How to be a better working parent : getting your child to cooperate

first time every time

Anne Peymirat
Parenting Coach

CALMER, EASIER, HAPPIER PARENTING

Contact : anne.peymirat@gmail.com
Tel : 06 50 55 57 57
March 2014 Web : www.calmerparenting.fr
Overview of the Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting approach –
A programme that transforms family life

1. Descriptive praise
Motivating children to be their best selves

2. Think throughs
Preventing behaviour problems
Clear rules
& + 3. Reflective listening
Reducing whingeing, anger and frustration
A United Front
4. Never ask twice
Getting cooperation the first time, everytime

5. Rewards and consequences

Following through to maximise cooperation
Why children do not always cooperate?

¨  Children are not born cooperative

¤  Children learn to be cooperative
¤  Cooperation becomes a habit
¨  Different agendas
¤  Children want to play and have fun
¤  Parents plan, organise, think about bath-time, dinner, bedtime, etc.
¨  Children’s temperament
¤  Some children are more impulsive, inflexible, intense, sensible. Often very smart as well but
they are usually inflexible and are more difficult to raise
¨  Parents’ reactions can be counter productive
¤  Our reactions can lead to less cooperation : If you often repeat your instruction, children
get used to it and will wait that you repeat yourself before your child starts to cooperate
Techniques parents can use to improve cooperation

¨  Descriptive praise

¤  Notice every time your child does what you ask them to do
¤  Let them know with a simple factual sentence – ‘You came for dinner as soon as I
called you’
n  Leave the over the top praise (« Excellent, well done »)
n  Leave any hint that could be perceived as a criticism (« See you can do it when you
want»)

¨  Think-throughs
¤  Being pro-active rather than reactive : focus on planning so that things
go right rather than reacting after things go wrong
¤  Anticipate situations and train children to tell you what he will have to in
a certain situation
The 6 steps of the never ask twice approach - to get
cooperation first time

1.  Stop what you are doing, go to where your child is, and
stand and look at him

Go to the next step if your child

2.  Wait until your child stops what he is doing and looks at

has not yet cooperated

you
3.  Give your instruction, clearly, simply and only once
4.  Ask your child to repeat the instruction back to you –
accurately, thoroughly, and in his own words
5.  Stand and wait
6.  While you are standing and waiting, Descriptively praise
every step in the right direction, no matter how small, and
Reflectively Listen to how your child might be feeling
¨  Further reading : Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting
by Noel Janis Norton, Hodder & Stoughton

Anne Peymirat, parenting coach

Contact : anne.peymirat@gmail.com
Tel : 06 50 55 57 57
Web : www.calmerparenting.fr