Self

Regulation
Self-Awareness Self-Management
Social-Management Social-Awareness

Why should you care?

Your capacity to regulate emotions is a

better predictor of academic and
professional success than your IQ. In
fact, it is the best performance
variable we know of!
 Do you manage your emotions or do they manage you?

Viktor E. Frankl, a holocaust survival and psychologist, said

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space
is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our
growth and our freedom.”
Cannot always
choose one In our response lies our growth and
freedom

STIMULUS RESPONSE

Gap between stimulus and response - space to choose

our response
Viktor Frankl ingeniously highlighted the self-awareness/management process when he stated that there is a
space between stimulus and response, a space within which we can choose how we will act. Well said. The only
problem is that, according to neuroscience research, this space is non-existing between 95 to 99% of the time.
Since a very early age we start establishing certain behavioural, emotional, and cognitive patterns that become
encrypted into our subconscious mind - and as we reach around 35 years of age - this subconscious mind
dictates most of how we feel, think or act.
Our autopilot is one of the reasons why it is so difficult to live
up to our aspirations and to adapt to a new environment, or
“We are mere bundles of habits, imitators
to a new culture. The cognitive – thinking - brain might want
and copiers of our past selves. Habits are to do one thing, but the subconsciousness does another. To
the stuff of which behavior consists.” make the matters even worse, this autopilot behavior often
William James becomes even more counterproductive under the influence of
chronic stress, emotional hijacks, or when driven by the
influence of social contagion.
When on autopilot - the
conscious gap between
When on autopilot, you do not really
stimulus and response is
choose the response - it is chosen for you
non-existing by your subconsciousness. The question
you have to ask yourself
STIMULUS RESPONSE "Is this automatic response helping me to
grow, or, is it hindering my progress
towards my goals?"

We are on autopilot Immediate Thoughts, feelings, and

Autopilot between 95-99% of evaluations and responses that occur
the time! judgments! almost spontaneously!
 Though some of us might think that this cognitive/behavioral and emotional autopilot is taking away our freedom
to choose, the fact is that we cannot function without it. The autopilot allows us to save precious time and energy
- processing our thoughts, feelings, and behavioral responses spontaneously at the subconscious level.

We need the autopilot. If we would try to process our cognitive, emotional and behavioral processes at a
conscious level - our brain would simply overheat and collapse. But, what do we do when some of our automatic
behavioral patterns no longer serve us? We rewire, our brain remains plastic throughout our entire life and
therefore whenever some of the established patterns do not serve us - we have the power to change them. It
might take a lot of effort on our part, but it is possible.

Yes, you can rewire your brain when you need to. The brain
remains plastic throughout its entire lifespan.

In fact, research shows that as we grow in self-awareness we actually build or expand the space between the
stimulus and response of which Viktor E. Frankl spoke, and as a consequence, we automatically improve our self-
management skills.

Better decisions thanks

Cannot always
to increased self-
choose one
awareness

STIMULUS RESPONSE

Expanded gap between stimulus and response thanks to

increased self-awareness

Dr. Susan David from Harvard University has developed self regulation process that allows us to become more
emotionally agile, indicating that “Emotional agility is a process that allows you to be in the moment,
changing or maintaining your behaviors to live in ways that align with your intentions and values.”

In EMOTIONAL AGILITY, Dr. David shares four key concepts:

 Showing Up: Instead of ignoring difficult thoughts and emotions or overemphasizing ‘positive thinking’, facing into
your thoughts, emotions and behaviors willingly, with curiosity and kindness.

 Stepping Out: Detaching from, and observing your thoughts and emotions to see them for what they are—just
thoughts, just emotions. Essentially, learning to see yourself as the chessboard, filled with possibilities, rather than as
any one piece on the board, confined to certain preordained moves.

 Walking Your Why: Your core values provide the compass that keeps you moving in the right direction. Rather than
being abstract ideas, these values are the true path to willpower, resilience and effectiveness.

 Moving On: Small deliberate tweaks to your mindset, motivation, and habits – in ways that are infused with your
values, can make a powerful difference in your life. The idea is to find the balance between challenge and
competence, so that you’re neither complacent nor overwhelmed. You’re excited, enthusiastic, invigorated .
 “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space
is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our
growth and our freedom.”
Viktor E. Frankl

2
Stepping out
Pause yourself. Create a distance
between you and your thoughts &
feelings. This mental space will provide RESPONSE
1 you with the capacity to evaluate them
with unique clarity 4
Showing up Moving on
Become fully aware of Establish behavioral
your thoughts & feelings habits/patterns that are in
3
tune with your values and
Walking your Why
goals
Choose your best self in the situation
based on your values, beliefs, and long-
STIMULUS term goals. Think of the short and the
long-term consequences of various
options you contemplate

THE SPACE

CREATE A
DISTANCE
SELF HELICOPTER BETWEEN YOU RESPONSE
COMPASSION VIEW AND YOUR
THOUGHTS
AND FEELINGS
REWIRE
THOUGHTS &
POSITIVE YOUR
EMOTIONS BRAIN BY
BEHAVIORAL
HABITS REPETITIVE
ACCEPTANCE CURIOSITY BEHAVIOR
COURAGEOUSLY
CHOOSE YOUR
INFORMED
BEST SELF –
DECISIONS
CONSIDERING
YOUR VALUES,
BELIEFS, AND
STIMULUS GOALS

THE SPACE