The Institute for Relational Harm

Reduction &
Public Pathology Education

The Mid Recovery Guide—What Every Survivor Should Know to Build

an Effective Recovery E-book © 2017

Art by Claudia Trembley

Prepared by: The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education © 2017

Director: Sandra L. Brown, MA

This Mid Recovery Guide E-book is provided as complimentary recovery support material by The Institute
for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education, the pioneers of recovery treatment for
pathological/narcissistic relational abuse.

www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com

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** Please read our Early Recovery Guide to get the ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’ of early recovery that hopefully
stabilizes you, and prepares you, for the Mid Recovery phase which we will discuss in this
e-book.

Review
In our previous Early Recovery Guide E-book,
https://www.e-junkie.com/i/z9dc The Institute introduced the concept of Pathological Love
Relationships (often called narcissistic or psychopathic abuse) and the inevitable harm that
happens from relationships from the ‘BAN+P’ group of disorders:
B orderline personality disorder

A nti-social personality disorder

N arcissistic personality disorder

P sychopathy

These disorders are related to disorders found in what is called ‘psychopathology,’ or ‘abnormal
psychology’ and are known for low treatment outcomes which places the survivor at risk of repeated
harm due to the partner’s inability to sustain positive non-manipulative change.

These disorders produce abundant trauma.

• 90% of survivors have some type of trauma symptoms and

• 75% of those will need professional trauma care in order to effectively recover.

Survivor’s often can’t understand why they are not improving and have not recognized that their
symptoms are trauma, in need of trauma treatment. They often first seek self-help, coaching, or
survivor-turned-expert ‘assistance.’

Four things many survivors do in early recovery can train wreck their attempted recovery and worsen
the symptoms they want to heal. At the heart of these wrong approaches are suggestions by people not
trained in trauma treatment or Trauma Informed Care (TIC). You can refresh your memory of these four
recovery wrecking approaches here https://www.e-junkie.com/i/z9dc
Additionally, this type of recovery recognizes the need for ‘specialized care’ that addresses the four
elements found in all Pathological Love Relationships (PLRs) covered in The Early Recovery Guide.

Before we jump into what truly comprises the mid phase of recovery, let’s introduce you to why we feel
qualified to give you some recovery ideas and support…

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 Who We Are and How We Can Help
The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education was founded and is directed
by Sandra L. Brown, MA who has worked in the ‘intersection’ of psychopathology, victimology and
traumatology for the past 30+ years.

Her book ‘How to Spot a Dangerous Man’ (2005) debuted the concept of relational dangerousness
associated with the BAN+P disorders, followed by the compilation of decades of work, data collections,
and treatment approaches with survivors of borderline, anti-social, narcissistic and psychopathic
partners shared in the book ‘Women Who Love Psychopath/Narcissistss’ (First Edition 2008).

This is the noted ‘seminal’ book that described the relational dynamics often referred to as ‘narcissistic
abuse’ and the traumatic symptoms often referred to as ‘the aftermath’ launching this new genre of
trauma and relational subspecialties. The 2nd and 3rd editions of the Women Who Love Psychopaths
book has expanded the survivor’s and the professional’s understanding of this growing genre of trauma
treatment and survivor recovery, recognizing Sandra’s work as ‘the pioneering influence in the
narcissistic and psychopathic abuse field.’

Today, The Institute continues to:

• Forge, develop, and guide the treatment approaches associated with Pathological Love
Relationships in The Institute’s Survivor Services department
(www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com)
• In the training of other therapists in The Institute’s ‘Model of Care’ treatment approach
(www.survivortreatment.com)
• And has to date, provided the only known research on the targeting of survivor’s personality,
survivor symptoms and trauma, and the prevalence of the symptom of cognitive dissonance

The Institute provides affordable recovery options through their trauma-specific online trauma
reduction program ‘The Living Recovery Program’ which utilizes Sandra’s considerable breadth and
depth of knowledge and treatment approaches as the field developer to direct the survivor’s recovery.
More info at www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com.

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Just for The Record…
Since the time our first book on the narcissistic/psychopathic relationship launched, survivor’s have
taken to the topic in record number. Today, survivors of this experience have begun ‘helping’ other
survivors as ‘experts’ in the narcissistic abuse experience. In The Early Recovery Guide, we noted some
of the problems of this for recovering survivor’s seeking truly professional Trauma-Informed Care.

Sadly, today, our work that launched the field is unrecognizable, at least to us. Coaches and experts
have taken concepts and changed them, or added information that is not the original understanding,
concept, or research. What was shared in the Women Who Love Psychopaths/Narcissist’s book
(Editions 1-3) was based on decades of work and painstakingly performed studies and research to
accurately describe the pathological relationship experience. Hundreds of survivors over decades, along
with testing, surveying and research produced information to introduce this new genre of trauma and
abuse.

Today, the concepts of pathological/narcissistic relationships no longer reflects what was studied and
initially introduced. Instead, we are asked to reference these important relationships by idioms like
‘flying monkeys’ and ‘narcology.’ And the dynamics as ‘grey rock’ and ‘ghosting.’

As the book that launched the field, I’d like to address what I have never said and address some of these
silly myths about the relationships and changes that survivors have introduced ,that are NOT part of
what is known about these relationships from real study.

Myths and What I Never Said About Pathological Love Relationships

OR Recovery
Myth: Why ‘time out’ of the relationship/no contact isn’t the measurement for where you are
in recovery
Survivors are often told that ‘time out’ of the relationship, or the length of time of ‘no contact’ is a type
of measurement of overall recovery. In many social media groups, survivors state it like a measurement,

“I’m 3 months, 3 days and 3 minutes out and NC” (no contact).

To which another survivor states “Oh, wow…I’m only 3 days. I’ll know I’m making progress when
I hit the three-month mark.”

Much like the concept of ‘getting a chip at AA or NA,’ this assumption of:

time = recovery

should be better understood as:

time = opportunity.

Yes, of course, no contact is important because you can’t rewire your traumatized brain without some
distance from the trauma itself. However, there are many in AA/NA that have years ‘out’ or ‘no contact’
with their substance, that are referenced as ‘dry drunks,’ which means they might be sober but little

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else has happened. They are still white-knuckling life moment by moment, and all those years ‘out’ that
was actually an opportunity to ‘work a recovery program,’ wasn’t worked. They collect chips and are
not much further along in an actual and real recovery than when they got the first chip years ago

No one wants that.

The same is true of Pathological Love Relationships (PLR) survivors. It is not uncommon for survivors
who have been ‘out and NC’ for a few years to be as fully packed with highly active trauma symptoms as
survivors who just left. Time out has been an opportunity to recover through actively and effectively
symptom managing and symptom reducing, but not all survivors are there, or even close to there, no
matter how long they are ‘out.’

~~ The length of time out should not necessarily be associated with the mid recovery phase
when the survivor actually might still be in the early recovery phase, struggling to master early
recovery items or steps. (Sandra L. Brown, MA)~~

For instance, war vets return all the time…they are removed from the front lines (or ‘no contact’ with
the traumatic events) and go home and live years with the trauma that ALREADY happened. Coming
home (and no contact) hasn’t healed their trauma. It is why it’s called ‘Post Traumatic’…the trauma is
OVER, and the stress disorder and all its symptoms still remain.

Unfortunately, many survivors have been taught this concept on social media sites whose primary
suggestion regarding recovery is little else than this idea to ‘go no contact’ and ‘grey rock’ which of
course, is not anywhere close to what is needed for the trauma that 75% survivors have. Nor are those
accurate measurements of what a survivor needs for recovery no matter how long it has been. Real
recovery is more than not having contact with a toxic substance—person or chemical.

Those simplistic suggestions that this recovery is about the length of no contact and/or not responding
through ‘grey rocking’ with a splash of ‘boundaries’ work, and a bubble bath for self-care, sets the
survivor up for despair when months or years later, they are still as symptomatic as when they left
because ‘NC’ is not in, and of itself, trauma reduction. They fear they will never heal because they have
done the suggested methods of ‘NC and grey rocking’ but may not be seeing progress in reducing their
symptoms.

Myth: That symptoms will eventually subside from ‘no contact,’ ‘grey-rocking,’ ‘escaping their
flying monkeys,’ by codependency work, and ‘recognizing yourself as an empath.’
Doesn’t that sound like solid science or psychology?

It would be ridiculous if it wasn’t true that many, many survivors were taught these silly idioms instead
of trauma reduction and symptom management. It’s a big beef I have with what this field has turned
into…withholding life-changing recovery for survivors through these suggestions. While it might build
camaraderie through a shared ‘lingo’ about this type of abuse, survivors need more than camaraderie
and a kitschy language to get through the trauma that his type of abuse bestows.

Symptoms don’t subside from no contact and nothing else. Nor from ‘grey rocking’ or ‘escaping flying
monkeys’ and for over 60% of survivors--from doing ‘codependency’ groups or even from recognizing
you are ‘an empath’ (ok, then what?).

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 ~~ Even combined: no contact + grey rocking + escaping monkeys + CODA meetings + an
empath quiz = still equals no trauma treatment or anything done that will help with the
debilitating symptoms survivors say they have. ~~

Those are more than mere myths. They are roadblocks to recovery.

Lots of ‘narcissistic abuse recovery’ voices have taken great, and destructive liberties with what I said,
and meant, in my books and work that pioneered this growing field.

What I DID cover in my books that launched this growing interest in the topic:

• Why these disorders are so harmful to others

• The unique and devastating relational dynamics
• The Super Traits of Personality in victims and why they were targeted
• And the traumatic ‘aftermath’ and the type of recovery needed

So, for the record, that is not what I have found over 30 years which is why there IS a specific treatment
that works. Trauma worsens with time and non-treatment; and flying monkeys and rocks and ghosting
and all those highly clinically astute concepts that are supposed to bring recovery, don’t.

Ok, with that addressed and setting the record straight…The Early Recovery Guide E-book was written to
help you get on the right path to find real trauma reduction amidst monkeys, rocks, and ghosts and
‘codependent empaths’ or is it ‘empathic codependents?’ This Mid Recovery Guide E-book is written to
address myths you might have learned in monkey/rock/ghost ‘expert’ groups so that you move from
early stabilization to the next level of serious work in mid recovery.

The goal is to reduce your trauma, so your symptoms reduce. In the next section, we look at what The
Institute measures to know what phase of recovery principles would help you best…

Measuring Recovery
The Institute does not measure, nor ever meant for recovery to be measured, by:

• Time out of the relationship

• How long you have maintained ‘NC’
• How many flying monkeys you have slain along the way
• How long you have been a grey rock

What we meant, and the real science behind it, is based on trauma science and recovery. The Institute
measures by levels of symptom reactivity and, effective or ineffective symptom management.

For instance, we expect those just coming out of the PLR and without any knowledge of recovery, to be
highly symptomatic because:

• They are just learning what to do to help manage their symptoms

• Are just starting their hunt for a therapist

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 • And are just initiating trauma-informed self-care

The Early Recovery Guide was written as pro-active steps that survivors can use to start their recovery
off on the right foot, and to not inflame and worsen their already difficult symptoms. These included:

1. Getting a professional trauma therapist

2. Getting accurate pathology education
3. ‘Do No Further Harm’ by understanding trauma and not doing things that worsen it
4. Initiating Trauma-Informed Self-Care measures (© entire list)

Although results may vary based on the:

• depth of trauma
• length of trauma
• type of trauma
• previous trauma
• coping resources, etc.,

the Early Recovery methods normally provide a level of stabilization and prevents worsening. This helps
ready the survivor for the next leg of recovery…

Stabilization First, Then Trauma Reduction Techniques

The survivor’s stabilization and trauma reduction ‘order’ often gets messed up. That’s because as noted
in the The Early Recovery Guide, many survivor’s have no idea their symptoms are trauma and/or a full-
blown trauma disorder. If you don’t know you have it, you aren’t likely to do anything about it.

Months or years roll by and survivor’s who have been NC’ing, rocking, and slaying monkeys may wonder
‘when’ all this recovery will kick in. To further the process along, many survivors will attempt to jump
into trauma reduction techniques that they learned on the web, a YouTube, or maybe even a therapist.

Before ever really stabilizing, they are trying to symptom reduce. That’s the wrong ‘order.' Trauma
recovery is a layering process of ‘building’ the foundation from which symptoms can reduce.
Stabilization is first, and as mentioned, has -0- to do with time out or ‘NC.’ Just like in 12 Steps, you
can’t jump to Step 12 without having done the other step work. The same is true for trauma.
Stabilization first, then trauma reduction techniques.

‘IF’ survivors have engaged in the Early Recovery methods, The Institute’s Mid Recovery© is focused on:

• Targeted trigger identification

• Technique building for enhanced emotional regulation, and symptom reduction in other areas of
reactivity
• Specific trauma-treatment (like EMDR or somatic experiencing, etc. to deal with traumatic
memories)
• Heightening trauma-informed self-care measures

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 • Continuing to chip away at the issues of cognitive dissonance©

Trigger identification, technique building, heightened self-care, and cognitive dissonance work is beyond
this article/guide to delineate the details of each of those steps in-depth. We will talk about them
briefly and refer you to either the book or The Living Recovery Program for more details.

(More information on those recovery methods in the Third Edition (white cover) of Women Who Love
Psychopaths/Narcissists book and more specifically in our Living Recovery Program at
www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com.)

But let’s get an overview of what mid recovery work should include:

Mid Recovery Steps for Enhancing Recovery: Do’s and Don’ts

1. Enhancement Recovery Tip #1

DO THIS: Work with your therapist to identify what is causing retriggering.
It’s hard to feel like you will ever recover when you are constantly being retriggered and have very little
control over what happens when you are triggered. Often it is exposure to stories or non-trauma
sensitive information that is similar to your experience (covered in The Early Recovery Guide) that causes
triggering. Other times it is people, places, things, music, smells, etc. that bring on a memory and all the
unregulated emotions that go with it. Regardless of how a trigger arrives, the fact that it creates a
reaction anywhere from a whole meltdown to disorientation, or to just being anxious for the rest of the
day, what should be clear is that you need to get a handle on triggers in order to regulate your emotions
and to develop a sense of mastery over these events.

Keep a list for your therapist when something triggers you so that it can be worked with in therapy.
Remove photos, songs, mementos that are reminders. Remove mutual friends if you find them
triggering (you may be ok with them later in recovery). But be sure to GIVE this info to the therapist so
they can work with it in EMDR and other treatments to reduce the triggering effects and help you learn
how to regulate the heightened emotion. And be sure to ASK the therapist to work with these issues and
keep asking. Therapists have a tendency to get mired down in the storyline without ever working with
the symptoms behind the storyline.

DON’T DO THIS: Try powering through triggers by trying your version of ‘exposure
therapy.’
Ok, so I’m not a fan of exposure therapy for PTSD. It is a technique that exposes the survivor to the thing
that triggers them so they can ‘overcome’ the reaction of anxiety. It’s like ‘powering through’ the
emotion of anxiety while doing the thing that causes anxiety. It’s one of those things, IMO, that sounds,
good on paper, but feels like an unmedicated root canal to experience.

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I hope to God therapists aren’t still using this old school method (outside of EMDR) but regardless,
survivors shouldn’t take the advice of family, friends and bloggers and try ‘powering through’ a trigger
on their own. After NC’ing and grey rocking, it’s something I read a lot by those not trained in trauma
informed care. Don’t do it.

Fly-bys on the former partner’s social media, receiving a report about him from a mutual friend,
frequent journaling about the relationship (that’s a suggestion I see a lot by others), support groups that
are storytelling-based —are all survivor ‘versions’ of exposure therapy that actually trigger adrenaline
and cortisol and bring on emotional calamity through emotional dysregulation. Telling the story in
support groups or writing it in a social media group while having triggers, adrenaline, anxiety,
flashbacks, or craving and longing IS a form of ‘exposure therapy’ whether you realize it or not. No one
wants the symptoms of triggering to increase from emotionally dysregulating oneself.

Triggers are triggers and attempts by survivors, coaches and bloggers to ‘desensitize’ survivors through
those kinds of suggestions (i.e., tell it until you don’t cry anymore (!!) or sometimes they described it as
‘processing the event,’ or they assign journaling too early in a survivor’s recovery) often results in crisis
with an increase of symptoms.

2. Enhancement Recovery Tip #2

DO THIS: Build your ‘toolbox’ of techniques that you become very familiar with to
help when a symptom arises.
The Living Recovery Program, ™ our online trauma-reduction course, is an example of toolbox building.
Trauma is a set of lingering symptoms like:

• Re-experiencing (Flashbacks, bad dreams, intrusive or frightening thoughts)

• Avoidance (staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience,
and avoiding thoughts or feelings related to the traumatic event)
• Arousal or Reactivity (being easily startled, feeling tense and on edge, angry outbursts or
difficulty sleeping)
• Cognition and Mood (memory problems around the traumatic event, negative thoughts about
oneself or the world, feelings of guilt or blame, loss of interest in enjoyable activities)

And, the ‘atypical’ symptoms found in PLRs:

• Positive re-experiencing (Intrusive thoughts of the positive memories or feelings about the
partner)©
• Cognitive dissonance (the inability to hold one consistent view of him, the relationship or your
behavior in the relationship)©

In a nutshell, those are the symptoms most survivors will be dealing with during Mid-recovery. In order
to better manage that array of challenging symptoms, it is important to develop a ‘toolbox’ of
techniques that you practice daily, even when you are functioning relatively well, so that on bad days
the techniques are familiar enough for you to reach in and grab one and work with it successfully.

Your therapist, or The Living Recovery Program™ can you teach skills and techniques for these
symptoms.

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 DON’T DO THIS: Utilize non-trauma-informed care suggestions that cause worsening;
hope that your symptoms will get better on their own; or not learn or consistently
practice techniques for bad days.
We have already discussed the issue of survivor/blogger non-trauma informed care and the problems it
causes to the worsening of symptoms through excessive storytelling and reading about other survivor’s
experiences. But beyond that, the survivor’s personality trait elevation of Conscientiousness (read our
Survivor Super Trait theory in WWLP3 or listen to a three part audio on it
saferelationshipsmagazine.com/super-traits-of-personality) means survivors have been well endowed
with inner resources that PREVIOUSLY helped them deal with any emotional challenges they had. That
makes survivors unusually confident that they can handle the trauma symptoms and they will get better
on their own, because they have in the past. This can prevent them from finding true trauma treatment
which they will need this time, for this type of recovery.

Lastly, survivors who enter trauma treatment or The Living Recovery Program™ MUST do more than
‘read’ the technique. They must utilize the technique on good days and bad, like strengthening a muscle,
so that they can quickly access the technique when they need it most. The PTSD symptom of ‘avoidance’
can hamper a survivor’s ‘desire’ to work with the techniques because of traumatic remembering, and
they should discuss this with their therapist if they find they are avoiding learning the techniques.

3. Enhancement Recovery Tip #3

DO THIS: Seek out specific trauma treatment approaches for gentler processing
Most survivors associate trauma treatment with the arduous and traumatizing experience of detailing
every horrible experience in ‘talk therapy.’ That’s pretty ‘old school’ now—new trauma treatment
approaches combine new learnings in neuroscience about the brain injury of PTSD with body-based
approaches that help process the trauma in gentler, quicker, and more sensation-oriented ways than
just ‘talk therapy.’ This widens the types of approaches survivors have choices about. In addition to
finding a true trauma-trained professional, look for those who may also have training in any of these:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) * preferred

• ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy)
• BSP (Brain Spotting)
• CRM (Comprehensive Resource Model based on Brain Spotting)
• CES (Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation)
• EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
• EAT (Equine Assisted Therapy)
• Mindfulness for Trauma
• SE (Somatic Experiencing)
• FFTT (Forward Facing Trauma Therapy)

If you started out with a therapist who is not trauma-trained because at the time you didn’t realize you
had trauma, it might benefit you to consider taking your recovery to the next level by finding a therapist
with some of these approaches. Some survivors utilize a therapist they started with and feel connected
to and ADD a trauma specialty therapist, for instance in EMDR or Somatic Experiencing just for those

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services. By finding a trauma therapist who also has skills in one of these trauma approaches, you will
have the benefit of gentler and faster resolution. You can find an EMDR therapist at emdr.com.

DON’T DO THIS: Only rely on a ‘talk therapy’ approach.

The trauma field has made big advancements in the last two decades with a greater understanding of
what triggers, and what helps, with trauma. Recovery has taken long enough! Why take the slow route
to healing when there is often a quicker or less traumatizing expressway? There is real relief waiting in
the list above. We have had good success with our clients and EMDR, many swear by EFT, everyone
loves EAT, and who couldn’t use more Mindfulness? SE is on the rise with great outcomes too – there
are so many new opportunities for enhanced symptom reduction and healing that survivors should give
some of these a try, either instead of traditional trauma therapy, or in addition to it.

4. Enhancement Recovery Tip #4

DO THIS: Heightening your trauma informed self-care measures
In The Early Recovery Guide, I discussed in length about the issue of Trauma Informed Care (TIC). It is
perhaps one of the most *important* things to know as you head into recovery, and its impact on
finding competent care that will pay big dividends in the quality of your recovery. It’s why it was listed as
one of the recovery-wrecking things survivors can get wrong in the beginning.

But survivors are often surprised to find that some self-care that they have initiated themselves, or by
the suggestion of other survivors, is not always the right Trauma Informed Care for the ‘stage’ of
recovery they are in. Methods that work well in later stages can cause triggering in earlier stages. Most
survivors are unaware that some self-care approaches are better saved for when they have done other
mid-recovery steps like nailing down emotional and self-dysregulation and building a technique toolbox
for challenging days.

But as a survivor stabilizes in early recovery, more self-care methods that are trauma-informed care can
be added. In early recovery, survivors often struggle to even remember to DO self-care as each day is
like hanging on by a thread. But mid-recovery is a time that as toolbox skills have increased and trauma
symptoms have decreased, the energy previously consumed with getting through the day can now turn
to more consistent and deeper levels of trauma informed self-care.

Survivors can settle into a routine of self-care that becomes a natural recovery activity. They don’t
struggle to do it and enjoy the rewards that calming brings. The therapist can help the survivor add new
recovery activities and deepen existing practices. As self-care becomes natural, it builds mastery and
the sense of a ‘returning to self’ that many survivors have struggled to recapture.

DON’T DO THIS: Ignore self-care all together, or, not find out if the self-care you would
like to add is safe for the level of recovery you are at.

As discussed earlier in this guide, there is a process and order to build a strong recovery. Stabilization of
your symptoms needs to happen first with an understanding of what worsens your trauma which can
often be utilizing the wrong self-care method at the wrong juncture of recovery. Mid-recovery should be
a time of increasing trauma-informed self-care measures if you have in fact, stabilized. Survivors should
not rely on self-care suggestions by others that are not trauma-informed care which can de-stabilize
survivors and impact recovery progress. Early self-care items covered in the The Early Recovery Guide,

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of course can, and should be, followed and incorporated into your ADL (Activities of Daily Living) which
helps stabilization. Once stabilization is achieved, the next level of trauma-informed self-care can be
added. Survivors can train-wreck their recovery by either not utilizing even basic self-care (in early
recovery) or adding items too soon that are not warranted for the stage of recovery they are at.

5. Enhancement Recovery Tip #5:

DO THIS: Continue to chip away at the issues of cognitive dissonance
What differentiates PLR trauma from typical trauma is the issue of cognitive dissonance (called CD) that
is generated in all survivors of PLRs. It is a universal ‘hallmark’ symptom because it is created from the
PLR itself. If you had a PLR, you have CD which was created from exposure to a partner with the Jekyll-
Hyde personas. CD that has lasted months/years/decades in you, has done some unique things that
causes your trauma to be ‘atypical’ in it’s presentation and in the symptoms it causes you.

CD has caused your trauma to appear ‘atypical.’ You have unique trauma symptoms related to your CD
and because this is something that not all therapists understand, it can be missed or assumed to be
other things leading therapists to attempt to treat the wrong things.

CD is the #1 symptom survivors say is so difficult to experience and to reduce. And it’s true. There has
been little understood about such a chronic and persistent CD that has lasted years or decades that
impacts the brain in the same areas that PTSD does—creating a ‘double whammy.’ And like trauma
reduction, CD reduction is not quick—it takes work and time.

There are things that helps CD, and things that worsen both the CD and trauma, causing a worsening of
both. One aspect that is known to help reduce CD (although nothing is shown to extinguish it
‘immediately’) is accurate pathology education that is both trauma-informed care and not blogger-ology
forms of explanations. This makes clinically accurate pathology education an important factor in
reducing your CD.

DON’T DO THIS: Since CD reduction is hinged in part, on good pathology education,

make sure to get it from clinical sources. Just as importantly, CD is worsened by doing
non-trauma-informed care practices that causes MORE CD. You must understand what
you shouldn’t be doing.

Just like there are things you can unknowingly do that causes your trauma to become more reactive, so
it is with CD. In fact, worsening CD can worsen trauma, and worsening trauma can worsen CD. There are
unique aspects to CD that produce counterintuitive measures not seen in typical trauma. For instance, a
survivor in typical trauma is encouraged to tell their story which can be healing, while survivors with
CD—the re-telling done with those untrained like on social media sites or in coaching, can actually
enhance the CD symptoms producing a ‘compulsivity’ to re-telling without the healing benefits seen in
other survivors. This requires a knowledgeable practitioner who can teach a survivor what
counterintuitive approaches can actually harm their recovery, compared to other survivors.

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 Mid Recovery Is a Time For Reaping the Benefits of Effective
Recovery
Mid-recovery time periods are determined by various elements—depth and type of trauma, survivor
internal resources, types of effective treatment, and the dedication to a recovery process. It could be a
time where survivors experience recovery ‘taking-hold.’ That is the hope of survivors and therapists,
alike.

But it happens best when survivors understand their unique needs, and how PLR approaches are often
different from other forms of victimization. It is why this type of recovery has it’s quirks and unique
aspects that takes into account THIS type of victimization, resulting trauma, survivor personality
proclivities and a treatment approach that is created for this type of survivor. It is why this field was
created—to attune itself to the trauma-specific needs of THIS population.

How to Create a Recovery For Your Unique Needs

Tweaking a Trauma Therapist:

Let’s say you lived through 9/11. What are your chances of finding a therapist that also happened to be
in one of the Twin Towers, who lived through that, and lives conveniently down the street from you?
Statistically, the probability of finding that is like 1 in a couple million.

But survivors of 9/11 have still found competent care. Teams of Disaster Trained Therapists arrived on
the scene and began treating the victims who they themselves did not experience that particular
trauma.

That’s because there are predictable, impactful things that trauma does to everyone—how it rewires
the brain, what it does emotionally, psychologically, and physically. Trauma disorders like PTSD have
predictable symptoms that can be worked with. A trauma trained therapist can work with symptoms like
flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, fight/flight/freeze patterns, avoidance symptoms.

In PLR’s there are additional and camouflaged symptoms that are really trauma symptoms but can look
like other things to therapists not trained in the specifics of PLR trauma. This is what you likely ran into
with therapists and are things they need to learn.

But to begin with, you need someone trained in trauma because 90% of PLR survivors have trauma
symptoms some time during their recovery, and those symptoms are likely at the time they are reaching
out for help, because they are having symptoms. For instance, if you have OCD you shouldn’t pick a
career counselor for help. If you have trauma, you shouldn’t pick a Marriage & Family therapist, or
someone not trained in trauma.

Start by picking the right therapist discipline for your issues: trauma. Then, the trauma therapist will
need some additional education in the camouflaged trauma symptoms you have, to be able to treat
those as well. Send them to our Assn for training (www.survivortreatment.com) or to the book Women
Who Love Psychopaths, 3rd Edition.

In addition, it is helpful if the trauma therapist is also trained in Eye Movement Desensitization
Reprocessing (EMDR) or Somatic-Experiencing techniques. Along with PLR Trauma Training, if they are

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willing to get the training and/or the book, they will have the skills necessary to treat your unique aspect
of trauma.

Types of Trauma Treatment to Choose From

I have been working in trauma treatment for 30 years and I can tell you that I’ve seen all sorts of trauma
treatment approaches. As someone formerly with PTSD myself, I witnessed first-hand the kinds of
treatment back in the 1980’s that I didn’t think was very effective. Sadly, a lot of those approaches are
still being used today.

Our book ‘Women Who Love Psychopaths, 3rd Edition’ has an entire chapter on finding competent care,
who NOT to use, and the basics of a good recovery model. Make sure to replace your 2nd edition copy
with the 3rd edition with 90% NEW info and almost 50% MORE information. But in the meantime, let’s
tackle one topic today.

The good news is that the psychology field is always evolving. Neuro research and treatment approaches
are always being improved upon. Neuroscience has brought us a long way in understanding what
happens to the brain because of trauma and PTSD. Because of that, new approaches and treatments
are always being developed. But that doesn’t always mean that the trauma therapist has updated their
skills. If they were trained in the 80’s when I was seeking help and they haven’t updated their skills to
the newer and ‘gentler’ trauma processing skills, then you will be exposed to the same techniques that I
thought were not helpful and ‘barbaric,’ as I remember calling them.

Older techniques included going over in detail, every traumatizing memory. If you had early childhood
abuse, all of that was churned up too. This is old-school approaches. Newer theories only approach old
trauma if it is impacting current day functioning. It used to be believed that ‘of course it impacted
current day functioning’ but today, a new form of trauma therapy called ‘Forward Facing Trauma
Therapy’ works with what is currently being symptomatic. Ok, now that makes sense.

Many survivors want to work on the PLR trauma, but instead spend months churning up early childhood
issues that may not be currently problematic (but will become problematic once churned up). Finding a
trauma therapist who will work with current symptoms of the PLR will reduce what is impacting your
functioning in the here and now and will improve your symptom management. IF something comes up
from early childhood spontaneously that seems related to you or the therapist, it could be dealt with.
But one shouldn’t go excavating for it, as once believed.

Most survivors want a reduction in symptoms, so they can then turn their attention to prevention of
entering another PLR. They can’t concentrate enough to work on prevention without the reduction of
symptoms. They want to get their life back, so they can feel ‘normal’ again. But spending a year digging
up early childhood or early adult traumas unrelated to the PLR symptoms makes them leery of such
long-term treatment and even the necessity of it. We’re with you on that.

The Institute treats the PLR trauma. If trauma symptoms remain from early childhood OR appear in the
future, then that is dealt with. We let sleeping dogs lie and don’t go looking for problems. Check this out
with any trauma therapist you might consider hiring and ask if they will work with current symptoms
only, for now.

Here is info on Forward Facing Trauma Therapy:

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https://www.neuropsychotherapist.com/forward-facing-trauma-therapy-healing-the-moral-wound/

Or contact The Institute through our website: www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com

Or try our online recovery course ‘The Living Recovery Program’ for trauma-informed care on our
website.

Or suggest our ‘Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abuse: The Clinician’s Guide to the New Field of Traumatic
Pathological Love Relationships’ Therapist Training to your counselor. www.survivortreatment.com

Types of Trauma Processing That Are Possible

Along with types of trauma treatment, are newer forms of trauma ‘processing’ which is how a
professional works with the memories and over-reactive autonomic nervous system that causes
symptoms such as flashbacks, triggers, nightmares, avoidance, and intrusive thoughts.

As I mentioned, newer theories recognize PTSD as largely being a neuro condition with parts of the
brain being over and/or under reactive. That means there should be work with the neuro condition of
the brain as it pertains to symptoms.

Our book ‘Women Who Love Psychopaths, 3rd Edition’ has an entire chapter on finding competent care,
who NOT to use, and the basics of a good recovery model. Make sure to replace your 2nd edition copy
with the 3rd edition with 90% NEW info and almost 50% MORE information. But in the meantime, let’s
tackle one topic today.

While PTSD is a neuro condition, there are various treatments that can help, that on the surface don’t
‘seem’ to have anything to do with the brain and which don’t involve for instance, a neuropsychologist.
Some of these I referenced earlier in this e-book, that are often called ‘gentle’ therapies. They access
the traumatized portion of the brain through various techniques and work with the autonomic patterns
the brain is ‘stuck’ in repeating. This is a different process than simply ‘talk therapy’ going over and over
the same traumatic details (IMO entrenching the same memories deeper in the neuropathways of the
brain). Instead, these techniques interrupt the stuck pattern and introduce the brain to a new way of
responding.

1. EMDR is a well utilized processing technique. When finding a trauma therapist make sure they
are trained in EMDR, so you have the option of using this.

http://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

Find an EMDR therapist at emdr.org

2. Rapid Reduction Therapy is a newer therapy, a little quicker than EMDR that works well on
traumatic memories.

http://www.reneebledsoe.com/tollefson/rapid_reduction_technique.html

3. Brain Spotting also a newer type therapy works with the neuro condition of the brain to
transform traumatic memories.

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/brainspotting-therapy

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 4. Somatic Experiencing by the renowned Dr. Peter Levine is a type of body (ie, somatic) processing
of trapped memories that keep repeating with fight/flight/freeze symptoms. You can find a
trained therapist on their site.

https://traumahealing.org/

5. Organic Intelligence is a new emerging therapy some of our clients have had success with. The
founder had worked with Peter Levine with Somatic Experiencing and added his additional
methods.

https://organicintelligence.org/about-organic-intelligence/

6. Art Therapy helps to access trapped and largely unconscious memories.

https://www.healthline.com/health/art-therapy-for-ptsd

7. Yoga For Trauma assists with slowing down the fight/flight/freeze patterns.

https://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/healing-lifes-traumas

To avoid the ‘talk therapy’ conundrum, find trauma therapists that incorporate some of these newer
and gentler therapies for faster and less traumatizing outcomes. And don’t forget to ask about ‘Forward
Facing Trauma Therapy’ to deal with the symptoms of the here and now. (See previous article)

While early recovery is often a time that survivors are being ‘accurately re-educated’ and beginning the
introduction of symptom techniques, mid-recovery in LRP is when insights, epiphanies and ‘aha’
moments bring necessary insight into what was mostly the dark murk of PTSD-thinking. Mid-recovery is
noted for reduction in cognitive dissonance©, greater clarity©, better neuro-functioning© improving
resilience© and importantly, recovery principle application. Instead of trying to make it through the day,
multiple good days are being experienced.

While survivors are wanting results N-O-W…and we get it, The Institute believes what survivors NEED
most is the ability to reclaim or create for the first time, a quality of life. Trauma happens to be one of
the areas of significant psychological impact in mental health, and as such, is not as easy or quick to heal
from, as some other life adjustment issues like job loss or divorce. Survivors are eager to regain
emotional control, feel like themselves again, and feel confident in their ability to stay out of
pathological relationships. Much time has been lost in non-trauma-informed care approaches and their
symptoms have remained the same or worsened, causing a hopelessness in believing their symptoms
can be better in the future. Quality of life becomes a real, formidable, moment-by-moment concern.

To build an enduring, sustainable, and nurturing quality of life in cases of trauma, means to work a
trauma recovery method unique to the symptoms of survivors of pathological relationships which is
often different than traditional PTSD.

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 The Living Recovery Program ™ Method

• teaches necessary early recovery stabilization

• mid-recovery symptom reduction with personalized contact
• recovery life-restructuring
• advanced 2nd Step implementation
• and continued case management throughout your recovery journey

by the oldest pathological love relationship agency responsible for much of the recovery-oriented
methodology and research on the internet today.

If your recovery isn’t where you feel it should be for your efforts thus far, or you are just
beginning…start off with the right kind of help for your kind of trauma. Give us a year in The Living
Recovery Program and see the changes in your symptom reduction and quality of life.

https://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com

Finding Competent Therapeutic Care

The Association for NPD/Psychopathy Survivor Treatment, Research & Education was formed to bring
therapeutic understanding to this population of survivors. In January 2021, The Association launched
the first of a several trainings to teach a model of care approach through The Association website
(survivortreatment.com) and through PESI a continuing education provider in Behavioral Health
(pesi.com). While we are still training, once the therapists are trained, they will be listed on the website
under our Therapist Network Referral for survivors to find therapists who are:

• Masters degreed or higher in a psychology related field

• Are trauma certified
• Are trained in pathological relationship model of care approaches and certified

https://www.survivortreatment.com

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