10 Vital Steps to Effective Parenting

Written by: Sammy Sonata Licht

No one in the world is fully prepared for parenthood. You can read as many
books as you can, but you’ll never know the full extent of becoming a parent
unless you’re in that precise moment.
So, here are 10 vital steps that will guide you to becoming a better parent.

1. Loving Yourself
It may seem that loving yourself is an individualistic approach which only
focuses on unraveling the source of your happiness for your own personal
gain. It may give the notion of self-centeredness, but in reality, loving yourself
has nothing to do with narcissism. Loving yourself offers an opportunity to
appreciate yourself and to acknowledge both your strengths and weaknesses.
By doing so, as a parent, you can help your child to accept his or her own
strong suits and flaws.

2. Deciding on Your Principles and Keeping Them

At an early age, kids without any cognitive disorders have the ability to
observe and retain information at a fairly fast pace. With less accountabilities
and serious predicaments to keep them preoccupied, children can easily
register what they see and experience around them. They know when their
parents are being consistent or not based on the most fundamental aspects
of life. Kids can observe, for example, how their father drives relentlessly
despite noticing the red traffic light or how their mother gossips on the phone
for several hours, unable to complete household chores. If you decide to train
your child to abide by the rules, don’t be the first to break them even with
simple regulations.
3. Spending Quality Time with your Kids
This may sound cliché, but many parents are still struggling to achieve a work-
life balance in which they are capable of prioritizing the amount of time and
effort they spend between their careers and families. Spending quality time
doesn’t only mean that the family goes out on a vacation overseas or watches
the latest movies together. In fact, you don’t have to spend so much or travel
to the most far-flung corners of the world to have quality time. What children
really care about is the attention and open communication that parents are
able to provide them with. They want to feel that their parents are genuinely
concerned about them and that they are trustworthy enough to share
whatever it is that boggles them. Therefore, go ahead and take the initiative
to talk to them. Listen to them first and provide suggestions based on your
own personal experiences and observations.

4. Being Flexible
Effective parenting is not an exact science. When they say that change is the
only thing that’s constant, you can definitely expect a lot of changes to occur
once you’ve become a parent. Being flexible is another essential aspect of
parenting because you should face the fact that sometimes your hands are
tied and you won’t be in control of the given situation. For instance, even if
you have brought up your child to be polite and proactive, there’s still the
probability that you will receive a call from the school principal, telling you
that your child has just been involved in a fight. In cases like these, parents
develop active listening skills, patience, and an open mind before deciding the
next course of action. It’s not the time to make a scene and to reprimand the
child impulsively. Take the time to understand the given circumstance and
consider both sides of the coin before proceeding.
5. Knowing When and Where to Draw the Line
The conventional outlook of most parents is to perceive their position in the
family hierarchy as being the most powerful or the most superior. It’s a given
fact that parents are expected to have more knowledge and wisdom based
on their level of experience and acquired maturity.
But please keep in mind that assertiveness can also have its limitations.
Misplaced assertiveness may often be perceived as aggression and
authoritarian, which most kids will not easily succumb to or understand.
Knowing when and where to draw the line signifies that parents know how
crucial proper timing can be for intimate discussions such as problems about
grades or bullies and that they must always consider the proper venue for
such personal dialogues with their kids. For example, parents may choose to
speak with their kids in private, using a calm and modest tone while retaining
a sense of leadership.

6. Helping your kids to stand on their Own

It’s natural for little ones to be dependent on their parents. But parents
should take note that training their children to be independent and reliable
can start as early as 3 or 5 years old. Begin by assigning simple tasks to
children like preparing the plates and utensils on the dining table before lunch
time or making sure that the kids have cleaned up their rooms before going
out to play. These are daily tasks which instill the value of policies and
discipline. For older kids, parents can provide them with more strenuous tasks
like cooking or doing the laundry.
Adolescents, in addition, may even assist in managing the family’s budgeting
schemes, teaching them to be financially wise and practical.
7. Helping your kids to gain Self-Esteem
It’s a tough world out there. Even when kids have been brought up in a
healthy environment where love and affection is abundant, those children
will eventually come face to face with reality’s chaotic truth that not all people
will be considerate and reasonable. There are those who will challenge and
intimidate your kids. Therefore, it’s the parents’ job to contrive a paradigm
shift which will encourage the children to be more assertive and to accept
challenges without developing inferiority complex. Parents should find a way
to make their children feel that challenges are preferable for constant growth
and that they should always appreciate their own distinct attributes without
comparison.

8. Giving Credit where Credit is due

Children make mistakes from time to time. But they also have a propensity
for greatness. Parents should always be able to see where their children excel
and when they proficiently accomplish a particular task. No matter how small
that achievement is, parents should be able to notice them and to commend
their children for a job well done. Instinctively, they want to be appreciated
for their efforts. When children don’t feel the succor of their parents, that’s
when they turn to friends and find the attention they seek from other people.
Please keep in mind that acknowledging and commending your children can
deepen the relationship and encourage open communication on both sides.

9. Prioritizing Mutual Communication

One-sided conversations are usually undesirable because everybody wants a
piece of the pie. In other words, everyone yearns to be listened to especially
children.
Age doesn’t matter. This is something all human beings share in common.
Hence, as parents, prioritizing mutual communication is a must. Gone are the
days when parents prompt their children to remain silent all throughout the
dialogue and listen to constant lectures. In these modern times where
technological advancement and other distractions come between parents
and their kids, it’s high time to engage in a two-way communication style that
is both fair and proactive.
For example, parents can begin the conversation by giving suggestions or
adding their own personal thoughts about a particular subject. Afterwards,
they ask their children for their opinion on the matter at hand.

10. Exhibiting Unconditional Love

Love in its purest sense is unconditional. Bring up your children, expressing
your love openly to them at all costs even when they commit mistakes. There
are several interpretations of unconditional love. But the two most
imperative facets of this type of love are forgiveness and generosity.
Everyone encounters onerous situations where mistakes can be made from
time to time. Some mistakes are easily forgivable while others are too painful
to accept. But regardless of the predicament, parents must learn to forgive
their children and to let them know that they can still overcome them and do
better when other opportunities arrive. It’s time to swallow any ounce of
pride you have left and let both sides start over again with peace in your
hearts.
It’s easier said than done, but instead of focusing on the problem, parents
should focus on the solution and generously give their children another
chance to change for the better. But as mentioned before, please be cautious
of the limitations. Toleration is different from unconditional love. While love
allows both parents and children to grow, toleration only pampers children
and fails to teach them any valuable lessons about respect and compassion.