RECUPERACION

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PROJECT, PRESENTATION AND

DISSERTATION

RECUPERACION
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PART ONE (50 points)

Paraphrasing
OBJECTIVE: To apply techniques introduced, explained and practised during synchronised sessions in order
to paraphrase short paragraphs of text.

ACTIVITY:
Using the techniques practised during our workshop session(s), write a paraphrase of the following two
parargraphs.

Remember to think about:

- Use of synonyms
- Modifying parts of speech (nouns to verbs, verbs to nouns etc)
- Changing the order of the information
- Changing the structure of the sentences

PARAGRAPH 1

Of the more than 1000 bicycling deaths each year, three-fourths are caused by head injuries. Half of those
killed are school-age children. One study concluded that wearing a bike helmet can reduce the risk of head
injury by 85 percent. In an accident, a bike helmet absorbs the shock and cushions the head.

Source:Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports (May 1990) p.348.

PARAGRAPH 2

While the Sears Tower is arguably the greatest achievement in skyscraper engineering so far, it's unlikely
that architects and engineers have abandoned the quest for the world's tallest building. The question is: Just
how high can a building go? Structural engineer William LeMessurier has designed a skyscraper nearly one-
half mile high, twice as tall as the Sears Tower. And architect Robert Sobel claims that existing technology
could produce a 500-story building.

Source: Ron Bachman, "Reaching for the Sky." Dial (May 1990): 15.
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RUBRIC

Read the rubric carefully to see how the work will be evaluated.

Satisfactory Needs Improvement Not Demonstrated (0

Criteria Excellent (20 points) Good (15 points) (10 points) (5 points) points)

Accuracy Paraphrase accurately Paraphrase mostly Paraphrase partially Paraphrase inaccurately Paraphrase does not
captures the meaning of the captures the meaning of captures the meaning represents the meaning demonstrate an
original text and maintains the original text with of the original text, of the original text, understanding of the
the same level of detail and minor errors or but there are resulting in a loss of original text.
complexity. omissions. significant errors or clarity or coherence
omissions.

Paraphrase demonstrates a
strong command of
vocabulary and grammar,
Language using appropriate synonyms
Usage and sentence structures.
Paraphrase shows
proficiency in vocabulary
and grammar, with
some minor errors or
awkward phrasing.
Paraphrase includes Paraphrase contains Paraphrase contains
noticeable errors in frequent errors in severe errors in
vocabulary or vocabulary or grammar, vocabulary and
grammar, affecting hindering grammar, making it
clarity and coherence. comprehension. incomprehensible.

Paraphrase demonstrates a
high level of originality,
incorporating unique word
choices and sentence
structures while maintaining
the essence of the original
Originality text.
Paraphrase shows some
originality, but relies
heavily on the structure
and wording of the
original text.
Paraphrase lacks
originality and relies Paraphrase shows little
primarily on the to no originality, closely Paraphrase is an exact
structure and replicating the structure copy or minimally
wording of the and wording of the altered version of the
original text. original text. original text.

Paraphrase is mostly
clear and Paraphrase has some
Paraphrase is clear and easily understandable, but clarity issues, Paraphrase lacks clarity
understandable, maintaining may have some resulting in occasional and coherence, making it Paraphrase is incoherent
the logical flow and structure instances of confusion confusion or lack of difficult to understand and fails to convey any
Clarity of the original text. or lack of coherence. coherence. the intended meaning. clear meaning.

Paraphrase is Paraphrase significantly

Paraphrase maintains an
appropriate length, neither
excessively long nor
significantly shorter than the
Length original text.
Paraphrase is slightly
longer or shorter than
the original text but still
within a reasonable
range.
noticeably longer or deviates from the
shorter than the original text in terms of Paraphrase does not
original text, affecting length, resulting in an demonstrate an
the overall unbalanced understanding of
effectiveness. representation. appropriate length.
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PART TWO
Academic writing: style and tone
OBJECTIVES:
To apply techniques introduced, explained and practised during synchronised sessions in order to write a
paragraph in an appropriate academic style
To analyse and identify issues with a paragraph with reference to best practice of academic writing

ACTIVITY

Use the techniques we practiced in the workshop sessions to first analyse and then re-write this paragraph to make it
sound more academic.

TASK ONE (25 points)

This paragraph is taken from an undergraduate’s dissertation about a research project carried out in London, UK.

The tone and style is not appropriate for an academic essay.

Identify a minimum of 5 DIFFERENT issues with this paragraph and explain why it is an issue (10 points per issue)

I wanted to do a quantitative study to find out about people’s ideas of the importance of having an improved

information centre at Stratford train station. A quantitative study would definitely be best as it shows people’s

objective views rather than their subjective views and as I wanted to get the ideas of as many people as possible an

objective approach was best. A subjective, qualitative approach wouldn’t let me get as many views and this is what I

wanted for this study. I chose to use a survey as this meant I could get many views without taking too much time

and I didn’t have much time to carry out the study. I did this survey online and in the street face to face near

Stratford station to get as many views as possible.

Source: University of East London, UK (https://uel.ac.uk/ - accessed 23.5.2023 101pm)

TASK TWO (25 points)

Re-write the paragraph to make it more academic in tone and closer to an acceptable style for a research project.
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Consider: passive voice, nominalization, use of first person “I”, less formal / more academic vocabulary, use of
contractions, connecting words / conjunctions etc.

Use the rubric to understand how the work will be evaluated.

RUBRIC

1. Clarity and Coherence:

10 points: The paragraph is exceptionally clear and coherent, with well-organized ideas that flow
logically. Each sentence contributes effectively to the overall understanding of the paragraph.
7 points: The paragraph is generally clear and coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. Most sentences
contribute to the overall understanding, but there may be occasional instances of minor confusion
or lack of clarity.
4 points: The paragraph lacks clarity and coherence, making it challenging to understand the
intended meaning. Ideas may be disorganized or poorly developed, resulting in a disjointed
paragraph.
2. Grammar and Mechanics:
1. 10 points: The paragraph demonstrates impeccable grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Sentence
structures, verb agreements, and word usage are consistently accurate.
2. 7 points: The paragraph has generally correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling. There may be
occasional minor errors or inconsistencies in sentence structure, verb agreement, or word usage.
3. 4 points: The paragraph contains noticeable grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors that hinder
comprehension. Sentence structures, verb agreements, or word usage may be consistently incorrect
or inconsistent.
3. Vocabulary and Terminology:
1. 10 points: The paragraph utilizes a wide range of precise and appropriate vocabulary and subject-
specific terminology. The chosen words enhance the clarity, depth, and accuracy of the writing.
2. 7 points: The paragraph demonstrates good use of vocabulary and relevant terminology. There may
be occasional minor inaccuracies or instances where a more precise word choice could enhance the
writing.
3. 4 points: The paragraph has limited vocabulary and terminology relevant to the subject matter,
resulting in a lack of clarity or precision. Incorrect or inappropriate usage of terms may be
noticeable.
4. Formal Tone and Style:
1. 10 points: The paragraph maintains a consistently formal tone and style appropriate for academic
writing. It avoids colloquialisms, contractions, slang, or overly casual language.
2. 7 points: The paragraph generally maintains a formal tone and style, with few instances of informal
language or expressions that could be revised to be more formal.
3. 4 points: The paragraph exhibits inconsistencies in tone and style, with noticeable use of informal
language or expressions. The overall formality could be improved.
5. Organization and Structure:
1. 10 points: The paragraph demonstrates a clear and logical organization. It includes a well-defined
topic sentence, coherent supporting details, and a strong conclusion. Transitions between sentences
and paragraphs are smooth and coherent.
2. 7 points: The paragraph has a generally clear organization. It includes a topic sentence, supporting
details, and a conclusion, but there may be some minor inconsistencies or weak transitions.
3. 4 points: The paragraph lacks a clear organization and structure. The topic sentence may be vague or
absent, supporting details may be disorganized or weak, and transitions may be lacking or confusing.