how to improve our

relationships using

win win communication

Improving the quality of our attention,
we can reach a state of 100% presence
and 100% observation,
which means mindfulness
Tip: three steps before you decide/act

1. stop 2. calm yourself 3.rest

Non Violent Communication promotes
comprehension of oneself and others
through authenticity and empathy.
The aim is to develop relationships
within a win-win culture
LOSE-WIN WIN-WIN

LOSE-LOSE LOSE-WIN
Empathy enables us to connect with
the other person’s point of view. The
word comes from a Greek word
meaning “perceive the subjective
experience of someone”
Who are we empathizing with?
- Who is the person we want to understand?
- What is the situation they are in?
- What is their role in the situation?

What do they need to do?

- What do they need to do differentely?
- What job(s) do they want or need to get done?
- What decision(s) do they need to make?
- How will we know they were successful?

What do they see?

- What do they see in the marketplace?
- What do they see in their immediate environment?
- What do they see others saying and doing?
- What are they watching and reading?

What do they say?

- What have we heard them say?
- What can we imagine them saying?

What do they do?

- What do they do today?
- What behaviour have we observed?
- What can we imagine them doing?

What do they hear?

- What are they hearing others say?
- What are they hearing from friends?
- What are they hearing from colleagues?
- What are they hearing second hand?

What do they think and feel?

- Pains: what are their fears, frustrations and anxieties?
- Gains: what are their wants, needs, hopes and dreams?
- What other thoughts and feeling might motivate their behaviour?
 If we connect with our needs and we express
them in a respectful way (without judging,
reproaches, or aggression), we are being
assertive and this increases the probability that
these needs will be listened to and satisfied.
 reaction objective facts emotion need request

Your stupid dog has ruined my

garden. I knew from the start
that you were too irresponsible
fight ? ?
“Your neighbours to keep it under control. If it
have a large dog in comes onto my property again,
a doghouse next to I’ll call the pound
your garden. They
like to let the dog
out for a time every
avoidance
day. Lately it has
(paralysis ? ? nonexistent
gotten into your
or flight) garden and
destroyed several
plants. You call your
I’ve noticed that you sometimes
neighbours to tell
let your dog run loose.
them about the
Recently it has been digging in
situation”
assertiveness ? ? my garden and it has killed
several plants. Could we reach
an agreement so that your dog
can’t run in my garden?
1. Distinguish
between 3. Clearly establish
2. Define your
observation and your needs? What 4. Request, don’t
emotions. Think
judgement. Which do you need in this demand. What can
about the emotions
one are you really situation? If all you ask for or do
that come up as a
responding to? your needs were to be in harmony
result of the
What is really satisfied, you with your own
situation? What
happening? What wouldn’t needs?
are you feeling?
did you see or experience strong
hear? emotions.
what’s happening? how do I feel? What do I need? What can I ask for?

Observation: You have I feel… angry, I need… Could we… go to

gone to work before discrepant, anxious, affection, the park this
dawn and got home disconcerted, attention, afternoon?
after 10 o’clock at night, surprised, bored, communication,
every day for the last confused, dejected, company,
three weeks annoyed, dissatisfied, connection,
alone... contact,
support...

Judgement: Your work I feel… abandoned, I need… to feel Could we… spend
has become more betrayed, swindled, loved more time
important to you than scorned, rejected, together?
your family ignored,
disregarded...
 observe facts without evaluating or judging

identify where you feel uncomfortable

recognise needs through (self)empathy

explore possible scenarios or strategies to reach consensus

make a proposal to enrich our life

put solutions into practice based on the agreements

integrate lessons learned and celebrate

 what is the objective situation?

what are the apparent causes of the problem??

what are the deeper causes of the problem?

what are the potential solutions?

does a win-win solution exist?

how can we put the solution into practice?

what have we learned? Have we celebrated it?

credits & additional references:
• How to meditate in a moment by Martin Boroson in youtube
• Atlas of emotions
• Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument
• Empathy Map - Gamestorming
• The basics of Non Violent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg in youtube

gratitude:
Thank you very much to my family, friends and teachers cause they help me to improve
 Me dedico a la facilitación de proyectos
que tienen en su centro un ganar inclusivo:
el desarrollo como persona, la creación de
comunidad alrededor del proyecto y la
regeneración del entorno medioambiental.
Asimismo me encanta dibujar, crear
historias y todo tipo de contenidos que
faciliten la comprensión del desarrollo de
los proyectos

Xavier Santotomás Mena

facilitador de proyectos
http://pistascreativas.net
xsantotomas@gmail.com
+34 651 55 77 54
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