THE SIWES CHRONICLES – DAY XVI

Written by BlackFaceMask

Today I attempted to dress like Inya, how does Inya dress? In the most well ironed starched shirt
imaginable to man. Keep in mind I didn't say 'the most well starched ironed shirt', because I
know you're thinking of those cardboard balloons that CU boys wear, not that. Just a very
straight shirt, and it never gets rumpled. I have no idea how, he sits in an office chair, he takes
public transport, but that shirt stays straight. That's a feature not everyone can boast of. Keeping
it straight.
I say attempted to because no matter how hard I tried or begged, the iron and the shirt simply
refused to comply, so I took what I could get.
Anyway, I got to the bus stop, and I saw a driver, with a clean lined full beard, and a tropical red
flower print flannel shirt and gold rim circular glasses, it's my driver guy, who disappeared, but
he's back. I didn't take his bus though, it was already filled, but I guess it was nice to see him
again. I got on a different bus, and we got on our way.
At one point, the driver turned, when we wouldn't normally turn. And then we were in a place
that I didn't recognize, God abeg. He keeps going so I open google map to check where I am, I
plot a course to my workplace, so I know where the best place would be to alight... just in case.
He eventually got back to the road I was familiar with, and my heart went back to its original
position and rate.
I got into the office and Odin and Inya were still there. Inya grabbed the keys to the server room,
and I got up to follow him, I love going to the server room.
Ladies and gentlemen, he was going to change. I felt so embarrassed. And he laughed at me,
asking if I wanted to write in my logbook that my supervisor changed from sweater to shirt,
Because I had gotten up with my notebook. I just sat back down like that didn't just happen.
He came back into the office, already changed, and called me to the server room. Yes. I grab my
notebook and run in the direction of logbook fuel. Little did I know that what I was running to
was work, and responsibility.
Now, I have to remember to change something, every tw0o days. Every two days?? Bruh I barely
remember where my- Update, I started writing this before I had to send an email, and I don't
remember how I planned to finish that sentence.
Gwen is on duty today, and she arrives, Odin leaves, but Inya is still here.
I think Inya just somehow figured out he could delegate work to me, because he just did it again.
I had to configure something, but it was actually fun. Especially because of this thing where I ask
a question, and he answers, but I already figured it out or knew it before, my brain just wanted
to make a connection, and then he's explaining and I'm just like 'uh huh', 'yes', 'hmmm'. Then he
looks at me like
"You already know this?"
"Yeah"
"Ya na making me waste my time." hilarious.
At this time, I found out about telegram stories.
"Did you know telegram now has stories?" I look up at Inya from my phone.
"Really, like WhatsApp?"
"Yeah, you're not on telegram?"
"I am na, don't you remember that I sent you something on telegram?" I remembered alright,
but this right here is what we in the industry call a setup.
"I didn't remember, how am I going to remember to change that thing every two days?" He
laughs.
I still have to remember to change that thing every two days.
11~ish Gwen is in a company zoom meeting, and she asked a question, they answered her, then
asked if the answer was sufficient. She said yes, but her microphone was off, so they didn't hear
her. And then this man said
"Silence is consent" and I'm like, bruh, I don't think that makes any sense. I mean, it might be
okay in the context of a zoom call, but he said it like it was a saying that everybody knew. And I
don't know how to feel about that.
11:57, I just went to use a printer, and I have never felt so stupid in my entire life. Gwen and I
walked downstairs to photocopy a form, and what we saw in the disguise of a printer was the
most unnecessarily complex and intricate weapon known to man. Like, every single button you
click brought up a billion more choices, each of them with technical, undiscernible English.
We had to call someone else to show us how to do it, luckily Gwen was doing the touching so if
you really think about it, I knew what to do, I just didn't have the chance to show it.
1:09, and these food guys are not here. Well, at least I have weight loss (I think).
1:19 and I just almost broke my neck. Inya left the office to look for something to eat and left me
alone... with Gwen. And she begins speaking... to me.
"Sorry oh, but let me ask, how would you describe me to someone else" Tall, fair and loud
confident, I prepare the answer in my head.
"Physically?"
"No, like how I relate to people, the way I talk, would you say I'm rude?" Oh, this isn't about
physical description, well I already have a backup answer for such a situation as this.
"Well, I haven't known you long enough or heard you speak enough times to truly give an
accurate representation of your character."
"Eh?" I repeat myself, slower this time.
And then she starts talking, at first I'm listening but then I realize she probably wouldn't be
requiring my input so I just zone out and give momentary 'mhmm's when she looks up. Since I
work at the first desk, I literally have to turn my neck to listen, and boy does it hurt.
Summary, during the meeting, the question she asked was why some bosses don't give proper
appraisal for the work that people do (she said it a tad bit nicer I promise), and somebody was in
her dms (a friend) asking if she knew the boss was in that call, she said she didn't care, but for
someone who didn't care, she sure did say it a lot. I understand though, because I do it too. I
really care about things, and I say I don't care but I really do, and I'm just saying that to convince
myself that I shouldn't care.
Anyway, she finishes speaking and I agree with her (because I do) and then I turn forward. She
just needed to rant.
1:44, and Inya and Gwen were getting called somewhere else, and it seems like they're going to
leave me here, I don't want to be left behind. I should have wanted to be left behind.
It was for a birthday party, the head of customer care, the office downstairs. We got downstairs
and there was a cake from cakes&cream, and canned malt. I was happy, because it's 1:52, but at
least I could hold down the fort with the cake, just then the food guys decided to stop teasing us
and they arrived. One of them just casually walks into the office with someone else's food. How
dark is your heart for you to starve an entire building of hard-working citizens.
They started moving a desk around to use it as a stand for the cake, ladies are moving it, and I'd
love to help, but asides the fact that I'm literally carrying the things that were on it away, I didn't
know what direction they were moving it. Plus, there's that whole gender equality and female
empowerment stuff, just saying.
They started praying for the celebrant, and I wasn't sure if this man was praying or delivering a
sermon, but he continued, and he continued. When he was done, he added a 'I pray you will be a
vessel of God in the name of Jesus' (that was what his sermon was about), and then he
referenced 'beyond expectations' meeting. And then he simply told someone else to pray as
well. Wow.
The second person didn't take as much time. And then they started taking pictures, which was
fun, until they called all the ladies for a picture. Now I know my genders well, so I know the only
thing that could come after ladies, was gentlemen. I was in that category. I immediately located
Inya and told him I have to check something in the office. I had to get out of there. But he was
too focused on the pictures he was taking so he didn't acknowledge what I was saying, and I
wouldn't want to distract him and ruin a picture. The ladies finished, and all the guys were
posing. I walked backwards, slowly, but there weren't enough people to slip through. Someone
told me to go forward and all my cutg trauma rushed to the front of my head, I tried to explain, I
mumbled "I'm shy", and "I'm fine", and something in between. I tried to latch on to any excuse
they would give me, they gave me nothing. And I couldn't think of a coherent lie myself in that
moment.
I wanted to keep explaining, but then I realized I was just being a narcissist, that was the tantrum
of an attention seeker, changing the focus of the room from the person who is literally
celebrating their birthday. I was stealing attention for myself, and wasting everyone's time,
useful time. How horrible, know I nothing about love or selflessness? Know I nothing about
common human decency?
I walked in and joined the picture, face bare, and I thought to myself, if I had a list, I'd be way
past thirteen. I looked at the camera, and -not reflex but definitely learned- I smile.
Afterward we all returned to our regular work life, I went downstairs to get food. There was no
dodo, just salad (that had cucumber in it), jollof rice and chicken. No dodo. Can today get any
worse?
3:56, I am ready to go. The cake was beautiful by the way, it had coconut in it.
4:30, the logbook is filled, and I am ready to leave.
I turn to stare at Inya, and he just keeps working. He’s been here for more than 24 hours, how
much are they paying you sir? Don’t you want to go home? Please?
4:49, I left alone.
I got on a bus, I was the last person to get on, and then the conductor just got down and walked
away. Like, I know your job is over but where are you going thoooo???? He just dipped. Walked
away on the road, bruh.
I have this fear that I’d seat on that last extending chair of the bus and get down to let someone
else leave, and then the bus carries on without me. Without me.
Ciao.
LOG_8.15.23
Diary of an obnoxious EIE student