THERE’S NO CERTAINTY WITHOUT UNCERTAINTY

INTRO.

(TXT)
This project is dedicated to those who feel like they have no idea what they are doing and are
trying to figure out what happens next. It may feel like hell now, but there is always light at
the end of that dark tunnel.

WHAT IS CERTAINTY?

Certainty. You know exactly what you want and how you want to achieve something. It’s the
understanding of whatever happens during the journey that is life, you feel safe, you feel
protected, you feel like every step you take leads you closer to your intended destination.
Until it doesn’t.

WHAT IS UNCERTAINTY?

You suddenly have no idea what is going to happen next after having such confidence and
success in picking the right steps. But what were those so called “right” steps you were
taking? Why did they lead you here instead of there? Who knows.

MY JOURNEY

I was so confident I knew where I wanted myself to be in the next few years. I painted a
picture; To me it felt so clear. I was so excited. Who knew how ignorant I could be when it
came to thinking that I had life all sorted out when I hadn’t even started yet. I was humbled
so quickly when the journey had suddenly begun. What I knew before suddenly became
irrelevant compared to what I’m dealing with now as an adult.

ESCAPISM.

When the whole world shut down in 2020, I was fine. I kept distracting myself here and there
with video-games, zoom classes you name it! But the uncertainty of life after COVID was the
worst part. Bad driving lessons, failed Uni applications, missed opportunities, struggling to
cope with everyday life in general knowing that I MUST fight back to keep trying to build
this life for myself. It became all too exhausting to the point where I just gave in and buried
myself in dopamine, just to feel good again. All those hours wasted sat behind a screen gave
me endless fatigue and a few pounding headaches, but I didn’t care because it made me feel
good for a short while before reality came back knocking at my door.

ANXIETY / OVERTHINKING.

When it comes to anxiety, Secondary school I still stand by being the roughest experience of
my life so far. It’s how I started to understand how my mind and body reacted to these
sensations of anxiety and overthinking. During these five years, everything felt so hostile to
me as a kid with Autism. I didn’t feel like I could make friends as I was treated poorly by
others during the first two years. I didn’t understand what was happening until I felt like shit.
I felt alone, I overthought every single thing about myself, but regardless I carried on,
 defending myself every day. It got somewhat easier during the last few years, I had people I
could talk to during the GCSE period including a few mates and some nice teachers. But it
wasn’t enough to get me to go to the End of Year Prom because I knew I would feel even
more shit about myself if I did end up in that exposing position. I think and I value very much
about what people think of me. I want to be a good person, I want to be a good friend, I want
people to feel at ease whenever I’m around them. I just didn’t feel like that at the time.

MY HAPPY PLACE.

Whenever I go to my local beach on a day where it’s pretty quiet, I feel that I’m in tune with
myself again. Everything just makes sense. This is a time where I get to just simply be in the
moment, reflect on myself and where I’m at mentally and physically. Sometimes I don’t feel
anything or I’m feeling absolutely everything at once, sometimes I just focus on the breeze or
on the moving waves. It works every single time after a challenging week or when I just
desperately need a space to breathe.

WHAT I’M STILL LEARNING?

I’m still learning how to be patient with myself and let things happen as they do. I mean this
might be the quietest period in my life so far but I want to be able to trust the process because
I may just be surprised to know what’s in store.

WHAT I’VE LEARNT SO FAR?

But here’s what I have learnt. When it comes to working on something that you are
passionate about, it will not work without belief. The final result may not work out as planned
but if this is something you truly believe in, make it happen and learn from it.

Friends are important to have and to cherish, but not as important as looking after yourself.
Put yourself first before anyone else.

EPILOGUE.

Right, now my final message is this. Whatever you are doing, wherever you are in life right
now. Take care of yourself. Before you hop on Netflix. Before you hop on the socials. Before
you hop online with or without the boys. Allow yourself to take a break and notice the world
around you. It may seem boring to start off with, but if you want to be certain in life, you
need to allow yourself to be uncertain. There’s no certainty without uncertainty.

END.

COLOUR KEY:
GREEN – ESTABLISHING STAGE.
PURPLE – CONFLICT STAGE.
ORANGE – RESOLUTION STAGE.