‘ ‘Pag sinabi kong ‘ayaw’, ayaw ko talaga.

‘Di ako nagpapapilit, masyadong mahigpit ang kapit

niya.’
- Syd Hartha

Syd Hartha had to put the words above into a song because apparently a woman’s ‘no’ or
‘ayaw’ doesn’t actually mean a firm refusal. Posted on August 30, 2019 via Youtube, Syd
Hartha’s ‘ayaw’ Official Music Video garnered over a million views in the span of four years. The
song along with its accompanying video touches on the culture and normalizing of victim
blaming especially with victims of rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence. The
five-and-a-half music video stars the singer and composer herself, Syd Hartha, along with five
male background dancers namely Moses Adel Baculanta, Miguel Owen Parico, Jarrett Pinto,
Ryan Cordero, and Paolo Dumlao. In the MV Syd represents women who are victims of abuse
and the five men embody their abusers. In this paper, we shall break down the signs in this MV
and how it depicts the grim reality for people, most especially women who are victims of
unconsented acts of barbarity.

Music Video Analysis

Hindi ako asong sunud-sunuran

Panay lamang "oo"
Ano'ng tingin mo sa sarili mo?
Hindi ako papel na blangko
Sulat-sulatan kung kailan mo gusto
Ano'ng tingin mo sa sarili mo?

In the first verse, it can be deduced that the abusers treat their victims like dogs that they own,
which can be treated like pets that do whatever they ask with no real mind to make decisions of
their own. Victims are also portrayed as blank pages as most of them are young and/or
impressionable and can easily be influenced by their abusers through fear and heightening their
need for ‘dependence’ on them. Emotional abuse is also present in this and according to the
National Domestic Violence Hotline, ‘Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are
meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats,
insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation,
dismissiveness, among others.’
In the scene, Syd represents the victims and wears a white veil that is a visual representation of
her purity or innocence (Color Psychology, nd). In the first 45 seconds, hands of these faceless
men fumbles around her veil and eventually takes it off. The facelessness could mean that
abusers come in all forms and there is not one definitive face of one. The hands taking off her
veil is a sign that she has been introduced to a world where her innocence and purity is being
lifted away from her through malicious and unconsented acts. She did not lift it herself signifying
that she did not want it or consent to it.

'Di lahat ng gusto, dapat masunod

'Di lahat ng hiling, dapat matupad mo
Ngunit natalo ako sa kanyang lakas
Matagal kong kapit sa sarili ay pumipigtas

Syd stresses here that not everything that the abusers ask for should be done especially if you
don’t want to or consent to but brute force and coercion always win over them (the abused) just
to get what they (the abusers) want. The faceless men swarming her with malicious looks are a
representation of abusers’ persistence just to have their way. Them being shirtless and
essentially showing off their bodies is also a sign of patriarchal strength and power as shirtless
men are often seen as macho, strong, and in control. The last line ensues that her self-respect,
innocence, purity, and most probably her ‘virginity’ is slowly getting ripped away from her every
time they get their way with her. This is visualized through the men stripping off the white cloth
from her shoulders in which white yet again means purity and innocence (Color Psychology, nd).
 'Pag sinabi kong "ayaw"
Ayaw ko talaga
'Di ako nagpapapilit
Masyadong mahigpit ang kapit n'ya
Ba't pinapatawad pa nila?
Ako pa raw ang may pakana
Epekto raw ng serbesa
Ako pa rin ang may–

In the next scene, it shows Syd, isolated and seemingly being forced to dance, with the men still
surrounding her. She repeatedly says that her ‘no’ to the men’s advances are firm and
irrevocable based on the first three lines of the chorus. The men still continue to advance
towards her despite this showing that oftentimes, abusers are immune to refusal and do not
take no for an answer. The third to the sixth line depicts victim blaming where the abused is the
one shamed for the wrong things done to them. Most of the time the abused is blamed for being
drunk with people whom they thought they could trust and the abusers always get away by
pointing out that it’s ‘in their nature’ and a vulnerable female is just ‘asking for it’. The sign in the
background that says ‘Karinderyang hindi bukas sa lahat ng gustong kumain’ pertains to her
and all that she represents–objectified people and how they are forcibly used as a means to
relieve the sexual and violent urges of their abusers, unconsented.
 Wala akong sinabing "oo"
Wala rin sa galaw at kilos ko
Ano'ng laman ng isipan mo?
Nagiging agresibo sa 'king paghina
Lumalakas loob mo
Ako pa rin ba ang puno't dulo nito?

In correlation with the chorus, the next verse shows Syd being forcefully laid down, groped by
her hair, and trampled on. This communicates that she is forcefully thrown into an act–most
probably sexual– that she did not consent to. The lyrics express that she did not consent in any
form and her vulnerability is not a green signal as well, and it is the abusers who should be
shunned for their mindsets. The scene above where she is as low as the feet of the abusers
signifies that abusers see their victims way below them that makes them think they have the
right to trample on their basic human rights. A reality that patriarchy is still present and could
lead to domestic violence.
In this scene where the chorus is once again sung, Syd does not have the classic Filipiniana
sleeves anymore signifying that this is a worldwide issue that needs to be addressed. Most
women subjected to sexual indecency are only seen as a spectacle and as figures to realize
sexual desires which are often done against their will, hence, the men dancing around and
ogling around her.

This scene showcases Syd, away from her abusers, but they can still be seen in a translucent
backdrop behind her. This signifies the lasting psychological effects of abuse that ‘stays’ with the
victim and follows them throughout their lives. The figures behind her could be a representation
of the guilt and trauma she felt during the time of the acts done to her that lingers and haunts
her.

This is also followed by scenes of her abusers in her ‘memory’ which are hazy and they are
seemingly mocking her by doing an overly sexualizing dance of a woman that could represent
all that they see in her–a sexual object. This is a tactic used by abusers to invalidate their
victims’ feelings and make them feel that it is their victim’s fault that they are overly sexualized.
The final scene shows Syd and her abusers in one frame where the latter still clings to her and
her veil. This goes to show that victims never really escape their abusers whether physically,
emotionally, or mentally. They always linger in some form and do not really let go of the victims
and can latch on and haunt the victims for as long as they live.

The music video touches on sensitive but relevant topics regarding the issues of violence
against women that are still experienced by many today. This type of relaying a message can be
a way to appeal to a younger and broader set of audiences and can highlight the struggles of
women in a patriarchal and abusive society.
References:

Color Psychology. (n.d.). White Color Psychology and Meaning. Retrieved from:
https://www.colorpsychology.org/white/

National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). What Is Emotional Abuse. Retrieved from:
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-emotional-abuse/#:~:text=Emotional%20ab
use%20includes%20non%2Dphysical,intimidation%2C%20dismissiveness%2C%20amo
ng%20others.

syd hartha (2019). ayaw (Official Music Video). Retrieved from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4waHQn95SlU