Chinese Marriage Customs Traditions
(Topic 3)
Marriage
- Marriage is the process by which two people
make their relationship public, official, and
permanent. It is the joining of two people in a
bond that putatively lasts until death.
Ancient Chinese Marriage Customs
- Chinese marriages are interesting affairs fused
with unique customs and traditions. Read on to
learn about some of the most interesting facts
about ancient Chinese marriage customs, the
ones that couldn't stand the test of time and
the ones that are still a part of the Chinese
weddings.
- In ancient China, marriage happened through
“the parents' order and the matchmaker's
word.” Men and women entered marriage
without knowing each other. Two families of
equal social status often married their children
to each other. The man and woman got to
know each other through their matchmaker's
intercession
A Brief History of Marriage in China
As is the case with most societies, in primitive times
the concept of marriage did not exist. People of a
single tribe did not have fixed spouses and they
could have multiple sexual partners.
Marriage in ancient Chinese culture went through a
lot of changes. Initially, people bearing the same
surnames were allowed to get married, marriage
between siblings was allowed too.
Ever since ancient times, there has been a popular
saying in China that the three most delightful
moments in one's life come with success in the
imperial examination, marriage and the birth of a
son. From the Qin (221 BC – 206 BC) to Qing (1644 –
1911) Dynasties, the feudal system dominated over
two thousand years. During this period, the
importance of getting married was far more than
that a person found his better half. For the male
side, it determined the prosperity and even the
future fame of their family; while for the female
side, it meant that parents lost the chance of seeing
their daughter for a long time. Thus, to choose an
ideal partner was vital for both the individual and
the family. A set of marriage custom has been
passed down and is still in used today.
In feudal society, a marriage would be decided not
by a young couple's love, but by their parents'
desires. Only after a matchmaker's introduction
and when parents considered the two family
conditions were similar and could be matched,
would the marriage procedures go forward.
Conditions that should be taken into consideration
included wealth and social status. If a boy's family
was well-off or an official family, his parents would
never permit him to marry a girl from a poor family.
Essential to the marriage process were the
commonly recognized 'three Letters and six
etiquettes'.
Matchmaking
- Ancient times matchmaking was an essential
part of a marriage. Elders along with
professional matchmakers would ponder over
the pros and cons of a potential proposal and
after a long calculated discussion about the
couple's social standing, reputation, financial
situation and the social relationship between
the two households, marriage was finalized.
- Marriage back then was a social affair and every
single aspect of the couple's life was weighed
by the ‘wise' elders with minimum to zero
involvement of the young couple.
Chinese Wedding Traditions
The Invitation
- The Chinese wedding invitation is typically red
with gold lettering and bears the Double
Happiness symbol. Inside, it’ll include dates for
the wedding banquet, order of birth, and
names of the bride, groom, and respective
parents. Details for the dinner venue, the
timing for the cocktail reception and dinner will
be included as well. For weddings where guests
 may not be familiar with Chinese customs, a red
packet may be included with the invitation.
Preparing the Marriage Bed
- The An Chuang usually takes place on an
auspicious day and time, two to three days
before the wedding. “This tradition is carried
out by a female relative of good fortune—one
with parents, husband, children, and
grandchildren—where the bed will be dressed
in new red color beddings and pillows with a
mix of dried fruits and nuts such as longans,
persimmons, and red dates,” explains Yu. The
combination symbolizes a sweet and long-
lasting marriage blessed with fertility and well
wishes. Yu also explains that no one can sit or
sleep in the bed until the couple returns
together at the end of the night of the
wedding.
Offering Tea and Paying Respects
- “The Chinese tea ceremony is an imperative
tradition to be performed at Chinese
weddings,” shares Yu. “This is the time the
bride and groom express their respect,
gratitude, and appreciation for their parents’
love, support, and effort in raising them.” The
ceremony takes place at a single location, or
separately at the bride and groom’s respective
homes. A red tea set with a Double Happiness
symbol is used for the tea ceremony where
black tea is sweetened with dried longans, lotus
seeds, and red dates.
Lucky Colors and Auspicious Symbols
- Red and gold play a critical role in all Chinese
wedding decorations. The former is linked to
love, success, happiness, prosperity, luck,
fertility, honor, and loyalty, while the latter is a
symbol of wealth.
- The Double Happiness symbol, composed of
two identical Chinese characters meaning joy,
appears in all Chinese weddings. “It can show
up as traditional décor, made out of fresh red
roses as a wall hanging for the tea ceremony, or
as neon signage for an after-party,” shares
Froelich. Other auspicious symbols include
dragons, phoenixes, and mandarin ducks as
they denote happiness and loyalty. A 24 karat
gold pig necklace (pigs are emblems of fertility)
is often gifted to the bride as part of her
wedding jewelry to wear immediately.
o The Do’s and Don’ts in Chinese Marriage
Customs
Do’s
 Li Shi Money
 One boy sleeping with the groom the night
before wedding calls.
Don’ts
 Don’t give a fan (means “apart)
 The mother-in-law and sister-in-law should
face the door watching the bride walks.
 Certain people shouldn’t attend wedding.
Three Letters and Six Etiquettes
Chinese marriage was systemized into custom in
the Warring States period (402-221 B.C.). Due to
the long history, there are different customs to
follow in different places. Although they are
generally the same, visitors still get chance to
witness traditional marriages in the countryside.
In the ancient times, it was very important to
follow a basic principle of Three Letters and Six
Etiquette since they were essential to a
marriage.
Three Letters
Three letters include Betrothal Letter, Gift Letter
and Wedding Letter. Betrothal Letter is the
formal document of the engagement, a must in
a marriage. Then a gift letter is necessary, which
will be enclosed to the identified bride’s family,
listing types and quantity of gifts for the
wedding once both parties accept the marriage.
While the Wedding Letter refers to the
document which will be prepared and presented
to the bride’s family on the day of the wedding Picking auspicious wedding date: An astrologist
to confirm and commemorate the formal or astrology book will be referred to selecting an
acceptance of the bride into the bridegroom’s auspicious date to hold the wedding ceremony.
family.
Wedding Ceremony: On the selected day, the
bridegroom departs with a troop of escorts and
Six Etiquette
musicians, which will play happy music all the
way to the bride’s home. After the bride is
Proposing: If parents of a young man identify a
clustered to the bridegroom’s home, the
woman as their future daughter-in-law. Then
wedding ceremony begins betrothal letter.
they will find a matchmaker. Proposal used to be
practiced by a matchmaker. The matchmaker
would formally present his or her client’s
request to the identified woman’s parents.

Birthday matching: If the potential bride’s

parents did not object the marriage. the
matchmaker would ask for the girl’s birthday
and birth hour record to assure the compatibility
of the potential bride and bridegroom. If the
couple’s birthdays and birth hours does not
conflict according to astrology. The marriage
will step into the next stage. Once there is any
conflict, meaning the marriage will bring
disasters to the man’s family or the woman’s. So
the marriage stops here.

Presenting betrothal gifts: Once birthdays

match, the bridegroom’s family will then
arrange the matchmaker to present betrothal
gifts, enclosing the betrothal letter to the
bride’s family.

Presenting wedding gifts: After the betrothal

letter and betrothal gifts are accepted. The
bridegroom’s family will later formally send
wedding gifts to the bride’s family. Usually, gifts
may include tea, lotus seeds, longan, red beans,
green beans, red dates, nutmeg, oranges,
pomegranate, lily, bridal cakes, coconuts, wine,
red hair braid, money box and other stuffs. It
depends on local customs and family wealth.