SKILLS TO

SUCCESSFUL
PARENTING:
A step by step guide on how to
become a better parent.

Clark S. Davis

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication
may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in
any form or by any means, including
photocopying, recording, or other electronic or
mechanical methods, without the prior written
permission of the publisher, except in the case of
brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and
certain other noncommercial uses permitted by
copyright law.

Copyright © Clark S. Davis, 2022.

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Table of contents:
CHAPTER 1
BECOMING A PARENT
Things that will change when you become a parent
Skills that will help you to be a better parent

CHAPTER 2
HOW TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY WITH
CHILDREN
How to talk to kids when they need help
Steps to take in helping kids resolve conflict

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INTRODUCTION:
Raising kids is never easy. In fact, it's typically
one of the most challenging—and
frustrating—things you will ever accomplish,
particularly when you are learning parenting
skills as you go. No one goes into parenthood
knowing precisely how to handle all that is
thrown at them. But the finest parents are
continually searching for ways to improve.

If you want to learn more about parenting,

you've already taken the first step toward being
the greatest parent you can be. Clearly, you care
about how you connect with and raise your kids;
that's certainly the most crucial element of being
a successful parent.

Parents who struggle with their parenting

obligations or feel too busy to strive to better
may be adversely harming their kids.
Neuroscience study suggests that when kids are
exposed to unfavorable events throughout their
youth, it may be damaging to their growing
brains.

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But being a good parent helps counteract those
bad experiences—and developing your positive
parenting abilities is a terrific place to start.
This book will help you work on continually
improving your parenting abilities.

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 CHAPTER 1
BECOMING A PARENT

You may not have pondered how being a parent

would alter your relationship with your spouse.
Children alter their parents’ relationship.
Couples frequently forget this in the hectic
period preparing for their child’s birth, and in the
thrill of becoming parents.

The birth of your first kid will create big changes

to your life. You may prepare for this
transformation in numerous ways, such as:

● Learning ahead about delivery and about

being the parent of a young infant
● Making practical plans for when your
baby gets home
● Making choices regarding your
employment arrangements and income
when your kid is born

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Couples encounter two significant problems at
this time:
● Coping with the challenges of pregnancy,
delivery and the early months of parenting
● Expanding their relationship to make
place for their baby

Pregnancy
During pregnancy, both spouses must adapt to
the woman’s bodily changes. Each person’s
experience of pregnancy is altered by:
● The woman’s physical health
● How the lady thinks about herself as her
pregnancy grows
● How her partner responds to her
pregnancy
● How both couples deal with the changes
in their emotional and sexual connection
The impact of pregnancy on a couple’s
relationship might vary greatly. It may pull
couples closer and also show differences.

Men also have emotional demands during

pregnancy. These may include a desire to be able

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to voice their worries and to be comforted.
Pregnancy typically places new emotional
expectations on males — requests to exhibit
tolerance and kindness, to wipe up tears and to
provide gentle encouragement. This may be
challenging for some males.

Sexuality is frequently impacted by pregnancy.

For some couples pregnancy is a period of
heightened sensuality, a time when love-making
takes on a new intensity and a new significance.

Others feel that during pregnancy their libido

reduces and that other means of expressing
closeness and love become more vital.

Birth – and thereafter

Many dads are there during their child’s birth.
Some want to be there while others feel that they
have to be present because it is required of them.
For some couples, sharing the experience of
their child’s birth may be quite precious.

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Some dads, though, find the event more
unpleasant than they had imagined. It might be
difficult for guys to find someone they can chat
with honestly about the birthing and the
sentiments it evoked.

After the joy of the baby’s arrival comes the

challenge of settling down to motherhood.
Parents’ experiences will differ. For some
couples the adjustment is simple; for others, it
may be a tough period — a time of weariness
and emotional stress, when spouses grow distant
and withdrawn and occasionally resentful of
their partner’s attitude to the new circumstances.

Many couples feel ambiguity, and sometimes

difficulties, in their sexual connection following
the birth of a child. For some, it is a question of
resuming up where they left off, while others
discover that the obligations of parenthood
impair their sexual desires and their lovemaking
for a long time. Honest and honest
communication is crucial to prevent harm and
misunderstanding between partners.

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Now we have become three
The physical and practical elements of becoming
parents offer couples with many great and
exciting moments to share as well as presenting
new hurdles to conquer. The most difficult
difficulty might be learning to create a place in
their relationship for the baby.

The advent of the first kid implies that time and

emotional energy will be stolen from the
couple’s relationship and spent instead on raising
their child. Most couples are eager to make this
transition and share the parenting tasks and
enjoyment. Some spouses, however, might feel
left out, undervalued or not as loved as
previously.

This might alienate the relationship from each

other. Good communication will assist the
couple to appreciate and enjoy their kid, and
keep their love and interest in one other.

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 Things that will change when you
become a parent

1. Your perception of time.

Before you had a kid, you could get ready in
under one hour. Adding a baby to the mix affects
your whole routine. Your usual routine now
involves packing a diaper bag, changing and
feeding the baby, and getting him or her into the
van. And that’s assuming everything goes well.
There are invisible calamities like diaper
blowouts or tantrums that make it tougher to get
dressed.

As a new parent, your perception of time

drastically alters. Even if you weren’t the most
punctual person before, you become one. You
somehow miraculously are able to forecast the
following 24 hours and can reach where you
need to go on time.

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2. Putting yourself second.
The minute your kid is given into your arms, you
become responsible for the security of a small
person and ensuring this little creature is cared
for and cherished. You worry more about your
kid’s future than yours and take efforts to
guarantee your youngster is cared
for—especially after you’re gone. You invest in
life insurance to make sure your kids are cared
for (in case anything dreadful occurs) and it can
entail taking a little extra out of your salary each
week.

Life insurance is something you have to

thoroughly consider—peace of mind is precious.
Choosing a carrier might be stressful, but there is
a plethora of information on the top life
insurance providers and further reading.

3. Financial responsibility.
Spending money may not have been a huge
concern before you had kids. If you wanted to go
to the movies, you went. When you noticed

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lovely clothing in a store window, you purchased
it.

Once you have kids, however, you have to start

being more responsible with your money. You
start saving for college shortly after your kid is
born, which can involve cutting off pedicures or
a night out. Instead of purchasing yourself a new
pair of shoes on a whim, you spend that money
on diapers or add extra outfits to their closet.
Plus, your kids grow up extremely quickly. One
day you’ll be stocking up on diapers and formula
and the next you’ll be hunting for your child’s
first automobile.

4. Sleep becomes a thing of the past.

In the ancient days, you may not have functioned
on fewer than eight hours of sleep. With kids,
that’s a luxury. Get ready for countless nights
and days that merge into one another. But don’t
fret: you’ll be astonished at how much you can
get done in just 1-2 hours of sleep.

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You’ll learn how to stay going even if you’ve
had three nights in a row of no sleep. Waking up
throughout the night becomes commonplace and
sleeping in till 7am becomes well-rested. And
happily, there are techniques to obtain more
sleep.

5. Your fashion taste alters.

Your clothing changes considerably after having
a kid. You swap your formal clothing for ones
that are comfy, simple, and budget-friendly.
Clothes that can resist saliva, spit up, and sticky
hands become your go-to attire. You’ll store
your designer goods for special occasions and
keep them far out of reach out of your kids.

6. Take better care of yourself.

There’s nothing like parenthood to push you to
make better decisions. You’ve got a small kid
dependent on you for basically everything. You
become more devoted to creating healthy
routines like doing yoga in the morning or
cutting out fast-food.

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The sugary beverages and packet of Oreos in
your cupboard are replaced with cereal and
bananas. Plus, your kids will establish better
habits as they watch you eating well and
exercising. Seeing mum nibble on apple slices or
going for a stroll can help your kids adopt good
behaviors.

7. Planning becomes crucial.

Gone are the days when you could do things
impulsively. Meals, vacations, and getting out of
the home are thought out and prepared for after
you have kids. You learn to make sure an
expedition doesn’t coincide with nap time, or
that supper is easy enough to whip together with
a baby clinging to your knees.

If you and your husband desire a date night,

locating a sitter and getting them familiar with
your kid becomes a part of preparing your date
night. Going to the gym or to the grocery store
needs either preparing your kid ready for a trip
or making sure your spouse or a family member

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can babysit your child. Planning becomes an
essential aspect to your survival.

8. Your marriage.
The time you used to spend with your partner
snuggled up on the sofa watching movies or
reading together evaporates after you have a kid.
That time now goes to changing diapers,
preparing bottles, or catching up on domestic
duties. There’s little time for you and your
spouse to spend together, but you find new ways
to connect with your spouse while you care for
your kid. You’ll learn to enjoy the simple
moments and, in many ways, you’ll fall in love
all over again.

9. Friendships.
When you have a kid, you may find yourself
spending less time with certain friends and more
time with other ones. You could notice that
going out with friends who have kids is more
enjoyable for you. They’re sympathetic if you’re
a few minutes late because your kid had a

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blowout or if you’re a bit irritable following, yet,
another restless night. Plus, your kids can play
together while you get some much-needed adult
discussion.

10. Who you are.

Becoming a parent transforms you as a person.
You uncover an inner strength and confidence
you never thought you possessed. Small tasks,
like cleaning the home every day or washing
your hair, become trivial. All you worry about is
making sure your kid is happy and healthy.

Your life gets fuller—not just with things to do,

but with love. You start to experience the world
through your child’s eyes, which might add a
little bit of amazement to your life. The interest
and astonishment your kid has will let you view
the world in a whole new manner.

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 Skills that will help you to be a
better parent

Listening to Your Kids

Have you ever been so busy that you don't
recognize your kids are chatting to you? Don't
worry—it happens to the best of us. However,
while you are spending time with your kid, try
your best to avoid distractions, including those
pesky thoughts about work, the laundry, or your
phone that seems to be calling your name.

Make it a point to know what your kids are

hoping for, what they dread, and what they feel
nervous about. Listen and ask questions, even if
they ignore you or attempt to escape replying.
When you indicate that you care, you are
showing them that you love and appreciate them
and their views and opinions.

Active listening also implies you concentrate on

what is being said without worrying about how

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you're going to answer. It's about observing body
language and picking up on hints.

Another technique to enhance your listening

skills is to get on your child's level so that you
can look them in the eye. That may involve
crouching down so that you match their height.
Give your kids your undivided attention and
establish excellent eye contact.

Even reaching out and gently caressing their arm

or holding their hand while they're unhappy
indicates not just that they have your complete
attention, but that you sympathize with what
they're experiencing.

Stick to Your Rules

As a parent, it's your obligation to educate your
kids on the difference between right and wrong,
which means you need to obey the rules, too. So,
when you do something wrong, make a mistake,
or lose your temper, fess up. Model how to
apologize, accept responsibility for your
misdeeds and make amends.

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You also need to make sure your discipline is
constant yet adaptable. For instance, there will
be instances when you'll say no to your kids and
mean it. There will be other moments when you
realize you've made a mistake or maybe reacted
too harshly.

If you do amend your rules, make sure to

acknowledge, "I was incorrect," and explain why
you changed your opinion. Also, realize that we
all make errors. So, don't be ashamed to confess
that.

However, when the penalty fits the offense, stick

to your guns. Kids notice discrepancies and will
utilize them to their benefit. Remember,
regulations must be enforced once they are set.
And whatever rules are imposed in your home,
you need to observe them as well, unless you
have a very solid reason why you're excluded.

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Be a Good Role Model
Don't do something in front of your children that
you wouldn't want them to do. If you find
yourself demonstrating behavior that you don't
want your kid to copy, then it's a clue you should
adjust how you behave in specific
circumstances. Kids will emulate what you do,
not what you say.

Remember, your kids are seeing you go off to

work every day. They watch you performing
chores, preparing supper, and paying the bills.
As a consequence, it's crucial that they see you
handling your tasks to the best of your ability.
Simply remember, you aren't aiming to be
perfect, you're just educating kids about the
significance of hard work, responsibility, and
honesty.

Control Your Emotions

If you lose your cool in front of your kids, they
may get afraid or worried, particularly if they are
younger. Whether you're fighting with a

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customer service representative on the phone or
you're having a quarrel with your spouse, try
your best to avoid demonstrating reactive,
immature, or cruel conduct in the company of
your children.

Anytime you lose control, shout, or argue with

someone, you're demonstrating to your children
this is how people behave when circumstances
become rough. Instead, show how you can retain
your cool and settle difficulties in a calm way.
When you do, you're teaching them what
emotional intelligence looks like.

If you do blow out, make careful to apologize

and accept responsibility for your anger. Doing
so is another approach to demonstrate good
behavior.

Be Flexible
Sometimes parents struggle with unreasonable
expectations and aspirations for both their kids
and for themselves. When this occurs, parenting
might seem onerous and overwhelming. If you

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discover that you routinely feel that way, you
may need to be more flexible when it comes to
yourself, your kids, and your parenting.

Being a perfectionist parent is hard. Not only do

parents in this camp worry about messing their
kids up for life, but they also place immense
pressure on their kids to achieve impeccably.
They also demand entirely too much of
themselves.

Likewise, if you are a perfectionist, you may

worry about what other parents think of you or
that you will be ridiculed for your parenting. For
instance, you could believe that your toddler isn't
toilet training quickly enough or that your
school-age kids aren't performing well enough in
school. This type of pressure may backfire,
particularly if your expectations set your
youngster up to feel like a failure.

It's necessary to take a step back and examine

whether or not your expectations are reasonable.

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Likewise, learn to be more flexible and let go of
things that aren't important in the long term.
Both you and your kids will benefit from a more
go-with-the-flow attitude.

Show Lots of Love

There's no question that you love your kids, but
how can you show them? Do you lavish them
with kisses and embraces as frequently as you
can? Remember, hugging your kid will make
them feel secure and cherished. So would
holding their hand, caressing their hair, and
kissing their cheek.

Another method to demonstrate affection is to

spend time together. This is a terrific method to
show youngsters that they are a priority to you.
Just don't forget to actively connect with them.
This involves putting down your phone and
genuinely connecting with your kids.

Also, begin activities, such as playing board

games, enjoying outdoor activities, or just
conversing with your children to make the most

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of the time you have together. Showing interest
in topics that they are passionate about is another
fantastic method to show your kids that you love
and understand them.

So, if your youngster likes basketball, watch a

basketball-themed movie or play HORSE (a
two-person basketball game) together. You could
even watch March Madness or the NBA playoffs
with them. Likewise, if your kid enjoys painting,
try spending an hour painting with them or
bringing them to the art museum or an arts and
crafts festival.

No matter what your kids' passions are, they

may be a fantastic avenue for connecting with
them. When you demonstrate you care about
what your kids care about, it encourages them to
be more cooperative with your rules and helps
them know that you love them.

A Word From Verywell

When it comes to parenting skills, remember
that there's a distinction between being a good

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parent and being a perfectionist. While it's
crucial to develop your parenting abilities and
aim to be a good parent, don't beat yourself up
when you make errors. No one is a perfect
parent.

Additionally, making a mistake now and again is

not going to affect your kids. Just own your
errors, make adjustments if you need to, and
move on. Instead, concentrate on being
constantly present for your kids, providing limits
and standards, and showing them that you love
them.

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 CHAPTER 2
HOW TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY
WITH CHILDREN

Set aside time to talk.

Communication does not happen in half-hearted
grunts or fleeting sentences. To honestly and
successfully communicate, set aside time for
discussion, connection, or even simply casual
talk, and watch your relationship develop.
If your family has a lot going on, set aside 1-2
evenings a week for family dates, or one-on-one
dates with your kids.
Choose a time that does not interfere with other
responsibilities. Set aside time that does not have
other commitments or previous plans, such as a
meeting or lesson.

Turn off all gadgets.

Your phone, computer, or television is a
distraction, and will not benefit you in talking
with youngsters. When it is time to converse, do
not let these things in the room, or keep them

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turned off. Turn off your phone, turn off your
computer, and leave your TV behind.

If you feel mobile phones or computers are

proving especially troublesome in your family’s
communication efforts, make a rule to have no
phones or laptops out an hour before bed, or
from supper onward—then enforce the rule, and
keep yourself responsible.

If the kid in issue is the one using the phone and

not listening during class or when you are
attempting to converse, gently suggest that the
phone be put away for the next five minutes.

Make eye contact.

Whether you are talking or listening, establish
eye contact. Don’t stare the youngster down, but
make sure it is evident that the child has your
entire attention and awareness. Don’t peek
around the room while they talk, and don’t look
over their head as you speak. Hold eye contact
whenever feasible.

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Be mindful of your eyes. Although you should
establish eye contact, do it naturally, rather than
glaring the youngster down. Blink as you usually
would, and feel free to sometimes peek down to
see the child’s hands as they speak, or their lips
as it moves.

If you cannot maintain eye contact, get on your

knees or sit down so your eyes are on the same
level. This fosters free communication and
indicates you and the youngster are on equal
footing.

Hold your tongue.

When a toddler communicates, you may feel
inclined to instantly jump to react. Hold your
tongue, instead, and wait a few minutes to
comprehend what they have said before
answering. In an argument, this will help prevent
impetuous words, and in a pleasant chat, this
will indicate that you are actually listening to
what they have to say.

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There is seldom a scenario when haste to reply is
a smart idea. Take your time. Your interactions
and time spent with youngsters should not be
hurried.

Keep in mind that adolescents and teens are

typically quite excellent at manipulating and
getting a rise out of adults.

Practice mindfulness.
Stay in the current moment. Don’t allow your
thoughts to wander when you are chatting or
sitting with a youngster. Keep your thoughts and
eyes focused on the work at hand. Even if you
are sitting comfortably in solitude, don’t allow
your thoughts to go to your to-do list—pay
attention to the child’s body language, breathing
patterns, and silent communication.

Encourage children to practice mindfulness with

you. Gently point out if a child’s attention has
begun to wander, or they have become less
involved. Lead by example, and educate
youngsters how to be present.

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 How to talk to kids when they need
help

As parents and teachers, you are the first line of

support for kids and teenagers. It’s crucial for
you to have an open line of communication with
them and create a feeling of trust. When your
kids and teenagers are encountering challenges,
you want them to feel safe coming to you for
support.

Just as crucial is the capacity to discern when

your kids are hurting emotionally. Kids and
teenagers tend to absorb their emotions. If
anything is upsetting them, they may not speak
out and seek assistance. Sometimes, people
aren't aware that aid is accessible. So, it’s crucial
for parents and instructors to be able to notice
when anything is wrong and how to approach
your kids and teenagers.

Getting your kids to open up and speak to you

might seem like a task. The following techniques

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might be useful in establishing a discussion and
understanding what’s going on in their life.

Make them feel protected

You want to put youngsters and teenagers at ease
so they feel comfortable talking to you. It is
crucial to make it clear why you are discussing
with them. Kids particularly are worried that
they may be in trouble or are being punished if
they are taken aside to chat. Reassure them that
this is not the situation and that you are there to
give help. Parents could try setting a time to
communicate one-on-one on a regular basis,
such as eating lunch with your youngster or
adolescent monthly or biweekly.

Listen to them
Take the time to carefully listen to what your
youngster or adolescent has to say. Many times,
all kids or adolescents want is someone who will
listen to them. Try to grasp their viewpoint
before providing ideas. Sometimes your own
concern might push you to attempt to solve

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everything. But in many circumstances the
greatest aid you can provide is to listen intently.

Affirm and support their need for assistance

If a youngster or adolescent tells you they’re
feeling sad or disturbed, for example, tell them
you’re pleased with them for expressing their
emotions. Let them know you appreciate the
bravery it took for them to communicate with
you and for trusting you to assist them. If your
youngster appears to require more support than
you can offer, speak with an appropriate
specialist. You may wish to start by talking to
the school psychologist.

Be genuine
Try to avoid speaking from a script. Teens can
detect when you’re not being real. If you are
open, real, and easygoing, it will help others to
be the same.

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Don’t be scared to admit I don’t know
As a parent or teacher, it is OK to confess that
you don’t have all the answers. However, if a
youngster or adolescent asks you anything, you
should make every attempt to discover an
answer or someone who can assist.

Steps to take in helping kids resolve

conflict

● Calm down
Allow everyone to take a vacation from each
other. Ask them each what they need to do to
calm down. The “wheel” gives some useful
alternatives, including stepping away and taking
a break for a few minutes, counting to 10 (or
100!), or writing down some sentiments.

In any event, nothing intelligible will result from

attempting to conduct a dialogue with distressed,
emotionally sensitive youngsters. So advise

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them to find out the best approach to calm down
before trying to address the situation.

● State and understand the problem

Once calm has reigned, speak to each kid (either
jointly or individually, depending on the
circumstances) and assist them to articulate their
concern. Stress the necessity of being honest and
owning their involvement in the disagreement
(most conflicts are shared) (most problems are
shared).

Encourage children to utilize “I” statements to

communicate their sentiments. For example, “I
felt left out and offended because he wouldn’t let
me play the card game, so I tossed his towel to
anger him.”

● Apologize well
“A proper apology will express three things:
remorse, accountability, and repair. Apologizing
for a mistake could seem tough, but it will help

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you mend and enhance your connections with
others.”

Encourage each youngster (or simply one,

depending on the circumstances) to come up
with a good apology. Writing it down before
they speak may be a good start, and that letter
can be sent to the kid with whom they’re in
dispute. Or, with a younger kid, take some notes
that they may subsequently utilize while they
apologize.

I discovered a nice list of what constitutes a

“good apology,” therefore it’s preferable if the
youngster can include all of these parts:

• Use the words, “I’m sorry.”

• Acknowledge precisely how you screwed up.
(For example, “I used rude words that injured
you.”)
• Tell the individual how you’ll remedy the
problem.
• Promise to act better next time.
• Ask for forgiveness.

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Bad apologies, on the other hand, tend to suffer
from these four shortcomings: Justifying words
or conduct; Blaming the victim; Making
excuses; Minimizing the repercussions. (“It was
only a joke!”)

● Promote solution finding

Empower youngsters to brainstorm solutions to
their issues. It’s so tempting as an all-knowing
adult to offer answers, but anything the
youngsters think out and agree upon on their
own will more likely succeed. Encourage each
youngster to listen closely and to correctly quote
each other. Encourage them to talk to one other
(not you) and to speak honestly and politely.

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