ARELLANO UNIVERSITY

School of Psychology
2600 Legarda St., Sampaloc, Manila
Tel. 734-7371 loc. 210
www.arellano.edu.ph

BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN PSYCHOLOGY

CHAPTER 9: ATTRACTION AND CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

We live in a world where relationships can be formed easily in different ways. Most used
method is socializing through social media. Online dating is a trend nowadays where people use
different online dating applications. On this chapter, it explains different concepts that affects
how we formulate relationships with other people and how attraction forms. It also explains
different phenomena that we encounter as we choose our friends and partners.
The chapter starts with explaining why people are eager to be liked and why people are
eager to belong to a certain social group. It is stated that humans have a natural tendency to
belong at gumagawa tayo ng paraan para mapanatili ang relasyon natin sa ibang tao. Ayon sa
mga pagaaral, maraming dahilan kung bakit gusto natin magustuhan tayo ng mga tao sa paligid
natin. Maaring dahil gusto natin ng atensyon, suporta, o maari rin na dahil gusto natin
maramdaman na ligtas tayo at may handang tumulong sa atin sa iba’t ibang pag kakataon.
Katulad ng temperatura, binabalanse natin ang pakikihalubilo natin sa ibang tao. Despite these
reasons, some people tend to minimize their socialization because of shyness which results from
a failed social interaction. Shy people also tend to have low self-esteem and sometimes these
people develop social anxiety wherein they overestimate the attention na ibinibigay sa kanila ng
ibang tao.
People might also feel loneliness when they feel like they are deprived of social relations.
Loneliness has three dimensions such as intimate, relational, and collective loneliness.
Nararamdaman ng isang tao ang intimate loneliness kapag gusto niyang magkaroon ng asawa,
anak, o kaibigan pero wala siyang makita o mahanap. People who feel intimate loneliness tend
to crave emotional support pero wala siyang taong makausap. On the other hand, relational
loneliness was felt when a person wants to have a social relationship with their social circle pero
hindi niya magawa. The last type of loneliness is collective loneliness which is like collective
consciousness where the loneliness came from our social identities. Some Japanese develops
hikikomori where they choose to disconnect with the society. Aside from the arousal of need in
affiliation, people cope with loneliness in different ways such as trying hard to be more friendly,
reading, or trying various activities that will distract them from being lonely.
Another topic that this chapter covers is how attractions are formed. According to R.
Matthew Montoya and Robert Horton, nagugustuhan daw natin yung mga taong kayang punan
yung mga pangangailangan natin sa isang relasyon. Another explanation clings to an evolutionary
perspective wherein they believe that people are attracted based on our instincts. It was said
that women are attracted to a man that can provide and protect them and men are attracted to
young women who can bear a child. However, it was said that there are two important aspects
that we should consider in attractiveness which are proximity and exposure. It is stated that
proximity is relevant for a relationship at work. Kapag mas malapit ka sa isang tao physically, mas
malaki yung possibility na mag work yung relasyon. Sinasabi rin na kapag palagi mong kasama
yung isang tao, mas nagiging maganda ang tingin mo sa ugali niya o mas natotolorate mo yung
ugali niya. Isa rin sa tinitignan pag dating sa attraction ay ang physical appearance ng isang tao.
Aminin man o hindi, kapag maganda ang isang tao, mas malaki ang chance na marami siyang
makakasama dahil marami rin ang attracted sakanya. There is a phenomenon called the group
attractiveness effect wherein people are focused on the total attractiveness of a group, and they
disregard the attractiveness of its individual members. Also, there is a what-is-beautiful-is-good
stereotype na nangyayari kapag iniisip ng isang tao na maganda ang ugali ng isang tao kapag
maganda ang kanyang appearance. May advantage ang pagiging attractive dahil maraming tao
ang gustong makilala sila at hindi sila mahihirapan na makipag socialize. However, may
disadvantage din ang pagiging attractive dahil hindi mo malalaman kung genuine ba ang mga
compliment na natatanggap mo sa mga bagay na ginagawa mo. Madalas itong nararanasan ng
mga artista where they doubt that people really love their performance because of the talent
that they possess. Isa pang disadvantage ng attractive person is the pressure na imaintain ang
ganung appearance.
One of the relevant points in this chapter is about the different factors that affect our
attraction which are similarity, reciprocity, and being hard to get. On the aspect of similarity, it is
stated that that we are more interested in people that have similar beliefs, demographics, and
attitudes. However, it explains on complementarity hypothesis na merong mga tao na mas
attracted sa hindi nila katulad ng ugali — mas submissive or mas dominant kaysa sa kanila.
Pinaliliwanag din ng matching hypothesis na mas attracted yung mga tao sa mga ka-level nila pag
dating sa physical appearance. In terms of reciprocity, it is stated that we are much more
attracted when we feel like our efforts are reciprocated by our partners. Sinasabi naman sa being
hard to get na mas na attract tayo sa isang tao na selective pag dating sa mga pakikisamahan
niyang tao. Pinaliwanag naman sa theory of psychological reactance na mas nanatili tayo sa isang
relasyon kapag hindi na aapektuhan yung freedom or behavior natin.
As stated earlier, human beings have different preferences in choosing their partners. In
evolutionary perspective, sinabi natin na mas gusto ng mga babae yung lalaking kayang mag
provide at protektahan sila ng anak niya at mas gusto ng mga lalaki ang mga mas batang babae
na kayang mag bigay sakanila ng anak. Sinasabi rin na mas gusto ng mga lalaki na makipag talik
compared sa mga babae na ang gusto ay purong pagmamahal at pag aalaga. Madalas din nakikita
sa mga lalaki ang conspicuous consumption kung saan pinakikita nila sa mga tao yung mga
mahahaling bagay na kaya nilang bilihin dahil gusto nilang ipakita na mayaman sila. Bukod sa
preference, may iba’t ibang paraan din ang mga tao sa pag express nila ng pagmamahal nila.
Sinasabi sa pag aaral, ang pag sabi ng “I love you” ay big deal dahil it means commitment,
devotion, and sacrifice. Kaya kung sino man yung unang nagsabi nito, maaring mahal talaga yung
tao. Jealousy is a feeling that a person might experience if he or she is in an intimate relationship.
It arises when there is a threat in their relationship.
 Another topic that this chapter discusses is close relationships which are commonly called
intimate relationships. You can say that you are in an intimate relationship when the presence of
emotional attachment, fulfillment of psychological need, and interdependence is prominent in
your relationship. To explain this relationship, multiple researchers formulated different theories
and let us start by discussing the Stimulus-Value-Role (SVR) theory. SVR theory simply explains
that the relationship undergoes three stages such as Stimulus Stage, Value Stage, and the Role
Stage. When we say stimulus stage, physical appearance pa yung foundation ng attraction niyo.
Kapag ang attraction niyo naman ay nagmumula na sa pagkakaroon ninyo ng parehas na
paniniwala at ugali, nasa value stage na yung relasyon niyo. Kapag naman nakikita mo na as
kinakasama yung partner mo, nasa role stage na kayo.
It was stated that intimate relationships must maintain their equilibrium. On the Social
Exchange Theory, it was stated that humans tend to maximize their benefit when they are in a
relationship. In social exchange theory, there are three elements such as reward, investments,
and costs. Kinoconsider ng mga tao kung ano yung mga inilalabas nila sa isang relasyon at ang
reward na nakukuha nila rito. May tinatawag na comparison level —ang basehan ng dapat
makuha ng isang tao sa isang relasyon — at ang comparison level for alternatives na nagiging
basehan kapag hindi na meet ang comparison level.
This chapter also elaborated on the different types of relationship such as exchange
relationships and communal relationships which differ in its desire and expectations. In exchange
relationship, inaasahan ng isang tao na marereciprocate yung mga ginagawa niya while sa
communal, nag eexpect yung isang taon na magkakaroon ng parehas na response yung partner
niya sa kanya. Sinasabi rin sa mga pag aaral na nakaka apekto ang attachment styles sa
pakikitungo natin sa mga partners natin pero hindi naman ibig-sabihin na kung hindi tayo
nagkaroon ng maayos na attachment style nung bata, ay madadala na natin ito hanggang sa
pagtanda. Ayon sa pag aaral, nagbabago naman ang attachment style natin depending on sa
nakakarelasyon natin.
Aside from the different relationships, this chapter also tackles the different types of love
styles such as Eros, Ludus, and Storge. It also mentioned that there are secondary types of love
such as mania, pragma, and agape. To explain the mechanism of love, there is the triangular
theory of love which explains that the three basic components of love such as passion, intimacy,
and commitment can be mixed up to produce 8 subtypes of love. These aspects differ depending
on the culture of a person. There are some people who prefer individualism at mas prefer nila na
maging interdependent sa isa’t isa. In a realistic view, not all relationships work and sometimes
it leads to divorce. Relationships may fail because of sexual orientation, negative affect
reciprocity, and demand/withdraw interaction pattern. To resolve the demand/withdraw
interaction pattern, you must try to understand your partner and to increase the rewarding
behavior. Failed relationships has a drastic effect on the satisfaction of a person on new
relationships. They might cope with divorce, but the satisfaction level of a person does not
change.
 The whole chapter is comprehensive, but it does not include other sexual identities such
as the LGBTQ+ community. We should learn how to identify the sexual orientations so that we
can create objective research with the nature of an LGBTQ+ members. Also, it breaks the fact
that love is a subjective matter because it can be explained. People express their love in different
ways, and we are all individual which means that we can not demand a similar expression with
our partners. It is better if we come up with common ground. Dito rin pinakikita kung gaano ka
komplikado ang pag mamahal pero hindi naipakita sa chapter na ito kung ano ang perspektiba
ng isang menor de edad pag dating sa mga ganitong usapin.
To sum up, the chapter revolves in explaining the preference of a person in having a
relationship and how attraction forms. It is said that people have different standards when it
comes to attraction, and they consider different things as they decide to maintain the
relationship that they form. This chapter also revolves around the different types of relationships
and love. It also comprehensively explains how love works and how it affects our future
relationship as it ends.

REFERENCE
Kassin, S., Feln, S., & Markus, H. (2014). Social Psychology. In S. Kassin, S. Feln, & H. R. Markus, Social
Psychology. Cengage.