A Letter To A Friend

My anxiety. My clergy parents would probably frown at that and say, ‘don’t claim something like that’. I
think they are right, because most times I felt like she claimed me. She took me and shielded me from
the perceived lack of love, from the heartbreak that could happen, the failure that would have been
emotionally detrimental. She kept me from doing things that would have ‘hurt’ me. She really didn’t like
it when I tried anyways, but she’d let me, if only just to say “I told you so.”

My anxiety. We had a room you know. She’d stay in there with me. At the time, I thought she was doing
it for me. She wasn’t. Most times she’d leave me in there with a bubble wrap and anything that could
distract from any sort of motivation. She really did protect me from being me.

My anxiety. She loved in the only way she knew how. She didn’t want me finding out what a toxic
relationship we had. She didn’t want me finding out that she didn’t own me. She wanted me
subservient, naïve, oblivious and nonchalant for the rest of my days or at least as long as my already
fragile mind could take.

Anxiety. She hasn’t always been there, I remember when she came in. I welcomed her because she
seemed better than my other companion, lady depression. She was sweet at first, she didn’t make my
heart race as much, and she was the voice of reasoning when depression came in for tea. Then it all took
a turn for the worse. She moved in, gave herself the master bedroom and told me the smaller rooms are
better for me. She put all the things I liked. She told me escaping reality wasn’t wrong, she told me that
was the only way to ignore lady depression, she told me that was the only way I could live.

Lady anxiety. She never knocked when she came in to the room, she did that once in a while just to
remind me of her presence. I didn’t get out much but there were times when she would bring me out,
she never left my side then. She would hold my hands till they became ice cold and my heart beat so fast
you’d think I was running a race. She’d keep me grounded to that so I couldn’t move.

Lady anxiety. She was the reason I couldn’t go out with you guys. She was the reason I got mad and
ghosted you guys. She is a very jealous being. So jealous she got me to make another me so she could
keep in the room. You might not get this, but if you are like I was, you would. She bullies you into
thinking you cannot handle the pressure of the world and since you can’t leave yet, why not make a
doppelganger who can help you handle the world while you chill in the room. She’s manipulative like
that, you always end up thinking she’s right.

Lady anxiety. We’re estranged now but she refuses to leave. It’s like she thinks we’ll get back together.
I’d like to prove her wrong and keep proving her wrong.

Lady anxiety, I found a new beau. He’s kind and so so loving. He tells me that I’m loved. He shows me
that I’m loved. He shows me the difference between being there for me and being there with me, he
does it both simultaneously. He truly loves me even when I don’t deserve it and He tells me that I am
worth it.

Lady anxiety, my beau tells me things, things you have tried so hard for me to never find out. He tells me
that he always came for me, he tells me that he never left the building but you kept me locked up in that
room so that we could never meet. Anxiety, I know I like fantasy and faery tales but I never said I like
Rapunzel.
Anxiety. I just wanted to let you know that I missed when I could go to you today. I really did, but then I
came to my senses and realized how foolish that is. I hate vomit. My beau was there though, when I
began to miss you and now I wonder why I even did in the first place.

Hey, anxiety. You need to move out. We have nothing together and we are nothing to each other, so it
doesn’t make any sense to stay in the house. I’m not asking.

Hello God, anxiety refuses to leave. I know you said you’ll help and uphold me and I know that she can’t
stay where you are so please move in and decorate this place. Pick as many rooms as you want, you can
have all of it. I’m just happy we met and that I know that you are here, always and forever.

Love Praise.