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Naresh K Malho
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T G .—(O R I .)
You—you if you should fail to understand
That Peace for England is her all in all—
On you will come the curse of all the land
If that old England fall,
Which Peace has made so great—
The Russians come and go, Gladdy, and seize upon each pass,
And with the savage Turcomans they drain the social glass;
The Tories shout and yell, Gladdy, awhile the Quakers pray,
For there’ll be a war, they say, Gladdy—there’ll be a war, they say.
All in the wild March morning I heard the trumpet call,
As Russian upon Afghan did mercilessly fall;
The shots began to whistle, and the drums began to roll,
And in the wild March morning fled many a trooper’s soul.
For ever, and for ever, they rave and stamp and roam—
Why can’t they wait a little while, until th’ elections come?
For then you’ll go up, Gladdy to yon House and wear a crest,
And the Russian cease from troubling, and the Jingo be at rest!
J. A E .
——:o:——
H ’ E .
The elections will be early, will be early, brother dear;
There is no doubt we’ll have to vote before another year.
The parson and the squire, they say, are quite polite to-day,
And think it will be most unkind if we don’t vote their way.
Now they may lose our votes brother, they think we’re in the right,
Although they failed to see our wrongs till Gladstone gave them light.
They may call us cruel-hearted—I care not what they say—
For we will vote by ballot, brother—why should we vote their way?
——:o:——
P O L .
You must wake and call me early—call me early mother dear,
Our Irving, as you’ll recollect, does now once more appear,
And so I’m bound, ere yet ’tis dawn, my humble couch to quit,
For I have to book for the pit, mother—I have to book for the pit.
Funny Folks.
L —Special Notice—With a desire to increase the comfort of the
people, all seats in the pit and gallery of this theatre may, during Mr.
Irving’s management, in the future be booked, and the pit and gallery will
be reseated for this purpose by Mr. J. C. Phipps.—Advertisement in the
Daily Papers, April, 1885.
[This arrangement did not meet with general approval, and was soon
abandoned.]
W .
Hundreds of sovereigns, hundreds of sterling, hundreds of cash,
Paid with a cheerfulness, eager to gain a poem from me;
Hundreds of sterling to write, to utter, to make a dash—
Nay, but the Editor aim’d not at poetry, no lover of poetry he:
Give me the pleasure of going on for the £ s. d.!
The wages of rant is great: if the wages of merit be just
Would the publishers scramble who should be first to bargain with me?
I desire them not to come hither, unless it be with the “dust,”
To make me a golden grove, or to add to my stock of gree;
Give me the pleasure of going on for the £ s. d.!
udy, February 19, 1868.
——:o:——
G M ,
(With apologies to L T .)
Give me no more: a man might drink the sea—
If it were drinkable, and yours to give—
Might drink while Heaven allowed him grace to live
And not exhaust your hospitality;
Give me no more.
——:o:——
T O -E .
“Courage!” she said, and pointed with one hand
(A hand that held a heavy metal spoon),
“Ere dies the day ye all will understand
The solemn myst’ry of this afternoon,
The luscious dish will ready be full soon!”
Above the cauldron rose a fragrant steam,
Through which her face gleam’d like a misty moon:
The boiling broth, with energy extreme,
Within the pot to bubble up did seem.
——:o:——
In Punch, May 9, 1885, will be found a rather weak parody of “Tears,
idle tears,” it is àpropos of the farewell performance of Adelina Patti, at San
Francisco, and commences “Tears, maudlin tears.”
——:o:——
G G .
In reply to a letter from the poet Whittier respecting General Gordon,
Lord Tennyson has written as follows—
“Dear Mr. Whittier,—Your request has been forwarded to me,
and I herein send you an epitaph for Gordon in our Westminster
Abbey—i.e. for his cenotaph:—
“‘Warrior of God, man’s friend, not here below
But somewhere dead far in the waste Soudan;
Thou livest in all hearts, for all men know
This earth hath borne no simpler, nobler man.’
“With best wishes, yours very faithfully,
“T .”
On which the Globe (May 7th, 1885,) remarked—“Lord Tennyson must
really decline to be prodded. The poet Whittier has been egging him on to
write about Gordon, and the result is an epitaph of four lines, giving the
information that Gordon is not “here below” (i.e., in Westminster Abbey),
but in the Soudan. The Times, in giving this epitaph, heads it “Gordon,
Tennyson, and Whittier,” and the association of three such names with the
starveling verse under them, is an ideal example of the short and simple
step from the sublime to the ridiculous.”
“MY MOTHER.”
HE kind correspondent who sent the pathetic poem entitled
“Another,” which appeared in the May number of Parodies,
correctly described the difficulty of compiling this collection
so as to make it fairly complete, without being tedious,
especially as new Parodies on every popular poem are
continually appearing. Since Part 18 appeared many other parodies on “My
Mother” have been sent in, some of which are so good that they are here
inserted, although it had not been intended again to refer to that particular
poem in this volume.
T S .
No more this silent grief I’ll hug,
What shall I do to kill the slug,
That haunts the beds which I have dug?—
Curst slug!
——:o:——
T F F S .
By a Victim.
“What may perhaps be said to be the first fog of the season occurred in
London on Wednesday last. All through the forenoon the weather was so
dark as to make the use of gas requisite within doors. The fog was
especially dense in the Northern and Eastern suburbs. In the morning there
was a sharp frost.”—Daily Paper.
What comes this year before its time,
To make us execrate our clime,
And doth the City streets begrime?
The fog!
——:o:——
T N .
Who taught me when there was a draught,
And showed me perils fore and aft
And frowned when I untimely laughed?
The Nervous.
Who told me when the glass would rise
Or fall, and with their prophecies,
Or recollections, made me wise?
The Nervous.
——:o:——
M B .
Dedicated (without respect) to certain Bank Mis-Directors.
B M A .
I know a bank which when a wild time rose,
topped payment, and resolved its doors to close.”
—Shakespeare perverted.
——:o:——
M B .
Who held the tempting apple nigh
And always tried to make me cry,
And stuck the scissors in my eye?
My Brother.
Who left us all on Christmas Day
And to the cupboard made his way
And on the tree left not a spray?
My Brother.
——:o:——
V .
Why at my church do I select a pew,
Commanding always one particular view
Alas! I fear it is to look at you
The Curate.
——:o:——
M B .
Who teaches me to go abroad
To Paris, Rome, or Venice-ward,
Or Norway’s fjeld and deep fjord?
My Baedeker.
——:o:——
M T .
Who was’t when I came fresh from School
Up here, was so polite and cool,
And showed me each Collegiate rule?
My Tutor.