Gratitude: How To Change

Negative Beliefs, Be Happy,

And Become Successful
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the
parent of all others.” — Marcus Tullius Cicero

Benjamin Hardy, PhD

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Jun 24 · 10 min read

Life is harder now because our world is designed to

distract us. Our world is more confusing than ever.

This is no secret.

Depression and anxiety rates are skyrocketing. Addiction is

an epidemic. Obesity continues to rise in America. General
unhappiness, numbness, and dissatisfaction are basically
the expected norm.

If your life isn’t moving in the direction you want it to go,

or if you feel overwhelmed by everything on your plate,
then this article is for you.

You can apply the methods in this article and

see immediate results.
If you begin to develop a practice to apply the methods in
this article, then you will learn how to achieve any goal you
set.

Gratitude is the mother of virtues.

You’ve heard that a thousand times.

But what does it actually mean to be grateful? Clearly, it

isn’t writing down a list of what you’re grateful for once per
year on Thanksgiving. And even though that is a helpful
exercise, there’s a lot more to it, although it isn’t
complicated.

Gratitude Transforms 3 Things

Fundamentally, gratitude is intended to change three
things:

 Your past
 Your present
 Your future

If you’re not transforming your past, present, and future,

then you aren’t fully experiencing the benefits of gratitude.

Every morning, you have the opportunity to trigger a

mental and emotional state that sustains throughout the
whole day.

If you start your day right, you’ll be shocked at the

momentum you can create.
Even more though, if you give yourself some space — I’m
talking 5–30 minutes — of strategic gratitude and
visualization, then you literally prime your brain to operate
at a higher level throughout the day.

So here’s how to apply the three methods of gratitude:

Transform Your Past

Dan Sullivan, the founder of Strategic Coach, has a very
important concept he teaches entrepreneurs: he calls
it “The Gap and the Gain.”

Most people are living in “The Gap.” They always see

what’s missing. For example, I could get my son a candy
bar on my way home from work and when I give it to him,
he might say, “You didn’t get the one I like.”

That’s the gap.

My son didn’t notice or appreciate the fact that I went out

of my way to get him a gift. He only noticed that the thing
wasn’t what it could have been.

He didn’t realize that he just gained something. He only

saw the gap.

Most people live their entire lives in the gap. Dan teaches
his entrepreneurs instead to live in the gain. This is
actually quite simple: rather than measuring yourself
against your ideals, you measure yourself against where
you were before.
This is very effective for goal setting. Most people don’t like
goals because being ambitious is emotionally taxing. It
hurts to fail and it’s a let down to succeed.

But these emotional problems come from focusing on the

wrong thing.

People get emotionally attached to outcomes when they’re

living in the gap. When you live in the gain, all you see is
progress. What you focus on expands.

When all you see is progress, your brain comes to expect it

more and more. You get progress without being attached to
specific outcomes, even though those outcomes come with
increased velocity.

Every day, you could measure the gain. You could look
back at the end of your day and think to yourself: What
were my three greatest wins for the day?

Former Standford business professor and university

president, Henry Eyring, had a practice of asking himself
every night:
“How did I see God’s hand in my life
today?”

Eyring would then spend a few minutes meditating on his

day, and he would realize the several instances he
experienced miracles or blessings — big or small. He would
then record those in his journal.

Now, as much as “measuring” the gain is key, you also

want to remember the gain.
Most people, when they look back on their past, often
remember the gaps. They remember where things didn’t go
as well as they could have. They think about how their
parents didn’t show up as much as they could.

It’s very easy in relationships to be in the gap — where all

you see is where the other person isn’t up to par. That’s a
horrible way to be in a relationship. It’s also not fair to the
other person.

Being in the gap forces your brain to think that things

cannot change. It’s is how you develop a negatively fixed
mindset.

So one of the key strategies of gratitude to apply is

reshaping your memory of the past. Yes, you heard that
correctly. Your past is not objective. Rather, your past is
entirely subjective. It’s a meaning. Good or bad. Happy or
sad.

You are the person who ascribes meaning to your

experiences. You are the one ascribing meaning and
context to your past experiences.

It’s highly likely that a great deal of your “past” is in the

gap.

Gratitude allows you to re-remember your past while being

entirely focused on the gain. When you re-contextualize
your past, you’ll never be the victim to your past again.

Most people, when they describe their current

circumstances, point to their past. “I’m the way I am
because of [name the experience].”
Your past does not need to be something you are the victim
to. Instead, your past can be something continually
inspiring you and propelling you forward.

If you truly want to embody and experience the benefits of

gratitude, then you must stop trying to be “objective” about
this.

You cannot say, “But you don’t understand, my past really

is unique and it was horrible.”

I’m not trying to downplay what happened to you. Nor am

I trying to ignore the emotional impact of your previous
experiences.

What I’m showing you is that, quite literally, you are the
designer of your past. You get to decide the narrative and
perspective and context.

For example, last year, I launched my first major

book, Willpower Doesn’t Work. From outside perspectives,
the book was likely a huge success. But for me, it was a
huge failure! I had specific goals and expectations that
weren’t met. I had invested huge amounts of time and
money and didn’t succeed at the level I wanted.

For a long time, my story around that book launch was that
it was a failure. Because of that story in my head, my
memory of that experience was in the gap. I wasn’t seeing
all the brilliant things that came out of that experience.

And the truth is, insane amounts of opportunity, learning,

and growth came out of that experience.
So, I’m choosing to remember the gain, not the gap. I’m
choosing how I remember that experience. And as a result,
I’m choosing my narrative and my past.

Your past is whatever you ascribe meaning to. You can

remember the gains, or you can remember the pain.

Post-traumatic growth is the opposite of PTSD. You could

have any negative experience imaginable and become
better from it. This may take time, but if you are conscious
about your emotions and conscious about your future, then
you can turn any negative experience into a lot of gain.

Your painful experiences become the doorway to growth

and experience, as well as service to others dealing with
similar problems.

Your biggest failures and problems can be — if you let

them — your greatest drivers of success, learning, and joy.

But you need to choose how you see and how you
remember them.

It’s entirely up to you.

You can remember the gain or the gap.

How you choose to remember determines your past.

Transform Your Present

Circumstances
“Focus on circumstances and you’ll be a consumer. Focus
on capacity and you’ll be a creator.” — Kade Janes

Very rarely are you going to be in ideal circumstances.

There will always be friction and challenges to living your
dreams. There will always be inconveniences.

The problem isn’t actually your circumstances, but how

you’re looking at them.

Perfect circumstances are not actually ideal.

If you look at nature — plants and animals that thrive do so

because of difficult circumstances. As the poem by Douglas
Mallach states:

“Good timber does not grow with ease:

The stronger wind, the stronger trees;

The further sky, the greater length;

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow.”

You don’t want perfect circumstances. You want and need

a challenge to grow.

But circumstances in general, particularly your current

circumstances, need to be reframed. If you’re going to pay
any attention to your circumstances, you should
consciously focus on the good in them.

Have gratitude for the amazing people in your life, for the
opportunities you currently have, and for the chance to live
on this beautiful planet.

If you’re reading this article, then you have access to

resources that would blow the minds of most of human
history.

So, as challenging and limiting as your current

circumstances are — you’re probably living in the gap. And
when you live in the gap, it really doesn’t matter what you
have, you won’t see it that way.

You could be a billionaire, and if you’re in the gap, it will

never be enough.

So, part one of transforming the present is appreciating it.

It’s not about your resources, but how resourceful you are.
There are people with far less doing far more with what
they have than you are.

It’s not your circumstances, it’s you.

But there’s actually a problem with focusing on

circumstances at all — you’re actually far better off
focusing on your capability.

This is a powerful shift.

If you focus on your circumstances, you’ll find plenty to

complain about. But if you focus on your capability, then
your only option is to get moving.
Your capability is always above your circumstances. There
is always something you can do to impact and change your
life and move in the direction you want to go.

Having gratitude for the opportunity to grow and move

forward is how you change your present. You see all the
beauty in what you currently have, and you recognize the
amazing power you have to improve upon what you have.

If you’re focused on your capability, then you’re more likely

to put your energy into creating and moving forward. If
you’re more focused on your circumstances, then you’re
more likely to put your energy into consumption and
avoidance.

How much time are you spending consuming? How much

time are you spending creating?

If you’re consuming, then you’re likely living in the gap.

You’re likely focused on your circumstances and what’s
wrong or difficult about them.

If you’re creating, then your focus isn’t on your present

circumstances, but your future ones. You’re telling a story
about your life and you’re the one creating it.

This is a powerful way to live.

Have gratitude for the present and gratitude for what you
can do. This allows you to create powerfully.

Transform Your Future, Right Here-

And-Now
You are the designer of your past memories, your present
experience, and your future as well.

Every morning, during your morning meditation and

visualization session, you want to experience and fully
embody gratitude for your future.

Visualization is far more powerful when it is mental and

emotional. The more emotional and embodied the
visualization, the more you will believe and know that it is
true.

American novelist, Florence Shinn, has said,

“Faith knows it has already received and
acts accordingly.”

Gratitude for your future bolsters your faith.

It allows you to know that you’ll succeed, long before you

do.

While most people are defined by experiences from their

past, successful people are defined by experiences in their
future.

What experiences do you want to have?

What events in your future do you want to see occur?

Are you living your life, right now, as though those

experiences were for sure going to happen?
Are you living your life, right now, to consciously create
those experiences?

Do you have complete peace that your dreams will come

true?

If not, then you likely won’t succeed. Your negative

emotional state will stop you from the very things you
want.

Your emotional state is fundamental to what you create in

your life and future.

If you’re at a place of acceptance, peace, and trust, then

you’ll be able to navigate the challenges you’ll face toward
your dreams.

Every day, experience complete gratitude for the inevitable

success of your future. Then, act the part, here and now.

Conclusion
You are the one creating your experience in life.

You are the one who shapes the meaning of your past.

You are the one who determines how well you’ll do,
regardless of the circumstances you are in.

As your past, your circumstances are subjective, not

objective. Your circumstances are a “meaning” with which
you decide what to do.

Focus on your capacity, not your circumstances. When you

focus on your capacity, you realize that you have the power
to create your desired future, regardless of what you see in
front of you.

When you focus on capacity, you stop being bogged down

by all of the friction and challenge in your current
circumstances.

Undoubtedly, your life is hard. It’s far from perfect. There

are constraints stopping you from actively moving forward.
But in large respect, those constraints are in your head.

Focusing on the constraints only makes them larger in

your mind.

Focusing on what you can do about it, right now, is how

you change those constraints.

You can change your life, one day at a time.

Every morning, you can experience huge amounts of

gratitude for your past, your present, and your future.

If you take a few minutes to really do this, then you’ll be

shocked at how good you feel. You’ll be shocked at the
hope and optimism you feel for your future. You’ll have a
desire to reach out and connect with your loved ones, and
tell them how grateful you are for them.

When you begin operating from a place of true gratitude,

you’ll immediately begin transforming your life and
relationships.

What are you waiting for?

No more consuming.
No more focusing on the problems in your life or your past.

Instead, take ownership of your experience.

Take ownership for your past and your narrative of that

past.

Take ownership of your current capacity.

You have divine potential and unlimited capacity — but

only if you focus your attention on what you can do, rather
than what’s wrong.

Have a beautiful day.