WHEN AND HOW

DIRECTION AND GUIDANCE IN COURTSHIP

DEFINITION OF TRUE LOVE

LOVE IS A PRECIOUS GIFT, WHICH WE RECEIVE FROM JESUS. PURE AND HOLY AFFECTION IS NOT A FEELING, BUT A PRINCIPLE.
THOSE WHO ARE ACTUATED BY TRUE LOVE ARE NEITHER UNREASONABLE NOR BLIND. TAUGHT BY THE HOLY SPIRIT, THEY
LOVE GOD SUPREMELY, AND THEIR NEIGHBOR AS THEMSELVES. MYP 435.1

SEEKING COUNSEL

UNDER SUCH GUIDANCE LET A YOUNG WOMAN ACCEPT AS A LIFE COMPANION ONLY ONE WHO POSSESSES PURE, MANLY
TRAITS OF CHARACTER, ONE WHO IS DILIGENT, ASPIRING, AND HONEST, ONE WHO LOVES AND FEARS GOD. LET A YOUNG
MAN SEEK ONE TO STAND BY HIS SIDE WHO IS FITTED TO BEAR HER SHARE OF LIFE’S BURDENS, ONE WHOSE INFLUENCE WILL
ENNOBLE AND REFINE HIM, AND WHO WILL MAKE HIM HAPPY IN HER LOVE.

MYP 435.4

CHOICE OF COMPANIONS

MARRIAGE BETWEEN BELIEVERS AND UNBELIEVERS IS FORBIDDEN BY GOD. BUT TOO OFTEN THE UNCONVERTED HEART
FOLLOWS ITS OWN DESIRES, AND MARRIAGES UNSANCTIONED BY GOD ARE FORMED.—”FUNDAMENTALS OF CHRISTIAN
EDUCATION, 500.

WRONG FORMS OF COURTSHIP

THE LACK OF FIRMNESS AND SELF-DENIAL IN YOUR CHARACTER IS A SERIOUS DRAWBACK IN OBTAINING A GENUINE RELIGIOUS
EXPERIENCE THAT WILL NOT BE SLIDING SAND. IF YOU, MY BROTHER, ARE ALLURED TO UNITE YOUR LIFE-INTEREST WITH A
YOUNG, INEXPERIENCED GIRL, WHO IS REALLY DEFICIENT IN EDUCATION IN THE COMMON, PRACTICAL, DAILY DUTIES OF LIFE,
YOU MAKE A MISTAKE; BUT THIS DEFICIENCY IS SMALL COMPARED WITH HER IGNORANCE IN REGARD TO HER DUTY TO GOD.
MYP 437.2

INFLUENCE ON RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE

IF, IN YOUR INFATUATION, YOU CAN REPEATEDLY TURN FROM THE PRAYER-MEETING, WHERE GOD MEETS WITH HIS PEOPLE,
IN ORDER TO ENJOY THE SOCIETY OF ONE WHO HAS NO LOVE FOR GOD, AND WHO SEES NO ATTRACTIONS IN THE RELIGIOUS
LIFE, HOW CAN YOU EXPECT GOD TO PROSPER SUCH A UNION?

MYP 437.3

THE HABIT OF SITTING UP LATE AT NIGHT IS CUSTOMARY, BUT IT IS NOT PLEASING TO GOD, EVEN IF YOU ARE BOTH
CHRISTIANS. MYP 438.2
ENGAGEMENT WITH UNBELIEVERS

BEFORE TAKING A STEP WHICH IS TO EXERT AN INFLUENCE UPON ALL YOUR FUTURE LIFE, I URGE YOU TO GIVE THE SUBJECT
CAREFUL AND PRAYERFUL DELIBERATION.

WILL THIS NEW RELATIONSHIP PROVE A SOURCE OF TRUE HAPPINESS?

WILL IT BE A HELP TO YOU IN THE CHRISTIAN LIFE? WILL IT BE PLEASING TO GOD? WILL YOUR EXAMPLE BE A SAFE ONE FOR
OTHERS TO FOLLOW?

MYP 439.1

TESTS OF LOVE

BEFORE GIVING HER HAND IN MARRIAGE, EVERY WOMAN SHOULD INQUIRE WHETHER HE WITH WHOM SHE IS ABOUT TO
UNITE HER DESTINY IS WORTHY. MYP 439.2

RESULTS OF DISOBEDIENCE

THE HEART YEARNS FOR HUMAN LOVE, BUT THIS LOVE IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH, OR PURE ENOUGH, OR PRECIOUS ENOUGH,
TO SUPPLY THE PLACE OF THE LOVE OF JESUS. LET WOMAN GIVE HERSELF TO CHRIST BEFORE GIVING HERSELF TO ANY
EARTHLY FRIEND, AND ENTER INTO NO RELATION WHICH SHALL CONFLICT WITH THIS. MY SISTER, UNLESS YOU WOULD HAVE
A HOME WHERE THE SHADOWS ARE NEVER LIFTED, DO NOT UNITE YOURSELF WITH ONE WHO IS AN ENEMY OF GOD. MYP
440.2

A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT

IF WE WALK CONTRARY TO GOD, HE WILL WALK CONTRARY TO US.

OUR ONLY SAFE COURSE IS TO RENDER OBEDIENCE TO ALL HIS REQUIREMENTS, AT WHATEVER COST. ALL ARE FOUNDED IN
INFINITE LOVE AND WISDOM.—TESTIMONIES FOR THE CHURCH 5:361-365.

MATURE JUDGMENT ESSENTIAL

THE GOOD OF SOCIETY, AS WELL AS THE HIGHEST INTEREST OF THE STUDENTS, DEMANDS THAT THEY SHALL NOT ATTEMPT TO
SELECT A LIFE PARTNER WHILE THEIR OWN CHARACTER IS YET UNDEVELOPED, THEIR JUDGMENT IMMATURE, AND WHILE THEY
ARE AT THE SAME TIME DEPRIVED OF PARENTAL CARE AND GUIDANCE.... MYP 442.2
NEED OF COUNSEL AND GUIDANCE

IN THESE DAYS OF PERIL AND CORRUPTION, THE YOUNG ARE EXPOSED TO MANY TRIALS AND TEMPTATIONS. MANY ARE
SAILING IN A DANGEROUS HARBOR. THEY NEED A PILOT; BUT THEY SCORN TO ACCEPT THE MUCH-NEEDED HELP, FEELING
THAT THEY ARE COMPETENT TO GUIDE THEIR OWN BARK, AND NOT REALIZING THAT IT IS ABOUT TO STRIKE A HIDDEN ROCK
THAT MAY CAUSE THEM TO MAKE SHIPWRECK OF FAITH AND HAPPINESS.

MYP 443.1

A PERFECT GUIDE

THE BIBLE PRESENTS A PERFECT STANDARD OF CHARACTER. THIS SACRED BOOK, INSPIRED BY GOD, AND WRITTEN BY HOLY
MEN, IS A PERFECT GUIDE UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES OF LIFE. IT SETS FORTH DISTINCTLY THE DUTIES OF BOTH YOUNG AND
OLD. IF MADE THE GUIDE OF LIFE, ITS TEACHINGS WILL LEAD THE SOUL UPWARD. IT WILL ELEVATE THE MIND, IMPROVE THE
CHARACTER, AND GIVE PEACE AND JOY TO THE HEART. MYP 444.1

HONORABLE CONDUCT

A YOUNG MAN WHO ENJOYS THE SOCIETY AND WINS THE FRIENDSHIP OF A YOUNG LADY UNKNOWN TO HER PARENTS, DOES
NOT ACT A NOBLE CHRISTIAN PART TOWARD HER OR TOWARD HER PARENTS.

MYP 445.2

NEED OF SOUND JUDGMENT

IF THERE IS ANY SUBJECT THAT SHOULD BE CONSIDERED WITH CALM REASON AND UNIMPASSIONED JUDGMENT, IT IS THE
SUBJECT OF MARRIAGE. IF EVER THE BIBLE IS NEEDED AS A COUNSELOR, IT IS BEFORE TAKING A STEP THAT BINDS PERSONS
TOGETHER FOR LIFE. MYP 447.1

PARENTS TO BE CONSULTED

TAKE GOD AND YOUR GOD-FEARING PARENTS INTO YOUR COUNSEL, YOUNG FRIENDS. PRAY OVER THE MATTER. WEIGH
EVERY SENTIMENT, AND WATCH EVERY DEVELOPMENT OF CHARACTER IN THE ONE WITH WHOM YOU THINK TO LINK YOUR
LIFE DESTINY. THE STEP YOU ARE ABOUT TO TAKE IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE, AND SHOULD NOT BE
TAKEN HASTILY. WHILE YOU MAY LOVE, DO NOT LOVE BLINDLY. MYP 449.2
TREATMENT OF MOTHER AN INDEX

IF HE DOES NOT RESPECT AND HONOR HIS MOTHER, WILL HE MANIFEST RESPECT AND LOVE, KINDNESS AND ATTENTION,
TOWARD HIS WIFE? WHEN THE NOVELTY OF MARRIAGE IS OVER, WILL HE LOVE ME STILL? WILL HE BE PATIENT WITH MY
MISTAKES, OR WILL HE BE CRITICAL, OVERBEARING, AND DICTATORIAL? TRUE AFFECTION WILL OVERLOOK MANY MISTAKES;
LOVE WILL NOT DISCERN THEM.

MYP 450.1

IMPULSE NOT RELIABLE

IF CHILDREN WOULD BE MORE FAMILIAR WITH THEIR PARENTS, IF THEY WOULD CONFIDE IN THEM, AND UNBURDEN TO THEM
THEIR JOYS AND SORROWS, THEY WOULD SAVE THEMSELVES MANY A FUTURE HEARTACHE. MYP 450.3

DIVINE LOVE

IN YOUR LIFE UNION YOUR AFFECTIONS ARE TO BE TRIBUTARY TO EACH OTHER’S HAPPINESS. EACH IS TO MINISTER TO THE
HAPPINESS OF THE OTHER. THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD CONCERNING YOU. BUT WHILE YOU ARE TO BLEND AS ONE, NEITHER OF
YOU IS TO LOSE HIS OR HER INDIVIDUALITY IN THE OTHER. GOD IS THE OWNER OF YOUR INDIVIDUALITY....

MYP 451.2

PREMATURE MARRIAGE

BOYS AND GIRLS ENTER UPON THE MARRIAGE RELATION WITH UNRIPE LOVE, IMMATURE JUDGMENT, WITHOUT NOBLE,
ELEVATED FEELINGS, AND TAKE UPON THEMSELVES THE MARRIAGE VOWS, WHOLLY LED BY THEIR BOYISH, GIRLISH
PASSIONS....

MYP 452.1

EARLY MARRIAGES ARE NOT TO BE ENCOURAGED. A RELATION SO IMPORTANT AS MARRIAGE AND SO FAR-REACHING IN ITS
RESULTS SHOULD NOT BE ENTERED UPON HASTILY, WITHOUT SUFFICIENT PREPARATION, AND BEFORE THE MENTAL AND
PHYSICAL POWERS ARE WELL DEVELOPED.—THE MINISTRY OF HEALING, 358.

UNEQUALLY YOKED

IT IS A DANGEROUS THING TO FORM A WORLDLY ALLIANCE. SATAN WELL KNOWS THAT THE HOUR WHICH WITNESSES THE
MARRIAGES OF MANY YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN CLOSES THE HISTORY OF THEIR RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE AND USEFULNESS.

MYP 453.4
YOUNG PERSONS WHO ARE THROWN INTO ONE ANOTHER’S SOCIETY MAY MAKE THEIR ASSOCIATION A BLESSING OR A CURSE.
MYP 454.2

HASTY MARRIAGES

SATAN IS CONSTANTLY BUSY TO HURRY INEXPERIENCED YOUTH INTO A MARRIAGE ALLIANCE. BUT THE LESS WE GLORY IN THE
MARRIAGES WHICH ARE NOW TAKING PLACE, THE BETTER. WHEN THE SACRED NATURE AND THE CLAIMS OF MARRIAGE ARE
UNDERSTOOD, IT WILL EVEN NOW BE APPROVED OF HEAVEN, AND THE RESULT WILL BE HAPPINESS TO BOTH PARTIES, AND
GOD WILL BE GLORIFIED....

MYP 455.1

SATAN IS BUSILY ENGAGED IN INFLUENCING THOSE WHO ARE WHOLLY UNSUITED TO EACH OTHER TO UNITE THEIR INTERESTS.
HE EXULTS IN THIS WORK, FOR BY IT HE CAN PRODUCE MORE MISERY AND HOPELESS WOE TO THE HUMAN FAMILY THAN BY
EXERCISING HIS SKILL IN ANY OTHER DIRECTION.—TESTIMONIES FOR THE CHURCH 2:248.

TO PARENTS AND GUARDIANS

FATHERS AND MOTHERS SHOULD FEEL THAT A DUTY DEVOLVES UPON THEM TO GUIDE THE AFFECTIONS OF THE YOUTH, THAT
THEY MAY BE PLACED UPON THOSE WHO WILL BE SUITABLE COMPANIONS.

THEY SHOULD FEEL IT A DUTY, BY THEIR OWN TEACHING AND EXAMPLE, WITH THE ASSISTING GRACE OF GOD, TO SO MOLD
THE CHARACTER OF THE CHILDREN FROM THEIR EARLIEST YEARS THAT THEY WILL BE PURE AND NOBLE, AND WILL BE
ATTRACTED TO THE GOOD AND TRUE. LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE; LIKE APPRECIATES LIKE. LET THE LOVE FOR TRUTH AND PURITY
AND GOODNESS BE EARLY IMPLANTED IN THE SOUL, AND THE YOUTH WILL SEEK THE SOCIETY OF THOSE WHO POSSESS THESE
CHARACTERISTICS.... MYP 466.1