Decoding my behavior

th
10 May 2023
Why do I still disobey and lean on myself when she has failed me too many times to count. I
don’t know what’s making me this way, I listen to my flesh too much. I hate it.
She doesn’t ever want what’s best for me, her only concern is her momentary pleasure even if
that means my long-term suffering. She’s always thinking of what next to do to escape, the next
movie, novel, fantasy. Nothing that’s real is appealing to her, especially God. No, she wants the
best of fake scenarios and worlds, the real is her personal hell.
What to do with you! I hate that I am like this but at the same time I think its progress, I just
wish I did more and opened myself up more to God. Lord Heavenly Father, I ask that you take
more of me today. I need to learn to love myself but when I’m my worst enemy, what do I do?
“Pray for your enemies,” you say. Well that is what to do then. Pray for Praise. Praise I pray that
you yield to the Lord, and that your ways align with His will and that your heart burns eternally
for Him.
Today we read 2 Thessalonians, the whole book and I realized that I didn’t really read it for
anything other than to assuage my guilt and make my conscience leave me alone. But it helped.
I don’t want anything to do with BTS anymore but I still want to study in Korea. I’m coming back
after 3 years though. I have been lazy about it, I have not studied anything about it in almost
three weeks if not more. I have neglected everything in my life for almost three weeks. How do
I do it, Abba? How do I live? The Holy Spirit that lives in me, He quickens me, I am full of life
because I am full of the Holy Ghost.
Sweet Holy Spirit I yield the wheels of my life to you, teach me how to drive Lord.