PROBLEM ON THE POTOMAC

A RADIO PLAY
Version 18 March 2021
By Bob Christiansen

SCENES FOR EACH ACTOR

ANNOUNCER: 1, 4, 7, 9, 11, 14, 17
CAPTAIN SMITH of the Peggy Lou: 2
SMITTY: 2, 3
BILLY: 2, 5
PATRICK KINSALE III: 3, 5, 6, 8, 15, 16
JAKE: 3, 5
KATE KINSALE: 6, 16
PATRICK KINSALE II: 6, 13, 16
LAND CURLEY: 8, 12, 13
WOMAN ON THE STREET: 9
DREDGER CAPTAIN #1 (of the Mona Lisa) – male: 10, 12
DREDGER CAPTAIN #2: (of the Maybelline) – male: 10, 12
DREDGER CAPTAIN #3: (of the Jezebel) – female: 10, 12
SECRETARY: 13
MRS. JOHNSON: 15
STUDENTS: 15

Copyright © 2021 Robert N. Christiansen

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 [Dodson beginning 30 second spot inserted here]

All sound effects will be added in the editing process

******************* SCENE 1 (ANNOUNCER) **********************
The following radio play is a production of Colonial Beach Playhouse. Due to the pandemic, the
theatre is currently closed. We are a non-profit community theatre. More information and a way to
support the Playhouse through donations is available on our web site, cbplayhouse.org.
The following story is entirely fictional but is based on some important historical facts concerning
the town of Colonial Beach, the Curley Packing Company, and L. Landon Curley.
(Sound effect: A creaky door opens)
ANNOUNCER. And now … it’s time for … Chesapeake Mystery Theatre!
ANNOUNCER. Tonight’s episode is entitled “Problem on the Potomac.” We take you back to a
pleasant November morning in the year 1956. In the middle of the Potomac River, the
oyster boat Peggy Lou out of Monroe Bay is heading for Swan Point, hoping to find oysters.
They’re about to find out that this is not going to be a normal day on the river.

******************* SCENE 2 (CAPT. SMITH, SMITTY, BILLY)***************

(Sound effect: An outboard motor. Seagulls crying)
CAPT. SMITH. Pretty calm today. About as calm as it gets in November.
SMITTY. Where we headed, Pa?
CAPT. SMITH. Remember that little reef we found south of the point towards the end of last
season? It’s a good bet we’ll find nice-sized oysters there.
SMITTY. You don’t think the dredgers have hit it?
CAPT. SMITH. I doubt it. Too small for them to bother with.
(Sound effect: quick footsteps)
BILLY. Capt. Smith! Capt. Smith!
CAPT. SMITH. What is it, Billy?
BILLY. I was walking past a tarp, and the tarp moved!
SMITTY. Probably the wind.
BILLY. No, it was something alive. I think something’s hiding under it.
SMITTY. A stowaway?
CAPT. SMITH. Smitty, find Jake and check it out. Billy, you stay here with me. Which side of the
boat, Billy?

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BILLY. Starboard, near the stern.

******************* SCENE 3 (SMITTY, JAKE, PATRICK)***************

(Sound effect: Footsteps)
SMITTY. Come with me, Jake. We might have a stowaway.
(Sound effect: More footsteps)
SMITTY. I think I did see that tarp move a little. Give it a kick, Jake!
(Sound effect: A thump)
PATRICK. Ow!
(Sound effect: Tarp being pulled off)
JAKE. It’s a boy!
PATRICK. Of course! Name’s Patrick Kinsale III, at your service!
JAKE. We don’t need no service from you, boy. Shall I throw him overboard, Smits?
SMITTY. What do you think you’re doing, son? This is a commercial fishing boat.
PATRICK. Of course! That’s why I’m here. I’m in Mrs. Johnson’s eighth grade class. We all have to
write a term paper. I picked “Oystering in Colonial Beach” as my subject. Oceans and rivers
are my favorite thing. I want to be an ocean scientist like Jacques Cousteau.
JAKE. I think we should throw him overboard. Wha’dya think?
SMITTY. Well, let’s take him to the Captain and see what he says.
PATRICK. Of course! I would like to meet your captain!
JAKE. I hope he throws you overboard.

******************* SCENE 4 (ANNOUNCER) **********************

(Music underscores Announcer)
ANNOUNCER. Captain Smith is not happy about the young intruder. He tells Patrick that if he
wants to learn about oyster fishing he should start at the bottom. He assigns to the coulling
board, to help Billy, whose chief job is to measure the oysters and throw the smaller ones
overboard. The oysters that are large enough to be harvested are put in bushels.
(The music fades.)

******************* SCENE 5 (BILLY, PATRICK, JAKE) **********************

(Sound effect: Shells rubbing together.)
BILLY. The captain found a good spot. These are great oysters. Hardly any small ones.

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PATRICK. What are those big rakes they’re using?
BILLY. Those are called tongs, dummy. This is a tonging boat. Tonging is legal during the season.
Drudgers ain’t legal. Some people calls ‘em poachers. But they still drudge. Mostly at night,
when its hard for the Maryland cops to see ‘em.
PATRICK. Of course I’ve heard about dredging. It scoops up parts of the reefs, empty shells along
with the live oysters. When the reef is destroyed, oysters can’t grow there anymore. So, why
do they keep doing it?
BILLY. All’s I know is they can get more oysters faster that way. Here comes Jake. He used to work
on a drudger.
JAKE. Two boys workin’ and you haven’t even filled a bushel yet?
BILLY. Have too! This is the second bushel.
JAKE. Well, I should hope so, after the big shells we been bringin’ in.
BILLY. Patrick, here, wants you to tell him what it’s like to work on a drudger.
JAKE. Who says I worked on a drudger?
BILLY. You talk about it all the time.
JAKE. Not when there’s a stowaway on board. I wished we’d thrown you overboard, boy.
PATRICK. I’m a good swimmer.
JAKE. Ha! Nobody can swim very far in this water, boy. It’s 40 degrees. I’ve seen real good
swimmers drown in less than a minute.
PATRICK. Of course, but if I had my rubber suit, I could swim for half an hour.
JAKE. Rubber suit? You don’t have no rubber suit!
PATRICK. Of course I do. Not here, but at home. I read about it in the National Geographic
Magazine that my father gets. He’s a member of the National Geographic Society. There’s
this inventor in California who is trying to sell rubber suits to the Navy for underwater
swimmers. I wrote to him when I was 11 and asked him if he would sell me a suit. He wrote
back and said he would give me a demonstrator suit that he made for his daughter. She’s
already outgrown it, but he said my Dad would have to write back with his approval. My
Dad agreed and a few weeks later I had the suit. It only covers my upper body. The real suits
cover arms and legs as well. The inventor says I may have the first wet suit on the Atlantic
Coast!
JAKE. They call them wet suits?
PATRICK. Of course. That’s because they let in a little water between the rubber and your skin.
After a while, your body heats up the water and keeps you warm.
JAKE. That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. I don’t believe it. Do you, Billy?

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BILLY. Nope!
PATRICK. Of course you haven’t heard of it. It’s a new thing. [Pause] So, how come you stopped
working on a dredger? Too dangerous?
JAKE. Look, boy, I ain’t afraid of any fair fight. But some of those drudger captains are crazy. They
dare the Maryland cops to find ‘em. When they see the cops comin’ they drops their
drudges, speed to the nearest shallow water, pull up their outboard and coast into the shoal.
Them cops have got big powerful boats now, too big to navigate in shallow water. Most
drudgers have got new boats too. They only draws about three inches. They skim across the
water. That’s why they call ‘em the Mosquito Fleet. But the cops is got guns and they’s
trigger happy. They fire away in the dark, put bullets in the sides of the boat, in the engine,
and in YOU!
PATRICK. So the Maryland oyster police have guns?
JAKE. They used to have machine guns, but the politicians in Annapolis made them take them off.
But they are allowed to confiscate the drudger’s boats. One of the powerboats they
confiscated was the Venus. You know who owned that boat?
PATRICK. Who?
JAKE. Mr. Land Curley, that’s who. Mr. Oyster Packer himself. And they turned his boat into a
Maryland police boat. Bet your boots that made Curley mad. Then they put some real
sharpshooters with rifles on that boat. Most Maryland cops couldn’t hit a squirrel at 20 feet
with a shotgun. But these guys could stand on a rocking boat and hit an expensive outboard
motor with every shot. Did you hear what happened a couple weeks ago?
PATRICK. What?
JAKE. The Marylanders was tryin’ to catch Bozo Atwell’s boat. But he was gettin’ away and the
captain and mate of the police boat was firing furiously at Bozo as he escaped. One of the
mate’s bullets hit his own captain in the shoulder. Can you believe that? Shot his own
captain! The Maryland Commission charged Bozo with attempted murder but Governor
Stanley, that’s Virginia’s governor, wouldn’t allow Bozo to be extradited.
PATRICK. How do the police know that a boat is dredging?
JAKE. Dumb kid! If they is out a night, they’s drudgin’. If they was legal, they’d be out in the
daytime. But the Maryland police have to catch them in the act. The drudgers see a police
boat comin’, they drop their drudge and say they were just scoutin’ out the oyster beds.
PATRICK. Of course! But…those dredges. Aren’t they expensive? How can the captains afford to
just drop them in the river?
JAKE. Ah! That’s where them drudger captains is smart. You better not put this in your school
report if you know what’s good for ya, but before they drop them drudges, they ties a buoy
to the line, along with a heavy sack of salt to sink the buoy. After 12 hours or so the salt all
dissolves and the buoy pops to the surface. The Captain comes back, finds the buoy, and
hauls in the drudge. … Well, I gotta get back to my tongin’.

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(Sound effect: Footsteps going away)

BILLY. You really got that rubber suit thing?

PATRICK: Of course, and I’ve been in the bay with it and stayed for almost an hour.
BILLY. You go underwater?
PATRICK. Of course not. The rubber suit keeps you on the surface. I need to get a weight belt to
go underwater. [More sounds of shells scraping] So what do you do with the oysters when you get
back to the dock?
BILLY. Same as everybody. We sells ‘em to Mr. Curley. He owns that big packing place near the
docks. He’s been packing oysters for as long as I can remember. He’s a rich man.
PATRICK. Of course. Does he buy oysters from the dredgers as well?
BILLY. Oh, sure. I’ve heard he stands on the dock at 5:30 in the morning when the night boats
come in, all during the season. He makes sure the count is done right. He’s strict, but the
oystermen all like him.
PATRICK. Of course. I’ll have to talk to him to get information for my report.
BILLY. I don’t think he’d talk to you, but I expect you’ll try.
PATRICK. Of course!

********* SCENE 6 (MRS. KINSALE, PATRICK, MR. KINSALE) ************

(Sound effect: Door opens and closes.)
MRS. K. Is that you, Patrick?
PATRICK. Of course. Just home from school.
MRS. K. I think not. We had a call from the school. They said you didn’t show up and wondered
why. You’re father’s home and has been calling around trying to find you. [Calling to the next
room] Paddy? Patrick’s home.
(Sound effect: Footsteps.)
MR. K. Of course! The vagabond has returned. Your clothes are damp.
PATRICK. Of course. I went to the bay, to do some crabbing at that rocky point. I didn’t catch any
though.
MRS. K. Why would you do that on a school day? That’s not like you!
PATRICK. Of course, Mom. But it was such a nice day. I guess I wanted a day off from school.
MRS. K. You have worried your father and me. It was irresponsible. … Well, I’ll start dinner.
(Sound effect: Footsteps.)

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MR. K. Of course that’s not the truth. From the smell of your clothes I can tell you’ve been on a
powerboat. Probably a fishing boat. At this time of year, probably an oyster boat.
PATRICK. Of course. I didn’t want Mom to worry. I know she doesn’t like boats. Oh, it is no fun
having a detective for a father! Dad, I am doing a paper for school. It’s about oyster fishing
in Colonial Beach. So it really was about school… Kind of… I was on Captain Smith’s boat.
Do you know him?
MR. K. Of course. At least I know of him. Good man.
PATRICK. Of course. And the crew says I should talk to Mr. Curley of the Curley Packing
Company. Do you know him?
MR. K. Of course. Everyone knows Mr. Curley. I will call his office tomorrow to see if I can get an
appointment with him on the weekend. Don’t miss any more school!
PATRICK. Of course not.

******************* SCENE 7 (ANNOUNCER) **********************

(Music underscores Announcer)
ANNOUNCER. But the next morning at 5:30 Patrick has snuck on the dock again. It is pitch dark,
but Patrick sees a man with a flashlight who’s acting like someone in charge. Patrick
approaches him. The man turns and shines his light on him.
(The music fades.)

**************** SCENE 8 (MR. CURLEY, PATRICK) *******************

(Sound effect: Sounds of quiet waves against the dock.)
MR. CURLEY. Who’s there?
PATRICK: Are you Mr. Curley?
MR. CURLEY. Yes, I’m Mr. Curley. Who are you and what are you doing on my dock, son?
PATRICK: My name is Patrick Kinsale and I’m doing a school project on oystering. I just wanted to
ask you a few questions.
MR. CURLEY. I’m a little busy right now and this is a dangerous place to be, especially at night.
Now get on home.
PATRICK: Of course. I just wanted to ask you about the Mosquito Fleet.
MR. CURLEY. The Mosquito Fleet! Where did you hear such a thing?
PATRICK: From the crew of the Peggy Lou. I went out with them yesterday.
MR. CURLEY. You did? I’ll have a talk with Captain Smith about that.
PATRICK: I hear the Mosquito Fleet are dredgers. Do you buy oysters from them? Dredging for
oysters is illegal, isn’t it?

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MR. CURLEY. Depends on who you talk to. Son, I’m in the packing business. I don’t gather the
oysters, I pack ‘em. Talk to the watermen. Now get off the dock. There will be men hauling
their catch coming along here, and they could run you over.
PATRICK: Of course. Just one more question.
MR. CURLEY. (Anger rising) No more questions. … Did you say your name was Kinsale? Is your
dad the detective in town?
PATRICK: Of course!
MR. CURLEY. Well, son, what you’re doing is trespassing. That’s breaking the law. I don’t think
your father would like to know his son is a lawbreaker. Do you? Now get off the dock! Right
now!
(Dramatic music)
INTERMISSION

*********** SCENE 9 (ANNOUNCER, WOMAN, CHORUS) ***************

ANNOUNCER. We’ll get back to “Problem on the Potomac” in just a moment. But first, a word
from our sponsor, Dodson Development Group.
END OF PART 1
[Dodson 15 second spot inserted here]

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 BEGINNING OF PART 2
ANNOUNCER. Thank you, Duke. Coincidentally, right now we are on Colonial Avenue in
Colonial Beach. Excuse me Miss, do you live in Colonial Beach?
WOMAN. Yes, I do. I live right over there on Third Street.
ANNOUNCER. How do you like living in Colonial Beach?
WOMAN. Oh, it is just a wonderful town. The people are so friendly. I love going to the beach, and
there’s so many other things to do. There’s places to eat, and the liberry, and music, and art.
ANNOUNCER. Have you always lived here?
WOMAN. Not always. I used live in another place that I didn’t like nearly as well. I won’t say where
it was …
ANNOUNCER. That’s okay.
WOMAN. … but it starts with “King” and ends with “George.”
ANNOUNCER. So you like it better here in Colonial Beach?
WOMAN. Oh, yes. I mean the people where I used to live, those farmers, was real nice. But
compared to Colonial Beach it was just kind of … well kind of …
ANNOUNCER. Dull?
WOMAN. Yes, it was dull! That’s it!
ANNOUNCER. So, folks, get away from the dull life. Come visit us in Colonial Beach!
CHORUS.
When you say Beach,
Make sure you start it with “Colonial.”
Colonial Beach.
The finest town in all Virginia.
You’ll come to sun, you’ll come to swim,
You’ll come to boat, you’ll come to fish,
You’ll come to see our history,
Enjoy our arts, our restaurants,
Our many shops, our water sports.
You’ll come to play-ay,
You’ll want to stay-ay
In Colonial Beach, Virginia!

ANNOUNCER. Yes, Colonial Beach, Virginia, where Southern hospitality meets Northern Neck
vitality.
And now, the conclusion of “Problem on the Potomac.”

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 (Sound effect: rain and waves.)
It’s a few days later and it’s a rainy night, but some of the dredger boats are out, knowing
there’s even less chance of the Maryland Police boats being on patrol. The night started
without incident, but then disaster struck.

************** SCENE 10 (THREE DREDGER CAPTAINS) *****************

DREDGER CAPTAIN #1. Mayday, Mayday. This is the Mona Lisa. We are taking on water and in
danger of sinking. Mayday, Mayday.
DREDGER CAPTAIN #2. This is the Maybelline. Mona Lisa, what is your position?
DREDGER CAPTAIN #1. Mabelline, we are off Coltons’ Point, heading for the shallows.
DREDGER CAPTAIN #2. Mona Lisa, we’re near Cobb Point. We are on our way to assist.
Probably 20 minutes out. What happened, hit a rock?
DREDGER CAPTAIN #1. No, we didn’t hit anything. Just started taking on water from the stern
More than we can possibly bail. Engine running okay. We should make shore.
DREDGER CAPTAIN #3. Mona Lisa and Mabelline. This is the Jezebel. We are also taking on water
from the stern. Didn’t hit anything, just started leaking. We are off Saint Catherine and have
moved to one foot of water, trying to see where the leak is coming from and if we can repair
it. Maybelline, find the Mona Lisa, but stand by to assist us as well.

******************* SCENE 11 (ANNOUNCER) ***********************

(rain and wave sounds cease. Music underscores the Announcer)
ANNOUNCER. It was a long night, but the two damaged boats are towed back to Monroe Bay.
Land Curley calls the three captains into his office the following afternoon.
(The music fades.)

****** SCENE 12 (MR. CURLEY, THREE DREDGER CAPTAINS) *******

MR. CURLEY. All right, what in the world happened?
DREDGER CAPTAIN #1. Clear case of sabotage, Mr. Curley. It was Marylanders. No doubt
about it!
MR. CURLEY. What did they do?
DREDGER CAPTAIN #1. Drilled holes in our boats! In the transom, just above the water line.
After we loaded in crew and equipment the holes were below the water line. Exact same
thing in both my boat and in the Jezebel.
MR. CURLEY. When could they have drilled these holes?

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DREDGER CAPTAIN #2. Must have happened here during the day while they were tied up and
unattended.
MR. CURLEY. So someone snuck on the boats in daylight?
DREDGER CAPTAIN #2. Must have.
MR. CURLEY. There are people around all day long. Seems like someone would have seen them.
DREDGER CAPTAIN #1. I suppose it could be a member of the crew—someone who had a
gripe. They wouldn’t arouse suspicion.
DREDGER CAPTAIN #3. Not my crew. I have an all-girl crew and I’d trust every one of them
with my life. Maybe it’s a tonger with a dislike for drudgers.
MR. CURLEY. But no one on the Mona Lisa or the Jezebel noticed any water in the boat until you
were well out on the river.
DREDGER CAPTAIN #3. We were out at least a half hour before the leak sprung..
DREDGER CAPTAIN #1. Same with us. Maybe the hole was plugged and a crew person pulled
the plug when we got across the river.
DREDGER CAPTAIN #2. So he could drown himself? Not even your crew is that crazy, Simon.
DREDGER CAPTAIN #3. I tell you none of my crew would do damage to the Jezebel!
MR. CURLEY. Well, something very strange is going on here. Thanks for helping them out, Ted.
Alvina and Simon, don’t do any repairs on your boats yet. I want an expert to look at them.
DREDGER CAPTAIN #2. A surveyor?
MR. CURLEY. No. A detective. And I know just who to call.
(Sound: Musical interlude.)

****** SCENE 13 (MR. CURLEY, SECRETARY, MR. KINSALE) *******

(Sound: Phone rings.)
SECRETARY. Mr. Kinsale’s office. May I help you?
MR. CURLEY. May I speak to Mr. Kinsale, please.
SECRETARY. May I ask who’s calling?
MR. CURLEY. This is Land Curley.
SECRETARY. Certainly, Mr. Curley. One moment please.
(A click)
MR. KINSALE. Yes, Patty?
SECRETARY. Mr. Kinsale is on the line. Do you wish to speak with him?

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MR. KINSALE. Of course. Put him on. (A click) Good afternoon, Mr. Curley. This is Patrick
Kinsale. How can I help you?
MR. CURLEY. Kinsale, I’ve got a little job for you.

******************* SCENE 14 (ANNOUNCER) ***********************

(Music underscores the Announcer)
ANNOUNCER. A week goes by, and Mr. Kinsale has completed his investigation. He is struggling
with the report he will give to Mr. Curley. Meanwhile at the school, Mrs. Johnson has
finished grading the term papers and is handing them out.
(The music fades.)

****** SCENE 15 (MRS. JOHNSON, STUDENTS, PATRICK) *******

MRS. JOHNSON. Willie, your report on the Steamboats was interesting. I think a little more
research would have made it even better. And you need to work on incomplete sentences.
But you earned a B+.
STUDENTS. Cool, Willie. / Way to go, man. / Woo woo woo.
MRS. JOHNSON. Sandra, your report on the birds of Colonial Beach was excellent. A section on
habitat, another on migration. Very complete. You need to check you spelling, though. For
example, there is no “a” in Osprey. It’s O-s-p-r-E-y. A-.
STUDENTS. She always gets an A. / Caw! / Chirp chirp.
MRS. JOHNSON. And finally, Patrick. This was amazing—your best work ever. I learned so much
about oyster fishing. Students, he actually went out on an oyster boat!
STUDENT. Yeah, he played hooky!
MRS. JOHNSON. Well, I don’t know about that. And I had no idea that oyster fishing was so
dangerous. Very well written, Patrick. Congratulations. A+.
PATRICK. Thank you, Mrs. Johnson.
STUDENTS. (mocking) Thank you Mrs. Johnson! / Booo! / Kiss up!

(music interlude)
*********** SCENE 16 (PATRICK, MRS. K, MR. K) ************
(Sound effect: Door opens and closes.)
PATRICK. Mom, I’m home!
MRS. K. Hi, Patrick. How was school?
PATRICK. Good. Mom, look, I got an A+ on my term paper!
MRS. K. You did! That’s wonderful! You worked hard on it. I knew Mrs. Johnson would like it.

12
PATRICK. Of course! A+. Only one in class.
MRS. K. Your Dad will be so proud of you. He came home early. He’s in his study. He says he has
something important to talk to you about. Go show him your term paper.
PATRICK. Of course! (more subdued) Something important? (Sound effect: Door opens) Hi, Dad! You
wanted to see me?
MR. K. Of course. Close the door, Patrick.
(Sound effect: Door closes.)
PATRICK. Look, Dad, I got an A+ on my term paper. Aren’t you glad?
MR. K. Of course. Sit down. We need to discuss something.
PATRICK. Of course. What did you want to discuss?
MR. K. I suppose you heard about the two oyster boats that were sabotaged a couple of weeks ago?
PATRICK. Uh … Yes, of course. I heard about it.
MR. K. Well, Mr. Curley asked me to investigate the crime.
PATRICK. He .. he did?
MR. K. Of course. And I think I’ve pretty much solved it.
PATRICK. You … you have?
MR. K. Of course. But I wasn’t sure who did it. Not until I learned something from an unexpected
informant.
PATRICK. Informant?
MR. K. Of course.
PATRICK. Who?
MR. K. Your mother.
PATRICK. My mother!
MR. K. Of course. You know, one of the terrific things about your mother is that she keeps a close
eye on the household economy. She told me about ten days ago that she was missing some
cheese cloth and asked if I had taken it. I told her I hadn’t, and to let me know if something
else went missing. Well, yesterday she comes to me saying she found the strangest thing
missing. “No one makes ice cream in November,” she said.
PATRICK. Ice cream was missing?
MR. K. Of course not. Ice cream SALT was missing. And I remembered you telling me how
poachers temporarily hid their marker buoys by weighting them down with salt.
PATRICK. But, but Dad. You don’t think I did it, do you?

13
MR. K. Of course I don’t THINK so. I KNOW you did it. Everyone thought the holes would have
to be drilled from the inside. No one would have time to drill four big holes in a transom
while standing in 40 degree water. They would freeze. You would need a wet suit. And who
is the only one in town who has a wet suit. My son. And the boats would have to be in
shallow water, because you would need to stand on the bottom to get traction. These two
boats were docked close to the shore.
PATRICK. Dad. Dad. You’re not going to tell Mom are you? Or Mr. Curley?
MR. K. Of course. Your mother will have to know, and I have already talked to Mr. Curley.
PATRICK. Oh, no! Did you tell him I did it?
MR. K. Of course he asked me who did it. He wanted to know if it was a waterman. I told him it
was not a waterman, it was a local school boy, a boy who was opposed to dredging. He
seemed both angry and relieved. He stared at me for a solid minute. I admit I couldn’t hold
his stare. Then he startled me by saying “I think I know who it was. It was your son, wasn’t
it?” He told me about your early-morning encounter with him a couple weeks ago. I said
how sorry I was and that I would pay for the repairs to the boats. He paused again. Then he
said, “That won’t be necessary. You’ve been frank with me, I’ll be frank with you. The Mona
Lisa is my boat. Her captain, Simon Cole, is a ne’er-do-well. He doesn’t have a penny to his
name. But he’s one of the best waterman around. He brings in record catches every day, or
night in his case. (pause) And the Jezebel? I was so impressed with Alvina and her crew that I
loaned her the down payment on the Jezebel. I’ll pay for those repairs because I want those
boats and their crews back on the water now. But your son should pay me back, not you.” I
replied that I agreed and would find you a job right away.
PATRICK. Of course. I can work after school, maybe on one of the boats.
MR. K. Mr. Curley replied, “I’ve got a job for him—he can work in the packing area.” He said that
during the 4 o’clock shift change, he has a crew come in to clean the tables and the floors.
He called it a lousy job. He has trouble keeping workers for that job. But you’ll learn a side
of oyster fishing most people don’t know about.
PATRICK. Of course. . . I’ll do it Dad.
MR. K. Of course you will. Mr. Curley said that if you stay on the job, he will just tell everyone that
the sabotage was done by someone from out of town protesting dredging. Son, you’re a very
smart boy who occasionally does stupid things. You obviously are not cut out for a life of
crime. I wouldn’t believe you could do such a thing if I didn’t remember my own youth.
PATRICK. You did bad things when you were young?
MR. K. Of course. (pause) Well, maybe not this bad.
PATRICK. But Dad, these guys are poachers. They’re breaking the law!
MR. K. Of course, but in this town, drilling a hole in someone else’s boat is a worse crime than
poaching.

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PATRICK. Some people think that the oysters are being wiped out by overfishing. Why do people
allow that?
MR. K. To be a detective, you have to understand human nature. In general, people care most about
the present. Young people don’t care about the past, old people don’t care about the future.
Everyone cares about now. It’s perfectly natural. We all live in the present. We all want
things to be good now. So, is it wrong for some people to think it really doesn’t matter if
oysters go away? There are plenty of other things to eat.
PATRICK. So is that what you think?
MR. K. Of course not. But I do care what other people think. I know you used the cheese cloth to
cover the holes you drilled, because there were traces of it still left on the transoms. But how
did you keep the salt from falling out in the inside of the boat?
PATRICK. I went to the hardware store and asked the manager, Mr. Fahrney, what kind of paste
could hold things together but would slowly dissolve in water. He said wallpaper paste. So I
bought that and experimented with different combinations of paste and salt until I got the
combination that would last about 30 minutes.
MR. K. Very resourceful. Okay, you will take that job in the packing warehouse, and if your friends
ask you why you never have any money you will tell them you are saving for college. You
like things about the ocean. I hear there is a new science that developed during the last war
called oceanology. And William and Mary has developed a fisheries laboratory which I
understand attracts a lot of top scientists. Maybe you could go there and help figure out a
way to harvest oysters and still maintain healthy oyster beds. You probably think I want you
to be a detective like me and your granddad, but your interests lie elsewhere. You’ve got the
smarts. Add a little wisdom to it and you may do some real good for the world.
PATRICK. I’ll do everything you say, Dad. I promise. I’ll do my best. Really, I’ll do the very best I
can.
(A crescendo)

********** SCENE 17 (ANNOUNCER, CHORUS EDITED IN) ****************

ANNOUNCER. That concludes tonight’s episode of Chesapeake Mystery Theatre, “Problem on
the Potomac,” featuring the voices of Anthony Sammaro, Samuel Wallace, Thom Savage,
Dan Staicer, Bill Roiz, Carla Gutridge, Cody Christensen, Mary Larson, Eric Christiansen,
Rachel Thompson, Bucky Doerr, Bob Christiansen, and Jenny Christensen. I’m Stephen
Thompson. This program has been brought to you by the Dodson Development Group.
Yes, things are happening in Colonial Beach.
CHORUS.
You’ll come to play-ay,
You’ll want to stay-ay
In Colonial Beach, Virginia!

ANNOUNCER Until next time, we close the door on Chesapeake Mystery Theatre. Good night!

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 (Sound effect: A creaky door shuts)
ANNOUNCER. All of the performers in this production are volunteers who live in the Colonial
Beach area. If you enjoyed this production, more information and a way to support the
Playhouse through donations is available on our web site, cbplayhouse.org.

[Dodson ending 30 second spot inserted here]

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