1how To Get Over A Breakup When You Still Love Each Other: 11 Things To Do

How to Get over a Breakup when You Still Love Each Other: 11 Things to Do 08.06.
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How to Get over a Breakup when You

Still Love Each Other: 11 Things to Do
Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and Amy Bobinger
Last Updated: June 8, 2023
Breakups are always painful, but they're especially tough when the two of you still
have feelings for each other. Unfortunately, sometimes people who love each other
are pulled apart by things like distance, trouble communicating, trust issues, or
having a different vision for the future. It might not feel like it right now, but you're
going to feel better with time. And since you both still care, you might even find a way
to still be friends one day in the future.
1
Give each other space for a while.
Both of you need time to heal. It's hard when you're used to leaning on
your partner for everything, but after you break up, it's best to avoid calling
or texting them. You'll probably need at least a few weeks before you can
talk without feeling hurt again, but don't be surprised if it takes longer,
especially if you were together for a long time.[1]
Try not to hang out in spaces where you know your ex usually goes. It's
also probably a good idea to unfriend or unfollow each other on social
media.
If one or both of you has decided it's really better to break up, getting
some space will help you avoid the pull to get back together or hook up
one last time—either of which will likely just prolong the end.[2]
If you're not sure you want to be broken up, taking some time apart will
help both of you sort through your feelings and figure out what you want
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2
Take a few days to really grieve.
Tell yourself it's okay to be sad. When you go through a breakup, it's
really important to let yourself process your feelings. That's especially true
when you still care a lot about the person. Don't try to put on a brave face
and just power through it. Listen to breakup songs, cry if you need to, call up
a friend to come over—anything that feels true to what you're going through.
[3]
It's totally normal to need some time off during a breakup, so don't be
too hard on yourself if you need to cut back your hours at work or
school. [4]
After a few days, gradually start working your way back into a normal,
healthy routine. It's okay if you still feel sad longer than this, but you
have to start moving forward to feel better.
Don't mask how you're feeling with things like drugs, alcohol, junk food,
or a rebound relationship. Those won't help you work through your
feelings, and they can make it harder to move on in the long run.
3
Take care of yourself.
Make sure your body and mind are as healthy as possible. It's okay if
you don't feel much like getting out of bed for the first day or two after a
breakup. However, after that, you'll feel a lot better when you start taking
care of yourself. Try to stick to a regular sleep routine, get some physical
exercise, and eat nutritious meals that make your body feel good. You'll feel
stronger and more empowered, and that can make it easier to deal with the
emotions around the breakup.[5]
Do things that make you feel relaxed and special, too—like getting a
massage, taking a long bath, or going to a favorite restaurant with a
supportive friend.
Try saying positive affirmations out loud to yourself, like "I love myself
and I am enough."[6]

Spending time in nature can be a great way to boost your mood, so try
getting outside for a walk, hike, or picnic.[7]
Remember, just because you still care about your ex doesn't mean you
should stop caring about yourself![8]
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4
Talk to people you care about.
Lean on supportive friends and family members. You're dealing with the
loss of an important relationship, but that doesn't mean you have to go
through it alone. Chances are, you have a friend, family member, or
coworker who will be more than happy to let you vent. Talk to them about
why the two of you weren't a good fit, but be open about the fact that you
still care about each other. Not only will this help you process what you're
feeling, but your friends may be able to help you get some perspective on
the situation.[9]
If you're not comfortable opening up, try writing about your feelings in a
journal. It's a private way to work through your emotions so they don't
feel so bottled up.
If you're not sure who to talk to, try joining a local support group or reach
out to a therapist.
5
Keep yourself busy.
Fill up your time doing things that make you happy. After a breakup, you
can sometimes find yourself with extra time on your hands. Don't just sit
around and think about your ex, though! Now's the time to do some things
you really love. Watch a movie you've been meaning to see, read a great
book, go shopping, head out of town, take a new class—the sky's the limit,
so get out and enjoy yourself![10]
When you're ready, open yourself up to going on dates with new people.
Even if you're not ready for another serious relationship, it can help to
see what else is out there.

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6
Look for the good in being single.
Embrace your independence. Sure, you still love your ex, but that doesn't
mean you can't enjoy the freedom that comes with being unattached. Try
making a list of all of the things that you can do now that you couldn't when
you were in a relationship, then read over that list when you're feeling blue.
For instance, when you're single, you can:[11]
Eat whatever you want
Go to bed and wake up on your own schedule
Pick shows and movies to watch
Travel freely
See friends and family anytime
Be as messy or as neat as you want
7
Find the lesson in the breakup.
Think about what you could have done differently. Maybe the two of you
had different values, wanted different things in life, or weren't able to work
through arguments in a mature way. Once you understand what went wrong,
think about how you would approach things in a different way if you could go
back and start over. These lessons can be a really powerful tool for helping
you heal and move on.[12]
Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes—what do you think they
wanted to see from you? For instance, if you had trouble
communicating, they might have just needed to feel heard.
If the issues are something you can't compromise on—like one of you
wants children and the other doesn't, or one of you thinks money and
status are important and the other values family time—you might use
that lesson to help you choose a more compatible partner in your next
relationship.
Try reading books on personal growth, listen to podcasts on healing
from breakups, or talk to a therapist. All of these things can help you get

insight into what you can learn from the relationship.[13]
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8
Recognize what makes you great.
Ignore the self-doubt that can creep in after a breakup. It's normal to
focus on your flaws when a relationship ends, but try not to listen to that
critical voice. After all, your ex does care about you, but the two of you just
weren't a good fit. Instead, get in the habit of replacing negative thoughts
with something kind about yourself. Remind yourself that you deserve to be
treated a certain way—and if your ex wasn't able to provide you with that,
maybe they weren't the right person for you after all.[14]
For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, "I'll be alone forever," replace
that with something like, "I'm funny and smart, and I'll find the right
person one day."
If you need to, make a list of all of your best qualities, then read over
them when you're having trouble feeling confident.
9
Set a time each day for being sad as you move on.
After a couple of weeks, you have to get back to your life. You might still
be struggling with grief over the end of your relationship, but it's important to
find ways to still function. One way to do this is to have a certain time each
day to let the full weight of your emotions hit you. For instance, you might
cry for 15 minutes in the shower, but once you get out, hold your chin up and
get on with your day.[15]
This way, you're still allowing yourself to process what you feel, but
you're not letting the breakup interfere with your job, parenting, or other
responsibilities.
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10
Learn how to be friends again—eventually.

Reach out if you think you can be casual friends. It could take months of
not seeing each other before you feel strong enough, but if you still really
love this person, you might decide that it's worth trying to salvage a
friendship. Wait until you feel strong enough, and talk to them openly about
whether they're okay with the idea.[16] With enough time, you might be able
to text once in a while or be friendly in public without things being weird.
[17]
Don't expect them to be your best friend, though. It's probably better to
always have a little distance between you if you can't be together
romantically.
11
Consider getting back together if things have changed.
Make sure you're clear on what will be different this time. Even if the
two of you hold on to your feelings for a long time, the relationship will only
work if you're able to fix what went wrong the first time.[18]
For instance, if you broke up because one of you wanted children and
the other didn't, you should only get back together if one of you definitely
changed their minds.
If you broke up because your ex wasn't ready to commit, they'll need to
prove to you that they're ready to be in a serious relationship now.
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Expert Q&A
Question
How do I move on?
Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Answer
Try saying positive affirmations out loud to yourself, like "I love myself and I
am enough."

Question
How do you let someone go emotionally?
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist
Expert Answer
Try reading books on personal growth, listen to podcasts on healing from

breakups, or talk to a therapist. All of these things can help you get insight
into what you can learn from the relationship.
Question
How do you let go of someone you love?
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist
Expert Answer
If one or both of you has decided it's really better to break up, getting some
space will help you avoid the pull to get back together or hook up one last
time—either of which will likely just prolong the end. Remember, just
because you still care about your ex doesn't mean you should stop caring
about yourself!
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References
1. Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
2. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15
April 2019.
April 2019.
4. https://www.mcgill.ca/counselling/files/counselling/surviving_a_break-up_-
_20_strategies_0.pdf
7. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201803/breaking-
when-youre-still-in-love-different-paths
April 2019.
April 2019.
April 2019.
April 2019.
April 2019.
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How to Get over a Breakup when You Still Love Each Other: 11 Things to Do 08.06.

How to Get over a Breakup when You

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insight into what you can learn from the relationship.[13]

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How do I move on?

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How do you let someone go emotionally?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Try reading books on personal growth, listen to podcasts on healing from

How do you let go of someone you love?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

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