Professional Documents
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Raise your hand if you have a young adult in your life who isn't ready for the "real" world.
It's incredibly common for 20-somethings (and even 30-somethings) to be a little more than
clueless when it comes to living on their own. Being able to sustain your independence with
both your money and lifestyle is a skill that everyone needs to learn, and every parent
The good news is, this is very doable. If you're currently trying to mold impressionable
youngsters into self-sufficient adults, here's how you can protect them from a very rude
I'm fortunate to have grown up in a family of blue-collar Americans who relied on their own
wits and two bare hands to get by, and they were eager to pass their skills down to their
children and grandchildren. Some of those skills took (I make a mean Bundt cake and clean
the house with maid-like results), while others are still a work in progress (I call AAA when I
These basic life skills should be required teaching at home because your kids won't learn
them any place else. I'm a huge advocate for integrating this sort of education into the
public school curriculum — because honestly, what teenager needs to know calculus over
As such, it's on you to school your offspring on all of life's dirty little jobs, including but not
limited to:
Adults spend their money on frivolous things a lot of the time — so what do you expect kids
to do? As soon as they get a job and start bringing home the bacon, they're rushing straight
to their favorite stores for new clothes, taking their boyfriend or girlfriend out on a nice
You can curb that behavior by sitting your kid down and letting them know that the Bank of
Mom and/or Dad will be in charge of their income for the first year of their first job. Offering
them this kind of hands-on guidance and advice is a good way to teach teens how to save
paycheck into each of those accounts. Give them the leftover 20 percent to do whatever
they'd like. When expenses arise for which you don't feel responsible, like if they receive a
speeding ticket or want to go away for the weekend with friends, explain how the money
will come from their checking account to pay for it. You may get some resistance at first,
especially if they're used to you forking cash over, but they'll thank their lucky stars they
know how to manage money when they strike out on their own.
3. Charge them rent to live in your home once they turn 18
Your kids are adults the day they turn 18 — a fact that your teenager has probably
reminded you of a million times since they started high school — and it's high time you
started treating them accordingly. If they want to be grown-ups with no rules and no curfew
but still live under your roof, you have every right to ask for help with the bills.
You don't have to charge them fair market value, but a couple hundred bucks a month, or
even putting them in charge of a particular bill, is reasonable. I'm also a proponent of teens
paying their own cellphone bill starting at age 18. They'll certainly learn to be more
responsible with their phones when repairs or replacements are coming out of their own
pockets.
I didn't know anything about how credit worked before I got my first credit card. Given that
naiveté, I went on a shopping spree as soon as the card was in my hands, and I
didn't/couldn't pay the bill until seven years later. That's what can happen when a clueless
18-year-old gets their hands on a shiny piece of plastic. And in my case, it royally screwed
Help your kids avoid my mistake by talking to them about how credit works and the
importance of being conscious about building and maintaining a good credit score. Educate
them on how good credit affects major purchases like cars and houses and even renting
apartments. Their livelihood depends on it — unless, of course, you want them to live with
you forever.
5. Provide less for them once they start driving
As your child's parent or guardian, it's your legal responsibility to provide for them until
they're able to provide for themselves. But you can start to cut back on the handouts as
Certainly you still need to feed, clothe, and provide housing for your child, but they can
start doing more for themselves, too. They can run to the store for their own hair product
when they run out, open their own wallets for the video games they covet, and even make
their own dentist and doctor appointments. Think of it as an education in independence with
training wheels. You're still around to guide them through the processes, but they should
My friends make fun of me for how much I micromanage my own time. Anything I have to
do goes straight into my calendar, and I keep a daily to-do list at work while creating side
Considering your kids — especially high-schoolers — have busy schedules (for which they
likely rely on you to keep on track), it will eventually benefit them for you to teach good
time-management skills. Teach them how to add to-dos to their smartphone calendars as
soon as they receive them, set up alerts for reminders, and help them form a habit of
checking their schedule on a daily basis to keep their lives running smoothly.
7. Step back when they have a problem until your help is absolutely
required
A large part of maturing to adulthood is learning how to solve problems on your own, and
that means you need to let your children make mistakes from time to time — even when
says Jim Seibold, a marriage and family therapist in Arlington, Texas. "Instead of telling
them what to do and how they need to fix it, push them to think through options. Ask them
what they think they should do. We can then teach by asking them to think about the
consequences of their ideas. For instance: 'That sounds interesting, what do you think
Just as importantly, this approach expresses confidence in your kids. It lets them know that
you believe in their ability to think and consider choices, which will be helpful when it's time
for them to move out of the house. That alone can be worth its weight in gold for worrisome
I wasn't deprived of anything growing up, but I wasn't handed everything I wanted, either.
Around age 14, my parents encouraged me to start working part time for the money I
needed to go out with my friends or buy the things that teenagers want to buy. I wasn't
over the moon about it at the time, but I also didn't hate it — I made new friends, had a
sense of freedom, and did what I pleased with my money. In hindsight, it helped lay the
Seibold instituted a similar practice in his family, asking his kids to purchase their own
"They learned to save money they received for birthdays, Christmas, etc., so they could
afford these purchases," he explains. "As parents, we still pay for a lot, but it is important
for kids to understand what it means to put off immediate gratification in order to save for
something they really want. It may have been 'easy' money since it was gifted, but they still
guilty!), but nutrition and cooking skills all begin with you as a parent. It's your job to raise
your children on healthy meals and teach them how to make smart food choices so they're
eating a balanced diet. Does that mean you should never order pizza or pull into a drive-
thru? No, of course not. But you should be conscious of limiting those instances to help your
child establish a healthy relationship with food so they're best prepared to feed themselves
Encourage your children to express themselves, to try their best at whatever they attempt,
and to accept failures gracefully. The truth is, somebody has to be the loser; that's just how
life goes. The quicker they learn that they can't always come out on top, the easier life will
be. They need both the confidence to reach for their aspirations and the grit to learn and