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Yourself
First
The Self-Love Solution Primer
By Lia S. Bernardo, PhD
The Happiness Doctor
Love Yourself First
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prior permission of the publisher.
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CONTENTS
I. INTRODUCTION
• A message from Lia 5
II. SELF-LOVE
• Our Natural State 15
• Embrace Your Humanity 18
• Coming From Wholeness 25
• Self-Love Is Not Selfish 28
• The Only Way 32
• Honor Your Potential 35
5
For others, the idea of happiness is raising the
perfect kids, whatever their definition of perfect
might be. For some, it is achieving financial
success through business or their careers. Each
person is different, but at the end of the day, no
matter what we tell ourselves, the happiness we
desire, search for, or have been waiting for, has
always been and will always be within us.
6
I have spent many years counseling people and
teaching classes and have found the lack of self-
love to be the underlying cause of discontent in
people’s lives. I came to realize that we are, in fact,
our own heroes. We are that knight-in-shining-
armor we’ve been waiting for.
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We can only fully love another and give, without
expectations, when we are fulfilled from within.
So, whether it be a class or a private session, all the
life skills I teach are based on self-introspection,
self-love, acceptance, life purpose, and limitless
potential.
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9
Happiness is internal because it is all a matter of
perspective. Choose yourself, now! Love yourself
first, then everything else will follow.
10
To Michelle Baretto, who has been my business
guru and guide. This was her idea, and it was
non-negotiable.
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SELF-LOVE
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“We are beings of love, and love is
our original state. We do not need
to learn self-love; we just have to
remember.”
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OUR NATURAL STATE
I always remind my students that their one and
only responsibility is to take care of their side
of the fence. Think about that for a moment. If
each of us focused on ourselves first and took
accountability for our actions, reactions, and
perspective towards everyone and everything in
our lives, what would that be like? 15
When we develop ourselves from within, we
liberate ourselves. This is true emotional freedom
and accountability. We become very clear and
aware of what we bring to the table. In full
recognition of our strengths and the parts that
still need work, we show up knowing our worth
and come with honor.
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EMBRACE YOUR HUMANITY
When we come from self-love, we are comfortable
enough in our humanity to understand that we are
multifaceted beings. Feelings make us human,
and emotions are neither good nor bad — they are
part of who we are as whole beings.
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SELF LOVE IS :
• Pure unconditional love for the self
• Radical self-acceptance
• Intense gratitude for all that is
• Accountability for your state of being
• Self-direction
• Living your life with purpose
21
It’s important to understand that
loving ourselves does not mean
we will never be sad again. It
only means that when sadness
comes, we can either direct
ourselves out of it or choose to
stay in it. It means that sadness
is just sadness, as opposed to
someone or something causing
us to be sad.
22
“Do not try to transcend your
humanity. Accept it. Be human.
Be you.”
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COMING FROM WHOLENESS
The way we connect with others is the result of our
relationship with ourselves and the interpretation
of our relationships with other people. This is
where projections come in, and we reflect onto
others how we feel about ourselves.
25
Having said that the quality of
their relationships determines
a person’s happiness, then it
is only in loving oneself and
being in a lovingly harmonious
relationship with ourselves
can we truly be in harmonious
relationships with friends,
family, colleagues and a
romantic partner.
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SELF-LOVE IS NOT SELFISH
There is nothing wrong with being “all about you”
because our lives are essentially designed that way.
It is all about you. There’s nothing selfish about
that. In being whole and genuinely ourselves, we
affect the people around us, and consecutively,
have the capacity to change the world. That is
service of the highest power. By creating examples
of our own happiness, we are able to teach others
how to cultivate their own happiness.
28
We ought to be able to nurture ourselves and
prioritize our state of being, but we were never
taught how. We have been indoctrinated that it is
selfish to focus on ourselves or put ourselves first.
We have been led to believe that we must first give,
and give until it hurts, and sacrifice for those we
love to be considered “good.” It is in our literature,
religion, TV shows, and movies. Some even go as
far as defining love, synonymous with service, as
giving until it hurts.
29
Most of us were brought up to think that taking care
of ourselves first is selfish. But as we’ve learned
over time, we know that neglecting our needs just
doesn’t work. When we constantly attend to other
people’s needs and not ourselves, it depletes us.
But when we love ourselves and nurture ourselves
accordingly, our cup fills up until it spills over, we
are able to give from that overflow, and we learn
to expect absolutely nothing in return. That’s the
most beautiful way to love another human soul—
to love them dearly without expectations.
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“The most frightening thing
to the unconscious mind is the
unknown.”
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THE ONLY WAY
Self-love is the only way to inner joy. Period.
Or statements like:
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We must be mindful of our self-talk.
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“Changing perspective is a
transformation, and it is not about
creating a new life… it’s about
seeing life in a new way.”
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HONOR YOUR POTENTIAL
Ask yourself the following questions:
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Now, I invite you to take a
different approach.
How?
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THE MOST
POWERFUL FORCE
IN THE UNIVERSE
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THE ABILITY TO CHOOSE
Our lives are the byproducts of the choices we
have made.
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“The two greatest healers of the
spirit, mind and body are LOVE and
ACCEPTANCE. Healing is the end
of conflict with yourself.”
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Know that you are enough!
“I am enough”
Repeat this as often as you can. Every morning in
front of a mirror and throughout the day, as often
as necessary. One day, you will come to believe it
with your entire being completely. Remember, it
starts with a choice!
45
When I started my practice, I wanted to call myself
The Breakup Doctor instead of The Happiness
Doctor. During this time, I realized that romantic
breakups are significant catalysts for growth
because this was usually what brought women
(and the occasional man) into my space. I took this
as an opportunity for both of us to grow because,
more often than not, I always see myself in my
students and learn from their experiences.
46
Everyone has this misconception that the end
of a relationship is a huge life failure. If there
is anything I could advise you to change your
perception on, it would be that none of your
relationships have ever been a failure. I’m not
sugar-coating this either. Not to say that the end
wasn’t painful or perhaps even tragic, but none of
it was a failure.
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PAIN IS THE CATALYST FOR GROWTH
Pain will shift your behavioral patterns because
it is our natural tendency to choose joy over
despair. Pain brings you to movement. If you are
not moving, you are running shame, and you will
remain in that same pattern.
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That pain brings to light specific patterns and belief
systems that we then use to redirect the person’s
unconscious mind. To me, that’s magic. It’s a
superpower. When we introduce new resources
to a student, their world is transformed because
they discover for themselves that the answers and
their solutions have been within them all along—
but they had to begin with choosing themselves
without guilt and shame.
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“When you shift internally,
the externals follow.”
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THE INTERNAL SHIFT
People who have built a solid inner relationship
with themselves will choose love, purposely and
consciously. You focus on your internal world and
create your heaven on earth by simply being
you.
Without guilt.
Without shame.
Without apology.
Without judgment.
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Choose— what kind of world would you prefer to
live in?
OR
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Choose to take this journey, not with the purpose
of fixing who you are, but with the intention of
loving and accepting yourself just the way you
are. This is also the only way you will come to love
others just the way they are.
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NON-NEGOTIABLE
“No matter what happens in my external world,
which I have zero control over, I will choose to love
myself because that is my greatest superpower.
Absolutely nothing and no one can ever take that
away from me, and it allows me to give freely and
unconditionally from my wholeness.”
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Everything is about the individual; everything in
my life is a reflection of me, and everything in your
life is a reflection of you. This is why we see things
as we are, and our perception of the world around
us is the result of our unique belief systems. As
individuals, we are the mirrors of everything in
our lives. Our reality is a reflection of our personal
beliefs and thoughts. If you believe that life is
about suffering, that is exactly what your life will
become. 55
We grow and evolve, we gain more knowledge
and wisdom, and this is how we expand. We do
not make ourselves better people. Snap out of the
constant quest to be a “better” person because that
is just communicating to yourself that you are not
enough.
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You are whole and complete just the way you are.
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I continually learn and integrate
resources into my life that help
me thrive. I have re-coded my
past experiences, and instead
of recanting and re-enacting
the pain and trauma of the
past, I have chosen to see how
everything in my past has led
me, prepared me, and calibrated
me towards everything I had
asked for and desired for my life.
I now focus on joy, gratitude,
adventure, and excitement. I’ve
learned how to put more weight
on what feels good versus what
makes me feel bad about myself
and others.
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HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB
Imagine a world where all human beings are
taught how to love themselves before they are
even taught math or science. What if our culture,
our educational system, and our communities
were set up to uplift us, as we uplift those around
us. Ideal? Yes. Possible? Absolutely.
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Happiness is an inside job. Being happy, staying
happy, and being unshakable in that happiness
can only be done through self-love. It is the
solution to finding peace, happiness, acceptance,
and empowerment. When it comes to taking care
of our well-being, it will always start and end with
how we truly love ourselves, no matter what.
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SELF-LOVE IS NOT A DESTINATION
Self-love is based on our relationship with
ourselves, all the way until the very end. When we
shower in the morning, it doesn’t mean we are
good to go for the rest of the week. When we brush
our teeth after a meal, it doesn’t mean we never
have to brush our teeth again.
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When we thrive, our permanent state is joy. It’s
not just in feeling; but also in our mind, body,
and whole essence. When our thoughts, health,
general frequency, and vibration are all good and
at their best— that is thriving.
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THE SELF-LOVE
SOLUTION
PROGRAM
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START WITHIN AND THE REST WILL
FOLLOW. WE CAN SHOW YOU HOW.
The Self-Love Solution Program is a series of
private one-on-one sessions designed to gently
integrate practical and effective tools into your
daily life to teach you how to love and appreciate
all that you are.
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A Trial Session is available to see if this program
is a match for you. Should you want to dive in,
there are three (3) stages to this program:
a. Self-Nurturing
b. Self-Acceptance
c. Self-Sovereignty.
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TESTIMONIALS
“I’ve learned to honor myself by speaking my truth and taking accountability
for my choices and actions. Recognizing fear and self-limiting beliefs has
helped me understand my experiences better. Taking the program has
allowed me to look at myself honestly and be okay with what I see in the
mirror. This has resulted in an acceptance of what is, as well as an eagerness
to shape the future as I give reverence to my past.
Divinity is within!”
“Lia has further made me realize that happiness is never the next job,
partner, place, or purchase. Until we give up that idea, lifelong happiness
will never be with us! Practice and learn to be love & happiness!”
“The Self-Love Solution sessions are gentle yet powerful. I have learned
so many tools on how to adapt to the demands of life. I was constantly
and carefully guided and reminded of how limitless one can be just by
changing thoughts and beliefs about the self. I am so grateful!”
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“The Self-Love Solution is a life-changing program. I’m a different person
today because it transformed me, and the way I think and live. It allowed
me to nurture and accept myself unconditionally with the loving guidance
from my teacher. I’m grateful because I am happier. I celebrate life knowing
each day is an opportunity to be my most magnificent self.”
“Learning about self-love from Lia is by far the most empowering experience
I’ve ever signed up for. Investing in understanding the Self has been the
greatest gift for myself and those I deeply care about. I’ve developed a
personal compass that helps me navigate relationships while remaining
mindful of my ways and state of being. I also realised it’s THE only way I
could impart a sense of self-worth to my son. I had to do it for myself, first.
Priceless.”
-Marga Medrano-Tupaz
Editor-in-Chief, Modern Parenting
@margamtupaz
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
You don’t have to look too hard to find tidbits about how Lia Bernardo has
helped change so many people’s lives. A quick Google search will tell you
everything you need to know about her accomplishments and her specialty,
but what’s usually left out of the reviews and the articles is how she does it.
She is known for her boisterous laugh, but her playful demeanor also
means business. Lia’s approach may be subtle, but the impact is undeniably
profound. She creates a space that makes you comfortable about knowing
yourself on a really deep level— if you’re willing. It’s only after you’ve found
yourself transformed by her teachings do you realize that even the tiniest
drop of water can create ripples that will cause a bucket to overflow.
The road that led us here is our greatest teacher… but just like everything
else, wouldn’t it be much easier if we had a guide to show us a few tricks
and point us in the right direction? For many of us, that’s exactly who Lia
Bernardo is.
Thea Arvisu
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Photograph by JoAnn Bitagcol
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You can connect with Lia on Instagram : @liabernardo