Athletic Greens Monster

Johnny Green: The key to longevity and being in top

physical health is Athletic Greens with a sprinkle of
steroids! If you're interested in trying out Athletic
Greens, let me know because I have a referral code that
will enable you to get an extra bottle of K1 vitamins.

Gary: Did you just say steroids is a key to longevity?

Johnny Green: Being buff enables you to fully actualize who

you are as a human being and the quickest way to that is by
taking steroids.

Gary: I’m not so sure about that…I would rather not have
small testicals.

Johnny Green: A positive of having small balls is that it

reduces chafing for ultramarathons. Last week, I ran a 200
miler and I only used half a tube of vaseline compared to
before steroids.

Gary: Hmm…you know, I do hate chafed balls.

Johnny Green: Your balls are the most sensitive part of

your body and it's a great way to absorb Athletic Greens.
Everynight, I make an ice bucket of AG1 and do a 30 min
soak. It increases your cardiovascular response time by
100 fold.

Gary: Wow! Really? Maybe there is something to this AG1 and

roids! Maybe I’ll try it…

Johnny Green: Hell yeah!! Let’s go to my pad and get it!

[Johnny grabs a barbell with 45 lb plates and throws it
through the window and runs out the window…gary follows
Johnny through the window]

[At Johnny Green’s pad]

Johnny Green: Welcome Gary to the Green HQ!

Gary: Wow! You live in a Curves?! No wonder you are so

fit.

Johnny Green: Haha, you’re embarrassing me, please keep

going!

Gary: You have really nice chest hair too!

Johnny Green: Woah, woah, okay let’s tone it down. Now,
let’s take Athletic Greens first and then I'll give you
steroids.

Gary: Okay! Hit me!

Johnny Green: *Johnny hits Gary*

Gary: OW!! What was that for?!?! You broke my nose!

Johnny Green: You said hit me.

Gary: It’s an expression, jesus!!! I need to go to the

hospital!!!

Johnny Green: Hey, don’t worry, athletic greens will fix

this.

Gary: Screw your athletic greens! Stop! My nose is

bleeding!

Johnny Green: I’m just trying to get you healthy and stop
your chafing! Don’t worry, I'll take you to the hospital.
I haven’t done my run today!

Gary: CALL ME AN AMBULANCE!

Johnny Green: I don’t have a cell phone because that is a

lazy way to communicate. I prefer to talk to people
directly because that’s how you build close relationships
and it increases your happiness cortisol by 48%. Andrew
Hubberman said…

Gary: Johnny, I'm getting dizzy!

Johnny Green: Jesus, okay, I’ll carry you to the hospital!

Gary: Nooo…

[Johnny Green picks up Gary and clicks the door open and
runs north…Johnny Green carrying Gary walk into the ER
waiting room]

Johnny Green: My friend’s nose is broken! Please help!

Receptionist: Fill out this form and take a number. Does

he have insurance?
Gary: Yes…I have Anthem Blue…

Johnny Green: [talking to the receptionist] You look a bit

pale. Are you taking your daily full dose of vitamins and
getting at least 30 mins of sun exposure?

Receptionist: You know, I stopped taking my multivitamins

and probably should get back on it..

Gary: Jesus! My nose!!

Johnny Green: Athletic Greens covers all essential vitamins

and has all of the daily probiotics that your body needs to
perform to its max level!

Gary: I’m BLEEDING!!!!

Johnny Green: Okay, okay let’s fill out this form but if
you’re interested, I have a referral code and you can get
an extra years supply of K2 and B4 vitamins.

Gary: Hey! How come I only got a bottle of K1 vitamins?!

Johnny Green: That’s because YOU'RE TOO WEAK! YOU CAN’T

HANDLE IT! That’s why you need to drink AG1

Gary: SHUTUP! YOU'RE JUST BUFF BECAUSE YOU TAKE STEROIDS!

Johnny Green: Hey, take that back! That’s not true, AG1 is
the reason

Gary: Just admit it Johnny! You’re just in it for the money

and you’re just down too much. Athletic Greens are a rip
you off.

Johnny Green: Damn, so the truth finally comes out huh.

This is what you think of me and Athletic Greens

Gary: You’ve become a monster ever since you’ve started

taking AG1 and of course, the roids.

Johnny Green: I’m selling Athletic Greens so that I can

afford peck implants.

Gary: JOHNNY! STOP. YOU HAVE BODY DYSMORPHIA. For christ

sake, go see a therapist.

Johnny Green: I know, I know. I’m just depressed…but the

only thing that will make me better is Athletic…
[Gary punches Johnny in the nose]

Johnny Green: OW, what the hell man!

Gary: YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!

Johnny Green: You broke my nose man!

Gary: Well, we're even. Now, let’s get our noses fixed and
take some steroids.