My Hiraeth

(An Essay by Samantha Nicole L. Valera)

Funny yet amazing it is to think that we meet different people at the most random
times in our lives. It may be by means of casually meeting and speaking with each other
for the first time, or that we are all just destined to meet at a certain point—indeed, it is all
in a game of fate!
I must say that there’s this one person who came into my life and took me on a
wild rollercoaster ride that I never thought that I’d experience. Yours truly remembers
everything so vividly; from the first meeting to how things led up to how they are today.
Concur, it’s been nine years yet I remember all of it as if it was yesterday.
She goes by the name ‘Athena’; named after the Goddess of Wisdom indeed. We
first met around third grade and I always remembered just feeling warmly drawn to her—
so drawn that I knew that getting her attention would not be an easy task. Needless to
say that both of us spent the remaining years of grade school just vaguely passing each
other by. However, things took quite an interesting turn when we reached junior high.
It was the Twelfth day of May of the year 2014 when all incoming freshmen in high
school were called to be oriented. I am unable to recall much of what was being discussed
during that time but I always remember how my ears perked up when her Goddess for a
name was called. Next thing I knew, we engaged into an actual conversation and learned
that we have a lot in common—from our favorite band, TV shows, hobbies—we laugh
about how we share a lot of similarities but have been missing each other all this time.
Things proceeded to take a turn for the absolute best as the days flew by and
turned into months of walking on clouds. Yours truly however, started to feel amazingly
different; different that I tend to forget everything when I look at her. As we were
inseparable during band rehearsals, actual performances were just as fun. Gazing into
each other’s eyes as the melody of our instruments lingered in the air was highly
euphoric—every day spent with her, was a day I always looked forward to.
Ironic it is that our greatest source of happiness is what will give us tremendous
grief when it is gone. In spite of that being true, I for one had to swallow that truth by
plummeting into a void of pure darkness. Everything just happened a little too fast that I
could not comprehend everything that was going on. Tears filled my eyes as I questioned
where it all went wrong. How could have everything fallen into pieces when we were just
having another blissful moment with the rest of the band last night?
Yours truly shall no longer go in detail of what occurred within the following months
of pure agony. What’s important is that we made up and we’ve talked things through. In
spite of things not being able to go back to the way they were, I was contented of being
able to be there for her even if most times she’d push me away. Being the vulnerable
person I was, I fought for whatever our fragmented friendship had left—even if it meant
that I was the only one who was trying to hold it together.
 Currently, both of us are now college freshmen in separate universities. A day
never goes by that I don’t reflect on everything that I’ve shared with her, and how she
unknowingly taught me a lot along the way. Because of her, I found my identity as a
person who is extremely passionate when it comes to music; I learned how it’s always
the little things that give us genuine happiness; that some things will never go as planned
and it’s okay; and of course, to love without limits despite the risks and consequences.
All throughout the years, I’ve loved her in secret for I know that she would never
feel the same way. Seven years of unrequited feelings that eventually turned into a
rollercoaster ride that I would not have had any other way. We may have not ended up
together, she is and will always be my first true love.
I may not be able to go back to those days filled with a perfect combination of bliss
and agony, but as long as I managed to prove how much I was willing to give her the
world, it’s enough. She indeed, is my hiraeth.