas
clear
edhertoshortt
ravel
s.
“Maybeweshoul dt akealitt
lefamil
ytri
pbef or
e
thewedding…whatdoy outhink?
”Iask.I
rememberPhut ioncement i
onedorganising
onesincehismot herisclearedtotr
avel butwe
didn’
tgetdeepintoi t
.Inst
eadofhav i
ngt hem
comet oGautengf orabusyweekendwher e
Phuti
andIwillberunni
ngaroundtogetthings
doneforthewedding,may
bewecoul djusttake
ali
tt
letr
iptoGautengandenjoy.
Oh,mygoodness!Lov
eismessi
ngwi
thmy
head.
“
Thatwoul
dbel
ovely
,”Kamosay
shappi
l
y.
“
Thatwoul
dbesolovel
y.
”
“
Whatwouldbelovel
y?”Phut
iasksashewal
ks
i
ntot
heki
tchen,
hishandsinhispocket
.
“Afami
l
yshor
ttr
ipbef
orey
ourweddi
ng,
”Kamo
say
s.
“
Thatsoundsl
i
kef
un,
”Phut
isay
s.
“So,l
et'
smakei thappen,
”Isay
,myf ocusont he
choppingboar d.Il
ikehowPhutismilesatme
ashewat chesmedomyt askathand.
Whenev erwear einhishome,Ifeell
ikehefall
s
moreinl ovewi t
hme.Icannotev enexpl
ainthi
s.
Butwhenev erwecomespendt i
mewi t
hhis
mother,itfeelsl
ikePhuti
getsl
oadedwi thmor e
l
ovef
orme.
“I
sMaalright?
”Kamoaskswhilewi
pingher
handswit
ht heapr
on.“
Ishoul
dgetherfr
eshen
upbefor
esupper.”
“Sheisf
ine.Theyar
ecatchi
ngupsoIthoughtI
couldgi
vethem aminut
e,”Phut
isay
s.
I
tisr ef
reshingt owatchPhuti
’
sf atherwithhis
mot her
.Despi teahundredofissuesbef ore
theygott othispoint
,theyar
edoi ngthi
sco-
parenti
ngt hingsowel l
.Myparentsshoul dhave
beendoi ngthesamebut …unfort
unatelyour
fatheri
st oogoodf orus.“Doyouneedsome
help?”
“What
?”Igasp.“
Yourf
atheri
sher
eandhei
s
goi
ngtothi
nkthatI
…”
“Igr
ewupdoingi
t.Hewasn’
tpar
tofmy
upbri
ngi
ngf
orhimtotel
lmewhattodo.
”
“Ohh…IwishIcouldl
ety
out akeoverbutIhave
gotthi
s.Justgetmeaglassoficecol
dwat er
.”
Het urnst ot hefr i
dgeandpi cksabot tl
eof
wat er.Kamof inisheswithherpotandexcuses
herselfsoshecoul dgetMa’ sbat hreadybef ore
supper .Mi nutesl at
er,shepushesMadownt he
corridorandNt at eLerol
ewal ksintotheki t
chen.
Iam gl adt hatPhut iisnowseat edwi thabot tl
e
ofwat eri nhishandwhi leIam washi ngt he
dishes.I twoul dn’thavelookedni ceifitwas
vi
cev er sa;nott hatPhut iwouldmi ndatal l
.My
manhasami ndofhi sown.
Ir
eachf
ormygl
assofwat
eranddownhal
fofi
t.
“MayIal
sohaveaglassofwat
er?
”heasksas
hepul
lsoneofthechai
rs.
“Ohh..sure,
”Phut i
say swhileget ti
ngup.He
pullsthebott
leofwat erf r
om t hef r
eezerand
pour saglassfullf
orhi sfather.Theyar en’
t
close,butPhutiseemst obet oleratehi
m much.
Hemakesi twor kforallofthem.Themani s
mat uredmoret hanIam.Idon’ tknowhowIwi l
l
reactwhenIr econnectwi thmyf ather
.Asmuch
asIwanttofor
givehim,Isti
llhav
esomuchI
wanthi
mt oanswer.Most l
yforDineo’
ssake.
Helef
thertobeapar entandjudgingf
rom how
thi
ngsar
e,heruinedherli
fe.
“Iwasjusttel
li
ngmysonher
ethatheisget
ti
ng
marri
edt ohismot
her
,”Nt
ateLer
olesayswit
h
hiseyesonme.
“
Whydoy
ousayso?
”Iask.
“
Yourener
gyremi
ndsmeofheri
nthosey
oung
y
ears,
”hesay
s.Ismi
le.
“HowdidyouandMameet ?”Iaskbutquickl
y
real
i
sethatmaybeitwasn’
tagoodidea.Iam
aboutt
otell
him nott
oanswerwhenhel aughs.
“
Bestdayofmyl
i
fe,
”hesay
saf
terl
aughi
ng.
Ohh,
bestwhat?Hi swi
femustnothearhi
m or
el
se…hel
lwil
lfreeze.
“
Oh,iti
s?”Ismi
l
eback.Thi
sshoul
dbe
i
nter
esti
ng.
“Iti
s.Imetheri nhighschool .Iwasthree
gradesaheadofher …”theol dmansay sand
takesasi pfrom hi
sglass.“ Shewast oosmart.
Ver ysmart.Veryverysmar tandshewasn’ t
afraidtoshowi tatschool.So, manyofus
want edherat t
enti
onsoy oucani magi nehow
delight
edIwaswhensheagr eedtoletmewal k
herhome. ”
Phuticl
earshisthroat.Idon’
tknowwhy .Maybe
thi
sistoomuchf orhimt oli
stentobuttheold
mandoesn’ tst
op.“ Shewasv erysweet,
surpr
isi
ngly.Oh…becauseshewasal r
eadyin
l
ovewi t
hme.West art
edbybei ngfr
iendsfora
l
itt
lewhil
eanddat edjustaft
ertwoweek. ”He
shakeshishead.“ Iwasthehappiestman, ever
.”
“
Howwasshe?
”Iask.
“Beautif
ul.Ver
yverybeaut
if
ul andbubbly.
Ohhh…andt al
kati
ve,
”hesaysbef orecl
eari
ng
histhroat.Maybeheshoul
dn’thav esai
dthat,
consideri
ngshecannotdot hatanymore.
“
Icanattestt
othat.Shewassweetbut
whenev
ershecalledmyname, Iwasscared
t
hatshewasgoingt olect
uremenon-st
op.”
“Iregreteverl
eav i
ngf orJoburgwhenIpassed
mymat ri
c.Iwasper fectl
yfinewiththelong
distancerelat
ionshipbutIlostitwhenshe
refusedtojoinmewhenshepassedher s.”That
i
swher etheybrokeup?Phut iandIquiet
ly
l
istened.“Imetmywi feinschool butwhenever
Icamebackher e…wecoul dreconnect.”
“
Evenaf
tery
ouwer
emar
ri
edwi
thki
ds?
”
“EvenafterIwasmar
ri
ed.Iam notapr
oudman
forthatbutshewasmysoulmateandIcoul
dn’
t
divorcemywi f
e.”
Phut ishakeshi
shead.Hepr obabl
est hi
nkshi
s
fathercouldhavetakenbett
erchoices.Buti
fhe
did,thenhecouldn’tbeher
e.
Phutist
aresathi
sfatherandasks,
“Youwer
e
for
everpresenti
nourli
ves…butwhydidyou
ev
erdoubtt
hatIwasy
ourson?
”
Fort
hefir
stti
mesincehej
oinedus,
Ntat
e
Ler
ole’
sfacepal
es.
“Well
…itwasjustsel
fi
shofme.Ijusthear
dthat
shewastryi
ngtomov eonwithsomeonejust
aft
eryouwerebornandIdidn’
twantherto.
”
“
Soyoudi
dn’twanthert
omoveonbuty
ou
wer
emarr
ied?”Phut
iasks.
Okay…t
hist
ookalef
tturn.Wear
esav
edby
Let
habowhorunsi
ntotheroom.
From downthecorri
dor,hi
smothery el
lsthathe
shoul
dst oprunni
nginthehouse.Igetthatis
howpar ent
scommuni catewi
ththeirchil
dren.
“Ibett
ergetgoi
ng…”Nt
atesaysasheget
son
hisfeet.“
Ihear
dyouar
eleavi
ngtomor
row.”
“
Yeswear
e,”Phut
isay
s.
“
Theny
oushal
ltr
avel
saf
ely
.”
Theol
dmanwal
ksoutoft
her
oom,
andIhear
him cal
loutt
oPhut
i’
smot
herandKamot
obi
d
them goodby
e.
WhenIhearthecardooropenf
rom out
side,
I
t
urnt
oPhut i
andshakemyheadathi m.
“
What
?”Heshr
ugs.
“
Thatwascol
d.”
“
Doy
oubl
ameme?
”
“
No,Idon’
t.Idon’
tatal
l
,”Irespond.Weal
lhav
e
i
ssueswit
htheoldpeople.

*
***
*

Wor kwashect i
ctoday.Evenhecti
cthan
yesterdaywhenIhadt houghtIwil
lbe
exhaust edfrom ourt
ripfrom Li
mpopo.Today
waswor se.Ievenlef
ttheof f
icebef
oreI
fi
nishedmyt askfortheday.Iti
salr
eadyei
ght
butunf ort
unately,
nomat terhowtir
edIam I
cannotgot
obedt
hisear
ly.
Phutidropsakissonmyl i
psbeforeplacinga
boxofpi zzaonthet
able.Noneofusi swi l
l
ing
tocook.WhatIcanonl ydoistojustgrabthe
sidespl
aceandcar r
ytheboxt heli
vingroom.I
am alr
eadyi nmypyjamasandsoi sPhut i
.
Whenwear ebothsett
ledonthecouch, Istar
t
devouri
ngt hepi
zza.
Aft
erourpizzasupper,
wecuddleont hecouch
andcat
chuponournewNet fli
xser
ies.My
phonevi
bratesfr
om thecouch.
Shucks,mybat t
eryi
slowandIlef
tmycharger
i
nt hecar.Phut
iandIarebot
hsettl
edont
he
couchnicelysoIdon’
twanthi
mt omove.
Myphonev
ibr
atesagai
nandt
hist
imei
tis
Di
neo.
‘
Iam sot
ir
edThul
i
.’-at
extf
rom Di
neo.
Ichuckl
ebef
oret
ext
ing,
‘Thatmakest
het
woof
us.’
‘
Notjustf
rom today.If
eelext
remel
yexhaust
ed.
Ti
redofever
ything.
’-Dineo.
‘
Imi ghtbegoi ngtoviewsomeweddingv enues
thi
sSat urdaybutIcanbookaspaf orusinthe
l
ateaf t
er noon.Fourhour
sofpampering,
’-Itext
.
Withthehel pofMar i
aandherfri
endThandeka,
Ifoundt hreevenuestoviewt
hiscoming
Saturday.Ifonlythi
sweekcanjustpassbylike
therest.
‘
Ididagreatj
obwit
hy ou.Thatisonethi
ngIam
quit
esureabout
.Now, Icanr
estknowingthat
therei
sagoodgestur
eIdi dformyli
tt
leone.’
-
Dineo.
‘
Li
ttl
eone?Iam goi
ngtobeawi
fev
erysoon.I
am notl
i
ttl
eany
mor e,
’-Me.
‘
Tel
lPhut
itot
akecar
eofy
ouorel
se…’
-Di
neo.
‘
Orelseyouwil
lcomewi t
hagun.Lol.He
alr
eadyknows.Looksi
s,Iwil
lbookaspaforus
thi
sSatur
day.I
’l
lsendyouthedetai
l
s.Myphone
i
saboutt
odi
enow.Il
ovey
ou.
’-Me.
‘
Il
oveyou.For
giv
emei
fIev
erf
ail
edy
ou.
’-
Di
neo.
‘
Arey
oudr
inki
ng?
’-It
extwhi
l
elaughi
ng.
‘
Justali
ttl
esomet hi
ngstr
ongtonumballt
he
pai
nintheworld.Takecar
e.Iam goi
ngt
orest
now.’
-Dineo.
‘
Iloveyou.’
Iknowsheisgoi
ngtodozeoffaft
er
thisone.Mysist
ernev
erhadaprobl
em wit
h
sleepi
ng.

ItisaWednesdayandIam al i
ttl
elat etoday.It
i
sn’ tbecauseofmydr iv
ingorany thing,Iwasn’t
sleepylastnight-asexhaust edasIwas, I
wasn’ tsl
eepyatall.Itcouldbet hehotweat her
butsomet hi
ngdidn’tfeelri
ght.Icouldn’ tt
ell
whatwaswr ongwithmebutIj ustcoul dn’
t
sleep.LuckilyPhutikeptmecompany .Sowe
stay edupf r
om themi ddleoftheni ghtunt i
l
dawn.Byt
hetimewewentbackt
osl
eep,
itwas
al
readymorni
ng.
St
ill
whenIwokeup, Ifel
tsoexhaust
ed.I
fit
wasn’tt
hatIhaveabri
efmeetingwit
hthe
i
nterns,
Iwouldn’
thavecame.
May
beIshoul
dhav
est
ayedathome.
Getti
ngint heel
evator
,It
urntothemirrorso
thatIcouldtryt
ofixmyface.Ohh,Ishouldn’
t
haveturnedt ot
hemi r
ror
.Il
ooklikehel
l.
Oh,
Ifeel
li
kehel
ltoo.
Myhairneededmorebrushi
ngbuthadIstay
ed
i
nfrontofthemi
rr
orforanothermi
nute,
Iwas
goi
ngtomi ssmybri
efi
ngwiththet
eam.
Iunlockmyof f
icei
nurgencyandrushinsidet o
prepareareportf
ormymeet i
ng.Whydi dn’tIdo
i
ty est
erdaybefor
eleav
ingtheoff
ice?
Aknockont
hedooral
mostst
art
lesme.
“
Lungel
o!”Iwhi
sperashewal
ksi
ntot
her
oom.
“
Isevery
thingokay?”heasksashestandsin
f
rontofmydesk.Ashotashel ooksi
nhisbei
ge
t
ail
orsuit
,hisfacesayssomethingel
se.
“
Yeah.Ij
ustov
ersl
eptandIf
eel
li
kehel
lbut
wor
kshouldgoon.
”
“
Isy
ourphoneon?
”heasks.
“
Ohhh..Lungelo,Ihavet enmi nut
esbeforethe
meeti
ng.CanIcal lyouwhenIam done.Iknow
t
hatyouar ejustcheckingiftheteam i
sdoing
f
ineornow.Wear efine.Wor kisfi
ne.ButIhave
t
oprintthesereportsbef or
ethemeet i
ngorelse
t
herewoul dn’
tbear easonf orameet i
ng.
”
“
Yourphonemustbeof
f.
”
“Why ?
”Iask.Yesiti
soff.Il
eftmychargerin
thecarandwhenmyphonedi edinthemiddle
ofthenight
,Ididn’
tcar
et ogogetit
.“Di
dy outr
y
call
ingme?”
“
Notme,”hesaysandcl
earshi
sthroat.
“
Someonecall
edtheoff
iceear
li
er,
looki
ngf
or
y
ou.
”
Isi
tupst
rai
ghtandst
areathi
m.
“
Whocal
l
edf
orme?
”
“
Aladybyt
henameofMuof he.Sheaskedif
y
oucouldr
eachherassoonaspossibl
e.”
“
What?”Istartsweati
ngup.Whileget
ti
ngonmy
f
eettotakethejacketof
f,Iy
ell
outforhi
mto
t
ell
mewhati sgoingon.
“
Shesai
dyoumustcal
lher
,”hener
vousl
ysay
s.
Ai
r!
Ineedai
r.
Irusht othewindowf orsomeair
.Idon’
tget
anxietyattacksl
ikeIusedtobutIneedt
o
breathe.Therecouldbeonereasonwhy
Muof heneedsme.
Mysi
ster
.
“
Arey
ouokay
?”Lungel
oaskswhi
l
ewal
ki
ng
t
owar
dsme.
“
Whatdi
dshewant
?”Iask.“
Whatdi
dshesay
?”
“Uhm…shesai dImustj ust…ohhell
…shesay s
yoursi
sterisinMediclinic.Shewasadmitted
l
astnight.Shehadsai dt hatImust
n’tt
elly
ou
becausey ouwil
lpanic…andIam st art
ingto
regr
etdoingso.”
Di
neoi
sinhospi
tal
?
Ihurr
ybacktomyseatandf umbleinsi
demy
handbagtogetmyphone.Iwaschar gi
ngi
tthe
wholeri
detotheoffi
cebutIfor
gottoswit
chit
on.From mylandl
i
ne,Idi
alPhuti
’snumber
whil
eIwaitformycell
phonetoswitchon.
“
Heybabe,
”her
espondsbefor
elet
ti
ngouta
l
oudyawn.“
Weshouldnev
erstayupli
kewedi
d
l
astni
ght
.”
“Di
neoisi
nMedicl
ini
c,
”Icr
yout,
notcar
ingt
hat
Lungel
oisst
andi
nginfr
ontofme.
“
What
?Whathappened?
”
“
Ihavenoi
dea.Muofhehasbeent
ryi
ngt
ocal
l
me.Di
dyougethermessage?”
“
No.Not
hing,
”hesay
s.“
Iam comi
ngt
opi
ck
y
ouupnow.”
“
No…Ineedt
ogonow…”
“NoThuli
.Youcannotdr iveyoursel
fwhil
ey ou
soundli
ket hat
,”Phutiy
ells.“
Ishouldbetherein
twent
ymi nutes.Tryt
ost aycalm andwai
tf or
meatther ecepti
on.”
Tear
sar
eonmycheeksnow.
Iam st ar
tl
edbyahundr edpingsgoingoffon
myphone.May beitwasagoodt hingthatI
didn’tswit
chitonwhileIwasdrivi
ng.Withmy
tr
embl inghands,Iscr
ollt
hroughtoallt
hecall
sI
mi ssed.Manyfrom Muofheandaf ewf r
om a
l
andl i
nenumber .
“
Doy
ouwantmet
odr
ivey
out
her
e?”Lungel
o
asks.
“
Please,
”Isay“
PleaseLungel
o.”
Therei
snowayIam goi
ngtowai
tforPhutit
o
gether
e.IfIdo,
Iwi
l
lonl
ygett
othehospit
alin
anhour.
“Let
’sgo,
”Lungel
osay
sandl
eadst
hewayout
ofmyof f
ice.
I
tdoesn’ttakeusl ongtoreachthehospit
al.I
hadalreadytextedPhutitotel
lhimtomeetme
ther
einstead.Itsavedthebothofust i
me
becausehei sstandingattherecept
ionwhenI
gettothehospi t
al.
Hi
sey
esar
ered.Ofcour
sewedi
dn’
tsl
eep.
“Babe,
”hesayswhilerushi
ngtomeetmehal f
way.Muofheli
ft
sherheadf rom whereshei
s
seatedonthebench.Herfaceisred.
“Wherei
sshe?
”Iask,dart
ingmyeyesbet
ween
Phuti
andMuofhe.I
nsteadofanswer
ingme,
Muofhedropsherheadtot
hef l
oorwhi
l
ePhut i
pul
l
smei ntoahug.Withal
ltheener
gylef
tin
me,IpushPhutiaway.
Idon’
twantahug.
“WhereisDineo?”Iask.Whenhedoesn’t
respond,Imarchtotherecepti
ondesk.The
nursewhohasbeeneav esdr
oppingonour
conversati
ondropshereyeswhenIaskher
wheremysi st
eris.
WhenMuof
helet
soutashr
iek,
Iknewt
hat
ev
ery
thi
ngwaswrong.
EVERYTHI
NG!
“Iam sor
ry,
babe,
”Phutisayswhi l
efor
cingme
i
ntoahug.“Iam sor
ry.
”IstareatPhutiandhis
eyesaren’
tredf
rom l
ackofsleep.Heslightl
y
ti
ltshi
sheadandhisvoicebreakswhenhesay s,
“Iam sor
rymylove…Dineodidn’tmakeit.
”
Wi
tht
hosewordsmymindfr
eezesandIf
eel
my
sel
fcol
lapsi
ngi
ntowar
m arms.
“
Nuur
rsseeee!
”Phut
iyel
l
sfr
om af
arasIshut
myey
es.

Icoul
dn'
tgetmy
sel
ftopostt
hisi
nser
t

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE49

PHUTI

Myphonevi
brat
esfrom mypocketasIpaceup
anddownt
hewar d.
Thi
nk!
Thi
nk!
Thi
nk,
dammi
t!
Mymi ndisnumb.Mywholebodyistoo.The
nursesar
eattendi
ngtoThul
iandIam ri
ghthere
l
osingmymi nd.Muofhei
scurl
edonthef l
oor
l
ikeaball
.SheisalsoamessandIhavenoi dea
whattodo.Myphonekeepsvibr
ati
ngsoIpul li
t
fr
om mybackpocket .
“
Sur
e,”Imumbl
e.
“Wheret
hehelldi
dyoudisappearto?Weare
meeti
ngtheNdlovuguysislesst
hanami nut
e
anddude…ify
oudon’tclosethi
sdeal,
youare
fi
red.
”
Iam speechl
ess.Nowor
dscancomeoutofmy
mouth.
WhatdoIsay
?
Wher
edoIev
enst
art
?
“Phut
i…man?Wherethehell
areyou?These
guysareaboutt
osi
gnmill
ionrandswort
hofa
deal.Ineedy ouaty ourdesknow, ”Njabulosays.
Hesoundsi rri
tat
ed.Heal wayssoundsi rri
tat
ed
beforemeet ingsli
ket hese.TheNdl ovugroup
needssomeconv inci
ngbef oret heyruntoour
compet it
ors.Iwassett odothatnowathal f
nineandIdi dn’tmentionany thingtoany one
whenIl efttheoffi
ce.WhenIhear dThuli
panickingont hephone, Ilef
tt hecof f
eemugi n
thekitchenetteandhur rytothecar .
“
Ineedy
ouatMedi
cli
nicnow.Yourwi
fet
oo.
”
“
What
?”heasks.
“
Please.
”
“
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
”
“Di
neopassedaway,
”IsayandIhearNj
abul
o
gaspatt
heendoftheli
ne.
“Whatthefuckman?St
opmaki
ngst
upi
d
excuses.
”
“
Thul
il
osti
tandt
henur
sesar
eat
tendi
ngt
o
her
.”
“Uhm…look…uhm…”hei
sconf
used.Iknow.I
am conf
usedt
oo.
“
"I
'l
lber
ightt
her
e."
I
fIhav eeverthoughtthatIwasaman,
Ihav
e
beenwr ong.Iam abouttoknowwhatt
he
phrasemean.WhatdoIdonow?Wher edoIgo?
Thenursehookst heoxy genmaskonThul i and
assuresmeitwasj ustshock, shewillbefine.
OnlynowdoIbr eathe.Imov et oMuof heand
shakehersoshecoul dgetupf rom t
hef l
oor .
Shewasf i
ghti
ngwi tht henursessotheylether
curlher
sel
finthecor nerofther oom butthe
fl
oormustbev erycold.
“Muofhe,pl
easegetont hechair,
”Imumble
whensheshoot shereyesatme.Wi thout
prot
esti
ng,shegetsonthef eetandsit
sonthe
chai
r.WhatdoIsaynext ?“I
st her
esomeoneI
cancallt
ofetchyou?”
Sheshakesherhead.
Itistoosoont oaskherwhathappened.I
cannotgetmy selft oaskheragai naftershe
criedhy ster
ically.Thedoct orwhowas
attendingt oDineodi dconfirmitwasan
ov erdose.Wasi tanor mal overdose?Didshe
smoket oomucht hanshecoul dhandle?Ihave
noi dea.Iwi l
ltaskMar iatogett heinf
ormation
from her .MaybeMar iaandNj abulocantake
hert ot heirhome.Thel astthi
ngIwanthert o
doi st ogobackt ot heirapart
menti fthati
s
wher eev eryt
hinghappened.Icanonl yassume
thati thappenedt herebecauseMuof heisinher
py j
amasandsl eeper s.
Thulimoansfr
om t hebedandIam byherbed
sidebef
oresheev enopensherey es.Ireachfor
herhandandrubst hebackofit.Whenshe
openshereyes,shelooksconfused.Shepul l
s
thegasmaskawayf rom herf
aceandst ar
esat
me.Fighti
nghertoputitbackonwoul dbea
wast
eoft
ime.
“Ihadanattack,di
dn’tI
?Ihadanat tackaft
era
dream,”shesays.Hereyesdar ttoMuofhewho
i
ssi t
ti
ngont hechairandblanklyst
ari
ngatthe
space.Real
isati
onhitsherandshest ar
tscryi
ng.
Oh,
mybaby
.
“
Itwasn’tadr
eam? ”Thul
iasksbef
orebreaki
ng
i
ntoaloudcry.Get
tingonthebednexttoher
,I
f
ighthersoshecouldgeti
ntomyembr ace.
Lor
d,howar
ewegoi
ngt
owal
kpastt
his?
Iknowshei sdef eatedwhenshedoesn’ tfight
back.Hertearswetmywhi t
eshirtandher
wholebodyi str
embl i
ng.Thenurseisalreadyin
theroom, monit
or i
ngt hescreenswhichar e
beepingbeforeinjecti
ngsomet hi
ngi nherdrip.
Thulineedstocal m down.
“Justasmal
ldozetoletherr
est,
”thenur
se
saysasshewalksoutoftheroom.
Thul
i
,pl
ease!
Hersobsar
eloudandIf
eel
li
kedagger
sar
e
t
hrowntomyheart.
“
Shhhhh!
”Ihi
ssi
nherear
.
Thisisbr eaki
ngmyhear tinawayIcannot
explai
n.Mi nuteslatersheissti
llcryingand
cli
ngingt omynumbbodyunt il
If eel hergett
ing
weaker .Sheclingsonmeunt i
lshef all
sasleep.
Itcouldbet hesedat i
vekicki
ngin.Bef or
eI
couldset tl
eheront hebedsoIcoul dj umpof f,
NjabuloandMar iarushesint
ot her oom.Mar i
a
watcheswhi l
eNj abul
ot ur
nsonhi sheel sand
walksoutoft her oom.
“OhmyGod, issheokay?
”Mar i
aasks,t
ear
s
gli
tt
eri
nginhereyes.Whenshenoti
cesMuofhe
onthechair
,shekneel
sbesideherandpul
lsher
i
nahug.
“Theywil
lbefi
ne,
”IsayasIgetofff
rom the
bed.Icar
eful
l
yarr
angethepil
lowsforherand
coverherwit
hthesheets.Wit
houtdistur
bing
MariaandMuofhe,Iheadoutsidet
owher e
Njabul
oissit
ti
ng.Themanl ooksshitscared.
Hehasnoi deawhatIam feel
ingri
ghtnow.
“
Whathappened?”hewhi
sper
s.Wearesitt
ing
j
ustoutsi
dethewardsoi
fwedon’
twhisper,
Muofhewill
hearus.
“Dr
ugsov er
dose.Iam y
ettofi
ndoutman.I
havenoideaifi
twasami st
akeori
fitwasby
choi
ce.Icannotgetmysel
ftoaskMuofhe.
”
“
Sh*
t!Thi
sismessedup.
”
“Canyout
akeMuof hewi t
hyou?I’
ll
pickherup
onceThul
ii
sdischarged.Ihavet
obeher ewhen
shewakesuporelseitisgoingt
obechaos.”
“
Don’
tworryabouther
.Mywi
fewi
l
ltakeher
wi
thher
.”
“WhatdoIdonow?
”Iask.Wher
ethehel
ldoI
evenbegi
n?
“Maybecal
lthepar
ent
sandinfor
mt hem.There
aresomepaperworkt
hatneedstobesigned
offandal
l.
”
Il
etoutalongbreath.Thi
sissocomplicat
ed.
Justweeksago,Dineodidn’
twantany
thingto
dowithhermother.
Dammi
t!
Whydi dn’tIreadt oomuchi ntoour
conv ersationwhi lewewer esmoki ng?WhenI
thinkabouti tnow, itbreaksmyhear tthatI
didn’thelphermuch.Iknewt hatsher eally
neededt oseeDrVanessa.Onourwayhome
thatnight, whenThul itol
dhert hatshemust
reallyseeherdoct or ,
shej okingl ysaidshewi ll
nev erbelievet hewor dst hatcomesf rom a
per sonwhowentt oschool tol ear
nhowt oask
quest i
onsshedoesn’ tknowanswer st o.She
agr eedthatshewant edt hebestf orherbaby
sisterthati swhyshehadt of indway st ohelp
herheal .Ev eni fi
tiswast ot akehert oa
therapist,shejusthadtotryeveryt
hingpossible.
Thuli andIletthetherapi
stdebateslide,we
weredef initel
ygoingtobringitupagain.Thuli
didn’twantt oov er
whelm hersist
eraf t
erfor
cing
hertoseet heirmother.
OhThuli
,Ipr
ayshedoesn’
tblamehersel
fforal
l
t
hese.Thati
sif
….Thati
sifshedidn’
t
mist
akenl
yover
doze.
Ei
sh,afeeli
ngtel
lsmei twasint
entional
.May be
hersoulwascryi
ngoutt ohersi
sterthatiswhy
Thuli
couldn’
tfal
lasl
eept hewhol
eni ght.We
hadtostayup,chatt
ing.
Buthowwerewegoingt
oknowthatshewasn’
t
asstr
ongassheassheseemed?
“Thisi
sf uckedup,
”Nj abul
osay s.Themanis
defeat
edasmuchasIam.Heknowshowmuch
Dineomeantt omyf iancée.Justweeksagowe
weretalkingabouthowt hisyoungwoman
rai
sedhersi st
erall
alone.Justaf ewweeksago.
“
Iknow,
man.Iknow.
”
“
HowcanIhel
p?”Nj
abul
oasks.
“
Justexcusemef
rom wor
kforal
i
ttl
ewhi
l
e.”
“
Ofcour
se.
”
“Thuli
hasnooneot hert
hanhermot herand
aunttorunwi ththis…andknowi ngher
rel
ati
onshi pwithhermot her,Imi ghtneedtobe
byherside, pl
anningandar rangingt hefuner
al.I
havetost ayhereunt i
lThuli
isr eadyt ogohome.
I’
ll
makeaf ewcal l
sf r
om her eandkeepy ou
posted.”
Mariawalksoutofthewardandsit
sbesideher
husband.Njabul
otakesherhandandsqueezes
i
t.
“Idon’tev
enknowwhatt osay
,”Mari
amumbl
es
beforeherhusbandpul
l
sherintoahug.
“
DidMuof
hesayany
thi
ng?
”Iwhi
sper
.
Mar
ianodsandsay
s,“
Itwasn’
tami
stake.
”
Ohdammi
t!
Thatconf
ir
mat
ionst
ings.
Iwi
denmyey eswheni thi
tsme.Didshe
commitsui
cidewhil
ehergirl
fr
iendwas
sl
eepi
nginthenextroom?
“
Muof
hecannotgobackt
her
e.”
“Wewerej
ustt
alki
ngabouti
t.Wewill
takeher
wit
husandfi
gurether
estaf
terwar
ds,
”Njabul
o
says.
“Thankyou.Youguyscango…Iwil
lkeepy
ou
postedaboutThul
iandther
est
.”
“Okay,
”Nj
abul
obreat
hesoutasheandhi
swi
fe
getsonhi
sseat.
“Guys…”Isayandtheybot hturntofaceme.
“Pl
easedon’ttel
lherwhatr eal
lyhappened
whensheasks.Iwi l
ltel
lherwhenIf igur
ethat
sheisreadytohearthetruth.”
*
***
*

I
tislat
enoonwhenThul iwhisper
smyname
fr
om thebed.Ihadfal
lenasl
eepont hecouch.
I
thasbeenal ongday.Thankstothenursewho
wit
nessedeveryt
hing,
theyall
owedmet ostay
heresi
ncemor ni
ng.
“
Heybaby
…ar
eyouf
eel
i
ngal
ri
ght
?”Iask.
Ist
hereapi llthatshecant aket hatwoul dmake
herforget?Iaskt hisbecausewhenev ershe
wakesupandr eal
isethatwhat everitisgoing
onherei snotadr eam, shecriesherl ungout .I
f
apersoncoul dcr yallt
hetearsunt ilnothi
ng
comesout ,
Iwoul dhav ewitnessedi tfrom Thul
i.
Shestaresatmewhi l
eIsitont hebedbesi de
her.Thenur seconf i
rmedthatshei sfineand
cangohome.
“
Areyoufeel
ingal
ri
ght?”Imumble,
knowing
v
erywell
thatshedoesn’t
.Wit
htear
sstr
eaming
downhercheeks,
sheshakesherhead.Ipul
l
heri
ntomyarmsandwhi sper
,“i
t’
sokay,my
l
ove.
”
“
Wher
edi
dtheyt
akeher
?”sheasks.
“Babe…”Imumbl e.Whatam Isupposedt osay
tothat.Whenshewasasl eep,Iwentt hrough
hercont act
stogethermot her’snumberand
therewasnone.Not hi
ngsav edunder,‘aunt’or
‘
uncle’ or‘
malume’ oranyt
hingrelatedtof amil
y
soIendedupgi vi
ngup.Iaskedt odot hepaper
workwhenIr etur
nwi t
hsomeonef rom the
family.IcannotputThulit
hroughi t
.Asmuchas
Iam her etobebyhersi dei
nt histr
y i
ngt i
mes, I
am alsoher etomakesur eshedoesn’ treturnto
thatdar kpl
ace…becausei fshedoes, Idon’t
knowwhatIwoul dneedt odot obringherback.
“
Iwantt
oseeher
.”
“
Nott
oday
,baby
,”Isay
.
“
Please!
”
WhatdoIdo?DoIl ethertortur
ehersel
fli
ke
thi
s?No.Iti
stoosoon.Atl eastonthedayof
thefuner
al,
shewil
l beabletosaygoodbye.At
l
eastthatwoul
dbeaf terafewday sofgett
ing
usedtothenews.Ifsheseesherr i
ghtnow,she
mightwanttofol
l
owher .
“
Nott
oday
,”Imumbl
e.
“Iwassupposedtobookspatreatmentfor
us…fort
hisSatur
day,
”shesaysinbet weensobs.
“Shesai
dshewast ir
edandshej ustneededto
rest
.Wewer egoingtocat
chup.”
Ipul
l herint
oahugandr ubherbacksoshe
couldstopt alking.Isawt hetextmessages
fr
om Di neowhi l
eIsearchingf orthecontacts.
Theunopenedt extfrom Dineo’snumbert ook
myat tenti
on.I tmighthav ecamei nwhil
e
Thuli
’sphonewasof f.Herphonewas
unchargedandsi nceshehadspokent oher
si
ster,shedi dn’tseeaneedt ogof etchher
charger.
‘
Iloveyou.GodknowsIdo. ’–thelasttextread.
Ihadtoscrolluptoseet heirconvo.Myhear t
almoststoppedwhenIr eadbet weenthelines
andhowThul i
wasi nnocentlyfl
owingwi ththe
convo.Butnow, aft
erthistragedy,i
tisclear
thatt
heper sontypi
ngont heotherendwas
bidi
nggoodby e.
Ir
ubThul
i
’sback,
try
ingt
ocal
m her
.
“Wearegoingtogothroughthis,
”Isay ,myeyes
onher.Sheshakesherhead.“Thuli
,li
stentome.
Wearegoingtogetthroughthistogether.I
t
shal
lpass.
”
“
No,
itwon’
t.
”
Yoh!
Thi
sisnotgoi
ngt
obeeasy
.
Aft
erhoursandhour sofpleadi
ngwit
hher
,she
fi
nall
yagreestoleav
ewi t
houtseei
ngher
si
ster’
scorpse.
Whenwegett omyapartment,Isetheri
nbed.I
coul
dn’tbr
ingmysel
ftotakehertoher
apart
mentwherephotosofDineoareall
over
thehouse.
“
Phut
i?”shequi
etl
ysay
s.
“
Yes,
babe,
”Ir
espondqui
etl
y.
“
Whathappenedt
oher
?”sheasks.
“Shewasnotf eel
ingwell.Headachesandall.
Andwhenshegott othehospi t
al,i
twaslat
e,”
theliecomesoutsosmoot hl
y, Iwoul
dhave
beli
ev edi
tmy self
.Beforeshecoul dseethr
ough
me, Iask,“CanIbringyousomet hi
ngtoeat
?Or
dri
nk.Youhav en’teatenany t
hingsince
morni ng.
”
“
No,
thanks,
”shesay
s.

*
***
*
‘
No, thanks,’
wast helastthi
ngt hatcameoutof
Thuli’
smout hsincelastnight.Shehasn’tsai
d
anythingsinceshewokeupt hismor ni
ng.I
cannotcall i
t‘waki
ngup’ becauseshehasn’ t
gott
enoutofbedsi ncesheopenedherey es
j
ustbef oresixo’cl
ock.
Whenaknockcomesf
rom t
hedoor
,Ihur
ryt
o
openi
t.
“Oh,l
adi
es…t hankyouforcoming,”Isayjust
whenIopent hedoor.Thandeka,Mariaand
Gracearestandi
ngoutside,l
ooki
ngal lsadbut
acti
ngstrong.Imakeawayf orthem toget
i
nside.
“
Howi
sshedoi
ng?
”Mr
sRasks.
“Nottowell
.Justkeephercompany,”Isay,
defeat
ed.Ihavealottodo,i
ncl
udingdrivi
ngto
Sowetotoinfor
mt hei
rmotherandfindtheway
forwar
d.Iknowhowt hisi
sgoingtobe.These
kindsoft
hingsdonotcomewi thamanual for
i
nstructi
onanditi
sthefi
rstti
meIam goi
ng
thr
oughi t
.WhatIknowisthatIwi
l
ldo
ever
y t
hingtomakethi
swor k.
ThandekaandGr acewalkstotheli
v i
ngroom
whil
eMar i
ast aysroot
edoutsi
dethedoor .I
readhergesturethatweneedtotalk.Icl
ose
thedoorandmov efur
therawayfr
om my
bedroom window.
“
Wher
eisMuof
he?
”Iask.
“Idr
oppedherathercousi
n’
shouse.She
i
nsist
edongetti
ngsomeofherbelongingsat
theapart
ment,
”shesays.“
Ithi
nkyouneedto
gothere.
”
“
Ineedt
ogot
her
e?”Iaskasi
fIdi
dn’
thearher
wel
l.
“Thesceneissti
llasitwasbeforeMuofhe
carr
iedhertothecar.Itookalookandthere
wasabagneat lysetont hecouchandMuofhe
wast ooscar
edt oopeni t
.Therewerepaper
sal
l
overt
heroom asifshewaswr it
ingsomethi
ngs
andchanginghermind.Icoul
dn’tgetmy
selfto
openanything…i
tisn’
tmyplace.”
“
Okay
!”Ir
espond.Shegi
vesmet
hekey
s.
“
Muof
hegavemethekeywhenIsuggest
edt
hat
wewi
l
lhel
phercl
eanthepl
aceup.
”
“
Thanky
ou.
”
Theladiesassuredmet hatIcanstepoutf ora
fewhour s,t
heywill
keepaney eonThul i.Before
l
eavingtheapartment,IsendDrVanessaa
messaget ogiveoneoft hel
adiesacal l
soshe
coul
dspeakt oThul
i.Iknowsheisf ul
lybooked
andallbutshecanspar eafewmi nutest otalk
toThuliforme.
Imakemywayt oDineoandMuofhe’s
apart
mentt ocheckoutwhatMari
awast alki
ng
about.Igetchi
ll
sasIwalkint
othehouse.Two
di
rtycupssitonthekit
chencount
er.Ican
i
magi nehowpainfuli
tcanbeforMuofhe.
Imaginehav
ingcoffeewithsomeoneandhour s
l
ater,t
heyareno-
mor e.Li
kewhatMar i
asaid,
ther
earepapersont hefl
oorandaleatherbag
onthecouch.Thetableisful
lofpowder–
cocai
ne.
Di
neo!
Itbreaksmyhear ttowitnessthi
s.Ever
ythi
ng
elseisinplace.Ir
eachfort hebagandunzipi
t.
Myey espopoutwhenIf i
ndfourenvel
opes,
stacksofmoney–l otsofmoneyanda
cell
phone.Dowei nvol
vethepolicewhenthi
ngs
arelikethi
s?
Ipickt
heenvel
opesandr
eadwhati
swr
it
tenon
theoutsi
de.
Oneisdi
rectedtoMuof
he,anot
heronetoThul
i,
t
henther
ei sonewit
hmynameoni t…andthe
l
astonei
swr i
tt
enf
uner
alarr
angements.
Shepl
annedt
hiswhol
ethi
ng!
Thi
sist
hemanual
shel
eft
.
Iopentheonewr i
tten:
funeral
arr
angements.I
don’
thavet hepatiencetoreadever
ythi
ngsoI
scantheletteri
nfivesecondstogetthe
i
mpor t
antinstruct
ions.
‘
Cremat
ion.
’
‘
Nof
uner
alcov
erbutl
i
fesav
ingsi
nthebag.
’
‘
Theonl ypeopleal
lowedinmyf uneralare
thoseIshar edthehappymoment swith.I
fI
didn’ttoastasingl
eglasswit
ht hem, t
heyar e
notal l
owed. ’
Thereisali
stofpeopleshewant s
atherf uneral
.Iquickl
yscantheli
standi t
breaksmyhear twhenIdonotseeherpar ents
ont helist
.
‘
Honourmywi
shes.
’
‘
Letmer
esti
npeace.
’
“
Oh,Lord…gi
vemest
rengt
h!”Imumbl
eto
mysel
f.
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE50(
unedi
ted)

PHUTI

Ihav
ereadthel
etterfort
hehundredt
hti
me,
andIst
il
ldonotbeli
evewhatIread.
Howonearthar
ewegoingt
oburyherwi
thout
herpar
ent
s?Herpar
ent
sarest
il
lal
iv
eandshe
doesn’
twantt
hem t
her
e.
Di
dshehat
ethem t
hismuch?
Iam tempt
edt
oreadther
eadthati
saddr
essed
tomebutanot
herpar
tofmetell
smetowaita
l
itt
le
l
onger
.
“
WhyDi
neo,
why
?”Iaskqui
etl
yasi
fshewoul
d
gi
vemet
heanswer
sri
ghtnow.Thel
astt
imeI
hada
chatwit
hher
,shedi
dn’
tseem cl
oset
oendi
ng
herli
fe.
Idon’
tblameThuli
fornotr
eadingi
nbetween
thel
ines.Shet
oldmetheexactwordsandthat
was
weeksagobutIdi
dn’
treadt
oomuchi
ntoi
t.
Thatdaywhenweweresmoki
ngout
sidethei
r
home,shesai
d,“
“Pl
easet
akecar
eofher.Idi
d
myjobandshetur
nedoutwel
l
…butnowIwant
youtot
akeherofher
.”
Shesai
dthesamet
hingt
oThul
i
.
Jeez!
!!
!
Thi
sisheav
y.
Myphonebuzzesinmypocket.Gett
ingupf
rom
t
hecouch,
Ipickitup.I
tisNj
abulo.
“
Heyman,”Isaywhil
ewal
kingtowardst
he
wi
ndow.Iam st
il
latMuof
he’sapar
tment,
cr
acki
ngmyheadaboutwhatt
odonext
.
“Yousoundli
keamess,
”MrRsay
s.It
akei
tI
am onloudspeaker
.
“
DoI
?”
“Well
…mywifetoldmeyoul
eftthehouset
o
att
endtoev
eryt
hing.Howi
sitgoing?
”
Nj
abul
ojumpsi
n.
“
Iti
smess.
”
“
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
”
“
Shel
eftl
ett
ersbef
orecommi
tt
ingsui
cide.
”
“
Isn’
titbet
ter?Fck…No…sor r
y…Idi
dn’
tmeanti
t
t
hatway ,
”Njabul
osighs.Iknowwhat
hemeans.“
Atl
eastsheexpl
ainedher
sel
f.
”
“
Shepl
annedherownf
uner
al.
”
“
Whatt
he…”Nj
abul
ost
opsbef
oreswear
ingand
MrRaskswhatt
hel
ett
ersay
s.
“Thi
sisgoingtobr
eakpeopl
e’
sheart
s.”It
akea
deepestbr
eathandpi
nchthebr
idgeof
mynose.“Shewant
scr emati
on.Shehasal
i
st
ofpeopl
eshewantsthere.Ali
stwhi
chis
barel
yal
ist
.Andshedoesn’
twantherpar
ent
s
tobepar
tofit
.”
It
hinkbothoft
heswearundert
hei
rbr
eat
hsbut
Nj
abulo’
soneisaudi
ble.
“Ist
il
lhav
en’tt
oldThul
ithatt
hingsar
ethi
sway
.
Ili
edabouthowshepassedawaybut
wit
hthi
slet
ter
,Icannothi
dei
tfr
om her
anymor
e.”
“Whatar
ey ougoi
ngtodo?”Njabuloasks–he
soundsl
ikeheispani
cki
ng.Soy oucan
i
maginei
fNj
abul
oispani
cki
ng,
howam I
f
eel
i
ng?
“
Fhungol
amuf
ual
ipf
uki
wi,
”MrRsay
s.
“
Whatdoest
hatmean?
”
“
Youhavetoalway
shonourwhatthedeceased
want
ed.Youcannevergoagai
nstt
hei
r
wor
ds.
”
“
Thati
swhatshesai
datt
heendoft
hel
ett
er.
”
“Hol
dup…holdup…”Nj
abul
ojumpsi
n.“
What
happensi
fyougoagai
nsti
t?”
“
Well
…theyhauntyouorsomethi
ngli
kethat
.I
woul
dn’
tknow,wouldI
?Iti
sjustasayi
ng
i
nVenda…Idon’
tknowhowt
ruei
tis.
”
“
Dammn.
.”Nj
abul
omur
mur
s.
“Howthehel
ldoIaddresst hi
sandwhatdoIdo
aboutt
heparent
s?”Iask.Ihaven’
tcheckedon
Thul
iandIal
readyknowt hatshei
smess.
“
Well…mywifeaskedhermot hertocome
t
hroughfort
hefuneralal
ready.Sheiscoming
t
omor r
owmor ni
ngsincesheneedst ostaywit
h
t
hekidswhil
eMar i
aandIgoupanddownwi th
thepreparati
onsforthefuneral
.So, wecanwait
forherandshecanaccompanyy ou.Idon’
t
thinkshewoul dmind.Because…imagi net
hree
menr ockingupatThuli’
shomet ot ell
her
mot herthatherdaught
erkil
ledherselfand
doesn’twantheratherfuneral?Countmeout ,
please.”
“Yeah,
Iagr
ee,Mar
ia’
smot
herwi
l
lknowwhatt
o
do,”MrRadds.
“I
ssheev
enontheli
st?Idon’
twanttobe
haunt
edf
orcomingwit
hsuchideas,
”Njabul
o
asks.
“Sheis.SheknowsMaria’
smotherhasbeen
partofhersi
ster
’sheal
i
ng.Sheisfami
ly
.”

*
***
*

I
twasn’
tmuchdi
ff
icul
tfort
hehospi
tal
toal
l
ow
met orepresentt hef amily-IbroughtDi neo’
s
i
dentifi
cati
onandt hemanagerwasmade
awareofThul i
’
sadmi ssiony esterday.Itwas
eit
herIdoi tortheyr efert hemat tertothe
government .Isignedal lthedocument st hat
weremeantf orDineo’ smot herandheadt o
Thuli
’sapartmentt oprepar eitforpeopl eto
meether etogi veThul isuppor t
.Ihi dallthe
photosandhav et heapar tmentpr esentablef or
guests.Icarefull
ypl acet hebagofmoneyi n
Thuli
’scloset.Iam goi ngt oneedt otalktoher
toni
ght.Mar ia’
smot herwi ll
helpwi thbreaking
thenewst ot hemot her.Ijustprayt hatthe
newsdonotspr eadandr eachherbef orewe
gettositherdown.
Theonlythi
ngthati
snotgoingaccordingto
plani
sfindi
ngMuofhe.Sheswit
chedof fher
phoneandtoreachher,
IneedMar i
at odri
veus
towherehercousi
nis.
Byt
het
imeIgett
omyapar
tment
,Iam
exhausted.Thehouseisquietev enwhent her
e
areThuli’
sfri
endsinsi
de.WhenIopent he
ki
tchendoor ,
Mar i
asignal
sformet okeepquiet.
Iti
ptoedtotheliv
ingroom whileMar i
amakes
herwayt otheti
nybalcony.Ifoll
owbehi ndand
cl
oset hedoorwhileIam outside.
“
Shei
ssl
eepi
ng,
”Mar
iasay
s.
“
Howhasshebeen?
”
“Bad,”Mariasighs.“Sherefusest
oeat .She
ref
usest otalk.Shejustcri
esunti
lshev omits.I
don’tknowwhatt odo.Shei sonl
ysleeping
now…si ncethemor ning.
”
“
It
’sokay.I
’
lltr
ytospeaktoherwhenshe
wakesup.DidDrVanessacal
l?”
“
Shedi
dbutshedi
dn’
twantt
ospeakt
oher
.”
“
Oh,
man.
”
“
It
sokay,
shewil
lcomearound,
”Mar
iasay
s.
“
So,di
dyoufi
ndanyt
hingt
here?
”
“Let
ter
sandal l
.Sheleftlet
ters.”Isigh.Idi
sh
outever
ythingt
hatthef uneralarrangements
oneindi
cated.I
tisashockt oev ery
one.Just
l
ikewhatGundosaid, Mar i
asaidt hesamet hi
ng,
“Youhavetohonourherwi shes. ”
“Iheardy ourmotheri
scomingthrough
tomor r
ow.MayIgowi t
hhertoseeThuli’
s
mot her.IhavenoideawhatIam goingt
osayt
o
herwhenIgett heretomorr
ow.”
“Itseemsl i
keweneedherf ormorethanthat
.
Look, Ifyoul
ike,
I’
llaskmymothertostaywit
h
Thuli andIatThuli
’
sapart
ment…justli
kehow
thef amil
ymember swould.
”
“
Thanky
ouMar
ia,
itmeansal
ot.
”
“I
tismypl
easur
e.Iknowy
ouguy
swoul
ddot
he
same.”
“
Itr
ulyappr
eci
ate.
”
AfewminuteswhenGrace,
Thandekaand
Mari
ati
ptoedoutofmyapartment
,It
akesome
ti
met oli
eont hecouchandr est.I
thasbeena
l
ongestdayofmyl i
fe.Thi
sisjustnewtome.
Adult
ingsurel
ydidn’tcomewi t
hguidance.I
f
thi
sisadult
ing,Idon’twanti
t.
Icanfeel
myey esshut
ti
ngonmebutIdon’t
wanttosleep.Ial
lowmyheadt oset
tl
eonthe
cushi
onandatt hatminut
e,If
eelmysel
fdozi
ng
off
.
“Iam pr
oudofyou,”avoi
cesay sandIturnmy
headtoseeDineosit
ti
ngatt heedgeofthe
room.Sheissmokingacigarett
eanddoesn’t
seem tocar
ethatsheisi
nt hehouse.
“
What
?”Imumbl
e.
“Youar
edoinggood.Iam pr
oudofy ou,
”she
saybef
orepuff
ingt
heairtothespace.
“
Dineo!Ar
eyouher
e?”Iask.
“Takecar
eofherforme.Takecareofherf
or
me,”shesaysandIfeel
myselfwaki
ngup.I
openmyey esandtheyl
andonThulist
andi
ngin
themiddl
eoft
heroom.Thereisnosmellof
smokeoranytr
aceofDineo.Iqui
ckl
ysi
tup,
real
i
singt
hati
twasjustadream.
Thuli
star
esatme.Shelookssot
hini
njusta
day.I
tcoul
dbethethr
owingupandthecryi
ng.
“
Babe…”Iwhi
sper
.Shedoesn’
tmove.Shest
ays
i
nthesamespot,
whil
estar
ingatme.
“Mysi st
erisgone”shewhi sper
s,t
ear
s
streamingdownherf ace.Igetonmyfeetso
thatIcouldembraceher .
“Every
thingwil
lbeal
ri
ght,
”Imumbl ewhi
le
pul
lingherint
othehug.Eventhoughshe
doesn’thugmeback,Isqueezeherti
ght
ly.
“
Itf
eel
sli
keadr
eam,
”shesay
s.
“
Iknow.Iknow.Iknow,
baby
…”Imumbl
e.
Il
etherseatonthecouchwhil
eIrunaroundthe
ki
tchentogetsomethi
ngforhertoeatordr
ink.
WhenIopent hemicr
owave,If
indaplate
cover
edinki
tchenwrap.Ipul
li
toutandr
emov
e
thewrapbef
orehit
ti
ngitupforher
.
“Youneedtoeatsomething,”Isayandshe
shakesherhead.“
Thul
i,please…y ouhav
en’
t
eatensi
nceyester
day.
”
“
No,
”shemumbl
es.
“Pleasebaby…justt
hreespoonf
ulforme,
please,
”Ipleadandsheshakesherhead.
Isi
gh,becauseIknowweneedtot
alkandI
don’
tknowhowt obringi
tup.
Sheshakesherhead.
Isetthefoodinf r
ontofherei
therway.Chewing
onmi ne,Ifeel
li
keitisasomesor tofcupboard.
ButIsoldieronjustt
oencouragehertoeatjust
ali
ttl
e.
Shedoesn’
t.
“Babe…pleasetal
ktome,”Ipl
ead.Sheshakes
herhead.“Pl
ease,j
ustsaysomethi
ng.
”
“
Myphone,
”shesay
s.
“Oh…yes.Il
eftitint
hecar.I
’l
lgetitf
oryou.
”I
needtotal
ktoherbef or
egivi
ngherthephone.
Thewordmi ghthavegotoutther
e.Ineedto
tal
ktoher.“
Look…weneedt ogot oyour
apart
mentsot hatpeopl
ecancomeandsee
youther
e.Mar i
a’smotheri
scomi ngtomorr
ow
too.
”
Shestar
esatme.Icannotevent
ell
hert
hather
mothercannotbepar
tofthi
s.
Shedragsherfeetoutofther
oom andIfol
l
ow
herbehi
nd.Whileshesit
sonthebed,Iputt
he
sl
eepersonherandpullhergownfrom t
he
cl
osetandletherini
t.

*
***
*

Icoul
dtel
lherr
ightnowasweset
tl
einher
apart
mentorIcanwai tfortomor r
ow.She
hasn’
tbeencr y
ingforhours,anditfeel
sbetter
thanwatchingherweep.Shesi tsonthebed
whil
eIrunabat hforher.Ipromisetotell
her
theworstpartwhenshei sdonewi thshower.
ButIshouldbereadytobeupt hewholenight.
Whileshetakesal ongbath,Igothr
oughthe
messagesonmygr oupchatwithmyguys.I
don’tfol
l
owt hethreadofmessagesbutgo
str
aighttot
hel astones.
‘
Ifoundthecremat i
oncost s.Thereisapar l
our
thatcanhelpwit
hev eryt
hingincludingthe
servi
ceandev er
ything.Theycanar rangeforthe
corpsetothefamilyt henightbeforethe
ceremony.Theyhav er oom foral i
tt
leceremony
andrecepti
on.Checkt heli
nksbef ore.’
-MrR.
‘
Wewillorgani
sethecater
ing.Mywif
eandMr s
Rwil
lhelpwiththecat
eri
ngf ort
her
ecept
ion.
’-
Nj
abul
o.
‘
Man,pl
easet
ell
usi
fyouneedust
ohel
pwi
th
any
thi
ng.
’MrR.
Ity
peat
hanky
ouandt
hrowmyphoneont
he
bed.
Walki
ngbacktothebathr
oom,Ial
mostj ump
whenInoti
ceThuli
li
fel
essonthebath-t
ub.Ir
un
t
oshakeher,onl
yforhertobest
artedbyme
yel
l
inghername.Sheopenshereyes,conf
used.
“
Baby…Iam sorr
ymyl ove,
”Isay
,myhear t
j
umping.Ihadt
houghttheworst
.“Iam sor
ry.I
t
houghtyouwerefi
ne.
”
Dammi
t!
“
Ifel
lasl
eep,
Iam sor
ry,
”shemumbl
e.
“Letmehelpyououtoft hebath,
”Isay.Ir
ushto
gethergownsot hatshecouldgetoutofthe
water.Sheget
sonherf eetandIhelpherdry
andoutoftheroom.
Shei
spal
eandt
hin.
I
tfreaksmeoutt
hatIst
il
lhav
etobr
eakdown
t
hingsforher
.
“Giv
emeami nute,
I’
llcl
eanupthebathr
oom,”I
say.Shesettl
esonthebedwhi l
eIrushar
ound
thebathroom,washi
ngt hebat
h-t
ubandtaki
ng
aquickestshowerever.
TwominutespowershowerandIwasdone.
WhenIheadtothebedroom,Thul
ihasf
all
en
asl
eepsopeaceful
l
y.Therei
snowayIam
goi
ngtowakeherupjusttotel
lhert
hebad
news.
Igeti
nbednextt
oherandpul
lhert
omyar
ms.
Sli
ghtnightmaresdoatt
ackheri
nt hemiddleof
thenightbutIam her
etomakethingsbetterf
or
her.
Bymor ni
ng,Iwakeupf i
rstandgetreadyforthe
readyasquicklyasIcouldsot hatbytheti
me
Thuliwakesup, Iam r
eadyt ot
ackletheday.It
bothersmet hatshehasn’teatenanythi
ngsince
t
woni
ght
sago.
Whilemaki ngbreakfast,Ihearnoisesf
rom t
he
bathroom.Isetthesaucepanwi theggsand
bacon, andrushtothebat hroom.Thulii
s
thr
owi ngupi nt
het oil
et.Iwatchfrom t
hedoor,
speechless.
Whenshei
sdone, shecl
eanshermout
hwi
th
t
hebackofherhand.
“Babe…pl
easeeatsomet hing.Youcannot
throwupwhil
ey oudon’thaveanythi
nginyour
stomach,
”Isay.“Pl
ease,Thuli
.”
Shel
ooksl
i
kehel
l
.
Shebrushesherteethandther
eaft
erjoi
nmei n
theki
tchenarea.Ihavesett
hebreakf
astinthe
l
ivi
ngroom sowecoul dchil
lonthecouches.
Iam st
illl
ooki
ngfort
heri
ghtwor
dstotel
lher
aboutthelet
ter
sandthet
rut
haboutt
hedeath
ofhersist
er.
Thul
itakesfourbi
tesoft
hefoodandthat
pl
easesme.Shepi cksagl
assofwaterandget
onherfeet.
“
Ineedt
orest
,”shemumbl
es,
alr
eadyonher
f
eet.
“Babe…weneedtotal
k,
”Isaywhilej
umpi
ng
nexttoher
.“Canwepl
easesitdown.
”
Itakeherhandandset
tl
eont
het
woseat
er
couch.
“
What
?”Sheasks.
“Weneedtotalk,
”Isaywhil
et akingherhand.
Aft
eralongsigh,Isay
,“Pl
easef orgi
vemef or
wit
hhol
dingthetruthf
rom you.”
“
Trut
h?”
“
AboutDi
neo’
sdeat
h.”
“
Whatt
rut
h.”
“She…she…di
dn’
tdi
efr
om ami
grai
nel
i
keIsai
d.
She…she…”
“
Shewhat
?”
“
Shedi
dn’
tdi
efr
om ami
grai
ne.
”
“Whati
sgoi
ngon?Howdi dshedi
e?”Sheasks.
Thati
sherl
ongestsent
encei
ntwonight
s.
“She…committedsui
cide,”Iwhi
sper
.Thul
i’
s
eyesgrowwide.Sheshakesherheadasifshe
didn’
thearmeproper
ly.“Iam sosor
ry.
”
“
What
?”Thul
iasks,
sur
pri
singl
ycal
m.
“
Uhm…shecommi
tt
edsui
ci
de.
”
Inarr
atedt hest orytoher,i
ncludingthel
etter
sheleftforme, ThuliandMuof he.Al
so,Itell
her
aboutthef uneral arr
angement sandwhatt hey
entai
ls.MrRhasgi venmeal ightaboutthe
cremationt hatDineowant s.Sinceshedidn’t
sayany thi
ngaboutt heashes,Iam goingto
proposet hatThul iburr
ytheashesanddot he
tombstonef orhersister
,sothatsheknows
wheret ogowhensheneedssomeonet ot al
kto.
“St
oplyi
ngaboutmysi st
er,
Phut i
.Mysi
ster
wouldneverdothatt
ome.Nev er,
”Thul
isays
andther
eafterj
umpstoherfeet.“St
opl
ying
aboutmysister
.”
“
Iam notl
yi
ng.
”
“Di
neowouldnev erl
eav
eme.Youcanl eaveme
wheny ouareti
redofme…notmysister,
”she
says,
tearsstr
eamingdownhercheeks.“Li
ke
never
.”
“
YouknowIcannev
erl
eav
eyou…”
“
Youdid.Whenyouwer eti
redofme.Youl
eft
meonceandyoudoi tagai
n…butGodknows
mysi
stercanneverl
eavemeal one.
”
Shej
ustt
hrewadaggert
omyhear
t.
“
Iam sor
ry,
”Imumbl
e.
“
Stopspr
eadi
ngl
i
esaboutmysi
ster
,”Thul
isay
s.
Iqui
etl
ylookather
.Shei
sn’
ther
sel
f,soI
cannotputabl
ameonher.
“MamakaMar iaisar
ri
vingtoJoburgthi
snoon
andi fy
ouagree,Iwil
lgowithhertoyour
mot her
’shousetotel
lherthenews.Even
thoughshemi ghtnotbepartoft
hebur i
al,
she
needst oknow.”
“
Mysi
sterdi
dn’
tki
l
lher
sel
f,
”Thul
isay
s.
“
Thul
i
…”Imumbl
e.
“
Whyareyouhurt
ingmeli
ket
his?Why
?I
t
houghty
oulov
edme. ”
“
Idol
ovey
ou.
”
“
No.Youdon’
t.
”
“
YouknowIdo.
”
“Then…stopl yi
ngtome.Mysi sterwouldnev er
kil
lhersel
f.Mysi st
erwouldneverleaveme
alone.Never.Dineowouldneverleaveme
alone,
”Thuliyel
ls.Itr
ytopull
heri nmyar ms
butshesnatchesmyhandsawayf rom her.
“
Thul
i
…pl
ease…Iam t
ryi
ngher
e.Iam t
ryi
ng.I
am tr
yingmybest ,”Iyellback.“Whywoul dIlie
toyou?Whywoul dImaket hisup? ”Sheshr ugs
andstaresatmebef oreweepi ng.“Whywoul dI
l
ietoyou?I tishar
df ormet otell
yout his…ifI
hadachoi ceIwoul dkeepi tfr
om y ou.”She
weepsbutIdon’ tstopy el
li
ng.“ Whywoul dIli
e
toyou,huh? ”
Aknockont
hedoortakesmyatt
ent
ionand
onl
ynowdoIletoutabreat
h.
“I
’m sor
ry…Ithoughty
oudeser
vedthet
rut
h,”I
saybeforeshruggi
ngmyshoul
der
s.

Funeralwi
llbeuponThur
sday21h30-l
et'
sjust
buryDineoandmoveonwithl
if
e

WOUNDEDHEARTS
EPI
SODE51

PHUTI

Iam gratef
ulforNjabulo’
smot her
-i
n-l
aw.Idon’t
knowhowwewoul dhav esurvi
vedthepastfew
dayswithouther.Whenshel andedinGauteng,
befor
eshecoul dn’
tev enseehergrandchi
ldr
en,
wedrov ehertoThuli’
smot hertoexpl
ainthe
si
tuati
on.
Hel
l
!
I
twashel
l
!
I
twaschaot
ic!
Thuli
’smotherdi
dn’ttakethenewsv er
ywell.I
fI
everdoubtedherl
ov eforherchi
ldr
en,Iwas
provenwrong.Asifthenewsoft hedeathofher
daughterwasnotenough, wehadtodr opt
he
bombabouthernotneededf ort
hefuneral
.
EventhoughMar i
a’smot herpickedther i
ght
words,youshouldhav eseenherweepi nf r
ont
ofusli
keacr azyper son.Icouldn’thandleit.
Njabul
owast heonet oleav et
her oom f i
rst
fol
lowedbyme.Mar ia’smot herandMrRt ri
ed
tohandlethesit
uationt hebestwayt heyknew
how.Fewhour slater,myphonekeptbl owing
upwhenThul i
’sfatherdeci dedtowakeupf r
om
thedeadandbot hermewi thendl essquest i
ons
asIkil
ledhisdaughter .
Justli
keMrRsai d,aboutnotgoingagai
nstthe
wishesofthedeceased,Maria’
smot her
acknowledgeditt
oo.Somucht hat
,evenwhen
shewasagai nstt
hecremationofDineo’sbody
,
sheunderstoodandagreedtoassist.
Now,
her
ewear
e.
I
thasbeenav erylongweek,Iam t
ir
edand
needsomesl eep.Thuli
isonautopil
otnow,
draggi
ngherf eetasMamakaMar i
apullhert
o
theseats.Ihavebeenfeel
inghel
plessandI
cannotthankmyf riendsenough.Thul iisast hi
n
asast i
ck.Shedoesn’ teatbutcriesunt i
lshe
vomitsallthewat ershehast r
iedtodr i
nk.I
havetri
edev erythi
ngbutIhav etakent he
backseatbecauset hereisn’
tmucht hatIcando.
ThewayThul i
issol i
fel
ess,thi
scer emony
wouldn’tbetakingpl ace.Shecannotev enli
ft
herfi
nger.Luckily,everyonearoundher
underst
andst hesi tuati
on.Shehadbeencr yi
ng
buttoday,sheisn’tcr yi
ngany more.Shei sjust
nothere,andIam wor r
iedaboutherst ateof
mind.Shei smilesawayandweakashel l
.
Muofheontheot
hersi
dei
samess.Isti
ll
wonderhowshei
sgoingt
osur
viv
ethis.
Thefuneralparl
ourdecoratedar oom forus.
Therearewhitefl
owersev erywhere,chair
sare
l
inedupandt hereisawhi t
ecar petleadi
ngtoa
smallstagewithapulpit
.Therear en’tmany
people,
justafewofDi neo’
sf r
iendsand
coll
eaguesandus.Allthistime,sincelastni
ght
whenthecar
etakerfr
om Thul
i’
sapartment
ref
usedtol
etthecasketi
ntoThuli
’
shouse,I
havebeenpr
ayingthatt
herei
snomor edrama.
Iam pr
ayi
ngthatthi
ngsgoaccordingtopl
an.
Iam si tt
ingatt hebackwi thmyf riends,
watchi ngev erythingt aki
ngplace, andmaki ng
suret hatever yt
hi nggoessmoot hly.Mar ia
startsasong, andev eryonehum i twi thher
whilehermot hert akesthepodi um.It akean
oppor tunit
yt ocheckonThul i
.Shehasherey es
onMar ia’
smot herandhasherheadr estedon
Grace’ sshoulder .MrRget sonhi sfeetsohe
couldhel ptransl ate,li
kesher equest edwhen
weaskedhert ogi vethewor d,andt oalso
makessur et hatshedoesn’ ttakeupal lt
heti
me
ont hepr ogramme.I fnotmoni t
or ed, shecan
preachunt iltheendoft i
me.
Mymi ndisnotont
hepr eachi
ng.Iam tr
y i
ngto
fi
gureouthowwear egoingtoli
vewithout
Dineo.HowisThul
isupposedtolivewithout
her
?Shewashertogo-t
operson.Shel
i
stened
tohermor
ethanshedoesanyone.
Theweddi
ng?
Isthereev ergoingtobeaweddi ng?Thulii
s
goingt oneedt omour nhersisterforthewhol
e
yearifsheneedst o.Li
ke,t
his,changes
everything.I
tchangesev er
ylitt
lethingIhadin
mind, honestl
y.
Si
gh!
“Whoar ewet ojudge, huh?Whoar ewe?We
havenor i
ghttopassj udgementt oanyonebut
God.Wehav enor i
ght ,whatsoever,t
ojudge
anyone.Wehav enoi deawhati sinanyone’s
mindorhear t…sowher edoweev enbegint o
j
udge? ”Mar ia’
smot herasks, hereyes
searchingaroundt her oom asi fsheislooking
foranybodywhodar est odisagreewithher.I
don’tdisagreewi t
hher .MaybewhenIopena
l
etterthatwasaddr essedt omeIwi l
l
underst
andwhyshedi dwhatshedi d.Ihaveno
i
dea.ButThuliwi l
lnoteasil
yforget
.ThenightI
tol
dhert hetr
uth,shesleptinmyar msbecause
ofthenightmares.Eventhoughwef ought
becauseshedi dn’
twantt obeli
evethetrut
h,
shesleptinmyar ms.
“
Hey
,ar
eyouokay
?”Nj
abul
owhi
sper
s.
“
Yeah,
yeah,
”Imumbl
e.
“Maybey
oushoul
dtakeawal
k.Youar
edozi
ng
off
.”
“
No,
Iam f
ine.Justhav
ingal
oti
nmymi
nd.
”
Itr
ymybestt ostayfocused.Iam justi
nti
me
forapray
er.Peoplearesnif
fi
ngt hetear
saway
,
IwishIwasli
steningtoherpreaching.
Beforegivingbackthemi crophonetotheyoung
l
adywhoi sleadi
ngt heprogramme, shecl
ears
herthroatandonceagai nst r
etchesherey
esto
thepeoplewhoar esit
ti
ngint heroom.Sheis
probablytheeldesthere.TwoofDi neo’
s
col
leagueswhoaresi
tt
ingi
nfr
ontofusar
eol
d
butnotatherage.
Sheshakesherhead.
“Myhear tisheav y
.Ver yheav y
.”Shecl earsher
thr
oat.“ThisiswhatIwantf r
om y ou,
youngsters.Pleaset al
ktous.Pl ease!!!When
youcannotdoi tony ourown, seekhel p.Gone
arethoseday swhenwel ookdownont hese
i
ssues.Themor eyout al
ktous, t
hemor ewe
knowt hattherearedemonsweneedt of i
ght
withyou.Ihav eadaught er.Ihav emany
daughters.Ihav emanysons…soIunder stand
thi
snewwor l
dwel i
vein.Iam awar et hatthe
worldisnol ongert hesameast hoset imes
whenmygener ati
onwasgr owingup.Thewor l
d
i
smessedupnow.Thewor ldiscruel.Things
areverydiffer
entandscar ynow.Tal kt ous.
Talktosomeone.Iam ol dandIhav eseeni tal
l
,
soImi ghtbeabl et osavey ou.Ifthereisn’t
anyonet otalkto,takemynumberf rom anyof
mychi ldrenhere.Dosomet hing!Pleasedo
somet hing,
”shecont i
nues.“ Mar i
a,Njabulo,
Phuti
, Gundo,Thandeka…goar oundgi vi
ngmy
numbert oanyonewhol ooksl i
ketheyneed
someone.Wecannotl oseoury outhbecauseof
thi
s.Irefuse.So, pastemynumberev erywhere
i
fneedbe.Ipr ayf orGodt or eceiveourgirl.I
praythathersoul restinpeace, andmayHe
healeachandev er yhear tthati sbroken
becauseofheract .Mayy ouheal .Heal.May
youfindpeace. ”
Iclearmythroatbecause,dammi t,
theroom is
sil
entanditisasi fDi
neo’sspi
ri
tisherewithus.
Gundodr opsont heseatnexttomeast he
room isfi
ll
edwi t
hassong.Mi nuteslat
er,a
groupofgirlswalktothepodium.Youdon’ t
needt oaskiftheyareDineo’
sfri
ends.Theyall
l
ookl i
keher ,i
nshortcl
assydressesandmake-
uponpoi nt.I
fDineonevercompr omisedon
washersenseoff ashi
on.
Theladiest aketurnsgi
vingusagl i
mpseof
Dineo’sli
fe.Everythi
ngtheysayi
st rue.Dineo
wast hebubbl yone.All
shewant edwast ohave
fun,Mondayt oSunday,shewast hepar t
y
start
er.Shewast hebol
dest.Shewast he
happiest.Butlit
tl
edidweknow.Li tt
ledi dwe
know.
“Di
neo,theworl
dwillnev
erbethesamewit
hout
you,
”thelastl
adysaysbefor
ehandi
ngthemic
backtothedir
ector
.
Iam notshockedwhenThul iandMuof hedo
nottaket hestand.Thuliisn’
thereandMuof he
seem tohur ttospeak.Ipr aythatbyt
het i
me
webur ytheirashes,theywi l
lhavesomethingto
say.Ievenhopebef oretheycremateherbody,
theywillsaytheirgoodby e.
Anoldmanf r
om thefuner
alpar
lourtapsonmy
shoul
derandstepsbacksowecoul dtal
k.I
headtowhereheisstandi
ng.
“
Ever
ythi
ngi
sset
.Wer
eadyf
ory
ou,
”hesay
s.
“
Thankyou,
”Ir
espondbef
orehehur
ri
esoutof
t
heroom.

*
***
*

Wear einthecr emat ori

um, r
eadyforthe
process.Thi
si smyf i
rst.Iam st
andingwit
h
Thulii
nmyar ms, Muof hewithMariaand
Mar i
a’
smot heri sstandingnexttothecasket
whichisont her et
ort.
“
Thul
i
,saysomet
hing,
”Mar
ia’
smot
hersay
s.
Thuli
sighsdeepl
yandstar
esatthecasket.
Nothi
ngcomesoutofhermout h.Itur
nto
Muofhetourgehertosaysomething.
Muof
heclear
shert
hroatandst
epscl
osert
o
t
hecasket
.
“
Iam soangr
yaty
ou,
”shemumbl
es.“
Idi
dn’
t
wantal ettertoexplainthingst ome.Ineeded
yout otalktome. ”Shewi pest hetearsthatare
streamingdownhercheeks.“ Ithoughty ou
l
ov edme.It houghtyoucoul dn’ tli
vewithoutme.
HowdoIl i
vewi t
houty ounow? ”Sheclearsher
throat.“Iprayyoursoul restinpeaceso…Ihav e
nochoi cebutt oforgivey ou.
”Shecr i
esbef or
e
takingadeepestbr eath.“IwishIcoul dpr omi
se
yout hatIwi l
lbefine.Idon’tknowhowt obe
fi
newi thouty ou.
”
Uhm…t
hisi
stoohar
d,man.
“Resti
npeace,
”Muofhemumblesandthrows
thewhit
erosesontopoft
hecasketbef
oreshe
stepsbackt
oMaria’
sarms.
Isl
i
ght
lyshakeThul
i
.
“
Pleasesaysomet
hing…”Isay
.
“Thenwhat?ThenIacceptt
hati
tisfi
nethat
shewillnev
ercomeback?”Thul
iasks.The
room goessil
ent
.
“Sheisnotcomingback,
Thuli
.Lethergoi
n
peace,
”Mar i
a’
smothersays.“
Sayyourgoodby
e
nwanawanga. ”
Wi thtearsst reami ngdownherf ace, Thul ist
eps
forwar dandt hr owst hef l
ower st oowi thouta
wor d.Whenshest epsback, Mar ia’smot her
pray sonel astt i
me.Ther eaftert hef uner al
directorrequest sust omov ef urtherawayso
theycoul dst artwi ththepr ocess.Whenwear e
saf eenough, hepr essesabut t
onandf lames
cov erthecasket .OnlynowdoesThul iletouta
l
oudshr iek,foll
owedbyMuof he.Myhear t
breaksasIt ryt ocomf or
ther , myey eswat er
y
from wi t
nessi ngt his.Evenast rongestmancan
shar eat earatt hismoment .Itist oopai nfulto
wat ch.Atl eastwhent hebodyi ssl eepingi nthe
casket ,youki ndahopet hatshewoul dwakeup
andt elleveryonet hatitwasami stake.When
thef l
amesconsumet hecasket ,y oujustknow…
thisisit.
Thi
sisgoodby
e.
Thi
sisi
t!
Di
neoi
sgone.
Resti
npeacey
oungone.

*
***
*

Ther ewasn’ tdr amadur ingoraf t

ert hef uneral
.I
knowi twasonl ypossiblebecauseDi neo’ s
par entsdidn’tknowwher etheceremonyt ook
place.Hadt heyknown, Iam quitesur ethey
woul dhav er ockedup.Butsi ncetheywer enot
par toftheirchildren’
slife,t
heypr obabl ydonot
knowany onecl osetothem.Ihadt housandsof
mi ssedcal l
sf rom them af t
erthef uner al.Ther
e
wasnot hi
ngIcoul dhav edone.Ir egr etted
l
eav i
ngmynumber s.
Iwasj
ustcor
ner
ed.
Iti
st woday saf t
erthef uner alandt helastday
thatMar ia’smot herpromi sedt obei nThul i
’s
apartment .ItisaMondayandIhav etor eturn
towor kbutIcannotbr i
ngmy selftoleav et he
house.Nj abul ohadsuggest edt hatwemov e
i
ntohi shousef oral i
ttl
ewhi le.WhenMar ia’s
mot herleav esforVenda, Thulicanbei nt he
housewi ththenanny ,ot hert hanbei ngal one.
Thepr ideinmedi dn’tallowmet ogost ayi n
anotherman’ shousebutIam l eftwithno
choicebutt odoj ustthat .Thuli cannotbeby
herselfwhenIl eavethehouse.Nev er.Someone
hast omoni torher.
“Doestheof
fersti
l
lstand?
”IaskNj
abul
oaf
ter
helet
smei nhisoff
ice.
“
Ofcour
se,
”her
esponds.
“
Thanky
ou.Iwil
ldri
veusther
etoget
herwi
th
y
ourmother
-i
n-l
aw.Shei
saGodsend.”
“
Thatshei
s.”
“
WhatdoIneedt
otakecar
eoft
oday
?”
“Justcatchupony ourwork…wedon’
thave
urgentmat t
erstoatt
endto.Iwoul
dn’
twantour
cli
enttothinkwearenotgivi
ngyouti
meoffto
rest.Youlookli
kehell
.”
“
Ifeel
li
kehel
l
.”
“
Thi
swomanmustbet
terst
ickar
oundwi t
h
y
ou…orel
sewewi
l
lbeburyi
ngyou,”hesays.
“
Whati
sthatsupposedt
omean?
”
“Iam juststat
ingt
heobv i
ous,”hesaysand
shakeshi shead.“
Look,Ineedtoattendtoa
vir
tual meet
ingintenminutes.Youcanleav
e
afterlunchandwor kf
rom home.I’l
lseeyou
tonight.
”
Withthat,Iheadtocat chuponmywor k.
Lucki
lyIhav east abl
et eam andal
most
every
thingissor t
edout .Iam cl
earedfrom t
he
meetingssoIpusht hef il
esandanaly
singthe
upcomingmaj orproj
ect s.
Byluncht i
me, Iheadst rai
ghtt
oThul i
’
s
apart
mentwi thoutst oppinganywhereelse.As
muchast heli
fef eelsnormalwhenIam out
here,Iam sti
llwor r
iedabouther.Peoplemour n
i
ndi f
ferentway s.Ihaven’tl
ostanyonecloseto
mesoIwoul dn’tknowhowshei sfeeli
ng,soI ’
l
l
j
ustbet hereforherj ustli
kehowIwoul dwi sh
forhertobemyst r
engthwhenIneedher .
Ipul
lmyf i
l
esandl aptopbagf r
om thebootand
headtothehouse.Mamai si nthekit
chen,and
ontopofthekit
chencount erisasoftporr
idge.
Sheisst
andingbyt hestov
e, boil
i
ng
somethi
ng…
“
Haw,youar
ebackal
ready
?”SheasksasIwal
k
i
ntot
hehouse.
“Yes.Iwil
lfi
nishofffrom here.Ihaveal lthatI
need,”Ir
espondwhi leheadingstraightt othe
offi
ce.Thul
ihasabeaut i
fulspaceint heguest
room whereIcanwor keasil
y.Afterdroppi ng
mybagsont hetable,It
iptoet oThuli bedroom,
t
ofi
ndhersoundasl
eep.
Mybabyi
slosi
ngwei
ght
.
Ei
sh!
Haveyouev erhadthatfeel
i
ngthatwher
eyou
feel
li
key oucancarryacrossf
orsomeonejust
toeasethepain?ThatishowIfeelwhenIl
ook
atThul
i.
“Ma,wear egoingtoNjabulo’
shousef oraf ew
daysuntil
thi
ngsar eali
ttl
ebetter
,”Isay .“I
’l
l
j
ustwor kunti
lfourandwewi ll
headst raight
ther
e.”
“
Godwi
l
lbl
essy
oumyson,
”shesay
s.
“Thanky
ou,Ma,
”Isay
.“Pl
easecal
lmei
fyou
needme.”
Whiledowningabot t
leofwater
,Iset
tl
eont he
deskandgetr eadyt
ocarryonwithmywor k.I
couldchoosetositandnotdomyj ob,butt
he
backlogwon’tall
owme.Irespondtothenew
emailsthatjustgotinbetweent het i
meIl eft
theoffi
ceandnow.Twonewcl ientsneedan
updateont heirPRcalendar.Iforwardt heemail
toDenisesot hatshecoul drespondf orme.I
schedulefourmeet i
ngsf ornewpr ojectsand
sendprojectcontractstotwonewcl ients.Two
hoursdeepi nmywor k,
Ihearv oicesf r
om the
kit
chen.
Thul
ii
sup.
Shewasasl
eepwhenIlef
tandwhenIcame
back,
soIwoul
dli
ketoknowsheisdoi
ng.
“Thul
i
sil
e,stopbei
ngst
ubbornandeat
somethi
ng,”Mari
a’
smothersaysst
ernl
y.
“Themor eIeat
,themoreIf
eelsick,”Thul
i
responds.Shei
sstandi
nginthemi ddleoft
he
kit
chenandIalmostdonotrecogniseher.
“Dr
inkthi
s.I
tshouldhelpwiththevomiti
ng,
”Ma
says.Nowwhenshepoi ntsatthepotthatwas
boi
lingwhenIwalkint
ot hehouse,Ir
eali
seit
wasgi nger.Shewasboilinggi
nger,hencei
t
smellednice.“Iam worr
iedthatyouaregoi
ng
tolosethebabyi fyoudon’tst
arttaki
ngcar
eof
yourself
.”
Huh?
“
Whatdidyousay?”Iask.Thul
itur
nhergazet
o
meandthenbackatMar i
a’smotheraswewait
f
orhert
orepeathersel
f.
“Thebaby…shewill
losethebabyifshedoesn’
t
stopstr
essi
ngandgoingonempt ystomachfor
weeks.Shehasn’
tstomachedanythi
ngsinceI
arri
vedher
elastweek…that
’snotgood.
”
“
Ma,
whatbabyar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?”Iask.
“Her
s!”Shepoi
ntsatThul
i
.Ifshewasn’
tol
d,
shewouldhaverol
l
edhereyes.
“
Iam notpr
egnant
,”Thul
iwhi
sper
s.
“Yes,youare.Now…comesi
tdownandhave
softporr
idge.Whenev
ery
oufeel
li
kevomi
ti
ng,
t
akeasi
poft
hisandy
ouwi
l
lbef
ine,
”shesay
s.
Thul
i
’sey
esl
andonmi
neandIshr
ug.
“
Iam notpr
egnant
.”
“Fi
ne,youarenotpregnant…nowcomesi t
downandeat .I
’l
lshoveitdownyourthr
oatifI
needto,”Mari
a’smothersays,
notbothered.
“Youarenotpregnantbutyousti
l
lneedtoeat.“

www.
stor
iesby
takal
ani
m.co.
za
Whenwegett oNj abul
o’shouse,thef i
rst
persontonoti
ceuswal ki
ngintother oom is
Thabelo.Shedr opsthebookthatshei s
colour
ingandr unstohergrandmot her’sarms.
WhenKhany i,Njabulo’
syoungestnot i
cesher
sist
erinthei
rgr anny’
sarms,sheal sol eavesher
toysonthecouchandr unstohergr anny.
Thisist
hefir
stti
met heyar eseeingthem since
shegotherebeforethef uner
al.Mariaappears
towherewear estanding.Shepul l
sThulii
ntoa
hugbeforeshecouldsayany thing.Iam
standi
ng,watchi
ngev eryonehugeachot her.
Mariapul
lsThuli
tot
hekit
chenwhil
eIgeta
chancetogreett
hegi
rl
s.Theyar
eadorabl
eand
very
r
espect
ful
li
ket
hei
rmot
her
,not
hingl
i
ket
hei
r
fat
herexceptt
heirf
aces.Theyar
ebot
h
photocopi
esofthei
rfat
her.
“Uncl
ePhuti
…l etmeshowyoumynew
computer
,”Khanyisay
swhi
l
epull
i
ngmyhand.
Shehas
grownsomuchnow, sheisassweetasher
sist
er.If
oll
owhertot
helivi
ngroom wher
et hei
r
toysareall
overt
hefl
oor.Sheall
owsmet osit
onthecouchandther
eafterst
art
sputt
ingtoys
onmyl ap.
Howador ableisshe?Il i
ftmyey est othe
kit
chent oseehowThul ii
sdoi ngwi thherf ri
end.
Shehasn’ tsaidany t
hingsi ncewel eftthehouse.
Ihav en’tsaidmucht oo.Iam st il
ldi gesting
whatMar i
a’smot hersaidaboutherbei ng
pregnant .Idon’tknowhowt of eel
.Ofcour se,I
willbedel ightedi
fshei spr egnant .Mor et han
toohappybutIdon' twantt ogett ooexci tedf or
thewhol ethingtobeami sunderst anding.
Othert hanThul ivomi t
ing,therearenoot her
si
gnsofpr
egnancy
.Shei
sast
hinasast
ick.
“UnclePhuti
,youarewatching,
”Khany
ical
lsout
andbeamsatmeassheshowsmehowher
kiddi
es'computerworks.Mymi ndi
sallov
erthe
place.Isnapbacktoearthandpayatt
enti
onto
thetaskathand.
“
Sani
bonan,
”thenannygreet
sasshewal
ksint
o
t
heli
vi
ngroom.Shecatchesupwit
hMari
a’s
motherbeforeor
deri
ngThabeloandKhanyi
upstair
sforaneveni
ngbath.Assheleav
eswit
h
thekids,Mari
apl
acesatrayofdri
nksonthe
tabl
e.
“Ma,youseem li
keyouneedt orest,
”Maria
says.WhenIturnmygazet ohermot her,
Ifi
nd
hersit
ti
ngwithhereyesclosed.Itmusthave
beenal ongweekforher-havingtotakecareof
Thuli
hadn’
tbeeneasy
.
“
Prepar
emyspace,
Ineedt
ojustr
estf
oral
i
ttl
e
bit
,”sheresponds.Mari
adoesn’twast eti
me.
Whi l
eshedisappearst
ot heguestroom, Ihead
tothecartogetourbags.Bef or
eIreturnback
tothehouse, Nj
abul
opullsovernexttomycar .I
waitforhimtograbhislaptopbagsowecoul d
walkintogether
.
“
Youmadei
t,
”hesaysashel
ockshi
scar
.“You
l
ookl
i
keyoucoul
dneedadri
nk.
”
“Ofcour
se,”Ir
espondwhi
l
epul
l
ingt
wol
uggage
bagstothehouse.
“
Let’
swaitf
orthekidst
osl
eepandwewi
l
lhav
e
afewgl
asses.Isur
eneedt
woorso.”
Oncei nside,Mariatakeshermot her’
sbagt o
theguestr oom upst ai
rswhil
eNjabulol eaves
our sint heonenotf arfrom thel
ivi
ngr oom.I
taket hisoppor t
unitytocheckuponThul i,who
i
squi et l
ybi t
inghernai l
swhilesi
tti
ngont he
kitchenst ool.Toav oidstar
tl
ingherwithaki ss,
I
clearmyt hroatloudlyandgrabachai rnear
her
s.
“Ar
ey ouf eeli
ngokay ?”Iask,
justt
omake
conversation.Shelooksatmeandshakesher
head.“Itwillgetbett
erwithti
me.”
“
Idon’
tthi
nkso,
”shemumbl
es.
“
Iknowso.
”
Idon’
twantt oaskheraboutthepregnancy .
Shehasn’tcommentedonany thi
ngot herthan
sayi
ngthatsheisn’
tpregnant
.Itcouldn’tbethat
sheisindenial
orshejustdoesn’
tfeel t
he
changes.Iam t
emptedtoaskbutt hisisn’tt
he
ri
ghtti
ming.
Iwasr i
ghtaboutthewrongti
mi ngbecause
Mar i
amakesherwayi ntothekitcheninno
minut e.Shepicksthewoodenspoonf rom the
tableandf ocusonherpots.WhenNj abulo
returnstowher eweare,hehashi syoungest
daught eri
nhisarms.Beforedroppinghertothe
fl
oor ,heplantsakissonMaria’
sl i
ps.
Whatapi
ctur
e-per
fect
.
“Pl
easehel pmesetthetable,”Mariaasks.
Khanyijumpsoutofherf at
her ’
sarmsandr uns
totheli
v i
ngr oom.Nj
abulostartsgoingaround
thekit
chen, openi
ngcupboardssot hathecould
setthetable.
“Babe,comewi t
hme, ”Imumbl etoThul
iand
takeherhandsowecoul dgoandsitoutside.
Theairiscoolaswesi taroundthepool
.Itisa
beauti
fulwarm eveni
ngwi thst
arsgraci
ngt he
sky.
“Doyouwantt otal
kaboutwhatMaria’smother
sai
d?Abouty ougoingt
ohav eababy,”Iask.
EvenifIwanttobit
emyt ongue,
Icannothelp
butseekthetrut
h.
“
Ther
eisnot
hingt
otal
kabout
.”
“
Don’
tyouf
eelsick?Don’
tyouf
eel
li
key
ouneed
t
oseeadoctor
?”Iask.
“
No.Iam f
ine.
”
Sheist
oofarf
rom bei
ngfi
ne.Shel
ooksl
i
ke
hel
landshemustf
eelli
keonetoo.
“Wouldn’
tyoubehappyi
fwear
epr
egnant
?”I
ask.
“
PleasePhut
i…l
etusnott
alkaboutt
his.
”
Shei
snotev
enhopef
ul.

*
***
***
***
***

Ihatethatever
yonetreatsmeli
keanegg
aroundhere.Icanseesy mpat
hyinMari
aand
herhusband’seyeseverysi
ngl
eday.Thi
sisour
thi
rddayinMar i
a’shomeandIam readyto
l
eav ef
ormyown.
Ibr
acemy
sel
ftot
hrowupasIt
ouchmyt
ongue
wi
tht
het
oot
hbr
ush.
Whati
swr
ongwi
thme?
Icannottouchmytonguewithmytoothbrush
andnotthrowup.Iri
nsemymout handt r
ymy
besttokeepmy sel
ffr
om t
hrowingup.Iti
sso
painf
ultodoonanempt ystomach.Ir
eachf or
themouthwashandt r
ymyselft
owashmy
mouth.
Phut
i,Njabul
oandMarialef
tforworkanhour
agoandt heki
dsareal
readyatschoolbynow.I
am l
eftherewit
hthenanny.
Mystomachgr umblesasIchangei ntoapai
rof
tr
ackpantsandabasi cblackt-
shir
t.Ihav
ecut
myhairtwoday sago,soIdon’tneedtodo
anyt
hingtoit
.Idragmyf eetbacktobedand
geti
nsidetheduvets.
Aknockcomesf
rom t
hedoor
.
“MissThul
i,
ther
eissomeoneheref
oryou,
”the
nannysaysfr
om out
side.Myst
omach
grumblesonceagain.Beforeleavi
ngforwor k,
Phutialwaysl
eavesatrayoff oodont hetable.
YesterdayIdi
dtrytoeatthebr owntoastof
bread.Ifel
tali
tt
lebett
eranddi dn’
tneedto
vomit.MaybeIcoulduset hi
schancet oaskt he
nannyt omakemeasl iceofbr owntoastand
tea.
Idr
agmyf
eett
othedoorandopeni
t.
“Whoi sit
?Tellt
hem t
o…”Icoul
dn’
tfini
sh
sayingthesent
encebecauseDrVanessais
standingnextt
oher.“
DrVanessa!
”
“
Hi,
Thul
i
.Icamet
oseey
ou.
”
“
Wedon’
thav
eanappoi
ntment
,”Ir
espond.
“Becauseyoudidn’
twanttoanswery
ourcal
l
.
Pleasecomesitwithme.IsawapoolandI
wouldlikef
orustohaveachat.”
Iwanttoref
useseeingherbutIknowhowbusy
sheisandforhert
omaket i
met odri
veal
lthe
wayheremeansal ot.Sheprobabl
y
r
eschedul
edacl
i
ent
,al
lforme.
“
Okay
,”Imumbl
e.
“I
’l
lbr
ingyourbreakf
astatthepool
area,
”the
nannysay
sbef oredi
sappeari
ng.
Isl
i
demyfeetinmysli
ppersanddragmyfeet
tot
hepool
area.I
tisalov
elydaybutIdon’
t
car
e.
Whenwebot hset
tl
eonthepat
iocouch,Dr
Vanessapul
l
sherphonety
pesonitforali
tt
le
whil
e.
“Ohsorr
y…justr
eschedul
ingafewmeeti
ngs,
”
shesaysassheputsitonthet
able.“
Howhave
youbeen?”
Ist
areatherandsay
,“Iam f
ine.
”
“Youarenotf i
neanditi
salr
ight,
”shesay sand
star
tslectur
ingmeaboutpainasi fshe
understandswhattheheckIam feeli
ng.She
hasnoi dea.Iknowwhatpainfeel
sl i
keandit
wasneveranyt
hingl
iket
his.Icant
akeany
ot
herpainbutt
hisone.
It
unemymi ndawayfrom t
heconv
ersat
ion.
Fr
om thearchivesi
nmyhead,Ipul
lsomethi
ng
i
rr
elev
anttot hi
nkabout.
Economi
cs.
Aggregatedemandandaggregatesupply
model.Istartdr
awingt
hediagr
am inmyhead.
Pri
celevel.Realout
put
.Ist
artl
abel
ingthe
di
agram inmyhead.
Someoneshakesme,
waki
ngmeupf
rom my
rev
eri
e.
Thei
magi
nar
ydi
agr
am di
sappear
sbef
oreme.
“Thul
iyouar
enotli
steni
ngtome.Youaremil
es
away.AndyouknowIcannotgett
hroughy
our
headwhenyoudothat.”
“I
tisbett
erthi
sway ,
doc,
”Irespond.“
Thi
swayI
don’tf
eelthepai
n.Shemighthavebeen
speaki
ngtoherselfbecausewhenIfocus,
I
noti
cethatbr
eakfastissetbef
oreus.
“Youknowwhat?Letushaveacupofteaand
wewillhav
eachattomorr
ow.Iwil
lcancel
my
appoi
ntmentst
omorrow,
”shesays.
“
ButIdon’
twanty
out
ocancel
them.
”
“Iwantto.Youaremyfavour
it
e…evert
houghI
saythistoevery
one,
”shesayswi
thasmileand
pickshertea.
Shesit
squietl
ywithmef orhal
fanhourasI
for
cefoodintomymout h.Iknowpeopl
ewho
arepat
ientandthenIknowDrVanessa.Idon’
t
knowwhatgoesi nherhead.
“Shewasdoingsof i
ne.Every
thi
ngwasper fect
.
Idon’
tknowwhysheki ll
edhersel
f,
”Isay.“She
l
eftmeal et
terbutIcannotbri
ngmyselftoread
i
t.”
“Doyouwantmetoreadi
tfory
ou?”sheasks
andIshakemyhead.“
Whydon’ty
ougothrough
i
tandt
her
eaft
erwecant
alkabouti
t
t
omorr
ow?”
“
Idon’
tthi
nkso.
”
“Pl
ease,Iwantt
oknowmuchabouther,
”Dr
Vanessasays.“
Icanev
enst
aywit
hy ouwhi
le
youreadit
.”
“
No.Wewi
l
ltal
kabouti
tnextt
ime.
”
Anhourl at
erwhenIreturntotheroom, Ihead
strai
ghttomybagandpul l t
heenvelopewhi ch
Phutigaveme.Het ol
dmet oreaditwhenIam
readyandhewi l
ldothesamewi t
hhis.Iam not
readybutmyhear twantstoreadwhatshe
wrote.Maybeshewi l
lexplai
nwhyi swasso
i
mpor tantt
oleavemebehi nd.
Mynamei swr
it
tenontheoutsi
deofthe
envelopeandi
tisdef
ini
tel
yherhandwri
ti
ng.I
don’tknowwhatIwasexpect
ing.
Myhear
tst
art
srai
si
ngasIt
akeal
ongest
br
eat
h.
Isi
tont
hefl
oorandrestmybackonthewall
.
Wit
hmytrembl
inghands,
Iopenthel
ett
erand

(
).
,

.
’
’
 .
,

’
,
.

- . ,

.
.

.
 . ,

,
.
.

…
.

Myt hroatisdryasIr eadtheletter.Iti

sso
pai
nf ul,
veryverypainfulandIdon’ tthi
nk
anythingwill
makemef eelbetter.Iappreciat
e
thi
slet t
er,
butitisn’
tmaki ngany thingbetter.
Withmyt r
emblinghands, Ireachf oraglassof
waterf
rom t
hepedestalandgul
pitdown
bef
oreconti
nui
ngreadingthel
ett
er.

.
.
,
…

.
,
.
. .
.

–
 .
,
,
.

Whydidn’
tshesaysomethi
ng?Icannotst
op
mytearsevenwhenIwantt
o.

.
.
.
 . ,
’
.
.
.

.
(
)
.

Forthefir
sttimei nages, Icrackasmi l
e.It
doesn’tmattert hati ti
sasadsmi lebutIcr ack
i
t.Thesmi ledoesn’ tstayl ongbeforeIdropa
tearontheletter .Mysi st
erknewmesowel lbut
i
tsaddensmet hatIdi dn’
tknowhert oowel lto
knowt hatshehasbeencr yi
ngforhelp.How
couldn’
tIseeit?Tear sblindmyey esandIuse
thebackofmyhandt ocleant hem upbef oreI
retur
nbackt ot hel etter.
 .
(
)
.
.

.
.

.
. ’

.
. ’
,
. ’ -
 ,
’ .

,
’
?
.

. ,

-
́(

)
.

Ismil
ebecauset
hisi
sst
il
lthef
unni
estst
ory
ever
.
 ’
. ,

. .
’ ’
( ’
)

.
?

–
.
! ,
.

.
.

’
, ’ .

!
WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE53

PHUTI

“ShouldIgetyouanothercupofcoffee?
”
Deniseasksbef or
eshetakesasipfrom her
s.
Wel i
vebycof f
eehere.Wear echasi
nga
deadli
ne.Ifwedonotf i
nishthi
sconceptinf
ew
minutes,thenIshoul
djustki
ssmyj obgoodbye.
Ihaven’tbeenmy sel
fatworkandthathasto
stop.
“It
hinktheyaregoi
ngt olovet
his,
”Ir
espond
whilegett
ingonmyf eet.Wearemeeti
nganew
cli
ent–anewl awfir
m whi chneedst
elev
isi
on
advert
isi
ng.
“
Iagr
ee.I
ftheydon’
t…t
henwear
escr
ewed.
”
“Don’
tsayt
hat
.Idon’
tneedanynegat
ivi
tyr
ight
now.”
“
Areyouready
?Theyaregoingt
obeher ei
n
l
essthananhour
,”shesay
s.Iam notr
eadybut
t
hishastobedone.
AsDeni seandIf i
nali
set hepr esentationboar ds
attheboar droom,MrRwal ksintother oom, his
handsi nhispockets.Deni seishighly
i
ntimidatedbyhi m,sincehemakesev eryone
walkoneggshel l
s.Iwon' tevendar et el
lhim
whatev eryonenicknamedhi mf orhis
seri
ousness.Hedoesn’ tof tenattendmeet ings
wit
husbuthenev ermi ssest hebrainstormi ng
andf i
rstsessionswitht hecl ient
.Thatway ,he
getstomakesur ethatt hecl i
entispl easedwi th
ourideas.Oncehei scer tain,wecanr unthe
showhowev erwewant .
“
Ist
hiswhaty
oupresent
edtomethi
s
mor
ning?
”Gundoasksashescanst
heboar
ds.
“Yes…wej ustaddedt hi
slastpart,
”Denisesays
andgrit
shert eeth.“
Wet houghtitwouldbe
besttointr
oducet hemember soft hef
irm at
theendoft headv er
t,sothatifsomeoneisno
l
ongerinterestedtowatch,they….”
“Ther
emustn’tberoom f
orthat,
”herespond
befor
eshecouldevenfi
nish.Shecl
utchesher
handsinf
rontofheranddropshereyestothe
fl
oor.
“
Thati
sjustbet
weent
het
woofus,
”Ir
espond.
“Yes…Ishoul
dn’
thav
esai
dthat
,”Deni
se
chuckl
esnerv
ousl
y.
I
nlessthant womi nutes,theboardroom is
fi
ll
edwiththreey oungprofessi
onallooking
women, accompani edbyNabul o.Thetimes
havechangednow.I fi
twast hetimewhenI
wasstil
lsingle,
hewoul dhav esmirkedatmet o
pi
ckonef ormy self.Now,Iam acommi t
t ed
man,whomi ghtbeaf atherver
ysoon.
Af
ather
.
Iam st
il
lpr
ayi
ngf
ort
hispossi
bil
i
ty.
“Youcanhel pyoursel
vestot her efreshments,
”
Deniseofferswit
hasmi l
e,pulli
ngmeoutofmy
thoughts.Iqui
ckl
ypullmyphonet ocheckif
Thulir
espondedt omyt exts.Ihadaskedher
howshewasspendi ngheraf ternoonaf ter
meet i
ngwi t
hDrVanessa.Iam di sappointed
whenIdon’ tseeanyresponsesf rom her.NowI
am starti
ngtofeelgui
ltyfororgani zingthe
doctortoshowupwi t
houtawar ning.
“Havesomecoffee,
”Deni
sewhi
sper
sasshe
sett
leonthechai
rnextt
omine.
“Ofcourse,
”Isaywhi
l
eget t
ingtot
hetabl
e.I
greetourguest
sandint
roducedmysel
f.
“I
tisni
cetofinall
ymeety ouagai n.Iam
Rit
onde,
”oneoft hem sayswithasmi l
e.She
l
ookssofamiliarbutIcannotrecallwhereI
havemether.Todayisthef i
rstthatImeetwith
them si
nceIwasn’ti
nt heof
fi
cef
oraweekor
so.Ij
ustjumpedintotheshi
pandtookov
er.
“Youdorememberme, ri
ght
?”
“Ahhh…wel
l
,notr
eal
l
y,”Imumbl
ewi
thapol
i
te
smile.
“Car
olismyfri
end.Sheist
heonewho
suggestedt
hatwetryyouguy
s,”shesay
s.
“
Iam gladsher
efer
redyouhere.Wewi l
lsur
ely
t
akeyourcompanytothenextlev
el,
”Isaywith
ati
ghtsmil
e.
BeforeIcoul
dheadbackt
omyseat,
Njabulo
standsnextt
omeandaskifwecoul
dtalk
outsi
de.
Whatt
hehel
l
?
Iwasn’
tfl
ir
ti
ngwi
thacl
i
entorany
thi
ng,
whyi
s
hesotense?
“Pl
easeexcuseme.Wewil
lbestar
ti
ngshort
ly,
”
Isaybef
orenoddi
ngatRi
tondeandfol
l
owing
Nj
abul
oout
sideoft
her
oom.
“I
severyt
hingal
ready?”IaskasIcl
oset
hedoor
.
Myey esl
andsont hephonewhichi
sinhi
s
hands.
“
Uhm…t
henannycal
l
ed.
”
“Whatdoesshewant
?”Iask.Ial
readyknowi
tis
aboutThul
i.
“Theambul ancej
usttookThuli t
othehospit
al.
Shef oundherunconsciousintheroom.She
wasf orcedtogeti
ntotheroom becauseshe
neededt ostepoutofthehousef orahourso
shewant edtomakesur ethatshedidn’
tneed
anything.
”
“Whatthef
uck,
man?”Isay
,notcar
ingt
hatIam
sweari
ngatwork.
“Iam sor
ry,
man.Idon’tknowhowi
ntensei
tis…
shedidn’
tsaymuch.”
*
***

Ihavebeencal
li
ngt henannyasIr untothecar
.
Mychestisti
ght,v
er yt
ight
,ifIdon’tbr
eatheI
am goi
ngtofall
ont heground.
“
Pickup,dammi
t!
!”Ihi
ssasIt
urnont
he
i
gnit
ion.
“
Hel
l
o,”sher
esponds.
Oh,
thankGod.
“Whathappened?”Iaskinur
gency.Mychest
ti
ghtenasIbracemy sel
fbef
oreaski
ngthe
dreadf
ulquesti
on,“
Whatdidshedot oher
sel
f?”
Dammi
t!
Ican’tfucki
ngbreat
h.I
fThul
iatt
empt
edt
ohur
t
herself
,Iam notgoi
ngtofor
giv
eherf
ort
he
painthiswil
lcauseme.
“
Whatdoy oumeanMrPhut
i?’
sheasks,
i
nnocent
ly.
“Whywassheconsci
ous?
”Ir
ephr
asemy
quest
ion.
“Theparamedicsai
dshefainted,
”sheresponds.
Thissecond,Il
etoutadeepestbreat
h.Thank
Goditwasn’tworsethant
hat.
“Wasther
eany
thi
ngoutofpl
acei
nherr
oom?
”I
ask.
“No.Sincethedoct
orlef
tinthemor ni
ng,she
didn’
tleaveherr
oom.Shedi dn’
teventouchthe
foodIleftf
orherduri
nglunch.Butnothi
ngwas
outofplaceinherroom.
”
“Thankyou.Thanky
ouf
orcal
l
ingt
he
paramedics.
”
Thedoct orexplainedi
tverywell
,sheis
dehy dratedandt oworsent hesi
tuati
on,she
vomi tsev er
ysecondhour .Addstressont opof
that.Itisjusttoomuchf orone’sbody.Het ook
somet estsandpr omi
sedtodiscusstheresult
s
withherbef or
et heydi
schargeherwhenshe
wakesup.
Myphonevi
bratesfr
om mybackpocket
.Iti
s
Nj
abul
o.Hefreaksoutt
hanmostofus.
Iopenhi
stext
.
Njabul
o:Meeti
ngwentwell,Deni
seexplai
ned
t
heconceptandt heyl
i
keit.Whatev
erpointer
s
t
heygav euswil
lbeimplementedbefor
ethe
f
inaldr
aft.Howisshe?Anyupdate?
Me:Sheisfi
ne.Justr
est
ing.I
tisj
ust
dehy
drat
ion.
Nj
abulo:
Didthedoctortel
lhert
hati
sshej
ust
pr
egnantandnothi
ngelse?
Tr
ustNj
abul
otobebl
ant
.
Me:
Whatdoy
ouknowaboutpr
egnancy
?
Njabul
o:Ihavethr
eeki
ds.Anyways,Iwil
lsee
youwheny oucomeback.Iwasjustchecki
ngin
becausemywi f
eispani
cki
ng.
Me:
Tel
lherwear
efi
ne.
Twohour sl at
er,InoticeThul
isit
ti
ngupf rom
thebed.Shel ooksar oundtheroom andcl ears
herthroat.Igetupf r
om thecouchwhi chisat
thecorneroft heroom andwal ktowardsher .I
careful
lysitonthesideoft hebedandst are
downather .
“
Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
”Iask.
“
Iam f
ine.
”
Ipi
ckabot
tl
eofwat
erandhandi
ttoher
.
“
Dri
nkup.
”
“
Iam nott
hir
sty
,”shemumbl
es.
“
Dri
nksomewat
er,
Thul
i
sil
e.”
“Iam notthi
rsty
,”shesays.Igetupfrom t
he
bedandpl acethebott
leofwat eronherbed
side.“
I’
ll
tellt
henursesthatyouup.”
Withoutsay
inganot
herwor
d,Iheadtothel
it
tl
e
f
loorrecept
ionandi
nfor
mthem thatshei
s
awakeandwewoul dl
iketoseethedoctor.
WhenIr et
urntotheward,Thul
ii
slyingonher
back,f
acingthecei
li
ng.Thewaterissti
l
lthere
whereIlefti
t.
“Thul
i
sil
e,weneedtotal
k,
”Isay
.Shedar
tsher
eyesatmeandfrowns.
“
What
?”sheasks,
qui
etl
y.
“Iam t i
red.”Shequi cklysi
tsupandherey esar e
glossy .I
tonlyhi t
smenowt hatthesewerethe
samewor dsherusedonher .Ther
ear enoother
wor dst ousef ormet oexplainwhatIwantto
tell
her .“I
thasbeenweeksnowandIam t i
red
ofwat chingy oulikethis.Cany oujustbestr
ong
fory ourselfi
fy oucannotdoi tf
orme? ”
“Whatdoy
oumean?Whatdoy
ouwantmet
o
do?”
“
Iwanty
out
ogety
ouractt
oget
her
,Thul
i
sil
e.”
“Whatact
?Ist
hisal
lanacttoyou?
”sheasks,
hervoi
cetr
embli
ngandri
sing.
“
Thati
snotwhatImeant
.”
“
Thenwhatdoy
oumean?
”
“Lookatyou.Youarenotwel
l.Youareamess
andy ouarenotgoi
ngtogetanybett
eri
fyou
don’tevenwanttot
ry.
”
“
Ilostmysi
ster
.”
“Idon’twanttoloseyoutoo.Doy ouhav eany
i
deahowscar edIwaswhenIgott henews
abouty oubei
ngunconscious?Doy ouhav eany
i
dea? ”Iti
smyt urnformet or
aisemyv oice.I
am exhausted…noman.“ Weareall t
ryi
ngt obe
thereforyoubuty oukeepshutt
ingev ery
one.
Youv omiteverysecondhourbuty oustil
l don’
t
wantt oeatyourfood.Howarewesupposedt o
helpsomeonewhodoesn’ twanttobehel ped?
”
“Don’
ttel
lmehowt omour nmysi ster
.Youhave
noideawhatIam feel
ing…sodon’tyoudare.
Thankyouforever
ythi
ngy ouhavedonebutif
youarereal
l
ythatti
red…thenjustleaveme
aloneli
keIsuggestt
oy oueveryday.Leav
eme
alone.Thel
astthi
ngIneedisy ouki
lli
ng
yoursel
ftoobecauseIexhaustyou.
”
Igasp.
“
Ireadt
hel
ett
er,
”shesay
s.
Oh,
shi
t!
Thatexpl
ainst
hemood.
“
Babe,
Iam sosor
ry.Ihadnoi
dea.
”
“Shewantedtogo,”Thulisay
swhil
ecleani
ng
hertear
s.“Bef
oreIfai
nted…Ihadpromised
nevertocr
yagainbutitissopai
nful
…ithurt
s.”
Ihurr
ytowher esheissi
tti
ngandpullheri
na
hug.“ShesaidIwouldn’
thavesavedherevenif
Iwantedto.So,Iguesssheishappi
erwherever
sheis.”
Wecanonl ywonderwhataboutthel
if
eaft
er
death.Idonotimagineherhavi
nganpeace.
Blamei tonwhattheyusedtoteachuswhen
weweregr
owi
ngup.Al
lIseei
shersoul
bur
ning
i
nfear
.
“
It
’sokay
,lov
e…”Imumbl
e.
Shecleansherf
acewiththebackonherhand
j
ustaf ewminut
esbeforethedoctorwalksint
o
theroom.Hegreet
swhileproceedingt
ot he
corneroft
heroom andwasheshishands.
“Howar ey
oufeel
ing?
”Heaskswhi
l
ehewi
pes
hishandswit
hthehandt
owel.
“
Ifeel
li
keIjustchewedcot
tonbal
l
s,”Thul
i
r
esponded.
“Goodeveni
ng,Iam DrVezi
,”hei
ntr
oduces
himsel
fwhil
elett
ingouthi
shandfora
handshake.
“
Phut
i.Thef
iancé.
”Ishakehi
shands.
“
Iaskedthenur
setobri
ngy
oufoodbeforeyou
l
eave.Youar
egoingt
oneedal
ltheener
gy.”
“
Idon’
tknowwhati
swr
ongwi
thme,
I
cannot …uhm…stomachanyfood.Andont opof
that
, Idonothaveanappeti
te.Ihavebeen
feel
ingof fsi
ncethedeat
hofmysi ster
.”
Thisisafir
stsi
nceshehasspokentoa
str
anger.Ther
eisreal
l
yprogr
ess,Iwasjustt
oo
harshonherbefor
egetti
ngal
lthefact
s.
“
Iam sor
ryabouty
oursi
ster
.”
“
Shecommitt
edsui
cide,
”Thulir
esponds
i
nst
eadoft
hanki
nghimf orhi
skindwords.
DoctorVezi
tur
nst
ome,
notknowi
ngwhatt
o
say.
“
Iam sosad,
”Thul
isay
swi
thasaddestf
ace.
“Ihopet henewsIhaveforyouwi l
ll
if
tyour
spir
its,”DrVezi
smil
es.“Wet ooksomebl ood
testsear l
i
erwhenweadmi t
tedy ouandthe
resultsshowsthatt
hereisnothi
ngwr ongwith
you.”
“
Oh…t
hanky
ou,
”Thul
imumbl
es.“
Ify
oucoul
d…”
“
Buty
ouar
epr
egnant
,”her
espondsandbeams.
Iam t
ornbetweenj umpingwi thfi
stsintheair
ornotshowt oomuchexci t
ement ,shouldThul i
notwanttobepr egnant
.Mar ia’smotheralready
tol
dherandshedi smisseditbecauset here
werenofacts.Ihavebeenpr ayingsincethat
eveni
ngthatitshouldbeso.
“
Iam pr
egnant
?”
“Yes.Thatexpl
ainswhyyouareal
ways
vomiti
ng.Whyy oudon’
thaveappet
it
e.Youar
e
pregnant.
”
Iwai
t!
Andwai
t!
Andwaitsomemor eforherr
eact
ion.She
doesn’
tsayanyt
hing,
inst
eadshedropsher
handstoherst
omach.
“Youaregoi
ngtobeagr eatmother
,mylov
e,”I
say,pl
ant
ingconf
idenceinher
.Thedoct
or
mi ghthavereadbet
weent hel
i
nesbecausehe
clearshisthr
oatandaskedtobeexcusedso
thathecangogethi sfi
le.
“Youaregoingtobeagreatmother,”Iassure
heroncemor e,
sti
ll
wai
tingforherfacetof al
lor
something.“
Canyouhearme.”Isli
ght l
yshake
herbecausesheseemslikesheiszoningout .
“Iam goingtobeamot her,
”shewhi
spers
beforeli
fti
nghereyestomeetmine.Thetear
s
areglowinginhereyes.“
Iam goi
ngtobea
mot her
.”
Whenshebreaksasmil
e,Iknewthatt
het
ear
s
gl
i
tter
ingi
nhereyesar
e‘happytear
s.’

*
***
*

I
tisni
nethi
rt
yandweareparkedout
side
Nj
abul
o’shouse.Wehav
ebeensit
ti
ngheref
or
mor ethantwohour s,j
ustst
ari
ngatt hestars
andl i
steni
ngt omusic.Wereal
lyneedt hi
s
quietness.Thuli
hasforcedasli
ceofbr own
toastandagi ngerdri
nk.WepassedbyChi cken
Lickenbeforewecamet osi
there.Njabul
ohas
walkedt othecaranhourago,thinki
ngweneed
helpbutwhenhenot i
cedtherol
leddown
window, hefigur
edweneededsomespace.
“
Iwishshewashere.Shewasgoingtoknow
whatt
odowitheveryt
hing,
”Thul
isay
s.
“Iam hereforthat
,”Iresponded.Imeani
t.Iam
goingtobeev eryt
hingmyf atherwasnot
.From
thi
smi nuteon.
“IwishIcanjustcall
herandt el
l herthatIam
goingtobeamot her
,”shesniff
s.“ Shewas
goingtolaughatme. ”Shegigglesbef or
e
sniff
ingt
het ear
saway .
“
Whydon’
tyouwrit
etoherandt
ell
her?|
”Iask.
“
Youcant
ryit
.Justwr
it
etoherandtel
lher
ever
ythingyouwanthert
oknow.Youcanbur
n
thel
etteroryoucanputt
hem i
nabox.
”
“Haveyour
eady ourl
ett
er?”Thul
iasks,
resti
ng
herheadonthecarseat.Shetur
nsherfaceto
me.
“
No.Noty
et.
”
“
Ial
readyknowwhatshewr
ote.
”
“Thatshewil
lkil
lmeifIhurtyou?
”Iaskandwe
bothchuckl
e.“Idon’
tknowhowmanyt i
mes
shehastoldmet hat
.Istar
tedbeli
evi
ngher
.”
“Ohh.
.ar
eyouwit
hmebecausey
oudi
dn’
twant
hertoki
l
lyou?
”
“Iam wit
hyoubecauseyouar
et hebestthi
ng
thathaseverhappenedt
ome,”Irespondbefor
e
kissi
ngherhands.
“
Iknow.
”Shesmi
l
es.
Mygi
rli
scomi
ngbackt
ome.
“
Let
’sgeti
n.Ineedagl
assofwat
er,
”shesay
s.
Wal
kingint
ot hehouse, wefindNjabuloandhi
s
wi
fewatchingtelevi
sion,t
hev olumesolow.
WhenMar i
anot i
cesherf r
iend,shejumpsoutof
t
hecouchandhur r
ytogi v
eherahug.
“
Iwassowor
ri
edabouty
ou,
”shesay
s.
“
Iam fi
ne.Iam sor
ryIwor
kedy
ouup,
”Thul
i
r
esponds.
“Didthedoctorsays…Iam f
ine.Iam j
ust
pregnant
,”Thulisays.
“
Uhm…ahhh…”Mar
iat
ri
est
ofi
ndwor
ds.
“
Mysist
er-i
n-l
awwasspoton.Iwasspoton.
Weshouldhaveputabet
,”Nj
abul
osaysfrom
t
hecouch.
“Iam goi
ngtobeanaunt ?What ?
”Mari
asays
andjumpsinonespotbef orepul
li
ngThul
iback
i
ntoherarms.“Iam goi
ngt obeanaunt.
”
“
Yes,
”Thul
iresponds.
“
Iam goi
ngt
oor
gani
set
hebi
ggestbaby
showerever
…ohyeah…babyshowersl
ash
genderr
eveal
.”
“Notasurpr
iseonethough,
”Nj
abul
osayswhil
e
gett
ingonhisfeet
.Hewalksuptogi
veThul
ia
hug.“Congr
atul
ati
ons.
”
“Whynot?Whynotasurpri
segenderr
eveal
?
Theyar
enicerandsocute…”Mari
asays.
“Doesanybodyknowthaty
oualr
eadyknewt
he
baby’sgenderbef
orey
ourrev
ealpar
ty?
”
Njabuloasks.
“
What
?Di
dsheknow?
”Iask.
“Yep!It
oldherandsheactedsur
prisedonthe
day.Ohhno…scr at
chthat
…shecriedwhent hey
reveal
edthegenderandever
yoneboughtit
.”
Mar i
apushesherhusbandwhi l
eIgiggle.Thul
i
smilesasMar i
aannouncest hatshewi ll
divor
ce
herhusbandforhisbi
gmout h.Amanwhocan' t
keepasecret.I
nfact,shewasgoi ngtosleep
withherdaughter
.Thuliendsupl aughingwhen
Njabul
obegshi
swi
fetonotchangehermind
aboutthebl
owj
obshepromisedhi
mt oni
ght
.
Thul
il
aughed
Shel
aughed!

-
--
--
--
--

Chri
stmasorder
scl
oseonFr
iday
,04t
h
December.

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE54

THULI
SILE
Ij
erkupfrom thebedandclenchmyhandsto
myheartinpanic.Phut
iimmediat
elyget
sup
andreachesforme.
Dammi
t1
Ihat
eni
ght
mar
es.
“Anotherdream? ”heasksashepositions
himselftositup.Iletoutal
ongestbreathwhile
Phutigetsoutofbed.Heswi tchesont heli
ght
andpicksabot tl
eofwat erf
rom asmal lcoff
ee
tabl
ewhi chislocatedbytheguestli
vi
ngar ea
space.
Thisisthef ourthtimet hatIam jerkingupf r
om
adr eam.Eacht i
me, Iam hav i
ngaconv ersati
on
withmysi ster.Itfeel
ssosov ivi
dandr eal,
I
event ol
dheraboutt hepr egnancyeacht i
me.
Whatscar esmesomuchi sthatIfeelher
presenceint hisroom.Ev ennow, Ifeelher
energyasi fshei swat chingme.Whatscar ed
methemostiswhenshef
eltsor
eal
whenI
t
ouchedheri
nmydreams.
Sheisgoneandnevercomi
ngback–t
hat
thoughti
ssopai
nful
.
Taki
ngasipfrom t
hebottl
eofwater,Ij
umpout
ofbedandassurePhut
ithatIam f
ine.
“Gobackt osleep,
”Imumbletohim asIgr aba
gownf rom t
hechai r
.Ir
eachformyphonet o
checkt het
ime.Itis03:
15.I
thadn’tbeenl ong
sincetheotherdream.“Gobacktosl eep.I’
llgo
wat chsomet el
evisi
onunt
ilIf
eelsleepyagai n.
”
“Ar
ey ousur e,baby?”Phut imumbl es.YesIam
sure.Hehast owakeupf orworki nlesst han
thr
eehour s,
soIcannotl ethim stayupwi thme.
Ashel ay shi
sheaddownont hepill
ow, Ifast
en
mygownandt iptoeoutoft her oom tot he
mainl i
v i
ngroom butbef oreIswi t
cht he
tel
evisionon,Iheadt otheki t
chent ograb
somet hingtochewon.Si ncethedoct or
confi
rmedt hepregnancy,Ifeelsososogui l
ty
fornottaki
ngcareofmy sel
fforthepastfew
days.EventhoughIwas–st il
lam–mour ning,I
didn’
tcarewhetherIstomachany t
hingornot.
Now, Ihavetodoev er
ythingtostayhealt
hyf or
thesakeofmybaby .
Mybaby
!
Phut
iandI
’
sbaby
.
Iam goi
ngt
obeamot
her
!
OhmyGod, Iam superscar edbutwi t
hthe
amountofsexPhut i andIhav e…usedt ohav e
beforethiswhol eordeal ,itisn’tashockt hatI
am pregnant .Ididn’
tbel ieveMar i
a’smother
whenshehi nted.Allt hatvomi tingIdid?The
exhaustion?Thet i
mi ngisj ustwr ongandI
thoughtIwasj ustsickf rom cr ying.
Ihavet
oeatnow.Ihav eto.Iwoul
dn’
tstand
l
osingmysist
erandt hi
sbabythati
sgrowingi
n
mybell
y.Thethoughtoflosi
ngmybabybr i
ngs
goosebumpsal
lov
ermyski
n.
Stopi
t,Thul
i!Ichannel my sel
ftoshi
ftmymind
fr
om t
hebadt houghts.Ipullt
hebreadfr
om i
t’
s
bi
nandt hr
owi tinthet oaster
.IhopeIdonot
wakeupany onebef oretheyaremeantto.
Twosl i
cesoft oastandj uiceiswhatIam
havingforbreakfastathal fpastthr
eeint he
mor ni
ng.From thedi ni
ngt able,
Igrabar emot e
andswi t
chont het elevi
sion,makingsuret hatI
reducethev ol
umet othel owestlev
el.The
pict
uresonlywi l
ldo.
Howam Igoi
ngt
odot
his?
Howam It
oli
vewi
thoutmysi
ster
?
Muof
he!
OhmyGod,Ihaven’
tcheckedonherf
orages
andIhav
enoideahowshei sdoi
ng.
Ishootheratextsot
hatsheseesi
twhenshe
wakesup.Isshebackatwork?Whoisshewi
th?
Ihopeshemov
edoutoft
heapar
tment
.
Me:HeyMuofhe,Ihopeyouareokay.Howare
you?Howhaveyoubeen?Pleasetextmewhen
youwakeup.Orcallme?Iam j
ustthi
nking
abouty
ouandhopingy ouar
edoingfine.
AsIrel
axont hecouch,
myphonev
ibr
ates.I
tis
atextf
rom her.
Muof
he:
Iam t
ryi
ngt
ohol
dup.
Me:
Hey
,di
dIwakey
ouup?CanIcal
lyou?
Shedoesn’
trespondbuti
nafewminutesmy
phoneri
ngs.Iqui
ckl
ypresst
heanswerbut
ton
befor
emyphonewakesev er
yoneup.
“Hell
o…pl easehol
don,”Iwhi
sperasIheadto
theslidingdoorthatl
eadstothepoolar
ea.I
unlocki tandclosei
tbehindme,bef
oreIgeton
theout doorcouchsetinthepat
io.“
Hey
Muof he.”
“
Hi,
howar
eyou?
”shebr
eat
hesout
.She
doesn’
tsoundl
i
keshewassl
eepi
ng.Iam not
al
oneinthi
s.
“Iam holdi
ngup…butsomeday sareharder
thantheother s.Most
lywhenIdon’thav
e
anyonet otalkto,
”shesays.If
eelsobadforher
.
IhaveMar ia,hermother
,Njabul
oandmost
i
mpor tantl
yIhav ePhuti
whocanmov ethe
mount ai
nsf orme…andshehasnoone.Noone
atall
.
“Iam sosorr
yIcoul
dnotcheckupony
ou,
”I
say.“
Ihaven’
tbeenwel
l.
”
“I
t’
sokayThul
i
.Idon’
texpecty
out
obef
ineand
checki
nguponme.”
“
Iwantust
ocat
chup.Whencanwemeet
?”
“Any
time.Iam ret
urningt
owor
knextweek,
”
sherespondssadly.
“Iam st
ayingatMari
a’shouse.Youcancomei
n
themorning,t
heywouldn’
tmi nd.May
bewe
coul
dspendt hedaytogether
.”
Shesighsdeepl
ybeforesayi
ng,“
Okay,I
’
llsee
youtomorrowaroundlunchti
me.Iam
obvi
ouslygoi
ngtofall
asleepwhentherestof
theworldi
sgett
ingup.”
“
Sameher
e,”Ibr
eat
hout
.“Seey
ouatl
unch
t
ime.
”
Ifel
lj
ustal
it
tl
ebetteraf
tert
alki
ngt
oher
,as
sadasshesounded.

*
***

Imighthav
edozedof f
.No.Ididdozeoff
.Phuti
shookmeof ff
rom mysleepfewsecondsago.
Iti
salr
eadymorningandtheli
ghtisbeaming
thr
oughthecurt
ains.
“Gosl
eepinthebedroom.Thegi
rl
sarecoming
downst
air
s,”Phuti
mumblesasheplant
shis
l
ipsonmyt emple.
Tool
ate!
Befor
eIcanev ensayany thi
ng,
Thabeloand
Khanyij
umpont othecouchwher eIam
sl
eepinganddropki ssesonmycheekst oo.
Thati
showt heygr eetint
hemor ning–Maria
oncementionedit.Shewasn’tl
ying.Theyar
e
evenmoreener geti
cinthemorning.
“Goodmor ni
ngaunt i
eThuli,
”Thabel
osays
whil
ehersisterj
umpsont hecouch.Mar
ia
appearstowherewear eandsendthegi
rl
sto
theki
tchenforbreakfast.
“
Howdidyousleep?
”Mar i
aasks,herey
esso
war
m.Hegirl
sracetothekit
chen.Toochaot
ic
f
oramorni
ng,Phutit
ri
edtowarnme.
“Didyougivehim ablowjob?”Iaskinst
ead,
giggli
ngathowt hei
rconversat
ionshadmein
stit
cheslastni
ght.Imissagoodl aught
erwi
th
everyone.
“
Whatdoy
out
hink,
huh,
”shesay
sandwi
ggl
es
herey
ebr
ows.
“
Toomuchinfor
mationl
adies…toomuch
i
nfor
mati
on,
”Phuti
call
soutashemakeshis
waytot
heki
tchenwherethechaosi
sat.
I
ti sthecrazyhourofbr
eakfastandall
,soI
disappeartoourguestr
oom andt hr
owmy sel
f
ont hebed.BeforePhut
irunstowork,heki
sses
megoodby eandtell
smehewi llcal
lmeduri
ng
theday .Healwaysdoescheckuponme
whenev erhegetsachance.
Afteryesterday’sepidose,Ineedt ogetmyl if
e
backont r
ack.Ineedt ogeti tbacktowhati t
usedt obe.Di neo’
slettersaiditall
,Ihav egotto
l
ivemyl i
feforthebot hofus.Shel ivedherlif
e
thebestwaysheknewhow–Ij ustwi shIknew
thatshewant edtoshor t
enit.Event houghshe
saidtherewasnot hi
ngIwoul ddone, Iwould
havetriedev eryt
hinginthewor ldtosav eher.
Sheneededsav
ing!
AsIshower,Ithi
nkhardonhowIneedt oget
mylif
ebackt onormal.OhmyGod, t
hereisa
babyinthepi
cturenow.Ineedtobestrongf
or
thi
sbaby.Thereisn’
troom f
orweakness
anymore.
Work!-Ineedtogetbacktowor
ktoo.I
thas
beendaysandday sandIhav
en’
topenedmy
email
sorany t
hing.
Theweddi
ng!
Deepsigh!Idon’tknowifIcanr
evi
vemy
exci
tementforthewedding.Onl
yifmysist
er
washere,wewer egoi
ngtomakethist
hing
happen.
Theexcit
ementisgonebutsi
nceshealr
eady
pai
df ort
hedress,sher
eal
l
ydidn’
twishforme
tocanceli
t.Ij
ustwisht
obeexcit
edaboutit
onceagain.
Therestoft
hemor ni
ng,Ispenditi
nbed,
tryi
ng
togetsomerestbutIam fai
li
ng.Ihav
enever
beenpregnantbeforebutift
hisi
showi tf
eels
unti
lonegivesbi
rth,Iam notgoi
ngtoenjoyit
.
WhenIt hi
nkaboutr et
urni
ngtowork,If
eelli
ke
puki
ngal l
overagain.Howam Igoingtosurvi
ve?
Ther eisnoneedt ost ayinbed, soIforce
my selftogot hr
ought heemai lsfrom wor k
whenIam donet akingashowerandf orcing
fooddownmyt hroat.Idon’ thav easmany
emai lsasIexpected.I fi
twasanyot herday ,
I
woul dbewel comedbyat housandmai lsof
thi
ngsIneedt odo.Themi nuteIsendar ead
receipttooneofLungel o’
semai ls,myphone
ri
ngsf rom t
hecof feet abl
e, hisnamef l
ashing
ont hescreen.
“
Hel
l
o.”
“Hey…heyThul
i,
ist
haty
ou?”hi
ssweetvoi
ce
says.Hewasbornt
obeacharmert
hisone.
“YesLungelo.Whoel
sewoul
danswermy
phone?”Iask.
“Youhav en’trespondedtoanyofmyt exts…but
Inoti
cedy ouj ustreadmyemai l.
”Ihavebeen
dreadingtor eadthecondolencesmessages
from everyone.Ihav eseenathousandofthose
andIam noti nter
estedtoopenthem yet
.
“
Sor
ry,Ihaven’
tbeenchecki
ngmyphone.How
i
sever
ythingatwork?
”
“Al
liswell,wearejustworri
edabouty ou.We
sentaf r
uitbasketandfl
ower stotheaddressi
n
yourrecordsbuttherei
sn’tanyonethere.
”
“
Oh…Iam nothomebutt
hanky
ouv
erymuch.
”
“
Uhm…okay…Iwaschecki
ngupony
ou.We
missy
ouatt
heoff
ice,
”hesay
s.
“I’
l
lbebackbef or
eyouknowi t
,”Ir
espond
beforeIam i
nterr
upt
edbyaknockont hedoor.
“Lungel
o,Ineedtogo.I
’l
lrespondtotheurgent
emailsassoonasIcan,okay ?
”
I
tisaroundl
unchti
me,
soIknowMuofhei
smy
guest
.Iheadoutt
omeetheratt
hel
i
vingr
oom.
Iwaswr ong,itwasn’
tMuofhe.I
twasDr
Vanessa,dressedinawhit
esuit–looki
ngal ot
l
ikeanangel .Ihadfor
got
tenthatshepromi sed
tocomebyandseemeaf terthelet
ter
.Itotall
y
for
gotabouti t.DrVal
wayskeepsherwor d.
“Youarelooki
nggood,Thuli
,
”DrVanessasay s
asItakeaseat.Mariahasabesthelper
.Ont he
tabl
e,shehasplacedatrayofsnacksand
dri
nks.Mariahasthebestever
ythi
ng.Their
homei ssohomely.Herandherhusband’slove
forpeopl
emaket hispl
acefeelsaf
eandhomel y.
“
Yousawmej
usty
est
erday
,doc,
’Imumbl
e.
“Yes…andy oul
ooksodi
fferent.What
happenedwhenIlef
ther
ey estermorni
ng?”she
asks,put
ti
ngawayherhandbagont hecouch
nexttoher.
“
Uhm,
wel
l
…Iendedupi
nhospi
tal
.”
“
What
?”Shocki
swr
it
tenal
lov
erherf
ace.
“
Idi
dn’
tsl
eept
her
e.Iwast
her
eforj
ustaf
ew
hours.Ifaintedaf
terreadingthelett
er,
”I
mumbl e.“Itwasn’
tthecont entofthelet
ter
,
though…i twasdehy drat
ion.Ihaven’
tbeen
eati
ngwel l andIv
omi talmosteveryhourofthe
day.”Withoutawar ning,
myonehandl andson
myst omach.
“Ahhh!
”shegivesmeasmirkasifsheknows
theanswertothat
.Whenherey
eslandsonmy
hand,Ir
eal
izeIgavei
taway.
“Yes,Iam pregnant,
”Isay.Thi
sti
meiti
snota
question,i
tisastatementwhichmakesme
smileafter
war ds.
“
Isntt
hatj
ustabeaut
if
ult
hing?
”sheasks.
“
Congrat
ulat
ions!
”
“Thanky ou,
”Isay.“Andthanky ouformaking
seethingsinadifferentway.Iam notscaredor
anythi
ng.Okay,thatisalie.Iam superscared
butI…am …happy .”
“
Wheny
oudeal
wit
hyourf
ear
s,t
hingsbecome
easi
er.
”
AsDrVanessaandIt alkaboutbabi esand
pregnancy,thehel
perwal ksintotheroom with
Muof hebehindher.Shehasn’ tchangedmuch
butsheisn’ttheMuofhet hatIknow.Igi vehera
warmesthugbef orelett
inghergo.Thel ast
ti
meIsawherwasi nthatcremat ionroom,
watchingmysi st
er’
scof fi
ncov eredinflames.
“MeetDrVanessa,
”Iintr
oduceher.Sheknows
thenamebecauseDi neoandherwoulddri
ve
met oandfr
om DrVanessa’spracti
ce.HadI
knownDineoneededt ogoinwithmeeachtime
shedrovemethere,Iwouldhavepull
edherin
withme.
“
Thefamousdoct
or,
”Muof
hesay
s.“
Iam
Muof
he.”
“Thefamousdoctor
,huh?Ishoul
dbesigni
ng
autogr
aphsnow,”DrVsayswithawarm smil
e.
“Uhm,Thul
i…ist
histheMuofhewhoisinour
f
il
es?
”
“Yes,
”Irespond.DrVanessagetsthememo
becausehereyesbecomewar merthanearl
i
er.
Sheknowsmysi st
erwasdatingMuof he…
whichmeansshei shighl
yaffect
edbyherdeath
j
ustasmuchasIam.
“Howhaveyoubeenhol
dingup?”DrVanessa
asks,
taki
ngMuofhe’
shandsinhers.
“Ohwel
l…l
i
fegoeson,
”shemumbl
eswi
tha
shr
ug.
“Butitdoesn’tj
ustgoonwheny ouchooset o
i
gnor eyourfeeli
ngs.Youdeal wi
t hitsothatyou
areabletomov eoninpeace,”DrVanessasay s.
Shebr eaksdownt hegrievi
ngprocesst o
Muof heandIal sofeel
thatignor
ingy our
feel
ingsisthewor sedecisi
onev er.Butwhere
didthiswomangetherwi sdom?Whi chschool
didshegot o, f
orhertoknowwhatt osayeach
ti
me?Ihav enowor dstotellMuofhe.Notwhen
herlovedonebetr
ayedhert
hewaymysi st
er
did.I
maginesomeonecommi tt
ingsui
cidein
thenextroom whi
leyousl
ept?Howdoy ou
mov eonfrom t
hat?WhatdoItell
her?
“Iam toodrained,Idon’tf
eel any
thi
ng
anymor e,
”Muof hesay safterDrVanessa’
s
l
ecture.Ibel
ieveher .I
tistoomucht odealwi
th.
“Al
lowy ourselftof
eeleachandev eryemot i
on,
youhav ether i
ghttodoso,”DrVanessasay s
befor
elettinggoofMuof he’shands.Sher ests
herbackont hecouchandst aresather.“
How
wasy ourrelati
onshipwi
thDi neo?Ifyoudon’t
mindmeaski ng?”
Muofhef r
ownsandt urnshergazeatme.Thi s
i
smydoct orf
oryou, sheisgoingt owantt oget
totherootoftheprobl em.Ifshewasn’ tas
goodasshei s,Iwasgoi ngt othinkthatsheis
l
ookingforanewcl ientbecauseoncey ouopen
thi
semot i
onaldoor,y ouaregoi ngtogodowna
l
ongemot ionalj
ourney .I
tiswor thit
,though.I
t
r
eal
l
yiswor
thi
t.
“
Idon’
treal
lywantt
otal
kaboutt
hat
,”Muof
he
mumbles.
“Whatwi l
lyoumi sst hemostabouther?”Dr
Vanessaasksi nstead.Ismil
ebecauseIknow
howper si
stentandpushyshei swithoutgiv
ing
i
taway .Beforeshel eavest
hishouse,Muofheis
goi
ngt oansweral lthequesti
onsasked.
“Shewast hehappi
estwomanIhaveevermet,
”
Dineosays.“Butev
enIknewitwasashiel
dshe
putforpeoplenott
oseethatshewasn’
tokay
.”
“
Mostpeopl
edo.Andwhentheyendt
hei
rli
ves,
y
oudonotunder
standwhy
.”
“Shewasagi ver
.Sheli
vedforevery
onebut
herself
,”Muofhesaidwhil
ereachingfor
somet hingfr
om herhandbag.I
twasan
envelope,sameasmi ne.
Thel
ett
er.
“Shesoundsl
i
keal
ovel
yper
son,
”DrVanessa
said.
“
Butsheshoul
dhav
etol
dmet
het
rut
h.”
“
Whatt
rut
h?”
Muofheshakesherlet
terandsays,
“Ihave
neverbeenlov
edli
kehowshedi dbutitwasa
l
ie.All
ofitwasali
e.”
“
Whatl
i
e?”
Withshakyhands,
Muofheopenst
hel
ett
erand
handsitt
oDrVanessa.
“CanIr eaditoutloud? ”sheasks.Muof henods.
DrVanessast art
sr eadi ngwhatmysi sterwr ote.
IzoneoutasIwat chherl ipsmov euntilshe
clearsherthroatint hemi ddleoftheletter.I
stareatherasshecont inuestoread,
“Rememberhowwemet ?Wheny ouwer e
hav i
nganar gumentwi ththatmanf r
om t he
stadium?Youy el
ledathi m andtoldhimy ou
hatehimf ordiscri
mi natingy ouandy ourf ri
ends.
Yourhat eformeni swhatbr oughtmecl osert o
you.Il earntlat
er, t
hatitwasj ustast atement
fory ou.Forme, thatisal ivingt esti
mony .Ihat e
men.Ihat ethem.Ihat emen, somucht hatI
didn’tseemyf utur ewithoneandIhat edmy self
mor ef orhav i
ngcr ushesont hem.Ihat emy
father.Ihateal l
thement hatev ertouchedme.I
hateev er
ysinglemant hatv iolatedmyl i
ttle
sister.IfIcouldki l
l,Iwoul dhav e.Wheny ouf ell
i
nl ov ewi t
hme, Ihadt olov ey ouback.I fli
vinga
l
ief ory outobehappywaswhatIhadt odo?I
didn’tmi nd.Befor eIknewi t,youandmysi ster
becamemywor ld.Themor eIgav ey ouapi ece
ofme, themor eIwasget tingempt ierbyt he
day .Pleasedon’ tbesadaboutt hi
s.Ichose
eachandev erypat hItook.Youwer emychoi ce.
RightnowasIwr it
et hi
sl etter,y ouaresl eeping.
Forgiv eme, Ihavet odot hisnow.Thanky ouf or
l
ov ingmet hewayy oudid.Youdi dyourbestmy
l
ov e.Iam notl eav ing.Iam goi ngt obey our
angel –I ’
llwatchov eryouf rom heav en.”
“I
twasallalie,
”Muofhesadlysay
sbef or
eDr
Vanessacoul
df i
nishr
eadingthel
ett
er.Iwat
ch
asVanessafoldsthel
ett
er.
“Thul
i
,pl
easegiv
eusami nut
e,”DrVanessa
saysassheget
sint
oherdoctormode.“Please
getmeabottl
eofwaterandaboxoftissue.”
InodasIgetonmyf
eet
.
“Tell
memor eaboutwhaty oul
ikedaboutDineo?
Wegoti nter
rupt
edt her
e.Ineedaboutten
reasonsifyoucould…evenhundredreasons…,
”
DrVanessasay stoMuof he.
“
Idon’
twantt
otal
kabouther
.”
“Pl
ease.Ij
ustwantt
oknowwhatkindofa
per
sonshewas,”DrVanessai
nsi
sts.

WOUNDEDHEARTS
EPI
SODE55

PHUTI

“Youwillal
waysbei nmymi nd.It r
easureallt
he
ti
meIspentwi t
hy ou.Thanky ouforlovingso
mucht hewayy oudid.Icannotthanky ou
enoughforgivi
ngmebackmyl i
fe.Iloveyou
andfrom thi
spoint,
Iwi l
ll
etyour estinpeace.
”
Ipul
lThul
icl
osert
ome.
“Il
oveyouDi
neo.Resti
npeacemyqueen,
”
Thuli
mumbles.
Thulistar
esdownatt hegraveandt hr
owsthe
rosesont opoftheashes.Wear eburyi
ngthe
ashesander ect
ingthetombstonejustfor
remembr ance.Maybewecanev enbr i
ngher
parentsheretomour norbi
dhergoodby e-I
didn’
tknow.Thisisanelephantintheroom and
i
tneedst
obeaddr
essedv
erysoon.
Thuliwipesat earthatj ustroll
eddownher
cheek.Shei sst r
ongert hanIhav eseenher
l
ately.Shehasn’ tcr
iedmuchl atelyandIt akeit
shei sgetti
ngusedt othewhol esi t
uat ion.It
thr
eeweekaf terthecr emat ionandal othas
happenedpr i
ortothisdaybutt hi ngsar emuch
better.Thulii
sstrongerandwear ebackatour
normal li
fe.Istaywithheri nmyapar t
mentand
shei sreadyandst rongenought omov ebackt o
herapar t
ment ,shewi l
l.Howev erIdoubtt hatI
wil
l all
owhert obebyher selfi
nherapar t
ment .
May beIam al itt
leparanoi d.Notl itt
le.Iam v er
y
paranoidaboutl eavingal lbyher self.
“
Let’
sgiveMuof hesomet i
me,”Thul
imumbl es
whil
etakingmyhand.Lookatmybabe, bei
ng
t
hestrongeronethisti
me.Ihadbeenpr ayi
ng
f
orthisdaytocomeandIam gl adthati
tis
f
inal
lyhere.Thul
iandIwalktothecar,j
usta
l
it
tl
efurtherawayfrom wher
ethegraveis.The
twoguy
swhoarereadytoerectt
hetombst
one
oncewear
edoingbi
ddingDineogoodby
eare
smoki
ngbythesi
de,wait
ingforMuof
he.
Webothleanont hecaraswewat chMuofhe.
Sheistheonewhoi snottaki
ngthiswhole
thi
ngwell.Itot
all
yunder
standtobehonest.I
don’
tknowwhatIwoul ddoi f
….Eish,Idon’
t
evenwantt otal
kabouti
t.
IwatchasMuofhe’
sshoulder
’sshakev
iol
ent
ly.
Ithasbeenweeksbutsheisget
ti
nganybett
er.
“
Iti
ssosad,
”Thul
isay
s.
“I
tis.Sheishavi
ngahardti
me,real
ly,
”Thul
i
says.“Idon’
tbl
ameher.Iwoul
dn’tf
eelbetr
ayed
aswel l
.”
Ist
areatThul
i.Ther
eismoretot
hatcr
ying.
Andbetr
ayal
?Whatbetray
al?
“
Doy
ouknowsomet
hingIdon’
tknow?
”Iask.
Thul
isi
ghsandsay
s,“
Wel
l
,Iwasn’
tgoi
ngt
osay
thi
sbecausei
tisnoneofmybusiness.
.but
Dineowrot
ealett
ertoMuofhe,t
ell
i
ngherhow
muchshewasl i
vi
ngalieaboutt
helesbi
an
thi
ng.”
“
Whatt
hef
uck?
”
“No…Ibel i
eveDi
neowouldneverbewit
hany
othergir
lbutMuofhe.Shel
ovedherwhole
heartedl
ybuthowt heymetandshewentwit
h
thefl
owwast wi
sted.”
“
Shesai
dthat
?”
“Shedi
d.Ithi
nkmaybeshewantedt
oleav
ein
peacewit
houtanysecr
etsbuti
magi
nebeen
l
iedtoi
nthatway?”
NowIam cur iousaboutwhati sinmyl et
ter
.I
havebeendr eadingt
or eadit.It
houghtIwas
str
ongenought odoitbutIwaswr ong.It
cannotbeany thi
ngbadsi nceshealway sgi
ven
meherbl essingtocourthersist
er,butwhatis
i
nt hecontentsofthelett
er?Icanonlywonder.
“Sheshouldhav ekeptthattoher
self,
”Isay
.
Thuli
shrug.“Baby…pl easetel
lmeiftherei
s
anysecretsthatyoumi ghtbekeepi
ngf r
om me.
Idon’
tthinkIcansur v
ivethatbet
rayal
.”
“
Iti
sli
fe.Shi
thappens.
”
Iswall
owhardbef
oretackl
i
ngt
hisel
ephantt
hat
needstobeaddr
essed.
“Whenar eyougoingt oseeyourmot her?”Iask
andThulistar
esatme.Iunder stand, i
fshei sn’
t
readybutIam sadf orherpar
ents.Imagi nenot
all
owedt oatt
endy ourdaughter’
sfuneral.I
thi
nktheyhavebeenpuni shedenough.Wor se
part,
theyhavenoi deawheret ostartsearching
forThuli
.Theonlywaywoul dbet hrought he
poli
ce.
“Canwedoi tassoonaswegetoutofher
e?I
honestl
ywanttomov eonandf
ocusonthe
wedding,
”sheresponds.
Theweddi
nghuh?Icannothi
demysmi
l
e.That
wast hesecondelephantthatweneededto
address.Butnowt hatt
heweddingissti
llt
aki
ng
place,myheartisatease.Wheneversheis
ready,wewillcar
ryonwher eweleftof
f.
“
Ili
ket
hesoundoft
hat
.”
“I
fitwasuptome, Iwouldn’tbegoingtosee
mymot her
.But,i
tneedstobedone.Ineedt o
mov eonfr
om allt
hispainthatkeepsfoll
owi
ng
me.Iwanttofocusont hehappysideofmyl i
fe.
Iwanttogetr
eadyt obeamot her
.”
Am Inotpr
oudofher
?Tot
all
y.
Muof hewal ksbackt owher ewear estanding
andIgi vethethumbsupt othet woguy st o
erectthetombst one.Whi l
eThul iandMuof he
chitchats,Ihelptheguy s.YouknowThul imust
notmar rymeanddi vorceme, becausei fshe
doest henGodI ’l
l knowl if
eiscr uel.Thet hi
ngsI
do?Whatam Iev ensay ing?Lov ewi thout
expectingany t
hingi nreturn,thatwayy ouwi l
l
l
i
vewi
thoutr
egr
etswhent
hingsdon’
twor
kout
.
Afewmi nutesl
aterwearedoneandbefore
l
eavingthecemetery
,MuofheandThuli
placed
t
heirbouquetoffl
owersontopofthebl
ack
t
ombst oneandsaidthei
rgoodby
es.
Goodby
eDi
neo

*
***
*

Idi
dn’texpectThuli’
smot hertobethiscal
m
whenwewal kedintothehouse.Sheandher
si
sterdonotdoany thi
ngbutjustsitandstar
e
atusaswegetset tl
edar oundthetabl
e.They
bothlookdefeated.Wel eftMuofheinthecar
si
ncewecoul dn’
ttakehert otheapart
mentfir
st.
“Hel
loMa,”Thuli
mumbl
esasshedr
opsher
eyestoherhands.
Canwej
ustdot
hisandmov
eonf
rom t
his
dil
emma?Ourhear t
shavebeenwounded, i
tis
enough.Rightaft
erthi
sday,wearemovingon
andleavi
ngt hepastbehi
nd.Iam al
sogoingto
readthelett
erandburniti
fneedbe.Wehav eto
mov eon.Iti
senough.
Assitaroundthi
stabl
e,Ipr
ayf
orpeace.Ipr
ay
ther
eisn’tanymoredr
ama.
“
Hell
oThulisi
l
e,”hermot
herspi
tsouthername.
Hersi
sterr
ubsherbackwit
hhereyesonThuli
.
“I
twasn’tmyf aul
tthatshedidn’twantyouat
herfuner
al.I
twasherwi sh,”Thulisay
s.Iam
si
tti
nghere,bi
tingmyt onguesot hatIdon’
tsay
anyt
hing.
“HowdoIlivewithmy sel
f?”sheasks.“
HowdoI
l
ivewithmyselfnotknowingwhatishappeni
ng
wit
hmychi l
dren?Hav en’
tyoupunishedme
enough?”
“
Noonei
spuni
shi
ngy
ou,
”shemumbl
es.
“
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
ome?Showi
ngy
ourf
ace
here…manyweeksaf t
eryouburntmyeldest
daughter?Howisthatnotapunishment
?Idon’
t
evenknowwher eyouareunlessyoudeci
deto
showy ourface?
”
“
Itwasbey
ondme,
”Thul
imumbl
es.
“Whatev
ersinsIhavecommitt
ed,Iam
puni
shedforthem.Alloft
hem.”
Thulidoesn’
tsayanyt
hing.Shekeepsherhead
downandchoosenott osayany thi
ng.Si
ncewe
foundoutaboutthebaby,shehadbeentryi
ng
sohar dtost
ayhappyandposi t
ive.
“Dineosai dsheneededt orest.Shewast ir
ed,
”
Thuli says.Whenhermot herraisesherhand,
Thuli shakesherhead.“Letmef ini
sh.”She
shift
sf rom thechair
.“Idon’
tknowhowy ou
plant oliveaft
erthi
sbutt al
ki
ngabouti tand
blami ngev er
yoneforyourpoorpar enti
ngskil
l
s
won’ tbringmysisterback.So,please…lether
rest.
”
“
But
…”
“Iam her
esot hatIcanapol ogi
sefornotgoing
agai
nstDineo’
swi shes.Sherai
sedme. ”Thul
i’
s
motherfl
inchatt hisstatement
.“Shedidyour
j
obandwhat ev erli
ttl
et hi
ngsheneededmet o
doforher,whethershewasal i
veordead,Iwil
l
do.Whateveri
ti s.Sheaskedusnott oletyouat
herfuner
al…hady oushowedy ourfaceIwould
haveaskedyout oli
ve.Butapologi
se.”
Thatwascl
ear
!
“If
ail
edy
ou,didn’
tI?Ifai
l
edmychi
l
dren,
”
Thuli
’
smotheriscr
yingnow.
“
Youdi
dandit’
sokay
.Lif
egoeson,
”Thul
i
mumbl
es.Shei
snotspari
ngher
.
“Idon’
tknowwhattodot
omaket
hingsr
ight
.I
am outofopt
ions.
”
“Ial
sodon’tknow…butifyouitwi
ll
makey ou
feel
better
,I’
l
linv
itey
out omywedding.I
honest
lydonotknowi fIam r
eadytohavea
rel
ati
onshipwit
hy oubutIcanletyoubepar tof
myweddi ng.Andmay be,
justmay be, I
’l
lbri
ng
mybabyt omeety ouwhent heyarebor n.”
WheneverThulispeaksaboutthepregnancy ,
herhandalwayslandsonhert ummy .Doesn’t
myheartswellwhenshedoest hat
?I tdoes.It
makesmeapr oudmant oseeherr ingont op
ofourbaby’sbel
ly.
“Youar
epregnant?”hermotherasks.Therei
s
nowayshewoul dn’
thavepi
ckedt hatup.Thul
i
i
snotshowingyetbutthegestureisvery
obvi
ous.
“
Iam.
”
“Oh,
myGod.Iam ver
yhappy.Ver
yveryhappy
,”
hermot
herr
esponds.“
Inevert
hought
…”
“ThatIwi
ll
wantbabies?Ifi
guredt
hatIcanbea
bett
ermotherifIdoal
lthethi
ngsIwi
shedyou
didformysist
erandI.
”
Theshade!
ButIdon’
tbl
ameher,
ittakesal
otf
orThul
ito
behereandf
aceherfat
her.
“
Iknow.
”
“
Yourfat
herwantedtomeety
ou…hehasbeen
wor
ri
edaboutyou.”
“I
ttakesaf uneralf
orhimtoshowface,huh?”
Thulimumbl es.Thesehormonesaregoi
ngt o
bethedeat hofme.Icanal r
eadyi
maginemy
l
adyher egivi
ngmeat oughti
me.Howev er
,Iam
preparedforallofi
t.
“
Wedidn’
tcomehereal
one.Weleftafri
endin
t
hecar
.”Thul
iget
supfr
om theseatandIdo
t
hesamebeforewebot
hbidthem goodbye.

*
***
*

Aweekl
ater
Duet othewholechaot i
cfewweekswehad, I
havebeenv i
sit
ingmymot herbutIam pl eased
wit
ht herepor
tfrom Kamo.Shehasbeendoi ng
wellandthetherapyisdoingwonder s.She
mightbeabletowal kaftertenyear
sofbeen
boundbutIam ext r
emel yhappyaboutt helit
tle
mov ementsandal l
.Iam happyaboutt he
speech,howeverbadi ti
s,Iam exci
ted.
Wehav ebeendr iv
ingforhoursandi nnot ime
wewi l
l beturningtowardstheroadt hatleads
tomyhome.Thul ii
ssleepi
ng–shehasbeen
sleepi
ngsi ncewest ar
teddrivi
ng.Shemi ghtbe
veryexhaust ed.If
eelforher,r
eall
y.Thi s
doesn’tseem l i
keitwi
llbeaneasypr egnancy.I
f
sheisnotexhaust edthenshei sthrowi ngup.If
notthen,themoodsar eupt heroof.
“Babe,
weareher
e,”Imumbl
eaf
terput
ti
ngt
he
caronpar
k.
“Di
dIsl
eepthatl
ong?”Sheyawnsasshesi
ts
up.“
Iam al
waysexhaust
ed.
”
“Let
’sgetyoui
nsi
deforsupperandy
oucan
headstrai
ghtt
obed.
”
“Atseven?
”sheaskswhi
l
ereachi
ngf
ort
he
door.
Whenwewal kintothehouse,Kamoi scooki
ng
somethi
ngthatdoesn’tsi
twellwit
hThuli.
Inst
eadofgreet
ingmyf amil
y,Thul
irunsfurt
her
downthecorri
dor.
“I
ssheal
ri
ght
?”Kamoasks.Icannothel
pbut
smil
e.
“Shewil
lbeokay
.Howareyou?
”Igiv
eherahug
befor
eheadi
ngtowheremymotheri
ssi
tt
ing.
“Ma,howhaveyoubeen?
”
“Fi
ne,
”shesays.Herpal
m opensandIshake
herhandcar
efull
yforagr
eeti
ng.
“Iam happywiththeimprovements.”Igraba
seatont hecouchnexttohers.Iam happythat
shecannowsi tonthecouch.“Iam sorr
ywe
haven’tbeenvisi
ti
ng.Thi
ngswer ehecticaft
er
Thul
i’
ssi
sterpassedaway
,IhopeKamot
old
you.
”
“
Wher
eshe?
”
Ismil
e.BeforeIcanrespondt
oherquesti
on,
Thuli
walksintother
oom andget
sont hesame
couchasmymot her
.
“Hell
oMa.Sor ryIhadt ojustbudgei
ntothe
house,”Thuli
saysbef orerest
ingherheadon
mymot her
’sshoulderandwr apheronearm
aroundherasawayt ohugher .
Dammi
t!
Whyam It
ouchedbyt
hisl
i
ttl
egest
ure?
Anyt
hingt
hatput
sasmi
l
eonmymot
her
’sf
ace,
al
waysgetst
ome.
“Kamo,whatareyoucooki
ng,
”Thul
isayswhi
l
e
gett
ingbackonherfeet
.Thi
sti
meIfoll
owher
tothebathr
oom.
“
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
”Kamoasksasshest
ands
bythecorr
idor.WhenshehearsThul
i
’sgagging,
shefi
guredwhatmi ghtbegoi
ngon.Whataway
toannouncethegreatnews.“
Ist
hiswhatIthink
i
tis?”
Idon’
tneedtor
espondbecauseKamoi
s
al
readysmil
i
ngatme.
“Maybeweshoul dsitoutsi
deuntilKamois
donecooking,r
ight
? ”IaskThuliwhoisri
nsing
hermouth.Whendoesshegetbet t
eragai
n?
Thedoctorsaidsecondt r
imester.Iti
sn’
ttoo
far
.Thul
idoesn’tprotestsoItakeherhandand
l
eadhertot heli
vi
ngr oom.
“Ma…Iwouldhavelov
edt opresentt
hisi
na
dif
fer
entmannerbutt
her eisnoneedt ohide
whatisobv
ious…ri
ght
? ”Isay.Mymot herstar
es
atuswitht
winkl
ingeyes.Hersmi lei
svery
vi
sibl
e.“
Thuli
andIarepr egnant.
”
“
ButIam t
heonl
yonewhoisdy
inghere,
”Thul
i
whi
nes,
forci
ngmymothert
ogi
ggle.
Kamol
aughsandassur
eshert
hatshewi
l
lfi
ne
i
nnoti
me.
Whi
leThul
iheadsout
side,Igr
abthet
wochai
rs
f
rom t
heki
tchenandfoll
owher.
Theeveningiswarm andthestar
sarev i
sibl
e
fr
om wher ewearesi
tti
ng.Threeyear
sagoI
nevert
houghtIwouldfindthi
sasperfectasiti
s.
Justsi
tt
ing,tal
ki
ngandwat chi
ngthestars–I
nevert
houghtitwoul
dper f
ectforme.
AsThul i
tel
lsmeaboutt heplansshewant sto
executeforthewedding,Iam takenabackto
thelet
terIreadlastweek.If
inall
ygottothe
couragetor eadit
.
I
tmademesmi
l
e.

*
**

To:
Themanwhost
olemysi
ster
’shear
tand
r
anawaywi
thi
t.

Ihadtoletyouknow.Look, Iam ti
redof
rewri
ti
ngtheselet
ter
ssot hisisit–ifyoufind
scrat
chesonthislet
ter
,justignorethem and
ri
deon.
Wher
edoIev
enbegi
n?

Youhav ebeeni nmyl i

fefortwoy earsand
beli
evemewhenIsay ,
I̶ ̶h̶a̶t ̶e̶d̶
̶y ̶o̶u̶ ̶f ̶o̶r ̶ ̶a̶
̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶y ̶e̶a̶r ̶.Ihat edy ou
foroneandahal fyear.Unfortunatel
y,youdidn’
t
doanythingwr ong( exceptforthet i
mesy ou
mademysi stercryev enwheni twasherf ault
).
F̶o̶r ̶ ̶t ̶h̶e̶ ̶r ̶e̶s̶t ̶ ̶o̶f ̶
̶t ̶h̶e̶ ̶y ̶e̶a̶r ̶ Theot herhalfI
spentitr
ootingf oryoubecauseIgott oseeand
experi
encet helovey ouhadf ormyl it
tl
esister
.
Phuti
,thi
shal
fwasthebestoneofmyli
fe
becauseofhowyoulov
edmybabygirl
.

Therei snoonewhol ovesmysisterlikeyoudo.

NoonebutmebutIcannotmat chbecausey ou
weret heonl yonewhowoul dmakeherspeaki n
tonguesandal l
.Youl ovedhersomucht hatI
sawi tinherey es.Ifelti
twhenshet alkedabout
you.Ifeltit.So,wit
ht hatsai
d,Ihadt oleaveyou
withthet orch.Iam sor r
yfordoi
ngt histoyou
butyouar etheonlyonecapabl etotakecar eof
her.
Phuti
,Iwishy oublessingsuponblessings.I
wishyouallgoodt hingsinli
fe.Iwi
shy oujoy .I
wishyouallthings.AndwhenIgett oheaven, I
wil
laskt̶h̶e̶ ̶b̶i ̶g̶ ̶g̶u̶y ̶
Godtoopendoor sfory ouandletyouwal kinto
bl
essingsever ydayofy ourl
ife.
Iam notbr ibi
ngy outostaywi t
hmysi sterbutif
thisletterdoest heworks,pleasestaywi t
hher
until t
heendoft i
me.Sheneedsy ouandIpr ay
thatshedoesn’ tmessthingsup.Justbeal i
ttl
e
patientwi thher .Shewillbefine.I
fyoubr eak
herhear t
,Iwillhunthaunty ou,str
uuu!Iam
kidding, youar emyf avouri
tehumanbei ngnow.
Iwi shy ouwel landIgi v
ey oumybl essingsto
l
ivey ourbestlifewi t
horwi t
houtmycheeky
selfishlit
tlesister.

PS:Shemustnotcancelt
hewedding.Iwi
l
lbe
ther
einspi
ri
tsomakesur ey
outoasttome.I
am themot
herofthebri
de.

Iam sor
ryIhadt
odot
his.Iexpl
ainedt
oThul
i
whyIam doingi
t.

Cheer
s!
Di
neo

WOUNDEDHEARTS

EPI
SODE56(
Unedi
ted)

THULI
SILE

Nev
erhadIev
ert
houghtt
hatIwi
l
lbedoi
ngt
his.
Nev
er!
Ithadneverbeenpartofmydr eamsunti
l Iwas
i
nl ov
ewi t
hPhut i
.NeverhadIevert
houghtt hat
onedayI’l
lwearthecrownanda‘ br
idetobe’
sash.Butherewear eri
ghtnow.Wear eina
bouti
quehotel,al
lofusdressedinwhit
e.ByusI
mean, mysel
f,Maria,
Thandeka,Muofhe,Kamo,
Gr ace,DrVanessaandt woofmycol l
eagues
from wor k.I
twassof unnywecoul dn’tfindthe
l
astl adytomakei tat eam often.Iam t oopicky.
Ionl yworkbet terwiththosewhoar epar tofmy
l
ifeandnotsomanypeopl e.Thandekagother
husbandt obookusi ntoabout i
quehot el f
or
oneni ghtaroundt heVaal .Itwasmyear ly
weddi nggift.Icouldn’tstopcryi
ngear li
erwhen
theyt ol
dmet hatwear eherefortheni ghtand
ev eryt
hingispay edof fbytheRadzilanis-t he
babyi ssurelymessi ngwi thmyhor mones.Now
Iwantt oaskhowmuchmoneyt heyhav ein
theirbankaccounti ftheycanbookaf our
bedr oom vil
laatt i
mesl ikethese.
Thi
sisani
ntimatebri
dalshower
.Av
ery
i
nti
matebr
idalshower.
Howdidtheyev
enpullthi
sup?Ihav
enever
seensoomuchflower
sandball
oonsinone
room.
Ther
oom set
upi
sal
lwhi
tebutt
hecol
our
ful
roseswhi
chareall
ov ert
her
oom ar
ebr
ight
enoughtol
ightuptheroom.
I
fitwer
en’
tthatwear
eplanni
ngtogetcr
azy,
I
wasgoi
ngtoaskMaria’
smothert
ojoi
nus.But
i
fwewanttogoallcr
azy,t
henmaybenot.
Iam onmysecondt ri
mesterandIam start
ing
toenj
oymypr egnancy.Iam notassickasI
usedtobe–t hankgoodness.Ifeel
likea
humanbeingandIhav egainedbackmywei ght
butIam st
art
ingtopil
eupev enmor e.
Shoppingf oradresstowearandget tingr eady
formybr idalshowertodayhadbeenemot ional
forme.Soemot ional
whenIr emember edhow
mysi sterhadmybacki nthis.Shepickedmy
att
ir
eswhenev erwewentout .Shebeatmyf ace
andmadesur eIlookthepart.Iam grateful f
or
Grace’shelpbutitwil
lneverbet hesame.
Iam i
nmywhit
elongsati
ndressandmake-
up
i
sonpoint
,whi
l
eev er
yoneel
seisinshor
twhi
te
dr
esses.
“Beforewegett ol unch, l
etusal l
hav esome
fewwor dst osharewi thournewbr ide,
”Mar i
a,
whoi sleadingthel i
tt
lepr ogrammesay s.We
areallsit
ti
ngar oundal ongt ableforourl unch
slashformal partoftheshower .Thecor nerof
theroom haspi lesofgif t
sandachampagne
stati
onwhi chthesel adiesareut i
li
zi
ngt ot hei
r
full
est.“
Wher edowest art?
”
“I
’l
lstart
,”Thandekasay s.Sheisonehel lofa
beautif
ul andelegantwoman.Becauseoft he
successofhermar ri
ageandt hestoriesIhave
heardaboutt hecompl i
cationsi
nhermar ri
age,I
canlendheraney ewithoutadoubt .Theone
whocanj ustwishmet hebestinmyj our
neyis
Grace.Thatonei scluelessaboutmenand
unions.Andf rom whatshehast ol
dme, mjolo
i
sknocki ngher .
Thandekapicksherchampagnefl
uteandsi
ps
fr
om itbef
oreturni
nghergazeatmeandsmi l
e.
Thatsmi
l
e.Sobeaut
if
ul.
“Iam sohappyf oryouThul i…t obeatt hisst age
ofy ourlife,”shest arts,beami ngfrom eart oear .
“Iam oneoft hewomenwhowi lltel
ly out hat
mar riagei sbeaut i
ful.Itis.Itisn’tbeaut i
f ul
becauset hingsar eeasy …becauset hingsar e
noteasy .”Oneofmycol leaguesl ift
sherhand
andaskswhyev eryonesay smar r
iagei snot
easy .“Wel l
…becausei tisauni onwher et wo
strangersbecomeone.Look. ..shejustknew
Phut iforaf ewy ears…andt henextt hingy ou
hav et orunashi ptoget herorel seitwi l
l sink.If
yout hinkofi t
,itwoul dbeeasyt odot hingswi th
someonewhohasbeeni ny ourlif
esi ncey ou
wer ebor n.Wi thme, i
tisf unnyhowmybr other
knowsmel ikeabackofahandandmy
husbanddoest oo.”
“Ohhh…youhaveabrot
her
?”Graceasksandwe
all
laughatherwi
ggl
i
nghereyebrows.
“
May
bey
oucanhookhi
m upwi
thme.
”
“
Andshelooksl
i
kehi
sty
pe,
”Thandeka
r
esponds.
“Ido.Let
’st
alkaft
erthi
s,”Gr
acegiggles.Iti
s
thatchampagneshehasbeendowni ngsi nce
shegothere.Buti
tisfuntoseehersof reeand
open.
“Wher ewasI ?”Thandekaasksandsi psher
dri
nk.“ Ohy es..whyisitnoteasy ?Yes.I tis
becauset wopeopl e,wit
hdi f
ferentviewsofl ife,
comet ogetherasone.Butobv iousl
y ,atthis
pointwher ey ouareatThul i,
youar equi tesure
thatifthereissomeoney ouchooset of ightthis
l
ifethingwi th,isyourpartner.
”Ev er
yonenods.
“Marriagebecomeseasyandl ovablewheny ou
areinlov ewi t
hy ourfri
end.Thatwayy ounever
runoutoft hingst odoorsayt oeachot her.
”
“That
’str
ue,
”Mariamumbles.Shei
sri
ght
.She
marri
edherplayf
ulmanandtheyar
ehappy
becauseshekeepsupwit
hhim.
“Gonear et hoseday swhenwehav et o
bekezel af orr ubbish,”Thandekacont i
nues.The
tablei sfi
lledwi t hlaughter.“
Iam ser i
ous.Gone
aret hoseday s.Theseday swest ayin
mar riagesbecausewear einlove.Becausewe
l
ov e.Itisnev erbecauseofourchi l
dren.My
boy sar eol dernowandt heycant ellwhenIam
nothappy .WhenIam exhaust edandal l,t
hey
offert ohel pmewi thmywor kload.Insimple
terms, theywi llunderstandifweev erhaveto
l
eav et heirdaddybecauseIam notf i
ne.We
wer enev erl i
ket hataswegr eyup.”
“
Oh,
true!
”Ihearmumbl
esar
oundt
het
abl
e.
“Somaket hismarr
iagelif
eabeaut i
fulone.
Makei tr
osy.Bel
iev
eme, i
tispossi bl
etoliv
ea
happylif
e.Youcanjusttryitandy ou’l
lseehow
greati
tis.Communicatewheny ouhav eto.
Yourhusbandshouldknowt hethingsyoulove
orhate.Lear
neachot hereverysingleday.”
“
Aren’
tyouanexper
tMr
sRadzi
l
ani
,
”Mar
ia
t
easesherf
ri
end.
“
Ihavebeentohel
landbackinthi
smarri
age
t
hing…soIqual
if
ytospeak,
”Thandeka
r
espondsbef
oredowningherchampagne.
“Well,
Iwi lll
i
ket oaddonsomet hingv ery
i
mpor tantthatMr sRadzilanisaid,”DrVanessa
saysfrom herseat .“Wehav et ounl earnt he
bekezelaphr ase. ”Sheget sonherf eet.“Idon’t
wantt oturnt hisint oaforum. ”Weal llaugh–
most l
yIbecauseshecangetal ltherapistonus
i
fshewant s.“ Letusunl earnsomeoft het hi
ngs
thatwewer et aughtandnor mal izewhatwe
real
lydeser veaswomen.Mencanl eav eusat
anypoi ntofourl i
vesbutwear et heoneswho
aretaughtt ost ayi namar r
iagewheni tis
deadly.Howaboutwest artchosi ngour
happinessov ert ear s?Iam notsay ingdon’ t
fi
ghtfory ourr elationshi
psi fyouwantt o…but
don’tdoi tuntilyouar eleftempt y.”
ThatIknowv
erywel
l
.Thati
swhatmysi
sterdi
d.
Shegaveever
ythi
ngshehadbuthadnot
hing
l
eftofher
.Wedon’twantt
hat
.
“Ili
kehowy ougirlsareti
ghtandclose.Create
room f oreachot hertobeablet ospeakabout
what ev erthatbothersyou.Createaspace
wher ey ourf r
iendsfeelsafet
ohav eashoul der
tol eanon.Tal k.Talk.Tal
kalltheti
me.Creat e
room f oryourf ri
endstoruntoy ouwhent hey
areov erwhelmed…becausei fwehav ethose
kindofspaces, i
tcouldli
mitalotofabusein
relationships.”
Thel
adi
esagr
eeswi
thendl
essnods.
“Whenwepr et
endtoeachotherabouthow
perfectthi
ngsar eathome…wedon’ tgive
ourselvesroom tobehonesttoourlovedones.
Soladies,notjustThul
i,
behonestwi t
h
yourselvesanddonotpl easeanybodywhen
youar eunhappy .
”DrVannesalaughs.“I
fIdon’
t
stopher e,Iam goi
ngtogoonandon. ”Shesits
downwhi l
eMar iast
ands.
“BeforeIsayanyt
hing,
canItoastt
o
sister
hood?”Mari
asays.Weallrai
seour
glassesandtoasttosi
ster
hood.
Mysi
ster
hood.
“Thetwol adi
eshav esaidamout hfulalr
eadyso
Iwon’trepeat.”Shestaresatmedeepl yand
smil
es.“ I
’
llsay,prayforyourfamil
y.Prayfor
yoursel
fev er
yday .Prayforyouhusband.Pray
foryourbaby .Prayforyourfamil
y.
”
Ismile.Withamotherl
i
keher
s,whatel
sewasI
expectinghert
osay?
“Iwil
l,”Imumbl et oher.Forsomef unnyreason,
hadi tnotbeingf orhermot herforcingPhut i
andIt opr aytogetherthosey earsago,we
wouldn’ thaveconnectedt hewaywedi d.Ihad
kinda-wr i
tt
enhim offbecauseofourl it
tl
ef al
l
offbutwhenwewer eforcedt ostaytogether,
praying…wer econnectedandwear estr
onger
thanev erbefore.
Oh,speechaf t
erspeech,wehav eourlunchat
thedeck,overl
ookingabeauti
fullake.I
tisver
y
beauti
fulandsopeaceful.Iam quit
esurethe
photographerhavesnappedmor ethana
thousandpicssincewegothere.
“Ihav
esomethingor
gani
sedforus,
”Mari
asay
s
asshewipesthecor
nerofhermouthwi
tha
napki
n.
“
Whati
sit
?”
“I
nhonourofDineo,
wearegoingtohavea
pyj
amaparty.Wearepl
ayingt
hedrinki
ng
gamesli
kehowshewoul dwantthenightt
o
end.
”
“
Youguys,
”Ir
espondwhi
l
eabr
ightsmi
l
e.What
awayt
oendtheeveni
ng.
“Justali
tt
let
hingt
orememberher
.Shewasa
partyst
art
er.
”
“
Shewas,
”Muof
hesay
s.
“Right?”Ir espondwhi l
edar ti
ngmyey esto
Muof hewhoi squi etl
yeatingherlunchaf t
erher
comment .Shei sgoi ngthroughsomesessi ons
withDrVanessaandIhopeshei satapoi nt
wher eshei st r
yingtomov eon.Ihav en’
tasked
herhowt hi ngsar e.MostlybecausePhut iwould
notal l
owmet ogetanyemot i
onalorstuf
flike
that.So, get t
ingdeepi nMuof hesessionshas
beent hel astt hi
nghewant edmet odo.
Whenev erwecat chup,shebr ief
lytel
lsmet hat
shei sper fectlywel l
.
“Ar
ey ouall
owedt opart
ici
pateinthedri
nking
games?Thel astti
mewewer egoingouthe
personal
l
yaskedmenott oletyouplay,
”
Thandekasays,jer
kingmeoutofmyt hought
s.
“I
shest
il
ltr
aumat
ised?Damn,
thatwasages
ago.
”
“Thenextt
imehetel
lsyouthat
…justadvi
se
himtostophav
ingsexbecauseheisscar
edof
theseki
ndsofmist
akes.
”
“
Asifhewillagr
eet
othat
.”ThandekaandI
l
aughbecauseweknowhowherhusbandis.
“Whatswrongwit
ht hedr
inki
nggames?
”
Lebogang,mycol
leagueasks.
“Shefell
sickduri
ngthegamesandwe
spontaneouslywentt
othehospi
talt
obuyher
pregnancytestsandi
tcameoutpregnant
,”I
reci
tethestory.
“Doesn’thewantmorebabies?”Kamoasksas
shepushesherplateoffoodawayfrom her
.
Shepickshernapki
nandcl eanhermouthas
wewai tforMari
atorespondonbehalfofher
husband.
“Hesaidwehav ereachedthelimit
.ButIthi
nk
hesaysitsothatIdon’tdel
iber
atelymissmy
bir
thcontr
olandfallcontr
ol.I
fitwasto
happen…thenhewoul dbet hehappiest
.”
“
Heisalovi
ngfat
her,
Ibethewi
llbehappi
er
t
hanyou.Rememberwit
hKhany
i?”Thandeka
asks.

*
***
*

Thesurpr
isewastalki
ngaboutisthe
per
sonali
sedpyj
amaset sfortheeightofus.Dr
Vannesahadtotakehersetbefor
el eavi
ng.She
hasanearlymor
ningandst ay
ingher edr
inki
ng
won’twor
k.
Iam i
nawhitepyj
amasetwhi
l
eal
loft
hem ar
e
i
ntheblackset
s.
“Thesearecute,”IsaysasIinspectmy sel
fon
themirror.Thephotographerjustl
eftaf t
era
shortphotoshoot.Myshirtissli
ghtl
ytightbuti
t
doesn’tshowwhenIpose.Iam st ar
tingt o
showandIam gl adthattheweddingi snext
weeksohopef ul
lythefi
nalfit
ti
ngon
Wednesdaywi llgowell.
Theladi
esarebusydowningthei
rcocktai
lwhil
e
Igetbusywithmyglassofwater.If
eelt
rapped
ri
ghtnow.Ifonl
yIcouldhaveashotor
somethingtomatchthei
rexci
tement.
Inthemi ddl
eofthetableisatumbli
ngtower.
Thisisnotgoingtoendwel l
.Il
aughasGrace
placestheshotsglasses.Cansheevenhandl
e
alcohol
?
“Ever
yone,
pleasebr
ingy
ourphone.If
oresee
probl
ems.”
“
Whatpr
obl
ems?
”Kamoasks.
“Idon’
twantanydrunkt
exti
ngany
one,”Isay
whilecol
l
ectingt
hephonesfr
om t
hei
rhands.I
am theonlyonewhoisgoi
ngtobesane.
“
No…pleasewait…”Thandekasays.“Letme
j
ustt
exthusbandgoodnightandlethim know
t
hatIam get
ti
ngmy sel
fsloshed.
”
“Ont
hatnot
e,pl
easefor
war
dmey ourbr
other
’s
number
sbefor
eIlosemyconf
idence,
”Grace
sayswhilelaughing.Istar
eatherandIknow
ther
ei salotgoingoni nthatheadofher
s.She
i
sn’ttheGraceIknow.
Damn!Thehusbandsmustbev erypr oud.Each
corneroft heroom isoccupiedbyt heladies
chatti
ngt otheirhubbi
es.Atsomepoi ntinmy
l
ife,beforePhut i
ofcourse,Ineverusedt osee
my selfl
ikeanyoft hem.Itwasonl ywhenI
foundaf riendinmyf i
ancéthatIseef it.Atl
east
themenwon’ tbewor ri
ediftheycannotr each
theirwomen.
Oneaft
eranother,
theladi
esbri
ngthephoneto
me.OnceIhav epl
acedthem i
nthedrawerin
t
hemainbedr oom,Iheadbackout
sidewhere
wearechi
lli
ng.Muofheispouri
ngthetequi
l
ain
t
heshotglasses.
“
Ready?
”Sheasksasev er
yonegetssett
ledon
t
hefl
oor,shotgl
assesi
nfrontofeachofthem.
“
I’
ll
bet
hepol
i
ce,
”Isayf
rom t
hecouch.Ihav
e
myphonef
ort
hepi
cs.
“
Mar
iast
art
,”Muof
hesay
s.
Mari
apul
lsati
l
eandlookar
oundbef
ore
r
eadi
ngthei
nstr
uct
ion.
“
Every
bodyrai
seyourhand..”Beforeshecould
f
ini
shthesent
ence,ever
yonehast heirhandin
t
heair,
onlyGr
aceisthelastonet oli
fthers.
“
Thelastonet
odosomustt akeashot.”
“What ?Il
ostthefir
stround?”Gracesayswhile
everyonelaughs.Jeezzz.
.Ifor
eseeproblems
here.Withoutanotherword,Gracedownt he
shotandwi nchesatthebitt
erness.
Thenexttopl
ayisKamo.Shepicksati
l
eand
readsoutl
oud,“
Thepl
ayeronthelef
tdri
nks.
”
“What?
”Gr aceasksandweal llaugh.“
Isthis
gamecal l
edmakeGr acedrunkbef or
eev ery
one
el
se?”Shewast heonewhoi sonMar i
a’sleft
.
Shedownsanot hershotbeforepicki
ngat i
le
si
nceitishertur
n.
“
Every
onetost
andononef
eet
,thef
ir
stpl
ayer
t
olosemustdr
ink.
”
Thatonei
seasi
l
y.
Thisi sthebegi nningofaf unni ghtunt i
lGr ace
askedt ogosl eepbecauseshecannott akei t
mor e.Mycol leaguesar el
onggonet otheir
room si nceoneoft hem wassl oshed.Kamo
reti
r edtobedear l
ysinceshehast otakeov er
from Phut i.Wel eftMawi thPhut iandasmuch
aswewant edKamot ohavef un,shest i
l
l
wonder edhowt hingswer e.Af t
erlosingabout
threer ounds, sheexcusedher self.Thatwasan
hourago.ThandekaandMar iaarewat chinga
mov ie,ablanketov erthei
rfeetandabowl of
popcor nont het able.Youcanj ustt el
l by
l
ooki ngthattheyar ebestoff r
iends.Iam si tt
ing
wi t
hMuof he, whoi st heti
psiest.Notbecause
oft hegame.Shewast aki
ngshot sev enwhen
shewasn’ tinstruct edtodoso.Iam notr eally
concent r
atingont hemov iesoIhav ebeen
fi
ll
i
ngPhut i
inaboutwhathasbeengoi ngon,
for
getti
ngallaboutthegi
rl
’scode.Ij
ust
couldn’
thel
pit,Ihadsomuchf un.
“Ihav
ebeentr
yingt
osearchanexcuse,
”
Muofhesay
sassher est
sherheadonmy
shoul
der
.
“
Whatexcuse?
”
“
Tobeli
evethatDi
neodi
dn’
tlov
eme,
”she
r
esponds.
“
Didy
ougetany
thi
ng?
”
“
None.
”
Ist
aredownatherasshecl
osesherey
es.
“
Shelovedmei
nherownway
…ev
enwhenshe
wasn’
tli
keme.
”
“
Shedi
d,”Iwhi
sper
.
“
Thesexwasbomb.Hert
onguewasmagi
c,
”
Muof
hemumbles.
“Oooohhh…t
oomuchinf
onow…”Isaywhi
l
e
shaki
ngmyshoul
dert
owakeherup.
“
Iam ser
ious.Shegav
eme…”
“No.Idon’
twantt
oknow,
”Ical
lout
,for
cing
ThandekaandMari
atost
areatus.
“
Knowwhat
?”Mar
iaasks.
“ThatDineogavethebesttongue,
”Muofhe
respondsandev er
yonelaughs,i
ncl
udi
ngme.
Thatwasj ustr
andom.
“Ibett
hat’
showshewant
stober
emember
ed,
”
Thandekasays.
“
Themotheroft
hebridegavethebestt
ongue,
”
Mar
iaaddsandever
yonelaughsonceagai
n.
“Okay…no..al
l ofyouaredrunk.Let
’sgot obed.
Wehav eadecorl adytomeett omorrow,”Ical
l
outwhil
eget t
ingup,knowingv er
ywel l
thatmy
crazysi
stermightbelovingeverymomentof
thi
s.
WOUNDEDHEARTS

SEASONFI
NALE(
PARTONE)

GRACE

Iam sohonour
edt
obear
unnerf
ort
his
wedding!
Thi
sissobeaut
if
ul.
Ihav
ewat chedweddi
ngsonal lt
hoser
omantic
moviesIbingewat
cheveryeveni
ngbutnot
hing
comparestowhatisi
nfrontofme.
Weareli
terall
yinthewil
der
ness,
inthemiddl
e
ofnowhereandt hi
siswher
eThuliandPhuti
’
s
weddi
ngist aki
ngplace.
Isweari
fIevergetmar
ri
ed,
Iam goi
ngt
odo
somethi
ngli
kethis.
Whatam Isay
ing?
WhenIgetmar
ri
ed,
Iam goi
ngf
oraweddi
ng
l
iket
his.
Itisaweddingwi t
haguestl i
stoffift
y.Liter
all
y
fi
fty.Thebr
idalt
eam ar r
ivedlastnight,wit
hall
theguestsarr
ivi
ngaswespeak.I ti
sstill
eight
o’cl
ockbutalothast obedoneunt il
the
sunsetsandwecanst ar
tt heblessi
ng
ceremonyinthewilderness.
Walki
ngintothebride’ssuite,
Thuliischil
li
ngin
thebat
ht ubattheendoft heroom whileMaria
andThandekaar eli
ningt hedressesont hebed.
Thedesignerdroppedt heweddi nggownand
bri
desmaidsdressesj ustanhourago.
“Ohhh,wow,”Igaspattheweddingdresswhich
i
shangingfrom thecei
li
ng.IfIt
rytodescri
beit
,
IswearI’
l
lruinitf
orevery
one.Thulit
wirl
her
headtowher eIam st
andingwithmyjawont he
fl
oor.
“HeyGrace,
”Thul
isayswithasmileandturn
backtolookout
sidethehugewindow.She
rest
sherheadont heedgeoft
hebat h-
tuband
rest
sbothherhandsonhertummy .
“Ihavenev erseenanyt
hingli
keit
,”IgaspasI
walkclosertot hedr
ess.Diamondsare
sparkl
inginalmostallpart
softhedress.Ont
he
bedaret wopl eat
edbodicespaghett
istr
ap
sati
ndr esses.
“OhmyGod, t
hisissobeauti
fulIam goi
ngt
o
cry,
”Isaywhi
lefanni
ngmy sel
fwithmyhand.
“Thul
i,ar
eyounotnervous?
”
“Shei
s…butthereisnot
hingt
obener
vous
about
,”Mar
iaresponds.
IturntoThuliandassureher, “Ever
ythingis
perfect
lyf
ine.Ever
ythi
ng.All theguest sare
al
mosther eandassignedt ot heirr
ooms.Iam
goingtomeett heweddingpl annerinj usta
minute.ButIswear,ever
ythingi sperfectl
yfi
ne.
”
“Themake-upladyi
ssupposedtobehere,”
Thulisay
s.Befor
eIcoul
dev enanswer
,ther
eis
aknockont hedoor
.“Oh,
pleasecheckwhoi t
i
s? ”
Iscur
ryt
othedoort
onoticet
wol
adi
eswi
th
twohugemake-
uptrol
l
eys.
“Hi.Wewer ejusttalki
ngabouty ou,”Isay
happil
y.Thuliwon’tneedt opanicany more.
“Pl
ease,comei n.”Imakeawayf orthem to
comei nbeforeItaket hem t
ot hel i
vi
ngarea
wherethereisgoodl i
ghtni
ngf orthemake-up.
“Youcansetupher eandI ’
llgetthegirl
sto
comewhent heyar eready.
”
Ohhh,
Iam soexci
ted.
Headi
ngbackt
othebedr
oom,Mar
iai
sinar
obe,
f
ini
shi
ngupmoist
uri
zi
ngherl
ongl
egs.
“Okayladi
es…Iam aty
ourser
vice.Tel
lme
every
thingyouwantmetodo?”Iask.
“
Pleasecheckont
heguy
s.Theysai
dtheyar
e
upbutIwantt obecer tain.Theybett
erbedone
wit
ht heirbr
eakfastandget ti
ngreadyfort
he
day.Onephot ographermustbeher eforour
make- up.Oh…andaskf orThulanit
ohelpyou
wit
hal ltheerr
ands.”
“Checktheguys.Thephotographer.Andlook
forapersoncall
edThulanitohelpwi t
hthe
err
ands.Gotit
.”Ihur
rytowher eThul i
isand
giveherawarmesthugbef orerunningoutof
thevil
l
a.
Ithi
nkthebr
ideandgroom didwell
bychoosi
ng
theeveni
ngwedding.I
tisnoteventeno’
cl
ock
butiti
ssohot.
Withoutwasti
nganot herminute,Iheadtothe
gentl
emen’svil
la.Iknockonlytwicebefore
Mar i
a’
shusbandopenst hedoor.Hehasa
gl
assofliquori
nhandbutIam conv i
ncedthat
hehasbeenupf orawhile.
I
sn’
ttooear
lyt
odr
ink?Ikeepmyopi
niont
o
my
sel
fandputonawi
destsmi
l
e.
“Iwasaskedt
ocheckify
ougentl
emenar
e
gett
ingr
eadyfort
heday,
”Isay
.
Inst
eadofr espond,heturnsbackandy ell
sto
hisfr
iends, “Guys…Graceher eissenttocheck
i
fwear eget ti
ngreadyfortheday.”Thevoices
comef rom i nsi
detheroom, confi
rmingthat
theyindeedget ti
ngready.“Yes,Grace.Wear e
gett
ingr eady .
”
“Thanky
ou,”Ir
espond,r
eadytowal
kaway…but
Iremembertheot
hertask.“
Uhm…well
…doyou
knowwhereIcangetThulani
?”
“
Thul
ani
Sibi
ya?
”Nj
abul
oasks,
asmi
rkonhi
s
f
ace.
“Uhm…Thandekajusttoldmetolookf
or
Thulani
.Shedi
dn’
tsayt hesur
name.Hehast
o
helpmewi t
hsomeerrands.”
“
Hemustbeinroom G7…ri
ghtt
hatway.
”
Nj
abul
opoi
ntsatthevi
ll
asnotf
arf
rom t
hei
rs.
“
Thanky
ou.
”
“Youguy
smusthav
efun,
”hesay
sasIwal
k
away.
“
Whatf
un?
”It
urnt
oask.
“
Runni
nger
randsandal
l
.Hav
efun.
”
Whatisfunaboutr
unni
nger
rands?Onceagain,
Ikeepmyopiniont
omysel
fbecausei
tisthe
bestwaytogo.
Lucki
ly,
Iseethephot ographertakingpict
ures
ofhundredsofSafarilandcruiser
s.Allofthem
aredecorat
edwithbronzeandcr eam ri
bbons.
Oneguyi sl
oadi
ngl oadsofi ceinoneand
pl
acingchampagnes.
Thi
sissoexci
ti
ng.
“Thebri
deandhert eam ar
ereadyf
ormake-
up
i
naf ewminutes.Pleasesendone
photogr
aphertotheirr
oom.”
Thephot
ogr
aphergi
vesmeat
humbs-
upasI
hur
rydowntoG7andknockaf
ewmi
nut
es
bef
orethedoorf
li
esopen.
Uhm!Mymout hgoesdrywhenthegent
leman
i
nfrontofmestar
esdownatme.Hehasshor ts
andawhitecot
tonvest
,Iwantt
oturnandrun
away.
“Sor
ry!
”Isay
,embarr
assi
ngmy
sel
fbysay
ing
somethi
ngir
rel
evant
.
“Forwhat?
”heasksashewalksbacki nsi
de.I
staygl
uedbythedoor
.Hereturnstothedoor,
nowwi t
hawhitegol
fshi
rt
.Iprobablydist
urbed
him whenhewasbusydr
essing.“Whoar e
you?”
“Iam l
ooki
ngforThul
ani
,”Irespond.Oh,
gosh!
WhydoIkeepembar r
assing,myself
?Hedidn’
t
askwhatIam doi
nghere.“Mynamei sGrace.
”
“
Oh…Gr
ace,
”her
esponds,
asmi
l
efal
l
ingonhi
s
l
i
ps.
“
Iwast
oldt
oasky
out
ohel
pmewi
tht
he
er
rands.Iam t
her
unnerfortheweddi
ngandI
am j
ustchecki
ngt
hateveryt
hingi
sinplace.
”
“Igotacal
lfr
om mysist
er.Shet
oldme.Come
i
n…Ineedt oputmyshoesonandwear eoutof
here.
”
“
Yoursi
ster
?”IaskasIf
oll
owhi
minsi
de.
“
ThandekaRadzi
l
ani
?”heasksi
nset
ad.
Mycheeksf
lash.Hei
sthebr
otherIaskedher
t
ohookmeupwi t
h.
“
Ohhh!Thandekahasabr
other
?”If
aint
i
gnor
ance.
“Iam him.”Hissmi l
eis…invi
ti
ng.OhmyGodI
shouldstoplooking.Iwatchashesi t
sont he
couchandput shi ssneakeron.Whil
ehedoes, I
l
ookar oundther oom.Thebedi salr
eadymade
andont opofitisabr ownishli
nensuitanda
whiteshir
tnexttoi t
.Iam wearingawhi t
eli
nen
dressifwearet ostandnexttoeachot her
duringthewedding, onewouldconfuseusf ora
dat
e.Iwantt
ocommentbutIbi
temyt
ongue.
“
Whatdoweneedt
odo?
”
“
Huh?
”
“
Theer
rands?
”
“Wehav et
ogoseet hatthev enueforthe
blessi
ngcer
emonyi sready.Ther ecepti
onhall
.
Thecake.Andthenwecangetr eadyf orthe
weddingoursel
ves.Ni
cesui tbytheway ,”Isay
.
“
Oh,
thanky
ou.
”
“You’
l
lfindmeoutsi
de.
”Ihurryoutoft
her
oom,
embarrassedt
hatIam ner
vous.
I
naf ewminutesThul
anij
oinsmeandl
eadsthe
waytotherecept
ionwher
ewegetadri
verto
t
akeusupt hemountai
ntowheret
heceremony
i
stakingpl
ace.

Theceremonyvenueisonamount ai
n.The
décorgroupi
sli
ningupthechai
rsatthespot
.
I
nfr
ont
,isdecor
atedwi
thnot
hingbutf
lower
s.
“
Wheredothesepeopl
egetbr
onzeandor
ange
f
lower
s?”ImumbleasThul
anihel
psmeoutof
t
hecar.
“
Thi
sisbeaut
if
ul,
”Thul
ani
say
s.
“
Thi
sisaweddi
ngl
i
kenoot
her
,”Ir
espond.
“Ar
ewegoi ngtogett heumbrellasfort
he
guest
s?”Iaskafterthedécorladyexplainst
o
mewhati slef
ttobedone.Af terli
ningthe48
chai
rsfortheguests,theyar
egoi ngtomakea
fl
oweraisl
e.
“Therewon’tbeaneed.Bythr
ee,
thesunis
goingthatdir
ecti
onandthemountai
ngi
ves
shadetothisarea.
”
“
Okay
.Thatsoundsawesome.
”
Dri
vingtother
eceptionvenue,Thul
ani
isquiet
buthekeepssteal
i
nggl ancesatme.Icannot
evenlookathi
m withoutblushi
ng.
“Thesepeoplear eont i
me, ”Thulanisaysaswe
walkintoafullydecoratedr ecepti
on.Ev er
y t
hing
i
ssetandl ookingbeaut if
ul.Thehal li
swi deand
simplydecoratedwi t
hflower sandf eathers.
Thewoodent ablesandcl earchairsmakest hi
s
placelooksoel egant.
Thecake?Oh,
myGod.
“
Ther
ewasn’
tevenaneedtocheckupon
t
hem,
”Isaywi
thagiggl
e.
“
True!
”heagrees.“
Wecant el
lthem nott
o
worr
y.Ev
ery
thingisinpl
ace.
”
“Yeah!It
hinkI’
ll
gogetr
eadynow,
”Ibreat
heout
.
Ofcourse,Ineedtor
unawayfr
om t
hisguy.
“GuessI’
l
lseeyouduringthewedding,
”hecal
ls
outbecauseIam al
readyatthedoor,maki
ng
mywayt owardst
hebr ide’
svi
ll
a.
“
Howisevery
thing?
”Mari
aasksasIgeti
ntot
he
r
oom.Sheistheonedonewi
thmake-up.
“So,
beaut
iful
,
”Isay
,handi
nghermyphonet
o
seethepi
cs.
“
DidThul
ani
hel
pyou?
”Thandekaasks.
“Hedid.”It
urnonmyheel ssot hattheydon’t
seemebl ushi
ng.Iam notasconf identasIwas
l
astweek.Istopatt hedoorandt urntoface
them.“Iam goingtoshowerandgetr eadyf
or
thewedding.I’
l
l conti
nuechecki
ngt hat
evert
hingisperfectl
yfi
nebeforeyouwal kdown
theaisl
e.”
“
Grace?
”Thul
isay
swi
thasmi
l
e.“
Thanky
ou.
”

Checkoutt
hev
enueandal
l
!

Whatar
eyouwear
ingt
otheweddi
ng?
WOUNDEDHEARTS

SEASONFI
NALE(
PARTTWO)

PHUTI

Njabul oclearshisthroatatme.Il if
tmyey est o
him andhet il
tshischinupsot hatIcandot he
same.Il etoutasmal lsmileandl if
tmychi nup,
waitingf ormybr i
det owalkdownt heai sl
e.I
am soner vousandIdon’ tknowwhy .I
tisn’tl
ike
shewi l
lchangehermi nd.Shewon’ t.butIam
stil
lner v
ous.It ur
nmygazeatmymot herand
cousi n.Theyar esit
ti
ngi nthefrontrow
togetherwi thLethaboandmyf ather’
sfami ly.
Ont heot herfrontrowoft heot hersideoft he
aisl
ei sThul i
’sparentsandf r
iends.Wei nv i
ted
ourf amilyandf ri
ends,andcol l
eaguesf rom
wor k.
TosayIam gr atef
ulforthislodgeisan
under st
atement .I
nfactIam gr at
efulformy
bosseswhol etmewor kont hePRpor tf
oliofor
thi
sl odgeinreturnforafullypaidweddingt hat
wil
l betelev
isedalloverthet el
evisi
on.Afterthi
s
perfectweddingofus, noonewoul dn’
twanta
fai
ryt al
eweddi ngli
keour s.Theteam made
sure.
Mysmi l
egrowswi deasIwatchThandekaand
Mariawal ki
ngdownt heaisl
e.Ist
eal aglanceat
myt wof r
iendsbesidemeandal l
Iseei sthem
fal
li
ngdeepl yinl
ovewiththei
rsexywi ves.They
aredressedinbronzedressesandmat ching
sandals.Theiraf
rosarestyl
edperfectl
y.
I
ftheyl
ookt
hisper
fect
,howdoesmywi
fe-
to-
be
l
ook?
Astheyst
andi
nfr
ont
,Ipr
epar
emy
sel
fformy
wi
fe.
Mygazel
andsatmymot
herwhoi
ssmi
l
ingat
me.Hersmilei
sencour
agi
ng.Justwhenshe
nodsherheadatme,t
heDJplayedthesong
Thul
ichose.
Iletoutadeepbreathandstandsti
lll
ikea
soldi
er.Herheadisonthegroundast heladyis
awhi tesui
t–ourweddingplanner–isf i
xing
thetrail
ofherdr
ess.Whenshei sready,she
l
iftsherheadandhereyeslandatme.
Inev
erf
eltwhatIam f
eel
i
ngr
ightnow.
Ihav
enev
erbeent
hisov
erwhel
med.
Shelooksl
ikeanangel
.Ist
areatherasshe
takessmallt
owar
dsme.Njabulo’
shandtaps
myshoulderandfi
nal
lyl
etoutanervousl
augh.
Damn,
shel
ooksper
fect
.
Themor eshewal kstowardsme,themor ea
l
umpgr owsi nmyt hr
oat.Mendon’tcrybutf
uck
Icannotkeepittoget
her.Onetearescapesmy
eyewhiletearsstr
eam downhercheeks.She
l
aughs.Idot hesamebecauseIknowhowshe
i
sf eel
ings.Youcannotexplainthisfeel
ing.By
thetimeshest andsbesi
deme, theneckofher
weddinggowni swetwit
ht ears.Itakeherhand
andwebot hturntot
hepriest.
“
Youar
esobeaut
if
ul,
”Imumbl
e.
“
Right
?”shesay
s.“
Youdon’
tlookbady
our
sel
f.
”
Iam wearingamaroonsuitwhi
l
emyf r
iendsar
e
i
nbr onzeli
nensui
ts.WechosetheSafari
weddingbecausei
tissous.Thev acat
ionswe
takearenormal
lyi
nl odgesl
i
kethese.I
nt he
wilder
ness.
Thepri
estgivesusabri
efteachi
ngbef
oreshe
asksourf
riendstobr
ingtheri
ngs.
Nj
abuloandMar
iast
epclosertous,each
pr
esenti
ngasmal
lbasketwit
hrings.
“Areyoust
il
lsay
ingy
ourownv
ows?
”thepr
iest
asks.
“
Yes!
”Thul
iandIsayi
nuni
son.
“
Gost
rai
ghtt
oit
,”sher
esponds.
Ipickther
ingfr
om thebasketandt
urnt
oface
Thuli
.Hereyesaresti
l
lgli
tt
eri
ngwit
hlov
eand
excit
ement.
AsItakeherhandandr
eadytoputt
her
ingon,
I
am over
whelmedwithl
ove.
“
Ilov
eyou,
”Ist
art
.
“
Iknow,
”sherespondsandwebot
hchuckl
e,
f
oll
owedbyourguests.
“Ihav enev erlovedany onel i
key ou.”Iti
st he
truthonl y.“Iwon’tli
eandsayi twasl oveatf irst
sight …butIl i
kedwhatIsawwhenIf ir
stsetmy
ey esony ourbeaut i
fuleyes.”ItwasatNj abulo’s
Chi sanyamaspotwhenshecamet hr
ought o
hel pwi t
hcat eri
ng.Iwi l
lnotf orgetthatday .She
wasi nblackuni form andapai rofChuck
Tay lors.Shel ookedsobeaut if
ul Iwantedt o
makel ovet ohert hatverysameni ght.“Iam
grat ef
ul f
ory ourlove.Ihav enev erbeenhappi er
befor
e.Butsi
nceyouwalkedint
omyl i
fe…al
lI
recei
vei
sblessi
ngsaf
terblessi
ngs.
”
Shesmilesatme,
tear
sst
reami
ngdownher
cheeks.
“Iam ahappi erman.Iam abl essedman, ”I
cont inue.“Mypr ayeri sthatIcont inuet obe
yourpi l
l
arofst r
engt h.”Thistime, shel etsouta
sob.Isqueezeherhandandwai tforhert olook
atme.“ Ipr aythatIcont i
nuet olear ntolov eyou
thewayy oudeser vet obel oved.Doy ou
under st
andme? ”Shenodsherhead.“ Ipr ayto
bet hegr eatf athertoourchi l
dren.Ichoset o
standbyy oursideev erystepofy ourway .I
promi setobebyy oursi dewhenev ery ouneed
me.I fy ouev erf i
ndy our selfi
nawi l
dernesslike
this…”Il etgoofherhandandt wi r
l myf inger
aroundt oemphasi zeont hewi ldernessi n
whi chwear einr i
ghtatt hismoment .Itakeher
handagai nandcont inue,“Ifyouev erf
ind
your selflostint hewi lderness,countonmet o
fi
ndy ou.I
’l
lpul
lyououtofanydar kplace.I
promisetoprotectyou…from t
hepain,fr
om
yoursel
f,f
rom anythingt
hatmightthreat
ento
harmy ou.Iam here.Countonme.”
Isl
i
det
her
ingonherf
ingerandki
ssedherhand.
Ourguest
sclapsthei
rhandswhi
leItakeadeep
breat
h.Al
lthosewordscomefr
om thebott
om
ofmyheart.
“WhatdoIsayt
omat
cht
hat
?”Thul
isay
sand
ever
yonel
aughs.
“
Youdon’
thav
eto,
”Ir
espond.
Shepi
cksmyr
ingf
rom Mar
ia’
sbasketandt
ake
myhand.
“Thankyoulov
ingme.”Sheclearsherthr
oat
andlookstoherfeet
.“Thankyoufornotseei
ng
abrokenwomani nme. ”
“Babe,
lookatme,”Iur
geher
.Sheli
ft
shereyes
atmeandt heyar
eglossywi
thnewtear
s.Igi
ve
heranassur
ingsmi
l
e.
“
Thanky
ouf
orl
ovi
ngmet
hewayIam.
”
“
Iti
smypl
easur
e,”Imumbl
eather
.
“Ihadnev ert
houghtthatIwi l
lfi
ndmy selfi
na
l
ov i
ngr el
ati
onshipli
kethis.Ever
ydayofmyl i
fe
feel
sl i
keadr eam.Onlybecausey ouloveme
andr espectmesomuch.Ev erydayIfeel l
i
keI
willwakeupandf indthatIwasonl ydreaming.
”
Igiveherawar m smile.“From today ,Ipromi se
tobethebestwi fefory ouandagr eatmot her
toourchi ldr
en.”Thi
swar msmyhear t.“Iknow
thatasl ongasy ouarebymysi de,Icanwi n
whatev erraceIembar kon.Iam notscar edof
thefuturebecauseIknowy ouwi ll
ev erythi
ngi n
yourpowert omakei tperfect.Iwillstri
vet odo
thesame. ”Shesl i
dest heringonmyf ingerand
says,“
Thanky ouforchoosi ngme. ”
Idonotwaitforthepr
iest
stotel
lmet oki
ssmy
bri
de.Ipul
lherintomyeyesandkissherasi
fI
hav
ebeent
hir
styf
ordecades.
“Oh…well
…”t
hepriestsay
sandtheguest
s
l
augh.Shedoesn’
tsayanythi
ngunt
ilwest
op
kissi
ng.
“
Inowpronounceyouhusbandandwi f
e…y
ou
maynowkissoff
ici
all
yki
ssy ourbr
ide.
”
Idonotwai
tforhert
orepeather
sel
f.

WOUNDEDHEARTS

SEASONFI
NALE(
PARTTHREE)

THULI

Onl
yGr
acebeli
evesinfai
rytal
es…butaf
ter
t
oni
ght
,Iam st
art
ingtobeli
eveint
hem t
oo.My
weddi
ngi
snot
hingbutaf
air
ytal
e.
Wear ei
nourv i
ll
aandt hegi r
lsarehelpingme
i
ntomyr ecept
iondr ess.I
ti sagol di
sheasy
fl
owingdressandwhi t
esneaker s.Wear egoi
ng
todancethenightof f
.Mar iaandThul igotri
dof
thei
rsandal
sandar enowi npairsofcr eam
sneaker
s.Thefashionpol icewillhavetof or
giv
e
usbutthedancer outi
net hatwear egoingtodo
doesnotneedsandal sorsneaker s.
Aknockcomesfrom t
hedoorbef
oreGr
ace
wal
ksint
otheroom.
“Ev
eryt
hingisper
fect
,”shesay
sassheset
tl
es
onthechair
.
“
Thankyouforrunni
ngar
oundforme,
”I
r
espond.Shehasbeenonherf
eetsi
nce
morni
ng.
“Everyt
hinghasbeensoperfectmyj
obwas
useless,
”sheresponds.“
AndIswear,
whenI
getmar ri
ed,t
hisi
sthekindofweddi
ngIwant
.”
“Di
dy oumeetmyThulani
?Ishey ourtype?
”
Thandekaasks,
for
cingGracetosinkinher
chai
r.Herl
it
tl
echeekstur
nr ed,ev
enabl i
nd
womancouldseethatsheisblushing.
“Arey
ouguysreadyyet?
”sheasksi
nst
ead.We
all
getint
oafi
toflaught
er.
“
Yousai dImusthooky ouup.Idi
d.It
hinkhe
l
ikesyou,”Thandekasays.“
Andyouguyswere
matching.”
“LastweekIwasjustjoki
ng.Ireal
lywas.I
twas
thechampagne.Thulipl
easetellt
hem Igett
oo
excit
edwhenIam tipsy?”
“
Shegetsreal
lyexci
tedandhonestwhenshei
s
t
ipsy
,”Ir
espond.
“OhmyGod.Iam outofher
e,”shesay
sasshe
hur
ri
esoutoft
heroom.
“
Shel
i
keshi
m back,
”Isayt
othegi
rl
s.
“
Isi
tmeort
hei
rat
ti
rel
ookspl
anned?Li
ket
hey
wereboughti
nthesameshop?
”Mar
iaasksas
sheti
esmysneakers.
“MaybeIboughtmybrotherasui
taf
terseei
nga
picofherdr
essdur
ingtheweek.”
“
Nooway
,”Isay
.
“I
tdoesn’
thurttoplayaf
air
ygodmot
her
,”
Thandekaresponds.
“
Yout
aket
hecup.
”Icl
apmyhands.
Theweddingplannerwalksintotheroom and
tell
sustheguysarewaiti
ngf orustotakeafew
pictur
esbef
oretherecepti
on.
Phut
iischangedintoacream andwhit
eatt
ir
e,
l
ooki
ngalldeli
cious.Thethi
ngsIwanttodoto
hi
m aft
erthi
sweddi ng?
“Howar
eyoufeel
ingmywif
e,”heasksasshe
spi
nsmearoundandki
ssi
ngmet hereaf
ter
.
“
Yourwi
fei
sfi
ne.Howi
smyhusband?
”
“
Ihav
enev
erbeenbet
ter
,”Isay
.The
photographeri
salr
eadyt
aki
ngpict
uresandI
al
readyknowt hatt
hesepi
ctur
esaregoi
ngto
beperfect.
Afterabri
efphot
oshoot,weheadtothe
recept
ionvenuewhereevery
oneisseat
ed,
waiti
ngforustodanceintother
oom.
Ourfriendstakethelead,causingchaosinthe
room.Ial r
eadyknowt hatMr sRistakingthe
spotl
ightwhileherhusbandt ri
estokeepup.
BetweenMar i
aandNj abulo,
thehusbandisa
bett
erdancer .Therehearsal
shadbeenso
damnf un.
Whent heDJcall
susi n,
Phut
itakesmyhand
andleadthedance.Idon’
twanttodancemuch
becauseIalr
eadyhavesomethingplannedfor
l
ater.Idi
dn’
tweartheChuckTailor
sf ornot
hing.
Iam havi
ngsomuchfun.Al
lformysel
fandf
or
mysisterwhoi
swatchi
ngfr
om heaven.
Ther ecepti
oni sallforourfri
endst otellushow
mucht heyloveandappr eciat
eusi nthei
rlives.
Iti
sal soforthemar riedtogiveusawor dof
encour agewhichIknowf orsur ewedon’ tneed.
Phuti andIloveeacht oi
nfi
nity.Ifwesur vi
ved
all
thatwesur vi
ved–dur i
ngmyj ourneyto
heali
ng, Idon’
tthinkwear eev ergoi ngtobe
defeat edbyany t
hing.
Mylovef
orhi
misnewev
erydayandIal
sof
eel
hi
slov
eeachandday
.
Asourcol l
eaguesar eonst aget orepresentus,
Iroam myey esaroundt her oom.Mypar ents
aresitt
ing, j
ustwatching.Ibett heynev er
thoughtt hei
rbabywoul dturnoutt hi
sway .
Mont hsago, PhutiandImetwi t
hmyf ather
.It
brokehim whenhel earntwhathadhappenedt o
mewhenwewentAWOL.Hebl amedhi mself
forsomanyt hings,andIdi dn’tdomucht o
ensuret hathedoesn’ tblamehi mself.Iwasj ust
i
nforminghi m whathappenedt ohiseldest
daughterandwhyshedi dn’
twanthi mi nher
funeral
.Nowhei sherewi thmymot her.Their
smilesarenotasbr i
ghtatPhut i
’
smot her.Oh,
mydearmot herinlaw.Ifthereisany onewhoi s
ashappyasPhut i
andIi smymot herinlaw.
Shehasbeensmi l
ingsincethebegi nningof
l
astweek.She, KamoandLet haboar ri
vedlast
weeksot hatKamocoul dat t
endt hebridal
shower.Duri
ngt heweek, Phutit
ookhert oa
newphy si
otherapistwhohast ot akeov erfr
om
theoldone.
“Andnow, thenextit
em isnotont he
progr
amme, ”t
heMCsay s.Phut it
urnst ome
andfrowns.Hehadment ionedt hathewant s
every
thingtogoaccor di
ngt ohowwer ehear
sed
l
astnight.Ishrugathim,knowi ngv er
ywel lt
hat
Iam theonewhoaddedt hei t
em.“ I’
ll
cal l
the
Glam Girl
stocomeonst age.”
Glam gi
rl
s!Lol
Thandekacamewi
tht
hename
duri
ngoneoftherehear
sal
s.
“Glam gi
rl
s?”Phutiasksashelooksaroundfor
theGlam Gir
lstogot othedancefloor
.The
guestsstar
tlooki
ngar oundunti
lIgetonmy
feet,
foll
owedbymyf ri
ends.
“
Putyourhandst
oget
herf
orGl
am Gi
rl
s,
”the
MCcall
sout.
“Youarethegl
am gi
rl
s?”Gundoasksast
he
guest
sclapthei
rhandsforus.
Whenwegett
othedancef
loor
,It
aket
hemi
c
f
rom t
heMC.
“WetheGlam gi rl
shavesomet hi
ngfory ou
boys,
”Isaypoi nti
ngatPhut iandhisfri
ends.
Theyareont heirfeetl
aughingandcl apping,
waiti
ngforust oshowof fourchor eographyIt
tookusthreepr of
essionalchoreographyt o
perf
ectthi
s.
Wegett
ofor
mat
ion!
Whenthesong,
KuzeKuy oVal
wabySoli
d
Gr
oundsstar
tsplay
ing,
wetookal
ltheguest
s
bysur pri
se.PhutiandIhadr equest edal
lthe
guestsnott otakepicturesandv ideosofthe
weddi ngsinceitwasgoi ngtobeshowcasedon
televi
sion,ourcoll
eaguesandf riendslosethei
r
mor alandst ar
ttaki
ngv ideos.Theguy swere
blownawayandwer eamazedathowper fect
wear edoingt hi
s.Ihavenev erseePhut i
l
aughi ngsohar d,hi
sey esblazingwi t
hpri
de.
Il
ovet
hissongmuch.
I
tspeaksofmyl
ovef
ormyhusband.
Myhearti
st akenandwear
egoi
ngt
olov
eeach
ot
herunti
ltheend.
Whenthesongends,
Inot
iceal
lthemoneyon
t
hedancefl
oor.
“May beweshoul
dstar
taband,”Mariasay
sas
wemakeourwayt ot
hestagetotakeaseat.
Lethaboisgiv
enabaskett
opickthemoney
fr
om t hef
loor
.
“
Idi
dn’
tknowy
oucoul
ddancel
i
ket
hat
,”
Phut
i
say
s.
“WhatdoIwearChuckTail
orsfor?”Ir
espond
befor
edowningabottl
eofwater.Ohmy
goodnessIam sot
ir
ed.
Thegir
lsandIsett
hemoodf orthepar
ty.Now,
i
tisgoi
ngdown.Whi l
ewehav esupper
,some
peepsareonthedancef
loor
.
Befor
etheMCdr oppedthemi c,
wehada
minutet
otoastt
oagr eatestweddingofal
l
ti
mesandtothemot herofthebridewhois
watchi
ngoverusfrom heaven.
Whi
leever
yonedances,
Phut
itakesmyhandso
wewalkoutsi
de.
Theeveni
ngi
ssobeauti
ful
wit
hst
arsshi
ning
andthemoonsobr
ight
.
“Ihav
eagif
tforyou,
”Phut
isay
sreachi
ngf
ora
boxinhi
spocket
.
“
Whati
sthi
s?”Iaskandhet
ell
smet
oopeni
t.I
t
i
sasi
ngl
ekeyi
nthemi
ddl
eoft
hebox.
“Si
ncewedi dn’tspendmuchont heweddi
ng…I
putthedepositont hehouset
hatyoul
ove.
”
“Thef ourbedroom wi
thgraywal
ls?”Iask,my
handsshaki ngsobadbecauseIprayedforthat
housesi ncethedaywewenthousev iewing.I
t
i
sal i
ttl
eoutofourbudgetsoIhadmadepeace
withnev ergett
ingi
tbefor
eitwasoutoft he
mar ket.
“
Yes.Thever
ysameone.Iputafatdeposi
tand
t
herestwewil
lbeabl
etopaybondinstal
ments
t
hatwebudgetedf
or.
”
Icr
y.
“Li
keyousuggested,wecanmovemymot her
wit
husandgetheranur sesothatKamocan
l
iveherl
ifewi
thoutfeel
i
nganyguil
t y
.”My
cousi
nisnowengagedsot hi
swor ksout
perf
ectl
y.
“
Iam happy
,”Ir
espondwhi
l
ethr
owi
ngmy
handsar
oundhisneck.Hepul
lsmecloserand
ki
ssesme.Hethereaf
tert
akestheboxfr
om my
handandput
sitbackinhi
spocket.
“Let
’sgobackinsi debefor
etheysendasearch
part
y,”hesaysandt akesmyhand.Aswemake
ourwaybackt ot hehall
,webothstopwhenwe
hearloadchucklesandlaughterf
rom acor
ner.I
noti
cet wopeoplesitt
ingontheedgeofthe
pool,t
heirf
eetint hewater
.Theyaretal
ki
ngand
l
aughingsohar d.
“
IsthatGr
aceandThul
ani?”Iwhi
spert
oPhut
i
whopull
smeawaysot heydon’
tseeus.
“
Wedidn’tseeany
thi
ng,
”hesay
saswebot
h
makeourwaytotheweddi
nghall
.

Thanky
ouf
ort
aki
ngt
hisbumpyr
idewi
thme.
ThisistheendofWoundedHear t
s.Pleasestay
tunedont hePAGEf orr
andom shor tstori
es
thatIwil
lbepost i
ngbeforestarti
nganewSt ory
verysoon( Ihavetomeditatefi
rstsoIdon’t
whenIwi l
l star
tanewst oryonthepage) .
Lookoutf
ormyNEW nov
elnexty
ear
,2021

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