RONILO E. HILARIO RENANTE D.

DORADO
PROFESSOR MAED Student

REACTION PAPER
EDUC 205

CONFLICT AND DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

When dealing with conflict, it is imperative to avoid escalation and

overconfidence. Escalation tactics can prolong a dispute and making an agreement
more difficult to reach. It is also important to remain calm and avoid emotional
volatility and the use of insults. Handling conflict in this manner can cause
additional issues. Dealing with difficult people, it can be tough to just “grin and bear
it.” A really unpleasant person or interaction can linger in your mind, even when
you’re not around them. Suppressing those interactions can start to take its toll on
your mental health.

Everyone has their own personality types and quirks. In and of themselves,
personality clashes don’t make for difficult relationships. Usually, what ruins
interpersonal relationships is poor communication, a lack of empathy, or criticism.
They might constantly talk over you, or never pay attention to what you have to say.
They might be indirect, passive-aggressive, or really rude. Whatever it is, talking to
them is never straightforward. And you never feel good about how the conversation
went after you do. Poor communication skills can take a toll on any relationship.
Many times, like at work, we have to be around these difficult people whether we
want to or not. There are a few things, though, that we can do to lessen the impact
that they have on us. Here’s the lowdown on not-so-nice people, how to spot them,
and how to deal with difficult people both in and out of the workplace.

Some individuals never seem to care about anyone but themselves. This lack
of empathy can make them especially challenging to deal with. They may have
trouble understanding other people’s emotions or circumstances. These people
often come across as callous and uncaring. Highly critical people can be among the
most challenging to be around. It can seem like nothing and no one meets their
standards. Unfortunately, the closer you are to a highly critical person, the more
their comments sting. This can be particularly upsetting in personal relationships. It
would be much more convenient if difficult people walked around advertising their
unpleasantness. But while they might not wear flashing neon signs, they do give off
some clear warnings. Being around difficult people can have an impact on your
relationships and on workplace culture. Because their behavior can have such a
detrimental effect on your well-being, it’s important to take steps to prevent their
behavior from affecting you. Not “letting them get to you,” however, might be easier
said than done.

There’s a saying that when you change, so do others. Working on ourselves

first is the surest path to making sure things go the way we want them to. After all,
it’s pretty hard for only one person to get into an argument. With that in mind, the
first thing to do when faced with a challenging person is to look inside.
Understanding why you’re affected by them can help you determine the best way
to handle their behavior. How does this person’s behavior make you feel? Do you
feel frustrated, insulted, or dismissed? Being able to label the feelings helps to pull
you out of reactivity mode and into curiosity is much more productive (and less
explosive) space. Even when you’re dealing with a difficult person, it usually doesn’t
help to blow up on them. Many times, they’ll use your reaction (justified or
unjustified) to recruit support, making you look like you were just “overreacting.”

When you find yourself getting exasperated with someone which is very
visible to us now a days, start by taking one or more deep breaths. Don’t feel like
you have to engage with them right away. It’s perfectly okay to take a step back,
regroup, and follow up when you feel more centered. Sometimes, people bother us
because they remind us of ourselves. If we’re already frustrated whether with
ourselves or because of our own problems their shortcomings will feel intolerable.
For me, working with a coach has been immensely helpful in navigating difficult
situations. It gives me the opportunity to depersonalize what’s happening and find
out if there’s a root conflict that’s unrelated to that person at all. And if the person
really is being difficult, it’s nice to have someone validate that too.

The fact is, in life, we’re always going to encounter difficult people. But when
we understand how their behavior and attitudes affect us, we can prepare ourselves
to deal with them. When faced with a challenging person or situation, start by just
listening. Look at it as an exercise in curiosity. Try to understand them as much as
possible of what they want and why they’re giving you a hard time. If they’re upset,
avoid trying to placate them or shut them down. Telling someone to “calm down”
usually has the opposite effect especially if they think you’re not too fond of them.
From there, try to imagine things from their point of view. If you were this person,
and you were behaving in this way, what would justify your behavior? What would
have to be happening to convince you that you were right? That may give you
insight into how the other person feels.

Looking at things from their perspective doesn’t necessarily mean that you
have to agree with them. But it will help you develop compassion for them. Once
you develop a bit of empathy for them, you open the way to communicating with
compassion and respect. Many people take a dim view of compromise, feeling that
when people seek a middle ground, no one gets what they want. However, that is
the least fulfilling version of compromise. What works better and feels a little more
satisfying to come to an agreement that honors both of your needs. Find a way (if
you have to spend time around each other) that you can do so with respect. Even if
that person doesn’t change their ways, they can become a little more pleasant to
deal with. Mutual understanding (and some boundary-setting) can help accomplish
that. Sometimes, we get into difficult conversations because we take things too
seriously. If you’re in conflict with another person, using (appropriate) humor can
help diffuse tension. Cracking a joke or even a smile can help lower the stakes. It
can remind you of shared common ground and even shift you into a more
collaborative mood.

If you’re a little conflict-avoidant, you may be hesitant to even get into

conversations with difficult people. If that’s the case, try practicing what you want
to say first. Coaching sessions are a helpful space to run through conversations with
different personas. You can try having the intended conversation, recapping
previous exchanges, or talking through different resolutions. If you ever find
yourself stuck dealing with someone you really can’t stand, get out of there.
Sometimes it’s just not worth engaging. When our feelings are involved, we often
feel drawn into the exchange. We’re so absorbed that we forget we can just leave.
Years ago, I heard some advice from a sales trainer. He said that if the reps were
ever on a sales call that was going badly, they should just hang up. He explained
that a swift disconnection could be glossed over as “tech issues.” It would be much
harder to unsay anything that you might regret after a moment’s reflection. The
same is true for difficult people. If you’re having a hard time dealing with them,
hang up (log off, walk away, or whatever applies). Even if you’re talking face-to-face,
you can find a way to leave. Invent an emergency or important phone call, and offer
to pick up the conversation later. Set limits on the amount of time you spend
engaging with emotional vampires and other difficult types. If you have to meet
with them, do it in a neutral space, connect virtually, or schedule something directly
after so they don’t take up much of your time. If you can, try not to interact with
them alone. Bring a friend, colleague, or another person to help buffer your
interactions with them. If you start getting upset or the situation starts to go south,
this person can help you eject before things get too rough.

Being around difficult people even if everything looks calm on the surface is
emotionally exhausting. If you’re going to deal with it on a regular basis (for
example, as a caregiver or in other relationships), you need to be sure to refill your
cup. Inner Work® can give you some distance and perspective as you reflect. It’s
also important, though, to practice other kinds of self-care. Ensuring that you feel
physically and mentally cared for will help you feel more emotionally resilient, as
well.

Lastly, dealing with difficult people can be hard enough, but dealing with a
difficult coworker can ruin your day. We spend so much time at work that negative
people can really take a toll on our sense of belonging, psychological safety, and
productivity. As much as possible, try to limit your interactions with difficult people
at work. Whenever possible (or appropriate), loop in a third party on difficult
conversations. Try to keep your body language neutral when dealing with
coworkers, since carrying around additional tension will likely make the whole
interaction feel more strained. If it’s someone that you have to deal with, like a
manager, try to keep your one-on-ones brief and to the point. Remember that you
have a common interest in this case, getting the work done. While it’s to be
expected that you won’t get along with everyone at work all the time, there are
certain situations that should be handled by human resources. Don’t hesitate to
reach out to your manager, leader, or administrative team if a situation feels like it’s
getting out of control.

To sum up, no one looks forward to interacting with difficult people, but it
doesn’t have to ruin your day, week, or workplace. While there’s often not much
we can do to change their behavior, we can change our own responses and
minimize how they affect us. We can also learn to become more open to
conversation and conflict, since not all conflict is inherently bad. Learning how to
have difficult conversations and embracing productive conflict can help you feel
more confident. And who knows? You might make a friend in an unlikely place.

“Be Thankful for the difficult people in

your life, for they have shown you exactly
who you do not want to be”
-daily inspirational qoutes