Courtship is the period during which a couple develops a romantic relationship before getting into

marriage.1

Betrothal is formal engagement to be married; engagement.2

In Kenya, the Luos are the fourth largest ethnic group. They are known for
their quest for perfection, musical skills and instruments. Like many other
tribes, the Luos had traditions that kept them distinct from others. For
instance, the removal of the six front teeth from the lower jaw of both men and
women was unique. It was done to help administer medicine in case someone
contracted lockjaw disease and to test their courage and endurance.3
Among the rites of passage was marriage. Marriage was treated with the
utmost respect. It ensured the continuity of the family tree, and as such,
specific processes had to be followed.4

Among the rites of passage was marriage. Marriage was treated with the
utmost respect. It ensured the continuity of the family tree, and as such,
specific processes had to be followed.

When a man came of age, he was tasked to look for a wife; Young women
were seldom on the lookout for potential husbands.

Once they identified a potential wife, any of the below processes would be
used to ensure that the potential wife reaches her 'place of relevance.'

1
‘Oxford Languages and Google - English | Oxford Languages’
<https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/> accessed 5 June 2023

2
ibid
3
‘Luo - Introduction, Location, Language, Folklore, Religion, Major Holidays, Rites of Passage’
<https://www.everyculture.com/wc/Japan-to-Mali/Luo.html> accessed 5 June 2023

4
ibid
Abduction (Yuecho)

"Yuecho" involved the forceful activity of carrying away the lady to the
husband's house. It was an immaculate process. Once the man identified a
potential catch, he would carefully note her movements, especially the places
she frequently visited, for example, where she fetched firewood and water,
among others.5

On the planned date, the man, alongside other men, would kidnap the lady.
It's to be noted that the girl could make noise, but not even passers-by could
be concerned, as they knew the procedure.

Wrestling (Amen)

Closely related to forceful abduction was "amen" - wrestling before the girl is
taken. The man could wrestle the lady's brothers, and if he won, the lady had
to submit to him. The reverse was true. In some situations, the man had to
wrestle the lady. If he could not wrestle down the lady, he was considered a
weak man unable to care for her; and lost it all.6

"Ja-gam", simply a spy, was responsible for linking a lady to potential suitors.
Most often, "Ja-gam" was an aunt who would connect her niece to a man.7

Ja-gam had to consider so many factors before linking suitors. e.g. "juok"
(witchcraft). A man whose family believes in witches was linked to a lady
whose family believes in the same. It was thought that this enabled the couple
to relate well and live without disturbances.8

Traditional Luo Marriage Process - (Ayie and Nyombo)’ (Lughayangu)

5

<https://lughayangu.com/post/traditional-luo-marriage-process> accessed 5 June 2023

6
ibid
7
‘Marriage Customs of the Luo of Kenya on JSTOR’ <https://www.jstor.org/stable/3180571>
accessed 5 June 2023

8
ibid
After any of these processes were done, a lady was not yet considered
married.

Note:  As in the case of "yuecho", the lady was considered to have a husband
provided she slept under the same roof with the man for a whole night, and
arrangements for the following stages would begin. Such a lady, if by any
mistake returns to her home, would be called "ochot" (prostitute).9

Acceptance (Ayie)
After arriving in her new home, the lady did not become a wife immediately.
The man had to first formally visit her parents to take "Ayie". This was a
gesture to the in-laws that the man was satisfied with the lady. He would then
proceed to seek her hand in marriage.10

Ayie was specifically for the bride's mother. It took place at the bride's home,
and the sole purpose was to seek the bride's parents' consent for the intended
union.11

The elders did most of the talking.

Daughters were tasked with various chores that the mother had earlier solely
performed, and so when they left their homes, it was considered a huge loss
to the family, especially to the mother.

During this activity, the man's family would approach the lady's family for an
"ayie": so that the mother releases her daughter to him.

9
ibid
‘Traditional Luo Marriage Process - (Ayie and Nyombo)’
10

<https://lughayangu.com/post/traditional-luo-marriage-process> accessed 5 June 2023

11
ibid
The ceremony seals the marriage and allows the couple to live together. Any
attempt by the man to meet the lady's parents before "ayie" was frowned upon
and even fined as it was considered unofficial. 

Both sides had to make proper introductions at the beginning of the

conversations. If present, the nuclear family of the girl's mother had to be
introduced. This was significant as it showed the girl had a network of people
who watched her grow, cared about her and would come to her rescue in the
event of anything.12

Food preparation

The bride then prepared food for the groom and fed him in front of everyone to
show her acceptance and signal to the groom's family the food she would
cook in her home. The idea was to make the groom's mother, "maro",
confident about her son's healthy diet.13

On the day of the visit, the girl's mother prepared the suitor delicious meals
(chicken and beef), which were slaughtered on the same day.

A variety of meals were served on this special occasion. After the meal, the
man was required to give money to the mother, father, uncles, siblings and
elders of the girl's family,  and cooks. The money was given in envelopes
depending on the groom's financial muscles.14

Note: The law did not allow the groom to stay past midnight.

Dowry payment process (Nyombo)

12
ibid
13
‘Marriage in the Culture of the Luo Population’ (Exploring Africa, 26 February 2017)
<https://www.exploring-africa.com/en/kenya/luo-population/marriage-culture-luo-population>
accessed 5 June 2023

14
ibid
The suitors were allowed a maximum of 5 weeks to be back for dowry
negotiations after the Ayie. The groom would leave with his entourage, and
the bride would follow him after about 3-7 days.15

The final bit was "nyombo" or "keny" (dowry payment).16

Dowry was paid according to the capacity and ability of the suitor. During
negotiations, it was common to hear the phrases like '30 heads of cattle.'

The process was done in broad daylight and well-publicized to give pride to
the parents, in-laws and all other relatives.

The man, accompanied by his brothers, would go to the lady's home, taking
three to four cows with them.17

The negotiation

The entourage would slowly enter the lady's home, feigning indifference and
reluctance. The man was supposed to be inconspicuous as possible by
concealing himself among his companions.18

No ceremonies took place on the day of arrival. The guests were given food
and spent the night in the hut, "simba" - the house of the bride's unmarried
brother. 19

The following day, the man would go to the hut of the bride's mother for a
formal introduction.

15
‘THE STANDARD <https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/sso/?content> accessed 5 June 2023

16
ibid
17
ibid
‘THE UNORTHODOX NYOMBO (LUO WEDDING).’ <https://www.namlolwe-
18

anecdotes.com/post/unorthodox-nyombo-luo-wedding> accessed 5 June 2023

19
ibid
The meat was served, and the day was spent feasting and drinking. The rest
of the gathering was entertained by professional singers and dancers.

Finally, in the evening, the man and the bride's father sat down, and the
bargaining began.

During the bargaining, the bride's father tried to get as much payment as
possible from the man. If he was too greedy, the negotiation was broken off,
and the man paid compensation for the expenses incurred in entertaining his
party and the loss of the lady's virginity. 20

However, if the two agreed, it was final. No subtractions nor additions were
allowed.

The lady's father would demand to see the cattle before accepting them. If the
cattle were unsatisfactory, the father would refuse to okay the marriage.21

Dowry payment

In most cases, the bride price was paid in bits over a period suitable to the
man's father. This could take months or years. During this period, it was
customary for the girl to visit her future husband from time to time. She was
always accompanied by one or two girlfriends and was expected to stay for
several days. 22

She slept in the hut with her betrothed, and intercourse was allowed.
Sometimes, though rarely, the girl conceived. This was bad luck for the girl's

20
ibid
21
Ibid
‘The Luo Nation - Kit Luo Gi Timbegi… Nyombo...... | Facebook’
22

<https://web.facebook.com/167700096719662/posts/kit-luo-gi-timbegi-nyombo-nyombo-is-the-
payment-of-dowry-it-is-in-order-to-thank/567204380102563/?_rdc=1&_rdr> accessed 5 June
2023
parents but fortunate for the man, for the child needed to be born in the man's
home. 

He could consequently fast-track the marriage, which could now take place
before he had paid the whole dowry; this enabled him to spread his payments
over a longer period. The fact that the girl had the child meant no other man
would take her away.23

Marriage

The wedding took place in the man's home, "dala". The girl arrived
accompanied by her sisters or her brothers' wives, in case her sisters were
still young. An older woman also went with her, perhaps a married sister, who
acted as a chaperone. The older woman's special duty was to see that the girl
was treated correctly and the bride was polite to the man's parents. 24

Besides this exception, no older men or women were allowed in the girl's
party. Permitted in the feast were the man's sisters, brothers, half-brothers,
first cousins, his brothers' wives and male friends.The feast lasted only a day,
but if guests had come long distances, it lasted two or three days. The food
consisted of porridge and meat. The young people were not given beer, but
the man's mother usually brewed a small quantity for her husband and his
brothers. 25

After this process, the girl was considered fully married.

Dowry payment was significant as marriage.

23
ibid
‘Refworld | Kenya: Traditional Marriages among the Luo in Kenya Including Polygamy,
24

Consent of Parties Involved, and Treatment of Women in the Community’

<https://www.refworld.org/docid/3df4be520.html> accessed 5 June 2023

25
ibid
Marrying a relative was a great taboo, and when identified, it had to end. It is
during the dowry process that vetting for consanguinity happens