Lesson 5 Assignment 1

Part A Step 2)

Rough draft
The essay by Jordan Hicks is not an effective literary essay. It fails to meet multiple structural
requirements. The entire essay focuses on impetuosity rather than death. The paragraphs were
developed and the thesis was good but this won't matter when it isn't relevant. There is no
coherence as he fails to follow the order of his thesis. The introduction does not follow general
to specific. The thesis is restated in the same words. Not being able to follow the structure ruins
the essay. Another major issue was not meeting the MLA criteria at all. The essay is not double
spaced and the title is italicized. His in-text citation citations lacked the author’s last name. He
even completely plagiarised Mercutiro’s dialogue. He leaves two spaces after his punctuation
but this is a mistake depending on his instructor. Sources should be work cited and there is a
lack of information regarding the version of the play, number etc. There was proper grammar
usage, and the vocabulary was up to standard. No contractions have been used, and the tenses
remain consistent. First-person is not used except once. These language conventions also had
mistakes. He also employed the technique of cause-and-effect exposition, telling us that
Romeo’s impulsive actions led to his banishment and the subsequent catastrophic and tragic
ending.

Step three)
The essay In "Death in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet," by author Jordan Hicks makes Commented [RH1]: Even the lack of italics in Hicks'
several errors that renders it is not an effective formal literary essay,. Despite some good title is an error.
ideas, the structural, communication, and MLA citation errors plague the essay.as it fails
to meet the structural and MLA requirements of an effective essay. Further, it expresses the
idea of impetuosity as a tragic flaw in the characters of "Romeo and Juliet" rather than the
concept of death. Commented [RH2]: Remember that you are not
looking at the content of the essay; you just want to
Jordan Hicks fails to meet most of the structural requirements of an effective literary essay. focus on the three areas provided.

Hicks’ essay suffers from several structural issues. While the title suggests that the essay
will focus on death in Romeo and Juliet, most of the essay revolves around the idea of
impetuosity, with little emphasis on death. His introduction lacks a clear progression from Commented [RH3]: More content than structural.
general to specific and does not mention the author's name. His paragraphs were developed as Commented [RH4]: He does provide the title (not
he gave quotations and his own analyses; however, this does not matter as he talks about the italicized though) and the playwright though. As you
characteristic of impetuosity rather than focusing on the concept of death. Hicks mentions his noted, the paragraph is inverted and thus lacks
coherence.
points in the order of Romeo, Juliet, and Capulet, but the essay lacks coherence as he
Commented [RH5]: Are all topic sentences effective
discusses Capulet before exploring Juliet's character. He concluded by restating the thesis; and clear? Are there transitions provided between the
however, it is quite repetitive and requires revised vocabularywould have been better to body paragraphs?
rephrase it, as it seems a bit repetitive to write the same line twice. The lesson provided in the Commented [RH6]: Remember: no talk of content.
conclusion focuses more on impetuosity than death, further moving away from the essay's
Commented [RH7]: Goo. He does not follow the order
intended focus. Hicks’ structural errors hinder the The inability to follow this structure majorly of the plan of development.
affects the effectiveness of his essay. Commented [RH8]: Conclusion should also feature
the title of the text and the author.
Another major issue in Hicks' essay was the improper usage of the MLA format to avoid
plagiarism. Firstly, he did not double-space the entire text of his essay except before and after
his title. Another issue is that Hicks did not use italics or quotation marks to reference the title
"Romeo and Juliet" at any point throughout the essay. Additionally, Hicks did not include the Commented [RH9]: This could also be a
author's last name in the in-text citations, which is required in the MLA format. For example, he communication error.
should have written (Shakespeare 2.2. 383-386) when referencing specific lines in the play. In
the second paragraph, he actually failsfailed to provide a citation for Mercutiro’s dialogue Commented [RH10]: Not a big deal in this assignment
completely, thus making it difficult to find context from the play if necessary. Since he failed to but remember to use present tense in future literary
essays/analyses.
provide a citation for the dialogue, he also completely plagiarized it. Generally, in the MLA
format, only one space is left after each punctuation mark and the page number is written on the
top right. Depending on his instructor's guidelines, these may be mistakes in his essay. As all Commented [RH11]: Excellent. MLA provides the
the information in the essay came from the same play, he did not need to cite any additional framework but most professors have variations that
they want followed.
sources; however, “sources'' should have been labelled as “Works Cited” and should have been
on a separate page. Finally, in the Works Cited section, Hicks only included the title of the play
and the author's name; however, he should have provided additional information such as the
version, number, publisher, publication date, and location if possible. This is necessary as the
play may have multiple variations. Commented [RH12]: Conclude with a strong sentence
that wraps up the paragraph (like you did in the
However, there was a fair use of language conventions, as the grammar and vocabulary previous body paragraph).

remained appropriate, with a few spelling mistakes. An example of a mistake was in the fifth line Commented [RH13]: Improve the topic sentence here:
of the fifth paragraph: "Juliet did not know is the potion would work or if Romeo would get the Additionally, the clarity of Hicks' essay suffers due to
the inclusion of several communication errors.
message to save her". The "is" should have been an "if." Another mistake was in the sentence
“Juliet is desperate to be with Romeo, no matters to the cost”. It should have been written as
“Juliet is desperate to be with Romeo, no matter what the cost is” to make it sound more clear.
Further, he did not write in the first person except for in the first paragraph where he stated “You
must examine all consequences before making an important choice”. His verb tenses were all Commented [RH14]: Good or bad?
consistent with one another and no contractions were used. As far as language conventions go, Commented [RH15]: Another error is that he ends a
his sentences remained clear as he did not use passive voice. body paragraph with just a quotation: no comment or
concluding sentence. This could be a communication
or a structural error.
Hicks’ essay completely fails to meet the structural requirements and the MLA criteria of an
effective literary essay. Further, it does not successfully discuss the idea of death in Romeo and He also fails to properly integrate a direct quotations in
the essay.
Juliet. Although the essay may fairly meet the language requirements, this is simply not enough
to render it effective. Commented [RH16]: Restate the three arguments
again here.

B)
I began by carefully reading the question twice and paying close attention to its specific
requirements. I skimmed the essay once to get a general idea of its subject. The essay was
clear; however, upon getting advice from my teacher, Ryan Hobbins, I realized Hicks failed to
write an effective literary essay. I was able to find these mistakes partly due to how I wrote my
own essay and which allowed better understand the requirements of an effective one. After that,
I reread the essay multiple times, focusing on different aspects each time to assess how well it
functioned as a literary essay. I looked at the types of exposition used, the grammar, the
citations, the unity, emphasis, coherence, and the structure of the essay. I was able to evaluate
nearly all aspects of the writing by reading it multiple times with different focuses. I created a list
of them to ensure I did not overlook any requirements for a literary essay. After I completed part
A, I reread the essay to make sure I did not miss out on any factor that would impact the essay’s
effectiveness. It was challenging to read the essay online; thus, I had to print it out, and I would
underline factors that I felt contributed to the essay’s effectiveness. As I read the essay several
times, I will probably remember the analysis for some time. In the future, I will attempt to utilize
the same methods to evaluate the effectiveness of a literary essay; however, I will improve upon Commented [RH17]: You are definitely very thorough!
them depending on the feedback I get from my teacher.

Nice work Amayad. It is probably the trickiest assignment in the course!

Just a few little structural issues that could help improve your response. You did locate many of
the errors though.

Reading for Meaning: Level 4

- demonstrates an accurate understanding of the text as well as the important details of the essay.

Reflecting on Skills and Strategies (Reading): Level 4+

- identify reading skills or strategies that you do well. (4.2)
- indicate areas of need and explain how you will address them. (4.1)

Developing and Organizing Content: Level 4-

- thesis reflects use of brainstorming. (1.1 - 1.5)
- introductory paragraph has a creative hook, a clear plan of development, and a strong/clear
thesis.
- organization of subtopics and examples within body paragraphs reflects thesis. (1.1 - 1.5)
- paragraphs are logically developed with supporting details and transitions. (1.1 - 1.5)
- concluding paragraph summarises main ideas and leaves an impression on the reader. (1.1 -
1.5)

Using Knowledge of Form and Style: Level 4

- demonstrate an understanding of proper essay structure. (2.1)
- word selection is appropriate for this grade level. (2.3)
- ensure to have sentence variety and appropriate syntax. (2.4)

Applying Knowledge of Conventions: Level 4-/4

- express ideas clearly and concisely. (3.3 and 3.6)
- avoid errors with spelling, punctuation, and conventions. (3.1, 3.2, 3.4)
- use appropriate vocabulary and editing skills to meet the criteria. (3.3., 3.5, 3.7)