Alexandr Mardan

Mothers, daughters…

(A story in three scenes)

We are all executioners or victims,

And in every given situation
We choose our part ourselves.

Somebody wise.

Characters:

Valentina, aged 40

Katerina, aged 22

The action takes place in a two-room apartment in a big city.

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 Scene 1

A living-room cum kitchen in a two-room apartment. A kitchen-range, a refrigerator, a

dinner-table. Two doors -- to the ante-room and to the adjoining bedroom. The furniture
and the rooms could do with renovation. But it is clean. There is a coffee-table next to a
sofa and a few arm-chairs. On the shelves there are books and knick-knacks. The clock
on the wall is showing eight. Winter evening can be seen through the window. Loud
music is coming from a party next door, behind the wall.
The telephone rings for quite a while. The front door is heard opening. Enter a woman
wearing a coat, with two carrier-bags in her hands. She puts them on the floor and
answers the phone.

Valentina. Hullo! Hullo! (Playfully, with a lilt.) Where are you? Who-o-o is that?
(Hangs up.) My hat.

Valentina goes to the ante-room, comes back without her coat, and wearing slippers.
She is dressed in jeans and a lovely sweater. She looks into the fridge.)
Valentina. It’s congealed.
She shuts the fridge, takes out of her carrier bags parcels and tins, a jar of bottled
cherries, and puts them on the table. Then she picks up the receiver, dials, and goes on
sorting out her shopping, all the while supporting the receiver with her shoulder.

Valentina. Mila? Does your neighbour bake cakes? (A pause.) For Tuesday. (A pause.)
Champagne, and brandy for the men-folk, though there aren’t more than one or two in
the whole agency, and one has to shop for a third one. (A pause.) How I am feeling?
Like my age… You know how it is—we won’t be forced into our forties, and then we
won’t be forced out. (A pause.) They’ve appointed Nekhludova vice-manager? That
one’s a go-getter… So what if she has false eyelashes. She can paste other things besides
her lashes. It’s the result that counts. (A pause.) Napoleon cake. Two kilos… Oh, Mila,
do you know a repairman? My car is hard to start. (A pause.) A fiver. A BMW? You
are kidding. It’s a Zhiguli. Five years old. An anthology of accidents. An anthology? It’s
when everything is collected in one place. (Laughs.) Yes. Exactly where you think. (A
pause.) Thank you. I’ll expect you. Bye-bye, sweetie-pie.

Valentina hangs up and takes out of her parcels some lemons and oranges. The phone
rings. Valentina answers.

Valentina. Hullo! Yes, hi, Mum! How are you? (A pause. After a look at the clock
Valentina sits at the table and begins to slice a lemon.) You want me to turn down the
sound? It’s next door. As usual, on Saturdays… (A pause.) With Lena? I talked with her
the day before yesterday. (A pause.) She said she was preparing for her exams. (A
pause.) I didn’t ask. Mum, must I retell the whole conversation—what I asked, what she
answered… Can you explain what’s up? (A pause. Valentina freezes, her knife falls on
the saucer. She grips the receiver.) Might you be mistaken?.. Pale?.. Mum, I’m going to
call her. Just don’t worry. Have you taken your blood pressure? How high? (A pause.)
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Have you taken your medication? (A pause.) Mum, clophelin isn’t sold over the
counter. (A pause.) If I find it I’ll get it for you. You’re not out of money yet, are you?
(A pause.) Of course I’ll tell her. (A pause.) Mummy, don’t… I’ll call. Kiss you. (Hangs
up.)

There is another burst of music and revelry from behind the wall. Valentina picks up the
receiver and dials.

Valentina. Hey, you, behind the wall! Natasha! Cut down on decibels! I am not heard
when I talk over the phone. (A pause.) No, thank you, some other time. I am waiting for
my own guests. Bye-bye, sweetie-pie.

The music is turned down. Valentina takes a chunk of cheese from the fridge and slices
it. The phone rings.

Valentina. Hullo! Speaking. (A pause.) Number twenty-four. Between thirty-six and

thirty-eight. A five-storey building, between two high-rise. (A pause.) Why such
numbers? You’d better ask the district architect. (A pause.) The café will be on your left.
On your right? Then turn round. I am waiting.
Valentina hangs up, takes a bottle of vodka and one of champagne out of her bags and
puts them in the fridge. Then picks up the receiver and dials.
Valentina. Hullo! Lena? Lena, can you hear me? What is this rattle there? (A pause.)
Then go out! (A pause.) Now I can hear you. How you doing? (A pause.) Why aren’t
you preparing for your exams? (A pause.) Where? At a disco? (A pause.) Lena! It’s
your education we’re paying for, and not your exams! (A pause.) How I studied? Like
everybody, free of charge… Is Pavlik with you? (A pause.) What do you think you’re
doing playing these idiotic jokes on your grandmother? Her blood pressure rocketed to a
hundred and eighty. (A pause.) What do you mean you weren’t joking? Are out of your
mind? You are eighteen years old! How many weeks? (A pause.) You’ll sort it out…
Have you seen a doctor? (A pause.) What do you mean you can’t talk? Lena! Hullo!
Lena
Valentina hangs up, takes a bottle of vodka from the fridge, pours herself a small glass,
drinks up, puts the bottle back and lights a cigarette.
The phone rings. Valentina answers.
Valentina. Hullo! Lena! (A pause. She continues on a different note.) Sorry, I mistook
you for someone else. Of course, we’re expecting you. (A pause.) You’ll be late? Never
mind, we are in no hurry. (Laughs.) Yes, it’s the mother.

Valentina hangs up, takes a tin of olives out of the fridge, pours the brine out, puts the
olives into a bowl which she places on the table. Then she brings a few plates and puts
onto them the salads she has bought.
The doorbell rings. Valentina goes to the ante-room, returns a moment later, opens a
wardrobe, takes out a clean towel and goes to the bedroom. Comes out holding
something in her hands, hides it under a pile of linen and shuts the wardrobe. The
doorbell rings again. Valentina goes to the ante-room and returns with a slim girl of
about twenty wearing a fashionable coat and army boots. They inspect each other.
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Valentina. Hallo… daughter.
Girl. Hallo… mother.
Valentina. Let me look at you… You’ve grown up so… A real ballerina! Katia-Katia-
Katerina.
Katia. I take after you, beautiful.
Valentina. Why are you so late?
Katia. I couldn’t find my way, I tried and tried… The way it’s built, one can’t find
anything.
Valentina. Okay, my stray one, come on in. Make yourself at home.

Katia comes into the room and looks around with curiosity.

Valentina. Take off your boots. The slippers are under the coat-stand.

Katia goes to the ante-room, returns without her coat, and wearing slippers. She is
dressed in pants and a fashionable blouse.

Katia. Where can I wash my hands?

Valentina. Just like a doctor.
Katia. Almost.
Valentina. Down the corridor to the left. I’ve put a towel for you. Remember, yours is
pink.
Katia. I won’t forget. (Goes to the bathroom. Valentina sits down to the telephone
again, picks up the receiver, dials, then puts the receiver down. Katia returns. Looking
around, she spots a tape recorder, turns it on, and the voice of Edith Piaf rolling her
“r”s is heard:
“Non, rien de rien,
Non, je ne regrette rien…”

Katia turns down the sound.)

Katia. I wonder what she is singing about.

Valentina. “No, there’s nothing I regret. The good that was done to me or the bad… It’s
paid for…”
Katia. See, they settle everything with money, too… (Turns off the tape recorder.)
Haven’t you got anything for fun?
Valentina. Fun’s at the discotheque… What do you like?
Katia. Zemfira.
Valentine. Who’s that?
Katia. She’s like your Tzoy. Don’t you know her?
Valentina. Is she the one who sings: “I’ll kill my neighbours if you wish”?
Katia (nodding towards next door). Very much to the point. Are your neighbours having
a wedding party?
Valentina. He’s a long-distance truck driver. Whenever he’s back from the road they
have a wedding party… As for Zemfira, I haven’t got her.
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Katia. It’s all right… It’s chilly here. I could do with a cup of coffee.
Valentina(ironically). What else would my lady like? Cakes and ale?
Katia. Okay, so you grudge your daughter a cup of coffee? And two spoonfuls of sugar?
Valentina. Then make it yourself. Coffee’s in the middle dresser.

Katia looks at her in amazement.

Valentina. Are you wearing plaster casts on your hands? You are at home. And the
maid is having a day off.

Katia, looking displeased, opens a dresser, takes out the coffee. Runs her hand over the
kitchen table and inspects her fingers.

Valentina. So, sanitary inspector?

Katia. It’s clean enough. But why is it so cold?
Valentina. For better preservation… There is a heater in the bedroom. I can have only
one, there isn’t enough power for two, the fuse can’t hold it.
Katia (making coffee). Want a cup?
Valentina. Thanks. I’m afraid I won’t sleep.
Katia. Insomnia?
Valentina. Yes, sometimes. I lie and count…
Katia. To how many?
Valentina. Sometimes to three, sometimes to half past…

Katia takes her cup and sits at the coffee-table.

Katia. As for me, I sleep well. Last night I dreamed about trying on some boots, but my
size wasn’t in stock.
Valentina. To try on shoes presages marriage. I don’t know about boots.

Katia takes a cigarette out of a pack, lights it.

Valentina. Smoking is bad for health.

Katia. Is it really?
Valentina. That’s what the Ministry of Public Health says.
Katia. They don’t write it on mops.
Valentina. You ought to have asked at least if you could smoke here.
Katia. Why should I? You’ve got an ashtray here. And then I am at home. Need I go out
on the staircase? (Puts out her cigarette in the ashtray.)
Valentina. When will you all have smoked enough?.. We are going to make dumplings.
Katia. What for?
Valentina. On request.
Katia (conciliatory, raising her cup). Well, happy New Year?
Valentina. What New Year?
Katia. Chinese style. It’s soon due. The year of the dog, I believe.
Valentina. …Of the dog… Wouldn’t it be nice to have a year of man.
5
The phone rings. Katia is the first to pick up the receiver.

Katia (to Valentina). I’ll take care of it. (Over the telephone.) Hullo? (A pause.) It’s for
you, Ma. (Passes her the receiver.)
Valentina. Yes? (A pause.) Third floor. The windows look onto the south. (A pause.)
Expensive? There are three factors that affect the price: location, location and location.
(A pause.) No, all the accounts are settled through the agency. (A pause.) If you don’t
like it there is one on the seventh floor. But it is more expensive. (A pause.) Because it’s
higher. The location is essential. But the height costs money, too. (A pause.) Monday,
one o’clock. Agreed. (Hangs up. To Katia.) Need you have snatched the phone?
Katia. I meant well… So how many apartments have we got?

Valentina puts on an apron and begins to roll and cut the dough.

Vallentina. We have only one so far. And the agency has hundreds.
Katia. Have you been in it for a long time?
Valentine (absent-mindedly). In what?
Katia. In real estate. Are you upset about something?
Valentina. No, it’s all right… Real estate? About ten years.
Katia. Tired of it?
Valentina (Sighs and sings softly). “…Tired of talking, tired of fighting,
Tired of loving your tired eyes.
Far away, on the buccaneers’ blue sea
A brigantine is setting all her sails.”
Katia. And what eyes should one love?
Valentina. Honest ones.
Katia. Where does one find them nowadays?
Valentina. In the mirror, my daughter… To fight and endeavour, to find and hide
well…

A subdued melody of a cell phone is heard. Katia takes her cell phone out of her
handbag.

Katia (in a different tone). Hullo? (A pause.) No, sorry, I can’t talk now. (A pause.) Call
me tomorrow. (In a louder voice.) Tomorrow! (Rings off.)
Valentina. That’ll do. Let’s make those dumplings.
Katia. What’s the stuffing?

The doorbell rings.

Valentina. Wish-bones. (Looks at the clock.) A bit too early. (Goes out of the room and
is heard opening the door.) Hi… Wait a minute… (Comes back into the room.) It’s my
neighbour, to borrow a dish. (Takes a dish from the dresser, goes out, returns a moment
later.)
Katia. So what’s the stuffing?
6
Valentina. Cherries. The jar’s in the fridge.

Katia opens the fridge with a sigh.

Katia. Don’t be afraid, I’ll just get some cherries.

Valentina. Who are you talking to?
Katia. Meat jelly. It’s shaking all over. (Takes out the jar and shuts the fridge.)
Valentina. I’ve made it for a certain event… Do you like to cook?
Katia. Hate it! Cutting the bread is the limit of my abilities.
Valentina. Of course, you can’t peel potatoes with this manicure. (Hands Katia an
apron.) Is it gel?
Katia (Puts on the apron). Yep.
Valentina. It’s lovely
Katia. But expensive. And if one nail gets broken the whole thing has to be done all
over again.
(A pause.)
Valentina. Are you going to take a shower?
Katia. Yes. I have hot water only in my kettle.
Valentina. In the hostel?
Katia. No, I am renting.
Valentina. Where?
Katia. Sadovaya Street. I was told, too: location, location… And I forgot to ask about
water.
Valentina (opening the jar of cherries). Want me to find something for you?
Katia. Yes, I do. But I don’t want to rent, I want to buy. Will you help me? Without
commission?
Valentina. If you are a good girl… Well, I am going to take a shower. You make the
dumplings.

Katia begins to make dumplings. Valentina returns with a blue towel in her hands.

Valentina. Do you happen to be colour-blind? I told you, didn’t I, yours is the pink one.
Katia. What’s the difference? Now the blue one will be mine. By the way, at your age
you ought to know that women can’t be colour-blind.
Valentina. And at your age you ought to remember from the very first!

Valentina goes out of the room.

Katia’s cell phone rings. She wipes her hands, takes the phone.

Katia. Hullo! (A pause.) Me? At home. (Startled.) To your mother’s? (A pause.) Today?
(A pause.) Of course, I can make it. I’ll just have to think what to wear. And get some
flowers. (A pause.) Of course I’m nervous, what d’you think… Well, I’ll start moving.

Katia puts the cell phone on the table and lights a cigarette. Turns on the tape
recorder, walks about the room to the sounds of music. Opens the wardrobe, takes out a
hanger with a blouse on it, puts it to herself and looks in the mirror. Hangs it back.
7
Opens another door of the wardrobe, fingers a pile of linen, discovers the object hidden
by Valentina. Takes it out, opens slightly the towel it is wrapped in, looks at it, covers it
again, puts it back and shuts the wardrobe. Opens slightly the bedroom door, looks in,
shuts it. Then looks at her watch, turns off the music, takes her cell phone and dials.

Katia. Hullo! Stas, can you imagine, I’d barely hung up when my aunt called. She’s
down with flu, with a fever up to forty. She lives alone, there’s no one to go to the
pharmacy. I’ll have to go to her place. (A pause.) Stas, don’t! I am telling you—it’s my
aunt. My aunt, not my uncle! Don’t you believe me? Come over and meet her. Just buy a
mask… What mask? A gauze one. (Tenderly.) Stas, you’re not upset, are you?
(Sharply.) You are? You don’t believe me without an address? Put it down: 24 Bagration
Street, apartment 13. (A pause.) Yes, it’s not far from where I live. That’s all, I must be
off. Bye.

Valentina comes in.

Valentina. Who was that?

Katia. A friend.
Valentina. A boy?
Katia. A man. With a capital F. Like in fiancé.
Valentina. Why on earth did you give him the address?
Katia. He believes his shameless eyes, and won’t believe the girl he loves. Let him
make sure.
Valentina. Katia! We are having a pas-de-trois, and not a pas-de-quatre.
Katia. What do you mean?
Valentina. I mean a trio, and not a quartet! What if they meet?
Katia. We’ll handle it. There are two of us here, Ma.

Valentina takes one of the dumplings Katia made.

Valentina. Where are the stones?

Katia. Inside.
Valentina. Are you nuts? Do you want us to break our teeth? Take them out.
Katia. How?
Valentina ( Ties her apron.) All right, go and take a shower. I’ll do it myself.

Katia goes out. Valentina notices her handbag lying in the armchair, takes it and looks
inside. Takes out a passport, leafs through, puts it back. Zips the handbag, puts it back
into place. Returns to the telephone and dials.

Valentine. Hullo! Lena! Don’t hang up! Listen to me. (A pause.) No, you can’t come
back here! You’ll stay with your grandmother. (A pause.) I’ll catch a plane and come
over next weekend. We’ll do to the doctor together and decide what to do… (A pause.)
Lena, everyone dreams about love, only for us it’s till death do us part, and for men it’s
till morning. (A pause.) They are all very nice—as long as they buy chocolates and
champagne. But when it comes to bread and milk—it’s another pair of shoes. (A pause.)
8
No, your dad hasn’t called. I don’t know his new phone number. (A pause.) Lena! Let
me repeat it once more… Hullo! Lena! (Hangs up.) The little beast…

Valentina starts pitting the cherries.

Katia comes in, drying her hair on the pink towel.

Valentina. My goodness! You’ve taken the wrong towel again! This one’s mine!
Katia. Pink—blue. Blue—pink… Why are you yelling? So I took the wrong one. I used
it after you, not you after me. Tidy, aren’t you? (Conciliatory.) Look, I couldn’t find any
conditioner.
Valentina. Never mind, you are beautiful the way you are.
Katia. Beautiful, beautiful… (Comes up to the mirror.) And what is beauty? Eyes a
little larger, nose a little shorter… And your life takes a different course. You don’t have
to make up your face every morning and remove your make-up every night. You wear
your blouse a size smaller and your heels higher. You wear no bra in the daytime, and
put it on at night…
Valentina. To be beautiful you have to be born such, but in order to look beautiful you
have to suffer.
Katia. Have you made it up yourself?
Valentina. No, the French have.
Katia (shivering). Yes, this blouse was a mistake. I wish I was wearing a sweater.
Valentina. I wish I were…
Katia. What?
Valentina (annoyed). I wish I were wearing. It’s a subjunctive.
Katia. Relax, okay? I’ve finished school. Next time I’ll bring my certificate.
Valentina. We’ll do without a next time.
Katia. I can go now.
Valentina. As you wish. It’s a free country.

Katia takes her handbag and goes out of the room.

Katia. (In a loud voice, from the corridor). Call me, write to me… poste restante.

The front door is heard banging

Valentina wipes her hands on a towel, throws it on the table in exasperation, grabs the
receiver and dials.

Valentina. Hullo! Mum? How are you? (A pause.) You’ve gone to bed? Sorry, I forgot
about the time lag. I’ve spoken with Lena. Everything’s fine. She understands. (A
pause.) Mum, I think she’s just being smart with us. Anyway, she promised to see a
doctor. (A pause.) Mummy, I might catch a plane and come over in a week or so. (A
pause.) Don’t worry. Kiss you.

Valentina hangs up, looks at the clock, then dials again.

9
Valentina. Gleb? Hi, this is Valentina. I don’t think it’s going to work. We’re
incompatible. She behaves oddly. (A pause.) Yes, she is a good girl! She may be good
for somebody, but for me she’s just too much! (A pause.) Listen, these aren’t my
problems. I never said a rude word to her, and she just off and went and banged the door.
(A pause.) What’ll I do with the dumplings now? Shall I pack him a lunch-box? (The
doorbell rings.) Gleb, somebody’s come. Wait, I’ll open the door.

Valentina goes out. She is heard opening the door, then she returns.

Valentina. She’s back. If there are problems I’ll call. (Hangs up.)

Katia comes in.

Valentina. The return of a prodigal daughter. A picture by Rembrandt.

Katia. I just went out for a smoke. (Makes a show of her teeth chattering.) I could use a
drink to get warm. Ma, give me a tot, will you, or else I’ll catch a cold.
Valentina. Do you take spirits when you are nursing your aunt?
Katia. I’ll disguise it with “Orbit”.

Katia turns before the mirror.

Valentina begins to fashion the dumplings.

Valentina. Why did your Othello call?

Katia. He wanted to take me to visit his mother. She wanted to meet me.
Valentina. Never mind, somebody else’s mother can wait while you’re visiting with
your own.
Katia. Wait?! Do you like “Alina” pelmeni?
Valentina. Haven’t tried them.
Katia. The owner of the firm is Stas’s mother. She names everything after herself. Even
on her number plate it says “Alina”. Isn’t it cool?
Valentina. It is…
Katia. And me at my auntie’s sickbed…
Valentina. You can’t be a bride at every wedding. Of course, you can go, but then
you’ll have only yourself to blame.
Katia. I am not going… Our rating only goes up when we don’t let them have their way.
Her ladyship deigns to meet me, you see! Does she think I’ll jump out of my panties and
run at her call? Like hell I will! And then I am not sure I want him to be the last one I
see when I go to bed and the first one when I wake up.
Valentina (ironically). Reading ladyprose, are you?
Katia. Yes! Ladyprose, to lead them by the nose… No, really! I don’t like this pasta
family. They are boring. I dropped in once when his mother wasn’t in. They’re filthy
rich. Imagine, two bathrooms, each one with a bidet. So convenient. After dinner you
dump the dishes in it, press a button, and in a minute all your dishes are clean. (Laughs.)
But I didn’t notice any books.
Valentina. The rich don’t know more, they know sooner.

10
Katia makes up her face before the mirror. Valentina makes her dumplings.

Katia. He isn’t fun to be with. Now this boy in the same year with me… he doesn’t
drink and he doesn’t smoke…
Valentina. He’s becoming adult.
Katia. He’s tailor-made! Can you imagine, he nicked somewhere a “Glasses Repair
“sign and fixed it to the proctology department door. Later the doctors didn’t want it
removed! Once he fell ill and I came to visit him with another girl, a friend of mine, and
there were pictures of me all over the room. He had taken them with his cell phone,
without my knowledge. It’s just as well she’d come with me, otherwise I would’ve been
unable to resist him.
Valentina (rolling and cutting another portion of dough). Good girl! Morally staunch.
Now there’s a woman at our agency… She’s got everything—a husband, kids… But she
won’t stay settled. Once she says: “You know, I hailed a cab, and the driver had such a
voice, such timbre! I just couldn’t help it.” So they made it right there, in the car, in front
of her house.
Katia. She can’t bury her talent in one bed.
Valentina. And right after that she goes home, to her husband and kids, to check their
homework. I couldn’t behave like this…
Katia. I once hailed a car, too, and took the front seat. So off we go and stop at an
intersection, and that prick unzips his fly and says: “Aren’t you interested?” I jumped
out of that car like mad, nearly got run over by another one.
Valentina. I say, why don’t you become engaged to that tailor-made guy?
Katia. His name’s criminal.
Valentina. Are his folks gangsters?
Katia. No, they’re engineers. But their family name’s Jiggers. Doctor Jiggers. Would
you like to be treated by Dr. Jiggers?
Valentina (laughs). Depends on what to be treated for. What about your “pelmen”? Is it
a serious relationship?
Katia. A confidential one. I allow him credit till our wedding. Ma! Let’s warm
ourselves! It’s cold! Katia sober’s an emblem of sorrow, Katia drunk is an emblem of
love.

Valentina wipes her hands, opens the fridge, takes out a bottle of vodka, pours two
small glasses, takes one.

Valentina. Well, here goes! Chin-chin!

Katia (raises her glass). No, I have a toast. To independence! In our relations with men!
Today it’s more important than sex appeal. (They clink glasses and drink.) By the way, I
used to think that it was something legal, like in court of law, until an Englishwoman
explained that it meant being attractive to men. (A pause.) And you, what do you think
about men?
Valentina. I think differently about different men.

Katia slips her coat on, preens herself in front of the mirror.

11
Valentina. Have some cherries after your vodka.
Katia. I’m allergic to cherries. I’d rather have some cheese. What if Stas wants to come
up?
Valentina. He won’t.
Katia. Why?
Valentina. Bet you?
Katia. What’ll we bet?
Valentina. A blind one.
Katia. What do you mean?
Valentina. Like career criminals— any wish.
Kattia. How do you know?
Valentina. Oh, there’s a lot I know…
Katia. That’s a deal. (Eats some olives.)
Valentina. Katia! Where are your manners—putting the stones in the bowl! Now you’ve
ruined my still life! Throw them away.
Katia. Where?
Valentina. In the bin.
Katia. Where is it?
Valentina. In its place—under the sink.

The cell phone goes off.

Katia. Hullo! (A pause.) You’re coming? I’ll come down to meet you, so you don’t get
lost. (Turns off her cell phone.) With men, it’s like a mine field, one can never relax…
What if he takes it into his head to come up here?
Valentina. Take the key, it’s on the night-stand. (Continues in a hoarse, “sick” voice.)
Your aunt is ill and mustn’t get up. (Feigns cough. It is quite a good imitation.) Call if
you come up.
Katia. You’re an actress. Julia Roberts! (Goes out.)

Valentina sits to the telephone, makes a number several times, hangs up.

Valentina. “This number is now out of reach”… The little minx! (Her cell phone goes
off.)
Hullo! (A pause. Sweetly.) Yes, number 24. You’ve come to a wrong building? A wrong
apartment? You don’t mean it! (A pause.) You do? (Laughs.) No, it’s not Bagramian,
it’s Bagration. One’s Armenian, the other’s Georgian. One’s a marshal, the other’s a
general. They are often confused. (A pause.) Yes, Caucasian nationals aren’t easy to sort
out. (A pause.) As we agreed. Well, that’s it, we are waiting for you.

She hangs up. Takes a photograph album from the shelf, leafs through it, takes out a
few photographs.
The door bangs. Katia comes into the room with a splendid bunch of lilies.

Katia. One—nil. You win. He’s afraid of viruses. Though he did give me a control kiss.
Have you got a vase?
12
Valentina takes a vase from the shelf, Katia puts her bouquet in it.

Katia (sniffing). Ouch! It’s going to give me a headache.

Valentina. Look at this dame aux camelias… (Quotes theatrically.) “She liked flowers
without scent and men without morals.”
Katia. He has price tags everywhere. Once we went to a café for a cup of tea. We go out
and he says, sort of casually: “It was good, wasn’t it? Though it cost a hundred roubles a
cup.” And now (mocking): “Imagine, the old lady wouldn’t sell for one grand. But I
persuaded her”. I think he had a price tag on his foot in the maternity hospital… Why do
you think he brought these flowers? For me to give to his mother. He’s playing safe…
Well, whatever comes our way comes in useful.
Valentina. While you were given flowers our guest phoned. He’ll be here in ten
minutes. Let’s have another tot, and discuss family affairs. (Pours.) Here’s the third
toast-- to those on the road…
Katia. And may he be not too nasty.
Valentina. And not a serial killer.

They clink glasses and drink.

Valentina. Turn off your cell phone.

Katia. Without my cell phone I feel the same as without my lipstick.
Valentina. Never mind, turn it off. We’ve no time for slow dances.

Katia takes her cell phone out of her handbag, turns it off.

Katia (Still rummaging in her handbag). I’ve taken my stockings.

Valentina. Your stockings… You should have taken your socks. They look better.
Katia.Oh, I forgot my rubbers! Got any?
Valentina. Not to worry, there’s enough for everyone… Okay, listen carefully. First
things first… I am running this show.
Katia. Ma, we’re not here to divide authority, but to earn money.
Valentina. Don’t interrupt me. We shall tell the truth, nothing but the truth, but not the
whole truth. I am a real estate agent. You?
Katia. I am a medical student. What do we do it for?
Valentina. For gain… I divorced your father when you were a kid. Your grandmother
Nadia lives in Aktiubinsk. Your grandfather Boria died. Three years ago. We aren’t in
touch with your paternal grandparents. They live somewhere in Moldavia.
Katia. What’s dad’s name?
Valentina. Your dad’s?
Katia. Mikhail.
Valentina. Agreed.
Katia. Let’s agree on something else while we’re alone… Is there anything you dislike?
Valentina. Frankly, everything. Speaking seriously, I don’t like when they bite. And I
like to be on top.
Katia. Agreed.
13
Valentina. Okay. I’ll finish with the dumplings. You lay the table. The plates are in the
dresser. The forks are in this drawer. Change the tablecloth.

Katia lays the table. Valentina goes on making dumplings.

Katia. And who’s our guest?

Valentina. Didn’t Gleb tell you anything?
Katia. No. He said we looked alike. And there was a part in the play “Mothers and
daughters”. For one spectator. Triple tariff. Why not? Three is more than one.
Valentina. Do you know the difference between life and theatre?
Katia. What is it?
Valentina. One can come back to the theatre.
Katia. Cool… But I don’t agree. Life isn’t a theatre, it’s a huge market.
Valentina. What about us? Are we buyers or sellers?
Katia. We’re just like everybody… We’re goods.
Valentina. So, who’s selling us? Or, as they say nowadays, who is taking care of our
realization?
Katia. Have you heard about self- realization? That’s what we are doing.
Valentina. Where did you pick it up?
Katia. In the metro.
Valentina. Sit down, excellent… (A pause.) There isn’t much choice in our market:
those who don’t sell their souls trade their bodies. Though … some people know how to
earn their living without selling themselves.
Katia. I used to know a guy… a Georgian… (Imitates Georgian accent). “What do you
girls charge to love a handsome one?” He had such a funny way to say: “Little hut of the
fairy-tale, turn your face to the forest, turn your back to me”… He was in petrol. He’s
dead, they shot him in Petersburg. Once he confided to me: “It’s not your body I am
buying but the time saved on the chocolate and champagne stage.”
Valentina. Sharp as a rapier, was your Georgian.
Katia. So, who got the ticket?
Valentina. No idea… Perhaps a traveller… A family values champion. He wants a
mother and daughter job, with dumplings, in a hearth and home setting. A hundred and
four pleasures in one package. I don’t usually do it at home. I come and I go. Two
hundred—and we are together. But triple tariff for home comfort…Well, I’ll give the
place a good cleaning later.

Katia bursts out laughing, laughs harder and harder.

Valentina. What’s the matter with you? A drink too many?

Katia. Oh, wait… I just remembered a joke. A new Russian calls a brothel: I want to
come. They tell him: you are welcome, our tariff is 500 dollars. He says: offer your tariff
to a mastiff. Haven’t you got girls?
They laugh.
Katia. Do you think he’ll come alone?
Valentina. Well, if he’s not alone we’ll call Gleb.
Katia. You know, I always have the jitters before an appointment.
14
Valentina. Relax. He must be nervous, too.
Katia. Why should he be?
Valentina. Well, who knows… His drink may be doctored with clophelin. Or the
husband may return from his business trip. Or the rubber may burst. Anything can
happen.
Katia. Even if it doesn’t burst… Do you know that AIDS virus is three times smaller
than the pores of a condom?
Valentina. That’s why they should be worn two at a time. And no sex. But the best
protection is a glass of water.
Katia. Before or after?
Valentina. Instead.
Katia. It gives me the creeps, no kidding. A friend of mine is a nurse’s aid in a hospital.
Once she was cleaning up, of course she was wearing gloves, but she didn’t notice a
syringe under some bandages and pricked herself. Then she squeezed the blood out till
her finger was blue. She had a blood test, and while she was waiting for the result it was
painful to see her.
Valentina. So what happened?
Katia. Thank God, nothing. Her test was okay.
Valentina. AIDS is no respecter of maids. Though it can be contracted at the
hairdresser’s.
Katia. Depends on what part of your hair you want dressed. …I say, that’ll do. Let’s
change the subject.
Valentina. All right. On the whole, a la guerre comme a la guerre.
Katia. Is it gang slang?
Valentina. No, it’s French. When you are at war, you are at war.
Katia (playfully). Madam speaks French?
Valentina. Is it a louse coughing? A juvenile ought to keep her clapper shut. As a matter
of fact, I do. Don’t you doubt. I taught it at school for five years. Until they stopped
paying our salaries. I even went to France once, on exchange. And you, are you really a
student? Or is it your legend?
Katia. Actually, I am. I used to study in Saratov, then I transferred here.
Valentina. Why?
Katia. My ancestors. Bored me to death with their love. “Honey, how are you?”
Hysterics apropos of nothing: “Don’t you dare turn off your phone!” They wouldn’t
understand why I prefer to wear boots rather than stiletto heels.
Valentina. Do you really like it?
Katia. Sure. Firstly, it’s comfortable…
Valentina (ironically). Secondly, it’s pretty.
Katia. Yes, as a matter of fact, it is! (A pause.) Sunday family lunches! “Katia! Eat your
soup! You’ll get ulcers if you don’t!”
Valentina. Is that why you left?
Katia. I got tired of being guilty… You know, it wasn’t too bad with my father. But my
mother! We fought every twenty minutes. Idiosyncrasy, that’s what I’d call it. I might
have been adopted for what it looked like. Nothing in common! I asked them: did you,
by any chance, take me from an orphanage?
Valentina. And they?
15
Katia. They deny… And then my love life… it was a case of breaking out of
encirclement… with fierce battles… I fell in love like a schoolgirl! With my teacher.
And he… a wife, kids… In a word, a prick! And here… Freedom… But there’s rent to
pay, education costs even more. As for the exams, you know how it is.
Valentina. What sign of the Zodiac are you?
Katia. Capricorn. And you?
Valentina. Aquarius.
Katia. So we are neighbours in the horoscope! It calls for a drink!
Valentina. No, that’ll do. We’ve had our hundred-gram army ration. We must look at
the client with sober eyes.
Katia. Whatever you say…

Valentina puts a pan of water on the stove, then wipes her hands and gives Katia the
photographs.

Valentina. I’ve picked out these, just in case. As a little girl you were the very image of
me.
Katia. Is this your daughter?
Valentina. She is three years old here.
Katia. And now?
Valentina. Eighteen
Katia. Where is she?
Valentina. Studying. Abroad. She’s a bright girl.
Katia. And your husband?
Valentina. We discussed it already.
Katia. So you are divorced?
Valentina. I am my own boss.
Katia. Why did you divorce? Did he drink?
Valentina (after a pause). Each family has a skeleton in the cupboard.
Katia. A skeleton?
Valentine. You know, curiosity killed the cat.
Katia. Don’t tell if you don’t want to… So you’re not married and not alone.
Valentina. No, I am alone as a lonely thought. What would I want anybody for, with
this kind of life? To wash his socks? The way it is… I have just to close my eyes, and I
am free to love whoever I want-- Alain Delon or Bruce Willis… Do you like Di Caprio?
Katia. I do. But I am not good at this kind of thing… There was a guy, a geek type, who
offered me a grand a month to be only with him and nobody else… And talk with him in
the evening. Well, to go to bed with him is bad enough, but to be friends for money? To
listen to his ravings every day?
Valentina. Oh, they like talking about themselves better than a bear likes fighting. They
would tell you their life story, you’d listen and sigh, and say: “Intelligent men are my
erogenous zone,”—and they’d be in the seventh heaven. Then you’d add: “Today I’ve
met a true man.” They’d be tickled pink… Have you read in school the tale of the true
man?
Katia. I don’t remember.

16
Valentina. A pity. It’s a useful tale. (A pause.) Maybe it’s because we can listen that
men come to us? It’s for a good reason that they say that women love with their ears.
Katia. They come running to us because we don’t call them first.

The doorbell rings.

Valentina. Talk of the devil. Go and open the door. (Turns on the tape recorder. It plays
Edith Piaf.)
Katia. No. Let’s go together.
Valentina. Holding onto your mummy’s hand? Okay, let’s.

They go out. The room is darkened and music is heard in the dark.

End of Scene 1.

Scene 2.

A clatter of falling crockery is heard in the dark. The light goes on.
It is the same room. Clothes, including men’s, are strewn on the floor, on the armchairs
and the sofa. The clock shows midnight.
Valentina, dressed in a slip and jeans, is gathering the fallen bowls and pans.

Valentina. The salt is spilt, and sugar too. What shall we do?

Katia comes out of the bedroom wearing a housecoat with rolled-up sleeves, shuts the
door behind her.

Katia. What’s the rattle?

Valentina. I wanted to get a pan, to heat some water. Perhaps, it could help?
Katia. I may be jolly, but I am not daft. It won’t help.
Valentina. Couldn’t you be mistaken? You aren’t a doctor.
Katia. Even a nurse’s aid couldn’t be mistaken about this (nods at the bedroom door).
Pulse, breathing, pupil…
Valentina. Isn’t there anything we could do?
Katia (Shakes her head negatively). We’ve tried heart massage and mouth-to-mouth…
Valentina. Shouldn’t we ask my neighbours for some liquid ammonia?
Katia. You may just as well ask for a poultice! I’m telling you—his heart‘s stopped.

A pause.

Valentina. Why did you do it?

Katia. Why? He asked me. …Watched too much Japanese porn.
Valentina. He asked you to smother him with a pillow. You understand? Smother him a
little. Not strangle him.
17
Katia. That’s what I did, a little. How could I have known? (Shouts.) And you? Didn’t
you see what was happening to him?
Valentina (Shouts). You fool! How could I see? Have I got eyes on my back?

Katia picks up Valentina’s sweater, puts it on top of her housecoat.

Valentina. What are you doing?

Katia. I am cold. (Feverishly collects her things about the room.)
Valentina. Please don’t walk about the room barefoot. It gives me the chills. Put on
your slippers.
Katia. I am going to get dressed. (Takes her clothes and goes to the bathroom.)
Valentina (Takes a besom, sweeps the salt off the floor, muttering). What shall we do?
Oh, what shall we do?

Katia comes into the room. She has her coat and boots on. She is holding Valentina’s
housecoat in her hands.

Valentina. Chilled ?

Katia walks past Valentina, puts the housecoat on the chair, takes her handbag.

Katia. I’m off.

Valentina ( Puts her besom on the floor). What about me?
Katia (almost shouting). You wanted to call an ambulance, didn’t you? Do! So what if
we spend ten years in the slammer!
Valentina. I can see you know your lines.
Katia. In this country only the deaf-mute-and-blind don’t… (Walks towards the exit.)
And don’t you tell me anything! It’s not my fault! I don’t want to stay here.
Valentina. What do you mean?
Katia. I’ll tell Gleb that I did my job and left. And I don’t know what happened here
afterwards.
Valentina. Which of us do you think they’ll believe? At the prosecutor’s office…
Katia. What is the French for “Screw you all”? So catch me! With no address, name or
distinguishing marks.
Valentina. There are distinguishing marks.
Katia. Are there? Every other person has a tattoo nowadays.
Valentina. Listen, Katia…
Katia. Maybe I am not Katia. It may be an assumed name. An alias… Well, I’ve had
enough. So long. (Goes out of the room.)
Valentina. Citizen Gribova! From medical school hostel number two, former place of
residence—Lenin Street, Saratov.

Katia appears in the doorway, looks at Valentina, rummages in her handbag. Then
walks into the room, hurls her handbag on the sofa and sits down, with her back to
Valentina.

18
Valentina. Lies should be told to boy-friends and policemen. Other people should be
told the truth. Why are you carrying your passport? Do you expect to meet Mr. Right?
Who will make an honest woman of you right away?
Katia. I wanted to get a loan.

A pause. Katia cries.

The doorbell rings.

Valentina. Hush.
Katia (in a whisper). Who’s that?
Valentina. I don’t know.
Katia. Are you expecting somebody?
Valentina. Are you kidding? It’s past midnight.

The doorbell rings again.

Katia. Go and look through the peep-hole.

Valentina. Give me my housecoat.

She puts her housecoat on top of her slip and goes on tiptoe to the corridor. Katia, also
on tiptoe, walks round the armchair and hides squatting behind it. The doorbell stops
ringing. The front door is heard opening, then voices are heard—Valentina’s and a male
one. Katia, behind the armchair, hides her face in her hands. Valentina comes into the
room with a dish in her hands.

Valentina (Looks around). Katia! (Puts her dish on the table, calls warily, in a near
whisper). Katia, where are you? (Finds her behind the armchair and hugs her.) It’s the
man next door. He returned the dish.

They sit down on the sofa together and look at the dish.

Katia. What’s that?

Valentina. Patties.
Katia. How does he know?
Valentina. How does he know what? When you borrow a dish you don’t return it
empty.
Katia. Don’t you know on what occasion patties are baked?
Valentina. Rubbish! These people are just thrifty.

Katia takes a patty, bites into it, but immediately throws it on the table and runs out of
the room pressing her hands to her mouth.
Valentina comes up to the bedroom door, puts her ear to it and listens. Then returns to
the table, opens a bottle of mineral water, pours a glass. Katia returns. She has taken
her coat off.

Valentina. Have some water, you’ll feel better.

19
Katia drinks. Her teeth are chattering.

Katia (through her tears). Never, never again! I’ll sleep on a bench… I’ll scrub floors
day and night… Honest to God! I’ll go to church, I’ll prostrate myself from morning till
night…
Valentina. Only if you attend vigil. Usually they close for the night.
Katia. Never mind, I’ll ask them and they’ll let me stay. Lord, what have I done? Our
Father which art in heaven…
Valentina. Where does “Our Father” come in?
Katia. It’s all I know.
Valentina. I used to pray and vow like you… I crossed myself with one hand and
saluted with the other.
Katia. When was that?
Valentina. When I lost my mother’s ring.
Katia. Where did you lose it?
Valentina. We were playing wedding with the girls, and suddenly discovered that the
ring was missing.
Katia. Who took it?
Valentina. We thought it was one of the girls. The poorest. Her mother was ill. We beat
her up and told her: don’t come back without the ring. She didn’t come back. Later we
learnt that her mother was in hospital and her aunt had taken her away.
Katia. Where?
Valentina. I don’t know. And the ring was found. When the sofa upholstery was
changed. The upholsterer was an honest man and gave the ring back… God is punishing
me for her.
Katia. But what did you do? It wasn’t your fault.
Valentina. Why did we beat her? Why did we chase her away from school? I am
ashamed.
Katia. No need to be ashamed if you aren’t blamed.
Valentina. A good person can be ashamed even before a dog.
Katia. Did the French make it up?
Valentina. No, Chekhov did. (A pause.) Well, that’s enough. (Pours some brandy,
hands a glass to Katia, takes the other one.) Peace.

They touch glasses and drink.

Valentina. Never mind, we’ll think of something. Even a tunnel has two exits.
Katia. We’d better call Gleb.
Valentina. Gleb? Have you taken leave of your senses? Do you think he’ll risk his head
to cover your arse? A stiff is just what he needs to complete his police record. (A pause.)
Hadn’t we better call your dumpling?
Katia. Are you nuts? And then, one person can’t solve anything here.
Valentina. There is one who can. But he can’t be bothered with us... And he’s far…
Katia. Where?

20
Valentina. Okay, we won’t involve anyone. In order to avoid trouble. (A pause.) I say,
let’s call an ambulance and tell them there’s a man with a heart attack, and later, that he
died before they arrived.
Katia. And they’ll take him and go? Without asking who the stiff was to you, and how it
happened? And then a heart attack won’t do. The geezer wasn’t old. They must do an
autopsy. And they’ll find that he was asphyxiated.
Valentina. I see. So there’s only one way out of the tunnel. We carry him out, shove
him… sorry, put him in the car, drive to the nearest park and leave him on a bench. Let
them investigate whether he died of a heart attack, or was strangled, or murdered…
Katia. And what shall we tell Gleb?
Valentina. That the evening went over big, he ate all the dumplings. How should we
know where he went afterwards?

A pause.

Katia. How shall we lift him?

Valentina. Down the steps isn’t the same as up. (She lights a cigarette, comes up to the
window.) Damn!
Katia. What’s the matter? (Comes up to Valentina.)
Valentina. Can you see that ass?
Katia. Looks like a dog.
Valentina. I mean the owner.
Katia. Where?
Valentina. Over there! Where there’s a flicker against the dark. He’s sitting there on the
bench and smoking. It’s my neighbour. The one who brought patties.
Katia. Oh… He seems to be unwell.
Valentina. “The night watch”… When he’s gassed he can spend an hour walking his
dog. Lousy.
Katia. Never mind, we can wait. He won’t stay there till morning.
Valentina. Katia, let’s still call an ambulance.
Katia. What for?
Valentina. For resuscitation. They’ll save him.
Katia. Save who?
Valentina. Him. And both of us.
Katia. Haven’t I told you that their only means of resuscitation are white coats?
Valentina (Grabs the receiver, starts to dial). I’ll call them.
Katia (Snatches the receiver from her). Are you crazy? They won’t save him! They’ll
send us to prison.
Valentina. Katia, if you hit somebody, will you just drive away?
Katia. Actually, I haven’t got a license. But if I knew the person’s dead, I would. Why
get under the wheels?
Valentina. Our guy got under the pillow.
Katia. Why wouldn’t he stay at home? With his missus? And now I have to call an
ambulance like a fool?
Valentina. Well, I was a fool. I didn’t drive away.
Katia. When?
21
Valentina. A year ago. On the highway. A bus was parked there, empty… And this
man… he forgot what he had learnt in school… that one should walk in front of a tram,
and behind a bus. So he got under my wheels…. I thought I’d killed him. There was no
one on the highway. I came up. He was hardly breathing. I dragged him into the car as
best I could and drove him to the hospital.
Katia. Did he survive?
Valentina. He was crippled.
Katia. Was there a trial?
Valentina. Sort of. The trial turned into a gang venue to chew the fat. His son demanded
an indemnity. A hundred thousand.
Katia. A hundred thousand what?
Valentina. Why, greenbacks.
Katia. And if…
Valentina. There was no “if”. He turned out to be a gang leader, and it wasn’t a gang of
workmen. He comes with his sidekicks and says: “What is the budget of your offer?” I
say: “I can scrape up about ten thousand.” He laughs: “No, it’s one zero short.” I say: “I
haven’t got so much.” And he says: “Well, would you like to barter your daughter for a
zero? Both literally and metaphorically.”
Katia. Why didn’t you go to the police?
Valentina. To seek justice? I did. But I knocked on the wrong door. The investigator
heard me out, wrote it all down. “Come tomorrow.” I did. He says: “It’s a difficult
question. Here’s a phone number, call and you’ll get help.” I called and made an
appointment. I came, and there were the same people, laughing: “Our police protect us.
As for you, it’s doubtful. So you’ll have to go and fetch your daughter. Her classes will
be over in half an hour.” I said: “Guys, don’t.” They agreed. On one condition: “You
pay us the first thousand right now, in kind. The rest, within a week.”
Katia. A nightmare.
Valentina. I drank a glass of brandy, and everything became hazy… In the evening the
investigator came to check if the rule of law was being observed. (A pause.) I had two
ways out: to take my own life or to go mad… And what would have become of my
daughter? (A pause.) I spent six months in and out of the doctor’s office till I got all the
filth out of my system. The therapist explained very nicely (mocking the therapist’s
intonation): “Look at life from above and turn off the sound. Everything is fine,
everybody is safe and sound, your limbs are whole. The main thing you should learn is
to turn off the sound in time… “Radio is a convenient thing. You press a button, and
there’s no sound…”
Katia. And then, what happened?
Valentina. I mortgaged my flat, borrowed here and there, from my friends… Still there
was no more than half. And then I got this call: “Hullo, I am your cover.”
Katia. In what sense?
Valentina. It was our mutual friend.
Katia. Gleb?
Valentina.Have we got others?
Katia. Not any longer.
Valentina. He said: “I know about your problems. I’ll pay the difference. You’ll pay me
back by the month. If what you earn as a real estate agent isn’t enough, I’ll help you to
22
make a few bucks on the side. I’ve got a lot of friends who like ladies in their thirties.”
(A pause.) Well, I got a call and met a guy, then another… And I said to myself: that’s it,
I sold my soul to the devil. As it turned out, I didn’t. I gave it away.
Katia. Gleb is virtually honest.
Valentina. What do you mean by virtually?
Katia. He’s honest when it suits him.
Valentina. He’s like the next man… Now I am paying him, I am paying back to the
bank, I am paying back to my friends. I sent Lena to my mother, and I send them money
every month. Which is to say, I live like most people in this country—well off and
culturally minded… In general, a war is a war.
Katia. They say that to do good is punishable… Does Lena know?
Valentina. No. Nor does my mother.

A pause.

Katia. Then why did you tell me (imitating Valentina) “A bright girl… She’s studying
abroad…” Abroad my foot!
Valentina. Kazakhstan is abroad. Cross my heart and pull my tooth. (Makes the
characteristic jailbird gesture of taking it out of her mouth with her fingers.)
Katia. Now I believe you. Did you learn it from your gang leader?
Valentina. No. I relocated some people from a communal apartment, and there was a
guy with three prison terms under his belt. After a month of mixing it rubs off on you.
(Comes up to the window again.)
Katia. Is he still there?
Valentina. Yes.

A pause.

Katia (Looks at the bedroom door). Actually, who is he?

Valentina. You’ve already asked.
Katia. We ought to see his papers. (Picks up a man’s jacket and hands it to Valentina.)
Valentina. Me?! A dead man’ papers?
Katia. Who’s running this show?
Valentina. And who strangled him?
Katia. Who searched my handbag? You are good at it!

A pause.

Katia. All right. He’ll stay anonymous. (Throws the coat on the sofa.)
Valentina. Have you seen the monument to the “Anonymous deserter?”
Katia. Where?
Valentina. On TV. Boots grown into the concrete, a discarded rifle, and imprints of bare
feet walking away.
Katia. Shall we erect a monument to the anonymous client?
Valentina. Yes. Only, instead of a rifle, there’ll be a condom.

23
A pause.

Katia. What about money?

Valentina (Takes the jacket). We should look for it.
Katia. Search a dead man? I can’t.
Valentina. You’ll have to. You search his trousers and I’ll do the jacket.
Katia. Okay. Wait a minute.

Katia pours brandy into the glasses, they drink.

Katia picks up the trousers from the floor.

Katia (Having inspected the lining). “Armani”, damn it… (Turns the pockets inside
out.) Empty.
Valentina. A handkerchief. Keys. A wallet. (Opens it.) Katia, there’s no money.
Virtually. Just a few coins. (Lays out on the table the contents of the wallet.) There are
business cards. (Inspects them, gives them to Katia one by one.) Interesting. Last name,
first name, patronymic. And nothing else. No position, or phone number. A big shot.
Katia (Looking through the cards). And who is our …daddy? Which one is his?
Valentina. They are all different. And one doesn’t usually carry only one card of one’s
own.
Katia. Judging by the cards, we’ve received a worthy member of the society.
Valentina. Judging by the cards, we’ve got cold turkey for breakfast.
Katia. Fatty?
Valentina. Rich.
Katia. The bastard… with morals. (Imitates a male voice.) “Call me daddy… Baby,
aren’t you ashamed to do it together with your mother?” A goddamn preacher. Why
should I be ashamed? The ones who ought to be ashamed are those who buy for one
rouble and sell for two! What we are selling hasn’t cost us less, and we aren’t selling it
for more than it’s worth.
Valentina. How was he going to pay? Or wasn’t he?
Katia. Couldn’t he have paid to Gleb?
Valentina. Like hell he could! What if he didn’t like us? Gleb said the client would pay
the money to us. And I was to bring him three hundred. We ought to have insisted on
advanced payment. Misplaced decency…
Katia. But how… It’s still a firm of sorts, a cover.
Valentina. All these covers are full of holes.
Katia. Nice goings-on! It looks like we spent the night doing volunteer work.

Valentina looks closely at Katia.

Valentina. Did you go out?

Katia. Me? Well. I did.
Valentina. Where?
Katia. To powder my nose! Don’t you understand? To the loo, where else!
Valentina. Why did it take you so long?

24
Katia. You think I nicked his money, don’t you? How can you? (A pause.) By the way,
ma, you went out, too.
Valentina. He asked for champagne. I came here to get it.
Katia. You took your time, too.
Valentina. Maybe I did. But it was you who strangled him, and not I.
Katia (Snatches her handbag, turns its contents out on the table for Valentina to see,
shrieks). Here you are, look! (Cries.) I never… nothing… (Turns her coat pockets inside
out.)
Valentina. Don’t yell. (Looks into the handbag, feels it, gathers the coins from the table
back into the handbag.)
Katia. Sleuth!
Valentina. Cut it out, kid. I’ve worked five years at school. A schoolteacher doesn’t
search. A schoolteacher looks for violations of discipline.
Katia. Like the camp.
Valentina. What camp?
Katia (Wiping her tears). Everyone went to the river, and I was on duty. One of the girls
had a bag of cherries under her bed. And I didn’t even throw away the stones, the fool!
In the evening she burst into tears: “Somebody stole my cherries!” Everybody seemed to
be looking at me and thinking of nothing else. The next day my mother brought…
Valentina. …cherries.
Katia. I wanted to slip them among that girl’s things unnoticed, but how? I begged my
mother to take me away, so that there would be no camp, and no bag of cherry stones.
Valentina. Did she ?
Katia. She left me for another term. They were getting a divorce that summer.
Valentina. Then why did you give me that bullshit: “Family breakfasts… Sunday
lunches…”?
Katia. So I tell lies! I fake out. But after those cherries I never stole anything!
Valentina. Okay, cool it. Did you stay with your mother after their divorce?
Katia. Yes. Till she remarried and left the town.
Valentina. And you?
Katia. I stayed with my aunt. Till she decided to get married.
Valentina. Did she leave the town, too?
Katia. No, she moved to our flat.
Valentina. What about your father?
Katia. He used to come at first and buy me milk shakes. Then he came every other
Saturday. Then once a month. Now he doesn’t even call.
Valentina. We used to take pictures, my dad and I… I was thirteen when they divorced.
Dad took me on weekends. We would buy film and take pictures of each other, and the
next weekend we would take the photos back from the photographer’s studio, and look
at them and laugh. During our walks we talked about everything, except the one thing
that mattered. Once I was standing among the trees in the park trying to smile into the
camera, and the smile didn’t come out. I said: “Dad, when will you come back? I’m
unhappy without you, and so is mum.” I said it and began to cry and turned away. And
when I turned back, I saw him cry.
Katia. Did he come back?

25
Valentina. No, but we gave up our walks. He went away on a mission, and when he
returned I was ill, then what with this and that… Once I came to that studio. The
assistant recognized me and said: “Why didn’t you come to pick up your photos?” The
last one was of me asking my dad to come back… I tore the whole pack and threw it in
the nearest dustbin.
Katia (Interrupts her). Hush!
Valentina. What’s that?
Katia. Do you hear?

A low, barely audible cell phone melody—“The Black Boomer”—is heard.

Valentina. I asked you to turn it off, didn’t I!

Katia. I did.

Valentina takes the jacket in her hands, feels it again.

Katia rushes to the ante-room, returns with a man’s coat. The melody becomes louder.
Katia pulls a cell phone out of the coat pocket.

Valentina. Don’t touch it!

Katia. I’ll see what number is displayed.

The melody stops.

Valentina. What’s the point? You’d better wipe the phone.

Katia takes a napkin from the table and wipes the cell phone. At the same moment the
“Black Boomer” goes off again. Startled, Katia drops the cell phone on the sofa. The
cell phone goes on ringing. Valentina covers it with a cushion.

Katia. What for?

Valentina. To shut it up.

The cell phone is silent.

Katia (Examines her hand, wincing). I’ve broken my nail. To the quick. Have you got
iodine?
Valentina. Look in the cabinet.

Katia pulls out a drawer, rummages in it, then freezes and looks at Valentina.

Katia. What’s this? (Takes a vial out of the drawer, hands it to Valentina.)
Valentina. Can you read?
Katia. I can. Clophelin.
Valentina. My mother has hypertension. You see it’s empty.
Katia. Were it full, I wouldn’t ask. Where are the contents? I mean, inside whom?
Where is your mother and where is her hypertension?
26
Valentina. Hey, you, Kamenskaya… Hadn’t you better transfer to law school?
Katia. You went out to get the champagne. Did you doctor it?
Valentina. Why should I do such a thing? Katia, every word you are saying is one too
many. Only suicides doctor a drink with clophelin at home. Mind you, their own drink.
You’re barking up the wrong tree. I didn’t smother him.

A pause.

Katia. Valia, what if it was indeed a heart attack? He ate too many dumplings and felt
unwell.
Valentina. What does it matter now?
Katia. Lord, I swear! Never again! No work!

A cell phone melody is heard again.

Valentina. This is mine. (Takes her cell phone from the shelf.) Gleb? (Gestures to Katia
to be silent.) Hullo! Hi there! (A pause.) No, you’re not disturbing. I… I am getting
ready for bed. I am taking a bath. (A pause.) Everything’s fine, the evening went over
big. (A pause. She is at a loss.) He left. He has paid. I’ll bring the money tomorrow, as
we agreed. (A pause.) All right. Bye. (Turns off the cell phone.)
Katia. What’ll you bring him? Who paid us? I don’t get you.
Valentina. It was so unexpected. What could I tell him? That he left without paying?
Then why didn’t we call him right away? (Lights a cigarette.) And you, where are you
in this mess? Make up your mind. And turn on your cell phone, just in case.

Katia takes her cell phone out of her handbag, turns it on.

Katia. What’ll you bring him tomorrow?

Valentina. Not to worry. What do bourgeois say? There was money, there will be
money. Right now there’s no money.
Katia. What if we’ve been offered for free?
Valentina. Maybe the guy liked us so much he felt generous?
Katia. Yes, it’s just like him! I don’t like these calls.
Valentina. Katia, let’s cross every bridge when we come to it. We must get rid of our
guest. And then we’ll play it by ear. He doesn’t look like a career criminal. As for the
police, they’ll come and they’ll go. If you are caught, you are a thief. If you aren’t
caught, you are a witness.

Katia’s cell phone goes off.

Katia (In a sleepy voice). Yes… (A pause.) Hi. I’m already sleeping. (A pause.) Yes,
everything’s fine. (A pause.) No, thank you, I’m not going anywhere. What sauna? (A
pause.) They want no one but me? (Looks at her watch. Valentina, horrified, turns her
finger near her temple.). Some other time, okay? I am tired and sleepy. I’ll be a spoil-
sport. (A pause.) Bye. (Turns off her phone.) Damn the bulldozer.
Valentina. Who?
27
Katia. Haven’t you heard? It’s Gleb’s nickname. He bulldozes everything on his way.
What was it you said about his police record—everything short of a dead head?
Valentina. A dead body, a stiff.
Katia. And what’s a dead head?
Valentina. One who doesn’t pay for his ticket. Gleb was a musician in his past life,
wasn’t he?
Katia. He was… One with puckered lips and raised eyebrows. All his concerts consisted
of two notes—B flat and D sharp. B for bucks and D for dollars. For five hundred he’ll
get you a girl from “Playboy”, for seven—straight off the cover. …By the way, why
does he call you his sweet? Are you really sweet on him?
Valentina. It just stuck: “Bye-bye, sweetie-pie.” (Comes up to the window.) He seems to
be leaving. That’ll do. Let’s get him dressed. Then I’ll bring the car.
Katia. And where’s your car?
Valentina. In the parking. It’s not far, two blocks. God, I am so glad I didn’t drive to the
repair shop yesterday and leave it there. It’s hard to start.
Katia. What if it doesn’t?
Valentina. Then we’ll steal a car from somebody.
Katia. Do you really mean it?
Valentina. And you? Let’s get him dressed.
Katia. I don’t know how.
Valentina. You’ll have to. Who strangles him, dresses him.
Katia. Let’s play fair. Shall we flip a coin?
Valentina (firmly). We won’t flip anything.
Katia. Why?
Valentina. Just because… Don’t you remember our bet? Your pelmen didn’t come
upstairs…

Katia goes towards the bedroom.

Valentina. Begin with his socks. They are near the bed.
Katia. Oh, my!

Katia makes the sign of the cross, goes to the bedroom and shuts the door behind her.
Valentina walks about the room, then takes a napkin and starts wiping the table, the
door handles, glasses…
Katia comes out of the bedroom.

Katia. There’s no more brandy. Is there any vodka left?

Valentina. There is. (Opens the fridge, takes out the bottle.)
Katia. Pour me.

Valentina pours vodka into the glass.

Katia. Pour it.

Valentina. Where?
Katia (Intense, barely containing herself). Over my hands.
28
 They pass to the kitchen. Valentina pours vodka on Katia’s hands over the sink. They
return to the table. Katia wipes her hands on the towel, sniffs at them.

Katia. Yuk! Pour me a drink.

Valentina pours vodka for Katia and herself.

Valentina. Katia, where are you? What are you thinking about?
Katia. He’s lying there, and somebody’s waiting for him at home and worrying.
Valentina. Do you know why wives worry when their husbands are late? They fear that
something good may happen to them.
Katia. This isn’t about us. (Reaches out to Valentina with her glass.)
Valentina (Moves her glass aside). Without touching glasses.

They drink without touching glasses. Katia takes the bottle, intending to pour another
drink.

Valentina. No. This way we won’t get to his street clothes.

Katia. I am cold.
Valentina. The heater in the bedroom is on. Who is it warming? Daddy doesn’t care any
more.

Valentina goes to the bedroom, brings the heater, turns it on.

Valentina. He doesn’t look exactly handsome even with his clothes on, but with his
clothes off he’s a perfect horror.
Katia. Never mind… We’ll have it done in a jiffy… Can you do up a necktie?
Valentina. No, only a pioneer’s tie. He could have crammed his tie in his pocket.
Katia. Right. (Looks at the bedroom door, shivering.) I am going. Just a minute…
Valentina. Have you been in a mortuary?
Katia. What do you think? We treat the living and learn from the dead… Autopsy
showed that the patient died from autopsy. (Sings to the tune of the “Black Boomer”.)
Black humour, black humour, stop, signal lights…
Valentina. Wisecracking, are you? His shirt is on the night-stand.
Katia. Ma, please! I’ll die!
Valentina. How do you study?
Katia. Like everybody. For money.
Valentina. And what’ll you become?
Katia. A dermatologist. Skin patients don’t die.
Valentina. I wouldn’t say so. All right, consider this your practical lesson.

Katia takes the trousers and jacket, crams everything that was laid out on the table into
the pockets, and goes to the bedroom.

29
 Valentina comes up to the window, stands there for a while, then goes to the kitchen
and puts the kettle on. Looks under her feet, brings a vacuum cleaner from the ante-
room, plugs it in and presses a button. The light goes out. A scream is heard in the dark.

Valentina (Shouts). Katia, don’t be afraid.

A flicker of light appears. Valentina is seen walking towards the bedroom with a
burning match in her hand. She opens the door. Katia appears on the threshold.

Valentina. Frightened? It’s the fuse. (Finds a candle in the kitchen and lights it.) I am
going to change the safety fuse. (Gives the candle to Katia.) Come, you’ll hold the light
for me.

They go out to the ante-room. A few seconds later the light goes on. Katia and
Valentina return to the room.

Valentina. I wanted to vacuum up the salt. (Puts the kettle on again. Brings two cups, a
jar of coffee, and puts them on the table. Opens a box of chocolates.) Want a cuppa?
Katia. No time. We must get a move on.
Valentina. We’ll have to wait. He’s sitting there again.
Katia (Shyly). May I have some meat jelly?

Valentina looks at her in astonishment, brings the jelly from the fridge, a plate and a
fork. Katia helps herself.

Katia. Delicious. Haven’t eaten such meat jelly for ages. Haven’t you got mustard?
Valentina (Puts before her a small pot of mustard.) Enjoy. We don’t eat after six.
(Ironically.) We eat after midnight.
Katia. I’ve had it since childhood. After my parents’ divorce I couldn’t eat. I was thin as
a stick.
Valentina. The same disease Diana had?
Katia. No, she had bulimia. It’s when you eat all the time and then bring it up.
Valentina. And how were you cured of it?
Katia. The cure was even worse than the disease. My schoolmate was killed by a car. I
came to the funeral and saw her… Then there was a funeral meal… Everybody was
crying, and I ate and ate and couldn’t stop. And everybody was looking at me… Like
must have cured like. (A pause. She looks down at her plate.) Oh! You made it for an
event?
Valentina. It’s all right, help yourself.
Katia (Takes a patty from the dish the neighbour brought, bites into it.) Tastes good.
Valentina. It’s Natashka who made them. Our neighbours nicknamed her bake-house.
Katia. Why?
Valentina. Because she bakes all the time. The whole building smells like a bakery.
(Makes herself a cup of coffee, takes a chocolate from the box.) Poor Diana… And
Charles married Camilla after all.
Katia. Well… Every Charles has his Camilla.
30
Valentina (Pushing the chocolates to Katia). Have some.
Katia. No, I haven’t a sweet tooth. Olives or herring—that’s my thing. And I like
crayfish.
Valentina (Pensive). And crayfish like to be cooked alive.
Katia. Do they?
Valentina. They do. No doubt. I read about it in a book… Katia, what did you want to
get a loan for?
Katia. To buy a washing machine.
Valentina. With a drier?
Katia. I don’t remember. According to my credit history, I’ve already got seven. You
make an arrangement with the store, they give you a receipt, you give them five per cent
in cash. Everything is legal… They give—I take… at different banks, of course…
Everyone’s happy, everyone’s free…
Valentine. So far.
Katia. Go f…find yourself a husband.
Valentina. Kiddy, I already did. And stayed married longer than you have stayed in the
open.

Katia comes up to the window.

Katia. Never mind. I’ll enroll for college and repay it. (Catching herself, says quickly.)
How long is he going to sit there? …So why did you divorce your husband?
Valentina. We weren’t well matched.
Katia. Did you love him?
Valentina. The first years we ate each other with our lips. We were always late for
classes. He was strong… Intelligent… He specialized in Italian. He made translations,
and they were even published. He did 17th century poetry. What do you know about
Italian poets of the 17th century?
Katia. Only that all of them are dead.
Valentina. Right. Who wants them now? So… When everything fell apart, a shuttle-
tradeswoman suggested to him commercial trips to Italy to buy clothes. We bought a flat
and a car. Then his trips became longer. And then one awful day he called… Dante had
found his Beatrice. Forgive me, farewell, I am leaving you everything… I am marrying
an Italian girl, I’ll send you money every month. He did, for a year or two, then they
started having their own bambini, and we were no longer among his priorities. Before,
he used to call frequently, now he calls once in six months, from a public booth, and cars
are honking and I can’t hear half of what he is saying. Perhaps it’s just as well…
Katia. All men are bastards. You didn’t stay in France, did you?
Valentina. That’s not the point. (A pause.) They say that schoolmarms are left by their
husbands because of their tone. It’s didactic… (A pause.) Once I came into the room,
and he was sitting with his newspaper. He looked up and said: “What do you call a
feeling that is part hatred, part pity?” I asked: “How many letters?” “Seven.” I said:
“Jealousy.” “No, -- he said, -- it’s loyalty,”—and went out. Later, I often recalled it.
Hatred and pity, like water and oil, they don’t mix… And there wasn’t any crossword
puzzle in his newspaper.
Katia. Why are you recalling it?
31
Valentina. Because I feel both these things to what is now in the bedroom.
Katia. As for me, I feel nothing but disgust. (A pause.) Why didn’t you remarry?
Valentina. One can divorce one’s husband. It’s difficult to divorce oneself. Doctor, do
you know about phantom limb pain? When you have no hand any more, but your fingers
still hurt? Which is to say, I am not ready for a second marriage. I haven’t got over my
first one… And then, they say that every next husband is worse than the previous one.
Katia looks out of the window.

Katia. Look, the truck driver is walking to the porch.

Valentina (Comes up to Katia). In about ten minutes we can go out. But we must have
him fully dressed, with his jacket and shoes on. I’ll bring the car to the entrance and I
won’t kill the engine, or else I may be unable to start it again.

Katia takes the jacket.

Valentina. Put the cell phone into the pocket.

Valentina goes out to the ante-room.

Katia removes the cushion, takes the cell phone with a napkin and puts it into the
jacket pocket.
Valentina returns from the ante-room. She has a pair of man’s shoes in her hands.

Katia. Let’s do it.

Valentina hands her the shoes. Some folded banknotes fall out of a shoe.
A mute scene.

Valentina. Clever Burattino…

Katia. Did he hide it from us?
Valentina. It doesn’t matter now. (Picks up the money, counts it.) One thousand three
hundred.
Katia. Three hundred for each of us.
Valentina. And three hundred for Gleb.
Katia. And the rest?
Valentina. Let it stay on him.
Katia. Go on! Do you think robbers will leave the money behind?
Valentina. Katia! Let it look like real life. He paid us and left with the rest of his money.
And then he was robbed, or maybe vagabonds took his money or were scared away…
Katia. You are a true Robin Hood. You take from the rich and give to the poor…

Valentina gives three banknotes to Katia, puts several into a drawer and the rest into
the man’s jacket pocket.

Valentina. Well? You are no longer concerned about clophelin?

Katia. And you? You thought I killed him for this money. You made a search.

32
Valentina (Raising her voice). And you wanted to leave! Do you realize that all this
happened in my house?! Do you know what suspended sentence is?
Katia. Valia, don’t. It’s okay… I didn’t leave, did I? It’s over… I am sorry. I won’t do
it any more.
Valentina. There can’t be more… Okay… He who hasn’t sinned hasn’t been born.
Katia. That’s what my grandmother used to say. (Takes the jacket.) Let’s finish. (Goes to
the bedroom.)
Valentina. Let’s. (Takes the shoes and follows Katia to the bedroom. The telephone
rings. Valentina returns and takes the receiver.) Hullo! (In a loud voice.) Lena?
Lenochka! (A pause.) Why are you crying? What has happened? (A pause.) Calm
down… What did he say? What? “It’s not we who are going to have a baby, it’s you”? I
see. Don’t cry, darling. We’ll handle it. Everything will be as you wish. That’s a
woman’s fate—having fun together, crying alone. (A pause.) Take it easy. I’ll come for
the weekend. I’ll certainly come, if nothing happens. What can happen? Well, non-
flying weather. (Katia comes out of the bedroom.) Everything else is fine. (A pause.)
You know, your father called two hours ago. He asked about you. He sends you a kiss
and lots of love. He sent a money order. (A pause.) No, I didn’t tell him anything. We’ll
tell him the good news when it happens. (A pause.) No, you didn’t wake me. I am
watching TV. A thriller… What’s it called? Oh, I don’t remember. Something about
bedroom. I missed the beginning. But it’s very interesting. I’ll tell you when I come. (A
pause.) Well, are you feeling better? Would you like me to sing to you? Your favourite,
the one I used to sing instead of a lullaby? (Croons.) “Far away, in the buccaneers’ blue
sea a brigantine is raising all her sails…” Do you remember, you had a doll you called
Valentine? You played mothers and daughters with her, you tucked her in… You
imitated me, but you couldn’t pronounce “brigantine “, and you sang “Valentine is
raising all her sails.” (A pause.) Darling, there are two of us. We’ll cope… Of course, I’ll
help you. He will yet come and eat dirt, the fool. Where will he find anyone as beautiful
and smart as you? (A pause.) Well, that’s all. Is grandmother sleeping? Don’t tell her
anything. I’ll call tomorrow, after your classes. And don’t cry any more, all right?
(Hangs up.)
Katia. Lena?
Valentina (Nods). I must leave everything and go to her. Or else, take both her and my
grandmother here. We’ll look after the baby together.
Katia. What baby?
Valentina. Lena’s pregnant.
Katia. A bright girl!
Valentina. She is what she is, take it or leave it. (A pause.) Okay, shall we handle this,
and quit?
Katia. Quit what? And how shall we live?
Valentina. You are getting a loan, aren’t you? And then I’ll think of something.
Katia. I don’t know… I don’t fancy going home.
Valentina. Oh, I see… Out of love, with heavy battles?
Katia. He got at me. “I won’t leave my wife.” Then I found a blank of a maternity
centre, forged a certificate—sixteen weeks pregnancy… and sent it to his wife.
Valentina. Oh, you fool, you fool…
Katia. Thank you. It’s been a long time since anybody called me that.
33
Valentina. You are welcome, any time.
Katia. Can your Lena have made it up?
Valentina. I don’t know.
Katia. Has she a boyfriend?
Valentina. Such as he is… A young idiot like herself, still wet behind the ears… Okay,
it’s time to go. I am going to get dressed. (Goes to the bathroom.)

Katia turns on the music. Edith Piaf’s voice is heard. Katia listens. When the song is
over, she starts it all over again.

Katia. “Non, rien de rien,

Non, je ne regrette rien.
Ni le bien qu’on m’a fait ,ni le mal…
C’est paye, balaye…

Valentina returns already dressed.

Valentina. Let’s drink one for the road.

Katia. I won’t
Valentina. Then hold it. (Hands her the glass, touches it with her own, drinks.) We must
buy some mineral water later.
Katia. What for?
Valentina. Youngsters… When a dead man is carried out of the house the floors should
be washed with spring water. So that he may not come back. And the water is to be
thrown out as far from the house as possible. (A pause.) Katia, may I ask you a question?
What is the adder on your bum for?
Katia. It isn’t an adder. It’s a cobra.
Valentina. Sorry… You ought to paint a cup there, it’ll look like a pharmacy sign.
(Goes out to the ante-room, staggering and knocking her shoulder against the door-
post.)
Katia. Valia, have you any problem with your eye-sight?
Valentina (From the ante-room). I can still see the bottle, but not the glass.
Katia. How are you going to drive? We’ve drunk such a lot.
Valentina. A lot? But my head is clear. I don’t feel the liquor. (Returns to the room
putting her coat on.)
Katia (Sniffing). But you’ve got it on your breath.
Valentina. Do you think they are sober when they patrol at night in the cold? If the
worst comes to the worst, we’ll buy off. As you say, it’s a market. What can’t be sold
can be bought. Okay, let’s go and get the car.

Katia buttons up her coat. Valentina helps her with her collar. They go out. A few
seconds later Valentina returns.

Valentina (In a loud voice). I’ll be right back. I’ve forgotten the car keys.
Katia (From the corridor). Look at yourself in the mirror!

34
Valentina. All right. (Takes the empty clophelin vial from the cabinet, wipes it carefully
with her glove and puts it in her pocket. Turns off the light on her way out of the room.)

The front door is heard banging. All of a sudden, a cough is heard in the dark, followed
by a male voice.

Male voice (Playfully). Girls! Girls, hoo! Where are you? Girls?

End of Scene 2.

Scene 3.

The door is heard opening. The light goes up in the ante-room, then in the room.
Everything is in its place, only the hands of the clock show 2 a.m. Enter Valentina and
Katia, with plastic bottles of mineral water in their hands. They leave them in the
kitchen.

Valentina. Did I lock the door?

Katia. I suppose you did.
Valentina. But it isn’t locked, just shut.
Katia. You ought to drink less, though in this weather… Let’s have a warmer-upper…
to screw up courage.
Valentina. If we start getting warm here, the car will get cold. (A pause.) Well, shall we
carry him out, without music?

They go towards the bedroom, open the door, stand on the threshold for some time.
Valentina goes into the bedroom, comes out, looks at Katia.

Katia (At a loss). May he be in the bathroom? (Goes out, returns quickly.)
Valentina. You could just as well look in the cupboard, it’s his permanent place. (Takes
off her coat.)
Katia.Whose?
Valentina. The corpse’s.
Katia. Who took him away?
Valentina. You fucking dermatologist! You can’t tell a dead man from a live one.
Katia. He was cold when I dressed him.
Valentina. Everybody’s cold without a heater.
Katia. Do you think he went away?
Valentina. He ascended to heaven. Died on Saturday, resurrected on Sunday. It
happens, though rarely.
Katia. Lord, have mercy! (Goes down on her knees, prostrates herself.)
Valentina. Take off your coat.

Katia pays no heed and continues her prostrations.

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Valentina. You’ll bang your head. That’ll do… Katia, Katia, do you realize we are
saved? Lord! Has it really happened? He came to, and went!

Katia stops, turns to Valentina.

Katia. He came and went. He came and went. (Starts laughing hysterically.) He came
and went.
Valentina. Calm down.

Katia roars with laughter, her laughter grows into tears.

Valentina opens a bottle of mineral water, fills a glass and brings it to Katia. Katia
drinks and gradually grows quiet, just sobs softly. Valentina hugs her.

Valentina. That’s all right… That’s all right…

Katia. Valia! I thought I’d killed him!
Valentina. You didn’t cry then, you wisecracked about autopsy. Now you know he’s
alive and you’re bawling.
Katia. Valia, is it really over?
Valentina. Now she’s bawling… What was it you said about his pulse?

Katia is silent.

Valentina. And his pupil?

Katia. It seemed to me…
Valentina. It seemed! You ought to have put a looking-glass to his mouth. A
physician… with a capital F!
Katia (On the defensive, talking fast). Anything can happen when one’s drunk. A friend
of mine used to work in the trauma ward. Once a man with contusions was brought to
their ward, he’d fallen from the sixth floor…
Valentina (Interrupts). I wonder if he heard us dressing him and going to leave him on a
bench.

Katia, frightened, looks at Valentina.

Valentina. Okay… If he did, we’ll tell him that he dreamed it after a drink too many.
And we dressed him because we wanted to rag him.
Katia (Signs herself). Thank God it’s over!
Valentina. Listen, have you ever seen people make the sign of the cross?
Katia. What am I doing wrong?
Valentina. From right to left, not the other way round! Have you been baptized?
Katia. I don’t remember.
Valentina (Teasing). “I’ll go to church and pray!”
Katia. And you? Are you baptized?
Valentina. Yes.
Katia. Then why do you keep the icon in your cupboard, among the towels?
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Valentina. Did you search?
Katia. As you did with my handbag.
Valentina. The icon usually hangs in the bedroom. And a visitor of this kind comes for
the first time.
Katia. I thought it was valuable, that’s why you hid it. (A pause.) Valia, you didn’t kill
the engine.
Valentina. It’s good you remembered! I’ll be right back. (Goes out.)

Katia comes up to the cupboard, takes a package from under a pile of linen, unwraps
the towel, puts the icon on the shelf, signs herself before the icon, this time from right to
left. Then browses through the cassettes lying by the tape recorder, picks out one and
inserts it instead of Edith Piaf.
Enter Valentina.

Valentina. Katia, where’s the other bunch of keys? You took it when you went
downstairs to meet Stas.
Katia. I put it on the nightstand when I came back.
Valentina. Are you sure?
Katia. Absolutely!
Valentina. You couldn’t have left it in your coat pocket, could you?

Katia takes her coat, turns the pockets inside out.

Katia. Look in your own.

Valentina. I have. (Takes her coat off.) Then it’s daddy… I’ll have to have the locks
changed.
Katia. What does he want our keys for?
Valentina. Ask me another.

A pause.

Katia. I’d better go…

Valentina. Where? To the sauna?
Katia. No, I said I wouldn’t come.
Valentina. Then why did you look at your watch?
Katia. Out of habit. I rarely refuse. Anything that comes my way comes in useful…
Only, the price of apartments is rising faster than I earn for one.
Valentina. Where did you meet Gleb?
Katia. At a disco.
Valentina. Why did you get involved in this dirt?
Katia. Everyone has one’s own skeleton in the cupboard. (A pause.) Valia, whatever I
answer, I’ll tell a lie. Because I don’t know. (Takes her handbag.) Well, I’m going
home.
Valentina. At night? Stay.
Katia. Where? (Nods at the bedroom.) There? I’m afraid.
Valentina. Here. On the sofa.
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Katia. And you?
Valentina. We’ll unfold the sofa and lie on it together. If you don’t mind.
Katia. I can lie on the floor. It won’t be the first time.

Valentina opens the cupboard,takes out sheets and pillows throws them on the sofa.

Katia. Give me the plaid, will you? I won’t take off my clothes, it’s too cold.

Katia takes off her boots, takes the plaid, settles on the sofa.
Valentina comes up to the mirror, removes her make-up.

Katia. Valia!
Valentina. What else? Sleep. I am going to turn off the light.
Katia. I won’t be able to sleep anyway, not after this. May I look through the books?
Valentina. To make you sleep? You are welcome.

Katia gets up, comes up to the book-case, browses through the books, takes out one.

Katia. Lev Tolstoy. “Resurrection”. Right to the point… What’s it about?

Valentina. Didn’t you learn in school?
Katia. We did “War and Peace”, I suppose, but I don’t remember this one.
Valentina. A pity. It’s a useful story about a girl. Your namesake, by the way.
Katia. Will you lend me the book?
Valentina. Of course.
Katia. Valia, is it true that one is successful either in the first part of one’s life, or in the
second?
Valentina. Or in neither.
Katia. (Pursues). Judging by the first half, my second will be a success. As for you, I
heard it said in a movie that life only begins at forty.
Valentina (Sighing). It’s easier said than begun.
Katia. You said all the right things… Honest… You took the victim to a hospital. You
did a good deed… (She falls silent, thinking.) You ought to have left, and you’d live
without this dirt, with no debts, and you’d talk to your real daughter, instead of a waif…
And you still wanted to call an ambulance for this goof! A goody! Why should one do
good? There’s nothing but evil around!
Valentina. Then one should turn evil to good… if there’s nothing else.
Katia. And boil crayfish alive, particularly if they like it.
Valentina. Sometimes I think I am at the front. There’s filth and stink all around. But
some day the war will be over, I’ll pay all my debts… like Edith Piaf… and return to
normal life. People return from wars, don’t they? At least they think they will. (A pause.)
All right … Shall we sleep?
Katia. I can’t… (Shyly.) Valia, I am hungry again.
Valentina. Will you have meat jelly?
Katia. Leave it for breakfast. Let’s order pizza.
Valentina. At three a.m.?
Katia. Delivery round the clock!
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Valentina. I don’t want to open the door to anyone any more.
Katia. All right, we’ll do without pizza. Shall we make an omelette?
Valentina. I forgot to buy eggs.
Katia. What about potatoes?
Valentina. Who will peel them? You, with your manicure?
Katia. Oh. I broke a nail anyway. Let’s! (Gets up and goes to the kitchen.)

The home phone rings. Valentina looks at the clock.

Katia (Frightened). It’s Gleb!

Valentina. For you there’s no beast more terrible than Gleb, is there? He always calls on
the cell phone.
Katia. Don’t answer! It may be the unknown deserter.
Valentina. What if it’s Lena? (Picks up the receiver.) Hullo! Mother? Mum, what’s up?
Are you unwell? (A pause.) Oh, you frightened me. Is Lena at home? Sleeping? (A
pause.) Oh, mum, not at all! I am all right, everything is fine… Do you remember what
you taught me? Wash your face and repeat: “As the water flows, so a bad dream goes”…
(A pause.) Don’t worry. Tomorrow I’ll go and get the tickets, and call you. Kiss you,
good night, mummy! (Hangs up.) She had a bad dream… (To Katia.) So, will you peel
those potatoes?
Katia. I will.

Valentina puts a bag of potatoes before Katia.

Katia. Shall we fry them? Or mash them?

Valentina. Whatever you wish.
Katia. And you?
Valentina. I don’t feel like it. Though by the time you’ve finished it’ll be breakfast time.
Katia. Give me a hand, ma, please…
Valentina. What can I do with you...

Both begin to peel potatoes.

A cell phone melody is heard. Katia takes her phone out of her handbag.

Katia. Yes… Hullo… Gleb, of course you woke me. (Yawns loudly.) Gleb, I told you, I
am not going anywhere. (A pause.) How much per hour? Is the car near the house?
(Valentina snatches the phone from her.)
Valentina. Hullo! No, it’s not Katia. Why are you disturbing the girl? Who calls at this
time of night? (A pause.) Her mother! From Saratov. (A pause.) Yes, I’ve come. (A
pause.) Listen, you jerk, if you don’t want to be dropped, wipe out this phone number
and throw out the paper. (Turns off the cell phone.)
Katia. Are you crazy? What’ll become of me?
Valentina. The same as of me… an honest person.
Katia. But shall we profit by it? From honourable hookers we’ll turn into common
hawkers. Give me the cell phone, I’ll call him back.

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 Valentina. No, I won’t! You’d better think when you do something. Nowadays even
rubber dolls are supplied with brains.
Katia. And what do they do?
Valentina. They say no. (A pause.) Didn’t you say that our rating goes up when we
stand up to them? …Enough of that! Who vowed: “If we get away, I’ll live on bread, I’ll
sleep on a bench, I’ll scrub floors”… Leave the potatoes. We are going to scrub the
floor. So that this filth should never come back. With spring water. With washing-soda
and salt.
Katia. There’s enough salt in the corners to last us till morning.

Valentina brings a pail and some rags. Pours mineral water from the bottles into the
pail.

Valentina (Starting to scrub the floor). Tomorrow I’ll invite a priest, to cleanse of evil
spirit… You said you weren’t baptized? So we’ll have you baptized at the same time.
Katia. I’ve got me a godmother. Remains to find a godfather. Where do you keep your
mop?
Valentina. Don’t look for easy ways.
Katia. Okay, to keep you company… (Takes another rag and joins Valentina.) Why
not? I’ll give up work… get married. Maybe I’ll marry Stas, have a daughter and bring
her up.
Valentina. What if it’s a son?
Katia. It’d be wonderful, a daughter is next best.

The doorbell rings.

Katia (frightened). Who is this?

Valentina. Hush!

A few more rings, then someone is heard trying to open the door with a key.

Katia. Looks like my godfather has come.

Valentina. Hush! The door’s bolted. Turn off the light… We aren’t in, and won’t be.

The already familiar male voice is heard from behind the door.

Male Voice (Cheerfully). Girls! Hoo! I’ve bought champagne! Girls, where are you?
Girls…

Katia reaches for the electric switch, accidentally touching the tape recorder. The light
goes out and the song is heard in the dark.
Tired of talking, tired of fighting,
Tired of loving your tired eyes…
Far away, in the buccaneers’ blue sea
A brigantine is raising all her sails.
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In distress, in joy, in grief or sorrow
Just you squint, and take it on the chin.
Far away, in the buccaneers’ blue sea
The brigantine is raising all her sails…

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