SEM. BRYAN S.

VALENZUELA
Special Philosophy 2 - Unitas 2027
Psycho-Spiritual Dynamics of the Experience of Radical Conversion

UNVEILING MY VULNERABILITIES

            For so many years, I was so distant from the Church. I was not attending Sunday masses

because I thought that God would not listen to me either. Committing sins was so normal for me.

I use bad words against others. I lied. I backstabbed. Masturbation had been so normal for me.

These are just some of the sins that became normal to me. There was no sense of guilt or shame.

The reason for these things was that I had anger toward God because I thought He was not

granting my prayers. All those times, I thought that God had been biased in His decisions. I was

also blaming God for not restoring my family. My ideas had eaten me up, causing me to rebel

against Him. To resort to these sins made me think that God would notice me and give me what I

prayed for. As I grew up, I realized that I was so selfish and did not fully understand the plans of

God for me.

The sacrament of reconciliation has been a big help for me in gradually restoring my

broken relationship with God. It reconnected me to the One who gave me life, my God. It was in

the year 2016 or 2017 that I tried to respond to the invitation of a good friend to attend a series of

talks that ended up being a formation program for a possible member of the Singles for Christ

under the Couples for Christ. I enjoyed the first talk because it was something interesting. I

noticed that I was able to finish all the talks and become an official member of the charismatic

group. But before going through the initiation rite, I was advised to confess in order to be

spiritually prepared before accepting the covenant of the group. I was so worried because I was

ashamed that I forgot how to confess. I even did not know when the last time I went to

confession because it was a long time ago. I was so nervous to have one because I was thinking
that the priest would be mad at me for not being familiar with the process of confessing or for

being asked why the last confession was many years ago. I composed myself and had the

courage to do it for the sake of my membership in SFC. I was able to confess successfully, and it

felt so different after the confession. It was a liberating experience.

            Confession made my heart lighter. I was released from the sins I kept to myself. I felt the

embrace of God ready to welcome me despite my sinfulness. The moment I finished my

confession, it made me testify that the love of God is abounding. He never leaves me, despite

every wrong thing I decide to do. It was the moment that led me to God. I became a member of

the said charismatic group. The people who surrounded me during my stay there gave me fruitful

insights, advice, and words of wisdom that molded me to try the priesthood. It was they who let

me take the risk of a possible vocation to the priesthood.

            Confession led me to become aware of my sinfulness. I realized that sins are the cause of

division and unfaithfulness. Sins are things that hinder one’s personal relationship with God.

Through it, man becomes worldly. It leads men to look for material possessions; they become

obsessed with power and fame. Sin wanted us to forget about God. Sin wanted us to hate and

despise God. But, as I reflected further, what are sins? I, then, reflected that sins are an avenue to

find God’s mercy and faithfulness. I was not advising to commit sin to find God, but it was a

way to make God do the redirection and conversion. Humans must be ashamed before God

because, despite our unfaithfulness and sinfulness, He is still waiting for me to come back and

find Him. This is what confession reveals to us. God is always there, ready to find us when we

become "lost sheep." There is only one thing that requires us to do it, and that is to confess our

unfaithfulness. Forgiveness will be served to those who ask for it. My confession made me

realize how loved I am by the Lord. It is the Lord who forgives. Committing sins draws us to be
judged by the world. But God will lift us up. This is a turning moment to share God’s

forgiveness when we feel that we are loved and forgiven by the One who loves us.

In the seminary, I had a confession that served as another conversion story. Confessing

before the community had been so hard because it entailed a judgment, but it was a calling for

me to be brave enough to face the consequences of my actions. Covering up and being dishonest

to get commendation were unacceptable practices for a priest-in-process. I realized that

whenever the community is involved with or affected by our actions, confessions should be

made before them. During my confession before the community, I felt even more loved by them.

I was expecting judgments, but they showed compassion. I expected hatred, but they gave me

love. When there is real honesty among community members, there will be a harmonious

relationship. On the other hand, private confessions should be made only when only an

individual or a person is involved. Confession is an act of charity. It is a way to give the

individual the right to know the necessary opinion. It paved the way for him or her to make the

right decision or take the right action. Both kinds of confession are necessary to establish a

truthful and valuable relationship not only with God but with others.

            Confession is an act of compassion. It helps restore a God-founded relationship. God’s

law means the love of God. How many times has the seminary tried to teach us to go to

confession? It is fortunate that the sacrament is available monthly. From a brotherly perspective,

confession should be wrapped in compassion. There is a tendency to judge the one who

confesses. But without the true intention of listening, it hinders them from giving forgiveness.

Compassion makes the difference. It is imitating God that whenever we confess, God is listening

without anything or judgment. when people have compassion during the confession. True
forgiveness could be uttered. Forgiveness leads one’s heart to convert and open to love and being

loved.