the same way you showed me love

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/49589587.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: ENHYPEN (Band)
Relationship: Kim Sunoo/Lee Heeseung
Character: Kim Sunoo (ENHYPEN), Lee Heeseung
Additional Tags: Kim Sunoo-centric (ENHYPEN), Trainees AU, Friends to Lovers,
Roommates, Fluff, Romance, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, heeseung
is heeseung, aka emotionally constipated, sunoo is the biggest
sweetheart
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-08-24 Words: 7,822 Chapters: 1/1

the same way you showed me love

by paintedface

Summary

When Sunoo looked at Heeseung, it always felt to him like there was something Heeseung
was keeping from him. There was no question that Heeseung was warm and kind, but there
was an air of reservedness that he couldn’t quite understand about the older boy.

They both finished the last bites of their food in silence. Sunoo set down his plastic fork
and said, “Hyung, you know that you can tell me things too, right?”

Heeseung gave Sunoo a small smile. He picked up his and Sunoo’s empty ramen cups
before standing up from his seat. With his other hand, he ruffled Sunoo's hair. “Come on.
My friends are waiting for me to play basketball.”

(or, heeseung didn’t know how to be vulnerable. sunoo was determined to be there for
him.)

Notes

a mini playlist i compiled to accompany this fic;

1. provider - frank ocean

2. something about him - brockhampton
3. see you again - tyler, the creator
4. pink+white - frank ocean
5. peach - kevin abstract

this fic is dedicated to and serves as a very early birthday gift for my dear best friend. sorry
 that i have to post this so soon because i have to take a break from writing soon. happy
virgo season, and happy early birthday! like i always tell you, thank you for always being
such a kind reader, supporting me in my writing, and being there to discuss heesun things
which really helps get my creativity and writing going. this fic is very close to my heart so i
hope you like this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it. :)

See the end of the work for more notes

Fatigue weighed heavily on Sunoo, he could feel the lack of restful sleep catching up to him in the
weariness in his eyes. He could usually keep up with the dance practice, even until late in the
evenings, but these days he found it harder to pick himself up from the floor and pull himself back
together.

The glaring lights of the studio washed the environment all around him, making his eyes ache even
more. Sunoo pulled down the brim of his cap over his eyes, shielding his sight, trying to control his
breathing as he leaned back against the mirrors. The room was empty, they had taken a short break.
Sunoo would usually find something to drink, get some fresh air outside of the room, but he
couldn’t find it in him to do any of those things.

He hadn’t been able to rest well these days, finding his room arrangement too stuffy. He occupied
one of the larger rooms in the trainee dorms that he shared with three other people, and that was
fine until the agency recruited more trainees but didn’t bother to add more space, which resulted in
an additional roommate. He tried to not loathe his roommates too much, and it wasn’t like he didn’t
get along with them well, but it was difficult to get any meaningful rest when there were people
constantly entering and exiting the room, leaving the lights on, their belongings scattered.

“Hey,” a familiar voice sounded. “What’s gotten into you?”

Sunoo looked up, finding Heeseung standing a few ways in front of him, opening an energy drink
and casually drinking it. He had trained with Heeseung for a few months now, but he knew of
Heeseung even before that. Even before their agency poached him from his previous management,
he was popular among trainees across agencies, known for his talent and quick ability to pick up
skills. Sunoo had grown to admire him, and would cherish any chance he got to practice alongside
Heeseung. But today, the only answer that Sunoo could muster was a shrug of his shoulders. “I just
haven’t been able to rest properly.”

Heeseung walked about the room, setting his drink down on a table before walking back up to
where Sunoo sat. “What’s wrong? Something about your roommates?”

Sunoo nodded hesitantly, not exactly eager to share details. There were trainees he got along well
with, like Heeseung; and naturally, there were other trainees he wasn't particularly close with or
fond of, like his roommates. It wasn’t wise to dish about other trainees even if you weren’t close
with them. The circle was small, after all.

“You know, there’s still plenty of space in my room,” Heeseung said casually. “Just have to talk
about it with the staff.”

It took a moment to register in Sunoo's mind what Heeseung was offering, and he almost couldn’t
believe his own ears. Heeseung had the only solo room in the dorm, and here he was offering to
sacrifice his privacy for Sunoo's wellbeing. In that moment, Sunoo's defensiveness and fatigue
melted, being reminded of the kindness that Heeseung afforded him, even when he had never done
anything special.

Silence lingered in the air as Sunoo contemplated the offer. Heeseung didn’t try to convince him or
urge him to answer, he simply gave him the space to think.

Soon enough the sound of sneakers pattering against the floorboards sounded, signifying the
others’ entrance and that practice would soon resume.

“I’ll have to think about it first, Hyung,” Sunoo answered, keeping his voice low so as to not attract
the attention of others. “But thank you. I appreciate it.”

Heeseung extended his arm, helping Sunoo get up from where he was sitting on the floor. “Just let
me know what I can do to help you.”

These days Sunoo saw Heeseung more regularly now that they were in the same practice groups.
They would often get food together at the nearby convenience store after finishing the day.
They’d sit together at one of the cramped desks at the corner of the store. Heeseung always ate his
ramyeon in such a hearty manner. Sunoo noticed that Heeseung would always go for the same
ramen brand that he loved. In some ways, Heeseung could be so simple. Their knees brushed
underneath the table, and Sunoo stole glances at Heeseung as they ate. The way Heeseung used the
cover of the cup noodle as a makeshift plate, how he let the noodles cool down for a second or
two, his messy hair underneath his hat. Sunoo would never say it to Heeseung, but he found the
older boy incredibly endearing.

Sunoo sometimes couldn’t quite wrap his head around how he could grow so close with the person
he had always looked up to, that they could share this simple moment of eating together at a
convenience store. They talked about dance practice, Heeseung commenting about how he thinks
that Sunoo had improved with a particular dance style. Sunoo found himself grinning whenever
Heeseung talked about him that way.

As their conversation ebbed and flowed, Heeseung's offer remained on Sunoo's mind. If Sunoo was
being honest, to be able to room with Heeseung would be a dream. Spending so much time with
Heeseung, being able to ask his opinion any time. To see each other every day. But more than that,
being with Heeseung just gave Sunoo a sense of calm that he couldn’t quite describe.

As the conversation drifted away from practice, Sunoo brought up the topic again. “Hyung, were
you serious? About rooming together?”

Heeseung set down his cup of noodles and looked at Sunoo in the eyes. “If it’ll be helpful for you,
then yeah,” he answered casually. “And if you don’t want to talk to the staff, then I can do that for
you.”

Sunoo knew that Heeseung had a different standing in front of the agency staff compared to the
other trainees – he was outspoken, hard headed sometimes, the kind of person who was always
clear about things he agreed and disagreed with. If there was a trainee who could afford to do that,
it would be Heeseung. That was the interesting thing about Heeseung, he was both soft spoken and
understated, but he yielded so much influence towards the people around him.

“It’s not about that,” Sunoo fidgeted with the plastic wrap of the straw of his drink. “I just… Don’t
want to infringe on your privacy or alone time or anything like that.”

“I made the offer, Sun. So of course that’s not a problem. You’re not infringing on anything,”
Heeseung said almost pointedly, making it clear that it was not even a question. Then, he added,
with a touch of gentleness that surprised Sunoo: “Your wellbeing is important to me too, you
know.”
Sunoo felt his cheeks heat up, even more than when Heeseung complimented him. “Okay.”

Silence lingered in the air, the sound of the fan going off suddenly audible to Sunoo's ears.

When Sunoo looked at Heeseung, no matter how much time they spent, it always felt to him like
there was something Heeseung was keeping from him. There was no question that Heeseung was
warm and kind, but there was an air of reservedness that he couldn’t quite understand about the
older boy.

Sunoo thought that it must not be easy to be Heeseung. Heeseung was not like Sunoo or the other
trainees, he was known, there was pressure, and Sunoo understood the perfectionist that Heeseung
could be. How a large portion of that pressure came from himself, his own high standards.

They both finished the last bites of their food in silence. Sunoo set down his plastic fork and said,
“Hyung, you know that you can tell me things too, right?”

Saying these kinds of things to Heeseung was a gamble. Heeseung was quick to joke and react
whenever they messed around, quick to explain his thinking whenever they discussed work, but to
ask Heeseung about his struggles was a completely different thing.

Heeseung gave Sunoo a small smile, exuding the reservedness that Sunoo was just thinking about.
He picked up his and Sunoo’s empty ramen cups, stacking them on top of each other before
standing up from his seat.

He walked up to Sunoo. With his other hand, he ruffled Sunoo's hair. “Come on. My friends are
waiting for me to play basketball.”
Rooming with Heeseung was much, much nicer than Sunoo could have ever imagined it to be. The
room that he occupied by himself was not particularly large, but Heeseung didn’t have that many
things, and he was not fussy with the things that he did have.

And the things that he had were… Well, they were just so characteristically Heeseung that it made
Sunoo smile to think about. His airpods, the unopened boxes of lego that he’s saving for whenever
they have an off day stored in the bottom drawers of the closet, and a small corner on his cupboard
that he used to display his Toy Story figurines. The image of Heeseung lovingly arranging them
there made Sunoo's chest swell with emotion.

So it follows that Heeseung didn’t put up much of a fight with Sunoo moving some things around,
rearranging some of Heeseung's clothes to make room for his, moving his bed a little so that
Sunoo's could fit inside of the space. They were both twin sized, but the size of the room and how
everything else was arranged made it a little awkward for the beds to be separated, so they decided
to push them together to make space for the carpet and so they could move around in the room. It
enabled Sunoo to rest easier, knowing that Heeseung was right beside him.

Something that pleasantly surprised Sunoo about rooming with Heeseung is how this arrangement
basically rendered his alarm clock obsolete. Like clockwork, Heeseung would wake exactly an
hour before they had to go to the company building, and he would get up from his bed and walk
over to Sunoo's; leaning over, gently shaking Sunoo's shoulder, talking in his gentle, bedroom
voice. “Hey, Sunoo-ya. It’s time to wake up.”

Sunoo honestly could not think of a more pleasant way to wake up. Even on days when they had
different schedules, Heeseung would ask in advance what time he needed to wake up, or whether he
wanted to sleep in and rest the next day. It felt like they were establishing a new but familiar
routine together. It felt more and more like he was sharing his daily life with Heeseung.

And Heeseung was true to his word when he said that he didn’t mind having Sunoo around. In the
evenings, when they retired home from practice, Sunoo was initially reluctant to spend time with
Heeseung, afraid that he would be disturbing Heeseung's down time, but it turned out that
Heeseung was more than happy to listen to him talk about his day, to supply his thoughts when
asked. Sunoo liked it when Heeseung gave him that warm smile whenever he listened to him talk,
it felt like Heeseung's own way to show that he was listening and that he cared.

Sunoo was drying his hair with a towel when he stepped into their bedroom. He would usually find
Heeseung perched on his desk or at the edge of the bed, either occupied with his phone or working
on some coursework because he also attended online university part-time. But this time, he was
nowhere to be found, when Sunoo was sure that Heeseung was already home before he went in the
shower.

“Heeseungie hyung?” Sunoo called out.

“Hey,” Heeseung’s voice sounded. “I’m here.”

It turned out that Heeseung was on the floor, opposite the door so Sunoo couldn’t see him because
he was covered by the bed. When Sunoo walked over, he found Heeseung sitting on the carpet, his
back leaning against the side of Sunoo's bed. His phone was situated on his lap, and he had his
airpods on.

Sunoo set down the towel that he was holding. “What are you doing on the floor?”

Heeseung gazed up at him. “Listening to some music,” he answered like it was the most natural
thing to say in the world. A beat passed before, “You wanna join me?”

Sunoo only had to assess the situation for a split second. It wasn’t like he had other pressing things
to do, and Heeseung always had the best music playlists. “Sure.”

And so Sunoo sat down on the spot next to Heeseung, Heeseung scooting over just a little to make
more room for him on the carpet. Heeseung took off the airpod in his left ear, and gave it so
Sunoo.

Sunoo put on the airpod, and settled himself beside Heeseung. It wasn’t like they were using wired
headphones where they had to sit really close with each other to listen to music together. But it just
felt right to share this space with Heeseung; Heeseung's shoulder and thigh pressed against Sunoo.
Sunoo found himself savoring the warmth of their bodies touching in this way.

A pleasant, indescribable sensation washed over Sunoo as he leaned back against the bed frame.
He realized it was comfort. It was safety. And he had never felt so at ease before, before he grew
this close with Heeseung.

It took a moment for the music to register in Sunoo's mind, the bodily sensation of being close with
Heeseung so overwhelming and distracting. The music playing wasn’t unlike the usual songs that
he knew Heeseung liked, even though he couldn’t remember the exact names of the artists. All he
knew was that the smooth rhythms, the r&b influences all bring to mind Heeseung's presence and
vibe. It wasn’t surprising that Heeseung identifies himself with music like this.

Just when Sunoo became immersed into the music, he felt a weight on his hand. He realized it was
Heeseung's hand, turning Sunoo's hand around, his palm closing over Sunoo's.

Sunoo's stomach fluttered, and he felt sweat perspire on his nape. It became difficult again to
concentrate on the music when he was getting used to the feel and weight of Heeseung's hand in
his. It was foreign, but certainly not unwelcome.

They sat like that for the duration of a few songs, before Heeseung turned to Sunoo, his hand still
holding Sunoo's. “I have this dance competition coming up this weekend,” Heeseung said. “Do you
wanna come?”

Sunoo couldn’t hold back his surprise. “Wouldn’t it be too late for me to sign up now, Hyung?”

Heeseung chuckled, amusement in his eyes. “That’s not what I’m asking, Sunoo. I’m just asking if
you want to come and see me compete.”

Sunoo's mouth shaped into a comical Oh as he realized what Heeseung was asking. Heeseung
laughed again.

Sunoo knew that Heeseung was a regular in these competitions. He was well known even. But he
never thought about whether Heeseung went to these things alone or whether he had other people
with him. It was another one of those instances where Sunoo realized there were a lot of things he
didn’t quite know about Heeseung.

That Heeseung is giving him this chance to be there for him and support him, created a new depth
in their relationship. And it granted Sunoo the courage to reciprocate Heeseung's hold on his hand,
squeezing Heeseung's hand tightly.

“Of course I’ll be there,” he answered, looking up at Heeseung with a gaze conveying trust and
admiration.
These competitions were usually held at night, when the trainees and dancers already got off their
respective schedules and the dance studio it was held in had emptied of the usual activities. Sunoo
was standing with Heeseung at one corner of the room, the other trainees doing the same,
congregating within their own small groups in different parts of the room.

Sunoo didn’t really know what to expect–more precisely, he couldn’t predict whether Heeseung
would be nervous tonight and what kind of support Heeseung would need from him. Sunoo had
brought a duffel bag with snacks, a cold bottle of water, and a towel. He had even prepared some
pain cream just in case Heeseung needed any of those things.

Standing in front of him, Heeseung wore his usual attire–the kind of baggy clothes that he always
wore to practice, but for tonight he wore a cap that completely masked his face. He was silently
going over the dance routine that he was going to perform tonight in his head, marking the
choreography points with subtle movements of his limbs. The competition was a showcase,
meaning that he had one shot to perform and that his rank would be decided based on it. Sunoo
watched as Heeseung rehearsed, giving him the space that he needed.

Not long after, the committee called the names of the contestants for a roll call, and Sunoo
recognized a few of the names. Judging from the names he recognized, and the tense atmosphere in
the room, this was not just any other competition, but it featured some of the top trainees currently
training in different agencies.

“I’ll see you later, Sun,” Heeseung turned to Sunoo before he went to gather with the other
contestants. His demeanor was stoic, not betraying any of the nerves that Sunoo knew he felt.

Sunoo looked at Heeseung with the smallest hint of worry. “If you need anything, just come find
me, okay?”

Heeseung gave him a small nod, adjusting his cap. Seeing him tense and silent like this, Sunoo felt
the overwhelming urge to envelop him in a hug, to assure him that he will do amazingly just like he
always did. But he knew this wasn't the time and place for it. So all Sunoo said before Heeseung
went was, “Hyung, good luck.”

A hint of a smile pulled the corner of Heeseung's lips. “Thanks.”

Usually at events like this Sunoo would make small talk with the people around him, chat about
menial things and try to make friends. But tonight he found himself nervous for Heeseung. He
found a place to sit before the rounds began, and he set his duffel bag beside him. In his hands, he
now held a plastic bag, inside of it containing a bouquet of flowers. He knew Heeseung would be
coming home with a prize and a ranking of some kind, so he came prepared to celebrate. But
suddenly he was unsure–what if tonight things would unfold differently? Would Heeseung feel
insulted if he gave him flowers when he didn’t win a prize? Would Heeseung find it weird that he
even brought flowers at all?

Sunoo pushed those thoughts away, recalling how warm and welcoming Heeseung always was to
him. And it was him who had invited Sunoo to come tonight, so Sunoo wanted to show his
appreciation as much as he could.

One by one, different trainees went up to perform, and all of them were unquestionably good, solid
with their technique and not holding back in terms of power. When each of them finished, the
crowd would clap, and the group of their friends would erupt in cheers of their name. The
commotion made Sunoo hold his breath even more for Heeseung's turn for the showcase.

The room darkened each time a new trainee stepped up for their turn to perform. The MC
announced that it was Heeseung's turn, and Sunoo quickly found a spot in the crowd to watch
Heeseung.

Sunoo watched while holding onto his duffel bag tightly. The room was dark for a few moments
longer, signifying that Heeseung needed a few more seconds before he could start performing, and
it was as if the entire room held its breath in anticipation for Heeseung to begin.

And then he did. The music blasted from the speakers, Heeseung's movements reflecting the
smoothness of the rhythms. In the movements that demanded it, he applied just the right amount of
power, followed by a release of tension in his body that was so satisfying it was almost sensual. His
facial expressions conveyed the desperation and the complex emotions of the song. He was
magnetic, attractive, an utter joy to witness, the limelight shining down on him felt deserved.

The other trainees were good, but none of them were Heeseung .

The performance came to an end, and Heeseung was out of breath, but to Sunoo and the rest of the
audience, it felt too short, they wanted to keep seeing more of him.
When Heeseung's movements halted, the entire crowd erupted in claps and cheers and whistles.
Sunoo felt so much joy at Heeseung's successful performance that he laughed and felt tears welling
up in his eyes–it was the culmination of Heeseung's years of training, and to think that he was yet
to debut and that he still had so much untapped potential within him? It was almost absurd. Sunoo
could feel sorry for whoever had to perform after him.

Sunoo retreated from the crowd to the back of the room, sitting on one of the chairs. Just as the
next performance began, Heeseung found him, walking up to him and pulling a chair to sit next to
Sunoo. He was still out of breath, taking off his cap to card his hand through his sweat-streaked
hair. Sunoo offered him the water bottle, and Heeseung chugged gratefully.

“You were amazing,” Sunoo said, his gaze lingering on Heeseung's face. Sweat trickled down
Heeseung's face like the perspiration of a cold glass of water.

Heeseung closed the bottle, wiping his mouth using the back of his hand. He glanced sideways at
Sunoo playfully and smiled. “Thanks,” he replied. But Sunoo could tell there was still something
weighing him down, he was probably thinking about some mistake he made in the routine that
nobody in the crowd had even noticed.

“We’ll have to wait and see for the ranking though,” Heeseung said, leaning forward and resting
his elbows on his spread thighs. “I’m sorry you have to stay here until late.”

Sunoo's heart swelled with emotion that Heeseung was still thinking about him despite all the
pressure he was feeling then. “That’s okay,” Sunoo pulled out the towel from the duffel bag,
reaching out to gently dab on the sweat on Heeseung's face. Heeseung looked away, almost
seeming like a child who was embarrassed to receive affection, but he neither pulled away nor
pushed Sunoo's hand away. “You invited me, so of course I’m staying until the end,” Sunoo
continued.

They sat in comfortable silence until Heeseung's breathing evened out. He took another sip from
the water bottle before standing up. “I’m gonna chat with some of the others, okay? I’ll be back
with you during the announcement.”

Sunoo nodded, and he thought that he might as well mingle with some people in the crowd. He
approached people and some people approached him, and they all talked about and asked about
Heeseung. Trying to find out gossip of when Heeseung would debut, and things like whether he
had a girlfriend. It was amusing the notoriety that surrounded him, juxtaposed with how soft and
friendly Heeseung actually was as a person. Sunoo politely retracted himself from these
conversations. Heeseung was a private person, and he did not feel like he was in a position to talk
on his behalf to other people.
The MC spoke into the mic that the results will be announced soon, and on cue, Heeseung came up
to his side. Sunoo looked at him, and this time Heeseung couldn’t conceal his feelings any longer.
Sunoo couldn’t help but think that he was adorable like this, his doe eyes giving away the
nervousness that he felt. They stood closely, enough that their bodies stuck together and concealed
their hands so Sunoo could get away with holding Heeseung's hand in the middle of the crowd.
Heeseung startled a bit at the touch, but then his expression softened. “I trust in you, Hyung,”
Sunoo whispered.

The MC announced the ranks one by one from the tenth rank.

Sunoo's stomach dropped when they called up Heeseung for the second rank.

There were trainees who would be happy to be invited to participate in a competition at all, or to
even rank fifth, fourth, third or second. But those were the trainees in the early stages of their
training, who were newly making a name for themselves in the scene. Heeseung was a household
name at this point, and to put it bluntly, there was no point for him to participate in a contest if he
didn’t take home the first rank.

Heeseung's hand pulled away from his. Sunoo watched as he put on a smile and lined up in the
front with the other top rankings. He almost didn’t hear the name that the MC called for the first
rank, too distracted with worry for Heeseung. And there was a sense of injustice brewing in him,
that a performance as breathtaking as Heeseung's could not be considered the best of the night.

The top ranks all lined up, took pictures, the committee handing out ribbons and some prize
money. It was all ceremonial. Sunoo nearly felt silly for bringing the flowers now, but he figured
that if there was a time Heeseung needed all the appreciation that he could get, it was now.

The crowd dissipated after the committee finished taking pictures of the contestants. Heeseung
walked back to Sunoo, who was already holding out a bouquet of flowers for him.

Heeseung almost looked confused to see the bright colors of the flowers in front of him. “Hyung,
congratulations,” Sunoo said. “These are for you.”

It took a moment for Heeseung to understand what was happening, clearly still a bit shaken. But his
facial features softened and Sunoo succeeded to make him smile. “These are pretty. Thank you,
Sunoo.”
Heeseung gazed at the flowers for a moment, warmth building in his eyes. “Let’s take a picture
with these.”

Sunoo's face immediately lit up. Between the two of them, Sunoo was the one who was more
inclined to take photos and immortalize memories than Heeseung, so it came as such a happy
surprise to him that Heeseung thought this moment was fond enough that it warranted for a picture
to be taken.

Heeseung took out his phone from his pocket, and tapped the shoulder of a girl standing near them.
He asked if she could take a picture of him and Sunoo.

Heeseung went into position, leaning towards Sunoo while holding the bouquet. Sunoo put on his
best smile and struck a few poses. The girl counted down a few times, taking a lot of pictures
judging from the amount of clicks of the camera.

After the first few pictures, Heeseung wrapped an arm around Sunoo's shoulder, pulling him
closer. Sunoo's stomach fluttered at the proximity. It was a bit strange to be like this with
Heeseung, to be taking pictures together and act so conventional, but Sunoo found that it made him
happy.

The girl looked over the two of them, as if assessing what they were. She grinned knowingly when
she handed Heeseung his phone. “You two are so cute.”

Sunoo laughed nervously. On the other hand, Heeseung simply chuckled as he looked over the
pictures. “The photos are good, thank you,” he thanked her.

The girl politely congratulated Heeseung for his rank. When she left, they gathered their
belongings, Heeseung picked up Sunoo's duffel bag and shrugged it onto his shoulder.

“Do you want to get some food?” Sunoo asked.

Heeseung nodded. Sunoo knew the hunger that came after performing, especially after such an
intense performance. “Yeah, I could eat something,” he replied, grateful for Sunoo's
thoughtfulness.
It was past midnight by the time they left the venue, and the only convenient place they could get
food at this hour was fast food. They found a place to sit outside, enjoying the cool night air of the
summer months.

Sunoo sat by Heeseung's side, and they had their food in front of them. It was a quiet street on top
of a hill, there was barely anyone who stopped by at this hour. As they ate, they looked at the view
of the city beneath them.

Sunoo was curious about the pictures on Heeseung's phone, but he let Heeseung finish his food
first before asking about it. Heeseung’s cheeks were full of food as if he was a hamster, eating so
well from the hunger from performing. The fluorescent glow of the lamps and street signs
illuminated his face, and Sunoo found himself staring.

When Heeseung finished his food and wiped down his hands with a tissue, Sunoo looked at him
with equal parts of curiosity and shyness. “Can I see the pictures on your phone we took earlier?”
he asked softly.

“Sure thing,” Heeseung replied, pulling out his phone. He unlocked it and opened the camera roll.
Sunoo leaned in to get a better look. The girl was evidently good at taking pictures, because the
angle was good and their bright expressions could be seen so clearly. Looking at the pictures now,
Sunoo thought that it made sense she suspected them to be together. They looked everything like a
couple in the pictures.

Sunoo didn’t realize that he was leaning in closer and closer as Heeseung swiped through the
pictures. Heeseung's arm slithered around his waist, pulling him in even closer until they were
practically sitting on top of each other.

“Is this close enough?” Heeseung teased, his lips curling into a mischievous grin. He looked so
boyish when he smiled like that, his bangs fanning against his eyes.
Sunoo laughed, feigning offense as he retaliated by poking Heeseung's rib. Heeseung could be shy
with affection, but he could be playful and mischievous too when he felt like it. Sunoo sometimes
forgot that Heeseung was the last child of his family.

Their laughter died down and Sunoo leaned his head on Heeseung's shoulder. Feeling the strength
and warmth of Heeseung's body against him filled Sunoo with a sense of sentimentality. As they
sat closely together like that, they took in the view of the city at night in front of them.

Sunoo exhaled softly. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted first place, but second rank is also amazing.
You should be proud of yourself.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Heeseung replied almost immediately. “I’m just glad you’re here with me
tonight. It’s nice to have someone I look for in the crowd and who's waiting for me when I finish
performing. It doesn’t feel so lonely.”

Sunoo looked at Heeseung with surprise. So it was true that Heeseung had been going to these
competitions alone, and it broke Sunoo's heart. Showing up to a competition in the first place was
not easy, let alone powering through and getting ranks the way Heeseung always did. Sunoo
couldn’t imagine the strength that Heeseung possessed to go through this turmoil alone.

A tenderness pierced through Sunoo's heart, and suddenly he couldn’t hold back his affinity for
Heeseung anymore. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Heeseung's cheek, quick and chaste yet
embedded with all the sweetness that underlied his feelings for Heeseung.

A deep shade of blush bloomed on Heeseung's face.

“I’ll always be with you, as long as you need me,” Sunoo said, full of sincerity.
Sunoo felt that things weren’t the same since he accompanied Heeseung that night to the dance
competition. His heart kept seeking for Heeseung, and he was sure that Heeseung sought out to
him the same way. Sunoo realized that being with Heeseung was different from his previous
crushes; he never had to overthink and overanalyze whether he liked Sunoo back. It was
straightforward; Heeseung was there, he showed that he cared, that he was more than willing to
share his life with Sunoo.

Yet, Sunoo could still sense that Heeseung was holding back. Yes, things were different from
before, but still… There was not much progress , at least in the conventional sense of relationships.
Sunoo hated to put pressure on their relationship to conform to what it conventionally means to be
together , he was happy to be close with Heeseung at all.

But at the same time he couldn’t deny that that’s what he wanted to have with Heeseung. A sense
of certainty. But he did not have the heart to bring this up to Heeseung, understanding how much
burden Heeseung was already carrying on his shoulders.

They still adhered to their routine together, spending time like they usually did in the evenings. At
night, the extent of their affection was to hold hands when they went to sleep. It was fair enough,
because both of them were too exhausted to do more come bedtime. And they still woke up
together, going to and from practice together.

It was yet again one of those afternoons that they spent together after practice, killing time by
snacking at the convenience store, eating their favorite snacks, conversing and laughing as they
usually did. There were rare times when Heeseung seemed so unburdened, when he could laugh
more freely and smile more sincerely at Sunoo. Savoring the simple joy of the togetherness he
shared with Heeseung, Sunoo felt like he never wanted these moments to end.

They walked back to the dorm and just before Heeseung entered their shared room, an idea
occurred to Sunoo, one stemming from his desire for the day to not end just yet.

“Hyung, why don’t we go out to the balcony and watch the sunset?” Sunoo asked. “I promise it
won’t take long.”

Heeseung turned back to him, looking at Sunoo with amusement. “If you say so.”

They stepped out onto the balcony of the dorm. The dorm was part of an apartment building, so the
balcony was quite high up. Plants adorned the space all over, creating an air of domesticity. There
were a couple of seats out there, but they chose to stand and rest their arms against the railing of the
balcony.

They could see the expanse of the city, and sure enough the sun was already about to set. Shadows
washed over the view as the sun lowered to the horizon, painting the environment with golden
hues.

Sunoo gushed at the sight of the clouds that looked like an acrylic painting, his love for the
beautiful sky overflowing. Sunoo would usually take out his phone and take pictures of the view,
but there was something special about sharing this moment with Heeseung that he did not want to
disturb.

Heeseung noticed how amazed Sunoo was by the view. He knew how much Sunoo loved simple,
everyday things like watching the sunset. “You sure like your sunsets, Sun,” he quipped.

Sunoo giggled. “Maybe,” he retorted back. “But I like them even better when you’re by my side.”

The playfulness in the air dissipated, and suddenly Sunoo felt Heeseung's intense stare towards
him. In the light of the golden hour, Heeseung was so handsome, the shadows on his face
highlighting his features. The light washed over him, bringing out the warm tone in his hair.

Sunoo's gaze inadvertently trailed towards Heeseung's lips, and he felt an indescribable pull; an
urge to close the distance between them. And he was sure, as sure as he had ever been in his whole
life about anything, that in that moment Heeseung felt the same.

Heeseung's phone went off. He fumbled and nearly dropped it when he picked up the call.

“No, yeah– We’re just outside on the balcony. Yeah, we’re about to come in for dinner.”
They were both lying in bed, on their respective sides. Sunoo stared at the dimly lit ceiling, the
light of the bedside table bouncing off of the walls. He knew Heeseung was still awake next to
him, could hear and feel him breathing right next to him.

The fleeting moment they had in the balcony was all Sunoo could think of these days. Sunoo felt
the need to bring it up to Heeseung, to settle it once and for all.

He understood it was one thing to share affection the way they had previously–holding hands and
innocent kisses on the cheek–and it was a completely other thing to kiss . It would change things
between them irrevocably, and Sunoo's heart raced at the thought. It was a tantalizing thought, and
he found it harder and harder to resist bringing it up.

“Hyung?” Sunoo found his voice.

Heeseung hummed quietly in response, his voice mingling with the sound of the air conditioning
going off in the room.

Sunoo sat up with a sense of urgency. He held onto the bed sheets around him tightly. His heart
beat wildly so that he could feel it in his eardrums. “Do you remember when we… When we
almost kissed when we were on the balcony outside?”

Heeseung turned to look at him, their eyes meeting in a moment of intense connection.

“Do you want to try again now?” Heeseung asked.

It was that simple.

Sunoo averted his eyes and nodded shyly in answer.

Heeseung ventured closer to him, his eyes fixed on Sunoo's lips in the dark. He closed the gap
between them. Their breath mingled, and Sunoo swore he could feel Heeseung's heartbeat as
clearly as he felt his own.
Heeseung's lips closed over Sunoo's, warm and pleasant in ways that Sunoo could have never
anticipated. He closed his eyes, reveling in the full sensation of the kiss, comforting and thrilling at
the same time. He couldn’t believe just how much his body reacted to Heeseung.

Both of Sunoo's hands came up to cup Heeseung's cheeks and he shifted closer, his body naturally
seeking the proximity of Heeseung's. He clumsily climbed onto Heeseung's lap, pressing his face
and body all the more closer against the older boy.

The kiss was slow and gentle at first, brimming with a sense of exploration, before building in
intensity. Sunoo’s body grew warm, and he was losing control of his own breathing as he felt
Heeseung's hands caressing his back up and down, the touch sending shivers all over his body.

Sunoo gasped when their lips finally pulled apart. He closed his eyes, trying to regain control of his
breathing. Their foreheads were still sticking together, Heeseung had his arms wrapped around
Sunoo's waist securely.

Sunoo felt Heeseung's lips curling into a smile. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to
do that,” he said, barely above a whisper, his breathing equally ragged.

Sunoo giggled, shifting his face so that he could rub his cheek against Heeseung's in a show of
affection.

One of Heeseung's hands came up to cradle the back of Sunoo's head, his fingers carding through
the soft strands of hair. Heeseung exhaled purposefully, as if he had finally let go of a weight that
he had been holding onto.

“I didn’t want to pressure you, Sunoo,” Heeseung's gentle voice was full of sincerity, his lips
touching Sunoo's earlobe. “I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to do anything for me.”

Understanding washed through Sunoo. In hindsight, it should have been obvious what was holding
Heeseung back. He was always all too aware of the dynamic between them, of the changing nature
of their friendship, of the power imbalance between them because Heeseung was older, more
experienced, and Sunoo adored him intensely. He worried about Sunoo's wellbeing– almost to a
fault, in more ways than Sunoo even realized. He worried about taking advantage of Sunoo.

Sunoo sighed in contentment as he rested his head against Heeseung's chest. Heeseung thought of
everything, and it brought a sense of security in him, that Heeseung had accounted for things that
Sunoo did not even foresee. “You’re always so good to me.”

“I just want you to be comfortable with me, always,” Heeseung said, and the simplicity of the
statement made Sunoo's heart ache. Even if making Sunoo comfortable meant Heeseung had to
hold back his true feelings for him, Heeseung would do that. The way Heeseung cared for Sunoo
was strangely paradoxical. But it was sweet in its own way.

Sunoo wrapped his arms around Heeseung's neck, leaning in to steal another kiss. Wide smiles
bloomed on their faces. “I am comfortable. More than comfortable, in fact,” Sunoo assured. As
sweet as the underlying sentiment was, Sunoo didn’t want for Heeseung to keep holding back. He
wanted Heeseung to be able to openly showcase his feelings, and share a mutual affection with
him.

Heeseung's eyes shaped into crescents as he smiled. He touched the tip of Sunoo's nose with his
index finger. “Good.”

When Sunoo walked into their shared room, he was greeted by the sight of Heeseung's back facing
towards him, sitting on the edge of the bed on Sunoo's side.

“Hey,” Heeseung greeted when Sunoo approached closer, entering his line of sight. His voice was
small, but Sunoo didn’t initially read into it too much, understanding how fatigued he could be
some nights.

Sunoo smiled at him sweetly before plopping down next to Heeseung, his legs crossed on the bed.
“Hey yourself,” Sunoo answered. “What are you doing on my side of the bed?”
For a moment, Heeseung looked unsure. That was when Sunoo noticed the uneasy air surrounding
him, the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. He knew Heeseung needed him right now. “Do you
think I can rest my head on your lap for a little bit?” Heeseung voiced out, confirming Sunoo’s
thoughts.

Sunoo's expression softened. He shifted to sit on the head of the bed, extending his legs to create
the space for Heeseung to rest on his lap. “Come here.”

A gentle smile adorned Heeseung's face. “Thank you,” Heeseung moved up the bed, shifting closer
to Sunoo. He got into position, extending his body lengthwise on the bed, his head slowly lowering
to rest on Sunoo's thighs.

The weight of his head settled atop of Sunoo's thighs, pressing down onto the mattress, Heeseung's
body emanating warmth. Sunoo found the weight and sensation of it all so pleasing. It felt like the
room was holding its breath to let Heeseung find solace and rest in this quiet space he shared with
Sunoo– and with Sunoo only.

Sunoo's hand found its way to Heeseung's head, petting softly in a slow and soothing rhythm.
Looking down at Heeseung like this, he could see the tired lines etched on his face, telling of the
worry and anxiety that troubled Heeseung that he never let show.

Heeseung rubbed his temple using the back of his hand, as if trying to soothe a headache. “I just
need to rest my eyes.”

“Take all the time you need,” Sunoo continued with his gentle strokes on Heeseung's head, his
other hand reaching to rub up and down Heeseung's forearm in a comforting gesture.

Heeseung closed his eyes, his face and body slowly relaxing as he sunk deeper into Sunoo's hold,
the lines and creases on his face disappearing. His chest rose and fell gently in the rhythm of his
breathing.

In the silence that now enveloped the room, the reality of the situation finally sunk into Sunoo: that
Heeseung was being so vulnerable before him, to the extent that he verbally asked to be held by
Sunoo like this.

Sunoo wondered what Heeseung was feeling then; wanted to understand what he was going
through for him to seek comfort from Sunoo in a way he never did. Like Heeseung, Sunoo
understood all too well the pressure that came with their dreams of performing and debuting, the
daily struggles of practicing, receiving criticism, and the uncertainties of the industry.

But despite their closeness, and them working towards the same goal, there were moments when
Sunoo felt an indescribable distance, a barrier within Heeseung that he couldn't quite penetrate. It
felt to him that Heeseung was shouldering a burden more profound than the sum of the pressures of
being a trainee. It felt like something more fundamental, something that both Heeseung couldn’t
put into words and that Sunoo could never understand fully.

The truth was, some burdens were meant to be carried alone, even in the confines of a loving
relationship.

It could have been a half hour, or two hours, Sunoo couldn’t tell, but throughout the duration he sat
there with patience, keeping vigil over Heeseung with a sense of devotion. He may not be able to
understand, but he knew he could at least be there for Heeseung.

Heeseung stirred, blinking his eyes in confusion as he regained consciousness. His gaze focused on
Sunoo's face above him and he smiled while stretching his limbs. “I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

“It’s okay,” Sunoo said, looking fondly at Heeseung. “You needed the rest.”

Heeseung's gaze grew contemplative again, as if reality began to sink into him once more. He took
hold of Sunoo's hand, clasping tightly, their fingers intertwining. He brought their joined hands to
rest on his torso.

“Stay with me, Sunoo,” he said. “That’s all I’ll ever ask of you. Just stay with me for as long as
you can.”

There was an uncertainty that made Heeseung's voice waver, and Sunoo felt a pang of tenderness in
his chest for Heeseung. He never saw Heeseung be that desperate for anything.

“I’m here, Hyung,” Sunoo answered, his voice full of concern as he strived to convey his
assurance. “You don’t have to worry.”

Heeseung looked away. “It’s just that… Things can change, you know? And we don’t even know
how they’ll change. And that scares me,” he continued, and Sunoo could sense that Heeseung
 wasn’t finished speaking, that he was still gathering his thoughts and emotions.

Finally, he brought Sunoo's hand up to his face, planting a heartfelt kiss on the back of Sunoo's
hand. “I need you,” Heeseung murmured, his clasp over Sunoo's hand remaining tight. “I never say
it, but I do.”

“You don’t have to say it,” Sunoo answered, reciprocating by stroking the back of Heeseung's hand
with his thumb. “I can feel it in your touch, in the sound of your voice when you talk to me.”

“Maybe it’s true that sometimes I don’t fully understand,” Sunoo at last decided to verbalize the
thoughts that he had been having. “But I always want to be here for you.”

Heeseung sat up, his movements slow because his back was still stiff from laying down. He shifted
on the bed, finding a comfortable position to sit next to Sunoo. He tipped Sunoo's chin upwards
with his index finger, their eyes meeting, and Sunoo saw a mix of emotions reflecting back to him
in Heeseung's eyes– an underlying sadness, but there was also warmth and gratitude.

“You do understand,” Heeseung whispered, and Sunoo could feel his breath against his mouth.
“You understand and see me more than you realize,” Heeseung murmured before their lips met.

End Notes

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