CHINESE COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE

DATING

Casual dating virtually non-existent in ancient China

Arranged Marriages were more common in ancient China
Visit to matchmaker was common
3 letters and 6 etiquettes

Three Letters and Six Etiquettes

The three letters were the betrothal letter, the gift letter with a gifts list and the wedding letter
used on the day the groom met his bride at her home.
Six etiquettes
Proposing
When a boy's parents intended to make a match, they would invite a matchmaker to
propose with them at the girl's home. It was the custom that the first time matchmaker went as a
guest they could not be served tea in order not to 'lighten the marriage'. If the proposal was
successful, however, the matchmaker (usually a woman) would be rewarded with profuse gifts
and feasts to show the two families' gratitude. Many unmarried young people could not see and
were unfamiliar with each other till their wedding day.
Birthday Matching
After knowing the girl's full name and birthday, they would ask a fortune teller to predict
whether that could match their son's and whether there would be a happy marriage.
The Chinese zodiac would be surely taken into consideration.
Presenting Betrothal Gifts
if the match was predicted to be auspicious, the matchmaker would take gifts to the girl's
parents and tell them that the process could continue.
Presenting Wedding Gifts
This was the grandest etiquette of the whole process of engagement. Prolific gifts were
presented again to the girl's family, symbolizing respect and kindness towards the girl's family
as well as the capability of providing a good life for the girl.
Selecting the Wedding Date
The boy's family asked the fortune-teller to choose a date according to the astrological book
when it would be proper and propitious to hold the wedding ceremony.

Wedding Ceremony
The wedding ceremony began with the groom and his party meeting the bride in her home.
Before this day the bride's dowry would have been sent to the boy's house. The dowry
represented her social status and wealth, and would be displayed at the boy's house. The most
common dowries included scissors like two butterflies never separating, rulers indicating acres
of fields, and vases for peace and wealth.
Before the meeting party's arrival, the bride would be helped by a respectable old woman to
tie up her hair with colourful cotton threads. She would wear a red skirt as Chinese believed red
foreshadowed delight. When the party arrived, the bride, covered by a red head-kerchief, must
cry with her mother to show her reluctance to leave home. She would be led or carried by her
elder brother to the sedan. In the meeting party the groom would meet a series of difficulties
intentionally set in his path. Only after coping with these could he pass to see his wife-to-be.
On the arrival of the sedan at the wedding place, there would be music and firecrackers. The
bride would be led along the red carpet in a festive atmosphere. The groom, also in a red gown,
would kowtow three times to worship the heaven, parents and spouse. Then the new couple
would go to their bridal chamber and guests would be treated to a feast. Wine should be poured
to the brim of a cup but must not spill over.
On the night of the wedding day, there was a custom in some places for relatives or
friends to banter the newlyweds. Though this seemed a little noisy, both of them dropped
shyness and got familiar with each other.
On the third day of the marriage, the new couple would go back to the bride's parents'
home. They would be received with also a dinner party including relatives.

INVOLVEMENT OF THE FAMILY

Primarily Patriarchal Fathers consent is customary for marriage approval
Families have traditional views on dating
Meeting womans parents engagement announcement

TRADITIONAL CULTURE
Age. Parents may want daughters to marry older men. This is because older men have
had more time to become established, earn some money, and provide a stable home.
Men, on the other hand, are not expected to marry older women.
Ethnic background. Some native Chinese object to racial differences. In fact, it can be
considered disgraceful to marry someone of another race.

 Family connections. Chinese parents may prefer their children to date people who are
already known to the family, or whose backgrounds the parents have explored. Traditional
Chinese family connections include an extended network of aunts, uncles, cousins, and so
on. Parents may feel more secure if someone in that network can vouch for the person
their child is dating.
"Saving face." Traditional Chinese families believe that the actions of any family member
reflect back on the family as a whole. Dating the wrong person can bring disgrace or
embarrassment to the entire family..
Parental pressure. Because family is very important in Chinese culture, it can be incredibly
difficult for a Chinese person to go against the family's wishes. A person may be an
independent adult in every other way but still feel obligated to accept their parents'
decision about whom to marry. Parents may even threaten to disown a child who defies
their wishes

MARRIAGE
Spirituality and Religion
Couple bows to heaven and Earth
Acknowledge Ancestors
Who can attend?
Pregnant women and those who have recently lost a loved ones are highly discouraged
Most of the community attends
Spouses Role
Men are the generally breadwinners for the family and are referred as chia-chang
which means elder of the family. The women are responsible for their husbands and their
children
They follow a hierarchical system meaning that the men do more domestic work outside
of the home, while the women manage the household