Interviews With Divorced Women From The United Arab Emirates

Families, Relationships and Societies • vol 3 • no 3 • 339–54 • © Policy Press 2014 • #FRS
Print ISSN 2046 7435 • Online ISSN 2046 7443 • http://dx.doi.org/10.1332/204674313X13842674567773
research
Interviews with divorced women from
the United Arab Emirates:
a rare glimpse into lived experiences
Nicole Bromfield, United Arab Emirates University
n.bromfield@hotmail.com
The United Arab Emirates, an oil-wealthy Gulf nation, has undergone significant social changes
since the discovery of oil. Although many changes have been positive, there has also been an
increase in social problems, including divorce. The rising divorce rate is alarming, considering that
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divorce is detrimental to Emirati families, where commitment to Islam, strong family ties and a
sense of tradition are highly valued. This article presents findings from a qualitative study in which
I interviewed 10 divorced Emirati women, using phenomenology as my methodological framework.
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Copyright The Policy Press
Data were collected through one-to-one in-depth interviews. Several issues being common to
the respondents emerged, including family interference, early marriage, the desire to know more
about the partner before marriage, domestic violence, controlling spouses and the social stigma
of divorce. Social exchange theory of divorce is presented in an effort to analyse why divorce is
an option for some of today’s Emirati women.
key words arranged marriage • divorce • Gulf nations • phenomenology • women in UAE
Introduction
During my first term as a social work professor at United Arab Emirates University,
a public university in an Arabian Gulf nation, a 19-year-old female undergraduate
student approached me one day after a lecture on social problems; this student was
tenacious and motivated but usually seemed somewhat melancholy. She waited until
the last of the other students left the room before she said to me:“You know, divorce is
a big problem in my country, which we should discuss in this course; I know because
I’m divorced. Please don’t tell the others.” This particular student was married at
age 16 and by 19 years old was divorced with little hope for the future, according
to her. Over the last five decades the United Arab Emirates (UAE), a small Islamic
country in the Arabian Peninsula, has undergone significant social changes fuelled by
the discovery of oil in the late 1950s and its subsequent vast revenues. In a relatively
short period, Emirates’ society transformed from a traditional subsistence economy
to a modern and generous welfare state that provides cradle-to-grave social services
for its citizens. The citizens of the UAE account for only about 11% of the overall
population of the country. Although the comprehensive social welfare benefits have
had an array of positive results, there has also been an increase in perceived social
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problems, including a rising rate of divorce, which was almost non-existent in this
culture until recently.
According to Sidiya (2010), the divorce rate, as a percentage of marriages, in the
UAE was 25.6% in 2008. One report found that the divorce rate was as high as 46%
in 2007 (Al Awadhi, 2007). The UAE government is alarmed by this rising trend
and programmes to reduce the number of divorces have been established (Mustafa,
2009).The rising divorce rate is especially alarming considering that, although divorce
is permissible in Islam under certain circumstances, it is a taboo and is detrimental
to Gulf families where strong family ties and a sense of tradition are important (Al
Munajjed, 2010; Al Gharaibeh and Bromfield, 2012). Emirati marriages tend to be
arranged among family members, ideally consanguineous marriage arrangements
among first cousins, and divorce can cause tensions across the tightly knit extended
family (Al Gharaibeh and Bromfield, 2012).
Divorce in the Greater Arab region

In the Arab and Islamic world, divorce is a more recent social problem, but has been
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on the rise as Arab societies continue to transition from traditional, closed agrarian
societies to modern and urban ones (Cohen and Savaya, 2003). Several studies in
the Arabic literature offer insight into reasons for the rising divorce rates in the Arab
world. Cohen and Savaya (2003) found that emotional reasons such as lack of love
or poor communication are acceptable reasons to divorce in the West, while in Arab
countries the reasons for divorce are more concrete such as physical abuse, alcoholism,
infertility and problems with relatives among those living in extended family groups.
Abdul and Sibai (2006) conducted a study on divorced Saudi women, which revealed
that social factors such as the lack of awareness among couples related to marriage
responsibilities, parental and family interference in the spouses’ affairs, large age gaps
between the spouses and differing educational levels and social classes contributed
to the incidence of divorce in Saudi Arabia. In Jordan, studies by Barhoum (1985),
Al Qaisi and Al Majali (2000) and Al Ghazwai (2007) showed that parental over-
involvement, lack of consensus on important issues, misunderstanding of marriage
responsibilities, early marriage, short-term engagements and poor communication
skills were the primary causes for divorce among Arab couples in that nation.
Marriage and divorce in the UAE

The rapid changes in Emirati culture have affected views and expectations of marriage.
In traditional Emirati culture, both men and women married at a young age and the
marriages were arranged by family members, typically fathers. Ideally, first cousins
would marry and reside in the husband’s extended family home.These consanguineous
marriages protected both the family wealth and also the bride, who would hopefully
already have amiable relationships with her new mother-in-law (her aunt) and her
new sisters-in-law (her cousins). Most of these traditions are still upheld but the
legal age of marriage has increased, women are receiving higher education in record
numbers and some have careers, family size is decreasing and some young couples
are choosing to live in nuclear family groups in their own homes.
A fictitious – yet common – marriage scenario, based on my conversations with
some young Emiratis, might be the following: a young woman in her early twenties
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Interviews with divorced women from the United Arab Emirates
is asked by her father if she would agree to marry her first cousin; this would be a
man that the young woman’s father believes would be a good match for her. Perhaps
he would be a cousin that she may have played with when she was much younger
but may not have seen for a number of years due to strict gender segregation; if she
agrees to marry the prospective groom, a dowry is determined, a marriage contract
is signed and the date for an elaborate wedding banquet, in which there may be
well over 600 guests, is set. After the wedding party, the couple may take a long
honeymoon abroad, sometimes with other family members, and then reside in the
husband’s family home, where they should attempt to conceive a child within the
first year of marriage; this is important for the bride because it secures her place as
wife and gives her status within the family as a mother. She would mostly socialise
with the other women living in the house – sisters-in-law and mother-in-law – and
share domestic duties with them. Most Emirati households employ live-in maids to
assist with household obligations. A male is permitted to marry up to four women
at one time; but anything other than being first wife would be undesirable.
The UAE government generously subsidises middle- to upper-class lifestyles for
its citizens through social support, which includes:
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• free land;
• interest-free mortgages;
• government-subsidised water and electricity;

• free healthcare and education;

• monthly payments for each child.
Unlike in most other Arab nations outside of the Gulf, in which the average family
is struggling financially, among UAE citizens the majority of wives do not have to
work, as the government support coupled with the male family members’ salaries
provide for needs; but increasingly Emirati women are choosing careers.
In some cases Emirati women choose to work because they want to possess
luxuries that an additional generous salary may allow (Emirati citizens are usually paid
extremely well in both government and private sectors in the UAE). Some Emiratis
desire lavish lifestyles, including large houses, several live-in maids, a driver, luxury
vehicles and expensive personal accessories such as couture handbags and watches;
these extravagant lifestyles sometimes require both husband and wife to be employed.
However, many Emirati women desire careers for reasons beyond the financial
advantage. In 2013, the vast majority of university students at the largest public
institution in the UAE, where I teach, are overwhelmingly female, representing 76%
of the entire student body (United Arab Emirates University, 2013); in informal
discussions over the last several years with my female Emirati university students
most have indicated a desire to pursue careers, despite that almost none of their own
mothers had careers or any education beyond primary or secondary school. In 2010,
66% of government employees were female Emiratis (Dubai Government, 2010),
which is notable considering that few Emirati women were in the workforce one
or two generations ago.
In the Emirates, most marriages continue to be traditional arranged ones and in
2011 about half of divorced couples in the UAE were married to a relative and almost
70% lived near their extended families (Ismail, 2011). In informal conversations with
my female Emirati students, they overwhelmingly agree (at least publicly) with the
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tradition of arranged marriages, even after the introduction of ‘love marriages’ in

the society.
Reasons for divorce in the UAE include:
• financial problems (Nazal, 2007);

• domestic violence (Za’za, 2004);
• modernisation and influence of Western cultures, early marriage and arranged
marriages (Al Munajjed, 2010).
An earlier study by Rashid et al (1998) in the Arabic language literature found that
problems such as alcoholism, poor spousal treatment, lack of devotion, desertion,
polygamy, family involvement, irresponsibility related to family obligations and
financial issues contribute to divorce among Emiratis. Al Maliki’s (2001) study also
found financial issues to be a contributing factor. Al Maliki (2001) additionally found
that wide differences in age or educational levels and lack of previous acquaintance
before marriage to be factors that lead to divorce. Alabbar (2004) noted five major
reasons for divorce among Emiratis, including poor communication and economic,
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social, health and personal problems. Al Gharaibeh and Bromfield (2012) noted that
83.5% of divorced women in the UAE reported educational differences between them
and their spouses, with divorced women being more educated than their ex-husbands.
A study conducted by the Sharjah Supreme Council for Family Affairs (2008) in
Sharjah, a UAE emirate, found that 47% of divorces occurred during the first three
years of marriage.This finding suggests that there may be an inability of newly married
Emirati couples to understand and bear the burden of increased social responsibility
and family obligations after marriage, especially since couples tend to marry at a
young age. It also speaks to the fragility of the foundation on which the marriages
may have been built, including:
• the lack of planning to meet economic obligations;

• poor understanding of the other gender due to strict gender segregation;
• the uncertainty in matching;
• the appropriateness for one another in arranged marriages (Al Gharaibeh and
Bromfield, 2012).
In my casual conversations with young Emiratis about divorce, tales of couples who
sought divorce even before the official wedding party were common, with many
problems arising after disagreements concerning details related to the wedding party.
Older Emiratis that I spoke with informally repeated similar stories and some felt
that the younger Emirati generation was overindulged and frivolous over serious
life matters, which allowed them to find it acceptable to seek divorce over relatively
small disagreements.
Despite tales of divorce over seemingly trivial matters among younger Emiratis,
divorce is a serious issue, especially for the bride; the Sharjah study (Sharjah Supreme
Council of Family Affairs Development Center, 2008) reported that a large percentage
of divorced Emirati women experienced stigmatisation after divorce but lacked access
to needed psychological and social care services, as there are few social and community
supports for divorced Emirati women.
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Study objective and methodological framework

The reasons for Emiratis seeking divorce are varied but may differ substantially
from those in the West. The primary objective of this study was to understand and
describe the lived experiences of divorced Emiratis in order to increase the level
of understanding of this social problem from the perspectives of those who have
experienced it. To accomplish the primary objective, a phenomenological approach
was used, which is suitable for exploring significant life issues such as marriage and
divorce (Creswell, 1998).The object of phenomenology is to study people’s experiences
and to capture ways in which individuals distinctly experience a phenomenon
(Creswell, 1998; Welman and Kruger, 1999). As Welman and Kruger (1999: 189)
note, phenomenology is ‘concerned with understanding social and psychological
phenomena from the perspectives of people involved’ and the goal of the research is
to describe a phenomenon from the participants’ perspectives. In phenomenological
studies, data are collected through in-depth interviews; interviews are used because
the researcher aims to collect thick and descriptive data about the phenomenon being
studied. The epistemological position that I took in formulating the study was that
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data are contained within the perspectives of Emirati citizens who have experienced
divorce. My intention was to gather data regarding the perspectives on the divorce
phenomenon among Emirati citizen participants, which offered a rare glimpse into
a deeply personal matter that is usually not discussed.The study was exploratory and
was guided by the following question: What were the lived experiences of divorced
Emiratis during their marriages that contributed to their divorces?
Data collection, sampling method and analysis

Data collection for this study was an arduous process due to the nature of Emirati
culture and the stigma associated with divorce; family life is an extremely private
matter and family issues that carry any level of shame are thought to bring shame
on self and family if discussed with outsiders. In collectivist cultures, such as Emirati
culture, avoiding exposure of shame protects one’s entire family from it. Additionally,
some Emiratis believe that possessing knowledge of another’s family problems also
can bring shame on the person who possesses such knowledge about someone else’s
family problems.
The sample size was deliberately kept small at 10 respondents, in anticipation of
experiencing barriers to data collection and challenges identifying willing respondents.
I felt comfortable with this small sample size because, in phenomenological studies, a
small number of respondents is usually sufficient to reach saturation (Creswell, 1998;
Groenewald, 2004) and Creswell (1998: 65) recommends that phenomenological
studies should consist of ‘long interviews with up to 10 people’. Data were collected
through one-to-one in-depth interviews over 10 months, using a two-part
questionnaire; an additional interview was conducted at a later time. That it took
some time to conduct 10 interviews is telling of the reluctance that people felt in
participating in the study. Part I of the questionnaire consisted of a semi-structured
interview protocol; part II consisted of demographic and other general questions.
Interview questions were kept as open-ended as possible because I knew that I could
not be detached from my own assumptions and so tried to avoid asking ‘leading’
questions. I am of a different culture, religion, nationality and language group than the
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respondents.Although this may be seen as a hindrance and barrier to rapport building

with the people participating in the study, several mentioned that they preferred to
be interviewed by me, ‘the foreign researcher’, as they felt less shame in discussing
their experiences with a Western outsider. Additionally, the respondents were fluent
in English and all were women. Demographic information on the respondents is
shown in Table 1.
Table 1: Respondent demographic information

Age at marriage
education level
years married
Nationality
Number of
Number of
marriage?
Education
relatives?
spouse at
Arranged
marriage
Marriage
Spouse’s
Number
children
Gender
among
Age of
level
1 Female 14 23 14 5 University Secondary No Yes Emirati
2 Female 17 21 3 0 University University Yes Yes Emirati
3 Female 18 22 1 0 University University Yes Yes Emirati
4 Female 19 20 16 10 Grade 3 Primary No Yes Naturalised
Emirati
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5 Female 19 23 15 2 Primary Secondary No Yes Emirati

6 Female 20 23 3 1 Secondary Secondary Yes Yes Emirati
7 Female 20 22 1.5 0 University Secondary No Yes Emirati
8 Female 21 21 3 0 University Secondary Yes Yes Emirati

9 Female 24 27 3 months 0 University Secondary No Yes Emirati

10 Female 23 28 2 months 0 University University Yes Yes Emirati
The interviews were conducted in either English or Arabic in a location selected by

the participant or via the telephone if she was not available or was uncomfortable in
a face-to-face interview format. I conducted interviews in English, and two trained
Emirati student research assistants conducted interviews in Arabic. The Emirati
researchers were also trained to avoid asking ‘leading’ questions.A trained Emirati social
work student was the primary interviewer for the interviews conducted in Arabic.
The Arabic interviews were translated and all interviews were transcribed for analysis.
A convenience sample was used to identify respondents, who learned of the study
being conducted through social service and/or personal networks and approached
me or the research assistants voluntarily to be interviewed; we informed several UAE-
based social service agencies of the study and garnered several interviews through
them. Additionally, I announced in my university classes that I was conducting the
study; some students who had friends or relatives who were divorced informed
them of the study being conducted and we had several people volunteering to be
interviewed based on this network. Several other respondents were recruited through
other ‘word-of-mouth’ avenues.
This passive approach to identifying respondents was used because of the shame
and taboo associated with divorce. Most respondents volunteered to participate in
the study because they wanted the chance to tell their stories and they felt that it was
their duty to potentially prevent other young Emiratis from repeating their perceived
mistakes. Respondents were not compensated for their participation.
We took precautions to protect the rights, wellbeing and confidentiality of the
participants and they were made aware of the research procedures, risks, benefits,
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purposes of the research and their right to end the interview at any time and for any
reason. Because of the shameful nature of divorce in this society, the protection of their
confidentiality was paramount. All data remained confidential and the respondents
were not identified by name; recordings of interviews were kept secure and later
deleted and no identifying information concerning the respondents was kept with
the interviews.
The interviewee was the unit of analysis and the interview data were analysed using
Atlas.ti qualitative data analysis software. I transferred data into an Atlas.ti database and
I manually coded the data. An inductive process was used and I coded each salient
statement contained within each transcript, developing a coding schema.There were
several reiterations of this process and the Emirati student research assistants were
consulted during it. A total of 32 codes were developed and prevailing themes were
then identified from the coded statements, some which are discussed below.
Discussion
A rare glimpse into the private family lives of divorced Emirati women is offered
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through this project. Although respondents shared their own unique stories, multiple
prevailing themes were identified as being common to them. The following is
a discussion of some of the major themes found throughout the interview data,
including:
• a disdain for family interference;

• problems relating to early age of marriage;
• the desire to know more about the spouse before marriage;
• domestic violence as a reason for divorce;
• controlling spouses;
• the social stigma that they have endured due to divorce.
Family interference
In traditional Emirati society, a bride resides with her husband’s extended family
after marriage, with duties and expectations for both her husband and his family.
Along with other recent cultural changes, some young Emiratis are expecting more
autonomy in their marriages and less involvement from extended family members;
increasingly, young Emirati couples are living in their own nuclear homes.This cultural
shift and demand for relative autonomy in marriage was expressed by most people
participating in the study; they mentioned that interference from their spouse’s family
members such as parents and siblings had a negative effect on their relationship with
their spouses, as illustrated below through their voices.
One respondent, expressing her understanding of tradition but her desire for more
privacy, said:“When I married him that meant I married the whole family and when
we decided to travel, all the family travelled with us … we didn’t even share the
same [hotel] room … and that is why I can’t live with them.” A different respondent,
revealing her frustration regarding family interference, noted: “I and my ex-husband,
we disagreed on many issues and he was unable to take any decision alone without his
mother’s intervention.”Another respondent attributed family interference as being the
primary reason for the break-up of her marriage, mentioning that the biggest issue in
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her marriage was her “mother-in-law’s interference”. One woman, when asked about
ways she may have been unprepared for marriage, said that she did not expect “his
family interference in the clothes I wear and what I do … they even prevented me
from having a BlackBerry [smartphone]”.This woman was particularly upset because
the extended family dictated her style of dress and did not permit her to wear jeans
in the house, and had to wear a kandora (traditional long dress) at all times. Another
woman interviewed felt that her husband’s family tried to break up their marriage,
noting: “[A]fter the divorce I knew that my ex-spouse’s sisters didn’t accept me as a
wife to their brother. They exaggerated the problems to reach a divorce.”
When asked about issues that contributed to the break-up of her marriage, one
woman said:“Some family problems … you know here it’s the tradition … the whole
family in the house, so it is difficult. I had some problems with his mother.” One
woman expressed the opinion that Emirati couples should live on their own and
not with the extended family, noting: “Living with the spouse’s family will affect the
couple’s relationship; they should take their own place.” Another woman said: “The
main reason why we divorced is because my husband would not consider living in
our own house and his family did not want me to work … I need to have my career.”
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As Abu Baker (2003) notes, in traditional Arab families the extended family spend
most of their lives together.The male members live in or next to the family-of-origin
home and the young married couple are kept under control and strict observation by
the extended family members, which can sometimes cause psychological and marital
stress, particularly among wives who are outside of the extended family group or tribe.
Early age of marriage

All but one of the respondents were married in their teens or early twenties, with
the youngest being 14 at the time of marriage. Most women interviewed indicated
that they did not understand the realities of married life and perhaps were not
mature enough to enter into a marriage. Despite the increase in education and job
opportunities for young Emirati women, there remains a significant pressure to
marry early in some families and many unmarried women fear the possibility of
facing ‘spinsterhood’, a negative term that is used in the UAE to describe women
who have not married by the age of 27. Early marriage is an acceptable alternative
to facing ‘spinsterhood’.
One respondent said: “The main reasons for the failure of our marriage and why
we got divorced were my early age of marriage and his mother’s intervening in all
matters of my life.” Although marriage at a young age was seen as a contributing
factor for divorce for the women, the young ages of the husbands at the time of
marriage were also mentioned. One woman said: “He [her husband] was only 21
years old [when married]; that means he wasn’t mature enough to have a family …
he was very reckless.” Another woman, when asked in what ways she was unprepared
for her marriage, mentioned her young age at the time of marriage and said: “The
main factor [for divorce] was my age. I was really young; I was only 19 years and I
wasn’t well educated.” This respondent also noted: “I didn’t have the time to think
about it [the marriage] and I was really young at that time, but I felt fine [about the
marriage] thinking that my lifestyle will change and that it will be a good thing …
but it turned out to be my bad luck.”
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Traditionally, families believed that early marriage was the best option for their
daughters because early marriage:
• lessened the risk of the daughter losing her honour through illicit contact with
boys or men as she matured;
• allowed for her to maximise her ability to have a large number of children;
• lessened the chance that the daughter would become unmarriageable as she aged,
thus becoming a ‘spinster’.
The marriage of one’s children is also a mark of success and self-actualisation for
Arab parents and a goal that should be thought about and worked towards from the
time that the children are young (Abu Baker, 2003).
Although early marriage is thought to contribute to divorce among Emiratis, just
two generations ago Emirati women married at a significantly younger age than they
do today, usually around 14 or 15 years of age, and there is much less divorce among
the older generations than the young ones. According to Rashad et al (2005), the
percentage of women in the UAE marrying between the ages of 15 and 19 was 57%
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in 1975 and only 8% by 1995.

An additional reason why Emirati women get married at a relatively young age is
the reality of competition for marriage from a wide range of women living in the
UAE.The vast majority of people living in the UAE are expatriates, not citizens.These
expatriates include young women from all over the globe who are either living with
their parents in the UAE or working in the UAE. Emirati men may marry foreign
women of any religion and often the choice of marrying a foreign woman may seem
desirable because the demands for an expensive wedding and high dowry by the
Emirati woman and her family put significant pressure on the young Emirati male
and his family. Foreign women do not generally demand the same high-cost weddings
or dowries, and so a man can marry a foreigner for a significantly lesser investment.
It is not acceptable for an Emirati woman to marry a foreigner and, until recently, the
children of such marriages were not eligible for Emirati citizenship, which placed her
children at a significant disadvantage.The law was recently changed so that the children
of Emirati women married to foreign men will be granted Emirati citizenship at the
age of 18. However, it is still generally unacceptable for an Emirati woman to marry
a foreign man, with the exception of marrying a distant relative from a neighboring
Gulf country. Emirati women may not marry a non-Muslim man, which would be a
violation of religious law, so the pool of eligible marriage partners is much smaller for
young women than it is for young men.The UAE government established a Marriage
Fund in the 1990s to offset wedding expenses for male Emiratis, with the hope of
encouraging Emirati men to marry Emirati women. An Emirati male can apply for
a marriage grant to assist with wedding expenses with the condition that he marries
an Emirati woman (Rashad et al, 2005). More recently, the Dubai government started
an initiative in which the Emirati couple with the lowest registered dowry amount
for each year is honoured.
The desire to know more about the spouse before marriage

All 10 respondents had a traditional arranged marriage. The respondents were not
opposed to being in an arranged marriage, but they did express the desire to find
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out more about their spouses before marriage and perhaps get to know them a little
before the marriage contract was signed. One respondent said:“Before getting engaged
we should’ve asked more about him and not relied on close people saying that he is
good.” Another mentioned:“Families should ask about the guy and know everything
about him before they accept giving him their daughter.”And a third respondent said:
“I have a tip for the girl, before she gets married she has to ask all the people that she
knows about the man. Not just asking her family and his family only.”
Because many arranged marriages are often within the same tribal group, one
respondent noted:“Tribe is the first thing people look at [when arranging marriages]
when the most important things are morals, ethics and personality of the spouse, not
the tribe.” Another woman said: “If I would have known about my husband’s views
before marriage, I wouldn’t have agreed to the marriage. It became clear [later] that
we were incompatible but by then it was too late.”
Arranged marriage is a tradition in the UAE and in other Arab nations. Emirati
culture is gender segregated and men and women are not permitted to mingle if
unrelated. While no respondent mentioned that they were opposed to an arranged
marriage, they did want the opportunity to learn more about the spouse before
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marriage. An additional issue related to the desire to know more about their spouses
is the need to learn how to communicate with the opposite gender.Young Emerati
men and women have little chance to communicate with each other and thus do
not have experience in learning how to navigate communication with each other.
However, some families are allowing young betrothed couples to communicate via
text-message, telephone and/or email so that they may learn more about each other
before the marriage.
Domestic violence
More than half of the respondents described domestic violence as being present in
their marriages. One respondent, when asked what were some of the factors that
led to her divorce, said: “The most important reason that led to the divorce was [her
husband’s] practice of violence against me, like hitting and insulting and cursing me.”
Another respondent, when asked the same question, said: “He didn’t show respect to
me and he abused me physically and psychologically” and she went on to say: “He
didn’t take my opinions and he preferred to take other’s opinions and he beat me if
I disagreed with him.”
One respondent, when listing some of the reasons for the break-up of her marriage,
noted: “He said bad words to me … he didn’t respect me and he beat me … he
ignored me … he believed that because he is the man, he should control me … he
is the man so he had the power.” Another respondent said: “He didn’t show respect
as he had been hitting me in front of my kids.”
Cultural factors play an important role in attitudes towards the acceptability of
domestic violence and it has been found to be more accepted by both men and
women in Arab cultures than in Western cultures (S. Douki et al, 2003). Those in
Arab cultures may not define physically beating or verbally berating a female spouse
as domestic violence, but as deserved punishment. As S. Douki et al (2003) note,
domestic violence in Arab cultures is considered to be a private matter and often a
justifiable response to misbehaviour by the wife, as it is in other absolute patriarchal
societies. In Arab societies, domestic violence is condoned by the wife’s ‘misbehavior’,
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interpretation of religion and personal problems that the husband may be experiencing
such as financial issues and work pressure (S. Douki et al, 2003). More than half of the
women interviewed said that they experienced domestic violence and it was an issue
that contributed to their divorces. They did not define their experience of domestic
violence as their husband’s right.
Controlling spouses
Although the UAE is a traditional patriarchal society where it is understood that the
husband is the leader and authority in the household, all respondents mentioned that
the control that their husbands exerted over them contributed to their divorces. One
woman, when noting what she wanted from a marriage, said she wanted a husband
that “does not prevent me from working and does not prevent me from going out to
markets and malls. However, I did not ask for these conditions when I got married”.
Another woman was forced to quit university by her husband during the Melchah
period, which is the period after the marriage contract is signed but before the
wedding party takes place. She felt that this was one of the biggest reasons for the
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break-up of her marriage and noted:
‘The Melchah period was about one year and everything was fine and we
loved each other so much, but before the wedding [party], he decided to
stop my education and that made me sad because we were in agreement

before [about the wife attending university], but he changed his mind on
the last days before the wedding.’
This woman also said:“I didn’t mention in the [marriage] contract before the Melchah,
that I wanted to complete my education … but I trusted him.” One woman said that
she would have liked to have more authority in her marriage and wished that she
had “been stronger with a loud voice … [and] explained my own opinion without
fear … [and] not kept silent so that I could get my rights”.
When an Emirati woman is betrothed to a man, she has the right to negotiate
terms of the marriage contract.These terms may include the woman’s right to be able
to finish her university studies and seek employment upon graduation. Sometimes
a woman may feel pressured by her family not to ask for certain allowances in the
marriage contract as it may be seen as being too demanding and independent. Several
respondents mentioned that they should have asked for terms in the marriage contract
but were too afraid of criticism to voice their opinions. Ultimately, this led to them
feeling like their husbands were controlling and that they had no voice.
Social stigma
Western scholars have made the argument that divorce is not necessarily negative or
damaging and ‘doesn’t really matter at all’ (Clarke-Stewart and Brentano, 2006: 234)
but the social stigma that my respondents felt was crippling to them. Surprisingly,
most respondents discouraged other Emirati women from seeking divorce due to
the social stigma that they faced – in spite of being in ‘unhealthy’ and sometimes
dangerous marriages – and also due to the possibility of not being able to remarry
or finding a desirable second marriage partner. In my casual conversations with
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Nicole Bromfield
other Emirati women, some felt that young divorced women might only find ‘old
men’ to marry them or that they might have to settle for being second, third or even
fourth wife, which is considered undesirable and would place them in a subordinate
position within the household. Illustrating this point, one interviewee said: “Despite
my experience and the difficult divorce from my husband, I do not encourage
divorce unless the woman is forced to and has no other option. Social stigma is a
major problem that faces UAE [divorced] women.”This respondent also said: “Every
married lady should try forever to save her marriage because getting divorced is really
the worst thing that can happen in a woman’s life. But in my case I have my children,
so I have compensation.”
Another respondent said: “A good wife should try every possible way to change
the negative things in her husband, just like what I did but it didn’t work … but
that doesn’t mean that wives should give up but I recommend that they give it a
try as much as possible.” One respondent said that she tried desperately to save her
marriage, noting:
‘I did not want to be divorced and have done many things to prevent my
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divorce. I worried about the social stigma; it threatens women in the UAE. I
asked my husband to sit down with my family and I asked them to persuade
my husband not to divorce me, but he refused.’
This respondent went on to say:
‘Also I asked my older brother to mediate to prevent divorce and then my

younger brother, but my husband did not accept that … although my staying
with him would not make me happy, but this was better for me and my sons
and daughters than the stigma of divorce.’
Illustrating her family’s reaction to her divorce, one woman said:
‘My father was critical with me when I told him that I want a divorce, as it’s
considered to be a shame for the family and he asked me to just be patient
[in the marriage] … he said that my only home is my husband’s and that
he is no longer responsible.’
During the interviews I was acutely aware of the pain and shame that my respondents
expressed. One respondent, who moved back into the family home after divorce,
told stories of constantly being berated by her father; because she was divorced (after
getting married at the age of 14) she could do no right, especially with regard to
raising her children. There is little if any social support for those who are divorced
while the stigma of divorce is crippling to some Emirati women.There are a variety
of reasons for the lack of social support:
• guarding privacy and protecting family honour are critical and come before
one’s personal needs;
• family problems are solved within the family;
350
• marital conflict is considered to be a deeply private matter and an open discussion

of such is considered to bring shame on the couple as well as the extended family
(Abu Baker, 2003);
• therapy is not a service that is commonly used by Emiratis, and most of the
family counsellors who work in the country are Western expatriates who cater
for Westerners.
Conclusion
Social exchange theory in divorce
So why is it that the current generation of Emirati women is reacting differently from
long-held marital traditions such as arranged marriages, not knowing their husbands
before marriage, living with the extended family and absolute patriarchy in the
household? And why did my respondents, who for the most part are highly educated
Emirati women, consider that divorce was an option for them? Despite knowing that
they would face stigmatisation, the women who I interviewed still divorced. Social
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exchange theory is useful to explain this phenomenon, which suggests that social
change or social stability is a result of individual cost–benefit analysis of relationships
(Kreager et al, 2013). When the costs outweigh the benefits for one of the partners,
they will abandon the relationship.The social exchange theory of divorce focuses on
the relationship before the divorce occurred and the evaluation of that relationship
in terms of costs and benefits. Benefits may include love, support, social status and
financial advantages and costs may include social control, lack of freedom and extra
responsibilities (Clarke-Stewart and Brentano, 2006).When people feel that the costs in
a marriage are higher than the benefits, they will be swayed towards divorce (Clarke-
Stewart and Brentano, 2006) when there are more attractive alternatives available.
Because of the increase in education and work opportunities for Emirati women,
there were more attractive alternatives for the study respondents than staying in their
unhappy marriages because they had the ability to support themselves outside of the
marriage; something that was not available to previous generations of Emirati women.
In a recent study conducted in the United States, Kreager et al (2013) found that in
abusive marriages, educated women were more likely to divorce than non-educated
women and that women who earned a high proportion of total family income were
also more likely to leave abusive marriages – findings that support this type of social
exchange theory in marriage.
In the past, leaving unhappy marriages was not an option for Emirati women
because there were no better alternatives available to them; having a husband was a
basic necessity to their survival. Furthermore, divorced women would be ostracised
from their community and going to a city to beg on the street might be the only
option to avoid starvation. Undesirable extended family living situations, family
interference, domestic abuse and controlling husbands had to be endured by Emirati
women of previous generations, but this is no longer the case. In Western socieites,
as women gained more autonomy due to an increase in education and professional
employment and a decrease in fertility, the divorce rates increased (Clarke-Stewart
and Brentano, 2006), as they are now increasing in Emirati society. It is likely that
as Emirati women continue to seek gainful employment outside of the home, they
will continue to be less likely to stay in unhappy marriages and thus the divorce rate
351
Nicole Bromfield
will continue to rise and/or women will choose to delay marriage. An additional
noteworthy point is that with the now high levels of domestic servitude in the UAE,
the concept of ‘production complementaries’ in which husband and wife are more
productive together than apart (Stevenson and Wolfers, 2007) is significantly less
important than it was for past generations. Because Emiratis usually employ live-in
‘housemaids’ who perform domestic duties such as cooking, cleaning and childcare,
an Emirati single mother has the ability to pursue full-time employment without
the added burden of shouldering all of the domestic responsibilities in the household
because she can rely on her ‘housemaid/s’.
Solutions to the rising divorce rate

If the UAE follows the same path as in the West, then the divorce rate will begin to
fall at some point, without government intervention (Stevenson and Wolfers, 2007).
As women in the UAE continue to gain more autonomy through higher education
and professional careers, they will also be expected to continue to delay their ages of
marriage, exert more control over their marriage choices and guidelines stipulated in
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their marriage contracts, and have more power over their living arrangements, thus
creating healthier and happier marriages that will be less likely to end in divorce.
In the meantime, marriage counselling and support for divorced women and their
children must be considered. In the West, marital counselling is often suggested as

a step to repair marriage. One facet of traditional Arab cultures is that marriage
problems are solved within the family; as Abu Baker (2003) points out, family therapy
such as marriage counselling is not generally accepted in Arab cultures. None of the
respondents who were interviewed sought therapy or other forms of professional
intervention prior to and/or after their divorces, but relied solely on the family for
remediation. An increase in the acceptance and utilisation of culturally appropriate
marriage counselling may help to decrease the divorce rate among Emiratis, in
addition to using family strengths and resources. Supportive pre-marital counselling
and communication workshops may also be beneficial to young Emirati couples.
Because gender segregation is the norm in this society, an emphasis on effective
communication with the opposite gender may help some couples in navigating
communication in their new marriages.
Although the UAE government does provide financial support for divorced women,
and housing assistance in some cases, social support in the form of additional shelters,
support groups and, as mentioned, counselling for victims of domestic violence and/
or divorced women is needed in the country.Additionally, support for the children of
divorced parents is needed. In fact, one respondent felt so strongly about this unmet
need that she has the professional goal of one day developing a community centre
in the UAE for divorced women and their children.
352
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Families, Relationships and Societies • vol 3 • no 3 • 339–54 • © Policy Press 2014 • #FRS

Print ISSN 2046 7435 • Online ISSN 2046 7443 • http://dx.doi.org/10.1332/204674313X13842674567773

Copyright The Policy Press

Divorce in the Greater Arab region

Marriage and divorce in the UAE

• government-subsidised water and electricity;

• free healthcare and education;

tradition of arranged marriages, even after the introduction of ‘love marriages’ in

• financial problems (Nazal, 2007);

• the lack of planning to meet economic obligations;

Study objective and methodological framework

Data collection, sampling method and analysis

respondents.Although this may be seen as a hindrance and barrier to rapport building

Table 1: Respondent demographic information

5 Female 19 23 15 2 Primary Secondary No Yes Emirati

8 Female 21 21 3 0 University Secondary Yes Yes Emirati

9 Female 24 27 3 months 0 University Secondary No Yes Emirati

The interviews were conducted in either English or Arabic in a location selected by

• a disdain for family interference;

Early age of marriage

in 1975 and only 8% by 1995.

The desire to know more about the spouse before marriage

break-up of her marriage and noted:

stop my education and that made me sad because we were in agreement

Copyright The Policy Press

This respondent went on to say:

‘Also I asked my older brother to mediate to prevent divorce and then my

Illustrating her family’s reaction to her divorce, one woman said:

• marital conflict is considered to be a deeply private matter and an open discussion

Solutions to the rising divorce rate

children must be considered. In the West, marital counselling is often suggested as

Arab Emirates: Association of Awareness [Arabic]

Rashad, H, Osman, M, Roudi-Fahimi, F, 2005, Marriage in the Arab world,Washington,

sciences, Johannesburg, South Africa: Heinemann

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