the rush of rarities

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at

http://archiveofourown.org/works/45393355.

Rating:
Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:
No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:
F/F

Fandom:
Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Relationship:
Pandora Lovegood/Lily Evans Potter, Minor or Background
Relationship(s)

Character:
Pandora Lovegood, Lily Evans Potter, Mary Macdonald (Harry Potter),
Marlene McKinnon, Regulus Black, Moaning Myrtle, some others you
know who they are, tagging this again bc im begging to get this girl her
own name tag pleaseeee, Lily Evans

Additional Tags:
Fluff and Humor, sibling angst, Gifted Kid Burnout Lily Evans, its never
stated but Pandora is autistic, idk how that would be handled in a magical
world so i just did whatever i wanted, varying portrayals of
neurodivergence, vague mentions and references to child abuse (hi
sirius), Masking, potions accidents, Lily being so girlfriend before she's
even girlfriend, Pandora being a mad scientist essentially, how she
survives is a mystery, basically this is just 50k+ of Lily and Pandora
working on a potion together, and falling in love, its very sweet, just
something a little fun, also myrtle (the ghost) constantly wants lily and
 pandora to die, Set in canon, as in the magical world but it is a, no
Voldemort AU

Language:
English

Stats:
Published: 2023-02-28 Words: 52,560 Chapters: 6/6
 the rush of rarities
by bizarrestars

Summary

Failure is just a stepping stone to success.

(Or, Lily is just trying to keep Pandora alive, Pandora is making that
startlingly difficult, and Myrtle hopes Lily fails. Somewhere in the
lingering death of a haunted bathroom, there's a lot of love brewing.)

Notes

[please do not post my works on any other platform, or any other

format. do not create typesets for people to download and use to
bookbind through profit means; do not put my works anywhere near
websites such as amazon, lulu, or etsy; do not put my works on
goodreads or wattpad. any and all pre-existing translations/podfics are
only acceptable on ao3 with proper credits, and im asking now that
there aren't more made in the future]
See the end of the work for more notes
 Chapter 1
Chapter Notes

hey!!!! here's 50k of lily and pandora being silly and sweet. it's mostly
all good vibes here, with next to no angst, queer people being
endearingly dumb, and neurodivergent people just living their lives.

in this, pandora is autistic, though it's never outright stated, and ofc
this is never the same for everyone, so do not take any of this as law
etc etc. it's just fiction; if you relate to it, great! if not, just keep it
moving and enjoy the story, or leave if you don't! but, rest assured,
there's no moments of bullying in this fic, or anything like that, just
references to it in the past. as for lily, she has some personal issues of
the internal sort, up to and including academic struggles, as well as
external issues in the form of her sister.

overall, this is just a feel-good kind of fic that i enjoyed getting to

write. enjoy <3
See the end of the chapter for more notes

Lily doesn't find it on purpose. She's just doing her usual patrols, barely
even paying attention honestly, when she hears faint giggles from the
second-floor girl's bathroom and stumbles across an entire fucking potion
station set up in the middle of the half-flooded room. There is a girl and a
ghost watching the cauldron vibrate like it's about to explode.

"What the fuck?" Lily blurts out in genuine, knee-jerk alarm as she watches
the cauldron rattle.

"Oh, hello," the girl says.

The ghost giggles. Again. "That's going to explode, and when it does,
you're both going to die, and then we'll all haunt the toilets together. It'll be
nice, having friends."

Lily…doesn't even know where to begin with that, but she fears the ghost
may be onto something, actually. See, the thing is, unsupervised potion-
making is against the rules, for reasons such as this. The cauldron is
overflowing and legitimately shaking like it's about to fly apart, clattering
against the stand it sits on, a violent orange goop bubbling over the sides.

Of the three witnesses to this, at least two are alive, and Lily would very
much like to keep it that way. She stumbles forward a bit recklessly and
frantically pushes the girl back against the far wall, flicking her wand to
send the water from the floor up with a splash. It acts as a barrier, the water
flowing in a wall from ceiling to floor in between them and the cauldron,
which proceeds to erupt like a volcano all at once.

Lily holds her breath and holds her wand with the same desperation,
watching the substance splatter all across the room, a great deal of it
colliding into the wall of water, though it thankfully doesn't break through.
Lily doesn't relax until the substance is in puddles on the floor and the
empty cauldron is overturned and no longer quaking. The water drops in a
large wave, spreading out across the floor again.

Slowly, Lily turns her head and finds herself nose-to-nose with the girl she
pressed into the wall, staring into very big eyes. The girl does not blink, and
for a long moment, Lily forgets to.
"You completely ruined my experiment," the girl whispers, and then Lily
blinks, mostly in offense.

"Excuse me? I just saved your life," Lily says sharply, pulling away from
her with a huff. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?
Experimenting with potions! Are you mad? You could have died."

"Oh, if only," the ghost croons with a heavy, wistful sigh.

The girl offers the ghost a small smile. "Sorry, Myrtle." She glances back at
Lily, her smile dropping. "I don't need you to tell me what to do, Miss Slug
Club."

"I—" Lily rears back, gaping at the girl in disbelief. It's clear the girl knows
her—knows she's in Slughorn's club—but that's not uncommon. A lot of
people know Lily, especially since she's Head Girl. Lily doesn't recognize
her, though. There's a Ravenclaw tie. "And just who are you, exactly?"

"Pandora," is the clipped response, "someone who had everything under

control before you turned up."

"You call that having everything under control?" Lily sputters

incredulously. "So the potion was supposed to explode then?"
"Just because you don't understand the intricacies of the true meaning in
potioneering doesn't mean—"

"You're looking at one of the best potioneers in this bloody castle, actually,
so I think you'd like to reevaluate—"

"Oh, well, I simply disagree," Pandora cuts in, sniffing and pushing away
from the wall to wave her wand. A vial from a bag in the corner flies into
her hand, and she crouches down to carefully draw samples from the puddle
with slow, easy wand movements.

Lily grinds her teeth. "You can't disagree with facts."

"That's what small-minded people think," Pandora retorts, her head ducking
forward as she stoppers the vial. It's then that Lily sees her hands shaking.

It takes Lily another second to realize that Pandora's eyes are shimmery
with building tears, and her shoulders are heaving a bit like she's doing her
very best not to cry. All of Lily's anger drains out of her in a split second,
her heart clenching.

"Hey, it's—I'm sure you were…doing great," Lily says weakly, shuffling
forward to stoop down next to her and gingerly reach out to gently touch
her shoulder. "That's—this is on me. I was just trying to make sure you
didn't get hurt, that's all. If you say you had it under control, I'm sure you
did, but ah, do you think you could have it under control with some
supervision next time? Maybe? Please?"
"I spent months working on that," Pandora chokes out, and Lily bites her
lip, now feeling rather awful for snapping earlier.

"Can I ask what it was supposed to be?" Lily murmurs.

Pandora takes a few moments, sending off her vial and discreetly getting
herself together, and then her shoulders slump as she swings around to look
at Lily. "It's supposed to be what's basically a Protego in potion form, so it
protects against a backlash of most magic, particularly…" She sighs and
looks wry as she mutters, "Particularly against potion accidents."

"Oh," Lily breathes out, "that's brilliant. Is that even possible? Does it act as
an actual shield of magic, or would it be a form of immunity?"

"Well, potions have magic properties and magical effects, but it's not—
magic itself. There are rules, many of which are dependent upon ingredients
and just…the entire hierarchy of magical effects in the ingredients
themselves and following a recipe, so it's—" Pandora stops very suddenly,
and she looks sheepish, her gaze dropping. "Sorry, that's—I get a bit… I can
get passionate about some things."

"No, it's—I'm listening," Lily assures her. "Besides, I asked anyway. You
were saying?"
Pandora's gaze snaps to Lily's, and her eyes absolutely light up. It's rather
adorable, honestly. "Right, so potions have rules, and I don't…really like
rules, so I was thinking…"

Lily listens as Pandora starts rambling about potions and potion-making in a

way that she's never heard anyone talk about it before, not even Severus. It's
intriguing, and engaging, and Lily can't help but be drawn deep into the
conversation.

They end up sitting right there on the floor after vanishing the mess around
them and creating a dry spot. Myrtle gets upset that they seem to be getting
on, because apparently they like each other more than her since they're alive
and she's dead. Lily feels bad about it, honestly, when she wails and goes
flying into a toilet, but Pandora just sighs, waves her hand, and says Myrtle
will get over it in due time. Just a tad dramatic, that one, Pandora is sure to
let her know, then laughs and makes a comment about how she's always
fond of the dramatic ones.

Lily doesn't really know what she's on about, but she follows the potion
discussion easily, growing more eager with each new thing Pandora says,
utterly enlightened by the way her mind works. It's very outside the box, as
that saying goes, and basically the exact opposite of what potion-making is
about, but it's interesting nonetheless.

The more questions Lily asks, the happier Pandora seems to get. She's also
more animated as she gets caught up in the conversation, her hands flying
around, words spilling out of her mouth so rapidly that she stutters a lot.
Pandora's clear excitement only spurs on Lily's.
They sit there bouncing ideas off of each other for so long that Lily's body
aches from sitting on the cold, hard floor. She dares to check the time and
realizes they're nearing curfew, which means Lily has neglected her patrol
quite a bit. Ah, well, what does it hurt, really? All those couples sneaking
about to snog—well, they got lucky tonight.

"We really should be going," Lily says with a sigh.

"Oh," Pandora replies in palpable disappointment, and then she looks

embarrassed by her reaction. She coughs and quickly stands up. "Right,
sorry. I mean, thank you for…listening."

"It was my pleasure, honest," Lily assures her kindly, standing up with a
broad smile. "I really enjoyed this. You just have to promise me you won't
do anything like this without proper supervision again, alright? It's really
not safe."

Pandora hums. "Oh, I know it's not safe."

Satisfied, Lily grins and walks with her all the way until they have to go
their separate ways, both of them wishing each other a good night's rest. It's
not until Lily is just about to drift off that she realizes Pandora never
actually promised.
"Do you think she's prettier than me?"

Pandora sighs and slices into a kneetlebeetle at precisely the wrong angle.
"Myrtle, what are you on about now?"

"Do you think she's funnier than me? Cooler than me? Kinder than me?"
Myrtle whines, floating on the other side of the stand and pouting at
Pandora. "Is it any of that, or is it just because I'm dead? It's not my fault I'm
dead! Would you think all those things were true if she was dead?"

"I think you're plenty lovely, Myrtle," Pandora says honestly, and Myrtle
breaks out into a smile. It's sweet, really. She's a fourteen year old dead girl
who was bullied a lot before she died, so she has a lot of insecurities she
struggles with. Pandora gets it, but she also honestly just likes Myrtle. Most
wouldn't give her a chance, but she's really quite smart. A bit demented
sometimes, yes, and speaking of… "Oh, and don't kill Lily Evans, please."

Myrtle huffs. "Aha! So you do like her more than me, because she's alive
and I'm dead!"

"That's not even close to what I said."

"You were thinking it!"

"Oh, so ghosts are legilimens now, are they?" Pandora asks in amusement,
raising her eyebrows.

"I just want someone to like me the most," Myrtle whines.

Pandora shakes her head fondly. "Don't we all, Myrtle, don't we all?"
Myrtle lets out one of those small sounds that says an incoming breakdown
is on the horizon. "Oh, don't you start that. Do you think if I didn't like you
a decent amount, I'd just never come back to see you, hm?"

"Well…" Myrtle scrunches her translucent face, then sighs and tosses her
hands up. "Oh, alright. Do you think she likes me?"

"I don't know," Pandora murmurs, because she doesn't. She knows next to
nothing about Lily.

Okay, no, that's not true. Pandora knows Lily is Head Girl, and she's in that
stupid Slug Club Pandora hates with a burning passion, and also she's really
nice. Or she's nice enough to put up with Pandora rambling nonsense about
potions for three hours straight, when the only other person who actually
does that is Regulus. He's also in Slug Club. Pandora has never and will
never forgive him for it; she takes every opportunity to relentlessly bully
him about it, because she's bitter.

It's not that Pandora wants to be in Slug Club, it's that she deserves to be.
No, she has no family connections to get her in there, but the fact that she
doesn't count as some sort of potions prodigy is just ludicrous. Who is
doing it like her? No one, that's who. Name one person going at potions the
way I do, Slughorn, Pandora thinks furiously, chopping the next
kneetlebeetle a little more vigorously. Oh, wait, you can't.

Clearly, it's just Slughorn playing favorites again, which is creepy. She finds
it very creepy that he puts certain students on pedestals because of their
family, or high marks, or whatever connection he thinks he can form
because of them. One day, Pandora is going to be one of the most famously
revered potioneers the world has ever seen, and they'll ask who she owes it
to, and she'll say oh, myself, just me, because my stupid Potions Professor
certainly never believed in me.

There's the sound of someone clearing their throat, and Pandora jolts, her
head snapping up. She freezes when she sees Lily standing in front of her,
arms crossed, eyebrows raised. Pandora doesn't move for a beat, then holds
her gaze and slices her next kneetlebeetle.

"Really?" Lily asks flatly.

"I never promised," Pandora mutters.

Lily heaves a sigh. "Listen, I—I truly do understand wanting to work on

this, alright? But you really have to do it in a safe environment. Why don't
you go to Professor Slughorn—"

"Absolutely not," Pandora interrupts, a little sharp without meaning to be. "I
don't need his help."
"You don't need a potion master's help?" Lily challenges.

"Potion master," Pandora replies with a scoff.

"He literally is?" Lily says, clearly baffled.

Pandora clicks her tongue. "Really, thanks, but I can handle it. I've been
doing it alone all this time, so—"

"Yeah, and if I hadn't come along last time, then you'd probably be dead
right now," Lily tells her.

"You ruined it. You ruined everything! We could have been dead best
friends forever!" Myrtle wails, shooting up in the air and launching herself
directly in one of the toilets.

"Lovely. Look what you've done. You've upset Myrtle," Pandora scolds,
gesturing towards the toilet with her knife.

Lily opens and closes her mouth, then huffs. "Pandora, I swear I'm not
trying to stifle your creativity, and I support you wholeheartedly in
exploring potions like this, but you need to be safe. I'm sure Professor
Slughorn would be very interested in helping you with this, and he'd make
sure you—"

"No, he wouldn't," Pandora snaps, ignoring the lump forming in her throat.
"I'm not you, Lily, or Regulus, or anyone else important enough in his
stupid little club to get an ounce of recognition or respect. He thinks I'm—
I'm reckless, and that I don't have talent, but he's wrong."

"He said that?" Lily asks quietly, her expression falling flat, eyes flashing.
They're a vibrant green. Pretty. Really pretty.

Pandora swallows thickly. "Not in so many words, but basically, yeah.

That's alright. I'll make him eat his words. I'll make him choke on them."

Lily stares at her for a long beat, and Pandora feels her stomach drop out
from underneath her when she realizes how very strange that was for her to
say. A bit…violent. Aggressive. She's good about hiding things like that,
usually, but Slughorn's favoritism brings it out in her. She's also just—
ridiculously competitive and ruthlessly ambitious, which gets her worked
up occasionally.

She was a hat-stall. Nearly ended up in Slytherin. There are moments where
it becomes clear why, and this is one of them.

In the end, Ravenclaw was right for her. It's the craft that resonates with her.
Knowledge for the sake of knowledge, even more than using it to get
somewhere in the world. The art of learning. The thrill of approaching a
problem or something new in a way most people don't. Hearing a riddle and
enjoying the process of finding the answer, or multiple answers, more than
the achievement of finding the answer itself. The journey is more enticing
to her than taking the first step, or reaching the destination, or who is
walking alongside her on the way.

"Alright, well, he's a bit thick anyway," Lily announces abruptly, dropping
her bag off her shoulder right there on the floor and pushing her sleeves up.
"Suppose it'll just have to be me, then."

"You," Pandora repeats, blinking.

Lily nods and shrugs lazily. "Oh, sure, why not? I'm more than capable,
honestly, and I've already saved you once."

"Ruined my experiment, actually, but—"

"Literally saved your life."

Pandora pinches her lips together, fighting a smile as she glances down at
her kneetlebeetles. When she looks back up, Lily's pretty eyes are dancing
with amusement. "Fine, you can stay, but it's my potion. Let me do as I
like."
"Could I…help?" Lily asks, gaze darting towards the cauldron with a spark
of interest and rising excitement in her eyes. It makes Pandora's heart beat a
little faster, seeing how earnestly she actually wants to be involved, how
intrigued she is by something Pandora has come up with. Most people just
tune her out. Most people find her strange, or overbearing, or annoying.
Lily actually seems to pay attention to what she has to say, what she wants,
what she thinks. That's rare.

"Yeah," Pandora murmurs. "You can help, Lily."

Lily's smile in response is blinding.

Pandora is absolutely, unequivocally brilliant. Lily has never met a mind

like hers, and she is, perhaps, fascinated by her. In a very 'the inside of your
brain could not look more different than mine, may I come for a visit?' sort
of way. Despite the stark differences, Lily honestly thinks she could be
comfortable inside Pandora's head. She'd like to stay for a while.

It's just the way she thinks, like a chain reaction, except the chain isn't
linked together and she is somehow, inexplicably, hula-hooping with it. She
is incredibly disorganized and has precisely zero sense of structure in the
way she does anything, including just—sharing her thoughts. She's quick, a
bit hard to keep up with, and then—without warning—she's somewhere else
entirely, bouncing to some other point or idea or thought that seems to come
from nowhere but always, inevitably, connects back to something else
perfectly.
More often than not, Pandora's area is a complete mess, papers everywhere,
books spread out and lying over each other, at least three quills laying
around. Her potions station is, without fail, a hazard that makes Lily's eye
twitch and her heart jump with a rising sense of anxiety. She doesn't take
the ladle out of the cauldron when she should; she barely pays attention
when she's slicing or dicing or crushing ingredients; she'll put her face right
over a bubbling cauldron, inhale fumes without batting an eye, and
carelessly move her arms around the cauldron like she has no fear of being
burned.

She's also, much to Lily's internal dismay, the type of person to just—toss
things into the potion and see what happens.

Lily has no idea how she's survived this long.

"No, no, don't—absolutely not," Lily blurts out, her voice strained as she
frantically catches Pandora's wrist before she can drop buttonpetals into the
cauldron.

"What? Why? They're perfect, Lily," Pandora argues, her eyebrows

furrowing. "They cancel out the pinegrove extract, and balance the magical
absorption effect I don't want."

"Pandora, you can't throw buttonpetals into a volatile potion! Are you
mad?" Lily hisses, her eyes bulging. "Especially not when you sliced them.
The juice will saturate and thicken, and then you'll just have another
explosion."
"No, but hear me out—"

"Pandora."

"Listen, listen," Pandora insists eagerly, "I charmed the flame to be cold,
because the buttonpetals react to the heat. They'll saturate, yes, but they
won't thicken. They'll dissolve."

Lily blinks. "You—wait, what?"

"See?" Pandora says, reaching out with her free hand to wiggle her fingers
right into the flame beneath the cauldron. She nods encouragingly when
Lily pokes at the flames with her free hand, a shudder rippling down her
spine. It's cold.

"You…" Lily stares at Pandora, eyes wide. She is, perhaps, in complete awe
of her. "No one ever changes the flames. No one has ever even thought of—
I mean, how did you even think of that, Pandora? That's brilliant. You're
brilliant."

Pandora breaks out into a broad grin, her eyes big and bright, always so
pleased by the recognition, the praise. It delights her every time. "Well, I've
actually done this part before, so I had to work out something. Buttonpetals
are vital, you know."
"Yeah, but—" Lily huffs out a weak laugh and drops Pandora's wrist, still
stunned. "Just…you've actually invented a whole other way to interact with
potion-making, not just the potions themselves, but the tools, and the
process! You're—"

"Brilliant?" Pandora teases, practically vibrating.

"You have to tell Slughorn. It's—this is—I mean, people should know about
this. Buttonpetals are rarely used, and if people knew there was a way to
include them, just think of the possibilities that they could—" Lily falters
when she realizes that Pandora's smile has faded. "Oh, don't do that. Please
don't do that. I know you hate it, but he'd—he'd listen if—"

"If it was coming from you?" Pandora challenges. When she gets upset, her
eyes don't narrow. They get bigger, wilder, brighter. "If it was coming from
Regulus? Or anyone in his club? Don't you think I've tried to tell him, Lily?
He just waves me off. Tells me my theories aren't practical."

"But…this isn't a theory," Lily says weakly.

"Yes, I know. I mentioned that as well. In his words, potions have come this
far without buttonpetals and will continue to, and the risk of adding them
into common level ingredients is a hassle no one will want to take on,"
Pandora mutters bitterly.
Lily sighs heavily, chewing on the inside of her bottom lip as her mind turns
over. She wants to suggest that maybe she go to Slughorn about it, because
as much as she hates to admit it, he'll actually listen to her. She is one of his
favorites, after all. The problem is, Lily is quite sure that Slughorn won't
care when she tells him the credit goes to Pandora; he'll give her the credit,
then boast about his influence on her.

And, look, Lily does owe a lot to Slughorn. He has helped her numerous
times and given her guidance that not very many others have gotten from
him. He does have his favorites, and most of the time, they're all those that
turn out to be trophies for him. A glowing sense of accomplishment in the
form of taking pride in people he purposefully helped flourish, which isn't
necessarily bad, Lily doesn't think, except for the favoritism and unfair
treatment towards other students.

He's not a bad man, Slughorn, but he's very…self-oriented. Most people
are. Teachers aren't supposed to be, and when they are, it leads to things like
this. Like Pandora. Someone brushed aside constantly, her brilliance pushed
to the background simply because Slughorn doesn't see it. Someone who is
undeniably brilliant in a way that actively combats the lines that Slughorn
believes people have to stay within to be brilliant. He's wrong. That's the
thing. He's wrong.

Slughorn will take in any student he recognizes potential in, no matter

family or popularity, because he is not ignorant to the fact that people can
flourish academically in spite of where they come from or how they spend
their time socially. That being said, sometimes he overlooks potential
simply because the potential doesn't look the way he thinks it should.
Lily's potential was perfect, in his eyes. Still is. Severus', too. Pandora's
friend and Sirius' little brother, Regulus. Even Sirius himself, except he got
kicked out of the club literally at the first meeting when he charmed actual
slugs to fall from the ceiling and crawl all over Slughorn, who had
screeched rather shrilly and gave Sirius a month's worth of detentions.
Sirius, of course, had been very pleased with himself.

Pandora has insane amounts of potential that has gotten her quite far
already, and the fact that no one notices it is fucking crushing. Lily doesn't
blame her for being bitter about it. She knows that, in Pandora's position,
she'd be much the same.

So, it's a genuine surprise when Pandora sighs and tips her head back as she
mumbles, "You can tell him."

"What?" Lily asks, startled.

"You can tell him," Pandora repeats, bracing her hand on the stand next to
the cauldron, a bit too close for Lily's comfort, honestly. "He'll listen to you,
and you're right, the world of potions would bloom with the inclusion of
buttonpetals. Just thinking about the healing side of things… Someone
could use those in some way to help those that are sick, and I can't, in good
conscience, withhold that information. So, you can tell Slughorn. Maybe
he'll actually listen if it's coming from you."

"I'll tell him it was you, Pandora, I swear I will," Lily blurts out in a rush,
moving closer and smiling reassuringly.
"Don't bother," Pandora murmurs, turning away with a sigh.

Lily's heart clenches. "Hey, if I have to shout it in the middle of the Great
Hall, I will. Don't think I won't."

"Oh, really? You would, would you?" Pandora giggles. It's something she
does a lot. Giggles. It's genuine, not necessarily child-like, but invoking that
same emotion that children's laughter always does; that heartwarming
feeling that sits right in the center of your chest and makes you want to hear
it again, and protect it, so it'll never go away. It's cute. Lily likes it. A lot.
"I'm imagining you standing on the Gryffindor table and shouting your head
off."

"I will actually do that," Lily tells her, just to hear the giggle again, and also
because she thinks she actually will. Why shouldn't she? Pandora deserves
to be acknowledged.

"Oh, it's fine, Lily, really," Pandora says, rolling her eyes.

"No, I'm serious," Lily insists. "It's your achievement, Pandora. You should
get to be proud of it."

"Don't make a fuss," Pandora murmurs, her lips curled up, and Lily thinks
she would like her to make a fuss, but she relents anyway. "Besides, I will
be proud. I don't need everyone else to know that it was me. The fact that I
know is enough."
"And me," Lily reminds her. "I know, too."

Pandora grins, delighted, and she beams as she whips around to stoop down
over the cauldron, dropping the buttonpetals in, and Lily stifles a groan as
she reaches out, utterly frazzled, to catch the portion of Pandora's hair
slipping over her shoulder that nearly drops right into the potion.

Pandora, so focused on what she's doing, doesn't even notice, so she doesn't
thank her for the help. Lily doesn't mind. Her accomplishments in keeping
Pandora alive is something she can take pride in by herself, too.

No one knows, really, but Lily does.

That's enough.

"She said, and I quote, 'Pandora deserves the credit, Professor. You know
Pandora, don't you, sir? Sixth year Ravenclaw. Maybe you haven't noticed
her before, but she's brilliant, and she's entirely responsible for this,"
Regulus recites flatly.

Pandora possibly, maybe, perhaps squeals a bit as she reaches out to grab
Regulus' arm, smacking him repeatedly in her pure excitement, feeling fit to
burst. "Did she? Really?"

"Yes," Regulus confirms with a wince.

"And what did he say?" Pandora asks breathlessly.

Regulus' gaze drifts to the side, his face twitching in a way that makes
Pandora's heart sink. "Oh, just…you know, blithering on like a pompous
idiot. Nothing much, really."

Pandora deflates. "What'd he really say, Regulus?"

"Anyway," Regulus says quickly, "he's planning to write to various

apothecaries as well as the ministry division and committee over potions
and banned ingredients, so that's good. Buttonpetals will be used a lot more,
thanks to you."

"Yeah," Pandora mutters, helplessly glum. "Good. Lovely."

"If it helps, Evans charmed his drink to heat up through the meeting, so it
scalded his tongue at the end, and he didn't even know it was her. I saw her
do it, though," Regulus tries, watching her with a pained look.
"That does actually make me feel a bit better, yeah," Pandora admits with a
tiny smile.

Regulus relaxes a little, then snorts quietly. "I can't believe you're letting her
come anywhere near your potion. You won't even let me help you. Said
you'd never let anyone from Slughorn's club interfere."

"Oh, shut up," Pandora grumbles. "She didn't really give me much of a
choice. You know how Gryffindors are; always so noble, and all that. She
mostly just helps with theories and such, not the actual potion. Lily is—
she's different."

"I'm your best friend?" Regulus says, visibly offended.

Pandora wrinkles her nose at him playfully. "Yeah, and you're also
Slughorn's little pet."

"Fuck you," Regulus tells her, eyes narrowing. "And if you think I'm his
pet, what the hell is Evans? He adores her."

"I'm not listening to you. I'm ignoring you. Look at me, not acknowledging
what you've said in any way," Pandora tells him, her voice sing-song as she
raises her hands and waves them lazily, gently through the air.
"It's okay to be wrong. I mean, I don't know what that's like, but I'm sure it
is," Regulus announces, and he's got a small smile curling at the corners of
his lips when she glares at him.

"Do you remember that time I kept dropping toast crumbs in your hair
because you said I needed to treat my textbooks better, and you didn't find
out for a week straight?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Sleep with one eye open," Pandora warns him.

"Sleep? You think I sleep?" Regulus asks, then tosses his head back and
laughs in an exaggerated fashion before his face falls flat abruptly as he
arches an eyebrow at her.

"Pandora? Hi, Pandora!"

Head swiveling, Pandora spots Lily across the courtyard, her face lighting
up as she lifts her hand in a wave and then, with no warning, starts heading
right for her. Pandora freezes in place, blinking rapidly. She and Lily have
never interacted outside of the bathroom, while they're working on potions.
They've been at it for two weeks now, and most of the time, Lily's just
fluttering around, a bit high-strung and worried about everything, especially
rules and techniques that Pandora honestly can't be bothered with. Lily likes
to tidy a lot. Pandora likes to make messes immediately after, just to hear
her sigh in exasperation and see her fond smile.
In any case, they've never… Well, it just sort of seemed like something that
Lily would have wanted to exist separately from her usual, everyday life.
Not many people seek Pandora out in the light of day, at least not willingly.

It's not like Pandora thought Lily was actively avoiding her, as if she was
darting around corners and running in the opposite direction if she ever
happened to notice Pandora nearby, but she just sort of assumed Lily
wouldn't really acknowledge her. She has a lot of friends. They're not even
in the same year. It wouldn't be a surprise if Lily didn't even notice her at
all.

And yet, here she comes, not a stutter in her stride. Pandora watches her
approach, realizing she has forgotten to breathe in the last few moments
when she exhales explosively as soon as Lily is stopping right in front of
her, smiling warmly.

"Hello, Lily," Pandora says weakly, clearing her throat as she darts her gaze
past Lily to see who she just left behind. A rather large crowd that Pandora
knows but hasn't officially met. They're just people everyone knows. Mary
Macdonald, Marlene McKinnon, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius
Black. Oh, and James Potter. He's there, too, though he's currently trying to
stick his head up Remus' jumper for some reason, while Remus repeatedly
swats at him.

"Sorry to, ah, interrupt," Lily apologizes, gathering Pandora's attention

again. She waves her hand between Regulus and Pandora, then reaches up
to tuck her hair behind both ears, face flushed. "Christ, I—sorry, yeah, this
was stupid. I'll make it quick. I won't be able to show tonight, because
there's this party we're throwing, so I just—I wanted to let you know I
wouldn't be coming tonight."

"Oh," Pandora murmurs, dejected immediately, because she honestly has

come to appreciate Lily's presence by now, when she never did for anyone
else. She likes it. Craves it, even. Her palpable disappointment is
embarrassing, and she internally cringes at herself, but she can't do anything
about it now.

Lily bites her lip. "Sorry. I—I really do have to… Honestly, if I'm not there,
my friends will probably blow up the tower."

"And you've no interest in helping them?" Pandora teases.

"Well, only a little," Lily replies with a grin, a bit of mischief in it that
Pandora only ever catches glimpses of, like a jewel that catches the light at
very specific angles. "Anyway, sorry again. I'll let you two, um, continue
your date."

Pandora blinks as Lily gives a firm nod and swivels on the spot to quickly
walk away. Beside her, Regulus makes a choking noise and promptly slides
away from her.

"Our date?" Pandora asks, glancing over at him.

"We're in the courtyard, sitting on a bench. How is this even close to
romantic?" Regulus hisses, appalled.

"I don't—" Pandora cuts herself off at the sound of steps approaching yet
again, and she blinks at the sight of Lily rushing right back over to them.
"Lily?"

"Hi, yes, sorry again," Lily blurts out. "I've just had a thought. The party—
you should come. You can bring your boyfriend with you, too, if you'd
like."

"The boyfriend has a name," Regulus says flatly.

"The boyfriend isn't the boyfriend at all," Pandora announces, a bit too loud.
"We're not together. We are not dating."

"Oh," Lily says, blinking. "Right. Sorry, I—I honestly have no idea why I
just assumed… Well, I mean, you can still come, Regulus, boyfriend or
not."

"How gracious of you," Regulus mutters. His gaze darts towards Lily's
friends, lingering for a beat, and then he clears his throat. "I think I'll pass."

Lily dismisses him pretty much immediately, not seeming to care either
way. "Yeah, sure, come or don't. Pandora?"
"Um…" Pandora swallows, hesitating as she flicks her gaze to Regulus,
who just stares at her blankly, because he's entirely unhelpful. Pandora has
never been to a party before. She's never been invited. "I—I mean, sure?
What time?"

"Show up right before curfew. I'll make sure you get back to your common
room with no trouble." Lily flashes her a grin as she starts backing up. She
winks. "I'm Head Girl, after all."

"That's an abuse of power!" Pandora calls after her.

"Yeah, I know, you can thank me later!" Lily calls back, laughing as she
goes, carefree and bright.

Pandora sips in a short breath of air, slumping back as she tries to wrangle
the wriggling emotions in her chest, a sensation that makes her want to
bounce and flap her hands, though she forces herself not to. It's very
difficult and feels a bit like being smothered, an underlying discomfort as
she muffles herself, her responses, but other people don't do it, so she thinks
it'd be strange if she did.

It took her a few years to learn that. To learn what not to do or say so she
wouldn't make people uncomfortable. No dancing or swaying or rocking
when she's eating something she likes. No immediately spitting food out if
it has a bad texture, or drinks if she doesn't like them. No repeating phrases
over and over, or speaking out loud with no warning without the usual
conversation starters, or making strange noises for no apparent reason. No
asking hypothetical questions and then getting into deep discussions about
the topic, as well as every detail. No being blunt and honest in response to
questions, because most times, people don't actually like the truth.

Pandora hates rules, hates how stifling they are, but these are ones she does
her best to follow, because she learned very young that people are cruel to
what they don't understand.

Regulus is one of the few people who actually doesn't get uncomfortable
when she forgets, when she slips up and says or does something most
people don't like. He's a bit odd, too, like her, just in different ways, though
some of it's similar. He's better than her at hiding it. He's also a bit of a
mean prick, so most people don't bother him.

It's easy with Regulus, at least to her, and a lot of times, he's a steady source
of comfort, though he likely doesn't realize it. Out of everyone, he gets her,
and he's the only person in the world who knows what to do and how to
help when she gets overwhelmed and has a breakdown. He's her best friend,
so really, she can't be blamed for turning to him with hope.

"Please come with me," Pandora begs, reaching out to grip his arm and rock
him in place.

Regulus just snorts. "Absolutely not."

Pandora groans, dropping her hands away from him. She can tell just by the
look on his face that he means it. He won't come, despite being her best
friend.

So, Pandora will be going alone.

Shit.

Lily feels something in her settle down and relax the moment she sees
Pandora lingering out in front of the portrait, fiddling with the clunky
bracelets she has on one wrist.

If she's honest, the thought that Pandora might have decided to spend the
night working on her potion, rather than being here, was one that had
plagued her mind from the moment she invited Pandora in the first place,
who hadn't really looked too excited about the whole idea. Lily felt a bit
like an idiot, to be honest, because Pandora has never hid that she prefers to
focus on her potion above all else, and why would she cancel her own plans
and change her schedule around just because Lily couldn't be there one
time? She'd seemed genuinely dejected that Lily wouldn't be there, sure, but
that doesn't mean she's willing to devote her time to Lily over her potion.

Except here she is, and Lily is—relieved. Grateful, even. Because if
Pandora had gone to the bathroom to work on the potion instead of coming
here, Lily knows for sure she would have just spent the whole night
worrying about whether or not Pandora was alright, and also just preferring
to be there.
Pandora is dressed casually in a pair of flared trousers and a thin shirt that
has little tied-tassels hanging off the hem, a shift of fabric that shows peeks
of hips and small slivers of her stomach, just a bit. There are three stitched
flowers on her shirt, tiny and colorful, right in the middle of her chest. Her
hair is up with her wand sticking through it, and she has little star earrings
on. She looks nice. Pretty.

"Hi, Pandora," Lily greets warmly, grinning when Pandora swivels her head
and immediately smiles when she sees her.

"Hello, Lily," Pandora replies, dropping her own bracelets to move over to
Lily. "You look nice. I like your jumper."

"I like your—everything," Lily admits with a laugh, even as she plucks at
her jumper, shaking her head. "But thanks. This is actually Peter's. Ah,
Peter Pettigrew. Know him?"

"Yeah," Pandora says. "Or, well, no, not really. I know of him, I suppose.
He's your friend, though, isn't he?"

"Mhm." Lily nods and glances around. "Speaking of, Regulus didn't
come?"

"No, he didn't want to," Pandora informs her bluntly.

Lily smiles sheepishly. "That's not because of me, is it? For just assuming
you two were dating, I mean. I don't know why I did that. Sorry, by the
way."

"It's fine. And no, that's not why. He just didn't want to come," Pandora
explains, and she doesn't seem to feel like there needs to be more detail
about it, like there's no reason behind it; he just didn't want to come, so he
didn't. Simple enough.

"Alright, well, come on in, then," Lily declares, backing up towards the
portrait to let her in.

The party is already well underway, the room full of music, chatter, and
laughter. James is currently crowd-surfing in one of those charmed bubbles
Sirius and Peter came up with to lift people up and let them safely float
around the room without getting hurt. Remus, Marlene, and Dorcas are high
up in one of the windowsills in the tall tower, sharing a spliff and laughing
at everyone down below. Sirius, Mary, Emmeline, and Peter are dancing
with a large crowd of other students, which James is floating over and
cheering on heartily.

Pandora seems a bit overwhelmed by all the noise and activity, not seeming
to know where to look first, so Lily grabs her wrist and drags her over to the
table of drinks.

"I've never had anything to drink," Pandora admits as Lily picks up a glass
and passes it over to her.
"You're sixteen, right?" Lily checks.

Pandora nods. "Yeah. I turn seventeen next Saturday."

"Noted. I'll get you a gift," Lily tells her, then waves her off when she starts
to protest. "Don't fuss. It's your birthday. Anyway, you're of age to drink, so
if you want to try it, there's no reason not to. You don't have to, of course."

"Can't hurt," Pandora mumbles with a shrug. She takes a swallow of the
drink, then immediately tips her head forward and spits it right back out, her
mouth hanging open in visible distaste as her nose wrinkles. It's only a
second later that she's looking at Lily with wide eyes, frozen in place.

Lily just laughs and grabs the glass, waving her wand to vanish the contents
inside it. "Not a fan of that one, clearly. Hm, let's see… Oh, this is
Marlene's special brew. She's brilliant at mixing drinks and making them
taste good. Try this one."

"Thanks," Pandora says softly, her cheeks flushed as she looks at Lily for a
long beat, studying her like she's looking for something specific. Lily just
blinks at her, not entirely sure what she's expecting to find. Whatever it is, it
makes Pandora relax a bit as she takes the next drink, so Lily feels like she
just passed some test. She loves passing tests. "Oh, this is—yes, I like this
one. Marlene is brilliant."
"I'm sure you'll get the chance to tell her at some point," Lily assures her,
amused. "The cups refill on their own, but only three times, and then they
cut you off. You have to get a new one if you want more. One of James'
smarter ideas."

"Probably for the best," Pandora agrees, even as she takes another sip,
smacking her lips in satisfaction.

"That it is." Lily plucks up her own glass, takes a swallow, then hums.
"Alright, what do you want to do? We can dance, sit, take a bubble up and
get a spliff off of Remus. Up to you."

"Ah, sit?" Pandora says, visibly unsure.

Lily smiles, gently, and leads her over to where they can sit down, drink,
and talk—not too far from where everyone else is dancing, but mostly out
of the way. Pandora sort of folds up like a pretzel, basically sitting on one
leg while she wraps her arms around her other one, hunched over as she
rests her chin on her knee in between talking.

She does get animated when she's particularly excited about something, her
hands flying around as she talks, which is fine because her glass is tucked
safely between her thighs, secure and only grabbed when Lily is the one
talking so she can have a few gulps before launching right back into the
discussion.
Predictably, they talk about potions, but that's not all they talk about. Lily
learns that Pandora got her star earrings from Regulus, and that she cut her
own shirt up, and her bracelets used to be her mum's. She learns quite a bit
about Pandora's parents—her mum is a magical event organizer, someone
who goes around with a team and sets up for weddings, parties, or quidditch
matches, while her dad works in the ministry in the muggle division,
usually one of the people helping cover up magical accidents or spillage in
the muggle world. She learns that Pandora is quite passionate about
quidditch—Marlene will like that—and is an avid supporter of the Slytherin
team just because Regulus is the seeker for it; she has essentially no house
pride in that regard, willing and ready to cheer for her friend before the
team representing Ravenclaw.

And, the thing is, Lily knew some of this, or parts of these things already,
because they do a lot of talking when they're together as it is. She knows
Pandora can sing, and will do it randomly, genuinely just singing sentences
instead of speaking them for seemingly no reason at all. She knows what
book Pandora is currently reading, and her favorite when she was younger,
as well as which one she's excited to read next. She knows Pandora hates
radio static, to the point that she will get viscerally pissed off just talking
about it, shuddering like it physically upsets her—and Lily thinks it actually
does.

She knows that Pandora thinks nifflers are brilliant creatures, and that she
had a toad until her third year when it hopped off and was never seen again
after that. She knows Pandora got an Acceptable for her potions O.W.L and
is still absolutely furious about it. She knows Pandora writes down the
dreams she has as soon as she wakes up, if she can remember them.

Lily knows Pandora's favorite color—yellow—and that her favorite holiday

is New Year's, and that she has a distaste for Halloween, but can't explain
why. Pandora likes ice mice and giggles every time someone hiccups,
because she thinks the sound is funny. Pandora is wind. That's all Lily can
think. She can be a gentle breeze, or a fucking hurricane.

It's a marvel, knowing her. One of those experiences that Lily realizes in
some deep, unfathomable way that she's very lucky to have. Like when you
meet someone and you know, instantly, that there's something
immeasurably special about them.

It's not a one-sided thing, Lily doesn't think. Pandora seems to appreciate
knowing her, too. She listens eagerly, earnestly, when Lily talks about
basically anything. She asks questions about the muggle world when Lily
brings it up, or gets visibly happy when she already knows what they're
talking about, because of her father. She bickers with Lily over opinions on
proper technique when making potions, but usually in a lighthearted way,
which Lily knows not to take for granted, seeing as that's generally a
sensitive topic for her.

Pandora knows plenty about her now, too. Knows plenty about Lily's other
friends, and all the random stories she's told her about them, funny little
anecdotes that happened throughout the day that she could share to make
Pandora laugh, almost like she was there, too. She knows Lily's dad works
in a restaurant, and her mum works as a saleswoman, mostly over the
phone. She knows Lily has spent numerous summers at a usually-vacant
neighborhood playground where she likes to swing, or sit out under a tree
while she reads.

She knows Lily's favorite color—peach—and that she keeps various

journals full of notes, quotes, or anything she deems of importance. She
knows Lily likes lists, and hates shoes that pinch her toes, and gets a sense
of delight from organizing her bag, or food on her plate, or basically
anything at all. She knows Lily was slightly traumatized in her first year
when her very first class was with Professor McGonagall, who she was not
at all prepared to turn into a grown woman when she was, at first, nothing
more than a cat sitting on a desk; it's hilarious to Pandora that Lily finds
animagi unsettling because of that one experience, which is probably the
only reason Lily hasn't taken on the challenge of being one, just to see if she
could.

She knows a lot of things, really—Pandora, that is. Things people learn
when they spend three to four hours a day with each other. Those seemingly
meaningless things that you don't really expect anyone to remember,
usually mentioned offhand and in passing, but Pandora remembers it all, as
if she has a running list of information in her head about all the people she
interacts with enough to know anything about.

It's a bit strangely wonderful, honestly, because Pandora doesn't give a toss
about memorizing what ingredients go in what potion, even the simplest of
them, but she'll casually reference a little fact about Lily that was said to her
only once, when she wasn't even really paying attention. Or Lily thought
she wasn't, but it's like she just absorbs certain information while
completely missing, or forgetting, or simply not caring enough to keep any
of the rest.

It's just—fun, getting to be with Pandora. As the night wears on, Pandora
keeps drinking, her face getting a little flushed, her giggles coming a little
easier. Not quite sloshed yet, but getting there, possibly. It makes Lily feel
fond.

Once the drinks seem to loosen Pandora up a bit, Lily asks her again if she'd
like to dance, and this time she says yes, so they go do just that. Sirius,
Mary, Emmeline, and Peter are who they go join up with, and they're
welcomed with laughter and loud encouragement to dance along with them.
Lily loves to dance, though she's not as good as Mary or Sirius, but that's
not really the whole point to it.

What it's really about is having fun, feeling the beat of the music, the
closeness of bodies. Heat and sweat and flushed faces. All separate cogs of
a machine flowing together, blood and life from the songs in their bones.
They move in tandem, a writhing mass taking the form of one creature,
synced and seamless pleasure building in proximity and the breathless rush
of coming together, joining together, for one thing that doesn't seem like it
means anything until you're in it, and then you're in it, and it means
everything.

It's easy—so effortlessly easy—to get caught up in it. To lose herself to it.
To fall prey to it. Lily finds it particularly easy with Pandora close by.
Pandora, who moves to the music like she's made of it. Pandora, who seems
to find security in the anonymity of dancing in a crowd that doesn't notice
her. Pandora, who raises her arms above her head and moves her hands
fluidly, like she's bewitching anyone who dares to look, her fingers curling
through the air in a mesmerizing pattern that reflects the roll and sway of
her body.

Her eyes are closed.

Lily's are not.

Truly, it's an enchanting thing to witness, and Lily is happy to do just that
and nothing else, so she's genuinely a bit startled when she finds herself
moving closer. She doesn't mean to, really, but she doesn't mind either. Her
hands slide over Pandora's hips, brushing up her rocking sides and feeling
the soft tassels of Pandora's shirt tickle her fingers. Pandora opens her eyes,
sees that it's Lily, and smiles.

Lily smiles back automatically, pleased, and then she tugs Pandora closer so
they go from dancing to dancing together. There's no reason not to, and
Pandora doesn't seem to mind either, because she drops her hands down
over Lily's head, bracing her arms on her shoulders, and lets their bodies
roll and ripple to the music as one, close, natural.

They dance like that for quite some time, and then the mood changes when
a much lighter, much sillier song comes on that has the entire crowd
shifting to it. Lily and Pandora separate with their hands catching in the
middle, laughter spilling out between them as people all around scream the
lyrics to the song and twirl around each other, some sure-footed and others
stumbling. Lily swivels Pandora in, hearing her giggle, then twirls her right
back out and listens to it fade.

Sirius is there, the one Pandora crashes into when their hands yank apart as
the crowd presses in around them. He steadies her easily, going with the
motion and catching her gently around the waist. She grins at him, and he
grins back, and they knock their hips together in some sort of wordless
agreement to simply dance. And they do. They all do.

Lily dances until she's ready to fucking drop, until her feet are aching and
she's so hot that her hair is sticking to the back of her neck. She dances with
Mary, Emmeline, Sirius, Peter, James, some other bloke she can't remember
the name of and another girl from her House, just in the year below. She
dances and dances until she has to get away just to catch her breath.

She goes to get another drink, fanning herself and gathering her hair to lift it
up loosely so cool air will hit her neck. It takes a bit for her racing heart to
calm down, for her to cool down overall, and then she drops her hair and
turns to see Pandora moving right for her, bright-eyed and pink-cheeked.

"I like Sirius!" Pandora announces as soon as she stops in front of Lily. "I
get why Regulus loves him."

"I—" Lily blinks, then chokes out a laugh. "Well, the fact that they're
siblings does have a little to do with that, Pandora."

"Does it?" Pandora asks. "Yes, well, I suppose it would." She pauses. "Do
you have siblings? You've never said."

Lily hesitates for a moment. She has talked about her parents to Pandora
here and there, lightly, but she hasn't mentioned Petunia. She doesn't talk
about Petunia to anyone, really, if she can help it, but… "Ah, yeah. I'm—I
have an older sister named Petunia. She's—it's—we're a bit complicated.
She's not here, never got a letter, so we're not…as close as we used to be."

"What's that like?" Pandora asks curiously.

"What, having a muggle sister?" Lily snaps defensively, unable to help it,
always a complex tangle of feelings about Petunia and their forever-
deteriorating relationship. There's a reason she doesn't talk about her sister.
It makes her mean.

"No. Having a sister," Pandora clarifies, not seeming offended by Lily's

sharp tone in the least.

"Oh." Lily relaxes, immediately sheepish. "Right, no, I—it's... She's three
years older than me, so twenty now, and we—well, like I said, it's a bit
complicated."

"Do you wish you didn't have a sister at all?" Pandora murmurs, her lips
tipping down sadly.

"No," Lily answers immediately, and there's a part of her—a horrible, cruel
part of her—that doubts the conviction in which she just said that; a part of
her that remembers every harsh word spat at her, every vile accusation that
landed with the force of a slap, every single bit of resentment and envy that
lended itself to the erosion of one of the things she misses the most,
something that wriggled underneath her skin and still lives there to this day,
squirming, always squirming.

Deep down, though, Lily knows it's true. Despite everything, despite all the
pain and anger, she could never truly wish that Petunia wasn't her sister,
even with all the loss that comes with it. Not having Petunia at all would be
a greater loss.
"Well, at least that's not complicated," Pandora offers hopefully, like she's
trying to cheer her up.

"The thing is," Lily rasps, "I know she'd answer differently."

Pandora's expression falls flat, her lips pressing into a thin line, and then she
inhales sharply and moves forward with a near-frantic burst of motion to
reach out and clamp down on Lily's arm, staring at her with big, bright eyes.
"Then she's a damn fool, if that's true. I don't believe it is, though. I don't
believe anyone lucky enough to have you in their life would ever dare to
wish you weren't. You're something that doesn't come around in every
lifetime. You're a rarity, Lily Evans."

A lump forms in Lily's throat so swiftly that she feels a bit strangled by it,
her heart giving a harsh kick in her chest, something odd happening in the
pit of her stomach like she was just pushed into a freefall. She swallows,
then coughs a bit too loud, struck with the ridiculous urge to start laughing
in a breathless way, like something thrilling has just happened.

She never gets the chance, because James hops up on one of the tables, cups
his hands around his mouth, and bellows, "A portrait has just informed me
that Minnie is on her way! Books and bail, people, get a move on!"

"Fuck," Lily blurts out, eyes bulging.

"Books and bail?" Pandora asks, glancing around in surprise as she watches
chaos immediately unleash all around the common room as everyone
instantly starts working to erase all signs of a party. There's nothing like the
solidarity between an entire group of students doing their absolute best to
avoid trouble from their Head of House.

"Books and bail. It means replacing all party favors with books and notes
and such, and for those who aren't in our House, it's time to bail. That
means you. Come on!" Lily bursts out, grabbing Pandora's wrist and
promptly dragging her right for the portrait in a mad scramble for freedom.

They come stumbling out right behind Mary and Emmeline, while Marlene
and Dorcas follow quickly. For a breathless second, there's just three
Gryffindors all staring at each other with their non-Gryffindors right next to
them, and then Mary breaks out into an exhilarated grin and gives a salute.

"Best of luck, ladies," Mary declares, then takes off with Emmeline hot on
her heels, the both of them cackling the whole way in the direction of
Hufflepuff.

Marlene snorts and starts dragging Dorcas along towards the dungeons, the
both of them whispering and laughing the whole way. Lily glances at
Pandora, who is staring at her with a tiny smile, and it makes a laugh build
up in between her shoulders. She lets it out and keeps a firm grip on
Pandora before pulling her into a run towards Ravenclaw, reckless and
young and alive with Pandora giggling behind her as they go.

Chapter End Notes

lily, upon meeting pandora: how have you survived this long?

fun things of note! lily thinking regulus is pandora's bf! myrtle, my

beloved. she's rather funny in this, honestly. i had a lot of fun writing
her. lily already being heart eyes about pandora lmaooo. just all of
them (except for regulus, who refused to go to the party) being young
and lively and having fun! they deserve to have fun and have moments
like this <3

hope you enjoyed!

 Chapter 2
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Pandora throws her hands up in pure glee when the cauldron spits and
hisses, turning from a deep shade of green to a bright yellow. She whirls
around to find Lily grinning at her.

"Brilliant," Lily says. "Absolutely brilliant."

"It looks even better than it did last time!" Pandora bursts out, whipping
around again. "Myrtle, tell her! You saw it before!"

"Looks the same to me," Myrtle says, translucent head tilted as she squints
down at the potion.

"No, it's definitely shinier this time!" Pandora insists, nearly vibrating in her
excitement, and since Myrtle is not currently matching her energy, she
swivels back to Lily. She can trust Lily to look at her warmly, with that
spoken and unspoken praise living in her eyes. Oh, Pandora likes it. She
likes it a lot. She balls her hands into fists, clamping down on her bottom
lip. "It's taking everything in me not to flap right now."

"Flap?" Lily asks, blinking.

Pandora shifts restlessly, almost wriggling, genuinely struggling to muffle
the response her body wants to give automatically to the sensation of
happiness. "I—yeah, when I'm…really happy, I have to stop myself from
sort of, um, flapping my hands?"

"Why do you have to stop yourself?" Lily murmurs, frowning.

"It's—strange?" Pandora replies, not entirely sure. It doesn't feel strange to

her, but she's only ever gotten strange looks when she's slipped up and done
it, except for Regulus, who is very used to her flapping, among other things.
He's one of the only people who never seemed to find it strange at all.

"I don't think that's strange," Lily tells her. "You're happy. If you want to
flap your hands, then flap your hands. Why shouldn't you? Go on, then.
Flap away."

Pandora holds her breath, the impulse only growing stronger with each
passing second, and then she can't help it once she's gotten the reassurance
that she won't receive a rude reception to it. Really, Pandora doesn't think
it's strange either. All she does is just flap her hands from side-to-side and
sort of bounce in place, like a physical manifestation of all the joy flooding
through her. It just—it needs somewhere to go, doesn't it? She can't just
leave it there.

Lily doesn't look at her strangely for it. Lily smiles, like she finds it
endearing. Pandora instantly feels better the moment she drops her hand,
less like she's about to burst, even in a good way. She exhales and once
again looks at her potion, beaming. Myrtle is still squinting at it skeptically.
"Well, now we can't touch it for a while," Pandora declares, focusing on
Lily again. "We have to leave it to sit, but I mean, I'll still have to stop by
and refresh the stasis charm. You don't have to—you can—just, if you'd like
—"

"Same time, same place," Lily cuts in. "Really, I'd like to see how it
changes over time, too. It's fascinating."

"Isn't it?" Pandora asks brightly.

"I wish it would explode again," Myrtle says sadly.

"Myrtle, no," Lily chides gently.

With a pout, Myrtle floats over to them. "But wouldn't it be nice if you were
both dead with me? We'd have so much fun. I could show you how to go
through the pipes and haunt the prefect's bathroom. Lots of cute boys use
the bath there."

"Myrtle," Lily says sharply, "are you spying on people?! That's not alright.
That's absolutely vile. No, don't—oh, don't you dare start crying. You know
that's wrong!"
"Well, it's different for you, isn't it?!" Myrtle shrieks. "You're alive, and I'm
dead. I bet you even have a boyfriend!"

"I don't, actually," Lily snaps. "And, just to be clear, being dead is not an
excuse to spy on people, especially when they're naked. That's a terrible
invasion of privacy and a complete lack of respect for boundaries, Myrtle."

"Yes, but cute boys," Myrtle whines. "I never even got to have a boyfriend,
you know. I fancied Charles Elroy, but he never even noticed me. I wonder
if he's dead now…"

"Just promise me you won't do it again," Lily insists.

Sighing, Myrtle nods. "Fine. Fine, but that means that you two have to talk
to me about cute boys! Like friends do. Go on."

Silence.

"Well?" Myrtle huffs. "Who's the cutest boy you know?"

"Er…" Lily coughs and reaches up to scratch her eyebrow, throwing

Pandora an aggrieved look. "Well, um, there's—I mean, loads of girls think
Sirius Black is fit. Or Remus Lupin. Or both. It's usually both."
"Oh, yes, Remus," Myrtle says with a giggle. "Loopy Lupin! I've seen him
in the bathroom. He has a really big—"

"Christ, Myrtle," Lily mutters with a grimace. "Please stop. He's one of my
best friends. Can you just—not?"

Myrtle rolls her eyes and looks at Pandora. "Okay, you."

"I mean, surely Sirius and Remus count for me, too, right?" Pandora asks
weakly.

"But they're not your friends."

"The only real friend I have that's a boy is Regulus, and he's… Well, he's—I
don't know? What even is cute, really?"

"Oh, you two are useless!" Myrtle bursts out, tossing her hands up. Lily
stifles a laugh. "All you care about is potions and being alive. Do you even
fancy boys at all?"

More silence.
Pandora clears her throat. "You know, there's more to life than boys,
Myrtle."

"Poor choice of words," Myrtle retorts with narrowed eyes. She shakes her
head and whips around so quickly that her ghostly form is a blur for a
second. A beat later, she's flying off into her favorite toilet, water splashing
on the floor.

"Well," Lily says lightly, "that could've gone worse."

"Really? How?" Pandora asks incredulously.

Lily cracks a weak smile. "At least she agreed to stop peeping at people in
the bath."

"There is that," Pandora allows, and they stare at each other for a beat
before they burst out laughing at the sheer amount of ridiculousness that
just transpired.

"Come on, we should be going," Lily says, once they've both calmed. She
goes to gather her bag while Pandora puts the potion under stasis. "I'll walk
you back."

"Alright," Pandora agrees happily, though this is something of a routine at

this point. Lily started walking her back to her common room after the party
a few days ago, and now she just does it all the time. Pandora is immensely
pleased about it.

"It'll be strange not actually seeing you work on the potion, I think," Lily
muses as they walk together down the corridor.

Pandora hums. "I know, but it'll only be a month, and then there will be
another full month of monitoring. It's—I mean, it went so well last time
until right there at the end, excusing a few minor hiccups. I still don't know
what went wrong."

"I can only imagine how frustrating that is. Putting in all that work and then
having to start over. Most people, I'm sure, would just give up," Lily
murmurs, glancing over at her with a small smile. "I think your tenacity is
lovely."

"Yeah?" Pandora grips the strap of her bag and feels those words bounce
around in her brain in such a way that tells her she will never, ever forget
them. Lily finds something about her lovely. Not very many people do, but
that's not even the part that matters anymore. It's just that it's Lily.

"Yeah, I do." Lily bumps their elbows together as they take a corner. "But
it's good timing. The potion, I mean. There's a Hogsmeade trip coming up,
and it's on your birthday, too. Surely you're going, right?"

"I don't always," Pandora admits. "Usually just pop in to get something
from Honeydukes, then head back. Occasionally, I'll go do something with
Regulus. Since it's my birthday, he was planning to take me to get a
butterbeer, at least."

Lily nods easily. "Well, alright, I'll let him cover the drink, and I'll just get
you what you want from Honeydukes."

"Oh, it's fine. I can—"

"It's your birthday, Pandora, just let me do it."

"Really, Lily, don't go through the trouble. I'm sure you'll be busy with your
friends, and I genuinely don't mind—"

"Pandora."

Clamping down on her bottom lip, Pandora stares at Lily, who is clearly not
budging on this. It's nice of her, but she's always kind, so Pandora doesn't
know what she was expecting. She relents with a sheepish smile. "Yeah,
alright."

"Thank you," Lily says smugly. They're quiet until they reach the entrance
for the Ravenclaw common room, both of them slowing to a halt. "Well,
here you are."
"Here I am," Pandora agrees nonsensically, then feels a bit odd as they
stand there and stare at each other. It just feels like something is missing,
except Pandora isn't sure what it is.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Lily offers, but no, that's not quite it either. There's
something…

No different than the impulse to flap her hands when she's happy, Pandora
is slowly and all at once overcome with the urge to step forward and hug
Lily, a desire so strong that she's doing it before she can think about why it's
probably weird to just hug someone without prompt or permission. It just
comes to her, the simple want to share this building affection for Lily
glowing in the center of her chest, warm and steady.

Thankfully, Lily doesn't seem to find it weird. She doesn't seem to have an
issue with it at all. Her arms come up around Pandora after a beat of what's
likely just her being startled, and she hugs Pandora back.

Lily is warm, her hair tickling Pandora's cheek, smelling of strawberries and
sweet mint. She wraps her arms all the way around Pandora and embraces
her exactly the way Pandora likes best, tight and firm, almost squeezing.
Sometimes, Pandora likes to be wrapped up tight in a blanket, and this feels
just as comforting as that. She has had many dreams of being squished in a
tube of toothpaste, and while most would see this as a nightmare, she labels
it a good dream. A safe one. It makes her feel safe, and Lily's arms around
her do, too.
"What was that for?" Lily asks quietly when Pandora finally forces herself
to pull away. She speaks like the hug was a gift to her, like she did
something to earn it, as if it was a reward.

"I just wanted to," Pandora admits, and Lily smiles in response, her gaze as
warm as her embrace.

In the end, when Pandora makes it into her common room, she has to stop
and flap her hands in sheer delight, and she doesn't care about one strange
look that it earns her.

"James Potter, you absolute marvel of a man," Lily declares breathlessly,

beaming down at the letter in her hands before looking up to see James
grinning at her.

"Well, I didn't actually do very much, but cheers," James replies happily,
taking the letter when she slides it over.

"You made it possible," Lily counters, reaching out to cover his arm and
squeeze it gently. "Thank you, James, really. You have no idea what this
will mean to her. You—"

James blinks, looking mildly alarmed. "Lily?"

"Sorry," Lily chokes out, her voice cracking again, and she doesn't even
know why. "Christ, sorry, I'm—fucking hell, I'm oddly emotional about
this, aren't I? Just—it's just that it's going to make her really happy, you
don't even know, and I—I just feel—it just feels very important to me, you
know?"

"That she's happy?" James asks.

Lily exhales all at once, breathing out, "Yeah. That."

"Oh." James regards her for a long moment, and then his face softens.
"Well, that's alright, then."

"I owe you one, genuinely," Lily tells him, gathering her bag and pushing to
her feet. "Next time you need someone to cover for you when you're out
and about doing something nefarious, come to me. I've got you, no
questions asked."

"I will be taking you up on that!" James calls after her as she starts out of
the room, his voice a warning.

"You've earned it!" Lily calls back, listening to his laughter fade as she slips
out of the portrait.
Lily bumps directly into Sirius, who reaches out to steady her with a
chuckle. "Where are you off to in such a rush?"

"Sorry, meeting the girls in the library," Lily rattles off, then keeps right on
going as Sirius calls for her not to trip down the stairs in her haste, because
he will laugh. Lily flips him off, but she does hold the rail on her way
down.

Mary and Marlene are already waiting for her when she comes sweeping
into the library at the table they always sit at, if it's not already occupied
beforehand. They have books and ink pots and various pieces of parchment
all over the place, their heads bent together as they mutter over one book.
They both look up when Lily slips into her seat.

"You look pleased," Marlene notes. "Did Remus stick a bald cap to Sirius'
head again?"

"Sadly, no, and I doubt he ever will. Sirius cried," Lily says wistfully,
because that is one of her fonder memories. Ah, third year. Simpler times,
really.

"So, what has you smiling like that?" Mary asks.

Lily leans forward on her elbows, absolutely alight with pure excitement.
"You remember me telling you that I was going to ask James for help with
Pandora's birthday present?"
"Oh, did that go well?"

"Yes. She's going to be fucking ecstatic."

"Oh. Lovely," Mary says, eyebrows raised.

Marlene hums. "Alright, can I just ask? What's your deal with her anyway?
Pandora, I mean."

"What do you mean?" Lily asks, blinking.

Mary and Marlene share a quick look, and then Mary coughs before saying,
carefully, "Well, we can't help but notice that you spend quite a bit of time
with her, is all."

"Yeah, I told you, she's working on this potion," Lily explains, yet again.
"Absolutely brilliant, she is. Magnificent, really. I mean, her mind—"

"And that," Marlene cuts in dryly, leaning back in her chair and crossing her
arms. "You talk about her a lot. Like, basically all the time, really. It's
Pandora this, and Pandora that, and Pandora is just brilliant, Pandora,
Pandora, Pandora."
"I know more about Pandora than I know about my own mum, at this
point," Mary agrees, and Marlene snorts.

Lily opens her mouth, closes it, then huffs. "So? Pandora—"

"Here we go."

"Oh, piss off, McKinnon. I was just going to say that Pandora knows loads
about you two as well. Dorcas and Emmeline, too. I just—talk about
people. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing!" Mary says quickly, raising her hands in surrender while Marlene
snorts again. Mary elbows her. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with that,
Lily, we all do it. But we just noticed that, when it comes to Pandora, it's…
frequent."

"Constant," Marlene corrects bluntly. "It's constant."

"What? No," Lily says, frowning.

Mary scrunches her face and replies, gently, "Lily…"

"What? Oh, honestly, it's no different than you jabbering on for hours about
how Emmeline tugs on her earlobes when she's distracted, Mary. Or you,
Marlene, when you spent three days straight talking about the crooked tooth
of Dorcas' that you like so much."

Marlene and Mary share another long look, something passing between
them that Lily doesn't appreciate, simply because she doesn't know what it
is. After a beat, Mary looks at her and opens her mouth, then closes it.
Marlene bears her teeth in a grimace and raises her hand to scratch the side
of her neck.

The silence stretches on.

"What?" Lily demands, flicking her gaze between them.

"You, ah—you don't see how that's…maybe a little different than just
talking about me and Marlene?" Mary asks weakly.

"No," Lily replies slowly, eyebrows furrowed.

Marlene purses her lips. "Not even a little bit?"

When Lily shakes her head, Mary clicks her tongue and mutters, "Well, all
in due time, I suppose. I mean, we—we could be wrong." Marlene snorts
again, and Mary glances at her in exasperation. "Oh, stop it. We could be."
"Wrong about what?" Lily insists.

"No, this is for us to know, you to figure out, and then come to us when it
inevitably sends you in a tizzy," Marlene tells her, lips twitching. "You're
smart. We believe in you."

Lily scowls. "I hate when you two keep secrets from me."

Mary reaches out to pat her hand, giving her a gentle smile, gaze warm.
"You'll know soon enough."

Pandora doesn't often go to Hogsmeade, because she doesn't really like

going alone, and it's very hard to get Regulus to come out with her. He will,
occasionally, but he's not really a fan of it; all the crowds, the excessive
noise, the way his brother makes a constant point to seek him out and try to
coax him into socializing with his group of friends.

Like now.

"As I live and breathe, Reggie, I never thought you'd slither out of your
dungeon!" Sirius teases cheerfully as he drops his arm around Regulus'
shoulders and lightly ruffles his hair.
Regulus wrinkles his nose and leans away, muttering, "Piss off, Sirius. It's
Pandora's birthday."

"Ah, happy birthday," Sirius choruses at the same time that James does,
plopping down in the seat next to her with a grin.

"Thank you," Pandora replies.

"I'll go get another round to celebrate," Sirius announces decisively, patting

Regulus' shoulder before leaving, crooning to Rosmerta about needing
some more butterbeers.

"Seventeen, right?" James asks her. "The big one."

Pandora shrugs. "Doesn't feel much different than sixteen, if I'm honest.
Hey, have you seen Lily?"

"Oh, yeah, she's around," James replies. "She had to stop by to get…some
special post. She'll breeze in at some point." Since this pleases her, Pandora
just nods and picks up her glass to drink. James smiles at Regulus. "Hey,
Regulus."

"James," Regulus says, offering him a nod.

"Alright, alright," Sirius calls, stooping down to drop off four new drinks
for everyone. "Here we are. For you, Pandora, the birthday girl. Regulus,
James."

Sirius sinks down into the seat next to Regulus and instantly launches into
questions to Pandora about her day so far, what presents she has gotten,
what plans she has. James suggests throwing her a party, swears they can do
it in just a couple of hours, but Pandora insists that they don't go through the
trouble, finally just saying that she wouldn't be able to come anyway, since
she has other things she has to do.

This is true, technically. She'll need to go refresh the stasis charm on her
potion anyway, and she doesn't really want a party for her if her own best
friend won't be there. Regulus would probably come, just for her birthday,
but she knows he'd hate every second of it. They're planning to meet up
later and share snacks at their favorite spot in the clock tower as it is, and
really, Pandora would much prefer to do that.

It's not too long before Sirius' wand on the table starts vibrating and
emitting a low ringing sound. He grabs it, flicks it, and pushes to his feet.
"Ah, I have to meet up with Moony and buy him things. I lost a bet. Prongs,
finish my drink, yeah? Regulus, I'll see you later."

"You…won't, actually," Regulus grumbles, but it's too late, because Sirius
has already darted off.

"Why not?" James asks, reaching across the table to scoop up Sirius' drink.
"I'm leaving once Pandora is off with Lily," Regulus says.

James frowns. "Oh, you shouldn't. Sirius will probably want to see you
again, knowing him. I'll wait with you, it's fine."

"That's not—"

"Hi, Pandora," Lily greets, abruptly popping up right next to the table, her
eyes sparkling.

Pandora perks up immediately. "Hello, Lily."

"Ready to go?" Lily asks.

"Yes," Pandora answers without hesitation, sliding right out of her seat and
offering a lazy, distracted wave of goodbye to James and Regulus as she
goes.

"Have fun!" James calls after them, his voice cheerful. "We'll be here if you
need us!"
"Merlin, kill me," Regulus grumbles, and it's the last thing Pandora hears
before she and Lily are out of range.

"Poor James," Lily chokes out in amusement as she holds open the door for
Pandora.

"Poor Regulus," Pandora counters with a giggle-snort that makes Lily grin
at her.

Lily waves her hand carelessly. "Ah, they'll be fine. Who cares about them?
Honeydukes?"

"You really don't have to, Lily."

"Honeydukes it is."

Pandora stifles the giddy laugh building in her throat as Lily threads her
arm through hers and starts tugging her in the direction of Honeydukes. Lily
is clearly in a very good mood, her tone light and her eyes bright. She looks
happy.

It's nice leaning on Lily all the way to Honeydukes, and it's especially nice
that Lily doesn't pull away when they get inside. Well, she does when she
has no other choice due to the crowds, but she always keeps a hand on her
regardless, either on her elbow, or her hip, or the small of her back to guide
her along when people are moving past them.

Being in Honeydukes with Lily is infinitely more fun than going in alone.
For one thing, it's Lily, and Pandora always likes being with Lily. For
another, they spend a great deal of time in between picking sweets just
laughing and bickering interchangeably about the effects certain sweets
could have on a potion. Pandora wants to get ice mice to put in a cauldron,
just to see what happens, but Lily talks her out of it for the sake of her
safety. Pandora relents.

They bump into some of Lily's friends, like Sirius and Remus. Without
prompting, Remus tells her happy birthday, and Pandora can't explain the
rush of delight it gives her to think that Lily might have told him. Sure,
Sirius could have as well, but Pandora much prefers the thought that Lily
talks about her to her friends. It warms her all the way through.

She also gets to meet Mary, Marlene, Emmeline, and Dorcas when they
come through. They're nice, Pandora likes them, and they also know it's her
birthday and wish her a happy one, which only adds to the theory that Lily
talks about her. She wants to know bad enough that she tries to find an
opening.

"I've heard plenty about all of you," Pandora offers, holding a licorice
wand. "Lily talks about you a lot."

"Is that so?" Mary asks, lips curling up.

"Define a lot," Marlene says dryly. "Because, honestly, she never shuts up
about you."

"Alright, thank you, we're going now," Lily cuts in, quickly ushering
Pandora along while the other girls laugh warmly and call out for them to
have a good day.

Pandora nearly squashes her licorice wand in her effort not to flap her
hands. "You never shut up about me?"

"I—well, maybe I talk about your potion a lot." Lily gives her a sheepish
smile. "Not—of course I don't give all the details or anything, just…you
know what I mean."

"Not really," Pandora admits, "but I like it."

"Well, good enough for me, then," Lily declares with a shrug and points at a
shelf. "Fizzing whizzbees?"

"Can we get some for Regulus? They're his favorite."

"Whatever you want."

It's easy to waste time in Honeydukes, and they do. They get caught up in
theorizing about the different ways potions apply to sweets, as well as just
various different forms of magic. They get a couple different things to
snack on around the shop, but take most of it out with them when they go at
least two hours later. Pandora's pretty sure it's the best time she's ever had in
Honeydukes, and she almost wants to ask if Lily will come with her again
next time, but the words are hard to get out in a way she isn't used to at all.

Pandora lives simply, she thinks. She's not someone to unnecessarily

complicate life, if she can help it. When she wants to know something, she
asks. When she wants to say something, she speaks. When she wants to do
something, she does. Well, most of the time, unless she's not entirely sure if
it's socially acceptable or not, and then she holds back.

The thing is, Pandora knows for a fact that it would be more than socially
acceptable to invite Lily to come back with her to Honeydukes, so there's
absolutely no reason for her not to. It shouldn't be difficult. It frustrates her
that it is.

Overwhelming frustration or anger doesn't make her flap her hands like joy
and excitement will. No, it makes her feel like she needs to crawl out of her
skin immediately. It makes her want to press her nails into her palms and
bite her lip too hard, and most of the time, it'll turn into a meltdown if left
unchecked, if she doesn't circumvent the rumble. She hates it.

"Alright?" Lily asks as they walk away from Honeydukes.

Pandora just gives a jerky nod, her feelings building in her with nowhere to
go, the sensations growing and growing until she feels like she's going to
rip apart. It makes her want to run away from her own body, just sit it down
somewhere and come back to it when it doesn't feel like this anymore.

"Pandora?" Lily murmurs, reaching out to gently touch her arm, her
eyebrows furrowed.

"Can we—again?" Pandora grits out, because it's either speak, or die. She
can't leave her body. It's hers. Sometimes, some days, she wishes she was
just the wind.

"What?" Lily blinks at her. "You want to go back? Did we forget

something? Yeah, we can—"

"No, not—I don't mean now. Just…again," Pandora mumbles, absolutely

mortified to feel tears pricking at her eyes. She turns her face away quickly,
so Lily won't see.

Lily, none the wiser, just blurts out, "Oh! You mean—oh, next time? Next
Hogsmeade weekend? Yeah, absolutely. Of course we can, Pandora, I'd love
to."

And, just like that, the feeling drops right out of her like a candle being
snuffed out. It's instant, an immediate pivot from nearly crying to coming
dangerously close to flapping her hands. She blinks rapidly to dispel the
tears in her eyes, settling down again, and she turns a bright smile on Lily,
unable to stop herself from bouncing in place.

"Yes, okay, let's do that," Pandora says, beaming at her. She wants to hug
Lily again. She almost does.

"It'll be fun," Lily agrees, lips curling up. "Right, before we have to go
back, there's one last thing…"

Pandora blinks. "What?"

"I sort of—got you another present," Lily tells her, visibly struggling not to
grin as she reaches into the bag by her hip to draw something out. "Here
you are."

"Oh, hey, I love this magazine!" Pandora blurts out in delight, unable to
stop herself from darting her hands out to take it. She really does love
Potency in Potions. It's full of tips and tricks and information on certain
potions from world-renowned potioneers. This looks like the latest issue,
just recently released. "Thank you, Lily, I love it."

Lily coughs around a laugh and says, "Turn to page three and read the
article to me, would you?"
"Oh, sure," Pandora replies, doing just that, humming as she looks down
past the moving photo of an older, smiling man with round glasses and grey
threaded through his hair. "Hm, let's see. Fleamont Potter recently hit the
scene with a new variation to his line of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion that
promotes healthy, manageable growth to a broader hair type. His secret?
The newfound freedom in using the buttonpetals, now cleared for potion
use, which Fleamont Potter credits to a young, bright mind by the name of
P—"

Pandora chokes off, her whole body jolting before she freezes in place, just
staring at her name printed on the magazine. Her heart beats frantically,
almost painfully, in her chest as she looks at it. People—so many people
read this magazine. People in the potion-making community, especially.
Potion masters and apothecary owners and those who work in the ministry
for anything to do with potions, or their ingredients. People all over the
magical world read this magazine. Her parents read it.

They're all going to know it was her. They're all going to see her name there
and know she was the one who managed to put buttonpetals back on the
board for potion-making. It goes on to explain how Pandora made it
possible, and Fleamont is a potion master who praises her genius and thanks
her for making his next success possible in the first place.

"Happy birthday, Pandora," Lily says softly.

"You did this?" Pandora asks breathlessly, her head snapping up as she
stares at her.
"Well, I mean, I just asked James if I could write his dad and see if he was
using buttonpetals and explain that you're the one who made that possible,
so if he'd be willing, maybe he could credit you if he was using them," Lily
tells her with a small smile, shrugging like it's not that big of a deal that she
even bothered to do something like that at all.

Pandora chokes out a deep breath and drops everything all at once to fling
herself at Lily with barely any warning. Lily busts out laughing, happy and
delighted, but she drops what's in her hands to hug her back. Pandora
squeezes her so hard that it probably hurts, muffling something that might
be a groan or a sob or a squeal, or all three. She tucks her face into Lily's
hair and can't let go for a long time, feeling so much that she's overflowing,
and this is the only thing that helps.

"You're—you are—oh, Merlin, Lily," Pandora stutters out, her heart still
racing, and she's aching with how happy she is.

"You like it, then?" Lily asks, her voice quiet, soft, a little bubble of comfort
and security surrounding them the same way Lily's embrace surrounds her.

"I love it," Pandora exhales. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh, what a
rarity you are, Lily. Thank you."

Lily just hums, sounding pleased, and she lets Pandora hug her as long as
she needs to, hugging her back.

It's a while before they let go.

Lily isn't expecting it to be a letter from Petunia. She never gets letters from
Petunia, at least not since second year. The last time Petunia had sent her a
letter, she was still missing Lily when she was away. Petunia doesn't miss
her anymore; she got used to Lily's absence. A lot of people do.

It's like—well, it's not that Lily isn't important to people. She knows she has
friends that love her, for one thing, and she isn't in short supply of people to
talk to. But, sometimes, Lily wonders if all of that is unconditional, if it's
not the least bit fabricated in the image of who she's become to keep it. The
smart one, the reliable one, the one with the answers; she's a rest station
along an arduous journey, one everyone is grateful for, but forgotten by the
time the destination is reached, only remembered for the help she was able
to give on the way.

There's no doubt that it's unfair to those around her, in some way, but she
has nursed the insidious thought that everything she is grateful to have
would be lost to her if she did not work to keep it. A constant effort
required to maintain the things she wishes desperately she could believe in
on blind faith.

Lily just can't shake the unconscious feeling, the thought, the fear that if she
were to ever burn out, everything would slip right out of her grip, like a
juggling act where one ball drops and everything else inevitably follows.
The worst part is, it never even feels like enough, no matter how well-
balanced she appears to those around her. It makes her want to grab them by
their shoulders, shake them, and say I can't do better than this, I'm trying as
hard as I can, and I am going to fuck up soon.
This is, perhaps, a byproduct of the constant internal pressure to earn her
place in the magical world, her ruthless need to be someone who
accomplishes anything she puts her mind to, and the horrible past
experience of not trying hard enough and watching her sister slip right
through her grip—but she simply does not think about such things. No, Lily
Evans does not examine her issues or do personal reflection of any sort; she
has other things to worry about, like finishing assignments and maintaining
friendships and looking perfectly calm while doing it all, so that people
look at her and think she has it all together, so she can believe she does
herself.

In any case, due to the fact that Lily does not really examine the things that
she struggles with, she is not prepared for how it feels to open a letter to
find that it's from Petunia, written words that have no business hurting as
much as they do.

Lily,

Mum says I have to be the one to tell you this, since it's my decision
anyway. Vernon proposed, so we'll be getting married on Valentine's Day.
The wedding is being planned now, and you'll still be at that school, so you
won't be able to make it.

Petunia (soon-to-be) Dursley

It shouldn't hit as hard as it does. It really shouldn't. Lily doesn't even

fucking like Vernon; he's a vile, vapid man who can't see past his own ego
to realize that he's simply unkind for no reason. Sometimes, people think
that being mean is funny, when—in reality—it's just mean. She doesn't find
him funny at all, and she has never quite understood how Petunia could
giggle at some of the ridiculous things he has said.

Petunia. The same Petunia who braided her hair when she was eight and
told her that she had lovely locks of red anyone would be jealous of. The
same Petunia that used to sneak into her room and talk to her about her first
celebrity crush. The same Petunia who shrieked at Wilbur Parton for
making Lily cry on the playground. The same Petunia who wrote to the
Headmaster to see if she could come to Hogwarts, too, not just out of a
desire for magic, but also to be with Lily.

It's difficult, sometimes, for Lily to make sense of the Petunia that she
knew, that still exists in her head sometimes, versus the Petunia she turned
out to be. She's not—a bad person, exactly. She became quite mean herself,
but she also is funny at times. Lily has heard her cracking jokes with her
friends on the phone, things that had to make Lily stifle a laugh behind her
hand until her smile inevitably faded, because Petunia never tells her jokes
anymore. She hasn't in years.

What Lily struggles with the most, she thinks, is the complete disconnect
between the Petunia who wanted Lily in her life, and the Petunia that no
longer does.

It shouldn't hit so hard, because she knows this already, and yet it does. It
hits her like a curse breaking through a shield, because she's too weak to
hold it. There's just a harsh shatter, and Lily can feel the incoming crumble
like a bubbling cauldron about to explode. It's a fitting metaphor, because
Lily goes to the one place where she knows exactly what that looks like,
where she managed to protect against it in the past, but there's no protecting
against this, not now.

Lily ends up in the bathroom, way too early to meet Pandora, crying so hard
that it's absolutely pathetic. Crying so hard that Myrtle comes flying up out
the toilet to ask her rapid-fire questions that never receive answers, until she
finally gives up and just hovers over the floor next to Lily in a startlingly
comforting presence, simply telling her to let it out.

It's really rather nice of her, honestly.

There's no need for it to hurt this much. Lily should have anticipated
something like that, really. Of course Petunia doesn't want Lily at her
wedding; she wants absolutely nothing to do with magic in any capacity,
and Lily is magic. The only time Lily ever hates that about herself is when
she's staring directly into Petunia's eyes and seeing the reflection of that
hatred in her first, an explanation for everything that ever went wrong
between them. It wasn't Lily's fault. She can't help that she was born this
way, no more than Petunia can help that she wasn't. Lily has never once
hated her for that.

It's not fair, though. It's not—it just doesn't feel fair. It's Petunia's wedding.
She's getting married. She's Lily's sister, so doesn't Lily have a right to
witness it? Even if she is marrying a complete arse, Lily should—she
should get to be there. Petunia should want her there.

If it was Lily, she'd want Petunia at her wedding. It feels like some sort of
cruel irony to realize that, after all this time, she's the one who is still trying,
while Petunia stopped long ago.

Of course their mum made Petunia tell her. Chances are, their parents didn't
agree with Petunia's decision, possibly even asked her to postpone her own
wedding just so Lily could be there, or at least wait to find out if Lily could
get permission to take a trip away for the wedding, which no doubt
infuriated Petunia even more. Just another way to accommodate Lily, who
is—in her mind—always the one getting all the praise, always the one their
parents are proud of, even if it's not true.

Their parents are fascinated with magic and very proud of Lily, yes, but
they've never… Well, they've never meant to neglect Petunia in any
capacity. There were a few times, sure, that they were so caught up in the
excitement of learning new things about a world that they didn't even know
existed that they, perhaps, were less enthusiastic about a world they were
already a part of. It's not—that had nothing to do with Petunia at all. They
were so proud of her when she got her first sport's trophy, when she got
awards in school, when she went on her first date—they took pictures of her
for that, for fuck's sake.

Lily doesn't think Petunia sees it that way, though. She thinks Petunia feels
always one step behind, unable to get ahead, or gather attention when—in
her mind—it's all on Lily. It made her bitter over the years, sharper and
meaner, more intent on tearing Lily down just from the belief that everyone
else was always lifting Lily up.

If only Petunia knew how much pressure there is in this, in being caught
between two worlds, trying desperately to earn her place in both and
simultaneously feeling on the outside of either. Can't Petunia see that she's
trying? Can't she see that all Lily does is fucking try?
"Lily?"

Sniffling, Lily's head snaps up to find Pandora standing a few feet away, a
wrinkle of confusion between her eyebrows. She's intently scanning Lily's
face like it's a puzzle, like she's trying to understand what it means, as if she
struggles to translate what Lily on the outside means for Lily within.

"Not good?" Pandora asks tentatively.

"No, not good," Lily chokes out.

The confirmation is apparently all Pandora needs for her to move forward
and sit down on the floor next to Lily, reaching out to cover her hand. Lily
sniffles again and dumps her head over on Pandora's shoulder. Her eyes
drift shut as Pandora tangles their fingers together and gently squeezes.

"I don't know what's wrong," Pandora admits quietly.

Lily likes the way Pandora says things. She just—states what she knows, or
feels, or thinks. It's a bit blunt, most of the time, but not in a malicious way.
She's just very honest, and Lily appreciates the transparency. She finds it
charming, but it's also extremely refreshing when everyone is always
pretending that they know what they're doing, Lily included. Most people
would be embarrassed, but Pandora never is. Sometimes, Lily wishes she
could be more like Pandora.
"Of course you don't know. I haven't told you," Lily rasps, swallowing
thickly. She can feel the burn of drying tears over the round hills of her
cheeks. Her eyelashes are clumped together. Sirius once told her she looked
absolutely dreadful when she cried, mostly in retaliation to her informing
him that he looked absolutely dreadful always. They were bickering at the
time, falling into that sibling urge they both understand as siblings
themselves, and it had worked out quite well for them since he's an older
sibling and she's a younger one. They're so ridiculously fond of each other
and would never admit it where the other could hear. It'd probably be easier
to explain this to him; she'd just have to say what happened, and he'd get it.

"Do you want to tell me?" Pandora asks.

"Not yet," Lily whispers.

Pandora hums. "Alright."

"Well, I want to know," Myrtle declares, making both of them jolt, having
forgotten she was there. "You come in here in a state of hysterics and won't
even give the juicy details! It's—"

"Myrtle," Pandora cuts in firmly, "she said not yet. Shut up."

To this, Myrtle looks baffled, likely because Pandora has never once spoken
harshly to her like this. It takes less than a second for Myrtle to get upset,
wailing that they just don't want to share secrets with her, and then she's
once again flying off into her toilet. Water splashes out onto the floor, and
Pandora flicks her wand to halt it before it reaches them.

Lily lets her eyes close again, sinking into Pandora's side, leaning on her.
She's warm. Her fingers are a bit thin and knobbly threaded through Lily's
thicker ones, and her skin isn't all soft to the touch; there's a rough,
fascinating texture to the pads of her fingers and her knuckles that Lily
thinks is due to working with potions tools—ladles, cauldrons, knives and
such—as well as how she fiddles with her wand so much.

It's nice. Grounding. Like a little map in her skin of all her daily habits and
past paths she took. Something to know, just by touch alone. A discovery to
make without having to look at all. Somehow, it's reassuring, and Lily
doesn't want to let her hand go. Pandora doesn't make her.

"My sister," Lily says eventually, "is getting married."

"Oh no, how dare she?" Pandora asks, clicking her tongue.

"She's getting married," Lily reiterates, "to an awful man."

"An absolute disgrace for her to marry someone she wants to, even when
you don't approve," Pandora declares, huffing. Make no mistake, Pandora is
not incapable of sarcasm; she is, and she won't hesitate to wield it like a
weapon.
"She's getting married to an awful man," Lili whispers, "and she doesn't
want me at her wedding."

To that, Pandora has no ready reply. It takes her a moment or five, and then,
finally, she murmurs, "She said that to you?"

Wordlessly, Lily reaches into her pocket and passes over the very short
letter with her free hand, leaning her head back against the wall and closing
her eyes. She doesn't want to see Pandora's reaction to reading it, the pity
and sympathy that makes her burn with humiliation. That's the worst part.
She's fucking humiliated to have a sister that hates her.

"Lily," Pandora says after a few minutes, "this doesn't say she doesn't want
you at her wedding."

"What?" Lily's eyes snap open as she stares at Pandora incredulously. "It
says—"

"All it says is that she's getting married on Valentine's Day, and you'll be
here, so you won't be able to come." Pandora passes the letter back to her.
"Nowhere in there does it say that she doesn't want you there."

Lily heaves a sigh. "Thing is, Pandora, you don't know how she is. She—
hates magic. Hates me."
"Has she said that to you?"

"People don't always have to say things to get their point across. She's
shown that to me, and to be fair, she has made her hate for magic, at the
very least, quite clear. But I'm magic, Pandora. That's—that's me, you
know? So, it's…"

Pandora purses her lips, clearly thinking, and then she just looks at Lily for
a bit. Finally, she says, "I don't think your sister sounds like a kind person."

"She's not," Lily mumbles.

"But you still want to go to her wedding."

"She's my sister."

"Right." Pandora thinks some more, then nods. "So, go. Go to the wedding,
Lily. Like I said, she didn't say she didn't want you there. Maybe she does,
even if she hates magic and isn't very kind, because you're her sister."

Lily swallows. "I don't think she feels that way, though. I don't think she
feels the way I do."
"Well, I don't know," Pandora admits, "but it seems to me like you don't
either. You could try to find out. I mean, Christmas break is coming up.
Why don't you ask?"

"I wasn't planning to go back over the break so I could stay here and focus
on studying for the N.E.W.Ts," Lily says with a sigh, grimacing. It's not an
uncommon thing for Seventh Years, and it's no different than she did in
Fifth Year for her O.W.Ls. Plenty of people are staying over the break, like
Marlene, Remus, and Peter. She could always change her mind, but for
what? To go home and most likely not even see Petunia, because she lives
with Vernon and doesn't visit home as much when Lily is there—and, when
she does, it's generally either ignorance between them, or fights and thrown
insults, which always winds up their mum, so what's the point?

"Alright, why don't you just do what you want to do?" Pandora tries,
squeezing her hand encouragingly.

"I don't know what I want to do," Lily confesses. "If I go, if I just show up,
she might be furious and make me leave, and I'll be—it'll hurt, if I'm honest.
But if I don't go, I think I'm always going to have this—this regret
surrounding it, that I didn't even try, but that's all I ever do. I'm always
bloody trying, you know. It's so exhausting sometimes, because I'm always
doing it at all times, and it's never enough. I failed with her. I failed to shape
myself into something she could love."

Pandora frowns. "You…don't have to shape yourself into anything to be

loved, Lily. Just be yourself."
"Myself," Lily mutters with a scoff. "Well, to be honest with you, myself
doesn't really cut it."

"I think it does," Pandora says softly.

Lily glances at her, then sort of gets stuck there like that, gazing at her,
taking her in slowly. She wants, inexplicably, to reach over and muss up
Pandora's hair, get it all tangled and wild. She wants, even more
inexplicably, to press her thumb to the tiny indentation below Pandora's
bottom lip and feel the push of teeth behind it. She wants, most
inexplicably, to trace the pockmark beside Pandora's eye and drag her
fingers down from there, learning the curve of her cheek into her jaw into
her throat. Lily is a bit caught up in these musings—curious, untamed
things that they are—to notice Pandora's expression suddenly, with no
warning, shifting from sincere to unhappy.

"Wait," Pandora says, and there's nothing soft about her tone now at all.
Lily blinks hard, feeling rather slapped and mildly disoriented in her own
head, and she has no idea why Pandora is glaring at her now. "You don't do
that with me, right?"

"Do what?" Lily asks a bit stupidly, still rather lost.

"That—that thing. You know. The whole trying bit, like you have to be a
certain way that you're not to appease me. You don't do that, right?"
Pandora asks.
Lily opens and closes her mouth, trying and failing to keep up with
Pandora, having faltered and now feeling unable to get her footing back.
She feels like she's stumbling through this entire moment, like it's precious
glass slipping through her fingers, and as hard as she's trying to catch it, the
whole thing is dangerously close to shattering upon the floor.

"I don't like that," Pandora announces, her voice stilted, and she proceeds to
pull her hand away from Lily, eyes getting really big and really bright like
they do when she's about to hit the fucking roof. "Don't do that."

"It's not—I'm not doing it on purpose," Lily blurts out, sort of sputtering.
"It's not like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not or anything. I'm—I'm
just trying to be…better. My best version, whatever that looks like. I don't
know. I mean, I really don't know, Pandora. I don't even know who I am."

Pandora stares at her, and Lily snaps her mouth shut, feeling rather
mortified to have said such a thing, which can't be true, surely. She's been
Lily Evans for seventeen years, nearly eighteen. How could she not know
who she is? This is who she is. Just—just, sometimes, late at night when
she's alone in bed, or in the seclusion of a shower, she doesn't quite feel like
this is anyone at all. An illusion, maybe. A facade. An imposter. A girl
trying to fill shoes she ordered in a size too large.

"Do you do what you want, or do you do what you think is expected of
you?" Pandora asks, finally. Her voice is quiet, subdued, yet so very heavy.
Lily can feel her heart thumping in her chest. Her mouth is dry when she
rasps, "Don't we all do what we think is expected of us, at least a little?"

"I—well, yes, I imagine we all do, at least a little. I do, because people are
cruel, and I don't want to be hated. So, what, you do it because people like
it, and you want to be loved?" Pandora asks, eyebrows drawing together, a
wrinkle there that Lily's fingers twitch with the urge to touch. "But I don't
do it to the people I care about, Lily. It's—it is scary sometimes, but to be
yourself and loved is far more valuable than to be someone they're
predisposed to love. Don't you want to know yourself? Don't you want to be
known?"

"What if I don't like who I am when I'm not the best version I can be?" Lily
croaks.

"There is no best version. There is you, just you, doing your best or needing
to rest, and either way, you deserve to be loved and accepted as is," Pandora
whispers. "Don't we all?"

"Yeah, but who would like me when I'm not doing my best, when I'm just—
me?" Lily chokes out, and she knows—oh, she knows that this is such a
fucked up way to feel, which can likely be contributed, again, to Petunia's
derision through the years, and even her parents glowing praise, and the
expectations of professors or friends, because she's Lily, she's brilliant and
reliable and never falls behind, never stops her juggling act or drops one
ball, and really, truly, the one putting the most pressure on her is herself.
She knows that and she wants to stop, but she's never known how. She still
doesn't know how.
"I would," Pandora tells her firmly, reaching out to take her hand again. "I
would like you to be yourself and nothing else, not whatever you think I
want or expect, but just you, because I would like you that way, Lily."

Lily makes an odd, choked sort of noise and turns to press her face into
Pandora's shoulder, clinging to her hand and closing her eyes tight.
Pandora's shoulder digs into her cheek, bone through the cloth of her robes,
padded, and Lily has another one of those inexplicable wants again, in
which she desires nothing more than to pull aside the cloth under her cheek
and sink her teeth into skin. She doesn't do that, obviously, since that is a
very mental thing to want to do.

"Do you want to know something I've never told anyone before in my life?"
Lily asks, her voice muffled.

Pandora gently circles the tip of her finger in nonsensical shapes on Lily's
palm. It tickles. "I want to know everything about you."

"Sometimes," Lily whispers, "I hate my sister. Really, properly hate her.
Not—not just the way all siblings hate each other a bit, but her. I hate her.
Not all the time, just most of the time, and I don't wish I didn't have a sister
at all, but sometimes I really fucking hate that she's mine."

"That's okay," Pandora says softly. "That's okay, Lily."

And somehow, inexplicably, sitting right here with Pandora like this, Lily
thinks that maybe it actually is.
Chapter End Notes

myrtle: do you even like boys at all?!

lily and pandora:

poor myrtle, she always gets stuck with the oblivious ones, or the
dramatic ones (looking at harry and draco, respectively). also i feel like
it was skipped over real quick in canon that myrtle was just peeking on
people in the bath??? like hello??? 😭

also! lily "overachiever" evans doing girlfriend shit for pandora before
they ever even date. she's so smitten. they're very, very sweet and i
adore them. shootout to the unsung hero of this chapter, fleamont
potter, who—unlike SOMEONE (looking at slughorn)—has no qualms
about giving pandora the credit she deserves <3

pandora is so special to me. idk if everyone knows what a rumble is,

but it's essentially when someone can feel a breakdown building up,
basically. anything is immensely worse when you can feel it creeping
up on you and you know how bad it will be if you can't stop it before it
reaches you, but stopping it is so fucking difficult. even just applying it
to, like, anxiety in that same context of feeling it grow and grow and
grow and just wanting it to go. the. fuck. away. relatable.

oh, and the incoming sibling angst. it's me, so ofc i had to have some
of that. exploring it with lily and petunia was...extremely devastating
for me to say the least 😭 but then again, all sibling angst fucks me up,
so im not a reliable source.

anyway, hope you enjoyed!

 Chapter 3
Chapter Notes

this is probably the saddest chapter, but that's also probably just a
personal opinion. sibling angst. you know the drill.

oh, also, brief mention of blood due to injury, but everyone's fine.
nothing to really worry about.
See the end of the chapter for more notes

Pandora notices, bit-by-bit over the next week, that Lily's a little different
around her. Or just a little different overall.

Pandora has never seen her wear her hair pulled lazily out of her face, fuzzy
wisps falling carelessly around her face, but she has seen it twice now. She
has never heard Lily talk about subjects she's struggling with (Ancient
Runes), or complain about essays she's had assigned in class (Charms), or
admit that she's worried about N.E.W.Ts (she is), but that happens, too. She
has never known Lily to admit that she dislikes doing something with or for
her friends, but apparently after seven years, Lily finally confessed to
Remus that she absolutely hates playing chess with him, finds it dead
boring, which only got a sigh of relief as Remus supposedly smacked the
chessboard off the table and said he was close to poking his eyeballs out,
for he only did it because he thought she enjoyed it, and so they then went
outside to smoke and gossip for three hours instead—a fun story that Lily
told her all about with light in her eyes and giddy, breathless laughter in her
voice.

This pleases Pandora, admittedly, because she knows that Lily is now being
less of a caricature of what she believes people want her to be and being
more of herself. It's not that she wasn't herself, Pandora doesn't think,
because Lily is still Lily, but she never gave herself a break. It's clear to
Pandora now, and the only thing that agitates her is that she didn't notice
before. Lily is amazing, has always been amazing, but no one can be
amazing all the time, not really.

People need to be lazy sometimes. Dirty. Unhappy. They need to rest and
relax. They need to push away the worst parts of reality, every once in a
while, and allow themselves to breathe. They need to make mistakes and
learn from them. They need to know nothing and be confused, and just
accept that, and be okay with that. People need to let themselves be people.

It's a subtle change, but Pandora takes care to look for it, because she knows
she'd miss it otherwise. Subtlety eludes her and generally flies right over her
head. She misses a lot simply because others in the world around her aren't
blunt, while she walks around about as subtle as a bludger to the face.

In any case, Christmas break is coming up, and originally, Pandora was
going to grudgingly demand Regulus to come to the bathroom doorway and
recast the stasis charm while she was away, because he's staying behind,
and yes, she did fully plan to ward the door so he couldn't step inside and
come too close to her potion. However, now that she knows Lily is staying
behind, Pandora would rather her handle it. Lily's already around the potion
and knows all of Pandora's rules and boundaries for interacting with it, so it
only makes sense.

It feels a bit like entrusting her beloved child alone with Lily, honestly, but
she finds that thought not as anxiety-inducing as it would have been a
month ago. It's not anxiety-inducing at all, because she doesn't think there's
anyone she trusts more.
However, disaster strikes before she can even ask.

It starts with an argument. Now, Pandora and Lily often bicker about things
—potions, mostly—but it's always lighthearted and full of laughter, simply
teasing, Pandora thinks. They haven't had a proper row before, not like this.

Pandora isn't even sure how it starts. It seems innocent enough at the
beginning, just a simple disagreement about proper potioneering techniques
again, because they have these sort of talks all the time, but Lily is
particularly bitey tonight, and she keeps rearranging Pandora's books on the
desk, and Pandora starts to itch all over in a way that just happens
sometimes and usually ends with her shouting and crying and covering her
ears, wanting to peel her skin off and struggling to breathe. She doesn't like
it, being angry with Lily, how things can spiral out of control between them.
She doesn't want that to happen, but they're human, and it does.

So, she does shout, and Lily shouts back, and then Pandora wants to push
her up against the wall and doesn't know why or what she wants to do after
that, but it's an impulse just the same as hugging Lily is, except it's a violent
one that feels violent inside her. A hungry clenching in her stomach, heat,
palms itching to push her and hold on and cover her body with Pandora's
own and maybe stay there, not yelling, just angry and itchy and touching.
She would never, of course, unless maybe Lily wanted her to, and Pandora
—angry and itchy and desperate to touch—wants Lily to want her to.

Anyway, Lily's face is flushed and her green eyes are bright and pretty, and
Pandora wants to leave her own body again, not to be wind or to escape, but
simply to go join Lily in hers, curl up tight in her heaving chest. She wants
to live in the palm of Lily's hand and can't, and is agitated that she can't, and
so agitated that she can't that she swings her hand out in a broad gesture as
she's yelling, only to slam the back of said hand directly into the cauldron
so hard that it rocks.

There is only one moment of pain in Pandora's knuckles, and then there's
the sight of the potion slopping up over the lip of the cauldron to hit the
barrier of the stasis charm and collapse back in on itself. Pandora's mind
knows what's going to happen before it happens, because this is her potion,
and she knows it inside and out, and she knows exactly how volatile it is,
and she knows how bad it's about to respond.

Apparently, Lily knows, too. Because, with no warning, Lily shoves

Pandora so hard that she goes stumbling back and lands on the floor with a
grunt. That's all Lily has time to do, no time for anything else, and so she is
right there when the statis charm throbs and sends out a backlash of magic
in a wave so strong that Lily legitimately goes flying.

Lily's feet come off the floor, and she genuinely just sails across the room,
hits the wall, and slides down in a slump. Very still. Too still. Hair falling in
her face, half on her side in a crumpled heap, no longer yelling and not
moving.

Pandora is entirely uninjured, but panic grips her so hard that she wants to
curl up in a ball and cover her head, everything pressing in around her, from
within her, like she's at the bottom of a stampede and can't breathe or get
up.
"She's dead! She's dead!" Myrtle rejoices as she comes flying up out of her
toilet to hover near Lily, looking delighted.

"No," Pandora wheezes, and that gets her moving, shakily scrambling on
her hands and knees to crawl over to Lily, shuddering as she frantically
passes right through Myrtle. "Lily? Lily, wake up. Lily."

Lily does not wake up. When Pandora shakily pushes her hair out of her
face, she finds blood on her temple. She looks fine otherwise, as if she's just
asleep, and Pandora presses her hand to Lily's chest to check that she's
breathing.

She is, and Pandora nearly cries.

"Rennervate," Pandora gasps out, pointing her wand at Lily's chest, and it
takes a second, but Lily's face twitches, then scrunches before her eyes
flutter open.

"Ow," is the first thing Lily says. She reaches up to touch her head, then
looks a little dazed by the blood on her fingers.

"We need to get you to the Hospital Wing," Pandora tells her, still
trembling, and Lily starts shaking her head immediately. Pandora doesn't
want to hear it. "No, Lily, you're bleeding. Your head is bleeding. You were
hurt."
"M'fine," Lily mumbles, blinking rapidly and slowly easing herself up. "No,
yeah, I'm alright." She looks at Pandora and nods. "Really, Pandora, I'm
okay. I don't need—"

"You're going to the Hospital Wing!" Pandora bursts out, perhaps a bit
shrill, but she can't help it. She genuinely has never been more shaken by
anything in her life.

"Okay, okay, I'll go," Lily says quickly, wincing. "Just—give me a second.
Can I have a second?"

"Yes, anything. I'm so sorry. Lily, I'm sorry," Pandora tells her earnestly,
emphatic and heartfelt, still shaking. "I shouldn't have yelled. It was my
fault. I was careless, and I—I didn't mean—I never meant—"

"Hey, it's alright, I was yelling, too," Lily assures her. "It was just a stupid
fight, Pandora. It's okay. I promise it's okay. I know you didn't mean for that
to happen." She reaches out to gently squeeze Pandora's arm. "Everything's
okay. I'm fine. Look, go get my bag, we'll go to the Hospital Wing, and I'll
be perfectly alright. Just a little mistake. It's okay."

"Okay," Pandora whispers. Then, again, "I'm sorry."

Lily looks as fond and exasperated as she can with blood on the side of her
face, almost blending with the color of her hair perfectly. Pandora is
reluctant to move away from her, lest she spontaneously explode or
something, but she does draw away to go get her bag, because that means
she'll be able to get Lily to Madame Pomfrey much faster. She leaves Lily
there with Myrtle, who sadly bemoans the fact that Lily is not dead, which
makes Lily laugh and groan because of her laugh.

It's as Pandora shoulders Lily's bag that her gaze lifts to land on the
cauldron, and then her eyes slowly narrow. Anger flows into her so
forcefully that Pandora has the ridiculous urge to kick the cauldron aside
and throw it against the wall, which would not be a good idea, so she does
the next best thing.

In a fit of fury, Pandora sharply waves her wand to dismantle the stasis
charm and proceeds to vanish the entire potion without a split second of
hesitation, without batting an eye, getting rid of all her work, months of
work, as if it means nothing to her. Then, for good measure, she pushes the
cauldron off the stand with a glare, childishly and vindictively relishing in
the sound of it clattering to the floor, empty.

"Pandora!" Lily gasps, and when Pandora looks at her, she is staring in
disbelief, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "You just—are you—what
the fuck?!"

"What does it look like?" Pandora snaps, moving over to grab her under her
elbow and help ease her to her feet. Lily gapes at her, looking lost. "Don't
worry about that now. We need to have your head checked."

"We need to have your head checked!" Lily blurts out. "That was—I mean,
that was your potion. You've been working on that for months, Pandora!
Why would you do that?"
"You could have died," Pandora hisses, sliding an arm around her and
gently guiding her through the room.

"But—but—" Lily throws a truly tragic look at the empty cauldron as they
go by, her mouth opening and closing.

"Come along," Pandora murmurs, her voice softening as she leads Lily out
of the bathroom, making sure she's steady.

"You completely ruined your experiment," Lily whispers.

"I don't care," Pandora says firmly, and doesn't, not one bit. That doesn't
matter to her more than Lily, and if she's entirely honest with herself, she
can't think of one thing that does.

"You're pouting."

Lily scowls and turns the page in her book with perhaps more force than
necessary. "I'm not."
"You absolutely are," Marlene says. "Pete, tell her."

"Sorry, Lily, but you are," Peter agrees sheepishly.

"Traitor," Lily mutters, glaring at him.

Peter holds his hands up in surrender, sharing an aggrieved look with an

amused Remus, then returns to his own book. Remus—who is not a traitor
—has kept his commentary to himself, because Lily can always count on
him. Meanwhile, Marlene is smirking at her. And if Lily hexes her, then
what? Hm? What then, McKinnon?

"You've been pouting for days," Marlene informs her.

"I haven't," says Lily, whilst pouting.

Marlene simply arches a skeptical eyebrow, and Lily resists the urge to
groan by shutting her book and pushing away from the table. Marlene's
amusement fades while Peter and Remus look up with concern on their
faces. Lily waves them all off with a weary sigh and just—leaves them
there.

They don't really get it, in their defense. Lily has complained here and there
about Pandora vanishing the potion she has been working on for months,
the potion Lily has been watching her work on and got very personally
invested in. So, they know about it, but they don't—they can't understand it,
really, because they don't realize just how much Pandora loves potioneering
and this potion in particular, or why it's so tragic for her to have given that
up.

Pandora won't even talk about the potion anymore. Won't talk about it or the
entire subject, and frankly, in the lead up to the break, she would hardly talk
to Lily at all. Well, not in a malicious way, Lily is sure. But, without the
potion to give them the excuse to meet up every night, seeing each other
became infrequent. The potion itself was brilliant, but honestly, it was a
good way for Lily to get to spend time with Pandora every day, and without
it, Lily…misses her.

It's just—things were different. After. Different there in the Hospital Wing
with Pandora's small, clenched fists and her still-rattling frame, hovering
close, too close, and not once relaxing until Madame Pomfrey healed her
head, got rid of the blood, and assured them both that Lily was fine. But,
even after that, Pandora fussed over her incessantly. Fluffed her pillow.
Readjusted her cover. Finished her essay for her. Asked and asked and
asked if she was okay, if she needed anything, if there was anything
Pandora could do for her. Pandora didn't meet her eyes, though. Wouldn't
touch her. Wouldn't talk to her about what happened. Somehow, it was all
different.

That feeling has lingered, that strange alteration, and Lily only had it for a
little bit before the break snuck up on them, but she misses that, too. She
also just—misses Pandora. Lily goes to the bathroom every night for more
reasons than one, but one of them is that she's unconsciously trying to find
Pandora there, even without meaning to. It makes Lily want to bang her
head against a wall, frustrated beyond measure, and it's so ridiculous
because it's a break that happens every year, the same amount every time,
around two weeks, and for it to now suddenly feel longer than ever makes
no sense.

Hence the pouting, or partly why she's been pouting, at least. That, and the
whole issue of Pandora being done with the potion, except Lily doesn't
know how to explain how serious that is to her friends, or make them grasp
just how upsetting it is, because they don't understand the sheer enormity of
it.

A head of dark hair up ahead reminds Lily that her friends might not
understand, but Pandora's will. Well, her friend. Other than Lily and Myrtle,
she really only has the one.

"Oi, Black!" Lily calls, jogging up the corridor to catch up before Regulus
can take a corner.

Regulus glances back, sighs, then comes to a halt. He inclines his head
when she stops in front of him. "Evans."

"Hi," Lily says breathlessly. "What are you doing here?"

"Pardon?"

"Sirius left for the hols."

"Yes," Regulus says, blinking.

Lily frowns. "You didn't go with him?"

"No," Regulus tells her. "Obviously."

"I—well, right, obviously." Lily rolls her eyes. "I just meant, why haven't
you gone with him?"

"He went to the Potters for the break," Regulus informs her, slowly, like he
thinks she's quite stupid. Frankly, Lily doesn't appreciate his tone.

"Right, but you could have gone with them. Surely James wouldn’t have
minded. Basically everyone goes to the Potters at some point, honestly. I
went last summer."

"I've no interest in going."

"But Sirius is there," Lily points out, yet again.

Regulus stares at her. "Yes, your point? I'm his brother, not his bloody
shadow. I don't have to go where he goes."

"I think he would have liked you to be there," Lily murmurs.

"He'll get over it," is Regulus' dry response.

Lily squints at him judgmentally. "Regulus."

"Lily."

"You'd go to his wedding, wouldn't you?"

Regulus is now looking at her like he thinks she's quite stupid, not just
sounding it. "Obviously. He's my brother."

"Right, yeah, but—" Lily squints at him harder. "What about yours? Your
wedding. Would you want him at yours?"

"Again, he is my brother," Regulus reiterates. "Yes, obviously he'll be at my

wedding, should I ever get married, though I have absolutely no intentions
to do so."
Lily nods slowly, mulling that over. "Even though you two are very
different and aren't always around each other?"

"Yes, because—as I said before—we're brothers," Regulus confirms flatly.

"Is there a point to your questions, or…?"

"No, not really," Lily says softly, though her chest is getting a bit warm. Not
that she and Petunia are truly comparable to Regulus and Sirius, but… Well,
it gives her a strange sense of hope anyway. She clears her throat. "Anyway,
that's not what I came to talk to you about."

"Oh, so there was a point?" Regulus heaves a sigh and swivels on the spot,
sweeping away. "Walk and talk, Evans. I've places to be. What is it?"

"Pandora."

"What about her?"

"Did she, um…?" Lily bites her lip, hesitating. Regulus arches an eyebrow
at her. "Did she tell you about her potion?"

"That you got injured, she vanished her potion, and has no further plans to
continue it? Yes, she did."
"Alright, good. So, how do we fix it?"

Regulus blinks at her. "Fix what?"

"You know, her being upset about the potion and such," Lily tells him. "It's
a problem."

"Is it?" Regulus asks.

Lily's mouth drops open. "Yes! It's absolutely a problem. Pandora loves
potions, and that potion specifically."

"Yes," Regulus agrees, "but she doesn't want to do it anymore. I don't think
that's a problem at all. Pandora doesn't do what she doesn't want to do."

"No, she just—she got upset, that's all," Lily insists. "It's her passion,
Regulus. She shouldn't have to lose that because of one accident that wasn't
even her fault."

"Potion-making is a dangerous art," Regulus says. "Those dangers have

never bothered Pandora, but they do when they apply to you. I'm not saying
that she lost her love for potions; I'm saying that it makes her uncomfortable
now, and she shouldn't do something that brings her discomfort. Trying to
force her isn't good. Don't do that."

"I'm not," Lily assures him quickly. "Just…what if I could help her feel
comfortable with it again?"

Regulus seems to think about that for a few minutes, eyebrows crinkling
together. He hums, then shrugs. "Yeah, alright."

"Good?" Lily checks. "That will work? She'll be happy?"

"Yes, I'm sure she would," Regulus says, "if you can figure out how to make
her comfortable with it again."

"Right." Lily nods, exhaling all at once. "Right, okay."

"How are you going to do that exactly?" Regulus asks.

Lily coughs. "No idea. I'll figure it out, though."

"Mm." Regulus side-eyes her, then narrows his eyes. He looks her up and
down, assessing, then comes to a slow halt. Lily pauses and blinks at him.
He's not even speaking, and she doesn't appreciate his tone.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Pandora is…important to me."

"...Alright?" Lily replies slowly.

Regulus' lips press into a thin line. "Don't make her unhappy."

"Well, why would I do that?" Lily asks, baffled.

"Just don't," Regulus says. "That's your warning."

Lily's eyebrows fly up. "Excuse me? You do realize that I could absolutely
eviscerate you in a duel, and in an actual fight, yes?"

"Yes, I'm aware of your skills," Regulus tells her without missing a beat.
"Unfortunately for you, I come from a family where being a hindrance is
practically in our blood. Just ask Sirius. I might not be able to beat you, but
I can effectively make your life harder for as long as I see fit. If you make
Pandora unhappy in any way, I will invade your life. I will become your
shadow. I will be there every step of the way. I will find ways to make each
day of your life so unnecessarily agitating, just small things, like a slow drip
of frustration that builds and builds until you eventually, finally, break."
Lily stares at him.

Regulus stares back. "Do we understand one another?"

Lily's mouth hangs open, a very harsh rebuttal on the tip of her tongue that
she catches at the last moment for a few different reasons. One, Regulus is
clearly not joking, and Lily honestly can't be bothered to tempt him to prove
it; she can barely keep her shit together on a good day, so she doesn't need
the promise of bad ones. Two, Lily gets the feeling that Pandora would be
unhappy if Lily and Regulus weren't at least civil, and Pandora being
unhappy is the whole crux of this matter, which Lily and Regulus are
clearly in agreement on; they do have this in common at least, not wanting
Pandora to be unhappy at all. And three, well, Sirius—he's Regulus' older
brother, and Lily respects him enough as her friend not to create a problem
where there doesn't need to be one.

So, in the end, Lily snaps her mouth shut and nods. She clears her throat
and says, "We understand one another."

"Glad we do. That's for the best. Less of a hassle that way," Regulus mutters
blandly. "Anyway, I'm going. Was that all?"

"Yeah, that about covers it, I think," Lily admits.

"Alright." Regulus turns away, then sighs and turns back, rolling his eyes.
"It's—nice, what you're trying to do for her. Or planning to do. So, good
luck. Or…whatever."

"Oh." Lily blinks, then smiles. "Thanks."

Regulus nods, and this time when he turns away, he actually leaves. Doesn't
say goodbye, either. Lily purses her lips, shakes her head, then turns and
marches in the opposite direction. She has more important things to focus
on and pretty much instantly forgets that Regulus exists the moment he
disappears from view. She doesn't do that with Pandora, though.

Even when she's gone, Pandora is practically all that Lily thinks about.

The rush of reunions post-break is often something Pandora is on the

outside of. At most, she's had Regulus to catch up with, but they generally
both go home on breaks, and this is the first year that it's different. Even
still, Pandora isn't expecting much of a reunion with him first thing, as
Sirius will surely accost him as soon as he's returned, and Regulus isn't the
type of person who makes big productions out of…anything, really.

Sure enough, Pandora catches sight of Regulus caught up with Sirius—as

well as his friends, by extension—and looking very bored about the whole
ordeal, but that's just his face. It does that all the time, so Pandora has
learned his tells for when he's actually secretly pleased about something.
Regulus loves Sirius very much. You can tell because he's compacted all
that love into the twitch of his fingertips down by his sides, a miniscule
motion like he's locked his body in place to hide how happy he feels, except
it's so much that the feeling breaks through anyway, located in his hands.
Touch. It takes him ages to be okay with touching, or being touched, and
Pandora is quite sure that it's because he associates touch with love; all
kinds, good and bad, love given and taken from friends, love from the cruel
hands of family and the gentle hands of his brother, perhaps even love to
and from a lover, someday.

Either way, he's visibly pleased to see Sirius again and be his main point of
focus at the moment, so Pandora essentially waits her turn. He will be
pleased to see her, too. She will hug him, and he will let her, because she
loves him and he loves her; their love comes with a simple touch, easy,
possibly the easiest touch Regulus has ever allowed himself to have. What
else is a best friend, really? That's how she knows what best friends are, and
that she's his, and he's hers.

"Pandora!"

Blinking, Pandora swivels her head to see Lily waving with a smile,
running up to her. Pandora breaks into a smile right back and feels—well,
rather secretly pleased herself. It's nice sometimes to make big productions
out of things, regardless of what Regulus says, and Lily looks so happy to
see her. Just that—how delighted she is—it's a whole production, the
biggest in the world, because Lily is larger-than-life.

"Hi, Pandora," Lily greets breathlessly when she reaches her, and then she's
reaching for her, like it's automatic, like it's expected. Arms up. Arms
around. Arms closed.
Pandora is in them. Lily's arms.

It might just be her favorite place to be.

"Hello, Lily," Pandora replies warmly, hooking her arms around Lily's waist
and swaying them, because that's fun. This whole reunion business is a lot
of fun, as it turns out.

"Good break?" Lily asks, still holding onto her. She doesn't have as much of
Pandora to hold onto as Pandora has to hold of her, but Lily doesn't seem to
mind.

Pandora likes having more of Lily to hold onto. Likes the curves of her
hips, the round of her stomach, the soft rolls on her back and sides like
those pretty sculptures in muggle museums her dad has taken her to, those
women captured in marble, nude beauty that depicts the wonder of a
woman's body, folded limbs and ethereal hair and fat and, oftentimes,
anguish on their faces, because what's a woman without her tribulations?
She didn't see one where a woman looked happy, and she wondered, in her
own head, if anyone could ever truly capture and freeze the beauty of that,
of a woman wonderfully, gloriously happy. She thinks it's something so
magnificent that it can't be captured, not fully, just art that shines in life and
can't be translated elsewhere.

"Good," Pandora confirms.

Lily peels away slowly, grinning. "Miss me?"

"Yes, of course," Pandora admits, because she did. "How was your break?
Did you get to study like you wanted?"

"Yeah, but that's not all I did," Lily tells her, a gleam of excitement in her
eyes. "I have to show you—"

"Oi, Pandora!" Sirius calls, and Pandora reluctantly glances away from Lily
to see him waving one arm at her, his other one around Regulus' shoulders.
"Regulus missed y—oof!" Sirius squawks dramatically, rubbing his side
where Regulus just elbowed him. James is laughing. "What was that for?!"

"I have to go see Regulus," Pandora tells Lily, trying not to sound
disappointed. That's rude.

Lily chuckles. "Yeah, alright, I'll come with you. Just—hey, come to the
bathroom tonight, okay?"

"The bathroom," Pandora repeats, stiffening. Lily bites her lip, and Pandora
narrows her eyes. "What did you do?"

"Anyway, heyyyy, Regulus!" Lily declares brightly, tugging Pandora along,

flatout ignoring her.
Pandora gives her a 'we will talk about this later' look, which Lily also
ignores, but there's not much to be done about it now. She gets rather caught
up in the rush of reunions she always thought of herself on the outside of.
Regulus does let her hug him, because they're best friends, and they all
stand around for a bit, just chatting. Admittedly, Sirius and his lot are
carrying the heavy weight on the talking—he and James like to talk a lot—
but Pandora doesn't mind. It's nice, honestly.

They're interrupted when Remus shows up, which gets Sirius to leave
everyone and go talk to him instead, so then it's just Pandora, Lily, Regulus,
James, Mary, Emmeline, and Dorcas. Though, when Marlene shows up,
Dorcas leaves, too. So then it is left to James to do the heavy lifting on
chatter, except Peter eventually pops up and joins in to help, and then
everyone who left comes back, and a lot is happening all at once, so
Regulus looks like he's being tortured. He hates crowds, and it doesn't take
him very long to make his excuses to leave. He looks at Pandora, waiting.

"I'll see you later," Pandora tells Lily, still suspicious about the whole
bathroom comment.

Lily just smiles innocently.

As they walk away, Regulus bumps their shoulders together as he relaxes

into the quiet. Softly, he asks, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."
"Did Lily make you unhappy?"

Pandora shakes her head quickly. "No. She just—she wants to meet in the
bathroom, like we used to."

"Will you go?" Regulus asks.

"Well, I have to now. I can't imagine what she wants me to go there for, can
you?" Pandora mutters.

Regulus shrugs. "No idea."

Pandora has no idea either, honestly, but she will indeed be going. Besides,
it'll be nice to see Myrtle again. She's visited a few times since she vanished
her potion, before the break, but not as frequently as she did while working
on her potion. It upset Myrtle a great deal.

But first, Pandora has to get through the return feast, go to her dorm, get
situated, and then go. It takes hours, of course. Hours that Pandora spends
fixated on whatever waits for her in the bathroom, and she tells herself over
and over that she's not hoping for anything, because she isn't. She definitely
isn't.
Alright, so maybe she is. Pandora's not exactly one to lie to herself or over-
complicate life, so she just—accepts it. Yes, she misses her potion. She
doesn't regret vanishing it, and she won't be trying again, but she has started
to mourn all that hard work and effort by this point. But, truthfully, she
doubts she'll ever be comfortable trying the potion again, if Lily is around.
The problem is, Lily wants to make sure she's safe, so she won't just leave
her to it—and, at this point, Pandora doesn't want Lily to leave her to it. She
wants Lily there every step of the way. Ironic, considering she couldn't even
fathom such a thing at the beginning.

So, when Pandora steps into the bathroom at the same time as always, by
habit, she's immediately uncomfortable at the sight of a cauldron set up.
Lily is standing right next to it.

Pandora glares at her, nostrils flaring. "You—"

"Wait, okay, just wait," Lily says quickly, holding her hands up in a swift
motion. "Just—before you get upset—"

"I'm already upset. I'm upset now! Lily—"

"No, hear me out first. Just hear me out."

"Lily," Pandora hisses.

Swinging around the stand, Lily moves over to her to reach out and grab her
hands, both of them in her own. She strokes Pandora's knuckles, which isn't
fair because Pandora likes that, but Pandora still struggles not to snatch her
hands away anyway, because she's upset. Lily meets her eyes, giving her a
tentative smile. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," Pandora snaps.

"Okay, so…trust me," Lily murmurs, tugging on her hands, leading her
closer to the cauldron. "So, you never really had any safety measures in
place before, and the potion is very volatile, especially the longer it brews.
Last time, what went wrong was the backlash of magic from the potion
hitting the stasis charm. Had it not, we would have been fine."

"But it did," Pandora grits out. "And you were hurt. You were bleeding. You
were—"

"I know, but look," Lily says gently, dropping one of Pandora's hands to
grab the side of the cauldron and yank on it.

The cauldron doesn't move.

Lily shoves at it, and it doesn't move.

Lily drops Pandora's other hand, uses both of her own, and the cauldron
doesn't move. No matter what she does, the cauldron stays firmly in place,
not budging even a little bit.

Pandora stares at it blankly. "What?"

"Stabilizing charm," Lily tells her. "We could launch a bludger at the
cauldron, Pandora, and it won't move. If—yes, okay, the potion will still be
volatile, but it won't move this cauldron. There's no chance we'll bump into
the cauldron and cause any accidents like that. What happened won't
happen again."

"You…" Pandora swallows, glancing at her. "It won't?"

"I promise," Lily assures her. The corner of her mouth tugs up, a little smug.
"I told you safety measures were necessary."

"Oh, shut up," Pandora mumbles, huffing out a weak laugh.

Lily breaks out into a grin. "So—see? It'll be okay. We'll be very, very
careful. I'll even soften the whole room, so if we go flying, it'll be like
hitting pillows. Just—" She hesitates, then takes Pandora's hands again,
carefully. "Look, I don't want you to stop doing what you love. If I can help
make sure you get to do that, I want to. You're brilliant, Pandora, and I
believe you can do anything you put your mind to. With that lovely mind of
yours, of course you can."
"Lily," Pandora says weakly, and oh, Merlin, if Lily wasn't holding her
hands, she'd be flapping them. Something is squirming about in her
stomach. Her chest feels funny, like her heart is kicking up a fuss in there.

"Don't give it up, not for me, not because it's scary."

"Easy for you to say. You're a Gryffindor."

Lily's lips twitch. "Courage isn't owned solely by Gryffindors, and trust me,
not all Gryffindors are courageous. Just—only stop if you want to stop. Do
you want to stop? Really?"

Pandora glances at the cauldron again, then looks at Lily. She whispers, like
it's a secret, "No, not really."

"So…" Lily bites down on a smile. "Keep going."

"I—" Pandora darts her gaze back and forth between Lily and the cauldron,
and it's like being stuck between two points of the strongest temptation she's
ever felt in her life. Her heart is fussing so much. She's breathless when she
says, "Okay."

"Okay?" Lily asks, eyes lighting up.

"Okay," Pandora repeats.

"Brilliant!" Lily bursts out, beaming at her. "That's brilliant. You have no
idea how much I've missed you." She almost instantly falters, her hands
twitching against Pandora's as she jolts in place a little. "It. I meant—it. The
potion. I missed…"

"You missed…?" Pandora prompts.

"This," Lily says on a deep exhale. She squeezes Pandora's hands. "I've
missed all of it."

"The cauldron is empty," Pandora whispers. "You didn't get started without
me. You could have. You know the potion enough that you could have."

"It's your potion, and it wouldn't be the same without you," Lily whispers
back. "I think it's possible that you're the most important ingredient."

Pandora's whole body is fussing now, and she's warm all over. Lily's close,
right there, stroking her knuckles like Pandora likes, and Pandora keeps
thinking about how badly she wanted to push Lily against a wall, once, and
keep her there, lay on her, a violent feeling within her, but not for violence.
For touch. It wasn't—that want was supposed to go away, but it hasn't.
Pandora isn't even angry anymore. It's just there.
Gravity is strange, isn't it? It's supposed to pull you down, not pull you
forward, and yet Pandora can feel the tug that gets her to sway in. An
invisible force she can't resist any more than she can float away. In she
goes, following it, closer to Lily in all her larger-than-life glory, the draw of
her arms. Pandora could break them open, her arms, break her chest cavity
open along with them, and insert herself in the space left behind, and how
can such violent desires promise such comfort?

I want to live inside you, Pandora thinks, so very grateful that she doesn't
say it out loud. Because what does that mean? Does that mean she wants to
wear Lily's skin on her skin, her face as a mask, pull her hair on like a wig
and braid it through her own? No, no, that can't be. She likes Lily whole.
Separate. Then does she want Lily to shrug her on like a coat and never take
her off? Almost. That's almost it. So close.

They're so close.

"You two didn't even call for me!" Myrtle wails, bursting up from the toilet
with her usual entrance of complaint and subsequent splash of water.

Pandora and Lily fling themselves back swiftly, hands breaking apart all at
once, both of them turning away from each other in unison. Pandora is
breathing again and has absolutely no idea when she stopped.

What Pandora does know is that if Myrtle wasn't already dead, she would
absolutely kill her.
"So, are you two back now? Doing the potion again? That means you'll be
around to visit more, right?" Myrtle whines, swooping through them to go
around the cauldron and pout.

When you pass through a ghost—or a ghost passes through you—it's

supposed to make you shiver. Pandora is so warm all over that Myrtle
doesn't even cool her down.

"Ah, yeah," Lily coughs. "Yeah, we're—yeah. We'll start on the potion
again and be around every night, like before."

"Yeah," Pandora echoes, then clears the rasp out of her voice.

Myrtle breaks out into a smile and lights up as much as a ghost can. It's the
happiest Pandora has ever seen her.

Well, at least someone is.

As for Pandora, she just feels very, very confused.

The rest of January into February is a strange time, for Lily.

A lot of things change.

Starting with herself, she goes through something of a metamorphosis. It's a

slow change from trying to be her best at all times to accepting that she
can't always be, and that she doesn't have to be. It's lazy hair days, and an
assignment or two she can't be arsed to go the extra mile on, and being
herself even when herself isn't what she considers her best self, and
knowing—believing—that's okay. It's reframing falling behind as being
human, not being a failure. It's taking a break when she needs it, and
resting. So much resting.

There are days when she doesn't really do anything, when she lets herself
do nothing, and it's so relieving in the moment, but by the end of the day,
inevitably, she feels frantic about all the things she didn't do, all the time
wasted, all the things she could have achieved and didn't. She'll fall into old
habits, then have to dig her way out of them, repeat the cycle until it gets
less stressful, and she learns, and she finds her easy medium. With time, she
gets her balance and is better off for it.

Another change, an altogether minor one, is the merge of friend groups. Or,
more like Lily's friend group expanding to overtake Pandora—and, by
extension, Regulus—with force they can't really seem to get away from.
Between Lily and Sirius, they go through the paces to get Pandora (along
with Regulus, though that's mostly Sirius' efforts more so than her own,
admittedly) to get in the habit of coming around, feeling comfortable with
them, seeking them out first.
This leads to some rather interesting results, like the gradual normalization
of seeing Pandora (and Regulus) with friends rather than just…with Lily.

It's a slow mixup, one that eventually leads to Regulus and Remus having
what Lily refers to as library dates in her head, because it turns out they
like studying together and also find mutual enjoyment in making Sirius
frown when he finds out they spend time together without him. And it leads
to Pandora and Dorcas becoming really close friends really fast, because
they bond over a mutual distaste for Slughorn. It leads to things like
Pandora and Peter playing chess, Regulus and James going flying, Pandora
and Mary running up to each other in the halls with gossip about people
only they know the names of, Regulus and Lily getting a little wrapped up
in an on-going conversation about books, Pandora and Sirius sprawling out
on the grounds outside on an unnaturally warm day while fooling around
with makeup charms, Regulus and Marlene also going flying and both
ending up in the Hospital Wing by the end, and so on and so forth.

It's hard to get Regulus to spend time with more than five people at one
time, and if you do manage to, he's almost always uncomfortable the whole
way through. At some points, Pandora seems a little confused or
overwhelmed by having Lily's friends as her friends, not entirely sure how
to go about it, and at first, she's not really herself. Lily can tell, can see her
clench her fists when she's happy so she won't flap her hands, can see her
pick and choose words carefully before speaking them, can see her caution
—and Lily assures her that it's okay, that she can just be herself, that no
one, if they know what's good for them, will bother her about it. And they
don't, when Pandora slowly gets comfortable enough to be who she is. It's
not done overnight, but either way, no one bothers her about it. If they want
to, they know better, because there's no doubt in anyone's mind that they'd
face Lily's wrath if they did.
It's good, though. A positive change. A slow one, yes, but one that improves
things, in Lily's opinion. Sirius is certainly happier to have Regulus around
more often, blossoming friendship with Remus aside. When Sirius is
happier, it makes others happier, like Remus and James and Peter. Same
with Lily, really. She's happier having Pandora around, and since she's
happier, this in turn makes Mary and Marlene happier, which extends out to
Dorcas and Emmeline. So, quite literally, Pandora and Regulus have
brightened everyone's lives.

A different change, and an inexplicable one, is between Lily and Pandora

themselves. It's fast, all at once, and yet something that feels like it's been a
long time coming. Something that built up and broke that night when
Pandora returned from break, standing there before an empty cauldron and
the promise to try again ringing in their ears.

Lily can't even explain it, really. She's not sure there's a word to describe
what the change is. It seems entirely encompassed by touch and moments of
silence, stillness, that trembling sense of standing on the edge of a cliff,
terrified to fall and wanting to leap anyway. It's the absence of touch, too,
because there's less of that now, these days. Before, they touched all the
time, for any reason and no reason at all, but now? Well, now they don't,
even when they do have reason to.

A ladle passed between hands has become the bane of Lily's existence. If
their fingers so much as brush, it's like they've been burned simultaneously,
both of them pulling away from it fast. There's a lot of dropped ladles, a lot
of thick silences, a lot of confused frowns and cleared throats. It's
frustrating, because Lily's hands itch practically all the time for the very
touch she repeatedly, instinctively snatches away from. It's stupid, she
thinks, because she wants the very thing she can't figure out how to handle,
and only wants it more for how she restrains herself to going without it.
Sometimes, Lily will look at Pandora's hair, or her hands, and she'll get
such vivid daydreams of reaching out to touch that she has to get up and
pace around the room to shake them off. Against her will, she'll lapse into
silence and retreat into her own head even when Pandora isn't around,
thinking about how bright her eyes get when she's angry, or how her mouth
shapes around words with a smile when she's giddy, or the glimpse of her
collarbone when she has her House tie tied around her head instead of done
up at her throat. She'll think about how Pandora looked when she danced,
and how it felt to dance with her. She'll think and think and think, and then
someone will nudge her to bring her back to earth, usually Mary or
Marlene, both of which usually look amused at her expense, teasing glints
in their eyes, knowing.

Lily's not letting herself think about all she's thinking about. But—well, it's
actually easy to ignore outside of those moments, because for all the things
that do change, there are just as many that don't.

For example, the love of potions and the love of The Potion. If nothing else,
that's still going strong for Pandora and Lily both. They sort of fall back on
that, meeting every night in Myrtle's bathroom, losing themselves among
potion fumes and Myrtle's whining. This time, Pandora lets Lily come
along to gather ingredients for the potion, usually in the Forbidden Forest or
the Greenhouses. This time, Pandora lets Lily take all the safety measures
she wants, up to and including actually using charms to soften the hard
surfaces in the bathroom. This time, much like last time, they get swept up
in it, and each other, and how happy they are to be here again.

So January's brittle cold frosts over into February, leaving the castle draped
in snow, Hogwarts working overtime to stay warm while students have
snowball fights and track the snow inside, giving the castle something to
groan about at night. It's hot chocolate at feasts and toasty fires to sit beside,
people bundled up until the shape of their bodies are lost in the layers they
wear like armor to survive the winter. It's warming charms casted and re-
casted at night in the bathroom between Lily and Pandora on rotation while
Myrtle cheerfully informs them she hopes they freeze to death. It's the
season of 'tis the season, frozen in place with ice to encase it, sparkling in
the glimmering light, and yet change warms them all.

With the creeping approach of Valentine's Day, Lily's mood takes a gradual
nosedive, and it's visible to everyone. Again, there's a reason Lily doesn't
allow Petunia to invade her life here, because it makes her mean. With
Petunia's wedding getting closer and closer, Lily gets meaner and meaner.

She has good friends. Good people in her life. They may not know exactly
what's wrong—Pandora is the only one who knows—but they know
something is, and they try to be there for her as much as she'll let them.
They don't take it personally when she's in a dark mood, when she's a little
harsher than usual without meaning to be, when she's not as quick to laugh
or smile as she normally is. They don't push her to talk, but they offer to
listen, and she loves them. She loves them all so very much, because it
helps. Because she's very far from her best, and they love her anyway,
unconditionally.

It's just—Lily still has no idea what to do. She wrote her parents and found
out the time and venue for the wedding, and they told her all about how
caught up in planning they all are, Petunia as well. It haunts Lily at night,
just that curious line of thinking, the one that wonders and wonders if she'd
be just as involved if she weren't here, if she—like Petunia—never got a
letter. Lily didn't know back then that getting a whole new life meant losing
another one; she was only eleven, only a child.
She's still a child, really, and also no longer classified as such. The choice is
one she could make now. As much as she aches for the life she lost, what
makes her ache more is knowing that she wouldn't choose any differently.

Maybe that's what makes Petunia ache the most, too. Maybe that's what
Petunia actually hates, more so than magic, or a world she doesn't
understand.

And so they ache, and ache, and ache.

On Valentine's Day, Lily aches more than she ever has. She wants to be
there, to see her sister get married, and she can already feel the regret
settling heavy and brittle in her bones. Because, the thing is, Lily is here,
and she is not there, and that is how it's always been for seven years now.
She hasn't asked McGonagall to be granted the chance to leave, hasn't even
tried, because in all her trying, this is where she fails every time. Her
indecision and certainty that Petuna doesn't want her there has kept her
trapped, and now the day is here, and Lily is in class, and life goes on.

Life goes on every day, but this day—this is the day Lily's sister is getting
married. She's getting married today. The last name they share will turn to
dust, and all that will be left is the commonality of the blood in their veins
and memories of a sisterhood that crumbled in the small hands of children
far too young to decide what life they're meant to live, and here they are.
Here they are. Petunia is getting married today.

Lily can't focus in class, and isn't focusing in class, thinking about how
Petunia must be getting ready right now. A lovely dress. Hair done.
Bridesmaids and church pews and the funeral march down the aisle, hand
slipping into the hand of a man who never deserved her, and will she get up
there, look around for just a second, looking for Lily? Or will she settle into
the absence of Lily with familiarity, as she has for years now? Seven years
it took to reach this point, and what about the years before? What about the
years before Severus Snape ever took Lily's hand and showed her the magic
within? What about the years when there was no magic at all except the
magic between two young girls, two sisters, whispered giggles under
blankets and yanking on each other's hair and stealing each other's clothes
and—and—and—

And, when they were young, they planned their weddings together. Talks of
tablecloth and the princes they would kiss, the dances they would dance, the
doves they'd set loose, and in all those plans, all the plans that changed and
pivoted with new ideas, one thing always remained the same.

In all those plans, Lily and Petunia never doubted that their sister would be
there.

"Ms. Evans."

At the call of her name (and Marlene nudging her arm to get her attention),
Lily looks up in surprise to find the whole class silent and staring at her.
Professor McGonagall, who has a free class slot, is standing in the doorway,
waiting.

"Come with me, Ms. Evans," McGonagall says, waving her to her feet. Lily
swallows and stands, her ears ringing as she listens to McGonagall
apologize to Professor Flitwick for the interruption before leading Lily out
and down the corridor, her stride swift and purposeful as always.

"Professor?" Lily asks cautiously. "What's happened?"

"I do regret that you didn't feel as if you could come to me about this, Ms.
Evans," McGonagall replies. "You are of age for one thing, and even if you
weren't, exceptions such as these can and are made. If an event like this
comes up in your life, as your Head of House, it's my duty to ensure you get
to attend them. I wouldn't have refused you."

Lily opens and closes her mouth, startled, though she already has a
sneaking suspicion of what this is about. It's only further confirmed when
she's led into McGonagall's office, where Pandora is already waiting,
bouncing in place.

"Sorry," Pandora blurts out as soon as Lily comes in. "I don't know if this
was the right thing, but—you said you'd regret it if you didn't go, and I
just… I don't want you to have regrets."

"I—I—" Lily gapes between her and McGonagall, genuinely stunned, her
heart clenching in her chest. "But I—I can't go. I have class."

"You're excused for the rest of the day, Ms. Evans, nothing to worry about,"
McGonagall tells her calmly.
Lily's finding it difficult to breathe. For some reason, her eyes are stinging.
Her voice cracks when she says, "I don't have a dress. I'm not in appropriate
wedding attire."

"Yes, well, I'm not the Transfiguration professor for nothing," McGonagall
says, waving her closer and lifting her wand. "It's nothing magic can't
handle. Stand still, Ms. Evans."

"I can't wear robes," Lily blurts out frantically. "Professor, it's a muggle
wedding. I can't—"

"I owled my dad to go find muggle magazines with proper dress styles in
them," Pandora cuts in, beaming. She gestures to a stack of magazines on
McGonagall's desk. "Professor McGonagall already knew some things, but
she checked them over for current styles and such, so she knows what to
do."

"But I can't apparate from Hogwarts," Lily tries weakly, then yelps and
closes her eyes, holding still as McGonagall waves her wand, which causes
her clothes to shift all over her body. Her hair tugs, her shoes lift, and fabric
flaps and falls at the stern hands of McGonagall's magic.

Once done, McGonagall announces, "You will be using my floo in my

personal chambers to leave and return. You'll go to Hogsmeade and
apparate from there, then apparate back and use the same floo to get back
into the castle."
"Oh," Lily chokes out, shaking fingers fluttering down over the dress
McGonagall has just given her. It's a soft material. Pretty. Not too flashy;
wouldn't want to outshine the bride. Her hair is done in intricate braids with
curls framing her face, which she feels as she reaches up to touch them.

"Come here," Pandora murmurs gently, gazing at her as she reaches out to
touch Lily's arm, tugging her close. Her fingers burn into Lily's skin,
leaving her breathless, and she stumbles forward on heels. "Let me do your
makeup. Can I?"

Lily swallows and nods. "Yeah, alright."

Pandora does, one hand on her wand, the other on Lily's arm. She never lets
go, strokes her skin gently as she waves her wand, and Lily doesn't even
flinch when the magic washes over her face, prickly and cold. Once she
finishes, Pandora stares at her. Stares at her. Just stares at her.

"How do I look?" Lily croaks.

"Beautiful," Pandora says instantly, the word leaving her mouth so fast that
it sounds like a thought she already had. Pandora drops her arm and clears
her throat. "But you always do, so I should say—you look fit for a
wedding."

Lily's head spins. But you always do. Oh. Well, sure, alright. Just casually
say that now, with so much going on, happening all at once. Lovely. Lily
wants to sit down and think about that for hours, but she sadly doesn't have
the time.

It's a flurry of activity from there, a rush to get Lily where she needs to be.
From Hogwarts to Hogsmeade to Muggle London, as close as she can get to
the venue, and she's not late, not yet, but she's not eager to be either. Petunia
would probably kill her if she burst in during the vows.

She doesn't, though, thankfully. She climbs the steps of the chapel and eases
inside behind a crowd of others who are also arriving. People are still
turning up, but it's only trickles now. Most of everyone has found their
seats.

The first person to notice Lily is her mother, who gasps and rushes over,
asking a million questions and so very thrilled that Lily turned up after all. I
knew you'd come, Lily's mum says in all her delighted babble, and it stings,
because Lily didn't.

"Come, come, Petunia is alone at the moment. Everyone is taking their

places, so you should go see her now before the wedding starts," she says,
leading her away.

Lily goes, her stomach flipping as she follows her mum down a quiet hall,
towards a lone room. Her mum is frazzled, off to handle the final touches,
squeezing Lily's arm and kissing her cheek before she dashes off. Lily
stands at the door Petunia is waiting on the other side of for a long time.
Probably too long.
But, eventually, she opens the door and eases inside.

Petunia and Lily have never looked all that much alike. Lily gets their
mother's genes, the red hair and shorter height, the wide shoulders and
wider hips. Petunia takes after their dad, blond hair and tall, a long neck,
thin as the rest of her. The only thing Lily really got from their dad was his
eyes, while Petunia got their mum's. In their years, they've each envied each
other through their own various insecurities, as different as sisters can get,
but they have the same ears. They have the same scoff when they're agitated
and matching scars on their knees where Petunia fell off a wonky climbing
frame and Lily had to follow and do the exact same thing her big sister did.
They have the same pair of denims in different sizes, and a song they both
have an entire dance routine to, and dreams of a life neither of them ended
up living.

And here they are.

Petunia is in front of a full-length mirror, staring at herself, shoulders tense

as she touches the train of her veil. She doesn't notice Lily at first, so she
does nothing to hide the anxiety at the corners of her eyes, or the tight pinch
of her mouth. Wedding jitters or cold feet?

Lily will never know, because when Petunia does catch sight of her, she
goes very still. For a moment, their eyes are locked through one another's
reflection, and everything comes to a stop. Just for a second, it's that. It's
mirror, mirror on the wall, who aches most of all? And then it's gone like
the light of possibility snuffed out, the flame of it smothered by one letter
with magic that kept it from burning. Oh, that letter. Lily still has that letter,
but she doesn't have her sister.
Petunia doesn't speak, but she stands taller. She locks away any sight of
what existed there before, covering it with a tilt of her chin in pride, eyes
cold and sharp. Claws unsheathed, just that quickly, but Lily isn't here for a
fight.

"You look beautiful," Lily whispers, not moving, not coming closer. Petunia
does look beautiful, is the thing. "Your dress is gorgeous. Looks just like
you always said you wanted it."

"Yes, well, it is my day," Petunia replies stiffly, her hand carefully

smoothing down the front of her skirt.

"I know, I just—" Lily swallows. "It's just nice, I guess."

"What is?"

"Knowing some of our dreams managed to come true."

Petunia stares at her through the mirror, fingers twitching against the white
fabric, and then she looks at herself for a long time. Her voice is quiet when
she says, "Not all of them. Vernon's hardly the prince I dreamed of back
then."
Lily sits on that for a second. It's not something you say about the person
you're marrying, especially the day of, and Lily holds her breath as she
studies Petunia's reflection. She steps forward, her exhale bursting out of
her.

"You don't have to marry him," Lily says, her voice low, urgent.

"Lily," Petunia warns.

"You don't," Lily insists fervently. "Whatever you think your life has to
look like, it doesn't. It—it can be anything. We can go right now. I'll sneak
you out, I'll take you away, and you—"

"Christ, Lily," Petunia cuts in, whirling around to face her, eyes flashing.
"Stop. Just stop."

"Do you love him?" Lily demands, holding her gaze, daring her to lie.

Petunia doesn't. "I love the life being with him will give me."

And yes, life. Lives. Choosing your life. They're at the age to choose now,
and this is Petunia's choice. It's not a choice Lily could ever imagine
choosing herself; not marrying for love, but for the future. That was always
something different about them, too. Petunia has always looked to the
future; she was calling Lily a freak long before the letter came. Lily has
always lived for right now; the letter came, and she begged to go.

And still, still, Lily can't stop herself from trying. "But if it's not love, how
will you be happy like you would if you married someone you did love?"

"Oh, don't be naive. Grow up," Petunia snaps. "Not everything is magic.
Not everyone experiences love in their life. Some of us take what we can
get. Some of us are left settling, because there are things others get to have
that we never will."

"Petunia," Lily rasps.

"Vernon is a secure man," Petunia says coldly. "He's normal. He dotes on

me and offers me things I want, and I don't have to love him to love that. I
don't need you here to rescue me. Why are you here? You're not supposed
to be here."

And, as always with Petunia, Lily has failed. The lump in her throat aches,
aches, aches. She exhales past it and somehow, miraculously, finds her
voice. "Do you want me to go?"

"I don't want any of your freakish business here messing up my day,"
Petunia hisses. "It's my day, Lily. I don't need you here ruining it, and you
always ruin everything."
"I just—" Lily stops, feeling that settle like a stone in her stomach. The
confirmation of what she already knew. Petunia doesn't want her here, at
her wedding, and it hurts. Oh, how it hurts. Lily's eyes sting, and she holds
Petunia's gaze for a second longer before dropping it, ducking her head on a
shuddering breath. She nods. "Okay. I'll go."

Lily turns to the door.

Lily steps up to the door.

Lily reaches out to the door.

"Wait," Petunia says, and Lily is the one going still this time, her heart
lurching in her chest. She's holding the door handle, but she turns slowly,
waiting. There's something hesitant in Petunia's gaze. A thread there,
tethered between them. The collapsed, frayed ends of sisterhood, snapped
years ago. But maybe not snapped completely, because Petunia inhales so
deep that the concave of her collarbones hollow out visibly past the lace of
her dress, and she mutters, "Stay until the reception starts. Sit in the back,
then slip out."

"Yeah?" Lily chokes out, trying and trying not to cry.

"Yes," Petunia says, clipped, failing to meet her gaze.

"Okay, Petunia. I'll stay," Lily whispers, because as much as it hurts to be
cast out, it warms her that, after everything, Petunia wants her to see her get
married. Her day. The day she chooses her life, she wants Lily there, even
in the background.

"Lily," Petunia whispers back.

"Yes?" Lily asks.

Petunia swallows and meets her gaze. "Don't speak up when they ask if
anyone protests Vernon and I getting married."

"Why?" Lily murmurs, though she thinks she already knows.

"Because…" Petunia looks at her, tense all over, all sharp edges and
shattered dreams. "Because I'll run away with you, if you do, and I won't
look back. Please don't do that to me."

Lily looks at her for a long time, every part of her aching, and she bears the
pain of it, only to nod and say, "I won't."

Petunia nods sharply and turns around to resume examining herself in the
mirror, a truly beautiful bride. Silence lands between them like it's falling
from the folds of an envelope encasing a world of magic within. Only one.
There was only ever going to be one letter.
Lily turns and leaves the room.

During the wedding, Lily sits in the back. She's the first person Petunia
looks at when walking down the aisle on their father's arm, and Lily thinks
that's fitting. Her sister, the first person she sees, and the first person she
walks past, the first person she walks away from. Ironies and ironies.

Lily watches her sister get married. Watches Petunia stand up there, given
away by their father, her hand in the undeserving hand of Vernon, who—to
his credit—looks like he's just won the lottery as he gazes upon his bride.
Watches Petunia look at him, not with love, but with comfort of her future
standing before her, laid out with every step she can see so she'll never miss
a beat or go off-script or change her plans. Watches as people watch like it's
beautiful, when it's a tragedy.

And, when the time comes where someone can interrupt, there is a pause.
There is a moment, and Lily grips the edge of her seat, holding her breath.
Her legs shake. Her hands ache. She wants to stand, wants to selfishly steal
her sister away and have her again, save her from what she's decided she
doesn't need saving from. Petunia looks out toward the crowd and looks
right at Lily, waiting, tense.

Lily remains in her seat. She doesn't stand. She doesn't interrupt, because
she has tried and tried and tried, and she can't keep trying when Petunia
doesn't want her to. And so, she doesn't move, but all at once, she lets go.

And Petunia gets married.

And here they are.

And then, after the groom kisses the bride, after all the clapping and the
cheers, Petunia beams out at everyone until her gaze finds Lily's. Her face
softens, just for a moment, and there is love there. Love and life, love lost
and lives taken from them, love persisting and lives chosen. Petunia looks
at her, and then she looks at the door.

Lily gets up, and she slips out.

Chapter End Notes

*screams into the void*

a while back i was talking on my tumblr about writing this fic and how
there was a scene that had me curled up and sobbing my fucking guts
out, and it was that last one. again, very on brand for the sibling angst
to fuck me up, but yall don't even know. it hit me so hard.

anyway, let me come back to that, because lily and pandora are being
ridiculous and i love them. like, the way they're both suffering from
building tension and a huge mutual crush, all while basically dating...

you know what i love about queer people? they can be the most
brilliant, self-aware, emotionally-mature person in the world, and
they'll still be a little dumb about someone they like 😭 idk, it's not
even, like, miscommunication. i mean, for pandora, she really just
doesn't know, and for lily... well, you'll see more on that later lmaoooo.

also very fun for me to have regulus and lily have a brief battle of the
younger siblings regulus really gave her the shovel talk for pandora,
but he's a real one for not ruining her surprise and just acting like he
didn't know shit. also, i think like. in this we see hints of lily kind of
having that slight sibling kind of relationship with sirius, in a sense,
and she'd never admit how much he means to her, but she really does
care about him, so i think it was a relief to her to get to kind of. see
where regulus stood with sirius, as far as complicated siblings go? like,
she just wanted some hope, and regulus unintentionally gave her that.

sort of worked out in the end, but also not really? like, lily and petunia
definitely fucked me up when i was writing this, because it was like.
oh shit, this is kinda unsalvagable. and i tend to usually prefer having
the siblings mend their relationships in my stories, so when i realized
that lily and petunia wouldn't in this, like they wouldn't be able to—
literally as i was writing it btw—i was a fucking wreck.

so, quite literally, i hurt my won feelings :(

but hey. lily has a lot of love and comfort coming her way, so.
positives!
 Chapter 4
Chapter Notes

the vague reference to child abuse is in this chapter. very blink-and-

you-miss-it. also, some people get high in this chapter, there's a little
drug use, but it's nothing heavy at all!
See the end of the chapter for more notes

Pandora doesn't know if waiting around in the bathroom is a good idea.

Maybe Lily won't come. Maybe she'll make it back late and just want to go
to bed. Maybe she'll have had an awful time and blame Pandora for making
her go and hate her for the rest of her life for doing something so invasive.

Oh, why did Pandora do something so invasive?

She should have left it alone. It wasn't her business. Regulus has always
said that she's unintentionally invasive, just due to her own logic when she
assesses a situation and decides to respond to it. She can respond to it, so
why shouldn't she? If she can make things better, then shouldn't she try?

The problem is, Pandora can do everything right, she can follow the most
logical plan, and then things still can go wrong. There are other variables
unaccounted for that she can't prepare for, and then she ends up wishing she
just minded her own business, as Regulus has often (and rudely) told her
that she should. But Regulus is a prick, so what does he know anyway? He's
so rude. Fuck him, actually.
Okay, great, now Pandora is just getting mad at Regulus when he didn't
even do anything (this time), purely because she's that stressed out. The
good thing about this is, Regulus is never really offended when Pandora
gets angry at him when she's really just angry at herself, because he knows
she redirects her fury to him as well so that, even in this, she doesn't have to
be alone. He doesn't let it bother him, but then again, he doesn't let much
bother him at all.

"So, Lily isn't coming tonight?" Myrtle asks, floating on the other side of
the cauldron, having finally given up on begging Pandora to dunk her whole
head inside it.

"I don't know," Pandora admits. "Maybe not."

Myrtle hums, then says, "Are you two fighting?"

"What? No. Why?"

"Oh, you know, you two are just weird all the time now."

Pandora's shoulders go tight, and she looks up slowly, feeling that like a
splinter under her skin. "No, we're not."

"Yes, you are," Myrtle insists. "You're both very weird about each other
now. Are you two even friends anymore?"
"What? Yes! Of course we are," Pandora sputters, but her concern spikes,
because what if they aren't after this? What if the wedding went badly, and
Lily hates her now? What if—

There's the scuff of a shoe against the floor, slopping in the low layer of
water that Myrtle insists on leaving around, and Pandora looks up and feels
her breath freeze in her chest. Lily stands in the doorway, now back in her
robes, because the transfiguration must have worn off. The makeup has
faded a little, but what lingers is smeared from visible tears, Lily's emerald
eyes shimmering as she stands in place and trembles.

"Oh, Lily," Pandora whispers, dropping her ladle, something inside her
lurching with disappointment and regret, wishing more than anything that
she hadn't interfered.

Lily chokes out a harsh sob and comes stumbling further in the room and
right into Pandora's arms the moment she opens them, her chest heaving as
she collapses against Pandora and weeps into her shoulder. Pandora wraps
her arms around her and swallows, feeling the cold still lingering in Lily's
hair against her cheek as she ducks her head forward.

"There, there," Myrtle murmurs, reaching out with a ghostly hand to gently
pat Lily's cheek—or, well, attempt to. Can't manage it as a ghost, but it's a
nice gesture all the same.

Nice gesture or not, Pandora wants to snap her teeth at Myrtle like a
particularly vicious, territorial dog. The desire claws at her until she spits
out, "Piss off, Myrtle!"

Naturally, this doesn't go over well with Myrtle, who proceeds to shriek
some things, cry, and launch herself into her toilet. Pandora has no room in
her to regret it now, and doubts she really will later. She'll apologize,
though, and Myrtle will be fine. Right now, Lily is not fine, and she's far
more important.

Pandora guides Lily over to the wall, so they can settle on the floor and lean
against it, sort of just curled up together. Lily keeps her face hidden in
Pandora's shoulder, and Pandora tangles their hands together in her lap,
murmuring quiet, nonsensical things she doesn't even really hear herself
say, hoping with everything in her that it's comforting anyway.

It takes a bit, but Lily eventually calms down, reduced to soft sniffles and
hitched breathing in the curve of Pandora's shoulder, slumped against her
like all the fight has left her body. Pandora…can't relate, honestly. She
doesn't cry very often, and when she does, it's almost always a meltdown of
all her emotions ripping out of her at once. She feels out of control like that,
and it's never a relieving thing for her, even when it's over. It's taxing,
mostly, and she hates it.

Lily, however, seems almost relaxed now. Pandora hopes she's helping,
even while she's sure that she's the reason Lily showed up like this to her in
the first place.

"My sister is married now," Lily croaks.

"Yes, I thought she would be," Pandora mumbles, because she did,
considering that Lily was going to her wedding.

"She let me stay for the ceremony, but wanted me to leave after, so I did,"
Lily whispers. Pandora doesn't know what to say to that, so she says
nothing, and Lily releases a shuddering breath. "I guess it's—it's just hard to
let go. We're really… Well, that's that, between us. She's going her way, and
I'll go mine, and they're not in the same direction. They're not even paths
that will cross. She doesn't want them to cross."

Pandora swallows. "If that's true, then she's a tart. Not just any tart, but a
stupid one."

"Pandora," Lily protests with a weak huff of laughter.

"No, honestly, I'm serious." Pandora reaches up to cup Lily's cheek and
nudge her head up, taking the opportunity to drag her thumb across tear
tracks as soon as she has the space to, swiping the tears away. Lily stares at
her through teary eyes, round-cheeked and lovely, even like this. "Anyone
who's not eager to keep you in their life is a stupid tart, Lily, even your
sister. And she doesn't deserve you, in that case."

Lily swallows harshly. "It's not as simple as that, Pandora. There's a lot of—
history, between us, and—and something I can't really put into words. She
couldn't keep me in her life, and after years of living with that, I think she
stopped wanting to. In the end, she chose not to, and I…let her."
"Well, we can't force people to want we want."

"I know. That's not really the fucked up part. No matter what I wanted, the
worst part is that I think I'm better off not getting it. I'm better off this
way."

"That's good, isn't it?" Pandora asks.

"She's hurt me so much," Lily chokes out, "and I still miss her. I think I
always will. I think, now, I'm doomed to."

"I'm sorry," Pandora mumbles. "I shouldn't have interfered."

"No, no, I'm so glad I went," Lily rasps, her eyes fluttering shut as Pandora
strokes her cheek under the guise of getting rid of tears, but the skin under
her thumb is dry now. She should probably drop her hand. "Thank you,
Pandora."

"I did the right thing?" Pandora whispers. "We're alright?"

"Yeah, of course we're alright," Lily says softly, nodding into her hand.
"You and me—we're always going to be alright, no matter what. I'm pretty
sure our paths are the same."
Pandora feels that like a hook buried through her gut and wrapped around
her spine. A harsh swoop in her stomach leaves her stifling a small,
punched-out noise, her whole body prickling and warm. She looks at Lily
with her red-rimmed green eyes, part of her face obscured by Pandora's
hand, but her mouth is visible and plush and right there next to the dip at the
bottom of Pandora's palm—and Pandora wants Lily to kiss her there. Kiss
the bend of her wrist, and up to her fingers, and let Pandora put her fingers
in her mouth, just to feel the inside, then take them out and replace them
with her tongue.

It takes Pandora a few moments of thinking about this in vivid detail, and
staring at Lily's mouth, for her to finally realize she wants to kiss Lily.
That's what this is. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, well, that's. That is.

That is the hardest impulse Pandora has ever had to fight, in all her years.
She wants to do it now, right this second, and has to drop her hand while
rocking back with a shaky exhale just so she won't. She—should not do
that. At the moment, she can't really figure out why she shouldn't, but she's
sure of it.

"Pandora?" Lily murmurs.

I want to kiss you, Pandora thinks, overcome with the full brunt of the
realization. New, but not startling at all, the longer she thinks about it. Why
wouldn't she want to kiss Lily? It's Lily.

But the newness of acceptance is a lot all at once, strangely overwhelming,

because she needs to pick it apart and know every inch of it. She fancies
Lily, clearly, but for how long? When did it happen, and why does it feel
like it was always going to, now that she's examining it from all angles? It
looks inevitable, from her view, and like something so rare that it can only
be a rush to discover it.

Pandora can't do anything about it now, and won't do anything until she
figures out what she wants to do, and really, Lily has just been crying her
eyes out. That's a bad time to just go about snogging someone, isn't it? Well,
does Lily even want to be snogged by her? Lily's a factor in this, too, and
the risk that this could drive a wedge between them is not one Pandora is
willing to take. Anyone not eager to keep Lily in their life is a stupid tart.
Does Pandora look like a stupid tart to you?

So, Pandora looks at Lily and thinks I want to kiss you, but does not say so,
and does not do so. What she says, in the end, is a hoarse, "Do you want to
help me with the potion? Might take your mind off of—things."

"Yeah," Lily says, lips curling up. "I'd love to."

Lily has a hard time after what happened at Petunia's wedding. She deals
with this by throwing herself into her work, putting all of her focus on
coursework and preparing for the N.E.W.Ts.

Is it healthy? No. Is it what she's doing anyway? Naturally.

Honestly, it's just sort of a habit, at this point. When she doesn't want to
think, she focuses on academics. When she's upset, she goes chasing the
validation of high marks. She puts herself through the paces, cracking down
with no room for relaxation or faltering. She won't let herself back off, no
matter how frayed at the edges she feels. Keep going. Do more. Read it
again. Work harder, push harder, try harder. Perfect it. No, that's not
enough, that's not good enough, that's not—

"—good for you," says Remus, his hand flat against the book he just closed
that she was reading. Lily stares at him with a spike of agitation, and he
frowns. "You need a break, Lily, or you're going to break."

"I don't break," Lily snaps, yanking her brook from him, "and I was reading
that. Piss off, will you?"

"No, I don't think I will," Remus replies, then snatches the book right back,
carelessly sliding it across the table until it tumbles over the edge and right
to the floor. Lily gasps in perhaps exaggerated horror, which causes Remus'
lips to twitch as he sticks a spliff between them. "Come on, then."
Remus snags her quill right out of her hand to slide it behind his ear, then
dips in to grab her bag before she can scramble for it. He tosses it lazily
over his shoulder and grabs her wand to light the spliff, inhaling until his
cheeks hollow out, smoke curling up right there in the middle of the
common room as he swivels her wand between his fingers. The thing about
Remus is, he's a complete mess of a human being, honestly, and not one that
most would consider suave, but he is, occasionally, unintentionally cool. He
never seems to notice he's doing it, and clearly doesn't now, because his
smile is genuine and not smug as he starts backing away, eyebrows raised,
urging her to follow. Scowling, Lily pushes to her feet to do just that.

"You fucking tosser," Lily complains, because he's taken all her things—
wand, quill, bag full of notes, and he even pushed away her book. "Remus,
come off it, I need that—"

Remus ignores her and makes his way to one of the window alcoves,
though it's high up in the tower. By now, it's rather common for people to
find their ways up—James is the only lunatic to actually climb the portraits
freehand, just to see if he could—and Remus is quite good at magicking his
shoes into giving him quite the bounce, so he can just sail up and casually
perch on the ledge, looking down at her with her wand at the ready. He uses
it as if it's his own, and she sighs as her trainers wobble. Rolling her eyes,
Lily bends her knees, then launches herself up and doesn't quite make it as
far, so she goes back down and gets high enough at the second jump.

"This," Remus says, holding the spliff out to her, "is what you need. And a
sodding break. When's the last time you slept?"

"I sleep," Lily mutters defensively. She does. Just—she hasn't been, very
much.
"Marlene and Mary are worried about you," Remus murmurs as she takes
the spliff and inhales. "They said you've been just about biting their heads
off when they suggest you detach yourself from your studies, even for a
bit."

Lily grimaces. Yeah, she's not…the biggest joy to be around at the moment.
"So, naturally, they've sent you to deal with me."

"Well, I'm used to being bitten, aren't I?" Remus points out with a muffled
snort of amusement when she gives him a flat look. "Fuck's sake, Lily,
loosen up, would you?"

"I'm loose."

"You're wound so tight you're in a knot."

"I'm fine," Lily insists, and Remus just stares at her. She huffs and takes
another pull on the spliff before passing it back to him. "I just don't want to
talk about it, alright?"

Remus hums and gives a lazy shrug. "If you say so. Can't make you, in any
case. But, you know, maybe you don't really have to talk about it at all.
Maybe I'll just—understand."
"I don't know," Lily mumbles. "It's sort of complicated, and it would
probably require a load of fucking details I don't want to get into. I mean,
Sirius would understand, I think."

"Oh? Well, alright," Remus says, then takes two long pulls on the spliff
before passing it to her and abruptly pushing off the ledge. He drops down
and meets the floor like he's falling into a pit of pillows, getting his bearings
and leaving, just like that.

Lily stares after him, frowning, and continues to slowly smoke. Remus has
left all her things, save for her quill, which likely still remains behind his
ear, undoubtedly forgotten there. She could sail down herself and return to
what she was doing, but the spliff is getting to her already, working some of
the tension out of her shoulders. Maybe this is fine, just for now.

A few minutes later, Sirius comes into the common room, heading right for
her without a stutter in his stride. She scowls as she realizes what's
happening, and before she can do much to get away from it, Sirius is
floating his way up and sliding into the open spot next to her.

"Evans," Sirius greets. "I hear my expertise is needed."

"I'd rather die than think you're an expert in anything," Lily grumbles,
passing him the spliff when he reaches for it.

Sirius coos at her. "Mm, well, Remus says I'm to listen to you lament. Go
on, then, tell your dashingly charming, yet gently understanding friend all
your problems, and I'll give you the wisest, worldliest advice you'll ever
hear."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, sure, aren't we all? Now that we've got that out of the way, what's
made you so upset as of late, hm? And, really, how would I understand?
Even more than Remus?"

Lily side-eyes him. "Why do you sound so skeptical?"

"Because Remus is a miserable shit," Sirius says fondly. "If anyone would
understand, it's usually him. The fact that you said I would, over him,
makes me think…hm, family issues?"

"I hate you," Lily mumbles.

Sirius laughs. "I love when I'm right. So, what level of family issues are we
talking? Physical abuse? Verbal? Mum, Dad, or both? Ooh, have you been
called a disappointment yet?"

"You're a wreck, you know that?"

"Only on the inside, but my outside is immaculate, so I'm quite sure it
balances out."

"That's not at all how that works."

"Well, the best thing about being a wreck is that our wrecks are our own, so
we get to make the rules. Now, quit stalling."

Lily heaves a sigh and tips her head back, face scrunching. Sirius passes her
the spliff, which she takes thankfully. She smokes some more to keep
stalling, but that hit seems to crank the rest of her stress right out of her,
leaving her feeling lax and lazy. She exhales a cloud after holding it too
long, and she coughs, which makes Sirius laugh at her.

"My sister," Lily mutters, her voice strained, and Sirius' laugh immediately
cuts out. She holds the spliff out to him, and he takes it in silence. "My
issue is my sister."

"Ah," Sirius says quietly. "Well, that's a load of dragon dung. Sibling issues
are always worse than any other. Now I see why I'm the one who'll get it."

"Do you, though? Really? Because you and Regulus seem…"

"Fine? Yeah, suppose so, but we weren't always."

Lily sighs again, then shakes her head when he offers her the spliff again.
He takes a few more pulls, then puts it out. "But you are fine now."

"It's…a work in progress," Sirius mumbles, turning to scoot further onto the
ledge, putting his back against the wall and leaning on the window, legs
folded under him. After a beat, Lily twists to mirror him, their knees
knocking as they both adjust and kick at each other before seeming to
accept that their legs are just going to have to be tangled up. They're too
lazy and relaxed now to care too much. "I have to try really hard with
Regulus, you know. He doesn't…make it easy, but he tries, too, in his own
way. It took me a while to see that, but he does. We're…very different, so
that made things difficult."

"Imagine that he didn't," Lily croaks. "Imagine that it was just you, and he
gave up long ago, and you can't fix it. You can't fix something you don't
consider broken, something that he does, and there's no common ground.
There's no—just no fucking effort, not from him, and so your lives are
separate, you're both just separate, and now you have to live with that.
Sirius, how the fuck do you live with that?"

"Bitterly, I imagine," Sirius says. "I mean, yeah, that'd be shit. But it's
also… It doesn't sound like it'd be my fault." He levels her with a long look
and murmurs, "It's not your fault, Lily."

"Feels like it is," Lily whispers past the lump in her throat. She squeezes her
eyes shut. "I don't know how to…deal with it. The fact that she didn't try.
She's my sister, and she gave up on me."
"I think that's a reflection of her, not you," Sirius says softly, knocking his
knee into hers. "If Regulus gave up on me, I think I'd—kill him, probably.
Or want to. Or just hate him."

"I do hate her," Lily admits. "I hate her more and more every day, but I can't
figure out how to love her less."

Sirius nods easily, like he gets that, which he would. She knew he would.
"You know how I'd live with that?"

"How?"

"With other people."

Lily blinks. "Other people."

"Yeah," Sirius declares bluntly. "The thing I've learned about having family
break your heart is that it helps to have people that want to help pick up the
pieces. We can't always choose the people we can't stop loving, but we can
choose people to love, and we can choose to let people love us. So, you
know, take it from me, pushing everyone away doesn't help much. I've been
there, done that, and it just makes things worse."
"Your wise advice is…the power of friendship?"

"Well, I'd say it's more the power of found family, but semantics, I suppose.
You have people, Lily, is my point. Don't lose sleep at night over a sister
who gave up on you no more than you can help it, especially not when
Marlene and Mary are sleeping a few feet away and will help, if you ask
them. Do you know how many times I've gotten in my own head about my
damn mother and had to go crawl in bed with James? Or ask Peter to take a
walk with me after getting a scathing letter from my father? Or go ranting
to Remus when me and Regulus are having problems? Thing is, Regulus is
my brother, and I'm very fortunate that we both try, but if we didn't—if he
didn't, if he gave up on me like my parents did—then I'd still have family to
turn to. James, Peter, Remus; they're my family, too. It doesn't start and end
with blood."

"I hate talking about it, though," Lily confesses. "It makes me so fucking
angry. I think it brings out the worst in me."

Sirius hums. "Yeah, but your people aren't there for just your best; they're
there for your worst, too. Merlin knows Remus, James, and Peter have seen
my worst ten times over, but I still can't get rid of the bastards. That's what
it's about, right? Trust? Because she gave up on you, and now you sort of
expect everyone to do the same. Not everyone will, though. You just have
to…give them the chance to prove it. You'll be surprised, if you do, and
relieved. Trust me, I'd know."

"Stop being reasonable," Lily mutters. "It's creepy."

"Listen, I am the expert when it comes to family issues," Sirius says, raising
his hands in surrender. "You told Remus I would understand, and I do. I'm
just trying to help."

"Well…stop it."

"Oh, sure. I think I said all I needed to anyway, didn't I?"

Lily jerks her leg out and sweeps Sirius harshly over the side of the ledge.
He cackles the whole way down and splays out like a starfish on the soft
landing, grinning up at her. She flips him off, then tips herself over to fall
down next to him.

They lay there for a while in comfortable quiet, staring at the ceiling, which
is how Remus eventually finds them hours later, since Sirius never returned.
They're both rather stuck, eyelids drooping, tucked comfortably in the
gentle padding of the floor. Remus has to help them up.

Lily gets all her things back—not her quill, that's likely gone forever, or
she'll find Peter with it in a few days—but she doesn't throw herself back
into her work. She goes to her dorm and flops on her bed, tired but
simultaneously antsy as she comes down from a high, her mind working.
It's always working, never stopping, and she can't uproot this heavy feeling
in her chest every time Petunia crosses her mind.

That night, when nothing else works, Lily tentatively crawls out of bed and
sneaks to the one that's closest. Carefully, she peels the bed-hangings open
and bites her lip as she pokes Marlene's arm. Marlene grunts and turns over,
squinting through sleepy eyes, a tiny frown on her face.

"Wha's'it?" Marlene garbles out. "S'on fire?"

"No, nothing is on fire," Lily tells her, shifting awkwardly in place. Is she
doing this? Really? She's never done this before, never asked to share a bed
seeking comfort with anyone other than Petunia, back when they were kids,
back before that letter ever came. Is this weird? This is weird, isn't it?

Marlene gives a harsh blink and peers at her closer, like she's just now
registering that she's there, the cloud of sleep in her eyes slowly fading.
"Lily? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just—" Lily grimaces and crosses her arms, lifting her bare feet
off the cold floor over and over. "Look, I can't sleep, okay? I have a lot on
my mind. Can I…?"

Lily gestures jerkily at the open space on the bed, and Marlene glances
down at it like she expects to find something there. It could either be the
fatigue, or just the fact that Lily doesn't ever do shit like this, but it seems to
take Marlene a few moments to realize what's being asked.

"Oh," Marlene says, when she gets it, and then: "Yeah, I don't give a shit.
Just don't kick me, or I'll push you out the bed."
Then, with that, Marlene turns back over and is snoring again in less than a
minute. Lily stares for a long beat, then blinks and shakes off the surreality
of Marlene's easy acceptance. Right, well, sure. Okay, then. Maybe it's not
weird.

And it's not, Lily finds out later, when her eyes are too heavy to hold open,
and Marlene's snores drown out the thoughts in her head, and it's the easiest
she's fallen asleep in a while.

Not so weird at all.

The clocktower is one of Pandora's favorite spots in the castle, and one she
considers to be hers and Regulus'. Rarely do any others take the climb up
among the gears and working cogs, only to reach a dusty, wooden peak with
opaque glass on the clock's front to barely see out of. There are far better
views from other places, but it's not just about the view for them.

It's also the seclusion, and the quiet created between them with background
sound of the clock hard at work measuring something that doesn't even
exist, just a mere illusion. It's the sense of privacy, and the unspoken claim
they feel, because this is where they met, and where they always return.

They have a routine now, at this point, seeing as they've been meeting up
here for years. There's a spot already made up for them, pillows and
blankets, candles that they light, and a haul of snacks they bring to share.
When they have the free time, and just want to be together, this is what they
do.

This is also, coincidentally, the place where Pandora decides to present her
latest revelation to her best friend, curious as to what his thoughts on it will
be.

"I want to kiss Lily," Pandora announces, with no warning.

"I know," is Regulus' immediate reply.

"I think I fancy her."

"Yes, I'd say you do."

Pandora sits on that for a second, then adds, "I don't know what to do about
it."

"Tell her?" Regulus suggests, like it's obvious.

"Would you so easily tell someone you fancied them if you fancied them?"
Pandora asks, arching an eyebrow at him.
Regulus pauses, then says, "Touché."

"I can't just snog her," Pandora points out, "but I'd like to."

"Why can't you?"

"Well, we're friends. How would you feel if I snogged you?"

"That's different."

"Is it?"

Pandora leans forward before Regulus can respond and presses a kiss to his
mouth, then leans back and waits.

"Well, that was very tame, Pandora," Regulus says, eyebrows furrowed. "I
can't imagine she'd have a problem with it, if it's like that. It's like you
intended to kiss my cheek, missed, and landed on my mouth instead.
Nothing to think about, really."
"Okay, but it wouldn't be like that with her," Pandora explains, frowning as
she gently sits aside a bag of crisps. She has to be careful, because the
sound of the bag crinkling drives her absolutely mad and makes her feel
like someone's dragging something along the ridges of her spine. It gives
her the urge to jab something in her ears and rip her skin off, depending on
how long it goes on for. "It wouldn't be tame. I don't want it to be tame. I
want her tongue in my mouth."

"Yes, well, in that case, she'd have to think about it," Regulus admits. "Have
you ever even had someone's tongue in your mouth before?"

"I've never even kissed anyone," Pandora says, then gestures at him. "You
were my first."

"You were mine, too. I don't really see what all the fuss is about."

"I think that's because we don't fancy each other."

"Could be," Regulus allows.

Pandora heaves a sigh. "The thing is, Lily's very important to me. I don't
want to…muck it up with her. I want to keep her."

"Would you lose her over this, do you think?"

"I don't know, maybe? Regulus, I don't know how any of this works. If she
doesn't feel the same, then it's—strange, isn't it? It'll get strange between us,
and I don't want that."

"I think she does, though."

"What?"

Regulus rolls his eyes. "Feel the same. I think she does."

"You think?" Pandora asks, an abrupt surge of hope whipping through her
so hard she nearly falls over.

"I mean, I don't know how any of this works either, but it seems that way to
me," Regulus says.

"You're not just saying that because you're my best friend?"

"No."
Pandora nods, believing him instantly. "Right, well, I need to find out. How
do I find out?"

"Ask?"

"You're entirely unhelpful."

"To be honest, I'm doing my level best not to judge you for your taste in
romantic prospects," Regulus replies dryly.

"You don't get it," Pandora groans. "Regulus, she's so lovely, and funny, and
smart. She's also—I mean, it's not obvious to most, but she's a bit fucked
up. I like that."

"Fucked up people are your type?" Regulus muses.

"Obviously," Pandora replies, and points at him.

Regulus scowls, tossing a blueberry from his muffin at her while she erupts
into giggles. "Oh, shut up."

"So," Pandora continues when she's calmer, "what do I do?"

"How am I supposed to know? This really isn't…my area. If I ever end up
in a relationship, it won't be because of anything I did. Whoever I end up
with, if I do, will have to do all the work. Have you considered that, letting
her handle it?"

"You're going on the assumption that she will, and while I'd happily let her,
I don't know if the assumption has merit."

"Right, well, just do what other people do," Regulus suggests with a shrug.
"They carry out all sorts of ridiculous mating rituals. Flirting is a thing, I
hear."

"Flirting," Pandora repeats, like it's an alien concept.

"Yeah. You know…" Regulus trails off awkwardly, then grimaces. "I'm
pretty sure it involves…teasing? Or being a tease? Both? Again, this is not
my area."

"Well, I can't ask anyone else, Regulus." Pandora pauses, then makes her
eyes go big and round. "Would you—"

"No."
"Please?"

"No."

"So, you want me to die alone and miserable."

"You won't die alone. I'll be there to watch."

"If that was meant to be comforting—"

"It wasn't," Regulus cuts in.

Pandora groans and reaches out to grab his arm, pushing and pulling on it.
"You're my best friend! You're supposed to be the one person I can count on
to help me with these things!"

"I'm not going to go around asking people how to flirt," Regulus says flatly.
"It's simple enough in theory, I should think. Just—wear something nice,
touch her a lot, and give her compliments. That's the idea, isn't it?"

"I've done that already and nothing happened."

"It has to be different when you're doing it consciously, rather than
subconsciously. There are other things, too. I've heard Ridley talking about
making Isip jealous. You could try that?"

"Make Lily jealous?"

"Why not? That'll get her broom off the ground, surely. It should spur her
into action. It did for Isip anyway."

"Okay, but…how?"

"You're asking me?"

"What makes people jealous? I've never gotten jealous before."

Regulus laughs, then sees that she's not joking, and he stares at her.
"Pandora, you've absolutely gotten jealous before, many different times.
You got agitated one time when you found out I spoke to someone who
found their way up here once."

"That's not jealousy. That's rightfully claiming what's mine," Pandora

mutters. "This is our spot."
"I was only telling them to go away," Regulus points out, which is the only
reason she wasn't too upset when she found out about it in the first place.
"My point is, you can be—rather possessive. In your head, you have all
these rules and beliefs for how things should be, and if it doesn't go that
way, you get upset. I mean, how would you feel if Lily started dating?"

Pandora jerks back, though her hands tighten on his arm. In an instant, she
finds that she doesn't like that at all.

"Exactly," Regulus continues, nodding. "We all get jealous. Not me, of
course. I'm above such things."

"You're perpetually jealous of your own brother."

"I take it back, I'm letting you die alone."

A quiet giggle falls out of Pandora's mouth as she stares at his blank
expression, just on the edge of a glare. So sensitive. "I don't know why
you're jealous of Sirius. He's his own person, just as you are, and some
people prefer you over him, you know. I certainly do, at least."

"And this is why you're my favorite," Regulus informs her primly. "In any
case, when you get jealous, you get the urge to stake your claim, right? To
fight for what you're worried you'll lose. It's an instinct—usually a
misguided one, I've found—but it's something everyone does. Lily isn't
immune, surely."
"Well, jealousy feels bad. I don't want to make her feel bad."

"I know, but at least you'll know if she's even going to care."

Pandora scrunches her nose. "So, what, I'm supposed to pretend I fancy
someone else? I'm not doing that. It's stupid."

"I don't think you have to," Regulus says thoughtfully, his head tipping to
the side. "I mean—well, you've just kissed me. Why don't you bring that up
to her?"

"But she knows I don't fancy you. I've said that before."

"Alright, but when is jealousy rational? It's a very illogical feeling, isn't it?
But we can't help it either. Besides, bringing up snogging is in the realm of
flirting, I'd imagine. I mean, if she does fancy you, then she'll be thinking
about it."

"We've never really…talked about snogging before," Pandora admits

slowly. "We don't really talk about things like that."

Regulus shrugs. "So, give it a try. See what happens. She might feel bad for
a moment, and then you can remind her you don't actually fancy me, and
there's no harm. Do that and…try flirting, I suppose. Might get you what
you want."

"I suppose," Pandora replies weakly, "but I'm not good at being normal,
Regulus, you know that. I'll do it wrong."

Regulus purses his lips. "Well, if Lily doesn't fancy you as you really are,
then she's not worth your time. If it helps, I don't think there is a wrong way
to do this. There's just the people who will like it, and the people who won't.
If she does, well, there you go. If she doesn't, cut your losses and move
on."

"I don't want to move on," Pandora complains, deflating forward to drop
her face into his arm she's still holding onto. Inexplicably, she wants to
squeeze and snap it in half, just break the bone for seemingly no reason at
all, one of those many intrusive thoughts she's accustomed to ignoring and
brushing aside after years of having them. "Even if she has no interest in
being together, I want to stay in each other's lives."

"Perhaps you should tell her that," Regulus says. His other hand comes up
and briefly pats the back of her head. "Try the stupid flirting thing, see how
she'll handle it, and if it doesn't all work out smoothly, just be honest with
her. If it still doesn't work out, then…well, say the word, and I'll just
obliviate all your memories of her, so you don't have to worry about it."

Pandora's head springs up, staring at him with wide eyes as she whispers,
"You'd do that?"
"Of course," Regulus murmurs solemnly, like it's a show of true friendship.

"I can always count on you," Pandora says with a sigh of relief, because to
her, memory alteration is a sign of true friendship. And, really, it's a sound
solution, in her opinion.

If she can't have Lily, can't keep her, then all that's left is forgetting her. It's
harder to yearn for something rare when you don't even know it exists.

Lily isn't sure what's happening.

Something is most definitely happening, but she can't quite put her finger on
what it is. All she knows is that Pandora has been strange lately. Well,
strange for Pandora.

The thing is, Lily likes Pandora just how she is and finds it unfathomable
that other people might not. It baffles her to think about, especially when
everyone she knows that has gotten to know Pandora absolutely adores her,
which means anyone out there that finds her unpalatable just hasn't taken
the time to understand her. Well, everyone has flaws, and not everyone will
like each other—yes, yes, Lily knows all of that, but the idea that Pandora
puts anyone off is so odd to her.
Maybe she's just biased, but in the same breath, isn't everyone a bit biased
about the people they care about? Lily sure hopes that the people who care
about her are biased in her favor. She's not above wanting the unwavering
support.

Recently, Lily has been doing better. Much better, in fact, after everything
that happened with Petunia. Perhaps she came to terms with it, or perhaps
she realized the futility in letting it drain her when it's something she can't
change, or won't try to. Either way, Mary and Marlene have been a big help,
as has Remus, the three she'll talk to about it the most. Pandora, too, who
knows more about it and how she feels than anyone else, but Pandora's
favorite thing to do is call Petunia a stupid tart, likely because it makes Lily
laugh every time.

Pandora understands nuance, but she's the type to cut right through
everything and get to the heart of the matter, not beating around the bush.
Sometimes that's helpful, and other times Lily wants Mary to stroke her
back and agree about the difficulty of the balancing act in two different
worlds, as someone who understands it; other times Lily wants Marlene to
threaten to hunt Petunia down to beat her to a pulp, because Lily isn't above
appreciating someone being more than willing to fight for her; other times
Lily wants to get high with Remus and come up with plans she'll never
follow through on to integrate Petunia back into her life, because Remus
knows better than most that a fruitless hope in the face of inevitably can be
briefly uplifting, as someone who hopes over and over that the moon won't
fill out every month, even though he knows that it's always going to.

Lily hates to admit that Sirius was right, but. Well, other people do help her
live with it. So, she relaxes a bit, more and more with each day, and she
goes back to not putting as much pressure on herself. Really, she's doing
better.
Naturally, this is when Pandora throws her a curveball.

There's something, now, in the way Pandora looks at her. It's new. It's
different. It's impossible to figure out, and it's mildly distressing, because
Lily doesn't know what the fuck it means. Pandora studies her these days;
long, assessing looks; sizing her up, almost, as if she's a snake intending to
measure her body so she can know how much she needs to grow to
consume her. It makes Lily's skin prickle. It makes Lily's heart beat faster.

Maybe Pandora is concerned for her, Lily thinks, because she's always
complimenting her these days. Perhaps she thinks that Lily needs the
affirmations, because it's always something; how nice Lily's hair looks, or
how smart she is, or how warm her skin is—which, that one would
probably have been creepy coming from someone else, but this is Pandora,
so Lily only flushed and felt her cheeks grow even warmer. It's an everyday
thing now, to the point that Lily's almost itchy in her building anticipation
as she waits for it, curious as to what it'll be next. That Lily's funny, that
Lily's interesting, that Lily's one of a kind. Frankly, it's going to Lily's head
a bit. She feels spoiled.

And, well, there's all the touching. So much touching, more than there's
ever been, which is like a shock to the system after they spent so much time
fumbling at every casual brush of skin. Excluding the day Lily returned
from the wedding, they were mostly going out of their way to avoid contact,
which Lily didn't like, but this? This is torture.

Lily can't fucking think. It's becoming an issue, honestly. She likes being
focused, clear-headed, and Pandora makes that bloody difficult with how
tactile she's become. Lily can't focus on shit when Pandora reaches out to
touch her. It's not even contact that's out of the ordinary between friends;
fucking hell, Lily is surrounded by touchy people, so she's not really
ignorant to the fact that some enjoy it more than others.

As if all of that—and how it makes her feel—isn't confounding enough,

Pandora drops something so unexpected and world altering in her lap that it
actually just about drives Lily mad.

They are, of course, working on the potion together. It's one of the most
consistent things between them; with no issues, too, since they have safety
measures in place. Pandora grudgingly accepts their importance, only in the
instances that they don't somehow interfere with the potion or potioneering
process. There's also the fact that they're taking care not to be drawn too
deeply into heated debates. Lily can't deny that this takes effort for both of
them, as they tend to clash a lot—they like that they do—and it mostly
succeeds in making them feel like a cauldron about to boil over, like there's
pressure they can't find an outlet for. Eruption feels imminent.

"Have you ever kissed anyone before?" Pandora asks abruptly, and Lily
feels like someone just started a timer for an incoming explosion in her
head.

It takes Lily a second to re-enter her body—she's sure her soul just briefly
departed—and she's drawn back by the sound of the ladle clanging
awkwardly in an awful screech against the station. She was only trying to
tidy up a bit—God knows Pandora won't do it—and now she's all out of
sorts. She's about to walk Pandora back to her common room, so she was
anticipating a conversation on the casual, familiar stroll to the destination.
But this? This is the topic Pandora has chosen?
Lily considers why it's a problem and can't really work out what it is. The
amount of times she's talked to Mary and Marlene about the people they've
snogged—or are currently in the habit of snogging—is insurmountable.
Lily has even talked with James and Peter about their various conquests and
escapades. It's not entirely unheard of for friends to chat about these things,
so by all means, it should be perfectly fine.

With Pandora, it feels like a sin.

"I—um, yeah," Lily admits with a cough, shifting a bit. She can't quite meet
Pandora's eyes. "Yes, I—yes. Um. Why?"

"You have?" Pandora asks, her tone measured and even. Lily glances at her
to find that her expression is—blank. "Who?"

Lily opens her mouth. Closes it. Feels, deeply and fundamentally, that it's in
her best interest not to give names. Experiences, inexplicably, a thrill at this
awareness. Wonders what that means. Doesn't have a fucking clue.

"Oh, you know, just…" Lily trails off and waves her hand vaguely, clearing
her throat. "Anyway, why?"

Pandora stares at her, then flatly announces, "I've kissed Regulus."

Lily stares back and ponders what would happen if she just threw up all
over the floor at their feet right now. For some reason, the chances of that
are suddenly high. Regulus. She. Pandora kissed Regulus. God, why?

Why would she do that? Why would she do that? Regulus isn't even—he's
—yeah, sure, he's alright, Lily supposes, but he's not a strong contender for
deserving Pandora's affections. He makes for a marvelous friend to her, Lily
can't deny that, because she's seen how well they get on, and how relaxed
they are in each other's presence, and how they seem to just—get one
another. Yes, they have a lovely friendship, good for them, but it's strictly
platonic. Obviously. Can't they see that? Surely they see that. Lily certainly
sees it.

What does he—why would she—when were they—how did this even
happen? A jumble of tangled questions roll through Lily's head, belligerent
and overwhelming, amidst a distant screeching like a wailing alarm bell she
can't turn off. This is just. It's just. Well. What a bitch of a development,
truly.

"You did what?!" Myrtle screeches, swooping down on Pandora so swiftly

that Pandora jerks back in mild alarm. Myrtle looks as radiant as a ghost
can. "Oh, oh, tell me everything!"

"Myrtle—"

"Did he look deeply into your eyes and tuck your hair behind your ear
before leaning in?"
"What?"

"Were his eyes blazing with passion?"

"Who, Regulus?" Pandora sputters, face scrunching up like the concept of

Regulus being anything other than dead-eyed has no practicality, which
would be hilarious at any other time.

Nothing, at this particular moment, is funny to Lily.

Myrtle continues into her romanticized spiral, which is honestly doing Lily
no favors currently, and so Lily calls out a semi-casual excuse for a hasty
retreat, laughing a little too loud and telling an unenthused Pandora to stay
as long as she likes and give Myrtle all the details she's desperate to hear.

That night, Lily keeps both Marlene and Mary up three hours past midnight
to complain about how utterly ridiculous it is that Pandora and Regulus
think they're well-suited.

The following day, Lily's panic only seems to grow worse. Oh, and she now
believes wholeheartedly that Regulus Black was born with a face made for
punching. It's so punchable. She sees it and is overcome with the urge and
wonders, vaguely, how she's missed it all this time. She assumes everyone
will agree with her revelation, but Sirius is the only one.
"Should we take pity?" Mary asks Marlene at lunch.

Marlene snorts. "No point now if Pandora is dating Regulus."

"They're not dating," Lily protests immediately. "She didn't say that. Only
that they—" A grimace, "—kissed. Doesn't mean they're together. People
just snog sometimes, and that's that."

"Why should it bother you if they are dating?" Mary asks.

Lily huffs. "They're a terrible pairing. It won't end well. I just think that
Pandora shouldn't waste her time."

"You know," Mary says slowly, looking at Marlene, "I think we

overestimated her brilliance."

"Well, we've all been stupid about these sorts of things once. It's a rite of
passage, really," Marlene muses. "Merlin knows I was loads worse. She's
clearly on the verge of discovery and in a strong, unconscious state of
denial."

Mary hums. "True. Won't be too long now, I suppose."

"You know I hate when you two talk about me like I'm not right here," Lily
complains.

"It'll all make sense soon," Mary tells her soothingly.

Lily flicks a piece of bread at her and is subsequently in a sour mood for the
remainder of her day. Honestly, she's in crisis mode. It feels imperative to
her that she somehow makes sure Pandora sees that Regulus isn't her match,
but the mere idea of broaching the subject and learning more of the
particulars of whatever they're doing—she refuses to think of it as a
relationship, or a blossoming romance—leaves her feeling ill.

The thing is, well, Lily cares about Pandora. A lot. She cares about her
happiness, and she's quite sure that Regulus, in a romantic context, is not
helpful to that. Counterproductive, in fact, because if it ends badly, won't
Pandora be sad? Lily shies away from the thought that friends shouldn't
date, because that's just not practical, considering there's been so much in-
dating in her friend group that it's honestly a bit hard to keep track
sometimes. And, even if it gets messy for a while, they're all so tight-knit
that it eventually works out. Pandora and Regulus have a close bond, so
Lily can't justifiably believe that they wouldn't be able to come out the other
side of a failed relationship amicably. But, still, Lily disapproves.

Of course, Lily doesn't have much of a say, does she? It's not like she can
stop it, despite desperately wanting to. All she can do, as Pandora's friend,
is give her very informed, entirely unbiased opinion on the matter.

So, that's what Lily resolves to do.

When Lily turns up in the bathroom that night, she does so with all
intentions to have a calm discussion with Pandora about why she thinks
Pandora and Regulus should only be friends. Unfortunately, Pandora is not
keen on listening, because it seems Pandora is upset with her.

Ah. Not good. Shit.

"What did I do?" Lily asks weakly, because Pandora has been glaring at her
from the moment she walked in the door, and the bathroom is suspiciously
absent of Myrtle and more drenched, meaning Pandora upset her early
tonight.

The way Pandora glares is—well, it's lovely. Lily isn't sure it's supposed to
be, because who looks lovely when they're upset? But Pandora's eyes get
bigger and brighter the angrier she is, and it seems to just open up her
whole face. It's disarming in a good way. A bit breath-stealing the way
exhilaration is.

"I don't know, Lily, what did you do?" Pandora shoots back, with an edge to
her voice. "Or not do?"

Lily wracks her brain and comes up with exactly nothing. "I have…no
idea."
Pandora huffs, blatantly displeased with her, and returns to working on her
potion. She's agitated, clearly, and seems to have little to no patience for
Lily overall, mostly ignoring her outside of clipped requests for ingredients.
Lily treads rather carefully, knowing by now not to push.

It's a bit of a tense night in the bathroom, and Lily fights her own agitation
with Pandora's rudeness. She can be harsh at times, but then, so can Lily.
No one's kind all the time; that's just a part of being human. Even still,
Pandora doesn't touch her or give compliments, and Lily is admittedly
discouraged by this. It feels like she failed a test she didn't even know she
was taking, which hits too close to her academically-related issues, so it
works her up. It just doesn't feel fair.

Towards the end of the night, when the potion is in a stasis and they're
gathering their things to go, Lily decides to rally. She's still rather stuck on
the discussion she wants to have with Pandora about Regulus, and intends
to see it through. It's in the midst of leaving, when Lily mentions walking
Pandora back to Ravenclaw, that she works out why Pandora's upset.

"Oh, so you are walking me tonight?" Pandora snips.

Lily winces, immediately getting it. The whole issue clicks in her mind,
because she knows Pandora. She knows that Pandora has a thing about
routines, a comfortability surrounding the habitual rituals of everyday life
that she becomes accustomed to. "Fuck, Pandora, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
rush off like that last night. Shit, I didn't even think—"
"It's fine," Pandora mutters. And then, right after, "Actually, it's not. I didn't
like that."

"Yeah, I can tell," Lily replies wryly. Pandora frowns at her, looking
inexplicably lovely when she does that, too. "Christ, I always walk you
back, don't I? Ever since I started."

Pandora nods stiffly and looks away. "I thought—I know it may seem silly
to you, but it threw me off. Made me anxious. I thought I'd done something
to make you uncomfortable."

Lily blows out a deep breath, feeling for a moment as if she's navigating
treacherous waters, because Pandora didn't do anything to make her
uncomfortable at all, but she did bail in response to something Pandora
said. It's not Pandora's fault, though. It's not like Pandora is unreasonable
about these things, and Lily knows that. Has known that for a long time
now, at least all the way back to when she knew she wouldn't be able to
show up one night with Pandora and decided to let her know in advance. It
was an unconscious thing then, but she knows it for certain now; Pandora
gets used to things, and when those things change without warning or
reason, it genuinely upsets her. For some, they can think of it rationally and
not assume the worst, or even decide to wait before they react, but Pandora
struggles with that.

Honestly, just extending a simple bit of communication goes a long way. If

Lily had said she wasn't able to walk Pandora back as she does now,
without just running off, it would have been fine. Pandora isn't upset that
Lily didn't walk her back; she's upset at the thought that she did something
to cause that.
"You didn't do anything to make me uncomfortable," Lily murmurs. "I just
—I wanted to go back to my dorm."

"That's all?" Pandora checks, not insulted by the reasoning in the least. She
doesn't need details, and Lily knows she's the type to appreciate blunt truth.
Say what you mean, and all that. As sensitive as she can be, there's an
intriguing juxtaposition to what it takes to actually hurt her feelings.

"That's all," Lily confirms.

"Alright." Pandora nods, relaxing all at once. Her eyes soften, not as wide
as before. "Do you want to walk me tonight?"

And Lily knows if she said no, Pandora wouldn't even bat an eye. It's not
about expectations; it's just about being notified. It's Pandora's routine, she's
used to it, and she likes to know when and if it's going to change. "Yeah, I
do. If I ever don't, or can't, I'll let you know, yeah?"

"Thank you," Pandora mumbles. "Sorry I was being a tart."

"It's fine, I get it," Lily tells her with a chuckle, shouldering her bag and
heading for the door. "Come on, then, let's get you back. We should—ah,
let's take the long way tonight. I want to talk to you about something."
Pandora's hands clasp together in front of her as they both slip out into the
corridor. She bounces along for a bit, and then she flaps her hands for
seemingly no reason that Lily can see. The hand-flapping occurs when
Pandora is happy, or feeling an intense emotion. Lily has no idea what has
either pleased her, or overwhelmed her. Either way, she doesn't look upset
anymore, so Lily is taking her wins.

"Talk," Pandora prompts, when Lily still hasn't found the words, since it
feels so fucking important to get it right.

Lily clears her throat, resisting the urge to kick at the floor with every step.
"So, um. You and Regulus…"

Pandora blinks at her. "What about us?"

"I just—" Lily works her jaw, running her tongue over her teeth. She
exhales harshly through her nose and instinctively tosses her hair,
overflowing with this unrelenting antsy energy she needs to get out. "I
know it's none of my business, and I can't tell you what you should or
shouldn't do, but—I mean, I only want to say, if you two are—are dating or
—"

"We're not," Pandora cuts in, and Lily's overcome with the urge to fold over
and put her hands on her knees like she has to catch her breath after doing
something strenuous. Pandora is giving her an odd look. "Regulus and I are
just friends. I'm pretty sure I've told you that before."
Lily briefly wonders if she just…hallucinated this whole thing. Maybe she's
going mad. Maybe Pandora never even mentioned snogging anyone, and
Lily's just losing it. If anyone has the right to a psychotic break, it's her. It's
been a rough year.

Coughing, Lily asks, "So, you two didn't snog?"

"No. Well, yes. Well, I wouldn't call it snogging," Pandora muses. "It was—
chaste and altogether underwhelming. We don't fancy each other, so it
wasn't particularly satisfying in the context of romance. I liked it, though.
Kissing him. I wonder why more people who are only friends don't do it."

"Ah," Lily says, like something dark and unfathomable dragged the sound
out of her with its teeth. It feels like she can breathe all of a sudden, which
leaves her light-headed and oddly shaky from head-to-toe. "Right. Okay.
So, you're just kissing…platonically?"

Pandora's lips curl up. "Well, we only did it the once, but I suppose you
could call it that. Sort of cute, isn't it? I mean, I think a lot of people have
that one person they could and would kiss platonically. Don't you?"

"Someone it'd be strictly platonic with? Absolutely no chance that we'd ever
shag under any circumstances?" Lily tilts her head in thought, then hums.
"It'd have to be Remus."

"Not Mary or Marlene?" Pandora asks curiously.

Lily gives her a weak smile. "Well, I'd—I mean, in the right scenario, I'd
absolutely shag them."

"Oh," Pandora says, her voice flat. They continue walking in stifling silence
for a bit. Lily tugs restlessly on a strand of her hair. "What about me?"

"What?" Lily wheezes, nearly walking right into a suit of armor as the space
between her ears goes static, because the mere idea of even considering if
Pandora is someone she would or wouldn't shag is—is just—

"Would we kiss platonically?" Pandora presses on.

"No!" Lily blurts out immediately, giving herself absolutely no time to think
about it. Pandora looks at her, eyes narrowed slightly, and Lily exhales
shakily as she forces the tension to melt out of her body. Relax. It's fine.
This is fine. "No, ah, I don't really think we're friends like that."

Pandora falls silent, and remains that way the entire rest of the trip back to
Ravenclaw. Lily chews on her lip the whole way, swinging like a
metronome between one point of mounting stress and another point of
exhilarating delight.

It's just—it's hitting her that Pandora isn't dating Regulus, and isn't going to,
which is most definitely a good thing. A really good thing, in fact, but not
so much so that it warrants this reaction from her. This giddy, heady rush of
relief. This sensation of buoyancy like she might just float away. She was
supposed to care for Pandora in this situation, but honestly, it all feels
ridiculously personal, like it's a good thing for her.

It has no business feeling like that. It has nothing to do with her, not one
thing, so the urge to grin and fucking celebrate like she's triumphant is—
baffling. To explore why she feels this way is—daunting. She's not naturally
inclined to do so, but she also can't help it, because it feels out of her
control.

The thing about self-induced repression—a choice to remain in the dark

about something on purpose—is that it can't last forever, not when the lights
are not only on, but they're so fucking bright that they're blinding. It's like
walking down a corridor and doing your absolute best to ignore the portraits
on the walls, except they're in constant motion and growing louder with
every step. Eventually you're going to look. You can't help it. The portraits
are all but calling Lily by name at this point, and the only thing she has left
to keep her resisting is sheer determination. If she runs, everything will be a
blur.

So, Lily runs.

Figuratively speaking, of course.

"So, er, what's that on your arm?" Lily blurts out, latching onto the very first
thing that comes to mind, in a last ditch effort to focus on anything else
other than this swelling in her chest.
"Oh." Pandora glances down and lifts her left arm to push up the sleeve of
her robe. Lily caught sight of it earlier, thinking at first that something was
crawling on her, but finding after closer inspection that it was actually ink.
She just couldn't make out what it was before the ink slipped back under
sleeve after circling her wrist. "It's a caterpillar."

"You drew it?" Lily asks, peering at it curiously as they slow to a halt
outside of Ravenclaw, then she holds her breath almost like a survival
instinct for all that it's the opposite of what it takes to survive—but Pandora
has stepped closer to show off the caterpillar on her arm. It's moving along
wherever it likes, and there's a small leaf in ink with little bites taken out of
it, meaning the caterpillar has been well-fed.

Pandora smiles down at it, eyelashes brushing her cheeks, and Lily feels
oddly dizzy by the irresistible compulsion to let her gaze jump between the
caterpillar and Pandora's face. "I did, yeah. It's fading a bit now, but I
charmed it to stay until the leaf is gone. Not too long now."

"You didn't give it a cocoon? Let it turn into a butterfly?" Lily murmurs, her
chest feeling tight, her skin too warm, too warm, too warm.

"Not all caterpillars become butterflies. Some turn into moths," Pandora
says softly, a gentle appreciation lilting her tone. "Besides, I think a lot of
people focus on what comes out of the cocoon, not what goes into it.
Personally, I think that caterpillars deserve love long before they
transform."
Lily's gaze flicks up and latches onto her. God, she can't fucking breathe.
"That's—really beautiful, Pandora."

Pandora looks up to meet her gaze and declares, without missing a beat, "So
are you."

There's the compliment, routine now, anticipated and adored. Touch me,
Lily thinks, because that's all that's missing, just that and maybe the world
won't feel tilted wrong on its axis anymore. Touch me, touch me, please
touch me.

Lily needs Pandora to not have just said that, and to stop looking at her, and
to touch her—and none of that is being done. None of it is happening. It
feels like all the air has been sucked out of the space between them, and
Lily can't breathe, can't think with the portraits screaming in her head; shut
up, shut up, just shut the fuck up. Lily's—she's going to—she—

Lily has no idea what she's going to do. Whatever it is, she's dead-set on
doing it, though. Oh, she's going to.

She does, in fact.

What it turns out to be, shockingly enough, is a kiss she doesn't even ask
for. She just rocks in until her hands come up to cradle Pandora's cheeks,
and then her mouth finds its own way. Deep down, she's not even surprised.
She's self aware enough to acknowledge that she wasn't exactly being
subtle, for all that she didn't actually see it coming.
Lily has only one moment to feel Pandora's mouth against her own,
Pandora's cheeks under her palms, not even long enough to map out and
catalogue each and every sensation like she aches to before Pandora jerks
back. Flinches back, almost, her eyes as wide as Lily has ever seen them,
and oh no. Oh shit.

"Sorry," Lily chokes out, yanking back so fast she almost trips over her own
feet. Pandora's lips part, and Lily wants to push her tongue in the space in
between, and oh, this is so bad. This is so astronomically not good. Fuck.
"Christ, Pandora, I'm—"

"Lily," Pandora says, blinking rapidly, her voice hoarse.

"I didn't mean to do that. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, that was
stupid of me," Lily rambles, backing up down the corridor. Pandora's mouth
snaps shut, her eyebrows furrowing like she's been given a knot to untangle.
Lily desperately does not want to be unraveled tonight. "I'm going to go.
Sorry. Goodnight."

With that, Lily pivots and speed-walks towards freedom away from the
fucking disaster she just created, her heart thumping hard in her chest and
her blood rushing in her ears so loud she can't even hear the portraits in her
head heckling her. She has enough pride not to run until she's out of sight,
and all she can think about when she finally lets herself sprint is how
Pandora didn't call after her.

Chapter End Notes

pandora being like oh! oh, i fancy lily, this is what this is! it's always
so funny to me. like, i love that moment when people figure out how
they feel, ESPECIALLY if it's been painfully obvious, because the
response to it can be rather hilarious. i love that pandora was just like:
yeah, that checks out 😭 like she just went with it lajsjeksks i love her

sirius coming in a clutch with lily! like i mentioned in the past chapter,
they have a very sweet sibling-like bond, in a way, so that conversation
was special! i also think, like, we've seen a lot of lily kind of...not
letting herself need her friends? not in the sense that she's too good for
them or anything like that, but out of that need to feel like she has her
shit together etc, so again, that moment with marlene and sharing the
bed with her was really important, too!

pandora and regulus my beloveds <3 i love how clueless they both are
in the romance department 😭 i also love that pandora just casually
kissed him, and he was like. hm, well, that was boring :/ like???
lmaooo they're so special to me.

and then lilyyyyyy!!! her jealousy. very amusing for me, personally,
especially in the midst of the—as it's stated—repression of the self-
induced sort. it's true, she's clearly very aware of what's going on (her
thoughts and actions haven't been very subtle, you've got to admit), but
she's simply pushing it down and ignoring it 😃 i will say, it's likely not
for the reason you think!!!

pandora being like: i want to kiss lily! then pulling away from a kiss
with lily... LISTEN. in her defense... well, you'll see in the next
chapter.
 Chapter 5
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Pandora rarely, if ever, thinks things opposing universal truths that she
knows and has known for as long as she can recall, but there's a first time
for everything, and this is the first time she's ever truly, wholeheartedly
thought she was an idiot.

Merlin, Pandora is such a fucking idiot.

It's a hard thing to come to terms with, because Pandora knows she's not
stupid. She's not and never has been. Just, apparently she is when it comes
to Lily fucking Evans.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Pandora mutters as she paces in the clock tower,
fighting the unproductive urge to knock the heel of her palm into the side of
her head. It doesn't help and only gives her a headache if she does it too
much; she used to do it a lot when she was younger, when anything upset
her, and it took years to work herself out of the habit. The urge never goes
away, though, particularly in moments like this, when she's made a mistake.
A stupid mistake, at that. One entirely avoidable, if only she wasn't a
fucking idiot.

"I think you're being dramatic about this," Regulus says.

"Shut up," Pandora snaps, and Regulus does.

Pacing isn't very helpful either, and it's only working her up even more, and
keeping her wound up, but she can't stop. She's pretty sure she's been locked
in a rumble for hours, since the moment she met Regulus in the dungeons
and dragged him here to explain why she's considering his offer to obliviate
her.

The thing is, Lily kissed her. Lily kissed her. Lily kissed her, and Pandora—
like an idiot—jerked away. Didn't kiss her back. Didn't give either of them
time to properly feel it. What she wanted, she got it, and then she didn't let
herself have it.

It's just—Pandora didn't see it coming. She didn't expect it. In her mind, it
makes zero sense that it even happened at all. See, Pandora had all the proof
that Lily didn't fancy her. Lily made that very clear, or at least Pandora
thought so.

Lily wasn't exactly…receptive to Pandora's flirting, or maybe Pandora was

just bad at it, or maybe she just set the bar too low. It's not like she was
doing anything she hadn't already done in the past, and isn't insanity doing
the same thing over and over while expecting a different result? If anything,
Lily just got a bit tense at times, like Pandora was overdoing it.

Lily didn't even seem to care when Pandora told her that she and Regulus
kissed. She didn't say anything, didn't react, just stood there and then left
quickly afterward. Pandora assumed that Lily found it awkward to talk
about things like that with her, and maybe that's fair. Pandora's closest
friends are Regulus, Lily, and Myrtle; she and Regulus only recently started
talking about these things, because it's relevant; she and Lily never have;
and, when Myrtle brings things like this up, Lily always seems to
disapprove, or she's exasperated. In other words, Pandora figured she made
her uncomfortable, and so she decided to leave that whole subject alone.

Then, when Lily brought it up, that whole conversation only succeeded in
making Pandora's mouth taste bitter like vinegar when Lily stated oh so
casually that she'd shag Mary and Marlene and was blatantly resistant to the
idea that she and Pandora would ever kiss, even as friends. Frankly, by that
point, Pandora had essentially admitted defeat.

So, you could say the kiss threw her off quite a bit. Pandora doesn't get it.
She wasn't even doing anything then; she wasn't trying the jealousy angle,
and she wasn't flirting; she was just talking about caterpillars and being her.
She did compliment Lily, but that was just her being blunt and honest; there
were no ulterior motives in stating that truth. Lily is beautiful, and Pandora
likes to tell her that. She deserves to know it.

To make matters worse, Lily panicked afterwards and said she didn't mean
to do it. What does that even mean? How do you kiss someone without
meaning to? That doesn't make sense.

"I think you're going to have to obliviate me," Pandora announces sternly,
pivoting to face Regulus. "None of this makes sense, and I don't understand
it."

"Alright," Regulus says, lifting his wand.

"Wait, no," Pandora blurts out reflexively, immediately miserable at the
thought that she'll forget Lily in any capacity. Regulus lowers his wand,
arching an eyebrow. "I don't know what to do, Regulus."

"I think you're being foolish," Regulus informs her bluntly, ignoring her
huff. "It's like you're overlooking the important part of all of this."

"Which is?"

"She kissed you."

"Yes, but she said she didn't mean to."

"But she still did."

"She said she shouldn't have."

"And yet, she did."

"She said it was stupid."

"Stupid or not, she did it."

Pandora stares at him, then groans. "You're never helpful."

"If she didn't want to, she wouldn't have," Regulus says, like it's simple.
Easy. "So, clearly, she wanted to. Go tell her you'd like her to do it again, or
do it yourself. She crossed the line, so really, all that's left to do is meet her
halfway, right?"

"You think?" Pandora asks.

"Pandora, Gryffindors are notorious for acting without thinking," Regulus

reminds her dryly. "They're reckless; it's their thing. It causes unnecessary
drama. Just cut through the stupid shit and resolve the issue before there is
one."

"What if I'm overthinking this?" Pandora mumbles.

Regulus scoffs. "You said you two essentially kissed the same way you and
I did. If you were truly only friends, as we are, then it wouldn't be anything
to fret about. She panicked, right? That means there's something there."
"You know," Pandora says slowly, "for someone that claims not to know
how this works, you have a lot of advice."

"Gryffindors are berks," Regulus replies, rolling his eyes. "I know that for
sure, and I know they tend to fall short in the thinking department when
they throw their whole lot in with actions, so don't leave the thinking to
them."

Pandora frowns. "Lily's brilliant, though."

"The capacity to think rationally about feelings isn't a sign of intelligence,

but rather wisdom," Regulus says. "Which none of us have because we're
not old yet. We're still young; feelings are new, and we're still learning
them."

"Oh, and you've obtained wisdom?"

"Mm, closer than anyone else, undoubtedly, but it's more that I have an
objective perspective on the situation. I have no stakes in this, or feelings
other than mild disgust."

"You are not disgusted," Pandora argues.

Regulus snorts. "Oh, yes I am. You fancy a fucking Gryffindor. I'm never
letting you live this down."
"Could be you someday," Pandora points out.

"Never," Regulus counters. "I have standards."

Pandora sighs wistfully. "So do I. Lily not only meets them, she exceeds
them. I never stood a chance, did I?"

"I can still obliviate you," Regulus offers. "It's not too late."

"No," Pandora murmurs. "Forgetting Lily would do no good. I'm positive

I'd feel like I lost something, like I was missing something really special,
like my life was a bit emptier."

Regulus proceeds to fake-gag dramatically. Pandora ignores him and tries to

remember how Lily's lips felt against her own. It wasn't enough, which can
only mean she needs more.

Yes, more is the clear solution here. The only solution to all the things that
don't make sense. Pandora is quite sure Lily's tongue in her mouth would
answer all her questions.

Well. That's that, then. She can't just go on with her questions unanswered.
She never has before and won't start now.
Mary ducks away from another pillow with grace while Marlene stands
behind her bedpost so it's easier for her to dodge various projectiles Lily
sees fit to launch at them.

"Would you calm down?" Marlene calls out, then yelps and swiftly swerves
right when Lily throws another pillow at her with frightening precision.
"You know, every day it pains me that you have no interest in quidditch.
You would have made a truly brilliant beater."

"I'm going to beat you," Lily snaps, flicking her wand to summon a pillow
back, just to throw it again. "And don't tell me to calm down! You knew.
You both knew the whole time, and you didn't say a word!"

"Well, we couldn't just tell you," Mary says placatingly. "Lily, come off it,
that wasn't our place. I mean, we could have been wrong, or maybe you
weren't ready to face it. That would be unfair if we just—forced it on you."

Lily huffs, eyes narrowing as she clutches a pillow to her chest. Mary's
giving her the soft eyes, which no one is immune to, so Lily inevitably ends
up deflating and collapsing on the edge of her bed with a groan. Sensing
safety, Marlene peeks around her bedpost and tentatively emerges.

"She's right," Marlene says as she and Mary move around over to sit on
Marlene's bed across from her. "It's a journey, you know? No one can tell
you how or at what pace to go at it."

"Exactly," Mary agrees. "But—this is good! This is a lovely development,

actually. Now we can have the it's okay to be gay talk, which I should tell
you, we've been excited about for…"

"Ages," Marlene fills in.

Lily stares at them. Her eye twitches. "You utter twats. I don't need a bloody
it's okay to be gay talk! I've known I was a lesbian since I was fourteen!"

"You—" Mary blinks. "Wait, what?"

"Okay, now I'm lost," Marlene mumbles, eyebrows wrinkled.

"Is that what you thought?" Lily asks incredulously, glancing between them.
"You thought I didn't know, and that's why you two didn't say anything?!"

Mary coughs. "Well…yeah."

"Wait, are you joking?" Marlene blurts out. "You've known all this time?
We thought Pandora was your awakening!"
"No, that was—" Lily stops, then rolls her eyes, trying to ignore how her
cheeks heat up. She mumbles, "It was Mary."

"Me?" Mary gasps lightly and puts her hand to her chest, eyes sparkling.
"Oh, Lily, I'm honored."

"Shut up," Lily grumbles.

Marlene still looks confused. "You said fourteen? But you dated a boy when
you were fifteen."

"Yeah, I was—going on my journey, I suppose," Lily says weakly,

shrugging. "You know what it's like. Everyone expects you to fancy boys,
so you—you sort of think you do, or you're supposed to, and then you try,
and then you don't."

"Well, I do," Mary says.

"And I can't relate," Marlene admits. "I never thought I did, or had to, and
wouldn't even bring myself to try."

Lily sighs. "Yeah, well, I worked it out in the end. I've no interest in boys,
but girls…? Yeah. Definitely."
"You went through all that alone," Mary murmurs. "You… Lily, you never
said anything. I mean, I know we were all still sort of figuring ourselves out
back then, but you were always so supportive with all of it. You never asked
for our support, though, or…any at all, now that I think of it."

"I know," Lily says quietly. She drops her gaze. "I have this habit of trying
to look like I have all my shit together, even when I don't, maybe especially
when I don't. Not sure if you've noticed, but I've been trying to get better
about it. Back then, though?" She huffs a weak laugh and shakes her head,
looking up at them in resignation. "Honestly, I think my whole life could
have fallen apart, and I wouldn't have told a soul."

"That's—shit," Marlene blurts out, frowning. "What the hell are we here for,
Lily? You—you know you could come to us, right? Back then and now?
About anything."

"Ah." Lily bites her lip. "I know that…now."

Mary deflates a bit. "Well, damn. Are we bad friends?"

"No," Lily tells her glumly. "I'm just hard on myself."

"Stop that," Marlene states, and Lily snorts. "Yeah, alright, fair enough. I
know it's easier said than done."
"I'm trying," Lily says softly.

"Mm, good enough. As long as you know we're here for you and you don't
doubt it, no matter what's going on." Mary straightens up. "This, though—
what's going on now. I, for one, am very fucking confused. If you knew you
fancied girls, how could you have possibly missed that you fancy
Pandora?"

Lily groans, reaching up to cover her face with both hands. Oh, this is so
stupid. "Alright, but please don't laugh."

"Of course we won't," Marlene says.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Mary agrees.

"I—I—" Lily huffs and drops her hands, preemptively wincing over what
she's about to say. "So, okay, yes, I knew I fancied girls, but I…sort of
decided I just wouldn't fancy anyone while I was still in school. I wanted to
focus on my academics, and my future, so I concluded that relationships
would take up too much of my time. I snogged a couple of girls, just to
have the experience, and then I…left it alone. No dating. No fancying
anyone. I wholeheartedly believed I could control that."

Mary and Marlene stare at her, then look at each other, then immediately
dissolve into laughter. Lily would hate them if she didn't love them so
dearly.

"Oh my god," Mary chokes out.

Marlene is wheezing. "I cannot believe—"

"Oh, piss off," Lily says, without actual heat to her tone. "So much for
being here for me!"

"We are, we really are, but this is hilarious." Mary presses her hand to her
stomach and works to get a hold of herself, while Marlene buries her face
into Mary's shoulder to muffle how she can't even start to. "Lily, you can't
deny that it's funny. You decided you were in a relationship with studies,
and expected yourself to be entirely faithful, like there was no chance you
could go off and fancy someone. Even with all the signs there, you were
certain that's not what it was, because ah, yes, books."

"Well, a relationship complicates things, doesn't it?" Lily complains,

crossing her arms. "I don't have time for complications. The N.E.W.Ts are
coming up!"

"The N.E.W.Ts, she says," Marlene garbles out, still heaving with laughter.
After a beat, she lifts her head and looks at Lily with a grin. "Oh, you're so
misguided, Lily. Let me tell you something, no high mark will ever
compare to the first time you make a girl moan."
"She has a point," Mary says. "You want to know what's more thrilling than
studying for class? Study your girlfriend's body."

Lily clears her throat and shifts on the bed. "I don't have—"

"Oh, please, you've been doing girlfriend shit for Pandora practically since
the beginning," Marlene cuts in. "You should see the way she looks at you,
too. It's so obvious it's painful, because her face is usually blank otherwise,
and then she sees you and it's all written right there. Boom, smitten. You all
but seduced the poor thing, then wouldn't even do anything about it. You
must have been driving her mad."

"And you're no better," Mary adds. "I genuinely could not understand how
you didn't see it. I assumed it was some form or repression, because of the
whole queer thing, not because of academics. Worst part is, you're all
wound up now, so it's driving you spare. You think you're going to be any
use to focus on the N.E.W.Ts now? You're not going to calm down and have
a clear head until you and Pandora are all settled."

Lily fights the lump that wants to form in her throat.

It's unfair, because now that Lily knows this, she can't unknow it. This
wasn't even something she was putting constant effort into, is the thing. Lily
just decided she'd focus on schooling and worry about romance and other
such things later in life; she was too busy trying to meet expectations and
being too hard on herself to try and juggle relationships in the mix. She
figured she'd just do all that stuff later, when she was finally settled in life,
in her career, and actually had her shit together and wasn't just pretending
to. When she made that choice, that was that. She didn't think of it ever
again, and it wasn't a difficult task in the least. Nothing made her lose
focus.

Enter Pandora, stage left.

Fuck, Lily never stood a chance, did she? After all, she recalls the first
moment she looked into Pandora's eyes, how close they were against the
wall when the cauldron exploded, how she'd forgotten how to blink because
she didn't want to look away. Unconsciously, she knew she was attracted to
her, and then things only grew more out of control the longer she spent with
Pandora. Lily became fascinated with her so quickly, but it was easy to
pretend it wasn't like that, seeing as she had a false sense of security to fall
back on. The potion. Academics.

She wasn't doing anything to go against her choice, doing anything to lose
focus, because there was a potion. Oh, fucking hell, she liked Pandora from
the start, didn't she? Walked right into it while pretending she was standing
still.

And now…

Well, now, nothing.

"You're both sort of ignoring the fact that when I did kiss her, she pulled
away," Lily mumbles.
"Oh, don't start that," Mary replies to her pouting. "She might have just
been surprised, and from what you said, you all but panicked and
immediately ran away after."

"Right, been there, done that," Marlene says, her lips twitching fondly.
"Dorcas was so understanding about it. Take it from me, just bloody talk to
her."

"It'll save you loads of trouble," Mary agrees.

"Oh, and you know, it's perfectly okay to date and care about your
academics," Marlene adds. "It's not impossible to balance a relationship and
studying. Plenty of people do it."

Mary hums. "Right. It's not like it's one or the other, and Pandora knows
you, so she knows what's important to you. I don't doubt you two could
work things out."

"Yeah, maybe you'll come up with a little schedule," Marlene teases. "Three
hours for studying, an hour break to snog…"

Lily starts tossing pillows again, and despite everything, their laughter helps
her think everything's going to be alright.
Hopefully.

Probably.

Maybe.

"Sooooooo," Myrtle says, drawing the word out, high-pitched and breathy,
her opaque eyes alight with excitement, "are you and Regulus Black going
steady now?"

"What?" Pandora glances at the door nervously, then flicks her gaze back to
Myrtle. "No."

Myrtle grins. "Just snogging, then? Naughty girl."

"No, not—"

"I've seen him in the prefects bathroom, too, you know. He's no Loony
Lupin, but—"
"Myrtle, I really don't care to know," Pandora cuts in wearily, shaking her
head. "Also, you better hope I forget to mention this to him. I swear he'll
find a way to bring you back to life just to kill you all over again for
peeping on him."

"Actually, that'd be lovely. I wish I was alive," Myrtle says solemnly, and
Pandora feels a pang of sympathy. She's just a girl, really, and a dead one at
that. It has to be rough. After a beat, Myrtle perks up. "But he's a very
handsome boy, you know. Has he brought you flowers yet? I say don't let
him reach beneath your robes until he has. That's my advice, if you ask me,
because you deserve flowers."

Pandora sighs. "Thanks, I suppose, but I've no interest in Regulus." Myrtle

looks skeptical. "Actually, I'm not really interested in any boy. Listen,
Myrtle, I was hoping you'd, um… Well, maybe if you didn't mind, I
could…have the bathroom alone tonight. With Lily, I mean. We need to
talk."

As expected, Myrtle doesn't take kindly to this request. She looks mutinous
immediately. "It's true! I knew it was true! You like her better because she's
alive!"

"Well, ah, not exactly. It's—"

"You two have secrets without me! You keep them from me!"

"Myrtle—"
"You probably talk about me when I'm away!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Pandora snaps, "it's not like that! Lily's the one I
fancy, alright? I just want to talk to her alone."

The bubbling toilets in the stalls calm at once. Pandora didn't know ghosts
could go into shock, but she's pretty sure when Myrtle flicks in and out,
disappearing and reappearing, that's exactly what's happening. Myrtle looks
scandalized, her eyes wide behind her glasses, mouth forming a perfect
circle.

"You fancy Lily?" Myrtle hisses, zooming closer to get right in her face.
"She's a girl, Pandora!"

"Yes, I've noticed," Pandora replies.

There's a long beat where Myrtle is just staring at her, and then she lets out
a peal of giggles, whipping around Pandora fast enough to make her dizzy.
"Oh! Do you know what this means?! A love story has unfolded in my
bathroom! It's all I've ever wanted, you know, for someone to wander in
when I was sad and lonely to capture my heart, which happened to you."

"I wouldn't say—"

"It's because of me! You came here to spend time with me, and she found
you here, and you fell in love among my toilets!"

Pandora huffs out a weak laugh as Myrtle sails up towards the ceiling and
arcs down to dive into her favorite toilet. A few moments later, she floats
back up from under the floor. She's grinning, like the holidays have come
early. High off love that's not even her own. It's oddly bittersweet.

"I mean, I wasn't expecting two girls, but—" A wry look passes over
Myrtle's face, making her look a lot older in the eyes than her youthful
disposition, like perhaps she feels all the years she's spent as a ghost. "Well,
I'll take what I can get."

"Thank you for your seal of approval," Pandora says dryly.

Myrtle flutters her eyelashes at her. "What was it? How her eyes looked in
the cauldron fumes? When she saved you? Oh! She saved you that first
night, of course you fell in love. A bit odd between two girls, but I suppose
if boys aren't going around saving anyone, it's bound to happen. Boys are so
cruel sometimes. They laugh and tease just like girls do. No sense of
chivalry, but Lily's very chivalrous, isn't she?"

"Okay, that's enough out of you," Pandora says as Myrtle simpers and
giggles in delight. "I really do need you to go."

"Can't I stay?" Myrtle pouts. "I want to see a love confession happen in real
time, in my bathroom!"
Pandora heaves a sigh. "There's not going to be a love confession, or
anything of the sort. I just want to talk to her, that's all. If she even shows
up. Can you please go?"

Myrtle starts whining. Pandora doesn't budge. Myrtle begins to cry. Pandora
still doesn't budge. Finally, Myrtle wails in her usual routine of complaint
and dives off into a toilet with her habitual splash of toilet water all over the
floor.

Some things, at least, will never change.

Pandora worries that Lily's determination to oversee her working on the

potion has changed, though. Lily is serious about these things, the dangers
of doing them alone, and so Pandora knows Lily wouldn't not show up
unless things were irreparably broken between them. With each moment
that Lily doesn't walk through the door, Pandora's anxiety rises.

Trying to focus on the potion is difficult. They're quite far in again, not too
far off from the time they'll have to spend monitoring it. By the looks of
things, if all goes well, it should be finished by the end of the year. Pandora
really hopes it will be, because Lily graduates this year, and the thought of
doing it without Lily in her last year is honestly devastating.

The sound of movement has Pandora's head snapping up to find Lily

framed in the doorway. She's biting her lip, not seeming sure of her
welcome, which is ridiculous.
They stare at each other for a bit.

"Hi, Pandora," Lily greets.

"Hello, Lily," Pandora replies, by rote. Habit. Instinct.

"Sorry," Lily blurts out, "I wasn't sure if you wanted me to come tonight,
but I couldn't just—I mean, you could get hurt doing it alone. It's very
dangerous, and I probably would have gone spare worrying. I can—if you
want me to just stay here, watch from the doorway, or—"

Pandora blinks rapidly. "What? No! Merlin, no, get in here."

"Oh. Okay. Right," Lily says. She clears her throat and moves into the
room, sitting her bag down next to the station beside Pandora's. With a deep
breath, Lily comes to a stop next to her, maintaining a distance Pandora
doesn't like, and she seems to gather the courage to meet her eyes. She
gestures towards the potion. "So, um, should we…?"

"Yes, let's," Pandora mumbles, turning away with a small frown. It's very
hard to broach a subject and think clearly when someone's mere presence
sends your mind into a tizzy.
So, perhaps predictably, they fall back onto old habits and the safety of
working on the potion together. Pandora struggles with it more than she
ever has. She keeps peeking at Lily out of the corner of her eye, wanting to
talk to her, wanting to make things stop feeling so stifling, but she can't find
the words, and she's too warm, too distracted, too itchy with the urge to feel
Lily's hair between her fingers and Lily's body pressed against her own and
Lily's tongue in her mouth.

Lily, Lily, Lily. That's the only thing that marches through her head on a
steady, unending loop. She's going through the motions with the potion,
barely feeling like she can breathe. The silence is so thick and heavy
between them that Pandora feels it closing in around her, but she likes that,
likes the squeeze of it and the underlying anticipation like something is
about to shatter. It's simultaneously the best and worst thing she's ever felt
in her life, as if she's on the verge of crawling right out of her skin and
soaring around the fucking room.

"Careful," Lily murmurs, reaching out to cup her wrist over the cauldron,
steadying her shaking hand as drops in the three moonvine leaves.

They drift down, and Pandora couldn't care less. She's already turning
towards Lily, into her, shaking like she's about to rattle apart, her mind
entirely empty when she breathlessly announces, "I want your tongue in my
mouth."

"Oh, thank god," Lily chokes out, then meets her halfway.
They're off to the races the moment they make contact. The split second
their mouths meet, Lily's hands fly out to clamp down on Pandora's sides,
drawing her closer from the very start, palms warm and tight on her waist.

This—this is exactly what a kiss is supposed to be. Pandora's brain turns

off, and it goes from zero to sixty on a dime. She gets to make note of the
warmth of Lily's lips, the feel of them against her own, and then there's a
tongue in her mouth and she's moaning in startled surprise at how much
better it is than she was expecting, and she already believed it'd be good, so
that's really saying something. It's so viscerally perfect that her whole body
lights the fuck up and she's left soaring like she's found a way to become
wind, finally.

Pandora shudders, pressing in closer, completely just snogging Lily because

she can't get enough, actually, because pulling away might just kill her,
because she's here now and doesn't want to leave for anything. Lily makes a
low, approving noise against her lips and kisses her harder, hungrier, and
Pandora has never felt as triumphant as she does in this moment.

Fumbling with her free hand, Pandora grabs Lily by the tie and yanks on
her, parting for one breathless moment where they both pant and go
stumbling backwards and around where Pandora's tugging them to. Lily
chases her mouth, like she can't help it, and easy as that, their lips melt back
together. Immediately after, Pandora's waist hits the potion setup, and she
groans at the collision.

"Oh, wait, wait," Lily gasps out as Pandora's head falls back, chest heaving.
"Not here. Dangerous. That's—it's too—"
"Don't care," Pandora states bluntly. Her hands slide down Lily's sides,
shaking and fumbling at the material of her skirt to pull her closer. "Come
on, come on, come on."

"Pandora," Lily groans, a rough scrape in her throat, and she buries her face
into the crook of Pandora's neck.

"Lily," Pandora breathes, urgent and tender all at once, sweeter and needier
than she's ever been.

Lily's mouth trails up the side of Pandora's neck, which Pandora really
likes, and would prefer to continue, but Lily eventually stops. Her nose
squishes against Pandora's cheek, hands flexing on Pandora's hips, trying to
catch her breath. Pandora turns her head a little, finding Lily's mouth to lick
into it again, humming in approval when Lily seems to collapse into her
like she's lost. It feels good, extremely so, with the only drawback being
that this is the closest they can get to consuming each other. Pandora would
unhinge Lily's jaw just to pour herself down her throat.

They break apart, but don't go far. Lily huffs out a harsh breath against
Pandora's skin, a tremble rippling through her whole body, and then she lifts
her head—eyes wild, all pupil. The ring of green is so deliciously thin.

"You wanted me to do that," Lily says, like she's marveling at such a thing,
like it's surreal.
"Yes," Pandora confirms, a building warmth turning bright and sharp under
her ribcage. "I want you to do that all the time. I want to be around you all
the time, and I want to go to Hogsmeade together, and—and do whatever it
is people do when they date. I fancy you quite a bit, did you know?"

A laugh tumbles out of Lily's mouth, borderline hysterical, but undeniably

delighted. "It's the first I'm hearing of it."

"I didn't know for a while," Pandora admits. "I'm not shocked, though. It's
you."

"Me."

"Mhm. I know I'll never meet another like you, Lily. You're a rarity I'd like
to keep. Can I?"

"You're in luck," Lily murmurs breathlessly, nosing under her jaw,

whispering in her ear. "I happen to want the same thing as you, with
additions. I want to keep you alive when you're being reckless with potions,
and bicker with you about them, and snog you when you're driving me
mad."

"I doubt we'll ever stop doing those first things, regardless, but the snogging
is a welcome addition," Pandora says fondly, and Lily presses a grin against
her cheek, arms slipping around her. With a pensive hum, Pandora lifts her
hand to gently card her fingers through Lily's hair. "This okay?"
"Mhm. More than," Lily whispers. She leans into it, almost like a cat, eyes
closed when Pandora pulls back to peer at her curiously. "I think—mm, I'm
positive we're going to have to work something out, because I still have to
study, but I'm more partial to spending all my time with you instead. The
N.E.W.Ts are coming up, so this is concerning."

"We could work out a reward system," Pandora suggests thoughtfully. "I'm
very creative, you know."

"I know." Lily opens her eyes and beams at her. "You're fucking brilliant.
I've fancied you this whole time."

Pandora blinks. "Really?"

"Yeah, pretty sure," Lily says. "I wasn't letting myself think about it, but
looking back… Yeah."

"I like that," Pandora confesses, shivering, antsy and helpless to do anything
other than wriggle away. Lily lets her go, even if she doesn't seem to want
to, but then she chuckles and softens when Pandora bounces in place and
flaps her hands, grinning at her, so overfull with excitement and joy that she
feels like she's overflowing. It's too much, and she has to get it out, but it
seems unending. She looks at Lily and the sensation surges forward again
over and over, so she ends up having to hold both hands up to block Lily's
face, glancing away until she can unclench and breathe and stop vibrating.
Finally, she drops her hands to gaze at Lily again, calmer now, and
sheepishly amend, "Okay, I really like that."
Lily bites down on her smile. "Noted."

Pandora leans in and kisses her again, taking her lip from her, because she
wants to know what it feels like between her own teeth. Feels good, as it
turns out, and Lily seems to think so, too, because she curls into it eagerly.
Her arms slip around Pandora's shoulders, head tilting to let her deepen the
kiss, and it's Pandora's hands on her waist this time, fingers slipping over
the curves of her hips, digging in to drag her closer. In seconds, Pandora is
dizzy and lightheaded, riding the high of the quiet sounds Lily is making,
unconscious as they are. Maybe they can just do this all the time, as much
as they can get away with, possibly forever.

Pandora isn't sure even forever would be enough, but she is sure that she's
going to be taking every available opportunity, and she thinks—from the
way Lily is clinging to her, pressing as close as she can get—that Lily will,
too. This is going to be a new thing between them, exciting and unexplored,
a whole discovery they get to find in each other, with each other.

"Let's—mm, let's put the potion under stasis, and I'll walk you back to your
dorm," Lily mumbles against her mouth. "We can go the long way and stop
in all the alcoves, if you want."

"We'll break curfew," Pandora points out in a whisper.

"I'm Head Girl," Lily reminds her, tilting her head to drop off tiny kisses
along Pandora's jaw, which makes Pandora's toes curl in her shoes. "I can
do what I like."
"Abuse of power."

"Mm, as you like to tell me. Helps you, though, doesn't it? I'll keep you out
of trouble."

Pandora laughs at her softly. "You can certainly try."

Lily watches in mild fascination as Pandora hovers her face over the
cauldron and narrows her eyes at the boiling potion within, asking herself—
not for the first time—how Pandora ever managed to survive before she
came along.

"Please, Pandora, we've talked about this," Lily says, her voice strained.
"Maintain a safe distance between your face and the brewing potion. Three
feet minimum."

Pandora ignores her, because of course she does. She's so intensely focused
on the potion right now, to an endearing point, and Lily relates to that a lot.
Finally, after all this time, they've made it to the next step in the process
past the farthest point Pandora ever made it to on her own. This is the exact
spot where Lily discovered Pandora and the exploding potion for the very
first time, and if all goes well, progress will officially be made. Pandora has
made it no further than this.
So, understandably, she's very fixated. Lily is, too, honestly. They're both
invested, and Lily has even sat aside her usual routine for studying while
Pandora oversees the majority of the potion, just because this is that
important to them, even more so to Pandora. Lily's been cracking down on
preparing for the N.E.W.Ts, now that they're right around the corner,
approaching so quickly, which has left her carving out quite a bit of time to
focus on that.

Lily tends to get caught up in it, even to this day, but now her friends will
step in if they think she's working herself too hard. Pandora has less
friendly ways to get her to take a break, which Lily can admit she prefers.
Snogging her girlfriend does beat out basically all other manners of
dragging her away from revision, and it doesn't even make Lily feel guilty,
or like she's failing at something, or wasting her time. If anything, some
part of her is always eager to focus on Pandora instead.

Unfortunately, reality is cruel, and Lily can't spend all her time with
Pandora, much as she would like to. The N.E.W.Ts are absolutely brutal and
don't allow for much room to relax, pushing even the calmest and most self-
assured students to high points of stress. Lily has broken down crying in
McGonagall's office no less than three times in the last week alone, and
she's pretty sure Peter had a mental breakdown the other day, because
James, Sirius, and Remus have been coddling him and waiting on him hand
and foot.

Lily's heart goes out to him, and everyone. Mary's ready to tear her bloody
hair out, Marlene and Dorcas actually briefly broke up over a petty
argument due to the rise in their stress (lasted about a day before they
resolved it), and James has been caught more than once hiding under
Regulus' table in the library so no one will bother him while he's studying,
because very few are brave enough to approach Regulus, even in the name
of chatting with James. The only person who's calm as of late is sodding
Sirius Black, with his stupid natural talent with magic and his damn near
photographic memory, the fucking tosser.

But with great aloofness comes great compassion, at least with Sirius in
mind, because he's been driven almost to his own wit's end by running
around trying to help everyone else in whatever they need, whether that's
assistance in picking up a spell or just a snack because someone skipped
lunch to cram books instead of nourishment. Lily's quite sure that half of
them wouldn't survive the N.E.W.Ts without him, and she's still not
convinced all of them will survive it.

In any case, Pandora has been rather understanding about Lily's distraction
for the most part, especially because Lily just talks to her. Communication
is key, and not only that, but saying exactly what she means.

That doesn't mean tensions haven't spiked, though. Pandora is easy to upset,
and Lily is no saint; she doesn't pretend she has all her shit together
anymore, now more open when she's truly frazzled and at the end of her
rope. It makes her a bit snippy and occasionally harsh, which naturally
causes a few tiffs here and there with Pandora. But, on the bright side, they
mostly resolve their arguments by passionately snogging up against various
surfaces, so Lily isn't complaining in the least.

Today, however, there's no room to worry about N.E.W.Ts or anything other

than the potion. That's the focus of the day, and Lily is just as enamored
with it as Pandora, almost as enamored as she is with Pandora. If all goes
well, Pandora thinks there's only a few steps left that'll stretch over the next
two weeks, meaning the potion could be entirely finished and a complete
success not long before Lily graduates at all. The mere chance has Lily's
heart racing with anticipation.

"You can't glare it into submission, you know," Lily tells Pandora, slinking
around the station to step up behind her. She eases her arms around her and
hooks her chin on her shoulder, pleased when Pandora leans back into her.

"Don't you fuck this up for me," Pandora warns in a low hiss, actually
speaking to the potion itself, which makes Lily have to stifle a rising laugh.
"Do you know how you can nurture plants into growing better by giving
them compliments and such? Maybe it's the opposite for potions. Maybe if I
just bully it, it'll do what I want it to do."

"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works at all."

"Yes, well, it can't hurt to try."

Lily chuckles and starts rocking her chin to brush Pandora's hair back off
her shoulder, leaving her throat bare. Lily grazes her mouth over the curve,
lips curling up when Pandora obligingly tips her head to the side to give
more room. "You also know as well I do that watching it won't make it
brew any faster. The timer is going. Relax for now, yeah?"

"Mm, I could possibly be convinced to do that," Pandora murmurs, her

voice going soft and dreamy as Lily turns her undivided attention to the
skin along her neck.
It's a nice role reversal for once that Lily really likes. Usually, it's Pandora
coaxing Lily into relaxing. Doesn't take much, in all honesty, but Pandora
likes to take things to the extreme for no other reason than because she can.
It leads to things like Pandora crawling into her lap unprompted and with no
warning when Lily is on the verge of screaming and snatching all the pages
out of the books she's lost in; or Pandora will take her quill and run the soft
parts of the feather along Lily's skin while whispering suggestively in her
ear until there's no hope for her, and she caves; or Pandora kisses her, and
kisses her, and kisses her until Lily would willingly toss all books and
parchment into a fire if that's what it took to be able to kiss her back. If
Pandora isn't distracting Lily from studying, then she's helping her, and
that's always fun. Pandora is creative, and she gives Lily all the incentive to
do her very best.

This time, though, Lily's the one who gets to distract her, and she enjoys it,
getting rather caught up in it, mouthing along Pandora's skin until she
reaches Pandora's lips when she turns her head. The kiss deepens swiftly,
mouths slotting together at just the right angle to make Lily's head spin.

Lily's hands come up, settling on Pandora's sides, and the dimensions of her
body piece together in Lily's mind. She has long legs, yes, but Lily's fingers
spread wide enough to fill up the space over her ribs, a blatant contradiction
that feels fitting. Pandora is tall and small in various ways, the whole damn
world warping around her to fit her in it, like it still doesn't know how it
deserves someone so unique. The shape of Pandora might be one of Lily's
favorite things to study.

Just as Lily's getting the sense that the whole world has melted away,
everything shrinking down to who's in her arms, there's a shrill ring of the
timer that makes them both jolt with mutual reluctance as they pull apart.
"Fuck, fuck, Merlin's fucking saggy bullocks," Pandora curses as she
springs away from Lily to stop the alarm from her wand and turn her
attention back to the potion.

"This is what you did when I found you the first time, right?" Lily asks,
following behind her and interrupting her stream of impressive and rather
creative expletives.

"Yes," Pandora breathes out, reaching over to scoop up three thick strands
of billiwimble hair, short and bright yellow. "I had just done this a few
seconds before, and then the potion went volatile, and then you showed up.
Last time, I think my mistake was adding them separately. I'm quite sure
they need to clump up and dissolve all at once."

Lily nods. "Right. Well, go on. Be careful."

Pandora hums and twists the three strands together until they're tangled,
then bites her lip and lets them fall into the cauldron. Lily and Pandora
hover, each of them holding their breath as they wait. The potion goes from
a deep shade of blue to that same orange it was the very first time Lily saw
it, when it was boiling and spitting over the sides.

"Yes, yes, perfect," Pandora hisses, eyes glimmering in the flicker of the
flame beneath the cauldron. "Now it just needs to—yes!" Pandora gasps as
the shade of orange deepens to a rustic maroon. "Lily! Oh, fuck, Lily, it
worked!"
Lily chokes out a harsh breath of sheer wonder and delight as Pandora
immediately starts bouncing, complete with muffled screeching and happy
hand-flapping. The potion is utterly calm, not bubbling over or building up
to a worrying reaction. All Lily can do is laugh in pure exhilaration,
Pandora's blatant joy contagious enough to have her grinning.

They beam at each other, briefly, then reach for one another at the same
time. Lily and Pandora are both laughing into the kiss, breathless and heady
from the rush, but they're coming together to celebrate, naturally and all at
once.

They're still wrapped up together when, abruptly, the potion proceeds to

violently explode.

In an instant, there's a horrible glub sound, and the red of the potion spits up
like a volcanic eruption, boiling over suddenly and with no warning. It sails
over the sides of the cauldron and goes flying in all directions, red-hot and
steaming, hissing and sizzling against the security measures Lily already
has in place. The backlash of magic unleashes swiftly, washing out and
crashing over Lily and Pandora like the tide, and they're no match for it.
They stumble back from the force and hit the ground, which is softened
with magic for just this scenario.

For a long moment, Lily's ears ring as everything calms down and goes
quiet. She's unharmed, and as she pushes herself up to sitting, she finds that
Pandora is equally fine.
Well, relatively speaking.

Oh, Pandora looks devastated. Her gaze is latched onto the mess at the
station, and Lily winces when she sees it. There's nothing salvageable, that
much is for sure. The cauldron, of course, hasn't moved an inch, but the
potion itself runs in thick goops of red that's swiftly hardening into
something vaguely solid all over the station and the floor.

"No," Pandora moans in despair, slumping and deflating like she's a tower
crumbling to pieces. Her eyes are wide and glistening and so pretty, despite
how sad this moment is. "No, no, what happened? What went wrong?"

"Pandora," Lily says gently.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," Pandora chokes out, then almost

immediately starts crying.

Lily makes a small sound and hovers closer, but doesn't touch her. It's
genuinely heartbreaking. Pandora has worked so fucking hard on this for so
long, and it's something that means so much to her. So, so much. This even
hurts Lily, as invested as she is, and she's not the one who's given this her
all.

Pandora crying is rare. She upsets easily, yes, but she'll fight tooth and nail
to keep from crying, going out of her way to actively combat her tears
before they ever fall; they form, but she's very good at navigating how to
dry them up, likely from practice. Lily knows it's because she hates it; the
meltdowns.

When Pandora breaks down, she breaks down hard. It's never this thing of
her just crying and that being that. It comes from her whole body, her whole
being, and she lashes out at whatever has upset her. She's mean like this;
blunt and rude with harsh, hideous truths that no one wants to hear. She can
get violent, too, seemingly without meaning to.

Lily has only seen it once, with Regulus. Something he did or said upset
her, and Pandora… Well, she didn't take it well, not at all. There was
screaming involved, and she kicked him when he got too close, and called
him a number of rather horrible things that—in Lily's limited opinion—
really must have hurt his feelings. He didn't show it, of course, and he
handled it a lot more calmly than Lily would have managed to. He just
apologized to her and made sure she didn't have her wand, fell silent, and
didn't let her slam her hands into her head—or his—while ceasing all
movement and creation of noise.

In the end, Pandora had withdrawn. Curled up in on herself. Wouldn't talk

or move for quite some time. Lily had been very fucking concerned,
admittedly, but Regulus had (quietly) explained that Pandora was
overstimulated, simple as that. It happened sometimes, and that was okay.
All he'd asked, then, was that Lily didn't make a big deal out of it. So, Lily
didn't.

It had alarmed her, yes, and she felt very out of her depth, not knowing
what to do, but desperately wanting to fix it. Regulus had to tell her that this
isn't one of those things that can just be fixed, and viewing it as something
broken helps no one; it's just something that happens, he said, so learn how
best to navigate it, and keep it moving. The best way, from what Regulus
said, was to be calm and make sure Pandora couldn't hurt herself or anyone
else, and then stay quiet and still until she spoke up first. Oh, and no
touching. That makes it worse.

So, Lily swiftly and silently plucks Pandora's wand away from her, then sits
back on her haunches and waits. Pandora isn't hitting herself, or screaming,
but she is rocking and crying; it takes a lot of effort for Lily to stay back
and not touch her, not try to comfort her, but touch wouldn't be a comfort to
her, so she refrains. Lily's stomach ties itself into knots until, finally,
Pandora seems to start coming down.

For a long time, Pandora sits there and fiddles with her tie between her
hands, occasionally releasing hitched, hiccuping breaths that causes her
chest to stutter. She won't meet Lily's eyes for a while, but she eventually
looks up, catches her gaze, then looks right back down.

Pandora had been ashamed the first time. She assumed that Lily would see
her differently, or treat her differently, or feel differently about her, but it
wasn't quite as simple as that. No, Lily's feelings for Pandora didn't change,
and she'd never treat her differently anyway, but as far as seeing her
differently—ah, well, that hadn't changed very much either. It was just
seeing more of her than she ever had, and knowing then that it was
important to know how to respond to what she saw. Lily just wanted to get
it right, however she could be most helpful in a situation such as this,
because…well. Pandora is her girlfriend. Pandora is important to her.
Pandora is someone she cares about. Of course she wanted to do right by
her.
It was an odd chain of events to lead Lily to realize that's how most of
everyone feels about the important people in their lives, including the
people in hers, and that meant it extended to her as well. Maybe that wasn't
the best time to feel relief and be hit with a wave of wonder at how lovely
humans can be at times, but nonetheless, that's when Lily felt it. When her
ears were still ringing with Pandora's screams, she felt it. Just how much
love exists in the world, in all forms. She even saw it then, too, between
Regulus and Pandora.

Afterwards, Pandora and Lily had discussed it. Pandora didn't have much to
say, mostly just what Regulus had already told her, and the only thing she
added was how shitty she felt while breaking down, but even more so
following.

So, Lily keeps her voice softer than a breath when she carefully asks, "Can I
touch you?"

Pandora's answer to this is to miserably drag herself over to Lily and push
her face into her shoulder. She goes non-verbal sometimes, after this, but
that's okay, too. No one's required to talk when they can't, before they're
ready.

Lily wraps only one arm around her, loosely, and keeps still. Letting
Pandora acclimate. Letting her control the pace. Neither of them approach
the subject of the potion or even look at it, as that's the very thing that upset
Pandora in the first place, so it only will again. Lily's tempted to clean it up,
or vanish it, but she doesn't know if Pandora will want samples. She doesn't
know what Pandora wants to do, and she knows better than to do anything
before she figures it out.
Eventually, at some point, Pandora tells her anyway. "Can you get a few
samples and vanish the rest, please?"

The way her voice wobbles precariously makes Lily's heart clench, but she
doesn't comment. Instead, she lifts her head and waves her wand behind
Pandora's back to do exactly as she was requested. There's a few quiet
clinks and the low buzz of magic, which Pandora clearly doesn't like. She
burrows further into Lily's shoulder and lifts one hand to cover her ear that's
not pressed against Lily's robe.

"Okay, done," Lily murmurs, once the whole mess is gone.

"Thank you," Pandora rasps, lifting her head to glance over in the name of
checking—and the unspoken trust she has in Lily warms her—then visibly
relaxes a little when she finds that all signs of the potion erupting has been
wiped away. A small wrinkle forms between her eyebrows. "I don't know
what went wrong. I don't know why it failed again. It shouldn't have."

"You don't have to worry about it right now," Lily tells her. "I know you'll
figure it out."

Pandora swallows harshly. "Maybe I should just quit."

"Do you want to quit?" Lily asks, and Pandora turns to look at her with a
frown. "Pandora, there is no shame in stopping something you've lost
passion for and no longer wish to do."

"I don't really want to, though," Pandora whispers.

Lily takes a deep breath, then nods. "There's also the need to stop,
especially something that's doing you more harm than good. I had to learn
that the hard way, and learn the balance for it. Sometimes we don't want to,
but sometimes it's best for us that we do. I can't tell you if this is that; only
you can decide that, and only you will make that choice."

"You mean like with Petunia?" Pandora asks.

"Yeah, I suppose a bit like that," Lily says quietly, her heart panging as it
always does when she thinks of her sister. She misses her. To this day, she
still does. She always will.

Pandora is silent for a bit, and then she mumbles, "Are you calling my
potion a stupid tart?"

"I—" Lily stops, then erupts into startled laughter while a smile forms on
Pandora's face, tired and small but there. Lily shakes her head as her
laughter fades. "Well, I suppose if it's upsetting you, then I am."

Pandora leans in and brushes their mouths together, then does it twice,
careful like she's figuring out if that's too much for her or not. She
apparently decides it isn't, because she presses a firmer kiss to Lily's mouth
and scoots closer to her, sighing in some sort of quiet relief when she peels
back.

"I don't want to stop," Pandora states, her eyes bright with that stubborn
spark in them again. "As tiresome as it can be, I'm already excited about
figuring out what went wrong this time. It's—I love it, Lily, you know that.
It's my passion."

"I know."

"Most of the things worth doing are difficult. This is worth it to me. I'm not
going to give up on it, and I know—I know you won't be here next year, so
you'll be worried, but I can't just stop. I can't. I won't. The summer isn't
enough time to let me see it through, and it's easier to do here at Hogwarts
until I graduate and get my own setup. It'll feel strange not having you here
with me, but I won't lie and say I'll just give up."

Lily clears her throat. "I know, Pandora. I—all I ask, please, is that you
keep the security measures in place and maybe have Regulus come with
you when it's not just monitoring. I care more about your safety than the
potion, even if you don't."

"Oh, alright," Pandora mutters, wrinkling her nose. "I'll make that
compromise for your peace of mind. Also, I'm going to have to time it to
where the monitoring takes place during the hols so I can come see you. It'll
be my N.E.W.T year, too, so I don't want to tire myself out too much. I'm
trying to work out how to have a self-renewing stasis charm."
"We could work on it over the summer," Lily suggests. Her heart starts
racing. "Pandora, do you know what that would mean for the world of
potions if we actually figured that out? So many people would—"

"How are they going to hear about it?" Pandora asks wryly, arching an
eyebrow. "There's no weight to our names yet, and you know as well as I do
that Slughorn won't care what I say. You won't be here next year to tell
him."

"I can pay him a visit," Lily offers lightly, breaking out into a grin. "Maybe
slip off afterwards and come here."

"That's an abuse of favoritism."

"For you, I'll abuse anything."

Pandora laughs at her and says, bluntly, simply, "I love you."

Lily's breath catches for a moment. They've never said that to each other
before. It's new, and it sends a thrill through her, a quivering warmth
rushing rare and lovely to ensnare her heart until she isn't sure she's going to
ever regain the ability to breathe again. Oh, she loves that, hearing that,
feeling that; that she's loved, indisputably, without requirement or
expectation. It just is. Easy as that, it just is, and there's no reason it has to
exist, or no reason it shouldn't; it does, and it's returned with that same
unwavering acceptance.

"I love you, too," Lily exhales, when she finally can, her whole body
tingling. Helplessly, she beams at Pandora, not knowing or caring about
anything else but her; not where they are, or the upcoming N.E.W.Ts, or her
plan to avoid relationships, or any failure between them. Failure isn't so
bad. After all, failure is what brought them together.

Failure is just a stepping stone to success.

Pandora shifts restlessly, wriggling, hands flapping only briefly before she's
surging forward to kiss her like it's her only source of oxygen. Lily is more
than okay with this, and is more than happy to help Pandora all but crawl
into her lap, sort of and also not really, just because of their positions on the
floor. Thanks to the charms, they have a soft padding beneath them, and
they rush from the rush of love to meet in the middle.

Lily holds Pandora tight, because Pandora likes that, she's been told. She
likes being squeezed, likes being pinched and gripped hard enough to leave
marks, to really feel it; she swears up and down that it feels good to her.
Lily would be more concerned if she didn't like it just as much when she's
caught up in the moment. Pandora likes leaving her fair share of marks
almost as much as she likes wearing Lily's. Beneath it all, there's a violent
tenderness in how they want to be close to each other and held by one
another. Loved and loving.
"Oh, that's so romantic!" Myrtle wails in delight, causing Lily and Pandora
to jerk apart to find the ghost hovering perched over a basin, chin in
translucent hands, a soppy expression on her face. "The only thing more
romantic would have been if you two had died here together and stayed
forever."

Naturally, as per the usual routine, it's not very long before Myrtle has been
lectured and responded with her regular dramatics, ending in a dive into her
toilet and the fading wail drowned out by toilet water splashing on the
floor.

Pandora and Lily pack up the potion station and gather their things, smiling
at each other all the while, and then they go. Potion or not, they'll be back
throughout the rest of the year, despite Pandora deciding to take a break and
focus only on reworking the stasis charm and helping Lily study, at least
until next year. They have many reasons to return here, an abandoned old
bathroom that holds love between its walls.

Besides, they have a friend here to come visit. Love doesn't start and end
with the living.

Myrtle's proof of that.

Chapter End Notes

ahhhh, the cute resolution!

i love that throughout this whole thing, regulus goes on and on about
not knowing or caring about this shit, but he still does his best to give
pandora advice—and good advice, too, so you can tell he's putting in
the effort lmaoooo. it's very sweet.
as for mary and marlene, they were so ready to be supportive of lily 😭
like, they were just WAITING for the opportunity to help her, and then
lily needed no help with what they thought she did... yeah, so like. i
think i made it very clear lilys struggles with academics in this, like
her high expectations of herself and whatnot. this is was never gonna
be a thing of queer-related repression, but rather lily just deciding she
wasn't gonna fall in love in school

i think we tend to sort of sacrifice a lot of things when academic

validation is THAT important to us, and we're perfectionists. like, this
is kind of mild. lily in this story is MILD, because there are varying
levels of intensity, and it's not usually as easy as just...deciding to find
a balance and then kind of finding one! but this is fic, so. ya know.

anyway, myrtle ended up becoming very dear to me, and i decided

simply that she would not be homophobic bc i said so. she's love-
obsessed. doesn't matter the form. <3

and the potionnnnn! it's been brewing for over 50k, only for it to fail
again at the end 😭 HELP I KNOW THAT'S GOTTA BE
FRUSTRATING FOR SOME OF YALL. but eh, that's life sometimes,
ya know? it really do be like that.

however, there's a little epilogue in the next chapter in an

unconventional format that should tie up that loose end! <3
 Chapter 6
Chapter Notes

this is just a very short, cute epilogue-y type of thing.

enjoy!
See the end of the chapter for more notes

Potency in Potions Issue #689: now with a highly anticipated exclusive

with this decade's trailblazing potioneer!

On a cold, dreary Tuesday afternoon in the hustle and bustle of Diagon

Alley, one inspiring Pandora Evans finally agrees to an interview in person
after years of only sending in statements to be published in the world
renowned magazine. She arrives with the scent of a boiling cauldron
clinging to her robes and, as a surprise to no one in the potion community
that has ever interacted with her, has no regard for small talk. She takes her
seat and demands to dive right into the interview, and so without further
ado, it begins.

M: Well, I must say, it's an honor to sit down and get to interview you for
PIP. You've been notorious for turning us away over the years, despite
sending in various tips and discoveries to be officially published. Why is
that?

P: "I'm either too busy, or I don't want to."

M: Right, I see. Can I ask, then, why you're willing to give an interview
now? I assume you must be extremely busy with your latest breakthrough.

P: "Yes, I am, but I actually wanted to talk about this in my own words.
More than a written statement could explain. It's been a long time in the
making."

M: And, by a long time, am I correct in thinking it's been years since you
first began working on this potion?

P: "It has. I started when I was sixteen."

M: Wow. That's a really long time. You're twenty-six.

P: "Yeah. Ten years."

M: That's quite the feat, and an accomplishment many would and likely do
aspire to. But, from my research, you've been dedicated to the craft since
you were sixteen. I found an older article where Fleamont Potter quoted you
as the one who officially discovered how to use buttonpetals as an
ingredient, and you were only a student! Is this true?

P: "It is, yes. That actually meant a lot to me at the time. I know it's so
normalized now that so few even really recall when using buttonpetals was
labeled extremely dangerous, but it was the height of pride for me when I
was that young."

M: Really? I must admit, this will likely surprise many of our readers.
You're quite known for your humility.

P: "I'm not sure where I got that reputation from, if I'm honest. I wouldn't
claim humility as one of my traits at all. Over the years, I can say that my
need for acknowledgement certainly waned. The discovery and the craft
invoke my passion, not the validation I get from it. I can appreciate it, and I
do, but I think… Well, there was a long time that I spent believing I'd never
actually achieve what I began when I was sixteen, and I eventually found
my peace with that. I found that wasn't really my main motivation, in the
end."

M: I do believe many would label that as humility.

P: "To each their own."

M: Among my research, I've also found that you've been generous with the
recipe to your latest invention. After ten years in the making, most would
expect you to at least wait and sell from your own stock before giving
others the means to do it themselves.

P: "It's not about the money to me. I don't think it ever was. Between me
and my wife, we have enough wealth to live comfortably. With something
like this, it's far too helpful to keep it to ourselves, even for a profit. This
can save lives."

M: Yes, it can indeed. It's a brilliant creation, as anyone would agree. Now,
you mention your wife, and you've never been shy about crediting her as
someone who has helped you in your career. I have to ask, did she
physically help you with this, or did you mean she offered you support?

P: "Both. She's actually been helping me with this potion for almost as long
as I started working on it."

M: That's right! You two went to Hogwarts together, didn't you?

P: "Yes. She was one year ahead of me."

M: You said she's been helping you for nearly as long as you were working
on it. Does that mean she was helping you in Hogwarts?

P: "Yes."

M: Did you two fall in love whilst working on the potion together?

P: "We did."
M: Oh! PIP's very own love story! How lovely. We rarely get to delve into
anything like that, so this is refreshing. You've been working on this so
long, and you fell in love with your wife while you were doing it, so it must
be very special to you. What did it feel like when you officially finished it?

P: "Honestly, I think I was in shock at first. I remember that I didn't really

think my latest idea would work, because by that point, nothing had worked
before. I'd get right up to the last part of the process, and the potion would
be ruined every time. This was such a simple solution, too, and an idea that
I got from something a friend said to me. So, when the potion was done,
and it was stable, and it worked, I remember that I just bottled it up and left
my cellar to go take a nap."

M: Ha! You fell asleep?

P: "I was exhausted. I'd been up all night, and I sort of didn't get the sense
that it was actually real. But I woke up, and I told Lily that I'd done it, and
she was really excited. More excited than I was, if I'm honest. It didn't
really settle in until I finally saw it in action, and I was happy for a while."

M: Only for a while?

P: "Well, I spent so much time on it, you know. It was almost this fixture in
my life, and so I felt aimless afterwards. It's my greatest achievement,
which leaves this…pressure to aim higher, or do something even better. It
also gave me this sense that I'd never achieve anything as great as that ever
again."
M: You thought you didn't have anything else to offer.

P: "Yeah, pretty much."

M: That puts a damper on things, I imagine.

P: "It does, yes. It's a horrible drain on motivation and inspiration as well.
The murder of passion."

M: Did your passion die?

P: "I thought it had. I was so sure that it was gone."

M: How did you overcome that?

P: "Well, my best friend told me I was being dramatic. It felt like the end of
the world to me, and he told me, you know, he said I don't gain anything
from not doing what I love just because I think it's not good enough. I don't
have to aim higher. I don't have to achieve something, just for an excuse to
do things I'm passionate about. If I'm enjoying myself, then that's all that
matters, and I have to say it's like a weight lifted off my chest. It's what I
love, you know? That's important."
M: I think that's something we can all benefit from hearing. Thank you for
sharing that. Now, you have a lot to be proud of in your career. From
buttonpetals, to altered stasis charms, to a potion that will protect countless
potioneers from possible injury or death, you have certainly left your mark
on the world, and the potioneering community especially. You seem
uninterested in your position as one of the most famously revered potineers
the world has ever seen, but I wanted to ask before we delve into the details
of your latest breakthrough who you felt you owe your success to.

P: "I would say, again, my wife can take a lot of credit for that. I don't think
I would be the person I am today without her, and frankly, I'm not sure I
would even be alive. I do know of my reputation for how recklessly I
interact with potions, and that one is true. Actually, I used to be a lot worse
before my wife came along. She cares more about safety than I do, so the
chances that I could be dead by now without her are rather high. In fact, if
she hadn't found me the first time we met, I probably would be dead. She
saved my life. Completely ruined my experiment, but saved my life
nonetheless."

M: Sounds like a draught of love ready to brew!

P: "Do you believe you're funny?"

M: I like to think so, yes.

P: "You're not."
M: Ah. Right, well, moving along… Yes, you're very open about your
wife's help, but is there anyone else?

P: "I suppose my best friend helped occasionally, in his own way. Never
with potions, though, just other things. I don't really let a lot of people other
than my wife help me with that."

M: What about a mentor? Someone who ignited your love for the craft,
perhaps? We have note here that Horace Slughorn was your potions
professor when you were at Hogwarts, and he's commonly known for
helping many of his students reach their full potential. Surely he saw your
brilliance from a quidditch pitch away and helped it flourish!

P: "No, he gets no credit. He was stupid and never believed in me, which I
imagine he regrets currently."

M: Oh…

P: "Can we talk about the potion now?"

M: Yes, of course! Let's do that. Now, why don't you start with the full list
of all the ingredients…
—excerpted from Morian Mostaff's interview of Pandora Evans, Potency in
Potions Issue #689, continue to page 3 for full exclusive

Chapter End Notes

welp! there we have it. cute little story i was working on for a while
and finally got around to finishing. i had a lot of fun with it. <3

hope you all enjoyed it, and thank you to anyone who leaves
supportive and kind feedback!!!!
End Notes

[please do not post my works on any other platform, or any other

format. do not create typesets for people to download and use to
bookbind through profit means; do not put my works anywhere near
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goodreads or wattpad. any and all pre-existing translations/podfics are
only acceptable on ao3 with proper credits, and im asking now that
there aren't more made in the future]

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