Love Is A Lie and Other

Love Is A Lie (And Other Sh*t My Friends Say To Help Me Get By)
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/46962610.
Rating: Mature
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Relationship: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Character: Lily Evans Potter, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter
Pettigrew, Mary Macdonald (Harry Potter), Marlene McKinnon, Severus
Snape, Andromeda Black Tonks, Ted Tonks
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Song: Hits Different (Taylor Swift),
Romance, Heartbreak, Angst, Drama, wallowing
Language: English
Collections: JILYMICROFICS Collection, Jilymicro-oops
Stats: Published: 2023-05-05 Completed: 2023-07-11 Words: 61,395
Chapters: 45/45
Love Is A Lie (And Other Sh*t My Friends Say To Help Me Get

By)
by ritaskeetered
Summary
The end had been unexpected. A fight, a screaming match, accusations thrown back and
forth. She hadn’t seen it coming, but now – looking back on it – it seemed inevitable. James
Potter and Lily Evans had quite simply never been meant to be.
Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.
Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”, a Jily Micro-Oops.

Day 1 - I Washed My Hands Of Us At The Club
Chapter Summary
This is an adventure that I probably shouldn't start, but I find the challenge too
tempting and this fic has been living rent-free inside my head ever since I first listened
to "Hits Different" by Taylor Swift. I hope you will enjoy the journey this fic will take
you (as well as me) on. For 45 days, I will post a Jily Microfic (roughly 1000 words) a
day (thank you, @charmsandtealeaves for your help here) that will eventually form
one completed Jily Micro-Oops.
Prompt 1: Alcohol
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The end had been unexpected. A fight, a screaming match, accusations thrown back and forth. She
hadn’t seen it coming, but now – looking back on it – it had seemed inevitable. James Potter and
Lily Evans had quite simply never been meant to be.
They had ended because she could be cruel. Or because he never put the toilet seat down. Or
because she liked pop music, while he preferred rock. Or because her anxiety made her controlling.
Or because he worked out at the gym too often. Or because her family didn’t approve of him,
while his family loved her a little too much. Or because he liked to spoil her rotten and this made
her feel uncomfortable. Or because she once ruined his favourite T-shirt. Or because he would drop
everything when one of his brothers called him, her included. Or because she never knew exactly
how much milk he liked in his tea. Or because he said I love you first and she made him wait three
months before she told him the same. Or because the sex was great and this made her worry that
what they had was purely based on beastly magnetism in the bedroom. Or because – just maybe – a
relationship that was founded in teenage antagonism was doomed to fail from the start. Or because,
well, just because.
Whatever the reason might have been – and she suspected her friends only agreed with her here to
indulge her and support her in her wallowing, to nurse her shattered heart back to a somewhat
healthier state – love was clearly a lie.
“He’s coming to the apartment tomorrow,” she lamented, already more than just a little tipsy on the
alcohol she had been served at the pub, head on Marlene’s shoulder, Mary’s arm wrapped around
her own as Ishani held her hand, giving it a delicate squeeze to indicate her loyalty. “I’ve emptied
out all of his drawers and put everything into boxes, so it should be a quick in and out, but still –”
“You shouldn’t be alone for that,” Mary spoke resolutely, recognising the plea she hadn’t voiced
but had certainly wanted to communicate. “I’ll come over after work and we can face him
together.”
Work. She had called in sick three days in a row now, feigning a cough and a fever. She wasn’t
sure if Narcissa – head of HR – had bought it, but she knew that she was in no state to do much else
but lie in her bed and cry herself to sleep as she – for the first two days – had wrapped herself into
the jumper that he had left lying on the floor the morning of that fateful day she would forever
remember as the end, and on the third she’d decided to take matters into her own hands, getting up
out of bed, doing his laundry, packing up all of his things and – finally – texting him.
Lily
I packed up all your clothes and belongings. They are ready for you to collect. We can
sort out the furniture, etc. at a later time.
James
Fine.
I’ll drive by after work tomorrow.
The fact that he hadn’t even balked or protested at the thought that – three days after he’d told her
that he just didn’t think they worked anymore – she was so quickly to erase him from her life, had
stung more than anything and she’d quickly left their conversation – texting him a passive
aggressive fine in response – to tell her friends that she was in desperate need of a drink. Luckily,
her friends had been more than understanding and Marlene had been quick to remind all of them
that their favourite bar – The Three Broomsticks – did cocktails at a reduced price on Thursday
evening.
“I still can’t believe he called it quits,” Ishani spoke, her eyes flitting across Lily’s face. “Are you
sure this is what you want?”
“It’s not about what I want,” she replied, impressed at her ability to say this out loud at all, feeling
utterly mortified knowing that she had managed to make him regret her. “He was very clear.”
It's just not working anymore, is it? We’ve been fooling ourselves for a while now, I reckon. I
mean… can you honestly say you’re still in love?
It had been the final blow, a dagger that he had not just stabbed her with once, but twice, thrice,
cutting up her heart into a million different pieces before putting it through the shredder like
Banksy’s “Girl With Balloon”. She’d had to hold on to the kitchen chair she’d been standing
beside, the realisation of what his words had implied settling deep into her bones, shards of ice –
like she were Frozen’s Elsa – shooting out of her in an attempt to protect what he had just broken,
only one thought ringing through her mind as she stared at him, rather dumbfounded and hurt
beyond belief, the truth of his confession echoing through her mind: he doesn’t love me anymore.
Marlene shook her head, let out a low whistle, her sleek, blonde bob steeling her sharp features
even further. “Who’d have thought that he would be the one to end it. He’s been set on you since
Sixth Form.”
She fought the tears that were about to fall, that the memory of the two of them as Hogwarts Head
Students – she crushing on him but too terrified to do anything about it and he fancying her and
feeling much the same – brought to the forefront. “Well, clearly the fantasy of me was better than
the reality.”
I thought this would work, I was convinced we’d go the distance… but maybe I was wrong. Maybe
life isn’t the fairy tale I believed it could be. I made a real fool out of me, did I?
“Well, if that’s the case,” Mary spoke angrily, “quite frankly: fuck him.”
“Hear, hear!”
Marlene had picked up the glass which contained half of the pint she’d been drinking still, Mary
and Ishani picking up the little shot glasses spread out on the table. They all stared at her for a
moment and then she moved to grab one too, toasting along with them as her friends chorused:
“Fuck James Potter!”
I love James Potter, she thought as her friends saluted the end of her relationship, which she knew
they had done in support of her, but truly only caused an unpleasant shiver to sweep over her spine.
Then she grimaced as – at that very moment – Whitney Houston belted out “I will always love
you” through their favourite pub’s speakers. It made her want to cry as she thought: bittersweet
memories, indeed, are all I’m taking with me.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you so much for reading! I'm @wearingaberetinparis on Tumblr and always
happy to chat!
Day 2 - You Made A Mess Of Me
Chapter Summary
The end had been unexpected. A fight, a screaming match, accusations thrown back
and forth. She hadn’t seen it coming, but now – looking back on it – it seemed
inevitable. James Potter and Lily Evans had quite simply never been meant to be.
Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hit Different”.
Chapter Notes
Prompt 2: Mourning
See the end of the chapter for more notes
He stood in front of the door to the apartment that had been their home for the past year-and-a-half,
mourning the loss of it already. In all honesty, though, the pain of the materialistic casualty he had
suffered was infinitesimal compared to the fact that he had befallen a nearly fatal injury only three
days before – their flat had become a battleground, a no man’s land that he was all too keen never
to enter ever again.
Sirius – stood behind him – placed a hand on his shoulder, the gesture warm, the weight heavy.
”Come on, Prongs,” he spoke softly, his brother’s voice the nudge he needed to lift his hand and
knock on the apartment door, the key to which burned in his pocket.
His nostrils flared as he inhaled sharply, as he squared his shoulders and prepared himself to face
the woman he considered to be the love of his life, the one that didn’t love him anymore, the one
that had not just broken his heart but put it through the meat grinder, leaving behind a mess that
was a verified blood bath.
Footsteps loomed closer and the door swung open, revealing not the redhead he’d expected, but her
darkhaired friend. The woman facing him wore an unimpressed look on her face, crossed her arms
in front of her chest, everything in her body language pointing towards a newfound hostility that
she had never aimed at him before.
“Potter.”
“Macdonald.”
She moved to the side, allowed the two of them in.
“All your things are in the living room, far too neatly packed if you ask me. I’d have dumped it out
on the road if I were her –”
“Where’s Evans?” asked Sirius, walking around him, making his way over to the living room
where – evidently – his belongings had been stored. Noting the way his best friend’s and brother’s
hackles had clearly risen, the way his tone of voice carried an unprecedented malevolence that he
normally reserved for those he considered to be his enemies, he reluctantly pushed forward too.
Despite the fact that Lily had so readily binned him, he loved her far too much to expose her to the
wrath his brother clearly harboured.
He followed Sirius into the living room quickly, nearly bumping into his brother’s back.
“You mean business, huh, Evans?” his best friend's voice was laced with anger. James looked over
Sirius’ shoulder, finding his girlfriend – ex-girlfriend – standing in the middle of the room,
wringing hands, paler than a ghost. His stomach dropped, everything inside of him wanted to
abandon all caution, push Sirius out of the way, wrap her up in his arms before falling down to his
knees to beg: Please, give me another chance. I can make you love me again. Don’t give up on me
now.
“Shut up, Black,” Mary said from behind them, shoving the pair of them out of the way. “You
have no right to speak to her like that.”
Sirius scoffed haughtily. “I don’t, do I?”
It was James' turn to place a hand on his friend’s shoulder now, mimicking their earlier pose
outside of the flat's door, gripping it firmly. “Just let it go, Pads.”
“Let it go –?”
He didn’t allow Sirius to rant on, pushing past him now and reaching for the first cardboard box he
could find, opening it to reveal his collection of LPs, Fleetwood Mac's Rumours - the only album
they both adored in equal measure - lying on top. His eyes fell on the song 'Landslide', a memory of
the two of them together popping up: "It can't be our song, James." "Why not?" "It's about a love
lost. I don't plan on ever losing yours." "You won't, Lil. You're never ever getting rid of me."
He swallowed, his eyes burned. He hadn't been wrong, he just hadn't counted on him losing hers.
“Thanks for packing –” he muttered, remembering the way his hands had started to shake at the
chime of his phone the day before, the intensity of the agony her message had caused. Is that it
then? He’d wanted to type back. Just like that I’m out of your life? Neatly packed up in boxes? A
chapter closed?
“No problem,” she replied. Her voice sounded foreign to his own ears, the way it seemed almost
devoid of emotion. Maybe that’s what happens when someone doesn’t love you anymore. The way
they speak to you changes for good.
He nodded curtly, avoided her eye, turned sideways towards Sirius. His best friend's jaw ticked.
“Can you take the first couple of them down? I just need to grab one last thing from the bedroom
–”
“There’s nothing left there –” he thought he could detect some panic in her voice and for a second
he thought she might know. Slowly, he turned back around, looked her in the eye. They had
widened now and he thought they seemed a little puffy, red-rimmed at the very least. "I turned the
whole room upside down -" Like you've done with my life, he thought bitterly, albeit somewhat
relieved to be reassured that she didn't seem aware of what it was that he still needed to take.
“There is,” he pushed his hands in his pockets, took out the key from his pocket, placed it on the
dresser - the one she had fallen in love with at a thrift store, the one he had spent hours doing up -
on his left. He did so rather nonchalantly, he thought, and he hoped she noted that too, that she
believed he was not nearly as affected by their break-up as he actually was, that he was as ready to
move on and box them up, put a bow around it, as she was.
“I’ll go and get it then,” she started to move in the direction of their – her – bedroom. He cut her
path off easily, however, his own strides being longer than her own. She recoiled almost and he
squeezed his eyes shut at the sight, a pain in his chest so sharp that he found himself wondering if
heartbreak could lead to cardiac arrest.
“No, I –” he grimaced, tried to ignore the painful throbbing of his heart, tried to brush off the
feeling of a needle picking holes into it, blood gushing out with gusto, “– I’ll get it myself. I know
exactly where to find it. I’ll be in and out in a second, I swear.”
She stepped away from their bedroom door, Mary grabbing her hand as she did so, Lily’s best
friend glaring in his direction, her eyes spitting fire. “Go and get your secret porn stash, Potter,” the
brunette hissed, the disdain evident.
“That’s not –” he gritted his teeth, but then simply shook his head, hand on the doorknob and
twisting it. “I didn’t exactly need that, definitely not in the bedroom.”
He didn’t stay around to see how everyone responded to that, opening the door, sneaking inside
and closing it quickly behind him, diving for the mattrass at what had been - up until a matter of
days ago - his side of the bed, lifting it easily. He stared – for a moment only – at the dark blue
velvet box there before snatching it and shoving it into his pocket.
He was out of the room in an instant, not wanting to let the smell that was so her to envelop him
any longer than was strictly necessary, not wanting to observe all the changes she had already
made, the way she had erased him from what had been their sanctity. It might make him do
something stupid if he did.
“Got it?” Sirius asked, eyebrow quirked, eyes flitting briefly to the pocket of his jeans. His brother
was all too aware of what he had gone to get for James had – stupidly and clearly prematurely –
asked his brother to be his best man already, still waiting for the perfect moment to drop to his
knees, to surprise her with a ring and a promise of his unending love.
“Yeah,” he nodded, not daring to glance in Lily’s direction, but feeling the way her eyes burned a
hole into the side of his head. “Let’s get moving, shall we?”
He picked up the first box he could find, marching out with it before he would embarrass himself
by showing her the extent of his upset.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think by leaving me a comment (if
you'd like)! I'm @wearingaberetinparis on Tumblr!
Day 3 - I Pictured You With Other Girls In Love
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Thank you so much for the support so far! I truly am sorry for breaking your hearts...
Prompt 3: Hagrid
She woke up on Saturday morning to an all-encompassing headache, one so splitting that it took
precedence over her aching heart if only for a moment. She rolled over in their bed – she did still
think of it as theirs, even if he had left it – hand outstretched to the cold side of it, the one that he
had always occupied and heated up like the furnace he was. Her feet were cold, her arms were
empty, her cheek missing the cushion that had been his chest.
She dragged herself out of bed, stumbled her way into the bathroom, grabbed some paracetamol
and swallowed them down with some water before allowing her eyes to settle on the fatigued,
exhausted, awful-looking young woman that the mirror reflected back at her. Her skin was white
as snow, the contrast with her auburn hair and her dulled eyes ghastly.
It's lucky he doesn’t see me like this, she found herself thinking, followed by a bitter: it’s his fault
I’m like this.
She left the bathroom, pretending that it didn’t feel as barren as the rest of her flat. There were gaps
on the bookcase where his titles – The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck, 1984, The Road, all of the
Dune franchise, the Lord of the Rings series and biographies of amongst others Nelson Mandela,
Oscar Wilde, Malcolm X and Frida Kahlo – had only days before lived. There were empty spaces
on their wall where his pictures – from when he was a baby lifted by his proud parents to ones at
Hogwarts to ones of him and his friends in Prague, Tokyo and Sydney – had once hung. Their
fridge – where pictures of the two of them had hung with an assortment of fridge magnets from
places they’d visited together – was now as deserted as it had been when he, Sirius, Remus and
Peter had carried it into their apartment just a year and a half ago.
In other words, what had once been their home, now felt uninhabited. She felt a sting of jealousy,
knowing that he had moved back in with Sirius, Remus and Peter and was most likely having the
time of his life, gaming, eating pizza out of the box, walking around the house wearing nothing but
his boxershorts, showing off his marvellous physique to the girls that Remus, Sirius and Peter had
brought home the night before.
Her heart stopped as she reached the kettle, hand hovering over the handle. What if he had brought
someone home too? What if he’d all but forgotten about her, finally free to fuck whomever he
wanted to? What if he’d found himself so taken with the girl he’d spent the night with that he was
making her breakfast in bed right now, which would inevitably – she had been there many times
after all – turn into a wild tumble of limbs again? What if he had found someone he liked far better
than her? What if he found himself thinking that he was well rid of her? What if he found himself
falling in a far deeper love all too quickly?
She had to steady herself, swaying on the spot as she saw actual stars but not in the way he had
always made her see them when he had made her reach the highest of highs. Rather, she wondered
if her headache was an actual migraine, closely followed by the realisation that she had thrown out
her medication for them two months prior, not having had to deal with one of them since her
university days.
Clearly, however, the stress of the break-up was getting to her and causing her to feel physically ill
too. This, she supposed, was not a surprise when you lost the person you had expected to grow old
with, whom you had thought would make the perfect father to your future children, whom you had
wished to be the last person you’d see before Death came to take you away.
He'd texted her the night before, stating that everything he’d left behind was now hers. The sofa
they’d spent their evenings curled on top of, the bed they’d made love in, the towels he’d peeled
off of her, the kitchen table they’d shared all of their meals at and that she’d lain flat on top of as he
had slammed into her from behind. She’d been so angry reading the message that she had typed a
couple of her own only to delete them all again and to not end up sending any of them:
Do you want me to forever live with the ghost of you? Do you think I can stand being
in this stupid flat, every nook and corner reminding me of you?
Whatever would I need a flatscreen TV for?! You *fucking* bought it to watch the
football World Cup and the Six Nations League.
I’m not keeping that ugly penis-shaped pillow that Sirius bought you. If you don’t want
it to end up in the bin, you better come and collect it.
We bought about 75% of everything in this flat together. How do you expect me to fall
out of love with you if you continue to surround me and remind me of all the things
that make you *you*?
She had resorted – in those messages – to her former Sixth Form-self, to the girl that had fancied
James Potter rotten and had hated herself for it, lashing out at him rather than facing the truth that
she – out of loyalty to her friend – was unwilling to recognise. Her frustrations now ran as high as
they had when she and James had had to complete detention with Hogwarts’ caretaker Hagrid,
cleaning the horse’s stables which she had ended up furiously snogging James up against, telling
him with an angry hiss as they first parted for some air: “Just so you know, I still fucking hate
you.” He had only smiled her way, utterly besotted – “Hate me all you want, Evans” – before
turning them around, fusing his mouth to hers and feeling her up right then and there. (It was a
wonder, she still believed, that it had taken them seven more years to get together after that.)
Now, having cried herself to sleep and waking up feeling even more miserable now than when she
had first read the message, she felt cheerless, a deep sorrow having settled inside her bones, her
movements languid as she picked up her phone, knowing that she had to respond to him sooner
rather than later lest he think she was – as he would be right to think, but she did not care for him to
know he was – mourning the loss of him and – justly – guessed that she had spent her night in bed
with the Ben & Jerry Cookie Dough tub of ice cream he had bought her four weeks earlier when
she’d been on her period.
Thumbs hovering over her keyboard, watching the cursor blink she tried to come up with a
message that showed him just how bloody fine she was, just how much she did not need or love
him still (and most likely forever would).
Chapter End Notes
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate you making the time to do so! Feel free to
leave a comment or come find me on Tumblr. I'm @wearingaberetinparis there.
Day 4 - Then Threw Up On The Street
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Grand
(My apologies to those of you who own and love their Ikea bed. There's nothing
wrong with them. Sirius is just a bit of an insulted little snob here. He is taking Lily's
so-called rejection of James personally.)
He was feeling grand, thank you very much, after his early morning run. This is what he told his
friends as he entered the kitchen – sweaty, salty, bone-tired – and got a glass out of the cupboard,
filling it with water which he gulped down.
“In fact,” he said, the taste of his own words, upon having swallowed the cold liquid, bitter, “I have
never felt fucking better than this past week. I only managed to fuck up spectacularly with the
woman I’ve been in love with since I was fifteen or so. It’s all bloody sunshine and daisies up
here.” He placed his free hand over his twinging heart.
“Good to see you’re taking all of this so well, mate,” Sirius spoke, mouth full of the sausage he’d
just taken a bite off. “No teenage rampage or anything. All our plates are still in one piece too.” His
brother’s sarcasm was dripping, but didn't cut as it may have if his heart hadn't been broken
already.
“Cut him some slack,” Remus replied soothingly nevertheless, rubbing his eyes, scratching his
bare chest as he yawned out: “He’s still in shock that Lily actually kicked him to the curb.”
“You can’t let her get away with this, you know,” Sirius pointed his fork at him now, Remus'
words a seeming reminder of what had transpired over the past few days. “That apartment is as
much hers as it’s yours and I know for a fact that you will have paid more than your fair share.
Claim what belongs to you, mate. At least take the bed, so you don’t have to sleep on an air
mattress on the floor.”
“I don’t want the bed,” he muttered grumpily. “I’ll buy myself an Ikea one or something.”
“An Ikea bed?!” his brother was clearly horrified as he gaped at him. “What kind of idiot are you?
How do you expect to get any action on one of those? Don’t you know they creak like hell? You’re
not going to keep us up with all the rebound shagging you’re going to be doing, you know.”
“I’m not going to shag anyone any time soon,” he said, putting his glass down with a loud cling,
peeling his shirt over his head. “As far as I’m concerned, romance is dead.”
“I’m not suggesting romance,” Sirius scrunched up his face here, as if he was utterly disgusted and
this was no surprise. When James had shown up at his best friends’ house late Monday evening -
moments after he had ended it before she could - Sirius had opened the door, taken one look at him
and said: “I knew this would fucking happen. Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you. Love is a bloody
lie.”
Now, Sirius got up from his seat, walked over on his bare feet, wearing nothing more than his
boxers and a Nirvana T-shirt. “I’m suggesting you get out there, mate, fuck your way through all of
London until you forget about her –”
“You know he can’t,” chimed up Peter, not even bothering to look up from his phone, scrolling
through - James assumed - the news of the day. “His cock goes limp at the thought.” He pursed his
lips and sent daggers his final friend’s way, even though Peter was not exactly wrong.
Sirius chose to ignore their other friend too. “Put this body of yours to good use,” he gestured in his
general direction. “You’ve kept it in great shape for Evans. Now, show her what she’s missing by
slutting it up and showing your dick there’s more cunts for you to enjoy.”
James pulled a face at the thought - which truly did make him feel sick to his stomach - as Remus
let out a heavy sigh. “He wants to get her back,” their teacher friend said as he collected Sirius’,
Peter’s and his own plate. “He’s far too loyal to get twisted up in the sheets with some other girl,
while he knows he’s going to be thinking about Lily the whole time.”
“Well, Lily dropped him like a brick, didn’t she?” Sirius had been furious with his girlfriend – ex-
girlfriend – for the past couple of days, wanting to march up to the apartment, demanding to know
how the fuck it was possible that she had fallen out of love with his best friend and brother. “She
chose to believe Snivellus over him.” This was, as far as Sirius was concerned, the gravest error
Lily could have ever made, hating Severus Snape with a passion that surpassed James’ own.
“To be fair,” he sighed, “she wasn’t completely wrong to. What I did was unacceptable –”
“But you left out the part where he called her your bitch, did you? You just let him accuse you of
punching him and breaking his nose –”
“Which I did,” he rubbed his forehead with his left hand, flexed the fingers of his right, the
phantom feel of his punch and the way it had connected with Snape's nose still there, “and it was a
bloody stupid move –”
“You were defending her!”
“No,” he shook his head, “I mean… part of me was, but there was another part of me that felt
immense satisfaction over finally getting to do what I’ve wanted to do for years.” It’s what he had
felt an intense sense of guilt over ever since it had first happened. It’s why he had gone to the
police station, why he had admitted to his assault and why he had offered Lily’s best friend a sum
of money to compensate for the medical costs he’d been forced to make. This last thing had been
misconstrued by Snape entirely as he had told Lily that James had paid him hush money to keep
his mouth shut over what had happened. “Besides, I didn’t want to make her feel bad over what
he’d said about her –”
“You don’t think she feels bad now?” asked Remus, putting their dishes into the dishwasher.
“According to Alice she hasn’t so much as left the flat, skipped out on work and you know and
always go on about how Lily loves the lab –”
His heart throbbed painfully.
“That’s because she’s been too busy packing up all of James’ stuff here. You’ve seen all those
boxes, neatly sorted into categories, she even ironed his bloody shirts –”
“And you don’t think that’s because she loves him more than anything?”
“Whose side are you bloody on?”
“Both!”
“That’s not how a bloody break-up works,” Sirius snapped, his temper ignited. “You pick a side
and you better bloody pick your brother’s –”
“Sirius –” James began, sighing heavily, “there’s no sides, there’s just…” he shrugged, didn’t
know how to finish that sentence exactly. Intense heartache? A part of me that died the moment I
called it quits and she didn’t disagree with me? “I don’t want her to be miserable, that’s why I
chose to end it. She’s been stuck between a rock and a hard place with Snape and myself for far too
long – I could see her start to crumble under the weight of it and that’s the last thing I ever would
want for her.”
He’d had to experience enough of the disappointed looks she had sent his way over the years when
he and her best friend couldn’t keep it civil in each other's presence for even a minute, had seen her
lose faith in him, had felt her cold shoulder whenever they’d arrive home after another attempt at
bonding or reconciliation had gone haywire, had been there as she returned from the lab after a day
working with him, looking positively worn-out and pale as she had to hold in telling him about the
thing that she loved most: her work. His own friends wouldn’t understand. They hadn’t been there,
they hadn’t had to feel her distance herself from him in the past few months, they hadn’t had to
watch her glow slowly fade to nothing, her wildfire become a mere flicker. They hadn’t had to live
with the realisation that they could no longer make her eyes sparkle, that James Potter was simply
no longer the person that could make Lily Evans happy.
So, he’d decided to take matters into his own hands when they had combusted. He wasn’t going to
sit and wait around for Lily to decide she no longer loved him, that thought alone had made him
want to throw up. He would not have let it get that far, even though – her lack of a response to his
question of whether she still considered herself in love more than telling – he feared he might have
been just a tad too late and this was pure and utter agony.
His friends were quiet as they watched him sling his shirt over his shoulder, remained so as he
murmured something about taking a shower. He was certain, however, that they wouldn’t stay
quiet for long after he’d departed, even though he was more than happy not to have to listen to even
a second of it.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you for reading! I hope your heart isn't too sore after these first four chapters.
I'm @wearingaberetinparis on Tumblr if you'd like to chat.
Day 5 - Like Waiting For A Bus That Never Shows
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Wardrobe
“You look like shit,” whispered Andromeda, leaning over her station into hers. “At least Cissa will
stop her constant nagging and actually believe that you’ve been ill practically all of last week.” The
corners of Lily's lips twitched slightly before turning into a grimace as her heavy head filled with –
it felt like – an unlimited amount of candy floss, the world spinning slightly as it did so. A slight
frown appeared on her colleague’s forehead, clearly noting her discomfort. “Are you okay, though?
Why are you not still at home in bed if you are so clearly unwell?” A beat of silence, a slight
widening of the lab technician's eyes. "Oh my god, are you -" her eyes flitted down to her stomach
as if expecting to find all answers there.
Lily flushed heavily and shook her head as she blew a strand of her auburn hair out of her face,
feeling positively worn-out and thoroughly embarrassed at the same time. “No, I'm not, I -" her
nostrils flared as she closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, "I had an awful migraine this weekend,
actually.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Andy sighed, worry forming a crease between her eyes as the woman in her
early thirties abandoned her station in favour of Lily’s, “I keep telling you this is too much. You
work way too hard and the past couple of months have been so stressful for you –”
“It’s fine, it’s not what you think it is –”
“No,” the other woman placed a hand on her shoulder, “it's most certainly not fine! You’re draining
yourself. You haven’t liked working here for ages, you’re only staying out of some misguided
sense of loyalty to Severus –”
“It’s not misguided,” she bit her lip, dropped the utensils she’d been holding, balanced herself
against the countertop. “He’s worked so hard to get funding for this project –”
“So?” asked Andy, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “You said it yourself. It's his project.
You have – very much like him – worked way too hard and far too much to keep doing something
that you hate. This isn't your battle to fight nor is it yours to win.”
She felt her chest constrict. Andromeda was right, of course. She hadn’t been happy – at work, that
is – for a long time. She had gone to university, excelled there, convinced that she knew what she
wanted to do with her life. She wanted to work in a lab and find cures for diseases, help people and
that is exactly what she had gone on to do. Her fervent passion for Chemistry had only been further
ignited by her childhood best friend, who harboured equal enthusiasm and was the perfect person
to partner with inside the lab. Everyone had always been so proud of her. James would introduce
her to anyone they bumped into as “my girlfriend, the scientist”, her parents boasted to everyone
they knew that Lily had gone to university, worked in one of the leading labs of the country and
was on her way to obtaining her PhD. She had spent thousands and had spent far too many hours
studying to get where she was now, only to find out that she hated being in a lab day in and day
out, that her focus for the first twenty years of her life had proven faulty, that she would be much
happier working in a bookstore - as she had done to pay her way through uni - than spend her days
testing her hypotheses, keeping records, dissecting, pipetting, measuring or sterilising. It was
mortifying and she hadn’t dared tell anyone about it, not even James. She was not ready to face
anyone's disappointment but her own.
“You have to promise me you’ll put you first. Don’t think about Snape for a change, don’t just
suck it up and keep doing what doesn’t make you feel excited to go to work in the morning. Look
at what it’s doing to you! It’s making you physically ill!”
“This isn’t –” she faltered, hesitated, chewed on her bottom lip, felt tears well up in her eyes as she
– on a heavy exhale, a sob not far away and hating herself for it – confessed: “James and I broke
up.”
Andromeda stilled, mouth slightly agape. “Say what?”
Lily buried her face in her hands now, tears leaking from her eyes. “He broke up with me,” she
sniffed, shoulders beginning to shake.
“That’s impossible,” Andy wrapped her arms around her. “James Potter would never break up with
you. In what universe?”
“This one, apparently,” she lamented, her nose running and she reached for some tissue on her
station, dabbed at her eyes and nose. “He doesn’t love me anymore.”
“Okay,” Andromeda held her upper arms in a firm grip, looked her in the eyes, “now I know for
sure that something’s wrong. Did he hit his head or something? He must suffer from some type of
brain damage. Perhaps he lifted a few weights too many at the gym –” Normally, this would have
made her laugh, but there was very little to laugh about when it came to her life at the moment.
“Did he literally say: ‘I, James Potter, do not love you, Lily Evans, any longer?’ Because it sounds
super fake to me.”
If only it were, she thought, blowing her nose, I would do anything to make it so. “We got into a
fight, because he broke Sev’s nose –”
“Wait, that was him?” Andy’s eyes widened. “Severus said that he’d walked into a door, which is
weird, because at least if he got punched in the face he’d have - for a change - an interesting story
to tell over lunch.” The woman seemed doubtful here. “Also, he never misses an opportunity to
make James look bad, so there must be something else at play. Are you sure that he's not making
this whole thing up? You know how he likes to make things difficult for James sometimes.”
Lily worried her lip, shook her head rather helplessly. “That’s what my fight with James was about.
Apparently, James offered Sev hush money, so that he wouldn’t tell me about it and when I
confronted James he laughed, but not in his usual nice baritone, it was more of a cackle –”
“Hush money?” Andromeda crinkled her nose. “What is this? Some kind of gangster movie or
something? Who offers anyone that?”
“I don’t know,” she sighed, shrugged, felt witless. She had so many questions herself still that had
all been left unanswered, that she would most likely never get an answer to now that James had left
her behind. “I tried to ask, but then we were shouting and he accused me of always taking Sev’s
side over his and excusing all of his wrongs, while he does the exact same with his own friends –”
“Well…” her work friend pulled a face, “you do tend to do that a little…" Andy hesitated for a
moment before continuing: "... and sure he does some of it too - heaven knows my cousin is a bit of
a handful sometimes - but it’s different, isn’t it? His friends aren’t… you know –” It didn’t make
her feel any better that she knew exactly what her colleague was talking about. There was a
multitude of ways she could finish that sentence and everything would point at her other misstep:
she had been unable to keep her friend on the right track and she felt that all too much of that could
be blamed on her too. These anguished thoughts and her further deflation did not go unnoticed for
Andy was quick to add: “But you do tell him off when he really deserves it, so you try and that's
important too. You never give up on him and that counts for something –”
Lily let her head hang, picked at a loose thread near the hem of her lab coat. “I feel like that's a
consolation prize, a sticker given by a teacher for failing where I should have succeeded." Andy
opened her mouth, but Lily cut her off. "Anyway, it got worse and worse after all of that and then
James said that we didn’t work as a couple anymore and questioned us still being in love with each
other –”
“What did you say to that?”
“Nothing,” another tear rolled down her cheek. “What was I supposed to say? ‘I love you a
ridiculous amount and would give up everything for you, even my friendship with Severus if you
asked?’”
A few seconds ticked by, the look on Andromeda's face one that revealed exactly what she was
thinking before she voiced it: “It might have been what he needed to hear, Lily.”
She felt her face crumple and the many shards of her heart were walked all over yet again. “Well, I
didn’t even get to consider saying it, because before I knew it he called it quits and he left our
apartment, not even taking any of his clothes, so I thought he might be back, but –” she shrugged
weakly.
“Well, shit –”
“So, that’s why I didn’t come in last week, it’s because I spent the first two days after wrapped up
in several items taken from his wardrobe and then I packed up all of his things and he came to
pick them up –”
“Wait, what?!” Andromeda’s shock seemed to increase with every part of the story she was
relaying. “What the fuck, Lil? That’s so final and all of it just like that?” She seemed stumped.
“You guys are everyone’s favourite couple. If you’d put a hundred different couples in a line-up
and you’d ask them: ‘Who is most likely to get married and have a dozen children?’ everyone
would pick you!”
“Well, not anymore.” She felt defeated, she sounded defeated, she looked it too. “So, that’s it…
I’m the future Mrs Potter no more. He ended it and is back living with Sirius, Remus and Peter.” A
humourless laugh escaped her. “He let me keep the apartment and the bed, as if…” she blinked
away more tears. “As if I’d want to be forever reminded of my biggest, most devastating failure, of
the fact that he fell out of love with me –”
At that moment, the door to the lab opened and Severus walked in. Her mouth snapped shut as her
best friend – still sporting bruises around his nose, the bags under his eyes purplish and green -
entered in his typical cautious and quiet manner. It should have been, perhaps, a stark reminder of
the violence her ex-boyfriend had used against a person she had grown up with, someone who was
more of a sibling to her than her very own sister had ever been. It was the one thing that held them
together still, that made it so difficult for her to let go. Now, however, she had trouble looking at
him, didn’t want him to recognise what she was afraid she didn't know how to hide very well, that
he would gloat and say: “I told you so. From the very start, I told you he’d one day get sick and
tired of you. Men like him always do. They’re only in it for the chase.”
Severus stopped in his tracks when his eyes settled on her, his intently focused black orbs roaming
across her face and for a second she was afraid he'd know, that he'd say something that might hurt
her further, that he may mention the one person she loved more than anything in the world and
would blacken his name. He licked his lips, though, pressed the clipboard he was holding closer to
his chest before uttering: “You’re back –” he was clearly feeling uncertain as he kept his distance
from Andromeda and herself. His fingers flexed against the notepad in his hands.
“Yeah, I’m –”
“Good,” he spoke over her, stiffly making his way over to his own station. “Check our data when
you’ve got time. I think I made some progress –”
“Right,” she said, walking back to her own spot, opening up her laptop, feeling both relieved that
he hadn't said anything about the way she looked and disappointed that he hadn't noted her clear
distress. She caught Andromeda’s eye as the woman walked back to her own station, her raised
eyebrows telling. Lily decided to ignore it, opened up the Excel sheet she and Severus worked in
together, hoping to get lost in the results that were outlined there.
A couple of minutes later a message popped up in the bottom corner of her screen, arriving through
Teams:
Andromeda Tonks
You’re having dinner with Ted and I tonight. I won’t take no for an answer. Ted makes
the best comfort food and that seems to be exactly what you need right now.
Also, the fact that Severus didn’t even ask how you were… *poop emoji*
We’re keeping the break-up a secret right?
Lily Evans
Yes, please... to both of those. For now, that is.
She chose not to reply to the bit about Sev's behaviour, far too relieved that she could rest assured
in the knowledge that she could pretend all was well in paradise yet a little while longer.
Chapter End Notes
Again, thank you so much for reading! I realise this fic can be upsetting and that - for
most of you - a happy ending won't come fast enough, but I am so honoured that you
guys want to join me on this journey. I really appreciate it.
Day 6 - You Just Start Walking On
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Elegant
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he kicked another box away from him, let himself drop back on the airbed,
hands tugging at his black mop of curls as he let out yet another frustrated growl. It was a far from
elegant pose and he was certain his mother – if he had lived with her still and he were the posturing
teenager he had been at sixteen – would have clucked her tongue at his dramatics. Now, however,
he thought she might sympathise with him and - if she had been here - join him in his misery, for
Euphemia Potter was just about as devastated as her own son that his relationship with Lily had
ended.
He pinched the bridge of his nose when he involuntarily remembered the silence on the other end
of the line as he’d informed both his parents of his newfound relationship status through calling his
mother. How the discomfiting stillness had turned into a shaken: “Whatever for? James, what did
you do?” Followed by a stunted explanation of his violent confrontation with his childhood
nemesis - who doubled as his now ex-girlfriend's best friend - and how this had led to an
unprecedented and - this caused sorrow to deepen - unsolveable argument between Lily and
himself.
The memory of his mother's quiet disapproval made it hard to breathe, his lungs constricted by the
weight of his parents' disappointment that had crashed down on top of this sizable own. So, he sat
up again, forearms now resting on top of his knees, his hands locked in a vice-like grip.
As he stared blankly ahead of him, his eyes unseeing, a soft knock sounded on the door and he
looked up to find Remus there, his friend’s lips quirking up into a sympathetic, albeit saddened
smile.
“All right?” Remus asked. The face he pulled after he had said it, showed that he knew exactly
which answer to the question he was going to get. “Of course you’re not,” he was quick to add and
amend. “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking asking you that.”
“It’s all right,” James shrugged, rubbing his face with his right hand in an attempt to wipe the
heartache off his face. “I know I’m absolutely shit company at the moment, so –” he sent his friend
an apologetic smile that he was certain appeared strained and did not quite meet his eyes. “Thanks
for letting me crash here.”
“It was your room once, as you well know,” Remus looked around it, eyes travelling across the
walls, “and we kept it largely the same. Like a museum of James Potter’s early twenties.” The
posters James had put up in the first two years he’d lived here with them – before he had moved
out and shacked up with Lily – still hung on the walls despite the fact that it had served as Remus’
study for the duration of his absence, which had been intended as a permanent one, ending with an
impatient wait at the altar as Lily – smiling, wearing white, his vision blurred by the happy tears
that would surely form in his eyes – walked down the aisle to meet him. “You’re always welcome
here. You’re our best mate,” Remus spoke, pulling him out of his daydream turned nightmare. "It's
just that I wish we wouldn't have reason to have you back with us -"
“Yeah, I know –”
A brief silence followed before Remus cleared his throat.
“So,” he stepped inside, hands in his pockets as his tall and slim frame filled the doorway, “I know
you’re not holding up well, but… you know I’m always here if you want to talk, right? I won’t
judge or speak ill of Lily like Padfoot –”
“Yeah, I –” he swallowed, nodded, “– I know and I really appreciate it, I just…” he exhaled
heavily. “How do I talk about it? Where do I even start? I thought we were heading for marriage
and then I completely fucked it up –”
Remus crossed the distance between them, sank down on the air mattress beside him, the both of
them nearly sitting on the floor now due to their combined weight as Remus patted his knee. “You
didn’t mess it up. You just lost your temper and from what I have heard rightfully so –”
“It cost me the love of my life, though, so I’m not sure if – albeit immensely satisfying as I heard
the crunch – punching the incel was actually worth it.”
Remus hummed, fingers flexing as he placed his hands on his own knees, making James all too
aware of the slightly sore knuckles of his own right hand, which saw him glance at the gentle
redness that still bloomed where his fist had connected with Snape's nose. “You probably shouldn’t
repeat that last part in front of Lily –”
“I don’t think she ever wants to see me again, so –”
“I have strong doubts there.”
“You’ve always been the optimistic one.”
His friend let out a low chuckle before he sighed heavily, his leg jumping. “Can I –” he started,
before faltering in his hesitation. James turned his head to look at him, observed Remus, taking in
the bags under his eyes which he’d worn permanently since the day they had first met. He seemed
more than just a little anxious now, which made his heart lurch, caused him to brace himself for
impact.
“Go on,” he spoke, giving Remus a friendly nudge with his elbow, despite the anxiety bubbling in
the pit of his own stomach.
His friend sent him a grateful smile before dropping his eyes once more. “I feel awkward asking,
but can I –” he stopped once more, clearly nervous, before rushing out: “Can I contact Lily still or
would you rather I cut all ties out of solidarity?”
He very nearly blanched, his chest practically tore open. Remus and Lily had always gotten on
exceptionally well and their friendship much pre-dated his own friends to lovers adventure with the
woman he was still convinced was meant to be his. This question of Remus' should, therefore, not
have surprised him and there was a part of him that welcomed it even. He loved Lily, would do so
for – he expected – the rest of his life and he wanted her to be happy, more than that even. Despite
the fact that his own heart was broken and he doubted he would ever feel truly fulfilled again, he
would not refuse Lily the friendships she so dearly needed, the ones that she deserved.
“Please talk to her,” he almost begged. “I worry that –” he let his head hang, his shoulders sag.
“She needs friends that want the best for her, that support her –” He didn’t need to say it and finish
the sentence for the both of them already knew he considered one of her current and childhood
friends to be the worst possible one for her to have. Severus Snape – Lily’s near lifelong best mate,
the person she’d grown up with, the one she would defend time and time again, even though he did
not deserve it due to his sense of entitlement, his deep-rooted resentment and hatred, his
misogynistic and racist point of views – would not offer her that and if there was one thing he,
James Potter, worried over, it was the fact that he could no longer protect her, that he couldn't warn
her or shield her from his toxic views, even if whenever he had tried to do so in the past, an
argument between Lily and himself had ensued.
“I will then,” Remus nodded, licking his lips, eyes flitting in his direction. “I’ll… I can tell you
how she’s holding up, if you’d like.”
He shook his head, heart heavy, throat tightening. “I’d rather not know how perfectly fine she is –”
“You know she won’t be –”
“She will be,” he wrung his hands together, “and rightfully so. She and Snape are on the verge of
some breakthrough at the lab apparently. It’s why she’s been so tired lately, why she's been so
preoccupied and distant –” That and the fact that coming home to find him there clearly no longer
sparked joy inside of her, but he was not about to say this out loud. It was far too mortifying a thing
to admit to in front of any of his friends.
Remus eyed him doubtfully, placing his hand on James' shoulder. "She might be busy, but that
doesn't mean she won't miss you." When James didn't answer, Remus sighed and scrambled up,
grimacing once more. “I need to work on some lesson plans for tomorrow, but I'll be next door if
you need me – don't hole yourself up in here, James. We're here for you -”
“Yeah,” he nodded, sending his friend a fleeting smile, wetting his lips before breathing out: “good
luck then.”
“Thanks.”
The door closed softly and he was alone again. He let himself fall back on the airbed, stared up at
the ceiling before he closed his eyes and right hand resting over his heart, which – he was almost
surprised to find – still seemed to beat without her.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you for reading, everyone! I really appreciate it. I know all of this is hard.
Day 7 - They Say That If It’s Right, You’ll Know
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Expectation
“You’ve barely said a word to me these past two days.”
Severus stood next to her as he shrugged his lab coat off, wearing a scowl on his face as he looked
at his own feet. She froze a little, hands stopping on her ponytail before she gained the ability to
move once more and pulled the tie out of her hair, resisting the urge to run her fingers through it in
a poor attempt to recreate the feeling of comfort it would give her when James would do it instead.
“You haven’t said much to me either,” she replied after what might have been a few too many
seconds, bending down to grab her bag and sling it over her shoulder. She stood up again, turned to
face him.
“I didn’t think you wanted me to,” he told her slowly, his nostrils flaring as his eyes seemed to
settle on various points in the room just beyond her shoulders, never quite meeting her eyes. “You
seem distant.”
Heartbroken, she thought as she let out a heavy sigh, shrugged slightly. “I’m not, I’m just –”
overwhelmed by the wave of emotions that keep crashing into me? Terrified that I will never
experience a love like the one I feel for him ever again? Angry with myself? Angry with James?
Angry with you? “I’ve been really tired and I just don’t feel well.” She turned away from him then,
meant to make her way to the door, but one of his hands had wrapped around her wrist, stopping
her in her tracks.
“Did he tell you not to talk to me?” He was clearly anxious as he questioned her. “Whatever Potter
told you I said, I didn’t mean –” he trailed off, grimaced.
She lifted an eyebrow, turned her head to look at him. “He would never ask me to do anything of
the sort,” a heavy sigh escaped her. “I’ve told you again and again, he respects our friendship, he
understands that we go way back, like he and Sirius do. Besides, he didn’t tell me anything –” He
didn’t say much of anything about your argument at all. Nothing beyond a shrugged apology and a
mumbled “I don’t know” when asked what could have possibly compelled him to do what he did. It
had infuriated her as she knew exactly what his tells were and it was clear by the way he had
avoided her eyes that James Potter had not been open with her.
Severus interrupted her thoughts as he snorted, rolled his eyes, his grip on her wrist tightening just
a little. “There’s the expectation on his part that our friendship’s got an expiration date –”
“He doesn’t expect anything of the sort –”
“As if he even tolerates me –”
“He tries his very hardest and I appreciate his efforts, actually –”
“His efforts! He hates my absolute guts!”
“As if you don’t hate his!” As if you don’t make it impossible for him to like you, because you
don’t even try.
She yanked her arm out of his grasp, her wrist free once more as she stepped to the right, created
some more distance between the pair of them. Severus was glowering by now, clearly displeased
with the turn their conversation had taken and – in all frankness – so was she. The last thing she
wanted, was to talk excessively about what had made every interaction between both men
incredibly painful to watch, even if James had always been more of a begrudging good sport about
it, had at least attempted to set his initial prejudice aside if it would please her. It’s why, perhaps,
she had been so appalled and quite honestly shocked to the core when he had snapped the weekend
before last.
“You know what he and his friend did to me when we were at Hogwarts,” Sev’s eyes were
narrowed to slits. “I have every reason to dislike him, I don’t need to try otherwise just because my
so-called best friend has chosen to fall for his –” he stopped, lips thin and lacking any colour.
“Go on then,” she had crossed her arms in front of her chest, a fire rekindled in her that she thought
James might have taken with him when he had left their apartment over a week ago now, “don’t let
me hold you back. I’d be quite interested in what you have to say about me, actually.”
He turned his head sideways, his Adam's apple bobbing. “You know what I mean.”
“I assure you I don’t.”
“It’s just that –” tension pulled the corners of his lips down, “– I didn’t think you’d be so shallow
as to fall for someone who cares more about training his body than his brain.”
“Are you saying you think he’s fit?”
She couldn’t resist it, didn’t know exactly where this Lily – the one she thought was smarting and
wouldn’t appear for a very long time – came from, but she couldn’t help but be glad that she was
still there, that she hadn’t lost absolutely everything just yet, even though it felt like this was the
case.
Sev’s pale pallor turned purple, his annoyance peaking. “You know very well –” he took a step
towards her, towered over her slightly in a way that she – unlike when James did this – found just a
little threatening, “– that I cannot stand the sight of him, that nothing hurts me more than knowing
that you chose him of all people –”
Well, luckily for you, he seems to no longer be able to stomach me. He has quite possibly given up
on me for good.
“He broke my nose –” his voice was barely more than a whisper as he seemed oblivious to her
inner monologue, a slight chill running up her spine. She knew that the quieter he got, the angrier
he was, which was further emphasized when he added: “– and he didn’t so much as apologise –”
“He tried,” she defended her ex-boyfriend. “He was at the hospital to –”
“To offer me fucking money, so I wouldn’t tell you what he’d done to me.” As an afterthought – a
bitter one at that – he continued: “Not that you seem to care. You haven’t even asked me about it
beyond a text last week Monday and then you don't show up, let me do all the dirty work -”
She felt a flash of guilt overtake her, combined with an intense need to protect herself. There was a
very good reason why she hadn’t even thought to message him about his broken nose after that
Monday evening had come to a close. She had simply been too broken, too devastated, too
disappointed, too. Still, she didn’t want Severus to know just yet, she didn’t want him to gloat, she
didn’t want to see him rejoice where she mourned the loss of James like she’d lost one of her limbs.
Or, am I perhaps still hopeful? Do I believe James might change his mind? Do I expect him - every
single day - to stand in front of our apartment door, begging for a second of my time?
“I wasn’t feeling well,” she answered feebly instead. “It had nothing to do with you. I’m sorry for
being a bad friend –”
“Don’t worry,” Severus almost snarled at her, “I’m used to it by now.”
She blinked up at him, felt as if he had slapped her in the face, stumbled backwards, her back
hitting the wall as she stared at him as if he were a stranger, someone she didn’t quite know despite
the fact that his face was nearly as familiar to her as her own.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Always taking his side, choosing him, rushing out of here and leaving me to do all this work by
myself just so you can spend your evenings cuddling on the sofa –”
“That’s unfair,” she almost laughed, “I’m here for you always, I listen whenever you want me to. I
work overtime, don’t leave until you tell me it’s okay to –”
“Because it bloody shows that you don’t want to be fucking near me, that all you’ll ever want is
him, while I –” he staggered back, hands balled into fists, anger contorting his face as he hissed:
“And you know and you still refuse to –” a sharp inhale, “– you prefer to taunt me, while he struts
and prances and loves that he’s got what you’ll never give to me, even though I’ve always been by
your side –”
Her eyes were wide as she listened to him, not quite knowing what to say, her heart slamming
uncomfortable against her ribcage. “I don’t taunt –”
“You just love it, don’t you?” he ignored her weak protest. “You’ve got him to make you feel good
about yourself, me to do your bidding –” She couldn’t help it, a choking noise of disbelief that
sounded like a laugh escaped her before she could so much as attempt to keep it in, angering him
further. “You use me, probably laugh at me with him behind my back –”
“I would never –” she found herself moving towards the boy - man, now - she had grown up with,
hands up as if to help him visualise her innocence, her surrender too. “I’ve only ever wanted to be a
friend to you, I’ve stuck with you even when –” Tears formed in her eyes as she finished this
sentence in her mind: even when it cost me my relationship. She was shaking, her breathing heavy
as she tried to gain control over herself and her emotions. “I can’t talk about this now, I’m too…
my mind is messed up and –” Her hands moved up to cover her eyes.
She stood there like it for a while, tears staining the palms of her hand. It wasn’t until a couple of
minutes later, when the worst of it had passed and she could breath semi-normally now, that she
realised he had left her standing there and she wondered – miserably so – if this was to be her fate
now.
Day 8 - Each Bar Plays Our Song
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Feign
“Love,” he paused, his head swimming just slightly and feeling particularly hot, “is a lie!”
He was pretty sure he slurred as he said it, but was happy to notice that his intent came across for
Peter – red-cheeked and blurry-eyed – raised his pint in the air, amber liquid sloshing over the rim
of it, while Sirius cheered him on and shouted: “Fuck, yeah!”
He grinned wide before lifting his own pint and bringing his glass to his lips, the beer making its
way down his throat, cooling him down just a little as he closed his eyes contentedly and noted that
he hadn’t felt this good in the past week and a half. The alcohol had softened his rough and
razorlike edges, his bleeding heart far from healed but – for a couple of hours only – not making
him want to beg anyone if they could just make it stop beating altogether.
Time had lost all meaning, he remembered Sirius telling him to smile for a selfie, Peter tripping
over his own feet as he made his way to the bathroom, Remus refusing to type something on
Sirius’ phone, which had made his brother’s mood sour as he muttered he’d bloody do it himself
and then he was outside, leaning against a lamppost as Remus hailed a cab.
“You know what, Prongs,” Sirius spoke from where he leaned his head against his shoulder, arm
slung around his waist.
“What?” he asked dreamily.
“I bet Evans is really fucking sorry to have lost you.” A pang in his chest. For a couple of seconds
he was convinced he couldn’t breathe. “You’re really warm, you know. Quite comfy, actually.”
He licked his lips, had trouble keeping his eyes focused as he blinked ahead of him, headlights
coming closer and then he was pushed into a cab, someone – he thought it must have been Remus -
making sure he didn’t hit his head as he practically tripped inside, lying sideways on Sirius’ and
Peter’s lap before managing to right himself and pull his legs in just before the door closed.
Remus settled in next to the taxi driver, muttered their address and then – feeling rather sleepy all
of a sudden – James rested his cheek against the window, the cold sensation warding away the
nausea that threatened to take over. He figured he might have drunk just a little bit too much, but at
least now he could blame his misery the next morning on the hangover rather than his severe and
obvious heartache. Perhaps, even, if the headache the next morning would disappoint, he could
feign it being worse and sulk in his room all day, curtains closed, drowning in his grief, no one to
bother him as he scrolled through his phone’s film roll to look at the hundreds of pictures of his
now ex-girlfriend.
“Hey,” a knee nudged his, “all right?”
He nodded, inhaled sharply. “Yeah, I just feel a little sick –” Heartsick.
“You better don’t throw up, mate,” grumbled their grumpy chauffeur from his seat, his nose
scrunched up.
“No, I won’t, I –”
He stiffened, stilled. Somewhere he could hear the cab driver curse under his breath, the dear man
possibly thinking he was about to contradict his earlier statement due to the way all colour had
drained form his face, but he could only focus on the lyrics and music floating his way from the
car's radio: “I took my love, I took it down. I climbed a mountain and I turned around, and I saw
my reflection in the snow-covered hills, ‘til the landslide brought me down.”
A memory was awakened. Lily - blissful smile on her face - shaking her head at him as they had
shuffled along to the music playing in the background, his arms pulling her as close as physically
possible as she had told him: "It can't be our song, James."
"Why not?" he’d asked, seeing stars as he had looked at her, pressing his forehead against hers.
"It's about a love lost,” the fingers of the hand she’d wrapped around the back of his neck caressed
the sensitive skin there. “I don't plan on ever losing yours."
A smile had split his face in two, his cheeks almost aching with it as his heart had swelled, certain
in the truth of the words he had been about to speak, knowing that he had wanted nothing more
than to grow old with the woman in his arms: "You won't, Lil. You're never ever getting rid of
me." Then, leaning forward: “Who cares what the song is about? It’s to do with what it means to
us.”
“James?” The mention of his name pulled him back to the present. Remus had turned around in his
seat, worry etching his face, clearly having understood the significance of the song that had started
playing.
“Oh, fuck it,” Sirius spoke loudly from beside him. “Mate, turn the music down!” His brother
leaned forward, stretching his arm, which Remus slapped away. “It’s downright depressing is what
it is –”
“I love Fleetwood Mac –” muttered Peter from the other side, sounding delirious as he did, just a
little out of this world. James would most likely have worried or fussed over him if he didn’t find
himself short-circuiting at that very moment.
“Well, I’ve been afraid of changing, ‘cause I’ve built my life around you,” sang Stevie Nicks as
Sirius repeated his request to turn it the fuck down and Remus reiterated his request – far more
politely, addressing their driver with "Sir" – clearly searching for the button to turn it all off
himself.
He leaned forward, head in his hands as he tried to regain control over his breathing, feeling
unstable and glad that he was sitting down for he didn’t think he could still feel his legs or his arms
or much of any other part of his body except for his aching heart that beat far too slowly, as if the
pain it was experiencing was too much for it to take.
“Seriously, just turn it the fuck –”
“Is he going to be sick -?”
“Well, I don’t know, mate, maybe you should just listen to us and –”
“All right, all right! Don’t get your knickers in a twist –”
The song stopped, but his agony didn’t end. He wished he were in the pub still and that he could
order another drink to numb the pain he was once again – and ever so clearly – feeling.
He didn’t register Sirius muttering from beside him. “Well, fuck it, I’m going to post itnow and
show her –”
Chapter End Notes
Thank you for reading everyone! I'm @wearingaberetinparis and am so grateful for all
your support!
Day 9 - Nothing Has Ever Felt So Wrong
Chapter Summary
Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”.
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Thoughtful
“Screw him!” Andromeda spoke, sounding more than just a little unimpressed. “Honestly, Lily,
he’s not worth your time. If this is how he thinks to treat you… don’t you agree, Ted?”
Ted Tonks, Andy’s remarkably thoughtful husband, had just come back into the living room,
handing her a cup of tea as she sat – fluffy blanket around her shoulders, puffy-eyed – on the
Tonks’ sofa. The man – kinder than practically anyone she knew – seemed a little bewildered as
his wife clearly demanded him to just nod and smile.
“I’m sorry, Meda,” he spoke, scratching the stubble on his chin, always looking just a little scruffy,
but in a charming way, “which one are we talking about here?”
“All of them,” Andromeda had narrowed her eyes as if daring Ted to disagree. “I suppose that
Severus is the worst, but I am so cross with Sirius for that stupid, drunken Insta post and with
James for not stopping him or demanding him to take it down –”
Her hands were wrapped around the hot mug that Ted had just given her, the heat almost scorching
and she wondered if she might blister if she held on to it for too long. She decided, however, that
she didn’t care, that – in all honesty – she probably deserved to be in the amount of pain she
currently found herself in. It is your fault, a voice inside her head reminded her all too willingly and
all too rightly. Everyone always warned you, everyone always questioned your choice to remain
loyal to someone who had done very little to earn it in the past couple of years. She had been
naïve, an absolute idiot and now she had to face the consequences, now she had to come to terms
with the fact that James Potter was much better off without her and that she had done very little to
warrant his love, she had quite possibly not done anything to earn it for years.
Yet, despite it all, despite knowing all of this so fully and exactly, nothing had ever felt so wrong.
“The audacity of the both of them, really, although – again – mostly Snape. I swear, Lil, if you
don’t find Riddle on Monday to hand in your letter of resignation I’ll do it for you… you don’t
own the creep bloody anything –”
“Meda,” Ted sounded calm and collected, the exact opposite of his wife, the perfect juxtaposition
to her – Lily’s – own inner turmoil too, “let’s not fuel the fire any further –”
“I’m not fuelling any fires!” Andromeda threw her hands up in the air. “If you had been at the lab
today, Ted, and you’d seen the fucker come in, walk right up to Lily and tell her that he always
knew she’d one day see the light –” Her colleague’s lips were pursed, “– as if he was somehow
entitled to her, as if there was the expectation that she would turn to him now… and all of that
thanks to my own bloody cousin, who might as well have thrown her to the lions. He was very
much aware that anyone she works with would see and he knows how ruthless all of us Blacks are,
what a pathetic excuse of a friend Snape is to Lily here –” She let out a frustrated groan. “Honestly,
he says he isn’t anything like that part of my family, boasts about leaving them when he did, but
then –”
“Stop,” she told Andy, red-faced, mortified and yet sullen and oddly defensive of her ex-
boyfriend’s brother and best friend too. “It’s fine, he was just stating facts and didn’t do anything
wrong. It was only a matter of time until everyone would find out anyway. I couldn’t expect James
to keep this a secret forever.” However much I would have wanted to, because when no one outside
our inner circle knows, there might be hope still.
Now, all hope had evaporated, disappeared into a puff of smoke. James Potter was on the prowl,
ready to pounce and had the perfect sidekick for a best mate too.
“No redheads allowed, though?” her colleague spat, shaking her head, eyes narrowed. “He didn’t
have to make you come across like you’re some kind of villain or super bitch, as if he doesn’t
adore you –”
“Well, he thinks that’s what I am, probably,” she crawled in on herself a little more, “and I can’t
say he is wrong necessarily.” It takes a truly awful person to make James Potter fall out of love
with you. “It’s for the best anyway. James is allowed to move on –” not that it doesn’t hurt, “– and
I’m happy to see he’s in much better shape than I am. I don’t want him to be miserable –”
The latter was most definitely true, but the moment she had seen the Instagram post appear on her
phone early that morning – a picture showing Sirius sticking out his tongue suggestively and James
grinning up at the camera, looking handsomely tousled, top buttons of his shirt open so as to show
off an enticing sliver of skin, eyes a little glazed over like they often would have been after he’d
had fun during their weekly boys’ night at the pub and happy, looking oh so relieved and happy –
her heart had dropped before she had even gone on to read the message that accompanied it and the
many comments that followed, which she had stopped reading when her tears had blurred her
vision fully and her shaking hand had dropped the phone on her mattress.
siriuslyblackatheart ladies, my bro @onlypotterchild is single and super ready to

mingle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all applications for p
meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! he’s definitely up for a night of adult fun too, just slip into
his DMs!!!!!!!! #noredheadsallowed ⛔ #loveisalie
#whatdoesnotkillyoumakesyoustronger #fitboypotter
bellestrange and 126 others liked this
magnolia.brown Wait, what?! OMG!

How did I not know about this?!
deliagreengrass fucking finally!!!!!

Slipping into his DMs, lol!!!!!!!
rjlupin Delete this post.
siriuslyblackatheart nope
maryqueenofscots Wow, okay. This is just

completely unnecessary.
siriuslyblackatheart deal with it
marly_mck you’re a real dick, black
siriuslyblackatheart you´re a tit,

mckinnon
marly_mck
bellestrange @sevsnape did you know about this?!
luciusmalfoy LOL! @sevsnape may not be

a virgin for life after all!
siriuslyblackatheart anyone associating

with that piece of shit is not
worth knowing, good riddance ❌
chattylucy @theonlypotterchild so sorry to hear you

and @lilyevans broke up!!!!!!!!!! Let me know when
you need a shoulder to cry on. Every other part of
me is available as well.
“As if he’s in good shape –” her lab partner sounded incredulous, waving her off as she opened her
mouth to interject, “I’m not talking physically, because we both know Potter gets up in the wee
hours of the morning to get rid of his excess energy and that has all sorts of bodily benefits –”
Andromeda moved to sit beside her then, hand on her shoulder. “But there is no way he’s not
hurting as much as you are. That Insta post is just a childish attempt on my cousin’s part to exact
his revenge and I hope to god he doesn’t know the extent of the consequences for you, because if
he does –”
“I get it, though. I get him,” she muttered listlessly, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “He’s
defending his best friend. It’s something I’m far too familiar with except for that his best friend is
worth standing up for –” I would know. I’m an expert on all things James Potter. I know and love
every single part of him.
Ever since her conversation – or perhaps argument or disagreement was more accurate here – with
Severus early Wednesday evening, she had been unsettled. A niggling feeling that she had made a
grave mistake to trust her childhood friend, despite all signs pointing out that this may be unwise,
that he no longer was the boy she had grown up with, that he didn’t need her protection anymore
from a father who had first beaten up his mother and – when she had left – had done the same to
him. She had offered herself up, had presented herself as his safe haven, had held his hand for as
long he had needed her to, had glared daggers at those who dared make fun of him, who had
bullied and hurt him like his very own father had… What she had come to realise – him leaving her
to fend for herself, no sense of wishing to comfort her, not to mention taking into account
everything he had said – was that he was no longer the broken bird she’d found in the woods near
her home one day, that he had healed and spread his wings, flown far and quite happily away from
her. He was a caged bird no more, while she – door wide open – had perched quite comfortably in
the place she had once considered to be her home.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: leave Riddle’s, join Sleekeazy’s,” Andromeda nearly
pleaded with her. “I know for a fact that Monty will be so happy to have you. He’s spoken to me
about it before –”
“Not anymore,” she replied softly. “James and I broke up –”
“He’ll still hire you –” she shook her head, inciting Andromeda's passion further “– yes, he will!
He and Mia absolutely adore you!”
She remembered the text she’d received from James mother only the day before, the way it had
made her cry over her mediocre dinner.
Euphemia Potter
No matter what has happened, Lily, I hope you know we will always love you.
“I can’t do it,” she confessed then. “It would be unfair to James. He wants me out of his life. What
if I were to start working at his parents’ and he inevitably falls in love with someone else? I can’t
be there for it, I can’t be in his way.” She inhaled sharply, resigning herself to her fate. “I shall just
have to soldier on for a bit longer. I live by myself now too, I need to be able to pay my rent.”
Andy clearly didn’t appreciate this answer and seemed ready to contradict her once more when her
husband interrupted. “Meda,” he said, sending her a meaningful glance which appeared to be a
full-fledged conversation between the pair of them. It reminded her of how she and James had
always managed to have wordless conversations too, how they had always understood the other,
driving his friends completely nuts especially when they were playing charades.
“All right,” her friend moved away, held up her hands, “I’ve said what I wanted to say. It's your
choice, obviously –”
“Thank you,” she muttered, even though she found herself thinking that this was no longer a
choice. She’d had the opportunity to make a choice long ago and she had neglected it out of… was
it ease? Was it fear? Was it stupidity? Was it selfishness? She didn’t know, but what she did know
was that all hope for her was lost and deservedly so.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you - once again - for reading. I truly love and appreciate you for it all!
Day 10 - Catastrophic Blues
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Grace
“Are you going to ignore me all day or all week or any longer than that even -?”
“Sirius…”
“What? I would like to know what I’m up against. How badly I need to atone for something I did to
try and help him –”
“Help me?!”
“Ah, he speaks.”
“You’re a dick, Padfoot.”
“Yes, this was established years and years ago, Prongs. Tell me something new, please.”
“Don’t embrace it like it’s some cute nickname –”
“Believe me, the message was received, all right? I deleted the post and everything, so I don't know
what you're moaning over in the first place, but –”
“You shouldn’t have posted it to begin with!”
He had felt like an absolute idiot when he had gotten home last night – having left his phone at
home during the day, so he wouldn’t be tempted to spend his day at work looking at pictures and
videos of Lily, especially since he was already suffering from a hangover – and had found his
Instagram flooded with notifications and a couple of confusing DMs.
deliagreengrass
Well, hello! I heard you are looking for some fun. Know that I’m up for anything,
you only need message me back. ❤️
chattylucy
Honestly, I thought I’d missed the boat. I’m more than just a little glad that I didn’t,
actually. Just for your information: she’s insane to let you go, but if you’d like, we
could go for a drink and I could nurse your heart (amongst others) back to full
strength.
He'd felt more than a little confused until he’d seen Sirius’ post, had read several of the comments
left behind - feeling particularly nauseous when he had noted Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius
Malfoy had commented and dragged Severus into it too - and had then marched straight for his
brother’s room, demanding he take the post down, radiating an anger that he had not often geared
at any of his brothers.
“I’ve said it before: I was drunk and it seemed like a great idea at the time,” Sirius spoke, running a
hand through his hair as he leaned back in his chair. “Besides, you didn’t see yourself in that cab,
you were clearly hurt and I was angry –”
“You were angry?” he knew he was quite possibly being unfair to his brother, to all of his friends
present in the room, but it was like he was seeing red. He lacked, these days, any and all grace.
“You have no fucking idea how I feel –”
“But you’re not doing anything about it!” Frustration scrunched up his brother’s face. “You can’t
expect me to sit back and do nothing, while she fucking broke you, leaving behind the ghost of you
–” Sirius’ nostrils flared, his hands balled into fists. “How do you expect me to just sit back and
watch you drown?”
“I’m not drowning, though!” He almost shouted. Sirius raised his eyebrow sceptically, Remus eyed
him with concern, while Peter – he had been eyeing all of them uncomfortably throughout the
conversation – avoided his eye altogether. “I’m just –” he swallowed, looked to the side, “I’m just
heartbroken, all right? That’s not –” he inhaled sharply through his nose, eyes flitting down to his
feet as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “It’ll pass,” he muttered, not entirely
convinced of his own words. “It’s a temporary thing and I’ll be fine, just… not right now.”
“And that’s perfectly all right, James,” Remus replied kindly, his smile supportive. “I don’t think
anyone expects you to be anytime soon.”
He nodded, grimaced slightly, braced himself for what he was about to say next, what hurt more
than anything, but was the genuine truth. “She’s got every right to have fallen out of love –” he
pursed his lips for a second, attempted to ignore the way his heart contracted painfully as he said it,
paused before he continued: “I’m not angry with her and I don’t want you to be either. The only
person I resent at the moment is myself.” He looked back up at his friends, eyes settling on Remus.
“Did you message her?” It was a plea more than anything.
Remus nodded, licked his lips – one of his friend’s nervous ticks – and said: “I did.”
And? He wanted to ask, was certain was the message his eyes already relayed, but he bit the
question back and merely quickly and fleetingly quirked up the corners of his lips. “Thanks.”
It was quiet for a moment and he was just about to turn and move up to his room, to find himself
some solitude when Sirius cleared his throat.
“Look,” he said, although he sounded a little reluctant, as if it pained him, “I’m sorry." This was
something he knew his brother wouldn't ever say lightly. "I shouldn’t have, you’re right. I just –”
his brother shrugged and James knew that his admission that he might have been in the wrong,
even though his intentions had been protective, was monumentous.
“It’s okay,” he walked over to Sirius, who stood up, and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing
him tight before letting go. “I know you mean well. You always do.” Sirius merely nodded,
avoided his gaze in clear shame, even though he would deny this if he were to be asked face-to-
face.
He made his way up to his room after a murmured good night, pulling his shirt over his head as he
readied himself for bed – or, more accurately, for his air mattress. He sighed heavily as he threw
his shirt on the chair in the corner of the room and kicked off his shoes, eyes on the phone on the
desk there. He hesitated for a moment only, reached for his phone and opened up WhatsApp.
James
I know Remus got in touch with you already, but I just wanted you to hear it from me
too: I’m not ready to move on. I’m so far from it.
He looked at his message, watched as the sole grey tick doubled and then turned blue. His heart
pounded in his chest when he noted her typing, started to fantasise over what she might say: I'm not
ready to move on either. Please come back, I miss you. He stared at the screen for what must have
been a minute, hoping, begging, praying and waiting for her response to appear.
Then, however, the typing stopped altogether, no text having been sent his way. He only pretended
not to feel disappointed and was glad none of his brothers were in the room with him for his
attempt at hiding his catastrophic blues was rather unsuccessful.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate every single one of you!
I just wanted to write something here to do with some things I have been thinking
about as I have been reading your comments, which I am ever so grateful for
receiving, so please don't misinterpret this as me lashing out, because I'm merely trying
to clarify a thing or two.
A lot of you have commented on Lily in this fic and I am so happy to see you are this
invested, but I also feel like I need to defend her a little. It might not make sense to
you, but Lily is my darling girl and I want everyone to love her, flaws and all. (And,
yes, she is a flawed human being and I adore that about her.)
(Just for your information: I had a bit of a rough day at school with one of my students
taken to hospital after she took far too many migraine medication tablets, so this might
be why I'm feeling a little emotional tonight.)
There are a couple of things we know so far:

- James broke up with Lily, the woman he had planned to propose to.
- Lily is unhappy in her current job, which she hasn't been open about and has caused
friction for her in several places.
- Lily has remained friends with Severus Snape after their time at Hogwarts.
- James and Lily got together well after the end of their Hogwarts days, but did snog a
couple of times while at Hogwarts.
However, there is also a lot you do not know yet. You do not know what the argument
leading up to James' and Lily's break-up was like. The only thing you really
objectively know, is that James said the following: "It's just not working anymore, is
it? We’ve been fooling ourselves for a while now, I reckon. I mean… can you
honestly say you’re still in love?" And: "I thought this would work, I was convinced
we’d go the distance… but maybe I was wrong. Maybe life isn’t the fairy tale I
believed it could be. I made a real fool out of me, did I?"
I haven't revealed much else yet and I can absolutely confirm that Lily was not angry
with James as this conversation started. She wanted to know what had happened with
Snape, sure, but she never blamed James. You will absolutely find out more about this
in future chapters, but it pains me to think that some people would think Lily ever
didn't put James first. She absolutely did, however, she is going through a truly rough
period in her life and most of what we see happening with her had nothing to do with
either James or Severus, but everything to do with herself and how she feels about who
she has become. I think it's fair to say she might be a little burned out.
Obviously, you are allowed to be critical of all of Lily's decisions, but don't hate her,
please. There are so many reasons why James loves her. We are just meeting her at a
difficult time in her life and then there's the break-up on top of it all.
Day 11 - Moving On Was Always Easy For Me To Do
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Sofa
She had lain on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling of what was now her own, personal apartment,
contemplating life and all her failures when she – after endless consideration, which had had her
going back and forth all day – picked up her phone and opened the thread that had made her heart
stutter the night before.
James
I know Remus got in touch with you already, but I just wanted you to hear it from me
too: I’m not ready to move on. I’m so far from it.
She gave the message about another ten read-throughs, drafting yet another possible response that
she spent a good three more minutes staring at before pressing send, squeezing her eyes closed and
inhaling sharply as she did, instantly regretful too.
Lily
Moving on is never easy to do. I keep looking around the apartment and finding it
empty. I miss your clutter.
I miss what made this a home. I miss you.
She wondered if he – like she had done – would ghost her, but what was hardly thirty seconds later
– in which she contemplated throwing her phone out of the window or drowning it in a bath, so as
to avoid having to deal with the pain of rejection – her phone’s screen lit up.
James
I didn’t think you were going to respond.
She worried her lip, hesitated for a moment only, her fingers typing before she had even decided
what she would say to that exactly.
Lily
I didn’t think so either. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say when you sent me your
message last night. Everything felt like it would fall flat.
James
You never need to worry about that with me.
Lily
I know that, but… it’s different now, isn’t it?
She watched him type and stop. Then type and stop. Then type and stop once more
before a message appeared on her screen.
James
Yeah, I reckon it is.
She turned on her side, phone still in her hand, fuzzy blanket covering her legs, her ankles locked
together and lifted up on a pillow as if she could mimic the feeling of his hand on her ankle, her
feet in his lap, a position they’d often found themselves in on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
James
How are you holding up?
A laugh escaped her as she read his message.
Lily
What do I even say to that?
James
Fair enough.
Want to go together?
3… 2… 1…
I’m shit.
Lily
I can barely breathe half the time.
James
It's all pretty fucked up, isn’t it?
I’m sorry about Sirius, by the way. He shouldn’t have.
Lily
Honestly, it’s fine.
I was glad to see you were having a good time with the boys.
I’m happy you’ve got them, that they’ve got your back.
James
Thanks, but Sirius is taking that a little too seriously, I fear. (No pun intended.)
He really crossed a line lashing out at you.
Lily
It's all right. Don’t be too hard on him. He loves you.
James
Hmm… I’m still pretty cross with him, but pick your battles, right?
What about the girls? Have they been supportive?
Lily
They’ve been good friends, yes.
I had dinner at Andy’s and Ted’s a couple of times last week.
James
Did you? How is Andy doing then? Ready to chop my head off?
Lily
You know her, she’s got an executioner on speed dial.
Although, she may be more likely to send them after Sirius at the moment.
James
Yeah, she reached out to him, actually. Called him a butt-faced miscreant. He took it
personally, wondered if he should grow a beard if anyone thought his face resembled
a bum.
Lily
Of course, he’d worry about that. What did you tell him?
James
That he should most definitely grow a beard to rival Dumbledore’s.
Lily
I bet he could pull it off.
James
Yeah, the tosser is unfairly handsome.
Anyway, sounds like Andy’s got your best interest at heart. I’m glad.
Lily
It means you can stop your mother henning too.
James
You know that’s physically impossible for me.
She did, yes, and she loved him for it. It was one of the things that had – eventually, finally, far too
late – made her see the light, it had been the thing that had drawn her to him, that had made her kiss
him that night all those years ago in the pub, when they’d bumped into each other again after years
– spent at university – apart.
Her heart ached at the realisation that she couldn’t send him a message any longer that expressed
how much he made her heart expand. Her nose tingled with it.
James
You’ll be okay, right?
I’m sorry if I’m overstepping, I just… I can’t exactly flip the switch.
A tear slipped down her cheek, ended up in her hairline.
Lily
You’re not overstepping.
Her fingers hovered over the keys, wondering what she could possibly type to not be the sad one,
the one that “lost” the break-up – even if she so clearly did: I will never be okay, James. I will love
you always and I don’t know what to do with myself now that my love has nowhere at all to go.
Lily
It will take time, I think, but it’s supposed to heal all wounds, isn’t it?
A moment of hesitation, her upper teeth biting into her lower lip.
Lily
Will you?
James
I plan on it, yeah.
She lifted the sleeve of her jumper to her nose, sniffled. It was torturous, really, the idea of him
moving on, her staying tragically in love. She supposed it was her fate, that she was forever
doomed to be always half a step behind where he was concerned. He had fancied her first, loved
her first and now he would be the one to move on first.
She needed to change the topic, to distract herself from the fact that while he was not okay, he one
day would be and when that day came, she would be nothing but a memory.
Lily
By the way, thank you for asking Remus to check up on me. That was nice of you.
James
Yeah, well… he loves you, so…
Anyway, I’ll let you get on with your evening. I’m sure you’re busy.
She very nearly snorted. Busy wallowing, yes. Busy wishing you were here with me. Busy
wondering where I went wrong, what I could have done to change all of this, when would have
been the moment to take control of my life. Busy figuring out how I ended up such a failure.
Lily
The Duke of Hastings is waiting for me, indeed.
James
Of course he is!
You are the Diamond of the Season, after all. I cannot blame him for ditching Daphne
Bridgerton.
Moving on from him, she decided, would most definitely require a miracle.
Chapter End Notes

Thank you so much for reading! I love how involved you all are and am so flattered to
see people discussing something I wrote. I honestly can't express how grateful I am for
all of you!
Day 12 - It Hits Different ‘Cause It’s You
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Slump
For the past fourteen days James Potter had woken up feeling absolutely rotten. He’d had to drag
himself out of bed, setting off on a run that he had always hoped would clear his head, but had
realised never truly did for he knew that when he’d go on his usual round, he’d be only a couple of
streets away from what had once been their apartment, that he would be forced to return to the
house he now – again – shared with his brothers afterwards, having to face the fact that the room
he would return to as he prepared himself for a shower was a deeply impersonal mess, boxes
stacked against the left wall, his air mattress a sorry sight that reflected his state of deflation
perfectly.
That Monday morning, however, he’d found himself waking up feeling marginally better. He
certainly still considered himself to be experiencing what Remus had kindly and understatedly
referred to as a slump, but there was some improvement to his mood and he knew for a fact this
had everything to do with his ex-girlfriend.
Remus had been absolutely chuffed to see his a-little-less-upside-down-frown as he’d greeted him
in the kitchen, while the both of them readied themselves for work. The most sensible of his
friends had let out a sigh in relief as he spouted off one of his favourite inspirational quotes in a
salutation: “You’re on your way up, you’ll be seeing great sights, you’ll join the high fliers, you’ll
soar to high heights. That’s Dr Seuss.”.
Sometimes it was embarrassingly obvious that his friend was a teacher who spent half of his days
cheering up teenagers. As he’d confessed to his friend that he and Lily had had an actual civil back
and forth the night before, Remus had smiled his trademark knowing smile and raised his mug –
filled to the brim with the coffee his friend sorely needed to get through the day – his eyebrow
cocked in a way that seemed to imply he knew more than James himself did. It always made him
feel like he was back at Hogwarts, McGonagall staring him down in a manner that implied she was
far from impressed with him. Looking back, James understood why she had.
On his way to work a little later on, James had reread his conversation with Lily the night before a
good three times, weighing all of her words, imagining the look on her face as she had typed all of
them, wondering if she had felt just a little better for having spoken to him this morning too. Then –
once arrived at his office – he had opened up his laptop and had consequently found himself
picking up his phone once more to look at some of his favourite pictures of her, ones he had taken
because he was obsessed with photography and – mostly, let’s be honest – the woman he had been
proud and overjoyed to call his girlfriend.
Work that day had been decent, he’d survived a couple of insanely boring meetings that he thought
could and should have been emails, had lunch with his truly insufferable boss Gilderoy Lockhart,
who always called him ‘Jim’ – which he absolutely abhorred – and then – a number of hours later
– he’d found himself getting back on the tube, once again taking out his phone to open up his
conversation with Lily, eyes stopping on key phrases that he’d had to stop himself from
misinterpreting the night before, his eyes stuck on her answer to his question as to how she was
holding up: I can barely breathe half the time.
His own breath caught, a pressure on his chest that made it difficult for himself to do what she had
described to him the night before. He locked the screen, swallowed hard, made himself pocket his
phone to ensure that he wouldn’t do something as stupid as sending her any more messages, asking
her to meet up or begging her to allow him back into her heart.
It hits different, he thought, all because it’s her.
“All right?” asked Sirius when he got back home, standing at the stove as he prepared some pasta.
Peter – who worked from home as a pro gamer – was wearing his headphones and absorbed into
his laptop. “Do you want some too?”
“Sure,” he said, nodding as he walked over to grab an empty glass from the cupboard. Things
between Sirius and himself were a little tense still, had been ever since Sirius’ Instagram post and
James could sense that he was – in his very own way, his offer to share his food another clear
attempt – atoning, trying to redeem himself. “How was your day then?”
“Fine,” Sirius spoke, grabbing a plate for the both of them. “I got a new bike in to fix. She’s a real
beauty.”
“Awesome,” he nodded, filling his glass with water and gulping it down in one go after.
Silence filled the kitchen as the two of them moved to sit at the kitchen table, quietly eating their
pasta side by side, Peter muttering every once in the background, leaning closer to the screen,
squinting before letting out a soft curse.
James hated the silence, the tension that he felt in his shoulders, so he sighed, dropped his fork,
leaned back in his seat and surveyed his brother, whose eyes flitted to him and locked with his in
an instant.
“Look –” he started.
“I know,” Sirius grimaced. “I’ve been a real dick, you don’t need to tell me. I just –” he shrugged,
dropped his eyes from his own. “I know that none of this is about me and that I’m hardly affected,
but I hate seeing you like this and I approved of her, you know, she’s the only one I could imagine
you being with.” A brief pause, a heavy sigh. “You know I don’t deal well with change –”
“No,” he said, corners of his lips ticking up just slightly, a shake of his head, “you really don’t. I
remember when Lily and I first started dating. Seeing how you felt about her then, this reaction of
yours is a miracle almost –”
“Yeah, all right,” he snorted. “Perhaps I’ve always been a prat –”
“A butt-faced miscreant.” His lips widened into a grin. “Where’s your beard? Are you having
trouble growing it?”
“Oh, ha, ha, really funny.” His brother’s lips, however, quirked up too.
He chuckled under his breath, shook his head, hesitated for a moment before stating: “Lily and I
talked last night.”
Sirius’ eyebrows rose. “Oh?”
“Yeah, we –” he ran a hand through his hair, his fingers twisting in his hair, pulling at his curls. “I
sent her a message to tell her that I wasn’t – as you’d said – ready to mingle just yet and then she
replied a couple of hours later and we –” he felt stupid, was certain that his brother was close to
rolling his eyes over how pathetically he clung to the slightest inkling that there was still hope to be
had. “It wasn’t all that much, but –” he looked away pursed his lips for a moment, nostrils flaring.
“Show me then.”
He turned his head, eyes wide as he looked at his best friend. The expression on his face was a
calm one, his hand outstretched. “You want to read –?”
“I owe you that much,” his brother spoke. “I’ll help you analyse every word she wrote and I’ll be a
much better sport about it than I always was when we were in school.”
He blinked at Sirius for a moment. “Are you sure?” he questioned hesitatingly, although he
couldn’t quite reveal the eagerness in his voice. “You really don’t have to –”
His brother’s fingers flicked in reply and he placed his phone in his hand, watching Sirius carefully
and cautiously as he read through the texts he and Lily had exchanged the night before, chest
tightening as his anxiety grew by the second and his brother started to shake his head, looking up at
him as he said: “Why the actual fuck would you ever break up?”
Chapter End Notes
Thank you so much for reading! I promise I'll get to replying to your comments one of
these days. Know that I read every single one of them and that I love you for sharing
your thoughts and emotions with me!
Day 13 - I Used To Switch Out These Kens, I’d Just Ghost
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: War
“Did you complete your analysis yet?” asked Severus, voice flat. Andromeda looked at her over
the glasses she wore, her lips pursed as if to say: Give the fucker a piece of your mind, will you?
“I’m working on it,” Lily said, eyes locked on her female colleague’s, who rolled her eyes, but
otherwise returned to the experiment she was working on herself. “I just want to check a couple
more things before I give you the definitive results.” A silence followed, her lab partner giving her
a cold shoulder. She could tell by the way his jaw ticked that he was not happy with the answer she
had given. Thus, she sighed, unable to – and, later, she would blame her anger over the role he had
played in her break-up with James for the way she had lost her temper – keep it in any longer.
“What?”
He turned his head slightly, giving her the side-eye still. “I didn’t say anything.”
“But you wanted to.”
He put his gloved hands down, balling them into fists. “You’ve been unfocused,” he told her. “It’s
holding me back. We're barely making any progress –”
Andromeda hissed disapprovingly from the other side of the room, shaking her head, while Lily
was certain her face had flamed. “Well, excuse me for not feeling quite myself –”
“This is the lab,” Severus interjected. “There is no room for feelings here. This is an objective
space where we conduct research and try to save the world one step at a time –”
“Save the world?” She actually laughed now, shaking her head as she walked over to the bin and
took her gloves off. “That is indeed what we’re doing, isn’t it? Trying to rid the world off genetic
imperfections, because heaven forbid anyone is ever less than perfect!”
“Where are you going?” he had followed her and when she turned he was far too close for her
liking. “You can’t take a break, you’ve already slowed me down significantly in the past few days
–”
“Which is why I’m going,” she told him, or: snapped at him was more like. “Clearly, I’m not
helping you and – quite frankly – I could care less about any of this, so I’m not exactly motivated
to try, to keep working on something that doesn’t interest me in the slightest –”
He seemed stricken for a moment, but then his face hardened, his eyes narrowed. “You’re on my
team, I’m the head researcher for this project, you can’t just go –”
“She can, actually, and she will,” Andromeda had walked over, grabbed her arm and yanked her
softly, but forcefully away from were Severus had towered over her, united in their defiance now.
“She doesn’t have to be here if she doesn’t want to be and clearly that’s the case, so –”
“You’re going against the direct orders of your supervisor –”
“That’s you, I assume?” Andy laughed at him. “Wow, you’ve got some nerve. Isn’t she supposed
to be your best friend? Great fucking supporter, you are!”
“Andy,” she spoke warningly, even though she found that she agreed with the other woman in the
room, “let it go, he doesn’t care about anything beyond his research these days –”
“I care about you!” Severus grabbed her wrist, attempted to pull her away from Andromeda. “You
know you’re all I care about and that’s why I can’t let you go and ruin what we have –”
“You don’t care about me,” she told him with a patient, yet weary sigh, shoulders sagging as she
eyed him sadly, “and I don’t think you’ve cared about me for a long time.”
“You don’t get to tell me what I do or don’t care about,” he argued furiously. “I have loved you for
as long as I can remember and I know we were made to be together.” His nostrils flared and he
breathed in sharply, closing his eyes for a moment in an attempt to calm himself down. “Look, I
know you’re hurting, but once you’re over him –”
“Over him?” she felt as though she’d been punched in the gut.
“You’ve been in love before him,” he spoke as if he were as convinced of his own truth as some
people believed in the Bible or the Quran, “and you’ve thought before that your heart was broken,
but when the dust settled, you’d come back to me and we’d be happy in the lab –”
“You don’t understand –”
“I do,” he nodded self-confidently. “You fall in love easily, it's a flaw, but nothing that cannot be
remedied –”
“I wanted to marry him!” she shouted this at her childhood friend, her eyes wide as she tried to
show him just how wrong he was. “This isn’t a simple question of a failed relationship,” she
continued. “This is my life that I ruined, the love that I threw away over –” she pinched the bridge
of her nose. “Look, I’m sorry that he punched you, but I love him more than anything or anyone I
have ever known and that isn’t going to change, I –” she couldn’t speak any longer, a sob wrecking
her, the upper half of her body practically doubling over with the force of it.
Silence filled the room for a moment, tension rising as she cried into her hands, Andromeda
making her way over to her and wrapping her arms around her.
“I know you won’t understand,” she told Severus after what must have been a good three minutes,
“but I can’t stay here. I’m miserable and have been for a while and this heartache is making it all
so much worse, I – you have to understand, I can't breathe without him and -"
“So, I was right after all,” his voice lacked any and all warmth, causing an unpleasant shiver to run
op her spine, “you are his bitch.”
She froze as Andy nearly growled: “What did you just say?”
“You heard me,” he showed no remorse whatsoever, looked down on her with a disdain she had
never thought he’d ever level at her. It’s a look she had seen him send his father in the past, the
man who had abused him and his mother, who had broken him. “He’s got you wrapped around his
finger, has got you parroting his words, has brainwashed you into believing you belong with him
and no one else –”
Her eyes had been opened and now that they had, she couldn’t believe it had taken her this long.
This man standing in front of her was not the eleven-year-old boy she had met in the playground,
he wasn’t the thirteen-year-old teenager whose broken lip and black and blue bruises needed to be
disguised, he wasn’t the sixteen-year-old adolescent who had run from home, had begged the
Evanses if he could stay the night with them, he wasn’t the friend she had known and she
wondered when he had changed and how long exactly she had chosen to avoid and ignore it.
He was right, she thought to herself. Every time James told her – ever so carefully – that she
shouldn’t keep her hopes up, that there was no universe in which he and Severus would ever get
along. They are polar opposites, she thought, followed by a relieved: thank goodness they are.
And, most devastatingly, most infuriatingly, most disappointedly: what did I do? I can’t believe I
blinded myself so thoroughly, that I drove James to no longer loving me, because I kept on fighting
battles on Severus’ behalf, even if that battle was no more than a half-hearted apology, a quiet
begging for him to please try and be civil. Her mind reeled with it all, her heart breaking once more
over the loyalty he had not deserved, her soul at war with his.
“I quit.”
It took her a moment to realise that she had been to one to say this, but as soon as she did, she felt a
rush of relief, a surge of courage that she feared she had lacked for far too long.
“What -?”
“I quit,” she repeated, feeling empowered as an enormous weight was lifted off her shoulders. “I’ll
write a letter of resignation to Riddle and –”
“You can’t quit.” He was clearly stumped, at a loss for words. “You can’t throw your career away,
flush all of your accomplishments down the drain over James Fucking Potter –”
“It’s Fleamont, actually. James Fleamont Potter, and I'm not throwing away antything over him,”
she felt so free, couldn’t believe it had taken her this long, that she hadn’t known this would be the
extent to which her worries would be lifted as a result of her making a decision that had been a long
time coming, “but no matter, I – gosh, this feels fantastic.” She turned to Andromeda, who quite
literally beamed down on her. “I’m so sorry, I love you, you’ll always be my friend, but I need to
go. I can't stay here even a second longer.”
“Please do,” her colleague replied, wrapping her arms around her and hugging her tight for just a
second before letting go. “I’m so bloody proud of you, Lily!”
“Wait,” Severus seemed to have woken up, to have come to the conclusion that she was absolutely
serious about all of this, “Lily, don’t I –”
“Go,” Andromeda said, placing a hand on her cheek for a moment before urging her on once more.
And then – to Severus’ loud protests and Andy’s cheers – she left the room, hoping to never see it
again.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you for reading! This was a major step for Lily! I hope you guys agree.
Day 14 - Rip The Band-Aid Off And Skip Town Like An Asshole Outlaw
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Punishment
Sirius called him in the middle of the day. It was unusual enough for his best friend to pick up the
phone at all, preferring to text or – if he absolutely had to – send voice messages, which was why –
now that he did call – James was immediately convinced something was terribly wrong. His heart
beat so high up in his throat that he was afraid he might throw up as a result as he closed the door to
his office, pressed the green button and – out of breath – spoke: “What’s wrong?”
“Depends on your definition of it, I’d say,” Sirius replied, sounding far too excited for his reason of
calling to be a life or death situation. “I personally think the news I’m about to give you might be
the best news you’ve received in a while, but then again I can be biased –”
He leaned against the door he’d just closed, all noise coming from outside of it dulled as he ran a
hand through his hair. “Please tell me this isn’t about some vintage motorbike you got in –”
“Rude,” his brother sounded just a tad offended, but then he added: “but no, I reckon you’ll be
beside yourself when I tell you what Andy just told me all about –”
“Andy?” he asked, frown appearing on his forehead. “Andy as in: your cousin Andromeda, Andy?”
He thought, but didn’t add: the only one of Lily’s colleagues I can actually stand? Just thinking
about his ex-girlfriend these days – despite the fact that his mood had certainly become less
suicidal ever since they’d texted – felt like some form of corporal punishment.
“The one and only,” Sirius answered happily. “I actually called her to make sure she wasn’t pulling
my leg, it seemed absolutely impossible when she texted me about it –” his best friend whistled. “I
bet that when you hear what she told me, you’ll want to call her yourself, actually –”
“Get to the point,” he said, walking up to his desk and moving to sit into his desk chair. “I’ve
actually got a meeting with Lockhart in ten, so –”
“Lily quit.”
He nearly toppled backwards, chair and all.
“What?!”
“She quit!” His brother sounded positively gleeful. “Apparently – and I trust Andy’s word here –
Lily handed in her notice last night and only returned this morning to collect her things from the
lab. There was a massive showdown between her and Snape –”
“Wait,” he said, head spinning and this time it wasn’t his desk chair, which he liked to turn circles
in to get inspired, that made him feel dizzy, “slow down, back up.” His hand was balled into a
white-knuckled fist. “What do you mean Lily quit? She loves her job, she would never –” he licked
his lips, stomach churning, eyeing the bin in the corner of his room and wondering if he’d make it
if his stomach decided to empty itself, “– what the fuck did he do?!”
He heard a clattering of tools in the background, one of the Prewett twins Sirius worked with
apologising before his brother answered him. “Why are you not excited? I thought you’d be
overjoyed to hear Snivellus is out of her life. It’s only taken her, what? Seventeen years?”
“She loves the lab, there is no way –” he placed his phone on his desk, put it on speaker, his hands
in his hair now. “You don’t think he tried anything?” His mind flitted to the messages Bellatrix
Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy had tagged Lily's lab partner in: LOL! @sevsnape may not be a
virgin for life after all! He felt bile rise up his throat.
“Andy didn’t mention anything –” he could hear the frown in his brother’s voice now. Then, a
couple of seconds later: “Look, Prongs, I’m sure she’d have said something to me if it had been
anything bad for Lily. The way she told me, Andy was possibly jumping for joy –”
“Why would she be jumping for joy?” None of this made any sense to James whatsoever. Lily
loved science, she loved working at the lab, she had made very quick and fast friends with
Andromeda Tonks and he knew for a fact that Andy had invited her over to her and her husband’s
home after their break-up. It had been a relief to him – pre- and post-break-up – to know that she
had a friend in the workplace to protect her, to look out for her, to hopefully talk some sense into
her when Snape asked the impossible or expected her to stay well past the end of her contract
hours. “They are friends! Lily has always adored Andromeda and I’m pretty sure it’s mutual. It
makes no sense –”
“You need to calm down –”
“I bloody can’t! What if he did something -?”
“You’re overreacting –”
“I need to go see her, I need to talk some sense into her –”
“Why’d you do that? She’s finally out of his clutches, do you want to push her back in –?”
“She can’t give up her entire career just because her lab partner is an absolute prick!”
He'd gotten up from his seat and had started pacing in front of the window looking out over
London, hand still tugging at his curls.
“Okay, wow,” Sirius slowly replied, “that’s a whole lot of pent-up emotions coming out there –”
James didn’t say anything to that, too preoccupied to even formulate a response. Sirius' voice
warmed as he softly attempted to reassure: “I understand, mate, I really do, the break-up is still
fresh, but I thought this was good news! Maybe now that he’s out of the way, you can kiss and
make up –”
He scoffed. “We didn’t break up because of him, Padfoot. Sure, me punching him might have been
the inciting incident, but she doesn’t love me anymore –”
“Like hell she doesn’t!” Sirius interjected. “I read that string of messages between the two of you
and it’s clear as day that she cares about you still. She said she couldn’t breathe –”
“A break-up is overwhelming,” he argued, not wanting to give himself any false hope. Sirius
hadn’t been there, he hadn’t noted the dulling of her eyes, the exhaustion she’d displayed. Fuck it,
he hadn’t had to deal with the fact that any physical intimacy between them had practically
evaporated and he knew that sex wasn’t important, but he and Lily had always been extremely
compatible in that department and he’d be lying if he said the loss of it hadn’t bothered him, that it
hadn't made his confidence wilt. “It messes with your head and I would know –” God, he was
fucking pathetic, wasn’t he? Would he pine over his ex-girlfriend forever? He stopped in his
tracks, horror widening his eyes, a realisation having come to him. “What if she quit because she’s
not feeling like herself? What if she’s throwing everything she’s ever wanted away, because –” He
knew he’d come across as terribly egotistical if he were to suggest he had anything to do with her
decisions post-break-up whatsoever, but fear gripped at his heart, fuelled his words. “What if this
is me? What if I’m the problem? I’m such an asshole –”
“Bloody hell, James –” his brother swore under his breath, “– what the actual fuck? You know this
hasn’t got anything to do with you. No one can make Evans do anything unless she has made up
her mind about it. According to Andy this decision to quit on Lily’s behalf had been a long time
coming –”
“Impossible.”
He shook his head, started pacing again, feeling incredibly restless.
“If she’d had doubts, she would have told me, she –”
The blood running through his veins turned to ice, because was it? Impossible, that is? Hadn’t he
felt her distance herself from him for weeks? Hadn’t he thought she was holding something back,
that there was something she was not willing to share with him? He’d believed it had something to
do with Snape, that she simply didn’t want to talk about the discoveries they made, because she
knew he would pull a face as soon as she’d drop the name of her childhood best friend, would feel
- maybe - unappreciated or held back over the fact that she could never share her work-related
accomplishments with him. But what if this hadn’t been the case? What if something else had been
at play and she simply didn’t want to share it with him anymore, because she simply didn't care
about him that way any longer? Because the need to tell him any- and everything no longer
consumed her?
How long, he wondered. How long has Lily felt this way? When did she fall out of love with me
exactly? Did I really fool myself so successfully? Or, did I not want to face the truth? Could I not
bear the thought of losing her, while she had already slipped through my fingers months before the
realisation started to seep in?
“You’re panicking,” Sirius sighed. “I can hear you think and it’s an agonizingly annoying sound of
self-deprecation –”
Before he could respond, a knock sounded on his door and his secretary – a man named Filius
Flitwick – smiled at him apologetically.
“I’m sorry, James, but Lockhart is ready for you.”
“Right, of course,” he nodded, a near out-of-body experience, bobbing his head and swallowing
hard. “Let me just end the call, I’ll be out in a minute.”
The door closed again and he could hear his brother’s warning: “ James –”
“I’m fine, really,” he told his friend hurriedly. “I just need –” He pursed his lips, closed his eyes,
inhaled sharply. “It’s just a bit of a shock, is all. You can tell me what Andy said tonight. I need to
get back to work now -”
“Prongs, come on –”
“We’ll talk later, okay? I really need to go.”
He ended the call, his fists balled at his side, thinking to himself: what the fuck did I do to create
this mess?
Chapter End Notes
After a very important chapter for Lily, poor James is absolutely spiralling.
Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate each and every single one of you.
I'm sorry that I'm so slow responding to your comments, but please know I read every
single one of them.
Day 15: Freedom Felt Like Summer Then On The Coast
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Scatter
She stopped in her tracks when – groceries in hand – she reached her floor to find someone she
knew all too well leaning against the door to the apartment, waiting – it became apparent by the
way he immediately straightened himself up, his bored expression disappearing all too quickly,
grey eyes eyeing her intently, arrogantly – for her.
“Hello.”
“Hi…” she took a few tentative steps closer before putting down her bags and fishing for her keys,
avoiding his gaze altogether as her stomach swirled uncomfortably. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m not allowed to just step by? See how my favourite redhead is doing?”
A snort escaped her. “You never just step by, Sirius, there’s always something. Besides, I thought
you didn’t like me all that much anymore –”
“Well, damn,” he shook his head, the corner of his lips twitching slightly, “you’ve got me all
figured out, haven’t you? Here I thought I could show up without revealing my real intentions. I
suppose I’d make a rather rotten spy, wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t think you have the subtlety for it, no,” she answered before confessing: “I’m mostly
surprised, though. if I’m honest,” she found her keys, cast him a furtive glance out of the corner of
her eyes, “I didn’t think you’d even want to talk to me again.”
“Ah,” he moved away from the apartment door with ease, giving her the space to push the key into
the lock, “you’re referring to the Instagram post and the hostility I showed you when Prongs and I
came to pick up his stuff, I’m sure.” She unlocked the door and as she did, he got the bags she’d
just put down – an act of surprising gallantry from her ex-boyfriend’s best friend and her former
classmate – and they entered the flat that had once been hers and James’ together. “Not my finest
moments, I admit... I had kind of hoped we could avoid that elephant in the room, in all honesty,
but I suppose I might owe you an ‘I’m sorry, I am a dick’-kind of apology.”
“So, that’s it then?” she asked him, making her way into the kitchen. “This is your grand gesture to
show me that you’ve perhaps crossed a line?”
“You know I had a shit childhood,” he shrugged as he put her groceries down on the kitchen
counter. “Dear old Walburga never taught me how to apologise properly. This might be as good as
it gets with me.” When she merely raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms in front of her chest in
response, he sighed, rolled his head from side to side as if bracing himself, and then softly told her:
“I’m sorry, all right? It was completely unnecessary to come after you like that. I was just –” he
shrugged, the look in his eyes showing that he was genuine in his regret, but couldn't quite
articulate the how and the why of his actions.
She nodded then, grabbing the carton of milk from her bag and placing it in the fridge, back turned
towards him so she could take a moment to collect herself. “Apology accepted,” she told him a
moment later, her response was possibly a little breezy, but she knew this would relieve the man
standing across from her. He had never been one for expressing feelings, would clearly experience
a level of discomfort whenever he was forced to. “Let’s not talk about it any longer. It’s not as if I
necessarily deserve to be treated nicely –”
“Don’t be a martyr,” Sirius said, grabbing a packet of biscuits from her bag and opening it, taking
three. “I’ve got one of those living with me at the moment and I can tell you it gets exhausting to
have to keep up the charade of the supportive friend –”
“You are the supportive friend –”
He sent her a look. “Don’t ruin my street cred, love,” he took a bite of one of the biscuits. “I sell
and repair motorbikes for a living. I can’t have people know I’m not every inch the rebel, I spent
hours working on this –” he gestured to his body, the tattoos that covered his neck and arms and –
she knew, but couldn’t see – his chest as well.
“I won’t tell anyone you’re an actual softie,” she reassured him, taking a biscuit as well and
holding it between her thumb and pointer finger hesitantly. “Go on then,” she pressed him to
continue, “if you didn’t come over to apologise –”
“I did,” he grimaced, very nearly shuddered at the memory and she was once again reminded that
he was the most dramatic person she had ever known, “it just wasn’t my sole purpose –”
She sighed. “Let me guess,” he looked at her expectantly, one of his eyebrows raised, “you’ve
spoken to Andy or – more like – she texted you, because we all know you detest making phone
calls.”
“Ah, yes, my only decent family member –” he sighed wistfully before his demeanour changed
rather dramatically. “But what’s this thing she said all about, Evans? You quit your job? You
finally kicked Snivellus to the curb?”
She broke her biscuit in two, took a quick and small bite of one to delay the inevitable. “That’s a
yes to both questions.”
Sirius whistled lowly, shaking his head. “Well, fuck, Red, I didn’t think I’d ever see the day –”
“I take it you’re not talking about the fact that I’m no longer working for Riddle.”
“Of course not,” he leaned his elbows on the counter top, “I could quite frankly care less about
whatever you want to do with your life as long as it doesn't impact me directly. Not Prongs, though,
he’s been in an uproar ever since I told him what Andromeda had told me –”
Her eyes widened, her stomach dropped. “An uproar?”
“I think he’s having a minor identity crisis, really,” Sirius spoke, not noticing her inner turmoil.
“Let’s face it, you’re the good girl, have always been the successful and ambitious one in the
relationship –”
James is disappointed, she thought. You always knew he would be. It’s why you could never tell
him about your doubts, your fears, your own feelings of failure regarding your broken hopes and
dreams. Why are you even surprised? She inhaled sharply, her hands curling, nails biting into the
skin of her palm.
“I, however,” Sirius continued obliviously, “would love to know more about the moment you
finally gave Snape a piece of your mind. You have to tell me… did he cry?” The smirk on his face
was gleeful and she shook her head, both to mask the tears that threatened to escape her when she
thought about James and to hide her exasperation. Her thoughts were scattered, made it difficult to
form words. “What made you do it? Why’d you snap now?” A brief moment of silence followed by
an uncomfortable, slightly horrified: "Please tell me he didn't try anything now that James is out of
the picture for you."
"No! Of course not, I mean... not really, he -" She pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, her
fingers lingering there for a moment too long as she hesitated, licked her lips. “Nothing happened,"
she reassured, memories of Snape's and her earlier fights all too vivid in her memory still, the way
he had gripped her wrist, the insults he had spewed, "he didn't hurt me, no permanent damage
done, I swear. It's just... I don’t know, really, I – I guess I finally saw the light, opened my eyes and
saw what all of you had probably seen all along -” she felt a little embarrassed, slightly sick too as
she rambled on. “I probably should have done it a long time ago, I know all of you never
understood why I was friends with him still and I suppose you were all right hindsight being what
it is now –”
“Lily.”
The use of her first name was surprising and she looked up at him, all of his earlier cockiness
having disappeared for once.
“Can I show you something?”
When she nodded, he took his phone out of his pocket, his thumb moving over the screen before he
made his way over to her, showing her his Instagram app.
“You’re going to think I’m insane, but –” he tapped on his profile icon, switching from the one she
followed – siriuslyblackatheart – to a different one that read time.is.running.out, a name she had
never seen before. She frowned slightly, not quite sure what he wanted to show her exactly, how it
might relate to the end of her friendship with Severus Snape. “I know I’ve given you a lot of shit
over the years for staying friends with Snape and… James would always tell me to shut up about it,
but I couldn’t, because –” he swallowed, breath hitching just a little. “God, you’re going to think
I’m pathetic.”
Knowing that he needed it, she placed a hand on his shoulder. “Sirius, I’ll never think that,
whatever this might be –”
“I created a separate Instagram account just so I could follow my brother.” Astonishment was sure
to have flitted across her features, causing her ex-boyfriend’s best friend to drop his gaze. “I told
you it was stupid –”
“It’s not,” she told him quickly. “I was just surprised, is all. I –” she searched for the right words to
say, “– I think it’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever done. You have such a big heart, Sirius –”
“Not quite big enough to be loved by my own family, it appears.”
“Or,” she proposed softly, “maybe your heart is too large, too giving for them to understand you.”
She wanted to hug him, wrap her arms around him and make him feel appreciated. Something,
which – she knew very well – he hadn’t felt before he’d met James, before he’d moved in with the
Potters, before he’d found a family of his own and had left behind - a few exceptions here and
there, such as Andromeda - the one he had been born into.
“I just wanted to show you, because –” he sighed. “Well, I guess I wanted to let you know that I
understand why you’d hold on to something that wasn’t necessarily good for you and maybe I
should have told you before –”
“Does James know?” she blurted out the question, her cheeks colouring for here was Sirius Black
spilling one of his secrets to her and all she did was ask if he had ever told the person she
considered to be the love of her life and his platonic soulmate.
“Nah,” Sirius shook his head, “he’d understand, I’m sure, but it feels like a betrayal almost, really.
Prongs is the brother I never had, he's the one I owe everything to, while Regulus and I –”
“It’s complicated, I know.” She did. There was an understanding between her and Sirius that was
founded in the toxic relationship with their siblings, even though – unlike Sirius and his brother –
she was still on very fragile speaking terms with Petunia.
“Anyway,” Sirius straightened up, his vulnerable expression clearing up just a little, putting his
phone back into his back pocket, “I needed you to see it and I hope you know that even though you
and Prongs are no longer together and even though I’ve been a massive prick these past two weeks,
I am here for you if you need me and – hmmph – goodness sake, Evans –”
She’d wrapped her arms around his waist, tears threatening to spill as she buried her face into his
chest. “Thank you,” she whispered, overwhelmed with emotion.
“It’s all right,” he muttered, wrapping his own arms around her shoulders too, placing his chin on
top of her red hair. “I reckon you need a friend now more than anything.”
If only you knew how right you are, she thought. I feel like I have quite literally lost everything. She
closed her eyes more firmly and pretended he was James, her imagination calming down her nerves
even if just for a moment.
Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked this Blackevans solidarity!
Thank you for reading and for all your comments. Seeing that my writing inspires
feeling in others is truly the highest of compliments. I am really grateful for all of you.
Day 16 - Now The Sun Burns My Heart
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Edge
“James,” Gilderoy Lockhart addressed him, his charming smile – which James knew won over all
the ladies, but made him want to roll his eyes at its sheer insincerity – flashing in his direction as
his boss asked him: “Could we possibly ask your father to be the replacement keynote speaker at
the Research and Development Forum? You have to admit he would draw quite the crowd and that
those who already confirmed their presence would be more than happy to see Scamander replaced
by a man of your father’s standing and professional success.”
James had worked for Lockhart Event Management for the past three years, had worked himself up
to become – as Gilderoy liked to say – his righthand man, but that didn’t mean he could actually
stomach the man for more than a couple of hours a day. Today was one of those days on which his
tolerance for the man that employed him was exceptionally low and he knew the golden-haired
trust fund man-child had very little to do with it. James had been on edge ever since he’d heard
about Lily quitting her job, as if their break-up hadn’t been enough to drive him to the edge of the
cliff. Her decision had thrown him for a loop and he couldn’t fathom why she would do what she
did unless something was seriously wrong.
“I don’t know –” he spoke, shaking himself out of the thoughts that threatened to spiral out of
control, running a hand through his dark and messy curls, “– my father has been taking it easy these
past couple of months. He’s getting close to retiring, actually –”
“All the better!” Lockhart clapped his hands together, clearly delighted. “We can market it as
Fleamont Potter’s Swan Song, everyone’s final ever chance to see the man live –”
“That would be a gross exaggeration, to be fair –”
“No one needs to know that, do they?” A short pause before he added: “Molly, did you write that
down?” Gilderoy addressed his assistant here, a hardworking mother of five with baby number six
on the way. “James is going to ask his father to be our VIP –”
He sighed, knowing that he couldn’t possibly go against his boss when he had made up his mind
about something, resigning himself to his fate and already knowing – his parents did dote on him –
that his father would never refuse him anything. This, however, was the reason he was so reluctant
to ask him and his mother for anything at all. He wanted to take care of them now that they were
slowly approaching an elderly or pensionado status, not the other way around. He couldn’t depend
on them forever, wanted to show them that they had done a good job with him, that he was the one
they could trust and build on.
The meeting concluded soon after and James made his way over to his office, finding the contact
he needed in his phone and deciding it was better done sooner rather than later. Especially, since
Gilderoy Lockhart was known to be impatient and might demand an update within the next couple
of hours, if not within the one hour.
“James, sweetheart,” his mother’s voice greeted him as she picked up within seconds, “how are
you feeling, my beautiful boy?”
He winced slightly at the way that her voice held just a tad more affection and concern than was
ordinary for the woman who had birthed him. He knew his parents worried about him, all the
texting back and forth that they’d done in the past two weeks proof enough of that fact.
You are eating, aren’t you? Surviving the day on an empty stomach will hardly help in this
situation. It will only make you feel worse.
Sirius told us about the airbed. You must get yourself a proper one or you’ll ruin your back for
good. Unless you expect this to be temporary?
Have you talked to her yet? I am certain it will help when you do. You have been together for so
long and you always made such a wonderful couple. I was talking to Mrs Bagshot about it the
other day and she told me she could hardly believe that the two of you are no longer attached!
I was thinking… how about a palm reading? Albus recommends this wonderful lady named Sybil
Trelawney. Apparently, she knew about the scar on his knee that looks exactly like a map of the
London Underground.
“I’m fine, mum,” he spoke, sighing warily as he rubbed a hand over his face. “Really, you don’t
have to worry about me. I’m perfectly all right –”
“Nonsense,” his mother tutted, “you didn’t call me back yesterday and when I facetimed Sirius, he
said you’d been in your room all night –” He made a note to himself to tell Sirius off for betraying
him so. “You are allowed to be upset still, you know. Heaven knows your father and I are still
reeling from it all –”
“Right,” he sounded a little clipped, licked his lips, “I know that, mum, please don’t worry… but
that’s not why I called, really. I’m at work now and –” he leaned against his desk, crossing his feet
at the ankles, “– I’m actually calling to do business. Do you have dad’s agenda with you?”
His mother scoffed and he could just about imagine her rolling her eyes. “I am your father’s
agenda,” she answered him. People that did not know his mother might say she sounded a little
snotty, but to him she sounded like the force of nature she was and always had been. He heard her
rustle a couple of pages, knew she would have grabbed her father’s leatherbound planner and was
now trying to locate the month they were in. “What would you need him for?”
His empty hand curled around the corner of his desk. “We’ve been asked to plan the Research and
Development Forum and our original keynote speaker – Newt Scamander – cancelled on us this
morning, because he was given some funding to go to the Arctic for the next couple of months –”
“I am forever glad that your father didn’t choose a more adventurous field of study,” his mother
interjected. “Can you imagine me having to brave such conditions?”
He could, in fact, not. His mother was the most glamourous woman he had ever known. He had
never so much as seen her wear anything that could be deemed casual. When it came to Euphemia
Potter, there truly was a dress for every occasion.
“Anyway,” he continued, “I understand if dad can’t or won’t do it, but I had to ask –”
“Of course, you had to!” His mother was quick to reply. “What’s the date then? I’m sure your
father would be more than happy to help you out if he’s free.”
“It’s quite soon, actually. It would be Friday in two weeks’ time.”
“Ah,” his mother spoke, turning two pages, “looks like your father would be free to do it. Tell
Gilderoy that he would be delighted –”
“You don’t need to ask him?”
“James,” the tone of his mother’s voice made him cower just slightly, reminding him of all those
moments when he had been a teenager that she had seen right through him, “why are you so
averse? You’d normally jump at the opportunity to work with your father –”
He pursed his lips, squirmed a little before confessing: “I’m just worried Lily will be there –” he
heard his mother hum sympathetically on the other end of the line, “– that would be fine, of course,
but I could do without the humiliation –”
“Your father would never do such a thing.”
“I know, but –” he hesitated for a moment. “To be honest, I’m already mortified that I managed to
make her fall out of love with me –” Bile rose up his throat, heartburn leaving a trail of fire in its
wake. “I was hoping to avoid going to the conference altogether, but I know that Lockhart will
have me be the lead when dad is coming.”
“Prigipa,” his mother’s voice was warm and kind and it made him wish he was there with her, that
she could wrap him up in her arms like he was still – as she’d referred to him in Greek as – her
prince, “no one can make you do anything. If you just explain to Gilderoy that you’d prefer not to
go and list your reasons, I’m sure –”
“No, I’m –” he swallowed, “– it’s stupid, really, and –” he wondered if he should say this, but
decided he might as well, reckoned it was no secret, “– actually she might not go at all. According
to Andromeda she quit Riddle’s, which Lily confirmed when Sirius went to see her yesterday,
apparently.”
“She did?” he thought his mother didn’t sound as surprised as he had been. “Well, I suppose that
warrants some flowers then. Do you think I could send them her way or would that be odd?”
“Flowers?”
“Yes, well, it’s not every day that you put yourself first. Whenever one does, it’s a cause for
celebration –”
“What do you mean?” he frowned.
“Well,” his mother told him patiently, “she has been rather unhappy working for Riddle lately, of
course. She told me last time the two of you were here that she just didn’t feel as passionate about
lab work anymore and that she'd been reconsidering her life choices.”
“She did – her life choices - what?” He was completely and utterly mystified. Was I one of those
life choices that she was no longer certain about? His chest contracted painfully, his lungs
stinging.
“Oh, thisavre mu,” there was something in his mum’s voice that he thought might resemble pity,
“you didn’t know? She never told you?”
“No,” he thought his heart broke all over again as he said it and the truth hit him once and for all:
apparently, she didn’t tell me much of anything anymore.
Chapter End Notes
Prigipa = my prince, thisavre mu = my treasure.
Thank you so much for reading and all your wonderful comments! One very clever
reader noted we didn't know much about James' job yet. Well, now you know a little
more. Can't you just see James Potter - prankster extraordinary - as a wonderful event
manager?
Day 17 - And The Sand Hurts My Feelings
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Publicity
The flowers that arrived on her doorstep that Saturday morning were extravagant and before she
had even had a chance to read the notecard attached to it, she knew who had sent them. Mary,
however, who’d joined her for a morning walk through the park near her flat, gasped as she dove
for the vase.
“Oh my gosh!” Her friend’s eyes were wide. “Are these from James?!”
Having overcome the initial shock and anger attached to her break-up, her friends appeared
convinced now that it was only a matter of time before she and James would get back together
again.
“Surely,” Ishani had said, “now that Severus is out of the way, there’s nothing to keep the two of
you apart any longer?”
There was still, however, the fact of the matter that James Potter was no longer in love with her, a
fact that her friends no longer seemed to be as convinced of was a definite possibility as they had
been when she had first informed them - tearfully, lots of snot involved - about the reason she and
James were no longer together.
“It just doesn’t make any sense, Lil,” Marlene had told her just the night before. “James Potter
would never fall out of love with Lily Evans. If a meteor came hurtling down to earth and it’d
come straight at you, he’d dive in front of you and push you out of the way –”
She had shaken her head, even though the flush that had threatened to form had been difficult to
push down. “If a meteor would threaten to hit the earth, he could push me away all he wanted, but
we’d both die –”
“All the more romantic!” Her friend had argued in turn, her eyebrow arched. “It’d be The Notebook
all over again, or Romeo and Juliet –” her friend had scrunched up her nose at her choice of
allusions. “Although, let’s ignore the latter, because that’s an actual tragedy that I won't wish upon
anyone –”
Now, her other friend gushing over the bouquet that stood at her feet, she found herself having to
defend the end of a relationship that she desperately wished hadn’t come to a premature
conclusion.
“They’re not from James,” she rushed to say, pushing a lock of her auburn hair behind her ear and
reaching for the notecard.
“How would you know? This is just like him!” Mary’s face lit up. “Oh my gosh, does he still have
a key to your apartment? What if you unlock the door and he’s there, bent at the knee, ring in hand
–”
“Stop!” She thought she might vomit. “They’re from his parents, or his mother, more like.” Her
fingers shook just slightly as she opened up the envelope, took out an ivory card that – in her
former mother-in-law’s elegant cursive – read:
Simone de Beauvoir once said: ‘I am too intelligent, too demanding, and too
resourceful for anyone to be able to take charge of me entirely.’ It takes true strength
to take matters into your own hands. Fleamont and I are proud of you, Lily. All our
love.
If she had been wearing mascara or any other type of make-up, it would now stain her cheeks. She
hadn’t meant to publicise her resignation, had tried not to lie awake the past two nights as Sirius
Black’s words rang through her mind - he’s been in an uproar ever since I told him – but it seemed
that her choice to quit Riddle’s spread like a wildfire and, so far, no one had told her she had made
a terrible mistake. No one but Severus Snape, she supposed, whose calls she had had to field,
whose contact she had had to block.
“Gosh,” Mary spoke, picking up the flowers as Lily had extracted herself from the spot she had
been rooted to, shaking her head, “he must really take after his mother then. Grand gestures must
run in the family if these are anything to go by.”
“They share a flair for the drama,” she admitted, fond memories of her time at the Potters’ home
hitting her like a brick wall. Summers spent on the Cornish coast, sun burning her skin, sand
warming her toes… she and James had joked about it more than once, he never realising – and she
couldn’t blame him, for she had tried to take that secret with her to the grave, but she had also
always hoped he would somehow catch on – just how serious she was when she had told him: “We
should just move here, start our life together in Godric’s Hollow.”
“Ah,” he’d grinned, fingers tucking her hair out of her face, “and live next door to my parents and
dear old Batty… I’m sure we’d get no time to ourselves at all.” He had snickered here. “Not to
mention that I’m afraid you might grow to find me terribly boring. I’d probably start reading paper
newspapers if I lived up here.”
I want that with you, she had wanted to tell him then, too uncertain to actually voice it, however,
too vulnerable and afraid and disappointed in herself to even begin to imagine it. I desperately want
to grow old and bored with you. I can’t wait until we are so comfortable together that we can just
be and needn’t say anything to make ourselves be heard. I can’t wait until just one simple look is
enough to express to one another how deeply in love we are.
It hadn’t come to that, of course. Or: maybe he had grown bored – she never did find out what had
made him stop loving her, after all – but she had simply not been enough for him to want to share a
dull and simple life with. He was, after all, a Marauder at heart, a prankster extraordinary, the
absolute life of the party. She was - in many ways - his polar opposite: an ambitious, rule-abiding
young woman who had always prioritised her career. Her stomach swirled uncomfortably.
“What did she write?” Mary asked, having put down the flowers on her dining table.
“Just –” she put the envelope down on the kitchen counter, “– it was to cheer me up after resigning
from Riddle’s. Euphemia is very thoughtful that way.” Much more so than her own parents would
ever be. The Potters and the Evanses couldn’t be more different and that knowledge still stung. Not
only had she lost the love of her life, but the family of her choice through extension too. Where her
own parents had never warmed up to James – they found him too posh, too open in his affection,
too loud in his enthusiasm – his parents had welcomed her with open arms, gushing over their son’s
choice for a partner.
“Did she write anything about –?”
She shook her head. “No,” she replied, wanting to change the topic of conversation as quickly as
possible. “Anyway, would you like a cup of tea or -?”
“Lily,” Mary sighed, a frown having appeared on her forehead, “I know you think you’ve missed
the boat, that you’ve ruined your chances, but –”
“He doesn’t love me anymore, Mary,” she could barely keep the tears from spilling down her
cheeks. “There's nothing I can possibly do about it or to make him change his mind –”
“Are you absolutely sure? Can it not have been some kind of misunderstanding or -?”
Lily - a flash of heat rising up her spine, a painful churning in her belly - turned to the kitchen sink,
just in time for her to empty the contents of her stomach there, her vision blurred by the tears that
clung to her eyelashes. She heaved a second time, a third time, hands shaking as she held on to the
kitchen counter, her legs weakened and - so she thought - barely able to keep herself upright.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she heard Mary say, a hand coming to rest on her upper back, assembling her
auburn locks and keeping them out of her face as she heaved a fourth time. “Just let it all out, it’ll
be okay, I swear –”
No, it won’t, she thought to herself then, eyes having widened as a realisation had hit her a mere
seconds before, making her throw up a fifth time. She’d done some quick calculations, her fear
increasing by the minute. It certainly won't be all right, for if this is what I think it might be,
everything will have gone to complete and utter shit.
Chapter End Notes
I will respond to all of your comments over the weekend! I'm so sorry that I can't right
now. I love, love, love reading them, but I'm so busy and I'm honestly focusing on
getting the chapters out there at all. Thank you for all your feedback!
Day 18 - And I Never Don't Cry At The Bar
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Aloof
He waited for drinks for himself and his friends at the bar when a familiar figure – out of the
corner of his eye – grabbed his attention, his shoulders locking up nearly instantly as he found
himself begging that he would be missed.
Of course, he wasn’t as lucky as just that.
Mary Macdonald’s eyes widened nearly as dramatically as he was certain his own had upon
noticing him. There was an awkward pause, some graceless gawking as well as gazes fluttering for
where they might find an emergency exit. However, it soon became apparent that there was no
escape for either of them and that avoidance would not aid them.
“Hey,” he muttered as she slowly made her way over to him. She seemed rather a bit nervous, her
eyes flitting over his face, turning to look over her shoulder quickly and it was then that his
stomach sank, plummeted to his feet. “Is she –?”
Mary frowned. “Is who –?” then her eyes widened once more. “No, she’s –” Lily’s friend
swallowed, licked her lips, which had been painted a bright scarlet. “I reckon she’s at home. She
didn’t really feel like going out, she’s not been feeling herself –” Mary faltered, shrugged, wrapped
her arms around her waist.
“Right,” his head bobbed, relief and disappointment warring for precedence as he ran his fingers
through his hair, exhaling harshly. “I, yeah, of course, uhm –” he shuffled on his feet, not even
noticing that the barman had placed his drinks on the bar, not caring if he had, for all that matter.
“Is she –” he wanted to ask, but he didn’t look forward to the answer he might get – She is perfectly
fine, actually! She is doing so much better now that she got rid of all the toxicity in her life, there is
no one to be holding her back any longer. – “Is she doing all right, or –?” He braced himself,
grimaced, knew that any answer he might receive would dissatisfy him.
Mary let out a soft laugh, rolled her eyes. “Do you seriously have to ask?” she wanted to know,
crossing her arms over her chest now, a clear defence mechanism as her hackles appeared to rise.
“Wow, Potter, I really do like you, but you’re an absolute idiot for breaking up with her –” he
opened his mouth to – he didn’t know what, really, perhaps he was trying to protect his own
battered and bruised soul from any further damage. “Life isn’t exactly coming up roses for her at
the moment.”
Nor for me either, he found himself adding, the lips ready to fall off his lips, but his mouth
wouldn't form the words. He ached for the scotch that was waiting for him on the counter, wanted
it to burn down his throat, for the liquid to scorch away his heartache from the inside out. Perhaps
it would cleanse him, perhaps it would make him forget what seemed thoroughly impossible to.
Mary, however, didn’t let up. “They say major life events never come alone and that certainly
seems to be the case for her. First, her boyfriend breaks up with her –”
“It’s not exactly been great for me either, you know –”
“– then her dick of a best friend drives her to resign –”
“I swear, if he did anything to her –”
“– and then she finds out –” Mary’s mouth clamped shut, a pregnant pause making the hairs at the
back of his neck rise. Before he could ask what Lily found out, however, her friend continued:
“Anyway, it is what it is, I suppose, but you would do well to talk to her and you better don’t break
her heart a second time –”
His laugh sounded bitter. “As if mine didn’t break first –”
“Ugh, men!” Mary stepped forward, jabbing a finger against his chest. “You’re the problem,
Potter! If you had never seduced her, had never tricked her into believing you wanted the same
things she did –”
“Tricked her?!”
“I really do believe you loved her fiercely at some point, but –”
“What do you mean loved?”
Mary’s eyes had narrowed. “I rooted for you, you know,” another jab of the finger. “I always
thought that she was lucky to have you, but then you pull a stunt like this, act all aloof when she
tells you to pick up your things –”
“Aloof?” his eyebrows shut up his forehead. “What about any of this –” he gestured to his face,
which – he was certain – was wrought with emotion, “- screams indifference? The only reason I’m
here anyway is to try and forget –”
“Wow,” Mary recoiled, “you sure move fast, don’t you? You go around telling Lily that Sirius
spreads lies on Instagram, but –”
“Not like that,” he hissed, taking a hold of one of the glasses next to him. “Fucking cheers,
Macdonald, to my bloody broken heart –” He downed his drink, fire licking at his throat as it made
its way down. “Here’s to the man that can’t be moved for fear of losing her further, to the bloke
that never doesn’t cry at the bar these days –”
The brunette scoffed. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you then?” She shook her head. “Let me
remind you: you were the one to end things between the two of you, she was shellshocked. Just
because it becomes more difficult to see the sun shine out of each other’s arses, it doesn’t mean you
should give up.”
He wanted to walk away, so sick and tired of having to defend himself, while he truly didn’t want
to do anything of the sort. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers, looked away from
the woman gazing up at him angrily and intensely.
“She’ll be fine,” he muttered through gritted teeth. I won’t, but she will. “She’ll bounce back like
she always does. She was made to survive, is the strongest person I have ever known –”
“Well, maybe you should be telling her that, because she is having a pretty difficult time believing
any of that about herself and has done for a while, I reckon.”
He bowed his head, shoulders hunched. “I know, I –” failed to make her happy. I didn't know
where to start when she seemed so much more at ease whenever I wasn't near.
“And yet you didn’t do anything, you didn’t once ask how you could help her, how you could
support –”
“Why the fuck do you think I broke it off?” He very nearly shouted it, gathering the attention of
those standing in their immediate proximity. He lowered his voice, sent Mary an apologetic look
before he continued, at a more normal volume: “I wasn’t making her happy. She must have told
you that –”
“Well, you sure as hell aren’t making her happy now either,” she snapped, “and you would do well
to call her, you know, even if it's just out of common courtesy. Maybe you can actually dig the both
of you out of the grave when you do, instead of burying yourselves alive.”
Having said that, Mary turned around and stomped away angrily, her heels clacking on the
hardwood pub floor. A nearby patron – an older man, possibly in his early seventies – clapped him
on the shoulder: “Women, am I right? Can’t live with them or without them.”
Chapter End Notes
I am so sorry for all the curveballs I am throwing your way. I know that Chapter 17
had a rather unexpected (for some, it seemed) ending. I hope you liked this one! Thank
you for all your support!
Day 19 - Yeah, My Sadness Is Contagious
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Tower
James Potter had always wanted to be father. She remembered seeing him tutor First Years at
Hogwarts, the way his smile had lit up his face, softened his features into something that radiated
reassurance. She had watched him on the football pitch, practicing with six-year-old boys and girls,
who shrieked with laughter. He had confidently told her, holding her hand as they’d strolled along
the Cornish shore, seeing families enjoy a casual day at the beach: “We’ll take ours here too.”
James Potter was born to be a father and he would make a fantastic one.
Lily, however, had never dreamed of nor wanted to be a mother. Not actively, at least, until she had
started fantasizing about starting a family with him.
While her sister had always played with dolls, had bossed over her younger sister, Lily had always
preferred the outdoors. She’d run, scabbed her knees, collected frog spawn, torn her jeans, spilled
on her dresses… Her father had often chuckled that he might as well have gotten a son, her mother
had lamented that she had never asked for a tomboy for a daughter.
As she had grown older, she had come to terms with the fact that she quite simply was not the
motherly type. She preferred order over chaos and the one time she had held a baby, it had started
crying as soon as he had left his mother’s arms for her own. She had believed that motherhood
simply wasn’t in the cards for her, that maybe - for her - this just wasn't meant to be the part she
was supposed to take on in life.
But then three months into her relationship with James, her head had lain on his chest, listening to
the way his heart beat steadily in her ear, her fingers on his bare stomach, his lips pressing a lazy
kiss on top of her hair and she had found herself wondering what it would be like to be with him
forever, to marry him one day, to carry his baby.
Her imagination - and the feelings it had ignited - had, quite simply, shocked her to the core.
Never had she thought she would make a good mother and she hadn't started to believe it then
either, but she had started to believe that she and James might make a good parental team together;
where she would fall short, he would complement her and vice versa. She was convinced that they
would complete one another and that together they could face the loudest of storms, that even
death could not part them.
Now, however, they had ended and Lily had never been more afraid than she had felt the moment
the first pregnancy test - and she had done four more just to ensure it was not a fluke - had come
back positive.
“I can’t do this,” she had told Mary, scared out of her mind. “I can’t do this without him, I –” she’d
sobbed in her hands, even more miserable than she had been in the past two weeks of heartache, “–
but I can’t get rid of it. I can’t, I –”
“Sleep on it,” Mary had told her hours later, a soft kiss pressed to her forehead. “You don’t have to
decide anything right now. You need to process and –” her friend had paused for a moment, “– this
is your choice, Lil, don’t forget that this is your body and your life. No one should get a say apart
from you.”
And James, she had added, but not voiced, and when she had closed the door behind her friend, she
had paced the length of her apartment, wringing her hands as she wondered if she should call him,
if she should invite him over, if she could justify not telling him practically as soon as she had
found out herself. Wasn't that treacherous? This child - even though at the moment it was barely
that - was as much his as it was hers.
She had chickened out, however, gone to bed, spent a sleepless night there and then – hours later –
Mary had texted.
Mary
I’m sorry.
If James contacts you it’s because of me.
I think I might have said too much and may have been just a little too harsh on him too,
but I was just so angry and I could only think of the look in your eyes yesterday.
Please forgive me.
I’ll come over tomorrow, yeah? Hold on, babes.
Her hands had trembled, she had waited – anxiously – for a message to arrive, for his name to light
up her screen, but it hadn’t until much, much later when she had fallen asleep - her insomnia from
the night before losing out in the end - only to wake up to a message that read:
James
This message was deleted.
She had stared at her phone all day, wondered if another message would appear, had formulated a
couple of texts she could possibly sent his way, but she could never find the courage to actually
follow through, her demons holding her back, her nausea – it had worsened ever since she had
found out what might be the source of it – distracting her thoroughly and causing her to fall to her
knees in her bathroom more times than she had cared to count.
She felt like she was a princess in a tower, waiting to be rescued by her knight in shining armour,
uncertain as to when he would arrive. It could be hours, days, weeks, months or possibly even
years.
What if it was never, though? She had asked herself. What if he never returns to me and I don’t
dare return to him either, afraid of the rejection that may gut her?
She couldn’t possibly do this by herself, though. She couldn’t have a baby without him. She wasn’t
cut out for it, wouldn’t even know where to begin. Lily Evans had quite simply not been born to be
a mother and she knew it far too well. She needed someone by her side who could help her. who
would succeed where she'd fail.
Quite frankly, she needed him.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you so much for reading, everyone! I'm so insanely flattered that people would
want to read anything I write at all. I know that sounds silly, but it never ceases to
amaze me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Day 20 - I Slur Your Name ‘Til Someone Puts Me In A Car
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Patrol
“Favourite show?”
“PAW Patrol.”
“Be serious, just for once, please.”
“I am always Sirius.”
“Now, you’re just having me on –”
“What? I can’t like a cartoon that’s meant for children? You teach, you’re supposed to be up to
date on the latest trends –”
“I teach in secondary –”
“So?”
“PAW Patrol is a show for toddlers –”
“I fail to see your point. Every teenager was a toddler once, just like every adult was.”
James watched his friends over the edge of the laptop that balanced in his lap. Remus was pink-
cheeked due to his annoyance, while Sirius was clearly being deliberately obnoxious. Every once in
a while, his motorbike mechanic brother liked to tease the sanity out of one of them and tonight, it
seemed, it was Remus Lupin’s turn.
“Honestly, I think I’ll just give this up. You’re clearly taking the mic –”
“Absolutely not, I –”
“You do not like a kid’s show. I have never seen you so much as watch it.”
“You don’t know what I do behind closed doors.”
“Believe me, I feel blessed that I don’t, if I’m honest. Some things should remain a mystery even
when you’re doomed to live together for the rest of your lives.”
Sirius grinned. “Aww, Moony, I didn’t know you felt that way. I’m flattered you’d even want to
live with me until we’re old and grey –”
“It’s not a question of wanting so much as that it’s out of financial necessity,” Remus replied,
rolling his eyes. “If I did what I wanted, I’d skip my classes with my nightmarish Year 11, but life –
unfortunately – is not a beach –”
“Don’t we all know that,” Sirius agreed, placing his feet on their coffee table, which prompted
Remus to nudge them off with his socked toes. “If anyone does, it would be darling James-y here,
who – I feel – has barely escaped the two-day hangover he was in after Sunday night –”
James, feeling slightly annoyed, locked eyes with his brother, who appeared satisfied to have
gotten his attention. “Don’t even go there, please.”
“Just be glad I had you delete that voice message you sent Evans,” Sirius said, eyebrows high up
on his forehead. “I think she’d barely have understood a word of what you tried to say between all
the sobbing and slurring –”
“There’s nothing wrong with showing your emotions,” Remus supplied.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” his brother interrupted. “I’m just saying it’s a good thing that Evans
didn’t have to listen to that monstrosity. Not that I discourage the two of you actually talking, mind
you, because I think it might be good for the two of you –”
“So you’ve said,” James mumbled as he closed his laptop. Ever since Sirius had visited Lily, he’d
been awfully chummy with her, texted her daily and James couldn’t help but feel jealous that two
of his best mates got to have what he no longer could. “What good would it do, though? Clearly,
I’m not in the right state of mind to do much of anything where Lily is concerned.” He had a vague
memory only of himself serenading her through tears that streamed down her cheeks. He knew –
because Sirius had confirmed it and he did recollect some flashes - that it had been an absolutely
awful rendition of ‘I Will Always Love You’. “Besides, she didn’t even ask why I deleted the
message, she didn’t even send a question mark, so I doubt she is waiting by the phone to hear from
me.”
“I didn’t say she would, but I do know that whatever the two of you think you might have lost, it’s
still there.”
James shook his head. “If even we don’t know what we’ve lost, how would you know it’s still
present?”
His best friend ignored this, instead he spoke, eyes glinting: “I dare you to contact her again now
that you’re sober. You can’t just give up, mate, she’s the fucking love of your life as you like to
claim.” Sirius’ hand gestured wildly in his direction. “So, suck it up and just bloody fix what you
broke –”
“Where would I even start?”
“By telling her you love her.”
“It’s not that simple –”
“It damn well is, Prongs!”
“To a guy that claims PAW Patrol is his favourite show –”
“You know what lesson that show has taught me?” Sirius asked, face solemn for a change. “It
showed me that there is always a solution. Even if everything seems to have gone to actual stinking
shit, those pups go out there and save what they can.” A brief pause. “Except for that they’re
obviously not drunk for it, so you should thank me that I spared you that deep humiliation –”
James supposed thanks were in order, knowing that his mother had once told him: “I love you,
darling, but please never attempt to sing again.” He had decided – since that fateful day – that he
would never so much as attempt to do karaoke. He couldn’t imagine what he might have subjected
his ex-girlfriend to – despite the tearful laments – if his brother hadn’t stopped him.
“Maybe,” spoke Remus then, “Sirius is right. Just send her a message, let her know you want to
talk… I am certain she’d be open to it. You know her better than the both of us, I know, but anyone
that’s ever talked to her before knows that she’s not a vindictive person.”
“Yeah, I don’t know, I just –” he faltered, shrugged. “I’m not ready to hear it all yet, you know?
The moment I know how I messed it all up, I’ll probably want to throw myself off of Tower
Bridge or something.”
He could just imagine it, how sick he would feel, the need he would experience to just stop all of
it: the intense longing for the one person he could no longer have, the spiralling guilt and
depression as he would hear her say that she had felt misunderstood, that he had never once taken
the time to help her get better.
And yet you didn’t do anything, you didn’t once ask how you could help her, how you could
support – Mary’s voice was all he heard these days, the fury-filled words having made him wonder
if he had truly been so inconsiderate, so blind as not to see that Lily needed him.
What would have happened if I had? He wondered. Would I have been able to turn the tide
around?
He sighed heavily, ready to tell his friends that he was going up to his room, that he needed his
sleep – and this was not untrue, but it wasn’t the full truth of it either – and would consider their
words come the next morning. However, just as he opened his mouth to announce his departure,
his phone buzzed and – taking it out – his heart stopped before he looked up at his brothers,
narrowed his eyes at them.
“Did you –?“
“Did we what?” asked Remus sincerely.

James’ thumb felt void of any and all strength as well as numb with anxiety when he tapped the
screen and – upon reading her message – wondered if she could possibly read his friends’ and his
own mind.
Lily
Hi James, I really hope I am not intruding.
Do you think you could step by the apartment one of these days?
It's no other boxes filled with your stuff, I swear. It would be to talk.
Anyway, just let me know!
Chapter End Notes
Your support means the world to me. Thank you!

Day 21 - I Stopped Receiving Invitations
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Record
Her heartbeat was a deafening drum, her hands clasped together in her lap as she waited for that
fateful knock on her – their – front door. She still wasn’t certain if she should tell him, wondered if
she should just disinvite him, if she could possibly inform him that she needed a little more time
after all.
She thought about typing another message out on her phone, about pressing send. She imagined
him walking out of the Tube station as he read it, stopping in his tracks, shoulders dropping in
disappointment. Or, perhaps, he would be relieved, perhaps he’d be grateful that she cancelled on
him, even if it was last minute.
She, however, never got the chance to even pick up her phone to execture her cowardly plan, for
his knuckles rapped against the door, the sound both familiar as well as foreign. He had – after all
– only ever knocked when he hadn’t brought his keys with him, the turning of the lock having been
a far more frequent and welcome sound to infiltrate her thoughts and bring an end to her solitude.
She stood, buried her hands in her sleeves and – peeking into the mirror, noting her transparent
anxiety – exhaled deeply and closed her eyes, taking three additional seconds before her hand
folded around the handle and she opened it, eyes immediately falling on her ex-boyfriend, whom
she saw for the first time since he’d come over to move out of the apartment they had shared. He
still looked devastatingly handsome.
His hands were buried deep in the pockets of his jeans, his black curls a mess, betraying his
unease, the fact that he had run his fingers through it a number of times before he had arrived. She
knew which face he would have pulled as he tugged at them, the frown that would have marred his
forehead. His eyes now - unlike what she was used to - lacked any sparkle, seemed cautious almost
as he looked at her, as if she might vaporise on the spot.
“Hey,” he sounded hoarse, cleared his throat.

“Hi,” she replied and her stomach swooped, fluttered at his sheer proximity or perhaps it was
another wave of nausea, which was the by-product of the situation she found herself in, that – soon
– they would both find themselves in.
(That is, if this were to go well.)
She stepped aside and he entered wordlessly, eyes flitting around the hallway, perhaps noting the
emptiness of it, the missing picture frames that had lined the walls when they had lived together.
Ones that had contained pictures of him with his friends at various stages in life, a gap-toothed
smiling James on the football field at six years old, his parents on their wedding day, his parents
with James and Sirius, ones of the two of them together that she had split equally between the two
of them, hoping that he would keep the ones she had given him safe, that he wouldn't break the
glass and burn the pictures, that he wouldn't fill the frames with a woman's face that wasn't her
own.
They entered the living room together, making their way to the sofa and sitting down on it
gingerly, on opposite ends, his body turned at such an angle that he appeared ready to make a run
for the door if their talk would not go well. She wondered if he would, if he – like she had wanted
to as soon as she had seen that plus sign appear on the first test – would want to make a run for it
and never return again.
(If only she had that same luxury.)
“Thanks for coming,” she told him, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear, avoiding his gaze as
much as he avoided hers. “I know it’s –” she trailed off, her fingers shook. “I know it’s unorthodox
to ask your ex-boyfriend over, in the space that you lived together in no less –” I couldn't do this
anywhere else, though. I needed to be in my own space, in the space that was ours first.
“I’m happy you invited me.” The words rushed out of him and when her eyes flitted to his, she
noticed the grimace he pulled, the way unmistakable redness spread up his throat. “I think we –” he
scrunched up his nose. “We deserve a better ending than we got, what we had was –” the look in
his eyes softened and she noted that the hand closest to her person twitched, as if he wanted to take
hold of her fingers, a phantom contraction, a muscle memory. “– we were good together, I think,
and I don’t want any of that spoiled just because –” his nostrils flared, his jaw tensed up. “We can
still like each other even when we didn’t work out in the other sense.” A brief moment of pause,
the seconds ticked by slowly, the air charged almost. “I still like you, that didn’t go away or
change.”
I just don’t like you like that anymore, she heard him say as she worked her bottom lip. I just don’t
love you anymore.
“That’s –” she had to look away from him, couldn’t let him see the way her eyes had filled with
tears, “– thank you, I appreciate that, I obviously still –” love you. She couldn’t voice it, not when
she was so clearly the only one to feel this way still. She was - for the record - far from fine.
“Good,” he nodded, one of his legs jumping nervously. Normally, she would have reached out to
settle him, to calm him. It pained her not to be able to do it. “I’m glad, I –” she heard him inhale
sharply. “I still care about you deeply and I – I don’t know how to let go of that, I –”
“James,” she needed to say it sooner rather than later. She could tell that all this talk – however
wonderful it was to hear that he still had some feelings for her, even if they weren’t the ones she
not so secretly harboured for him, even if she wouldn’t receive the ones she craved in turn – of
lingering sentiments would be her undoing, that it would cause her to chicken out, to hide the truth
of her predicament just a bit longer. “There’s actually something I need to tell you, I –”
“I know,” he interjected. “You quit Riddle’s, you’re no longer working at the lab and –”
“That’s not what I wanted to talk about –”
“– I hope it wasn’t because of what I did –”
“– James, it wasn’t, this isn’t even about that –”
“– I’ll apologise to him properly if you want me to. I’ll do whatever you need me to, to make
working with him bearable again –”
“– that won’t work and I don't want or need you to –”
“– you’re the most important person in the world to him, there is no way he won’t forgive you–”
“– I don’t need his forgiveness –”
“– I’ll do anything to make you happy –”
“– you don’t have to, that's not your responsibility –”
“– just tell me what you want from me and I’ll do it –”
“I’m pregnant.”
Her voice was loud and – this must have been her imagination, the impact of her words on herself
already greater than she could put to words – boomed off the walls and bouncing off of her, hitting
him square in the chest. He’d gone awfully still, froze up, his mouth slightly agape.
“I’m pregnant,” she repeated, voice significantly softer now, a slight tremor causing it to wobble.
“The timing is awful, I know, but clearly it’s yours and –”
“Pregnant?” he asked and she thought he might faint. All colour had left his face, his eyes blown.
“It’s early days, it can’t be more than four weeks. I think it might have happened that morning after
the party you’d planned for Cornelius Fudge –”
“The shower –”
“Right, yes,” she was certain that she’d gone bright red in the face, the memory of that moment
causing heat to settle in the pit of her stomach. “I can’t remember us using protection and I’d just
gotten off antibiotics for that urinary tract infection, so I’m not sure the pill did its job –”
“Shit,” he got off the couch, hands held behind his head as he walked up to the window, stared out
of it, back turned towards her, which she hated because it made it difficult for her to gauge his
reaction other than the evident and expected shock he’d displayed a minute before, the tense set of
his shoulders now.
“I found out on Saturday. I’d been feeling poorly for a bit, but I’d assigned that to the shock of the
break-up –”
“Lil,” he turned around, made his way over to her, grabbed her hands as he crouched down in front
of her, “I hope you know that, whatever you decide, whatever you want, I’ll – I’ll go ahead with it.
I just – fuck – I’m so sorry I did this to you now –”
Now that we are no longer together. Now that I no longer love you.
Part of her wanted to pull her hands out of his grip, while the other part of her wanted him to never
ever let go of her. His presence, his palms pressed to her own, it was too reassuring – when she
closed her eyes she could almost pretend that they were still together.
“– I can’t believe I did this, while I knew –”
A cold chill shot up her spine. Had he known then? Had he known when he’d joined her in the
shower that morning that he was going to end things between them in a matter of weeks? The
thought hit her like a wall of bricks, made bile rise up her throat –
She pulled one of her hands free, pressed it to her mouth, scrambled to her feet and made a run for
the bathroom as James – cursing under his breath – followed her. She fell to her knees in front of
the toilet seat, heaved as she hovered over it, her cheeks moist with the tears that escaped her eyes
from the sheer physical and emotional misery she experienced.
“Lily,” his hand had gathered her hair, had pulled it out of her face, his touch gentle, his presence at
her back horrifyingly comforting for she knew that this didn’t mean anything, that they were still
broken up, that even though he still cared about her, he didn’t reciprocate her fervent, fiery love.
“Lily, I’m so sorry, I –”
She dropped backwards, leaned against his chest and buried her face in her hands, shaking with
every single sob that escaped her.
Chapter End Notes
They saw each other, they talked (although not very openly and clearly) and they both
know they are pregnant now... I know that it's still heartbreaking, but just take in mind
that we still have a number of days to go! (Even though we are approaching the
halfway point.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I love all of you!

Day 22 - Oh My, Love Is A Lie
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Scratch
It was just after six in the morning when he snuck in again, having left Lily – he had stupidly
pressed a kiss to her forehead as he had left, doing so out of habit and spending a couple of fearful
seconds holding his breath, hoping the misplaced and inappropriate gesture given their relationship
status, hadn’t woken her up – fast asleep on the bed that had been theirs some three weeks ago. A
bed that they’d spent hours side-by-side in, that they’d cuddled up in, that they’d spent countless of
times making passionate love in. It was ironic almost that despite all the sex they’d had in that
room, it hadn’t ended up being the source of their current misfortune.
I’m pregnant, her words echoed through his mind, the anguish on her face like a knife buried deep
in his gut, twisting from side to side.
Speaking of irony, he supposed what was most laughable was the fact that – if circumstances had
been different, if he and Lily had still been together – he would have been over the absolute moon.
He would have lifted her up in his arms, would have kissed her all over, would have spent his
evening whispering all kinds of advice to the child she carried, the unborn life that was all theirs,
his and hers. A baby that they had created together out of love.
And this much was still true, of course. He remembered that morning after the huge retirement
party for Cornelius Fudge that he and Lockhart – but mostly him, of course, seeing as Gilderoy
was the face and he the brains of the company – had planned. He’d woken up to her singing in the
shower – something that he hadn’t heard her do in a couple of weeks – and – smile on his face,
deliriously happy to hear her belt out Dolly Parton’s ‘9 to 5’ unapologetically – he’d swung his legs
over the edge of their bed, had pulled his shirt up over his head, had chucked it on the floor, had
stepped out of his pants before surprising her in the shower, pressing her up against the tiles,
kissing her senseless as he’d fucked her hard and fast, her fingernails leaving marks on his back, all
of his favourite noises escaping her mouth as he had held her in his arms and – even if just for a
moment – had pretended that everything between them was absolutely fine, that every day was like
this, that he could still make her as happy as ever.
“I love you,” he had told her as he’d finished inside of her. “Fuck, Lil, you have no idea.”
She’s pregnant, he thought. You might be a father in eight months’ time.
He toed off his shoes, ran a hand through his already wild curls and then made his way to the
kitchen, ready for a coffee or three, maybe an espresso too, hoping that it would clear his head. As
soon as he set foot inside, however, he stopped in his tracks.
“Well, well, well,” Sirius spoke from his seat at the kitchen table, shit-eating grin on his face as he
looked James up and down, “look at what the cat dragged in.”
He grimaced, shook his head as he made his way over to the coffee machine. “It’s not what you
think –”
“What?” asked Sirius. “You didn’t just get back from your and your ex-girlfriend’s apartment,
looking like you committed thoroughly to the idea of the walk of shame?”
“We didn’t –” he sighed as he pressed a couple of buttons, the machine getting to work. “This
wasn’t a walk of shame.”
“You’re right,” his brother continued from behind him. “There’s no shame in it. I can’t believe you
fucked her. You were all ‘oh my, love is a lie’ only a couple of days ago and now you get back in
the early hours of the day –”
“It’s not what it seems –”
“All right, all right, you made love then.”
“We really didn’t. I’d never use her to scratch my very particular Lily-shaped itches –”
“Come on, I know how this works. One thing led to another and you had angry sex that paved the
way for a lot more –”
“You’ve got no idea –”
“Did you make up then? Is all well again? I hope you at least talked for a little bit to clear up any
and all confusion. I personally thought it’d take at least another week before either of you would
get your heads out of your arses, but good for you for proving me wrong –”
“Lily’s pregnant.”
Like she had with him, he blurted the words right out, turning around and facing his brother to
check what the impact of his words might be. Sirius’ smirk was frozen on his face.
“Like, what?” his best friend questioned. “You’re saying you came so hard that you’d be surprised
if you didn’t knock her up or –”
He wanted to disappear on the spot, possibly walk out on the road, find a spot to lie in and wait for
a car – a lorry preferably – to hit him. He might have done it earlier too, if he didn’t feel the weight
of the new responsibility he would have to face.
“We didn't have sex just now. I knocked her up before we broke up,” he slumped over, rubbed a
hand over his face. “I fucking ruined her life in so many ways.”
“You’re not joking?” asked Sirius, for once completely flabbergasted, it appeared. “She isn’t
actually you know-? April Fools was a couple of weeks ago, mate, this is not even remotely funny.”
James expelled a heavy breath. “I solemnly swear that this is not a drill.” If only it were, he
thought, if only I still had a chance to fix all of this.
His brother blinked at him for a moment before shaking his head and letting out a nearly
breathless: “Well, shit.”
He chuckled humourlessly. “You can say that again,” he told his friend, his frustration – with
himself, not with anyone else – blazing to life like a wildfire spreading its flames quicker than
sound travelled. “I’m such a dickhead. She’d clearly been unhappy for a bit and I went and fucked
her in the shower anyway –”
“In the shower?!”
“Yeah,” his fingers tugged at his hair. “She had just gotten off her antibiotics and I’d just had that
huge event for Fudge done and dusted, so I just got in with her, grabbed her by the waist –”
“Okay, okay, okay,” Sirius held up his hand, nose scrunched up, “I don’t need to know all the
details of your spectacular past sex life with Lily Evans, all right? I’m just – fucking hell, Prongs,
you’re going to be a dad?”
“If she’ll keep it,” he answered, his hand taking a hold of the espresso the machine had just
prepared him. “I’ve told her I’m okay with her doing whatever she wants to do, I –” he swallowed,
attempted to blink away some of the pressure that built up behind his eyes. “Bloody hell, I owe her
that much, don’t I? I uprooted her entire life.”
“I mean, don’t give yourself all the credit.” He had never before seen Sirius so honestly confused
and conflicted. “She quit her job, you didn’t make her do that –”
“Ugh, fuck,” he groaned into his hands. “How am I ever going to do this? None of this was ever
supposed to happen this way. I’d planned on asking her to marry me, then say ‘I do’ in front of a
crowd, buy a house in Cornwall, because she loves it so much there –” He could just hit himself,
wondered if he could ask his brother to do it for him. “We were going to be a family in the old-
fashioned sense, not in the most modern one.” He deflated, was unable to look his brother in the
eye. “What do I do, Padfoot? How am I going to live with myself?”
Sirius was far too quiet for far too long before he breathed out a helpless: “I really don’t know,
mate.”
Chapter End Notes
Thank you - as always - for reading! I love you all and I am sorry for any heartache
I'm causing. I know it's a lot to take in!
Day 23 - Shit My Friends Say To Get Me By
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Authority
In all honesty, this might be poorly edited. I'll go back and fix it tomorrow.
“Look,” Mary said, crossing her legs, “I’m no authority on relationships or pregnancies in general,
but it seems vital to me that you and James come up with an arrangement of sorts if you’re not
planning on getting back together.”
She sent her friend a look. “That’s not something you can plan exactly, is it?” she ran a hand
through her hair, sitting cross-legged on her friend’s sofa, cup of tea steaming on the table. “You
don’t just decide you want to get back together, you need to want it.”
Mary seemed a little sceptical. “I think under these circumstances it can be a decision the two of
you make. You wouldn’t be the first to decide such a thing in the interest of the child you might
end up raising together.”
Lily sighed, shoulders sagging just a little as she reached for the tea her friend had prepared for her.
“I wouldn’t want to put that on him. Besides, I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who
doesn’t –” she faltered, sighed, the stricken look on James’ face when she had informed him of her
pregnancy imprinted in her mind. He had stayed after, had even fallen asleep with her on what had
still been their bed just over three weeks ago. It had warmed her heart, made her fall into the most
restful sleep she had had in weeks, his body heat warming up the sheets and, thus, providing her
with the comfort she had so sorely missed. She had known he wasn’t there when she woke up in
the morning due to the fact that her feet had turned to icicles and his absence, the fact that he had
decided to leave still gnawed at her, even though she truly shouldn’t have been surprised.
I can’t believe I did this, while I knew – he’d said, after all. It still caused goosebumps to
unpleasantly erupt all over her body.
“Lil,” Mary placed her hand on her knee, “whatever you’re thinking, right now, you have to know
that someone who doesn’t care about you, would never hold up your hair when you’re sick and
that this person certainly wouldn’t stay with you until you fall asleep.” She arched an eyebrow.
“I’d say his actions go beyond mere politeness.”
She sighed, plucked at a loose thread at the bottom of her jeans. “I know, it’s just –” she shrugged,
“– he’s always been thoughtful that way and he can’t help but care.” She looked up at her friend,
smiling sadly. “I think that makes it even more unbearable, to be honest. If we were to get together,
because of this –” she pointed to her flat stomach that she found difficult to believe contained
something with a heartbeat other than her own, “– it’d be out of his sense of obligation and not
because he chose me too.”
“He would choose you,” her friend told her. “He would choose you over and over again –”
“Yet, he broke up with me,” she said, cheeks reddening, pressure forming behind her eyes. She
thought she had shed enough tears in the past few days to last her a lifetime, but she supposed that
her emotions would be all over the place for the next few months. That is, if she were to decide to
keep it. “He has every right to, of course. He was probably even right to do it, but –”
“Of course, he wasn’t right to do it,” Mary clearly turned a little grouchy as soon as she had
suggested it. “He’s an idiot for it. There’s a lot of things I said to him that I shouldn’t have, but that
I absolutely stand by –” her friend sighed. “Listen, let’s just try to picture the ideal scenario here.
Close your eyes and imagine yourself a year from now, what are you doing? Where are you? Who
is with you?”
She didn’t need to close her eyes for it, she didn’t even need to think about it. She knew exactly
what she wanted. It was just that she was afraid to share it, because then her failure would not just
be her own, but her friends’ too.
However shocking the fact that she was pregnant might have been, there was a part of her – one
that she allowed herself to linger on only when she was by herself – that found her experiencing a
flutter of excitement. When she had woken up the morning after she had told James, noting the
note he’d left behind – I’m here for you, whatever you need, whatever you want, whatever you
decide. – that she had let her hand fall to her lower belly and a smile had played on her lips.
If she were to imagine herself a year from now, she’d see herself in a room with James rocking a
raven-haired baby, his eyes locked on hers as he sang a sweet lullaby, his deep voice lulling not
just their child to sleep, but warming her heart too.
Emotion tickled in her throat, which she quickly cleared, blinking away the tears that had started to
form. “It’s not realistic,” she countered her friend. “I can’t rely on fantasies and hope they’ll
become a reality. I have to be pragmatic now, I need to be rational. I can’t make decisions based on
my emotional state of mind, because if I were to do that, I’d just spent my days in bed, frozen in my
misery.”
Mary pursed her lips, smacked them even as she opened them again to speak. “Look, I don’t want
to have to resort to these measures, but I might just enlist Black, Lupin and Pettigrew to lock the
two of you up in a room and talk through all your issues –”
“That would be absolute torture –”
“Only for the first five minutes, then he’d probably snap and snog you silly –”
“He doesn’t love me anymore –”
“Bullshit, he just needs the reminder that you’re one sexy mama –”
“I’m barely that –”
“Well, you will be soon enough if you avoid making the necessary arrangements on time.
Honestly, Lil, you can’t push any of this to far into the future, you’ll start to feel attached –”
“I’m already attached,” she got up from the sofa, started to pace the room, her arms wrapped
around her waist. “I can pretend and ignore it all I want, but –” she stopped, exhaled shakily as she
looked helplessly at her friend, hoping to find some guidance there. “This is our baby, his and
mine. What could I do other than keep it?” Mary eyed her sympathetically and Lily swallowed.
“That is, if all goes well and this baby keeps growing.”
“Right,” Mary nodded calmly, “then that’s it, isn’t it? You’ve made your choice and now you need
to figure out the different scenarios, pick the one you’d most like to pursue.”
She shuffled her weight from one leg to the other. “You make it sound so simple, as if I am the
only one who has a say in the matter at all.”
“Your body, your choice,” her friend simply answered.
“But his sperm and his life too,” she replied, sitting back down. “I don’t ever want him to feel like I
pushed him to follow my lead, like I forced him to co-parent a child with his ex-girlfriend.” There
were so many ways all of that could go wrong and she had worried over quite a few of them
already. They could end up arguing over everything and anything, such as who got to spend most
time with their child, who was the stricter and who was the more lenient parent, whether their child
was or wasn’t allowed to eat sugar, whether they wanted to raise their child vegan or gender
neutral. Not to mention, all the complications that could ensue that had absolutely nothing to do
with her, ones that had to do with James finding love again and her having to watch on from the
side-lines – broken-hearted, always having to hide her grief over the loss of him – as he and his
new girlfriend played happy family with a child that was half his, half Lily’s.
“Then ask him if this would be how he’d feel,” Mary gently prodded. “How about we invite him
and one of his friends over for dinner? We could sit down and talk and I’d be there to support you,
while he’d have someone to hold his hand too.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek, her anxiety
peaking, her friend nudging her gently. “Come on, Lil, what do you say? You know you don’t have
to do this alone, right? Didn’t he say that in the note he left you?” She nodded, making Mary grip
her shoulder. “Then let’s text him and invite him over for tomorrow night, yeah?”
Chapter End Notes
Someone on Tumblr noted that my timeline is completely off and this is -

embarrassingly - true. Don't worry, though. I'm not making this any worse than I've
already done. This pregnancy is very real and will continue to be so until the end of
this fic. (And possibly beyond it as well, but that would be spoiling things too much,
wouldn't it?) In other words: try to ignore the timing, I am clearly and idiot.
Thank you for reading!
Day 24 - I Find The Artifacts
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Belong
When he had mentioned to Remus, Sirius and Peter that he had been invited to dinner with Lily and
Mary and that he had been instructed to bring a friend, he had thought that Sirius would have
jumped on the opportunity. His brother, however, had immediately offered up their other friend.
“He is the only choice,” Sirius had argued. “I don’t have the patience for it and – let’s face it – as a
teacher, Remus actually likes and knows about children, while Pete and I still have no fucking clue
where they even come from –”
“Hey!” Peter had protested, a frown forming on his forehead.
“I meant love, Pete,” Sirius had waved their fourth housemate’s grumbling away. “You and I aren’t
exactly experts on relationships and most babies are born as a result of romantic affection.”
So, it had come to pass that Remus – who had readily agreed and had expressed that he really
wouldn’t mind having dinner with Lily, Mary and himself – now helped Mary ready the final
preparations for dinner, while he and Lily sat on the sofa. James almost wished he had a knife, so
he could cut the tension between himself and his ex-girlfriend, whom was – currently – carrying
his baby.
He swallowed, cleared his throat. “Are you –?” he stopped, looked down at his hands, wringing
them. He felt infinitely stupid for even considering to ask if she was feeling better. It seemed
almost dismissive of the circumstances they found themselves in. He doubted she would feel
overjoyed and carefree as opposed to apprehensive and stressed.
“Am I what?” she asked him. She wore a pretty, flowery midi dress. He remembered that she had
worn it to his parents’ anniversary the summer before. If memory served him well they had – three
glasses of champagne in – giggled as they’d left the golf club’s event room – which was where his
parents’ party had been held – sneaking into the cloakroom, hiding all the way in the back and
snogging themselves silly. He recalled the feel of her dress against the back of his hand, the soft
material making way for the lace of her knickers – he forced himself to cease his reliving, his
cheeks undoubtedly having pinkened.
“I just wanted to ask,” he sounded a little hoarse, hoped she wouldn’t notice, “if you were okay, but
I realised it was a stupid question.”
“It’s not. It’s nice of you to ask,” she crossed her legs, causing his eyes to flit – although he was
certain she hadn’t meant to – to her milky legs, ones that he had always loved to run his hands over,
that had made him go wild when they’d wrapped around his waist, his fingers pressing into her
thighs. “I’m doing –” she hesitated, seemed to be looking for the right words to express her feelings
and emotions, “– I suppose I’m okay, given the fact that I’ve made a pretty intricate mess of
things.”
“You haven’t –”
“You don’t have to sugar-coat –”
“I’m not, I just – what I’m trying to say is that it takes two –”
“Sure, but –”
“If anyone is to blame for this, I reckon it’d be me mostly, to be honest,” he told her, face flaming
now. “If I hadn’t disturbed you while you were taking a shower –”
“That was hardly how I felt at the time,” she avoided his eyes. “That part of our relationship never
needed any fixing, at least,” she looked up at him through her eyelashes, clearly nervous, “not for
me, that is.”
He felt as if he were punched in the gut. Did she think –? “God, Lil, that was –” he leaned forward,
elbows resting on his knees now, lowering his head slightly, so it was level with hers, albeit at a
respectable distance. “– you know you used to drive me mad, that you’re the most –” he didn’t
know how to put it into words without baring his heart and soul to her, without becoming the
victim to pity that he – despite their break-up – still harboured these strong feelings for her, “– let’s
just say that it was never a chore –”
“Never a chore?” He clearly should have phrased this better. “That’s some high praise –”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he rushed to correct himself. “You know that’s not –” he leaned even
closer, his fingertips brushing against the hem of her dress, his voice lowering to a whisper, “–
fuck, Lil, you know exactly what you do to me, it’s why we find ourselves in this situation. You’re
the most beautiful woman –”
“You don’t have to say that.”
“It’s true, though, I –”
“I’d like to keep it.”
He blinked, mouth dry, hand retreating from where it had rested close to her knee. “You mean –”
his heart was held by an iron fist, icy fingers squeezing it uncomfortably. “You’re talking about the
baby?”
“Yes,” she clearly tried to mask her anxiety, but he could tell that she was nervous. Her green eyes
flitted back and forth, examining his face. “I have been thinking about it and I just –” her fingers
trembled and before he could stop himself, he wrapped his own around them, holding her hand in
his own. It felt as though a missing puzzle piece had slotted back into place, the way their hands fit
making his treacherous heart scream: See? This is why we’ve got hands in the first place, so you
can hold hers. “– I value your opinion, of course, but if it were up to me –”
“It is up to you,” he interjected, hoping that his eyes conveyed his sincerity. His heart pounded in
his chest, one thought echoing through his brain as soon as the realisation of what her words meant
had settled: I am going to be a father. “It’s as I wrote to you, I’m here for you whatever you need,
whatever you want or decide, I –”
“Some nibbles before dinner!” Mary interrupted the two of them, a wide smile on her face as she
placed a couple of bowls of food on the table, Remus lingered awkwardly behind her, the look in
his eyes communicating a quiet: You’re all right, yeah?
“Oh, great!” Lily spoke with false cheer, yet seemingly all too happy to be distracted by their
friends. “This is absolutely lovely.”
“We didn’t mean to interrupt,” Remus said delicately, eyes going from James to Lily and back
again. “I hope that we didn’t break off a serious discussion –”
“Oh, you know,” his ex-girlfriend shrugged, tossing her auburn hair over her shoulder, “we were
just talking about how I’d like to keep the baby, meaning that James and I could very well be
drawing up plans to co-parent for the next couple of months, so –”
It was moments like these – when her sarcasm shone the brightest – that he felt like they truly
belonged together. This was, however, before he’d fully registered what she had said and when it
had, he felt himself reeling from what she’d just said.
“Co-parent?”
Lily turned her head to look at him, eyes wide, cheeks reddening. “I’m sorry, I assumed that you’d
want to be involved, I –”
“You assumed?” he almost laughed, ran a hand through his hair. “What would make you think that
I wouldn’t want to be involved? I’ve literally said that I’m here for you in writing and just now in
person.” His hands balled into fists. “It’s the co-parenting that I take issue with, I –”
“Well, what did you expect?” asked Mary, eyebrow raised. “You did break up with her, you know.
Ending a relationship does have its consequences.”
“Yes, but co-parenting –” he felt as though a knife had been twisted into his heart. “I want to just
parent, I don’t want to have to miss my own child fifty percent of the time, assuming that that’s the
division we’ll make, anyway.”
“Well, what do you suggest then? You move back in together, come up with a platonic parenting
arrangement, create and sign a contract that says that you can only have sex with other people
outside the house?”
“Mary –” Lily sent her a sharp look.

“What?” her friend asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I think it’s a fair question, isn’t
it? Or did you have another suggestion, James? Have you realised the error of your ways and is this
balking of yours at a perfectly reasonable and understandable suggestion of co-parenting your way
of telling Lily here that you made a mistake when you broke up with her?”
“All right,” Remus intervened. His friend used his calm teacher voice, the one that had always left
James wondering if there were such a thing as a course on the application of said voice at
university. “How about we all calm down? Clearly, we’re all a little emotional, which is
completely understandable, but won’t get us far.” Remus turned to Lily, smiled kindly. “Would
you feel comfortable voicing what you’re hoping to gain tonight? We can then take one step at a
time and try to work our way through it.”
“Sure,” Lily said, inhaling deeply, her hands clasped in her lap. “I’m just hoping we can come to an
agreement tonight. I know all details will be difficult to figure out in just one evening, but I was
wondering if we could come up with a plan for the next two weeks or so. I really can’t look that
much father ahead. We don’t even know if all will go well, seeing as the pregnancy is still rather
new.”
His heart beat inside his throat, he felt rather nauseous all of a sudden. He didn’t particularly like
thinking about what might possibly go wrong, even if his and Lily’s situation – co-parenting, what
would his parents say? – was far from ideal. The truth was that there was only one person he had
ever pictured having children with and it was the pregnant woman in the room with him.
“That sounds reasonable,” Remus nodded, looked at James then. “Do you think this would be
doable? A two-week plan?”
“Sure, I –” he inhaled sharply. “I’m at your mercy.”
“Excellent,” said Remus then, grabbing a pen from his back pocket, eyes turning to Mary. “Let’s
get some pen and paper here then, shall we? We’ll start making a schedule.”
Knowing that Lily – like Remus – enjoyed schedules far too much and religiously kept to
deadlines, he wondered whether he might put the following up on the list: In fourteen days, Lily
Evans will love James Potter again. He knew the suggestion was foolish, but it was tempting to
add it to the conversation regardless.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked the dinner scene. I know all the
miscommunications are frustrating and I can imagine that - 24 chapters in - you want
me to move as fast as I possibly can, but... patience, darlings, patience. (Which I know
is a lot to ask!)
P.s. Don't worry! You're getting more! Next chapter - Lily's POV - deals with this
meeting too!
Day 25 - Cried Over A Hat
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Inflate
It was past midnight when she followed him and Remus outside. The cool air hit her skin, the skirt
of her flowery dress – one she had worn because she had hoped he might remember that one time
she had been wearing it, when they had sneaked out of his parents’ anniversary reception to make
out and a little more – lifting slightly in the breeze as she – nearly breathless from the way she had
thundered down the stairs – let out an anxious: “James!”
He stopped in his tracks, turned his head sideways just slightly, a muscle in his jaw jumping.
Remus – whom had been walking beside him – stopped too. She licked her lips.
“Sorry, can I just have a moment, I –”
He murmured something in Remus’ direction before he swivelled towards her, tentatively making
his way back towards her and stopping at a respectable distance. She wished she had worn a coat,
felt almost naked in front of him now, shivered in the cold as goosebumps rose up on her skin. She
was, however, uncertain if this physical response had anything to do with the outdoor temperature
or his increased proximity, the fact that they were practically alone – with Mary having stayed in
her apartment, and Remus a couple of feet away – for the first time she had told him about the
pregnancy, for the first time since he had spent the night, only to leave in the morning.
“You can have more than a moment,” he spoke softly, as if he didn’t want anyone but her to hear
him. It created a sense of intimacy that she had missed beyond belief. His hand reached for hers,
his fingertips brushing against the back of her hand. “Are you all right? I know it must be more
than just a little overwhelming. Gosh, I can barely breathe when I think about it and –”
Her interruption was sharp, mainly to do with the fact that she knew she had to get it out as quickly
as possible if she were to retain the courage to question him: “Would you have stayed with me if
you’d known before or would you still have ended things between us?” It was a question that had
haunted her for the past few days, that had kept her up at night. It was a question that – quite
clearly if his response were to be anything to go by – shocked him to the core, but that she craved
an answer to. She needed to know if his breaking up with her was indeed - as she feared -
premeditated, if he had been thinking about it for weeks on end, never letting her in, never
allowing her to even attempt to heal what she had so clearly broken.
“Would I have -?” he stepped forward, now actually took a hold of both her hands rather than
phantomly touching them. “Lily, yes, I –” they were so close that she could feel his breath fan
against her cheek, her nose nearly touching the tip of his chin as she lifted her gaze to keep looking
him in the eye, “ – what kind of person do you take me for?”
How was she supposed to answer that question? How was she supposed to tell him that the sight of
him still made her heart inflate? How was she supposed to communicate to him that she wanted
nothing more than for him to never let her go, to keep holding her hands like this, their mouths only
one tiny tilt of her chin and a dip of his away?
She wished she was brave enough – after asking that question – to tell him: I take you for the love
of my life, my person, the one I want to grow old with. Instead, she simply found herself
apologising, floundering for one that felt mediocre at best: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply –”
she breathed in sharply, minced on her words for three seconds before continuing to pour her heart
and soul out to him: “– I just want you to know that I would have been happy, that I think this
would have been the greatest surprise if we were together still, but that now it just feels like it all
falls flat against the knowledge of us being apart for it –”
“We don’t have to be,” his words were rushed, the tip of his tongue darting out to wet his lips ever
so slightly. “If you want, we could –” he dropped his gaze, a pained expression flickering over his
face. He took a step backwards, but their fingers were still linked, intertwined even, as if this reflex
– for their very beings to tangle together – was an instinctive response to each other’s closeness. “I
would do anything, Lil, anything to make you –” he squinted his eyes closed. “Look, I know that it
won’t be a day’s work, that right now the idea of co-parenting is infinitely more appealing to you,
but if you’d be willing to just try –”
Confusion marred her forehead. “Try what?” she questioned.
“If you could try to –” he broke off his sentence midway, seemingly tortured.
She remembered him earlier that night, the way he had sat at Mary’s dinner table, stiffly agreeing
to whichever request she had made, their eyes barely ever meeting as Remus wrote a couple of
things down for them, as if they were setting up an informal contract of sorts between two people
who had once known every nook and corner of the other, but could now only feel the ghost of one
another loom over them. He’d done the dishes with Mary after, had even ended up laughing with
her friend over something or other. Soon, the very best of buddies it seemed, once the earlier ice
and unpleasantness between them had thawed, once plans had been made and James had – so Mary
had believed – respected all of Lily’s boundaries. Her stubborn friend had even gone so far as to
apologise to James for her erratic behaviour and the unfair treatment she had shown him earlier in
the evening and when she had met him at the bar too. Lily almost hated how quickly her friend had
been able to resolve her issues with the man she had thought she'd wake up to for the rest of her
life, while she – a person that loved him more than anything in the world – seemed to be at an
eternal crossroads with him, wanting desperately to drag him to the right with her, while he wanted
to go left.
“Look,” he spoke opening his eyes again and meeting them, a desperation there that she thought
might mirror her own inner turmoil, “I know that I’ve most likely done nothing to deserve it, that I
haven’t been the best of boyfriends to you –”
“What? James, that’s not –”
“– I let you down, time and time again –”
“When have you ever -?”
“– and I’ve ruined everything –”
“James, stop, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I have no clue as to what –”
“– but if we could just work things out and I promise to be better, do you think you could –” he
dropped his forehead against her own, squeezed her fingers with his. “Is there a possibility that you
would see yourself falling for me again or –”
“Falling for you again?” her voice came out high and squeaky, her heart pounding in her throat.
“What is that supposed to mean? I’ve never fallen out of anything, I –” her heart turned to ice at a
sudden realisation, his words from that fateful night – the one that had made everything in her life
turn to shit, that had seen her cry over his every single possession, including a stupid winter hat that
she had packed for him, but had remembered wearing on one of their first dates when she had told
him her ears were cold, leaving his own exposed to the freezing air – echoing through her mind:
It's just not working anymore, is it? We’ve been fooling ourselves for a while now, I reckon. I
mean… can you honestly say you’re still in love? I thought this would work, I was convinced we’d
go the distance… but maybe I was wrong. Maybe life isn’t the fairy tale I believed it could be. I
made a real fool out of me, did I?
She took a step away from him, her hands slipping out of his grip, looked upon him in absolute and
complete horror as she stumbled over her words: “James, you don’t think – do you believe I’m no
longer in love with you?”
Chapter End Notes
I would feel much worse ending it here if I weren't posting the follow-up chapter(s)
too!
Day 26 - Cursed The Space That I Needed
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Coffee
He gulped his coffee down, his head pounding with the words that had been thrown back and forth
a matter of hours before. None of it had been malicious, everything had been coated in trepidation,
in the fear that what they had thought had been the case – a love burned out – might not have even
brushed at the surface.
Of course, I still love you! What did I do to make you believe I didn’t?
He had made her sob into her hands and he himself had cried too, Remus standing a couple of
paces away, hovering awkwardly, not sure if he should leave or stay as he and Lily came to the
conclusion – her eyes having lost all of their spark – that what they thought had been broken, might
still be beyond repair.
He massaged his forehead, limbs feeling incredibly heavy with every movement he made. How the
hell was he going to survive a day working alongside Lockhart when all he wanted to do was turn
back time, crawl on his knees back to their flat to show her how repentant he was, how willing he
was to attempt to make everything go back to how it was before. How much he wanted to hit
himself over the head for thinking she needed space and he had done so too.
They had been good, hadn't they? Once upon a time they had been the perfect pair, right? When
had this stopped being the case? When had he started to misunderstand her? When had she started
to hide things from him? When had they suddenly become incompatible or was this not the case at
all? Was this a matter of simply talking things through and resolving their issues and
miscommunications? Of laying their hearts bare, sobbing their eyes out and then uncertainly
building bridges once more, keeping their fingers crossed, hoping for the very best? Or had this –
their break-up – perhaps been premature and based on the wrong assumptions on his behalf, but
inevitable all the same?
If we can’t even communicate between the two of us now, how are we going to do this when a baby
arrives?
These past few weeks had been torture and he had thought the worst had already happened to him,
that nothing could make this situation any more heartbreakingly upsetting. How wrong he had
been, how tragically, stupidly misguided had been his belief that if only she still loved him, none of
this would have happened, because it turned out she still did and he still did and yet… and yet. Not
to mention that this hadn't exactly happened to him, he had made it happen, had allowed his own
actions to destroy himself.
He grimaced as he walked out of the kitchen, pulled the shirt he had sweated through on his run – a
desperate attempt to clear his mind, to stop it from overworking – over his head and slugged up the
stairs, getting into his makeshift bedroom where the airbed was still the pathetic reminder of the
state of his love life – deflated, having seen far better days – and grabbed himself a change of
clothes before entering the bathroom and getting into a shower that he quite honestly wouldn’t be
too upset about if it would drown him or – at the very least – drown out the voice in his head that
told him he had made the gravest mistake in his life by breaking up with her close to a month ago.
Does all of this heartache just prove that maybe love isn’t enough? That we can’t even recognise
each other’s love language anymore? That we no longer know what to do to make the other
happy?
He stood under the showerhead, the water cascading down from it mixing with the salty moisture
that streamed from his eyes, the noise of his sobs quieted by the steady stream hitting the tiles at
his naked feet. Was it done for good? Had he destroyed what he had had with the person that was
most dear to him, the person that he held his heart out to, that need only grab it if she wanted to?
He wondered if she ever would again, if the fact that they had now both realised how messed up
they had become, had forever damaged any possibility of a romantic reunion, a peaceful,
companionable relationship between two parents to a future child.
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to even say, I - I do love you, James. It's just that - I'm so
scared... what if all of this just goes to show that we have lost sight of one another? What if we
can't find our way back to each other?
He honestly hadn't known how to answer her and even now he couldn't find the words to speak his
truth.
Chapter End Notes
This is a short one. Maybe mostly, because James was just feeling too sad and I
couldn't cope with it. If you can't either... just hit "Next Chapter" and let's keep our
fingers crossed for the best.
Day 27 - I Trace The Evidence
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Knock
The thought that James Potter had believed that she was no longer in love with him had – quite
frankly and also metaphorically, she supposed – knocked her out. The air had escaped her lungs
for just a couple of seconds when he had uttered: “Yes, that’s – you’ve – it’s fine, I can understand,
I –” to her question of whether he believed her to have fallen out of love with him. It had stung, it
had made her tear up almost instantly, as she had rushed to prove him wrong: “Of course, I still
love you! What did I do to make you believe I didn’t?”
He had stumbled through explanations, had spoken of how distant she had seemed, how unhappy.
He had let phrases drop such as failing you and I couldn’t bear to have you look at me like that and
she had wanted to crawl out of her skin, had buried her face in her hands as she had sobbed and he
had relayed all the evidence of her lack of adoration for him at her feet.
It made sense, she knew. When she retraced all of the proof he’d provided, she understood how he
might have come to his conclusion. She had distanced herself from him, after all. She had been
terrified to share with him that she felt unhappy at the lab, that she no longer found joy in her job,
because – in all honesty – she had no idea who she would be outside of the persona she had worked
so hard to become in her early twenties. That young woman – the dedicated, ambitious, goal-
oriented one – had been the one he had fallen in love with. Would he still love her if she proved not
to be that person? If she had come to find that he was someone else entirely?
However, maybe she had done that already. By not showing him how she was truly feeling, by not
sharing with him how she might be changing, she had made it impossible for him to evolve
alongside her and now she might have doused any hope that had still flickered inside of her,
shattered any chance at a happy ending for the both of them.
It had seemed impossible, almost. They had never needed more than a glance, sometimes not even
that. He had always sensed her anxiety before she had even known that this was how she was
feeling. He knew exactly where to touch her, how to make her reach the highest of heights, when
she wanted to take it slow or when she just needed a fast and delirious release. He put on the kettle
for her every morning without fail, brought a jumper with them when they went for a hike and she
was stubborn enough to think she wouldn’t start to feel cold halfway through. She had never
needed to tell him anything and perhaps… she felt terrible as soon as the reality of it all hit her: she
had taken him for granted, she had expected him to just know what she had been unable to voice or
communicate and – in doing so – she had used him, ruined the one thing in her life that had still
brought her joy.
She was so embarrassed. It was such a shameful thing to have to come to realise – that you had
taken advantage of the person you loved, the person you had wanted to build a life with. She could
hardly believe that this is what she had done, that she had made him feel unloved to such an extent
that he had thought a break-up was the only solution, that she had tortured him to such an extent
that he could no longer bear to have her looking at him with her dulled eyes.
She had neglected him, had neglected herself, had neglected their relationship.
And, while she had believed the past four weeks were the hardest of her life, she had never felt
more heartbroken than she did right this very moment.
How would she ever be able to forgive herself? How would he be able to look her in the eye again
and not realise what she had done? All breath escaped her just thinking about it and she found
herself wondering how a person like herself could ever think of becoming a mother – a person
responsible for a tiny human, who would need her, who would look up to her, who would love her
unconditionally – when she couldn’t even communicate her basest fears to James, her insecurities,
her disappointment in the person she might be becoming.
If you didn’t lose his love before, certainly it’ll happen now? If you didn’t manage to make him fall
out of love, certainly he will come to understand that maybe he’s better off without her now that
she has shown her true colours?
Chapter End Notes
It's almost scary that Chapter 26 and 27 have the exact same amount of words. I hadn't
planned on it. Just goes to show that James and Lily are very much in tune, does it
not?
Day 28 - Make It Make Some Sense Why The Wound Is Still Bleeding
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Solid
It had taken him a solid forty-eight hours to come somewhat to terms with the fact that he had been
the cause of his own downfall. His acceptance, however, made him feel all the more sorrowful,
causing him to revert to his most trusted coping mechanism, namely driving up to his parents’
house and bemoaning his fate in the presence of the two people that had created him. His official
excuse, of course, being that he was sick and tired of sleeping on an airbed – to which Sirius had
cocked his eyebrow, Remus had shaken his head pityingly and Peter had merely hummed over his
Weetabix breakfast, stating that he understood – while in reality, of course, the reason for his
impromptu Godric’s Hollow weekend had everything to do with the fact that he needed some
space, to smell the familiar scents of the countryside, to create some distance between himself and
the woman he so fiercely loved, all the while enjoying his parents’ endless love, support and
affection.
What he hadn’t counted on was the fact that he would find himself punched in the throat as soon as
he had entered the spare bedroom in his parents’ house where he and Lily had always stayed
together. He had found himself staring at the bed for an embarrassing amount of time before
putting his weekend bag down rather listlessly and trudging his way down the stairs to join his
mother in the kitchen where she was preparing some Portokalopita, his favourite Greek dessert.
He walked over to her, kissed her cheek and then leaned against the counter beside her, watched as
her fingers deftly worked and she sent him a quick smile, the corner of her lip quirking up.
“Where’s dad?” he asked, fingers curled around the marble of the counter top. He could feel his
knuckles whiten, the tension in his hands as he held on, as if it was the only thing that kept him
upright.
“He’s in the garden, watering the rosebushes,” his mother told him, looking at him out of the
corner of her eye. “You look a little pale,” she observed. “You haven’t been sleeping well.”
He chuckled rather bitterly, his eyes dropping to his feet, crossed at the ankles. “Yeah, well, it’s
not been –” he shrugged, lost for words, for what could he say. He still remembered calling his
parents earlier that week, telling them about Lily’s pregnancy. He felt mortified just thinking about
it, informing them of just how much of a screw up their only biological son was exactly. “I’ve got a
lot on my mind at the moment.”
His mother nodded, walked over to the sink to wash her hands. “Have you talked to Lily since she
told you about her pregnancy?” she asked, drying her hands on a towel, turning towards him. “How
has she been holding up? I can imagine it must have been quite a shock for her.”
“It –” he licked his lips, knew he had to come clean sooner rather than later, that he would have to
tell his mother and father all about the dinner at Mary's two days prior, about Lily's - and thus his -
decision to keep the baby and raise them separately, but he dreaded the moment. Knew that his
own parents - who had tried so hard to have a baby, who had been disappointed so many times in
their life together until James, a real surprise, came around - would be horrified to find that their
son would not be a constant factor into his future child's life in the sense that he wouldn't always be
with them.
Luckily, he was saved by his father from having to confess such a thing. The elder Potter with hair
as wild as his own son's, entered the kitchen with a soft smile on his face.
“All settled then, son?” he asked, clapping James on the shoulder as he moved towards his wife
and pecked her on the cheek. “We can go and have dinner at that pub you like. We could hike
there, it might do you some good and your mother bought herself a new pair of wellies the other
week –”
He knew his father meant well, that he hoped to distract him from his heartache, but that favourite
pub of his carried too many memories and at least eighty percent of them were contaminated by
Lily’s presence. “No, I – I’m good, actually, I’d like to just stay in and have an early night, if
possible.”
“Of course,” his mother spoke, her voice and face highly sympathetic. “How about you just find
yourself a spot on the sofa? Your dad and I will get to work on dinner and you can just put your
legs up and grab a novel or watch a film or –”
“I messed up.” His proclamation startled him, his hand coming up to tangle up his black curls, his
face contorted as he tried to fight back his emotions. “She –” he licked his lips, “– I thought that
she wanted us to be over, thought I would end it before she would, but –” he looked up at his
parents, knew that he must look terrible for worry shone in their eyes. “She still loves me and I
ended it and now she’s obviously –” his hand fell from his hair, hung helplessly at his side. “She
wasn’t even angry. It was as if she’d just accepted that love was a lie or something… but she
seemed miserable and all of that is my fault. Not to mention that she’s pregnant and I have no idea
how we can ever move past this –”
“Oh, James, sweetheart.”
His mother had walked up to him, had extended her arms and he sank – rather shamefully, as if he
was still a little boy – in them, his back bent awkwardly over as he placed his cheek on her soft and
rounded shoulder.
“I don’t know why I did it, I love her, she’s –” he closed his eyes as his mother’s hand moved up
and down his upper back in a soothing motion. “I might be a dad in a year and I’m on the outs with
their mother and it’s all my own fault –”
“Now, now,” his mother spoke, “Lily would never –”
“She wants to co-parent,” he let out miserably as he righted himself, caught his father’s eye. “That
was even before she even found out that I dumped her, because I selfishly believed she didn’t love
me anymore. Like I’m actually the spoiled prat she thought I was when we were in secondary,
giving up on us, because she doesn't give me exactly what I want –”
“You have never dealt well with defeat,” his father interjected, had moved to sit at the kitchen
table, gesturing towards the seat beside him. “There is a reason why you have always been this
successful once you put your mind to something. You have not learned to cope with situations that
don’t go your way, it hasn’t happened to you very often. Maybe that's parental neglect on our side
-”
“Fleamont,” Euphemia’s tone was a warning one, but James moved to sit next to his father.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, frowning slightly. "I've not lived a life sheltered
enough to warrant such an evaluation." He had been the one to invite Sirius to come and live with
him, he had held Lily in his arms time and time again as she cried over the strained relationship
with her parents and even more so his sister. Even though it hadn't necessarily happened to him, it
didn't mean that he didn't know what it looked like. Not to mention, that he felt rather like a failure
now.
“Just that maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. You’re now finally and unfortunately facing
some hardship of your own. It’s up to you to decide how to respond to it, what kind of person you
want to be, who you want to be to her, to your unborn child -”
He almost laughed. “I know who I want to be to her, to them, that much is obvious –”
“Then fight for it!” His father stated it so simply, not in the least bit forceful either. He made it
seem like it was as simple as deciding that he would do whatever was needed to get Lily back, that
– if he did – he would be rewarded, like he had wished upon a star or asked a genie to fulfil all of
his wishes. “Honestly, James, I don’t recognise the young man that has entered our home today.
You have always been set on achieving your goals, it’s why you practically run Lockhart’s
company for him –”
“Now, darling, he’s had his heart broken, he’s allowed to pine –”
“Certainly, Effie, but there’s more at stake now, is there? He might be a father soon and he first
announced that he wanted to marry Lily when he was fifteen years old and liked the way her hair
glistened in the sun, whatever that might have been a euphemism for.” James’ cheeks reddened, he
very nearly choked on his father’s words, wanted to tell him that he had really liked Lily's hair
then, in addition to her developing curves, of course. “I would just like to see you try, James.
You’ve had every opportunity and you have always seized them. It has always done me proud, my
boy, don’t give up now, not when it truly matters.”
He felt sick almost as he listened to his father, breathed in sharply through his nose to keep the bout
of nausea at bay. “Do you really think –?”
“Love, James,” his father grabbed his shoulder, squeezed it, “is the only thing worth living for. It’s
what helps us get up in the mornings, it’s what makes you want to do better every day and the two
of you love each other, push each other to become the best version or yourself with the other. Why
would you ever want to throw it away or waste it?”
He looked at his father before turning his head towards his mother, seeing their love reflected back
at him and he knew in that instant that he wanted the same for his own child, that he wanted them
to experience what he had every single day: affection raining on him gratuitously and seeing that
same affection between his parents.
He needed to fight for it. He needed to push himself forward and face what he had resigned himself
to was impossible. He needed to face Lily Evans and tell her that he thought that what they had was
worth fighting for, that he never ever wanted to spend another day without her by his side, that he
was willing to do whatever it took to make her trust him again. For, where there is love, there is a
way and he loved Lily Evans in abundance.
Chapter End Notes
This ends on a more hopeful note, doesn't it? I hope you guys agree!
Day 29 - You Were The One That I Loved
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Rebel
Lily had always been considered quite the rebel by several of her family members. Her Aunt
Mildred had – at Petunia’s wedding, no less – sent a look of derision her way for daring not to wear
a fascinator – James had laughed so hard that he’d been in actual tears when she had modelled him
one, making her decide she could quite simply not pull them off – and opting for something that
was not bought at Umbridge’s, the only boutique the women in her family deemed respectable –
and sickeningly pink – enough to purchase a dress.
Instead, her outfit had been branded too high fashion, her V-neck too deep, her shoulders too
exposed. The fact that she and James had been caught snogging in the alleyway just outside the
restaurant they’d been having dinner at later that day – they had only been dating for a couple of
weeks then, his hand gripping her bare thigh, a moan escaping her mouth when her Uncle John had
turned the corner and promptly tripped over his feet at the sight – had certainly not helped either.
Now, however, attending – ironically – her sister’s baby shower, surrounded by all Evans women
and quite a few Dursley ones as well, Lily wondered if she would be considered damaged goods if
she were to reveal her pregnancy out of wedlock. It was something, she was most certain, that
would make them all gasp in complete and utter shock, that would have them whisper behind her
back: “We should have known. She takes after Daisy’s mother, you know. That woman always
insisted she was eighteen when she had her first child, but everyone knows she was barely fifteen
when Daisy’s eldest half-brother was born.”
Lily’s age might be more respectable, but the situation she found herself in was otherwise
remarkably similar to the one her favourite nan had found herself in roughly sixty years prior:
single and knocked up. The worst thing? Her family didn’t know about either and she was quite
determined to keep it that way for as long as possible.
As Petunia unwrapped what must have been her twentieth gift, looking every inch the centre of the
attention, a hand resting on her modest bump – despite being over seven months pregnant by now –
Lily got up from her seat, excused herself – not that anyone noticed – and made her way over to the
kitchen where she opened the tap and cooled her wrists in an attempt to fight off the wave of
nausea that threatened to expose her to everyone present. She could hear – from just outside – the
men talk as they barbecued, which was – apparently – the manly thing to do while the women
gushed over babies.
She had been asked – upon arrival – why James hadn’t joined her and she had stuttered out a lame
excuse, not ready to let them know that she and James were no longer together for that would
inevitably lead to her mother and father sharing a look of relief that she would consider
disrespectful and the afternoon would have been ruined before it had so much as started. Her sister
stomping her feet that she always wanted to steal her limelight.
While Euphemia and Fleamont Potter had treated her like the daughter they had always wanted, her
parents had almost instantly decided that they didn’t think James was an appropriate boyfriend for
their youngest.
“He is so different from the type of man we imagined you would end up with,” her mother had
reluctantly told her when James had left to go to the bathroom of the restaurant he had booked a
table at for their first meeting, desperate to impress them. It was a far cry posher than any
restaurant her parents had ever attended and they looked - and clearly felt - completely out of place.
“Surely, you can’t see yourself being happy with someone like him. He’s pro-European, calls
himself a feminist, has some rather controversial views and ideas –”
“Controversial?” she had asked, raising her eyebrows, uncertain as to what her mother might have
alluded to.
“Why, yes,” her mother had whispered, knuckles whitening around her glass of Chardonnay, which
she had ordered as soon as she had heard that James would cover the bill, no qualms given. “He
mentioned that his ambition was to become a stay-at-home-dad.”
“You can’t trust a man who’s not willing to provide for his family,” her father had added, fully
agreeing with his wife. “You would do well to reconsider whether this is truly what you want,
Lily.”
She wondered now how her parents would respond to the news of their break-up, whether they
might be relieved, if her father – a former miner – and her mother – proper, prim, never stepping so
much as a toe out of line, always making sure dinner was ready for her husband when he returned
home from his daily pub visits – would be able to provide any sense of comfort whatsoever.
Sighing heavily and drying her hands with the nearest hand towel - the feeling of sickness having
faded slightly - she resolved to make her way back to where all the women sat, plastering a smile
on her face in an attempt to show her full support for her sister, when her phone buzzed.
James
Are you at the flat?
I thought I’d stop by, if that’s all right.
She bit her lip, eyes flitting to the men outside, to the door leading back to the living room, where
she heard the women coo over yet another present her sister had unwrapped.
Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, eyes rereading his messages a couple of times before
typing out a reply.
Lily
I’m in Cokeworth for Petunia’s baby shower.
He responded nearly instantaneously.
James
Oh, shit, that’s today?!
The laugh that escaped her was barely more than a whisper, her eyes watering just slightly,
because this would be so much easier if he were here with her, if they were still together. He would
have been with her in the kitchen now, rubbing her upper arms as he'd press his forehead against
hers, promising her that they’d stop at McDonald’s on the way back for some chicken nuggets and
a milkshake, one of her guilty pleasures.
Lily
Yes, lucky me, right?
I’m desperately trying to find a reason to leave.
James
Do they know?
About everything?
She sucked in a deep breath, was about to reply when heels clacked against the tiles of the kitchen
floor. She looked up, flustered, met her sister’s eye.
“Are you hiding?” she asked, the way she spoke almost sardonic. “I bet it’s difficult to not have
everyone’s attention for once. Lily the scientist,” her sister scoffed, "Lily the city girl."
“I don't want to take any attention away from you –” she started, but her sister ignored her.
“Typical that James isn’t here, of course. He always thought he was better than Vernon and
myself.” Petunia’s nose crinkled, her chin tilted haughtily. “Well, so far we are a step ahead of the
two of you, starting a family,” her hand was now circling her ballooning belly. “I bet the two of
you have some kind of modern notion of never getting married anyway, that you look down on
Vernon and I for having stuck to traditional gender and societal roles –”
“Honestly, Tuney,” she rolled her eyes, feeling exhaustion seep into her bones, “you’re absolutely
delusional. James and I –” her eyes flitted to her phone where another message had appeared.
James
Do you want me to orchestrate an escape?
I love you, she thought, reading his message. If only he were here.
“Lily!” Her sister’s voice was sharp. “I can’t believe you! You can’t even take your hands off your
phone, take your eyes off of it to have an actual conversation –” her sister took her phone out of her
hands and, to Lily’s loud protesting, scrolled through her conversation history with her ex-
boyfriend.
“Petunia, stop –!” She lunged for her phone, but her sister – taller, her arms longer – held her
phone away from her, eyes widening as she read message after message. “Tuney, please, I – this is
private – I –”
Her sister ignored her, eyes falling from her phone to Lily, her mouth dropping open in shock -
even though there was also something that vaguely seemed to imply pleasure sparking in her eyes -
as she screeched: “You’re broken up?!”
Chapter End Notes
Thank you so much for reading! We're back to one chapter a day! Sorry for the delay
in the past couple of days.
Day 30 - Don’t Need Another Metaphor, It’s Simple Enough
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
I'm sorry this took a while. I was severely anemic and while I'm still mending, I am
starting to feel better and thought I would be able to commit to posting these regularly
again. We're in the final 2/3s of the story. I hope you enjoy to find out how this all
ends.
Prompt: Dawn
When he was fifteen and deeply infatuated with Lily Evans, he had believed that Severus Snape
would be his nemesis for life. What he hadn’t counted on, however, was finding out that he would
not only despise the person that was – for as long as they had known each other and had been
together – Lily’s best friend, but most notably several members of her family too. The person
taking the cake? Petunia Evans.
He had known that Lily and her sister had had a strenuous relationship for most of their life. Lily
had pulled faces every once in a while when mentioning her in secondary and he had overheard her
talk to her friends about her older sister too. He hadn’t fully grasped the extent to which Petunia
and Lily were on the outs, however, until he had started dating the younger Evans and thus had
become intimately familiar with every single part of Lily, had noticed how she would tense up
when her sister was near, how she would choose her words with such care that she lost some of the
spark that made her her.
Petunia Dursley, née Evans, was quite simply everything that Lily wasn’t and – in his biased
opinion, he was certain – Petunia’s toxic behaviour had everything to do with a profound jealousy
on the elder Evans sister’s part. (He got that. Lily Evans was, of course, practically perfect in every
way. Absolutely perfect for him.)
There had been so many moments over the past few years in which he had had to give Lily a
peptalk, in which he had had to drag her to family functions, in which he had done everything to
distract her from the fact that the people that should hold her most dear didn’t necessarily wish the
very best for her. (Again, he might be biased on his and Lily’s own behalf here, for - to him - the
very best consisted of Lily’s future with himself.)
Petunia’s actions the day before – crowing over his and Lily’s break-up and thus upsetting and
embarrassing Lily in front of her entire family and the Dursley woman's tight-knit group of
resentful friends – however, had certainly made it all the more impossible for James Potter to have
even an ounce of respect for the woman he would have had to call his sister-in-law if things had
gone as he had hoped and wanted.
When Lily had called him the other day, his heart had picked up. He had hoped for some playful
banter in which he would make her laugh with his increasingly ridiculous schemes to get her out of
a family function that undoubtedly would have seen Petunia sitting on her throne, basking in the
attention that being pregnant bestows on a woman who sees procreation as her sole purpose in life.
Instead of his heart swelling over the fact that she had called him of all people, however, a fist had
gripped his heart and squeezed the life out of it as soon as he had heard her sniff and sob on the
other end of the line.
“Lily, what’s wrong? Are you – can I –”
“She told,” Lily had gasped in reply. “She told everyone.”
Shit, he remembered himself thinking then, and: I was supposed to profess my undying love to her,
to fall down to my knees and beg her to consider taking me back, to team up again – slowly, if that
was what she wanted – to see if we could mend all our gashes, to tell her that breaking up with her
was the gravest crime I have ever committed. (Sure, he was a law-abiding person and his criminal
record consisted of only one drunken escapade on Sirius’ first motorbike, but it was all about the
metaphor.)
Now, he had swallowed, however, and listened as – apparently – she sat in her car, parked
somewhere just outside of Cokeworth and he had frozen up as she had spoken to him, relayed all
the finer details that – although he would never admit it, had never done so before in the past when
her family’s blatant dislike of him had been more than apparent – were like tiny needle pricks in
his heart, depleting it of all the blood flowing through it.
“You should have seen her face, she was euphoric –”
“Mum actually sighed in relief, I think –”
“Vernon said good riddance and dad didn’t disagree –”
“They never cared, they never wanted to see just how much I – how happy you and I were for a
while –”
"And now... how am I ever going to tell them about -?"
He had known, of course, had heard, had felt, had experienced her family’s hatred, knew that – to
them – he was anything but the perfect partner in life and love for Lily. Hearing this, however,
hearing them so much as celebrate over the fact that he and Lily were over… it had been the final
straw, it had been the final punch to the gut that had had him running to the bathroom and empty
the contents of his stomach as soon as he and Lily had ended their call, James begging her not to
drive home when she was this upset, but book a night at a hotel instead. “I’ll reimburse you, just
don’t put yourself in danger, I could not live with myself if –” I can't lose you.
“That’s not your job anymore, James. I’m a big girl now, I need to fend for myself.”
But I want it to, I need it to, he had wanted to tell her. But he didn’t want to confess to this over the
phone, she deserved to be told while he was looking at her, showing her just how desperate he was,
how much of a shell of himself he had become without her. He might as well have been a
cardboard figure – flat and easily snapped in half when pushed over – with her by his side.
So, here he was, at the crack of dawn, clutching his gearstick as he drove up from London to
where she had stayed the night, hoping, begging that he might find some absolution, that she would
be open to his stumbling apology.
I love you, Lily Evans. He repeated over and over in his mind, hoping that – when he faced her –
the words would have become too large to bear, too overbearing to keep in.
I love you, Lily Evans, and I’m a fool for ever walking out.
He just hoped it was enough.
Chapter End Notes
Thank you for reading, as always!

Day 31 - A Wrinkle In Time, Like The Crease By Your Eyes
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Brink
Lily Evans was on the brink.
By this time, it was no longer all that simple to explain what she was on the brink of. Everything in
her life that she had once held dear, seemed to be falling apart: her friendship – however strenuous
it had been – with Severus, her relationship – however fragile it had been – with her family and –
most importantly – James’ love for her.
She had walked on eggshells for the longest of time and now she had managed to make them all
crack. She couldn’t even say none of this wasn’t a fault of her own, that this was simply happening
to her. As time went on and more and more cracks appeared in the façade she had desperately
clung to in the past few years, she realised that it was indeed her that had hit the self-destruct
button.
She could barely open her eyes that morning, stuck together as they were after crying herself to
sleep. Her headache – simultaneously – had made it a struggle to even consider getting up. Yet, she
found herself in the bathroom not a minute later, grasping the edges of the sink as she heaved with
morning sickness.
It had taken her the better part of an hour to make herself look somewhat presentable. She’d
slugged through her usual morning routine, her stomach still turning, her eyes still heavy-lidded,
her face a pale and freckled canvas that she did not care to paint. So, when she had left her hotel
room – one that James had begged her to find when they’d been on the phone the night before,
when she had embarrassingly turned to him as the only person she could possibly call – grabbed
some toast for breakfast and then walked out of the hotel doors, she felt fully underprepared to find
her ex-boyfriend leaning against his car just outside of it.
He looked straight at her, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, the shirt he had pulled over
his head wrinkly as if he had picked it up the floor in haste, his hair messier than most days – and
that was saying something – as his curls stood up in all kinds of different directions. She had to
contain the urge to walk up close to him to try and remedy the situation.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him, heart in her throat now, wishing that she had done just
a little bit more than just make herself look okay to face the strangers she'd pass outside. He must
have thought she looked awful, he must have thought that she looked a complete and utter mess
without him. The tragedy being that he wouldn’t have been incorrect to do so, of course.
He pushed himself to his feet, took a few tentative steps towards her, hands rising from where he
had hidden them to cup – gingerly – the sides of her face.
“I needed to see –” he swallowed, hazels boring into her own green ones. “I was worried, I kept
thinking about –” his eyes fell to her stomach and her heart skipped a beat. The baby, she thought.
Of course, he’d be worried about the baby. He was right not to want me behind the wheel in the
state I was in last night. I could have caused irrepairable damage to the life I carry inside me that
is half his.
It was funny, almost, the love that they had shared would soon be no more than a wrinkle in time, a
crease by their eyes, but this child of theirs – if everything went well – would be a permanent
reminder of the fact that they had once been the person the other person’s heart beat for.
I lost him, she thought as his fingertips brushed against the loose strands of hair falling around her
face. His heart no longer belongs to me, while my heart will always be his.
“I’m fine,” she managed to get out, the words foreign to her own ears, giggle-inducing even. As if
she had felt anything remotely close to it in the past few weeks. “You didn’t have to drive all the
way up here to –”
“Of course I did, I wanted to –”
“We could have just facetimed –”
“It’s not the same, you know that, you’d pretend - like you are now - to be unaffected. Only, me
calling you out on your bullshit would have been less effective. I needed to cancel out the factor of
distance.”
Her lips parted in a voiceless oh as he sighed and lowered his forehead so it pressed against her
own. Her hands ached to hold on to him, to curl themselves into his shirt, to pull him ever so close
until they were flush together. It was shameful and inappropriate, truly, how badly she needed him
right that moment, how much she wanted to ask him to make her feel good, to fill her up in the
back of his car as she closed her eyes and pretended he loved her still, while their hips met in a
frantic rhythm.
“You’re not fine, Lily Evans,” he spoke, however, silencing all her previous dirty thoughts about
sex in his car. “I know you, you're hurt and I –” his hands dropped from her cheeks, hovered over
her shoulders, seemed to have trouble locating a new position for them, “ – I think I know you
better than anyone, but even if I didn’t… you look like you got hit by a bus –”
“Well, thanks –” she stepped away from him now, turning her head in an attempt to hide the
mortified flush to her cheeks.
“You know I didn’t mean –” She had started to move towards her car, fumbling for the keys in her
handbag when his hand wrapped firmly around her upper arm. “Please don’t walk away from me.”
The words struck a nerve and she twirled towards him, her eyes spitting fire, her tongue lashing
out. “Like you did, you mean?” Her cheeks were wet in a near instant. “You just left, James, you
didn’t even give me a chance to fight –”
“Fight what?”
“Fight for us!” It was barely more than a whisper, but she might as well have shouted it, the way it
came from the very depths of our soul. She almost felt relieved to have finally been able to voice
them, to have finally been able to confront him.
He blinked down at her, time seemed to have slowed, seemed to have come to a standstill almost.
“You would have -?” his eyes roamed her face, his fingers curling more tightly around the arm he
held on to.
“Of course,” she replied, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I would have wanted a
chance to –”
She was silenced by his lips against hers and mere seconds later they clung on to each other
desperately, as if the both of them were afraid the other would disappear for good if they didn’t.
Day 32 - This Is Why They Should Kill Off The Main Guy
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Forest
Beware: this chapter is rated M.
Her legs were wrapped around his hips, her heels pressing down hard to urge him on as if her
frantic moans and traitorous mouth didn’t put enough pressure on him as it was. He felt ready to
explode, his one hand wrapped around her wrists, his other circling her clit as he slammed into her
with a force that could certainly be called animalistic, chasing for his home inside her, for the heart
of the forest that he found in her eyes.
“James –”
His knees buckled, his pace slipped, his eyes squeezed shut as he grimaced. “Don’t –” he almost
growled, “I won’t be able to hold off – fuck, I –” It was hard enough as it was, the feel of her heat
welcoming him inside was both eternal bliss and a stark reminder of the fact that there was an
absolutely horrendous reason why he’d had to wait this long to chase his pleasure inside her. “I
want it to be good –”
“You are good –” she panted, arching her back and pressing her chest up against his, her hardened
nipples rubbing deliciously against his upper body, his cock twitching inside of her in a fair
warning that he was about to come. “So, so good –”
He let go off her wrists, settled his rough palm against her hip, tilted them to allow himself even
better access and she let out a high-pitched squeal that he was all too familiar with. When he
thrusted inside of her four more times, she became putty in his hands and he allowed himself to let
go as well, his wrists only just barely keeping her from crushing underneath his weight, his dick
slipping from her folds a mere ten seconds later, so he could roll off of her and lie on his back,
panting up at the ceiling of the hotel room that – once he had started kissing her outside of it – he
had been more than keen to book for the two of them.
Things hadn’t gone exactly according to plan, of course. He had – he realised – still not uttered the
words that needed to be spoken, the words that he hoped would bring release of the emotional kind,
the words that he prayed would be enough to convince her to give him one more chance, even if he
had messed up spectacularly by tearing them apart in the first place. He supposed the momentum
had gotten lost somewhere between the moment he had first kissed her and the elevator ride up to
the fourth floor where he pressed her up against the wall of it, teeth nipping at the sensitive skin of
her throat. Or, perhaps, he should have told her before he unzipped her trousers, wiggled them
down past her hips, his palm cupping her as his fingertips pressed where she was already wet for
him.
Sex, he knew, was something they had always excelled at. It had been – he was pretty certain – the
quality of their shagging that had won her over, that had convinced her that he was worth staying
with. It had solved many a problem between them, had made up many an argument – large or small
– and had paved the way for the expression of intimacy and depth of feeling they had – for a long
time – been too scared to admit to the other. Maybe, he hoped, this time she could feel it too and he
wouldn’t have to tell her. Maybe, that way his heart wouldn’t break into as many pieces when she
rejected him and told him that his love quite simply wasn’t enough.
I can love for the both of us, he thought. I can love you and work on making you love me again in
turn. I did it once before, didn’t I? Don’t you think I can do it again?
He almost groaned at his own desperation. Honestly, this was why they should just kill off the
main guy. The world would be much better off without his desperate clinging on to what he had
lost. He was certain Sirius, Remus and Peter could do without his moaning...
A hand came to rest on his stomach, her nose brushing against the skin covering his heart, her hair
tickling his shoulder as she placed a soft and lazy kiss on his sternum. His pulse jumped. It was
almost enough to make him forget that while they were naked together now, they were not
actually.
“Thank you,” she whispered against his skin. He fought back the shiver, had to bite his lip to
contain it. “That was exactly what I needed.”
“Yeah?” Me too, my love. Me too.
“Yeah, I –” their eyes locked, there was a vulnerability in hers that he was pretty certain might have
been mirrored in his own. “You always know just how to make me feel my best. I really –” she bit
her lip, lowered herself to the mattress again. “I suppose that got us in trouble in the first place,
didn’t it?”
The baby. He almost jolted, was certain she could feel him spasm all of a sudden. This wasn’t what
he had wanted, this wasn’t why he had come here, this wasn’t what should have happened, not
until they’d kissed and made up. Not until he had told her how much he wanted her to be his
forever if she could just give him one more opportunity to prove that he was worthy of her love and
affection.
He sat up, turned his back towards her, the soles of his feet touching the carpet of the hotel room –
a hideous yellow that reminded him of puke, which really wasn't helpful as bile rose up his own
throat – his hands curling into the sheets.
“I need to go to the loo,” he mumbled as he got up, made his way over as quickly as possible as if
he were incontinent and needed to rush if he were not to soil himself.
He closed the door of the bathroom behind him, locked it and then turned to the sink, splashed his
face with some water before looking up at himself in the mirror, finding nothing more than an
undefined blob in the absence of his glasses or lenses. Yet, he didn’t need his sight to assure him
that he was utterly disgusted with himself, that he felt like a failure despite the fact that he had just
gotten part of her back. It wouldn't be enough, though. He needed more than just the physical and
she deserved the world from him.
He gathered himself for a moment, breathed in and out, steeling his nerves and getting ready to get
out there to do what he should have done in the first place: tell her that he still loved her, that he
knew he always would and that he hated himself for not fighting for them, like she had said – he
didn’t disremember this, did he? She had said she would have fought for them? – she should’ve
done when he had first walked out of their apartment.
It is not all lost, he told himself as if he were giving himself a peptalk. She admitted to having
wanted to work for us earlier. Not to mention, she just allowed you to shag her. It's got to mean
something, right?
He swallowed, his jaw locked as he ground his teeth in anxiety. He knew he had to get it together,
that he needed all the courage he had in him to go out there and voice his thoughts. He squared his
shoulders then, ran a hand through his hair and finally turned to leave the bathroom, his head still
bowed as he said: “Lil, I’ve got to talk to you, I –”
She was fast asleep, her hand resting on top of the covers where he had just rested. His stomach
both swelled and dropped with the realisation that he had been given more time to get the words
either right or wrong.
Chapter End Notes
I wrote this right after I wrote last night's and needed to post as soon as possible.
Thank you for reading!

Day 33 - Dreams Of Your Hair And Your Stare And Your Sense Of Belief
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Ruin
His hair was an absolute mess, his cheek pressed into the pillow, while his face looked bare
without his glasses. She watched him from her half of the bed, her fingers resting so close to his
mouth that she could feel his breath fan out against them, causing her stomach to swirl and a smile
to lift the corners of her lips.
She had – for a couple of seconds – worried that she might wake up without him. His rushing off to
the bathroom earlier had seemed a bad omen almost, but he was here, with her, in the bed of the
hotel room that he had booked, his hand clasping hers as he had hopped impatiently from one leg
to the other at reception.
“Look, mate,” he’d said, leaning forward, placing a couple of Pounds, which he had fished out of
his pocket, on the desk, “I really don’t care which room we get. Just get us the first one that’s
available, whether it’s the honeymoon suite or the room with no natural light –”
“All our rooms have natural light, sir,” the receptionist had spoken, affronted and clearly
displeased, yet still taking the money and starting his work on the computer, checking availability.
“Great!” James had exclaimed in turn. “We’ll take the one with the natural light and with the
package that includes complete blissful solitude.”
The sex that followed had been toe-curlingly fantastic and everything she had known she had
missed in the past couple of weeks without him. The physical intimacy had been so confounding
that she had almost forgotten they were not together anymore, that this wasn’t something they did
every other night and morning anymore. She had felt so close to him, so in sync...
“I love you, James,” she whispered into thin air, the words reaching his ears but not surpassing the
state of his dreams. His breathing was as peaceful as it had been the minute before, not a muscle in
his face so much as contorted and she was grateful for it. She would quite happily watch him sleep
for the rest of her life if it meant she could just pretend he loved her still, that they were not broken
up and that this might be nothing more than a flight of fancy.
A phone started to buzz incessantly and she reached for the nearest article of clothing she could
find – his shirt, it was impossibly soft and smelled of him, of the cologne she had gotten him for
his last birthday – pulled it over her head and tiptoed her way over to where their phones had been
dropped on the sofa at the head of the bed. It was his phone that the noise originated from and with
a final look at the handsome, sleeping man on the bed and a look at the name flashing up on the
screen, she slipped out of the doors leading onto the tiny balcony before she picked up the phone.
“James, thank fuck –” Sirius Black’s voice met her ears in intense relief. “What the hell, mate? I
wake up to find you gone, having left some cryptic note about Lily’s godawful sister –”
“Good morning to you too, Sirius,” she interrupted, the air hitting her cheeks barely able to cool
her flushed face down. “James is all right and so am I, despite She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s
attempt to have eternal embarrassment and harrowing heartbreak off me.”
“Geez, Evans,” she could hear him roll his eyes, “I was actually fucking worried about you. Are
you sure you’re okay? You know I’ve dealt with my good for nothing brother for years, so if you
need me to give her a taste of her own medicine –”
“He’s not good for nothing –”
“Yeah, well, it’s easier to pretend sometimes.”
A moment of silence followed in which she picked at the hem of James’ shirt. It was one she had
worn before, one she was pretty sure she had gotten him a couple of years back. She wrapped an
arm around her waist, holding the fabric close.
“Did you and Prongs make up then?” Sirius probed and she let out a breathless laugh.
“I don’t know, I –”
“But you shagged –”
“How would you –? That wasn’t even a question –”
“I sense these things, Evans,” he continued, amusement lacing his every syllable. “I gather it was
good then? Got some of the frustration out of your system?”
“That’s none of your business, actually –” He cackled and she bit back a smile. “But, yes, I – no to
the frustration thing, though, I think, but it was good and this is the last thing I’ll say about it,
because I have no idea what this means to him, what it means for us and I'm already freaking out
–” She pulled James' shirt a little further down when a breeze hit her bare legs. “I don’t want to get
my hopes up. Everything these days seems to go to absolute shit when I so much as breathe in
another person's direction, so –”
“Talk to him,” Sirius’ voice was warm for once and this made her breath catch in her throat, made
her heart flutter with a hope she wasn't sure was healthy given her current relationship status.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
When she – after Sirius gave her one final peptalk, which consisted of far too many curse words but
she appreciated all the same, and she tried to remind herself that surely one did not have such great
sex if there were no feelings involved whatsoever – returned to the hotel room, it was to find James
stretching on the bed, his eyes falling on her frame instantly before reaching for his glasses,
shoving them on and blinkingly - a tad of surprise in his voice - declaring: “You’re wearing my
shirt.”
She almost laughed, but felt too nervous to. Instead, she walked up to him and handed him his
phone. “I hope that's okay," she wobbled on her legs, sucked in some desperate air. "Sirius called,
he wanted to know if you were all right –”
“Yeah, sure," James was quick to reply to her request of her choice of garment, eyes flitting to her
bare legs. "Typical Sirius,” he then added, placing his phone on the nightstand before – in one
smooth movement – grabbing her hand and holding on to it. “What did you tell him about me
then?”
“Not much,” she confessed, pushing some of her hair out of her face. “Just that I thought you were
all right.” A brief pause as he looked up at her, his jaw clenched just slightly as he did so. A shiver
shot up her spine for a reason she could not fully comprehend. Perhaps it was the fire she detected
in his hazels, the way his pupils were dilated behind his glasses a stark memory of the activities
they had engaged in earlier. “You are, right? It’s not – this wasn’t just –”
“This wasn’t just what?” he asked, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand, a soothing
motion that she knew he was all too aware would calm down her nerves.
She shrugged, feeling beyond ashamed all of a sudden, fearing his confirmation of her worst fears.
“You don't regret this, do you? This wasn’t just something to get me out of your system, or –?”
“Regret? Out of my –?” His eyes had widened considerably and he pulled her closer, making her
fall into his lap. “Lil, I –” he licked his lips, “– is that how I made you feel? I didn’t – I’d never
want –” She shook her head, let it hang in embarrassment, his shoulders sagged in relief. “Good,
because I – I’m pretty sure I could never get you out of my system, I –” he braced himself it seems,
looked away from her now. “I know you probably don’t want to hear it, it’s probably not even fair
to bring it up now, I know how you feel –”
She tensed up instantaneously, her heart stopping its incessant and painful slamming against the
inside of her chest to make way for a hollow nothing. “You don’t have to worry about me –” I’m a
big girl, I swear. I can deal with the pain. I’ve been dealing with it for the past few weeks. Poorly,
sure, but I’ve been trying at the very least.
“I worry about you all the time!”
There was a note of desperation to his voice, the downturned corners of his lips catching her
attention more than anything. James Potter was rarely seen without a smile and it hurt to see him
without one in her presence. It only heightened her doubts and confirmed what was too painful to
admit: you make him happy no more.
“Lil, I – I can’t just turn it off, I tried, I thought that I could win the break-up or something if I were
to pull the plug before you would, but – I - I ruined it and -”
She frowned up at him, his words catching up with her and making her feel rather befuddled.
“Before I – what is that supposed to mean?”
“It’s all right,” he very nearly stumbled over his own words now, his tongue forming syllables that
were familiar as far as sounds went, but might as well have been ones from a language that she had
not learned to speak as she deciphered their meaning. “You don’t owe me anything and I know I’ve
always been the one in our relationship to love the most –” Her heart turned to ice, a knife to the
gut. “– I’ve made peace with that, I’ve accepted it, but I can’t accept – what I find difficult to grasp
is –”
“You think you loved me more than I love you?” Her voice was thin, barely there, her eyes watery.
Please tell me I am misunderstanding you, that this isn't what I fear it might be.
“I, sure, I –” a frown appeared on his forehead as a ringing sound appeared to fill the room, made
her head hurt with the intensity of the realisation that now hit her in full force and that she thought
she now saw mirrored in his face too. “Wait, did you just say I loved?”
Day 34 - In The Good In The World, You Once Believed In Me
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Moon
He wondered if this was what those final minutes would have felt like to soldiers on opposing sides
during the World War One Christmas truce: an unexpected camaraderie formed over the course of
a couple of hours before they were to head back to the trenches, a suicide mission on both ends that
would lead to them bleeding to death in the middle of No Man’s Land.
His mother had always told him he was too dramatic for his own good and – in this instance – he
wished to god he was, but her words – You think you loved me more than I love you? – paved the
way for an anxiety he had never experienced before.
“What do you mean I loved?” he asked, rephrasing his earlier question slightly as she scrambled
off of his lap, distancing herself from him as much as possible. “Lily, please just talk to me –”
“You stopped loving me,” she told him. It wasn’t an accusation, it sounded like she were stating a
fact, as if this was something the both of them had known all along. Yet, this information was
completely new to him and he thought he might throw up as a result of it. “You said we’d been
fooling ourselves, asked if I was honestly in love still, said that we just didn’t work anymore –”
He would have gotten up if he weren’t fully naked still, but he did sit up on his knees, the sheets
clutched at his waist in an odd attempt to preserve his modesty. The nature and overall tone of their
conversation called for it.
“I wasn’t talking about me –” he sounded hoarse, his throat was thick with emotion. “God, Lil, you
know I can’t have been speaking of my own feelings here, I’ve been in love with you since I was
fifteen years old –”
“You haven’t been in love with me since then!” She exclaimed, eyes wide, his shirt riding up her
thighs as she lifted her arms in exasperation. “You fancied me maybe –”
“Not maybe –”
Her cheeks were flushed in what appeared to be frustration. “That doesn’t even matter now, James,
I –” she stared at him as if he were a stranger, his own slowly increasing disbelief mirrored on her
face. “Are you saying you didn’t break up with me, because you no longer loved me? That you
believed it to be the other way around?”
He almost laughed at the notion of his feelings ever losing their fervour. There had been one
woman for him only, for as long as he could remember. “You can’t have seriously thought –”
“What was I supposed to think?” She almost shrieked these words, pink blotches appearing on her
skin to indicate her clear distress. It made him feel all the worse, made him want to get up and
wrap his arms around her, apologise too. “You broke up with me, James, started questioning our
love –”
“Not mine,” he was stumped, could not believe that she could have misunderstood his meaning so.
Hadn’t he shown her exactly what she meant to him in the years they’d been together? Hadn’t he
given her his heart and soul? Hadn’t she seen that it very nearly killed him to do what he had done?
To leave her behind if this were to make her happier? “Lily, you know I’ve always loved you.
From day one have I been absolutely mad about you –”
“And I haven’t been crazy about you?” her eyes were watery now, the back of her hand covering
her mouth to stifle a sob. “Fuck that, James. You’re not blaming me for all of this. You were the
one to end us, you were the one to pull the plug, I never wanted or asked you to –”
“Well, isn't that just the issue? That words became so few between us?" He felt oddly triggered and
deflated at the same time. "You didn’t tell me anything anymore! What was I supposed to think?”
He questioned, eyes blown wide. “You’d get back home, would barely even smile at me, dodged
the questions I’d ask about your day at work –”
“Because I was fucking unhappy, James!” Her chest heaved with the force of the words she had just
released. “And before you think that had anything to do with you – there is a reason I quit Riddle’s
and Severus and I are on the outs – it had everything to do with work and my ambitions being
flushed down the drain and my priorities shifting... it had absolutely nothing at all to do with you,
you were the only person that could still make me feel safe, that I hoped migh understand and
accept once I could get it out –”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, swallowing hard, feeling let down by himself mostly.
Had he really been misreading her?
Her shoulders sagged, her voice sounded small. “How could I without disappointing you?”
A beat, a crack in his heart. “Why would you think you could ever disappoint me at all?”
A deafening silence filled the room as the two of them just stared at one another. There was
something in her gaze that made his heart feel stomped upon, although he wasn’t sure his own face
would make her feel much better.
Before he could speak up again, she set into motion, grabbed her knickers off of the floor and
pulled them back on. Then she lifted his shirt, baring her torso to him for just a moment before the
material hit him in the face and blocked his view.
“What are you doing?” he asked, voice a little muffled because of the fabric in his face. He knew
he sounded panicky, but he couldn’t exactly find it in himself to care.
“I need some air,” she replied as she fastened her bra behind her back before she turned around to
face him. She looked like a goddess, her hair a fiery crown surrounding her tear-stained face. “I
can’t be in the same room as you right now. I just –” she averted her eyes, reached for her trousers,
“– I need some space to think.”
“Lil, please don’t –” he scrambled off the bed now, reached for his own boxers and pulled them on
in one swift motion, came to a halt in front of her. “This has been one big misunderstanding and we
just need to talk it through and then –”
“What good would it do?” she asked of him, weirdly calm and collected all of a sudden, even
though her cheeks were moist with her salty tears. “We couldn’t before, why would we suddenly
be able to do it now? You just assumed I didn’t love you anymore, like I’m so flighty –”
“I never thought you were,” he begged of her. “Please, I’ve been an idiot –”
“We both have been!” She stepped towards him, hands hovering over his bare chest, fingers
touching him gingerly and with a sense of hesitation he wasn’t sure he liked. “James, we were –”
she inhaled sharply, her nostrils flaring. “I believed in us, I believed in you, but now I wonder –”
she appeared quite melancholic now, “– I wonder if this was it for us, if this was how we were
supposed to end, seeing as we don’t even know how to communicate anymore –”
“Lil –” he grabbed the back of her neck, pulled her close, pressed his forehead painfully against
hers as if it would make things better, as if he could make his regret tangible to her. There was a
moon river dividing them and even though they were both clearly searching for the same rainbow’s
end, the sun had yet to shine through the rainy clouds to make one appear.
“We might be parents in a couple of months, James, and you –” her voice trembled. “Apparently I
have made you feel so unloved, so insecure as to make you think that you would always love me
more than I would you – and that's not new, you've felt this way for years. How can I ever remedy
-?”
He pressed his lips against hers, their kiss hard and filled with agony on both ends. His fingers held
on desperately to her face, her fingernails dug into his shoulders as she walked him backwards and
the back of his knees hit the bed, he pulling her down with him as he fell.
They kissed like that for a while, their limbs tangling, their hands roaming, their hearts beating
loudly inside their ears until Lily placed her hand against his stomach and pushed him ever so
gently away. Goosebumps arose all over his skin at the loss of her.
“We can’t –”
“Sure, we can –”
“No,” she shook her head, her lips slightly swollen with the urgency of his kisses, “we can’t,
James. We can’t keep ignoring the problems we’ve been having. I couldn’t speak to you, you
believed I didn’t love you –”
“I was a fool,” his fingers disappeared into her flaming mane. “I should never have – I’ll repent for
the rest of my life if you want me to –”
She smiled sadly. “And isn’t that part of the problem? That you feel like you have to?”
He didn’t know what to say to that. He only knew that he didn’t want her to leave, that he didn’t
want to let go what he had let willingly and stupidly slip through his fingers last time, all to save
himself the heartbreak he had thought he had known to be coming for him, hurtling at him with
lightning speed.
“Don’t go,” he whispered.
“I won’t if you won’t,” she told him in reply and then she snuggled up to him, let him wrap his
arms around him and for a couple more minutes they pretended they were absolutely, blissfully,
wonderfully happy. For a couple more minutes he was right where he knew he would always want
to be.
Chapter End Notes
If this seems angsty... honestly, feel relieved. Initially, this chapter was doomed to
start as follows: "He hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hands, watching her
taillights fade into the distance." I abandoned that ship, because I quite frankly
couldn't do this to myself either.
Day 35 - And I Felt You And I Held You For A While
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Sorry, for the delay in posting. I am so tired after work these days that my brain is not
very productive. But here you go! A new chapter! Ten days to go, can you believe it?
Prompt: Regret
Their parting had been bittersweet. There had been a giddiness, a relief at knowing that he loved
her still, that there might still be a chance for the two of them after all. Yet, at the same time the
balm these feelings provided, battled with the deep sorrow she felt at the fact that he believed that
she would never love him as much as he did her. Or, that he had believed this to be true at a certain
point in their relationship.
“Honestly, how dare he even think such a thing?” Marlene had asked as she and Mary had visited
her the night of her return. “I’m of a mind to go over to his house and kick him in the balls –”
“Marls –” she sighed, a steaming mug of tea in her hands. She was feeling quite drained, but
doubted that any drink would make her feel refreshed in this instance.
“No, really, I think he needs to see an optician and get his eyes checked, because if he can’t see
you’re head over heels for him, he’s not worth your fretting and heartache, where I’m concerned –”
“He is the father of her unborn child, Marlene,” Mary spoke, hand patting Lily’s knee as she
recognised – perhaps – the toll this was taking on her. “It’ll be all right, love. The way I see it, this
is just one grand misunderstanding and something you can most definitely fix between the two of
you. I’m sure he regrets his actions deeply and I know you do as well, so where there is love –”
She wiggled her fingers in clear delight, her voice having taken on a tone that sharply contrasted
the one she had taken with James before. It appeared that all Mary had needed to forgive him for
letting Lily down - so her friends were convinced - was a simple drive up to Cokeworth to come to
the rescue when she needed it the most.
“But what if this happens again?” she asked, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “Clearly, we don’t
know how to talk anymore. What does that say about us in the first place?” Should we not have
been together? Was the idea that we once had, the feelings that we ignited in one another, not
proof after all of the fact that we were meant to be? Is true love a ridiculous notion that only
existed in fairy tales and definitely not in real, every day, disappointing life? (She did realise that
she sounded as if she were in need of a thorough therapy session. It's why she didn't say any of this
out loud.)
“It means that you’ve hit a rough patch,” Mary answered before Marlene – who had opened her
mouth wide, the girl hardly having a filter on most days and surely not when one of her friends had
been slighted – had a chance to. “Everyone encounters those with their partner, it doesn’t mean that
love is an actual lie as we toasted to when the two of you first broke up.”
She groaned and let her head fall to the back of the couch. “I don’t see how we can ever get past
this. How can we possibly make things work between us again?” How can I ever make him see that
my heart beats solely for him?
These questions – voiced or not – were extremely valid, she thought. They were ones she had asked
herself time and time again as she’d driven down from Cokeworth to London and the glow of their
being together – she had held him once again, felt his heart beat against hers, had felt safer and
more at ease than she had in months – had faded ever so slightly, clouds looming over her head the
closer she got to London, the nearer she got to the place that they had once called home, but that
now felt like a former oasis turned barren desert.
“How about a grand gesture?” Mary suggested, sitting up excitedly.
“Like what?” Marlene snorted. “Are you thinking Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You
singing “I Love You, Baby” on the bleachers?” Lily flushed a little, the thought of singing and
dancing for an audience one that scared her beyond measure. James was the performer, she was the
person that cheered him on. “I would think,” Marlene continued, “that her grand gesture is the fact
that she is having his child –”
“Is that hers or his, though?” Mary parried. “It does take two to tango.”
“Stop it,” she interrupted the two of them, putting down her tea and placing her hands on her heated
cheeks. “I’m embarrassed enough as it is –”
“Sex is not embarrassing,” Marlene shrugged. “Just don’t tell Baby Potter that you conceived him
in a shower and all will be good. Don’t scar the little nugget for life.”
Lily decided to ignore her friend’s sarcastic drawl, sighing instead. “What would I do for a grand
gesture anyway? You know James has always had more than enough flair for the drama in his
pinky finger for the both of us. I’m terribly unimaginative –”
“Don’t sell yourself short,” Mary frowned. “You’re a fucking scientist –”
“Was a fucking scientist,” Marlene corrected, which earned her a glare from Mary. “What? As if
we’re not all pleased as punch that she finally kicked Snape to the curb and let him drown in his
research after he took advantage of her for years…”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Lily waved Mary’s concerns away. “The fact that I used to be a
scientist should be proof enough. James is an event planner, he’s done nothing but plan elaborate
schemes his entire life. How could I possibly ever surprise him and come up with something that
will make him believe that he is my favourite person on the entire planet?”
“That’s it!” Mary very nearly jumped off the couch. “He’s planning this grand event, isn’t he?
Something science-y? I’m sure I read something about it, let me just –” she lunged for her phone,
fingers scrolling past, eyes lighting up as she found what she had been looking for. “There it is!
The Research and Development Forum, his dad is the keynote speaker apparently!”
Lily’s heart sank. “I can’t possibly… both his parents will be there. I can’t face them, they’re so
disappointed that James and I didn’t –” she blinked away her tears. “Anyway, I can’t get their
hopes up and have my world come crashing down in front of them –”
“How would that even be possible, though?” Marlene’s eyebrows were high up on her forehead
now. “You and James shagged at the hotel, right? He might be a bit delusional when it comes to
not believing you care for him as much as he does for you, but he’s not an actual moron either… if
you go all out and show him exactly how much you feel for him, he's hardly going to ask you to
leave.”
“I don’t know,” her nerves got the better of her, made her feel rather sick with it almost. “It’ll be a
massive crowd. You know I don’t particularly enjoy the spotlight. Besides, I would need a ticket
and seeing as I work at Riddle’s no longer –”
“On it!” Mary gleefully announced. “I’m just at checkout and don’t you worry, Andromeda will be
there too, I'm sure, so she can support you. I’ve just said you work at Sleekeazy’s. Mr Potter won’t
mind, I’m sure.”
The thing was, Lily knew he wouldn’t mind. Lily knew that Fleamont would smile his widest
smile upon seeing her, wrap his arms around her and joke – quite possibly – that she was free to
join his company if she ever wanted to work in a lab again. That wasn’t the point. The point of it
was that she already felt out of her depth for she knew facing Fleamont meant facing Euphemia and
this meant facing the two people who had been parental figures in her life from the moment she had
started dating James. Not to mention that it meant facing James while he was at work and she
doubted that he would appreciate her crashing a work event… especially if she were to crash a
work event to perform a – most likely – underwhelming grand gesture that he could have topped a
hundred times over.
“Hey,” Marlene nudged her hip with her foot, “you’re starting to look a little green. Are you sure
you’re –?”
Her friend must have finished her question, but she was too busy running out of the room, making
her way to the toilet to empty her guts as she hung over it.
Fucking morning sickness. Fucking stage fright.
Chapter End Notes
As always, thank you for reading and for being the absolute best people in the world!
Day 36 - But I Could Still Melt Your World
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Breakfast
He hadn’t held the tiny ring box ever since he’d first gotten it from the apartment they had shared.
Now he’d lain in bed all night, restless, sleepless as he turned it over in his hands, imagining how
things would have been different if he had just gotten down on his knee sooner, if he hadn’t waited
for what he had deemed the perfect moment – the holiday they had booked to Italy, which included
a romantic hike past the Cinque Terre, a vacation that the both of them hadn’t brought up or
bothered to cancel just yet – and he had, instead, opted for something more mundane.
The moment she had opened her eyes first thing in the morning, her emeralds sparkling up at him,
for example. Or the moments when he´d been in the bathroom and she’d decided to iron the dress
shirt he had planned on wearing that day, because she was a perfectionist and just one crease was
one too many. Or the moment when he’d kissed her goodbye in the morning and she’d placed her
hand around the back of his neck as if she’d never wanted him to let her go. Or one of the many
other moments in which she gave him absolute butterflies, which technically translated to: all the
fucking time.
He had been an idiot. He had ruined it all. He had ended the best thing he’d had and he’d done it
out of some misguided sense of chivalry, believing that she was well shot off him, that this was
exactly what she had wanted and – seeing as he could never reach her level of perfection –
everything he had deserved.
Not to mention that he had been too scared to ask her if he was right to think that she was happy
with him no more, that he had been afraid to hear her confirm his dark suspicions, taking matters
into his own hands and singlehandedly ruining all that they had built, freezing all the smiles and
love they had shared in time because of his own insecurities.
You just assumed I didn’t love you anymore.
He had been his own downfall and now all he could do was pray that one day she might forgive
him and take him back if he managed to convince her of the sincerity of his regret, of the depths he
was willing to go to if only she would give him a moment to explain and repent: I could still melt
your world, Evans. I promise I won’t ever doubt you ever again.
He made his way down to the kitchen, feeling his friends’ eyes on him as he opened the fridge to
take out some milk and pour himself a glass. Without looking at them, he knew they were having a
full-fledged conversation, trying to decide who was going to address him.
“You look like a fucking zombie, mate –”
“Sirius!”
“What? You told me to –”
“Zero tact.”
James had turned his head to observe Remus and Sirius, the former shaking his head and rolling his
eyes, the latter looking directly at him, his eyebrow cocked in question over his breakfast.
“Didn’t sleep well, did you?”
He almost laughed, disbelief lacing his voice. “What do you think?”
“That you’d be a little happier after not just shagging Evans, but also finding out that she still loves
you.” James let out a heavy sigh, while Sirius got up from his seat to place his empty plate on the
kitchen counter. “What’s the problem, exactly? Why are you still here? Why are you not making
her breakfast in bed and declaring your never-ending love and devotion?”
“Because there’s very little to celebrate at the moment. I broke her heart and she has every right not
to ever want to see me again,” he answered, jaw tight with tension, fingers curling around his glass
of milk.
“You’re her baby daddy,” Sirius shrugged. “Plus, she loves you, so you can stop your pity party
and start planning how you’re going to win her back.”
James opened his mouth to protest, but Remus spoke before he could. “This is the opportune
moment to put your event planning skills to your own use rather than to Lockhart’s. Surely, you
have thought of something by now.”
He looked between both of his friends, not sure if he should be offended or tickled because of the
compliment their words implied.
“I hardly think she’d welcome –”
“Oh, fuck that, Prongs!” Sirius exclaimed, lifting his hands up in the air as if he was an especially
difficult toddler. “You broke up with her and now you’ve got to make it right, because the two of
you are very clearly meant to be –” his brother’s nose crinkled, “– and you know I hate being
sentimental, so you better appreciate that I’m trying to push you in the right direction and am
willing to deal with weeks of lovey-dovey PDA coming from you and Evans when you get back
together –”
He groaned into his hands, rubbed them over his face. “That sounds like it’s too good to be true,
honestly. Fucking best case scenario –”
“You can’t tell me you don’t believe she won’t take you back in a heartbeat. The two of you are
pregnant, desperately in love –”
“I really, really hurt her, though,” his fingers pulled at his black curls. “She said she needed space,
wondered if we could ever return to what we had before if we don’t even know how to talk –” His
shoulders slumped in defeat. “I might have actually ruined any chance we ever had at growing old
together.”
“James,” a hand on his shoulder, Remus’ lips thinned in a sympathetic smile, “there is no way that
the two of you won’t figure this out. There’s quite simply too much love between you, not to
mention that there’s something that might just push the both of you in the right direction…”
James’ stomach contracted painfully, his nostrils flaring.
The baby. Their baby.
He licked his lips, inhaled sharply.
“Yeah, I –” he glanced from one friend to the other. “Do you really think I might be able to fix
this? I just…” his laugh was breathless, “… I don’t recognise myself anymore. I don’t even know
who I was before Lily and I don’t think I want to find out. When we are together, we –” he
shrugged rather helplessly, still so desperately in love with his dream girl – and doomed (or
blessed) to remain so for the rest of his life – as well as fully, utterly heartbroken at the same time.
I won’t if you won’t. Her voice - her words that had instilled him with such hope - still rang in his
ears, made his eyes water.
The thing was that he had, hadn't he? He had gone and left her, had been too miuch of a coward to
stay and wait for her to open her heart to him again. How could he ever absolve himself? How
could he ever get past that? And if he couldn't, why the hell would she?
Day 37 - Argumentative, Antithetical Dream Girl
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Watch
“Stop fretting, you look great.”
Andy slapped at her hands, getting them away from her hair, which Mary had spent a good hour on
that very morning, styling it to absolute wavy perfection.
“You’ll look like a blushing bride gliding down the aisle to meet him,” she had gushed as she’d
fluffed her hair as if she were a hair stylist. “He will not know where to look, or – actually – he
won’t know how to look away, which is exactly our end goal here –”
“I look like I’m overdressed for a science conference,” she whispered to her former colleague, skin
a little dewy as she tried to breathe normally in the cramped, crowded train they were in. “You’re
sure Snape is not going to be there? I’m too much of a nervous wreck as it is –”
“He’s not,” Andromeda snorted, rolling her eyes. “The moment he found out two very important
truths – one being the fact that James is hosting the event, two being that his father is the keynote
speaker – he threw a near hissy fit, talking about the fact that the Research and Development
Forum has really lost all of its credibility and appeal if they condone nepotism.”
“Typical,” she replied, relief settling in her bones. At least, she wouldn’t have to deal with seeing
her former best friend, who would have most certainly scowled his way through the event, spitting
venom about some of the people she loved more than anything in the world. “How are things
going anyway?” she asked. “How are you finding sharing a lab with just him?”
“Positively dreadful,” her friend answered, shoulder bumping into hers as she lost some of her
balance. “Honestly, it pays the bills while I wait for the courage you had to just get up and quit to
arrive.”
She grimaced. “You romanticise my leaving Riddle’s, it had absolutely nothing to do with bravery.
Besides, I should probably find a new job soon, because –” almost involuntarily her hand fell to her
stomach, “– well, let’s face it, I need to still be able to pay mine in a couple of months’ time.”
Andy raised an eyebrow. “I know you don’t want to hear it, because I know you were never with
James for that reason –”
“I’m not planning on –” she spluttered, which made Andromeda laugh.
“Gosh, don’t take it too seriously,” she spoke as they arrived at their stop, “but you have to admit
it’s true. He’s the sole heir to Sleekeazy’s, makes good money working for Lockhart, his mum is
practically Greek royalty –” when she sent Andromeda a look over her shoulder, the other woman
let out a sigh as they squeezed through crowds of people. “I’m not implying that you ever cared
about any of it… hell, you and James lived in this cute little flat together for years, while you could
have easily moved into some London mansion –”
She felt a flush creep up her neck. She had always been more than just a little reluctant for James to
spend money on her or on them, had always insisted they pay for everything together, that they’d
split bills evenly, even when he could more than afford to pay for the both of them. Her insistence
to share their costs, however, had only ever led to him spoiling her rotten in every way possible:
flowers every Wednesday, sneakily buying her a book he’d seen her eye up in the store, buying her
extravagant birthday gifts in the shape of jewellery, booking them surprise weekends in a European
city she hadn’t visited yet…
“We were happy where we were,” she argued as they made their way out of the tube station,
clutching the strap of the far too expensive designer bag that James had gotten her for their last
Christmas together. It had been a very deliberate devision to make this bag part of her outfit. Mary
had argued it would send a message. “We didn’t need a large flat, there’s just the two of us, so –”
“Yeah, yeah,” Andy spoke almost impatiently, “you are his argumentative, antithetical dream girl,
have always been.”
“I’m not argumentative, I’m –” her mouth snapped shut as she realised she was doing exactly what
her friend had meant to prove. “I suppose I like to discuss things and reach consensus if possible,
but I’m hardly antithetical –”
“Antithetical to the way he himself grew up,” her friend answered as they walked into the building
where the forum was being held. Her eyes fluttered around as she suddenly found herself
surrounded by hundreds of other men and women in suits, looking as if they were on a mission,
wearing key cords and name tags, holding paper coffee cups. “You’re the girl who was born and
raised in smoky Cokeworth, while he grew up in the Cotswolds, you got yourself a scholarship to
the boarding school that he himself attended, while his parents paid thousands for him to go there.
He is flamboyant and dramatic, while you are much more introverted and pragmatic. Scientific
some would say probably –”
“We’re not opposing characters,” she protested lightly as they made their way over to reception
where they would get name tags and key cords of their own. “We’re actually very much alike in all
the ways that count.”
“No one doubts that, obviously –”
She would have listened to Andy some more, but she had clocked him, standing just on the other
end of the hall, speaking to some young woman with an earpiece, who nodded along as he
seemingly gave her a set of instructions, his watch – the one she had given him over a year ago –
on clear display as he had rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt – it really could have used a proper
ironing – already, despite it being only nine in the morning. Her heart skipped a number of beats
before it slammed inside her chest at the realisation what she was here for, what she was setting
out to do. She was – all of a sudden, even though it should not come as a surprise anymore, perhaps
– sick to her very stomach, both her anxiety and excitement heightened.
“– everyone knows the two of you make a really fucking attractive pair and you’re clearly more
than just a little compatible –”
He ran his fingers through his hair, his forearm flexing and she wished she could rewind, that none
of the nonsense they had put themselves through in the last few weeks had ever happened. It would
have been so much easier, so much simpler, like they were supposed to be. Because when she was
with him, when she had been with him, it was just that: straightforward, self-explanatory,
effortless.
Sure, they had had their problems and they’d miscommunicated and she’d withheld vital
information from him, making him believe that she didn’t love him anymore, but – in the end – it
was all really fucking worth it, wasn’t it? They were. He was and - dare she even say it? - she was.
“– and if you ask me… any of us, really… we’d lock you up in a room until you kiss and make up
– wait, Lil, where are you –?”
She moved, he was getting ever closer and then the girl he had been talking to left and he turned
his head, his eyes widening the moment he saw her. She thought that his breath might have gotten
caught in his throat.
“Lily –”
“It’s just not working anymore, is it?”
He frowned, his eyebrows sunken and low now. “What -?”
“We’ve been fooling ourselves for a while now, I reckon.”
His eyes widened, recognising that she was copying him, that her words echoed the ones he had
spoken when he had broken up with her on that fateful night, when the both of them had made a
terrible mistake: he in walking away, she in letting him.
“I mean…” she inhaled sharply, nerves running up and down her body like ants in her bloodstream,
“… can you honestly say you’re not in love with me still?”
Day 38 - I Heard Your Key Turn In The Door Down The Hallway
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Leftovers
I mean… can you honestly say you’re not in love with me still?
He was lucky, honestly, not to have keeled over at the sight of her. He should, however, consider
himself far more fortunate that the words that had fallen from her lips hadn’t killed him. (In the
very best way possible, of course, even though death would forever separate them. It would just be
his luck that he would cease to exist within the same realm as her, the moment he had a significant
chance to intertwine his soul with hers and to never let her go again.)
“I –” his fingers lodged into his hair, pulled at the unruly curls there. What the actual fuck? He
thought as his eyes roamed her face, trying to figure out if he was in fact hallucinating or that he
had perhaps fully and completely misinterpreted the words she had just spoken. He wondered, too,
if the leftovers he’d had for dinner the night before might have gone bad before eating them after
all and if he was thus slowly succumbing to a type of food poisoning, which had affected his
general sense.
While he almost gaped at her, it appeared that his lack of a response caused some anxiety within
her. He saw her deflate and watched as some of the colour – she looked possibly radiant with her
hair curled to frame her beautiful features, her eyes shining with an eagerness that made his pulse
race – that had stained her cheeks as she’d come to a standstill in front of him, slowly disappeared.
“I’m sorry,” she very nearly stumbled over her apology. “I have no idea what I’m saying. You’re
working and here I am trying to – I shouldn’t have –”
“Trying to do what?” His hand had reached for hers as it had dangled listlessly at her side. He
knew his own palm was quite possibly a little sweaty, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care, not
now. “You shouldn’t have done what?”
She bit her lip, avoided his gaze. “This is not the time and place probably –”
“You can’t take it back, Evans,” he spoke with the eagerness of a teenage boy, while still only
pulling at her hand gently – it would not do to startle her, after all. “Come on, I’ll find us
somewhere a little more private –”
He pulled her away from the crowd of scientists that were all eagerly talking. He heard his last
name being dropped by a number of strangers – quite possibly in connection to his father’s
upcoming keynote address, something which he should most definitely be there for and, thus, he
might not want to disappear at this moment – but he didn’t waver in his determination to get
himself and Lily somewhere only they knew. He figured that an empty conference room was
hardly the most romantic of spaces for them to inhabit at this moment, but it would just have to do.
He opened a random door, pulled her inside and – once he closed the door behind them – turned to
say: “Ask me again.”
She blinked up at him, confusion marring her forehead. “I’m sorry, I –?”
“Ask me again.” He stepped into her space, his fingers coming up to linger at her jaw. She
swallowed hard and he attempted to soften the look in his eyes, to douse some of the fire that he
feared might be a bit too much for this specific moment.
“You mean –?” she started and when he nodded, she inhaled sharply. “Okay, I… well –” she
scrunched her nose adorably and he had to contain himself not to kiss the tip of it, “I suppose I
asked…” she paused for a moment, seemed to be gathering the courage she needed to repeat the
question, he inclined his head – as if to reassure her – just slightly. “Can you honestly say that you
are not in love with me still?”
“If I said I wasn’t,” he replied within a heartbeat, cupping her cheeks now, lips hovering mere
centimetres over hers, “I should be branded a dishonest man.”
“Oh –” she managed to get out – her relief tangible and something he wanted to taste – just before
his lips brushed against hers and she circled his neck with her arms, bringing him ever closer as
they held on to the other as if they were their lifeline.
“I’m sorry,” he let out between kisses. “Lil, I’m so fucking sorry, I –”
“I’m sorry, I –”
“You have nothing to be sorry for –”
“I really, really do, though –”
“You are –” he pulled back slightly, so he could look her in the eye better, “– you, Lily Evans, are
the best –” he swallowed down his emotions, his voice growing hoarser by the second as tears
filled his eyes. “I will forever repent, if you want me to, I’ll –”
“Don’t you dare!” She grabbed his cheeks now, her firm tone matching the stern expression on her
face. “You, James Potter, are the best thing that’s ever been mine.”
You stole my line, he wanted to say, but realised there might be a better preoccupation of his time.
Their lips met once more, their urgency growing frenzied as his hands fell down to her waist,
traced her curves, the fingers of his one hand brushing over the place where soon – if all went well
– the evidence of their love would grow to need more space. He felt a flutter of nervous excitement
in the pit of his own belly.
“I love you,” she breathed out between kisses.
“Me too,” he squeezed her side. “So much, Lil –”
“But not more than I love you,” she told him with conviction, her hands sliding down his dress
shirt as she stood up on her tiptoes to peck his lips a final three times. “Don’t you ever let yourself
think again that the feelings I have for you could not possibly match the ones you have for me.”
“I won’t, I –” a voice – he was wearing an earpiece – sounded, signalling the fact that his father
was set to start his presentation in roughly five minutes. “Shit, I –” he eyed her apologetically, “– I
have to go and make sure dad’s ready –”
“Can I come with?” she asked, looking a little sheepish. “I don’t want to be a burden, but I don’t
want to be without you either –” Not again, was the continuation of that phrase he read in her eyes,
but she chose not to express.
“You, Lily Evans, could never be a burden to me,” his knuckles brushed against her cheek,
lingered against the softness of her skin there. “Stay with me.”
“For how long?”
The only thing he did in response was smile and – based on the tilting of the corners of her own
lips this elicited – this more than answered her question.
Chapter End Notes
I finished this and couldn't wait to post it. Finally...! (Even though, it's not the end, but
I promise you don't have to worry anymore.)
Day 39 - Is That Your Key In The Door?
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Hope
Hope, that’s what he inspired in her as he caressed her cheek with his thumb, his palm cupping her
jaw. His hair was a mess, the smile playing at his lips nothing short of joyful. She had – although
she knew there had been other times when she’d felt similarly – rarely felt happier, more at peace
than she did now.
“All right, Evans?” he asked, voice barely more than a whisper.
“Just about,” she replied, scooting just a little closer to him and nestling her naked body against his.
His arm looped around her waist and he pulled her flush against him, one of her feet wrapping
around his calf as if this was a dance they'd choreographed, a system they had automated.
He raised his eyebrows at her in cheeky doubt, causing her to giggle. “What can I do to change that
then? To get a heartfelt ‘never been better, Potter’?” His hand squeezed her waist. “You know you
have me fully at your mercy now, don’t you? That you can make me do anything you want –”
“That’s a very dangerous thing to say –”
“Oh?”
Another giggle escaped her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly on
the lips. “I might take advantage of you,” she spoke before rolling him over and claiming his
mouth once more, his hands taking a firm hold of her hips as she straddled him, his fingers digging
into the soft flesh there.
“I have a feeling I wouldn’t complain if you were to,” his lips stretched into a smirk as they
brushed against her own, his tongue seeking out hers as he set out to tease.
They kissed like that – a lazy comfort between them, a sense of having all the time in the world, of
knowing that they were well and truly loved by the other person – for a good few minutes before
she – with a number of pecks to his lips – rolled onto her back again, stretching fully - like a cat - as
he moved to wrap the duvet around her.
“Do you think we traumatised your parents by running out on them at the restaurant?” she asked
him, cheeks a little flushed as she remembered how they had held hands and had giggled like
teenagers, no longer capable of containing themselves, sneaking off without a word. “I hope they
didn’t take offence –”
James snorted. “Mum was clapping as we left. I doubt she minded in the slightest.” He pushed a
lock of her auburn hair out of her face, tips of his fingers lingering at her earlobe. “They are far too
happy to see us together again, to have us talking, especially now...” the palm of his free hand
flattened against the sheets just over her belly button, a heat swirling in her stomach, a fluttering
down below.
“Talking…” the word hung between them, a question almost as her fingers wrapped around his
waist. “Do you think we should?”
“Talk?” He replied, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling, one hand coming to rest
under his head. “We probably should, shouldn’t we? If anything we need to catch up again, get up
to speed on the things that we missed –”
She shook her head before almost sheepishly stating: “You know everything –”
“No, I don’t.” He turned on his side to face her again, the expression on his face a deadly serious
one. “I mean… I know that you quit your work at the lab and that you and Snape seem to have hit a
rough patch –” She pulled a face, making him pivot just slightly. “Or maybe it’s more than that,
but I wouldn’t know that, would I?” She avoided his gaze, chewed on the inside of her cheek, the
intensity of his gaze causing her to flush as he - after a brief pause – asked: “Do you want to talk
about it or –?”
“I don’t –” her forehead fell against his shoulder. “Honestly, I’m both frustrated and mortified that
it took this long for me to realise that the friendship I thought I had with him was something that
hadn’t existed for years.” She placed her arm across his chest, felt his heart beat against her cheek
as she prepared herself to say what she knew she should have said a long time ago. “I’m sorry,” she
muttered, squeezing her eyes shut. “I should have listened to you whenever you tried to warn me
before -”
“Lil –” he sighed, pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You don’t have to apologise for being a loyal
friend. Hell,” he buried his nose in her hair, “if anything it’s one of the many things I love most
about you. Not to mention, that I probably am as guilty – if not guiltier – as you are of being
devoted to their mates.”
“There’s a difference, though,” she admitted, even though it pained her to do so, because it laid
bare the fact that she had wronged him, that she hadn't been the best girlfriend to him she possibly
could have been. “Severus always hated you, while your friends have never not been supportive of
the both of us together –” He stiffened around her just slightly as he took in her words, the fact that
she presented her former best friend's hatred of him as a truth rather than a speculation. “I should
have recognised what he was doing, what I was saying by keeping him around and having you love
me at the same time –”
“Stop,” he grimaced here. “You don’t get to be the villain in this scenario, I was the one to give up
on us. If anyone should be apologising –”
“I was just so scared, James,” she interrupted him, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I’d always been
the clever one, the ambitious one, it’s what always defined me, what made you love me in the first
place and then –” her vision was blurry, her nose runny, “– I didn’t even know who I was, didn’t
know how to be this... this person that didn’t want to work in the lab, that didn’t care about
experiments and data anymore. I was so afraid that you wouldn’t know her either and that you
wouldn’t –” she stopped, unable to voice her exact thoughts for she knew they would feel like a
knife to his heart, that it might just kill him if she were to admit that she had feared he wouldn't
love her anymore if she would change for good.
“Lily,” he moved the pair of them, so he could look her straight in the eye, his hands cupping her
moist cheeks, “I never cared about the things you do, I only every cared about the person you are
and there’s no one on this entire planet I love more than the person that owns my very heart and
soul –” Her shoulders shook and her lungs hurt with every breath she took. “I’ll support you
always, love,” he whispered. “Whatever you want, whatever you need, wherever you wish to go…
I will follow for I am yours.”
And in the end, that’s how simple it was, wasn’t it? He owned the key to her heart and he had
turned it, unlocking her deepest fears and her most well-hidden emotions, ones that she had
desperately tried to keep from him before, frozen in fear as she was. For what if he would not
accept the person she was becoming? What if – like all the other people she had loved in her life,
like her parents, her sister and her former best friend – he would eventually be disappointed in her
too?
But she had been foolish to doubt him, hadn’t she? He – and she realised that now, feeling safe and
sound in his arms, fully aware of the love that he was willing to give – was the only person that
could never make her feel inferior, that would not dare make her feel small. It was the opposite,
truly. James would build her up, would tell her to stand tall as he weathered the storm with her. Her
insecurities had been ridiculous, honestly. A true testament to the state of befuddlement she had
been in as she had tried to navigate this new person she was turning out to be.
Love had never ever been a lie. When it came to the two of them, nothing had ever been more
authentic.
Day 40 - Is It Okay?
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Reconcile
He was worried he’d smash it. That one word could be enough to undo their fragile truce, that she
would turn to him and say: You know what? It’s not okay after all. You really did a number on me,
Potter. Why should I believe this time you won’t?
In the days that followed their reunion, he walked on eggshells, whilst pretending to be walking on
sunshine. He was careful not to set a foot wrong, not to trigger any memory that may be linked to
their brief – although it had felt like a century – separation.
It wasn’t that he doubted her. He didn’t even doubt himself, truly. He was just on edge still,
teetering on the brink of insanity as he moved his things out of the home he had shared with the
boys in the past few weeks and back into the flat that had been destined – from the moment he’d
first walked in and had seen her face light up with a smile – to become theirs.
Is it okay? He asked himself daily now as he walked past her and wrapped an arm around her
waist, pressing a kiss to the back of her head, the side of her neck as he held his breath, wondering
if she might stiffen in his embrace, if she might curl in on herself and pull back, beg him to let her
go.
Is it okay? He wondered as he buried himself inside her to the hilt, her calves pressed against the
back of his thighs, her warmth and the feel of her, pulling him in and making him quite drunk with
the sensations it created, his mind spinning out of control as he found himself expressing his love
in the most insignificant of ways, interspersed with a number of quiet fucks that escaped him
involuntarily.
Is it okay? He thought to himself as she was in the room next door and his finger brushed against
the velvet ring box that still carried the item that he had bought to slip onto her finger, to finally be
able to call her his in every sense of the word. (Hers he was - quite frankly - already and had been
from the very first moment her emerald greens locked onto his hazels, when they were both still
teenagers and had no clue what the world would have in store for either of them.)
He thought it would be easy once they had reconciled, had believed that he could slip right into his
former routines, that a shroud of pink would surround him and suffocate him in the intensity of the
love that he felt for her and to a certain extent it did, but there was also the part of him that was
terrified to lose her a second time. This fear consuming him far too often and almost freezing him
in his tracks.
“We’re okay, right?” he asked her a week to the day they had made up. He sat on the couch, her
feet in his lap as she rested on her back, hand – subconsciously, he reckoned – resting on the tiny,
barely discernible – to anyone but them, that was – bulge of her stomach. “We’re good? We’re
happy?”
Her eyes filled with warmth as she looked at him and he felt relief settle in his bones at the smile
that overtook her features. “I’m deliriously content,” she told him, holding up her hand for him to
take. When he gave it to her, she brought it down to her stomach and something fluttered in the pit
of his own, the thought of a little creature that was all theirs growing there, one that made him feel
inebriated. “Are you?”
He hesitated for a moment, the easy confirmation resting on his lips very nearly spilling, but he
stopped himself, breathed out between his teeth, confessed to the truth. “I’m scared, Lil. What if
–?”
A slight frown settled on her forehead, her fingers squeezing his. “This is real, James,” she told
him. “This is us and it might take some time to heal, but…” she bit her lip, sucked on it for a few
seconds. He had to stop himself from climbing on top of her and taking over her actions with his
own mouth and teeth. “You are the one I choose, you are the one I love, you are the one I want to
grow old with.”
The breath he expelled was a shaky one and he wondered when he would no longer need to hear
her say these words as if it were some daily affirmation. She adjusted herself on the couch, moved
to sit on his lap – to straddle him – and then cupped his face with her hands.
“I love you, James,” she told him, like she had done multiple times a day since they’d reunited.
“You are the reason I can breathe, the person that makes it worth it for me to open my eyes in the
morning and greet the glare of the sun with a smile on my face.” She pecked him on the lips, her
fingers gliding down his neck, settling on his upper chest. “I am okay, I am good, I am happy –”
she hesitated, her eyes flashing with a vulnerability he was familiar with, one that had overtaken
him in the past few weeks. “Are you or –?”
“God yes,” he breathed out, his own hands having settled at her hips, squeezing the shape of her.
“I’m just –” he was a little bashful here, “– I’m going to need a daily reminder for a while, I guess.
My heart is still bruised and battered, recovering from its return from the battlefield.”
“I was going to say I wouldn’t mind being your nurse, but that was going to sound unintentionally
dirty –”
“Unintentionally?”
She lightly slapped his chest, making him laugh as he admired the blush that coloured her
cheekbones. “I’m a pregnant woman, may I remind you. I am nothing if not prim and proper –”
“I love that you are. I've always had a sweet spot for your tendency to be the goody-two-shoes in
any room you're in.” He breathed this statement out before capturing her lips in a kiss, his fingers
digging into her hips, a moan escaping her, making him want to press ever closer.
“Do you think we’re having too much sex?” she asked him when his lips slid down her throat,
when his hands started to bunch up the material of her dress. “Are we burying our problems by
indulging in our physical intimacy?”
His nose brushed against her jaw, his lips pressing lightly against the column of her throat. “I think
we’re making up for lost time,” he replied seriously before the corner of his lips lifted: “Not to
mention, I knocked you up already, so this is the opportune moment for us to fully luxuriate in it.”
“There’s always a silver lining with you,” she rolled her eyes good-naturedly, unbuttoning his dress
shirt.
“I love you, Evans.”
“I love you too, Potter.”
It is okay, he thought as he pulled her dress up over her head. We are good.
Day 41 - Is It You?
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Grave
She had always been quite serious about James Potter. It was odd to her, almost, that they hadn’t
been together their entire lives, because the moment they had first collided in the romantic sense,
nothing had ever felt more natural.
Is it you? She had thought upon their first kiss. Were you the one I had been searching for all my
life?
She had worried about it initially, had held back unnecessarily, because the fact that she wanted to
be with him forever, stay with him till death would part them, only to be reunited again in the
grave, sounded awfully intense to a young woman who was only in her early twenties. Especially
so, because there were so many people in her life who did not rejoice over the fact that she had
found someone who made her the happiest and best version of herself – that is, she believed this to
be true, for she felt most like herself when she was with him.
It was this realisation - that she was incomplete without him - that triggered her that morning to ask
the question that had been on her mind for the longest time: “Have you ever wanted to just pack up
your things and leave?”
He was pouring her tea, his white shirt hiding - sadly - his chest from view. His hazel eyes looked
up in something akin to alarm and she realised what her question might have sounded like. “Not
just you or me,” she rushed to explain. “I meant: have you ever just wanted to leave London
behind, start something new someplace new together? You and I.”
He blinked down on her, contemplating her question. Nerves fluttered in her belly and she
wondered if her nausea had anything to do with morning sickness after all or whether it was sheer
nerves linked to the fact that she was asking him a question she knew she should have phrased
before.
“I just…” she inhaled sharply, “I thought about it before, but now that we’ve got the baby, I’m
wondering if London is the place where we want to stay.” Something changed in his expression,
but she couldn’t identify it exactly. It was something in the set of his eyebrows maybe, the way his
jaw tensed up just slightly. “It’s okay if it’s a no, I’ll be happy wherever you are, of course –”
“Wait,” he held up his hand before rushing off, making his way to their bedroom.
She was aflutter with anxiety, at a loss as to what he might have set out to do, what he might have
wanted to go to their room for. Was he panicking too? Was he going to tell her that he couldn’t
possibly leave London, that the notion was a ridiculous one? She knew he would want to stick
close to his family, his brothers. She knew he often felt like he was responsible for all of them, that
he worried about Sirius especially given his tendency to go rogue every once in a while.
He rushed back in, came into view, his hair standing up in all directions, a wild look in his eyes and
a tiny velvet box in his hands. Her heart came to a halt, her throat constricted.
“Don’t panic –” he told her, knowing her far too well, able to recognise her signs and tells. “I know
what you’re thinking, I know you’ll think this is an overreaction on my part, but before I go down
on one knee, I want you to know I have had this ring for close to seven months, so –”
Her pulse was racing, her mind spinning with the bomb he had just dropped. Before I go down on
one knee… I have had this ring for close to seven months.
“James, you can’t –” she took a step towards him, her hands held out as if she was going to try and
stop him, as if she wanted him to keep his mouth shut, but he was already lowering himself on one
knee and her hands flew up to cover her mouth instead.
“Lily Evans,” he started and for a rare moment she could see her own sheer anxiety reflected in his
face, “I was going to do this somewhere romantic. Actually, I’d planned for our holiday in Italy,
but things happened and –” he grimaced. “I know I’m already fucking this up and that this is far
from the absolute perfect proposal you deserve, but you asked if I would leave London for you, if I
would like to start someplace new and –” he breathed in, his eyes roaming across her face, there
was a softness to the pull of his lips, “– I would follow you anywhere, Lil, I will never leave you
alone unless you’d ask me to.”
“I would never do that,” she told him, practically stumbling over her words as her vision blurred
with the tears that had formed in her eyes. “I will always want you by my side –”
“Don’t embarrass me by upstaging my truly abysmal proposal.”
"It's perfect already, I love it," she laughed and then kneeled down in front of him too, wrapped her
arms around his neck. She was breaking any and all traditions and she had no doubt that her mother
and sister would gasp in horrified shock if they had been the ones to witness this faux pas. (Not to
mention that they would probably scrunch up their nose to indicate their distaste of the man
kneeling for her.)
“Ask me,” she almost whispered, placing a gentle kiss against his lips.
“I’m supposed to be the only one to kneel down in front of you.”
“Well, I like to be on equal footing.”
He laughed, shook his head and then – hands trembling and she thought it was one of the most
adorable things she had ever witnessed him doing – he opened the ring box, a ring sitting at the
heart of it.
“Lily Evans,” he began again, looking up into her eyes, the look of love there unmistakable, “I
have been an idiot these past few weeks. I cannot believe that this moment very nearly wouldn’t
have happened, because I let my insecurities take over, but –” he paused for a second, “– from our
very first kiss to our final one – which I hope won’t take place until years and years into the future
– I promise to love and cherish you, for better and for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in
health.” She hiccoughed with the sob that escaped her. “I hope you’ll let me and that you’d allow
me to make it official too.”
The look in his eyes was a questioning one and she nodded. “Go on then,” she spoke softly, “ask.”
His smile blinded her in the sheer bliss it radiated. “Will you marry me? Will you take me to be
your husband?”
She looked at him, breathed out a yes that felt like a release of months’ worth of pent-up
frustration. “I will, James,” she told him as he slipped the ring on her finger. “It is you, it has
always been you.”
Day 42 - Or Have They Come To Take Me Away?
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Cry
Looking back on it all, it seemed downright impossible how much his life had changed in a matter
of weeks. It hadn’t been – technically – more than two months, but the events that were currently
taking place – and had taken place before – were nothing short of life-changing.
He had murdered his chance at true love, he had cried more than he had in his entire life, he had
gotten his things from their apartment, moved in with his best friends, had had to come to terms
with the fact that he would be miserable for the rest of his life and then... then he had found out he
was to become a father, he had been proven to be the most idiotic of idiots in the world, only to get
down on one knee and resurrect what he had believed he had ruined for good.
All things considered, he felt as if this mental rollercoaster he had been on should have qualified
him for a psychiatric hospital. He would not have been surprised if they had shown up at their flat
that morning – a mere blissful hours after she had said yes, after he had slid the ring on her finger –
to come and take him away from the one person he loved more than anything. It would be fitting,
after all. No thriller or horror movie ever turned into a romantic comedy. It was a clashing of
genres that would leave the world petrified, that would cause fans of either genre to go online to
give it the worst Rotten Tomatoes score they possibly could.
Now, however, he found himself sitting in a desk chair facing Gilderoy Lockhart, the man
spluttering protests after James shared some news with him that he did not necessarily welcome.
“Resign?” the man blinked at him, his golden waves stiff with what he knew to be Sleekeazy’s
Super Fix Hairspray. He laughed heartily and James was certain the man meant for it to sound like
he was carefree, as if James had shown up to prank him that morning, but he could detect the sheer
terror behind his eyes. “Potter, please, you cannot be serious. There must be something we can do,
some agreement we can come to…” Lockhart tapped his fingers on his wooden desk. “How about
I talk to HR and see what we can do about your pay check? I’m sure I can bargain a raise if that’s
something you’re interested in –”
“I’m flattered, Roy,” James replied calmly, “but I’m afraid nothing will make me stay. It has very
little to do with you, or the company, or the work I have been doing.” There was a part of him that
felt relief at the idea that he would no longer have to deal with the man in front of him if he were to
quit, but he was hardly going to share this titbit of information with the man in question. “I asked
Lily to marry me yesterday and we’re having a baby –”
“All the more reason to stay!” His boss exclaimed. “I have been told that weddings, babies and
unsurmountable expenses go hand in hand. Let me just ring –” the man reached for the phone on
his desk, but James rested his hand on it, shook his head.
“There is nothing you can do to change my mind, I’m afraid,” he shrugged. “Lily and I want to
start over, see some of the world before our life is changed forever.” He felt the smile tug at his
lips, no longer able to contain his happiness, the relief he still felt at knowing that he was hers
again, that she was his. “It’s a decision we didn’t take lightly, obviously I appreciate all the
chances you have given me.”
Lockhart pursed his lips, clearly unhappy with this unwelcome news. “Is there truly nothing I can
do to persuade you to stay?” He shook his head, causing Gilderoy to sigh heavily. “Choosing
family happiness over your career… I can’t say I think it’s wise –”
The man prattled on a little longer – James nodding along – before they shook hands – the look on
his boss’ face a grave one – and he disappeared to his own office to pack up his things. His phone
rang about a minute after he’d sent her a message that read:
It's done. Packing up now, should be home in time for lunch.
“How did he take it?” her voice bounced off the walls of the room, having put his phone on
speaker.
“He wasn’t happy,” he replied, running a hand through his hair, “but he’ll survive. You know him,
he’s not the type to get too attached, he’ll find someone new to order around in no time.”
“You give yourself far too little credit.” Her voice was filled with a fondness that warmed his heart,
that made him wish he was there with her, so he could wrap his arms around her from behind, rest
his chin on top of her head. “You run that place, James. He knows that too.”
He hummed in reply, caring surprisingly little about ending his career as an event planner,
something he knew he was skilled at, something he had always enjoyed even. “Did you manage to
get a hold of mum yet?” he asked her.
“She’s booked our flights and insists we go see your Great Aunt Antinea first thing. Apparently,
she has the sight and will be able to tell us all about the journey we plan to undertake.”
“Of course,” he rolled his eyes good-naturedly, a smile pulling at his lips, “heaven forbid we don’t
have her blessing.”
“She means well,” Lily replied. “Anyway, I’ll let you finish packing up. I’m glad it went relatively
well for you –”
“Lil,” he interrupted her, voice deep, fingers craving to touch.

“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Her laughter filled his hears, made his stomach flutter. “You only told me five times before you
left this morning. I feel like it’s been tattooed on my skin by now.”
“Yeah, well –”
“James?” She didn’t wait for him to reply. “I love you too and I can’t wait for you to be back here,
so you can help me pack for Greece –”
He couldn't contain his grin, the prospect of their trip and the adventures that would follow,
something that he couldn't wait to start. Teasingly, he told her: “I’ll get you some sunscreen on the
way back. SPF 50+ should do, don’t you think?”
“What’s that?” she asked. “Did I say I love you? It might have been a mistake, because I believe
you just insulted me for being the whitest person you know –”
“Didn’t I show you how much I love your skin last night?” He questioned, adding a level of sultry
to his voice that he knew would make her shiver. “I’ll have to remedy that first thing when I get
back then.”
“Yet another excuse to get me naked,” she sighed dramatically, sounding as if it was such a chore
to have him worship every single part of her. “I might as well not have worn anything today.”
“Except the ring.”
“Yeah,” she told him and he could just picture the soft look in her eyes, the warm smile on her face
as she gazed at the band around her finger, “except the ring.”
Chapter End Notes
I know you can't just quit your job, but for the purposes of fiction...
*Mwah!* I love you guys!

Day 43 - To Take Me Away
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Irony
“Greece?” her mother asked, sounding utterly bewildered. “With James?”
“Yes,” she replied, pillow hugged to her chest in an attempt to comfort herself. She always knew
this was going to be a hard conversation. Especially given the fact that she and her family hadn’t
parted on the best of terms after Petunia had forced her hand and had found out that she and James
had broken up. “We are back together and –”
“Are you sure this is wise, Lily?” Her mother’s tone was questioning and doubtful. “You wouldn’t
give us the details, but you did say that he broke your heart and now – not even two weeks later –
you’re set to leave England for a month of gallivanting around Europe with him?”
“I know what it sounds like –” she started, but her mother interrupted.
“Your father and I worry about you, Lily. Your life choices are rather out of control at the moment.
You quit a stable job and now –”
“James and I are getting married.” Silence met her on the other end of the line, a sharp intake of
breath making her feel rather nauseous. “He proposed and I said ‘yes’ and –”
“Oh, Lily…”
“That’s not all,” she chewed on the inside of her cheek, her nails biting into the palms of her hand.
This was the part that caused her most anxiety, that – she thought – could make or break her. “I’m
pregnant too. James and I are having a baby.”
“Well.”
The silence on her mother’s end – apart from that one word – was suffocating and made her feel all
the more grateful for the fact that James had left the flat to go on a run earlier. She wouldn’t have
wanted to see his face fall at her parents’ clear apprehension, the disappointment she could sense
even through the phone.
“Are you –” her mother’s voice sounded strained.
“Mum, I really can’t bear a lecture right now or at any point, if I’m honest –”
“I know, I’m trying to –” It took a couple of seconds before her mother spoke up again. It sounded
as if the words coming out of her mouth were by now means spoken effortlessly. “Are you happy
then?”
Her eyes filled with tears and she bit back a sob, not wanting to give her mother any excuse to
assume that she wasn’t, because she knew her mother would jump on any reason to conclude that
she was feeling heavy-hearted. “Yes, mum,” she spoke with feeling, “I’m so, so happy.”
“I see,” her mother’s voice sounded pinched, not unlike Petunia’s in a sour mood, she thought.
“Well,” a brief pause followed, “your father and I should send flowers over then.”
It was as warm a response as she could have expected and she almost sighed in relief. “We’re
flying to Greece in two days, mum,” she reminded her, happy to divert the attention even just
slightly. “It’s lovely that you’d want to send us anything at all –”
“Maybe we can have lunch when the two of you have returned then.”
Her heart constricted in her chest, the prospect not exactly enticing. “Yes, maybe.”
A couple of years ago, she would have found this conversation to be a devastating one, but by now
she was rather immune to the fact that her parents didn’t always approve of her life choices. She
had almost become desensitized to failing her parents, something which she hadn’t thought
possible when she was eighteen years old and more than just a little desperate to please. What did
bother her, however, was the fact that they couldn’t see that James – her James – was the best thing
that had ever happened to her and that he made her so truly, blissfully happy, that he helped her
become the best version of herself, that he would always love her no matter what.
“I love him, mum,” she spoke softly, not exactly knowing which words would escape her next,
“and he loves me too. Unconditionally and so fully, I –” she bit her lip, attempting to swallow her
emotions. “I know you and dad have had your doubts and reservations, but –”
“We just want what’s best for you.”
“Then please trust me when I saw that he is just that,” she told her honestly. There was irony in all
of this, she reckoned. James would be most parents’ perfect son-in-law, the absolute dream come
true, the most eligible husband for one of their children: well-educated, good-natured, handsome
and more than simply affluent. She wondered if there was some jealousy to be detected in her
family’s rejection of him, if this could possibly explain why they seemed so hesitant to so much as
accept him and her love for him.
“I am glad you feel that way, my little girl,” her mother replied and she supposed this was as much
of a seal of approval as she was going to get. “Your father and I look forward to the wedding and
our grandchild, of course.”
They ended their conversation soon after and she got up from their bed, making her way out to the
living room where she found James wiping sweat off of his forehead with the shirt he had just
pulled over his head. She didn’t hesitate and walked towards him, wrapped her arms around him,
her cheek flat against his bare and dewy chest.
“I’m disgusting,” he told her, dropping his shirt and letting his own arms encircle her waist as well.
“I’m very much afraid you’ll have to join me in the shower now.” His voice was both teasing and
deep, carrying a trace of seduction in it too. She laughed, eyes squeezed closed as she pulled him
just a little closer. He let his chin rest on top of her head, most likely recognising that she was in a
bit of a state. “You okay?” he muttered.
“Yeah, I just –” she inhaled sharply, “– I just got off the phone with my mother.”
“Ah,” he replied, one of his hands coming up to brush some of her hair out of her face. There was a
brief moment of indecision, as if he didn’t know exactly how to proceed. “You know I love you,
right? All of you and everything that comes with it?”
And wasn’t that the crux of it? Didn’t that make her family’s response all the more heartbreaking
for him? He tried so hard, he was so willing to jump through hoops, to wrestle himself through the
most uncomfortable of family situations, if only it would make her happy.
“It’s fine if you don’t love Vernon,” she spoke against his chest in an attempt to alleviate some of
the pressure, to make him smile. “Honestly, I have a very hard time liking him, seeing as I detest
about ninety percent of his personality.”
He chuckled, pressed a kiss to her hair. “All right, I tolerate Dursley. Thank fuck you see him for
the pompous twat that he is.”
“Some people would have said you were a bit of one too at a certain point in time,” she looked up
at him and tilted her chin to indicate that she’d like for him to kiss her. He obliged, the hand that
had earlier pushed some of her hair out of her face, cupping the back of her neck as he deepened
the kiss within seconds.
“Fair,” he answered, lips quirked up in a mischievous smile before turning serious once more.
“We’re a family, Lil,” he told her when he broke their kiss. “You, me, the baby –” his palm came
to rest against the lower part of her belly, “– I’d include the guys and my parents, but –”
“They are included,” she replied. “Truly, James, I’m so happy that you chose me, that I get to be
part of your family –”
“You’re not a part of it, Lily,” he shook his head. “You are my family, the whole of it.” He
intertwined their fingers, the engagement ring he’d given her squashed between them. It was a
wonderful reminder of the fact that they were doing this together, that they were happy to weather
any storm sent their way, that they would try their very hardest to withstand her.
“I am so in love with you,” she reminded him, standing up on her tiptoes in an attempt to bring
herself closer to his mouth. “You have my permission to do with me as you please for the rest of
our lives –”
He chuckled warmly. “That’s a very dangerous thing to say, Evans.”
“It’s not,” she shook her head, aligning her lips with his. “I trust you fully, Potter. Just take me
away.”
Chapter End Notes
I included this conversation mainly at the request of one of my readers. I don't think it
would have been realistic for me to resolve this whole situation between Lily and her
parents and I hope you will agree. Yet, I think this chapter shows that some progress -
however little - has been made.
Day 44 - It Hits Different This Time
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Reputation
“Take care of him, all right?” Sirius’ hands were firm on Lily’s shoulders as he looked into her
eyes intently. “I know that he’ll end up walking off a cliff, because he’ll be too busy looking at you
like you’re the sun or something –”
She laughed, moved in to hug his best friend and brother. “I promise I’ll make sure he’s returned to
you in one piece.”
“Careful, Padfoot,” he laughed as his girlfriend – scratch that: fiancée and mother of his future
child, if that didn’t give him the ability to fly, he didn’t know what would – and brother broke
apart, Lily smiling at him softly as he moved to stand in front of Sirius himself. “Your reputation
may be forever ruined if anyone finds out you’re not as tough as you look.”
“Well, your body may end up breaking in all places that matter if you don’t focus on where you put
your feet, because you’re too busy checking her out.”
“Sure, Pads,” he spoke, embracing his brother, who tightened his grip on him for a couple of
seconds before he stepped back, face suddenly impassive. “Take care of mum and dad, will you?
Try to make sure mum doesn’t fly out to meet us at the first opportunity or because one of her
sisters has called her and insists she joins in. We’re doing this for us, to find some peace, to enjoy
spending time with each other.”
“No one can tell Euphemia Potter what to do, not even her most favourite son.”
He shook his head, laughing as he took a step back and turned to Lily, who stood there, their
suitcases at her feet, looking perfectly relaxed in her light, cropped jeans in a boyfriend style,
which had some light tears at her knee, and a light yellow T-shirt with a sunflower on it. She was –
as always – the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, a glow to her skin that just hit a little
different this time. He wondered if it had to do with the fact that she was excited for travel or if it
might have to do with their baby – maybe even a little with him – that she seemed to be the
brightest thing in this otherwise grey and drab airport environment.
Butterflies fluttering inside his chest, he moved to stand beside her, wrapped his arm casually – as
if there was anything about his feelings for her that could be considered laid-back – around her
shoulder. “Tell Remus we said thank you for watering the plants and don’t forget to give him the
keys, please.”
“Jeez, Prongs,” Sirius – tattooed arms on display as he wrapped them in front of his chest – rolled
his eyes, “you’re not a dad just yet, you know. You don’t have to become a responsible bore
already. That’s for when the little thing actually arrives.”
Before he could splutter out his protest, he could hear someone call out his girlfriend’s name and
only a matter of seconds later – he hadn’t had time to so much as turn his head – Mary pushed him
to the side and wrapped Lily up in her arms.
“Bloody trains,” the brunette mumbled, “I swear I hate the National Rail. They’re never on fucking
time when you need them to be.” She pulled back, eyed Lily sternly. “You’ve packed everything?
Bikinis, cute dresses, sandals, sunscreen?”
“James took care of the latter,” Lily answered with a bright smile, eyes flitting up to him, their
warmth making his heart bloom. “He’s promised me to be on constant alert –” Sirius cocked his
eyebrow at him as if to say that his earlier concerns were far more valid than he had thought them
to be. “Besides, I’m bringing a sun hat too and whenever we go to the beach, I’ll make sure James
puts up a parasol for me.”
“James,” he interrupted jokingly, “would also like to have a bit of a holiday –”
“Oh, boohoo,” Mary told him with a grin, briefly wrapping her arms around him as well before
stepping back and slotting into place next to Sirius, “she’s carrying your baby. You better service
her like Sirius would his favourite motorbike. Don’t either of you dare to be shitty, you’ve both
gone through it these past few weeks.”
Service her. He caught Lily’s eye, waggled his eyebrows, making Lily stump his upper arm with
her tiny fist. “I’ll try my very best, Mary,” he answered her friend. “You have absolutely nothing to
worry about.”
After a few final words of goodbye and some additional hugs, he and Lily rolled their suitcases
through to Departures, their free hands holding on to each other’s, Lily’s step light and carefree, her
auburn ponytail swaying back and forth joyfully.
“No regrets?” he asked her lightly, squeezing her fingers as he did.
“What could I possibly regret?” she asked him, turning to look at him with a slight crease between
her eyebrows. “We’re travelling to Greece for an entire month –”
“Yeah, well,” he exhaled on a laugh, “you’ve never met that side of my family yet. If you think my
mum’s intense, wait until you meet my aunts and cousins, which is practically equal to being in a
room with fifteen carbon copies of Euphemia Potter and that is something, I’ll have you know.”
“Did I ever tell you that My Big Fat Greek Wedding was one of my favourite romcoms growing
up?”
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You did not. How is it possible I’m still finding out new things
to love about you?”
She grinned, clearly pleased, moving to walk even closer beside him. “I’m releasing all of this
information slowly but surely,” she informed him, “to keep you interested.”
His laugh was boisterous and probably startled quite a few other people walking around the
airport, but he couldn’t stop himself. “I’ve been more than interested since I was fifteen, so you’re
doing a great job there.” He checked her hip with his, softly asking her: “Do you want your own
big fat Greek wedding then?”
“I would first of all like to know if any of your aunts is named Voula. The answer to that question,
will determine a lot.”
He smirked down on her. “You know what,” he spoke, lowering his voice as he watched her eyes
widen in anticipation, “you’ll have to wait and find out.”
“James –!” She scrunched up her nose adorably and he stopped them, leaning down to claim her
lips and cut her complaints off.
Luckily, for him, he did – in fact – have an Aunt Voula, but he’d like to see that information hit her
the moment they set foot in said aunt’s home. He already couldn’t wait for the corners of her lips
to curl up, her teeth to bare and her eyes to sparkle in complete, utter delight.
Chapter End Notes
One final and short chapter for you left to enjoy. Hit "Next Chapter"!
Day 45 - It’s Different ‘Cause It’s You
Chapter Summary
Chapter Notes
Prompt: Broken
The end of their heartache had been a long time coming. Tears were shed, talks were had,
confessions lightening both their chests. Their friends and family had seen it coming from miles
away and – looking back on it now – it had seemed inevitable. James Potter and Lily Evans were
quite simply meant to be.
They had gotten back together because she didn’t love anyone like she loved him. Or because he
had been infatuated with her since they were fifteen. Or because they created a combined playlist
for their plane journey, alternating between pop – her choice – and rock – his. Or because her
tendency to control things always felt less urgent when he was near. Or because he would always
kiss her in the mornings before he’d go for a work out at the gym. Or because he loved her despite
her family, while she found all the more reason to love him when seeing him with his. Or because
he liked to spoil her rotten and already found himself buying her the three books she had been
eyeing up at the airport’s bookstore before she had so much as decided these were the ones she
definitely wanted to buy. Or because she liked how soft his T-shirts were. Or because he would
drop everything when one of his brothers called him, but would always endeavour to include her in
it. Or because she knew his McDonald’s order by heart and got him exactly what he needed before
their flight. Or because he said I love you three times before they even got on the plane and she
always replied in kind. Or because they both lamented that they were horny for the other and
couldn’t do anything about it until after they had gotten together with his family and were left truly
and utterly by themselves at their AirBnB. Or because – just maybe – the fact that they had known
each other since they were teenagers and knew how far they had both come, made the promise that
they would keep growing together ever more certain. Or because, well, just because.
Whatever the reason might have been – and she suspected that those who knew the both of them
would agree – they were simply not made to be broken up.
Their love was most definitely not a lie. It was one for the books. It was different, because – to one
another – they would always be you.
Chapter End Notes
I cannot thank you enough if you were one of the people to join me on this adventure.
Whether you read each chapter as I posted or you finished this as soon as it was
complete, I am so honoured that you wanted to experience this with me. It's over now,
this is the final chapter. I hope you feel - especially when taking into consideration
how this all started - satisfied.
All My Love,
Mary
Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!

Love Is A Lie and Other

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Love Is A Lie (And Other Sh*t My Friends Say To Help Me Get By)

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/46962610.

Love Is A Lie (And Other Sh*t My Friends Say To Help Me Get

Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”, a Jily Micro-Oops.

See the end of the chapter for notes

Chapter End Notes

Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hit Different”.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

She moved to the side, allowed the two of them in.

Sirius scoffed haughtily. “I don’t, do I?”

Chapter End Notes

Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”, a Jily Micro-Oops.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Chapter End Notes

Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”, a Jily Micro-Oops.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“You were defending her!”

His heart throbbed painfully.

“Whose side are you bloody on?”

Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”, a Jily Micro-Oops.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“It’s fine, it’s not what you think it is –”

Andromeda stilled, mouth slightly agape. “Say what?”

“What did you say to that?”

Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”, a Jily Micro-Oops.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

A brief silence followed before Remus cleared his throat.

“I don’t think she ever wants to see me again, so –”

“I have strong doubts there.”

“You’ve always been the optimistic one.”

“You know she won’t be –”

Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”, a Jily Micro-Oops.

“You’ve barely said a word to me these past two days.”

“He doesn’t expect anything of the sort –”

“As if he even tolerates me –”

“His efforts! He hates my absolute guts!”

“I assure you I don’t.”

“Are you saying you think he’s fit?”

“Don’t worry,” Severus almost snarled at her, “I’m used to it by now.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”, a Jily Micro-Oops.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“What?” he asked dreamily.

“Hey,” a knee nudged his, “all right?”

He nodded, inhaled sharply. “Yeah, I just feel a little sick –” Heartsick.

“Seriously, just turn it the fuck –”

“Is he going to be sick -?”

“All right, all right! Don’t get your knickers in a twist –”

Chapter End Notes

Forty-five days of heartbreak hit different ‘cause it’s you.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Hits Different”.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

siriuslyblackatheart ladies, my bro @onlypotterchild is single and super ready to

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magnolia.brown Wait, what?! OMG!