FUNDAMENTALS OF BLUES MUSIC c.

you shot a man in Memphis

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1. Most Blues begin with: “Woke up this morning....”
No, if:
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, a. you have all your teeth
unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I b. you were once blind but now can see
got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.” c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
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UHSHDWLW7KHQ¿QGVRPHWKLQJWKDWUK\PHVVRUWRI 14. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad
“Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston
I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the
teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound.” Blues.

4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, 15. If you ask for water and your darlin’ gives you
you stuck in a ditch...ain’t no way out. gasoline, it’s the Blues.

%OXHVFDUV&KHY\V)RUGV&DGLOODFVDQGEURNHQGRZQ Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport a. cheap wine
Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound b. whiskey or bourbon
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sored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ d. black coffee
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to die. The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
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yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means c. Snapple
being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a d. Slim Fast
man in Memphis.
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack,
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover
Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair,
or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, VXEVWDQFHDEXVHDQGG\LQJORQHO\RQDEURNHQGRZQFRW
St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have
the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
don’t get no rain. match or while getting liposuction.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the Blues. A 17. Some Blues names for women:
woman with male pattern baldness is.. Breaking your leg a. Sadie
‘cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your b. Big Mama
leg ‘cause a alligator be chomping on it is. c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
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mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot 18. Some Blues names for men:
or sit by the dumpster. a. Joe
b. Willie
10. Good places for the Blues: c. Little Willie
a. highway d. Big Willie
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed 19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer,
d. bottom of a whiskey glass Debbie, and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how
many men they shoot in Memphis.
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom’s 20. Blues Name Starter Kit:
b. gallery openings DQDPHRISK\VLFDOLQ¿UPLW\%OLQG0XWH/DPHHWF
c. Ivy League institutions E¿UVWQDPHVHHDERYHSOXVQDPHRIIUXLW/HPRQ
d. golf courses /LPH.LZLHWF
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12. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, &OLQWRQHWF
‘less you happen to be an old person, and you slept
in it. For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon John
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13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
21. I don’t care how tragic your life is: if you own a
Yes, if: computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry!
a. you’re older than dirt
b. you’re blind