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Question

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The candidate’s essay without comments

The process of converting the rubbish to a product or object is beneficial in saving a new raw material, energy and reducing
pollution. A claim has been raised by some citizens that the litter from homes which is reprocessed in not sufficient. They
believe that a new rule should be imposed by the authorities to enhance the rate of recycling and this is the same opinion of
the essay.

This official action by government could assure that most of the individuals would pay more attention to the process of
recycling. Unfortunately, some people do not care about what is necessary for their health and society. If there is a law and
disciplinary action, they will comply with this rule. For instance, the authorities in KSA used to use all kind of media to convey
the message of how recycling is vitally for saving energy since the petrol cost has got high in the recent years. Unexpectedly,
there was not enough response from the people which allowed the government to impose a strict law that forced them to
improve their lazy life style and pay more attention. A penalty is highly recommended to warn the lawbreaker before even
thinking in breaking the law.

Moreover, the laws could be a mean to maintain the continuous implementation of them whatever the responsible person
in the government. It is commonly known in Egypt that each four years a new prime minister will be hired directly by the
president after the resignation of previous one. The new prime minister usually chooses the ministers whom will be
responsible for implementing the existing rules, which recycling law is one of them, for another four years. Therefore, having
this rule will play a vital role in keeping the process active.

To conclude, having a law of recycling of home litter would make it more likely to develop its rate. It could push the people
to give special importance whatever the minister’s name or the government. It is also recommended that a penalty system
should be utilized in case of breaking the law to punish the breaker.

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The essay with comments

The process of converting the rubbish to a product or object is beneficial in saving a new raw material, energy and reducing
pollution. A claim has been raised by some citizens that the litter from homes which is reprocessed in not sufficient. They
believe that a new rule should be imposed by the authorities to enhance the rate of recycling and this is the same opinion of
the essay.

The first general sentence is quite long and has many details that are not a part of the question statement.

There was no reference of passing laws or legislations.

What is this essay going to discuss exactly?

What is your opinion?

This official action by government could assure that most of the individuals would pay more attention to the process of
recycling. Unfortunately, some people do not care about what is necessary for their health and society. If there is a law and
disciplinary action, they will comply with this rule. For instance, the authorities in KSA used to use all kind of media to convey
the message of how recycling is vitally for saving energy since the petrol cost has got high in the recent years. Unexpectedly,
there was not enough response from the people which allowed the government to impose a strict law that forced them to
improve their lazy life style and pay more attention. A penalty is highly recommended to warn the lawbreaker before even
thinking in breaking the law.

“for their health “ Why is recycling important for health?

“the lawbreakers” This expressions is an exaggeration.

There is no clear and direct concluding sentence that tells the reader how this paragraph contributes to the essay.

Moreover, the laws could be a mean to maintain the continuous implementation of them whatever the responsible person
in the government. It is commonly known in Egypt that each four years a new prime minister will be hired directly by the
president after the resignation of previous one. The new prime minister usually chooses the ministers whom will be
responsible for implementing the existing rules, which recycling law is one of them, for another four years. Therefore, having
this rule will play a vital role in keeping the process active.

The first sentence is just confusing. You said that laws were a means of implementing them.

Do not think in Arabic “whatever the responsible person in the government” and do not get too enthusiastic.

The last three sentences are tangential, almost off topic.

“Therefore, having this rule” What rule????

To conclude, having a law of recycling of home litter would make it more likely to develop its rate. It could push the people
to give special importance whatever the minister’s name or the government. It is also recommended that a penalty system
should be utilized in case of breaking the law to punish the breaker.

The conclusion does relate to the essay. But, it does not explicitly show your opinion.

Word count 348 Words

This report was provided by Ahmed Saber Morad.

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Anticipated band score 6.5

Band score analysis

Area Comment Score

• No clear explicit opinion is given.

• Ideas added to the introduction.

• Body2 is tangential or even off-topic.

Task achievement 5.5
• addresses the task only partially

• expresses a position but the development is not always clear

and there may be no conclusions drawn

Cohesion and coherence • Overall progression is not very clear. The essay is not very 6
well connected.
Lexical range • Check the comments. 6

Grammatical range and

• A few slips. Check the comments. 6.5
accuracy

Penalties

Memorized None.

Off topic None

Underlength No

Illegible Typed

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