Hold On To Something

Hold On To Something (Hold On To Me)
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/35301496.
Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: Captain America (Movies)
Relationship: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Character: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Alpine (Marvel)
Additional Tags: Mountain Man!Bucky Barnes, Hitchhiker!Steve Rogers, Cabin Fic,
Snowed In, keeping secrets, Strangers to Lovers, Alternate Universe -
Modern Setting, no powers, White Wolf Bucky Barnes, cat dad bucky
barnes, POV Alternating, Homelessness, Shame, Dreams, Flashbacks,
so much snow, mild hypothermia, Angst and Feels, Awkwardness,
Drinking Tea Solves Everything, Movie Night, Nosferatu (Vampire: The
Masquerade), Confessions, Holding Hands, Nightmares, Comfort/Angst,
Falling In Love, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Fanart, Explicit Sexual Content,
Explicit Consent, First Time, excommunication, Homophobia, Internal
Conflict, Oral Sex, Snowball Fight, chopping wood, Gay Sex, Insecurity,
Love Confessions, Happily Ever After
Stats: Published: 2021-11-24 Completed: 2021-12-18 Chapters: 14/14 Words:
21095
Hold On To Something (Hold On To Me)

by dixons_mama
Summary
“Hey!” He shouted, crossing the road carefully. “Do you need a ride?”
Up close, Bucky saw that, despite his imposing height and broad shoulders, the man’s eyes
and cheeks were slightly sunken in, leaving him tired and haggard looking. Even as he
tightened his grip on the straps of the backpack he wore, the man still smiled cheerfully at
Bucky and nodded.
“That’d be great, thank you, sir.” He followed Bucky back to the parking lot.
Notes
This fic is still a WIP. I will be posting one chapter once a week, and I'm hoping that having
a deadline will help me finish it. There are currently 12 chapters completed, I've just begun
13, and I'm guessing there will be just one or two after that. So, that should be plenty of
time for me to get my ass in gear!
As always, huge thanks to my BFF/beta humapuma

See the end of the work for more notes
The Hitchhiker
****
Accepting his receipt, Bucky took a moment to shove it into his bag of Winter storm survival
chocolate bars and marshmallows.
“You’d better get home, it doesn’t look like it’s letting up any time soon.” The clerk gestured
toward the glass front of the store.
“I’m heading there now. I don’t think even my snow chains would hold up against what’s to
come.” Bucky shook his head, hating to admit defeat, even to Mother Nature.
Bucky then stepped out of the convenience store and pulled his parka tightly around himself, the
blizzard having been joined by violent winds. Somehow, even through the near blinding snow, he
spotted a man standing across the street; his thumb held out, clearly looking for a ride. The man
was wearing chinos and a white button down shirt, with only a light jacket to keep him warm. It
was an unusual sight, especially in such a rural area.
When a car whizzed by, Bucky realized that the man was probably close to invisible to drivers
without any reflective clothing on. His stomach clenched as another car drove past, and he knew he
had to help the hitchhiker.
“Hey!” He shouted, crossing the road carefully. “Do you need a ride?”
Up close, Bucky saw that, despite his imposing height and broad shoulders, the man’s eyes and
cheeks were slightly sunken in, leaving him tired and haggard looking. Even as he tightened his
grip on the straps of the backpack he wore, the man still smiled cheerfully at Bucky and nodded.
“That’d be great, thank you, sir.” He followed Bucky back to the parking lot.
“Do you need anything from the store?” Bucky asked as he unlocked the passenger door, letting
the man sit inside.
“Oh, well, no- I’ll be okay. Thank you, sir.” His teeth were chattering, but his smile remained, and
Bucky didn’t know what to make of this unusually polite stranger.
He got in his truck and quickly turned the key, switching the heat to high.
“I’m Bucky Barnes,” he offered, watching the man rub his hands together in front of one of the
vents.
“N-nice to meet you, B-Bucky.” He extended his hand, smiling. “I’m Steve Rogers.”
Bucky shook Steve’s freezing hand and couldn’t help but return his smile. “It’s nice to meet you,
too. Where are you heading?”
Steve’s face fell slightly and he returned his attention to the heating vent. “Um, just wherever- er,
whichever direction you’re going is fine.”
Bucky frowned to himself, wondering if Steve was actually homeless. He had odd attire for
someone that lived on the streets, though, Bucky thought.
“What are you going to do after that? It’s already getting dark.” Bucky turned onto the road
cautiously, with only a couple of yards visible through the snow.
“Oh.” Steve looked startled by the question. “I don’t… I don’t know yet. Probably look for a place
to hunker down until the blizzard passes, I suppose.”
“What?” Bucky quickly glanced at Steve, wondering if he’d heard right. “Are you serious?”
“Yes?” Steve tilted his head, looking very much like a confused puppy.
Bucky’s brows immediately furrowed in concern. “You’ll freeze to death!”
Steve sighed and shook his head before turning his head to look out the passenger window. He
muttered, bitterly, “It’ll be God’s will, I suppose.”
“You’ll stay at my place tonight,” Bucky blurted out, shocking even himself. “I mean, if you want
to, of course. I can drop you off in town in the morning.”
From the corner of his eye, Bucky could see Steve blanch at his offer.
“But- why?” He asked, his brow quirked. But before Bucky could answer, Steve’s eyes widened
and he pressed himself against the door. “N-no, I won’t.”
It wasn’t hard to guess what conclusion Steve had jumped to, and Bucky sighed sadly.
“I don’t want anything from you, Steve. I promise, I just don’t want you to freeze to death,” he
explained.
Bucky could feel Steve’s eyes on him and hoped he believed him.
“You swear?”
“I swear.” Bucky shot him an honest smile, and Steve’s own smile returned.
“Okay.” Steve’s posture relaxed, but he still held his backpack tightly against his chest. “Thank
you.”
Shame
Chapter Summary
They stood staring at one another in the low light of the room, and the shadows that
cast over Bucky’s face showed his rugged cheekbones and sharp jawline. Steve’s
fingers itched to draw him. There was something else, though, bubbling beneath the
surface, and it scared him.
Chapter Notes
I'm a dirty, filthy liar. Because I have no chill and feel bad about how short the first
chapter is, here is chapter 2 (which is also under 1k words and I'M SORRY). I hope
you like it, regardless!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“It’s not much, but it’s got a wood burning stove and running water.” Bucky removed the key from
the truck’s ignition as he downplayed his small home.
Steve couldn’t hide his wide eyed expression upon seeing the rustic but quaint log cabin. The large
surrounding pine trees helped shield the small dwelling from some of the blizzard, though snow
was already beginning to pile up quickly.
“Before we go in-” Bucky scratched his beard as he turned to look at Steve. “Are you allergic to
cats?”
“Not that I know of,” Steve answered truthfully. “I’ve never really been around any.”
“Well, I guess we’re about to find out.” Bucky swung his door open and made sure Steve was
following before making a mad dash for the cabin’s covered porch.
They huddled close at the front door while Bucky fumbled with his keys, but it only took a few
seconds before the door was unlocked and they stumbled inside. Steve closed his eyes and sighed
happily as the warmth of the cabin enveloped him. When he opened them a moment later, he took
in his surroundings. Bucky’s home had clearly been built for one.
The living area and kitchen were connected as a single room. It consisted of a cozy looking sofa, a
small wooden coffee table, and a bookshelf that was filled with a mixture of books and knick
knacks, as well as a small fridge on the opposite side of the room; a collection of cooking pots,
pans, and utensils hung from the wall. A corner of the cabin was walled off and, through the open
door, Steve could see that it was a bedroom. Not wanting to snoop, he hastily averted his eyes.
“Is there a bathroom?” Steve found himself wondering out loud, and quickly clamped a hand over
his mouth.
Bucky chuckled. “There is a bathroom, but you have to go through the bedroom to get to it. Feel
free to take a shower, if you’d like. There’s clean towels and soap right inside.”
Steve looked down at his disheveled clothing and dirty hands. He blushed in shame at being seen
in such a state. Steve didn’t want to impose, but he did want to clean up.
“It’s really no problem.” Bucky gave an encouraging smile when Steve looked up at him. “I can
even throw your clothes in the washer, I haven’t got a dryer, but I can hang ‘em up by the stove and
they should be dry by morning.”
“That… That’s very kind of you, Bucky, thank you.” Steve, unsure of what else he should say or
do, gave a courteous nod.
They stood staring at one another in the low light of the room, and the shadows that cast over
Bucky’s face showed his rugged cheekbones and sharp jawline. Steve’s fingers itched to draw him.
There was something else, though, bubbling beneath the surface, and it scared him.
“Th-thank you,” he repeated, then made a hasty retreat for the bathroom, making sure to keep his
head down as he went through Bucky’s bedroom.
As he stepped under the hot spray of water, Steve groaned at how good it felt. How could he ever
begin to thank someone so kind? Kind enough to invite a stranger into his home and expect
nothing in return. It reminded Steve of someone… from long ago. An image flashed in his mind- a
young boy’s wide smile as he laughed and ran at Steve’s side.
Steve’s eyes snapped open and he looked around, seeing that smile everywhere. He pressed his
palms to his eyes, trying to wash the memory away. When he opened them again, he watched as
dirt and grime swirled down the drain and he tried to remember the last time he’d taken a shower.
It had been at least a month, Steve thought to himself. For longer than he could remember, he’d
only been able to clean up in public restrooms at gas stations or fast food restaurants, using hand
soap and rough paper towels to scrub his underarms and nether regions. Steve knew he must look
and smell atrocious to Bucky; a wave of humiliation washed over him, then.
I can’t keep living like this.
Chapter End Notes
Your comments are my life source <3

An Unusual Stranger
Chapter Summary
Bucky went to his room and retrieved a quilt and spare pillow for Steve. “Here you
go.”
Steve took them and hugged them close to his body. “Thank you. I appreciate all of
your hospitality, Bucky.”
“It’s not a problem.” Bucky hoped his smile didn’t look as bashful as he suddenly felt.
He couldn’t understand why this man was having such an effect on him. “If you need
the bathroom during the night, don’t worry about going through my room. I don’t
sleep naked or anything.”
Chapter Notes
In the past week I have added a whopping 4 sentences to this fic, so to say I'm still
struggling is an understatement. I will continue trying, though! I'm (sorta, kinda)
confidant that I will get this story completed in time!
Bucky pulled his hair into a bun as he waited to hear the shower running before heading into the
kitchen to place the kettle on to boil; he hoped Steve liked tea. A sudden meow had Bucky looking
down as Alpine, his beloved cat, stared up at him.
“I know, you don’t like strangers.” When Alpine didn’t respond, Bucky picked her up. “I don’t do
stuff like this, you know that, but I couldn’t just leave the guy out there to freeze.”
Alpine jumped out of his arms and walked away, clearly unimpressed with her human’s excuses.
Bucky checked the kettle before heading into his bedroom, looking for something Steve could
wear while his clothes were being washed. Bucky only felt slightly embarrassed as he picked out
one of his many flannel pajama sets, though he doubted Steve would mind. He didn’t seem like the
type to be unappreciative about anything, and Bucky couldn’t help but like that about him.
“Steve?” Bucky knocked softly on the door separating his room from the bathroom.
“Yes? Is something wrong?” Steve sounded genuinely worried.

“No, not at all. I just wanted to let you know I’ve left some pajamas on my bed for you, if you need
them.” After a long moment of silence, Bucky began to wonder if Steve had heard him.
“Bucky…” He eventually responded, so softly that Bucky almost missed it. “Thank you.”
“No problem. I’ll leave the door shut, and you can come out whenever you’re ready.”
Leaving his room, Bucky returned to the kitchen and stared into his fridge, eventually deciding to
simply reheat his chicken noodle soup for dinner. He placed the pot onto the stove, and retrieved
two bowls and spoons. Just as he was filling his mug with tea, Steve entered the room, combing his
fingers through his wet hair.
“I made dinner, it’s just chicken noodle soup-” Bucky panicked for a moment when Steve’s eyes
widened. “Wait, you’re not a vegetarian, right? I didn’t even think, I’m so-”
Steve’s face melted into an expression of amusement, his nose scrunching up and lips curling up at
the corners. “Chicken noodle soup sounds amazing.”
“Oh,” Bucky breathed, caught off guard by Steve’s good humored reaction. “Um, you can take a
seat on the couch, I’ll bring the bowls in. Do you want tea?”
“I’d love some, thanks.”
Bucky put the mugs and bowls on a tray and carried it to the living room, placing it on the coffee
table. When he sat on the couch, he made sure to keep an appropriate distance from Steve; the last
thing Bucky wanted to do was to make him uncomfortable.
Steve seemed to be waiting for Bucky to… do something, but he wasn’t sure what.
“Um, did you need anything else?” He asked, then had a thought. “Do- uh, do you need to say
grace or something? I don’t really do-”
“No,” Steve answered, sharply, startling Bucky. “I don’t do that.” When he turned to look at
Bucky, he seemed to realize the tone of his voice. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Bucky picked up his bowl and began eating, not wanting to draw out
the moment. Luckily, Steve seemed to feel the same way and followed suit.
They ate in silence, and while it wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, Bucky did feel awkward. He
wasn’t sure what was appropriate to discuss with the stranger, but he felt like he was being rude
saying nothing at all. Searching for what might be a safe topic, Bucky finally decided he couldn’t
go wrong with music.
Once they’d both finished their soup, he took the tray back into the kitchen and quickly washed out
the bowls. When he returned, he asked, “Do you mind if I put some music on?”
Steve shook his head. “Not at all. It’s your house anyway.”
“Yeah, well...” Bucky searched through his record collection, then turned to Steve, “I only have
old, and then older albums, do you have any preferences?”
“I don’t really… um, I don’t listen to a lot of music.” Steve fidgeted for a moment. “Whatever you
like is fine.”
Bucky bit his tongue, resisting the urge to ask him to elaborate. Instead, he picked out some light
instrumental jazz, and kept the volume on low.
“I hope you don’t get bored without WiFi or cable, I don’t really care for today’s version of
entertainment.” Bucky shrugged but smiled when Steve looked at him. “Feel free to look at any of
my books,” he chuckled good naturedly, “you’ll probably find a few you were forced to read in
high school.”
Steve quirked an eyebrow but stood and went to the bookshelf, humming to himself.
“I haven’t heard of any of these,” he finally admitted, frowning.

“Seriously?” Bucky pulled out his favorite and looked at the cover, almost unbelieving. “Not even
Dracula? Everyone’s heard of Dracula.”
Steve glanced at the book before averting his eyes, and quietly answering, “I haven’t.”
Bucky cringed at himself, ashamed at having made Steve feel invalidated . “I shouldn’t have said
that,” he quickly apologized. “That was rude of me to assume. I’m sure plenty of people haven’t
heard of it.”
“No, it’s fine, you’re fine.” The smile that Steve gave looked forced and sad, and it made Bucky
feel like a colossal ass.
A loud meow broke through the silence, and Bucky looked down to see Alpine, her tail flicking
back and forth in annoyance; he looked at the wall clock and gasped.
“I forgot to feed you, I’m so sorry.” Bucky rushed to the kitchen and filled Alpine’s food dish.
After giving him one final dirty look, she began delicately eating her kibble.
“She’s pretty,” Steve commented, approaching slowly.
“Trust me, she knows,” Bucky chuckled. “Her name is Alpine. She makes for pretty good
company, most of the time.”
Steve stepped closer, watching Alpine intently. “Do you think she’d let me pet her?”
“Yeah, she’s not as grumpy as she looks.”
Tentatively, Steve crouched down and stroked the length of Alpine’s body, causing her to give a
chirp of surprise.
“Oh my gosh!” Steve looked up at Bucky excitedly, a downright adorable smile on his face. “Did
you hear that? She’s so precious.”
Bucky was sure he could feel his heart growing ten times bigger, and he decided to attribute it to
hearing someone complimenting his baby.
“I- I’m glad you like her,” he stammered.
When Steve stood back up, he covered his mouth to yawn, then looked at his watch.
“You probably want to get some rest,” Bucky offered, yawning in return.
“Yeah, I’m pretty beat.” Steve glanced at the couch, then at Bucky.
“Oh! Right, sorry.” Bucky went to his room and retrieved a quilt and spare pillow for Steve. “Here
you go.”
Steve took them and hugged them close to his body. “Thank you. I appreciate all of your
hospitality, Bucky.”
“It’s not a problem.” Bucky hoped his smile didn’t look as bashful as he suddenly felt. He couldn’t
understand why this man was having such an effect on him. “If you need the bathroom during the
night, don’t worry about going through my room. I don’t sleep naked or anything.”
The blush that covered Steve’s face had to have matched Bucky’s, upon realizing what he’d just
said.
“Um.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck, the corner of his mouth tugging up into a small grin.
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”
They wished each other a good night and went their separate ways.
Chapter End Notes
What'd you think?

Out of the Cold
Chapter Summary
Steve’s eyes followed, and he couldn’t help but take in Bucky’s firm pecs and lightly
defined abdomen. It was clear that Bucky didn’t work out in the conventional sense,
but his body still looked solid and strong, much like that of a manual laborer. Steve
found himself wanting to reach out and touch him, to see if he felt as good as he
looked.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Steve stared up at the ceiling, finally letting himself just rest for the first time in weeks. Bucky’s
sofa was incredibly comfortable, and the quilt he’d provided was heavenly; along with the heat
from the burning wood stove, Steve quickly felt himself falling asleep. A smile on his face.
“It’s not a sin,” a voice echoed in his ears, the sound of it both foreign and familiar. Steve found
himself running through the long halls of a church, chasing the owner of the voice, when he
skidded to a halt. A dark skinned boy stood in the distance, but Steve couldn’t make out his face as
a thick fog began filling the corridor. He tried to take a step forward but before he could, he heard
someone call his name, and then a hand took his own.
Steve spun around and saw Bucky, smiling softly as he spoke, “It’s not a sin.”
More fog billowed between them when he felt Bucky’s lips brush across his own. Steve gasped,
grabbing desperately at Bucky, wanting more.
Suddenly, Steve’s eyes snapped open and he nearly screamed in surprise when he saw Alpine,
sitting on his chest, staring straight down at him. He couldn’t help but pet her soft fur, a deep sigh
of relief escaping him; he grinned as she pressed her nose to his before lying down on top of him.
Feeling her purr vibrating against his chest had Steve falling back to sleep peacefully.
***
“Hey, Steve?” Bucky’s deep voice rang in Steve’s ears, and he opened his eyes slowly
“Hmm?” He murmured, trying to pay attention, noticing that Bucky was crouched down beside
him.
Bucky grinned at him, his eyes crinkling, and Steve felt his stomach swoop. He tried to sit up but
quickly realized Alpine had relocated herself onto his stomach.
“Sorry about her highness,” Bucky huffed a laugh as he picked the cat up and placed her on the
floor. Steve immediately missed her warmth.
“‘S okay, I like her.” Pushing himself up onto his elbows, Steve found himself unable to look away
from Bucky’s bright, grey-blue eyes.
After a moment, Bucky bit his lip and stood. The sight of Bucky looking down at him, his crotch
almost directly in front of Steve’s face, had him swallowing thickly and quickly sitting up.
“Um-” Bucky cleared his throat and scratched at his beard. “I have some bad news.”
“W-what is it?” Steve glanced around the room, as though it held the answer.
“It might be better if I show you.” Bucky went to the front door and Steve followed.
When Bucky opened the door, Steve’s jaw dropped; at least three feet of snow stood before him,
packed stiff against the doorway as more of it fell from the sky. When he noticed that the snow had
blown a huge drift against Bucky’s truck, it hit him that there was no way he’d be getting a ride
into town. Steve forced his face to remain neutral when he turned to Bucky and shrugged
nonchalantly. “No worries, I can walk it.”
Bucky’s eyes widened, the corners of his mouth turned down in a frown, and he took a deep breath.
“Steve,” he began, “it’s more than ten miles to the closest store, and at least fifteen before you
actually reach the town center.”
“Oh,” Steve breathed, trying to calculate how long that would take him. “Could you give me
directions?”
“It’s well below freezing out there, you could really get hurt. It would be a lot safer if you just
stayed here until the snow melted, just enough until I can get my truck free.” Bucky looked
outside, then back to Steve.
“I- I couldn’t,” he stuttered, despite not wanting to leave the warmth of Bucky’s cabin, the warmth
of Bucky’s company.
“If you really want to go, I’ll respect that, of course, but you’re more than welcome to stay.”
Bucky shut the door as the wind began kicking up, blowing snow inside. “I need to take a quick
shower, but after I can make us some breakfast and talk about it. Okay?”
Steve nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“Great, I’ll be out shortly.” Bucky smiled, and headed back to his bedroom, closing the door
behind him.
Quickly but quietly, Steve changed out of his- Bucky’s- pajamas, and into another pair of his
overworn slacks and button down shirt. He slid on his sneakers, pulled on his jacket, and took one
last look around. When he spotted Alpine, he gave her one final pet, and left the cabin.
The snow was above his knees, and Steve’s inadequate clothing did little to protect him from the
cold. He knew he needed to invest in appropriate winter wear, but didn’t know how he’d ever be
able to afford it, having left home with a meger hundred dollars. Shamefully, he’d resorted to
panhandling a few times, and it was the only reason Steve had just enough to hopefully get a hotel
room for the night.
As much as he’d wanted to stay, Steve knew he couldn’t. Bucky was just being polite, why would
anyone actually want a complete stranger to stay with them for days on end? And Steve knew he
wasn’t an ordinary stranger, either, he came with baggage; full blown luggage, if he was being
honest with himself.
Steve couldn’t deny he was attracted to Bucky, the man was beautiful, and he seemed genuinely
kind. It was something Steve hadn’t seen a lot of since he began his trek across Utah. Sure, he’d
met a few nice folks, but they’d always treated him like a charity case, only helping him so that
they’d feel better about themselves. But not Bucky, he made Steve feel welcomed, made him
feel…
Steve watched as his world turned on its axis, before slamming down back to earth. He stared up at
the sky, groaning in pain and muttering fucking ice under his breath, when he heard someone shout
his name. Tilting his head back farther, more snow fell onto his face, and he only barely spotted
Bucky running toward him.
“Oh my God, are you okay?” Bucky knelt in the snow and began helping Steve to his feet.
Once he was standing again, Steve realized that Bucky was dripping wet, and only wearing a pair
of sweatpants. He’d clearly finished his shower and immediately went to find Steve.
“What are you doing out here?” Steve asked, baffled.
“I was worried-”
“Bucky, your hair is turning to ice!” Steve gasped, reaching out and feeling a clump of the frozen
strands.
It was only then that Bucky seemed to become aware of his lack of clothing, as he looked down at
his bare chest and feet. Steve’s eyes followed, and he couldn’t help but take in Bucky’s firm pecs
and lightly defined abdomen. It was clear that Bucky didn’t work out in the conventional sense, but
his body still looked solid and strong, much like that of a manual laborer. Steve found himself
wanting to reach out and touch him, to see if he felt as good as he looked.
As his eyes traveled back up, he realized that Bucky was staring at him, and he felt his cheeks
begin to burn. He didn’t allow himself to feel embarrassed for long, though, because he also
noticed that Bucky’s lips had begun turning blue.
“You have to go back, Bucky, you’re going to freeze to death!” Steve insisted.
Bucky shook his head, his body now shivering madly. “N-n-no, not without y-you.”
Steve didn’t try to fight him, there wasn’t time. He grabbed his backpack and helped Bucky back
to the cabin, hobbling the entire distance. When they finally stepped back inside, Bucky let out a
quiet whimper, and Steve knew he had to warm him up slowly. He led Bucky to the bathroom and
helped him sit on the lid of the toilet as he turned on the shower, adjusting the water to the
appropriate temperature.
Once he’d done so, he moved Bucky into the shower, maneuvering him under the warm spray.
Steve watched him, still shivering, and knew what he needed to do. He stripped down to his briefs
and stepped into the shower, rubbing his hands over Bucky’s arms, trying to get the circulation
flowing better. Despite trying to concentrate on warming Bucky up, Steve could feel his own teeth
chattering, and was grateful to be under the heated water, too.
Unexpectedly, Bucky turned and wrapped his arms around Steve’s torso tightly. Steve knew he
was simply seeking any source of warmth, but feeling their bodies pressed so closely together was
a new sensation for Steve and it made him gasp. He couldn’t help himself from returning the
gesture, rubbing his hands up and down Bucky’s back, both to help him, and to satisfy his own
curiosity.
Steve froze, though, when Bucky slowly looked up at him, panting, “St-Steve?”
Chapter End Notes
I'm still trying my best to complete this fic. All of your lovely words of encouragement
and kind comments are keeping me going <3
Waking Up Warm
Chapter Summary
“Hi,” Steve greeted softly, placing Bucky’s copy of Dracula beside him. “How are you
feeling?”
“I’m naked,” Bucky blurted out.
Chapter Notes
I'm excited to announce that I finished the final chapter and epilogue last night. To
celebrate, I'm posting this chapter early. And because I have no self control, I'll be
posting every other day now XD
Bucky opened his eyes and immediately knew he was in his bed, but he couldn’t recall how he’d
gotten there. He remembered going after Steve, finding Steve, being very cold…. Steve had helped
him home, and helped to warm him up. In the shower. Had Steve really held him? Felt the planes
of his body with gentle caresses? That couldn’t be right.
Once he’d forced the ridiculous thoughts aside, Bucky took a moment to snuggle deeper under his
comforter. He felt soft material rub against his bare flesh and- Bucky’s eyes widened, realizing that
he was completely naked. Which meant Steve had… He sat up quickly, feeling a little disoriented,
and saw Steve sitting cross legged at the end of the bed, staring at him.
“Hi,” Steve greeted softly, placing Bucky’s copy of Dracula beside him. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m naked,” Bucky blurted out.
Steve cringed as his cheeks turned several different shades of red. “I’m sorry, truly. I swear I didn’t
touch- I mean, I didn’t do anything. I just had to get you out of your wet pants. I promise.”
“Oh.” Bucky huffed an embarrassed laugh, mostly at himself. “Of course, that makes perfect
sense. Thank you for helping me.”
“Well…” Steve looked away. “It’s my fault anyway, I should’ve stayed here, like you said.”
“I understand why you left, Steve. It’s not your fault I was an idiot and didn’t get dressed before
storming after you like a maniac.” Bucky felt a heat spreading across his cheeks, but the small
smile on Steve’s face was totally worth it.
“I guess we have terrible decision making skills in common.” Steve ran his fingers through his dry,
fluffy hair, then gestured to himself. “I hope you don’t mind I borrowed another pair of your
pajamas, all of my clothes-”
“It’s not a problem.” Bucky interrupted. “While you’re here, I can actually wash your things, like I
said I was going to do yesterday.” He pressed his palm to his face. “I totally forgot about that.”
“Thank you.” Steve ducked his head and gave a small smile when he looked up again.
Bucky found himself unable to turn away, taking in every inch of Steve’s face, and landing on his
mouth. Steve’s lips were chapped from the cold, but Bucky felt an unexplainable desire to taste
them. When Steve swiped his tongue over them, Bucky’s eyes shot up and he saw that Steve had a
deep blush on his cheeks. Quickly trying to save his dignity, Bucky searched the room for a
distraction, and spotted the book Steve had been reading.
“How do you like the book?” He rushed out.
“Oh, uh, yeah, it’s good, I’m really enjoying it.” Steve’s smile looked forced and Bucky grimaced
at himself. “I could make you some tea, if you’d like?”
“That sounds great,” Bucky agreed, nodding his head. “I’ll meet you in the living room.”
Steve nodded his head in return and left the room. Bucky flopped onto his back and groaned,
wondering how he’d managed to fuck everything up so quickly; Steve probably wanted to leave
even more now.
Scooting off of his bed, Bucky looked down at his body, blushing at the fact that Steve had seen
him in such a state. He wasn’t exactly ashamed of his body, he knew he wasn’t out of shape, but
Steve was surely straight and couldn’t have enjoyed wrangling wet sweatpants off of Bucky’s
frozen, uncooperative body. He sighed as he pulled on another pair of pants and a flannel shirt,
then checked himself in the bathroom mirror. Bucky could only cringe at the sight of his hair,
frizzy and tangled beyond belief; the literal definition of a rat’s nest. Once he’d brushed it and
pulled it back into a loose ponytail, Bucky took a deep breath and left his room.
It wasn’t far to the couch, and he could see Steve sitting, blowing on his mug of tea. Bucky took
his place on the cushion farthest from Steve, not wanting to make him even more uncomfortable.
He picked up his own mug and took a sip, wincing as it predictably burned his tongue. Staring
down at his drink as though it had betrayed him, Bucky placed it back onto the table. When he
looked at Steve, the man seemed to be avoiding eye contact with him.
“I’m not naked now, no need for us to be awkward around one another anymore.” Bucky tried for
humor, hoping they could just laugh off the whole thing.
“I- I’m really sorry about that, but you would’ve gotten hypothermia if I hadn’t-”
“Steve-” Bucky interrupted, needing to reassure him. “I’m not upset or anything. I’m thankful you
knew what to do and that you helped me. I’m sorry you had to see me like… that.”
Steve’s cheeks flushed and he took a sip of his tea. “It was no big deal, I didn’t… I just… um,
you’re welcome.”
“I’m sure that only made you want to leave more, huh?” Bucky laughed, suddenly curious about
Steve’s response as his blush spread down his neck.
“Well, no, I’m- uh, no,” Steve stammered. “It’s fine.”
Bucky felt guilty, then, watching Steve squirm in embarrassment. “Sorry, w-we can talk about
something else.”
After an extended pause, Steve asked, “How long do you think it’ll take for the snow to melt?”
“I don’t know, it depends.” Bucky slumped in his seat. “I can use my CB radio to contact someone
and ask about upcoming weather. Hopefully not long, I’m sure you’ve got places to be.” Bucky
quickly sat up. “Shit, do you need to contact someone? To let them know where you are? I didn’t
even think…”
“No,” Steve answered quietly, and didn’t elaborate.
“Oh, okay. I just thought I’d check.” Bucky grabbed his mug and began drinking from it. He didn’t
know how he could keep sticking his foot in his mouth in such a short amount of time, this had to
be a new record for him. “I’m sorry,” he offered, “it’s been a long time since I’ve had a full on
conversation with anyone other than Alpine. I’m a little rusty.”
“Same for me, we can just be socially inept together.” Steve gave him a kind smile, and Bucky
couldn’t explain why his heart began pounding harder at the sight.
“Sounds like a good plan.” Bucky looked over at his clock and gasped when he saw that it was
nearly noon. “I never made breakfast, you must be starving!”
“I’ve gone longer.” Steve put his mug down, and rubbed his palms over his legs anxiously. “I
could go for some oatmeal or something, though. If that’s okay.”
Bucky jumped to his feet and took off for the kitchen. “That’s very okay, what would you like in
yours?”
Chapter End Notes
I hope you all enjoyed it!
As always, your comments and kudos pretty much feed my soul <3
Movie Night
Chapter Summary
After recovering from another fit of laughter, thanks to Bucky, Steve brought his hand
from his chest to the mattress and, not paying attention, it landed atop of Bucky’s.
Steve looked down at them, temporarily frozen by the unexpected contact; he couldn’t
remember the last time he’d been able to touch another person. He hadn’t realized
how badly he’d been craving it, how hungry was for someone else’s touch. When he
looked back up, Bucky had his bright eyes on him, and Steve yanked his hand away,
mumbling an apology.
Chapter Notes
Steve found the rest of the day passing by quickly as he curled up on Bucky’s couch and continued
reading Dracula. He’d never read anything like it before, and he couldn’t get enough of it, every
chapter brought something new and unexpected. Bucky didn’t seem to mind his presence,
spending his own time going about the cabin, cleaning the few things that required it. As the sun
began to set, Steve got up and looked out a window, watching the brilliant colors fill the sky.
“I’ll never get over the beauty of a sunset,” Bucky said, as he approached and stood by Steve’s
side. “But I actually enjoy sunrises more, watching the light break through the trees, telling the
animals it’s safe to come out…” He sighed then. “That probably sounds so cheesy.”
“No,” Steve told him, smiling, “I think that sounds amazing.”
“Maybe… maybe we can watch it together sometime?” Bucky suggested, though he sounded
hesitant, nervous even.
“I’d like that,” Steve admitted, feeling a light blush spread across his cheeks, though he was unsure
of why.
“I should get to work on dinner.” Bucky retreated to the kitchen, glancing over his shoulder. “Do
you have any preferences?”
“Um, no, I’m not picky. Is there anything I can help you with?”
Bucky chuckled. “There’s barely enough room for me in there, but I appreciate the offer.”
After they ate dinner, homemade macaroni and cheese from Bucky’s freezer, Steve leaned back
and rubbed his stomach. “Oh my gosh, that was so good. You’re an amazing cook.”
“Well thank you, Steve.” Bucky beamed. “I only ever cook for myself, so it’s good to know it’s
actually edible to the outside world.”
Steve wanted to ask why he never had anyone over to cook for; why Bucky had chosen to isolate
himself out here in the middle of nowhere. He knew it wasn’t his place to ask, though. Even though
they’d only been together for less than 24 hours, Steve felt oddly comfortable around Bucky. The
man never made Steve feel out of place, something he’d felt since day one of his journey.
That night, as he curled up on Bucky’s couch with the warm comforter, Steve wondered how it
might feel to be treated this way forever.
**
Over the following week, everything was quiet and sedate, and Steve found himself enjoying every
second of it. He continued reading Dracula, often reading chapters twice, so enthralled with the
adventure and mystery. Steve also became very fond of listening to Bucky’s many records; each
one was a new tune to him and, at times, it made him sad to think that he’d been missing out on
these things he enjoyed so much for so long.
As time passed, Steve felt more and more comfortable with Bucky. The man was easy to talk to,
and had an unexpected sense of humor, which always brought a smile to Steve’s face. And seeing
the affection Bucky had for Alpine did something weird to his heart, he couldn’t explain it, even to
himself, but it didn’t feel… wrong. The more time Steve spent with Bucky, the more he noticed
Bucky behaving differently around him. Sure, it was friendly, but it wasn’t how any past friends
had ever treated him; granted, the circumstances were quite different. But, like everything else
Bucky did, it only made Steve more and more drawn to him.
“How’d you like it?” Bucky asked, sitting beside Steve on the couch.
Steve smiled at the closed book in his hands, then looked up at Bucky. “I loved it, I’ll have to get a
copy of my own when I…” He faltered, breaking eye contact. “When I leave.”
“Yeah.” Bucky cleared his throat and repositioned himself. “You- you’re always welcome to take
that copy. I’m sure I have a couple more stored away somewhere.”
“I couldn’t-”
Bucky gently patted Steve’s knee, interrupting him. “Please. Maybe it’ll keep you from forgetting
this misadventure.”
Looking down at Bucky’s hand, feeling the warmth of it through his lounge pants, Steve wanted to
take hold of it. When he finally looked up at Bucky, he quickly withdrew his hand; Steve missed it
immediately.
“I don’t think I could ever forget something like this,” he admitted, feeling his cheeks heat up
when Bucky smiled at him.
“Yeah, me either.”
Steve forced himself to avert his eyes, and glanced down at the book in his lap. He felt tongue tied,
the moment felt significant, though Steve doubted it was any more important than the other times
that Bucky had been kind to him.
“Do you like movies?” Bucky suddenly asked.
“Um, yeah, I do.” Steve told him, tilting his head at the abrupt question.
“Have you ever seen Nosferatu?”
“Nosfer- what?” Steve furrowed his brows.
Bucky chuckled. “Nosferatu, it was made in the early 1920’s. The plot is basically stolen straight
from Dracula, so much so that the estate sued, won, and ordered all copies destroyed.”
“Seriously?” Steve gasped.
“Yeah, but I read that there were five copies that survived and it was reconstructed in the mid
70’s.” Bucky grinned, seemingly excited to be sharing this tidbit of information. “I actually have a
copy, if you’d like to watch it?”
Steve nearly vibrated with delight. “Yes! I’d love that!”
Bucky suddenly sounded uneasy as he asked, “I- um, the TV is in my bedroom, is that okay? If not,
I can put the movie on and leave you be. I won’t be offended, I just-”
“Hey, stop.” Steve grinned as he placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I don’t mind being alone
in a room with you just because there’s a bed in it.”
“Oh, right.” Bucky cleared his throat. “Okay, c’mon.”
Steve followed Bucky to his small bedroom, and watched as he looked through an album of DVDs
before pulling one out and setting up the TV.
“You can take a seat, if you’d like.” Bucky glanced over his shoulder and gave an awkward smile.
It made Steve wonder if Bucky was actually the one uncomfortable sitting on the bed with another
man. The thought made his stomach churn and he had to fight the urge to run away; there wasn’t
anywhere he could run to.
Instead, he crawled onto the bed and sat crossed legged, close to the edge, so as to give Bucky
plenty of space. “Is this okay?”
Once Bucky had everything in order and started the movie, he turned and his eyes widened.
“Steve, you’re about to fall off the bed!” His brows furrowed then. “Are you sure you’re okay with
this?”
“Yes, of course,” Steve insisted. “I just wanted to give you your space.”
Bucky smiled and patted the mattress as he sat. “I’m fine with this, I promise.”
As the movie began, they sat side by side, knees barely touching, but Steve didn’t notice; too
caught up in the film. Bucky provided hilarious commentary throughout, leaving Steve in stitches
laughing. Though, when he saw Count Orlok standing straight up from his coffin, he couldn’t help
but gasp, but it was quickly followed by a smile, loving the theatrics.
After recovering from another fit of laughter, thanks to Bucky, Steve brought his hand from his
chest to the mattress and, not paying attention, it landed atop of Bucky’s. Steve looked down at
them, temporarily frozen by the unexpected contact; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been
able to touch another person. He hadn’t realized how badly he’d been craving it, how hungry was
for someone else’s touch. When he looked back up, Bucky had his bright eyes on him, and Steve
yanked his hand away, mumbling an apology.
“It’s okay, Steve, it’s not....” Bucky hesitated for a moment before continuing. “It’s not the first
time I’ve held another man’s hand.”
Steve’s eyes widened and he quickly turned to look at the television, but he couldn’t stop himself
from looking back at Bucky, whose eyes were now downcast. It made his chest feel painfully tight,
and he didn’t know how to make it stop, all he wanted was to make Bucky happy again.
“Okay,” He finally murmured, and placed his hand back down on Bucky’s. When Bucky’s head
shot back up, looking from Steve’s hand to his face, Steve gave a shy smile and returned his
attention to the movie.
Once the movie had ended, it was replaced with Creature From The Black Lagoon, but it wasn’t
long before he noticed Bucky slowly nodding off. Eventually his head landed on Steve’s shoulder,
and soft snores followed soon after.
Steve smiled to himself, and gave Bucky’s warm hand a gentle squeeze.
Chapter End Notes
What'd you think? I hope you enjoyed it :)

Sharing Secrets
Chapter Summary
Steve smirked but took Bucky’s hand. “Curiosity killed the cat, you know.”
“But-” Bucky pulled him close. “Satisfaction brought it back.”
Chapter Notes
As Bucky blinked his eyes open, he was instantly aware of three things. The first, was that he had
to use the bathroom very badly, but beyond that, he also felt an ache in his back, and then
discovered why. He was slumped over, nearly on top of Steve, who was half sitting and half lying
on the bed. It was an unusual position to wake up in, far from comfortable, but Bucky found that he
didn’t want to move. Having Steve’s large body so close against his own was like recovering a lost
limb, it felt both familiar and brand new at the same time.
It was only when he decided he really needed to pee, that Bucky began to carefully rearrange
Steve, whose hand was still in his own, so that he wouldn’t wake. Once he’d returned, Bucky
crawled back into bed, craving Steve’s touch, and gently resumed their hand holding.
As he watched Steve breathing deeply in his sleep, Bucky could no longer deny that he had
feelings for him. Steve was genuinely kind hearted, and having him around every day was like a
breath of fresh air. He was constantly surprising Bucky, and with each new thing he learned about
Steve, the more he fell for him. The way he had so easily accepted Bucky’s confession, clearly
implying that he wasn’t straight, was not what he’d expected. And how Steve had placed his hand
back onto Bucky’s, it nearly caused his heart to beat right out of his chest. He wanted Steve in
ways he’d never felt before, and he was anxious to find out if his feelings were reciprocated.
Only a few minutes later, Bucky watched as Steve began to stir from his sleep. When he finally
opened his eyes, Bucky gave him a small smile, and after a brief moment, Steve smiled in return. It
made Bucky’s breath catch in his throat.
“Is… is this okay?” He asked, giving Steve’s hand a gentle squeeze.

Steve looked down at their joined hands, then returned his gaze to Bucky. “Yeah… yeah, it’s
okay.”
Bucky let out a deep breath, relief washing over him. “I’m glad.”
“This-” Steve nodded downward, “This is the first time I’ve held hands with someone… well, as
an adult.”
“Oh,” Bucky gulped, “is it what you expected?”
Steve shook his head, and Bucky’s heart plummeted. “It’s better.”
Bucky huffed out a reassured laugh, “Don’t scare me like that.” But Steve only chuckled in
response.
**
Over the following days, Bucky found that Steve was not only more allowing of physical contact,
he was more giving as well. Bucky relished in it, soaking in each new touch, whether it was a
simple hand on his shoulder, or a caress against his cheek, it always made his heart beat a little bit
faster.
Only a week later, as Steve exited the bedroom, freshly showered, he leaned over the back of the
couch and pressed his cheek against Bucky’s.
“Whatcha doing?” He inquired.
“Just reading a bit.” Bucky put his bookmark in place and closed the book. “Did you want to do
something?”
“Well,” Steve drawled out the word, “I was thinking we could listen to one of your albums?”
Bucky turned his head, forgetting how close they were, and felt his lips brush across Steve’s cheek,
the instinct to kiss it couldn’t be stopped. Steve gasped and stood quickly.
“I-I’m sorry!” Bucky stood as well, panicking that he’d crossed the line, finally messed things up.
“I didn’t mean to- I mean, I just… I’m sorry.” He finished lamely.
Steve placed his hand over the spot where Bucky had kissed him, and a shy smile bloomed across
his lips. “It’s okay. I… I liked it, actually.”
“Oh my God,” Bucky nearly wheezed. “I’m… I’m really glad to hear that.”
Ducking his head, Steve took Bucky’s hand and led him to his extensive collection of records.
After looking over several of them, he picked out Etta James’ At Last!
“How about this one?” Steve held it up to him.
“Excellent choice.” Bucky took the album and placed it on the record player, then lowered the
needle. As the music filled the room, he watched Steve sway lightly to Etta’s soulful voice, Bucky
wanted to pull him into his arms and kiss him until they were both breathless.
“I have two left feet, how about you? Do you dance?” Steve asked.
“Would you like to find out?” Bucky bowed dramatically before extending a hand.
Steve smirked but took Bucky’s hand. “Curiosity killed the cat, you know.”
“But-” Bucky pulled him close. “Satisfaction brought it back.”
When Bucky dipped him back without warning, Steve let out a surprised laugh, and the sound
made Bucky’s mind shout in joy. It only shouted out three words though, I love him. The words
didn’t scare Bucky like he thought they would; in fact, they made him feel… strong.
Steve clung tightly to Bucky when he was upright again, sounding almost breathless. “Warn a guy
next time!”
The bright smile on his face assured Bucky that Steve was having a good time, though.
“What? You don’t like surprises?” Bucky asked, slowing his movements to the rhythm of the
music.
“Well,” Steve hummed, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “I suppose I do now. What about you?”
“Hmm, I actually d-”
Before he could finish, Steve quickly leaned in and kissed Bucky on the mouth. It was chaste, just
a peck, really, but Bucky was sure that no kiss had ever made him so happy. The shy smile on
Steve’s face made it even better. Bucky reciprocated the kiss, making sure to keep it quick and
light. Watching Steve’s cheeks tinge with color, Bucky gently pressed his forehead against Steve’s
and looked into his eyes.
“You’re…” Bucky’s voice caught in his throat. “I care about you a lot, Steve.”
“Oh,” Steve breathed, eyes widening as though surprised by the admission. “I- I care a lot about
you, too, Bucky.”
Steve smiled again, then rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder, letting out a content sigh, and Bucky
didn’t know how he could ever let this man go.
Chapter End Notes
What'd y'all think? Do you like where this is headed?
Also, I miiiiiight post another chapter today. If you guys want me to, that is. Or do you
prefer the suspense of waiting? Let me know!
The Dream
Chapter Summary
“I want to ask you something,” he started, not quite looking Steve in the eyes. “And I
want you to know, you are not at all obligated to answer. Okay?”
Even as he felt anxiety quickly overtaking him, Steve nodded. “Yeah, uh, okay.”
Bucky looked down at his hands, fidgeting in his lap, before finally making eye
contact. He took a deep breath before asking....
Chapter Notes
As requested, here is chapter 8! Enjoy!
“Alright, I’ll see you in the morning.” Steve smiled as Bucky pulled him into one last hug before
heading to his bedroom and closing the door.
Steve flopped onto the couch, smiling from ear to ear as he replayed how it felt to have Bucky’s
lips on his own. It’d been short, and Steve had struggled to keep from taking more. He’d never felt
such a draw towards anyone like this, and while he bathed in the pleasurable feeling of it all, a part
of him was afraid. He did his best to ignore the fearful prodding in his mind, Steve knew if he
addressed it, it would only spiral.
Instead, he curled up in his blanket and continued thinking about the good feelings Bucky gave
him. Even as he began to doze off, Steve could feel the smile on his face.
“Steve! Run!” A boy yelled from beyond a set of wide church doors, his hands outstretched. “Get
out of there,” He pleaded.
Steve ran as fast as he could, but the distance stretched on with every step. Then, the church doors
began to slowly close and fear gripped tight around his heart; he wasn’t going to make it out.
“Take my hand.”
Turning to his left, Bucky was running alongside of him, holding out his hand. Steve hesitated for a
moment, looking toward the doors again, and he finally saw the boy clearly; he had dark skin,
short hair, and his brown eyes were shining with tears.
“It’s not a sin, Steve, take my hand,” Bucky assured, when Steve turned back to him.
This time, Steve didn’t falter, he took Bucky’s hand and they ran together, finally getting closer
and closer to the doors. The room began to fill with thick, white smoke, nearly blinding Steve, but
he felt Bucky’s hand tighten around his own, and he continued on. There was barely any space
between the doors, but the young boy clung to them, clearly using all of his strength to keep them
open. When Steve and Bucky finally made it, Bucky effortlessly pushed the doors open.
“I always knew you’d make it,” the boy exclaimed with a knowing smirk that quickly turned soft.
“You’re safe now.”
“Gabe?” Steve whispered, finally recognizing his childhood friend.
An unexpected onslaught of memories crashed into Steve, then, and when he took a step toward the
boy, toward Gabe , tears flooded his eyes. Before he could reach his friend, the doors swung open
again and dozens of hands grabbed at him, trying to pull him back inside.
Bucky shouted for Gabe, pleading for help, but-
“Steve, wake up!”
Steve bolted up, breathing heavily, and looked around the room frantically.
“Hey, you’re okay, it was just a bad dream,” Bucky’s calming voice washed over him, and it was
then that he realized that Bucky was gently rubbing his back. “You’re safe here.”
Finally turning to look at Bucky, Steve suddenly felt tears streaming down his face. “Buck?”
“Yeah, it’s me.” He smiled softly.
Without thinking, Steve couldn’t stop the loud sob that escaped him, and he grabbed hold of
Bucky, pulling him into a tight hug. Bucky’s own arms wrapped around Steve, continuing to rub
his back, and slowly began to rock them back and forth. Steve had never felt so safe in his life.
**
Bucky was oddly distant the following day, and Steve didn’t understand why; he couldn’t imagine
that it was because of his nightmare. Bucky had always been so understanding and accepting, it
didn’t make sense that he would be upset about something so trivial. Steve couldn’t stop thinking
about it, but even moreso, he couldn’t stop thinking about his dream. Or had it been a nightmare?
He hadn’t thought about Gabe Jones in years, he’d been encouraged not to, and it made the
memories of his old friend foggy. Steve shuddered as he recalled the parts of his dream that he
could remember, that he’d been running toward Gabe, and how Bucky had helped him escape… he
tried to concentrate, desperate to remember more.
The sun had just begun to set when Bucky came in from retrieving more firewood on the porch,
took off his winter gear, and made a beeline for the couch. He sat beside Steve and turned to face
him.
“I want to ask you something,” he started, not quite looking Steve in the eyes. “And I want you to
know, you are not at all obligated to answer. Okay?”
Even as he felt anxiety quickly overtaking him, Steve nodded. “Yeah, uh, okay.”
Bucky looked down at his hands, fidgeting in his lap, before finally making eye contact. He took a
deep breath before asking, “Who is Gabe?”
Steve’s entire body went rigid upon hearing Gabe’s name spoken out loud for the first time in over
a decade.
“H-how do you know about Gabe?” He stuttered out.
“You… you said his name last night, during your nightmare,” Bucky admitted, quietly.
“Oh,” Steve breathed, parts of his dream flashing before his eyes; escaping a church, Bucky by his
side but, then, hands grabbing hold of him, pulling him back…
“Steve? I’m sorry,” Bucky sounded distressed and sad, “I didn’t mean to upset you. Just forget I
said anything, I’m so sorry.”
As Bucky began to stand, Steve reached out and grabbed his hand. “Wait.”
Bucky hesitated but then quickly settled back into his seat.
“Gabe was my friend, my best friend. Really, he was my only friend for a long time. When we
were twelve, his parents decided they couldn’t stay in… in the area, and moved to Seattle. I never
saw him again.” Steve sniffled, thinking about the days they’d spent together, how Gabe had
taught him how to draw and how they swapped books every weekend. It was hard to believe that
he’d forgotten so much.
“That must’ve been really hard for you.” Bucky squeezed Steve’s hand, and he couldn’t help but
smile.
“It was, but it’s been a long time.” Steve swallowed down his nerves and lifted his head to look at
Bucky. His eyes looked sad, and deep creases in his forehead aged him in a way Steve hadn’t seen
before. It never ceased to surprise him, how endless Bucky’s concern and care for him seemed to
be. Knowing that, even just for now, he had the affections of someone so wonderful, made Steve
smile. “I’ve got other things to think about nowadays.”
Bucky gave a shy grin. “Good things, I hope?”
“Yeah, really good things.” Steve leaned forward and kissed Bucky’s mouth, letting their lips
linger together for just a few seconds longer.
After that night, Steve’s feelings for Bucky only grew stronger, so much so that he could no longer
believe his own lie, that it was only a crush. Even without having ever felt it before, Steve knew he
was falling in love. He did his best to hide it from Bucky, but the man made it near impossible,
with every goodnight kiss, midday dance, or late night movie marathon, Steve’s affections only
blossomed. He didn’t know how he could ever leave this man.
Chapter End Notes
The next chapter comes with art! I'll probably post it tomorrow, after I get home from
therapy, because I really have no self control XD
Desire
Chapter Summary
Steve stared at him for a moment, looking almost lost for words, before bursting out,
“How much of that did you see?”
“Not nearly enough,” Bucky murmured, leaning forward to rest their foreheads
together. “You looked good.”
“Yeah?” Steve bit his bottom lip and looked into Bucky’s eyes.
“So good, Stevie,” He whispered, ghosting his lips over Steve’s.
Chapter Notes
This chapter is accompanied with beautiful artwork by TakeTheRoad

(https://twitter.com/taketheroad)
Bucky yawned as he changed out of his pajamas and into a pair of sweatpants and tee shirt. Before
he opened the door, Bucky heard music playing quietly, easily recognizing Billie Holiday’s voice.
He hummed the tune to himself for a moment, then slowly opened the door, peeking out to see
what Steve was up to.
Much to Bucky’s surprise, he saw Steve dancing in just his pajama pants, arms held out as if
holding an invisible partner. His steps were a bit clumsy, but by the serious expression on his face,
Steve was concentrating on what he was doing. Bucky covered his mouth as it morphed into what
was sure to be an incredibly dopey smile. It was beyond endearing and Bucky felt sure that his
heart was going to burst right out of his chest. Just when he thought the moment couldn’t get any
more precious, Alpine approached Steve and meowed loudly, making him grin.
“What? Are you a dance instructor now?” He asked, picking her up, and holding her close to his
chest. “I suppose you could be. You’ve probably seen Bucky dance a million times, huh?” Steve
scratched Alpine’s cheek for a moment before continuing his conversation with her. “He’s a good
dancer, I wonder who taught him.”
Bucky chose that moment to leave his room. “It was actually my sister, she was a dance major at
Juilliard.”
Gasping in surprise, Steve took a step back and nearly toppled over the back of the couch. Alpine,
far from pleased, jumped out of his arms and headed to the bedroom. Bucky jumped to Steve’s aid,
grabbing hold of, and steadying him.
“Careful!” Bucky kept his hands on Steve’s biceps, shocked by the muscles he felt. “I didn’t mean
to startle you, sorry about that.”
Steve stared at him for a moment, looking almost lost for words, before bursting out, “How much
of that did you see?”
“Not nearly enough,” Bucky murmured, leaning forward to rest their foreheads together. “You
looked good.”
“Yeah?” Steve bit his bottom lip and looked into Bucky’s eyes.
“So good, Stevie,” He whispered, ghosting his lips over Steve’s.
What sounded like a whimper escaped Steve then, and he surged forward, kissing Bucky. This
time it wasn’t short, and it was far from chaste, but as much as he wanted to, he allowed Steve to
control the kiss. Instead, Bucky slowly ran his hands down Steve’s bare chest, allowing his
fingertips to glide over Steve’s hard nipples. And when Steve groaned, Bucky couldn’t help but
grope his firm pecs before continuing down Steve’s abdomen and taking hold of his hips.
“O-o-oh, Bucky,” Steve panted, wrapping his arms about Bucky and pulling their bodies flush
together. But, when he felt Bucky’s half hard cock, he quickly pulled back, gasping for breath and
looking thoroughly surprised by what had just occurred.
Bucky’s arousal plummeted in record time, suddenly overwhelmed by anxiety. He’d gone too far,
too soon. Scolding himself, Bucky ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, and took a deep
breath.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
“No, it’s- it’s okay. I just…” Steve huffed an embarrassed laugh. “I just got overwhelmed. I’m
sorry.”
“I understand, it’s perfectly okay,” Bucky reassured.
“Okay… thanks.” Steve gave a shy smile, which reassured Bucky the tiniest bit. “I think I’ll just
go take a shower real quick, then we can have breakfast.”
“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll get it started.”
**
Much to Bucky’s surprise, the rest of the day wasn’t as uncomfortable as he had feared it might be.
In fact, Steve was acting more bold, more flirtatious even. His hands lingered for longer whenever
they touched, and he’d kiss Bucky nearly any chance he could. It far from bothered Bucky, but he
couldn’t help but feel a bit apprehensive by Steve’s rather sudden advances. He wanted to make
sure Steve wasn’t feeling obligated or pressured, but Bucky feared that if he asked, Steve could
take it the wrong way and withdraw completely. Instead, Bucky chose to trust that Steve knew
what he was doing and what he wanted.
That night, as he laid in his bed, Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about how good it had felt to kiss
Steve so deeply, to finally touch him. His body was as strong and firm as it looked and Bucky only
wanted more. He wanted to know how every inch of Steve felt in his hands and, even more so,
Bucky wanted to taste all of him.
Shuddering, Bucky pushed his pajama pants down and fondled his balls as his cock hardened. He
then swiped his thumb over his already leaking slit before stroking himself slowly, imagining that
it was Steve’s hand. Biting back a desperate moan, Bucky reached into his bedside table drawer
and quickly grabbed his lube. He poured some onto his fingers and began teasing at his hole, still
letting his mind pretend it was Steve touching him.
Bucky slid a finger into himself, gasping in pleasure; it had been far too long since he’d had
anything inside of him. I’d be so good and tight for Steve, he thought to himself, allowing another
digit to join the first. It wasn’t long before he added a third and soon Bucky found himself
whispering Steve’s name like a prayer as he was overtaken by pleasure, coming in his hand and
across his abdomen.
His mind felt hazy as he wondered if Steve thought about him in the same way; if he got hard
thinking about fucking Bucky, or if it made him come at the thought of Bucky’s mouth wrapped
around his cock. Feeling himself beginning to nod off, Bucky grabbed a tissue and wiped himself
as clean as he could before tossing it off the bed, hoping it landed in the trash.
The following morning, Bucky felt his cheeks heat up whenever he looked at Steve; knowing what
he’d done the previous night, and the thoughts he’d conjured up. He didn’t feel shame, he couldn’t,
not when he saw the way Steve gazed at him so intently throughout the day, the way he touched
Bucky, the places he’d touched Bucky.
The next day, just as the sun was beginning to set, they sat together on the couch, quietly reading
while classical music played in the background. Steve then began to wiggle himself around,
moving so that he was lying down with his head on Bucky’s lap.
“Is this okay?” He asked, sounding hesitant, despite the flirtatious smile on his face.
“Yeah,” Bucky answered smoothly, even as his heart began pounding harder against his chest. He
grinned and ran a finger over Steve’s bottom lip. “This is very okay with me.”
Steve kissed, then licked the digit before sucking it into his mouth. He closed his eyes and
hummed in, what sounded like, pleasure. Bucky felt like his breath had been punched out of him,
looking down and watching as Steve tightened his lips around his finger. When he felt Steve’s
tongue swirling around, Bucky’s mouth dropped open, his mind shouting for more.
“I need-” He rasped, his words coming out more like a whisper. “I need to kiss you.”
In the blink of an eye, Steve surged up and slammed their mouths together; it was inelegant and
rough, but full of passion. Bucky pulled Steve onto his lap, making him gasp, which Bucky used to
his advantage, and slid his tongue into Steve’s lips.
He pulled back for a moment, looking into Steve’s eyes, and asked, “You sure this is okay?”
“Yes,” was all he breathed, before resuming the kiss.

Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve at first, but his hands couldn’t resist combing through
Steve’s hair. The guttural moan it elicited had Bucky’s cock at full mast, desperately wanting more
contact but knowing he had to remain in control of his body, as much as humanly possible.
“C-can I,” Steve began panting through reddened, spit slick lips, “I want to touch you.” He trailed
his fingers along the hem of Bucky’s shirt, a shy smile on his face.
“Okay, yeah.” Bucky readily agreed, quickly yanking his top off and discarding it haphazardly.
“Whatever you want.”
Steve groaned as he slid his hands over Bucky’s full pecs, squeezing them firmly. He seemed
unable to look away as he touched every inch of Bucky’s bare body, and it hit Bucky that Steve
had never done this. The thought that Steve was exploring his body, experiencing all of it for the
first time made Bucky’s cock twitch.
By the wide eyed look on Steve’s face, Bucky was sure that he’d felt it, and quickly began to worry
things would end as they had the last time. Instead, Steve ground down on Bucky’s lap, moaning
wantonly.
“Y-yeah?” Bucky gasped, surprised, but also incredibly turned on by Steve’s reaction.
“Feels… feels so good,” Steve keened, throwing his head back when Bucky slid his hands under
his shirt.
Bucky pulled Steve down into a heated kiss, feeling lost in a haze of arousal and excitement. Steve
appeared to be in the same state, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s shoulders and pressing his
body closer. It was then that Bucky felt Steve’s erection digging into him and it made his own cock
ache with want; he took hold of Steve’s hips, and rocked their bodies together.
“Oh, fuck,” Bucky cursed, having to break the kiss.
“Bucky, please!” Steve sounded like he didn’t even know what he was begging for, but he was
desperate for it. “I can’t- It feels… Oh! Don’t stop!”
Knowing Steve was clearly on his way to climaxing, Bucky did all that was asked of him and
didn’t stop. He placed his hands under Steve’s shirt again, sliding them across all of Steve’s sweat-
slicked skin, gently rubbing his thumbs over Steve’s nipples, then lightly scraping his nails down
Steve’s back. All the while, Bucky never stopped thrusting their cocks together.
“It’s okay, Stevie,” he reassured, “you can let go. I’ve got you.”
A gasp of pleasure made its way out of Steve, and his body froze as he was overtaken by his
orgasm. Bucky held him tight though it all, shuddering at the fact that he’d made this beautiful
man come in his pants. He’d nearly forgotten about his own erection, until Steve finally sat back,
unintentionally rubbing against it. Bucky bit back a moan, not wanting Steve to feel obligated to
return the favor.
“I can- um…” Steve’s cheeks became even more flushed. “Can I help you?”
“You don’t have to, I’m okay.”
Steve’s eyes turned downcast and he bit his bottom lip. “Oh, right.”
Bucky immediately hated himself for causing the dejected expression on Steve’s face.
“I mean, I just don’t want you to feel like you have to… it’s not that I don’t want you to.” He
cupped Steve’s face gently.
He looked down at the tented fabric of Bucky’s sweatpants and slowly reached down to stroke it.
Bucky didn’t have the brain capacity to feel embarrassed by the high pitched sound he made.
“I want to.” Steve returned his gaze to Bucky, an anxious but determined look in his eyes, and he
leaned in to kiss him.
Bucky hummed happily; Steve’s lips felt like the cure to all that was wrong in the world. Taking
that as consent, Steve cautiously pulled down the top of Bucky’s pants, freeing his hard cock.
Licking his lips, Steve ran his fingers up and down the length, then, finally, wrapped his hand
around it. When he began to stroke Bucky’s cock, it was evident that he was both tired from his
own orgasm, and inexperienced. However, just knowing it was Steve touching him, had Bucky’s
body reacting quickly.
“Show me?” Steve asked, breathlessly.
Instead of answering verbally, Bucky simply wrapped his hand around Steve’s, and began moving
them as one, up and down. It didn’t take long, less than a minute, before Bucky was coming, white
ribbons of release landing on his and Steve’s joined hands. And, regardless of technique, it was one
of the best orgasms of Bucky’s life.
“That was amazing,” He sighed, resting his forehead against Steve’s, who hummed sleepily in
return. After taking a minute to catch his breath, Bucky began to slowly maneuver Steve off of his
lap.
“Where are you going?” Steve asked, his eyelids struggling to stay open.
“Just gonna get something to clean up with.” He kissed Steve on the cheek before going into the
bathroom.
After quickly wiping himself off, Bucky took a clean washcloth, ran it under warm water, and
returned to the couch. Steve looked like he was on the precipice of sleep, so Bucky gently wiped
away the come off of him, and tossed the cloth to the floor. He considered going to his own room,
but the thought was fleeting when Steve reached out to him.
Bucky held Steve in his arms as they both nodded off.
Chapter End Notes
*insert sweaty James McAvoy gif*

Memories
Chapter Summary
“Are you okay?” Bucky asked, voice low. He sat beside Steve, and turned to face him.
“I don’t know,” He answered honestly, not taking his eyes off of the floor in front of
him.
Bucky shuffled slightly before speaking. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
Steve shook his head, the movement causing the tears in his eyes to roll down his
cheeks. “I don’t think I’m supposed to be here.”
Chapter Notes
Please read the new tags for trigger warnings.
Steve’s eyes fluttered open slowly, and as they adjusted to the dark room, only illuminated by the
stove, it hit him like a ton of bricks when he realized where he was. What he’d done. Without
thinking, Steve all but jumped off of the couch and stared down at Bucky’s sleeping form, grateful
that he hadn’t woken.
An overwhelming sense of panic washed over him, his lungs began to seize, and his skin suddenly
felt hot and prickly. Hastily, Steve put on his jacket and stepped out of the cabin, shutting the door
as quietly as he could behind him. The snow beyond the porch was still several feet high, and with
what little sense he had left, Steve was appreciative that Bucky had kept it cleared.
And it was with that final thought, that brought Steve to his knees. An endless reel of what they’d
done together played on repeat in his mind, but all he could hear was his father’s voice.
You are an abomination!

Tears flooded Steve’s eyes.
How dare you betray us like this! After all we’ve done for you. You are not my son. Leave!
Steve began shaking as he remembered the hate in his father’s eyes, and how his mother had wept,
standing in the background.
I’ll never stop praying for your soul, Steve.
She’d whispered to him as he stepped out of his home for the last time, right before his father had
slammed the door in his face.
Gripping at his hair tightly, Steve lifted his knees to his chest and buried his face against them. His
aborehent desires had forced his own parents to reject him and his friends had done the same. Yet,
the most painful loss of all, was losing God. His church Bishop had made it abundantly clear that
anyone with same sex attraction would be Hell bound. Steve knew that if he hadn’t left, he’d have
been forced into counseling , but he’d seen the people that came back from those treatments, and it
terrified him.
Steve didn’t realize that he could no longer feel his toes until the front door swung open, allowing
a blast of heat to cover him.
“Steve!” Bucky crouched down in front of him, eyes wide with panic. “What are you- never mind,
come back in, please.”
The light from inside gave Bucky an almost heavenly glow, and Steve found that he didn’t want to
say no to him. He didn’t put up a fight as Bucky helped him into the cabin, sitting him on the floor
in front of the stove.
“Are you okay?” Bucky asked, voice low. He sat beside Steve, and turned to face him.
“I don’t know,” He answered honestly, not taking his eyes off of the floor in front of him.
Bucky shuffled slightly before speaking. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

Steve shook his head, the movement causing the tears in his eyes to roll down his cheeks. “I don’t
think I’m supposed to be here.”
Bucky’s brows furrowed and a slight frown formed on his face. “Why? What would make you
think that?”
“I’m not- I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve your kindness or…”
“I disagree, Steve. You’re such an amazing man, you deserve the world,” Bucky insisted.
Unable to hold back, Steve let out a painful sob, and Bucky immediately pulled him into his arms.
“I- I’m-” Steve couldn’t get the words out as he wept uncontrollably. As the minutes passed, his
body began to ache with exhaustion, and he couldn’t help but slump against Bucky’s chest.
“I’ve got you,” He whispered, “you’re safe here.”
The sound of Bucky’s soothing words, along with the feeling of his comforting embrace, had a
healing effect on Steve, and after a few more minutes, he found himself finally catching his breath.
“I’ve lost everyone,” He mumbled against Bucky’s chest, “I’ve let them all down.”
Steve pulled away and looked into Bucky’s eyes, though he was unsure of what he was looking
for. All he saw was concern written across Bucky’s face, clearly waiting for Steve to continue.
“I don’t know how he knew… but a member of my church, Brock, told the bishop about my…
sinful desires. I couldn’t lie when he confronted me, so I was given the option to seek help-” Steve
shuddered at the thought, “or face excommunication.”
“Oh, Steve,” Bucky’s voice sounded pained. He reached out to place his hand on Steve’s knee, but
hesitated for a moment before finally doing so.
“I didn’t want to leave, I really didn’t.” Tears began to fill his eyes again. “But I couldn’t stay.
Everyone found out, and suddenly I was a leper to the community. I had betrayed them, and for
that, I lost them all. My friends, my f-family, and…” He wiped his cheeks harshly, struggling to
hold back the painful sob building inside of him again. “I lost God.”
Immediately, Bucky shook his head. “No, Steve. I don’t know much about religion, but I do know
that’s not right. God doesn’t make mistakes, right?” He waited until Steve shrugged in agreement.
“Then God made you who you are, exactly as he intended; love could never be wrong. It’s not a
sin.”
Steve’s head shot up to look at Bucky, his words ringing in his head.
It’s not a sin.
Whimpering, Steve crawled into Bucky’s lap, and they wrapped their arms around one another
again. Bucky held him tightly and pressed a kiss to Steve’s head. Steve suddenly felt the lack of
sleep and mental exhaustion and began to struggle to keep his eyes open, but when Bucky began to
gently rocked him, the fight became futile.
When he next opened his eyes, Steve found himself tucked under a warm fleece blanket, with
Alpine curled up on his chest. He wasn’t sure what his confession the night before meant for him
in regards to how Bucky saw him, but before he could dwell on it any longer, Bucky popped into
view as he leaned over the back of the couch.
“Oh, good, you’re awake! I made some pancakes, if you’d like some,” He said, smiling.
Before Steve could even think to respond, Bucky took off back to the kitchen. He continued to lie
there, taking a moment to collect himself before delicately moving Alpine and crawling out from
under the warm cocoon that was the comforter. When he stood, he saw Bucky placing plates of
pancakes onto the serving tray beside a bottle of, what looked like, maple syrup, and a stack of
butter.
“That looks good,” Steve offered, and received a bright smile from Bucky that made his heart skip
a beat. He briefly wondered if he’d developed arrhythmia since arriving at the cabin.
Bucky placed the tray on the coffee table but, instead of sitting down, he kept his eyes on Steve.
Feeling overwhelmed by the weight of Bucky’s gaze, Steve began to fidget.
“Um, I’m… I’m gonna use the bathroom real quick.” He gave a quick nod before making a hasty
retreat.
Once he’d relieved himself and washed his hands, Steve stared at his reflection in the mirror. His
face was no longer gaunt, his once sunken cheeks now full, after weeks of proper meals; the dark
circles under his eyes had faded, thanks to night after night of restful sleep. And it was Bucky that
had made these changes for Steve. It was Bucky that had cared for him, shown him unlimited
kindness, and provided an endless supply of comfort. Steve spared a moment to wonder where he
might be, had Bucky not found him that night; he was sure it wouldn’t be anywhere that made him
feel… so whole.
After washing his face, Steve took a deep breath and headed back to his breakfast. Back to Bucky.
“Feeling better?” Bucky asked, a smile on his face.
“Yes, thank you.” Steve saw that Bucky’s food was still untouched. “Oh, you didn’t have to wait
for me.”
“I wanted to.” He bumped shoulders with Steve once he’d taken a seat beside him.
“Thanks,” Steve murmured, softly.
They began to eat, but instead of their usual bantering during meals, they both remained quiet, with
only the sound of silverware touching plates echoing in the room. Even after they’d finished their
pancakes, neither said a word, and Steve found the silence filling him dread. As panic began
edging its way into him, Bucky turned to him and spoke.
“Steve,” he began, “I- I hope you know you’re safe here, and that I would never ask you to be or
do something you don’t want.”
Steve couldn’t tear his eyes away from Bucky’s, and he knew, somehow he just knew, that Bucky
was telling him the truth. He knew that Bucky wholly accepted him for who he really was. It was
Bucky that had reassured Steve that God hadn’t abandoned him; still loved him. And because it
was Bucky that told him, Steve believed it, every word. It was God that made him who he was,
and his feelings weren’t wrong or disgusting or an abomination.
Love isn’t a sin.
“How are you real?” He blurted out, and immediately felt his cheeks burning.
Bucky laughed and shook his head, clearly embarrassed by the unusual compliment. Steve yearned
to know why this man, someone so incredible, and with such a loving heart, chose to be so alone.
He knew if he didn’t ask now, he never would.
“Why are you here, Bucky?” Steve took his hand. “I can’t help but wonder why… why you choose
to be out here, by yourself.”
Bucky’s smile faltered, and it was evident that the question surprised him. “Oh, um-”
“You don’t have to answer,” Steve quickly added.
“No, it’s okay.” He gave Steve’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I guess it’s because I kind of grew up
alone. My mom raised me by herself, and that meant she had to work, sometimes she even had two
or three jobs at a time, just to get by. After a while, I just felt more comfortable being alone than
with people.” Bucky took a deep breath and looked away for a moment. “After my mom died, I
found out she’d had a life insurance policy, and it left me with… well, just enough to buy this cabin
and fix it up.” He looked up at Steve then. “The longer I stayed out here, the less I wanted to leave,
the more I wanted to be alone.”
And at that moment, for the first time, Steve could feel his heart breaking.
Chapter End Notes
I'm sorry :(
Feeling Good
Chapter Summary
Bucky swallowed around the lump in his throat. “You only ever deserve to feel good
things, Steve. You are such an amazing person, and I will do everything in my power
to remind you of that, for as long as I can.”
Bucky smiled at Steve, as he finally admitted, “Until now.”
So many expressions flashed over Steve’s face that Bucky couldn’t even name them all, and as the
seconds ticked on in silence, Bucky could feel his smile fading. Had he been wrong? He berated
himself for thinking that just because he was Steve’s first, that it meant he had feelings for Bucky.
Not that he could blame Steve, Bucky lived an isolated life in the woods with his cat, he had
nothing to offer to Steve; a man starting a new life as himself. Steve would surely want to find
someone that-
“Bucky?” Steve’s voice pulled him out of his self sabotaging thoughts.
“What?” Bucky responded quickly, knowing he looked as startled as he felt.
“Um…” Steve’s eyes darted around the room. “I- I said I’m glad you feel that way. I’ve really
enjoyed being with you.”
The blush that covered Steve’s cheeks made Bucky’s heart skip a beat, and he couldn’t stop the
smile that spread across his face. He took Steve's hand in his own and kissed it. “Spending time
with you has become the highlight of my life.”
Steve ducked his head, cheeks darkening, and Bucky could only respond by kissing his hand again.
When Steve looked up again, he smiled before biting his lip bashfully.
“Can I… Can w- we kiss again?”
Bucky didn’t hesitate, pulling Steve onto his lap and kissing him deeply. Steve moaned into his
mouth and Bucky knew, he never wanted to be alone again.
“Oh, Buck,” Steve breathed, moving his lips across Bucky’s jaw, then down his neck.
Gasping, Bucky could feel his body beginning to react, and knew they had to slow down.
“St- Steve!” He stuttered, struggling to speak.
Steve pulled back immediately, eyebrows furrowed in worry. “What is it? Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing is wrong.” Sliding his hands up to cradle Steve’s face, Bucky pulled him in for one
last kiss. “I just think we should slow down.”
“Oh, right.” Steve blushed and gave a shy smile, before returning to his seat on the couch. “Sorry, I
just… I really like the way it feels when we kiss.”
Bucky could feel his own cheeks heat up, but couldn’t help but grin widely. “I like it, too.”
They sat staring at one another, both with lovesick smiles on their faces, and Bucky felt happier
than he had in a long, long time. The longer he looked at Steve, taking in his spit slick lips,
darkened eyes, and messy hair, the more Bucky could feel his arousal growing.
“I’m gonna hop in the shower real quick.” He announced, standing up.
“Okay, I’ll wash the dishes.” Steve offered, standing as well.
“Thanks, you don’t have to, though.”
Steve rolled his eyes playfully and took their dishes to the sink. Bucky headed to the bathroom and
nearly tripped trying to get his clothes off so fast.
When he was finally under the warm spray of water, he immediately took hold of his hardening
cock. He thought about how good Steve had felt on his lap, his hands on Steve’s waist, and their
tongues sliding together. Bucky swiped his thumb over the head and groaned, only barely
remembering to keep his voice low. His hips thrust forward as he remembered how Steve had
sounded, moaning and whining, as he’d come in his pants. Bucky had desperately wanted to taste
Steve’s release, to feel it in his hands, in his body. Cupping his balls, Bucky felt his orgasm right on
the cusp, and he couldn’t even feel embarrassed by how quickly he was going to come; Steve just
had that effect on him.
With Steve’s name on his tongue, Bucky climaxed, his whole body shuddering as he continued to
stroke himself, only stopping once he was completely spent.
**
Bucky stood in the open doorway, sipping his tea as the snow slowly but surely melted under the
midday sun. He could feel himself grinding his teeth as he watched water dripping from an icicle
hanging from the porch. There was still quite a bit of snow, but Bucky knew it wouldn’t be long
before-
“Penny for your thoughts?” Steve inquired as he joined Bucky at the door.
“In this economy?” Bucky joked, getting a playful shoulder nudge from Steve. “Just, uh, thinking
about chopping some more firewood.”
Steve hummed thoughtfully. “Could you teach me how?”
“What?” Bucky could feel his eyebrows rise in surprise. “Why?”
“I want to be able to help out more.” He shrugged, then quickly added, “And before you say it, I
know I don’t have to, but I want to. Please, Bucky?”
“How am I supposed to say no when you ask so politely?” Bucky huffed, smiling as he nudged
Steve’s shoulder back.
They put on warm clothing, Bucky more than happy to lend Steve some of his own, and headed
outside; axe in hand. Just beyond the porch was a tree stump, and Bucky placed a block of wood
onto it.
Bucky gave a speech about safety, which Steve seemed to take very seriously, then began showing
him the best way to chop the wood.
“Here, just watch me.” Bucky lined up the axe and, with exact precision, brought it down, slicing
the block in half. When he turned to Steve, Bucky saw that his eyes were wide, his bottom lip
between his lips. Grinning, Bucky asked, “Do you need another demonstration?”
Steve blushed but nodded enthusiastically.
A dozen logs later, Bucky could feel his face beginning to bead with sweat. He put down the axe
and was in the process of removing his coat when a snowball hit the back of his head.
“Ah!” Bucky shrieked in surprise, instinctively reaching around as the cold snow slid down his
back. He spun around and saw Steve laughing; it was a beautiful sight. Steve’s golden hair was
shining in the sun, and his smile was bright and infectious. Bucky felt his breath catch in his
throat.
However, a brief moment later, when he’d come to his senses, Bucky swiftly threw a snowball
back, hitting Steve in the chest.
Giving an over exaggerated look of surprise, Steve gasped. “Oh, I see how it is, Barnes!”
The next several minutes were spent diving into the snow and play-wrestling. Bucky couldn’t
recall the last time he’d actually played with someone, but doing so with Steve was certainly the
most fun he’d ever had in his adult life.
“Oof!” Steve grunted as Bucky pinned him down by his wrists, making them both grin playfully
“Hi,” Bucky greeted, and dipped his head down for a quick kiss.
Steve’s nose crinkled as he laughed and Bucky was sure his heart was going to burst out of his
chest with how in love he was. He wanted to learn absolutely everything about this man, from his
favorite color, to what touches made him come the hardest. Bucky could feel how his breathing
had picked up, and how his eyes were locked on Steve’s; he was sure he’d never seen anyone so
beautiful.
“Bucky,” Steve whispered before slipping his hands out of Bucky’s grasp and pulling him down
into a deep kiss, quickly sliding his tongue between Bucky’s parted lips.
The moment was ruined, though, when Bucky went to caress Steve’s face.
“Cold!” He gasped, grabbing Bucky’s hand. “We should go inside.”
“Y-yeah, yes, we should.” Bucky scrambled onto his feet and pulled Steve up, before they both
ran, as fast they could through the snow, back to the cabin.
Once they were inside, Bucky watched as Steve began to yank off his winter gear, hastily hanging
up the borrowed coat and placing the boots beside the door. When he looked up at Bucky, still
fully dressed, he froze, looking uncertain as he bit his bottom lip.
“You’re so beautiful,” Bucky breathed, smiling at the blush darkening Steve’s already pink cheeks.
Refusing to make either of them wait a moment longer, Bucky quickly removed his own
outerwear, before extending his hand to Steve. “C’mere.”
Without hesitation, Steve took Bucky’s hand and allowed him to lead them to the couch. Bucky
could feel his arousal deepening and didn’t think twice about pulling Steve into his lap once they’d
collapsed onto the cushions. Their lips slotted back together easily, and Bucky groaned when he
felt Steve’s fingers running through his hair.
They continued kissing for what felt like ages, and Bucky would’ve been perfectly happy to spend
the rest of his life doing just this. Steve surprised him when he unexpectedly began to grind his
hips against Bucky’s, pressing their hard cocks together. Moaning Steve’s name, Bucky carefully
maneuvered him off of his lap.
He then slid down to his knees, rearranging himself between Steve’s open legs, and groaned
weakly when he finally saw the tented fabric in front of him. He looked up at Steve, whose eyes
were wide but dark, his tongue swiping between parted lips.
“You want me to put my mouth on you?” Bucky asked, knowing in different circumstances, the
question could come off as dirty talk, but he was genuinely asking for Steve’s consent.
“O-oh, yes,” Steve inhaled deeply, and as he exhaled, he added, “Please, I want it.”
“Anything you want.” Bucky couldn’t resist pressing his nose to Steve’s hard cock, taking in the
scent of his arousal, and something that was just purely Steve. Not wanting to waste anymore time,
Bucky tugged at the waistband of Steve’s sweatpants suggestively, and he quickly complied,
lifting his hips so that they could be removed; along with his boxers.
“Oh, fuck,” Bucky breathed, as his mouth began to water.
“Is… is something wrong?” Steve asked, looking down nervously.
“No, no, not at all,” Bucky reassured, and rubbed his hands over Steve’s thighs. “I just- I can’t wait
to have you in my mouth.”
Steve bit his lip and his cheeks turned a bright red. “Um, thanks, me either.”
Taking that as his go ahead, Bucky lowered his head and took Steve into his mouth. He sucked on
the already leaking tip, moaning at the taste. Steve threw his head back and whimpered.
“Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop!” He chanted, over and over.
Bucky began taking Steve deeper into his mouth, building up a steady rhythm, until his nose was
buried in the thatch of curls at the base; the tip hitting the back of Bucky’s throat. It was a heady
feeling, after having thought and fantasized about it for so long. Having Steve in his mouth was
better than he had ever imagined, the heavy weight of it on his tongue, the salty tang of pre come,
and the breathlessness of Steve’s cock filling his mouth.
When he glanced up at Steve, the man was perspiring and breathing heavily, his hands gripping
tightly onto the couch. Bucky took one of Steve’s clenched fists until it loosened, then placed it
onto his head. Steve quickly got the message and ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair. It wasn’t
long, though, before his grip tightened, and Bucky knew that Steve was getting close.
“Feels so good, Bucky, fuck.” Steve thrust his hips up, shoving his cock even deeper down
Bucky’s throat.
Bucky moaned, swallowing around the intrusion, and Steve let out a sob as his release began to fill
Bucky’s mouth. Steve let out a litany of curses and grunts, making Bucky’s own dick ache in need.
Once Steve had spent his load, Bucky gently pulled away, panting heavily. He looked up at Steve,
and his chest was heaving, his lips parted, and eyes heavily lidded. Bucky couldn’t hold back any
longer, and took his own dick in his hand, jerking himself off.
“W- wait,” Steve stammered, and Bucky stopped immediately. “Can… Can I watch?”
A high pitched groan escaped Bucky and hoped he wouldn’t come right then and there.
“Yeah, of course,” He finally responded. “Where do you want me?”
“Um…” Steve looked down between his legs, suddenly looking shy, which was amusing
considering what they’d just done.
“Here?” Bucky patted the edge of the couch and Steve nodded.
Doing as was requested, Bucky situated himself on the couch between Steve’s legs, his hard cock
only inches away from Steve’s torso.
Steve stared and licked his lips, then looked up at Bucky, removed his shirt, and gave another nod.
Bucky took his cock in his hand and began stroking himself, sighing in relief. He tilted his head
back and moaned, but quickly returned his gaze to Steve, whose eyes were glued to the sight before
him. When he noticed Bucky looking at him, his cheeks turned pink, but he asked, “Can I touch
you?”
“Fuck, yes, please,” Bucky didn’t care that was downright begging. At that moment, he wanted
Steve’s touch more than anything.
With a short whine, Steve allowed his hands to roam over Bucky’s bare chest. He dug his fingers
into each and every crevice, looking completely enraptured by every inch of Bucky’s body.
Watching him, Bucky felt his chest tighten, unexpected emotions taking over. He couldn’t recall
having ever experienced anything so intense, and it felt so good.
“S- Steve,” He sobbed, as his orgasm crashed over him, and his eyes were glued to Steve’s chest,
where ribbons of come splashed across it. Bucky whimpered at the sight.
He then watched with wide eyes as Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s come and slowly brought
it to his own lips, tentatively licking it off. He hummed lightly before pulling Bucky onto his lap
and kissing him languidly. Tasting himself on Steve’s tongue was a special kind of erotic that
Bucky knew he’d never forget
**
“You know,” Bucky cleared his throat, causing Steve to look up from his book. “I just want you to
know that you can ask me for anything. O-or if you want to try something.”
Steve tilted his head. “What do you mean?”
“Well, if you… wanted to do something more than, um, what we’ve already done?” Bucky
watched in horror as Steve’s jaw went slack in surprise. “I mean, if we’re going too fast, I won’t be
upset at all if you want to slow down. Or even stop completely! I just-”
“Bucky.” Steve took Bucky’s hand in his own. “I’m okay with… everything that we’ve done.”
“Yeah? I just want to make sure you know you can ask or tell me anything, I won’t judge or
question.” Bucky intertwined their fingers.
“I’ve never done any of this before,” Steve admitted, though Bucky had suspected as much. “It’s
kind of scary at times, but only because it always feels… you make me feel things I didn’t know I
could feel. Before I met you, I barely even touched myself; I always felt dirty after.”
“Oh, Stevie,” Bucky breathed, his heart aching.

“I- I don’t feel that with you, though. After that first time we… were intimate, I woke up and
panicked. But after that night, after I told you everything, the shame I used to have, it lessens more
every day. I won’t lie and say it’s completely gone, I still have moments where I feel like… like
what I’m feeling can’t be right.” Steve sniffled, giving a self deprecating smile.
“Thank you for telling me all of that.” Bucky swallowed around the lump in his throat. “You only
ever deserve to feel good things, Steve. You are such an amazing person, and I will do everything
in my power to remind you of that, for as long as I can.”
Unimaginable
Chapter Summary
As they laid together, slick with sweat and panting, Steve felt strong, warm arms wrap
around his back. Sighing in contentment, Steve kissed up Bucky’s neck, to his jawline,
and finally to his welcoming mouth. Their lips moved together as easily as ever, albeit
sluggishly at best; regardless, Steve was sure that with every breath they shared, he
could feel his heart and soul reaching for Bucky’s.
Chapter Notes
Night after night, Steve found himself lying on the couch and, instead of sleeping, he’d think
endlessly about Bucky. Ideas of what he wanted to try with Bucky, new places he could touch
Bucky, and places Bucky could touch him. But more than anything, he thought about what would
happen when the snow melted. Steve believed that Bucky had feelings for him, had even said as
much, but to what extent?
In the safety of the dark, Steve would resolve to discuss it with Bucky in the morning, yet he never
did. He couldn’t help but worry what the repercussions would be. What if Bucky told him that his
feelings were only skin deep? Just the thought of it made Steve’s chest tighten and stomach churn.
The pain reminded him of how he’d felt when he was forced out of the only home he’d ever had.
Bucky felt like home now, and Steve never wanted to lose him.
When Steve thought about why Bucky felt like home, a calm would wash over him. Remembering
all the times Bucky held him close on the couch as they read, or kissed him slowly, seeming to
want nothing more than to taste him; and the way Bucky talked so sweetly to him. He constantly
told Steve how beautiful and precious and amazing he was. Bucky made sure Steve knew that he
was cared about. And every word always felt heartfelt.
Standing at the front window, watching the first hints of light, he suddenly felt strong, warm arms
wrap around his waist. Instead of gasping in surprise, Steve simply smiled, only ever feeling safe
when Bucky held him.
“Good morning,” Bucky rasped, resting his chin on Steve’s shoulder.
Steve hummed in response and they stood together, watching as the sun chased away the darkness,
shining through even the dense collection of trees surrounding them.
“I think this is what love feels like,” Steve whispered, surprising himself at the impromptu
confession.
“I think it is, too.” Bucky slowly turned Steve around, a shy but radiant smile on his face, as he
cupped Steve’s cheeks and kissed him deeply.
**
The snow crunched under Steve’s boots as he walked through the woods with Bucky, their gloved
hands joined. He inhaled deeply through his nose, savoring the crisp, clean air, and smiled.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to enjoy the outdoors.” Steve turned to look at Bucky,
only to see him smiling at him.
“How long had you been traveling before you got here?” He asked, curiosity in his voice.
Steve shrugged, looking away. “I guess a few months. I stayed at a shelter close to home after…
after I left. I hoped that my mom and dad would change their minds. When that didn’t happen,
staying only made it more painful. I walked, instead of hitching rides at first, but as it got colder, I
didn’t really have a choice.”
“Th- that must’ve been… different.” Bucky stammered, seemingly unsure of himself, but Steve
appreciated his neutral response.
“I got rides at a couple of truck stops, and even though they took me the farthest, they tended to
have… um, I guess you could say, ulterior motives."
Bucky stopped in his tracks. “Did… Were they- I mean-”
“No one ever hurt me, luckily,” Steve reassured, and they continued walking. “I heard a lot of
suggestive comments, and way too many personal stories.” Steve huffed out a laugh as he thought
back. “I definitely learned more about sex from them than anywhere else. One of the guys… he
told me he had some kind of kink for virgins, offered me a hundred and fifty dollars-”
Steve could hear Bucky growl under his breath, and he realized his stories were more than Bucky
had asked for.
“Sorry, um, yeah. I’ve been on the road for a few months.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck
nervously. “I’m glad it was you that found me, back at the gas station.”
“Me, too.” Bucky smiled at him. “You can tell me anything, Steve. I didn’t mean to get so… I
don’t know, overly protective.”
“That’s what you were feeling?” Steve asked, surprised.
“I just… I care about you, Steve, and I want you to be safe, to feel safe. Knowing you weren’t, for
so long…” Bucky trailed off with a sigh.
“Thank you, Bucky. That means a lot to me.” Steve pulled him into a tight hug, before whispering,
“You make me feel safe.”
Steve woke with a jolt and sat up, quickly looking around the dark room, wondering what had
woken him. It only took a moment before he realized that it had been Alpine, meowing at Bucky’s
bedroom door. Sighing, he stood and padded over to the cat, hoping Bucky hadn’t woken, too.
“Listen here, little girl,” Steve whispered, pointing his finger at Alpine. “You can’t keep doing
this! Us humans need sleep at night.”
Done with his scolding, he slowly opened the door, peeking inside to see if Bucky was still asleep.
Steve’s jaw dropped when he saw Bucky, not asleep, but with a hand wrapped around his hard
cock. More than that, Bucky had a finger inside himself, pumping it in and out slowly; his head
thrown back and eyes closed as the tiniest moan escaped him.
Steve couldn’t stop himself from gasping at the sight, and it was then that Bucky’s eyes snapped
open. They stared at one another for a long moment, neither saying a word; Steve felt his breath
caught in his throat. A combination of panic and lust washed over him as he watched Bucky
remove his finger from his hole.
“Steve,” He whispered, his voice raspy. The sound alone made Steve shiver in arousal.
“Buck, I-” Steve struggled to speak, but finding the appropriate response felt impossible.
Not looking away from Steve, Bucky began languidly stroking himself again. Steve couldn’t avert
his gaze from the movement; didn’t even try as his own cock started to tent his pajama pants.
“Y-you like this?” Bucky rasped, slowly moving his finger back to his hole.
A high pitched whine made its way through Steve’s lips, and he nodded quickly, words failing him
once again.
Bucky bit his bottom lip before grinning shyly. “You can come help me. If you want to.”
For a moment, Steve felt frozen in place, his mind trying to comprehend what was being offered to
him. Briefly, he worried that he wouldn’t know how to please Bucky, not the way an experienced
lover could. He desperately wanted to touch Bucky, though, and he was hungry with desire.
Pushing the thoughts away, Steve finally entered the room, shutting the door behind him, and
tentatively approached the bed.
“Are… are you sure?” Steve asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I want you.” Bucky wiped his fingers on a towel lying beside him, and extended his hand to
Steve. “I know this is fast but… I want you, so bad, Steve.”
“Oh, Bucky,” He crawled onto the bed and immediately felt himself being pulled onto Bucky’s
lap. “Please, I want to touch you.”
Bucky yanked him forward and Steve melted into the warm, wet pleasure of Bucky’s mouth. Bare
hands began teasing at the hem of his shirt, and Steve moaned his consent, helping Bucky to
remove all of his clothing. But, even after all they’d done together, Steve could feel himself
flushing, self conscious of his body, and what Bucky might think.
“You are so beautiful, Stevie,” He murmured, sounding absolutely in awe.
Steve couldn’t stop himself from squirming, a shy smile on his face. Bucky gently pulled him
down on top of him, his hands sliding up and down Steve’s back as their lips came together.
“Oh!” Steve whimpered at the sudden feeling of his cock touching Bucky’s. It was like nothing
else he’d ever experienced, and though he felt a flash of fear shoot through him, Steve pushed it
away, letting the indescribable euphoria replace it. “How-”
Without warning, Bucky canted his hips up, pressing their bodies even closer together, and a jolt of
pleasure enveloped Steve’s body, stealing his voice away.
“How, what?” Bucky asked, running his fingers through Steve’s hair.
“Ev- every time you touch me, I didn’t know anything could feel this good,” He admitted.
“Being with you… intimately… it always feels like a new experience for me, too.”
Steve couldn’t resist kissing Bucky then, their tongues sliding together hungrily. When they finally
parted to breathe, Steve noticed a bottle of lube beside them, and suddenly remembered what he’d
seen Bucky doing to himself.
“Does… does that feel good? When you… use your fingers?” He nodded toward the lube.
Bucky’s cheeks turned pink, and Steve found himself grinning at the reaction, even though he
knew his own face was flushed.
Biting his lip, Bucky nodded slowly. “Y- yeah, it feels real good, Steve.”
Steve’s eyes darted around the bed, from Bucky’s face, to the lube, and then down Bucky’s body.
The desire to touch him was overwhelming but, once again, Steve doubted himself. He had no idea
what he was doing, how could he possibly make Bucky feel good?
“Hey,” Bucky cupped Steve’s face, “are you okay? Do you want to stop?”
“No,” Steve nearly shouted, but quickly lowered his voice. “No, I just… I don’t know what I’m
doing. What if I can’t…” He trailed off, biting his lip.
Bucky’s brows furrowed. “Stevie, you make me feel good even when we’re not touching, and
when we are, just knowing it’s you I’m with… it always turns me on.”
“Fuck,” Steve breathed, and Bucky pulled him into a heated kiss. All but moaning into Bucky’s
mouth, Steve begged, “I want to touch you, I wanna make you feel-”
“Please,” Bucky blurted out, his grey-blue eyes darkening. “Touch me anywhere you want.”
Despite his limited knowledge, Steve felt as though he was following his instincts, pressing his lips
to every inch of Bucky’s body. He worked his way down, until he reached Bucky’s still slicked
cock and, not hesitating for even a moment, wrapped his hand around it. An animalistic moan burst
out of Bucky, and Steve could feel his own erection dripping with pre-come in response.
He grabbed the bottle of lube and looked up at Bucky. “Show me how.”
Bucky’s hand trembled slightly as he took hold of Steve’s, and led it between his spread legs.
“Start w- with one, and go slowly, like this,” He instructed. Parting his legs further apart, Bucky
maneuvered Steve’s hand and began pressing a single finger inside of him.
“Oh, fuck,” Steve gasped, the sensation surreal. Bucky’s body took him so easily, and as Steve
watched his finger sliding in, he couldn’t resist grabbing hold of his own cock. He only gave it a
few strokes, but it lit a fire in his belly and he suddenly wondered what it would feel like to put it
into Bucky.
“‘S so good,” Bucky moaned, looking directly into Steve’s eyes. “Even better than I imagined.”
Steve whimpered at the thought, imagining Bucky doing this to himself while thinking about him.
“I think about you, too,” He admitted, sliding his finger further into Bucky, then pulling out, and
back in. “But ‘s so much hotter… so tight.”
“O- oh, fuck,” Bucky gasped, looking almost delirius as he threw his head back. “Your cock could
fill me up so good, Stevie.”
Steve nearly sobbed at the thought, having never imagined himself going so far with anyone, and
found that he could barely respond before finally wheezing, “Yes!”
“You can add a- another finger now.” Bucky urged a moment later.
Steve nodded, and carefully began pushing in a second digit. Bucky’s hole felt impossibly tight,
almost painfully so, but Steve felt addicted to the sensation. When he looked up, Bucky’s jaw was
slack as he panted, his eyes hooded, though they were still directly on Steve’s.
An embarrassingly high pitched whine escaped him, and Bucky suddenly reached up, pulling
Steve down on top of him. Their lips came together sloppily, but it quickly turned into, what felt
like, a well choreographed dance. Bucky moaned when Steve resumed his ministrations, pumping
his fingers into him with a little more power.
Without thinking, he bucked his hips forward and felt Bucky’s cock grind against his own.
“I need you, Bucky, please- fuck!” He shouted, upon feeling Bucky’s hand wrap around both of
their erections.
“Yeah? This is what you need, Stevie?” Bucky rasped, and the only response Steve could give,
was to lean down to mouth and lick at the heated skin of Bucky’s neck.
Without warning, Steve’s orgasm overtook him, the intensity as he came between their bodies left
him a trembling mess. With what little of his senses he had left, though, Steve felt Bucky’s hole
squeeze even tighter around his nearly motionless fingers; and with an almost agonizing sounding
moan, Bucky came, shooting his hot release along with Steve’s.
As they laid together, slick with sweat and panting, Steve felt strong, warm arms wrap around his
back. Sighing in contentment, Steve kissed up Bucky’s neck, to his jawline, and finally to his
welcoming mouth. Their lips moved together as easily as ever, albeit sluggishly at best; regardless,
Steve was sure that with every breath they shared, he could feel his heart and soul reaching for
Bucky’s.
Chapter End Notes
We're so close to the end! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I might post 13 and 14
(which is just a short epilogue) later today XD
Hold On To Me
Chapter Summary
Suddenly, Steve all but fell into Bucky’s arms, letting out a hushed whimper into the
crook of his neck. “Tell me that you want me.”
Bucky felt his heart breaking at the request, but resolutely decided to make Steve
know he was wanted. Bucky never wanted Steve to ever question how much he meant
to him.
Chapter Notes
Feel free to listen to Hold On To Me by Final Child while reading this chapter.
Bucky turned in his seat on the couch, looking over the back of it to watch Steve. He’d suggested
hot cocoa, and Steve had excitedly sworn that he had the best recipe ever, and insisted on making
some for the both of them. Bucky smiled fondly, seeing how Steve carefully eyed each ingredient
as he mixed them together; he’d refused Bucky’s offer of measuring spoons and cups, claiming, I
only measure ingredients with my heart. It had made Bucky laugh, though he could tell that Steve
meant it, even as he stood grinning, before shooing Bucky out of the kitchen.
It’d been a week since they’d been intimate; far more so than Bucky had ever allowed himself to
imagine, and though things between them hadn’t really changed, he noticed that Steve was
spending more time outdoors. Alone. He always returned within half an hour, but each time he
reappeared, he was noticeably morose. Bucky would invite Steve to cuddle on the couch, and he’d
always happily accept, but rarely spoke about what he’d done outside.
Of course Bucky didn’t mind, he knew everyone needed their alone time, and there was no better
place to clear one’s head than while in the presence of Mother Nature. He couldn’t help but worry,
though, just a bit. Bucky wondered if Steve’s melancholy moods had anything to do with their
relationship. Neither of them had spoken any further on… whatever it was that they were doing, or
what they truly wanted from one another.
Although the nights were still bitterly cold, during the day, the bright sun continued to melt the
snow, more and more. Bucky felt that he’d made himself clear to Steve about his feelings, and
while Steve responded in kind, he worried. He didn’t want to overwhelm Steve with over the top
declarations, but-
“Here you go,” Steve singsonged, handing a mug to Bucky. “Be careful, it’s hot.”
“Hot cocoa is hot?” Bucky exclaimed dramatically, pushing away his gloomy thoughts, and ended
up grinning when Steve rolled his eyes playfully.
They spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing, as though neither of them had a worry in
the world, and Bucky held on to that feeling fiercely.
**
As hard as he tried, Bucky continued to feel at war with himself.
With each passing day, the melting snow became harder and harder to ignore. Inch by agonizing
inch, it disappeared into the ground, and Bucky couldn’t recall having ever hated Mother Nature
quite like this. He knew all he needed to do was to talk to Steve, ask him what his plans were for
the future, and if Bucky was included in them. Regardless of what Steve told him, Bucky would
respect it, and he would be grateful for the memories they’d made together.
But, just the thought of losing Steve felt like a knife to the heart.
One afternoon, as he stepped out of the shower, Bucky decided he needed to know. He hastily
dressed himself, took a deep breath, and opened his bedroom door. Steve was just hanging up his
coat and kicking off his wet boots; his brows were furrowed, and his lips pressed tightly together in
a thin line.
“Steve?” Bucky approached slowly, before taking Steve’s hands in his own. “What’s going on?”
Instead of responding, Steve averted his gaze, looking down at their socked feet. Bucky wanted to
say something, anything, but without knowing what was bothering Steve, it felt impossible to find
the right words.
Suddenly, Steve all but fell into Bucky’s arms, letting out a hushed whimper into the crook of his
neck. “Tell me that you want me.”
Bucky felt his heart breaking at the request, but resolutely decided to make Steve know he was
wanted. Bucky never wanted Steve to ever question how much he meant to him.
Without thinking, he lifted Steve into his arms and took him to the bedroom, then gently placed
him on the mattress, before crawling in beside him. As they laid face to face, Bucky kept his eyes
on Steve’s.
“Stevie,” He started, “I want to be here with you, I want this,” Bucky cupped Steve’s cheek, “every
day.”
When he got no response, Bucky went on. “You are the most beautiful man I have ever known.”
Leaning in, he pressed soft kisses along Steve’s jaw. “I feel so lucky to have met you. I want to see
your smile every day, watch you just lying around on my couch reading and petting Alpine.”
Bucky gently rolled Steve onto his back and straddled his lap. “I want-” Bucky watched Steve bite
down on his bottom lip, before finishing, “I want to hear you moan and know it’s only for me.”
Without waiting for a response, Bucky took Steve’s face in his hands and kissed him. When he felt
Steve gasp, Bucky slipped his tongue between Steve’s lips, making him moan wantonly.
“Bucky,” Steve whimpered, his fingertips digging into Bucky’s back.
Arousal and lust began to overtake Bucky’s mind and body, leaving him stiff in his pants at an
alarming rate, and desperate for more of Steve’s touch.
“Oh, baby,” He rasped, licking a stripe up the column of Steve’s throat. “I love how hard you make
me, how you get my cock dripping before you even touch me. I want you so fucking bad, Steve.”
The bright blue of Steve’s eyes were engulfed by his blown pupils, letting Bucky know that his
advances were welcome.
“I want you,” Steve rasped in return, licking his lips. Suddenly, he took hold of Bucky’s wrist, and
slowly began to guide his hand between Steve’s legs. “I want you to touch me.” He brushed
Bucky’s fingers along the crease of his ass, letting out a barely audible moan. “Here.”
Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, shuddering at the mere thought of what Steve was asking for. When
he opened them again, though, the look on Steve’s face made it impossible for him to hold back a
moan of his own.
Steve’s plush lips were parted, his tongue gliding languidly between them. It was clear he was
trying to appear confident, though the deep blush on his cheeks gave away his underlying
uncertainty.
“We can do whatever you want, but we also don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Okay?”
Bucky kissed across Steve’s face gently, breathing in the soft sigh he released when their lips
brushed together.
“I want you,” Steve hesitated for a moment before continuing, “I want everything with you,
Bucky.”
“I’ll give you anything you want, baby,” He whispered in return, before pulling Steve into another
deep kiss. When they finally separated, Bucky slowly ran his hands up Steve’s heaving chest. “Just
tell me, and it’s yours.”
Steve moaned softly as Bucky gently pinched his nipple through his shirt. “I want you inside of
me.”
Bucky felt like all of the air in his lungs had been bunched out of him; Steve was giving himself to
Bucky. It made his dick throb, but also made his heart pound even harder. He needed to make sure
he did this right.
“I can do that, baby.” Bucky smiled, then sat up to remove his shirt. Steve wasted no time
following suit, even scrambling to yank his pants off before Bucky could climb off of him. “Hey,
slow down, we have all the time in the world. Okay?”
Steve blushed and nodded coyly. “Sorry, I just… I really want this with you.”
Bucky laid down beside him, and began running his hand up and down Steve’s chest “Don’t be
sorry, I want it just as bad. I want to make sure you enjoy every second of it, though, and that
means we have to be careful and go slow. Okay?”
“Y-yeah, that sounds good.” Steve smiled softly, placing his hand on top of Bucky’s.
After a moment, Bucky leaned over him, pressing their lips together for a deep and heated kiss.
When he could feel that Steve had relaxed, he began kissing his way down Steve’s body; every
whimper, whine, and moan he made sent a shiver down Bucky’s spine. As quickly as he could,
Bucky pulled his own pants off, and tossed them to the floor.
“If I do anything that you don’t like, you have to tell me, alright?” As soon as Steve nodded, Bucky
wrapped his lips around the head of Steve’s cock. He bobbed his head several times, until he could
taste pre-come beading at the tip, and dipped his tongue into the slit. Steve began to writhe on the
bed, and Bucky internally preened in pride. Giving pleasure had never felt so good.
“Oh, B-Bucky, your mouth,” Steve gasped, giving Bucky an idea.
“Roll over for me.” He tapped Steve’s hip gently. After a moment's pause, Steve turned onto his
stomach. Bucky groaned at the sight. “Baby, you have the most amazing ass. I want to taste you so
bad.”
Steve’s skin flushed from his neck down to his shoulders. “Wh-what do you mean?”
Bucky lightly squeezed the firm globes of Steve’s ass, and leaned down, kissing just above the
crease. “I want to lick and kiss you here, Stevie. Would you like that?”
“I-” Steve turned to look over his shoulder at Bucky. “Um, I guess, if you want to.”
“I only want to if it’s something you’d like to try. If you don’t, we can do something else, I won’t
be upset.”
Steve seemed to be thinking it over before asking, “Does it feel good?”
“I certainly think it does.” Bucky grinned.
“Then yeah, do it. You always make me feel so good, Buck.” Steve ducked his head shyly, but
smiled in return. Before he could even ask, Steve quickly added, “I’ll tell you if I don’t like it, I
promise.”
Pressing one last kiss onto Steve’s lower back, Bucky spread Steve’s cheeks, and immediately felt
his mouth begin to water.
“It’ll be easier if you can get up on your knees.”
Steve hastily scurried into position, showing off every inch of his most vulnerable parts. Bucky felt
beyond privileged that he was the one Steve chose to share this moment with.
Eagerly, Bucky leaned in and licked a broad stripe across Steve’s hole, eliciting a surprised shout
from the man. Bucky didn’t stop, he continued on licking, prodding the tip of his tongue around
the furled muscle, pressing kisses to it, and lapping at it like a starving animal. Steve just tasted so
good, and his response was better than any fantasy Bucky could have dreamed of. His body jerked
back toward Bucky’s mouth, as he dropped down onto his elbows, nearly gasping for air.
“I-I need,” Steve’s voice was high pitched and he almost sounded like he was in pain.
“What do you need?” Bucky crawled up Steve’s body, resting his weight on his forearms.
“Whatever you want, it’s yours.”
“I don’t know, it’s so good but I need… I need more,” He all but sobbed.
“Yeah? You think you want my fingers inside you now?” Bucky rasped, fighting the urge to grind
his aching cock against Steve’s ass.
“I think so, but I-” Steve shook his head and let out a frustrated noise from deep in his throat.
Bucky rolled off of Steve’s back and curled up beside him. “Talk to me. Whatever it is, we’ll deal
with it together.”
“I’m nervous… scared that it’ll hurt,” Steve whispered weakly, tucking his face under Bucky’s
chin.
Bucky could feel his chest tighten with emotion, and he pulled Steve closer.
“I would never hurt you,” He murmured, “I’ll go real slow, and you can tell me to stop anytime.
Or, we can stop right now. I just want you to be comfortable and happy.”
Time seemed to drag on as Bucky awaited a response, but he did his best to remain calm, even as
his mind began to spiral with doubt. He worried that Steve would regret what they were doing, or
worse, feel like he was pressured. Even the idea of it made Bucky feel sick.
Suddenly, he felt Steve’s lips press against his chest. “I trust you, and I want you… I want you to
make love to me, Bucky.”
Bucky swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat and nodded, whispering, “I want that, too.”
When he grabbed his lube and a condom from his bedside table, Steve averted his eyes.
“Um, are those for-”
“Stevie, no,” Bucky immediately realized what he’d been thinking, “I only have these because I use
them on…” An unexpected flush heated Bucky’s cheeks. “I use them on my, um, toys.”
A shy grin spread across Steve’s face and his nose crinkled in amusement. He nodded at the
condoms, “Looks like you get to use them on yourself now, huh?”
“It certainly looks like it.” Bucky smiled in return, happy that things didn’t feel as tense between
them.
“Can I stay on my back?” Steve asked, catching Bucky by surprise.
“Of course, I love watching you.” He winked, then tapped the inside of Steve’s knee. “Go ahead
and spread your legs, and pull them up to your chest.”
Steve’s face became bright red, and the color quickly spread down his neck. Not wanting him to
feel insecure, Bucky leaned between Steve’s legs, and licked a wide stripe up his cock. He took
Steve fully into his mouth, bobbing up and down, never taking his eyes off of Steve’s.
“Ohhhh, Bucky,” He whined, before pulling his legs up.
Humming happily, Bucky sat back on his knees and drizzled the lube over his fingers. He pressed a
kiss to the inside of Steve’s ankle, then carefully began circling his entrance.
“How’s this feel?” Bucky asked, his own cock aching for contact.
“It- It’s strange, but good,” Steve’s voice was already raspy. “Keep going.”
Doing as he was asked, Bucky continued on rubbing and pressing against Steve’s hole until he
began panting and writing.
“You ready for a finger, baby?”
Steve took a deep breath before nodding, and whispered, “Yes.”
With the utmost care, Bucky slowly wriggled his finger inside of Steve. The second he felt the
tight, slick, heat clamping around his digit, time seemed to move at a dream-like pace. Every moan,
whimper, and gasp Steve made, fueled Bucky on; he was sure he’d never enjoyed the process so
much in his life. By the time he was three fingers deep in Steve’s ass, Bucky could feel his own
cock twitching and dripping between his legs.
“You think you’re ready?” He tried not to sound as desperate as he felt.
“Oh, fuck, yes,” Steve begged, and Bucky felt certain that he could come from just the sound of it.
“Y-yeah, okay.” Bucky opened a condom and rolled it over his erection, already feeling overly
sensitive. He prayed that he’d last long enough to make Steve come.
As he lined himself up with Steve’s hole, he looked up and their eyes met. Bucky could feel his
heart speeding up, as the intensity of the moment began to hit him.
“Buck,” Steve’s voice was soft but steady, “kiss me.”
Bucky leaned down and pressed his lips to Steve’s, kissing him slowly but deeply. Steve then
wrapped his legs around Bucky’s hips, releasing a moan when Bucky’s cock nudged against his
hole. With a murmured please, Bucky pushed forward, breaching Steve’s body.
“Oh, Stevie,” He uttered, fighting to keep himself from thrusting all the way in the tight heat of
Steve’s ass; Bucky knew he’d rather die than do anything that might hurt the man that he loved so
deeply. “Are you okay?”
Steve’s lips were pressed into a tight line, his eyes clenched shut, and a deep flush going down his
chest. After a moment, he used his legs to pull Bucky closer, filling him completely.
“S-so full,” He groaned, and Bucky couldn’t tell if it was in pain or pleasure.
“Do you want to stop?” Bucky grit his teeth, afraid that he could be hurting Steve, but also aching
with how good he felt.
“No!” Steve gasped and, breathing deeply, finally opened his eyes. “I just- I need a minute.”
Bucky nodded and began running his hands up and down Steve’s legs. He noticed that Steve’s
cock was beginning to flag, so he asked, “Is it okay if I touch you?”
“Uh huh, yeah.” Steve’s eyes followed Bucky’s hand as it wrapped around him.
Starting slowly, Bucky began pumping his fist up and down, swiping his thumb over the head.
Going lower, he cupped Steve’s balls and fondled them gently. Steve moaned as he watched,
seemingly memorized with his jaw slacked and eyes intent on Bucky’s hand. It didn’t take long
before Steve’s erection returned fully.
“Move, please,” He whined, softly, “I’m ready.”

Bucky took a deep breath, and slowly pulled back until just the tip of his cock remained inside,
then pushed back in, just as carefully. He forced himself to bite his lip, not wanting to let loose all
of the cursing and animalistic sounds building up within himself.
“Bucky,” Steve called to him, and Bucky lifted his head from staring down at his cock going in
and out of him. “Am… am I doing okay?”
“Fuck, Steve, you’re so good,” He rumbled, before leaning down onto his forearms and kissing
Steve with as much fire as he felt.
Steve whimpered and moaned into Bucky’s mouth, wrapped his arms around Bucky’s shoulders.
When they eventually parted, Steve still looked unsure. “You’re so quiet, I like it when-”
“Oh, baby, you like it when I talk to you?” Bucky watched as Steve bit down on his bottom lip and
nodded shyly. He increased his pace, then, thrusting into Steve just a bit faster. “You’re so hot and
tight, Stevie. You make me feel so damn good.”
The second the words were out of his mouth, Steve threw his head back and moaned, clearly turned
on by the praise.
“Bucky, ‘s so- I feel so full. Please, don’t stop, I want it.” Steve suddenly locked eyes with Bucky.
“I want you.”
Bucky felt a swell of emotions wash over him, and he didn’t even try to hold back when their
mouths crashed together; he took hold of Steve’s hips and fucked into him harder. Without
warning, Steve grasped onto him fiercely, digging his fingernails into Bucky’s skin. He broke the
kiss and shouted loudly.
“Bucky!” He cried out, repeatedly.
“I’ve got you, it’s okay,” Bucky soothed, licking up Steve’s sweaty neck and nibbling across his
jaw. When he looked up, he saw tears streaming down Steve’s face.
“I need you,” He sobbed softly.

“I love you.” Bucky felt his own eyes begin to tear up; he rested his forehead against Steve’s and
whispered, “Hold on to me, Steve.”
Doing just that, Steve wrapped his limbs tightly around Bucky, pressing their bodies together as
though they were the final two pieces to a puzzle. Steve’s jaw dropped then, and he let loose a
wanton moan. When Bucky felt Steve’s release shooting between their heaving bodies, felt his hole
tightening almost painfully, Bucky’s own orgasm overtook him. The pleasure burst through his
body, from head to toe, and he could only barely hear himself whimpering through it all.
When he was finally able to catch his breath, Bucky opened his eyes, unsure of when he’d closed
them, and stared directly into Steve’s. The blue in them seemed to shine in a way he’d never seen
before, and Bucky couldn’t help but smile.
“Bucky,” Steve rasped, a grin spreading across his tear streaked face. “I love you, too.”
Tucking his face between Steve’s shoulder and neck, Bucky murmured, “I’ll never let you go.”
Epilogue
Chapter Notes
Steve stood, staring back at the cabin, with a heavy heart. Despite all that had been said, all that
had happened there, he was leaving. The memories would remain, of that he was sure, and he
would cherish every one of them. And, as uncertain as the future was, Steve didn’t fear it; which
was a new feeling, and he embraced heartily.
Bucky was to thank for that. He’d taught Steve so much; how to laugh, how to welcome new
experiences, how to feel alive, and most of all, Bucky had taught him what it was to love. The love
he had learned was beautiful, and it made his heart feel so full that it almost hurt. It was something
he knew would always be inside of him, and it would always be for Bucky.
“Are you ready?”
Steve turned to see Bucky, smiling brightly. Alpine meowed angrily from her cat carrier in the
front seat of the truck.
“I guess I’d better be,” Steve huffed out a laugh.
Bucky pulled him into a hug and kissed him chastely. “Let’s go. The future awaits us.”
They both climbed into the truck and headed down the long driveway to the road. Heading east,
Steve and Bucky began their new journey together.
Chapter End Notes
I hope you all enjoyed this journey with me. I'm grateful for every single one of you
that have given kudos and left such kind comments. You guys are the best <3
End Notes
Find me on Twitter @dixons_mama
Find me on Tumblr @dixons-mama
Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!

Hold On To Something

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Hold On To Something (Hold On To Me)

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/35301496.

Hold On To Something (Hold On To Me)

As always, huge thanks to my BFF/beta humapuma

Bucky’s brows immediately furrowed in concern. “You’ll freeze to death!”

See the end of the chapter for more notes

I can’t keep living like this.

Chapter End Notes

Your comments are my life source <3

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Yes? Is something wrong?” Steve sounded genuinely worried.

“I’d love some, thanks.”

“I haven’t heard of any of these,” he finally admitted, frowning.

“She’s pretty,” Steve commented, approaching slowly.

“Yeah, she’s not as grumpy as she looks.”

“I- I’m glad you like her,” he stammered.

Chapter End Notes

What'd you think?

See the end of the chapter for notes

Steve nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“What are you doing out here?” Steve asked, baffled.

Chapter End Notes

“I’m naked,” Bucky blurted out.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“I’m naked,” Bucky blurted out.

“How do you like the book?” He rushed out.

“Well, no, I’m- uh, no,” Steve stammered. “It’s fine.”

Chapter End Notes

I hope you all enjoyed it!

See the end of the chapter for notes

“No,” Steve told him, smiling, “I think that sounds amazing.”

“Do you like movies?” Bucky suddenly asked.

“Have you ever seen Nosferatu?”

“Nosfer- what?” Steve furrowed his brows.

Steve nearly vibrated with delight. “Yes! I’d love that!”

“Oh, right.” Bucky cleared his throat. “Okay, c’mon.”

Chapter End Notes

What'd you think? I hope you enjoyed it :)

“But-” Bucky pulled him close. “Satisfaction brought it back.”

See the end of the chapter for notes

“Is… is this okay?” He asked, giving Steve’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“Oh,” Bucky gulped, “is it what you expected?”

“Whatcha doing?” He inquired.

“How about this one?” Steve held it up to him.

“But-” Bucky pulled him close. “Satisfaction brought it back.”

“Hmm, I actually d-”

Chapter End Notes

What'd y'all think? Do you like where this is headed?

As requested, here is chapter 8! Enjoy!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Gabe?” Steve whispered, finally recognizing his childhood friend.

Bucky shouted for Gabe, pleading for help, but-

“Steve, wake up!”

“Yeah, it’s me.” He smiled softly.

Bucky gave a shy grin. “Good things, I hope?”

Chapter End Notes

“So good, Stevie,” He whispered, ghosting his lips over Steve’s.

This chapter is accompanied with beautiful artwork by TakeTheRoad

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“So good, Stevie,” He whispered, ghosting his lips over Steve’s.

“I understand, it’s perfectly okay,” Bucky reassured.

“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll get it started.”

“Yes,” was all he breathed, before resuming the kiss.

insert sweaty James McAvoy gif