Dating Without Drama

Reflections and Revelations:
A Dater’s Self-Discovery Guide
50 Fun-Filled Pages of Quizzes, Checklists, Worksheets and

Journal Pages to Enhance Your “Dating Without Drama” Experience!
By Paige Parker
1
How to Use this Book
When I started out to write Dating Without Drama, I knew one thing
for certain: I wanted it to be a fun read. I didn’t want to create one of
those self-help manuals that feel like homework to get through. And
while I certainly hope you’re enjoying reading it as much as a juicy
issue of Cosmo or your favorite beach novel, I want to make sure
you’re getting the most out of Dating Without Drama as possible. I
do cover a lot of topics and outline specific techniques that are
important for you, the reader, to grasp in order to achieve the
fulfilling love life you’re looking for. That’s why I created this Self-
Discovery Guide of exercises to help you analyze your current
dating life and put into practice the new behaviors you’re learning.
I suggest that you begin by reading Dating Without Drama and

pause, when instructed in the text, to turn to the corresponding
section in your Self-Discovery Guide and complete the exercise(s)
for that chapter. When you’re finished, just pick up where you left
off in DWD and continue on until it asks you to refer to your Self-
Discovery Guide again. Some of the exercises are light and fun
quizzes (much like you’d find in your favorite women’s magazine);
others are more psychologically rooted and require some thought
and reflection on your part. I think you’ll find that all are worth your
time and will enhance your overall experience.
Enjoy!
Note: The ideas included in this book are solely the opinions of the author and are for
entertainment purposes only. You are responsible for your personal decisions and none
of this book should be considered legal or professional advice.
©2007 Dating Without Drama Inc. All rights reserved.
©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

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Chapter 1
QUIZ: Should I Trust My Instincts?
To get an accurate read on your instincts, don’t over-think this…

just go with your gut and circle the closest option to how you’d
answer:
1. You meet a really cute guy in the supermarket (you

accidentally put your skim milk in his cart instead of yours).
After you share a laugh and a brief (but seemingly flirtatious)
conversation, you’re sure he’s going to ask for your number.
Instead, he tells you to “take it easy” and starts to roll his cart
away. You:
a. Stop him before he gets away and ask if he wants to get

together for a glass of skim milk sometime.
b. Purposely bump into him in another aisle to give him

another chance to ask you out.
c. Tell yourself that it wasn’t meant to be and head straight

for the express checkout lane.
2. You’re thrilled when the very attractive man at the bar starts
chatting you up. At the end of the night you exchange
business cards and he promises to call. When a week goes by
without hearing from him, you:
a. Call him. Hey, he gave you his card too.
b. Go back to the same bar in hopes of running into

him again.
c. Write him off…he missed his chance.

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3. Three days after what seemed like the perfect first date, Mr.
Wonderful still hasn’t called to ask you out again. You:
a. Shoot him a very casual email thanking him for a

great time and ask him how his week is going…
just to test the waters.
b. Call him and invite him to the film festival in your

neighborhood. After all, he mentioned he likes
movies and why should you make him do all the
work?
c. Refocus your energy on other available men in

your life. If he calls, it’ll be a pleasant surprise. If
not, no time wasted.
4. You’ve been on a few dates with a great guy and things are
going really well. It’s starting to feel more serious; you don’t
even have an interest in seeing other people anymore. You
wonder if he feels the same. You:
a. Tell him that you’ve decided to stop dating around and

ask him how he feels about it.
b. Pour him a glass of wine and, in the most non-

threatening voice possible, tell him you’d like to have a
conversation about where the relationship is going.
c. Keep your feelings to yourself until he tells you he wants

to be exclusive.
5. After six months of serious dating you feel it. You’re definitely
in love with this guy. You’re sure he loves you too, but he just
hasn’t said it yet. One perfect night, as you’re sipping wine on
a blanket under the stars, he stares into your eyes, and…
nothing. You:

4
a. Say “I love you” first. Clearly he’s just too chicken, so he’ll
be relieved.
b. Help him out, but still give him the chance to save face,
by saying something like, “Do you think you could ever
fall in love with me?”
c. Stare back into his eyes and smile mysteriously.
ANSWER KEY: If you circled even ONE “a” or “b,” you have
instincts that need to be put on hold.
For an explanation of how putting your instincts on hold is the

secret to meeting men who are actually “boyfriend material” and
making a real relationship work with them, return to page 17 of
“Dating Without Drama.”

5
Chapter 2
Worksheet: The Path to Self-Actualization
As I mention in Chapter 2 of “Dating Without Drama,” psychologist

Abraham Maslow created what he called “The Hierarchy of Human
Needs.” This diagram below illustrates how our needs range from
the most basic (physical health) to the very complex (spiritual
health).
Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Self
Actualization
Esteem
(Self Esteem,
Recognition)
Social Needs
(Love, Acceptance)
Safety
(Security, Protection)
Physiological
(Food, Water, Shelter)
A problematic misconception in relationships is that we think it's

another person's responsibility to meet all of our needs. The truth is
that no one person can meet all of another person's needs, so
the sooner we stop expecting our boyfriend to “complete us,” the

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more we'll be open to seeing just how fulfilling our relationship

actually is.
Whether you're in the beginning stages of a relationship or haven't

even begun to “put yourself out there” in the dating world, this is a
crucial exercise to help you understand what you're looking for in a
partner. It forces you to focus on realistic vs. unrealistic
expectations so you will be able to recognize how to go about
getting the needs met that you cannot fulfill within yourself.
Here's what you need to do:
¾ Take some time to seriously think about your needs (Write them
down in the “need” column). Don't be shy...nobody else is going to
see your list. Examples of these needs are: food, shelter, self-
confidence, love, the feeling of attractiveness, security (emotional,
physical, financial, etc.), attention, affection, respect, support,
intellectual stimulation, connection with a higher power, etc...
¾ Now be honest – which of these needs is it realistic to expect for

a man to fulfill, and for which must you rely on yourself? Write down
one or the other in the “Who Will Fulfill” column.
¾ Think about the practical ways in which you (or a man) would go
about fulfilling these needs. Write them down.
¾ Remember this exercise as you seek out a relationship with a

man. Understanding which needs you expect him to fulfill – and
then learning whether he is capable of doing so – will help you
decide if he's truly right for you.

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Need Who Can How it Can

Fulfill be Fulfilled
Ex: shelter me Earning enough money to
pay the rent on my
apartment
Ex: Self- Me Affirmations, therapy,
confidence eating right, working out,
etc.
Ex: Love Me, family, friends, Spending time with people

a boyfriend who care about me and love
me for who I am

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9
Exercise: Dates With Myself
If you’ve read Chapter 2, you’re already familiar with the concept of

“Dating Yourself First.” When you take the focus off of things you
have no control over (e.g. when you’re going to meet the right man,
how you can “make” someone call you, fall in love with you, or
commit) and put your energy into creating your own happiness, you
will quickly notice an amazing transformation in your life. You will
build a rich, fulfilling life…this fulfillment will make you feel more
confident in yourself…this confidence you radiate will make you
more attractive… and you will attract men into your life who are
equally as fulfilled in their own lives and are excited about sharing it
with you!
Here are some ideas for confidence-building “dates” that you can
enjoy with yourself!
Date Day #1: Vision of Love

Grab a stack of your favorite magazines, scissors, a glue stick, and
a large piece of poster board. Sit somewhere comfortable, put your
favorite music on, and go through your magazines. Cut out any
pictures that speak to you – specifically ones that symbolize your
most confident, fulfilled, happiest self, as well as represent the life
that you want to live (including pictures of attractive men, a house
that you love, images that remind you of your ideal career, children
– if they fit in the dream of your future). Then assemble the photos
into a collage that you find visually stimulating and inspiring. Hang
your “vision board” in a place where you’ll see it often, and take
some time every day to look at these images and visualize the
wonderful new life that you are working to create for yourself.

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Date Day #2: A Confident Stroll and Relaxing Afternoon Out

Put on an outfit you feel great in – something comfortable, yet
flattering (preferably colorful). Grab that book that you’ve been
meaning to read and head out to your local coffee shop or tea
parlor. If it’s within walking distance from your house - great. If not,
park a few blocks away from the coffee shop. Go for a confident
stroll – shoulders back, head up, straight posture, arms swinging
slightly. Pay attention to how your face feels. Are you scowling
without even meaning to? If so, soften the muscles in your face and
allow your mouth to curl up ever so slightly into an almost-smile.
Widen your eyes just a bit so that you appear awake, interested in
your surroundings, and excited about the world around you. Now
notice how people who pass you begin to take notice of you. It’s
subtle, but I guarantee that those who aren’t completely lost in their
own little worlds will notice you, even acknowledge you. Men might
even smile back or say hello. (If this doesn’t happen right away,
don’t be discouraged. Just practice this confident walk wherever
you go from now on, and you will soon notice a difference.) Now
take your book into the coffee shop, order your favorite beverage,
and take a seat in a comfy chair in the sunniest corner. Enjoy this
time with yourself. Take a break from reading every so often to look
up, take in your surroundings, and smile. You may even make eye
contact with a handsome stranger – your smile just might
encourage him to come over and say hello. If not, don’t be
discouraged. Today is primarily about enjoying this glorious day
and feeling how wonderful it is to spend time with yourself, your
thoughts, and a good book.
Date Day #3: Physical Beauty

One of the simplest and easiest ways to feel fabulous about
yourself is to get in touch with the miracle that is your physical body

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through movement and/or exercise. I’m not talking about working

out to lose weight or to exert yourself to exhaustion. This is purely
about appreciating the beauty of your body and enjoying the rush of
endorphins you’ll get from utilizing it to its full potential. My
suggestion is to try a beginner dance class (since dance doesn’t
put the focus on “working out” or “burning calories”). Enjoy the
music, let yourself go, lose your inhibitions and any self-conscious
thoughts you may have. Breathe. Notice the way your body moves
in the mirror. Appreciate it. In your thoughts, express gratitude for
your health. Know that this is the body that will hold someone
special and be held, will bear children (if you decide to have them,
or maybe you already have – what a miracle!), will grow and
change and become more beautiful with each passing day. If you
prefer, you can go swimming, take a yoga class, go for a bike ride,
or do anything that gets your heart pumping, your lungs breathing,
and your mind focused on the miracle that is your body.
Date Day #4: Giving Love

The quickest way to feel filled with love is to give it away
unconditionally to others. Find a volunteer opportunity in your
community (e.g. spend time with seniors at a retirement home,
serve at a soup kitchen for the homeless, mentor an
underprivileged child, walk dogs at your local animal shelter) and
serve for an hour, a day, or consider taking on an ongoing
commitment. Just taking a time-out from your own life,
circumstances and problems to help others will allow you to gain a
new perspective, and the joy and satisfaction you will feel will be
immeasurable. In addition to the rewarding feeling you’ll get giving
love to others, you may just meet some other wonderful people who
are volunteering…maybe even a special man!

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Date Day #5: You’ve Got Class

One way to feel really terrific about yourself is to learn something
new. So sign up for a class! Whether you’re interested in learning
how to speak Italian, how to cook Indian food, how to sew, how to
write your first novel, or how to take great black and white
photography, there’s bound to be a class near you. Check out your
local community college or do an online search to see what’s
available in your area.
Self-Esteem Building
In life, we’re taught to be humble and modest. We learn at a young

age not to brag or boast. Unfortunately, most of us never learn that
humility and self-esteem aren’t mutually exclusive. There is
absolutely nothing shameful or arrogant about acknowledging to
ourselves – and appreciating – the positive qualities that we
possess. In fact, an awareness of these traits allows us to
continually cultivate and strengthen them, making us a better
person.
Look through the list of positive qualities on the next page and
circle the ones that you possess. Don’t be shy or overly modest. No
one has to see this but you.

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Exercise: My Positive Qualities
Circle the qualities that you identify with.
Patient Considerate Humorous Creative

Open-minded Friendly Empathetic Trustworthy
Driven Smart Ethical Funny
Reliable Practical Loving Successful
Energetic Good listener Spontaneous Loyal
Honest Optimistic Interesting Attractive
Organized Courageous Confident Resourceful
Artistic Cheerful Well-groomed Athletic
Helpful Generous Musical Forgiving
Kind Flexible Fun Warm
Protective Trusting Attentive Clean
Grateful Mature Spiritual Affectionate
When you’re done, take some time to reflect on these qualities. If

you are prone to negative “self-talk” (e.g. “I’m such a loser,” “I’m
unlovable,” ) and find it particularly challenging to remind yourself of
your wonderful traits, I suggest you get a big piece of blank paper
and a set of colored markers and write out all of the qualities that
you circled in big, colorful letters. Post this sign someplace where
you’ll see it often.
In Chapter 5 you’ll be asked to create affirmation statements (pg.

24 of this workbook) – you may want to use these adjectives in
your statements as well.

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Exercise: Turning Negative Self-Talk

into Positive Affirmations
You may not realize it, but all day long, every day, you’re having a
conversation with yourself. You make sense of the world around
you, process information, and make decisions all with the help of
the inner-dialogue of words you hear as thoughts in your mind. This
is commonly referred to as self-talk. Your thoughts may range from
neutral observations “That wall is bright red,” to extremely positive
“Today’s going to be a great day,” to very negative, “I’ll never get
over the pain of this breakup.”
Although your self-talk usually runs on “autopilot,” you absolutely

can control your thoughts (specifically, stop your negative self-talk
and turn it into positive self-talk) when you put your mind to it. This
is good news because your self-talk actually has a significant
impact on your self-esteem and even the outcome of your actions
in your everyday life.
Here’s an example: Let’s say you walk around every day thinking
“I’ll never meet a man… I’ll never meet a man…I’ll never meet a
man.” Guess what? Chances are good that you won’t! Your words
have a very powerful effect on you and you’ll actually start to
believe that you’ll never meet a man. You’ll cease to carry yourself
with confidence – you’ll slump your shoulders over, have a scowl
on your face, you won’t make eye contact with men (all of these are
visual cues that say to men, “Stay away! I’m unapproachable! If you
try to talk to me I will reject you!” And no man likes rejection, so why
would he take a chance to approach you?).
Now what if you walked out of the house every morning thinking
“Today could be the day that I’ll meet someone really special”?

15
How would that change your outlook? You’d dress your best, take
pride in your appearance, straighten up your posture and walk with
a confident spring in your step and a smile on your face. When that
handsome man accidentally bumps into you with his shopping cart
at the grocery store, you’ll smile flirtatiously because, in your mind,
you’ll be thinking “I wonder if he’s the special man I’m supposed to
meet!” This friendly, positive reaction (rather than the sarcastic
“well excuse me” that you’d grumble as a result of your negative,
“see, all men are jerks” self-talk) just might encourage that cute
shopper to ask if you know where he can find the paper
towels…and if he can get your phone number!
It’s easy to re-program your self-talk….it just takes a little

awareness and a lot of practice. So rather than allowing your inner
dialogue to run on autopilot, begin to tune into the thoughts that
you’re having. When you hear yourself slipping into negative self-
talk - “I am so FAT!” – say to yourself, “STOP.” Then pause, and
rephrase your thought in a positive way: “I am grateful for my
health, and today I am going to nourish my body in a healthy way.”
Until you’ve retrained your brain to recognize and correct negative

self-talk automatically, you may want to stop and write down the
negative thoughts you have and write out positive affirmations to
replace them. I’ve created a little chart on the next page to help
you out (and included some examples to get your started). You can
print it and keep it in your purse, or just carry a little notepad with
you to jot these thoughts down until it becomes a habit to correct
your self-talk in your head.
When you’ve completed this exercise, return to page 31 of “Dating

Without Drama.”

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Negative thoughts/self-talk Positive affirmations

Example: I’ll never meet a man. I am open to the possibility of
meeting someone special
anywhere, any time, any day!
Example: This problem is too I am smart, creative and
big for me to handle. resourceful. I can figure this
out!
Return to page 31 of “Dating Without Drama” now.

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Chapter 3
5 Drama-Free Ways
To Turn Him Down Politely
1. “I’m sorry I can’t chat…I’m out with my girlfriend tonight. She’s just
gone through a really tough breakup and I’m on cheer-up duty.
Hopefully I’ll see you around sometime.”
2. “I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend. Otherwise I would’ve liked to get to

know you better.”
3. “I’m taking a break from dating for a while. But I’ve got a great
friend who you might hit it off with!”
4. “Sorry to cut you off so quickly… I’m late to meet some friends for
dinner and I’ve got to run. Have a great night!”
5. “I’m so flattered that you approached me, but I’m actually not
interested. It looks like that cute brunette over there has been
checking you out, though…you should talk to her! Good luck!”

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Chapter 4
The Calling Game...Decoded
Day of the Week If he's EXTREMELY If he's interested If he's only interested If he's NOT
You Met interested in you, in you, in one thing, interested,
he'll call: he'll call: he'll call: he'll call:
Monday Wednesday Thursday Friday at 11pm Never

wanting to see you
that night
Tuesday Thursday Friday Friday at 11pm Never

wanting to see you
that night
Wednesday Friday Saturday Friday at 11pm Never

wanting to see you
that night
Thursday Saturday Sunday Friday at 11pm Never

wanting to see you
that night
Friday Sunday Monday Saturday at 11pm Never

wanting to see you
that night
Saturday Monday Tuesday Friday at 11pm Never

wanting to see you
that night
Sunday Tuesday Wednesday Friday at 11pm Never

wanting to see you
that night

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Chapter 5
Do’s and Don’ts of Dressing for a Date
DON'T:
...DRESS TOO TRENDY-TRENDY.
Sure, 4" platform shoes, skin-tight leggings, and
purses bigger than an overnight bag might be all the
rage, but that doesn't mean that YOU have to wear
them (especially all at one time). Most guys don't
know much about women's fashion (if yours does that
could be a RED FLAG! Helloooo!), so thigh-high
chinchilla fur boots will most likely terrify him
rather than wow him.
On a first date, your best bet is to go with

something CLASSIC (a great, form-fitting pair of
jeans in a dark wash; a cute, colorful top; and heels)
and accessorize with a fun but age-appropriate TREND
(a cool belt, bold earrings, etc). That way YOU'll
know you're stylin'... and HE'll just know you're hot!
...REVEAL TOO MUCH.

Dangerously low-cut shirts, barely-there mini
skirts- good if you're going to a costume party as
Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman," bad for a first date.
(Hint: if you have to suck in your breath and lay on
the ground to zip your pants, they're too tight!) As
counterintuitive as it might sound, clothing that
screams "sex" is NOT sexy. Leave the pleather where
it belongs - in your closet in a box marked
"Halloween."

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...TRY OUT A NEW LOOK.

I'm all for experimenting with fashion, but a first
date is NOT the right time to launch a new personal
image. You know what looks great on you and makes you
feel confident, so stick with it. Save the daring
duds for a night out with your girlfriends - they'll
tell you honestly whether you can pull it off!
...THROW SOMETHING TOGETHER LAST-MINUTE.

First dates are stressful enough as it is without
having to go tearing through your closet (or hamper!)
20 minutes before you're supposed to meet him. As
soon as you solidify your plans, choose an outfit
and try it on - accessories and all - so on the big
night you'll feel confident and calm (at least about
your clothes!).
DO:
...BE COMFORTABLE.
Now I don't mean that you should bust out your
sweatpants, but on the opposite end of the spectrum,
you don't want to wear an outfit that is so
uncomfortable you find yourself fidgeting with it
all night. Just say NO to itchy wool sweaters,
low-low-low-rise jeans, and any top that requires
a strapless bra (do those things ever stay up for
ANYONE???).
...CONSIDER THE LOCALE.

The sparkly black top you were planning on wearing
out for cocktails would look all wrong for a brunch
date. Similarly, you can't pull off a yellow sundress

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at a dance club. Consider the location of your date

and choose your outfit accordingly. For Sheryl, a
colorful cashmere sweater or a top with a pretty
neckline and jeans should be just the right level of
dress for a coffee date.
...BE FEMININE (AND LET HIS IMAGINATION RUN WILD).

Men seem to be mesmerized by overt femininity.
Delicate or nice-feeling fabrics (silk, satin,
organza, cashmere) will catch his attention and give
him a reason to want to reach out and touch you.
Remember in the "don'ts" when we talked about
avoiding clothes that scream "sex?" Well here's the
RIGHT way to look sexy on a date: show a LITTLE skin,
but leave the rest up to his imagination. For example,
a blouse that is just a little bit see-through (don't
forget to wear a matching camisole underneath) will
drive him wild. Less is more - A boat-neck shirt that
shows off your collarbone is infinitely sexier than a
halter top with your boobs spilling out.
...SHOW YOUR PERSONAL STYLE.

Reveal a little something about who you are with what
you wear. Dress in your favorite color. Wear earrings
that were passed down to you from your grandmother or
a necklace that you made yourself. These little touches
might make for interesting conversation or, at the
very least, will serve as a reminder that there's
nothing more attractive than being yourself.
Speaking of which... There's one final "DO":
DO remember that who YOU are is more important than what

you're wearing.

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Worksheet: Drama-Free Dating Frame of Mind
Take some time to think about your fabulous and unique qualities.
What amazing attributes do you have to offer in a relationship?
Now focus on what you are looking for in another person. What
personality traits are important to you? How about looks?
Character?
Fill in the chart below with your answers and use these insights to
inform your dating decisions moving forward.
What I Have to Offer
___________________________________________
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What I'm Looking For in a Man
___________________________________________
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Worksheet: My Personal Affirmations

Create your own affirmations using the space below. If you're really
having a hard time coming up with any, use a few of the sample
statements that apply to you.
Once you have 3 – 5 affirmations that you like, commit them to

memory (or do like I do – write them on Post-Its and stick them to a
mirror so you can say them to yourself when you're getting ready).
Then repeat them to yourself whenever you're feeling insecure or
just need a boost. Even if you don't believe them at first, after
enough time reciting them, you will! I guarantee it!
____________________________________________________________
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Sample Affirmations:
• I am a unique beauty unlike any other.
• I am a fascinating conversationalist.
• I have a fabulous sense of humor.
• My body is perfect just the way it is...real!
• I have a radiant smile.
• My personality is one in a million.
• I make others feel good just by being around them.
• My positive outlook on life is a really attractive quality.
• I am an amazing friend.
• Any man would be lucky to have me in his life!

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Quiz: First Date Analysis –

Success or “See Ya Later?”
Obviously, there are two aspects to determining whether your first

date was a success: 1) How YOU felt about it and 2) How HE felt
about it. In order for a second date to happen, both of you need to
have had a positive experience and feel some sort of connection to
make it worth your while to spend more time together. Part 1 of this
quiz will help you identify your feelings and Part 2 will help you
gauge his feelings based on the clues he gave off during the date.
PART 1: Your Take on the Date
1. When the date began, you were…
a) Excited to see him; looking forward to the night ahead.
b) Nervous and anxious, but in a good way.
c) Calm, cool and collected... come to think of it, maybe a

little too calm.
d) Wondering why you agreed to go out with him in the first

place and antsy to get the heck outta there.
2. Let's talk appearance. How did your guy look?
a) Fine. He was clearly showered and wearing clean

clothes, which is all that really matters to you.
b) Hot with a capital “H.” He must have put a lot of effort

into getting ready for the date, which you noticed – and
appreciated.
c) Hmmm.... you didn't actually notice. You were too busy

planning your escape route.
c) Like a slob. His shirt was wrinkly and his hair was doing
that “bed-head” thing. But maybe that’s the look he was
going for?

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3. How about the date he planned? Were you impressed?
a) We had a drink in the neighborhood/grabbed dinner in a

low-key restaurant/etc. It didn't matter to me that it wasn't
extravagant, I was just enjoying his company.
b) LAME – O! Bowling/A Movie/A Coffeehouse?!? He

couldn't have picked anything I'd be LESS interested in if
he tried.
c) Perfect. He knew that Thai food was my favorite, and

picked an amazing restaurant I'd never been to before. I
was blown away.
d) The date that HE planned? You mean the date that I

planned! Well it would have been great if the guy I was
out with actually had a pulse.
4. Now for the most important part: Conversation. How'd that go?
a) Like...pulling...teeth.
b) Amazing. We talked about everything, and by the end

we were finishing each other's sentences like we'd
known each other for years.
c) I did most of the talking, but he was probably just

nervous. Hopefully he'll reciprocate more on the second
date.
d) The conversation flowed, but based on what we talked

about I'm not sure we have much in common.
5. At the end of the night, how did you feel about the possibility of
a goodnight kiss?
a) Not exactly sure… I was hoping I’d have a “gut feeling” in

the moment if he tried to kiss me.
b) Heck no… I wasn’t letting that freak anywhere near my

lips. He’s lucky I made it through dinner.
c) I was totally into the idea, hoping he’d try to smooch me

at the end of the night.

27
d) Goodnight kiss? We were making out after the second

round of drinks…and that was before dinner!
Part 1 Scoring:
1. a = 6 2. a = 4 3. a = 4 4. a = 0 5. a = 2
b=4 b=6 b=2 b=6 b=0
c=2 c=0 c=6 c=4 c=6
d=0 d=2 d=0 d=2 d=4
Now add your points from each question. If your total is:
22 – 30 …….. Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! This was a

great first date, at least from your point of view. I don’t need to tell
you that if he asks you on a second date, you should say yes!
14 – 21 …….. Potential dateability. There are so many factors at

play on a first date that can affect how you see someone – his
nerves, your nerves, unrealistic expectations, preconceived
notions, just to name a few – so if you find yourself still interested in
this guy now that the night is over, take it as a very good sign. This
guy’s got potential.
0 – 13 …..… Don’t settle. Be honest with yourself… he didn’t

grab your attention, hold your interest, or float your boat, so don’t
waste any more of your time on him. There are other great guys out
there to focus your energy on.
PART 2: His Take on the Date
1. When your date began, he:
a) …immediately complimented you on how gorgeous you

looked.
b) …opened the car door for you and told you how happy he
was to see you.
c) …acted a little aloof – maybe it was just nerves.
d) …was just getting off his cell phone with his ex-girlfriend,
who had called to say that she couldn’t believe he had the
nerve to start dating again so soon.

28
2. When you spoke, he:
a) …fidgeted, played with his food, and generally seemed

disconnected.
b) …listened intently to every word you were saying and, when

appropriate, chimed in.
c) …stared at your chest.
d) …appeared to be listening, but when you’d ask a question

he’d suddenly be jolted back to reality.
3. The waiter brings your check. What happens next?
a) Your date says, “I forgot my wallet. Would you mind getting

this?”
b) He stares at the check, clearly doing long-division in his

head until you offer to pay your half. He quickly agrees.
c) You both leave the check sitting there, too engrossed in

conversation to even deal with it yet.
d) He grabs for the check immediately, saying that it was his

pleasure to spend an evening with you and insisting on
paying no matter how much you argue.
4. After dinner, he:
a) …suggested a great wine bar where you could continue

talking. He didn’t want the night to end.
b) …called you a cab/walked or drove you home, then gave

you a goodnight kiss.
c) … called you a cab/walked or drove you home, but no

goodnight kiss.
d) … jumped in his car and drove away, leaving you standing

in front of the restaurant in a cloud of his exhaust.
5. What were his last words before you parted?
a) “I’ll call you sometime.”

29
b) “Best of luck to you. Take care.”
c) “I had such a great time tonight; I can’t wait to do it again.

Are you free next Friday?”
d) “Can I call you tomorrow?”
Part 2 Scoring:
1. a = 6 2. a = 2 3. a = 0 4. a = 6 5. a = 2
b=4 b=6 b=2 b=4 b=0
c=2 c=0 c=4 c=2 c=6
d=0 d=4 d=6 d=0 d=4
22 – 30 …….. Sounds like he’s smitten. From the clues this guy’s
giving off, he’s into you. You can feel pretty confident that he had a
great time on the date and will be calling you to take you out again.
14 – 21 …….. Too close to call. You were getting mixed

messages (not unusual for a first date). If you liked the guy,
chances are he felt a connection with you too and was just nervous.
If he asks you on a second date, why not give him another shot. On
the other hand, if you weren’t feeling that “vibe,” he probably wasn’t
either and it’s time to move on.
0 – 13 …..… Don’t hold your breath. Based on the signals he

was sending on your first date, it doesn’t sound like this guy will be
calling you for a second. But honestly, with that kind of behavior,
would you really want him to?

30
CHAPTER 6
10 Things You Can Do

Instead of Calling Him
1. Call your sponsor.
2. Call your mother.
3. Go to the gym.
4. Meet your girlfriends at the mall for some retail therapy.
5. Treat yourself to a Grande-Mocha-Frappe-Latte (with whipped

cream, of course)
6. Read a trashy tabloid magazine. At least your drama isn't that bad.
7. Put on those killer 3” heels and take yourself out for a martini.
8. Catch a movie with your favorite guy friend...You know, the one
who makes you feel like the catch of the century while still never
trying to get you in bed.
9. Get a mani/pedi.
10. Go on a date with another guy!

31
Chapter 7
Is He Boyfriend Material?
A Checklist of Qualities to Consider:
9 Stable Career.....Does he have a good job or is he pursuing

an education? If he is content not to work and just sponge off
other people (especially his parents) this is a bad sign!
9 Passion.....Does he have goals and dreams for his future? Is

he committed to pursuing them?
9 Good Health & Habits.....Does he take good care of himself

(eat well, go to the gym, etc.)? Does he have any habits that
are deal-breakers (Drug or alcohol abuse, smoking)?
9 Balanced Emotional State.....Does he seem stable?

(Beware of overly jaded types, those with excessive
'emotional baggage,' or men with rage issues or out-of-
control mood swings.)
9 There Are TWO of You in the Relationship....If your guy's

three favorite words are “Me, me, and Me,” you need to break
it off fast. While self-absorbed men can be attractive at first,
exuding charm and confidence, that act will wear thin faster
than he can say, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the hottest
dude of all?” The truth about narcissists is they are so
obsessed with loving themselves that they are incapable of
truly loving another person. Don't take a backseat to
someone else's rabid ego.

32
9 Treats You Well.....Does he treat you with respect and

consideration? How do you feel when you're around him –
happy, relaxed, safe? If he makes you feel uneasy, insecure,
controlled, or unsafe, he is definitely not boyfriend material.
9 Treats Others Well…..Is he friendly with his doorman? Is he

kind to waitresses and generous with tips? If he’s pleasant
with other people it’s a good sign that he’s not just putting on
an act for you.
9 Healthy Relationship Track Record.....What is his dating

history like? Is he a serial monogamist or the king of one-
night stands? If he hasn't dated much (or at all), that could
also be red flag. If you know other women he's dated, do they
have good things to say about him?
9 Good Relationship With Family.....Is he close with his

family? Does he treat his parents with respect? Is he friendly
with his siblings? These are all good signs of a quality man.
HOWEVER....BEWARE OF THE MAMA'S BOY! A man who
hasn't “cut the cord” with his mother is nothing but
trouble...either he'll expect you to wait on him and make his
bed OR you'll spend your life trying to live up to the perfect
image of Mommy...Either way, it's not good – so get out now
and save yourself for a man who will make you the #1 woman
in his life!

33
9 Maturity Level....Is he mature on an intellectual and

emotional level? Does he follow through on his
responsibilities? If he blows off a commitment to stay home
and play Xbox, he may not be ready to meet the obligations
of an adult relationship.
9 On Your Level Mentally & Emotionally….. Can he hold his

own in a discussion about world events? Does he challenge
you intellectually? Is he capable of having conversations that
are deeper than the weather or where you want to go for
dinner? Attraction may come and go, but a man that can
keep you on your toes in everyday conversation is truly a
man that can hold your interest.
9 Potential for Commitment.....When you begin dating

someone, you can never really be sure if he's interested in a
serious commitment or a fun little fling. But you can take a
calculated risk. There are ways to glean clues about his
intentions by observing his current lifestyle. If he's young, has
a reputation for being a “player,” or hangs out with single
buddies who are into “the scene,” it could be a long while
before he's ready to settle down. If, however, his circle of
friends are in serious relationships/engaged and/or getting
married there is a good chance that he'll be ready for that
phase himself soon enough.

34
5 Questions You Can Ask to

Gauge His Commitment-ability
There are some covert ways to uncover clues about whether a man
is ready/interested in a serious relationship. While not foolproof for
every man, the following questions can be good indicators:
Key
HIGH = Very likely to be ready for commitment.
MEDIUM = Could go either way… If you’re really into the guy, it’s
worth your while to stick around and see if it pans out.
LOW = Unlikely to be ready for a commitment, might not be worth

your time if you’re looking for a serious relationship.
1. Q: “How old are you?”
A1: 30 or older = HIGH
A2: 26-29 = MEDIUM
A3: 18-25 = LOW
2. Q: “What do you like to do for fun?”
A1: Take my dog for a hike in the canyons, catch a

movie with some friends, go out for a great dinner
and a nice bottle of wine. = HIGH
A2: Happy hour drinks with my work colleagues,

meeting friends out at a lounge, poker night with
the guys. = MEDIUM
A3: Stay out all night at the hottest clubs, out-drink my

buddies, meet new people, go to house parties. = LOW
3. Q: “What’s your relationship like with your family?”
A1: My family is great. My parents would really love to

35
see me settle down and start a family of my own

soon. = HIGH
A2: I see them a couple times a year around the

holidays, but I’m a little too busy to keep in touch like
I should. = MEDIUM
A3: They’re okay, I guess. I did get pissed when my

mom stopped doing my laundry for me and told me
to find my own apartment. What’s the rush? = LOW
4. Q: “Tell me about your career.”
A1: It couldn’t be better. I’m coming up on my five

year anniversary at my firm and I just made
partner. = HIGH
A2: I like what I’m doing, but I think it could be time for
a career change. I’ve started to research another field and
plan on setting up informational interviews to learn what my
options are. = MEDIUM
A3: It pays the bills, but I can’t bartend forever. Too bad I have
no idea what I want to do with my life. = LOW
5. Q: “What are your friends like?”
A1: Phil and Lisa live in Connecticut. They’ve been married for a
year. Eric and his wife Amanda are about to have twins, and
my best friend Kevin is proposing to his girlfriend Katie any
day now. They’re a great group of friends, although I usually
end up feeling like the 7th wheel. = HIGH
A2: Dave, Mike, Greg and Adam are all really good guys,
although I don’t seem much of Greg and Dave lately now that
they’re in serious relationships with their girlfriends. =
MEDIUM
A3: Awesome. My roommate Billy is the coolest guy, and my crew

from high school pretty much still hangs out. In fact, they’re
kinda busting on me for being out with you tonight instead of
them. = LOW

36
Chapter 8
QUIZ: Does He Think You’re “Girlfriend Material?”
There are subtle ways to tell if a guy thinks you might be “girlfriend
material” (rather than just a fling). Use this quiz to read his signs:
1. He invites you over to his apartment for the first time. How clean is
his bathroom?
a. A typical “guy” bathroom. Not the epitome of cleanliness, but it

looks as if he’s straightened up a bit (more than just a square of
toilet paper on the roll, he’s hidden his stack of Maxim
magazines, etc.).
b. Utterly disgusting. There’s dirty underwear hanging on the door

handle, black mold growing everywhere, beard stubble in the
sink, and his shower should be quarantined.
c. Spotless. You can tell he’s freshly scrubbed every surface…it

even smells like Lysol. He’s so NOT the clean-freak type so you
can be pretty sure he’s done this just for you.
2. You’re on your third date. Where does he take you?
a. To the same neighborhood pub around the corner from his

apartment where you spent dates #1 & #2.
b. The movies…You chose.
c. To his favorite restaurant in the city. Even though it’s not super
fancy, it’s his special spot and he doesn’t share it with just
anyone.

37
3. He’s in charge of planning a Saturday date. What does he come up

with?
a. He picks you up at your apartment in the late afternoon and

takes you to the beach. He’s prepared a picnic basket complete
with an assortment of cheese, fruit, and chocolate…and of
course a bottle of wine. After your picnic you walk along the
beach and watch the sunset. Then you head to his apartment
where he’s rented two of your favorite movies – a drama and a
comedy, whichever you’re in the mood for.
b. He takes you to a nice restaurant and even has a romantic

lounge picked out for a post-dinner cocktail.
c. Nothing. He leaves it up to you.
4. Has he ever cooked for you?

a. HA! You’ve never even eaten together… unless you
count alcohol as a liquid meal.
b. Once he made you eggs in the morning.
c. Yes! Even though he’s not an experienced cook, he found a

recipe that he thought you’d like and made an elaborate
candlelit dinner. You were so impressed.
5. He keeps something in his apartment just for you (e.g. your favorite
iced coffee in his fridge even though he doesn’t drink it, a
toothbrush in his bathroom, etc.)
a. True
b. False
c. I’ve never even been inside his apartment.
Scoring:
1. a = 2 2. a = 0 3. a = 4 4. a = 0 5. a = 4
b=0 b=2 b=2 b=2 b=2
c=4 c=4 c=0 c=4 c=0

38
16 – 20 …….. You’re SO “Girlfriend Material.” He’s certainly not

treating you like “some girl he’s seeing.” Don’t be surprised if he
starts using the “G” word soon!
8 – 14 …….. He’s Making Up His Mind. He may not be courting

you with as much enthusiasm or creativity as you’d like, but he’s
definitely interested. Whether he’s sorting through his own issues
about getting serious or would like to get a few more dates with you
under his belt before deciding, it might take a while before you
know where you stand with him.
0 – 6 …..… Why Bother? Forget you being “Girlfriend Material’ –

is this guy really “Boyfriend Material???” He doesn’t seem to be
putting much effort into your relationship, so does he really deserve
to have one with you?

39
Chapter 11
Stages of Defining/Redefining Your Relationship
¾ Defining the relationship for the first time. Is this just a casual thing
or are we exclusive? Are we boyfriend/Girlfriend?
¾ Solidifying the Commitment aka “The Crossroads.” This is when

you've been dating exclusively for a number or months and need
to decide whether you see a future with each other or should cut
your losses and move on.
¾ To move in or not move in? Depending on the couple, this stage

may or may not occur between “Solidifying the commitment” and
“Engagement.”
¾ Engagement. Typically occurs after several months – to years – of

dating. May start out as hypothetical conversations like “One day
when we're married I want to move to the suburbs and have three
kids,” but eventually must be a real conversation leading to
concrete future plans, a decision that one or both of you need
more time to think, or a breakup.

40
Chapter 13
Signs That He’s About to

Profess His Love to You
9 You often catch him gazing at you all ga-ga

like, but when you ask him what’s on his mind, he
snaps out of it nervously and says, “Nothing!”
9 When you part ways at the end of a date or

are hanging up with each other on the phone, he
sounds like he’s about to say something, but then
just says, “Um, I forgot what I was going to say…
Ok, goodnight!”
9 He’s doing a lot of reminiscing about your

relationship, or seems uncharacteristically sappy.
9 He acts extra nervous every time you’re in a

situation that would make for the perfect first “I love
you” – e.g. during a beautiful sunset, on vacation,
on a special occasion such as Valentine’s Day or
your birthday.
9 He’s using the “L” word excessively with you

(except saying “I love you.”) For example, “I LOVE
spending time with you,” “I LOVE you in that outfit,”
“I LOVE your sense of humor,” “I LOVE everything
about you…”

41
Chapter 15
Am I Addicted to Dating Drama?
Read through the following statements and place a

checkmark next to every one you identify with:
I often find myself attracted to "bad boys," "jerks" and

"players."
I spend a lot of my time trying to make my boyfriend

happy.
If I am upset about something in my relationship, I

sometimes dismiss my feelings to avoid a conflict.
The men I date tend to be bossy and controlling, and get

angry when I don't do what they want me to do.
I apologize even when I know I'm not at fault.
If my boyfriend is mad at me, I can't think about anything

else until we resolve the argument.
I love how great it feels to make up after a fight, like I

have a fresh start to be a better girlfriend.
My boyfriend and I have a cyclical relationship: things

are going well, then out of the blue he gets angry at me,
I apologize and do everything in my power to make it up
to him, then we make up, and the cycle starts all over
again.
My feelings of self-worth seem to fluctuate based on how

my boyfriend is treating me.
I know that I should just date a "nice guy," but I worry

that I'd be bored without the excitement that comes from
a dramatic relationship.

42
If you can relate to at least one statement, then you are

attracted to dramatic relationships. If you checked three or
more, you might be addicted to dating drama.
If you're hesitant to hop off that emotional roller coaster because

you're afraid that life is more boring on solid ground...
Or if you know you want to break the cycle of dramatic

relationships but just aren't sure HOW, turn back to Chapter 15
now for answers that will get you on the road to drama-free
dating.

43
Notes
Use the following pages to jot notes while reading “Dating Without Drama”
or journal about your self-discovery process on the road to becoming a
drama-free dater!

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Reflections and Revelations:

A Dater’s Self-Discovery Guide

50 Fun-Filled Pages of Quizzes, Checklists, Worksheets and

How to Use this Book

I suggest that you begin by reading Dating Without Drama and

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

QUIZ: Should I Trust My Instincts?

To get an accurate read on your instincts, don’t over-think this…

1. You meet a really cute guy in the supermarket (you

a. Stop him before he gets away and ask if he wants to get

b. Purposely bump into him in another aisle to give him

c. Tell yourself that it wasn’t meant to be and head straight

a. Call him. Hey, he gave you his card too.

b. Go back to the same bar in hopes of running into

c. Write him off…he missed his chance.

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

a. Shoot him a very casual email thanking him for a

b. Call him and invite him to the film festival in your

c. Refocus your energy on other available men in

a. Tell him that you’ve decided to stop dating around and

b. Pour him a glass of wine and, in the most non-

c. Keep your feelings to yourself until he tells you he wants

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

c. Stare back into his eyes and smile mysteriously.

For an explanation of how putting your instincts on hold is the

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

Worksheet: The Path to Self-Actualization

As I mention in Chapter 2 of “Dating Without Drama,” psychologist

Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

A problematic misconception in relationships is that we think it's

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

more we'll be open to seeing just how fulfilling our relationship

Whether you're in the beginning stages of a relationship or haven't

Here's what you need to do:

¾ Now be honest – which of these needs is it realistic to expect for

¾ Remember this exercise as you seek out a relationship with a

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

Need Who Can How it Can

Ex: Love Me, family, friends, Spending time with people

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

Exercise: Dates With Myself

If you’ve read Chapter 2, you’re already familiar with the concept of

Date Day #1: Vision of Love

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

Date Day #2: A Confident Stroll and Relaxing Afternoon Out

Date Day #3: Physical Beauty

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

through movement and/or exercise. I’m not talking about working

Date Day #4: Giving Love

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

Date Day #5: You’ve Got Class

In life, we’re taught to be humble and modest. We learn at a young

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

Exercise: My Positive Qualities

Circle the qualities that you identify with.

Patient Considerate Humorous Creative

When you’re done, take some time to reflect on these qualities. If

In Chapter 5 you’ll be asked to create affirmation statements (pg.

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

Exercise: Turning Negative Self-Talk

Although your self-talk usually runs on “autopilot,” you absolutely

©2007. All Rights Reserved, Dating Without Drama, Inc. www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

It’s easy to re-program your self-talk….it just takes a little