CO NT ENT S

How To Do This Study 3

Participant Guidelines 5

Small Group Leader’s Guide 6

Session One 7

Session Two 10

Additional Resources 13

© Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.

 HOW TO DO T HIS S T UDY
If You’re Doing This Study Alone As A Manager
• Good for you for wanting to learn, grow, and be more introspective as a manager. We believe that you will find this
content truly rewarding and will be anxious to share it with others.
• Be careful that when sharing what you learned from this study that you focus on what you as a manager learned
about showing more personal care for employees, not about how they should show you more respect.
• Though there may be no one to join you at this time, please consider inviting others to join you to complete the
study together at a later date. A group study always allows for lots of extra insight from others that perhaps one
may not pick up on when alone. And the more people in your place of business who are intentionally trying to
show respect and personal care to their employees and employers, the more pleasant work environment you will
find yourself in.

If You’re Doing This Study As An Employee

• Good for you for wanting to learn, grow, and be more introspective as an employee. We believe that you will find
this content truly rewarding and will be anxious to share it with others.
• Be careful that when sharing what you learned from this study that you focus on what you as an employee learned
about showing more respect for your manager, not about how your manager needs to show you more personal
care.
• Though there may be no one to join you at this time, please consider inviting others to join you to complete the
study together at a later date. A group study always allows for lots of extra insight from others that perhaps one
may not pick up on when alone. And the more people in your place of business who are intentionally trying to
show respect and personal care to their employees and employers, the more pleasant work environment you will
find yourself in.

If You’re Doing This Study With A Group of Other Managers

• You should be commended for caring enough to create a more pleasant work environment for your employees and
wanting to learn how showing them more personal care is better on both personal and business levels. Consider
purchasing the study for your employees to go through together at a later time so that the full benefits of respect
and personal care in the workplace are exhibited.
• We would appreciate each person in your group purchasing and downloading their own copy of the study.
• You could make copies and distribute them to others and we might never know since we operate on an honor code,
but we believe there’s incredible value in ownership when each person makes a small investment. When we invest a
little, we engage and participate. When we pay, we pay attention. We value the study.
• Please review and abide by the Participant’s Guidelines (see page 5), which are mutually beneficial for all group
members.

If You’re Doing This Study With A Group of Other Employees

• Don’t worry about why there are only employees in the current study and no managers. Trust in the goodwill of
your managers and that they are concerned with showing you more personal care. After all, whether your manag-
er has gone through the study or not, you can only be concerned with what you can control, and that is showing
respect to your manager.
• Please verify that each employee has their own individually purchased and downloaded copy of the study.
• Please review and abide by the Participant’s Guidelines (see page 5), which are mutually beneficial for all group
members.
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If You’re Doing This Study With A Group of Manager(s) and Employee(s) Combined
• Kudos to your organization for caring so much about your work environment that you have chosen to take time
out of your workday to go through this study together as managers and employees. We have no doubt you will not
be disappointed in this time.
• We would appreciate each person in your group purchasing and downloading their own copy of the study.
• You could make copies and distribute them to others and we might never know since we operate on an honor code,
but we believe there’s incredible value in ownership when each person makes a small investment. When we invest a
little, we engage and participate. When we pay, we pay attention. We value the study.
• Please review and abide by the Participant’s Guidelines (see page 5), which are mutually beneficial for all group
members.

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 PARTI CI PANT GUIDELINES
Small groups can have an enormous impact as you build friendships, gain support, and encourage each other in a
close group of people who hold you accountable in your workplace relationships. The guidelines below will help you
and the other group members benefit from the time together.

Confidentiality
Remember that everything shared in your small group is to be considered confidential, especially if you’re in a group
of only managers or only employees. This protects your group as a supportive, accepting place for its members. Un-
less you’ve been given permission, do not share anything from your discussion outside the group.

Openness
Do your best to be open and honest during discussions. Your transparency will encourage others to do the same.

Respect For Group Members

Remember that each person has the right to their own opinion. All questions are encouraged and respected. Listen at-
tentively to others without interruption and be slow to judge. Be careful about sentences that start with “You should
. . .” or “You ought . . .” and do not give advice that isn’t specifically solicited.

Respect Your Co-workers’ Privacy

During your group discussions, be careful to guard your co-workers’ privacy and feelings, whether they are here or
not. Use the discussions to work on yourself and your relationship with your manager or employees. If a sensitive is-
sue involves another co-worker, and discussing it would embarrass or devalue them in the eyes of the group, save that
topic for a private discussion at a later time.

Priority
Prioritize the small group meeting in your schedule. If you’re unable to attend or are running late, notify your group
leader or co-workers.

Support
Actively support the mission and values of the study and follow the directions given by your leader. Refrain from
gossip and criticism; if you have concerns or questions about another’s views or statements, communicate directly
with that person.

Commitment
As with anything worthwhile in life, what you receive from this study will be directly related to the time, energy, and
effort you put into it. Commit to showing up for each session, and being open to what you may need to learn from
this study. We believe your commitment to your workplace will be honored as you exhibit how important a better
work environment is for you.

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 SMAL L GROUP LEADER’S GUIDE
Thank you! We are grateful to those of you who are willing to seek a more pleasant work environment and lead others
through this digital study. Our hope is that you and your work relationships will be strengthened and blessed in ways
beyond your hopes and expectations. As you prepare to facilitate, here are a few guidelines to keep in mind.

Be Caring and Sensitive

Some in your group might see a lot of humor in certain topics and questions. Others may be hurting and unhappy,
not seeing the humor at all. As you go through the study, be aware of those who may need a little more guidance and
encouragement than others. Some may even want to talk privately with you outside the group. If you feel their issues
are more than you are qualified to handle, don’t hesitate to admit as such and help them figure out who in your work
would be the right person to speak with. Don’t worry if you don’t always have an answer to a question. Your group
will appreciate your honesty!

Be Accepting and Non-Threatening

For example, if someone comes up with an opinion that is totally counter to what Emerson sometimes refers to as
“typical” or “generally speaking,” do not be defensive or argumentative. Let everyone give opinions, then sum up
by saying, “According to Emerson’s extensive experience and research, this is what he finds to be the norm or what
is typical of managers and employees. He knows there are exceptions to any general rule, but he has also found that
regardless of how people think or act, they all need respect and personal care in the workplace.”

Be an Encourager
Encourage group members to attend every session, engage fully in the discussion, and complete any assignments that
have been agreed upon. Help them to see in the study what may be especially applicable for their situations. As you
lead, be sensitive to personality types (i.e., introvert and extrovert). Gently draw out the quieter members by asking
non-threatening questions such as, “What do you think about this?” Encourage talkative members to fully share but
not dominate the discussion. Never allow unsolicited advice.

Prepare for Your Meeting Ahead of Time

Be sure you are familiar with the material, reading and/or watching ahead as appropriate and being aware of any spe-
cific instructions that come with your product.

Session Timing
Do your best to honor the time frame you have planned for each week. Keep the discussion focused on the topic and
on the specific questions the group is addressing. Let people share, give opinions, and even disagree a bit, but don’t
be afraid to sum things up and move to the next question or topic. If the conversation strays to other topics, gently
redirect the group back to the study guide questions and suggest that alternate discussions continue during the social
time after the study.

Abide by and Enforce Participant Guidelines

As the leader, you are the role model for your group. This doesn’t mean you are perfect, but abiding by the Partic-
ipant’s Guidelines in the beginning of this book is expected. Thank you again for serving as a small group leader.
Your willingness and commitment to dedicate your time, effort, and energy is a priceless gift. You are the ones making
a difference in continuing the quest to provide the best work environment possible. May God bless you and your
business. We would love to hear from you! If you are willing to share your feedback on this study, please e-mail us at
story@loveandrespect.com.
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 SESS IO N O NE

Employees Need Personal Care

Video
While watching the video, don’t worry about trying to follow along in the workbook or answering any of the ques-
tions below. Just sit back and enjoy the teachings from Dr. Eggerichs on the Crazy Cycle. We believe you may be
surprised with how relevant it is to your work environment. If you care to jot any notes down, feel free to do so in the
space below.

Summary
Below is a brief summary of the content in the video. Please take a moment to review it before moving on to the ques-
tions. If you are going through this with a group, consider reading it aloud together.

The Crazy Cycle

Have you seen the Crazy Cycle in your workplace? Have you actually taken a spin on it yourself?

The Crazy Cycle stems from the need for managers and employees to feel respect and personal care. When the rela-
tionship between managers and employees is unhealthy, often it’s because these two important qualities are missing.

Managers need to feel respected by the people they lead. Employees need to know that those in leadership care about
them. When managers make decisions that fail to benefit their workers, employees feel undervalued and lose respect
for their bosses. And when leadership feels disrespected, they aren’t motivated to care for their employees. Neither
party gets what they want, so they react in negative ways. And the quality of the work environment spirals downward
as both managers and employees continue their spin on the Crazy Cycle.

Can You Relate?

For example, Jan (the employee) asks Peyton (her manager) for more money when working overtime. Peyton says,
“Jan, you should be grateful for all that you have. Frankly, there are others who would love to have your job. You
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 don’t have to stay here, you know.” Understandably, that comment causes Jan to feel that Peyton doesn’t really care
about her. She responds, “I have worked long and hard for you. This upsets me. This feels unfair and uncaring.” This
ignites the Crazy Cycle: Jan doesn’t believe Peyton cares and Peyton feels Jan’s disrespect.

Peyton is a loving and honorable person but appeared uncaring to Jan, his employee, as was also the case for the
real-life manager who once shared with Emerson that many of his female employees were quitting due to their belief
that he did not care about them. He had made it clear to them beforehand that their personal concerns were to be left
at the front door. This communicated to them that he did not care about their personal lives and concerns, which led
many to resign and accuse him of not caring, which felt disrespectful to him. Hence, the Crazy Cycle.

Bottom Line: Employees need to feel that management cares. So what can managers do to
express that care?

3 Things Managers Can Implement Immediately

Decode: Ask yourself, “Is my employee appearing disrespectful because earlier I appeared uncaring? Are we on the
Crazy Cycle because I started it?”

But it doesn’t stop with just asking and answering this question. The manager can greatly ease the tension between
him or herself and the employee(s) by humbly apologizing for coming across in an uncaring way.

Demonstrate: Ask yourself, “Do I demonstrate an attitude of caring even when I have to make tough decisions?”

You do not have to subscribe to the false idea that you must demonstrate an uncaring attitude to make sure em-
ployees are motivated to be respectful and dutiful. If you demonstrate an uncaring attitude, you will not motivate
employees to respect you. You can and should always demonstrate that you care for your employees, no matter the
tough decisions being made for the business.

Deposit: Ask yourself, “Am I making deposits of care so that when I make a withdrawal that feels uncaring (i.e., mak-
ing a tough decision), the employees give me the benefit of the doubt?”

If you are regularly making “deposits of care” to your employees during the day-to-day operations of the business
(i.e., listening to their concerns, or if possible, allowing them to work from home if they have a sick child), you will
greatly increase the chances that when a tough or unpopular decision is made, your employees who have received
your deposits of care will respect your decision and move forward with what is necessary.

Team Discussion
1. Now that the Crazy Cycle has been well described for you, have you noticed it going on in your workplace? Do you
believe that the felt disrespect and lack of care were intentional or an unfortunate effect of the Crazy Cycle? How
does your answer change the way you now view that relationship or incident that took a spin on the Crazy Cycle?
2. Though we may not be able to change others, we can control our behavior. How can knowing this and putting it
into practice help make for a more pleasant work environment?
3. Do you agree with Emerson’s implication that if the male manager who had lost many female employees had spent
a little “dime and time” showing care and concern for them, then he would have saved greatly on the “dime and
time” he spent later on rehiring and training new employees? Why or why not?
4. Share your thoughts on the testimonials heard from the staff at Cardone Industries. Is that kind of work environ-
ment viable in your workplace? Why or why not?
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5. Why might some managers subscribe to the false idea that they must demonstrate an uncaring attitude to make
sure employees are motivated to be respectful and dutiful? Though this may appear to work in the short-term, how
will it typically backfire on the manager in the long-term?
6. In your particular workplace, how could management better show their employees that they care about them
personally?

Make it Personal
Manager: How can you be more purposeful about making deposits of care to your employees? Over the next week,
take practical steps to begin implementing those deposits of care and observe the changes that result.

Employee: What words or actions of disrespect have you shown toward your manager that you should apologize for?
Do your part today to ease the tension between you and your manager.

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 SESS IO N T WO

Employers Need Respect

Video
While watching the video, don’t worry about trying to follow along in the workbook or answering any of the ques-
tions below. Just sit back and enjoy the teachings from Dr. Eggerichs on the Crazy Cycle. We believe you may be
surprised with how relevant it is to your work environment. If you care to jot any notes down, feel free to do so in the
space below.

Summary
Below is a brief summary of the content in the video. Please take a moment to review it before moving on to the ques-
tions. If you are going through this with a group, consider reading it aloud together.

Employees Have the Power to Stop the Crazy Cycle Too

In the first session, we were introduced to the Crazy Cycle: When employees feel uncared for, they tend to react in
ways that feel disrespectful to managers. When managers feel disrespected, they tend to react in ways that feel uncar-
ing to employees.

However, while it is certainly true that in the workplace the boss or manager holds the authority in the manager/em-
ployee relationship, the employee possesses an equal amount of power in the ability to get off or stay off of the Crazy
Cycle.

When managers make decisions that fail to benefit their workers, employees feel undervalued and tend to act dis-
respectfully toward their bosses. This hurt employee can be an honorable and loving person, but when he or she
appears disrespectful to management, that is a mistake. Instead, the employee can choose to respect management, and
in doing so can stop the Crazy Cycle or even stop it from spinning in the first place!

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Can You Relate?
With his business not being immune to the latest economic downturn, Jamie, the manager, knows that he needs to
cut his budget by 20 percent. However, out of personal care for his employees, he refuses to cut wages and instead
only makes cuts in other places. But his employee, Casey, only notices that he and the other employees are not getting
raises this year. Over lunch one day, Casey tells his manager, “I think you are using the economy as an excuse to not
give raises when you actually can. If we don’t get the 10 percent raise we deserve, there will be problems.”

An employee can be an honorable and loving person but appear disrespectful to management. In this scenario,
Casey was no doubt guilty of what could be called gestures of contempt. His face turned sour with disgust, his eyes
darkened with anger, perhaps he sighed aloud to express his annoyance. And of course, his ill-informed response and
threat to his manager was straight out of Disrespect 101.

To avoid showing disrespect and to get off of the Crazy Cycle, one must guard against an attitude that appears less
than respectful. Even though one’s heart is in the right place, your threats or even silly comments such as “Your de-
partment can’t function without me!” will not be received well, nor will your gestures of contempt.

The Bottom Line: Management needs to feel that employees respect them. So what can
employees do as individuals?

3 Things Employees Can Implement Immediately

Decode: Ask yourself, “Is my manager appearing uncaring because earlier I appeared disrespectful? Are we on the
Crazy Cycle because I started it?”
But you mustn’t stop there, by simply recognizing that you started the Crazy Cycle by appearing disrespectful. You
need to swallow your pride and apologize. When you humbly express to your manager that you are sorry for coming
across in a disrespectful manner, you can halt the conflict right then and there.

Demonstrate: Ask yourself, “Do I demonstrate an attitude of respect even when I have to follow tough requirements?”
Some of us believe that if we whine enough and demonstrate a disrespectful attitude toward our seemingly uncaring
manager, that we will motivate him or her to change behavior. But the sighs, eye rolls, and complaints will never
motivate management to be more caring. Even when management does not, in your opinion, deserve your respect,
you must abstain from anything other than a respectful attitude if you wish to get off the Crazy Cycle.

Deposit: Ask yourself, “Am I making deposits of respect so that when I make a withdrawal that feels disrespectful (i.e.,
questioning a decision), the manager gives me the benefit of the doubt?”
If you are regularly making these deposits of respect with your manager, there will later come moments when your
respect for him or her will allow you to say something like, “With all due respect, may I play devil’s advocate here
and share why I don’t think this is the best of ideas right now?” Your manager who has felt your respect all this time
is much more likely to caringly hear you out and possibly even adhere to your idea.

Team Discussion
1. Have you noticed a time in your workplace when, in general, employees felt unloved and uncared for by manage-
ment? What resulted from this? Looking back now, can you recognize a Crazy Cycle during this time? How was it
resolved, if it even was?
2. In what ways can a typically honorable and loving person unintentionally act disrespectful toward management?
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 Why might the same employee purposefully act disrespectful toward an uncaring manager?
3. In the example of the manager who kept salaries the same while cutting the budget in other areas, what would’ve
been a better first response from the employee? Is there anything the manager could’ve done or said initially so as to
do better at keeping his employees away from the Crazy Cycle?
4. What gestures of contempt have you noticed from employees around the office? Which ones are you guilty of your-
self? How should management interpret these gestures?
5. Why do we sometimes think that whining or demonstrating a disrespectful attitude will change someone’s behav-
ior or decisions? Even if a manager were to acquiesce in his or her decision due to the employee’s whiny behavior,
what other negatives have resulted from the situation?
6. How have you seen deposits of respect toward management pay off later when an employee has a chance to make
a “withdrawal”? Do you believe management recognized these earlier deposits and took them into consideration
later when the employee spoke up with a different opinion on a matter?

Make It Personal
Manager: How can you do better at taking notice of an employee’s deposits of respect? Look for opportunities to
show you value your employees by allowing them to make withdrawals.

Employee: What does your body language communicate to your manager? Are there gestures of contempt or
off-handed comments that are showing disrespect? If you are unsure, would you ask him or her?

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 AD D I TI ONALResources
Additional RESO URCES
Facebook: facebook.com/loverespectinc
Instagram and Twitter: @loverespectinc
Podcast: loveandrespectpodcast.com
Blog: loveandrespect.com/blog
Love and Respect App: Available on iOS, Windows, Android and Kindle

Don’t miss these titles by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs...

Consider purchasing any of these titles as a gift for friends or family.

Additional studies and digital resources are available at
store.loveandrespect.com

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