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What I’ve Learned About Learning After 20 Years

of Playing Guitar
Five lessons about learning faster that can be applied to any skill you’re trying to
develop

Steve Fitz
Published in Better Humans
9 min read · Jun 21, 2021

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Photo by Jacek Dylag on Unsplash

This year it will be 20 years since I first picked up a guitar.

I’ve put thousands of hours and literal blood, sweat, and tears into that instrument, and it
has all been worth it.

Did I become the rock star I wanted to as a young teenager? Eh, no — but that’s OK.

Reflecting back on my progress on guitar over the last 20 years, I realize that I’ve learned
so much about the learning process itself. Sticking to one thing for 20 years has served as
a lens through which I can better understand the psychological journey of learning.

I’ve overcome many perceived “limits” since day one, made more progress than I ever
dreamed of, and had many profound insights about my mind which have positively
affected other areas of my life.

Here is what 20 years of learning guitar have taught me more broadly about learning. I’ve
compiled these into five lessons, each with a key takeaway, and all of which apply to most
skill acquisition.

Lesson #1: Maintain a Healthy Distrust of the Voice in Your Head

I clearly remember week one. I was learning where to place my fingers on the neck of the
guitar by looking at chords in a book (no YouTube in those days).

I was making good progress with the first few chords, but then came the F Major chord.
It required my fingers to do something that felt completely unnatural and that required
strength and flexibility I didn’t yet have.

I distinctly remember the voice in my head saying: “You’ll never be able to get that.”

That was the first real hurdle, and I almost quit. I remember an almost audible inner
battle between the innate part of me that felt called to learn, and the negative inner critic
telling me I’d never be able to play that chord.

Thankfully, I stuck with it, and after a few days, the F Major chord started to feel a little
easier. A few weeks later, it felt quite easy. Years later, it is hard to imagine that I ever
struggled with it.

This example is representative of many mental battles I’ve had since I started playing,
especially in the early years. Every time I progressed to a new level and was trying to learn
a challenging technique, riff, or song, the voice in my head would tell me I’d never get it
— until I did.
My Eureka Moment
It took many years of listening to and battling that voice before one day something
shifted. I had a true moment of meta-awareness when I noticed the voice showing up,
without having an emotional response to it. It provided just enough time for me to think:
“wait a minute, maybe that voice is wrong.”

As crazy as it sounds, that was a revolutionary “new idea” for me at the time. I then began
to realize that there was a cycle in my life and in my thinking: I always thought I couldn’t
do something until I did it.

“Yeah, others can do it,” the voice would say, “but you probably can’t.” “Yeah, you were
able to master the last technique, but this is different — this is much harder, you aren’t
talented enough.”

Once I recognized this voice for what it was, I stopped paying attention to it and
emotionally engaging it. This change was huge. Instead of my old mindset of believing I
wouldn’t be able to learn something, I began focusing on what I’d achieved so far and
started to gain confidence that if I put in the time and practice I could learn anything.
The pessimistic vs. optimistic voice
My voice was negative. I assumed that was the case for everyone. But I was surprised to
discover by talking to friends and other musicians over the last 20 years that some people
have an overly optimistic voice when starting to learn a new skill.

Their voice says something like: “this is easy, it may be hard for other people, but you are
different. You’ll pick ‘it’ up in no time.”

You might think, as I did, that it would be great to have this optimistic voice, but that’s
not necessarily the case. An overly positive voice might get you started, but when you
realize that it’s not as easy as you first thought then it’s easy to feel deflated. Then you are
more likely to give up and look around for an “easier” thing to do.

Key takeaway: When faced with learning something new, most people have one of two voices in their
head: the overly pessimistic voice, or the overly optimistic voice. Both voices are almost always wrong,
and so can’t really be trusted. It’s their job to try to make predictions, but these predictions are often
distorted by emotional biases.

Instead, your predictions should stem from rational thinking: for example, “people learn by doing…
if I practice, put in the time, and stick to it, I can learn anything.” You’ll be amazed how much
improvement you can make with time and perseverance.
Lesson #2: Motivation Is Like the Tide
My “relationship” with the guitar since day one has been like that — a relationship.
There are highs and lows and emotional ups and downs.

I go through periods of wanting to play all the time. These periods can last for days or
weeks, during which it’s the first thing I want to grab when I get out of bed in the
morning.

But, I also go through periods when I barely touch it! It is not due to time, it’s just that I
don’t feel like playing or “spending time” with it. Sometimes I can even feel frustrated
seeing it propped up on a stand in the corner of my room.

These periods of high or low motivation can vary in duration, and I never know when
they are coming.

Back in the early days, when my motivation to play and practice would dip, I’d start to
doubt whether I really enjoyed it and whether it was for me. I’d worry that I’d never feel
that excitement to play again and I’d consider changing to a new instrument.

After a few years, I finally realized and accepted that levels of motivation fluctuate, and
that it’s just part of the process of learning anything. This acceptance alone stopped the
worry and guilt I used to experience during times when I didn't feel like playing.

Now, whenever the “fed up” moments come, I don't fight them. In fact, I’ve reframed
them as “opportunities for my brain to process and consolidate all the recent practice and
improvements I’ve made.” So, in short, I learned to see these downtimes as part of the
process of becoming a better player. I don’t know if it’s true, but it sure helps.

Key Takeaway: Your motivation to learn, practice, and improve in any skill will ebb and flow like
the tide. Be prepared for this. Don’t get too deflated when you don’t feel up to it (and don’t kid
yourself when feeling really into something that it will last forever). Remember that these dips are
normal and that the desire and motivation to continue learning your skill will come back.

Lesson #3: Progress Doesn’t Happen in a Straight Line — And Most

Progress Happens at Night
Just like our motivation levels are not constant, neither is the rate at which we make
progress. I have times — hours, days, even weeks — when I feel like I’m not advancing. I
feel stuck in a rut, playing the same old patterns.
But I also have moments when I feel on fire — like I’m progressing at 10x speed. Ideas
and realizations come at me at a rate hard to process, and I start to see connections on the
neck of the guitar where I never had before.

Just like with the dips in motivation, I used to really get frustrated and disillusioned
when I’d feel my progress was stagnant. I’d long for those moments of 10x progress,
which I’d convinced myself was the way it was supposed to be all the time.

It took me many years to accept that progress doesn't happen in a straight line. I’ve
learned that you have to ride the waves of rapid progress when they appear and patiently
wait out the “slow times.”
Night-time magic
Another insight I’ve had on how progress works is that it seems to happen at nighttime.
Sometimes, when I am practicing a new riff or scale on the guitar, I keep playing it over
and over again but just can’t get it right. It can feel like it's just not sticking to muscle
memory. Then I’d return to it the next day after a good night's sleep, and I’d notice I find
it much easier.

This big jump after sleep seems to make “scientific” sense. Research into sleep and
memory suggests that REM sleep, in particular, plays a vital role in consolidating
procedural memory, i.e., learning how to do something. This applies to skills that require
motor skills like playing guitar, riding a bike, etc.

In a sense, just like a computer sets updates to happen in the middle of the night, so too
does the brain do its updating at night by processing and consolidating what we’ve
learned and practiced during the day.

Key takeaway: Progress doesn’t happen in a straight line. There will be moments when you feel on
fire, and moments when you feel stuck. This is normal. The key is to keep at it and don't give up.
Also, remember that if you are practicing something and feeling frustrated that you aren't getting it,
realize that it will probably be easier the next day after a good night's sleep.

Lesson #4: Seek Help From Those Ahead

It took me years to realize that after the 12th fret on the guitar, the notes repeat — just at
an octave higher. As a musician, that is very embarrassing to say.

There were so many moments throughout my learning journey on the guitar when I was
trying to understand some aspect of musical theory and felt totally confused. I should
have sought help from others instead of waiting — years sometimes— to have the
realizations myself. It would have sped up my progress massively.

My problem was that I used to feel ashamed to ask for help or to show how little I
understood something — especially to someone at a more advanced level than me. Today
it is hard for me to believe I ever thought like this — after all, how can someone know
something they haven't come across before?

Now I see things completely differently. I’ll ask the “stupidest questions” if I don’t
understand something. I only care about making progress with the least amount of
friction, in whatever skill I’m trying to learn.

Key Takeaway: When learning something, you will have realizations on your own — they‘ll come
with time. But don’t wait around for them. Remember, time is valuable! Seek people out that can
help you make those jumps in knowledge. You might have to pay for it, but if it’s a skill that’s
important to you and it’ll save you time, it’s worth it.

Lesson #5: Discontent Is Part of Passion — And There There Is No Finish

Line
I’d used to say things to myself, like: “when I can play that song, I’ll be happy”… “Once I
learn to play that riff, I’ll never feel the need to learn another one.”

Although I’ve always loved playing, I used to be in a rush to get to some imaginary finish
line — a stage on the guitar where’d I’d be “good enough,” where I’d no longer feel driven
to get better.

This desire to get to some finish line, I now understand, was due to the slight
undercurrent of discontent I’ve always felt with my level. It’s subtle, but it's there. No
matter how much progress I made, I’d always feel that “I’m not there yet.”

What I’ve learned is that there is no finish line and no stage at where that discontent will
go away. That is because that slight discontent is the fuel that drives people to get better.
It is, I believe, a fundamental component of “passion.”

Even when we “master” a skill, in the eyes of society, we aren't at the finish line. With all
the money and success in the world, Tiger Woods never stops trying to get better at golf;
Warren Buffet doesn't stop trying to get better at investing. These world-class
performers know there are more rungs on the ladder, and their love, curiosity, and — I
suspect — discontent drives them to keep going.
I no longer kid myself that there is a finish line. I just focus on the next level and get
excited when I think about where I’ll be in another 20 years.

Key takeaway: Don’t be in a rush to reach an imaginary “finish line” in whatever skill you are
learning. If there is a finish line, chances are it is not a worthy pursuit. There is always another rung
on the ladder. Realize that the discontent you probably feel in the skill you are learning is not
something that can be squashed. It is an important driver of progress and something that will likely
always be there.

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Written by Steve Fitz

377 Followers · Writer for Better Humans

Thinker/Writer/Creator. MWC winner. Sharing practical tips & ideas on living a simpler, happier & more
creative life. Habit Engineer => rebootfactory.com

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