Task 1: The graph shows the value in US dollars (in millions of dollars) of investment in funds of four

categories from 1988 to 2014.

The line chart illustrates how much money was invested in funds of four sectors, including property, gold, fine art,
and company shares in the United State between 1988 and 2014.

Overall, all four funds rose over the period with the gold receiving the largest investment. While investing money
for shares in companies and property increased steadily, the funds witnessed a more significant rise. [this is all very
good now]

Looking first at the two funds with the dramatic changes, allocation of money for gold and fine art were was stable
at approximately 100 million dollars each in 1988 and 1990. In the next period [what is the next period? How many
years or until what year are you writing about?], these investments fluctuated before increasing, with gold
reaching its peak at 450 million dollars in 2012 before dropping to around $3570 million [you still need to give the
full dollar value] in 2014 and fine art received nearly 350 million dollars in 2014.

In contrast, company shares and property, which had have a lesser degree of changes, had each received funding
of been funded only about 50 million dollars in the three first six years and then increased to nearly 100 million
dollars in 1994. In the following next years, they maintained this upward trend and stood at 250 million dollars for
shares in companies and approximately 200 million for property in 2014.

Estimated
Grade
Task 6  150 -190 words
Achieve-
ment
  overall summary
good
 all key data covered / data is highlighted well
you have missed some language of approximation

some of your approximations are very general, for example you state that both
fine art and gold are about 350 million, which doesn't give the reader a good clue
as to which one is obviously higher

you need to include million, don't be lazy and leave that out
 data is reported accurately

Cohesion 7  logical separation of data into paragraphs

and
Coherence  body paragraphs start with a phrase that indicates the data in the paragraph

 logical paragraph development

I don't really like it how you try and combine the reporting of the two categories
together in both body paragraphs, because sometimes they follow quite different
paths, especially in paragraph three when you said that they “fluctuated” that
was very generalised and basically gave the reader no information at all. It is
much better sometimes to report them separately, which can still be done in the
same paragraph
 linking phrases are used well

Vocabulary 7  appropriate word choices / control of word endings/forms

Errors and changes are highlighted in yellow

 spelling is correct

Grammar 7  articles (a, an, the)

 sentence structures are correct

Errors and changes are highlighted in green

Overall 6.5

Language of approximation:

If the data is not given as an accurate reading (eg. is between the lines on the
graph) then you MUST use language of approximation. If you don’t then your
data reporting is misleading, and you will lose grades. Language of
 approximation includes words such as around, about, approximately, nearly, just
under/over, slightly above etc.

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