Marks: 30 Marks

Time: 1 Hour

Section A: Write a 500-word essay on one of the following topics: (5 marks)

a) Education should be free for everyone

b) Internet access must be limited for students

c) Are people becoming technological zombies?

Tips:
a) Start with a strong thesis statement

c) Transition between ideas should be clean and logical

d) Emphasis on relevant fact and data as evidential support

e) Include a simple and impactful conclusion

ANSWER:
ESSAY:-

A. EDUCATION SHOULD BE FREE FOR EVERYONE

Education plays an integral role in the success of a person. Although

some argue that tertiary education ought to be paid by the students only, I,
however, disagree with this view and believe that it should be free as it will
improve the economy of the country and students can concentrate on their
studies intensively. Enhancing the country's economy is the predominant
cause why, I believe, education needs to be free. To explain, despite having
bright minds, often destitute children are compelled to leave studies amid
owing to the exorbitant cost of tuition fees. Hence, it increases the
unemployment ratio.
Therefore, if the government makes it free for all students, it will reduce an
unemployment ratio. As a result, the economy of one’s nation will prosper.
For example :-
In Kerala since 2005, the State Government finances from their budget and
provides free education till tertiary to all girls of their state, increasing the
literacy rate.
Education plays vital role in our life and it will support country’s economy.
Nowadays many countries offering free higher education for promoting
Education for culture and also encourage their citizens to get professional
qualifications. I completely agree with above statement. To begin with, there
are many people who have potential to do something for their country but
they cannot afford their university fees. Therefore, they study simple
education or leave their studies. Thus country lost their talent who can do
something for their country but due to expensive higher education pupils left
their studies support their family.
For example :-
According to the survey of Cambridge University 40 percent students of
Pakistan are not getting university education because of high fees. Secondly
due to lack of professional education country’s economy suffer. The
government have higher people from other countries on huge salaries.
Hence, many countries offering free educations and encourage their citizens
to get quality of education and support and work for their countries.
Moreover, some countries are offering special trainings and universities
degrees to international students to collect international talent and also
give them job offers which give huge advantage to the authorities and
individuals as well in term of higher good talent and handsome salaries.
For instance, China offers free medical education to international pupils and
after completing education offer a good job as well although some are not in
favor of providing education free, I completely disagree with this thought as
providing higher studies free can prosper the economy of the country and it
enables the student to get good grades.
To conclude,
Education is important thing which is very helpful to boost economic growth
and individuals also get many benefits from education. A free educational
program are produce more talent who are improving their reputation in the
world .

Section B: Read the following prompt and the essay.

Here, the student has written an essay based on the given prompt. Provide feedback
for each criterion listed below. Cite specific examples from the student essay while
commenting on these criteria. (5 marks)

Prompt 1:

Primary and secondary education should focus on training students for

the highly specialized jobs of the future, rather than on providing them
with a broad range of non- specific skills and information.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion expressed
above. Support your position with reasons and examples from your own
experience, observations, or reading.

Essay:

The issue of whether primary and secondary education should focus on

specific skills or non specific skills is a controversial one. On the one hand,
offering a broad range of skills to students will give them a variety of skills.
On the other hand, providing students with specialized skills can help then
with specific jobs in the future. In my final analysis, I believe that education
should focus on providing a broad range of skills to students.

One reason for my belief is that if students do not learn a broad range of
skills, they will not know what they are good at. By forcing students to learn
specific skills for a specific job, they are
being restricted from learning all types of skills. For example, if a student is
not sure what he wants to do in the future, by forcing him to learn specific
skills, he is not allowed to figure out where he would like to go in his career
path. By offering him a broad range of skills, he will also be qualified for more
 For all these reasons, I therefore believe that providing students with a
broad range of non specific skills rather than specific skills for a job is
beneficial. It allows the students to learn what they are good at on
their own without restricting them in any way.

Organization: UNHELPFUL ORGANIZATIONAL AID _-

EXAMPLE:- THE BEGINNING OF THE ESSAY IS NOT HIGHLIHTED WITH A TOPIC.

PIECE HAS NO STYLE OR VOICE ,

MINIMAL CONTROL OF CONTENT ARRANGEMENT AND THERE IS NO PROPER

CONCLUSION.

Argumentation: CONTROVERSIAL ,ARGUMENT IS PRESENT BUT VAGUE AND

UNDEVELOPED IN THE ESSAY .

Use of Language: RELIABILITY LANGUAGE

Free Comments: THE ESSAY IS POORLY ORGANIZED AND IT IS DIFFICULT TO DISCERN THE
STRUCTURE AND THE STYLE IS UNDEFINABLE AND DIIFICULT TO UNDERSTAND .
_____

Section C: Use the appropriate rubric and score the following essays. Also, provide feedback
for each trait. (5 x 4 = 20 marks)

Note:

1. Cite specific instances from the essay that you are reviewing.

2. Highlight the positive as well as negative aspects of the essay.

3. Feedback on each criterion should be of 2-3 error-free sentences.
4. Comments should include actionable suggestions.

1.

History of Sickle Cell Disease

The fatal disease of sickle cell is a disease that directly affects the hemoglobin.

This disease was first documented in American in 1910 but has been known to been
around since the late 1600s (History 2013).

The discovery of this disease was also accompanied by the hypothesis that sickle cell
anemia and malaria are linked and what the relationship between the two exactly is.

As well as the complex relationship between sickle cell anemia and malaria.

sickle cell anemia had many discoveries that followed the study of the disease itself.

In this paper the importance of sickle cell anemia will be explained as well as the historical
landmarks that made the discovery of this disease such an eye opener to medicine.

In 1904 a young dental student by the name of Walter Clement

Noel was admitted to the Chicago Presbyterian Hospital for severe anemia. Noel

was of African descent from a wealthy family that lived in Grenada.

Ernest Edward Irons was the doctor that exam Noel and put into his notes that Noels
hemoglobin was, “Peculiar elongated and sickle-shaped.

Noel was reinstated in the hospital a couple of times before returning to Grenada and opening
a dentistry.

Unfortunately, Noel died just twelve years in 1916 of pneumonia (History 2013).

James B. Herrick, Irons supervising physician, wrote a paper in the Archives of Internal
Medicine that was published in 1910 about the first known case of sickle cell disease.

This was the first case in the United States that had been reported but strange blood
smears of pear shaped hemoglobin was found in African literature in the 1870s.

Because of the extremely high infant mortality rate researchers never really payed high
attention to these strange blood smears until the discovery of Herrick and Irons (Winter).

So what exactly is sickle cell anemia, it is a mutation in the hemoglobin gene that causes
atypical hemoglobin molecules that have been named hemoglobin S.

These hemoglobin S molecules can reshape the red blood cell to look like a C shape or a
crescent shape.

Because of the S or crescent you can imagine that in places that wind a lot like your intestines
or brain the hemoglobin S molecules may catch onto each other and cause extreme pain from
causing stagnation or blocking the flow of blood or Qi in TCM terms.

Other signs of sickle cell is low blood cell count which in turn makes sickle cell turn into
sickle cell anemia.

Repeated infections is also a symptom of this disease and these signs and symptoms
generally start in childhood (Genetics 2018).

Sickle cell anemia is such a devastating disease because it can eventually lead to organ
failure from oxygen deprivation to that organ.
When the hemoglobin is in a crescent shape it cannot carry oxygen like how it is designed
to do.

Another problem is the crescent shape of the hemoglobin is not flexible and, as stated above,
can get caught on each other causing blockage in small blood vessels which also disrupts the
blood flow to organs.

When Irons and Herrick discovered this in 1910 many mysterious and unexplained deaths
started to make sense to more and more scientist and doctors and of course further research
was accomplished.

In 1927 two men named Hahn and Gillespie discovered that the sickle shape of the
hemoglobin meant that there was a depletion of oxygen in the cell that was making it into
this crescent shape.

At first the two men were very excited because it was one more thing they knew about the
disease but then were later disappointed when patients would come with the character trait
of the sickle shaped hemoglobin but did not have the disease.
This condition was named the, “sickle trait.
” This “sickle trait
” was further researched and in the late 1940s and early 1950s explanations started to
arise.

Reasons why some patients only had the “sickle trait

” verses the actual disease was explained as patients with the sickle trait were heterozygous,
carry two different allele, where as patients with the actual disease were homozygous, carried
two of the same sickle cell gene.

This study was shown in 1949 when two papers interdependently came out one written by
Col. E. A. Beet and the there by Dr. James V. Neel (Winters).

The papers explain that the sickle cell disease is hereditary and that is how it is passed on
generation after generation.

As well as these two journals that were published in 1949, Linus Pauling and his colleague
Dr. Harvey Itano started to test theories and demonstrate how sickle cell is actually a result
of a genetic abnormality that takes place in the red blood cell itself.

Two years later in 1951 they were able to prove this theory that hemoglobin had a different
structure in patients with sickle cell disease rather than patients without sickle cell disease.

Dr. Pauling termed this, “molecular disease” for certain disease that actually interrupt the
chemical compound of their specific structure (History 2013).

This led to thousands of diseases of molecular based genetic disease such as cystic
fibrosis, hemochromatosis, and marfan syndrome just to name a few.

In the early 1970s a doctor by the name of Charles F. Whitten realized that people with
sickle cell disease had limited resources as far as medical and educational and made it a
point to satisfy these peoples needs.

Because of Dr. Whitten the Sickle Cell Disease Association of America (SCDAA) was
created.

He started this organization by simply taking an interest and having empathy towards
patients that he saw and understanding that to overcome a disease you have to understand
it and be smarter than the disease (History 2013).

Because of the renowned research made by these scientist other facts about hemoglobin
and molecular diseases were discovered.

Because sickle cell anemia is a disease in where the red blood cell is disformed scientist
discovered that there can be such molecular diseases that can lead to
haemoblobinopathies (Luzzatto 2012).

Hemoglobinopathy can better be defined as all genetic diseases of specifically hemoglobin.

It was unknown before this discovery that diseases could take such a role on hemoglobin
and actually inhibit its function.

Different types of anemia were discovered because of this such as aplastic anemia,
autoimmune hemolytic anemia and iron deficiency anemia.

Once sickle cell started to get more and more research behind it scientist started to study
the structural components of hemoglobin.

It was then understood why the three-dimensional shape had different character traits when
the hemoglobin was oxygenated or not.

One of the main jobs of hemoglobin is to bind to oxygen and transport it to the desired
tissue.

Whether that be organ tissue, muscle tissue, etc.

every tissue needs oxygen in order to survive.
As stated above, tissues that receive lack of oxygen are in trouble of shut down which, as
well know as medical professionals, once one organ starts to shut down they all start to
shut down as well.

This is one of the ways that makes sickle cell disease so dangerous because of the lack of
oxygen flow to the body (Luzzatto 2012).

One of the most major discoveries about sickle cell anemia was the genetic compound that
accompanies the disease.

The make up of the sickle cell disease as discussed earlier is a homogenous disease whereas
carriers have a heterozygous trait.

The discovery of this allowed researchers to start to wonder if other unexplained illnesses
could be from genetic compounds as well.

It was clear after continuous research and laboratory experiments that parents can have a
direct affect on what their child will carry verses
what their child with actually contract (Winters).

There are some non-life threatening disorders such as poor vision but there are also fatal
genetic disorders such as cystic fibrosis and breast cancer.

As well as lack of oxygen to tissues, infections, and reduced number of red blood cells,
research also shows that sickle cell disease can be especially detrimental if combined
with infectious diseases, specifically malaria and salmonella.

J B S Haldane had a theory that people who are composed of different genetic make ups
would be at different risk of mortality when confronted with an infection disease or
parasitic organism.

He then theorized that this could especially be the case in malaria since it was see in
many cases with people who had the sickle cell genetic make up.
The first person to test this theory was A C Allison who showed through his research that
the S gene was in high concentration of people who had contracted malaria, and even more
surprising that patients that only had were carries of the gene seemed to have more of a
protective gene against malaria.

Further research depicted carriers of the S gene do get malaria but they tend to have lower
numbers of parasitized red blood cells (Luzzatto 2012).

Generally, malaria episodes can be taken care of but since malaria is an infectious disease
of the blood the combination of sickle cell anemia and malaria can be extremely dangerous.

Because of the reasons is because that the disease of malaria will make the anemia of
sickle cell anemia worse (Protective 2018).

This can make the anemia so bad that it is possible to be life threatening if not taken care
of.

Another way that malaria can directly affect the patient is making the patient extremely
susceptible to pain to the point in which it is unbearable (Luzzatto 2012).

Sickle cell is a genetic disease where the hemoglobin molecule is crescent shaped, brittle,
and inflexible.

The disease dates all the way back to the late 1600s but there was not any papers
published about this disease till the year of 1910.

The discovery and research of sickle cell disease led to the further discovery of genetic
diseases.

Specifically, scientist figured out through studying this genetic disease that there can be
carriers of genetic diseases verses actually contracting the disease.

Many infections such as salmonella and malaria have also been studied with this disease.

Sickle Cell disease is an extremely dangerous disease that can have a detrimental affect on
 a persons life.

The average person with sickle cell anemia lives till they are 42-47.

Although life expectancy as well as vitality of life has increased, a great thanks to Dr. Whitten,
there is so much more that needs to be understood about not only this genetic disease but all
genetic diseases so as practitioners of medicine we can do our best to prevent and help
patients overcome them.

Topic: 2/5

Development: 2/5
Audience: 3/5
Organization:1/5
Cohesion:3/5
 Word Choice: 3/5

Grammar and spelling:

1/5

Development:
INEFFECTIVE TOPIC DEVELOPMENT AND INEFFECTIVE CONCLUSION.
THE MAIN IDEA IS SOMEWHAT CLEAR BUT THERE IS A NEED FOR MORE SUPPORTING

INFORMATION AND LACK OF CONTINUITY/COHESION.

Audience:
ADEQUATE AUDIENCE AWARENESS AS THE ESSAY IS PROVIDING LITTLE OR MIXED

FEELINGS .ABOUT THE TOPIC. ALTHOUGH IT RAISES AUDIENCE AWARENESS AND KNOWLEDGE
TO SOME POINT THROUGHOUT THE ESSAY
.

Organization:
UNHELPFUL ORGANIZATIONAL AID.
ESSAY IS POORLY ORGANIZED, LITTLE INFORMATION IS PROVIDED BUT WITH AN
UNORGABIZED STRUCTURE WHICH MAKES DIFFICULT TO DISCERN THE STRUCTURE .

Cohesion:
THOUGH IT IS NOT WELL ORGANIZED BUT WE CAN FIND THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE

TOPIC OF THE ESSAY AND THE DETAILS.

Word choice:
GOOD USE OF WORDS FOR THE PURPOSE AND AUDIENCE.
Mechanics and Grammar:
TOO MANY GRAMATICAL ERRORS AND SPELLING MISTAKES WHICH MAY DISTRACT THE

READER AND MAKES THE ESSAY INDISCERNABLE.

2.

Each person on this earth has a personality fostered by their environment, genes,
and shape who they are as a human being. Personalities make people have distinct
differences in the way people think, behave, and identify their thoughts, feelings, and
behaviors. Many factors contribute to one’s personality such as surroundings,
biological genes, and environment. Not every person in the world enjoys being
surrounded by people; consequently, they prefer to spend time in solitude. On the
other hand, not every person likes being alone or by themselves; moreover, they
thrive off of socialization. Although, Introverts and Extroverts are two conflicting
personalities, they have similar behaviors; socially, emotionally, and working habits.
Socializing is “to associate or mingle socially with others.”
(Dictionary.com, 2017) In social settings, “Introversion and Extroversion are often
used in lieu of social aptitude.” (NERIS, 2018) Introverted, refers to a person who
remains isolated

or enjoys the company of few close ones that they are the best comfortable
around. Most introverts are shy and are seen as “loners”, but a majority really do
have a social fear and anxiety. Furthermore, introverts prefer personal space and
enjoy solitary activities like; reading, writing, listening to music, drawing and
studying alone. Extroverted refers to “an outgoing and outspoken person who
enjoys being around and talking to people.” (NERIS,2018) Typically, they are
confident in their social

abilities, and thrive off of social energy; therefore, they adore human interaction and
are a people’s person. Individuals who are extroverted treasure parties, social
gatherings, and appreciate being the center of attention. Many people think of
Introverts and Extroverts as polar opposites with nothing in common; nevertheless,
that may not be the actual case. “According to the Atlantic, researchers studied 48
Finnish University Students that reported their behavior and feelings five times a day

for 12 days via a phone survey.” (Beck, 2016) Consequently; a research was done
on the personality of the college students, which were introverts or extroverts. As a
result, the study found out that “whether they were introverts or extroverts,
participants constantly felt the need to recharge after socializing.” (Gragert, 2016)
In other words, when a person (extrovert or introvert) took part in social interaction
online or in the real world they felt emotionally health for a while but began to feel

tired and dejected hours later. According to a researcher of Psychology named

Castro, he found out that “Introverts and Extroverts not only have differences in
opinions, but their brains also operate in different ways.” (Castro, 2013) Introverts
have inward energy towards their thoughts, ideas, and goals. Their brain works in a
peaceful state gaining inspiration on finding ways to improve themselves. “The
brains of Introverts process faster than the brains of extroverts because
introversion trains
the human brain to think constantly.” (Castro, 2013) Extroversion is when the
human brain needs constant stimulation and radiates energy in the form of intense
emotions and feelings. They need a driving force to motivate them and their
constant changes.”(Theravive, 2018) “An extrovert think in multiple directions at the
same time because the brain immediately expresses the processed result in the
form of an opinion.” (Theravive, 2018) Both of these opposite personalities have
brain sensitivity to

rewards, but “introverts are more sensitive to internal reward cues, and extroverts
to external reward cues.” (Diffen, n.d) Both personalities brains respond better to
rewards, but to divergent worlds. The learning styles or habits of Introverts and
Extroverts vary; moreover, these learners interact incompatibly and intake
information uniquely. Introverted learners are generally shy, and prefer to learn in
solitude usually avoiding group activities for partnerships. Most introverts are
analytical,

and seek theoretical exploration and analyze every single small detail (rather than
the big picture) before moving forward. They have the following characteristics:
“Finds spending time in large groups tiresome, prefer solitary activities, has a small
group of friends, slow and reflective of themselves.” (OLLU,n.d) Extroverted learners
enjoy working in teams, groups or partnerships and thrive off in socializing to learn
new information. Many extroverts think holistically, meaning they approach

a subject by trying to understand the gist or general meaning. (Dewey,Ph.D.)

These learners have the following characteristics: “people’s person, comfortable
working in groups or teams, have a large range of friends, impulsive, hates being
lonely for too long.” (OLLU, a.n.d) Introverts and Extroverts can learn by using the
same learning styles interchangeably, using the think-pair-share strategy, catering to
both. The think-pair-share strategy means that after a teacher asks a question, “the
introvert

and extrovert learner will turn to each other, sharing their answers together
instead of speaking in front of the class.” (OLLU,nd.) Personalities, (like the
introvert and extrovert) are reflected in traits, behavior, processing information,
decision-making, picking friends and viewing the world internally and externally.
Despite the fact that, Introverts and Extroverts are different personalities they are
similar in their social style, emotional approach, and learning technique. Both
personalities

work interchangeably with one another even though they are so unique compared
to one another. These personalities feel as though social interaction is tiresome
and feel dejected for a while. Next, the brain sensitivity for the Introverts and
Extroverts thrive off on rewards, but in contrasting worlds (internally and externally).
Last, Introverts, and Extroverts can learn at the same time even though they are
divergent, but by using the think-pair-share strategy their needs will be met. Even
though

these personalities are polar opposites, they are still the same from within but
function unorthodoxy in other fine aspects.
 Topic:1/5
Development: 1/5
Audience: 4/5
Organization: 4/5
Cohesion: 1/5

Word Choice: 3/5

Grammar and spelling:3/5

Development:

INADEQUATE TOPIC DEVELOPMENT AND MISSING CONCLUSION:-

THE EVEIDENCE OF TOPIC DEVELOPMENT IS MISSING ,THERE IS NO CLEAR INTRODUCTION OF
THE MAIN TOPIC AND CONCLUSION IS MISSING AT THE END.
 Audience:
FROM THE ABOVE ESSAY , THE AUDIENCE AWARENESS IS NOT AS MUCH RELEVANT, AS ITS

JUST A BEHAVOURIAL TOPIC DEPENDING ON EACH PERSONS NATURE.

THUS, THE AUDIENCE IS INCONSISTENT.

Organization:

ADEQUATE USE OF ORGANIZATIONAL AID AS IT SHOWS SOME ENTHUSIASTIC FEELING ABOUT THE
TOPIC.

Cohesion:
THE ABOVE ESSAY INCLUDES INEFFECTIVE TRANSITION, INEFFECTIVE CONNECTION BETWEEN

THE TOPIC AND DETAILS . AS THE FIRST PARAGRAPH IS BEGINNING WITHOUT HIGHLIGHTING
THE TOPIC AND IS ENDED WITHOUT A PROPER CONCLUSION.

Word choice:
ADEQUATE USE OF WORDS , SIMPLE GRAMMAR IS USED.

Mechanics and Grammar:

ADEQUATE GRAMMAR AND SPELLINGS ARE USED.

3.

Critically discuss the ways in which the personality of a leader might affect employee
turnover.
The idiographic approach suggests that leaders can adjust their personality and it grows
with experience and learn new ways. This suggests that leaders can be willing to change
and adaptive to new situations. For example, if a subordinate is incompatible with the
personality traits of their leader, the leader could adapt to this and adjust their personality.
Thus, it would improve employee retention and reduce employee turnover, if said employee
was unhappy at their job.
The nomothetic approach can be quantified which is useful to organisations when selecting
a leader, this is because it means the organisation can make predictions on a potential
leaders future behaviour. Meaning that during the recruitment process for an organisation
they could use The Big-5 Model (1990, J.M. Digman), which measures personality with:
openness to experience, agreeableness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness
and neuroticism. This means that an organisation could predict
what the leader’s behaviour will be like in the future, assuming that the personality will not
change as it is innate. This will help to reduce employee turnover when replacing a leader,
as they will make a more informed decision. Furthermore, it will also save money in the
recruitment process.
Over the last 20 years 30% of fortune 500 chief executives lasted less than three years and
chief executives are lasting 7.6 years, down from 9.5 in 1995 (Ray Williams 2013). Williams
then goes on to state that the reasons for this are nothing to do with experience,
competence or knowledge; devaluating the idiographic approach and suggesting that the
nomothetic approach is more valid and should be what is considered for organisations
when choosing a new leader to ensure they are compatible with their
subordinates to keep employee turnover low. Furthermore, the nomothetic approach
suggests that personality is fixed and so when the personality of a leader is being the direct
cause to high employee turnover the only way to fix it is by finding a new leader. When
looking at the behavioural approach to leadership, Likert claims that the most productive
approach to management is by being participative and democratic, this suggests that
employee turnover is likely to be low when a leader joins in with the team and makes
subordinates feel valued. This helps to boost the emotions at work and keep morale high
which results in high job satisfaction across the board, in turn leading to low employee
turnover.
Another approach to leadership is to look at transactional leadership versus
transformational leadership. Transactional leadership refers to leaders setting goals for
subordinates and they are then rewarded by completing those goals, which would give
them a form of extrinsic motivation. However transformational leadership involves
stimulating subordinates and offering forms of rewards which give intrinsic motivation to
subordinates. A study by Bycio et al found that higher degrees of transformational
leadership are associated with lower intentions to leave in the nursing profession, this
suggests that subordinates respond better to a transformational approach to leadership
due to the fact that this approach will try to inspire, intellectually stimulates, and is
individually considerate to followers (Bass 1999), meaning that this approach lead to lower
employee turnover. However transactional leadership can also lead to motivation but in an
extrinsic way, the effect which this has on employee
turnover very much depends upon the employee and what the role is. It is mainly
appropriate in jobs where there are relatively straightforward tasks, not where a wide range
of creativity and freedom is required of the subordinate. The benefit of transactional
leadership is that said leaders will not have to take unnecessary risks or unpopular
decisions (Bass 1990), this is a common issue facing transformational leaders. It will also
focus on extrinsic forms of motivation which such as piece rate
pay. According to Taylor’s scientific management theory (2004), subordinates are best
motivated by money, and seeing as transactional leadership often rewards subordinates
with financial incentives, it can be argued that this is the best approach to leadership to
reduce employee turnover. Furthermore, this approach is most likely to be taken by a
leader who is seen as autocratic. However, when working in teams or when it can be
difficult to solely motivate subordinates by money and leaders need
to inspire intrinsic motivation into their subordinates, transformational leadership would
be the best approach to keep employees from leaving, and is most likely to be taken by a
democratic leader, as it would mean that less workers would be experiencing job
dissatisfaction. Autocratic leadership, otherwise known as transactional, has also been
proven to negatively impact group stability and effectiveness (David De Cremer), as well
as group climate and feelings of being content and happy (Bass
1990). This suggests that employee turnover could be high due to the fact that negative
environments tend to be very stressful.
The personality of a leader can have a great effect on the motivation of workers, this is
because certain types of personality of leaders suit different types of motivational techniques,
which in turn will impact employee turnover. Motivation theory is broken down into two types
of theories, content theories and process theories. Content theory tells us what motivates
people, whereas, process theories look at how people are motivated.
An example of content theory is the Maslow Theory of Motivation, which states that
workers are motivated by factors other than money and will respond better to leadership if
the workplace has helped the subordinate to “fulfil physiological, safety, social, esteem and
self-actualization needs” (Maslow 1943). Each need must be satisfied before the following
need can be achieved. Employees are more likely to leave their job is job satisfaction is low.
A study by B2B marketplace explained that, when
asked why a set of employees didn’t like their managers, 41% said they lacked
recognition, and 40% said that they felt over worked (Forbes 2015). Using Maslow’s
Hierarchy of Needs Theory, these employees may not be being given the recognition
deserved by their leader, which would come by a higher salary which is an example of a
physiological need, whilst they are possibly doing a more senior task than their job role.
According to Maslow’s theory this means the employee will be unable to be motivated by
more senior work if the salary is not deemed appropriate. This can reduce job
satisfaction and create anger at the workplace, since one of the main ways anger fits in at
work is through subordinates being angered by unjust treatment, leading to high employee
turnover. Leaders should try to fulfil Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to keep employee turnover
down, so subordinates feel fully motivated at work and keep employees.
Herzberg’s two factor theory is a content theory of motivation, unlike Maslow’s theory the
theory separates the factors which produce job satisfaction and motivation, to factors that
lead to dissatisfaction - hygiene factors (Udechukwu, II 2009). Factors which lead to
motivation are recognition, responsibilities and opportunity for personal growth; whereas
factors which if not met will lead to dissatisfaction are: salary, job status, working relations
and conditions. A common issue for leaders is
whether to try and motivate subordinates by what would be called hygiene factors – also
known as intrinsic motivation, or other means such as extrinsic motivation. When hygiene
factors are not being met and job dissatisfaction occurs this will lead to a negative work
environment because it will cause subordinates to have emotions at work such as fear,
anger and sadness. This can increase employee turnover due to the fact that if basic things
such as solid working relations and job status are not
up to scratch, employees will be left feeling sad and angry which is a key reason for
employees to leave their job. This is especially relevant in jobs where the role is ‘face of the
service firm’ where employees must show positive emotions in order to influence customer
outcomes such as satisfaction and loyalty (Gianfranco Walsh 2013), such surface acting
emotions will mean that employees will suffer as Walsh tells us that it will involve
supressing emotions, in turn leading to negative job performance.
If job performance is worsening, and employees are feeling demotivated it is likely that
they will be not satisfied with current work and leave their job.
Overall, the ways in which a leader’s personality may impact employee turnover, are variable
upon two reasons; if the leaders personality gels with employees, and is using the right form
of motivation techniques or the nature of the job in question. This is because employees are
all motivated in different ways and leaders should focus on trying to motivate employees to
the best of their ability. However, when looking at the nomothetic approach to personality it
is impossible for leaders to change
their personalities to fit a workplace, and organisations, where employee turnover is high
 should seek a new leader rather than spending money on training courses. On the other
hand, a way in which a leader’s personality may not impact employee turnover, is if the
employee does not have the will or motivation to intrinsically motivate themselves, and has
low job satisfaction anyway, in this sense it can be unfair to blame the said leader. To
conclude the personality of a leader is likely to have
a major impact on employee turnover as leaders are largely responsible for subordinates’
motivation, which has direct influence on employee turnover.

Thesis:4/5
Development: 5/5
Audience: 4/5
Cohesion:4/5

Grammar and spelling:5/5

Thesis:
PRECISE CLAIM.
THE INTRODUCTION CLEARLY STATES THE MAIN TOPIC AND POSITION AND PREVIEWS THE
STRUCTURE OF THE THESIS .

Development:

CONVINCING EVIDENCE AND EFFECTIVELY ADDRESSING THE AUDIENCE

THROUGHOUT THE THESIS.
STRONG CONCLUSION

Audience:

THE AUDIENCE IS THEIR EMPLOYES THUS STRONG /GOOD AUDIENCE .

Cohesion:
STRONG COHESION BETWEEN THE TOPIC AND THE DETAILS PROVIDED
EXAMPLE :- If job performance is worsening, and employees are feeling demotivated it is likely
that they will be not satisfied with current work and leave their job.
Overall, the ways in which a leader’s personality may impact employee turnover, are variable
upon two reasons; if the leaders personality gels with employees, and is using the right form of
motivation techniques or the nature of the job in question. This is because employees are all
motivated in different ways and leaders should focus on trying to motivate employees to the
best of their ability.

Grammar and Spelling:

EXCELLENT , VIRTUALLY NO SPELLING ,PUNCTUATION OR GRAMATICAL ERRORS .

4.

Prompt: In 250-500 words please indicate your expected career track (examples include, but
are not limited to, consulting, banking, asset management, research and modeling, risk
management, etc.) and describe how the Master of Science in Financial Economics will help
you attain your career goals. Please be specific.
 I am very passionate about working in finance, and I completed internships at CITIC
Securities Co. and Baoli (Hengqin) Capital Management Co. During my internships, I
became familiar with the investment procedure by assisting my manager though each step.
I learned more about real cases by organizing information such as recent transactions,
significant law records, and shares structures. Over months of practice and reading from
others' investment proposals, I was able to make reports for my manager about
corporations in which he wanted to invest. Also, I self-studied and passed the official fund
qualification exam for private equity.
Right now, I wish to concentrate on improving my financial knowledge and skill. Also, I wish
to go back to CITIC, which is the largest full-service investment bank in China and where I
did my summer internship as soon as possible. Therefore, a master's program is the best fit
for my future career. Because I will be qualified to work in such a well-known investment
bank but also have a high-quality time to learn more from the program and extend my
experience and network during these months.
During my first internships, I assisted my manager with a small express cabinet project. In
this project, I evaluated the potential benefits of updating the delivery system by setting a
new gadget-small express cabinet. Also, I used the conclusion of some investing proposals
online for the demographic analysis of the first trial. The project won its positive feedbacks
from neighborhood, and financial data indicated that the project was worth of expansion.
However, I did wish to conduct my demographic research for a more precise filter. In this
program, I will learn how to sort data with more advanced and efficient skills. Also, I will
learn how to analyze those statistical conclusions and use those conclusions to back up my
investment proposals.
In addition to learning from textbooks and case studies, networks offered me chances to
learn about the market from others' first-hand experiences. I was very honored to have the
opportunity to learn about their career journeys through our conversations. From my
master's program at Columbia University, I would be able to study from professors who are
the elites of the market and stay around with highly-trained, self-driven classmates. I am
eager to learn from them about their opinions on their countries' market policies. Also, I will
apply for summer internships with more competitive recourses like the location of New
York, the network of Columbia university with those big corporations in Finance like
Goldman Sachs. Moreover, I want to contribute to the program by sharing my previous
academic learning and internship experience and be a part of this amazing alumni family.

Thesis:2/5
Development: 2/5
 Audience:1/5
Cohesion:1 /5

Grammar and spelling:4 /5

Thesis:
MISSING CLAIM
THE TOPIC IS NOT HIGHLIGHTED

Development:

INEFFECTIVE EVIDENCE,INEEFECTIVELY ADDRESSES COUNTERCLAIMS AND

INEFFECIVE CONCLUSION.
Audience:

THE AUDIENCE IS MISSING AS THE FOCUS IS JUST ON THE WRITER.

Cohesion:
AS THE TOPIC IS MISSING , THERE IS AN INEFFECTIVE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TOPIC AND

THE DETAILS PROVIDED .

Grammar and Spelling:

GOOD GRAMMER ,SPELLING AND WORD CHOICE , .